How to Let Go of the Past - 3 Steps for Regret
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- Опубліковано 27 тра 2024
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"Regret can be your worst enemy or your best friend; you get to decide which." Regrets are like a hammer, they can hurt you or you can use them to build the life you really care about. In this video, you’ll learn how to channel the emotional pain of regret into action to create the life you want.
So many people have a hard time dealing with "what ifs" and it can be really hard to let go of the past or get over the past. I get asked all the time how to deal with regrets. A lot of people, as they start to make progress on their anxiety or depression, they start to feel intense regret about the things they missed out on in the past. Or when people start to improve their relationship skills, they regret past mistakes.
Or missed opportunities, lost connections, or late starts.
And regret can really hurt, it’s a painful emotion. But here’s what’s important- You can learn how to transform regrets into energy. Let’s walk through how:
1. Regrets are in the Present moment, get very clear on what you specifically regret
2. Regrets show you what you really care about, they show you what you value- so clarify what you value.
3. Find how to take action in the present moment to act on that value.
You can learn how to let go of past regrets.
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Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
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Pro tip: dont just watch video & feel good for a moment. Do the work, do the exercises she recommends. It really helps.
😊 exactly what I’m telling myself as I take notes. These are powerful steps to take if one stands a chance of success.
I kept a notebook throughout watching her series on processing emotions. I still look through it from time to time. It's wild to have evidence of how much better I feel now (and still be able to redo an exercise if the mood strikes me.)
Nothing matters really! It’s bigger than “work” or this “norms”, plus you can’t guarantee shit with all the talkings and “norms” or “laws” which’s all over the place and everywhere! It’s endless cycle of drama and bullshit!
@@osamaqtaitatdoes your exclamation marks indicate shouting or frustration? When I first visited my therapist one of my opening statemens was to describe how deeply angry I was... I can only say my life started changing for the better when I started learning new coping skills, incl. not creating drama, but recognising the triggers and responding in more approproate ways.
I can’t even continue watching without regretting 😖😫
1) Get super clear about what the regret is
2) Get super clear about what you value
3) Take action in the present moment
@RepentandbelieveinJesusChrist_what a bunch of B.S.
you have become my new therapist
i have ocd what should i do i cant get rid of past and it haunts me
Well said
Thanks!!
Dear Madam
I am from remote village of Assam, a state of India. I am here to tell you that your videos helped me a lot to recognise and manage and overcome my prolong anxiety and depressional mindset. We low class indians do not have the social awareness about cognitive disillusiones or psychiatric problems. But my search and hope brought me to your channel and video by video a change began within me and now I much much better in thinking, feelings, and socializing. God almighty have given you everything, but please take my heartiest thanks for everything that your videos have given me. May god almighty fulfill all you dreams, hopes and give energy and time to continue your good work. My English is not good, so please excuse my mistakes. At last thank you thank you thank you...and love and regards. Take care, bye
MUSADIQUE AHMED
Good luck Ahmed on your life journey. Have a good life.
Same here. Emma's videos have helped me deal with anxiety disorder. I recommend it to as many people connected to I. I'm planning on recommending her video to my church.
I love you, Emma McAdam. Love from Nigeria. ❤
This is a beautiful thank you. And your English is very good.
This message itself gives me hope. I'm so glad you are getting the help from these great videos and best of luck to you! Thank you for sharing!
Your English is very, very good. May God continue to bless you with gratitude and the ability to express it! Congratulations on all that you have accomplished with your mental health🎉
It sucks when the regret is something you can’t change
No amount of regret can change the past and no amount of anxiety can change the future!!!! Done.
I keep trying to tell my panic attacks that ♡♡
Others don't feel better because you feel bad. They aren't thinking about you at all! Stewing on regret is self-punishment and cannot undo what's done.
very helpful comment
Hard to hear sometimes but it’s the absolute truth! Thank you!
My reality has shown that going noncontact is impossible bc my partner is best friends with my childhood bully.
The talk almost every day and her narsastic ways bring my hubby down
They always talk about my baby steps forward are a joke, and they both laugh that I found a church
Even joking to ea other
Hubby, I can feed her puppy to your dog, lol
Narc He wouldn't even have to bite lol
Both laugh
Im trying to heal. I want this desperately but have nowhere else to live
Any ideas?
I have no peace, and they both steal my joy whenever theres a call
@@user-yo7jf6rp6f it sounds like your husband is a bit of a bully as well. I'm so sorry 😢
You deserve respect
So true❤
If your regret is about a person who is deceased or a job that is no longer available, there is nothing one can do about fixing it. It's a done deal.
Im so tired of living in the past. It makes me so depressed.
Worrying about the future is the real bummer. Bleak.
Well, what are you gonna do about it? Every moment is a fresh start, not ever hour or every day, but every second. You can choose again.❤
I do have regrets. It Hurts so Bad!! 💔
@@elainegoliszeski276 everybody does, what, you expect you're going to live your whole lifetime with no regrets? That's a lifetime lived in fantasy.
Same 😭
Just yesterday I was searching for "Therapy in a Nutshell Regret". I can't believe the timing of this. Thank you so much! As someone with no access, to therapy you are literally saving my life.
Me.tooo.?
You can only do the very best with what you know in that moment. There is no benefit in judging yourself for something you had not learned yet.
I live by these words and this has brought me much peace.
That’s beautiful
I ❤ that. Thank you.
Great way to see it, it’s always easier to see it in hindsight but every missed opportunity present-me did not take a decade ago, past-me was never ever going to take any of them.
I was in no way, shape or form in a situation to do better so I’d rather think that knowing I could now so better if I was magically sent back then is proof of growth, and not cause for regrets.
Yes thats true
@matthewtikka5133 That’s so true I’ll remember that. However some of the things I ‘regret’ from the past was caused by me being too sensitive …something I still have a problems with now that I’m much older.
I'm deeply regretting the time I wasted and the opportunities I missed. I have adhd, ptsd and severe depression. I am wasting time today I know I'm going to regret this days as well. I wish I could remove this sickness like a coat.
I’m so grateful to know that I’m not alone in these feelings. I wish you the very best in your future endeavors❤️🙏🏼❤️
I so feel the same
I hope to encourage you to seek Jesus, you will find Him and His grace will empower you to put off the old and put on the new. He paid it all for you and me too, and I’m new because of Him so you can be too. 😊
Sounds like shame.
There’s a guy who did a video, break free from the shame that binds you.
Also, YAHUAH is a merciful Elohim. His son Yahusha died that if we walk after Him and follow His ways, He would heal us and renew us and give us rest.
Wait-are you me?
Re. the transcendent: I love Jesus too. He’s the reason I’m not dead. But I def have work to do.
Thank you for the video; it was very informative. These 3 steps are useful if you practice them. The story of my life: three years ago, I was 38, thinking about studying psychology. However, I had such an intrusive thought: 'Hey, come on, who are you kidding? You're not 20 anymore. By the graduation ceremony, you'll be 41 already - too old. And your English is not good enough to study at uni. Go get some advanced English classes before even thinking about uni.'" The brain is such a saboteur. But thank Poseidon, I have an amazing, very supportive, and understanding partner who encouraged (and still has been encouraging) me by saying, 'Your English is much better compared to some of my tutors (he was doing master degree in cyber security), you have nothing to be afraid of.' He said a very crucial thing to me: 'You will have a degree in psychology when you are 41 if you apply now, or you will not have.' This year, I graduated from my uni as a Bachelor of Psychological Science and am currently doing Advanced diploma in psychology. Sometimes our brains don't want the best for us, they want to avoid stress and problems at any costs.
Wow I’m taking notes
I guess the only thing I can do is work on regret instead of being defeated by it in the present. Seriously this is a new concept for me. I actually never knew I could do anything about regret. This is wisdom. Thank you.
_"Real forgiveness is a process of transforming something old into something new, something that was useless into something that is useful, something that is meaningless into something that is meaningful. Here your mistakes, instead of being a source of pain and inner discomfort for you, become a means of reaching other people, for everyone has made mistakes, and many people have made the same ones that you have."_
Living the Way of Knowledge, a free book by MV Summers.
Thank you so much for making this video. I wasted my 20s being an internet troll in order to defend my favorite video game character’s honor who is constantly hated on. This character saved my life from childhood abuse and neglect. I wasted so much of my time arguing with people on the internet and I’m so ashamed and disgusted with myself. I’m now on a spiritual journey to figure out who I am and what to do with the rest of my life.
Just feel into being alive each day. And THEN it comes more naturally without forcing oneself to become something. We are already.
@@annelbeab8124 Thank you, I will do my best.
@@annelbeab8124 Thank you, I will try.
A while back, you set me on a path to healing, real healing, and ive been running with it since, building and learning! Thank you so much for doing this, and for being a healer. You are definitely in the right line of work!
Something about Emma talking to us with that hammer in her hand makes me VERY motivated! 🤣
😂
I heard a quote recently, "No matter how far you're down the road, you're still always the same distance from the ditch", or something like that. It's kinda sobering to think about.
I have been torturing myself with regret lately and was lost about how to stop it. Thank you for the actionable steps.
Dealing with regret is something I've been working on for more than a year now. Thank you for this video.
Hi. What did you regret?
Small decisions, omissions, and other things I could have done if I wasn't too afraid.@@MrSnazzy682
Sometimes it's so hard to think about the past that you just push it into the back of your mind and hope you forget. One thing that really breaks me inside is that I can't think about positive things in my past because I come back from them to my current life and I feel sad and more depressed. So both positive and negative thoughts make me depressed and all that's left is hopelessness. Another thing is that a lot of the times we regret things that aren't our fault, we blame ourselves that things worked out this way, I do that a lot.
I know how you feel.😔
exactly where i am, in youth or not knowing better, we've all done things we regret, how do we forgive ourselves for that, joyce meyer said something like forgiving means not thinking about it, i kind of came to the conclusion that I shouldn't keep punishing myself by remembering the things i did wrong. I'm tired of wrestling with it or reasoning with myself about why it's ok to have made a mistake, it doesn't make me feel better.
I'm 42, and the obstacle is not 43. The Obstacle is Now. The Obstacle is Always now. Get it ❤!
I let everything go, thinking of death and seeing people i love pass away. I don’t give a shit about the past because soon I will join them and I feel I don’t have time to waste my time with regret. Now Every day is a new beginning .
I have a lot of shame that I'm slowly getting over and trying to forget about. Therapy could definitely help, but advice on writing your feelings and goals down is very important. I recently drove from NJ to WA to be closer to a brother I haven't seen since 2014. It took a while to prepare and get the courage to just go. It was quite a fantastic journey just being by myself and seeing new landscapes.
Your comment gives me courage that I can do the same - there are many in my life I need to reconnect with💙
Congratulations on facing your new life and taking chances for new beginnings!!! What an inspiration you are!!! Thank you 🙏🏼
This video hits the nail on the head. I got remarried several years ago and it was abusive. It financially bankrupted me and also gave me depression and my mild anxiety became GAD. I mean debilitating anxiety. It interfered with my work etc. I have been filled with regrets about getting remarried, about letting her bankrupt me, even about my 26 year marriage eventually falling apart. Worst of all about this wonderful woman I had dated that I left for shallow reasons. I mean just a man of regrets.
I am known for not following my therapists advice. I need to follow this. I just wish I could rewind the clock to Dec. 2019, which I know is impossible.
"A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials". -Ain't that true.
We are all here to gain more awareness (ie consciousness) (=spiritual evolution). On a higher & more objective level it helps to view the people who come into our lives are "props" . They are means by which we gain awareness of things we didn't know before. I hope & pray you get epiphany to be able to move on & let go of the "mistakes" you made, after all without those you wouldn't have the awareness you have now. True or not?
It's about gaining self awareness and why we make the choices we make in general. Many are driven by unconscious needs, reasons ..eg that stem from early childhood even. EVERYBODY is on similar path. I do believe in reincarnation , and we take what we learned with us, so next time we come back the lessons are different. Ever spiralling towards perfection.
The real bottom line is things aren't going to work out for everyone. It's going to suck when that person is you. That's really it. As long as you have money, shelter, food you are ok if you don't things will suck worse. No doctor or book or anything will change that.
Wonderful perspective. I am coming out of a long period of regret for a lost life due to cPTSD. My skills are becoming honed and very effective. One difficult aspect has been that of overwhelm...it seemed for a time that all of my past 'lacks' got piled together with all current (and perhaps future) tasks. Now I see the way forward more clearly, as a job to be done in the now. I used to think of tasks as vertical, like stacks of paper, and now I see tasks as a path of stepping stones. Decades of anxiety and pressure and depression are finally being set to rest. It all almost broke me. It feels so refreshing to be setting myself free. Best to you in the New Year - always a good opportunity to begin again.
This❣️❣️❣️💯💯💯
i don't know why i was so blind to make such obvious mistakes. mistakes that hurt others and hurt myself. i feel like i started out a really sweet innocent person and then strayed off onto terrible paths, paths which lead to darkness not light. i couldn't be more sorry for my terrible mistakes but the memories hurt me always. i don't know why i got so lost. i feel like God has given up on me, i try to connect but feel so fragile and alone. i have so much love in my heart but so much pain too. i hope you're ok, whoever you are, and i hope someday we find a place where everyone is loved and understood
We're all on respective, unique life journeys where no one is exempt from making regrettable mistakes. Those "obvious mistakes" that you were so 'blind' to making can awaken you to enlightenment. There is power in knowing the pain that your mistakes caused because now you have the awareness and ability to do better. God never gives up on us. Keep seeking. Listen for a calm inner voice that speaks to you honestly but without judgement. It can also come in the form of conversing with people around you, witnessing an experience in front of you, and many more. Watch videos on rumination so you can more effectively cycle out of the negative thoughts you're experiencing. Sending love your way
@@amirah2675 thankyou, and happy to say that i'm doing better now, i read the book 'the search for significance' which is Christian based ,and my thought process has improved now that i now strictly & firmly follow a rule that basically i answer to no one except God, which is pretty much the same as removing all judgement. it's amazing how things are working out much better since making this relatively small change. i feel like i have the right to just be a good person now because i now realise no human has any authority at all to judge me and i don't judge myself either because God says we must not do that, and i'm more than happy to trust that instruction because it clearly makes a huge difference to how i function
@@amirah2675 thanks and much love to you, . .you're the best ❤
God will never give up on you
@@Vxruxxss thanks x I have turned to God and i must admit things have improved
This was so timely. Thank you! I developed an eating disorder when I was sixteen and now I’m about to turn thirty-three. It’s not like I completely lost the past seventeen years to anxiety, food obsession etc. but I’ve lost a lot of that time, and it’s only got worse as the years pass. Even this year I stayed in my room while the family were downstairs celebrating Christmas… There are so many experiences I haven’t had, skills I haven’t developed, and character I haven’t built that it’s a bit overwhelming. What you say is a really good reminder and I so appreciate it 🙏💗😊
Really helpful, thank you.
I often struggle with the actionphase. I see what I regret and what I actually want and value, but I often slip back to habitual behaviour that isnt going in the direction that I want.
I suffer with regret😢
As do I.
You may benefit from listening to this video more than once, and maybe listen to each segment of it at a time.
Press pause.
Sit with what you just heard and take the time to write down what that segment means to you.
This can be a good tool to allow yourself to move through regret.
And please consider finding help for yourself.
I am recovering from a regret that has been costing me my happiness, which I am now, finally regaining! It IS doable!
Keep at it until you find the relief you deserve.
@@cherylannebarillartist7453 thank you
Very much
It’s destroying my life, and my marriage, I can not move on from the past….
This channel has helped me so much more than the “therapist” I went to for a month and paid $150 per session
Hey emma! Thanks a ton!! Thanks for everything!! Your channel has answers so many questions, unblocked so many mental blocks, untangled so many messed up thoughts. Thanks a lot!!
Aquí tienes la corrección:
I always wanted to pursue a career at the university, but I couldn't face my fears, and I lacked the humility to accept some vulnerabilities. Now I'm 48, and I'm starting a career in computer science. It's hard, but I will make it! I feel better about myself for making this decision. Thanks a lot for this video, Emma. I will take your recommendations from this video to overcome some other regrets.
The more people you meet, the more events that take place, the more successful you become, the more life you live, the further your past becomes
Dwelling on regrets is easier than changing the present!...wow!
NEVER REGRET ON TAKING ACTIONS TO RESOLVE THE PROBLEMS ONCE ONE IS CLEARLY UNDERSTOOD THE ORIGIN OF THE PROBLEMS BE IT A SEPARATIONS OR WHATSOEVER ONE DECIDED..THE MOST IMPORTANT 1ST STEP IS TO "ID" THE ROOT CAUSES OF THE PROBLEMS..EVERYTHING FLOWS AFTERWARDS..
You present a very logical, sensible perspective on how to live in a way that minimizes the effect of regret. This video is full of good thinking.
My main regrets has been 'brain explosion'. My caregivers settled their expectations with violence. Regretfully, when I became an "adult" I did the same. Mine was done at the exclusion of all consequential consideration. I always felt deep regret after it. I've lost good friends, family along the way, my marriage broke down and I have a criminal record. So my crimes have been paid for. I've been clean for 32 years.
I've recently learned of 'perceptual bias'. My caregivers violence cognitively was like a staid brick wall before my mind's eyes my every waking moment and then some. Over many many years I undertook many strategies to rid myself of the haunting obstacle blocking my path forward. To alleviate my pain I've forgiven myself, I can do no more than that. I continue to learn to live today.
Everyone should have a slice of humble pie every now and then
Regret is something I've been struggling with. The first real love of my life, at age 61!, broke up after an amazing year together, after a phone call asking me to be her retirement and life partner, and I fell into my fear of not having enough or being ready for her timeline. I was meek, afraid, inarticulate, and probably seemed a completely different person to her than before the call. I couldn't provide any idea of retirement because I'd been afraid to look or have a plan and timeline. It was a terribly handled call. She shut down, and sent a cold, firm text a few days later stating this chapter of her life was over, and added several other things besides retirement that made her decide the end. None of those existed the minute before she asked me to be with her.
I have regretted that call and ruminated every day for 6 months. I miss her every day.
I want to use this regret work to lessen all the time she is in my head. Thank you for posting it!
So go see her and tell her what you told us. Maybe she misses you as much as you miss her.
You are a god send. I just realized all these years of watching therapy videos or attending therapy videos that I needed to take action. You are amazing ❤❤❤
"channel the energy of regret into building something you really care about" 🙏🧡
Woke up feeling bad for snapping at old mom and saw this...God send is what you are. Will not toss the hammer..i.e. the unconscious me...but will learn how to hold it and appreciate its strength and power.😊
I've written letters to myself from the person (s) I felt I never got closure or resolve with and my reply to acquire the closure of that energy drain... it's been very satisfying and effective!❤ Thank you!❤
Sometimes regret is because i misjudged the people in my life. These tips are pro life, and that’s good because you have to keep moving forward. But I am done with anyone who uses me and I will never get over wasting my life. Like a narcissist I will hang only with people who benefit me. Which means nobody and there I have no regrets anymore because I learned my lesson.
I regret every single thing in my life except taking care of my mother for a very long time. Everything. I have been alone all of my life due to my avoidant personality disorder. All the years of therapy and a ton of med trials did not a thing.
I’ve been through a lot the last few years. Divorce, girl friend, living in a big city, etc. my world has been devastated since my mother passed away almost 4 years ago. Now I bought a piece of property a little over 70 miles from the city and will be living in a farming district. I will not have another relationship, but will work the land until satisfied and maybe do a little traveling!!
If you’re scared to ask something or to disappoint someone my advice is do it now! I always tell myself it's better to disappoint in the beginning a person and they'll forget than after 20+ of loyal friendship. It's good that problems come up at the beginning and get sorted out.
Wow. Ive been dealibg with all the negatives in this video( regret,shame etc) and have been praying my heart out on how to deal with it all. God sent me here. Thank you.
i regret going to therapy.... think about it every second of every day. I just wanted a solution to my problems. Now i don't trust myself to fix myself. I can't get excited about anything. I can't think or remember. and now everytime i think about the regret i say to myself "why could you (my last of many lazy therapists) not just help me" instead of "why didn't i help myself". I've tricked myself into thinking that she was the problem. It's my fault that i went in the first place, not hers... i just can't escape the self doubt anymore.
I have few regrets in life. I am glad. One of them was missing my grandmother’s funeral. Can’t go back to change it. I was much younger then. Mom being the 10th of 11 kids, I felt I didn’t know her very well.
I dont have enough energy to waste on regrets. I work on the assumption that i live each day to the best of my ability WITH THE RESOURCES I HAVE/HAD ON THAT DAY. II I had the wherewithal to act differently, i would have done it.
You've nailed it for me - I've turned 40 this year and have no degree, which has been halting my passion for work in education projects for over 4 years now. And I'm now working on the way to achieve getting the education I need. Also, throwing away the hammer 🔨 was both hilarious 😂 and a very helpful explanation. I'm wishing you and your family a great new year!🎉
I just did this exercise and wow, I feel a whole lot better. I just wanted to thank you for this, I have been ruminating on the past for (10+) years not knowing how to heal. Listening to this video felt like a sponge taking away all the yuck in my heart - there's still a lot to work on but it certainly helps :)
Your video was tremendously helpful. I'm glad you didn't make friends in high school. Look at you now: Best friends with people all over the world that you will never meet. Greetings from South Africa.
This lady knows what she is talking about. It only took 4 seconds into the video to realize that. I have been in counseling and therapy for the last 19 years, so I know a thing or two about this. Thank you for helping.
You know, a lot of people get some ego identification from their past. It's almost like, "What would I be without my past?" It's like they think they will cease to exist without holding onto their pain
I'm from Newfoundland and have been having a return of my panic disorder after a year or so panic free. Your videos are helping immensely and I certainly hope you feel the light of all the souls you help across the world. ❤
7:42 that story about Alex was hilarious. But I can relate to him. I made the same mistake by not acting on what I wanted twice. It’s hard when we don’t take the opportunity when it comes around the second time
I've been following you a long time and didn't realize you were local to me until I saw the intro to this video and recognized the background :) love those mountains.
YOU CARE FOR PEOPLE FOR YOUR HUMBLE CAREER!
Forgive You from the past and go forward knowing you are working to change Future You. Wonderful video, Emma! Healing and positive vibes to all ❤ 🙏🏼
This morning was awful for me. I was trying every technique I knew - mindfulness, breathing, etc. and I couldn't get out of my head. I went for a long walk and instead of feeling better, I had a panic attack. On the walk, I listed to this video which I incorporated into my-talk to calm down and get grounded again (in her voice, but my words - so it felt both authentic and authoritative!). Thank you for helping me get through a tough moment :)
I love the hammer analogy and the outdoor opening was really creative! Love your content 🥰
Love your positivity and the logical way that you break things down into smaller steps. Been struggling a bit here, so thank you so much!
How can a mother not regret placing her only child for adoption. Its been 8 years and still Everyday it consumes me. I hate the holidays. I hate Christmas. When i see mothers and sons shopping for xmas i have to leave before i cry. I feel like the lowest of the low of society. My mental health has gotten worse and worse. Its not like this will change. How does a mother forgive herself for failing at the 1 job im supposed to be able to do? I cant. I will absolutely never get back my son. Ill never get all those precious moments. It never goes away. Its suffocating i just want it to end i just want it to stop.
That’s incredible painful. You made the best decision you could make at the time. We tend to judge ourselves by our decisions and actions. “Bad” decisions or “bad” choices don’t make you a bad person.
You first have to accept the emotional pain you’re in. Don’t resist it because it hurts so bad. You have to make room for the pain first. Then begin this work she has outlined here. I hope you do I’m sorry your pain is so great but it’s because of your pain that you now know how much love you actually have. Also you can hold compassion now for others who lived your similar experience.
When you placed him, you knew THAT was best for him. That's what real mothers do, what is best for her child. You did NOT fail!
You did not fail at all - you made the decision you felt would be best for his sake and yours. Talking to a therapist would be very helpful if you can do that. It has taken me a couple of years to get a new therapist, so I know how hard it is to take that step. Even harder if the therapist can only talk on the phone, or if you have limited income, but even one first session has helped me a little bit. The holidays are always the worst for me and many like us, so you are far from alone in those feelings. Sometimes all you can do is hang in there one more day 🙏
If you knew that your child was so grateful to you for putting them up to be taken care of by others, would you feel regret? Sometimes our thinking limits itself in the rumination of the pain and issue. Why not walk with that acceptance of gratitude and self, and perhaps your paths will ultimately cross at the best time for the both of you.
I wish my parents had given me up for adoption
YOU CERTAINLY ARE A GOOD MOTHER AND TEACHER.
I learnt a lot here too
Thank you for this video. I really needed these kind of informations and the step by step guide. I felt so held back by my past my regrets and the things I felt shameful for.
Thank you for your videos they really help many people all over the world.
Thank you for a better 2024
Exactly what I needed at this moment, thank you Emma for giving us guidance
I had someone say a really similar line to me about grad school and it took me over a decade and a half to finish- I’m still processing my emotions about that. I’ve used it as well early on when folks were hesitant to commit but given my experience I wouldn’t tell anyone that again because the academic road isn’t guaranteed to be smooth or easy for everyone and it’s a huge investment.
How you knew so many people needed this especially Just before new year rolls
I am grateful to you with all my heart
Life is a game you cannot undo past move but your next one can be better. Thank you so much for the video
I’m 74 and have experience most of what you talk about I’m also someone who has studied myself for the last 40 years so when I say I loved you video I really mean it. Regret may be from the past but the feeling is in the present is a wonderful insight so thank you and I look forward to watch all your other video . ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I’m so grateful for your channel. You always offer practical tips and ideas. I was watching a channel with a girl call Katie who is a therapist and all she does is physically cry about her struggles. I don’t find that helpful. Constructive tips and advice is where it’s at! 💜🙏
It is amazing how much value I get from watching your videos! Pretty surprised, seeing as we have never met or anything. But your words ring so true. Thank you so much.
This is SO well timed for me, thank you!!!!
I love the association to rumble strips!
You and the crappy childhood fairy have helped me. You have been played on my phone about anxiety coping and grounding and understand where I am coming from better. From all of us nutshell people.
I love your videos and how you share information! I recently recited that phrase about planting a tree! The years are gonna pass anyway and it is better to have a tree at the end of all those years.
I have watched several of your videos. I have not started the work yet, but I am very impressed with your knowledge and ability to relate your knowledge to people with varying backgrounds. I am even more impressed with your ability to teach. Great video!
Hi Emma!!!
I haven't seen you come up in quite a while and I'm so happy to see you this gorgeous winter Sunday afternoon!!😊
I've been doing the work. And I feel great. It's taken me about 3 years to really get most cptsd symptoms under control and to really develop the metacognitive abilities that are necessary to exceed our current situation and really rise above, grow, in other words.
Thank you for your part in my healing over these years. Thanks So Much to So many other truly giving and HELPFUL voices on You Tube. It is possible to get better just with You Tube, and God ( 'just'! Lol) and a burning NEED TO GET WELL. ❤ I'm going to watch your video right now. I love it so far. You wear that tool belt well!! Perhaps I'll send an edit after I watch it and thank you, but I'm sure it will be wonderful. God bless
What the heck is this a thing going from regret to okay what do I value…I love it exactly what I needed and was looking for goodness gracious thank you Emma you are a fantastic human bean and I love all the work that you do and hopefully are continue doing.
Definitely one of the most helpful videos I've watched on the channel! The actionable steps and examples really clarify what I can do with my life, regrets, and values. Thank you!
❤Thank you, I am 50 and headed back to school to finish my degree. Needed to hear this.
How come your words make me always feel better more than psychotherapy does lol. You treat people as humans and everyone can relate even if they have different mental health issues going on. I always feel like there's hope and big things look so small once again. Thanks again, you're special ❤
"We can never truly connect with others if we're hiding parts of ourselves that we're ashamed of." I have quite strong abandonment issues and this sentence relieved me so much. I think it's perfect for BPD too as we're striving to deeply connect yet trying not to be abandoned in the process. This reminds me vulnerability and uncomfortable feelings are part of connection, that's the right path/way to make it work and if someone walks away it wasn't going to be a deep connection anyway.
I love to think of all the hurting people she helps. ♥️
Emma darling, You don't have any idea how much I love you and all the stuffs you have been equipping your fellow human being a Ross this planet earth. I really am really great full about every bit contributions in my life. May God bless you with a great healthy and peacefull life. Amen.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Emma❤ I've just was doing the revision of my past and really regretted some of my choices and decisions, and your video brought me good vibes and I'm doing to do the work to help myself
Great video! Very informative and helpful! I really liked the analogies between regret and the hammer and a rumble strip.Thanks Emma!
Emma, I needed to watch this today. Thank you for giving concrete steps to turn regret into action. I appreciate you so much!
Thank you so much - this was a very timely message for me to hear. Like when I go to church and the message sounds customized for my needs at that time. 😊 You have hit the nail on the head. (No pun intended)
Wow. Sure do wish I had learned these skillslike 34 years ago. I realize that I have alot of cognitive distortions. Currently going through a divorce from a 32 year marriage and these skills sure would have helped us alot. So grateful that I'm learning these skills now. ❤
Love this video - I especially like when you said - 'if you hurt yourself with a hammer you don't throw the hammer away - you learn how to use it.' (Or words to that effect) Powerful. Thank you
I think of the past as the rear view mirror of my car. I can't look at it long and drive forward, without crashing...Don't fixate or constantly regurgitate on the past it messes up the present and future.
This is awesome! Thank you.
wow, I love that you gave me permission to ruminate on a schedule, LOL, I never would have thought of that. I would probably ruminate less by being intentional in that way.
I clicked on this video sooo fast!😂 I really needed this!
Me too!!!!
@@cherylannebarillartist7453 me too! It feels like a life line!
I am thankful for finding your channel today! Thank you.
I have learned recently about toxic hope. I believe that's part of what kept me in my long abusive and emotionally destructive marriage, and what still keeps me angry at him for cutting our kids completely out of his life and not pay child support for, ever. Part of it is regret, but not for what I did, instead it's like I have taken on the regret for what HE should have regretted doing. Today my 12 yr old got a birthday card from ex's very frail 80 yr old dad, Mark, but it was signed for Mark by my ex who wrote "love, grandpa" and that's it. A WHOLE CARD he could have written something nice on to his own son, or even signed "love, dad and grandpa", but nothing. That toxic hope and the regret I think I've taken on keep me angry at ex, disappointed by his lack of fathering ability and wishing he'd wake the heck up someday. Someday I will move past that and the sheer gall of the abandonment won't pain me, but it is not this day.
Love the step by step methodology we can use to help improve our lives! Great examples that help, too!
Hope the chickens are doing well.
Thank you again for this! Saving for future reference! 🎉😊
Greetings from one of your local neighbors! Thanks for a much-needed walk through on how to cope well with past regrets.