Відео

This is what I experience with my father he's very double standard, disrespects me & he doesn't want to be treated how he treats me , feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells around him , he's very neglectful , greedy , narcissistic, loves gaslighting & playing mind games, twisting my words , feel like damn if I do or damned if I don't. He causes my health problems like diabetes, ashma, insomnia, depression, anxiety, inherania disc in my chest .

Thank you so much for these videos. I was so badly gaslit that I now automatically gaslight myself and convince myself that I am just exaggerating or that it was all in my mind. I need to watch or read content about this type of abuse regularly so that I don't slip back into blaming myself for everything and letting my abusers voice control my thoughts. 😔

Friends and bosses at work do all of this also.

I hope everyone in the world watches this series.

You can bet your life this will be a man only crime only men will be guilty of this idiotic one sided law

I wonder if this dangerous ridiculous law will treat women the same as men as purps as it will men I would not bet my.life on it .the loonies are taking over the asylem

Currently the transcript of this video is showing only in Dutch, and it doesn't seem possible to select English as an option. It would be really helpful if this could be fixed up, thanks!

This was my married. This series is amazingly informative and very useful for someone who has been through this kind of abuse. I wish every therapist on earth could watch this and get an understanding for this kind of abuse. The scariest coercive control is the kind that is almost invisible to the outside world. Where the abuser is seen as the stable, rational one.

These videos are a joke. They are 180⁰ the opposite of the truth and reality. Maybe 50 years ago men acted that way, not any more. Women are responsible for 99% of all child abuse and neglect these days. Maybe the last generation was full of abusive men. Not this generation. I dont want to hear about it, my generation has been forced to pay for the sins of guilty men, women, and of all white people of the past. It falls on our shoulders, not yours women, you carry no weight and act like you do. You dont. Women abandoned their children for an office job and act like that isnt a massive violation and betrayal in the eyes of a child. It is. Your job is to be there for your kids, yet, women neglected that role to be a "boss b*tch". Mens role was to provide, they kept doing their job, despite women actively neglecting their role. Now adays men provide, we teach, raise, educate, protect, and do everything, women have completely switched to just being the abusive dad of the 1950s. There is no difference, youre just as entitled but the guy in the 50s actually paid the bills and did his role. Women fill no role, like I said, they work in an office, thats their main role, to be a step and fetch it for a random guy then they tell themselves this is liberation from oppression. Its a joke. Men arent the delusional ones, we arent the gas lighters, we dont have the power to do anything. Women learned from those abusive men of past generations and are currently engaged in that abuse. The character assassination, false accusations, removal of our voice, extreme exaggeration of events, rewriting of history, triangulation, I can go on and on. Women take their children from their father, then spend 18 years indoctrinating them in to hating their father based on feelings, not fact. Women took away all of my generations rights and created an environment where its ok to denigrate, humiliate, devalue, lie, manipulate, and shame us, then they expect to be rewarded for that behavior. Men have a lose lose situation, only then do women call it equal. Ha, yeah, were equal alright, after the government came in and put a gun to our heads, took away our rights, and threatened to take our kids, gave women 100% leverage above us and no accountability. You get paid more than men to do less work, work less hours, less stressful jobs, less dangerous jobs, its safer to be a woman, women dont go to jail, they are less likely to be assaulted, murdered, and raped (yes thats true, more men are raped than women when you include prison) the world bends to womens whims these days, not mens, and the world is falling apart, that is not a coincidence. Im from a generation of boys, raised by mysandrist women, educated by mysandrist women, in a world that favors and privileges women over men, the bar for women is lower than that of men, yet you get 10x the reward for 1/10 the risk and effort. No culture has ever tolerated, forget rewarded such suicidal, self centered, narcissistic behavior. Men already adapted to this new world, we are in touch with our emotions, educated, experienced, we can provide, protect, and fulfill all of the old roles AND we can raise, shape, nurter, educate, discipline, and encourage our children BETTER than women. Its not men that need to improve, its women. A woman from 1960 had more experience, skill, grace, tact, strength, and mental fortitude than any woman alive today. Women have gone backwards, are less capable of dealing with life on lifes terms, they complain constantly, expect the world to pander to them, lack humility, the only thing theyve gotten better at is contriving fake scenarios in which they are perceived as the "boss b*tch". We see through your facade and it will come crashing down. My generation will not marry until the laws reflect actual equality, our voices are represented, and we are given the respect we earned. We are the valuable ones, every woman these days is good looking, only 1% of men have what it takes to be a good man. We worked hard for that distinction and I would never risk that for a woman who can just make up false accusations and ruin my life because I wasnt interested. The past 20 years have exposed womens weaknesses and you are trying desperately to hide them, but we see you. You will not talk your way out of this

Watching this makes me sick. But the only past it seems to be through it.

Can a woman indulge in coercive control?

Thank you. Victim blaming among psuedo "therapist" types is rampant. Slaves didn't choose what happened to them, women didn't, and children certainly don't. Someone abusing you and having power over you is very socioeconomic based and we don't choose or have control over perpetrators or trauma.

Thank you very much! God bless you

Well it's official I'm not getting in a relationship, dating to dangerous for women these days.

Ugh! I feel physically sick and my head is pounding as I listen because not only was my last partner like this but also my father and mother's relationship was like this. Even tho I "know" it in my head, here I am with the same awful situation. My mother never found the courage to leave or even heal her life patterns, but I am here and I want to grow and become healthier. I want better for my life. Thank you for these videos, this behavior is so incredibly subtle and disabling.

God bless you! I wonder how we can populate this information more, so more victims can access it and be educated. This is a masterpiece! Thank you so much!

❤

Thank you❤

Hi, thank you for your videos, very clear. I'm really interested in this Subject, how can I get in touch with you?

That's exactely what I am going through. Thank you for the information

Very insightful. In Vanuatu women do face this coercive control a lot in their home but can't speak up because of our so called "kastom" and other related reasons . Some perceive it as normal. 😢 Slowly with all the awareness and laws against these abuses, people tend to understand these issues and try to better manage within the communities.

LJH victim of coercive control leaving my family Sunday. Louise Joy Henshaw. xxx

Thank you SO much for this series! It is so valuable.

A lot of guys want their mate to make $. Both my friend and myself found jobs that were flexible. Unfortunately our employers clawed back benefits so that we had to get babysitters and our narcissists wouldn’t change their work hours. Mary and I would drive together because our rattletraps would break down. My narc loaned my car to his friend.

Over time I came to think that the Narcissist drank to make himself feel better about who and what he is. Alcoholics get sloppy and then you can tell what they are planning. I have 2 friends left, so I keep them hidden

The first stage was believing he liked women. Gentle behavior belying rage and payback to his stepmother and stepsister. He played me like a Soap Opera. I didn’t leave because I wanted to raise my children. His employer provided free legal services. And I never had a bruise and I couldn’t prove NPD

Thank you for the information. Getting it out is huge, sometimes more for the community than the victim, in that someone is the coercive controllers next target. There was no binding/bonding, no love bombing that I detected (apparently, I'm hard to bomb-LOL), no attraction on my part, nor did I feel there was much commonality (socioeconomic background, education level, social, religious and spiritual compatibility, cultural or physical compatibility, shared interests) nor any romantic, physical or affectionate overtures, there was simply fundamental friendship, mostly due to randomness. Enter narcissistic delusion and extreme gravitation toward codependency. Houston, we have yet another problem. Instead of casual friends for a brief season, there seemed to be psychotic dreaming. Some of these videos are limited in application for me at this juncture. One thing is needed for me to get out of everyone's hair. Happy to do it. Super simple to accomplish, but I can't do it alone, nor should I be left vulnerable to the coercive violence that crazy narcissists have directed at me because they love to take advantage of someone who was royally screwed in a public divorce, by my ex, his .org and the lawyers involved, especially smear, isolation, and financial ruination, which boast extremely devastating and dangerous long-term effects if not resolved in a settlement. My entire life has been unrecognizable for 16 years, post-narcissistic spousal abuse and an incorporated, highly networked ruination campaign (lots of money invested and flying monkeys on the take). There are more risks for everyone in leaving this undone (obviously myself, but also, lawyers, ex-spouse and his kingdom, family members, and potential future victims of syndicated ruination/exploitation tactics, which are becoming more common). Practical application is harder to come by than education and enlightenment at this point.

Your content is amazing!

My ex fiance went crazy when I answered a voicemail of a male friend from 2 yrs prior he listened to our convo on speaker. Told me not to wear make up and was a complete control freak crashed our car on purpose and would drive aggressive fighting with me. More warning signs I was trauma bonded but I went no contact

This is my ex husband to a tee. I am grateful for my healing 🙏 ❤

I know that most co-ercive control is perpetrated by men against women, but it is important that, though far less common, it is recognised that women can also be the controller.

Oh my goodness, thank you so much for this video. It's exactly how my ex wife was, and my sister, and my last ex, and at least 4 of my female managers / leaders over the years and one male manager. It's a pity you talk in terms of gender and missing the other half of abused people .. oh, and same sex couples (especially F/F, highest rate of IPV) .. it would avoid further victimizing them. You see it very clearly .. but just missing the point that it's not gendered.

Thank you for your brilliant content. I have five adult children. Two of them sadly collude with my ex husband and have a very poor relationship with me, which I hope will improve in the future. Those two daughters almost worship him, but my research on trauma bonding helps me to make some sense of it.

I can't explain just how shocked and thankful and validated (reeeeeeeally val-i-da-t-ed) I feel to hear this exact description of my 27-year life experience and 25-year marriage to the father of my 17 year-old children (what's left of them). I am an American in Berlin being absolutely decimated and terrorized by a highly intelligent, masterful manipulator in his home country. I was so confused, belittled, and shamed (largely by what I NOW know is s manipulation tactic: silent treatment. I now know PAINFUL longing I had was trauma-bond longing, pining, addiction.) I was, over time, inculcated to believe I was a worthless piece of trash, (ashamed of my existence) who should be grateful anyone would put up with me, let alone occasionally be nice to me. He'd say: "I'm the best friend you will ever have" "You're not allowed to be a victim". A lot of his devaluation started after a year of professional losses in 2010-2011... Since learning about m tactics I now see examples even prior to our wedding day, but on my wedding day I, personally, was absolutely convinced I was marrying the love of my life and had no doubts whatsoever. Oh Lord... I had no idea. However, I almost left him in our second year of marriage. He was doing crazy s*** with my brain. I couldn't take it anymore and decided to him.. I went back the next day to get my bags and pack. But he took the day off of work and convinced me to stay, saying: "Don't leave! Whatever you do, Before you think about even leaving, you can always talk to me. You know that just talk to me! Just talk to me if there's ever a problem!" -which, I realize now, was complete gaslighting, blame-shifting, and future faking manipulation (because he was refusing to talk to ME.. giving me creepy silence..silent treatment. But, then, to win me over, he made it seem like *I* had not chosen to talk with him. ( It's his classic blame-shift tactic which I did not know about as a manipulation tactic. Absolutely brilliant blame-shift. He is a brilliant manipulator). I do not recall having any major other attempt to leave the relationship or any super apparent problems in terms of his behavior toward me other than remote incidences, which I just dismissed because "everyone has arguments"... But what I didn't understand is that we never resolved the arguments. People have arguments, but they come to resolution and they discuss them. But that's not how it works with him. But I had what I considered to be beautiful first 12 years of marriage.... But after he had his 2010 professional crisis He stopped looking at me quite a lot. It was silent treatment but I didn't know that's what it was. And he refused to have any sexual intimacy with me. He was having a rough year at work so I thought that was the reason why... then his dad died and I thought that was the reason why.. there was always a reason why I made the excuses for him -because he was refusing to talk to me about it. Telling me, "I'm good. everything's fine don't worry. I'm good." It's just occurring to me now that he would not say, 'i'm okay', but rather, " i'm good" over and over "I'm good".."I'm good." Which stands in stark contrast to what he was saying to me. Starting in 2012, he routinely blurted out, "you're a bad person!" at me often in front of my children when i was having fun with them. Of course, I protested at the beginning. But that only got me to more trouble - Ridiculed for being too sensitive not able to take a joke.. And so I just learned to live with him making this ridiculous sarcastic "joke" --not knowing that the repetition of this joke over and over is damaging... and took hold in me and, of course, the message - And hundreds of other things he did, hundreds of eye rolls he shared between the children both in front of my face (and, i'm sure, and behind my back), eroding my children's bonding with me and their trust in me . He also says this 'you're a bad person" phrase to the kids and they also learned to laugh when he does it. He has said that phrase alone maybe 1 a week...hundreds of times probably 500 times over the past 10 years. my email to him from 2012 says: "you can't keep joking "You're a bad person" we have children!! That's my marker for when it started... Though I wrote him to stop doing it, he kept saying it and I was conditioned not to protest because it only escalated the situation. I did not know he was mentally ill. There's no way in hell I would stayed with him if I knew he had a personality disorder or knew anything about manipulation tactics. It's only after learning about manipulation and personally disorders. That I believe that my dad was also the same as my husband. Or should I say that my husband iss the same as my dad. And that's why I felt comfortable with him, "familiar". Why on Earth are these things not taught in school along with STDs????? Just tell people about silent treatment tactic and gaslighting and blame-shift and intermittent reinforcement trauma-bonding cycle of violence tactic ... those 5 things alone that alone might save people's lives! narcissistic abuse is FAR more dangerous and painful than an STD. The touch deprivation and repeated silent treatment I experienced was sheer torture. I was watching my boy-girl twins children suffering (not understanding it was the product of his identification projections! his effing mental abuse of them). I did not understand that he was enjoying watching us suffering. Enjoying seeing us get agitated. How many times I had to literally break down to get him to go to our son's room ...our son waiting for him... A son who had "nighttime anxiety" not because he was afraid of the dark but because he could not fall asleep without his dad's permission. I now understand that's what's going on! Only his dad could tuck him in. And we're talking about a fifteen year old boy.. . It was only when he was in his teens that I started to bring it up to a child psychologist. My husband insisted there was no problem and denied my son therapy. The doctor just went along with my husband and I just assumed that I needed to trust the doctor not understanding the doctor was being used my husband also, as a regulatory object. He was belittling me in front of this doctor to puff himself up and the doctor believed him over me one hundred percent of the time. And myself worth was SO low, I did not know that this was an indication of abnormal proportions He has control of the family narrative even with a trained psychiatrist. it is so sick.

What about men

When so many mothers have no choice but to represent themselves, the burden of research seems insurmountable, yet I am immensely grateful to you for publicly providing the information because abuse and risk of violence is hard to prove. A woman's intuition doesn't hold up in court, but the pattern of those double binds fits with my experience and is provable through the court's very orders. I have some emails and texts and can refer to the language and dynamics there to prove risk in staying, whereas I can't prove that the perpetrator is the one who tampered with my vehicle and so on. Oddly, even court documents reveal language that aids the coercive control, for example, in the case of a dispute regarding visitation, the result would be a reduction in my time with the child. The court chose to automatically assume me responsible and punish me by default. I want to remind women out there, that you can leave for another state with your children and be heard in another court citing UCCJEA emergency jurisdiction. Thats all we have protecting us currently. I have also heard of prospective legislation called the Safe Child Act. Someday, we'll get there.

In my opinion, coersive control can happen also in parent-child combination. My mom was nice when I was under 10 years old. The real hell started when I needed to geiw independent. Little by little their terrible trap revealed to me: their gifts were not gifts but debt that I am not able to pay back - expect by sacrifying my life: not allowed to have a boyfriend, not allowed to get married and gave my own family, manipulated to choise an iccupation of ny father and go to work to his company - so tgey can control also my incomes. It has taken decades to me first to figure out the system, realise it and all these decades I have fought desperately to get human rights! In Scandinavia! Nobody has helped me- they are a „nice family“, be thankful! And yes: my main feeling has been that I have no other choise tganbto kill myself. I have nothing in this life. Now, I have cut all contacts and start to feel better - also finally find information that this kind of hell excists! It is not my imagination! 58 years wasted life behind. 😢

Never accept to be isolated and dependable on other peoples money. That is, in my opinion, the protection number one.

Could have used a power-point presentation at various stages of this discussion to break up the focus on the presenter.

Parental Alienation and Coercive Control are very similar and often entwine - PA has more direct consequences on Children and can be lifelong - ua-cam.com/video/s5dAo3IdX9s/v-deo.html

I wish you'd explain or give examples of how having a trauma response continues the power struggle.

Domestic violence has no gender(or has both genders as abusers and victims). Maybe in 50-ties men where able to coercively control unemployed wives without any consequences, but not now. If a husband complains that he is abused by his wife, he gets laughed at and told that highly unlikely that he might be abused by his wife(according to statistics it is more likely that women get abused by men, therefore in case of doubt, let's assume that it is always the case). In western countries, mothers have more tools to coercively control father (police, courts, social workers). If any wife calls police or writes a complaint, husband gets thrown out of his house, perhaps put in jail, based on false accusations by his wife. If there is divorce with children involved, husband looses everything and wife gets everything. Men have never been abused so much by mothers of their children as much as now, especially in divorce court when children and unemployed full-time mom is involved. Half of marriages end in divorce, and fathers are abused big time.

Thank you for your informative video. I’m glad that there is a mention that it is gender neutral, because there are many women who behave in this way too, in a manner of needing power and control to feel secure in this sick & sorry relationship. Some men don’t have much of a back-bone, sadly, though I’m not saying its the victims fault, at all man or woman, (for these people are predators) but these women take advantage of that. I just wanted to say without going into detail, that this kind of behaviour is truly gender neutral. Thanks again. I Pray🙏 💟✝️🕊📖🇮🇱for anyone who has had the misfortune to get mixed with this type of person, for it is truly devastating to all concerned especially the children & it goes across decades… for as long as the abuser lives. Prayer is your only hope, make full use of it. Kind regards & God Bless You All Sherril L.Carss

THANK YOU. As I listen in my heart/mind I’m Going back nearly 50 years ago to my marriage to my children’s father. Ticking off boxes as you describe the copious volumes of tacktics … It’s wonderful to hear that you’re from Tasmania - my paternal grandmother was Tasmanian. I have never met another from Tasmania until you here - I yearn to find any relatives. So watching you made me feel connected somehow. Thank you. My grandmother married into a family Kentraugh, Isle of Man. This is the very first time I have stumbled across your video Please do more. I really appreciate your demeanor, approach & content. Thank you again. I have liked subscribed and sent copy of this excellent informative link to several others. Til next time, (which will be a couple of minutes because I fancy I will be binge watching others you have made since finding you… God Bless you!

❤

I can see my abusers shoes, smell their stink, and hear their voice_ cant see their face _ but I know they are in the room. You can also feel their negative energy _esp when King Tut forgot to put his pants on - thats how u know _ the ripened fruit is about to go rotten.

Are you educated people on this subject _ aware that there is a world wide network of men colonizing women and childern _ women and childern dont seem to be human. I wonder were childern come from? So now we know why the whole world is WTF.

Our cultures under coercice control _are under coercise control _ no one can figure out whos the boss man lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol _ now no one knows who they are cause abuse for use dynamics _ bunch of abusers living downtown in tents now cheers to your porn addictions and their herpes shingled infected boy and girl toys

I can usually figure out whose been abused by their handle _ fish stick,rebel,da,engimatic _ we the abused pick names that are used to coeocively control us. Its a network of abysers using the same trigger handles _ we got this _ GIRLS

This abusive conversational style was never recognised by my therapist at all! In fact she just regarded me as unassertive. In effect I was gaslit by the therapist as well as by the abuser.