HSPs are attracted to Narcissists
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- Опубліковано 9 чер 2016
- Did you know that highly sensitive people and narcissists tend to be attracted to each other?
VISIT THE BLOG: www.highlysensitiveperson.net
I've welcomed Nikki Eisenhauer onto the show to discuss what a narcissist is and why HSPs can be drawn to people with narcissistic personality disorder.
I think it's important for HSPs to be aware of this topic so they can identify and deal with harmful relationships.
Nikki is an engaging guest and does a great job of explaining this topic in a digestible way. She is a licensed professional counselor (LPC), chemical dependency counselor (LCDC), yoga and meditation teacher, and possible budding comedian.
In this episode, we talk about:
-What is a narcissist vs. sociopath personality
-The difference between anxiety and intuition
-What it's like to be an HSP and a therapist
-What most therapists don't know about HSPs
-Why improv might be good for HSPs
-and more!
My social links:
Facebook: / highlysensitivepersonlife
Twitter: / hisensitivelife
Pinterest: / hsplife
Instagram: / highlysensitivelife
Sadly very true. Learning how to have solid boundries with other people is so important to keeping narcassists away - or not even letting them into our lives to begin with.
I'm a highly sensitive male. I can relate with everything you ladies are saying and I can tell you that the same way women are used by narcissistic males and females, so have I been taken advantaged of. I always felt too nice, and I always felt that I was too giving and everything you said validates what I said. The worst part is that because I am a man, it is even harder for me to speak out or say anything for fear of being called a bitch or worse. That has almost driven me over the edge but part of healing is accepting myself and loving myself. Thank you for this video.
Thanks for the comment. I'm sorry to hear about the pain you've experienced in the past by being an open and trusting person. I'm confident there are friends and partners out there for you who will treat you as you deserve to be treated.
Adolfo Fernandez I've never met an empathic male! U are as rare as a unicorn 🦄! 😍😘
Adolfo, thank you for speaking out. I honestly thought I was alone in the feeling and understanding. Being a male hsp has been a lot of adjusting on a personal level in this country.
Adolfo, you are not alone. I am too and most of my life I've had to modulate how I appear to hide in plain site. It's horrible, but with good friends and support structure it makes a big difference because you can actually feel heard for who you are. I truly hope there are those around you who you can be yourself fully around.
Snap, brother
I had 2 narcissist parents that groomed me to be a codependent and because of it I've been a narcissist magnet all my life. It's wasn't until I cut them out of my life and decided to live a solitary life that I realized this. I was always in and out of abusive relationships, and every time I would get asked why I allowed it and I didn't know until I watched this video. Thanks.
Been there! You are fine now and set yourself free. Watch out for some (maybe) family members (never know) Stay reserved! LOL
DITTO Diva 504 !!!!
I'm going through the same thing. I just need to be independent and want a solitary lifestyle.
It’s inspiring to know that it’s possible to get out of this situation.
How did it end up. The solitude. Cuz I'm in that now
Narcisists prey on highly sensitive people. They actually get off on bullying them. I've seen it with a close family member that got bullied by one. It was her ex husband. He's one of the absolute worst narcissists I've ever met. We found out after their divorce that he bullied people in school as a young person as well. Just a pitiful character.
You would think high school bullies would mature, to change when they are older. but they don't often
This makes soooo much sense!!!!!!
I was devastated by a friend that I see now is a narcissist. She was extremely charming and confident. There were no obvious red flags, but I had an unease in my gut that I did not tune into. This was a huge lesson to me on listening to my gut and trusting it,
I hear you. I have paid the price dearly for overlooking red flags and not listening to my gut. :-(
I relate with this so comment so much. Thanks for sharing as I am nog going through this.
I had a narcissist friend for over ten years. I am hsp. I identify with your story 100%. I too ignored my instincts and did not speak honestly to this friend. No longer friends w this person. A light went off and I saw all their selfishness and lack of accountability.
Glad you made it!
Same rip
I am an HSP and my current best friend of 2 years is a Narcissist. We have a lot in common and i thought it would work out but I'm feeling more and more dissatisfied with our friendship. It's one sided and always about her. Yet i keep pretending that everything is okay around her. I need a friend I can relate to on an emotional level.
Stay strong
Claire S find a better friend. I stopped talking to my narc friend, they will constantly devalue you, drain your energy. Give that to someone who it doesn’t (your energy) go wasted on. Someone that isn’t so one sided. What happens over time is we stuff so much down we end up feeling awful because we are stuffing down our hurt unheard feelings. It will end up manifesting in your own life as depression and even physical illness. Self preserve!!!
I need me friends as well, I’ve decided to cut off everyone, so I can heal. I do feel so alone. I don’t mind making new friends
I absorb everyone's energies and feelings. I never understood it. My mother tells me to not let it bother me, but I can't help it.
Lily R me 2
being highly sensitive is a personality trait. It's not just what we do, it's who we are. But we can learn to recover quicker and guard ourselves in a lot of situations........
Lily R me too
Yes me to
Lily R ~~ ME TOO ~ A sure sign of Empaths
I’m learning to trust my gift of intuition. I’ve suffered so long not trusting my feelings. I could have prevented so much pain if I trusted my feelings. My instincts are unusually right! I can sense people’s vibrations so quick. Amazing
I could not agree more with you. I can relate to every word you said
@@lenkahurova2486 I’m getting butterflies 🦋 seeing your response. I posted this a yr ago 💫 We are Star 🌟 for real! I never trusted or understood anything in life including religion, relationships or myself. We receive the 🕊. These gifts of life are not meant to be kept but expected, excepted & extended back. All is possible through love. All is one 💫 Love yourself & other’s = or don’t play
yes yes yes! go for it.
I want to say how grateful I am for this post and for finding other HSP individuals. I'm a highly sensitive male and it's difficult. For a good portion of my life, I'm tried to change myself, was fighting with myself, and it felt futile, like trying to walk upstream a rapid river. The thought that I can celebrate myself and not fight myself, this thought alone brings joy.
I am 70 years old. In my time there was no such thing as "hypersensitive persons," but rather, "you're so touchy, too sensitive, neurotic, crazy, " and worst of all: "why can't you be like.... [so n so]...
A funny thing is I WAS an extrovert as a child, hyperactive, highly sensitive, and highly creative. I sang, was artistic, a good dancer, a runner a great communicator and writer, yadda yadda yadda. and managed to live for 70 years incognito, never being in a place of comfort with myself.
I was criticized so much and cannot seem to stop doing that, as well as comparing; I do that too. I have things here that annoy me, but I don't think I can express them as I think both women speaking sound young and I imagine they will be critical of a woman that is older than they.
I have interest in listening to this, but I am angry that I could never finish ANYTHING for the reason of my inability to throw off criticism. I instead walked away from so many opportunities in the professional world, because I was too "hurt by someone" and could not follow through with whatever it was I had an opportunity.
I have only very recently come across the knowledge of HSP and without a shadow of a doubt, I am a HSP. I cant deny my desire to help others in pain....this is a constant of my life. I have come to accept it and love this trait God has blessed me with.
Much much before, I recognised that my ex-husband was a highly functional psychopath. I sought to understand what had happened to me and part of the journey was to understand the snake that had entered my life. I was the target 'empath', the specie of humans that are the food for these human predators that roam this world. My empathy was used to fill a dark vortex. I did not choose such a person in my life, I was preyed on. The psychopath prey on what they can never have for themselves....the wholesome heart, the shining spirit, the warm soul. That is the very thing a HSP is. The psychopath took my innocence, but in return has given me the insight to love the amazing person that I am.
Thank you, your beautifully told story strengtens me, gives me one (old) tear and 1000 cristals for courage, we are born right and heal the world!!!
I've just realized that I accepted narcissistic abuse because I unconsciously thought it was normal and there was no way out.
I was married to a narcissist. A professor in the US. Damaged me beyond repair. But nothing happened to him. Cannot understand the injustice
They are so selective of how and when they abuse, that most people can't see it unless it is happening directly to them. I tried to work things out with my OCPD/Narcissist manager at work, and it made things worse. I tried talking to his boss and she told me to hang in there and use "I feel" statements and it made things worse. I talked to HR and they told me to find another job unless you have proof he broke the law, and if you do this you may still lose your job because no one wants an employee that throws a lawsuit at their company. I Grey Rock now, and try to keep him at arms length and let him do himself in. It's almost like having to turn the tables on them and instead of reacting to their abuse, I am quiet and kind and let him wallow in his own personality disorder with others as he spreads his reputation for being horrible to work with. The best thing I can say is that at least there is a digital paper trail of me trying consistently to work it out with everyone around me.
If you really feel bad for narcs, you may wanna read In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People by Dr. Simon
This is exactly what they are counting on: that others feel pity for them.
Symbolsysteme they LOVE the victim role
Thanks for the recommendation!!
My pleasure..'))) I believe no one should feel pity for narcs. If they don't find anyone to abuse anymore, there is maybe a small chance that they start to ask themselves what is wrong with them.
I think from a spiritual perspective we can have empathy for these people, but from a human perspective we have to give them a chance to learn and to grow. And they will only have this chance, if everyone walks away from them.
You can still feel pity for them and go no contact. I would rather pity than to hate.....this is how I personally made my journey a bit easier.
Everybody has to find his or her own way. So, if this helps you to move away from them and to heal yourself, it's your way...'))
I am in general not a friend of pity. I prefer empathy.
It’s sad this is 5 years old and it’s still hard to find a therapist that understands HSP’s and even narcissistic abuse. And/or narcissism in general.
I think it is difficult for people who don't experience the trauma of narcissistic abuse to understand truly what it is and what it feels like, so if a therapist doesn't make HSP and Narcissism their life's work they are more like a sounding board for us to figure it out. I wish I could flip a switch and turn off my HSP and the PTSD and move on, but everything is more like going to a gym of self-love and exposure therapy.
Wonderful and pod cast😀keep up the good work. I have been a nurse for 25 years(medical &mental health) and listening to my intuition saved my patients lives and mine. Self trust is key to our survival. Look at animals in the wild. When a small animal is aware of a predator they don't second guess being prey. They head for safety
Thanks Viola!
I'm an hsp and these podcasts make so much sense to me. It's nice to be able to relate. Normally, people don't really understand or realize the extent of how I'm feeling. I've always wondered why I attract the wrong people or people that have narcissistic tendencies. I'm going to continue to watch these podcasts. I'm understanding myself more and actually starting to appreciate this trait. Maybe I'll even learn to manage it 😉
Rose Harding _ I do also have highly sensitive trait
Basically our compassion, kindness and need to balance and make everything ok, there there, bleeding heart, washes over the narcissist and they get drunk from it. We are the outlet and the narc is the plug. It feeds their ego. Feed a stray cat and it keeps coming back. Shoo narcissist! Shoooo!!!
There is nothing wrong with feeding a stray cat. Feeding a narcissist, however.....
I just very recently found out I’m a HSP and didn’t even know it was a thing. I’ve been going through a lot since last year and I am just realising that one of the most important human beings in my life has narcissistic traits... they’ve been taking a lot from me, emotionally and I decided I’ve had enough. I’m glad I found this channel! Thank you very much😁❤️
27:55 - man alive, thanks! I have had that 'something's off' feeling so many times but, due to youth, naivete and being told to ignore my intuition, I gave people the benefit of the doubt. I have been wrong, but I've mostly been right and the times when that feeling was strong, I was ALWAYS right (much to my annoyance later). I countered my 'intuition' with the ideas of "what if I'm wrong?" and "I don't like it when people jump to conclusions about ME".
But thanks again for hearing someone else point out that I DO have the right to hedge my bets. Great podcast!
the most devastating thing for me was that sometimes I truly believed that he loved me and he cared about my needs as he showed... it was hard to believe that everything was a game a big lie... I prayed many times for him because I am an empath and I truly want him to be healed. although he tried soo many times to hoover me back I walked away because I saw his true nature. so sorry he continues doing this to other kind girls out there.
I hope you are doing better now! I'm sorry that happened to you.
well, this explains a lot. i only just learned about being "highly sensitive," but have wondered for YEARS why i keep getting drawn into a narcissist's world.
it doesn't help that my family model is FULL of them, and i thought that was it.
mother, father, brother, and sister the the extreme, another brother and sister somewhat. one normal brother, THANK GOD.
The big HSP who loves lifting weights, acting, coaching, and inspiring. It all makes sense now. Thank you for helping me understand myself.
This is helpful. I got tangled up in a relationship an narcissist type. He was unique in that he mainly had avoidant personality disorder and the avoidant attachment type in relationships. So he would just outright reject someone (me for example) and toss them out like trash since a relationship is the last they they want (avoidant), but yet shifted all the blame to me and would take zero responsibility (narcissist). It was a highly toxic and confusing combo.
Could be committment phobic. It looks a lot like narcissism. There's a good video on UA-cam from a book called Men Who Can't Love.
Toxic and confusing. I get this. I was in a relationship with someone who when he passed had rejected his daughter he loved dearly, his son - an archetypical narcissist, his brother, his sister, ... He had a big personality, could be giving and kind, but had zero empathy and every problem or issue was everyone else's fault. I'm only just learning that I am a hsp and beginning to understand the toll that my empathy and 'support' took on me. I should have left before I did but it was hard.
I'm listening to this and remembering my ex husband and now that I'm really thinking ALL of my boyfriend's. All Narcissist. My last boyfriend had this little sad story that broke my heart. I saw that one moment of weakness he had and there I go. I made it my mission in life to show him kindness and love. The ex before that, again he showed a moment of weakness and cried about something I fell in love with him on the spot. Both were controlling and used my sensitivity to their advantage. I'm just realizing this recently. Enjoying the podcast I didn't know this was a thing.
Girl 🤦🏽♀️ Same.
And the worst part is when we as HSP ignore our intuition and we are with a narcissist we have that narcissist gaslighting us. So it's even easier for us to ignore our intuition.
Brilliant ... thank you very much. Was with a covert narcissist for 3 years too many. I fully started to research on narcissist behaviour whilst with my narc. I had never encountered such treatment beforehand and narcissism was all new to me. After about a year and a half I was fully able to predict my ex partners behaviour,his next moves. I documented everything... I'm now free and have been for almost a year.
summarized empaths have a lot ( endless) to give, narcissistic have a lot ( endless) to take, thus tend to attract. as empaths tend to self define based on helping others, and narcissistic using others its a bit if a use use relationship. people less empathetic have less to give, people less narcissistic have less to attract us.
also narcissistic tend to attract a group of people that provides a sense of harmony we resonate with, but takes time to realize its superficial and hollow, like most narcissistics are once you scratch beyond the surface.
that's a pretty good summary!
So thankful to hear this today. I am walking through the guilt of listening to my intuition and setting some boundaries with sibling narcissists that use old patriarchal power structure to intimidate. Thank you for sharing. It is very helpful. I've even thought of going back to school to become a therapist but wondered if emotionally it would be challenging in an environment that didn't honor feelings. Good to hear all of your experience.
thanks for the comment! glad you found it helpful. :)
It's also because empaths mirror other people's emotional states. And we all know that there is nothing more that narcissism loves than a mirror!
I am an HSP and always thought I was weird. Thank you for validation. I have been married to two sociopaths and been engaged to at least a narc. I am breaking away from the third relationship. We have been together for almost 4 years. Thank goodness that our circumstances made marriage not possible during that time. Thank you both for this podcast and all that you do. New subbie.
Hi Paula, glad you are finding a way to do what's right for you! thanks for listening :))
Paula B thanks for your post, I so understand. Love your zebra.
I’m so glad to know that what I’m feeling and how I think isn’t rare. My whole life I’ve always been called weird, not normal; how I dress, think & act. After my last relationship which was almost 4 years ago did I began to examine myself and realize I am an introvert and HSP. Never realizing I was codependent and attracting narcissist and psychopaths. I’ve become more aware of these types of personalities. Thank you very much for this episode.
Unbeknownst to me until now I have been working with a narcissist and thinking she was my friend. I always went home feeling drained and crappy about myself because she would pull me into conversations that were not in alignment with my integrity. I showed endless compassion and empathy for her and gave her constant support even when I didn't agree with the things she was saying. Then I would go home feeling terrible about myself and completely exhausted. So I had no compassion left for my family when I got home. The experience was so subtle. This coworker would give the silent treatment and be passive aggressive and bad mouth people behind their backs, usually to me. She used me and I unknowingly let her. I knew there was something wrong and I attempted to seek help from our boss but I couldn't put my finger on what was actually making me feel so uncomfortable. My boss knows we are friends and said she couldn't help me and that we would work it out. I have left the situation but I witnessed other employees struggling like me while I was there and the district manager has asked me to compose an email about what's going on in that office. I'm still not sure how to explain it and if it's a work issue that can be corrected.....
Sounds like a subtle crossing of your boundaries and a need for control.
well this explains why every boy who's ever liked me was a total narcissist 😂
Hi Lily. I'm generalizing here but there is a fine line between confidence and narcissism, just remember that. Every women I have ever met is attracted to confidence.
@P T Spotted the incel narc.
The Road Less Traveled and People of the Lie by Scott M. Peck was so helpful for me being an HSP, finding your channel is also like a soothing balm! Many Thanks
Great podcast! There are many narcissistic people in my life and its only now that I understand why. Thank you so much
glad it was helpful!
I feel SO grateful for finding out this podcast. Am in my early fifties now ... when I was 20, I could feel my high sensitivity SO clearly. Unfortunately at that time, there was nobody to turn to. I simply had to get a grip over myself ... that’s what I was being told. Thanks goodness, there is so much more information on HSP. For me, it still shocks me when I get confronted with a narcissist... slowly slowly I learn how to deal with this as again I always wanted to be ‘nice’ to everyone in life. Yet we do need to watch ourselves carefully. Thank you SO much 🙏
I'm a Briggs Meyers INFJ, and it really helped me to watch videos about the INFJ, particularly the ones by Frank James. It helped me really understand that A. I'm not alone in this, it's part of a personality type. B. It's not a behavior or a mal-adaptation because of some trauma, it's the way I am. I was born this way. C. The problems I face come with the territory. D. Being sensitive caused me to attract abusive people, but abuse didn't cause me to be over-sensitive. In other words, I'm not broken. I'm just a relatively easy target mainly because I care. And the ability to care is a gift, not a curse.
I can't tell you how much I appreciated this interview! And it was posted on my birthday :) I was also feeling bad for the made up narcissist ... nuts! This made my life seem so much more logical and a lots of 'ah-ha!' moments. Such a game changer, thank you!!!!
So glad this was helpful to you!! :)
Omg the part she speaks of how we are empathic and wanting to understand and give and give and give just mind blown me, like she just put into words what I could never explain.
This is so scary. They are saying exactly what I’ve been through. I was in a relationship with a narc for 33 years. I ‘ m so greateful I’m finally away from him.
As an HSP, it took me many years and pain to realize I didn't have to accept anything that comes to me.
The moments in my life which I regret most are those where I dismissed my intuition!
Thanks for this & the firm-up. Great podcast!
me too
Same. I was a people pleaser who gave people the benefit of the doubt, and I no longer do that. I Grey Rock a lot of second encounters now. Once someone seems aloof to my boundaries I ignore them and don't let them back in.
❤was so important for me to hear this today. I recently exited a horrific relationship with a sociopath. I'm recovering from damage done. With info like yours and other's, I see more clearly where I didn't trust my intuition, when at different times it spoke plainly as I reconsider what I heard and saw. I have improved understanding of myself and the delusions of a sociopath. Thank you!
Wow, so glad I came across this channel and tho video in particular. This makes so much sense. I'm highly sensitive and was in a 3 year relationship with a Narcissist and I came very close to losing my mind. Wow....powerful info! Thanks so much!!!! New subbie:-)
thank you!! :)
It's true. Doesn't help that my dad is a narcissist either. Narcissistic people are not the wisest partner but they feel familiar so I keep attracting them.
How did you find out your dad was a narc?
Nikki is amazing! She delivered the information so well. I have a BA in psychology and I am hsp, I’ve been thinking about quitting psychology altogether because it’s hard for me to detach from other people’s emotions, but she’s inspired me to try to get back into helping others more while using the current knowledge I have!❤
I am a HS extrovert who has recently discovered HSP and am eagerly learning as much about i as I can. I have also known narcs and even borderlines too. The narcs are men I have known for a LONG time and when I discovered what they were and what they were doing to myself and others and that they would likely NEVER change I went No Contact with both of them which is still problematic because we know many of the same people. A lot of these people don't know what narcissism is and probably don't care but their not HSP either and likely have not been affected by these types like I have. The narc wants control and that means it's fine for them to go No Contact with you because they are used to being the one's who call the shots in all relationships pretty much but if the target does that its a BIG No No. Ussually a smear campain immediatly follows like it did in both cases for me which sucks but you are their supply and they want you back because they're SICK which is why it's easy to feel sorry for them. Pretty much everything Miss Eisenhauer says is true about narcs and how they take advantage of others. I think that if you are HSP it is important to remember that the narc will NOT change and will likely remain that way forever. They will not get counseling either. They may tell their lovers or their friends that they are going to but they are only looking for sympathy from you because they know HSP will try and help them. Another thing is the narc is only using you for supply which they desperately need but they are also always on the look out for a better supply. The sociopath likely doesn't care if you live or die but the narc will make sure that you stay alive enough to keep pumping blood so like a vampire they can keep feeding on you. Excuse the metaphor but it's more or less true. If you are HSP I would do whatever possible to remove these people from your lives and sometimes that can be difficult if they are a family member. In their world, it's ALL ABOUT THEM.
Hello mate HD extrovert here aswell. We are relatively rare I think 🤠
i am a lifelong HSP(but just learned the name for it) and was in a 4 year long messy drawn out passionate emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist. the whole thing was so so bad but felt so so good. mostly consisted of yelling, crying, making up, and repeating. i gasped and cried when i read the title of this. my mind is blown and it makes so much sense. for so long i was blind to it and now i feel free.
Thanks Nikki you are doing a very noble job. You are an angel to those of us who have escaped abusive co-dependent. It is people like you that truly "got" me who helped me get away.
what a kind comment! :)
This helped me feel confident and not alone!! Awesomeness!!
I loved this podcast! Nikki did such a good job explaining. My understanding now about HPS is better !
Only just discovered this podcast and I love it! Subscribed. I'm currently in a very reflective, flooded headspace and as a male HSP these videos are really easing my mind. Thanks for sharing them :)
Thank you both for this conversation - I am just discovering I am a HSP through 2 years of working with a coach and what pushed me there was a relationship with a narcissst/sociopath he has traits of both he is highly manipulative we were never married but have a son together and he is HSP and so much of what you discussed here really helped me a lot and came at just the right time. The comments you made about the hmmm I had so many times- of course I removed him from our life as much as possible -
"What we see in counseling is that the person who often shows up as the identified patient, is sometimes the healthiest person" in the situation. As a man this resonates, as many men I know do NOT seek therapy for their own mental health. They treat it like competition, sensitivity, or boredom. I used to think I was crazy or broken, when what I have learned is that I developed trauma from feeling controlled and silo'd by Narcissistic/OCPD disordered people.
I could so relate to your guest including the stand-up comedy. I've done it and it rocked. So glad to have found your channel.
how kind, thank you!
I think intuitive is about the reliability, and its reliability is affected by our experience to know variety of personality in our life. We can trust our intuitive when we feel that we have meet enough people to make our intuition reliable enough for us to trust it. But, when we haven't give enough trust to our intuition then seek for facts is the best option for intuition training.
OMG I've never heard anyone articulate and understand (which is what I long for) the ways I am so closely in my life. Thank God for the internet without it...forget about it. I'm been searching for my uniqueness for a long time. I've taken clues throughout my life. Mother says she's sensitive but she's an introvert I'm sensitive but an extravert but I have learned high sensitive people can be both. I have searched best careers for extroverts, best for people people then I was honest with myself (thinking sensitive meant weak) and typed in best careers for sensitive people. After more research I found Highly Sensitive Extrovert and I could see myself in most of the descriptive. I'm glad I found this video before marriage and kids.
yay! glad it was useful to you :)
Hi lailah, I'm a hsp and extrovert.
amazing podcast !!! thank you so much for create that channel. Im a HSP and I just find out with your channel. and now everything make sense. I was raised with a narcisist mother. And im freaking out
Great interview, thank you both so much. What a wise woman Nikki and seems like a great therapist. Very inspiring for me (psychotherapist myself).
This conversation has fascinated me. I dated a narcissist once and today I thought i'd research HSP as I find i'm overly sensitive on situations. After hearing this, It all makes sense and i couldn't agree more. I always give people a lot of empathy and not only have i found out why i could be sensitive but it's more clearer to why I attracted a Narcissist.
Built a life with a disordered-sociopathic-narcissist. Our life was a lie. It’s so devastating and then the discard. 😮💨😒
Great conversation. Thanks for sharing.
I've had this problem before a few times as well, a hsp's sensitivity to social nuance can stroke a narc's ego so well.
This is so affirming. I feel understood!!
I haven't listened to this episode yet, but I wanted to comment on the title, before even listening.
Our culture is one dominated by NARs (narcissists) so I'm not sure that HSPs are attracted to NARs any more than the average person ~ but looking around in the salt water sea of emotions we live in daily, 95% of people are narcissists. I don't think I'm ATTRACTED to them, or ATTRACTING them, but that's what out there.
Also, the concept of speaking in "unarguable truths" comes up for me a lot as a reflection folks give me for my own podcasts.
It's important to not make blanket statements about things.
Thank you so much Nikki Eisenhauer !!!
Welcome and thank you for listening!
Oh my God you have helped me so much. I am still stuck to a narcissist after 2 years of our breakup. I need to get away from them but they have their ways to catch you again. It's exhausting
woow I am amazed about this content. You ladies are awesome, just what I need to put my head together. Thank you so much!
glad you found it helpful!! :)
This video has been so helpful to helping me work through exactly what I am going currently.
Amazing!!!! I am so relieved from this!!! And I’m from Louisiana too💗💗💗
That was very beneficial! as an hsp I've gone through this and it just about killed me.
Not only did you nail every single aspect of the HSP relationship with a narcissist/anti-social, but you've shed light on my (UGH) torture of having to heal from this. Its like no other break up I've ever experienced in that there is NO degree of sorrow or empathy from him. He walked out of my live never to be heard from again. And instead of my turning an absolute blind eye and washing my hands of it entirely, I so deeply long for the understanding from him of what he's done, and understanding within myself of what the heck happened. Its a viciousness that borders abuse, particularly when I reflect on countless incidents of his crazy-making b.s.. The complexities have boggled my mind and going on three years - I continually seek to understand. And hate myself for needing that. How do I begin to seek healing. The timing unfortunately coincided with my father's difficult death, estrangement from my own sibling via a lawsuit against me over the estate, and two other terrible deaths in a short time span. And yet, I'm the deepest most compassionate kindest person I know, so that the healing and moving forward in my complex insightful mind feels utterly impossible. And you'll love this ... I knew it all along. But to let go of hope and all the goodness I believed we had - what a combination of dynamite. Thank you for your podcast, I'd love to seek more of your material.
Hi Debbie, thanks for your comment. It sounds like you've had a very challenging time. Have you been able to speak to a therapist or other mental health professional? I find it extremely helpful and always recommend it. I really hope you can find some peace and good people in your life who treat you as you deserve to be treated!
Thanks for your generous note. To answer yours, no, I did not seek any sort of counseling, realling not anticipating the arduous chore of it all. Simultaneous to the inward unheavals, I relocated out of state, and facing all the complexities of unfamiliar territory that goes with that. Its been a slow row through the muck, but wanting to sharing that it is sources like yourself that have given me the foot up each day to sorting it all out. In trying so desparately to understand HIM and his behavioral b.s., I failed to understand myself, how I'm wired, and how I could fall prey to it all. Insight alone has helped 1K-fold. Again, thank you for your valuable info, it has centered me.
I am still with my narc and I so long for a few words of understanding or a simple im sorry and it be meant. he is a semi invalid now and its becoming more and more difficult to take care of him when there is the constant bullying and everything is always my fault. I am wearing down, he knows it, and he doesn't care as long as his needs continue to be met. at this point in our marriage leaving him is not an option as I could not live with myself if I did but some days im not sure I can hang on much longer.
Wow, this was great! Thank you!
Glad you found it valuable! :)
This explains my life.
The interviewer hasn't met a narc yet or she wouldn't be lol'ing so much. She may also not be willing to sign away her empathy so quickly and blindly.
Great talk, both of you.
I'm a HS INFJ with HF ASD. I was in a 6 month relationship that was good for the first three then it went downhill. Wanting to make things better I went to CBT. I came to realize he was a controlling and manipulative narcissist. What she says about the healthier one usually going to therapy makes so much sense.
Girl, we're twins 🙌🏽 I'm also a HS INFJ.
wow i so appreciated this discussion on the video.......a mature way to talk about this subject. Very timely for me a as narcissist at work is really magnatized to me and i've been setting boundaries for a while but have been starting to second guess myself as "mean" I think that is part of the propaganda training this narcissist sends out. nice people vs. mean people. so setting boundaries puts me in her mean box. so glad to find this video at just the right time
Glad this was helpful for you! :)
today she came up to me and apologized for not respecting my boundaries. "I'm so bad" it was all part of the attempt to draw me into a discussion thats about her. I just have to not take the bait and politely excuse myself. As long as we are talking about her.......good or bad then she is content but she can't see past herself. Its so draining.
This is my new favourite podcast
I agree with each and every word!
As a HSP I cannot thank you enough
Just being an observer is not possible if you are the partner or spouse of the narc. If the narc is simply a friend maybe.
I hear you! Just finding out my teen daughter may be one... :-/
Agreed. I tried for years to create boundaries with a narcissistic parent and it did not achieve much. They just controlled me from afar and actually got better at it. No contact has been the only way to keep myself healthy. I even find having narc friends does not work because I am a deeply committed friend. I feel like limiting narcs in your life to absolute necessity is best: coworkers, rarely seen in laws, etc.
Quite helpful. Thanks!
I have known what I identify as highly sensitive narcissists. Usually these folks were fellow artists. It is interesting that these traits are not necessarily mutually exclusive.
I am highly sensitive and attract many narcissists including my ex-husband.
Gwen R do you mean that these people were highly empathetic but in a way that it always comes back around to them?
Narcissists are highly sensitive by their nature. That's why they are so desperate for control and are very sensitive to criticism. They cannot be criticized but can critique others. I am a hsp and artist. Have a think about whether these narcs are complimenting your work.
I told my narcissistic mother about her behavior and she completely denied it.
Yep, they lack awareness and want to maintain control
That’s a normal narcissistic response
I have this close friend and we have a weird situation,she seems very latched to me when we meet and I become some sort of the push side,the side that reject.We both like to knit,so she always come to my house for catching up, talking about knitting,hobby stuff etc because she said my room feel cozy.When she come,she always staying in my house till late.The part that alarming me was when we went to mall for shopping and after shopping for a while i said to her that i was very tired and was so burnt out that i'd like to sleep immediately after getting home.She said before that she wanted to go to my place,and she went even firmer even after heard me saying id like to sleep!She said she didnt mind if i sleep and she can talk with the wall instead.I was lolling at that,i lost for words.She sometimes very pushy but sometimes very considerate,im so confused!
thx for the video. That totally explained why am I always attracted to those selfish people and find selfish charming.... Glad I knew myself(though didn't understand why) and managed control myself to stay safe...
This is very helpful for me... Kelly and Nikki are super lite easy to listen to very insiteful very enlightened... I'm a HSP and work with a lot of people who are highly minipalitive... Three of whom I suspect are mild sociopaths and several narcissist the rest have passive or neutral personalities it's like diving into a tank full of sharks and bait fish every morning for 21 years... Having to look like and behave like an Alfa Shark to guard against being eaten alive yet keeping my true sensitive kind and compassionate self intact is a daily challenge... Talk about cognitive dissonance... LOL because that's all I can do to stay positive at times... Joke, Have Fun, Smile, Breath Deeply Slowly, Have Inner Peace and Never fully divert from the kind soul within 😊
thanks for listening and for the nice comment!
Im a highly sensitive person and my crush was/is a narcissist. (at least he seems like that) Based on my own experience (and what i feel) the reason why i feel attracted to him is because he is very outgoing, talkative, good speaker and he is super confident -the qualities i lack. Some of my friends say i like him because of his looks, but no, im attracted to what i don't have because it interests me and even maybe amazes me.
You have all these Qualities within you. The narcissist is fake, the confidence is not real. He feeds on your power when you think that you Lack those Qualities and He has them. you are strong within, focus on your power within your heart. big hug
A hsp has these qualities but they can often be a bit more hidden. They may convey these traits but perhaps be more ' emotional' which is a general turn off for a womans nature.
I just found this content and am having a serious epiphany,. I was married to a female borderline pd, for 16 years. And am now trying to coparent my 2 sons with her. Is impossible. And now learning this content, am so scared for my boys. She has smeared me and is trying to turn them agains me,. I have felt paralyzed. Listening is killing me, but I have to finally learn, so thank you for this;(,
Wow, I'm glad this was helpful but sorry you are suffering. I hope you are able to seek help, like a trained mental health professional. Good luck to you...
No shit!
Lol.. that's response to the title alone, haven't even watched the video yet 😂
Do hsp's feel really bothered if someone doesnt like them? Especially if ive done nothing but be nice and going out of my way for that person and they just are rude and dont like me?
I do
I definitely do. Especially if it’s at church. Or a family member. Or a professional. Ugh.
It was mentioned that not all sociopaths are narcissists and not all narcissists are sociopaths. I've always heard and understood that all psychpaths, sociopaths, antisocial personality disordered are narcissists but not all narcissists are sociopaths, psychpaths, or anti-social. Can you clarify for me please?
what's your new webpage you mention there Nikki? I didn't quite catch it :)
Understanding the difference between Anxiety and Intuition..... brilliant! Now how do I do that? lol
Such a good question
I have always viewed my HSP trait as a SUPERPOWER. This movie and the first one, and many other videos on youtube talk about HPS as losers and sensitivity as a negative or difficult trait to have. Jeezzz...get over it already and hop on the train of Superiority! :-) And deliver a Super Punch to the Narcissist in your life when they don't expect it. Its a real joy seeing them squirm! ;-) Joke aside, thanks for the webinar, its helpful for sensitives to recognise and grow out of these situations. I wish this is thought in schools. Thanks!
yes, It's super Power, but if have childhood trauma, that would be horrible, because attract so many pure evils
Is our default way of awareness focus a key?
I went shopping today, and i was already tired before going.
When i got to the shopping center, it was full of people.
To protect myself i started looking down, keeping my eyes down.
This protected my energy. I them started sometimes to look just at
things that interested me. My eyes would jump from one place to the other and them down. This worked. Going back home, walking the street, my focus would go to some sound or to the wind on my skin or the eyes would keep jumping from one thing to another
and sometimes down. This change of focus from one thing to another happened naturally. I realized i had changed my focus, my awareness, from an all around vision/perception to the thing that interested me most. This seems to work great.
Have you tried something like this?
you gals are great xo thankyew
best podcast yet
glad you like it!!
I just changed from a full time job to pt in fortune 500 bank because I was unhappy and felt like I was out of control and I felt like I couldn't make a comfortable living without going crazy. I've decided to transition to the medical field, 2year program because it seems to be more aligned with my personality and compensation however this interview is totally making me feel like I need to go into something that makes me feel as calm as this interview has done like some type of therapist or counselor but rumor has it they don't make much cash. :(
I think it depends, it's worth looking into the profession more to see if you'd like it!