Undiagnosed ADHD Ruined My Life
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- Опубліковано 4 жов 2024
- In this video, I share a deeply personal story of how undiagnosed ADHD significantly impacted my life into my 30s. I discuss the invisible struggles I faced from childhood through adulthood, often feeling out of place and misunderstood. My journey was filled with challenges, from academic struggles to professional setbacks, all exacerbated by an unknown underlying condition. It wasn’t until a pivotal moment in my 30s that I finally received a diagnosis of ADHD, which began my path to understanding and managing my life with newfound clarity. This video is not about casting blame but about shedding light on the profound effects of living with undiagnosed ADHD and the transformative power of a late diagnosis. #adhd #mentalhealth
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That’s my story.
Diagnosed at 30, 10+ years ago. Then some things didn’t fit ADHD, an under estimated IQ that’s “complex” in my 40s. Now after 4 years later learning about my neuro divergence. I’m self taught Web developer, had made a living with it despite the issues. Lost opportunities, contracts, clients, partners.
I can relate to this 100% I'm 56 now been on the way in list for ADHD since I was 54 and if that has been the cause of my problems it has been a real curse it's absolutely ruined my life from being a small child up to being 54 to when I started to get awareness and understanding of what it could be
53 and recently was able to put a label on what has systematically destroyed my life. Bit late now to un f all the relationship/friendship/career/debt damage that I've rolled in and out of over my life and today I have no home, no money, no family and all I can see waiting for me no is homelessness when my credit cards finally run out. Hopefully when God picks me he will make it swift and painless.
Dude, I could literally make this video myself verbatim. I've been going to my doctor for years trying to diagnose all these issues I was having, and he pieced it together, and was like.. "this sounds an awful lot like ADHD.." and he went back in my file to when I was 12, when he originally diagnosed me with it.... and my mother declined medication because of the stigma.. and just thought I was a child acting out.. That's what i've been dealing with the last 4 months. It fucking sucks finding out at 41 all the struggles of the last almost 30 years could have at least been somewhat mitigated.. I guess what matters is people like us know whats wrong, and are putting in the work to do better now, right? Good on you, and great video!
Appreciate you I’m glad I went through in making this 🙏🏻
Even if you are diagnosed earlier, like me (18, a school dropout, now I'm 37), you might still get depression, and like me, life works (from the outside, it looks "perfect") but it's not fun at all-often, I question the worth of life. I still struggle with the same issues I've had for 20 years. Back then, I thought, well, if I take meds, do CBT, coaching, and continue working on myself, it will one day be a lot easier. Unfortunately, it's still very hard for me. I have achieved a lot, but with more energy and joy simply taken from my life (I have a job in a STEM field-I almost had to take all my exams twice, sometimes even three times; multiple times, I was almost kicked out... I made it, but it has cost me a fortune in life satisfaction). I did it because I thought, well, after this, you'll have a job that suits you, and you can choose more of what suits you... well.
Now, at almost 40, I sincerely realize ADHD will stay forever, and there are simply things I will never be able to change. I have an engineering degree and a physics degree. Nice, right? But still, I hate a lot of the aspects, just like I did when I started, with the hope that studying is not the same as working. But even while working, there are still issues I struggle with a lot, like documentation, paperwork, and repetitive detailed tasks. The most difficult thing for me is that when my brain isn't interested, it just isn't interested, and I have almost no tool to get around it-Ritalin, etc., nothing helps. Only discipline and Ritalin help with this, but I'm still exhausted as hell afterward because it feels like torture.
I question my entire career path because I cannot really work in the fields I have mastered. The older I get, the less energy I have to compensate for all the issues with ADHD (despite meds, physical workouts, and a clean, good diet-my health is perfect; they told me with my lifestyle I'll live to 100... if we do not consider the mental load). I will not give up, but I am strongly trying to find another career path that aligns better with my ADHD brain. This should not be a "don't try, it doesn't help" message. I simply want to tell you that even if the support is right, it will not make ADHD go away, and you can still suffer a lot. Everyone with ADHD needs to find their own journey-we have the same issue, but in different flavors. Unfortunately, the nature of ADHD makes it impossible to have a fix that works for everyone. Also, medication is not like a painkiller-take it, and the pain goes away. In my case, Ritalin helps, but some major issues are not touched by it at all.
Currently, I try more to use my gut feelings, something I should have listened to when I was 20. A lot of stuff that didn't feel right back then has turned out to be true now. Stay strong ;)
@@siclucealucks Thank you for taking the time to tell your story, I totally understand I am not alone in this for sure more and more. I feel you 100% as well about 'landing the great job, and all the energy being spent just to do it' every day is and still will be a struggle.. I think it's just better we at least know the why about why our lives seem so weird. That alone has brought me some much needed peace in my brain, while I work every day on myself for the rest.
I didn't find out until I was in my fifties. Tbh you're young and lucky.
Now that you are fifty, do you feel that ADHD made you time warp your life? I am in my 30s and I have years of life that are a blurred and dark for me, as if I woke from a coma. ADHD is causing me to time warp my life.
@jacqueslee2592 Wow! It's not like waking up at all for me. The struggle is still there, but for the first time, I understand what I am fighting against. It's the emotional healing that's the biggest difference. I feel like I was gaslit my whole life. A lot of shame to let go and then a lot of anger to process.
I’m sure it was even more difficult in college when you realize no one is taking attendance in large lectures. Glad you got help and figured it out!
😂 no kidding. and the ones who ONLY showed up for exams.
You’re an honest and vulnerable guy. Thanks for sharing.
I was the same, growing up in a developing country where no one still takes ADHD seriously. One thing I can't wrap my head around is how does anyone with ADHD graduate from high school? Heck, realistically I couldn't get past the 5th grade. Now when I'm 30 and I have figured out how to make things work(without meds), I feel like I can learn anything I put my mind to. But as a kid? No way, I had no idea how to cope, and I quit trying very early on as I felt I was just dumb or something.
Your life experience is now your testimony to others. THANK YOU for making this video. I can 💯 relate to this and its terrifying me. I am getting help now too.
Wow you made my day thank you for the kind words glad this made an impact 🙏🏻
You know what, I remember a year in college, Adhd + depression was so intense I was the only one failed in an open source exam 😥 Now I understand why.
I think this is probably the dopest one I seen thus far, I’ve only just watch 3 videos though. Your story is engaging and your presentation is beautiful. The vulnerability you show exemplifies strength. You’re making meaningful content and I love it!
you are awesome thank you for watching friend!
@@blakematthew90 You are welcome great Blake
Shoutout to the best nieces an uncle could ever ask for. 😛
Teachers know about ADHD, but they don’t want to have to deal with it.
Great video, good talker, seems like a cool dude and channel looks legit. Another subscriber on board. I haven't officially diagnosed but after a couple tests and recognizing the symptoms within myself. I just gonna try the tools and tips for people with ADHD and see if they work? Cheers
Definitely give these a try first. Never hurts to get tested though and never feel embarrassed about it. Thank you for subbing means a lot!
I look back and I was diagnosed 12 years ago and truly believe it ruined my life as well bc so many things I still struggle with are adhd symptoms they don't really talk about... I am terrible with opening mail . I really can't stick with a job , since covid I'm even more introverted, I have this bad habit of need to givea back story and side story when explaining something and bc I'm trying to get it all out I tend to stutter which actually has gotten worse . I hate dealing with conflict but I really dislike injustice soo very much .. I have moved so many times you'd think packing would be easy . The ability to find the motivation to do a thing I need to do. Doesn't seem like terrible things but all the time every day. . Turns into so many bad things
I know exactly what you're going through. =/
Thank you. I sign myself out of school at 17 and got my GED attempted going to Cosmetology school bc it was a quick out to have a job . I had my 1st child at almost 19 suffered live altering post partum depression without knowing it and she woke my room up with her crying i had literaly taken a handful of my grandmothers pain medication and muscle relaxers and gone to sleep. Fully believeing at that point the world was better off with out me..the hospital pumped my stomach and sent me on my way. Except I now how had know where to go bc my roommate kicked me out and my child was now at my mothers and her father was mia. Which he was a few months later killed and in the mean time was diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder) it was another child and abusive relationship turned marriage and divorce to an alcoholic later that finally was diagnosed with ADD and depression. And they gave me a prescriptionand sent me on my way but they didnt tell me anything about what i was struggling with and why or even how to fix it so the student loansI had from something i never finished always showing up. As a reminder. That so constant job changing a new marriage and contant moving and one more marriage one last child and divorce after 5yrs. I worked as a cna for almost 10 yrs but severe arthritis in my neck from injuries sustainedin the abusive relationship made me look for work in unstable jobs I had before because they are boring and become physically painful to continue like washing a sink of silverware . Since covid made supply chain issues and the psychiatrist was rather far away i stopped going to appointments and stopped taking my medicine bc they never had it any way. And in the mean time was blessed with a beautiful sassy granddaughter and a super smart and sweet grandson who calls me Gumma but have managed to have lost everything bc of the greed of those who care little for others and most like walked on the backs of others to get where they are
To be perfectly honest, I think the most important part of a diagnosis is KNOWING. I have been lucky enough to simply know that I have ADHD, and instead of meds, I was able to learn how to cope by attacking my source of adhd, predominantly boredom. I have never taken aderol or any other perscription medication to focus, and I successfully made it into college.
Boom!
I truly wish the best for you and you can achieve anything you put yourself too!
But a part of me wants to also say; just wait....... muahaha it only gets worse in time
@@chriszone50 Nah, it just isn't the same. There are careers and professions that will make your ADHD seemingly disappear, if not make it into a superpower. There are absolutely no careers that mitigate the issues that come with diabetes.
I feel like everyone is different, my parents are against medication but I knew since always that I had adhd, tried all methods pomodoro, livestreaming infront of people, studying in public spaces, making my mom watch over me. It all didn't work because i have no control over it
Imagine having this in Nigeria. Rejected by your mom, bullied and scape goated by siblings. Hated and blamed for something out of my control. Life is a game of luck. Some are fortunate and have it all good. For others there's no such luck. I
I agree life is definitely unfair. We have no choice but to keep our heads down and work harder! 👊🏻
@@blakematthew90 That's right.
Found out at 47 .. felt bad .. but then thought about some people who didn't even make it to that Age.. and i was grateful
Wow, great attitude.I need to take in that positivity and gratitude. I'm fifty six and I was diagnosed just under a year ago.
Great video! I don’t have ADHD but I’m visually impaired and can relate to a lot of this in regard to a late diagnosis, anxiety and depression as well as trying to un-F my life 😂
I have the trifecta it’s a trip isn’t it?
@@blakematthew90 life is a trip and it feels like I’m driving without wheels some days
This so resonates for me and yet I am completely dumbfounded by the contrast and opposites between your experience an mine. For the life of me, I could not managed to get my homework done and I would sit for hours in front of it getting ten percent of what I needed to do finished. In first grade, the first thing we did in class was copy a sentence off of the blackboard. It took me until first recess and the teacher had another student stand at the board. After all the kids have moved and point to the next word that I needed to copy because I couldn't keep focused and keep track of where I was. Listening was no problem learning and showing up to class was no problem.
I aced tests even though I took a little bit longer than everybody else to finish And I got c's and d's because I didn't get any homework done. I graduated late with a D+ average and went on to community college.
I totally thrived in college because I could choose what to study and could study what interested me. It took me a while to realize I could do the reading because it was subject matter. I was actually interested in but I still only did a portion of it because I was a slow reader. I not only made it through college but got into graduate school and became a psychologist. I failed the first quarter of my internship because it was a psychological testing rotation patient and I had to write evaluation reports. I could not discipline myself to get the work out to the point that I nearly failed internship. Anyway, I am an inattentive type.And I don't know if that has anything to do with the differences between you and me. We tend to be a different breed. I admire the hard work you had to do to compensate for your deficits. I couldn't imagine doing the same. I think yours was the harder path. But good on you for the sheer effort you had to put in to adapt tool world that isn't set up to deal with how your brain works.
appreciate you 🙏
No joke, I'm 30 too and I've prob. had since I was a child. Idk if I was ever tested again for it in my teen years or not. But I do remember being tested for both ADD & ADHD when I was 7 yrs. old. There was an at-home and at-school version, but idk if anyone thought of anything further because for the school version, I tested in the "avg.-normal," range, but on the lower avg. range for it bordering "at-risk" for it. I think multiple situations factored into this, but after someone who will always feel like a little sister to me ended her friendship w/me, it made me realize just how much hatred I had not just for myself, but my own life too & this because of what my parents have said to me in my past and rather than actually helping me, all they did was say words & 1 day I finally told my mom most of the truth.
I admit that I never made the best decisions esp. financially either, but it also doesn't help when your parents are constantly criticizng (or what some may view as criticism) for the decisions you've made. This can make anyone with any type of learning disability feel worthless and incapable of doing anything to some level. Idk how old I was, but I did learn how to be Independent. The only thing: I just don't live on my own yet, but it doesn't mean I'm not any less independent. And me not living on my own = Ik that's 100% my fault, but I don't need constant reminders of those past mistakes I've made. Another thing too: Inflation + Price Increases never help anything, either.
Honestly, and idk if it's pride thing with me or what it could be and I know I'm lucky enough where the real estate test could get paid for for me, but that's something I'd love to be able to save up for (sadly, there was a huge price increase for both the exam and license). Idk want to give up studying real estate for multiple reasons, but at the same time, financial reasons are a reason why I'd give up on it...but at the same time, that means I literally wasted over $300 on real estate courses for absolutely nothing. And I've been studying for abt. 1 1/2 - 2 yrs. now & the main reason it has taken me this long is solely b/c of financial reason since I didn't have say the best type of job within most of the last year alone.
I've also been in/out of jobs different reasons as well. I'm actually really happy to be where I'm at currently though. I know I'm capable of holding down a job for long periods of time b/c I've done it before, but for quite a few them, I have quit them except for 2 where 1 was temporary and the 2nd one was just a very weird situation (I wasn't fired, I didn't want to quit at all, and I wasn't laid off)-like I said, a very very weird situation on that one. I have started to attempt to write short stories, but they're more like mini short stories in one (e.g. the second story relates to the first and so on)-not sure if this will help w/my attention span or not, but it seems like this method has been working for me.
For other stories, I'd start 1, never finish it, start a new one, never finish it and so on. And it literally became a cycle with me. Ofc, not all, but there are some parents who can be very controlling at times and this isn't to say I'm not thankful for them because I am, but I feel like if I had a bit more independence in terms of making my own decisions as a teenager, then my life would def. be different than what it is now. I think growing up, my mom did allow me to have a bit more independence and freedom than my dad had. Basically, my mom knew where I was and who I'd be with b/c I did live in a relatively safe neighborhood.
Also, school-wise, turns out my behavior wasn't the best b/c I didn't know that I had random outbursts in elementary school (I may have still struggled w/communication since I didn't say 1 word till I was 3). I don't remember if they waited for me to start school or not or if they started me when I was able to start. I need to double-check b/c I don't remember if they started my brother right away or not if they waited (either way whoever may have started earlier and/or later-I believe the situation prob. should have been swapped). Turns out I also ignored the consequences of my actions that I had 0 clue that I did as a child.
I don't know what's supposed to be bad about admitting that one is a victim of genetic recombination experiments and of gross school/medical malpractice. People must get good start at live, at minimum, after all, the society made the decision to breed.
This film is my history, i feel relieve by not feeling alone anymore
No self control!!! Yep thats me.
The buy button is right there I mean…
I love your editing style
Thank you so much!
I love your channel :)
After watching this i starting to forgot
Well myself I got diagnosed at 45 and I am even more depress now. I lost so many years thinking I was broken. It was even worst because I suffer from anxiety and OCD as well.. for the past two years I tried different techniques and nothing worked but just realized I was working again my adhd and not use it. Now I am doing better but thinking almost 50 and no success in life what a wasted life. Any ideas how to work with your adhd and not against it?
I know the struggle all too well. My channel has a dedicated playlist of adhd videos and what has worked for me definitely give some of those a look!
I feel you. I wonder if the ADHD and anxiety are tied together for you. The way it is for me, I was diagnosed less than a year ago and started medication 8 months ago.
It gave me a little better mental clarity but didn't change my habits, and there's more to fix. But suddenly, the world did not seem so overwhelming, and the biggest change was emotional, not cognitive. I suddenly felt this layer of anxiety drop off of me that my whole family noticed, and I hadn't even realized was there the whole time. I wonder if the OCD comes from feeling insecure in your ability to organize the world around you and eating certain structures or routines to manage your deficits and the removal of which will cause phobic panic.
Unfortunately, here in Czechia, getting a diagnosis in adulthood is damn near impossible. I tried, but it seems I'm all alone in this shit.
I wish I was able to help, our health system in America is rough too =|
Don’t frame it like that you don’t need a diagnosis and getting doesn’t make you not alone, understanding it is the best medication & you just have to take steps to adapt your life, goals & routines to how your brain works
Same same now i am 40 and i wish i can turn back the time of my life so offten...
The say to you as an kid adhd its over with geting adult...but thats wrong its always there !! and you older you get so much more problems coming ... Depressionen.. relations Broke...drugs.. Jobs Lose....money problems..not normal life ... and and much worster is coming
If only we had a time machine! At least we can bond over our "adulting" struggles.
Mine too