Top 3 Ways Tough Guys DESTROY Their Families
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- Опубліковано 6 вер 2024
- I've seen too many tough, alpha-male, gun guys lose their families while not really having a clue what they were doing wrong. I've seen it in the military, with law enforcement, with contractors, and firemen. Certainly I don't think it's all their fault in most cases, however, there are sure fire ways to avoid losing your wife and kids. This video enumerates 3 ways tough guys destroy their families. May be some good Father's Day advice to pass along...
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What kind of man admits this stuff. A brave one who wants to stay married.
I would title this video, "How To Be a REAL Man." For God created us to be both physically strong and intellectually stimulating, with a heart for our wife and love for our kids. Somewhere along the way, however, we've bought into the lie that these character traits are mutually exclusive, but they are not. Indeed, if you want to become a REAL man, you must learn to be a multi-faceted gentleman.
AMEN!
TheFew TheProud
Yes, a gentleman, a listener, with a propensity for controlled violence. Brett McKay did a piece on this a few years ago.
He's got a good wife. He'd be a FOOL to screw it up!
OMG!!, who would use a pic of a chubby Leslie Neilson as their UA-cam picture?!?! [[#tomolofsson]]
"Too much warrior and not enough poet." I like that.
MyzticFriend that's why Mattis is the warrior monk lol
Powerfully said.
MyzticFriend Another one.
Monks are unmarried, by definition.
I going to remember that I don't think any one ever consider me a tough guy
When I went into law enforcement a great mentor told me "take your hat off when you get home" your family isn't the enemy or John Q. Public. When your home, be at home. Listen more than you speak and never leave angry. You don't always have to be right or win at all cost. I can't say I have always followed his advice. But I try. This video reminded me to try harder. Thanks brother. God Bless.
Wisdom!
I like that. Thanks for sharing
Yeah don't go work angry.... Heaven forbid the worst happens while you're at work, and the last number in your family has is being an argument with you.
Beautiful, you’re so right.
That guy in the back didn't listen to a word you said, he's stoic as hell!
+Audemosha I punched him for his apathy
he's got good fashion sense, however.
+Adam M good points all around
seriously, that guy is a dummy.
KrazyWorldWars I dare say his brain has turned into gel...
A few things have kept my marriage solid, even thriving, after 10 years:
- Love God more than my wife, He'll keep me accountable to becoming a solid man and husband.
- Love my wife more than my kids, nothing is better for your kids than a healthy marriage.
- Never keep track of things. A 50/50 is a lie. Sometimes she needs 90% out of me, sometime I need more from her. Live to out-serve each other.
Recommended viewing/reading: Andy Stanley's "Staying in Love"
+David MN AMAZING advice. Awesome
Love that book. Extreme truth all Christians need to know and understand. Love God above all else. He, His Spirit and His Word will teach us everything we need to know.
children over a wife! children are defenseless!
Cheat on your wife with God.
"Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her... Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."
"We run a greater chance of sabotaging our relationships than we do of having 100 ninjas invade our house." 😂😂😂
Awesome job speaking truth, John.
Great line.
Good stuff
Yeah that one had me laughing but it's also true to how I'm often thinking. I can mentally prepare for a dangerous event that is highly unlikely to occur and miss out on engaging in relationships. Good stuff!
"Once in a while you just need to Duke it out". The important part here is to FIGHT FAIR. We need to remember that just like you can't recall a bullet, words once spoken can never be unspoken.
And to "keep the focus" on whats important, not allowing yourselves to get sidetracked into bickering, blaming, and reflexively saying and doing things intended to hurt the other.
Rather than blame, seek to understand the motivation / reasoning behind the situation. ie, your talking about budgeting and don't like that he / she spent $5 a day on coffee. Why, perhaps the person is too busy in the morning and doesn't have time to make a second cup of coffee and there might be one small task you could take over to allow that second cup to be made at home.
If the other is flirting with someone, you have two questions here - why does it bother you / what does it mean to you? AND What does it mean to him / her? as well as if there are needs that arent being met in the relationship and if things can be shifted or changed so those needs are being met inside the relationship.
Do your best to communicate when things are only an irritant, don't wait till they blow up before addressing them. Its much easier when its only an irritant than waiting for it to develop into a full blown issue.
I think it was Zig Ziglar who said that when you argue you have to remember you're on the same team.
No one ever won a fair fight. If you are going to fight, fight with logic and facts on your side, it confuses the hell out of them.
This is just one of the many reasons I respect you. You are not just another gun guy. I am a family man and this hits home for me. Thanks for sharing this content .
+Jess Wallace this is what it's all about! Thx bro
Wow... I have a tendency to be distant with my wife and when you said to "call it what it is" as weakness that struck home. I appreciate it. It hurt but thanks. I need to work through my "father issues"
great topic
great bait for people to check out your page 😗
I dare say the only people Mrgunsngear would attract are trolls surfing the comments section.... not exactly good for clicks or likes or views... He is very active among the YT gun community and supports many channels.. please quit trying to be divisive.
Kmurray9244 Agreed. I love how involved he is and I'm happy to see he's watching John's vids as well. These two are two of my favorite YT channels.
Desertgunguy....You have one subscriber to your channel and thats probably your mom.MrGnGear sent me to subscribe to warrior poets page and i am very grateful he did. You need to grow up Nancy boy
Love seeing my favorite channels commenting on each other's threads, would really love to see more collabo videos!
Elizabeth Elliot, wife of martyred missionary Jim Elliot, said it best: “A man must at times be hard as nails: willing to face up to the truth about himself, and about the woman he loves, refusing compromise when compromise is wrong. But he must also be tender. No weapon will breach the armor of a woman's resentment like tenderness.”
Mmm
I read this quote years ago and never forgot it.
Married 33 years with a type "A" personality can be challenging. We need to switch gears around our family and friends. I'm ready because I love my family.
Bodyguard 56 Wow 33 years. Not easy and not common any more. I think "I'm ready..." is one of the bravest things I've read on here. God speed my friend.
I listened to this while sitting outside with her. She said that man is smart and that I need to hang out with you. That I could learn a thing or to that most of what you said is spot in with me. So it looks like I'm saving up for a guys training weekend.
+Drew Ramsey always down for new friends! But know I'm failing forward like everyone else
I'm always down for new friends as well. I have been a work in progress the past couple of years. I was looking at taking one of your classes here soon. My wife is currently stationed at Ft. Gordon in Augusta. Anyways I enjoy the videos, some have hit home with me.
You should! Training with John is much more than just learning how to run your gun. He's an incredibly talented teacher (obviously) but he's also intelligent and wise. He'll challenge your mind and ethics as much as your skill.
That's what I like is to be challenged. I hope I can get down there before order get dropped for my family to move.
Me too! To call that man an 'instructor' is an insult, the best I can do is 'sensei'.
My wife and I have been married 39 years. And many times I have let my strengths and toughness, take the focus off my weaknesses. We can all benefit, if we drop our ego, and pride, and work more on our weak points. Awesome video. May God bless our families! Thanks John
My wife is my balance. I now find myself the most vulnerable I've ever been. Using a walker and wheelchair on a regular basis at 40, i lost all my confidence. It hurts me the most to know I hurt her in some way during some argument in which you forget about why it even happened 5 minutes into having it. Going from warrior/ family leader, to sick and frustrated can rip a family apart. I had to learn how to let her take charge and believe me it was tough. In the end, the little things and the petty bickering isn't worth the time your stealing from building a stronger relationship and making good memories.
This happened to me. Twice. I am amazed on how right you are. I hope many of your viewers take this video to heart. It may likely save their marriage. Thank you.
Right on, John! Even if you aren't walking the walk perfectly it doesn't take away from the truth or our need to hear it. Humility is good, as is persistence.
Great advice. I became so focused on taking care of my Family. College savings, vacations, extracurricular school stuff. I didn't even realize how important it was for me to be home instead of working. I thought the college savings plan wouldn't get interrupted if I stayed at work while my Family went on vacation. I viewed myself as something to be sacrificed while I provided pleasure and comfort for them. That is what I thought Love was. Good thinking right?! Well not so much. Now I'm sitting home by myself after 28 years of dedication to my wife and Kids. Lots of time to think of what I should've done, but only now it no longer matters.
tough guys do not have to act tough. men who are emotionally weak act like tough guys.
david wagner very true.
@Will iam Wells said Will iam
But hes talkin to the real ones
Great content . I grew up a dependent in the SOF community. My parents are one of the few I know still married. It takes a lot to stay together . I grew up around those huge egos and watched them take down a bunch of families . Stay humble, love your families.
This hit me with a tonne of bricks. Recently separated after 10 years, two kids. Great advice for new couples, and should be mandatory for sheepdogs before getting married.
How would you enforce that mandatory rule
Well, THAT hit painfully close to home. Painfully. Thanks for making me think about this John, it's going in my favorites so I can use it as a reminder from time to time.
+Larry Diehl I'm with you bro. Thanks
Man! Knocked it out of the park here brother! Great, GREAT message that I know so many men out there really need to hear. There are so many tough guys that are just emotionally crippled. Truly outstanding content here John! Hats off and a big salute to you my friend for being a big enough man to know the difference between strength and weakness regarding a man being vulnerable and or doing the things he should do for his family from an emotional standpoint! Just brilliant! 👏👏👏👏👏👊
John, I lost 2 wife's to the stresses of the military before I realized I might have something to do with it. Thankfully I changed and have been married to my current wife for 28 years now.
My 2 pieces of advice. 1. think of relationships like flowers, you have to water and fertilize them or they will die. 2. People (not just wife's) need sincere strokes and some more than others.
You people sound weak. No wo dwe your wives left you... weak
Really!? You got thumbs down for this. Unbelievable. Well I will apologize for those people. Good on you sir. Keep up the good fight.
"Train hard, train smart. Love your families." -- thank you for the message.
Well said sir! This is the reason I respect you and one of the reasons why I follow your channel, thinking outside the box, humble, Christian!
Wow....Awesome, Great job !!! Family is number one. Happy Family equals happy life. Easy life? ..no, but truly happy? YES
I went into this video thinking it wasn't about me, but it did hit close to home. Thanks John, even 5 years after upload.
Spot on John! The curse of the alpha male is rampant in the business world too.
+gearsmithy definitely. I should have brought that in. It's just a different battlefield
I can't tell you how many marriages I've seen collapse under the weight of a man's own ambition. It's sad and sobering but none of us are above that.
Humble, bold. This shows a man who's not perfect, one who's made a ton of mistakes, but one who is whole and keeps loving.
Just under 5 minutes of unadulterated TRUTH. Thanks John!
Marriage is a journey of Love and Humility.
Keep up the good work my friends.
This channel just continues to impress! I TOTALLY agree about tough guys.
My dad didn't utter the words "I love you" to me until I was in my 20s, and my parents were divorced since I was a toddler, so I never heard him say it to my mom. It was actually funny because it was so formal and serious when he actually said it! I learned to tell my kids that I love them everyday, and my wife as well. Learned through many trials that, although my wife respects my authority, she is not my servant or secretary. She learned that I am not some silent partner or passive investor. We both learned that without God at the center of our marriage, we would not survive. 12 years of marriage later, we love each other more than ever.
This describes my dad 100%. I learned from his mistakes and his triumphs and I thank him for making me a better man.
Reminds me of two quotes: "I have often regretted my speech, but never my silence" and "The wounds of love can only be healed by the one that made them"
I love this. I just texted my wife telling her I lover and cherish her. I am stuck at work lol.
Thanks John
This will save many marriages now and in the future, thanks for your service and for always putting out great videos John.
#1 I'm afraid, just killed my relationship yesterday morning. It's like the Marine Corps crushed my soul and I can't seem to show what I actually feel.
John, man where were you when my marriage came crashing down, I so couldve use you insight, humor and knowledge. Thank you for your channel.
Very well said John!
It takes man with a strong mind to have a kind heart and show it!
Thank you man, I'm in tears. Everything resonated so much with me. This is a video that I need to replay every 3 months or so.
I sit here at my father’s house having just buried him Sunday and I marvel at the legacy that he has left for his son’s and grandsons. He was a man of God who left a legacy of love. He took the time to tell you that he loved you by words and action. That strength is what is carrying his wife of 51 years and his two grown sons through this. It gives us the strength to hold our sons and tell them that they are most precious and wonderful.
We are ready to stand between them and any threat, but our greatest calling is to instill the love of God and family in them.
May peace and joy be with each of you this Christmas.
Suffered from this tough guy syndrome through my early life. I came from a family of murderers, convicts and all around badass men and I am so happy that I realized my faults early on in both marriage and as a father. My life is more fulfilling since I can put away the stoic face and smile, laugh and see the world around me without all the non-stop tough guy mugging. You're a good man John, God Bless you and yours.
My wife has a saying " he is an asshole but it comes from a good place"
I am who I am, she accepts it as I do accept her with flaws and the fantastic things.
Loved ones must have compassion. Giving themselves over to understanding. Hate promotes strife. Abuse in all forms erodes a family unit.
dealing with the ones we love and would die for but they know our pressure points and know how to push them just shows us how much they love us and know us they keep you on your toes
"Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength." ~St. Francis of Assisi.
After 35 years and one divorce and several failed relationships I 100% agree with you. We as warriors are so busy fighting we cannot appreciate the peace of our loving family. Your advice is golden and will be shared.
This is the best channel I have ever seen. Thank you, John.
I think its really great that you called people out for being too weak. I know for me I feel very strongly and deeply about many things and so that I can maintain control I just keep it hidden and brush things off all the time. It is my inability to deal with my own emotions that causes me to be apathetic and I'd bet good money I'm not the only one.
Great video. Thanks for this. I think that it is critical that we understand that emotional distance actually makes us less effective in the protector role. The degree to which we cherish what we fight for is proportional to the degree of ferocity with which we will fight for it.
You mentioned vulnerability. It is pretty tough to be vulnerable when we are insecure, and we often mask our insecurities with all of the things you mentioned - being rugged, being tough, being distant, being analytical, etc. As counter-intuitive as it seems, vulnerability, judiciously exercised, is the way to overcome many of those insecurities. One of the things that I find so winsome about the Christian faith is that those who truly hold to it will allow me to be vulnerable because they understand that they share the same weaknesses - pride, arrogance, greed, lust, pettiness, etc. - that I do. It is one of life's greatest paradoxes that the only road to strength involves owning and exposing our weakness.
Any other "depiction of strength" is either a counterfeit or a psychopathology. Keep the good stuff coming, John. We need the balance that you espouse.
Jim Aldridge "The degree to which we cherish what we fight for is proportional..." Amen
Woo Woo Woo! That is right Mr. Warrior Poet! Take over your home and you will have the time to take over the world. I've been happily and unhappily and then happily married for over 23 years and the love of God, family and that extra Wooing keeps up happy and in love! Thanks for being honest and sharing about your fight. It happens!🙏🏼
4:12 Awesome advice and reality check...!!!
Men want to fix things. I had to learn to tell my husband when I just needed him to listen and when I needed his help to figure something out.
Well said, stability, empathy, and love are qualities of a real tough guy. Thanks for your wise words.
Great topic. My father had a hard time showing affection and it's something I've always struggled with, as well.
killing people is the peeler of affection, tenderness. just the truth
Good Job John. The people we protect, serve and care about really need to know that we care. If they don't know, if we're not letting them know, then we will lose them. It's as simple as that.
Real talk John, thanks for reminding us about what's truly important.
I love this this guy. Die hard tactical enthusiasts often do lack common balance in relationships and marriages. For him to tap into this kind of dialogue really speaks volumes about his character and what he's trying to accomplish here. Great job brother!!! We're listening.
Absolutely nailed it John! Thank you for having the courage to call it what it is, weakness!
Incredible video! I am so glad you covered this topic. Far too many of us in the gun community attach our identity to weapons and conflict. It's great to hear someone remind us that we should be much more than that.
Thank you!
It takes much courage to admit faults in front of the whole world. May we all strive to be more like this.
John I have a tremendous amount of respect for you. I appreciate your dedication and compassion to your family, and the message you send to all of the delta force operators who watch your channel and even dudes as myself non veteran just average Joe guys who has a warrior mindset and believes in protecting life. So grateful for this channel. It's like a breathe of fresh air. I feel like your videos are you genuinely and not a tough guy persona you put on. Keep up the great work wishing you and your family many blessings.
This right here is why I subscribed to WPSN. It takes a fearless leader to admit his own fault. God bless you John, and never stop growing.
This is why I love this channel, it's a mix of weapons and philosophy, giving a more rounded, more complete view of people and social ideals.
The toughest men I've ever know also had big hearts and that was, in my opinion, something that made them seem even more tough to me. This was a great video and i think John is 100% right. Words are never enough when it comes to the ones you love. They need to feel it. I know because I've been that quiet, emotionally stoic guy in many relationships (especially family).
You can either be right or be loved. If you're always right, they always have to be wrong.. and no one wants to be wrong all the time.
So well said. I spent to long being that guy. Lost it all. On my way back now and what you say is 100%. Respect
Very well said and so very true. Too many tough guys don't know when to shut it off. The REAL TOUGH GUYS are the ones who are soft and vulnerable with their women and children.
Sadly, after many years, I too have come to this. This is a case where in an effort to win all the little battles in a marriage you could lose the war. Step back, reflect, and remember nobody likes a know it all. Be strong enough to concede some ground. Its true what they say.....a happy wife is a happy life. Thanks for sharing!
Great stuff... a relative was once touting how open minded he was, but I later realized that he had no strong conviction in anything important!
Best advice I ever got: "Never fight over anything that isn't worth leaving the relationship over".
Appreciate your transparency and willingness to be vulnerable. Rare traits of a man these days.
I would like to say that I am with my wife for 26 yrs ( I married my high school girlfriend) and I have made my self look like a BIG ASS in those 26 yrs and almost lost her because of my tough guy ways or just not listening to reasons. So in closing I learned to tone down and pay attention to her so we can become one. So to you John, we wont learn what it take to be man until we take our last breathe and only then will we be able to say we made it. Hanging in there it will only get better. God Bless
I really appreciate the fact that you can admit that you make the same mistakes that a lot of us make. A lot of guys look to you for motivation to be a better man.
(From a 58 year old Baptist Pastor).... Outstanding advice, thank you for being man enough to be real and transparent... that is extremely rare today. July will be 39 years for my wife and I.... I met her when she was 13 and I was 15... married at 17 and 19! I not only love my wife... I cherish her.
This was much-needed, thanks sir.
John,
Thank you for this word, this morning. Needed this more than you realize. Peace be with you.
John 16:33
This knowledge that you have bestowed upon us will reach the ears of many.
Wow! Sums up the last 23 years of who I thought I was, to who I know I need to be! Very insightful and profound, it is easy to get caught up in high speed professions to be selfish and forget your family. I remind myself of this every day with my kids and wife, young warriors take note!!!!
Thank You John. This reminds me of my dad. A former Cop and Solider. He's a badass that's been there for emergencies, but the day to day stuff is...........harder. I dunno if I should send him this or not though. GOD bless you and yours dude!
Key word "Love" of ones family and love ones . Good stuff John 👍
Thanks for sharing tough guy! Your eyes say it all. God Bless you and yours
I wish I could have heard this about a year ago. I'm glad to have this knowledge going into a new relationship. Thanks.
Amen John! Well said! My Wife is my greatest Blessing from God, along with my Children. I make it a habit to remind them of that, and to say something positive about them everyday! A strong Man Values his Wife’s Opinion and perspectives. My Wife has saved me from random stupidly more times than I can count!
I have been a fan of your videos and advice for the past few months. This was the post that made me realize I had not hit the "subscribe" button. Great advice.
This is HANDS DOWN, one of, if not my Very Favorite Channel!!! John, your a TRUE ROLE MODEL for the everyday, AMERICAN PATRIOT MAN! Thank You and PLEASEEEEE keep it coming.
Speaking as a wife, I hope a few of the other wives are listening. Ladies, if your have a husband like one of these great guys, and you think he's too distant, remember that he has to be so he can protect the most cherished part of his life, you, his family. He can't do that if all he focuses on is you. He has to keep an eye out to see the real world, and be instantly ready to keep the wolves at bay.
So suck it up buttercup. Please stop thinking only of yourself. Remember that if he wasn't motivated by his deep love for you, he probably wouldn't feel the need to sacrifice, yes I said sacrifice, his lifestyle. He may even sacrifice his very life for you. It takes both of you to support and improve your marriage. Do your part.
Thank you 4 understanding
Wow.
I'd disagree. A lot of guys with a combat military background have PTSD and their emotional distance is due to not being able to manage their behaviour appropriately post combat. Many wives know this and it's fairly incurable and his 'emotional distance' has nothing to do with him focusing on the horizon for threats and everything to do with him not being able to keep his mind in one piece anymore.
Linda that's a woman who understands men. One in then thousand.
There is a line between being understanding and embracing dysfunction. Difficult to find, but worth looking for.
I love the trajectory you are on Brother. I often unpack this verse with the men’s ministry I lead: “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.”
1 Corinthians 16:13-14 ESV
From an old SWAT Dog, blessings and encouragement to stay the course.
Thank you for this. Could not have been said better. Even if we’re not “tough guys”, your words apply to all on the male side of the relationship. Well done.
I am guilty of all of these as well. I Just recently realized I need to stop being so emotionally distant. My wife has learned to see the signs of my episodes before I get too far gone (lol that thousand yard stare you mentioned). I should pay enough attention to her to know when it's time to pull her out of a funk so to speak. all of these, yes, but #1 especially.
John your ability to balance the Warrior with the Poet is why I subscribed to your channel. Thanks for your insight.
Thank you for sharing. One of my favorite videos yet brother. Our first ministry, our first mission it right in our homes with our families †††
I'm not a super expert gun training guy, but I can relate to everything you said and do all of these in one form or another to my wife and four children. I am increasing my firearms training but equally I see I need to open my heart and love my family, not just lead them and/or discipline them. so thank you for being man enough to say what needed to be said
Great job Warrior Poet....make wife mad, get on UA-cam and correct yourself in front of everyone and tell them what not to do! Love it! Every guy needs to hear this...not just the tough ones. 🤗
No tactics, no reviews, yet one of your best videos. Good job sir.
the strength to love, to humble one's self is perhaps the greatest test, at least in the heat of the moment. the way I was raised the true warrior will reflect honestly not just March forward without looking back or at what's before them. respect.
This is what separates WPS from the rest of the UA-cam pack. Dang, I could listen to this one every day. This, more than most of your videos inspires me to save for a training weekend.