Coercive Control: What We All Need to Know - Episode 1
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- Опубліковано 20 сер 2024
- Join Engender Equality's Dr Torna Pitman for the first episode in a ten-part series on 'coercive control', a pattern of domination that underpins many abusive relationships.
This series is for our clients, your clients, your friends or family and the general public. Knowledge saves lives and helps us recognise the loss of human rights inherent to unequal relationships.
#domesticviolence
#domesticabuse
#familyviolence
#coercivecontrol
Torna did not say that some woman can't be abusive, she actually said that can be the case, but this is a discussion of mens abuse of woman and children respect it. It never ceases to amaze me that as soon as this issue starts to get some air time certain men jump in immediately and try to silence and shame the conversation. It really says a lot doesn't it. And some woman do too. It's quite incredible.
Well said.
And they aren't asking what we should do for victims (even the male victims). They simply want to do anything they possibly can to distract, disrupt, exhaust, or shut down the conversation. In other words their motives are for things to stay as they are or get worse for women and children.
I’m so glad I found your UA-cam channel.
I’m from the UK.
I’ve had 21 years of literal HELL.
I don’t know who I am any longer.
Thank you for such valuable information.
The USA is SOOOO far behind on recognizing this type of abuse. The public is just starting to learn and understand it.
Gee, I wonder why?!
I just found your channel and I so appreciate the important knowledge and WISDOM you're sharing here. My daughter is 15 now. We are survivors of DV/coercive control since the day my EPT test was positive. My ex's mother (very wealthy, shrewd & manipulative businesswoman) and my ex's current wife (realtor psychopath with a psychology degree) joined forces for the post-separation shattering and takedown. I was manipulated into 50/50 divorce, no DV on record, thinking I had the house his mother bought from us - until our child finished elementary school. Ha. Ha. PSYCHE! He became a real estate agent in the background, married a realtor in an extra-marital affair, and then they started smoking me out of the house 90-days post-divorce by taking away EVERY SHARED expense for my daughter. Plus, my rent was raised by $300 ex's birthday. After four years of psychological, emotional, and financial violence I ended up homeless, distraught, and with three autoimmune illnesses after they used the court system to abuse me (blaming me for what they did?). This sh!tty behavioral greed is real and it's sooooooo expensive to our society. I need to tell my story in a powerful way. Any suggestions? Blessings to you.💜
I had to divorce unemployed house-wife, we head children. She felt entitled to everything I owned (obtained before marriage), or may parents owned, and most of my future earnings. Because I supposed to finance her lifestyle - unemployed sitting at home with school aged children, expecting that I will cover all her expenses(during marriage and until children turn 18). Both should work, preferably have similar income, there will be less reason to fight for money during and after marriage.
Dear Torna,
I accidentally found this video recently. And your kind and gentle voice and knowledge have blown me away. I thank you personally, because all the above you have said could be related to my experience. I am a survivor from coercive control, sexual abuse, emotional and financial control and all those mentioned. Before I received the greatest help from my amazing social workers, never had I ever had a chance to know that non-violent abuse is a form of serious abuse. With great help and support, I have gained further degrees now, and are more and more independent in many ways. I have been doing all I can to protect my daughter and give her a normal, and safe routine. I hope one day in Australia and around the world, coercive control can be criminalized and thoroughly recognized.
Your work is amazing. And all the front line social workers, educators, teachers, etc are life savers to many.
Please know that one day, a lot of DV survivors will have a say, will thrive, and will have a better life. It is because of you and many people and organization like you and your team.
Best regards.
Sadly religion is very often used to justify the actions of perpetrators and guilting woman into staying in these relationships
Thank you for this insightful presentation.
Found you just now through a Beautiful freind. Had to stop by 10 minutes in to share the shit out of this. Thank you for putting words to our experience. All the appreciation, Tam💜💙💚💛🧡❤
I know that most co-ercive control is perpetrated by men against women, but it is important that, though far less common, it is recognised that women can also be the controller.
LJH victim of coercive control leaving my family Sunday. Louise Joy Henshaw. xxx
I hope things have worked out well for you
Great information
My mother, ex wife and ex partner were just like this. And yes, I was raped .. hard to believe, isnt it. When I finally got out of my marriage, it came with the cost of also losing my children.. and they are still suffering because they were also turned against me. Focusing on gender ultimately hurts the children.
Thank you
I see that christianity is coercive control. It’s got shame, control, victim blaming, surveillance, the threat of eternal suffering for non-compliance, double binds (Matthew 5: 38… don’t resist being hurt or you’ll be hurt), and the “no one loves you like I do” thing among other concerns.
I’m curious, in Tasmania where anti-coercive control laws have been legislated, are said laws being used to prevent the abuse of christianity?
If someone has used the Bible to abuse you then that is spiritual abuse. Christianity itself is not abusive as Jesus Christ was not abusive but actually died to save mankind. The Bible says that God is love. God also makes special provision for widows and orphans and God is very angry for those who abuse the vulnerable. It is true that people twist the Word of God for evil intent, this is called legalism. Christianity is about salvation and God loving us enough to suffer and die for us. The exact opposite of your claims. The god of this world is an abuser and a liar however. His name is Satan.
You have misread the Sermon on the mount. It does not enable abuse. It is specifically about not getting revenge. It doesn't say you can't walk away or leave an abuser what it is saying is to not retaliate the same way, so if someone slaps you then you don't slap them back.
The Bible is very clear that Jesus will bring vengeance on His second advent and that we are to leave room for God's vengeance. If you kill someone who hits you, they will be guilty of hitting you but you will be guilty of murder.
An eye for an eye was the Old Testament
The Jews were able to exact punishment to their people on God's behalf but mainly as a deterrent so that the evil of sin didn't completely corrupt them. This was the Sacrificial system that was fulfilled in Christ.
We are now called to forgive. Sometimes we may need to leave a person and never see them again but we are still are called to forgive them. Forgiveness is more about your relationship with God rather than with the forgiveness of the abuser.
It is because God has forgiven us of everything so we in turn are expected to forgive. That does not mean turn a blind eye to evil though.
It is clear that in the Bible, we are called to forgive a person who asks to be forgiven. If a person never asks for forgiveness or pretends to be sorry and repent and doesnt do so then that person needs to be left alone.
This applies to believers with believers not the unbelieving world. We don't expect unbelievers to act like Christians or even care about what the Bible says or they wouldn't be unbelievers!
Christianity isn’t law
Anything can be used to abuse, not just religion.
Or gender cult ideology?
Well it's official I'm not getting in a relationship, dating to dangerous for women these days.
Please listen to the best YT video I have seen in months: YOU ARE A TOASTER
Don't forget that men are victims of this too,got really in this situation.
And the laws like Duluth model, VAWA and using a boyfriend to be witness to false abuse accusing. It's 10's of thousands to try proving lies. Mostly luck is needed, it's only the future they distroy.
It's terrible that there are videos out here like this one that promotes the idea of women bring the victim and male the aggressor. It denies the absolute fact that men experience this too in equal numbers, and therefore the need for support and awareness, and the platform and an ear for men to talk about it.
Absolutely.
There's some misogyny involved in coersive control of women but men experience this type of abuse too.
@@jackgoodings it’s definitely not equal in numbers
important to realize coersive control can be aimed at a man from a women its the personality construct not the gender.I have lived it it is the most horrible experiance i am still living with the injustice shes taken the children away my ex lying about so many things to courts to police to relatives . systems can be manipulated by any manipulater she playing a battered wife to take the children away still not seen them in over 2 years and i realize now there was much coersive control used on me and the children during the troubled days before the break up . i am very worried for my childrens mental wellbeing under the sole care of such a person
The words that come to mi d with her are 'misandry', 'bully' and 'enabler'. Its an awful video that continues to enable female abusers .. against men AND other women. There are females in same-gender relationships who are brutally coercively controlled to the point of loss of life. 70% of men take their own lives because of this oppression. I repeat what other men say .. and women .. this is NOT a gender issue. It is a personality construct. This woman is stirring up hatred towards a gender.
I think you have read too much Adorno - and racialised him.
5:04 OK. Yes. Male aggression is bad. But just as bad is the female spouse using the children as a shield.
And with women gaining more and more power, they aren’t any less prone to abuse than males like the female doctor who manipulated me by way of my prescription for Prozac so that she could molest me right in front of her nurse all without gaining my consent. Merely ACQUIESCING does not equate to CONSENT.
Why are you talking about women being victims?? That is not correct. It happens to everybody actually. 🤒
Yeah but statically mostly women, children are victims but that isn't to say men aren't victims either