My counselor told me “your trauma is not your fault but it is your responsibility now. It’s your responsibility to learn and grow in a healthy way now that you’re safe”. I loved that.
I love that, too. I studied (Master’s degree) and work in psychology and get a bit frustrated seeing _some_ people act like once they have a diagnosis, that’s it, that’s the rest of their life and they can excuse any behavior or unhelpful thinking pattern or treatment of others by referring to that diagnosis instead of working to take steps towards moving forward. A psych diagnosis explains how your past affected your present, it doesn’t always have to define the rest of your future.
@@brianna094responsibility isn’t fault, and while ofc kids are not to blame for shitty parenting, once those kids grow up they’re responsible for dealing with the ramifications of that trauma and how to move on. Diff things
@@brianna094 As an adult it is though. As long as I just accepted my problems nothing changed. As soon as I took responsibility and worked on it everything changed. That doesn't mean it's your fault what happened to you that just means it's your choice what to do with it now, suffer or be on your way to happiness.
The increased normalisation of mental health issues seemed to go hand in hand with theraputic language becoming common use words. Trigger is used in counselling all the time to discuss external causes of internal problems but is now synonomous with any sort of emotional reaction, and often used in a mocking way. Ironically it has actually become harder to express the difference between regular human experience and mental health problems
The problems that people with severe mental health issues have are often just more extreme iterations of what healthy people experience. There is no clear line in mental health. There’s a LOT of people in the area between healthy and institutionalized.
@@tonegoober I think I somewhat agree. But you also don't want the lines to blur between the most amd least severe. That leads to over and under reactions both in seeking support and in the provision of it.
When people make stupid jokes about trigger warnings, I remind them that those are for people with bad PTSD, like combat veterans, rape survivors, and families of suicide victims. That’s who they’re mocking when they make jokes like that.
@@evilsharkey8954any traumatic event can resurface when triggered. Saying those are the only things that traumatize someone is quite ignorant. Accidents, natural disasters, death, extreme situations, assault of any kind (robberies etc) and so on are all valid.
@@mrjagriff ah yes, people using tax money for something that it should be used for. Tax money should be going to providing necessary services. If you do not believe healthcare is a necessary service, you are both dumb and lucky enough to have never been seriously ill.
And on the flipside , people who are really traumatized playing it down as nothing serious " i get over this" nothing really worth , i have to be just strong enough alone.
@@nocoincidences6 I hope this is a joke I'm tired of people using the term real when they don't even have the ability to describe what they mean by real
As a practicing psychotherapist, I’m inclined to agree with him. That being said, another big issue is people who’re actually traumatized being too ashamed or frightened and *not* seeking professional help. Now *that’s* a big problem.
It's the pitiful look on people's faces when I tell them what's happened to me that makes me not want to tell them. Then they walk on eggshells hoping not to trigger any traumatic memories I've had. They act like I'm fragile, like I'm broken. They take personal responsibility for something that happened long before they existed in my life. All of these on top of victim blaming and people who don't believe what I've told them makes me not want to tell anyone at all. It makes us feel ashamed. I have my diagnosis, I see a therapist, I've done the trauma work, I've gotten better. I wish people would see me for who I am and not just see DV and SA when they look at me. I am not who I am despite my childhood abuse. I'm not broken. I'm not crazy. I'm not emotionally unstable. I'm not my past. I am intelligent. I am kind. I am passionate. I am loving. I am resilient. I am deserving of good. I am complete and whole. I am present. I am safe.
I believe the largest problem here is that someone who over reacts to normal, every day situations or events by calling it traumatizing will not know how to handle an actual traumatizing event in their life. They are essentially making themselves mentally and emotionally weak to future life experiences.
Violence and sexual abuse were apart of my life from infancy, so it was always normal to me. When I got older and discussed it, other people's big reactions scared me, more than the experiences. It was easier to not talk about it at all.
I'm not sure if that's better or worse than hearing, "we don't talk about that," " well, it's over now," "that's water under the bridge," and " You're just too sensitive."
i hate when people say “everyone has trauma.” they really don’t. most people can function normally and don’t know what it’s like to have a part of you trapped in the past and lose your identity to it. i also think we need to better distinguish between a rough upbringing and a traumatic childhood because they are not interchangeable
Same with "everybody has a difficult childhood!" and "everyone gets bullied in school!" Yeah, no. Not everyone has to live through being other people's punching bag or realise your parents don't believe in you.
I think people also don't always realise the distinction between experiencing a traumatic event, and BEING traumatised (as in C/PTSD). But I also do think that a lot more people experience CPTSD - from chronic moderate-level stress - than is realised. I understand PTSD on a biological level as being a significant and ongoing disruption to the autonomic nervous system (eg, being stuck in a freeze, or flight response...although that's very simplistic) that over time wreaks havoc with a person's health.
I agree. It's like, people want to spread their victimhood to everybody else who's been in a remotely similar situation because they don't want to feel alone in their specific response. People tend to believe that everybody else is just like them and don't believe you when you have a different reaction... they refuse to understand that we can experience the exact same things but, because not everybody is the same, walk away with it affecting us differently.
@@retrorenegade1967 im sorry that that is happening to you, it is important for people to take issues like this seriously. i do feel a little like videos like this only make the issue worse tho: if a therapist goes around saying that a lot of people don't know what they are talking about or that they are self diagnosing it, so they cant be taken seriously, then a lot of people who have no knowledge on the topic will believe the therapist and also see genuine victims as people looking for attention. i think the most important thing is that everyone gets taken seriously and gets the help and support they need, that way no one will go unseen, whether its big or small. its better to receive too much help, than receiving too little and go ignored. that way everyone who needs it, will get the support they want and need, and get respected for their struggles and traumas i really feel like the issue lays with people not listening and seeing people with struggles, writing people off who want help as just looking for attention. if everyone gets the help they need, there is no need for people to be ignored or judged whether they are real or not. and there wont be a need for people to selfdiagnose themselves because they have access to proper help and diagnosis
Yeah, it can be a real issue. I knew one woman who was called 'sensitive' during a gaming session (not innaccurate) characterise that as gaslighting. And I knew another woman I saw for a while, who does have significant mental health issues, go from 'these are my issues, you need to know why I react this way sometimes' to 'you must accommodate all of my reactions unquestioningly no matter how unreasonable.' It's a strange shift.
I get that, but I do think some people do need to pinpoint why they are the way they are. I am over people pleasing, and am afraid that people will leave me. Should I just buck up? Yes. But realizing that my friends at a young age literally abandoned me at a theme park helps me realize that I am secretly convinced people will just up and leave me all alone. I don’t need to blame them for why I am overly people pleasing, but I can tell myself that it wasn’t my fault that they left me. That I didn’t deserve it and can’t change that. Not just “suck it up, you’re too people pleasing.”
@rayesafan9628 oh I agree with that. After all, how can you take responsibility for something you don't even understand? I think taking the time to self reflect/evaluate is critically important to understand who you, and being able to correct the failures of your subconscious. Because your subconscious is like the government. Just because it notices a problem doesn't mean it has the right solution.
@jayzillawashere you can control how you feel most times. When you let little things make you have a nervous breakdown, the problem then is the way you react. Learn to react less. Ppl nowadays react to everything with feelings instead of using their minds to work through stuff
Yeah but this is normalized and probably has been forever. And not just with trauma. How often do you hear someone say(or maybe even yourself say), “He made me feel…” or “That makes me feel…”. It’s embedded in our language to hold outside people or situations responsible for our feelings.
I remember my therapist really trying to explain to me that I was traumatised and I didn’t believe it. I genuinely thought I hadn’t suffered enough for a professional therapist to come to this conclusion. Trauma is not struggle, it’s a deep crack in your very existence.
I totally agree with this. Trauma isn’t something you experience one time and simply “get over”, more like a constant and repetitive response to certain stimuli after an initial traumatic event that you are forced to manage forever. Speaking from experience and years of trauma therapy.
I totally agree that trauma seems to never go away. I hear so many people saying to “just move on”, and when you experience trauma you really can’t. You just learn to cope with it and live with it. Sorta like you can’t magically make a physical wound go away, there will always be a scar.
Isn't that more PTSD though? Which is a more specific condition. I've experienced trauma, but I don't seem to be prone to PTSD (luckily enough). I did struggle with panic attacks for a while though, and have been hypersensitive & hypervigilant, but nothing I wasn't able to learn to cope with. So the consequences of traumatic experiences have been quite mild in me.
@@AylaMariannaThis!! I developed PTSD from my childhood, but my younger brother didn't. That does not mean he isn't traumatized. Trauma and PTSD are separate, one-way connected things. To have PTSD you need to have trauma. To have trauma, you do not need to have PTSD.
true but a one time event can absolutely be traumatizing and even trigger ptsd in somebody. but also what's traumatic for one person may not be for another. we can go through the same event and come out looking at it differently. the way our brains perceive similar information differently is so interesting to me!
@@sweetreat30 depression can happen any time without a specific cause. Despondent is more like hopelessness. Depression doesn’t necessarily have to be hopelessness, it could be grief, just overall negative thinking…or even boredom similar to melancholy. But…what i actually meant to say instead of despondence was dejection 🤦♀️ Dejection is kinda more temporary or can be, but it’s due to a specific cause like a disappointment…break up, financial crisis, job loss etc…
@@punkroxgirlI'm both. I have despondent days but my depression is chronic. It's not that I get better from my depression into a despondent state. I grow manic, and then I fall to a despondent state, and sometimes into severe debilitating depression. Depression makes it so I can't live, but when it goes into the cycle of severe, it makes it where I can't survive. I can't eat, I can't drink, I can't shower. Until some miracle gives me a moment of hope to continue with life.
@@booperdooper9762 that makes sense. I’m not bipolar, but I did have a manic reaction to a medication one time about 20 years ago and I will never forget it or the way I crashed after. I never experienced anything like it before or after that reaction. I was actually misdiagnosed as bipolar because of it for years and I never really thought it fit after a short while. After 10 years of therapy, my doctors removed the bipolar diagnosis and I was diagnosed with CPTSD and later ADHD. Those did fit and ADHD runs in my family but bipolar doesn’t. I’ll always have a particular kind of empathy for what people with bipolar go through though, because of that one experience.
I found that in general when you find people who always say they're doing fine, nothing is wrong, and they never seem to flip out or get extremely stressed, usually those people have an absolute warzone going on in their head.
Either that or depression. I tend to mask my anxiety & depression pretty often. I'm on meds & it has helped a lot but I still go through some depressive episodes & experience a good amount of anxiety.
he’s talking about the general overuse of what is an officially defined psychiatric term. Many people can experience some kind of hardship without it necessarily leading to trauma. It’s not about “just get over it” because although whatever issue you may be facing wouldn’t be officially defined as ‘trauma’, it doesn’t mean that it is not worth care and attention.
Exactly, no one's hardship is any less worthy. But the overuse of trauma overlooks the people who really do need professional help to get through it, compared to your one upsetting day.
@@coffeeandhorses7991 Statements like yours lead to behaviors like: ,,I can deal with this by goin to gym or doing different activities playing instruments etc." while thinking that if you don't overcome it yourself you are a crybabyand weak person which is pathological behaviour
Exactly similar to how saying you're 'depressed' undermines the significance of the diagnosis. When you're actually depressed or in the throes of trauma and tell someone, if they respond with 'Oh yes, me too lol' but just... live life normally, seemingly handling the struggle easily, that really fucks you up. Are you weak for not handling stuff? Should you actually seek help? Words do have power...
@@thethirdtime9168 the counter there however is your just seeing the surface of the other person, your seeing their public face, nothing more. Its like an iceberg, 90% of it is hidden from you. They may be handling everything just as it seems, they may however go home and fall appart the second the door is closed. I know people like this, they believe they are required to put on the brave face for others and can never show weakness. This is especially common for men, especially ones raised with the old mindset of "a man provides", weakness or even the appearance of it is to them unacceptable in themselves and it makes things so much worse, as not only are they suffering, they suffer even more because of the shame of suffering and can't ask for help because that would make it even worse. This is why as a society we need to stop judging people so much, stop expecting "normal", as simply put, we just don't know. We don't necessarily need to support others (that can be exceptionally hard to do), but we shouldn't make things worse for them either.
The term for this is called "concept creep" and it happens when words start to change their meanings overtime. Essentially this change in meaning to a category typically broadens or narrows that category (this is the former) therefore allowing more things to be labelled as such. There are more natural and slow progressions of CC but then there are more forced and rapid changes that occur (think the term racist or racism).
@@cliffenyprize8489it's difficult to say. Sometimes adding words confused and dilutes more than it solves anything. Another thing to consider here is that "trauma" can be placed on a continuum from mild to severe. Trauma is also quite subjective in its impact on the individual. As I always teach in my trauma courses: "one person's excitement is another person's trauma".
racist and racism haven’t broadened as terms though… i mean maybe a little (with like people saying you can be racist towards white people) but generally it has stayed the same
@@EstrelSteel anyone can be racist against anyone as long as you choose to class them as a different „race” in your pseudoscience. For example, what even is „white” anyway? In the Americanized world view, if you’re „black” that means you have even the slightest bit of pigment in your skin, and if you’re „white” that means you have light skin but what about East Asians? Are they not white too? And let’s say someone is making fun of a Jamaican’s accent and dreads, is that not rasist? And if they have fairer skin, how about now? Slavs didn’t used to be considered „white” by westerners and I know for a fact that I definitely ran into some blatantly racist people when I lived in the uk being born in Poland for being Polish and a Slav with an accent, was that not racism? And now if I was darker skinned with the same background? This whole western ideology around „race” is so dumb I really struggle to wrap my head around it
THANK YOU. Watching someone say they are traumatized by a fender bender belittles those who go through war or abuse, which really boils my blood. Even equating grief with trauma is a false syllogism. Trauma can tear people up, even the strongest man I have ever known. To belittle it for some victim complex is incredibly dishonorable and inconsiderate.
I think it’s important to note how difficult it is to get health care and self diagnosis is honestly sometimes people trying to understand and do the best they can with what they have access to. This conversation is still important because I agree… but also if we’re looking at the extreme self diagnosis we have to look at the extreme lack of access to actual help. Not to mention the major distrust and lack of care for marginalized people.
@@jonpaul6948A therapist isn’t the same as a psychologist or psychiatrist (the latter can prescribe medication). It really can cost hundreds of dollars in billing hours to go through all the tests required to be formally diagnosed and have access to something you may need, like medication. And sometimes a doctor may not be well-versed enough on the thing they’re diagnosing or have biases about it and NOT diagnose you, meaning you spent all that time and money for nothing. In addition, a formal diagnosis of something with a lot of stigma, like autism, DID, schizophrenia, etc. can result in people trying (or succeeding) to strip your legal rights from you under the assertion you can’t be trusted with things like money, getting your own medical prescriptions, buying a house or car, etc. In which case, a formal diagnosis may be too risky. So sometimes people self-diagnose in order to figure themselves out, find community, and learn ways to accommodate their needs without having access to assistance from the government or medical institutions. And, not to be pedantic, but you wouldn’t GO to a psychiatrist for an ADHD diagnosis if you hadn’t already taken the time to research it, study your own life, and decide, “Yeah, this is worth getting a second opinion.” You have to somewhat self-diagnose yourself first before deciding to get an official one. 😉
@@jonpaul6948 I’m speaking as someone who is in genuine need of help and has used online access before. Online therapy is laughable, at best. A therapist is trained for years in how someone’s body language can reveal their true feelings about trauma they have buried deep down so far that they can’t even remember it. They can’t see all of that body language on video call. They need to see the whole physical person to be able to tell if it’s an act, or if it’s real. That’s why every therapist on these apps will take everything you say with a grain of salt, and for those who need real help, that can be so damaging to not receive the kind of help you know you need. I can tell you in excruciating detail how hard it is to receive accommodations in the medical hellscape we have right now. So unless you have a better solution to these problems, kindly sit down and learn instead of opening your mouth.
There is a common misunderstanding that trauma is merely brutal physical abuse. Childhood trauma is very often experienced from emotionally volatile situations that they are stuck in for extended periods of time. As adults people often deny the fact that they had a traumatic childhood because they weren’t hit or assaulted, etc.
You need to be able to prove something was traumatic. You can't tell a person "you were traumatized because I say so" just because their domestic life wasn't like yours. It's not trauma when you were grounded for summer
@@stansman5461you need to discuss it with your therapist, who will likely encourage you discussing it with your support system. You do not owe strangers, coworkers, acquaintances, etc any information about your traumatic experiences.
On the other hand, people who HAVE been traumatized but have not yet healed from it, CAN very easily be re-traumatized by something that another person might view as merely upsetting.
Aswell as some things might be simply upsetting if they happen just a few times in ones life compared to being traumatising if they happen to one all the time. Things like neglect, aswell as being excluded or ridiculed in social settings come to mind as examples.
@@nograe100% this. If you’re already mentally ill outside of trauma it compounds as well. You’re not invited your friend’s parties, that’s not traumatic. Maybe get new friends if it happens too much. But if someone is purposefully left out of everything their entire childhood, socially outcasted and left completely alone: that is traumatic. A lack of support system (especially with unstable home life) with no friends is a complex form of trauma. But it only forms after prolonged time of this. Trauma can manifest from subtler things if it’s consistent and damaging enough. But because that’s a hard line to define, the meanings get blurred.
@@DoKuShOsTaR Exactly. And it so incredibly hard to really explain or pinpoint. Because it's a pattern that was traumatic, rather than a single event, which leads to also a broad spectrum of patterns being things that can potentially cause intense anxiety and panic. Things that often seem incredibly "minor" to others. Like my brain is so used to being made fun of with me only way later realizing this or "friends" being fake just to have me around, because I am in some way "useful" to them and being ostracised and rejected as a person, that the slightes hint a person might not like me often leads me to withdraw from them entirely out of self-protection. And those are often things others would consider "harmless" remarks or jokes, but they are not harmless to my brain.
Yeah I'm in favor of not using any type of clinical language in a flippant way. I have OCD and PTSD and every day I get a little closer to screaming at the next person who says they're "so OCD" or "traumatized" by minor embarrassment. The lackadaisical use of these terms makes it so much more difficult for people like me to be taken seriously, especially by older members of my family who think everyone in our generation is too sensitive.
Precisely! I have diagnosed hypochondria and people use that term and OCD in such a flippant way. My MiL always says she’ll “so OCD”. She is not. It drives me bonkers. They are really invasive mental health issues that take joy and agency away from us in real life. You aren’t a hypochondriac because you joke about Covid every time you get a sniffle and you aren’t OCD because you can’t stop being annoyed that you missed a spot when you painted your living room.
The same with ADHD... if I hear "I had an ADHD moment" one more time... it trivializes the difficulty of what it truly means to have it and makes it so much harder to be taken seriously.
@@lizgreer6888I have ADHD, and when I mess up, I'll say I had an ADHD moment, because it gets them to laugh rather than want to hurt me. Yes, I mess up often so they get sick of all my stupid mistakes. At least now they say, there she goes again and just laugh at me. It's better than getting yelled at.
@@marilynmay4095when I talk about being labeled (very recently) with CPTSD, people ask if I am a Vet; especially other Vets. I have to explain, I lived through my own war and start to explain a bit (a very small bit) of my childhood. They get it instantly. I've experienced the same things war vets have seen. It really is a no brainer, but I know people today have not lived like we did in the 70-80's.
So it's like going on and saying you're depressed when you're just upset right? Like English isnt my language nor is the first language where I live and I hate to say that depressed is just another synonym for sad and what's worse that anyone's who's genuinely depressed gets ignored well because everyone is depressed. I'm sleep deprived so I just wrote what came to my mind.
Yes, exactly. To be "depressed" in an every day context is more of a mood and kinda similar to a deep sadness, I guess. But for someone who is actually depressed, that's a mental illness that goes a lot further than a bad day.
At this point, knowing what trauma means is difficult for me. I didn’t want to be one of those people who falsely calls things trauma (as discussed here), but unfortunately this led to me ignoring my own trauma and brushing it off as nothing. Then I took a trauma screening and it was painful to realize I actually do have trauma from my past.
@@jaybeanzx its a questionnaire given by a medical professional that looks into past hurtful events that might be trauma. You consider symptoms of anxiety related to those events, and determine whether or not those events qualify as traumatic for you. Very helpful!
Same. It doesn't help that people who self diagnose give themselves this Movie Idea of what PTSD looks like and so when I try and tell people, they don't believe me and just call me "toxic" and "abusive"
I have no idea if you have ptsd or not. What I find alarming is how many people saying they have new thing called C-Ptsd. It's apparently from childhood trauma and they wear it like a badge of honour or something. While some may have something similar, I can only guess the majority are caught up in the latest social contagion trend.
@saintejeannedarc9460 I'd suggest you to look up some credible sources about cptsd. It's something that can absolutely develop after years of constant abuse. And constant abuse (especially in childhood) existed a lot with ppl from the generation who are now in their 20s/30s. 100% valid and a serious problem bc our parents didn't go to therapy or dealt with their trauma so they gave it to their kids with things like emotional/physical/sexual absue (yes ANY violence) or harmful (and uneducated) cultural and religious practices/ideals and "parenting" tactics. Having your body in a constant state of panic, fear, pain and stress for years on end with no way out - especially as a kid - can be extremly traumatic. Idk why'd you think otherwise. But I'm happy that apparently you never had to deal with something like that, bc it can have so much negative impact on your life. Like I said, I'd strongly suggest you to do some research and educate yourself since you seem to have false and/or incomplete and harmful information right now.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 the C-PTSD thing bothers me too.. the c stands for "complex" what exactly makes one PTSD more complex than another? 🤔 i would argue all PTSD is complex, thus no need for any special distinction
@@AliciaGuitar C-PTSD includes other symptoms as well as some of the typical PTSD symptoms. It's a diagnostic term, not a descriptor of how 'bad' one's ptsd is.
As term trauma is entering the public sphere as a commonly known and used phrase it is being used more. Some of the time it is definetley unwarranted but a lot of the time it is. I am a person diagnosed with ptsd but you don't need to have that to have it to have had a trauma severly impact you as a person. Especially trauma from your childhood. A large part of the reason it's talked about so much now is that people realize what they haven't been aware of for so long. Something that has effected people since long before people were talking about it
Trauma happens when something is overwhelming for your nervous system. People are affected by different things and what may be overwhelming for one person can be totally fine for someone else (i.e. socializing when you have social anxiety - very different experience than socializing when you don’t have any kind of social anxiety). However, there are also lots of experiences that would be overwhelming for anyone (i.e. active combat) and those kinds of experiences are often what most people tend to think of when they think about trauma, understandably. Doesn’t mean that’s the only kind of trauma, though. I think it’s also important to recognize the difference between someone saying they’ve been “traumatized” out of exaggeration as a joke vs. someone being vulnerable enough to share something that was truly overwhelming for their nervous system. Minimizing the perceived impact of trauma on a person’s life can be avoided by having empathy, listening, and being aware of the simple fact that other people have different experiences than you do and that EVERYONE is struggling with SOMETHING on some level.
I think… I disagree. Same context, same circumstances? No. I think people can react to trauma differently. I had many traumatic experiences so some of them felt “less” traumatic but it doesn’t mean my body and brain don’t still react to that trauma. I can’t think of an example where someone would be traumatized but someone else wouldn’t
@@torysings7468My manager and I got held up at gunpoint. I was fine and experienced no trauma from it. She was a wreck and it def traumatized her. Trauma forms when you perceive your life to be in danger. I didn't think it, but she did.
@@codascheuer8426 Actually, even if this case is made for provoking, there is an interesting discussion that can be made. Getting misgendered is easy in a society that is binary especially from strangers who doesn't know you. Now, of course it shouldn't be considered a trauma but if someone gets misgendered from a stranger and reacts In a way that can be considered over reacting is not a good sign. If you have a feeling they are doing it because they want to be extremely upset about that, maybe you are right to think it. Not because they want to show off like a lot of people think but that is a typical behaviour for some anxiety related disorders. Is not wanted but the brain can take every situation that can be used against you and as I said is a really easy thing that can happen.
as a med student doing her psychiatry rotations rn what he said is so damn on point!.....like ppl use trauma for everything these without knowing what TRAUMA is!
@tinkywinky4449 for skipping out days* While typing...really?...🤣...u never had a type error before?....I said what I observed. Questioning my education for a typo🤦♀️...Im here cause I passed the med exam evaluated by professionals in the field
@@jjfrost4678I believe they were referring to “ppl” and possibly “rn” but probably only “ppl”. But I agree, although I don’t use shortened text speech very often, it’s literally the norm. For the most part (although obviously there are different cases) it doesn’t signify someone isn’t intelligent or that they’re uneducated. Congratulations on getting into medical school. Wishing you luck with your rotations and exams! I’m a cardiology nurse, this hospital life is the Wild West, keep your sanity while you can 😂
@katielynch9740 well I hv no words for that 'ppl' part....short text r my thing....and thanks a lot for ur encouraging words💕🥰...yes medicine is wild!...congratulations on being a cardiology nurse, it's a tough job! Keep going😘
Oh my god!! I’ve been saying this for so long now and it’s so good to see reputable people speak about it!! It’s happened to, for example, “depression” in the past, that it feels like some people genuinely see “depression” as a mere feeling and not an illness.
Language nerd here. Guess what? Language *changes*. Crazy, huh? You’re going to get old one day and the words you know today may not mean the same thing. Happens everywhere literally all the time. Wild.
@@ariellev9185 I know words change. In barely 100 years my language has gone from unrecognisable to what we speak today (Swedish), but I’m saying we can’t let that happen. *CANNOT*. Depression, anorexia, gaslighting, trauma - these are examples of real illnesses that make or can make peoples lives difficult. They’re not cute quirks and personality traits, they’re illnesses.
Depression is FAKE, the pharmaceutical companies and the government created mental illness to sell drugs and control the population, people need to stop feeling sorry for themselves, life is not that bad
Ppl also confuse being in a state of traumatic psychological shock (dif than "shocked") w/ the emergency physiological medical syndrome of "going into shock".
"in shock" and "shocked" are the same to me and by dictionary definitions. depending on the context, you can tell what it means. however, as @theprotogen1006 mentioned, having depression vs being depressed is different.
@@chrissyj_ Incorrect. Not sure where u went to school but "shock" is a potentially fatal medical syndrome characterized by a state of insufficient blood flow to bodily tissues. Initial symptoms include weakness, fast heart rate,/ breathing, sweating, anxiety, & increased thirst. This may be followed by confusion, unconsciousness, or cardiac arrest, as complications worsen. Wikipedia is free.
Personally, I have the opposite problem. I tend to think things are fine when I'm actively developing PTSD. I didn't realize I was being abused 90% that I was in the past. I also had nightmares of my abusive ex trying to kill me for over a decade before realizing it was a trauma response. The dreams were nearly nightly for a time there. Thankfully as times go by, the dreams become both less frequent and less intense.
It was your brain trying to protect you by taking “control” because realizing it’s just something horrible and something that is unexplainable is a lot harder than “I deserved it” or “this is normal”
@@torysings7468 it literally took reading a pamphlet about abuse while waiting to meet my lawyer for me custody battle for my son. I was able to tell the judge, because of the pamphlet, just how bad my ex was, abusive and irresponsible, having literally abused me in every way, unless you count the one physical incident as a fight and not an attack. I'm still unsure myself. I do like to differentiate though that the sexual abuse was advised and not sexual attacks if you get my meaning. Basically rape doesn't have to be violent and in my case it wasn't, but it was still rape. I'm just thankful that the only thing that could possibly be considered rape when convincing my child, was no condom manipulation. It happened months before and was an ongoing abuse, but my son wasn't born out of violence not rape. And I got full custody 13 full years ago :) and the ahole has not been in my life since, and been limited in my son's and solely with supervision. Sorry for the trauma dump, I just felt it work be helpful to elaborate.
I totally agree with this- I’m a psych major and I used to work in child safety- some of THOSE kids have legitimate trauma from their upbringing so it frustrates me to hear teenagers etc saying things like “I was triggered” etc- when all they actually mean is a certain experience caused a mild negative reaction/response from them!🤷♀️🙄
for me 'being triggered' is something everybody can use if they want to. you can't expect everyone to talk perfectly, especially when it comes to psychology. ppl are dumb af, don't forget that ^^ there are other awfully used words that are a no-go for me but 'triggered'? naah.
@@Lppt87who are you to judge for other ppl what is huge enough to be triggering? such an arrogant and ignorant comment coming from someone being not that clever... 🥸
@@kalyasaify I agree but it also makes it harder to be taken seriously if you have ptsd triggers. Because then when I say that I’m triggered and about to have a panic attack it’s very frustrating for someone else to be like “omg I get triggered to!” When they literally are just talking about being slightly uncomfortable when I’m literally suffering so bad I want to die. I think it just makes it difficult to express the severity of the emotional reaction
Yes, thank you. My husband doesn’t understand this. I have severe cptsd and he’ll say things like “move on” or “get over it.” It sends me into an episode. I already feel so vulnerable talking about my feelings and to be told “just move on” is extremely heart wrenching to hear. I’m talking about my issues and feelings because that is my way of moving on. 😢
I'm sorry your husband is unaware of just how deeply your previous experiences still affect you. Perhaps, if he were willing, you both could work toward a healthier way to communicate how your past still intrudes on your life today. Maybe he simply doesn't understand how C-PTSD works, how it's a life altering diagnosis. Someone outside of your relationship may help him understand. If he is unwilling to do the work to understand why, and how, your mental health is managed, maybe you should step back, take time, and reevaluate the relationship. Taking care of each other, understanding our partner's needs, physical and mental, is a cornerstone of a strong, lasting relationship. I wish you the very best. I do hope you're able to find a good place to work through the healing you need.
Men react that way because that's how they are expected to deal with trauma. When was the last time you heard a man talk about their trauma? In his mind he is helping you by telling you to buck up because men are doers, not "complainers." -that is how they get thru their trauma. I've learned that my husband can do a lot of things for me, but he can not understand my cptsd, one reason being that he never experienced it. I stopped talking to him about things he doesn't have the tools to understand because it just hurts me and frustrates him. That is what counselors are for. Allow him to love you in the ways he knows how which is typically by providing.
@@mojo7493 this is exactly right. Men seem insensitive to feelings because we're taught to hide them. From my perspective I can't do anything useful with action to help what's in your mind. Saying "Get over it and move on" is the male equivalent of patting you on the back and saying "there there." End of the day you are the only one who can fix the problem so what more is there to say?
@@mojo7493Yes, you're right. That doesn't mean that men can't learn how to be more sensitive with their partners feelings (for their own good) and women can't learn how to process feelings from a different perspective (for their own good too). My partner and I have been together for almost two decades and, as we built our safe space around each other, we both have learned to express our feelings and listen, and then give our input on what would be a good action plan. Not easy, but doable.
I've been saying this for years I'm glad it's getting talked about. Trauma is a moment of scaring on the brain it's a large shock to the brain. Physical trauma is a large injury that caused acute damage. Psychologically trauma is a big impact a moment that is seared to the brain. It can be in varying degrees but it gets overused for, as the video said, situations that were just upsetting. For example, a lot of people say they have childhood trauma when in reality sometimes their childhood was merely upsetting or they felt their parents did them an injustice.
Psychological Trauma isnt experiencing a negative event. Its the lasting impact that negative effect has mentally. When I was a kid I've dealt with situations that most people may consider traumatic (my parents were the type to use corporal punishments and were never really home), but i havent suffered mentally from it (and ive been to a therapist.) An experience that did leave a lasting negative impact on me is witnessing my granddad going through fits of confusion everytime he was in the hospital. Now I cant help but become tense visiting hospital settings because all I can think about was how miserable, and strange my granddad became whenever he went to one. Its the effect, not the cause that makes something a psychological trauma
Yep! I was physically punished several times as a kid for being a shithead. I don't sit around flinching at every belt I see or raised hand. There was a time when I was younger that I'd get anxiety when I'd hear my dad walk through the door, thinking there was something that I'd done and forgotten about that he was going to yell at me for. But eventually he stopped doing that and I stopped having those anxieties. And I even started to look forward to him coming home during my teenage years. Things changed and got better because I cleaned up my act. Could he have done a better job? Absolutely. But when you associate your father with punishment, it's a natural reaction. The question is, does it stay with you even into your 20s, 30s, 40s? That's when it gets to be a problem. One thing that HAS stuck with me even to this day, is that I had lots of family who would poke me in the ribs, put me in headlocks, twist my arms, or jab me with their finger, all from behind or in my blind spots. All under the guise of being "playful" and "rough housing". And now I can not and will not sit with my back to an open room because of this. I get an overwhelming anxiety like something horrible is going to happen if I can't see the whole room. And it's something that I will have to live with for the rest of my life.
@@pringles_mcgee you don't flinch at these things now because you are a grownup and can defend yourself. Getting hit sucks no matter what and creates angry people whether trauma is a subject or not. Some stuff is hogwash and some stuff is legit.
It takes the responsibility & the seriousness out of it. So tired of hearing people say, oh I have anxiety too or I’m so OCD..or joke about having ptsd over something stupid. A trauma is not just an upset. It’s a life changing event. Unreal how people try to belittle things that are a daily issue for some people. I get some people are just trying to understand or just trying to make you feel normal. But they are minimizing a serious issue. Just like there is a difference between saying I feel sad over something & someone actually being clinically depressed with something such as bipolar. Being sad over an event for a moment in time is not the same as a lifetime full of depression. I dont know if I’m making myself clear or just confusing people. I have a TBI & aphasia. So sometimes I can’t explain things clearly. But I absolutely get what this guy is saying. And he’s right.
Trauma is not just being upset by something. Trauma is when an event or series of events impairs your ability to function as a healthy human being. The severity of the event doesn’t matter, it’s how it affects your life afterwards. If you can get over it in the course of a day or a week and never look back, it’s not trauma
I wouldn’t say it “impairs” your ability to function as a “healthy human being.” Rather, it changes your brain so that your body responds to certain stimuli a certain way. You can have trauma and still function perfectly fine.
People need to stop feeling sorry for themselves, life is not hard, pharmaceutical companies and the government have brainwashed society into believing something is wrong with everyone by making up FAKE symptoms and diagnosis about FAKE disorders, people have become a bunch of cry babies
As someone diagnosed with CPTSD, & has high anxiety I never would've said I was traumatized until I was told By my therapist that I was.... It might seem irresponsible, but many of us need it to be a more normalized thing BC we undervalue our own traumas to such a high degree we just think we're over reacting.. sometimes it's just straight up gaslighting ourselves.
And then jackasses see videos like this and feel like they can become the "whose trauma is valid" police, exactly like they're doing in these comments. Unprofessional judgement is just as bad as unprofessional/flippant use of terms like trauma and trigger. Empathy is still a good thing, folks. ❤
I feel and agree with you, I feel like this video will do way more harm than good. Over diagnosis is not good, but it does way less harm than people being sceptical about people asking for help with mental help issues. Especially since people with mental illness tend to avoid asking for help to begin with. People with mental health issues being ignored or not taken seriously has been a major issue for a long time, so I'm not sure if this "therapist" is making the right call by doing this
I definitely didn’t think I had C-PTSD until it was brought up to me by my therapist. It was weird because I knew I had issues related to a traumatic upbringing but I didn’t expect to have PTSD. I think people tend to have a movie-style idea of what PTSD is and think it means you’re mentally teleported to a different place or something.
@@RoseWhitmoreyeah, I’m not a fan of this video either. The people it resonated with are people who push their problems down and pretend they have none. Whack af.
I'm pretty sure it's often a lack of better words to describe concepts, every "first thing" we encounter, especially if it bears bad results is "traumatic" in a sense, when in reality it's just a limiting belief being burned into your memory due to how the amygdala works in that scenario
Trauma can have profound and lasting effects on an individual's mental and emotional well-being. I guess it's not easy to overcome trauma speaking from experience.
But it can be done. I have a friend who chooses to be traumatized rather than address her own shortcomings. Her attitude is that "I will be traumatized til the day I die and it's not my fault." Meanwhile she's miserable each and every day.
@@donnazasgoat2274the thing is sometimes this kind a true but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. I’m pretty happy to say while some of that trauma is still there for me it’s way easier to deal with than it was 10 years ago
@@donnazasgoat2274 You’re not a friend if this is how you speak about her to strangers. It doesn’t sound like you are trying to understand what she is experiencing at all.
Trauma is about safety. You feel safe, and then suddenly, without warning, feel unsafe. And it's not an empirical process. Something traumatizing to one person isn't to another. And then there's microtraumas, which are small moments of unsafety, that are chronically in place, building and building, until one day, one of them is the last one that person can take.
It is SO hard even to differentiate within myself what IS or was traumatizing due to this. I’ve had several situations with my mental health professionals where I thought I was being dramatic, or it wasn’t “bad enough” to be traumatizing, yet it was. The key here is the inability to move past it, and an event which occurred in the past preventing you from moving forward and interfering with your life on a regular basis.
There was an interesting study about comfort. They concluded that people don’t get more comfortable in environments with less stressors, but the threshold for what caused stress lowers!!! So people will always find something to complain about
Do you have a few key words to search for this study? I found several relating to univeristy student mental health. Is it one of those? Do you happen to remember the names of the people conducting the study? Im interested!
Of course, all that is only true when the amount of stressors, and their intensity, is at a reasonable level. There are some environments where you simple CAN'T get comfortable, no matter how "used to it" you get.
I think that we are becoming more aware of trauma and how it affects us, and as a result people are being hypersensitive to it... but I think its a natural ebb and flow of sociological change. But sometimes it is very, very frustrating how many people use "trauma" as an excuse for avoiding unpleasant situations, which makes it harder to address issues when they arise because we don't practice conflict resolution.
I think most people with real trauma have a phase of being like “haha no it wasn’t” because it’s the brain’s defense mechanism especially for young minds. Like me as a kid getting groomed and my brain tried to protect me by making me hyper sexual and seeking out continuing the cycle of abuse because when I slowed down and thought about it and thought about how none of it was my fault and it was a horrible thing that happened to me that shouldn’t have and there is no excuse. That was a lot more devastating. It was so much harder to process it as an atrocity than just “no that’s what I wanted” “no I asked for it” “no that’s Normal” “no it’s my fault” they aren’t healthy but they have a false sense of control. Like feeling guilt or fault during mourning because it’s something you can control
@@torysings7468 I kind of had the opposite. Not going to air out my trauma for the internet, but I always knew I had it and belittled it to the point where I convinced myself I was fine. Also why I was actually excited when I was on my own health insurance and could start therapy lol
@@Samcheese4 that’s exactly what i described your just one step closer to healing because your out of denial and into belittling or maybe you were emotionally intelligent enough or it was bad enough to have there never be denial but yeah that’s not really the oposite of what I described. LOVE THAT YOUR INSURANCE NOW TAKING CARE OF YOU AND I HOPE YOU HEAL AMAZINGLY ALL YOU NEED!
But if some event that most people wouldnt consider severe leads to PTSD symptoms (flashbacks to that event, recurring nightmares, hyper vigilance, altering of habits to avoid similar events, etc.) Would that not be trauma?
If they deny it's a trauma with the symptoms of trauma, then it's a trauma. There are people who experience situations that might be traumatic for someone else but they don't internalize it as traumatic and have no symptoms, then they are more resilient and don't need help unless at some point they begin to manifest symptoms.
Trauma isnt something negative that happens quickly and is gotten over, it leaves a longlasting impression. I believe that was his point. So, of course if youre having symptoms, it was traumatic for you. But describing inconveniences or things not going your way as traumatizing is just emotional manipulation and leads to more problems. You choose who you are by how you behave, so things like emotionally manipulating others will lead to your brain naturally doing that by habit, and morals become greyer due to justifications. Those are some of the reasons its bad to pretend to be traumatized when youre not actually having symptoms. Incase youre unaware, some people fake it, joke about it, mock it, etc. Theyre the problem. That being said, the best way for you to get over the trauma is likely by making yourself learn and understand the perspective of others who do not view your experience as traumatizing. Then, try to empathize with that and level with yourself. Remember, youre in control and everything in life is just a choice❤ that helps me immensely all the time, so I hope it helps you, too❤ I have complex PTSD from years of abuse. Youre not alone❤ God bless❤✝️❤
@@synergy2222 this is how my therapist described it to me as well. He said there are some people who can walk away from horrific situations and be emotionally and mentally okay, but others can be deeply affected by something that may seem trivial in comparison.
Yes, that would be trauma but THAT is not what they are discussing. They are discussing thing that people are calling trauma because it bothers them in the moment but does NOT give them flashbacks to that event, recurring nightmares, hyper vigilance, altering of habits to avoid similar events. Someone may be in line at a Star-bucks that is going slow. They act like that is trauma just because the want the line to go faster. Not because of an anxiety issue just because THEY want things to go faster. For many people it is a way to get attention and feel special, nothing more nothing less. We should be more considerate of others who have really difficult times adjusting but that does not mean that there are people that take advantage of that.
I think he's talking about people saying they're 'traumatized' when they don't have any symptoms and don't really know what that means & how the language that they're using undermines people who have trauma
I was very surprised doing EDMR therapy I picked a less traumatic memory and realised it wasn’t as traumatic as I thought and then I went to my worst experience and then I truly realised how trauma effects you reopening the wounds holding me back from living normally - I’m still doing it but it did make me realise trauma at its worst is something else
As a psychotherapist, I 100% agree. I see this a lot with my younger patients especially, and I feel that it's led to a hesitance to utilize coping skills because of the "trauma." I also see less regular resilience in these patients, and it's quite concerning 😟
While it is an issue, I do worry that broadcasting things like this to the wider public can do more harm than good. It happens way too often that people with mental health issues are ignored or not taken seriously, and most people with mental health issues are already unlikely to reach out for help to begin with. For the broader public to see this and not fully understand it, I feel like it'll result in more people not taking mental health or cries for help seriously. Mental health acceptance is not quite at the place yet where we can make statements like that just yet
I do wonder why they think they shouldn't learn coping skills. Even people with diagnosed trauma, PTSD, and C-PTSD are taught to learn coping skills to function.
Coping skills I learned from 10 years of therapy (CBT with existential therapy and other methods combined) for childhood trauma probably saved my life. When I lost my dad to suicide, I often had conversations in my head as if I were talking to my psychologist. I had to stay at my dad’s house 700 miles from home because of probate. He didn’t have a notarized will and his “estate” was much more debt than assets. When I came home after a year and a half, I went right back to my psychologist and he was concerned about the relationship I rushed into a week after returning. I didn’t listen at first, but it was in the back of my mind and when the relationship became abusive, I heard his words louder and more often in my mind and left that relationship and went no contact with the abuser. If I had stayed, I very easily could have been killed by now. The best coping skills I learned were grounding techniques during panic and also developing the habit of questioning my own automatic negative thoughts. It took years to learn to do it regularly, but it helped me get rid of the cycle of unnecessary guilt and shame that would have kept me in that relationship. Coping skills helped me more than any medication I was ever prescribed by psychiatrists. In fact, most of those medications only caused more issues. Not learning coping skills are why so many people end up with addiction and other destructive behaviors.
I have PTSD. I don't talk about it unless i have to. But in this case - the way people now say a hang nail is traumatic - it both devalues what i (and so many others) went thru, and desensitizes everyone to actual trauma, since actual trauma and hang nails are being conflated...
This comments section is FILLED with comments about why THEY have issues and on and on and on... Why their trauma is "valid"... it's wild. OP I agree completely. As a recovering addict myself, I'd love to hear more about why and how people have succeeded, not just why their "trauma counts" or why their childhood was horrible... Tell me about how you've gotten past it, not about why you can't. Just the fact that some of us are here to comment is a miracle. Life is beautiful.
@@msjkramey of course you can but heres the thing. No one is ever "unstuck" it's just degrees of management. The point I'm trying to make is if you focused 100x more on your successes than your failures then I promise you'll see every small victory as a success. For example. You could post "I couldn't do anything today, I ended up staying home and not even leaving the house once. I only managed to clean for half and hour..." Or "I managed to get out of bed today, I even got the bed made, AND cleaned the living room. And I'm proud of that." See how the same circumstances can lead to a totally different view on where you're at? We need some posivity, not thousands of people posturing about *why* their trauma matters.
@@Nyctonaut Was gonna be a longer comment, decided to rethink it. You’re sorta right, but you’re bringing in some toxic positivity. People need to talk about the bad parts of life, why they’re relevant, and why that stuff is holding them back to figure out how to minimize consistent damage and fix the problem. I can’t just keep going “Man, I’m great, I got out of BED, so I don’t have to worry about doing anything else!” when I have bills to pay, or my hair is falling out because I haven’t showered in months. Your comment could be misinterpreted as that. Besides, those with trauma probably wouldn’t think that way anyway. Your advice isn’t helpful when it’s inadvertently telling people to suffer in silence. It’s easy to misread your comment as “Your trauma doesn’t matter so don’t bring it up, you’ll inconvenience people.” Negativity and positivity have to be balanced. The way it should be communicated is that it’s stepping stones. Like, “I got out of bed, wow! I was able to do that, what do I need to do next that I can do??” Using positivity as a motivation rather than just “a way you should be/feel about yourself.” You also didn’t present effective ways to apply it. You didn’t ask for criticism, but also you weren’t asked whether people should be allowed to keep talking about their trauma or not or how positive people should be all the time.
Part of it might be that an improved understanding leads to people seeing "lesser" versions of trauma in there day to day life as they see how even events that are just upsetting can still have a small effect on their lives in a way similar to how actual trauma has much bigger effects.
Finally someone is saying it. Normalising Mental illness is good but it makes everyone think they are ill. You then get people who are depressed for most of their lives and doctors don't take them seriously and tell them they just need a friend and to go and get a boyfriend
Doctors were doing that already though... It doesn't really have anything to do with normalizing mental health, so much as people misunderstanding or purposely stealing and misusing therapy terminology
@@aff77141they were doing it for different reasons before though - because the doctors didnt really take it seriously. Now they try to, but get so many more cases they can’t take them all on, so try to cut down which ones they think might be less severe. The problem is it all depends on how the person words it, so if they understate how bad it is they might not get the help they need because someone else did a better job at convincing the doctor they needed help.
Omg I have to take a narcotic anxiety medication because I have severe anxiety and ptsd. Have since childhood and adulthood hasn't been a lot better. A couple of days ago a PHARMACIST tried to tell me I didn't need to be on that medication because blah blah blah. I told her my Dr and I had already had all of these discussions and my dosage has not gone up one time. She carried on and on top the point that she literally denied me my medication and told me her it the next day when she wasn't there which is illegal and 100% unethical. Not to mention I get she's a pharmacist and understands medication but she doesn't know me personally or my issues. My Dr does.
That’s why I think it’s important that we become educated on what the fine line is with a mental illness. It is only a mental illness if it causes you suffering and makes it difficult to function consistently.
I agree. I have always felt something wrong w someone saying they were traumatized by typical "let downs". I just never knew how to put it into words. There is a difference between trauma and just going through something upsetting. I try not to judge others but there is a difference between I survived SA and my father took away my car. One is trauma the other... upsetting.
I think he's right to an extent. I was recently diagnosed with ptsd and i dont think I have it as bad as people who have been through some very traumatic experiences. So I dont tell people about it because it feels minor in relation to other people's traumas.
Most people with real trauma rather down play it because it’s a brains defense mechanism. Because it feels like you can control it. Or downplay it so you don’t have to face how truly horrible it was to you and how it affected you. It takes a really really emotionally intelligent person to experience something actually traumatic and be like “okay yeah that was traumatic and I am now traumatized for the rest of my life” it’s… almost nearly impossible even for victims of sexual assault and abuse. That’s why all of a sudden everybody being able to point out their “trauma” but also not be ready to deal with it or change, or have the emotional intelligence to do so is… suspicious. I was only able to work through my trauma and heal once I realized it was traumatic and not my fault and that was after so long and it was devastating
Repeated over a long period of time like 10+ yrs esp in childhood or while the brain is still developing IS not nothing. We need to validate ppls struggles but also it means u gotta put work into it to minimize these struggles. Not use it as an excuse.
As someone who was severely abused for my entire childhood and adolescence, I disagree with this. I have no problem with people saying that things they experienced were traumatic and I don't think it takes anything from me because no one really cares either way. But mostly because its going to make people who experienced trauma from non abusive situations to think they haven't actually experienced trauma. In the comments someone said that being down on your luck isn't trauma. Tell that to homeless people. Better yet, take your kids into a homeless shelter for a week with no money and tell me you didn't feel unsafe and panicked the entire time. Experience what its like to live less than pay check to pay check with your bills being more than your income and tell me thats not traumatic. And another thing this doesn't consider is that what may look like something trivial to you could actually be a trigger for someone and you just assume its nothing serious. For example, my best friend in high school use to have panic attacks during tests. All our friends thought she was being dramatic but I knew her dad and how he treated her when she didn't make perfect grades and she thought she was bad at tests and I told her she probably would be a lot better if he hadn't conditioned her to be afraid the whole time so she could actually focus on the test and memorizing the notes with me instead of worrying out loud about how she was going to fail it and he was going to kill her. My older sister cant do dishes. Its tied to a traumatic event for us. I also cant stand to do them by hand but I have learned that I can blast music my grandma use to sing and pretend that I'm her in her kitchen and not remember what happened to younger me at my house when I was doing the dishes. Ive taught my sister my method but she still cant stand it. It took me years and years and I'm still not comfortable and it still triggers memories so I get it but other people think she's just lazy and avoids hard work which is far from the truth. My ex friend Stacy has trauma that caused her to have extreme rejection sensitivity. She falls in love at first site. When a guy betrays her or rejects her she behaves like its the end of the world because for her its not just a breakup, its reliving things she hasn't been able to heal from childhood wounds. Anyway, my point is that we should not be trying to gatekeep what is trauma and what is not because we never really know the extent of how much inner pain something is actually causing and the worst thing is to invalidate someone's trauma
This was an incredible counter point! I wish I could copy and paste it into my notes app honestly- The part where you provided the example of: “Tell that to the homeless, better yet bring your child into a homeless shelter for a few weeks and see if you are not completely panicked…” Very powerful point! And a very good illumination of poor and working class realities and a Class-based view!
As someone literally diagnosed with cptsd, ptsd, major depressive disorder and anxiety: I absolutely 100% agree. Sure it’s important to understand what constitutes as trauma/a traumatic experience as opposed to regular life struggles but trauma comes in many different forms and creeps in many different ways. I think the difference between trauma and a regular struggle is how it affects your ability to function “normally”. Either way, majority people do experience hardship and it’s not my place to invalidate that.
I would say the flip side is also true. Like I had nurses get ptsd from taking care of covid patients and having nightmares and stuff. Others would say oh “we were all traumatized during covid” or “well that’s your job” but that doesn’t change the fact that it was traumatic and left a lasting impression meeting diagnostic criteria for THAT person. It’s not always a war zone is my point. It tends to be situations where one felt that one did not have any control
I don't disagree, but while we're on the topic of self diagnosis, I believe that if mental health care was more affordable and accessible, there would be far less of that going on. It's easy to criticize people who are going through difficult times with no proper support. People with lower incomes are faced with either living with their struggles or helping themselves any way that they can, and that includes doing research on the internet. It's obviously not ideal, but when you can't fork over an arm and a leg to see someone who can properly treat you, it's the best option.
You would think..I'm living in the Netherlands. Mental health is very important here. Adults get most forms of therapy fully covered for the first year... some for life. Anyone under 18 is just covered till whenever they're done with it. We still have the trend of youths self diagnosing. It has gotten ridiculous. If you actually had OCD or an eating disorder, you'd be in therapy very easily and everyone around you would be encouraging it. Its definitely a social media trend in the youths
@@Teuwufel it’s a problem in Canada too. Mental health care is only covered here under certain circumstances. Otherwise we have to have good insurance or pay out of pocket
So nice to hear a doctor actually say this. Everyone is whining how they were traumatized by something that is sad, but not even slightly life changing
It's a bit like policing people for their subjective situation experience. Understanding and acknowledging trauma is so important to actually overcome it. (As many here have written; People with trauma often downplay it. Quite possible because they start to measure their experiences with those of people who had it 'worse'). It is not up to others to decide what's 'really' traumatic. If we wanted to measure that, everyone would lose: "Oh yes, your partner hit you? Well, don't complain, others lived through war... Oh, you had an abusive parent? Well, I was repeatedly assaulted..." That's an infantile measurement.
I think he may be discussing people who do not study and think about their usage. For example, I will say something had behaviors like PTSD knwoinf that PTSD is made from the enviroment changing from predicable to unpredictable in a way that make you question reality, and that if a person has a community or back up it is almost never going to truely develope into long-term PTSD. So therefore, I can use is to discuss shock that hazes you temporarily- but not say that is PTSD- just that the behaviors surrounding this issue was probably caused by the same mechanism that can be something much more serious. Other people will just say they have PTSD because the have a symptoms or two that do not last or anything that proves itself true. It's used as a emphasis or emotional response over a detailed thought process of how the human mind functions both on the minor and huge ends.
As a psychology student and a young person of a generation who does this, I agree with this. It's important to be sensitive about people's problems, but we can do that without pathologizing difficult-but-normal life events.
100% agree with another commenter who said that this doesn't mean we can decide for people what is and isn't traumatic or that trauma is only physical... It's a fine line, but I believe some people's life can seriously become better by turning their language down a notch, because it does change perspective.
@@chickenskink1 As a matter of fact, society does get to decide. Getting a tiny splinter in a finger is not traumatic. Having a hem come lose is not traumatic. Trauma has a very clear definition. If something does not meet that definition, it is NOT trauma.
@@shakeyj4523 but this isn’t just about trivial things. Yes there are people who cry over little thing, such as the things you listed, but it’s more of an issue of people who, for example, have a strict parent that they didn’t get along with as teens and then say they had a traumatic childhood. When I’m reality, their parents just weren’t amazing. Not amazing doesn’t automatically equal horrible/abusive. I think social media has also perpetuated fake livelihoods where people have good days everyday. That’s not reality and so many people look back on bad times in their life and consider it traumatic just cuz it wasn’t great. There’s a scale to all of this, but the conversation is more nuanced
trauma is literally a psychological term and have their own criteria for what actually defines trauma. Trauma is caused by a life threatening event or events that caused the individual huge amount of stress to the point it has long lasting effect on their nervous system. So yes we can decide what’s traumatic and what isn’t
@@eva.6987 Trivial is EXACTLY what this is about. And yes, ghosting your parents has become just as much of a fad. Why? Because normal human foibles are being called abuse. And if you argue, you are immediately called an abuser. They don't realize or acknowledge that their behavior can be considered by others as just as abusive if we use those definitions. That is what this Dr is saying.
I think all mental phenomena exists on a spectrum and people are finally speaking to that spectrum. In my opinion, there is more good than bad that happens when we can acknowledge mental health.
The problem is is that people are already aware, they're just not aware of the right things. There are still people out there who think ocd is just being hung up on cleanliness and orderliness. How there's some people who think they have depression just cuz a gf broke up with them and then they're fine a week later, he still went through depression. What good is people being "aware" of these terms or words if people actually misuse them ignorantly?
I agree with this sentiment. My only issue is, is how i react ALWAYS my responsibility? For instance if someone tells me (and I’ve literally been told this); “you are arguing” when I’m not at all and not in the least bit upset and i stand firm and say “i was not intending to argue. I merely disagree with your point but i respect your right to have it” and then told I’m gaslighting that person by saying it. My reaction then becomes frustration because i feel I’m actually the one being gaslit at this point
Getting kidnapped as a child, that is traumatic, you being embarrassed at Starbucks because you spilled your pumpkin spice latte in front of everyone, is not.
Perhaps it’s like a pendulum, at least in terms of complex ptsd (which he doesn’t discuss in the interview, I.e. development) but when something does impact you life long, and society at large wants to minimize that mistreatment, maybe now you have an over reaction in the other direction. 🤷🏻♀️
Something can also impact you life-long without resulting in trauma. Which is not always mistreatment. It's kind of like using the term trauma to address issues that are very upsetting and difficult to process.. but were still not traumatic.
@@grimslepersmaybe so, but people being ignored when they seriously have mental health issues and it's being treated as "overreacting" does significantly more damage
@@RoseWhitmorepeople with mental health issues do overreact though ha. That's part of it. If yoire having a major reaction, and most people aren't to the same situation then yes, youre over reacting. You need to find out why.
@@jenster29 thank you for exactly proving my point: no, not everyone with mental health issues overreacts, and the fact that you even say something so dangerous and harmful shows exactly why this video is dangerous. someone with depression will most often just think that they are sad or just tired, and that it'll just pass, the absolute opposite of overreacting. there are plenty of mental health issues where people underestimate the struggles that they are dealing with, even if at some point it interrupts their daily lives, resulting in them not getting any help since they are worried that they might be seen as, you guessed it, overreacting.
Because this is the issue it's not about how "bad" something is, it is about the subjective impact it made on you. Trauma still has a clinically defined definition... Just because people use it a lot on the internet doesn't mean it doesn't have one that you can easily look up and use to your own discretion.
@@play-fool yet there will still be tons of people telling you it doesn’t count even if it does have a clear impact. Then you’re just being sensitive or attention seeking and to get over it. There is no winning.
@@probably_notbob5794hence why this video is pretty harmful in its own way. Self diagnosis is an issue, people not taking mental illness and trauma serious is a way bigger issue
@@RoseWhitmore exactly. and a much more prevalent and unseen factor in self-diagnosis is lack of access that necessitates having to diagnose yourself alone over time, than attention seeking.
@@play-fool exactly, and one can even argue that the "attention seeking" might also be a cry for help from the person, because they are struggling and they don't know what to do. Not being heard and seen in mental health related things is an incredibly huge and way too common issue
The trouble is doctor-prescribed therapists regularly reinforce this. I've been in CBT several times and they've ALWAYS trying to find my Secret Childhood Trauma that simply doesn't exist. They don't know what to do with a person who is just sad & neurotic and doesn’t have an origin story.
Yessss! This is part of the reason why it's called mental "illness". You just have it because you have it. It would be weird to always try to find so called "origin story" for other illnesses like cancer, right? Traumas can lead to mental diseases but just like other health issues, illnesses are illnesses because you can have it despite there seems to be nothing wrong or contributing to it. Health is not something that can easily be controlled. Sometimes things like eating habits do lead to diseases but you get the point.
I agree, ive experienced it myself but i think this is a very different topic that what is talking about. You're talking about therapists/psychiatrists being inflexible vs him just talking about how society or the general public overuse these terms that actually have real meaning and definitions
@@jaes0829 Empirically wrong and if you don’t think cancer has a cause, then you’re also wrong. Would have played along but you really shot yourself in the foot there
I remember when I finally got diagnosed. Finally as I just waited for them to get the results, and not me continuing to get someone to take a look. I just rarely mention it to others, because so many abuse the words to the point they have no meaning.
This is complicated and I’m not sure if he’s being genuine or just being a boomer, but I do agree that there’s been some over-pathologizing lately which can make it more difficult for people to feel empowered to make changes.
You can't say people are saying trauma for small things that shouldn't be trauma, because it really depends who it is, how often, how old they were, and a lot of other things, I hate people who judge if an event is bad enough to cause trauma, the real thing is about how you react and what it left in you, not the severity of the act
The doctor said it himself that these events that people label as 'trauma' people can get better after a day or a week. If time can help you with your "trauma" just that easily then its not trauma. Just like how u dont have "depression" just cuz u feel "depressed"
As someone with Trauma I actually do welcome people talking about their 'trauma'. The usual definition you get online is that trauma is 'experiencing intense stress', and you can have intense stress without it being debilitating, so I understand the confusion. I think people being able to talk about their hardships is a step in the right direction. Because those are real struggles even if they don't have the intensity of being Traumatized. Maybe instead of saying 'hey you're not traumatized' tell people the right term to use. I don't know if that information is in the full video but it's definitely not in this short. Educate people instead of berating them.
This is absolutely so true. Thinking of any slight inconvenience as traumatic leads to no sense of scale and that leads to histrionics and the inability to function in society.
I grew up in the 90ies in Siberia and I remember me and my friends having joyful times and a lot of excitement in our lives and our conversations. I am 45 now and studying and living in Germany, young people studying with me who grew up in wealthy stable country are complaining all the time about minor issues. Luckily my sons who are born in Germany and now 16 and 20 have inherited my happy mood
he’s on point. as a part of gen z i definitely feel i’ve played into this and it was very hard to get out of that cycle. it’s also hard when you’re dealing with actual untreated issues that are very much real (i was actually dealing with -later professionally diagnosed- disorders that i won’t specify), and trying to differentiate wether you’re just “depressed like everyone else is” or you need actual help (which i personally very much did). it’s so important that we talk about this, without shaming or guilting. it’s a phenomenon we all play a part of nowadays, wether we’re aware or not.
I think it was incredibly underdiagnosed and ignored in the past because there was such a stigma. They didn't have a choice but to endure. It often led (and still does) to generational trauma. I'm glad there are so many resources and so much support available to help people grow and overcome obstacles and stop unhelpful behaviors and ways of thinking that could take them down the wrong path. So many people internalize their issues or use maladaptive coping mechanism like alcohol, drugs, disordered eating, overspending, etc. and ruin valuable and potential relationships and opportunities because they don't have the skills and introspectiveness to self evaluate and adjust course and choose better. I understand what the doctor is saying, that relatively we are very lucky and the majority of people in a first world nation have little to worry about on the grander scale but chronic stress is incredibly draining and it causes debilitating feelings of helplessness, anger, resentment, fear, lashing out, etc. so I'm glad there is such a huge community to be able to belong to and reach out to for advice and search for solutions to problems. Getting into a victim mindset is detrimental to problem solving but ignoring glaring deficits is really bad, too. People can be very self-destructive. Knowledge is power and I will always be grateful for being able to access it.
Imagine being in war seeing your best friend of 12 years bleeding out after an explosion. Now imagine being forced to share this story in an anger management group where someone pipes up with I know how you feel, cutting you off before you finish. Then they tell you how they got "their trauma" in an Arby's restaurant when they kept messing up an order for the customer, their manager yelled at them and how it has seriously affected their day-to-day life. They received 100% disability pay from the government and you were forced out for "failing to adapt" but had to fight to receive medical coverage and receive 20% for disability.
Lately, I've been hearing people excuse any bad behavior as a "trauma response" and it drives me nuts. He absolutely hit the nail on the head with eliminating responsibility.
People who have experienced narcissistic parents in their childhood may not have been physically abused, however the emotional damage was far more traumatizing a lot of the time extending into adulthood.. 😢
Family scapegoat had to hide all my traumas & handicaps etc my entire life...being gaslit & diminished meant it was harder for me to find and accept help as an adult.If you are dealing with trauma in isolation please don't negate yourself; you do matter and you do deserve help even if you have been muted to protect yourself ❤
OH MY GOSH, GHOST! I was not even aware I was the Family Scapegoat until my mother died five years ago. I took care of everyone in that family my entire life. One year after my mother died, I was abandoned, accused of not really being ill and injured, accused of lying, gaslighted- often used incompletely- the important thing is forgotten and, just like the movie with Ingread Bergman, eventually she BELIEVES Charles Boyer. I only recently learned what Scapegoating is and have deep grief it is occurring late in my life, all my lifelong friends followed my sisters' opinions of me, even when my sisters haven't seen or learned anything about me or my conditions in over a year, people take their explanations of my health and my worth, all extended family has, too! I know no skills of the ability to ask for and receive help or how to trust enough to relinquish responsibility to cooperate with trusting someone. I finally experienced the ability to ask for, accept and trust enough the be helped AND IT WAS DONE BY THE FIREFIGHTERS OF MY NEIGHBORHOOD I CALLED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE AT 2:00 a.m. and four hours spent with five in my house was more a psychological session than it was emergency treatment. I was told by a man who answered my 911 call that they were on their way, "They won't use sirens or light and, Ma'am, this is an emergency dispatch number and it is not necessary for you to apologize for bothering me, but thank you." The Lieutenant is a former Marine and he spoke inches from my face and asked slowly, "Will you trust me if I promise you that your fear of choking and being unable to breath cannot physically occur and will not occur?" I nodded slowly with my mouth open just like a child being to that there is no such thing as ghosts. I can't recall trusting another person that way since I was a child.
I just feel common thing can be traumatic based on how the person experience it, yet it’s true seeing everything as trauma doesn’t help one to live through a life, it just happens, and people might get over it or might never do, which my grandpa didn’t get over that biggest starvation on earth, he still living in the survival mode every day.
This is a problem outside of psychology as well where people use words that (used to) have actual weight and would cause people to take notice on such insignificant things that the words lose all their weight and are now ignored by most people because they hear the words so often in context of basically nothing.
There’s Trauma with a capital T and trauma with a lowercase t. And no-one, not even a psychologist gets to define what’s traumatic and what isn’t. It’s all context and relative to the individual.
honestly though this 100%. i consider myself lucky that while i myself had a fairly traumatic upbringing that i had a dad (who also had an extremely traumatic upbringing) taught me from a young age that pain and trauma are relative. what wouldn't phase me would possibly cause long lasting issues for another kid because they may not have experienced as much pain and suffering as i had. it's really helped me keep from dismissing others when they come to me with their pain and things that cause them long lasting emotional damage.
The term trauma is was not meant to be used for any situation that is extremely upsetting. It is used to address specific markers and symptoms after a situation has left someone unable to healthily function. To say there is no definition of trauma is to say we do not need to study or develop gold standard treatment options because we want to validate everybody's experience by calling all of it trauma. It's two different things
Exactly. Also, on the other end, plenty of people still have the “get over it” mindset about depression. It is a well established fact that depression is a disease that we do not have a cure for, just treatment, and it can always come back. Similar to cancer.
This is so true. On a broader level and from a layman's perspective, people have been conditioned these days to think every little thing is traumatic, that they are a victim, all of that. There is genuine trauma vs normal difficulties. Seek mental health when you need it, but therapists have a duty to help correct this. The death of a loved one, abuse, violence, i would say are genuinely traumatic events. Not being able to afford that new Fendi bag or failing a high school math test is not!
THANK YOU. the math test thing especially. I was dealing with complex PTSD from abuse amongst other things in high school and the amount of (mostly girls) people who would say they got depressed because of a 78 on a test was mindblowing and so infuriating. No, you didn't develop a severe mental illness because you got a B. you're not a victim you literally still passed. now it's trendy to "have anxiety" while I used to have to leave classes to go lay down at the school counselors office in a starfish position while hyperventilating because my panic attacks would manifest as i didn't have enough skin to cover my body bro like UGH
Context matters with everything. Failing a highschool math test can absolutely be traumatic if you know your parents will beat you for it, or if you got bullied for it after, etc. The idea behind "everything can be traumatic" shouldn't be taken literally. But we should also not gatekeep what someone can be traumatized by because often times, people will not be able to describe /exactly/ what event traumatized them. They might only describe what's "easy" to describe, e.g. "I just failed a highschool math test", but they might not say "Well my parents beat me/yelled at me a lot for it"
@@kevini4295 I hope no one ever speaks to you when you're in a vulnerable place the way you speak to others. This is a vile and selfish way of thinking.
@@skyesfallenxx give me a break. It's called life. Everyone is vulnerable at some point or another. The key is finding effective ways and outlets of dealing with it vs being a freaking victim of your own bs 24/7/365.
To a stoic, stepping on a land mine might be an inconvenience and challenge. To an altar boy...one corrupt priest is traumatic. We're not all the same. Look at the DSM5 and the DSM2 and see if PTSD hasn't been given new meanings.
Omgosh this is absolutely right. I’ve lost two grown children and my mom in six years. The whining I’ve experienced from others on just mundane issues is just ridiculous. Seriously making mountains out of molehills (mostly trying to get sympathy). The way I’ve gotten through was by having deep faith and understanding that in the old days people just handled their grief and pushed through. They comported themselves with grace.
I was just at a play, and I heard a boy afraid of the action scenes behind me, and his father told him to just shut his eyes if he’s afraid, he doesn’t have to watch, and started lying about what happened in the story for his son, and I kept thinking “this can’t be what’s best for that kid, but it’s not my child, I shouldn’t tell him how to raise his boy.” But I wanted to tell the kid: “When things are scary, that’s when we have to be brave. That’s what heroes do, just like in the story we’re watching now! When things are scary, that’s when you need to have your eyes open the most. Don’t be afraid, don’t be a coward, be a hero, and be brave! That’s what I believe is the big problem in todays society. We have a whole generation of people who think the best solution to a problem is to look away, close your eyes, shut down instead of facing the scary things and being brave enough to tell them no!
Agree! I think people have almost traumatized themselves and sometimes others but reading too deep into a situation or feeling. I’ve like actually been groomed and all sorts of nasty stuff but when I thought a dude was following me and then he wasn’t? I was like “nice” or I think that a dude was trying to yell something and make a kissy face at me from the passenger side of his buddies truck. And I was like “omg that’s so embarrassing for you” I understand the discomfort and even the fear and the fight or flight instinct kicking in. But it is want traumatizing I don’t live life and think back on those instances and have my fight or flight triggered. I don’t think the game firetruck is traumatizing by itself but could be triggering or uncomfortable. I think people also don’t understand that things that can be “triggering” aren’t traumatic by themselves (excluding getting triggered during a traumatic event) like, those things aren’t the thoughts and memories that won’t go away no matter how hard I try to shake it out of my head
I think another thing to consider is a byproduct of experiencing something severely traumatic can alter a person’s psychology or world view in a way that makes it extremely difficult to perceive the actual risk of emotional or mental barriers. Whether they are large or small, they will get magnified regardless. Your view of relationships with others and the self can change, your perspective about trust and boundaries may change. You may be experiencing feelings at an intensity suddenly 10x what you had previously. So if you’re constantly living in fight or flight mode, anything that threatens you is going to feel like you’re being retraumatized. In that, there is validity. Sure sensationalism of mental health experiences is a thing - let’s talk about it. But in many cases folks are coming from a genuine place when they feel something is traumatic (even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal to the public), which is why CPT and similar therapy methods are so imperative in helping reprogram the brain. There’s always a deep rooted issue.
I’m someone who has struggled with pretty intense mental illness and I think I agree with him. Like I think people are merging difficult or unpleasant with traumatic when it really comes down to a primitive sense of safety being threatened or violated. Also, I think trauma is a very individual thing. For example, when someone ran a red light and hit me while I was walking across a crosswalk, that had a pretty low lingering impact on me even though that’s objectively the most danger I’ve ever been in and I do still have vivid memories of being face down in the middle of the road covered in asphalt burns and terrified to move beyond the trembling that I couldn’t control. After a few days I really did shake it off and had no ongoing mental symptoms or ongoing issues feeling safe in pedestrian zones. I would not consider that a trauma. But when I was driving years later and got T boned by someone speeding through a red light, I was much more okay physically than when I was physically smashed by a car, but for some reason the car accident stuck around much worse. I’d have panic attacks for years and would constantly miscalculate how risky other drivers around me were and I’d have to pull over and start crying if I felt like I’d almost been in another car accident. I’m not an expert, but I’ve always felt like a true trauma has to eff you up in some way even if it’s a repressed trauma. Like one of my more overt trauma responses in life has been inner child/childhood stuff from a turbulent childhood. So those flashbacks hit hard and I just feel like I’m not even in control of my body. It’ll be like 45 minutes of sobbing with hyperventilating, racing panicked thoughts and full body shaking that I can’t shake off or stop even if I try to pep talk myself. On the other end of the spectrum, I’m almost never consciously bothered or upset by being SA’d as a teenager, but I know it’s still a repressed trauma because I live a celibate lifestyle to ensure no one will ever touch me that way ever again. So it’s one of those things where even though it causes me no anguish or flashbacks or anything like that, I’ve radically altered my life in a way that does ultimately still hurt me. So long story short, in most cases I don’t believe something is truly traumatic unless you either develop clinical trauma symptoms like panicked sobbing flashbacks or emotional outburst breakdowns, develop a panic disorder or a clinical depression, or change your behavior in a selflimiting or detrimental way as a result of trauma. Also not trying to gatekeep trauma. In my personal life I’d never directly tell someone they haven’t experienced enough damage or ongoing symptoms to qualify as traumatized-but as a general conversation I do think it’s important to re-establish the borders between trauma and discomfort.
My counselor told me “your trauma is not your fault but it is your responsibility now. It’s your responsibility to learn and grow in a healthy way now that you’re safe”. I loved that.
I love that, too. I studied (Master’s degree) and work in psychology and get a bit frustrated seeing _some_ people act like once they have a diagnosis, that’s it, that’s the rest of their life and they can excuse any behavior or unhelpful thinking pattern or treatment of others by referring to that diagnosis instead of working to take steps towards moving forward. A psych diagnosis explains how your past affected your present, it doesn’t always have to define the rest of your future.
😂 Your trauma isn't your responsibility. Personal responsibility is a concept I agree with, but failed parenting is another thing.
@@brianna094responsibility isn’t fault, and while ofc kids are not to blame for shitty parenting, once those kids grow up they’re responsible for dealing with the ramifications of that trauma and how to move on. Diff things
I love this. It's so true.
@@brianna094 As an adult it is though. As long as I just accepted my problems nothing changed. As soon as I took responsibility and worked on it everything changed. That doesn't mean it's your fault what happened to you that just means it's your choice what to do with it now, suffer or be on your way to happiness.
The increased normalisation of mental health issues seemed to go hand in hand with theraputic language becoming common use words. Trigger is used in counselling all the time to discuss external causes of internal problems but is now synonomous with any sort of emotional reaction, and often used in a mocking way. Ironically it has actually become harder to express the difference between regular human experience and mental health problems
The problems that people with severe mental health issues have are often just more extreme iterations of what healthy people experience. There is no clear line in mental health. There’s a LOT of people in the area between healthy and institutionalized.
@@tonegoober I think I somewhat agree. But you also don't want the lines to blur between the most amd least severe. That leads to over and under reactions both in seeking support and in the provision of it.
When people make stupid jokes about trigger warnings, I remind them that those are for people with bad PTSD, like combat veterans, rape survivors, and families of suicide victims. That’s who they’re mocking when they make jokes like that.
@@evilsharkey8954any traumatic event can resurface when triggered. Saying those are the only things that traumatize someone is quite ignorant. Accidents, natural disasters, death, extreme situations, assault of any kind (robberies etc) and so on are all valid.
Mental illness and victimization is trendy now. It is like Munchausen syndrome on a societal scale.
I was diagnosed, to my great surprise, with PTSD. After counselling my life is completely changed. It’s saved my life
Yeh as long as it didn’t cost me and other taxpayers money then good for you 👍🏻
@@mrjagriffThe cost of our healthcare is greatly increased because we do not have a national healthcare system. All research points to this fact.
@@aidanconnolly9170 Mr. Jagriff prefers his narrative. Some folks just don't like well known liberal bias of actual reality.
@@mrjagriff ah yes, people using tax money for something that it should be used for.
Tax money should be going to providing necessary services. If you do not believe healthcare is a necessary service, you are both dumb and lucky enough to have never been seriously ill.
Why were you surprised at that diagnosis?
And on the flipside , people who are really traumatized playing it down as nothing serious " i get over this" nothing really worth , i have to be just strong enough alone.
Too many other men in my life are like this. Therapy isnt "unmasculine".
basically what he said towards the end.
@@DCxSkateboardingreal men dont need some atheist therapist talk about our feelings with
@@nocoincidences6 I hope this is a joke I'm tired of people using the term real when they don't even have the ability to describe what they mean by real
@@nocoincidences6real men go home and cry to sky daddies? 😮
As a practicing psychotherapist, I’m inclined to agree with him.
That being said, another big issue is people who’re actually traumatized being too ashamed or frightened and *not* seeking professional help. Now *that’s* a big problem.
It's the pitiful look on people's faces when I tell them what's happened to me that makes me not want to tell them. Then they walk on eggshells hoping not to trigger any traumatic memories I've had. They act like I'm fragile, like I'm broken. They take personal responsibility for something that happened long before they existed in my life. All of these on top of victim blaming and people who don't believe what I've told them makes me not want to tell anyone at all. It makes us feel ashamed. I have my diagnosis, I see a therapist, I've done the trauma work, I've gotten better. I wish people would see me for who I am and not just see DV and SA when they look at me. I am not who I am despite my childhood abuse. I'm not broken. I'm not crazy. I'm not emotionally unstable. I'm not my past.
I am intelligent.
I am kind.
I am passionate.
I am loving.
I am resilient.
I am deserving of good.
I am complete and whole.
I am present.
I am safe.
And content like this does not help traumatized people to come forward.
I believe the largest problem here is that someone who over reacts to normal, every day situations or events by calling it traumatizing will not know how to handle an actual traumatizing event in their life. They are essentially making themselves mentally and emotionally weak to future life experiences.
Violence and sexual abuse were apart of my life from infancy, so it was always normal to me. When I got older and discussed it, other people's big reactions scared me, more than the experiences. It was easier to not talk about it at all.
I'm not sure if that's better or worse than hearing, "we don't talk about that," " well, it's over now," "that's water under the bridge," and " You're just too sensitive."
i hate when people say “everyone has trauma.” they really don’t. most people can function normally and don’t know what it’s like to have a part of you trapped in the past and lose your identity to it. i also think we need to better distinguish between a rough upbringing and a traumatic childhood because they are not interchangeable
Same with "everybody has a difficult childhood!" and "everyone gets bullied in school!"
Yeah, no. Not everyone has to live through being other people's punching bag or realise your parents don't believe in you.
I think people also don't always realise the distinction between experiencing a traumatic event, and BEING traumatised (as in C/PTSD). But I also do think that a lot more people experience CPTSD - from chronic moderate-level stress - than is realised. I understand PTSD on a biological level as being a significant and ongoing disruption to the autonomic nervous system (eg, being stuck in a freeze, or flight response...although that's very simplistic) that over time wreaks havoc with a person's health.
@@graceb3934 That's probably why hyper vigilance is a thing. Your body is always on high alert, even when you don't realise it is.
Thank you for this.
I agree. It's like, people want to spread their victimhood to everybody else who's been in a remotely similar situation because they don't want to feel alone in their specific response. People tend to believe that everybody else is just like them and don't believe you when you have a different reaction... they refuse to understand that we can experience the exact same things but, because not everybody is the same, walk away with it affecting us differently.
As a victim of rape and abuse, it’s so sad seeing terms like “narcissist” “trauma” “gaslighting” and “assault” being so watered down
I know. I feel like no one believes me now.
@@retrorenegade1967 im sorry that that is happening to you, it is important for people to take issues like this seriously. i do feel a little like videos like this only make the issue worse tho: if a therapist goes around saying that a lot of people don't know what they are talking about or that they are self diagnosing it, so they cant be taken seriously, then a lot of people who have no knowledge on the topic will believe the therapist and also see genuine victims as people looking for attention.
i think the most important thing is that everyone gets taken seriously and gets the help and support they need, that way no one will go unseen, whether its big or small. its better to receive too much help, than receiving too little and go ignored. that way everyone who needs it, will get the support they want and need, and get respected for their struggles and traumas
i really feel like the issue lays with people not listening and seeing people with struggles, writing people off who want help as just looking for attention. if everyone gets the help they need, there is no need for people to be ignored or judged whether they are real or not. and there wont be a need for people to selfdiagnose themselves because they have access to proper help and diagnosis
This!
Yeah, it can be a real issue. I knew one woman who was called 'sensitive' during a gaming session (not innaccurate) characterise that as gaslighting. And I knew another woman I saw for a while, who does have significant mental health issues, go from 'these are my issues, you need to know why I react this way sometimes' to 'you must accommodate all of my reactions unquestioningly no matter how unreasonable.' It's a strange shift.
@@deojnwedofuWE that is honestly barely related to what we are talking about, it more sounds like you complaining about women tbh
"It takes the responsibility out of what you are feeling" great way of saying it.
I can't control how I feel but I can control how other people behave around me 🤔
I get that, but I do think some people do need to pinpoint why they are the way they are.
I am over people pleasing, and am afraid that people will leave me. Should I just buck up? Yes. But realizing that my friends at a young age literally abandoned me at a theme park helps me realize that I am secretly convinced people will just up and leave me all alone.
I don’t need to blame them for why I am overly people pleasing, but I can tell myself that it wasn’t my fault that they left me. That I didn’t deserve it and can’t change that.
Not just “suck it up, you’re too people pleasing.”
@rayesafan9628 oh I agree with that. After all, how can you take responsibility for something you don't even understand? I think taking the time to self reflect/evaluate is critically important to understand who you, and being able to correct the failures of your subconscious. Because your subconscious is like the government. Just because it notices a problem doesn't mean it has the right solution.
@jayzillawashere you can control how you feel most times. When you let little things make you have a nervous breakdown, the problem then is the way you react. Learn to react less. Ppl nowadays react to everything with feelings instead of using their minds to work through stuff
Yeah but this is normalized and probably has been forever. And not just with trauma.
How often do you hear someone say(or maybe even yourself say), “He made me feel…” or “That makes me feel…”. It’s embedded in our language to hold outside people or situations responsible for our feelings.
I remember my therapist really trying to explain to me that I was traumatised and I didn’t believe it. I genuinely thought I hadn’t suffered enough for a professional therapist to come to this conclusion. Trauma is not struggle, it’s a deep crack in your very existence.
❤😢❤
I've experienced this as well, I didn't know😢
I totally agree with this. Trauma isn’t something you experience one time and simply “get over”, more like a constant and repetitive response to certain stimuli after an initial traumatic event that you are forced to manage forever. Speaking from experience and years of trauma therapy.
I totally agree that trauma seems to never go away. I hear so many people saying to “just move on”, and when you experience trauma you really can’t. You just learn to cope with it and live with it. Sorta like you can’t magically make a physical wound go away, there will always be a scar.
Isn't that more PTSD though? Which is a more specific condition. I've experienced trauma, but I don't seem to be prone to PTSD (luckily enough). I did struggle with panic attacks for a while though, and have been hypersensitive & hypervigilant, but nothing I wasn't able to learn to cope with. So the consequences of traumatic experiences have been quite mild in me.
@@Snapdragonangelthissss
@@AylaMariannaThis!! I developed PTSD from my childhood, but my younger brother didn't. That does not mean he isn't traumatized. Trauma and PTSD are separate, one-way connected things. To have PTSD you need to have trauma. To have trauma, you do not need to have PTSD.
true but a one time event can absolutely be traumatizing and even trigger ptsd in somebody. but also what's traumatic for one person may not be for another. we can go through the same event and come out looking at it differently. the way our brains perceive similar information differently is so interesting to me!
I had a therapist ask me "are you depressed or are you just sad. Because those are two different things." And it hit me like a brick to the face.
People also don’t always understand the difference between being depressed and despondent.
Can you please explain the difference?
@@sweetreat30 depression can happen any time without a specific cause. Despondent is more like hopelessness. Depression doesn’t necessarily have to be hopelessness, it could be grief, just overall negative thinking…or even boredom similar to melancholy.
But…what i actually meant to say instead of despondence was dejection 🤦♀️
Dejection is kinda more temporary or can be, but it’s due to a specific cause like a disappointment…break up, financial crisis, job loss etc…
@@punkroxgirlI'm both. I have despondent days but my depression is chronic. It's not that I get better from my depression into a despondent state. I grow manic, and then I fall to a despondent state, and sometimes into severe debilitating depression. Depression makes it so I can't live, but when it goes into the cycle of severe, it makes it where I can't survive. I can't eat, I can't drink, I can't shower. Until some miracle gives me a moment of hope to continue with life.
@@booperdooper9762 that makes sense. I’m not bipolar, but I did have a manic reaction to a medication one time about 20 years ago and I will never forget it or the way I crashed after. I never experienced anything like it before or after that reaction.
I was actually misdiagnosed as bipolar because of it for years and I never really thought it fit after a short while.
After 10 years of therapy, my doctors removed the bipolar diagnosis and I was diagnosed with CPTSD and later ADHD. Those did fit and ADHD runs in my family but bipolar doesn’t.
I’ll always have a particular kind of empathy for what people with bipolar go through though, because of that one experience.
I found that in general when you find people who always say they're doing fine, nothing is wrong, and they never seem to flip out or get extremely stressed, usually those people have an absolute warzone going on in their head.
Everything is just fine!
Either that or depression. I tend to mask my anxiety & depression pretty often. I'm on meds & it has helped a lot but I still go through some depressive episodes & experience a good amount of anxiety.
Spitting facts
I'm one of those quiet types, but I don't know if my head is a war zone.
Mostly sad and lonely.😢
I used to be one who always masked for others comfortability.
he’s talking about the general overuse of what is an officially defined psychiatric term. Many people can experience some kind of hardship without it necessarily leading to trauma.
It’s not about “just get over it” because although whatever issue you may be facing wouldn’t be officially defined as ‘trauma’, it doesn’t mean that it is not worth care and attention.
Those same ppl also want an easy quick fix where they don't have to actually make any effort to change anything.
Exactly, no one's hardship is any less worthy. But the overuse of trauma overlooks the people who really do need professional help to get through it, compared to your one upsetting day.
@@coffeeandhorses7991 Statements like yours lead to behaviors like:
,,I can deal with this by goin to gym or doing different activities playing instruments etc." while thinking that if you don't overcome it yourself you are a crybabyand weak person which is pathological behaviour
Exactly similar to how saying you're 'depressed' undermines the significance of the diagnosis. When you're actually depressed or in the throes of trauma and tell someone, if they respond with 'Oh yes, me too lol' but just... live life normally, seemingly handling the struggle easily, that really fucks you up. Are you weak for not handling stuff? Should you actually seek help?
Words do have power...
@@thethirdtime9168 the counter there however is your just seeing the surface of the other person, your seeing their public face, nothing more. Its like an iceberg, 90% of it is hidden from you. They may be handling everything just as it seems, they may however go home and fall appart the second the door is closed. I know people like this, they believe they are required to put on the brave face for others and can never show weakness. This is especially common for men, especially ones raised with the old mindset of "a man provides", weakness or even the appearance of it is to them unacceptable in themselves and it makes things so much worse, as not only are they suffering, they suffer even more because of the shame of suffering and can't ask for help because that would make it even worse.
This is why as a society we need to stop judging people so much, stop expecting "normal", as simply put, we just don't know. We don't necessarily need to support others (that can be exceptionally hard to do), but we shouldn't make things worse for them either.
The term for this is called "concept creep" and it happens when words start to change their meanings overtime. Essentially this change in meaning to a category typically broadens or narrows that category (this is the former) therefore allowing more things to be labelled as such. There are more natural and slow progressions of CC but then there are more forced and rapid changes that occur (think the term racist or racism).
Interesting! Do you know of any possible ways to solve this issue? Would introducing a new term to differentiate the two help in your view?
@@cliffenyprize8489it's difficult to say. Sometimes adding words confused and dilutes more than it solves anything. Another thing to consider here is that "trauma" can be placed on a continuum from mild to severe. Trauma is also quite subjective in its impact on the individual. As I always teach in my trauma courses: "one person's excitement is another person's trauma".
racist and racism haven’t broadened as terms though… i mean maybe a little (with like people saying you can be racist towards white people) but generally it has stayed the same
Most want to label everything.
@@EstrelSteel anyone can be racist against anyone as long as you choose to class them as a different „race” in your pseudoscience.
For example, what even is „white” anyway? In the Americanized world view, if you’re „black” that means you have even the slightest bit of pigment in your skin, and if you’re „white” that means you have light skin but what about East Asians? Are they not white too? And let’s say someone is making fun of a Jamaican’s accent and dreads, is that not rasist? And if they have fairer skin, how about now?
Slavs didn’t used to be considered „white” by westerners and I know for a fact that I definitely ran into some blatantly racist people when I lived in the uk being born in Poland for being Polish and a Slav with an accent, was that not racism?
And now if I was darker skinned with the same background?
This whole western ideology around „race” is so dumb I really struggle to wrap my head around it
THANK YOU. Watching someone say they are traumatized by a fender bender belittles those who go through war or abuse, which really boils my blood. Even equating grief with trauma is a false syllogism.
Trauma can tear people up, even the strongest man I have ever known. To belittle it for some victim complex is incredibly dishonorable and inconsiderate.
I think it’s important to note how difficult it is to get health care and self diagnosis is honestly sometimes people trying to understand and do the best they can with what they have access to. This conversation is still important because I agree… but also if we’re looking at the extreme self diagnosis we have to look at the extreme lack of access to actual help. Not to mention the major distrust and lack of care for marginalized people.
Distrust by people like him.
Nah, you can literally get a therapist online now, it's not hard. Stop using buzzwords.
@@jonpaul6948A therapist isn’t the same as a psychologist or psychiatrist (the latter can prescribe medication). It really can cost hundreds of dollars in billing hours to go through all the tests required to be formally diagnosed and have access to something you may need, like medication. And sometimes a doctor may not be well-versed enough on the thing they’re diagnosing or have biases about it and NOT diagnose you, meaning you spent all that time and money for nothing. In addition, a formal diagnosis of something with a lot of stigma, like autism, DID, schizophrenia, etc. can result in people trying (or succeeding) to strip your legal rights from you under the assertion you can’t be trusted with things like money, getting your own medical prescriptions, buying a house or car, etc. In which case, a formal diagnosis may be too risky. So sometimes people self-diagnose in order to figure themselves out, find community, and learn ways to accommodate their needs without having access to assistance from the government or medical institutions.
And, not to be pedantic, but you wouldn’t GO to a psychiatrist for an ADHD diagnosis if you hadn’t already taken the time to research it, study your own life, and decide, “Yeah, this is worth getting a second opinion.” You have to somewhat self-diagnose yourself first before deciding to get an official one. 😉
Not everyone who needs help can afford it.
@@jonpaul6948 I’m speaking as someone who is in genuine need of help and has used online access before. Online therapy is laughable, at best. A therapist is trained for years in how someone’s body language can reveal their true feelings about trauma they have buried deep down so far that they can’t even remember it. They can’t see all of that body language on video call. They need to see the whole physical person to be able to tell if it’s an act, or if it’s real. That’s why every therapist on these apps will take everything you say with a grain of salt, and for those who need real help, that can be so damaging to not receive the kind of help you know you need. I can tell you in excruciating detail how hard it is to receive accommodations in the medical hellscape we have right now. So unless you have a better solution to these problems, kindly sit down and learn instead of opening your mouth.
There is a common misunderstanding that trauma is merely brutal physical abuse. Childhood trauma is very often experienced from emotionally volatile situations that they are stuck in for extended periods of time. As adults people often deny the fact that they had a traumatic childhood because they weren’t hit or assaulted, etc.
And they not only deny that *they* had a traumatic childhood, they also dismiss other people's childhood trauma, because their abuse was not physical
Nailed it. 👏👏👏
You need to be able to prove something was traumatic. You can't tell a person "you were traumatized because I say so" just because their domestic life wasn't like yours.
It's not trauma when you were grounded for summer
@@stansman5461you need to discuss it with your therapist, who will likely encourage you discussing it with your support system. You do not owe strangers, coworkers, acquaintances, etc any information about your traumatic experiences.
You’d think a doctor would know the difference and would be qualified to speak about it right?
On the other hand, people who HAVE been traumatized but have not yet healed from it, CAN very easily be re-traumatized by something that another person might view as merely upsetting.
Absolutely 💯
Aswell as some things might be simply upsetting if they happen just a few times in ones life compared to being traumatising if they happen to one all the time. Things like neglect, aswell as being excluded or ridiculed in social settings come to mind as examples.
@@nograe100% this. If you’re already mentally ill outside of trauma it compounds as well.
You’re not invited your friend’s parties, that’s not traumatic. Maybe get new friends if it happens too much. But if someone is purposefully left out of everything their entire childhood, socially outcasted and left completely alone: that is traumatic. A lack of support system (especially with unstable home life) with no friends is a complex form of trauma. But it only forms after prolonged time of this. Trauma can manifest from subtler things if it’s consistent and damaging enough. But because that’s a hard line to define, the meanings get blurred.
@@DoKuShOsTaR Exactly. And it so incredibly hard to really explain or pinpoint. Because it's a pattern that was traumatic, rather than a single event, which leads to also a broad spectrum of patterns being things that can potentially cause intense anxiety and panic. Things that often seem incredibly "minor" to others.
Like my brain is so used to being made fun of with me only way later realizing this or "friends" being fake just to have me around, because I am in some way "useful" to them and being ostracised and rejected as a person, that the slightes hint a person might not like me often leads me to withdraw from them entirely out of self-protection. And those are often things others would consider "harmless" remarks or jokes, but they are not harmless to my brain.
@@nograeI struggle with the same, after having experienced bullying as a preteen and not having gotten any support for it during that time
Yeah I'm in favor of not using any type of clinical language in a flippant way. I have OCD and PTSD and every day I get a little closer to screaming at the next person who says they're "so OCD" or "traumatized" by minor embarrassment. The lackadaisical use of these terms makes it so much more difficult for people like me to be taken seriously, especially by older members of my family who think everyone in our generation is too sensitive.
Precisely! I have diagnosed hypochondria and people use that term and OCD in such a flippant way. My MiL always says she’ll “so OCD”. She is not. It drives me bonkers. They are really invasive mental health issues that take joy and agency away from us in real life. You aren’t a hypochondriac because you joke about Covid every time you get a sniffle and you aren’t OCD because you can’t stop being annoyed that you missed a spot when you painted your living room.
The same with ADHD... if I hear "I had an ADHD moment" one more time... it trivializes the difficulty of what it truly means to have it and makes it so much harder to be taken seriously.
There are some nurses who think PTSD is if you were in the war.
@@lizgreer6888I have ADHD, and when I mess up, I'll say I had an ADHD moment, because it gets them to laugh rather than want to hurt me. Yes, I mess up often so they get sick of all my stupid mistakes. At least now they say, there she goes again and just laugh at me. It's better than getting yelled at.
@@marilynmay4095when I talk about being labeled (very recently) with CPTSD, people ask if I am a Vet; especially other Vets. I have to explain, I lived through my own war and start to explain a bit (a very small bit) of my childhood. They get it instantly. I've experienced the same things war vets have seen. It really is a no brainer, but I know people today have not lived like we did in the 70-80's.
So it's like going on and saying you're depressed when you're just upset right? Like English isnt my language nor is the first language where I live and I hate to say that depressed is just another synonym for sad and what's worse that anyone's who's genuinely depressed gets ignored well because everyone is depressed. I'm sleep deprived so I just wrote what came to my mind.
That’s actually a very good comparison.
Which is true. You can be depressed but that doesn't mean you have depression.
Yes, exactly. To be "depressed" in an every day context is more of a mood and kinda similar to a deep sadness, I guess. But for someone who is actually depressed, that's a mental illness that goes a lot further than a bad day.
That's very true, 100% agree with you 😊
My personal pet peeve is "I'm so OCD, I arrange my books by the color of their covers". OCD is not being particular with tidiness or order.
At this point, knowing what trauma means is difficult for me. I didn’t want to be one of those people who falsely calls things trauma (as discussed here), but unfortunately this led to me ignoring my own trauma and brushing it off as nothing. Then I took a trauma screening and it was painful to realize I actually do have trauma from my past.
What is a trauma screening?
@@jaybeanzx its a questionnaire given by a medical professional that looks into past hurtful events that might be trauma. You consider symptoms of anxiety related to those events, and determine whether or not those events qualify as traumatic for you. Very helpful!
@@fiveelevenevan Ah okay, thanks for explaining!
@@jaybeanzx no problemo
This is why speaking to a qualified mental health professional is beneficial
This is why I felt like a fraud when I was diagnosed with PTSD
Same. It doesn't help that people who self diagnose give themselves this Movie Idea of what PTSD looks like and so when I try and tell people, they don't believe me and just call me "toxic" and "abusive"
I have no idea if you have ptsd or not. What I find alarming is how many people saying they have new thing called C-Ptsd. It's apparently from childhood trauma and they wear it like a badge of honour or something. While some may have something similar, I can only guess the majority are caught up in the latest social contagion trend.
@saintejeannedarc9460 I'd suggest you to look up some credible sources about cptsd. It's something that can absolutely develop after years of constant abuse. And constant abuse (especially in childhood) existed a lot with ppl from the generation who are now in their 20s/30s. 100% valid and a serious problem bc our parents didn't go to therapy or dealt with their trauma so they gave it to their kids with things like emotional/physical/sexual absue (yes ANY violence) or harmful (and uneducated) cultural and religious practices/ideals and "parenting" tactics.
Having your body in a constant state of panic, fear, pain and stress for years on end with no way out - especially as a kid - can be extremly traumatic. Idk why'd you think otherwise. But I'm happy that apparently you never had to deal with something like that, bc it can have so much negative impact on your life.
Like I said, I'd strongly suggest you to do some research and educate yourself since you seem to have false and/or incomplete and harmful information right now.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 the C-PTSD thing bothers me too.. the c stands for "complex" what exactly makes one PTSD more complex than another? 🤔 i would argue all PTSD is complex, thus no need for any special distinction
@@AliciaGuitar C-PTSD includes other symptoms as well as some of the typical PTSD symptoms. It's a diagnostic term, not a descriptor of how 'bad' one's ptsd is.
As term trauma is entering the public sphere as a commonly known and used phrase it is being used more. Some of the time it is definetley unwarranted but a lot of the time it is. I am a person diagnosed with ptsd but you don't need to have that to have it to have had a trauma severly impact you as a person. Especially trauma from your childhood. A large part of the reason it's talked about so much now is that people realize what they haven't been aware of for so long. Something that has effected people since long before people were talking about it
You put it into words better than I could!
Agreed!
Trauma happens when something is overwhelming for your nervous system.
People are affected by different things and what may be overwhelming for one person can be totally fine for someone else (i.e. socializing when you have social anxiety - very different experience than socializing when you don’t have any kind of social anxiety).
However, there are also lots of experiences that would be overwhelming for anyone (i.e. active combat) and those kinds of experiences are often what most people tend to think of when they think about trauma, understandably. Doesn’t mean that’s the only kind of trauma, though.
I think it’s also important to recognize the difference between someone saying they’ve been “traumatized” out of exaggeration as a joke vs. someone being vulnerable enough to share something that was truly overwhelming for their nervous system.
Minimizing the perceived impact of trauma on a person’s life can be avoided by having empathy, listening, and being aware of the simple fact that other people have different experiences than you do and that EVERYONE is struggling with SOMETHING on some level.
So is it about the nervous system then?
I also would say that someone can be traumatized by an event when someone else isnt
I think… I disagree. Same context, same circumstances? No. I think people can react to trauma differently. I had many traumatic experiences so some of them felt “less” traumatic but it doesn’t mean my body and brain don’t still react to that trauma. I can’t think of an example where someone would be traumatized but someone else wouldn’t
@@torysings7468trauma is the interpretation of an event, not the event itself. However some events are much more likely to produce trauma than others
Nah.
@@torysings7468 context would be the reason. Based on your life experiences you may find a situation far more traumatic than somebody else.
@@torysings7468My manager and I got held up at gunpoint. I was fine and experienced no trauma from it. She was a wreck and it def traumatized her. Trauma forms when you perceive your life to be in danger. I didn't think it, but she did.
Lifelong trauma ≠ to Starbucks getting your ☕ order wrong.
Or getting misgendered
@@Hans_appointed That's a separate issue. Don't try and stir up some trouble here. Literally no one is talking about this
Could've come from someone that experienced being misgendered and you're just dismissing it. Nice job, the gatekeeping.@@codascheuer8426
@@codascheuer8426his point proven…..you’re triggered about it.
@@codascheuer8426 Actually, even if this case is made for provoking, there is an interesting discussion that can be made.
Getting misgendered is easy in a society that is binary especially from strangers who doesn't know you. Now, of course it shouldn't be considered a trauma but if someone gets misgendered from a stranger and reacts In a way that can be considered over reacting is not a good sign. If you have a feeling they are doing it because they want to be extremely upset about that, maybe you are right to think it. Not because they want to show off like a lot of people think but that is a typical behaviour for some anxiety related disorders. Is not wanted but the brain can take every situation that can be used against you and as I said is a really easy thing that can happen.
as a med student doing her psychiatry rotations rn what he said is so damn on point!.....like ppl use trauma for everything these without knowing what TRAUMA is!
I think you should learn proper English before continuing your medical education.
@tinkywinky4449 for skipping out days* While typing...really?...🤣...u never had a type error before?....I said what I observed. Questioning my education for a typo🤦♀️...Im here cause I passed the med exam evaluated by professionals in the field
@@jjfrost4678I believe they were referring to “ppl” and possibly “rn” but probably only “ppl”.
But I agree, although I don’t use shortened text speech very often, it’s literally the norm. For the most part (although obviously there are different cases) it doesn’t signify someone isn’t intelligent or that they’re uneducated.
Congratulations on getting into medical school. Wishing you luck with your rotations and exams! I’m a cardiology nurse, this hospital life is the Wild West, keep your sanity while you can 😂
@katielynch9740 well I hv no words for that 'ppl' part....short text r my thing....and thanks a lot for ur encouraging words💕🥰...yes medicine is wild!...congratulations on being a cardiology nurse, it's a tough job! Keep going😘
How else to call these events that possibly reshaped your behaviour without realising it.
Oh my god!! I’ve been saying this for so long now and it’s so good to see reputable people speak about it!! It’s happened to, for example, “depression” in the past, that it feels like some people genuinely see “depression” as a mere feeling and not an illness.
Language nerd here. Guess what? Language *changes*. Crazy, huh? You’re going to get old one day and the words you know today may not mean the same thing. Happens everywhere literally all the time. Wild.
@@ariellev9185 I know words change. In barely 100 years my language has gone from unrecognisable to what we speak today (Swedish), but I’m saying we can’t let that happen. *CANNOT*. Depression, anorexia, gaslighting, trauma - these are examples of real illnesses that make or can make peoples lives difficult. They’re not cute quirks and personality traits, they’re illnesses.
@@elenavthorn welcome to our life in America, where people change the meaning of words on a whim and everyone else is expected to follow along
Depression is FAKE, the pharmaceutical companies and the government created mental illness to sell drugs and control the population, people need to stop feeling sorry for themselves, life is not that bad
A bit like people confusing being “in shock” with being “shocked”.
Or being ‘depressed’ to having ‘depression’ HUGE differences that I feel people should know about.
this is why I say "shook" instead
Ppl also confuse being in a state of traumatic psychological shock (dif than "shocked") w/ the emergency physiological medical syndrome of "going into shock".
"in shock" and "shocked" are the same to me and by dictionary definitions. depending on the context, you can tell what it means. however, as @theprotogen1006 mentioned, having depression vs being depressed is different.
@@chrissyj_ Incorrect. Not sure where u went to school but "shock" is a potentially fatal medical syndrome characterized by a state of insufficient blood flow to bodily tissues. Initial symptoms include weakness, fast heart rate,/ breathing, sweating, anxiety, & increased thirst. This may be followed by confusion, unconsciousness, or cardiac arrest, as complications worsen.
Wikipedia is free.
This man is absolutely right! It is so refreshing to hear these words spoken.
Personally, I have the opposite problem. I tend to think things are fine when I'm actively developing PTSD.
I didn't realize I was being abused 90% that I was in the past. I also had nightmares of my abusive ex trying to kill me for over a decade before realizing it was a trauma response. The dreams were nearly nightly for a time there. Thankfully as times go by, the dreams become both less frequent and less intense.
Your UA-cam name is ‘paranoia princess’
@@HkFinn83 p.s. if the number in your name is your birth year, were the same age ^-^
It was your brain trying to protect you by taking “control” because realizing it’s just something horrible and something that is unexplainable is a lot harder than “I deserved it” or “this is normal”
@@torysings7468 it literally took reading a pamphlet about abuse while waiting to meet my lawyer for me custody battle for my son. I was able to tell the judge, because of the pamphlet, just how bad my ex was, abusive and irresponsible, having literally abused me in every way, unless you count the one physical incident as a fight and not an attack. I'm still unsure myself. I do like to differentiate though that the sexual abuse was advised and not sexual attacks if you get my meaning. Basically rape doesn't have to be violent and in my case it wasn't, but it was still rape. I'm just thankful that the only thing that could possibly be considered rape when convincing my child, was no condom manipulation. It happened months before and was an ongoing abuse, but my son wasn't born out of violence not rape. And I got full custody 13 full years ago :) and the ahole has not been in my life since, and been limited in my son's and solely with supervision.
Sorry for the trauma dump, I just felt it work be helpful to elaborate.
@@paranoiarpincess I’m happy you got full custody and I fully understand the “nonviolent” sexual stuff
I totally agree with this- I’m a psych major and I used to work in child safety- some of THOSE kids have legitimate trauma from their upbringing so it frustrates me to hear teenagers etc saying things like “I was triggered” etc- when all they actually mean is a certain experience caused a mild negative reaction/response from them!🤷♀️🙄
Or having overreacted responses to stuffs that shouldn’t be that triggering.
for me 'being triggered' is something everybody can use if they want to. you can't expect everyone to talk perfectly, especially when it comes to psychology. ppl are dumb af, don't forget that ^^ there are other awfully used words that are a no-go for me but 'triggered'? naah.
@@Lppt87who are you to judge for other ppl what is huge enough to be triggering? such an arrogant and ignorant comment coming from someone being not that clever... 🥸
@@kalyasaify I agree but it also makes it harder to be taken seriously if you have ptsd triggers. Because then when I say that I’m triggered and about to have a panic attack it’s very frustrating for someone else to be like “omg I get triggered to!” When they literally are just talking about being slightly uncomfortable when I’m literally suffering so bad I want to die. I think it just makes it difficult to express the severity of the emotional reaction
@@samysue10 From the sounds of it, you have NO business working in psych under any circumstances
Yes, thank you. My husband doesn’t understand this. I have severe cptsd and he’ll say things like “move on” or “get over it.” It sends me into an episode. I already feel so vulnerable talking about my feelings and to be told “just move on” is extremely heart wrenching to hear. I’m talking about my issues and feelings because that is my way of moving on. 😢
Run run run you don t need a husband like that
I'm sorry your husband is unaware of just how deeply your previous experiences still affect you. Perhaps, if he were willing, you both could work toward a healthier way to communicate how your past still intrudes on your life today. Maybe he simply doesn't understand how C-PTSD works, how it's a life altering diagnosis. Someone outside of your relationship may help him understand.
If he is unwilling to do the work to understand why, and how, your mental health is managed, maybe you should step back, take time, and reevaluate the relationship.
Taking care of each other, understanding our partner's needs, physical and mental, is a cornerstone of a strong, lasting relationship.
I wish you the very best. I do hope you're able to find a good place to work through the healing you need.
Men react that way because that's how they are expected to deal with trauma. When was the last time you heard a man talk about their trauma? In his mind he is helping you by telling you to buck up because men are doers, not "complainers." -that is how they get thru their trauma. I've learned that my husband can do a lot of things for me, but he can not understand my cptsd, one reason being that he never experienced it. I stopped talking to him about things he doesn't have the tools to understand because it just hurts me and frustrates him. That is what counselors are for. Allow him to love you in the ways he knows how which is typically by providing.
@@mojo7493 this is exactly right. Men seem insensitive to feelings because we're taught to hide them. From my perspective I can't do anything useful with action to help what's in your mind. Saying "Get over it and move on" is the male equivalent of patting you on the back and saying "there there." End of the day you are the only one who can fix the problem so what more is there to say?
@@mojo7493Yes, you're right. That doesn't mean that men can't learn how to be more sensitive with their partners feelings (for their own good) and women can't learn how to process feelings from a different perspective (for their own good too). My partner and I have been together for almost two decades and, as we built our safe space around each other, we both have learned to express our feelings and listen, and then give our input on what would be a good action plan. Not easy, but doable.
I've been saying this for years I'm glad it's getting talked about. Trauma is a moment of scaring on the brain it's a large shock to the brain. Physical trauma is a large injury that caused acute damage. Psychologically trauma is a big impact a moment that is seared to the brain. It can be in varying degrees but it gets overused for, as the video said, situations that were just upsetting. For example, a lot of people say they have childhood trauma when in reality sometimes their childhood was merely upsetting or they felt their parents did them an injustice.
Psychological Trauma isnt experiencing a negative event. Its the lasting impact that negative effect has mentally.
When I was a kid I've dealt with situations that most people may consider traumatic (my parents were the type to use corporal punishments and were never really home), but i havent suffered mentally from it (and ive been to a therapist.)
An experience that did leave a lasting negative impact on me is witnessing my granddad going through fits of confusion everytime he was in the hospital. Now I cant help but become tense visiting hospital settings because all I can think about was how miserable, and strange my granddad became whenever he went to one.
Its the effect, not the cause that makes something a psychological trauma
Yes thank you for saying this, it really does depend on the individual and how an event is processed❤
Yep! I was physically punished several times as a kid for being a shithead. I don't sit around flinching at every belt I see or raised hand. There was a time when I was younger that I'd get anxiety when I'd hear my dad walk through the door, thinking there was something that I'd done and forgotten about that he was going to yell at me for. But eventually he stopped doing that and I stopped having those anxieties. And I even started to look forward to him coming home during my teenage years. Things changed and got better because I cleaned up my act. Could he have done a better job? Absolutely. But when you associate your father with punishment, it's a natural reaction. The question is, does it stay with you even into your 20s, 30s, 40s? That's when it gets to be a problem.
One thing that HAS stuck with me even to this day, is that I had lots of family who would poke me in the ribs, put me in headlocks, twist my arms, or jab me with their finger, all from behind or in my blind spots. All under the guise of being "playful" and "rough housing". And now I can not and will not sit with my back to an open room because of this. I get an overwhelming anxiety like something horrible is going to happen if I can't see the whole room. And it's something that I will have to live with for the rest of my life.
@@pringles_mcgee you don't flinch at these things now because you are a grownup and can defend yourself. Getting hit sucks no matter what and creates angry people whether trauma is a subject or not. Some stuff is hogwash and some stuff is legit.
It takes the responsibility & the seriousness out of it. So tired of hearing people say, oh I have anxiety too or I’m so OCD..or joke about having ptsd over something stupid. A trauma is not just an upset. It’s a life changing event. Unreal how people try to belittle things that are a daily issue for some people. I get some people are just trying to understand or just trying to make you feel normal. But they are minimizing a serious issue. Just like there is a difference between saying I feel sad over something & someone actually being clinically depressed with something such as bipolar. Being sad over an event for a moment in time is not the same as a lifetime full of depression. I dont know if I’m making myself clear or just confusing people. I have a TBI & aphasia. So sometimes I can’t explain things clearly. But I absolutely get what this guy is saying. And he’s right.
Trauma is not just being upset by something. Trauma is when an event or series of events impairs your ability to function as a healthy human being. The severity of the event doesn’t matter, it’s how it affects your life afterwards. If you can get over it in the course of a day or a week and never look back, it’s not trauma
Thank you!! Yes!!!!! 100 percent correct.
Bingo!
I wouldn’t say it “impairs” your ability to function as a “healthy human being.” Rather, it changes your brain so that your body responds to certain stimuli a certain way. You can have trauma and still function perfectly fine.
People need to stop feeling sorry for themselves, life is not hard, pharmaceutical companies and the government have brainwashed society into believing something is wrong with everyone by making up FAKE symptoms and diagnosis about FAKE disorders, people have become a bunch of cry babies
There you go
As someone diagnosed with CPTSD, & has high anxiety I never would've said I was traumatized until I was told By my therapist that I was.... It might seem irresponsible, but many of us need it to be a more normalized thing BC we undervalue our own traumas to such a high degree we just think we're over reacting.. sometimes it's just straight up gaslighting ourselves.
This!
And then jackasses see videos like this and feel like they can become the "whose trauma is valid" police, exactly like they're doing in these comments. Unprofessional judgement is just as bad as unprofessional/flippant use of terms like trauma and trigger. Empathy is still a good thing, folks. ❤
I feel and agree with you, I feel like this video will do way more harm than good. Over diagnosis is not good, but it does way less harm than people being sceptical about people asking for help with mental help issues. Especially since people with mental illness tend to avoid asking for help to begin with. People with mental health issues being ignored or not taken seriously has been a major issue for a long time, so I'm not sure if this "therapist" is making the right call by doing this
I definitely didn’t think I had C-PTSD until it was brought up to me by my therapist. It was weird because I knew I had issues related to a traumatic upbringing but I didn’t expect to have PTSD. I think people tend to have a movie-style idea of what PTSD is and think it means you’re mentally teleported to a different place or something.
@@RoseWhitmoreyeah, I’m not a fan of this video either. The people it resonated with are people who push their problems down and pretend they have none. Whack af.
i 100% agree.
if EVERYTHING is "traumatic" , nothing is.
I'm pretty sure it's often a lack of better words to describe concepts, every "first thing" we encounter, especially if it bears bad results is "traumatic" in a sense, when in reality it's just a limiting belief being burned into your memory due to how the amygdala works in that scenario
Trauma can have profound and lasting effects on an individual's mental and emotional well-being. I guess it's not easy to overcome trauma speaking from experience.
I agree... Even complex trauma.
But it can be done. I have a friend who chooses to be traumatized rather than address her own shortcomings. Her attitude is that "I will be traumatized til the day I die and it's not my fault." Meanwhile she's miserable each and every day.
@@donnazasgoat2274the thing is sometimes this kind a true but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. I’m pretty happy to say while some of that trauma is still there for me it’s way easier to deal with than it was 10 years ago
Yeah. But what he’s saying is we are now saying a stubbed toe is considered a major trauma. Much like when everyone is racist no one is racist
@@donnazasgoat2274 You’re not a friend if this is how you speak about her to strangers. It doesn’t sound like you are trying to understand what she is experiencing at all.
Trauma is about safety. You feel safe, and then suddenly, without warning, feel unsafe. And it's not an empirical process. Something traumatizing to one person isn't to another.
And then there's microtraumas, which are small moments of unsafety, that are chronically in place, building and building, until one day, one of them is the last one that person can take.
"I believe you have my stapler"
It is SO hard even to differentiate within myself what IS or was traumatizing due to this. I’ve had several situations with my mental health professionals where I thought I was being dramatic, or it wasn’t “bad enough” to be traumatizing, yet it was.
The key here is the inability to move past it, and an event which occurred in the past preventing you from moving forward and interfering with your life on a regular basis.
There was an interesting study about comfort. They concluded that people don’t get more comfortable in environments with less stressors, but the threshold for what caused stress lowers!!! So people will always find something to complain about
Do you have a few key words to search for this study? I found several relating to univeristy student mental health. Is it one of those? Do you happen to remember the names of the people conducting the study? Im interested!
@@Jinnyfir sure! Look up “Prevalence-induced concept change in human judgment” by DE Levari
@@Jinnyfir sure! Look up “Prevalence-induced concept change in human judgment” by DE Levari
💯
Of course, all that is only true when the amount of stressors, and their intensity, is at a reasonable level.
There are some environments where you simple CAN'T get comfortable, no matter how "used to it" you get.
I think that we are becoming more aware of trauma and how it affects us, and as a result people are being hypersensitive to it... but I think its a natural ebb and flow of sociological change. But sometimes it is very, very frustrating how many people use "trauma" as an excuse for avoiding unpleasant situations, which makes it harder to address issues when they arise because we don't practice conflict resolution.
Remember how you feel, and what are facts are two different things sometimes, my psychologist reminded me of this.
I didn't think I had trauma, it wasn't until I spoke to a therapist that what I went through was not just me being in my head or over thinking.
Same!
I think most people with real trauma have a phase of being like “haha no it wasn’t” because it’s the brain’s defense mechanism especially for young minds. Like me as a kid getting groomed and my brain tried to protect me by making me hyper sexual and seeking out continuing the cycle of abuse because when I slowed down and thought about it and thought about how none of it was my fault and it was a horrible thing that happened to me that shouldn’t have and there is no excuse. That was a lot more devastating. It was so much harder to process it as an atrocity than just “no that’s what I wanted” “no I asked for it” “no that’s Normal” “no it’s my fault” they aren’t healthy but they have a false sense of control. Like feeling guilt or fault during mourning because it’s something you can control
@@torysings7468 I kind of had the opposite. Not going to air out my trauma for the internet, but I always knew I had it and belittled it to the point where I convinced myself I was fine. Also why I was actually excited when I was on my own health insurance and could start therapy lol
@@Samcheese4 that’s exactly what i described your just one step closer to healing because your out of denial and into belittling or maybe you were emotionally intelligent enough or it was bad enough to have there never be denial but yeah that’s not really the oposite of what I described. LOVE THAT YOUR INSURANCE NOW TAKING CARE OF YOU AND I HOPE YOU HEAL AMAZINGLY ALL YOU NEED!
But if some event that most people wouldnt consider severe leads to PTSD symptoms (flashbacks to that event, recurring nightmares, hyper vigilance, altering of habits to avoid similar events, etc.) Would that not be trauma?
If they deny it's a trauma with the symptoms of trauma, then it's a trauma. There are people who experience situations that might be traumatic for someone else but they don't internalize it as traumatic and have no symptoms, then they are more resilient and don't need help unless at some point they begin to manifest symptoms.
Trauma isnt something negative that happens quickly and is gotten over, it leaves a longlasting impression. I believe that was his point. So, of course if youre having symptoms, it was traumatic for you. But describing inconveniences or things not going your way as traumatizing is just emotional manipulation and leads to more problems. You choose who you are by how you behave, so things like emotionally manipulating others will lead to your brain naturally doing that by habit, and morals become greyer due to justifications. Those are some of the reasons its bad to pretend to be traumatized when youre not actually having symptoms. Incase youre unaware, some people fake it, joke about it, mock it, etc. Theyre the problem.
That being said, the best way for you to get over the trauma is likely by making yourself learn and understand the perspective of others who do not view your experience as traumatizing. Then, try to empathize with that and level with yourself. Remember, youre in control and everything in life is just a choice❤ that helps me immensely all the time, so I hope it helps you, too❤ I have complex PTSD from years of abuse. Youre not alone❤ God bless❤✝️❤
@@synergy2222 this is how my therapist described it to me as well. He said there are some people who can walk away from horrific situations and be emotionally and mentally okay, but others can be deeply affected by something that may seem trivial in comparison.
Yes, that would be trauma but THAT is not what they are discussing. They are discussing thing that people are calling trauma because it bothers them in the moment but does NOT give them flashbacks to that event, recurring nightmares, hyper vigilance, altering of habits to avoid similar events.
Someone may be in line at a Star-bucks that is going slow. They act like that is trauma just because the want the line to go faster. Not because of an anxiety issue just because THEY want things to go faster.
For many people it is a way to get attention and feel special, nothing more nothing less.
We should be more considerate of others who have really difficult times adjusting but that does not mean that there are people that take advantage of that.
I think he's talking about people saying they're 'traumatized' when they don't have any symptoms and don't really know what that means & how the language that they're using undermines people who have trauma
I was very surprised doing EDMR therapy I picked a less traumatic memory and realised it wasn’t as traumatic as I thought and then I went to my worst experience and then I truly realised how trauma effects you reopening the wounds holding me back from living normally - I’m still doing it but it did make me realise trauma at its worst is something else
As a psychotherapist, I 100% agree. I see this a lot with my younger patients especially, and I feel that it's led to a hesitance to utilize coping skills because of the "trauma." I also see less regular resilience in these patients, and it's quite concerning 😟
While it is an issue, I do worry that broadcasting things like this to the wider public can do more harm than good. It happens way too often that people with mental health issues are ignored or not taken seriously, and most people with mental health issues are already unlikely to reach out for help to begin with. For the broader public to see this and not fully understand it, I feel like it'll result in more people not taking mental health or cries for help seriously. Mental health acceptance is not quite at the place yet where we can make statements like that just yet
I do wonder why they think they shouldn't learn coping skills. Even people with diagnosed trauma, PTSD, and C-PTSD are taught to learn coping skills to function.
@@shayerahol6434 If they have coping skills then they won't have an excuse for their behavior.
Coping skills I learned from 10 years of therapy (CBT with existential therapy and other methods combined) for childhood trauma probably saved my life.
When I lost my dad to suicide, I often had conversations in my head as if I were talking to my psychologist. I had to stay at my dad’s house 700 miles from home because of probate. He didn’t have a notarized will and his “estate” was much more debt than assets. When I came home after a year and a half, I went right back to my psychologist and he was concerned about the relationship I rushed into a week after returning. I didn’t listen at first, but it was in the back of my mind and when the relationship became abusive, I heard his words louder and more often in my mind and left that relationship and went no contact with the abuser. If I had stayed, I very easily could have been killed by now.
The best coping skills I learned were grounding techniques during panic and also developing the habit of questioning my own automatic negative thoughts. It took years to learn to do it regularly, but it helped me get rid of the cycle of unnecessary guilt and shame that would have kept me in that relationship. Coping skills helped me more than any medication I was ever prescribed by psychiatrists. In fact, most of those medications only caused more issues. Not learning coping skills are why so many people end up with addiction and other destructive behaviors.
Reminds me of the Frasier episode where he was talking to a first year psychology student that thought he could be having all sorts of issues
I have PTSD. I don't talk about it unless i have to.
But in this case - the way people now say a hang nail is traumatic - it both devalues what i (and so many others) went thru, and desensitizes everyone to actual trauma, since actual trauma and hang nails are being conflated...
This comments section is FILLED with comments about why THEY have issues and on and on and on...
Why their trauma is "valid"... it's wild.
OP I agree completely.
As a recovering addict myself, I'd love to hear more about why and how people have succeeded, not just why their "trauma counts" or why their childhood was horrible...
Tell me about how you've gotten past it, not about why you can't. Just the fact that some of us are here to comment is a miracle. Life is beautiful.
My therapist refers to it as Big T, and Little T. Both valid, but very different. I think most people have Little T. 🧡
@@Nyctonautwe're not allowed to vent while we're in the process of getting "unstuck"?
@@msjkramey of course you can but heres the thing. No one is ever "unstuck" it's just degrees of management.
The point I'm trying to make is if you focused 100x more on your successes than your failures then I promise you'll see every small victory as a success.
For example.
You could post
"I couldn't do anything today, I ended up staying home and not even leaving the house once. I only managed to clean for half and hour..."
Or
"I managed to get out of bed today, I even got the bed made, AND cleaned the living room. And I'm proud of that."
See how the same circumstances can lead to a totally different view on where you're at?
We need some posivity, not thousands of people posturing about *why* their trauma matters.
@@Nyctonaut Was gonna be a longer comment, decided to rethink it. You’re sorta right, but you’re bringing in some toxic positivity. People need to talk about the bad parts of life, why they’re relevant, and why that stuff is holding them back to figure out how to minimize consistent damage and fix the problem. I can’t just keep going “Man, I’m great, I got out of BED, so I don’t have to worry about doing anything else!” when I have bills to pay, or my hair is falling out because I haven’t showered in months. Your comment could be misinterpreted as that. Besides, those with trauma probably wouldn’t think that way anyway. Your advice isn’t helpful when it’s inadvertently telling people to suffer in silence. It’s easy to misread your comment as “Your trauma doesn’t matter so don’t bring it up, you’ll inconvenience people.”
Negativity and positivity have to be balanced. The way it should be communicated is that it’s stepping stones. Like, “I got out of bed, wow! I was able to do that, what do I need to do next that I can do??” Using positivity as a motivation rather than just “a way you should be/feel about yourself.” You also didn’t present effective ways to apply it. You didn’t ask for criticism, but also you weren’t asked whether people should be allowed to keep talking about their trauma or not or how positive people should be all the time.
Part of it might be that an improved understanding leads to people seeing "lesser" versions of trauma in there day to day life as they see how even events that are just upsetting can still have a small effect on their lives in a way similar to how actual trauma has much bigger effects.
Finally someone is saying it. Normalising Mental illness is good but it makes everyone think they are ill. You then get people who are depressed for most of their lives and doctors don't take them seriously and tell them they just need a friend and to go and get a boyfriend
Doctors were doing that already though... It doesn't really have anything to do with normalizing mental health, so much as people misunderstanding or purposely stealing and misusing therapy terminology
@@aff77141they were doing it for different reasons before though - because the doctors didnt really take it seriously. Now they try to, but get so many more cases they can’t take them all on, so try to cut down which ones they think might be less severe.
The problem is it all depends on how the person words it, so if they understate how bad it is they might not get the help they need because someone else did a better job at convincing the doctor they needed help.
A lot of people are ill, though. It's just that people think once they recognize how they're ill they think they're powerless to make changes.
Omg I have to take a narcotic anxiety medication because I have severe anxiety and ptsd. Have since childhood and adulthood hasn't been a lot better. A couple of days ago a PHARMACIST tried to tell me I didn't need to be on that medication because blah blah blah. I told her my Dr and I had already had all of these discussions and my dosage has not gone up one time. She carried on and on top the point that she literally denied me my medication and told me her it the next day when she wasn't there which is illegal and 100% unethical. Not to mention I get she's a pharmacist and understands medication but she doesn't know me personally or my issues. My Dr does.
That’s why I think it’s important that we become educated on what the fine line is with a mental illness. It is only a mental illness if it causes you suffering and makes it difficult to function consistently.
"It takes the responsibility away" exactly!
I agree. I have always felt something wrong w someone saying they were traumatized by typical "let downs". I just never knew how to put it into words. There is a difference between trauma and just going through something upsetting. I try not to judge others but there is a difference between I survived SA and my father took away my car. One is trauma the other... upsetting.
I think he's right to an extent. I was recently diagnosed with ptsd and i dont think I have it as bad as people who have been through some very traumatic experiences. So I dont tell people about it because it feels minor in relation to other people's traumas.
Most people with real trauma rather down play it because it’s a brains defense mechanism. Because it feels like you can control it. Or downplay it so you don’t have to face how truly horrible it was to you and how it affected you. It takes a really really emotionally intelligent person to experience something actually traumatic and be like “okay yeah that was traumatic and I am now traumatized for the rest of my life” it’s… almost nearly impossible even for victims of sexual assault and abuse. That’s why all of a sudden everybody being able to point out their “trauma” but also not be ready to deal with it or change, or have the emotional intelligence to do so is… suspicious. I was only able to work through my trauma and heal once I realized it was traumatic and not my fault and that was after so long and it was devastating
Man, the camera is crispy.
Repeated over a long period of time like 10+ yrs esp in childhood or while the brain is still developing IS not nothing. We need to validate ppls struggles but also it means u gotta put work into it to minimize these struggles. Not use it as an excuse.
Better to go in and can evaluated then to chock it up to yourself I think…
Best case? You’re overthinking it
Worst case? It’s as bad as you thought
As someone who was severely abused for my entire childhood and adolescence, I disagree with this. I have no problem with people saying that things they experienced were traumatic and I don't think it takes anything from me because no one really cares either way. But mostly because its going to make people who experienced trauma from non abusive situations to think they haven't actually experienced trauma. In the comments someone said that being down on your luck isn't trauma. Tell that to homeless people. Better yet, take your kids into a homeless shelter for a week with no money and tell me you didn't feel unsafe and panicked the entire time. Experience what its like to live less than pay check to pay check with your bills being more than your income and tell me thats not traumatic. And another thing this doesn't consider is that what may look like something trivial to you could actually be a trigger for someone and you just assume its nothing serious. For example, my best friend in high school use to have panic attacks during tests. All our friends thought she was being dramatic but I knew her dad and how he treated her when she didn't make perfect grades and she thought she was bad at tests and I told her she probably would be a lot better if he hadn't conditioned her to be afraid the whole time so she could actually focus on the test and memorizing the notes with me instead of worrying out loud about how she was going to fail it and he was going to kill her. My older sister cant do dishes. Its tied to a traumatic event for us. I also cant stand to do them by hand but I have learned that I can blast music my grandma use to sing and pretend that I'm her in her kitchen and not remember what happened to younger me at my house when I was doing the dishes. Ive taught my sister my method but she still cant stand it. It took me years and years and I'm still not comfortable and it still triggers memories so I get it but other people think she's just lazy and avoids hard work which is far from the truth. My ex friend Stacy has trauma that caused her to have extreme rejection sensitivity. She falls in love at first site. When a guy betrays her or rejects her she behaves like its the end of the world because for her its not just a breakup, its reliving things she hasn't been able to heal from childhood wounds. Anyway, my point is that we should not be trying to gatekeep what is trauma and what is not because we never really know the extent of how much inner pain something is actually causing and the worst thing is to invalidate someone's trauma
I agree 1000%. This comment should be pinned.
There's a simple thing you're overlooking, if everything is traumatic, then nothing is traumatic
This was an incredible counter point! I wish I could copy and paste it into my notes app honestly-
The part where you provided the example of:
“Tell that to the homeless, better yet bring your child into a homeless shelter for a few weeks and see if you are not completely panicked…”
Very powerful point! And a very good illumination of poor and working class realities and a Class-based view!
As someone literally diagnosed with cptsd, ptsd, major depressive disorder and anxiety: I absolutely 100% agree. Sure it’s important to understand what constitutes as trauma/a traumatic experience as opposed to regular life struggles but trauma comes in many different forms and creeps in many different ways. I think the difference between trauma and a regular struggle is how it affects your ability to function “normally”. Either way, majority people do experience hardship and it’s not my place to invalidate that.
@@something73110be quiet, dork.
I would say the flip side is also true. Like I had nurses get ptsd from taking care of covid patients and having nightmares and stuff. Others would say oh “we were all traumatized during covid” or “well that’s your job” but that doesn’t change the fact that it was traumatic and left a lasting impression meeting diagnostic criteria for THAT person. It’s not always a war zone is my point. It tends to be situations where one felt that one did not have any control
I don't disagree, but while we're on the topic of self diagnosis, I believe that if mental health care was more affordable and accessible, there would be far less of that going on.
It's easy to criticize people who are going through difficult times with no proper support. People with lower incomes are faced with either living with their struggles or helping themselves any way that they can, and that includes doing research on the internet. It's obviously not ideal, but when you can't fork over an arm and a leg to see someone who can properly treat you, it's the best option.
What you're describing is mainly a US problem.
@@Teuwufel living in poverty in the US is traumatic in its own ways.
You would think..I'm living in the Netherlands.
Mental health is very important here. Adults get most forms of therapy fully covered for the first year... some for life.
Anyone under 18 is just covered till whenever they're done with it.
We still have the trend of youths self diagnosing. It has gotten ridiculous. If you actually had OCD or an eating disorder, you'd be in therapy very easily and everyone around you would be encouraging it. Its definitely a social media trend in the youths
@@Teuwufel it’s a problem in Canada too. Mental health care is only covered here under certain circumstances. Otherwise we have to have good insurance or pay out of pocket
So nice to hear a doctor actually say this. Everyone is whining how they were traumatized by something that is sad, but not even slightly life changing
It's a bit like policing people for their subjective situation experience. Understanding and acknowledging trauma is so important to actually overcome it. (As many here have written; People with trauma often downplay it. Quite possible because they start to measure their experiences with those of people who had it 'worse'). It is not up to others to decide what's 'really' traumatic. If we wanted to measure that, everyone would lose: "Oh yes, your partner hit you? Well, don't complain, others lived through war... Oh, you had an abusive parent? Well, I was repeatedly assaulted..." That's an infantile measurement.
THIS!!!!!!!!
Totally agree! Well said!
Could not agree more thank you!
Exactly
I think he may be discussing people who do not study and think about their usage. For example, I will say something had behaviors like PTSD knwoinf that PTSD is made from the enviroment changing from predicable to unpredictable in a way that make you question reality, and that if a person has a community or back up it is almost never going to truely develope into long-term PTSD.
So therefore, I can use is to discuss shock that hazes you temporarily- but not say that is PTSD- just that the behaviors surrounding this issue was probably caused by the same mechanism that can be something much more serious.
Other people will just say they have PTSD because the have a symptoms or two that do not last or anything that proves itself true. It's used as a emphasis or emotional response over a detailed thought process of how the human mind functions both on the minor and huge ends.
As a psychology student and a young person of a generation who does this, I agree with this. It's important to be sensitive about people's problems, but we can do that without pathologizing difficult-but-normal life events.
100% agree with another commenter who said that this doesn't mean we can decide for people what is and isn't traumatic or that trauma is only physical... It's a fine line, but I believe some people's life can seriously become better by turning their language down a notch, because it does change perspective.
@@chickenskink1 As a matter of fact, society does get to decide. Getting a tiny splinter in a finger is not traumatic. Having a hem come lose is not traumatic. Trauma has a very clear definition. If something does not meet that definition, it is NOT trauma.
@@shakeyj4523 but this isn’t just about trivial things. Yes there are people who cry over little thing, such as the things you listed, but it’s more of an issue of people who, for example, have a strict parent that they didn’t get along with as teens and then say they had a traumatic childhood. When I’m reality, their parents just weren’t amazing. Not amazing doesn’t automatically equal horrible/abusive. I think social media has also perpetuated fake livelihoods where people have good days everyday. That’s not reality and so many people look back on bad times in their life and consider it traumatic just cuz it wasn’t great. There’s a scale to all of this, but the conversation is more nuanced
trauma is literally a psychological term and have their own criteria for what actually defines trauma. Trauma is caused by a life threatening event or events that caused the individual huge amount of stress to the point it has long lasting effect on their nervous system. So yes we can decide what’s traumatic and what isn’t
@@eva.6987 Trivial is EXACTLY what this is about. And yes, ghosting your parents has become just as much of a fad. Why? Because normal human foibles are being called abuse. And if you argue, you are immediately called an abuser. They don't realize or acknowledge that their behavior can be considered by others as just as abusive if we use those definitions. That is what this Dr is saying.
I think all mental phenomena exists on a spectrum and people are finally speaking to that spectrum. In my opinion, there is more good than bad that happens when we can acknowledge mental health.
I agree! Misuses may happen, but the awareness of the effects of trauma is, in my opinion, a big improvement to mental health care overall.
Listen again as you both missed the point
The problem is is that people are already aware, they're just not aware of the right things. There are still people out there who think ocd is just being hung up on cleanliness and orderliness. How there's some people who think they have depression just cuz a gf broke up with them and then they're fine a week later, he still went through depression. What good is people being "aware" of these terms or words if people actually misuse them ignorantly?
@@xaevius5319 because for all the ones who use them incorrectly, there are at least a few that actually need them.
Except being in bad mental health doesn’t mean you have a mental illness.
I agree with this sentiment. My only issue is, is how i react ALWAYS my responsibility? For instance if someone tells me (and I’ve literally been told this); “you are arguing” when I’m not at all and not in the least bit upset and i stand firm and say “i was not intending to argue. I merely disagree with your point but i respect your right to have it” and then told I’m gaslighting that person by saying it.
My reaction then becomes frustration because i feel I’m actually the one being gaslit at this point
Getting kidnapped as a child, that is traumatic, you being embarrassed at Starbucks because you spilled your pumpkin spice latte in front of everyone, is not.
Perhaps it’s like a pendulum, at least in terms of complex ptsd (which he doesn’t discuss in the interview, I.e. development) but when something does impact you life long, and society at large wants to minimize that mistreatment, maybe now you have an over reaction in the other direction. 🤷🏻♀️
Something can also impact you life-long without resulting in trauma. Which is not always mistreatment. It's kind of like using the term trauma to address issues that are very upsetting and difficult to process.. but were still not traumatic.
@@grimslepersmaybe so, but people being ignored when they seriously have mental health issues and it's being treated as "overreacting" does significantly more damage
@@RoseWhitmorepeople with mental health issues do overreact though ha. That's part of it.
If yoire having a major reaction, and most people aren't to the same situation then yes, youre over reacting. You need to find out why.
@@jenster29 thank you for exactly proving my point: no, not everyone with mental health issues overreacts, and the fact that you even say something so dangerous and harmful shows exactly why this video is dangerous.
someone with depression will most often just think that they are sad or just tired, and that it'll just pass, the absolute opposite of overreacting. there are plenty of mental health issues where people underestimate the struggles that they are dealing with, even if at some point it interrupts their daily lives, resulting in them not getting any help since they are worried that they might be seen as, you guessed it, overreacting.
Dr Mike, love these interviews!!! Your content is expanding our consciousness ❤
It’s been used to the point where I am confused as to where the line is for something bad to be considered bad enough to actually be traumatic.
Because this is the issue it's not about how "bad" something is, it is about the subjective impact it made on you. Trauma still has a clinically defined definition... Just because people use it a lot on the internet doesn't mean it doesn't have one that you can easily look up and use to your own discretion.
@@play-fool yet there will still be tons of people telling you it doesn’t count even if it does have a clear impact. Then you’re just being sensitive or attention seeking and to get over it. There is no winning.
@@probably_notbob5794hence why this video is pretty harmful in its own way. Self diagnosis is an issue, people not taking mental illness and trauma serious is a way bigger issue
@@RoseWhitmore exactly. and a much more prevalent and unseen factor in self-diagnosis is lack of access that necessitates having to diagnose yourself alone over time, than attention seeking.
@@play-fool exactly, and one can even argue that the "attention seeking" might also be a cry for help from the person, because they are struggling and they don't know what to do. Not being heard and seen in mental health related things is an incredibly huge and way too common issue
The trouble is doctor-prescribed therapists regularly reinforce this. I've been in CBT several times and they've ALWAYS trying to find my Secret Childhood Trauma that simply doesn't exist. They don't know what to do with a person who is just sad & neurotic and doesn’t have an origin story.
Yessss! This is part of the reason why it's called mental "illness". You just have it because you have it. It would be weird to always try to find so called "origin story" for other illnesses like cancer, right? Traumas can lead to mental diseases but just like other health issues, illnesses are illnesses because you can have it despite there seems to be nothing wrong or contributing to it. Health is not something that can easily be controlled. Sometimes things like eating habits do lead to diseases but you get the point.
I agree, ive experienced it myself but i think this is a very different topic that what is talking about. You're talking about therapists/psychiatrists being inflexible vs him just talking about how society or the general public overuse these terms that actually have real meaning and definitions
Bro this is such facts 😂
@@jaes0829 Empirically wrong and if you don’t think cancer has a cause, then you’re also wrong. Would have played along but you really shot yourself in the foot there
You’re telling me you’re in doctor-prescribed therapy, and you don’t think there’s any sort of reason that you are the way you are?
I remember when I finally got diagnosed. Finally as I just waited for them to get the results, and not me continuing to get someone to take a look. I just rarely mention it to others, because so many abuse the words to the point they have no meaning.
This is complicated and I’m not sure if he’s being genuine or just being a boomer, but I do agree that there’s been some over-pathologizing lately which can make it more difficult for people to feel empowered to make changes.
The boomer comment wasn't necessary.
You can't say people are saying trauma for small things that shouldn't be trauma, because it really depends who it is, how often, how old they were, and a lot of other things, I hate people who judge if an event is bad enough to cause trauma, the real thing is about how you react and what it left in you, not the severity of the act
The doctor said it himself that these events that people label as 'trauma' people can get better after a day or a week. If time can help you with your "trauma" just that easily then its not trauma. Just like how u dont have "depression" just cuz u feel "depressed"
As someone with Trauma I actually do welcome people talking about their 'trauma'. The usual definition you get online is that trauma is 'experiencing intense stress', and you can have intense stress without it being debilitating, so I understand the confusion. I think people being able to talk about their hardships is a step in the right direction. Because those are real struggles even if they don't have the intensity of being Traumatized.
Maybe instead of saying 'hey you're not traumatized' tell people the right term to use. I don't know if that information is in the full video but it's definitely not in this short.
Educate people instead of berating them.
This is absolutely so true. Thinking of any slight inconvenience as traumatic leads to no sense of scale and that leads to histrionics and the inability to function in society.
I grew up in the 90ies in Siberia and I remember me and my friends having joyful times and a lot of excitement in our lives and our conversations. I am 45 now and studying and living in Germany, young people studying with me who grew up in wealthy stable country are complaining all the time about minor issues. Luckily my sons who are born in Germany and now 16 and 20 have inherited my happy mood
Good for you, but that's not helpful for other people.
This is so true... Even for OCD... It's so weird
Im a Psychologist and when I saw this post… ❤❤❤❤❤ yes yes yes very well said
I'm a therapist that specializes in trauma treatment and 1000% agree with this too!
he’s on point. as a part of gen z i definitely feel i’ve played into this and it was very hard to get out of that cycle. it’s also hard when you’re dealing with actual untreated issues that are very much real (i was actually dealing with -later professionally diagnosed- disorders that i won’t specify), and trying to differentiate wether you’re just “depressed like everyone else is” or you need actual help (which i personally very much did). it’s so important that we talk about this, without shaming or guilting. it’s a phenomenon we all play a part of nowadays, wether we’re aware or not.
Thank you for this we have to learn how to grow and use our traumas as encouragement
I think it was incredibly underdiagnosed and ignored in the past because there was such a stigma. They didn't have a choice but to endure. It often led (and still does) to generational trauma.
I'm glad there are so many resources and so much support available to help people grow and overcome obstacles and stop unhelpful behaviors and ways of thinking that could take them down the wrong path.
So many people internalize their issues or use maladaptive coping mechanism like alcohol, drugs, disordered eating, overspending, etc. and ruin valuable and potential relationships and opportunities because they don't have the skills and introspectiveness to self evaluate and adjust course and choose better.
I understand what the doctor is saying, that relatively we are very lucky and the majority of people in a first world nation have little to worry about on the grander scale but chronic stress is incredibly draining and it causes debilitating feelings of helplessness, anger, resentment, fear, lashing out, etc. so I'm glad there is such a huge community to be able to belong to and reach out to for advice and search for solutions to problems.
Getting into a victim mindset is detrimental to problem solving but ignoring glaring deficits is really bad, too. People can be very self-destructive. Knowledge is power and I will always be grateful for being able to access it.
Imagine being in war seeing your best friend of 12 years bleeding out after an explosion. Now imagine being forced to share this story in an anger management group where someone pipes up with I know how you feel, cutting you off before you finish.
Then they tell you how they got "their trauma" in an Arby's restaurant when they kept messing up an order for the customer, their manager yelled at them and how it has seriously affected their day-to-day life.
They received 100% disability pay from the government and you were forced out for "failing to adapt" but had to fight to receive medical coverage and receive 20% for disability.
Did this happen to you? If it did I'm incredibly sorry you had to go through that.
Yeah, and then imagine going home to a life that's meaningful and being able to both pay rent and eat.
Lately, I've been hearing people excuse any bad behavior as a "trauma response" and it drives me nuts. He absolutely hit the nail on the head with eliminating responsibility.
People who have experienced narcissistic parents in their childhood may not have been physically abused, however the emotional damage was far more traumatizing a lot of the time extending into adulthood.. 😢
Family scapegoat had to hide all my traumas & handicaps etc my entire life...being gaslit & diminished meant it was harder for me to find and accept help as an adult.If you are dealing with trauma in isolation please don't negate yourself; you do matter and you do deserve help even if you have been muted to protect yourself ❤
OH MY GOSH, GHOST! I was not even aware I was the Family Scapegoat until my mother died five years ago. I took care of everyone in that family my entire life. One year after my mother died, I was abandoned, accused of not really being ill and injured, accused of lying, gaslighted- often used incompletely- the important thing is forgotten and, just like the movie with Ingread Bergman, eventually she BELIEVES Charles Boyer.
I only recently learned what Scapegoating is and have deep grief it is occurring late in my life, all my lifelong friends followed my sisters' opinions of me, even when my sisters haven't seen or learned anything about me or my conditions in over a year, people take their explanations of my health and my worth, all extended family has, too!
I know no skills of the ability to ask for and receive help or how to trust enough to relinquish responsibility to cooperate with trusting someone.
I finally experienced the ability to ask for, accept and trust enough the be helped AND IT WAS DONE BY THE FIREFIGHTERS OF MY NEIGHBORHOOD I CALLED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE AT 2:00 a.m. and four hours spent with five in my house was more a psychological session than it was emergency treatment. I was told by a man who answered my 911 call that they were on their way, "They won't use sirens or light and, Ma'am, this is an emergency dispatch number and it is not necessary for you to apologize for bothering me, but thank you."
The Lieutenant is a former Marine and he spoke inches from my face and asked slowly, "Will you trust me if I promise you that your fear of choking and being unable to breath cannot physically occur and will not occur?" I nodded slowly with my mouth open just like a child being to that there is no such thing as ghosts. I can't recall trusting another person that way since I was a child.
I just feel common thing can be traumatic based on how the person experience it, yet it’s true seeing everything as trauma doesn’t help one to live through a life, it just happens, and people might get over it or might never do, which my grandpa didn’t get over that biggest starvation on earth, he still living in the survival mode every day.
This is a problem outside of psychology as well where people use words that (used to) have actual weight and would cause people to take notice on such insignificant things that the words lose all their weight and are now ignored by most people because they hear the words so often in context of basically nothing.
There’s Trauma with a capital T and trauma with a lowercase t. And no-one, not even a psychologist gets to define what’s traumatic and what isn’t. It’s all context and relative to the individual.
honestly though this 100%. i consider myself lucky that while i myself had a fairly traumatic upbringing that i had a dad (who also had an extremely traumatic upbringing) taught me from a young age that pain and trauma are relative. what wouldn't phase me would possibly cause long lasting issues for another kid because they may not have experienced as much pain and suffering as i had. it's really helped me keep from dismissing others when they come to me with their pain and things that cause them long lasting emotional damage.
The term trauma is was not meant to be used for any situation that is extremely upsetting. It is used to address specific markers and symptoms after a situation has left someone unable to healthily function. To say there is no definition of trauma is to say we do not need to study or develop gold standard treatment options because we want to validate everybody's experience by calling all of it trauma. It's two different things
Glad they’re talking about this
I agree. Depression is depression. But melancholy is not always depression. You aren’t depressed if you’re feeling down for the day.
Exactly. Also, on the other end, plenty of people still have the “get over it” mindset about depression. It is a well established fact that depression is a disease that we do not have a cure for, just treatment, and it can always come back. Similar to cancer.
This is so true. On a broader level and from a layman's perspective, people have been conditioned these days to think every little thing is traumatic, that they are a victim, all of that. There is genuine trauma vs normal difficulties. Seek mental health when you need it, but therapists have a duty to help correct this.
The death of a loved one, abuse, violence, i would say are genuinely traumatic events. Not being able to afford that new Fendi bag or failing a high school math test is not!
THANK YOU. the math test thing especially. I was dealing with complex PTSD from abuse amongst other things in high school and the amount of (mostly girls) people who would say they got depressed because of a 78 on a test was mindblowing and so infuriating. No, you didn't develop a severe mental illness because you got a B. you're not a victim you literally still passed. now it's trendy to "have anxiety" while I used to have to leave classes to go lay down at the school counselors office in a starfish position while hyperventilating because my panic attacks would manifest as i didn't have enough skin to cover my body bro like UGH
Context matters with everything. Failing a highschool math test can absolutely be traumatic if you know your parents will beat you for it, or if you got bullied for it after, etc.
The idea behind "everything can be traumatic" shouldn't be taken literally. But we should also not gatekeep what someone can be traumatized by because often times, people will not be able to describe /exactly/ what event traumatized them. They might only describe what's "easy" to describe, e.g. "I just failed a highschool math test", but they might not say "Well my parents beat me/yelled at me a lot for it"
@@skyesfallenxxNo this is precisely the type of victimization and nonsense I am referring to. Everyone has to have an "exception". No.
@@kevini4295 I hope no one ever speaks to you when you're in a vulnerable place the way you speak to others. This is a vile and selfish way of thinking.
@@skyesfallenxx give me a break. It's called life. Everyone is vulnerable at some point or another. The key is finding effective ways and outlets of dealing with it vs being a freaking victim of your own bs 24/7/365.
I find it so weird we fixated on that and people have so little information of how to deal with emotions, types of therapy, etc.
To a stoic, stepping on a land mine might be an inconvenience and challenge. To an altar boy...one corrupt priest is traumatic.
We're not all the same. Look at the DSM5 and the DSM2 and see if PTSD hasn't been given new meanings.
Omgosh this is absolutely right. I’ve lost two grown children and my mom in six years. The whining I’ve experienced from others on just mundane issues is just ridiculous. Seriously making mountains out of molehills (mostly trying to get sympathy). The way I’ve gotten through was by having deep faith and understanding that in the old days people just handled their grief and pushed through. They comported themselves with grace.
He can dismiss with "merely upsetting". Nobody can judge what someone else feels was traumatic.
I was just at a play, and I heard a boy afraid of the action scenes behind me, and his father told him to just shut his eyes if he’s afraid, he doesn’t have to watch, and started lying about what happened in the story for his son, and I kept thinking “this can’t be what’s best for that kid, but it’s not my child, I shouldn’t tell him how to raise his boy.”
But I wanted to tell the kid: “When things are scary, that’s when we have to be brave. That’s what heroes do, just like in the story we’re watching now! When things are scary, that’s when you need to have your eyes open the most. Don’t be afraid, don’t be a coward, be a hero, and be brave!
That’s what I believe is the big problem in todays society. We have a whole generation of people who think the best solution to a problem is to look away, close your eyes, shut down instead of facing the scary things and being brave enough to tell them no!
Yeah language created our reality and the way people talk these days is harmful to themselves
Agree! I think people have almost traumatized themselves and sometimes others but reading too deep into a situation or feeling. I’ve like actually been groomed and all sorts of nasty stuff but when I thought a dude was following me and then he wasn’t? I was like “nice” or I think that a dude was trying to yell something and make a kissy face at me from the passenger side of his buddies truck. And I was like “omg that’s so embarrassing for you” I understand the discomfort and even the fear and the fight or flight instinct kicking in. But it is want traumatizing I don’t live life and think back on those instances and have my fight or flight triggered. I don’t think the game firetruck is traumatizing by itself but could be triggering or uncomfortable. I think people also don’t understand that things that can be “triggering” aren’t traumatic by themselves (excluding getting triggered during a traumatic event) like, those things aren’t the thoughts and memories that won’t go away no matter how hard I try to shake it out of my head
I think another thing to consider is a byproduct of experiencing something severely traumatic can alter a person’s psychology or world view in a way that makes it extremely difficult to perceive the actual risk of emotional or mental barriers. Whether they are large or small, they will get magnified regardless. Your view of relationships with others and the self can change, your perspective about trust and boundaries may change. You may be experiencing feelings at an intensity suddenly 10x what you had previously. So if you’re constantly living in fight or flight mode, anything that threatens you is going to feel like you’re being retraumatized. In that, there is validity. Sure sensationalism of mental health experiences is a thing - let’s talk about it. But in many cases folks are coming from a genuine place when they feel something is traumatic (even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal to the public), which is why CPT and similar therapy methods are so imperative in helping reprogram the brain. There’s always a deep rooted issue.
I’m someone who has struggled with pretty intense mental illness and I think I agree with him. Like I think people are merging difficult or unpleasant with traumatic when it really comes down to a primitive sense of safety being threatened or violated. Also, I think trauma is a very individual thing. For example, when someone ran a red light and hit me while I was walking across a crosswalk, that had a pretty low lingering impact on me even though that’s objectively the most danger I’ve ever been in and I do still have vivid memories of being face down in the middle of the road covered in asphalt burns and terrified to move beyond the trembling that I couldn’t control. After a few days I really did shake it off and had no ongoing mental symptoms or ongoing issues feeling safe in pedestrian zones. I would not consider that a trauma.
But when I was driving years later and got T boned by someone speeding through a red light, I was much more okay physically than when I was physically smashed by a car, but for some reason the car accident stuck around much worse. I’d have panic attacks for years and would constantly miscalculate how risky other drivers around me were and I’d have to pull over and start crying if I felt like I’d almost been in another car accident. I’m not an expert, but I’ve always felt like a true trauma has to eff you up in some way even if it’s a repressed trauma. Like one of my more overt trauma responses in life has been inner child/childhood stuff from a turbulent childhood. So those flashbacks hit hard and I just feel like I’m not even in control of my body. It’ll be like 45 minutes of sobbing with hyperventilating, racing panicked thoughts and full body shaking that I can’t shake off or stop even if I try to pep talk myself. On the other end of the spectrum, I’m almost never consciously bothered or upset by being SA’d as a teenager, but I know it’s still a repressed trauma because I live a celibate lifestyle to ensure no one will ever touch me that way ever again. So it’s one of those things where even though it causes me no anguish or flashbacks or anything like that, I’ve radically altered my life in a way that does ultimately still hurt me.
So long story short, in most cases I don’t believe something is truly traumatic unless you either develop clinical trauma symptoms like panicked sobbing flashbacks or emotional outburst breakdowns, develop a panic disorder or a clinical depression, or change your behavior in a selflimiting or detrimental way as a result of trauma.
Also not trying to gatekeep trauma. In my personal life I’d never directly tell someone they haven’t experienced enough damage or ongoing symptoms to qualify as traumatized-but as a general conversation I do think it’s important to re-establish the borders between trauma and discomfort.