YUP YUP! Dr. Angelou originated this saying and Oprah repeats it frequently. This saying really helped me some years ago when I was starting to heal from childhood. And I tell clients this frequently.
@@charzemc yep I have been going through this - its like a psychological thriller that you can't get out of. They are so manipulative that everyone believes them.
The worst part is remembering that you are not dealing with a normal and healthy person. They have a way of making us feel sorry for them and the way they use our empathy is disgusting. Once you can realize how disgusting and evil their manipulation is, it's much easier to walk away.
After the “love bombing”/grooming phase was completed, in which I did feel seen and heard, I felt completely unheard and unseen!!! OMGosh, I even confronted him once and asked him if I was merely a prop in his life!! THANK YOU THANK YOU so much for validating my experience. PLEASE direct me to your course to break the trauma bond. Please 🙏 🙏🙏🙏 I’m 6 months out but I’m still struggling with the bond. PLEASE direct me to your course to break the trauma bond. Please 🙏🙏
Right when you catch them in a lie they don’t remember anything and they have the best memory so it must have never happened. What a joke these children are.
Oh they remember, only act like they don’t. I have tested one. She kept deliberately “forgetting” so I asked her with compassion, “do you have memory issues? I’m asking because I worry about you very much!” Suddenly, she remembered everything! She hated the compassion I showed her - it probably made her feel pitiful, so she needed to get back from that.
I can see why leaving a narcissist is so hard. We naturally want closure, a feeling of completion, of resolving things in a fair & equitable manner, but this will never happen with a real narcissist, as they simply can't give us what we want or need. It's like a puzzle that can never be solved because many of the key pieces are broken or missing!
@@cppray1 You may be right but from my experience I would say no because what I want is not something they even have. You can't give to others what you don't have. Just my take on this, but you may be right with some of these individuals.
"Abandon hope, all ye who enter here". --Dante's Inferno. A relationship with a narcissist is like falling into the abyss. And getting out is damned hard work.
The day I pissed of the narcissist enough and it was finally over, I felt so totally drained washed up, spit out, and kicked to the curb. The next day he had a date with someone else. Two months later they were engaged. Hellacious experience. It was really hard learning these types of people exits. I was forever changed after that 5 year experience. He wanted to destroy me.. Nearly did. Was very rattled and on a deep level, and extra sensitive for a good while. Took nearly a year to feel less broken. Harmful, dangerous people
The way they work from a script is bizarre. Idealization (check!) Love bombs away, grappling hooks engaged, haul in the prey. (Check!) Degradation (check!) Turn on Narcissistic Fog Machine (check!) Establish secret harem (check!) Discard (check!) then Start Smear Campaign (check!). Prepare Flying Monkeys for take-off (check!). There is something so weird about the similarities of everyone’s experiences. There is a ridiculous or absurd clockwork element to it (like they are naughty little wind-up dolls) such that their predictable machinations elicit an involuntary chuckle here and there in between the heart-wrenching sobbing of the victims.
THROWING THE PHONE!! I’ve NEVER wanted to throw my phone ever before this and now All the time!!! The spider eggs are real!!!!! I have severe nerve damage from this break up. Cognitive dissonance “somatic dissonance” IS REAL & TERRIFYING!!!!
Right. I literally took care of her when she got the flu at Christmas. Bought her and all the children gifts , then Christmas was over and she went back to work - it was as though she was wanting to be with someone else , but ashamed because it would of made her look like a cheater / betrayer. So she tried to turn me into the monster.
I feel completely violated. It's going to definitely take a while to shake this experience. Their degree of mental illness is beyond comprehension. You cannot have a normal relationship or conversation with a lunatic.
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Barryinvestigation@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
@@brusselsprout5851 having recovered from physical injuries that made laughing excruciating, i felt like i never would again. My doctor told me i had to do it. Good for your lungs. The same applies here. Emotional healing is the same. What i struggled with, during the emotional healing process was how foolish i felt. It was like believing a hoax or prank. "How could i fall for that??" Gotta do it anyway. Laughter is the best medicine. Also, narcs HATE IT when you laugh.
Looking forward to the day my ex gets kalmar after 38years of an abused marriage and woken in the last 6months to being under the spell and I'm scared to death of meeting anyone else as I have only ever been in 1 relationship 😢😢😢😢😢
exactly, that's who they are. I found those videos and comments are so helpful. I aligned with most of them and it is very encouraging that those words have more power over me than whatever that cheater and liar said.
I got a new kitten. She is number 1 in my life now.... I go to the vet..setting up appointments...surgery. She has taken his place. I was crying and kitty licked my tears. Got a cat tower, toys, u name it... I am focusing on her health and mine. Dont think about the lying cheating Narc too much.
I realized that I was just as at fault as my abuser, because knowing deep inside that he was crazy I still stayed. Always waiting for the person who I fell for to come back, leaving was literally (literaaaaally) like mourning several people in one. It's amazing how you knew each one of their personalities. Thanks for traumatizing me further with the freaking eggs in brain thing... ugh
I would qualify first that you are not at fault. That said, we are responsible for remaining within reach. It was when I chose that perspective, I was able to get out. But before I left it wasnt for hope, but utter fear that I had stayed. My life is still being dragged backward by him and his parents after 4 years out, second time leaving after being forced back using a false accusation of Grand Theft Auto of our family vehicle to force me out of the DV shelter with our children. So I will not take blame for the systematic abuse and crazy making, smear campaign, but I take responsibility for my mistakes and for not having been willing to get out at ALL COSTS. The price gets steeper the longer you stay, and the longer it's drawn out in separating. I suggest swiftly and do not try to be honorable and fair, staying near. Flee far away. They only use your fairness as a wedge in the door to break you. more.
@Jen Stevens I'm 2yrs out, iam so sorry for what you have and will continue to deal with , the emotions and psychological effects is long lingering , much longer then the physical abuse. You feel alone even when your around lots of people . If you ever need someone to talk too please don't hesitate to reach out. Prayers for you and yours
Stop devaluating yourself. Every human being needs companionship, approval and love. The natural needs for that made you stay. Think about the fact that babies need human touch to literally survive. ❤
I’ve found you at the right time. 😢 I was married to a controlling man who I was with for 32 years to finally escape straight into the arms of a narcissist! He has destroyed any faith I have in men but everything you have said here is spot on 😢 I’m in complete limbo feeling hurt rejected confused angry and worst of all violated. They are true wolves in sheep’s clothing! True demons !
My heart goes out to you!!! Are you safe? Praying for you, it's hard and people who don't understand just make it harder when trying to understand what just happened to us
I relate with you. Remember it is NOT you. Sadly they used us. But it is not YOU. You are amazing, that is why you were chosen. Right now we have to stay on the path of recovery. You CAN do it, and you WILL do it, even if you don't believe it right now. Hug yourself and love be yourself. YOU ARE AMAZING!!
This world is full of evil, manipulative, self-serving people. Take your time, share less, learn as much as you can about personality disorders, set boundaries with people. Mostly trust what you feel and not what you see.
Exactly same happened to me.😢 I am going through the discard phase now. There was a real monster behind the mask, pretending to be the best and most wonderful man in the world.
I've had 2 long-term relationships with these people. They chose me (independent, happy optimist capable of making decisions and getting things done) and proceeded to suck all of the life and joy out of me leaving me an empty shell. I'm just starting to claw back from the 2nd one. They were both bullshitters who love bombed me. They didn't have their own personalities and leached off of mine.
I am moving 500 miles away tomorrow. Up north to a tiny town. I can't get rid of him any other way. This relationship has been the worst experience of my life. I started setting this up months ago and lied (pretended I was him lol). Anyway, sometimes desperate measures need to be taken. I am sure I have been replaced already. Thank god I never had kids with this guy. You only live once - change it up. Move on.
Hi Richard. I left a 30 year relationship 9 years ago, and it has taken me this long to finally feel like I'm seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. The final thing I've realised is that you're never, ever, going to get closure or justice from the narcissist, so there's no point trying. This, in itself, I have found very liberating, as it has allowed me to finally silence his voice in my head. Thank you
It is hard for sure, it took me more than a decade too but as I see all the comments on the topics, I realized that they do exact same things so I have way less interest in them and have no feeling towards them or their words. If it is generic, I have no interest and it seems like the narcissist I have been dealing with is also cookie clutter one who just fit into the type. It is the thing with me that if it is general, I have no interests nor reason to look into. They are like same staple merchandise, which they can only think and write like AI, manipulated, non organic anti-human...their true self is so boring. The Narcissist I have been dealing with have no creativity any longer that he keeps repeating like broken record. The same thing over and over....I am so disappointed that the narc I was so into became such a boring specie. I will have nothing to say anymore to them.
Once I figured out the game I found more peace. Now I can stop trying to make this work, and just accept that this is the way he's always going to be. He is out of my heart for good. Now, I just have to figure out how to get him out of my life physically.
The ex narc left the relationship with no closure, abandoned his son and left him with me. So when the manipulation started I dodged all the bullets. When he announced that he had Cancer all I could and would do when I felt like it was pray for him. He has since died and I am still in the head and heart space that I did not feel sorry for him and I had the courage to stay NO CONTACT
This is insane. Married for 8 years, Confused for 8 years, and this last year I’m seeing things I never thought I’d see. Blatant. Brazen. Inexcusable. Twilight zone, the sky is red-things. You are saying EXACT word for word situations that have happened. It’s crazy. It’s crazy making. Your videos are tremendously helpful and also, what insanity this can be. Thank you 🖤
Narcissists are nothing to be afraid of. They are actually putting on a persona to hide their true weaknesses. They often act in a childish like manner. If you're a good person you'll see it but try to change them or help them. Don't. Walk away without a word. Your life will get much better
yes! if you are not attracted to what they have, they have absolutely no power over you. This video is so good and true. They see you as an object and you are under their toxic world so you just stop playing the role they assigned to you. They are the most disgusting human beings I have ever known but I am not going to use those words anymore to describe anyone. It is because I am not in their world where you have to describe people this way!
Bruised is it exactly. I've told him: I feel beat up on the inside. He totally dismissed it because he hadn't hit me physically. The complete double standard! The hypocrisy! Yes, spot on.
yes! Physical abuses and mental abuses work same almost. It is because once you are stuck with the narc, you start believing his words as truth so if he started to damage you, it means you are damaging yourself. So you can just walk away as if you did not see that narc. As if he did not exist at all. They deserve that.
exactly true. We need to heal ASAP. Once you realize what damages they did, it is recovery curve. You are not listening to him / her words only. This video helps because you have another way of thinking which is detecting the narc's lies. If you know that they lied all the way, you can reject everything they told you, including about yourself.
I am 55 years old and I am really just now only a few days into this awakening.... My mind is blowing... This truth I have been saying in my own fragmented way you are saving my life and thank you! it's a horrible time to be alive right now and also the best 🙏
I don’t know you but you make me laugh out loud …. Literally!!! I am so blessed to have found you. You not only bring a smile you remove the Vice off my head!! All glory to God for you Richard!! 🙌🏻🕊🤍
I ended up going crazy. And I became a HORRID angry Drunk and BECAME like the NARCASITE. Calling all his friends and leaving angry voice messages. I regretted at first. But then remembered that were enablers and I don't care they don't want me around. Because I don't want to be around them EITHER. I now feel relieved. I'm now doing my best to get help with the drinking. And HEAL I never want to be like him or be a DRUNK.
I’m at the end of a 34 year marriage with the most covert narcissistic man I’ve ever seen. I was parented by narcissistic people two sisters and I’m so angry at myself!! I can’t move right now because he’s made sure I can’t. I’m grey rocking but I’m terrified
my therapist is on maternity leave so every time i "miss" him i just sigh and pull up one of your videos to talk some sense into me haha. two weeks no contact wohoo! this is the third time i broke up with him so looks like third time is the charm🤡
Make some big plans for the future. Plan a trip with a friend or to do a class etc. it will be easier to move on if you can dee a great future without the narcissistic
He told me he was damaged. I should have listened to him. You cant save someone unless they save themself. Yes i was thrown into the matrix. I became a person i shouldnt have been through stress and exhaustion like you said. I gave up in the end and now i am mentally fit enough to study full time. I have only one wish and that is for him to get help.
yes damaged and mentally disabled person cannot love another or even himself. So I know they have the saddest life. We are not rescuing them or anyone, as they have to feel that they want to be better first by themselves. I had conversation about this with someone recently and I heard that there was a doctor who was great at treating mental disorders but even this doctor shut patients off if they did not want to get better. So there is my answer too! I have no interest in helping anyone unless they want help.
Hard to admit that you are falling from a person whom for years of being together one day you open your eyes and find out all the red flags of a narcissist behaviour is within this person . It’s shocking and mind blowing . Everyone is talking about escaping .
I've been following Richard for years. And ever since I started following Richard's work, I've been able to untangle my life from all the abusive lies that have been binding me. Nowadays I have much less abusive situations and abusive people in my life, let's say the amount of abuse in my life has reduced into 5% of what it was 5 years ago.
I’ve done that a lot of times, Richard; trying to offer the narcissist and opportunity to get better. It never works and they always try to use it against you by pretending that they’re working on themselves.
For 17 years…..absolute crazy making. The rage, the accusations, the not remembering anything. I’ve said for years there is something wrong with him…. I wish I’d known this sooner.
At last, I was able to leave and discard my narcissistic husband after 28 years of bondage and abusive relationship after I got out from this bad relationship, it is like waking up from a worst nightmare and you wake up into reality, realizing everything.😅
What you said about the spider eggs flying in and hatching is spot on. Today I accidentally got baited into a convo with a group of narcs, they baited me in by complimenting my hair and asking questions. I went home regretting letting them bait me in bc they were so nasty and horrid. Lesson learned. Say thank you and walk away.
Finally broke the chains of a narcissistic girlfriend. Im so happy that i started looking into more info. Now i see how bad i had it, i almost felt like i was going crazy with all the craziness she brought. Im hurt but better days will come.
This came at the right time. You're completely spot on. Finally realized I was dealing with a black belt narcissist. Beginning stages of removing them from my life. Luckily they are very transparent so no one that matters believes anything they say.
_"I've had a recent experience and I only in the last couple of days woke up to exactly what this person was doing..."_ ... Wow. Mad respect for being so open with us.
People treat us the way we allow them to and if we have low self worth self concept and little or no boundaries we invariably allow the Narcissist to treat us however they want to.. Accountability is in realizing how we are giving away our power energy and very sanity. Yes there are victims but there are also survivors.. victims refuse their own accountability actions/inactions in perpetuating this toxic dynamic/relationship.. survivors educate themselves hold themselves accountable for their own actions and decisions work on healing and breaking the toxic cycle by leaving
I have a deeply narcissistic sister 18 months younger. I'm 64 now. In November 2013, at age 55, I was at her house. Long story short, her behavior was so awful, something inside me snapped. I'd had this behavior for decades. I abruptly left the occasion and made up my mind I was done. I started researching the net and figured it out: she's a narcissist. I was like Saul on the road to Damascus. The light of understanding finally turned on. Now I listen to Grannons videos. He has said things which I've said to a friend verbatim. I just nce told a friend, my sister has no horizontal relationships, only vertical. You can't believe how fun it was for me to hear Richard Grannon say the exact same thing.
Omg the truth, you’re so amazing… … the story i have is soooo long, like many others over a year long affair the lies the gaslighting to me and our toddler , the fake trips , the fake work itineraries the gas lighting constantly. He even lives with the 3rd party but text me 2 weeks ago saying “please take the dog I’m done, i would have a been a great dad, blah blah”,, the next day i said “are you ok?” and he said “ I”’m fine i was in a mood” … !!! the pain and hovering and breadcrumbing is insane. He was my best friend for 10 years. He surprised me with a “house” would send 100 red roses to my work and then ripped the carpet and my life from under me and now looks at me like I’m a piece of shit on the ground… he and the other woman laugh at me .. he will do it to her too
No contact is so hard ... but contact is harder !!! LITERALLY 😢💔 The way I stay strong is knowing ...KNOWING... he will only use contact to hurt me and as viciously as he can think to ... there is no closure or justice... just escape .
The trauma in my body from narcissistic family abuse gave me a hypertensive crisis (life threatening high blood pressure) and now stage 4 metastatic cancer... among many many other physical health & mental health problems. The body truly *does* keep the score. These toxic family members ostracized & shunned me for over a decade. Basically left me for dead. When I was diagnosed they all flew back in! Pretending to want to “help” me. 😈😈😈
Oh my goodness 😢 I am so sorry to hear that. I am 45 & just finally went No Contact with my family last summer. It is hard enough in this world, without not having a family for emotional support. I feel so alone, especially on holidays. Just letting you know you are not alone in your struggles & pain…. 🙏🙏
I’m the same way. Diagnosed with high blood pressure at 17. Doctors ran every test they could to try to figure out why and nothing would explain it. Fast forward a couple of years and I’m just now learning that my mother is a terrible vulnerable narcissist and I was living with my nervous system constantly engaged drowning in cortisol. Also suffer with addiction to cope with the abuse. These people will kill you from the inside out
"The Body Keeps The Score" was written by Bessel Van der Kolk, not Peter E. Levine. 😉 Peter E. Levine wrote "Awakening The Tiger" and developped Somatic Experiencing (SE)
I literally had just gotten out of my worst experience with a true energy vampire narcissist. Then another man came along a started to court me heavy. like Heavy heavy, we are exclusive on the first date heavy..... He filled me up with everything he felt he studies about me and for a good two months it worked. But I believe in the saying. When people show you who they are believe them , right! So the moment I realized that he was only seeing me as a gate way towards his success while telling me that it's all about me. I RANNNNN AND NEVER LOOK BACK. and it only took me one wake up call. I listened and learned Fast. and the more I listen to videos like this and study them...I am picking up on all their tactics... I swear I go back to some videos astonished at the accuracy.
4. This is beyond true.. and so creepy that you can call this. I thought it was a secret thing I was doing; being kind as an example in the face of whatever meanness he was dishing out.. but I didn't know that anyone could be that mean - anyone that I would let get close to me. I used to think that there must be a human being in there, if I just stay calm and don't give in to the aggression, he will see/hear me eventually. He just saw my lack of aggression as weakness, and got worse towards me.
I went through everything you described . There was nothing you said I didn’t experienced with my boyfriend . 7 years of my life . While we were together I travelled for work a lot . Everytime I went away for few weeks my reality was coming back to me. With him I was Alice in wonderland . All these terrible incidents that happened to him, non stop begging for help , putting me down , telling me I was crazy. Everyday in his presence was a struggle . And lies , lies and more lies . As you said I didn’t exist to him. I literally was going mad . I developed digestive issues, terrible heartburn . One day I woke up and saw half of my hair was left on my pillow . But even then I kept staying with him . I stopped physical fitness and gained 35lb always being thin and I fitness lover . I am still in recovering process . Back in gym with personal trainer . Slowly but surely getting my life back . Thank you again so much !
Amen: The consistent GasLighting is brain damaging, Literally. I am in trauma counselling and it is daibolacal who I had to become to stay in it. Reason would say if you leave and you will be OK, that is not always the case. But on the Topic of what is funny.... I got to get away, those who are have NPD have to live in their skin FOREVER. So, the best revenge is Leave, you get better, with age (hopefully), sadly, they get worse. That is enough for me. Thank God for the beautiful Strength that self empathy gives, and the courage it takes to leave. I found I am smarter than I had been told, Stronger, than I ever knew, and am becoming better daily.
If anything, everything YOU've gone through really helps those who have been there!! Don't be so hard on yourself Richard for being such an kind person!!! Please keep on going helping us to NOT go back for closure! Sending you Wisdom and Love!
Ive had a confession then gas lighted saying it never happened 😂 omg please god give me strength to forgive myself for allowing a lunatic stay in my life for sooò long😮🙏🙈❤
Richard- I LOVE LOVE LOVE the way you communicate this very difficult material. Your humor makes a painful subject easier to digest. You are always spot on. Thanks for all you do. I feel validated after listening to you
I agree! His videos are one of my favorites on this topic. I never thought I could find videos that spoke so much of the truth. It made me so encouraged that I don't believe the narcissist is the only and best who I can count on...what a disastrous thinking I had. As you open up, you find way more decent people and people who you are more aligned with other than the narc!
I'm recovering from narcisstic abuse...it is very very hard going but the past few days I've felt like I want to laugh out loud at how ridiculous it all was..how ridiculous the narc was. The games...the manipulation...the set up...the devaluing...the blame...more games...it just went round and round. Thank you for sharing all your knowledge. 😊🙏🪷
It wasn’t funny 16 years ago when I got out of the relationship but it’s good to be able to laugh now. Sometimes those horrible 14 years I was with the narcissist seems just like a horrible nightmare…
The thing is that i saw the red flag first time and i believed (understood) but i had not enough strength to leave that person or to be alone. I had to grow and strengthen myself in order to leave that person. It happens when you have your parents narcissist. You don't know anything emotionally you to grow your self emotionally starting from a child to your current age. And it takes immense amount of inner work. Its like breaking your self and then arranging in correct order.
Do Narcissistic want you to be with other people? I say that bc my 12yr relationship she cheated on me. Multiple times over the years. She was under the impression I cheated back. Which in a sick way made her want me. I finally came clean and told her I NEVER cheated on you ever. And she’s been distance ever since
What an opening. I am so thankful to have other traumatized people in my life who can laugh with me about how horrible some things are. It really is a blessing.
You are right Richard. When I learned I had the right to say no, and when I implemented it I healed up a great deal. Growing up I was never taught that I could say anything remotely like NO.
My husband was married to a NPD who used him up and left him a shell of his former self. Turned his children against him and continues to play her vile games all these years later. We have set firm boundaries with her and it has made her crazy. Or crazier than she already was. These are very destructive chameleons. These videos have help me so much begin to understand the sick idealism my husband showed for years towards her despite her vicious ways. Thank you for this enlightenment.
He acts like I don't exist after 45 years of being married now he has gone off with his new supply. His look goes straight through me and there is nothing behind his eyes.
Priceless. “I’m so glad I’m an expert.” 😂 Best laugh I’ve had in weeks. Thank you for sharing exactly what this shakedown is all about, and the felt reality. Major hope is rising.
18:39min !! 100% ONE HUNDRED PERCENT!! This is gold 19:19 (you pick up their stuff!) And it is LUNACY! And trying to plead for closure - it will not help! Trust me! Yes any contact with them will just allow them to hurt you again. They will NEVER take full accountability! Don’t be fooled. Been there and done that !
I remember one particular line he said not long after I met him. He said‘I’m damaged’ Naturally I wanted to know why he felt that way and therefore continued to ‘try’ to make things better, and easier for him! Not me..him! I should have believed him. The damage is deflected onto you. Yes my soul is badly bruised. You make so much sense in this matter. Thank you
He told me he’s an alcoholic, selfish, and doesn’t need anyone. He’s just fine all by himself. I documented each of these confession in my head and my gut, then I said to him “I bless you with love and release you. You’re free and I’m free.” ❤
I wish I had got this info and advice 35 years ago. My kids and I have endured so much abuse, and I feel guilty about keeping them in the situation while I tried to fix it. 😢
ALL my Pennie’s literally dropped! I’m virtually broke!! My mental lights are switched on! THANK YOU @richardgrannon I cracked a laugh after months of crying, mourning, grieving after years of NPD abuse! First subject expert that I’ve listened to where I don’t feel clinically spoken to! Keep being yourself 🙏
Took me 6 months and 2 operations to get fixed after 18 months with one of those. Lunacy is a very good word for him. Just seen his profile on an online dating site and want to scream to warn other women but for him I feel nothing. I’m so glad I’m out of this fantasy.
The problem with Malignant Narcissists is people apply normal parameters of behaviour to these people thinking that they involved with someone who can be responsible. False they are Evil monsters of the worst type, who can only destroy , you are their target they project all their hate on to you.
“Expect lunacy”!!! This whole video has been refreshingly honest and is bringing much needed clarity! Thank you for not sugar coating this personality disorder!
I wish I’d known this before . When someone shows you who there are then believe them. I have learnt the the hard way. I was in a horrible narcissistic relationship where eventually I was physically hurt, although the emotional abuse , gaslighting and smear campaign was so much worse. I’ve gone no contact but I still feel stupid and completely done in but I wasn’t aware of this disorder at the time . This relationship has totally destroyed me and I’m struggling and I don’t know where to go for help. I feel like no one understands this sort of abuse.
I am letting you know majority of the Global stage has no idea. Certain laws passed down are literally Made to protect the narcissistic. We breathe it, consume it, see it, bad taste in one’s mouth just str8 rag doll
You said it very clearly, thank you Richard for helping me get it. It took very long for me to accept the truth about my ex. The loving part of him made me believe he was wonderful and really cared for me. But the "bully" in him was so nasty and remorseless that I finally got out of his direkt power. Now I'm trying to heal but sometimes still grieving and doubting about my part and if I co- narzissistic bin!
Go on Richard!!! Calling out the BS of 'shaming' language. The world has gone mad with this bo**ocks - refreshing to hear the truth delivered in a just cant argue with it way! 👊x
Indeed and I swear if I hear 'Cosmo' psychology on Co dependenctly, trauma bonding, love language and such ....I will explode!!! It's all quite the "in thing" and it's utterly hideous to see such fashion. It's also demeaning, gentryfying and normalising the very real darkness nPD brings to the world... urgh. Some things need to be spoken about in blunt, honest language!
I’m going to listen to this video at least two more times. Only those who have felt “it” know it’s depth. If I can envision the “badass” it will take to emerge from “it”…I’m gaining ground, slowly…so very slowly. Great job! Very moving.
Definitely. Everyone could listen to it, but without the direct experience it's like a color blind person listening about colors. It takes suffering to actually believe that it is exactly as described.
I really like the "venomous spider eggs" in your brain description..! PERFECT that's EXACTLY what it feels like!! They ARE Spiders!!🕸🕷 SO PRECISELY ACCURATE!! Grey Rock...🪨
I had severe anxiety, especially with my curent gf. Then I started listening to stoicism and other philosophy quotes regarding life and regulating your mind in troubled times. Stoicism quotes from Marcus Aurelius and the other man i forget his name have really helped live in the present and stop the ruminating going on.
@@meriemmimi104 i totally agree you need to run away, im just saying in the moment for those going through severe anxiety and rumination, thats what has helped me
I recently discovered Stoicism and find it very valuable. Yes it can help you as part of a coping mechanism. But unfortunately narcissistic relationships have nowhere to go but down, and you cannot alter the trajectory. I applied stoic philosophy and newly found knowledge of attachment styles to a narcissistic relationship before I knew it was narcissistic, but if I found a way of reducing anxiety and copdependence she would work to find new ways to counteract them. For example I was getting so anxious about how she would read my messages but not respond for many hours at a time. She would try to make excuses for this and I was always torn between wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt, and calling her out on her lies. I decided to turn off read receipts on my phone, and she even noticed and questioned why I did this and I told her it was to save me from my anxious mind. She reduced communication a lot after this and stopped answering her phone and pretending that she was always too busy. Definitely keep up with the stoic philosophy, especially if you have always been, or have developed 'rejection sensitivity'. I think it was Marcus Aurelius who talked about how it's not the insult that hurts us but our interpretation that hurts, which is so true. I would get really affected by close friends and family when they criticised me for "always' doing this or that. But now when I hear an 'always' statement I impersonate Michael Parkinson and politely ask them to list the times when I "always did...........". Maybe they'd get 1 time, but I'd ask for another and another and watch their petit argument crumble before asking them in a slightly condescending tone if they thought 1 or 2 was the same as 'always'.
I confronted him in his lies about another woman he was seeing while living with me. He became so enraged that he pulled me out of my bed and kicked me off my feet onto my face. The scar on my chin I will carry forever. So glad to find your work.
Maya Angelou said that, 'when a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time'.
YUP YUP! Dr. Angelou originated this saying and Oprah repeats it frequently. This saying really helped me some years ago when I was starting to heal from childhood. And I tell clients this frequently.
Correct! Well- known Maya Angelou quote!
Yes, Maya said it and she was so right!
@@charzemc yep I have been going through this - its like a psychological thriller that you can't get out of. They are so manipulative that everyone believes them.
Quote it all the time.
The worst part is remembering that you are not dealing with a normal and healthy person. They have a way of making us feel sorry for them and the way they use our empathy is disgusting. Once you can realize how disgusting and evil their manipulation is, it's much easier to walk away.
So true
Facts.
they're charm,but we don't want crazy/ nervous
Amen to that
YES! I finally get it too, how unattractive they are! They have no power if they lose their charm and delusion.
They are never sorry, and they never quite remember anything..
After the “love bombing”/grooming phase was completed, in which I did feel seen and heard, I felt completely unheard and unseen!!! OMGosh, I even confronted him once and asked him if I was merely a prop in his life!! THANK YOU THANK YOU so much for validating my experience.
PLEASE direct me to your course to break the trauma bond. Please 🙏 🙏🙏🙏 I’m 6 months out but I’m still struggling with the bond.
PLEASE direct me to your course to break the trauma bond. Please 🙏🙏
Right when you catch them in a lie they don’t remember anything and they have the best memory so it must have never happened. What a joke these children are.
Drives me CRAZY . It really really does. Took me forever to start trusting myself again
Oh they remember, only act like they don’t. I have tested one. She kept deliberately “forgetting” so I asked her with compassion, “do you have memory issues? I’m asking because I worry about you very much!”
Suddenly, she remembered everything! She hated the compassion I showed her - it probably made her feel pitiful, so she needed to get back from that.
Never sorry never. Empathy comes naturally 🙏
Narcissism is a bootcamp type of spiritual warfare 🥵 if you survive it and escape it, you level up to a spiritual gangster 😂💪
Amen
More like promotion from foot soldier to cavalry… you are out of the mud and can see the lay of the land so much more clearly from up there.
Love this.
A chevalier right
Yes!
I can see why leaving a narcissist is so hard. We naturally want closure, a feeling of completion, of resolving things in a fair & equitable manner, but this will never happen with a real narcissist, as they simply can't give us what we want or need. It's like a puzzle that can never be solved because many of the key pieces are broken or missing!
it took me 12 years, just now, to accept this.
Great, comment. This is so true, and the realisation I'm having to accept now.
@@cppray1 yep they are simply evil turds not masterminds or geniuses 😅
@@cppray1 You may be right but from my experience I would say no because what I want is not something they even have. You can't give to others what you don't have. Just my take on this, but you may be right with some of these individuals.
Stop asking others for resolution. It’s like walking on the street and asking for family
Hello fellow survivors. If no one told you today: you are loved. You are enough. ❤
Today all I wanted was a kind word .
Understanding. I need humans.❤❤
Thank you for thoughtfulness. A mom
Thank you… you are loved too, and needed ❤️
Thank you for sharing and for your kindness....much much needed.
You are loved...you are enough too. 😊🙏🪷
As are you😊
I’m crying. Thank you, beautiful soul 🙏 much love to you 🙏
This man is saving people's sanity (and quite possibly lives).
"Abandon hope, all ye who enter here". --Dante's Inferno. A relationship with a narcissist is like falling into the abyss. And getting out is damned hard work.
My ex used to tell me “ I love you deeper than the abyss “ smh
Didn't see his narcissistic behavior come out for 18 years. He became Hyde
The day I pissed of the narcissist enough and it was finally over, I felt so totally drained washed up, spit out, and kicked to the curb. The next day he had a date with someone else. Two months later they were engaged. Hellacious experience. It was really hard learning these types of people exits. I was forever changed after that 5 year experience. He wanted to destroy me.. Nearly did. Was very rattled and on a deep level, and extra sensitive for a good while. Took nearly a year to feel less broken. Harmful, dangerous people
Yep I feel u
Only 1 year ? It took me 20.
Yes
I am so glad you survived. I have similar experience and I felt like he was trying to destroy me too.. I am proud of you!
The way they work from a script is bizarre.
Idealization (check!)
Love bombs away, grappling hooks engaged, haul in the prey. (Check!)
Degradation (check!)
Turn on Narcissistic Fog Machine (check!)
Establish secret harem (check!)
Discard (check!) then
Start Smear Campaign (check!). Prepare Flying Monkeys for take-off (check!).
There is something so weird about the similarities of everyone’s experiences. There is a ridiculous or absurd clockwork element to it (like they are naughty little wind-up dolls) such that their predictable machinations elicit an involuntary chuckle here and there in between the heart-wrenching sobbing of the victims.
THROWING THE PHONE!! I’ve NEVER wanted to throw my phone ever before this and now All the time!!! The spider eggs are real!!!!! I have severe nerve damage from this break up. Cognitive dissonance “somatic dissonance” IS REAL & TERRIFYING!!!!
This is exactly how I feel. Sometimes I feel like I am mentally hostage, by trying to figure out what the hell just happened.
Same. It's exhausting
Right. I literally took care of her when she got the flu at Christmas. Bought her and all the children gifts , then Christmas was over and she went back to work - it was as though she was wanting to be with someone else , but ashamed because it would of made her look like a cheater / betrayer. So she tried to turn me into the monster.
Yes 7:52
I feel completely violated. It's going to definitely take a while to shake this experience. Their degree of mental illness is beyond comprehension. You cannot have a normal relationship or conversation with a lunatic.
@@Greydog184standard play
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Barryinvestigation@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
After you heal… you laugh.
😊
I cannot imagine that. But okay.
@@brusselsprout5851 having recovered from physical injuries that made laughing excruciating, i felt like i never would again. My doctor told me i had to do it. Good for your lungs. The same applies here.
Emotional healing is the same. What i struggled with, during the emotional healing process was how foolish i felt. It was like believing a hoax or prank. "How could i fall for that??"
Gotta do it anyway. Laughter is the best medicine.
Also, narcs HATE IT when you laugh.
@@brusselsprout5851 same
Looking forward to the day my ex gets kalmar after 38years of an abused marriage and woken in the last 6months to being under the spell and I'm scared to death of meeting anyone else as I have only ever been in 1 relationship 😢😢😢😢😢
@@Jobless-r4w same…
Thx for sharing.)
I don’t have to feel like I’m the only one that’s been faithful to a fault… aka only one relationship.
I love the way you describe them as a lunatic. I finally laughed after 17 years of dealing.
16:00 - spot on - no morals , cheat and lie and expect you to be perfection
exactly, that's who they are. I found those videos and comments are so helpful. I aligned with most of them and it is very encouraging that those words have more power over me than whatever that cheater and liar said.
I got a new kitten. She is number 1 in my life now....
I go to the vet..setting up appointments...surgery. She has taken his place.
I was crying and kitty licked my tears.
Got a cat tower, toys, u name it...
I am focusing on her health and mine.
Dont think about the lying cheating Narc too much.
I realized that I was just as at fault as my abuser, because knowing deep inside that he was crazy I still stayed. Always waiting for the person who I fell for to come back, leaving was literally (literaaaaally) like mourning several people in one. It's amazing how you knew each one of their personalities. Thanks for traumatizing me further with the freaking eggs in brain thing... ugh
You were groomed....
It’s a scare tactic , like look what the power I have. Trust me it is dumb, always is always has.
I would qualify first that you are not at fault.
That said, we are responsible for remaining within reach. It was when I chose that perspective, I was able to get out. But before I left it wasnt for hope, but utter fear that I had stayed. My life is still being dragged backward by him and his parents after 4 years out, second time leaving after being forced back using a false accusation of Grand Theft Auto of our family vehicle to force me out of the DV shelter with our children.
So I will not take blame for the systematic abuse and crazy making, smear campaign, but I take responsibility for my mistakes and for not having been willing to get out at ALL COSTS. The price gets steeper the longer you stay, and the longer it's drawn out in separating. I suggest swiftly and do not try to be honorable and fair, staying near. Flee far away. They only use your fairness as a wedge in the door to break you. more.
@Jen Stevens I'm 2yrs out, iam so sorry for what you have and will continue to deal with , the emotions and psychological effects is long lingering , much longer then the physical abuse. You feel alone even when your around lots of people . If you ever need someone to talk too please don't hesitate to reach out. Prayers for you and yours
Stop devaluating yourself. Every human being needs companionship, approval and love. The natural needs for that made you stay. Think about the fact that babies need human touch to literally survive. ❤
“You don’t exist to them,” that actually made feel good. I feel so much better knowing that. I feel free now. ❤
I’ve found you at the right time. 😢 I was married to a controlling man who I was with for 32 years to finally escape straight into the arms of a narcissist! He has destroyed any faith I have in men but everything you have said here is spot on 😢 I’m in complete limbo feeling hurt rejected confused angry and worst of all violated. They are true wolves in sheep’s clothing! True demons !
My heart goes out to you!!! Are you safe? Praying for you, it's hard and people who don't understand just make it harder when trying to understand what just happened to us
I relate with you. Remember it is NOT you. Sadly they used us. But it is not YOU. You are amazing, that is why you were chosen. Right now we have to stay on the path of recovery. You CAN do it, and you WILL do it, even if you don't believe it right now. Hug yourself and love be yourself. YOU ARE AMAZING!!
This world is full of evil, manipulative, self-serving people. Take your time, share less, learn as much as you can about personality disorders, set boundaries with people. Mostly trust what you feel and not what you see.
Satan on Earth, the devil itself.
Exactly same happened to me.😢 I am going through the discard phase now. There was a real monster behind the mask, pretending to be the best and most wonderful man in the world.
I've had 2 long-term relationships with these people. They chose me (independent, happy optimist capable of making decisions and getting things done) and proceeded to suck all of the life and joy out of me leaving me an empty shell. I'm just starting to claw back from the 2nd one. They were both bullshitters who love bombed me. They didn't have their own personalities and leached off of mine.
I am moving 500 miles away tomorrow. Up north to a tiny town. I can't get rid of him any other way. This relationship has been the worst experience of my life. I started setting this up months ago and lied (pretended I was him lol). Anyway, sometimes desperate measures need to be taken. I am sure I have been replaced already. Thank god I never had kids with this guy. You only live once - change it up. Move on.
Hi I hope you’ve settled in up north , Im Near Manchester , it will feel odd on your own for a while but you deserve better , xxxxx
I want to move away
I moved 871 miles away. One of the things I did that was right.
Yes, moving 10 hours away was the best thing. Also, no Facebook.
They are a wretched curse!
When you are healing… contact even gray rock text communication sends you into a trauma hold. Get away! Run! Escape!
Hi Richard.
I left a 30 year relationship 9 years ago, and it has taken me this long to finally feel like I'm seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. The final thing I've realised is that you're never, ever, going to get closure or justice from the narcissist, so there's no point trying. This, in itself, I have found very liberating, as it has allowed me to finally silence his voice in my head. Thank you
I left just two weaks ago after 15 years and I feel more teriible than ever…
@@Sweetbong_It will get better...it's something we've all gone through. ❤
It is hard for sure, it took me more than a decade too but as I see all the comments on the topics, I realized that they do exact same things so I have way less interest in them and have no feeling towards them or their words. If it is generic, I have no interest and it seems like the narcissist I have been dealing with is also cookie clutter one who just fit into the type. It is the thing with me that if it is general, I have no interests nor reason to look into. They are like same staple merchandise, which they can only think and write like AI, manipulated, non organic anti-human...their true self is so boring. The Narcissist I have been dealing with have no creativity any longer that he keeps repeating like broken record. The same thing over and over....I am so disappointed that the narc I was so into became such a boring specie. I will have nothing to say anymore to them.
Once I figured out the game I found more peace. Now I can stop trying to make this work, and just accept that this is the way he's always going to be. He is out of my heart for good. Now, I just have to figure out how to get him out of my life physically.
me too now plan to divorce, me and my daughter, she’s suffering a lot, narc don’t care their own children
The ex narc left the relationship with no closure, abandoned his son and left him with me. So when the manipulation started I dodged all the bullets. When he announced that he had Cancer all I could and would do when I felt like it was pray for him. He has since died and I am still in the head and heart space that I did not feel sorry for him and I had the courage to stay NO CONTACT
This is insane. Married for 8 years, Confused for 8 years, and this last year I’m seeing things I never thought I’d see. Blatant. Brazen. Inexcusable. Twilight zone, the sky is red-things. You are saying EXACT word for word situations that have happened. It’s crazy. It’s crazy making. Your videos are tremendously helpful and also, what insanity this can be. Thank you 🖤
Well, they’re insane
I would argue that narcissists view all others as LESS than objects, considering the ones I've experienced are extremely materialistic.
Selfish and greedy too
Absolutely true!
They likely more than just viewing other people as objects, but they view others as obstacles
We are objects to exploit or a place to dump their negative emotion
yes! so let them take care their own garbage and mess!
This.
Moving on is the best revenge!
I totally agree, and I am very happy and determined to do so. This high is the power that I defeat the narc and cut all ties to this horrible being.
Narcissists are nothing to be afraid of. They are actually putting on a persona to hide their true weaknesses. They often act in a childish like manner. If you're a good person you'll see it but try to change them or help them. Don't. Walk away without a word. Your life will get much better
Domestic violence often happens in the end. They can be dangerous
@@jackiep5009I agree. Narcs are unhinged.
yes! if you are not attracted to what they have, they have absolutely no power over you. This video is so good and true. They see you as an object and you are under their toxic world so you just stop playing the role they assigned to you. They are the most disgusting human beings I have ever known but I am not going to use those words anymore to describe anyone. It is because I am not in their world where you have to describe people this way!
They are human beings incapable of being human
Bruised is it exactly. I've told him: I feel beat up on the inside. He totally dismissed it because he hadn't hit me physically.
The complete double standard! The hypocrisy! Yes, spot on.
yes! Physical abuses and mental abuses work same almost. It is because once you are stuck with the narc, you start believing his words as truth so if he started to damage you, it means you are damaging yourself. So you can just walk away as if you did not see that narc. As if he did not exist at all. They deserve that.
One someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time-Poet Maya Angelou
Caberet quote. 'You gonna beleive what you see? Or what i tell you.'
That so sruck in my brain.
Narcissistic abuse disorder is no joke! The narcissist brakes you down at the worst manner.
exactly true. We need to heal ASAP. Once you realize what damages they did, it is recovery curve. You are not listening to him / her words only. This video helps because you have another way of thinking which is detecting the narc's lies. If you know that they lied all the way, you can reject everything they told you, including about yourself.
I am 55 years old and I am really just now only a few days into this awakening.... My mind is blowing... This truth I have been saying in my own fragmented way you are saving my life and thank you!
it's a horrible time to be alive right now and also the best 🙏
I don’t know you but you make me laugh out loud …. Literally!!! I am so blessed to have found you. You not only bring a smile you remove the Vice off my head!! All glory to God for you Richard!! 🙌🏻🕊🤍
I ended up going crazy. And I became a HORRID angry Drunk and BECAME like the NARCASITE.
Calling all his friends and leaving angry voice messages.
I regretted at first.
But then remembered that were enablers and I don't care they don't want me around.
Because I don't want to be around them EITHER.
I now feel relieved.
I'm now doing my best to get help with the drinking.
And HEAL
I never want to be like him or be a DRUNK.
I’m at the end of a 34 year marriage with the most covert narcissistic man I’ve ever seen. I was parented by narcissistic people two sisters and I’m so angry at myself!! I can’t move right now because he’s made sure I can’t. I’m grey rocking but I’m terrified
my therapist is on maternity leave so every time i "miss" him i just sigh and pull up one of your videos to talk some sense into me haha. two weeks no contact wohoo! this is the third time i broke up with him so looks like third time is the charm🤡
Make some big plans for the future. Plan a trip with a friend or to do a class etc. it will be easier to move on if you can dee a great future without the narcissistic
He told me he was damaged. I should have listened to him. You cant save someone unless they save themself. Yes i was thrown into the matrix. I became a person i shouldnt have been through stress and exhaustion like you said. I gave up in the end and now i am mentally fit enough to study full time. I have only one wish and that is for him to get help.
yes damaged and mentally disabled person cannot love another or even himself. So I know they have the saddest life. We are not rescuing them or anyone, as they have to feel that they want to be better first by themselves. I had conversation about this with someone recently and I heard that there was a doctor who was great at treating mental disorders but even this doctor shut patients off if they did not want to get better. So there is my answer too! I have no interest in helping anyone unless they want help.
Hard to admit that you are falling from a person whom for years of being together one day you open your eyes and find out all the red flags of a narcissist behaviour is within this person . It’s shocking and mind blowing . Everyone is talking about escaping .
I've been following Richard for years. And ever since I started following Richard's work, I've been able to untangle my life from all the abusive lies that have been binding me. Nowadays I have much less abusive situations and abusive people in my life, let's say the amount of abuse in my life has reduced into 5% of what it was 5 years ago.
I’ve done that a lot of times, Richard; trying to offer the narcissist and opportunity to get better. It never works and they always try to use it against you by pretending that they’re working on themselves.
For 17 years…..absolute crazy making. The rage, the accusations, the not remembering anything. I’ve said for years there is something wrong with him…. I wish I’d known this sooner.
At last, I was able to leave and discard my narcissistic husband after 28 years of bondage and abusive relationship after I got out from this bad relationship, it is like waking up from a worst nightmare and you wake up into reality, realizing everything.😅
What you said about the spider eggs flying in and hatching is spot on. Today I accidentally got baited into a convo with a group of narcs, they baited me in by complimenting my hair and asking questions. I went home regretting letting them bait me in bc they were so nasty and horrid. Lesson learned. Say thank you and walk away.
"I feel bruised" oh my gosh, that is it! You hit the nail on the head.
"Looking for clues...trying to fight for reality..." that slapped me in the face.
Finally broke the chains of a narcissistic girlfriend. Im so happy that i started looking into more info. Now i see how bad i had it, i almost felt like i was going crazy with all the craziness she brought. Im hurt but better days will come.
This came at the right time. You're completely spot on. Finally realized I was dealing with a black belt narcissist. Beginning stages of removing them from my life. Luckily they are very transparent so no one that matters believes anything they say.
Wishing you the best!
Sounds like the narc was too stupid to even be narc. Sorry you had the horrific experience of encounter such demon. They are sheer evil 😢
You are very expert in your knowledge of the narcissist. The spider eggs are lethal. What vile humans.
_"I've had a recent experience and I only in the last couple of days woke up to exactly what this person was doing..."_ ... Wow. Mad respect for being so open with us.
Same! 22 yrs, got a clue the last 6 months! I'm over it! He can kiss it! I've got this,and he's out, just doesn't know it yet lol but he will!
People treat us the way we allow them to and if we have low self worth self concept and little or no boundaries we invariably allow the Narcissist to treat us however they want to.. Accountability is in realizing how we are giving away our power energy and very sanity. Yes there are victims but there are also survivors.. victims refuse their own accountability actions/inactions in perpetuating this toxic dynamic/relationship.. survivors educate themselves hold themselves accountable for their own actions and decisions work on healing and breaking the toxic cycle by leaving
I have a deeply narcissistic sister 18 months younger. I'm 64 now. In November 2013, at age 55, I was at her house. Long story short, her behavior was so awful, something inside me snapped. I'd had this behavior for decades. I abruptly left the occasion and made up my mind I was done. I started researching the net and figured it out: she's a narcissist. I was like Saul on the road to Damascus. The light of understanding finally turned on. Now I listen to Grannons videos. He has said things which I've said to a friend verbatim. I just nce told a friend, my sister has no horizontal relationships, only vertical. You can't believe how fun it was for me to hear Richard Grannon say the exact same thing.
Thank you. This is difficult to hear, but after 38 years, it helps. It's all switched up here, though. I need him to leave my house.
Omg the truth, you’re so amazing…
… the story i have is soooo long, like many others over a year long affair the lies the gaslighting to me and our toddler , the fake trips , the fake work itineraries the gas lighting constantly. He even lives with the 3rd party but text me 2 weeks ago saying “please take the dog I’m done, i would have a been a great dad, blah blah”,, the next day i said “are you ok?” and he said “
I”’m fine i was in a mood” … !!!
the pain and hovering and breadcrumbing is insane. He was my best friend for 10 years. He surprised me with a “house” would send 100 red roses to my work and then ripped the carpet and my life from under me and now looks at me like I’m a piece of shit on the ground… he and the other woman laugh at me .. he will do it to her too
Yes, I’m a piece of shit too to ex narc husband… who the hell do they think they are???
No contact is so hard ... but contact is harder !!! LITERALLY 😢💔
The way I stay strong is knowing ...KNOWING... he will only use contact to hurt me and as viciously as he can think to ... there is no closure or justice... just escape .
The trauma in my body from narcissistic family abuse gave me a hypertensive crisis (life threatening high blood pressure) and now stage 4 metastatic cancer... among many many other physical health & mental health problems. The body truly *does* keep the score. These toxic family members ostracized & shunned me for over a decade. Basically left me for dead. When I was diagnosed they all flew back in! Pretending to want to “help” me. 😈😈😈
Oh my goodness 😢 I am so sorry to hear that. I am 45 & just finally went No Contact with my family last summer. It is hard enough in this world, without not having a family for emotional support. I feel so alone, especially on holidays. Just letting you know you are not alone in your struggles & pain…. 🙏🙏
No contact with either of my parents for over 10 years. Hit em where it hurts
I got cancer from the relationship. All the years of suffering heartbreak, and stress took its toll.
I’m the same way. Diagnosed with high blood pressure at 17. Doctors ran every test they could to try to figure out why and nothing would explain it. Fast forward a couple of years and I’m just now learning that my mother is a terrible vulnerable narcissist and I was living with my nervous system constantly engaged drowning in cortisol. Also suffer with addiction to cope with the abuse. These people will kill you from the inside out
"The Body Keeps The Score" was written by Bessel Van der Kolk, not Peter E. Levine. 😉
Peter E. Levine wrote "Awakening The Tiger" and developped Somatic Experiencing (SE)
Therapy is a fast track to a new lease on life.
I literally had just gotten out of my worst experience with a true energy vampire narcissist. Then another man came along a started to court me heavy. like Heavy heavy, we are exclusive on the first date heavy..... He filled me up with everything he felt he studies about me and for a good two months it worked. But I believe in the saying. When people show you who they are believe them , right! So the moment I realized that he was only seeing me as a gate way towards his success while telling me that it's all about me. I RANNNNN AND NEVER LOOK BACK. and it only took me one wake up call. I listened and learned Fast. and the more I listen to videos like this and study them...I am picking up on all their tactics... I swear I go back to some videos astonished at the accuracy.
4. This is beyond true.. and so creepy that you can call this. I thought it was a secret thing I was doing; being kind as an example in the face of whatever meanness he was dishing out.. but I didn't know that anyone could be that mean - anyone that I would let get close to me. I used to think that there must be a human being in there, if I just stay calm and don't give in to the aggression, he will see/hear me eventually. He just saw my lack of aggression as weakness, and got worse towards me.
I went through everything you described . There was nothing you said I didn’t experienced with my boyfriend . 7 years of my life . While we were together I travelled for work a lot . Everytime I went away for few weeks my reality was coming back to me. With him I was Alice in wonderland . All these terrible incidents that happened to him, non stop begging for help , putting me down , telling me I was crazy. Everyday in his presence was a struggle . And lies , lies and more lies . As you said I didn’t exist to him.
I literally was going mad . I developed digestive issues, terrible heartburn . One day I woke up and saw half of my hair was left on my pillow . But even then I kept staying with him . I stopped physical fitness and gained 35lb always being thin and I fitness lover .
I am still in recovering process . Back in gym with personal trainer . Slowly but surely getting my life back . Thank you again so much !
Amen: The consistent GasLighting is brain damaging, Literally. I am in trauma counselling and it is daibolacal who I had to become to stay in it. Reason would say if you leave and you will be OK, that is not always the case. But on the Topic of what is funny.... I got to get away, those who are have NPD have to live in their skin FOREVER. So, the best revenge is Leave, you get better, with age (hopefully), sadly, they get worse.
That is enough for me. Thank God for the beautiful Strength that self empathy gives, and the courage it takes to leave. I found I am smarter than I had been told, Stronger, than I ever knew, and am becoming better daily.
If anything, everything YOU've gone through really helps those who have been there!!
Don't be so hard on yourself Richard for being such an kind person!!!
Please keep on going helping us to NOT go back for closure!
Sending you Wisdom and Love!
That's true 💯 Dear Richard, thank you! With this video, I finally got My closure.
'Bruised' What a great word for the mess we come out as. Someone said I looked shell shocked one day & they didn't know what had happened
Ive had a confession then gas lighted saying it never happened 😂 omg please god give me strength to forgive myself for allowing a lunatic stay in my life for sooò long😮🙏🙈❤
Me 22yrs!!!
Being a detective is so true, I am constantly trying to find clues and connecting the dots to know I am not insane.
You're killing me! You ARE "the expert"! "Yes, i was there when you told this person what would hurt you the most".
Richard- I LOVE LOVE LOVE the way you communicate this very difficult material. Your humor makes a painful subject easier to digest. You are always spot on. Thanks for all you do. I feel validated after listening to you
Ditto!
I agree! His videos are one of my favorites on this topic. I never thought I could find videos that spoke so much of the truth. It made me so encouraged that I don't believe the narcissist is the only and best who I can count on...what a disastrous thinking I had. As you open up, you find way more decent people and people who you are more aligned with other than the narc!
Sir, I would absolutely love to see you do a video on the CHRISTIAN NARCISSIST. 🙏
Lying mouth noises 😂 so very accurate 💯👏🏾
I'm recovering from narcisstic abuse...it is very very hard going but the past few days I've felt like I want to laugh out loud at how ridiculous it all was..how ridiculous the narc was. The games...the manipulation...the set up...the devaluing...the blame...more games...it just went round and round. Thank you for sharing all your knowledge. 😊🙏🪷
I love your quirky sarcasm out of the blue plus your intelligence.
It wasn’t funny 16 years ago when I got out of the relationship but it’s good to be able to laugh now. Sometimes those horrible 14 years I was with the narcissist seems just like a horrible nightmare…
The thing is that i saw the red flag first time and i believed (understood) but i had not enough strength to leave that person or to be alone. I had to grow and strengthen myself in order to leave that person. It happens when you have your parents narcissist. You don't know anything emotionally you to grow your self emotionally starting from a child to your current age. And it takes immense amount of inner work. Its like breaking your self and then arranging in correct order.
Do Narcissistic want you to be with other people? I say that bc my 12yr relationship she cheated on me. Multiple times over the years. She was under the impression I cheated back. Which in a sick way made her want me. I finally came clean and told her I NEVER cheated on you ever. And she’s been distance ever since
What an opening. I am so thankful to have other traumatized people in my life who can laugh with me about how horrible some things are. It really is a blessing.
I love that you have said it's not a merit badge!!!!! We are expected to tolerate so much bad behaviour nowadays.
You are right Richard. When I learned I had the right to say no, and when I implemented it I healed up a great deal. Growing up I was never taught that I could say anything remotely like NO.
That is a quote by.. someone 😂 OMG, I f*cking love this guy. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all that you share ❤❤❤
My husband was married to a NPD who used him up and left him a shell of his former self. Turned his children against him and continues to play her vile games all these years later. We have set firm boundaries with her and it has made her crazy. Or crazier than she already was. These are very destructive chameleons. These videos have help me so much begin to understand the sick idealism my husband showed for years towards her despite her vicious ways. Thank you for this enlightenment.
I'm so sorry 😢 the are the most evil people walking on this planet 😢😢😢
He acts like I don't exist after 45 years of being married now he has gone off with his new supply. His look goes straight through me and there is nothing behind his eyes.
Priceless. “I’m so glad I’m an expert.” 😂 Best laugh I’ve had in weeks. Thank you for sharing exactly what this shakedown is all about, and the felt reality. Major hope is rising.
18:39min !! 100% ONE HUNDRED PERCENT!!
This is gold 19:19 (you pick up their stuff!)
And it is LUNACY! And trying to plead for closure - it will not help! Trust me! Yes any contact with them will just allow them to hurt you again. They will NEVER take full accountability! Don’t be fooled. Been there and done that !
Omg! You are so right! So glad I found this. It is absolutely craziness. Over two years on a rollercoaster.
Invite a lunatic into your living room, that was perfect! This helped me so much. ❤
I remember one particular line he said not long after I met him. He said‘I’m damaged’
Naturally I wanted to know why he felt that way and therefore continued to ‘try’ to make things better, and easier for him! Not me..him!
I should have believed him.
The damage is deflected onto you. Yes my soul is badly bruised.
You make so much sense in this matter. Thank you
He told me he’s an alcoholic, selfish, and doesn’t need anyone. He’s just fine all by himself. I documented each of these confession in my head and my gut, then I said to him “I bless you with love and release you. You’re free and I’m free.” ❤
I wish I had got this info and advice 35 years ago. My kids and I have endured so much abuse, and I feel guilty about keeping them in the situation while I tried to fix it. 😢
ALL my Pennie’s literally dropped! I’m virtually broke!! My mental lights are switched on! THANK YOU @richardgrannon I cracked a laugh after months of crying, mourning, grieving after years of NPD abuse! First subject expert that I’ve listened to where I don’t feel clinically spoken to! Keep being yourself 🙏
Took me 6 months and 2 operations to get fixed after 18 months with one of those. Lunacy is a very good word for him. Just seen his profile on an online dating site and want to scream to warn other women but for him I feel nothing. I’m so glad I’m out of this fantasy.
The problem with Malignant Narcissists is people apply normal parameters of behaviour to these people thinking that they involved with someone who can be responsible. False they are Evil monsters of the worst type, who can only destroy , you are their target they project all their hate on to you.
Love you Richard! 😂❤
You described a narcissist no other than a Demon in disguise. My ex narc had a car rego that ended with 666!
OMG❤
“Expect lunacy”!!! This whole video has been refreshingly honest and is bringing much needed clarity! Thank you for not sugar coating this personality disorder!
I wish I’d known this before . When someone shows you who there are then believe them. I have learnt the the hard way. I was in a horrible narcissistic relationship where eventually I was physically hurt, although the emotional abuse , gaslighting and smear campaign was so much worse. I’ve gone no contact but I still feel stupid and completely done in but I wasn’t aware of this disorder at the time . This relationship has totally destroyed me and I’m struggling and I don’t know where to go for help. I feel like no one understands this sort of abuse.
I am letting you know majority of the Global stage has no idea. Certain laws passed down are literally Made to protect the narcissistic. We breathe it, consume it, see it, bad taste in one’s mouth just str8 rag doll
You said it very clearly, thank you Richard for helping me get it. It took very long for me to accept the truth about my ex. The loving part of him made me believe he was wonderful and really cared for me. But the "bully" in him was so nasty and remorseless that I finally got out of his direkt power. Now I'm trying to heal but sometimes still grieving and doubting about my part and if I co- narzissistic bin!
Go on Richard!!! Calling out the BS of 'shaming' language. The world has gone mad with this bo**ocks - refreshing to hear the truth delivered in a just cant argue with it way! 👊x
Indeed and I swear if I hear 'Cosmo' psychology on
Co dependenctly, trauma bonding, love language and such ....I will explode!!! It's all quite the "in thing" and it's utterly hideous to see such fashion. It's also demeaning, gentryfying and normalising the very real darkness nPD brings to the world... urgh.
Some things need to be spoken about in blunt, honest language!
@@Thingsgottogetbetter NPD is as bad as Psychopathy in my opinion. These people destroy people and society. Not a joke
I’ve just found Richard and boy am I learning so much!
I’m going to listen to this video at least two more times. Only those who have felt “it” know it’s depth. If I can envision the “badass” it will take to emerge from “it”…I’m gaining ground, slowly…so very slowly.
Great job! Very moving.
Definitely. Everyone could listen to it, but without the direct experience it's like a color blind person listening about colors. It takes suffering to actually believe that it is exactly as described.
@@luciderr EXACTLY. For those who have not experienced this, they cannot relate AT ALL.
I really like the "venomous spider eggs" in your brain description..!
PERFECT that's
EXACTLY what it feels like!! They ARE Spiders!!🕸🕷
SO PRECISELY ACCURATE!!
Grey Rock...🪨
I had severe anxiety, especially with my curent gf. Then I started listening to stoicism and other philosophy quotes regarding life and regulating your mind in troubled times. Stoicism quotes from Marcus Aurelius and the other man i forget his name have really helped live in the present and stop the ruminating going on.
That's tomporary , i remember being in your place no stoicism will rescue you when she becomes one perse in the end only running away will help you
@@meriemmimi104 i totally agree you need to run away, im just saying in the moment for those going through severe anxiety and rumination, thats what has helped me
@@notayoutuber09 big hug from Holland. You are good and save now. karin. 👍✌💜🌼🎈 Love your comment.
I recently discovered Stoicism and find it very valuable. Yes it can help you as part of a coping mechanism. But unfortunately narcissistic relationships have nowhere to go but down, and you cannot alter the trajectory. I applied stoic philosophy and newly found knowledge of attachment styles to a narcissistic relationship before I knew it was narcissistic, but if I found a way of reducing anxiety and copdependence she would work to find new ways to counteract them. For example I was getting so anxious about how she would read my messages but not respond for many hours at a time. She would try to make excuses for this and I was always torn between wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt, and calling her out on her lies. I decided to turn off read receipts on my phone, and she even noticed and questioned why I did this and I told her it was to save me from my anxious mind. She reduced communication a lot after this and stopped answering her phone and pretending that she was always too busy.
Definitely keep up with the stoic philosophy, especially if you have always been, or have developed 'rejection sensitivity'. I think it was Marcus Aurelius who talked about how it's not the insult that hurts us but our interpretation that hurts, which is so true. I would get really affected by close friends and family when they criticised me for "always' doing this or that. But now when I hear an 'always' statement I impersonate Michael Parkinson and politely ask them to list the times when I "always did...........". Maybe they'd get 1 time, but I'd ask for another and another and watch their petit argument crumble before asking them in a slightly condescending tone if they thought 1 or 2 was the same as 'always'.
I confronted him in his lies about another woman he was seeing while living with me. He became so enraged that he pulled me out of my bed and kicked me off my feet onto my face. The scar on my chin I will carry forever. So glad to find your work.