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How to tell if your are dating a user or manipulator
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- Опубліковано 15 сер 2024
- This video is all about how to tell if you are dating a user or manipulator. I talk about how what happens when a guy is using you and trying to exploit your good nature and need for love. Don’t let these guys turn your need for love and to love against you. Make smart decisions and let the new guy in his life handle his own problems. If you want to know if he’s s playing you or using you this is the right channel. Don’t date narcissistic men who only see you as a resource.
The fastest way to reveal a user is to tell them No.
True
Good call
Brit Brat soooooo true😭
Great insight
Ministry 🙌🏾
Empaths tends to attract users and abusive people. We must be careful.
Very true, because often as empaths we don't create boundaries and users/manipulators don't know boundaries.
Ooooo yeah that makes sense. Always wanna bring home a stray
Hey. I'm an empath who repels users
Yes we must
@@lezel4swarts I'm not sure if you are a male or a female. First time hearing that name. I'm not familiar with your first name. But I'm just like you. I don't do users. I love me the boring guys. To me they aint boring. They are so gentle, fun, loving, caring and adorable😍😍😍😇😉😊😄...I mean, I've got to get my Queen B treatment. If you can't treat this like a Queen, wrong order😂😅🙊🙌👰💃💋❤💅👑👗👛👡💄👑💍
"If you feel like you're fixing a man's life, you need to move on!" OMG that hit me hard
Yes. Fix your own life by dumping his ass 🙄
I was going through that, constantly helping him....finally woke up and left.....dead beat
@@theinfamouskimexperience Good work 👏
Raising men is not our job. Im tired 😪
@@Fan_Tash_Tic I hear ya!
If they’re stingy with their time, attention, support and don’t reciprocate like they should... run🏃🏾♀️!!!
🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️ Not worth it!! Life is too short
PLEASE RUN 🏃♀️. I DIDN’T KNOW. Now I do.
@@Th3lite tell me how to
@@karoline8524 by walking away it’s really simple u have to detach yourself
PATIENCE is key! Users/ manipulators often aren't patient! If someone is showing you too much love all at once RUN SIS! Be safe out there, emotional vampires exists who prey on nice women they sense are vulnerable! It is often calculated! Trust and believe patience will reveal their true intention! They would either show you who they are or run away which is often disguised via them rejecting you, don't fall for this! He hasn't rejected you, he has rejected the fact that you refuse to be used! Stand your ground you've got this!
Wow !!! Thankss sis ! This truly word from word speak to my situation as well !!!
Thanks Lanre. I just ditched one online right now.
@Lanre Aluko exactly. I just parted with a user. I found out he's financially dependent on his Mom. He wanted me to put in all the work. Next
Well said
Not entirely true. A user is in it for the long haul.
*9:39** "Stop helping for a while and see what the response or reaction is" This is so true. Manipulators get mad when they can't use you!!*
So true they hate the word No!
Facts! This is exactly how I begin to cut off my last relationship, I quit helping and didnt even offer anymore besides it was his turn and once he saw he couldn't use me and he actually had to return some of the help, he lost his mind! And when he wasnt there when I needed it the most, that's when i cut off all contact with no notice! Hes had tried for a year now to come back and I've curved him each time!
Truth
I’m too damn nice. A users dream gal. But I wise up quick. Wish I had the ability to move on quicker.
@@Th3lite You live, you learn. Focus on doing better next time.
Breadcrumbing and gaslighting are tell tale signs of a user
Truth
Yup
SpiritualWhistleBlower, lol! What's breadcrumbing?
Wheeew baby this the one!!
I call it dry beggin when they hint around asking for something and making it seem like they are just making conversations
Dry begging makes me real busy and need to call em back.
@@loyaltyb71052 lol same
I don't catch any hints.
ericka haskins dry begging. Yaaasss. Love that. I got family members that dry beg too
Lol@ dry begging
Yes playing dumb has been the smartest thing I've done. These users will exploit your good nature. Now they can't get 2 quarters from me!
Yes! I played dumb with the last relationship because I noticed he was being a user and it worked, now hes blocked and cut off....dummy still trying to call while being blocked!🤣🤣🤣🤣
Omg perfect. I should try that.
I’m so going to.
Yes, yes and yes.. Acting damn speeds up the process in the discovery of a damn fool! Lol It always works..And all the while I'm thinking mhmm you're damner than I thought for thinking am damn..🤔
@@dee9473 yup! Their arrogance and ego makes them think they are smarter. You can't have logic with a fool.
Lol girl you are funny I know that’s right leeches.
"When you DON'T do those things, he guilt trips you; he punishes you...". This, I related to the most.
Or he dumps you, silent treatment, etc
These guys are also quick to commit. They are the type to propose within months.Very generous with flattery, "capable women like you are rare". They hype up the ride or die culture, whatever you've worked hard for is "OURS".
Omg you are so right, my ex told me he lived after 3 weeks. 8 years of him taking from before I woke up and left.
Spot the f on! Well said!!
The ride or die culture is the matrix workers. They will do the crime and run when it's time. They know men will sit down in peace and take their charge and she gets to work her magik on the outside while steady begging for help from him on the inside.
Bingo! My ex proposed in 3 months, quit his job and screamed at me every week to give him money. I found out he was cheating with multiple women behind my back, I DUMPED his behind right after that. My entire family and friends were relieved. They all tried to warn me.
I want a man to LOVE ME tired of being USED
Start with yourself. If you love and value you, you will be able to cut through the riff raff quicker and attract someone who will care. We cannot get from men what we don't possess within ourselves.
@@gigilamoore2656 You can love yourself and still get used. Stop acting like Women, who give to Men, don't love themselves, because we do. We just expect the same love that we give.
@@cassandra2994 It's my opinion. I don't think a woman who is putting up with a bum loves herself. If you expected the same love you give, you would choose someone who is able to give love. What a lot of women do now is buy a pack of bacon and then get upset that it is not a steak. Now, of course, anyone can meet a bum and get involved with a bum, but a woman with self love and a good sense of self is not staying in the situation for long. A woman who loves herself is not choosing man after man after man that won't treat her right.
@@gigilamoore2656 Men make you think they are the right one. So don't get upset because we give these bums a chance. We can't predict what Man is going to be the wrong Man. We don't have crystal balls that tell us what Man will lie and manipulate us. Come on now. The one you think is a bum, could very well be the one for you.
@@cassandra2994 Men do a lot of things but if a lot of women weren't so desperate, they would be able to see through a lot of these games. When I say bum, I am talking about all the bad ones that women are on here complaining about. Have you ever heard of the word discernment? This is using your judgement. Too many women know upfront that a man has a criminal record, multiple baby mamas, is unemployed and they still get involved with him. Ma'am, you don't get involved with someone hoping they will be the one. You have to do some upfront work. Kev Hicks is educating women, but if you are still blaming men, then it is evident you are unwilling to learn. Have a nice day and God bless you. I don't really have much else to say to you because you and I will never be on the same wavelength where this is concerned.
This dude I was talking to told me how much financial issues he have. Out of nowhere he asked for a serious relationship. I'm very skeptical of some one like this. He looking for a come up and I'm not a fixer.
On Point Baby Girl & Keep It That Way I Promise You Won't Regret It Boop 🙏🙌✔💯
I had a guy ask before a coffee date if could sell his food stamp card! Informed him that was not legal. User alert right there. I never did have the coffee date.
@@genj6630 wow!
😁😁😁 leech
You never know... you just might turned down the right person believe me...
"A user will generally do one little thing or offer one little service then hold it over their head till they feel they've got their money's worth"!
I've noticed this as well
Very true
“PUT YOUR NUTS BACK IN THE PURSE AND LET HIS DROP” lmfao 🤣 this needs to be the title of his first relationship book! 🙌🏽🔥💪🏽🥜👛
😂😂😂🤔 I’ll think about it
That title will grab anybody attention lol
I needed to read this🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
🎯💯
🥜🤣
Love is an Action. Listen to NOTHING he says. Watch what he does...for YOU. 😍
@Cherish God Yes. What are they actually doing to make you happy??
@Cherish God Replying to Actions speak LOUDER than words. Watch what your Partner's doing for you. 😉
@Cherish God OK. I understand. But we all need love. Secret. Surround yourself with People who love themselves.
I'm kind, but inappropriately so. I give too much to ppl who doesn't deserve it. I am trying to stop, to say no.
@gorgeous nene do you also.attract users, who take but never give? It's like they can sniff us out
You can do it! Make yourself a priority in EVERYTHING you do and you will weed out any users, good luck!💝
@@sonyab2u974 solid, advice. Thank you, I will try.
Me to i start saying No i learned cant help everyone and dont be afraid to say No No No don't be used and don't settle for less.
SSS 334 my issue is I want him to need me like I need him. I do things for him without asking. But I ALWAYS have to ask him to do anything for me. And then I am met with a stingy annoyed tone of voice by him like ughhh
I ended a situationship because he asked me for $100-200. He has a full time job but doesn't spend his money wisely. Your right about letting a man go through his problems on his own. My situationship had an issue and kept calling me throughout the day asking what he should do. He sounded like a little b****. I wanted to say, man the f*** up. Where's your masculinity.
Cookies and Pie I had a dude ask me to buy him things from the mall and some 60 dollar game while we were “dating” when I asked for an 88 cent teddy bear he said “ I’m not getting that shit” cheap ass self lol thank god I ain’t spent shit on him he’s a user
@@shutit4024 omg
Girl you should of said that shit! Ima Gemini. Im blunt af😂😂
WOW 😮
Straight up bums!
@Shawny Love nothing like having your own spot, then no one can put you out
This same concept can apply the friends you hang with. Made me think of one as I was listening🤔
Susan Stewart I agree! I had a friend who gave this user vibe. She was always down and out or just short of something. I’ll help out a friend, but not when it becomes a lifestyle. I put a stop to it. She offered to make me godmother to her child...🙄🙄 I just saw problems and endless favors ahead...just told her I already have so many feels like I’m running an orphanage 😩🤦🏾♀️
@@roseq536 Yes as Godmother she might have expectations of you acting and providing for her child as a Grandmother might 💲
@@susanstewart5194 I'd be broke trying to help provide for her child; I saw how she treated people that entered her life, and they all had to be of some use to her (a babysitter, a ride, ATM, free meal ticket, a job connect). Sometimes you'd be in her life and not know what she could be using you for. If she couldn't benefit from you in any way, she'd find a way to leech onto your friends/family with a "pitty-me" story. I love children, but if I were to become Godmother to her child, that one-sided "friendship" would be for life. I cut her off because she was starting to embarrass me with her behavior.
@@roseq536 Sounds like my old friend Yolanda.
@Rose Q @Susan Stewart I will not accept godmother title for this reason. We don’t give out godmother titles in Southeast Asian culture, so when I asked what that meant to others they said “a 2nd mother”, mostly babysitting & financial provision. NO THANK YOU! I am naturally maternal but I refuse to be anyone’s mother except my future children. I’ve actually heard my cousin admit she made certain people her child’s godparents because she knew they would buy the expensive gifts for her child from accepting that title.
Traditionally it’s the mans job to provide and nowadays us women have become so focused on being independent that we start doing things or paying things that they should be doing. Ladies never let a man get comfortable with allowing you to pay for everything because once you do he’ll expect you to take care of things every single time 😐
The same principles apply to friendships too. I'm learning not to invest in one sided interractions period, be they friendships, business or relationships. The biggest and most important investment is self.
So true! Women do it to women too. I just kicked another one to the kerb and blocked her arse!
True, 1 out of 5 people I know end up being a fake friend. It's not a lot but it still hurt when I figure out I was getting used. I'm recognizing the signs and taking care of me, now.
They also apply to family relationships! I have so many users in my family.
@@Mo35453 Most definitely! I dropped two!!! They even use you for your time and ears. Wanting you to listen to their relationship BS when all along they are the ones doing stupid shit!
Facts!
For years I thought my ex was a "sociopath" because I thought there was no way someone could show the level of disrespect for someone (me) who literally put every single need of their own behind them to appease the person they were with (him). Until I realized that some people are just bad people, who latch on to a weak host like a bacterium and corrode everything within that person until there's nothing left. That doesn't take a sociopath or a narcissist or a psychopath. That only takes someone with low self esteem, and the other who latches on to it to further themselves.
Needless to say, I've gained self respect and put up boundaries and those types of men don't come through my walls anymore (pun very much intended). Thank you.
I had the exact same experience. I reckon my ex was an extreme narcissist and had high sociopathic tendencies, paired with schitzo and low self esteem. Took me years to recover, never again!!
I just broke up wit someone like this!! No matter what I did it was never good enough !! He dumped me 2 for not getting his way but when I dumped him he couldn’t handle it and went all on fb talking about “where the single woman at who want a good man” and there was so many how’s in the comments lol but I’ve been in therapy cuz there’s a lot of hurt and pain and damages that was created ! And he was a mamas boy smh !! I’m going to heal soon I’ve been writing my feeling downs am praying and treating myself better every day.!
That lessons are something serious!
@@khloebrown1687 Omg I just went through an extremely similar situation. it bothers me that he comes off as such a cool and nice guy to others but when I was dating him he sucked all the energy and life out of me. I gave him so much of my love and I got barely anything in return. we deserve so much better 🩷🩷
It also takes someone who lacks empathy and exploits others. That's a narcissist or a sociopath.
“Love is a verb” words of wisdom I won’t forget it
Just broke up with one of these, and while I let him use me...he also was cheating on me. Total wake up call and lesson learned. NEVER. AGAIN.
Paulette Prentice same here. But now that I’m seeing he used me I’m in a world wind of guilt and shame that I didn’t protect myself; that I believe all the things he said; that I didn’t see this coming; that I at one point thought of him as my hero. I don’t know how anybody can use someone and not feel remorse.
Smokey Spoon 😢 take care and hold your head up high!
How did you know??
Same for me !! I was being used I was way to nice would cook, clean buy him stuff went all out for his birthday would retwist his dreads for him and he started off super sweet and would take me out and treat me all the time but soon as he started smokin weed everyday he completely changed and stop doing anything for me and I saw he was a mama’s boy too smh it was all down hill and I beat myself up over it for being so damn giving and not paying attention to the red flags !! Anyway stay positive!!! You time was not wasted nor was your effort and energy!!! God’s going to bless you !! He gives you double for your trouble !! It’s his loss not yours remember that !!!
Smokey Spoon his loss !!! Karma always shows up on time !!! You’ll be blessed just for your genuine heart !!
I agree 💯 Kev, most of these men are actually not looking for love but HELP! I dealt with one and boy it was the worst ever experience of my life. He was extremely needy and drained me of all my resources. Ladies run don’t walk when you come across an user, nothing you do will ever be enough for these low life dusties.
I knew that my husband was the one when he left church early, came to my rescue, and changed my flat tire in his church clothes. He had told me from day one that he would marry me one day but in that moment I knew that I would marry him.
I appreciate you bro. I wish i heard all this when i was younger. I’ve always been “too kind”. In all relationships, not just romantic. This LIFE advice tbh.
Absolutely! 💪🏾
Frfr🗣💯
Just left a man like this. even after I pulled back after he hurt me (cheated), he tried to say we should 'go for a walk' to sort things out, he did not want to invest anything. He just wanted all my good energy back in his life. Ladies ACTIONS speak louder than words.
They might pretend they care while doing one thing for you everyday. For example - paying for coffee at the cafeteria. But turn cold, non talkative if you reject their sexual advances, so they won't talk until you start cuddling them etc. That's the way where you might not notice it straight away, also users don't ask lots of questions don't show much emotion if something happens in your life, because they don't care, they will talk more or sit in silence just to make you to make the first move and ask fr his attention.
Look out for the person that knows about equal exchange but does not commit. Could still ne a user but you can't accuse him of it. He's just keeping the scales balanced and "being honest" about not committing. Don't fall in love with this type of person cause he can disappear at any time and not be at fault officially. 🙏🏼💜
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
@@KevHick ☺️🙏🏼
What do you mean?
Gaming, and Fragrance: newbie He doesn't want to commit but he wants 50/50. Just dealt with that, thank God I moved away.
Ronee Ro I see. I don't believe in the 50/50 in the sense that some people believe anyway, I think it's mainly bs. What does "50/50" mean to you?
I guess you two mean that he also wants you to commit, though he doesn't?
When you get a "heyyy" during tax season 🤣 I kid I kid.
Girl one ex fool purposely didnt reach out for my BD back in January or Valentine's and made it a point to try and blow me up the week after and I sent his azz to VM each time! Now it's April and him sure hes held on for as long as he could or probably called from an unknown ph#, which I never answer those!😂😂😂😂😂
Heck, I usually end up owing so if he wants to pay that off..... LOL
😅🤣😭🙌... It's real tho
This helped me so much lol I was crying during this video and you totally helped me to gather myself. You rock, stranger. Thanks 4 years later
The 48 laws of power is a MUST READ . Definitely changed some perspectives for me
I’m ordering the book ...
@@SpiritualWarrior96 enjoy the read . The art of seduction and mastery are also great
Just put it in my Amazon cart
“He should be move-in ready” YESSSS!
This video just proved my babe is NOT using me. YAY for me. Good luck ladies
Spot on. I met a guy who said that he was praying for a refrigerator and car, then it dawned on me, he never said was working towards getting a new refrigerator/car. He even quit his job at a time where he should have never done so. This guy was a major user and pot head. I dodged a bullet.
“Stop being so nice to these scrubs”, 🤣😕 the really scary types know how to pretend to be all the right things. There are always signs though, don’t ignore them. Another commenter said say “no” and see the reaction, that’s good advice
The scary types are the abusive types right? Users, manipulators, players, and abusers use flattery to get a woman. Meaning they tell you all what you want to hear, but it is deceptive. Real men or good guys who are genuine will never use flattery to get you. They will however compliment you after some time into the relationship after getting to know you and especially if they are serious about you. Using flattery and complimenting a woman are similar as flattery is also complimenting, but from a dishonest perspective. Complimenting a woman is genuine and honest. Also a man who uses flattery will almost always compliment you on the physical, for example; they will use words like sexy, sweet, perfect, I will do anything for you, You're the best thing that has ever happened to me or No one was ever good like you. Usually comparing you to other women or his ex/exes etc. They use flattery very early on in a relationship often before they have gotten to know you properly. A man complimenting on the other hand don't focus so much on the physical. For example; I like your smile, I had a wonderful time with you today would you like to spend some time together again, I would love to get to know you better etc. They usually compliment further down into the relationship when they are starting to get serious about you and starting to decide if you may be the one for him.
chelsie romero thank you 😊
@@tweetesther You're welcome😊😊
Or no response is the response. Save your voice. They gotta learn the fire way.
@@chelsieromero4874so insightful. You just described a man who messed up my mental health for a couple years. I was naive and no man ever shown such intense and seemingly serious interest in me (I haven’t been in a relationship). He was just messing with me.
How to spot a user...he starts to buy you thing's..... when you give into him...he stop offering...then he starts asking you for things...
Just saw another video like this last night. You can't be Captain Save a Ninja out here. Men will use you up, treat you like a dog and throw you away. If its always on you to prove yourself and they offer you nothing but lies and empty promises in return cut they ass off with a quickness.
Omg this is so true. Like you think you’re broke when you’re by yourself, but when a user slides their way into your life then you prove yourself wrong. 🤦🏻♀️
Omg I passed this test with flying colours! This guy was a classic user. He wanted me to pickup his bills including rent🤔...I played dumb and sent him nothing...he was so shameless that his sublimal requests turned into demands..this guy would text me relentlessly "why don't you want to support me?" Noooo I said you have a big problem with the word "NO"..I said get used to hearing it because you'll hear it alot with me... that my good friends is how I was dumped 😁
You didn't lose anything worth having!
he was probably a NIGERIAN SCAMMER ANYWAY AND NOT EVEN A REAL PERSON.....
I had a guy put himself to use and helped me with stuff around my house and he still was a manipulator ...he was sweet but then he switched up not long after we got into a relationship. He was a emotional manipulator smh I’m still trying to get over the bs 😔
Maybe he was a narcissist that’s what I found out about who I was with.
My current situation. And this is narcissistic behaviour
YUP. when they do all these little nice things. but then do one or two unforgivable horrible abusive things... then you feel guilty letting them go because of the nice things... but those little nice things can NEVER erase betrayal or abuse.
@@misterhenchmen no guilt here 🤷🏽♀️ he broke up with me and I know I did nothing wrong. true betrayal is betrayal..abuse is abuse
@@mayasheartdesiire so true
So true, ladies! Like Kev said the guy started that way (a user) -- we just didn't notice it. For example: this dude has been pursuing me for years. We finally spoke on the phone. Our first conversation he wants me to help him eat healthier because I already eat healthy. He said to me, "see I'm eating healthy so you'll be proud of me" I thought to myself. What??!! He assigned me as his nutritionist and I didn't even apply for that role. We never met in person. I felt like a mother chatting with him. I want to attract a partner. Not a son. Onward upwards.
😂😂😂😂😂RUN
How he could pursue you if he doesn’t even know you
Say NO and see if they stay...
I said no mine started ghosting me lol
2:43 agreed. It really is that simple. I adore a man that asks me if there is anything he can do for me. Big or small, I always see that as love. Women need to share this video. You can't fix a broken man, only he can fix himself. What you said Kev at the end resonates with me. That encapsulates my definition of a user (whether it is a woman or man). If you're used to helping someone and you stop for awhile, if they react in a negative way because you stopped supporting them....that is a user. But someone who you give to, reciprocates in any way they can...that's a good person.
I have given money and material things to friends and family that in return give me something far more important and tangible....their time, support, love and advice.
But my thing is my ex would ask sometimes if he could do anything for me and would offer to buy my groceries pay some bills and get my hair and nails done but at the same time he would never do it! Like I would end up going to get the groceries and instead of him paying me back(which I didn’t expect) he just didn’t bring it up then wit my nails he would say he would even come wit me to soak his feet but he smoked so much we would get lunch or something and he would “forget “ he did bring that up again but wit covid everything shutdown and I had to find someone to do it out of their house which again he didn’t reimburse me or anything when I said I was going so it’s like I feel he was putting on a front or something idk
@@khloebrown1687 uh, yeah... He’s playing you...
@@khloebrown1687 if he doesn’t walk the walk, he’s using you.
@@sierraroberts2453 we are not together lol but he and his mom called my mom and grandma bitching because I didn’t want to be with him smh
@@iheartbeingalive2274 we are not together anymore I dropped him many months ago and he threw a tantrum
Thank you for this message, it’s so clear that still today in 2020 men want to have a woman take care of them and all they have to offer is some “D” if your lucky...... One of the reasons I’m still single, I just refuse to settle for less. I want the whole complete package .......
What’s that “complete package” you’re talking about?
Amen and the d they do over is sub standard......
Yes you got it exactly right!!! They want a woman to spoil them and cater to their every need !! A woman is way better off alone
Perfectly said Kev. For years I had to wade through pools of men looking for girlfriend mamas to support them. I saw my sisters and niece struggle with the same thing, dealing with men who were looking for women with jobs and money or with daddies who they thought had money enough to support him. Often there were families behind the man looking to unload him on a woman who would take him in and support him or count on the daddy to support him if the woman couldn't do it. This is very messy. Best thing for a woman to do is wake up and realize that she is not any man's mama.
Omg! This is a great video idea 💡 Thank you!!!
Yep, they looking for a "help mate" and not a wife! These type men will use one woman and let her build him up until he cant no longer use her and/or he's done using her, whilst marrying a woman that requires him to take care of her! Oh yeah, and they still cheat on the one who's taking care of them or helping them, NEVER help a man!🎯💝
Girl you are so right 💯👹
You talking about my x folks, they don't want him around like that, they be glad when we take them in!!
Notice how the man doesn’t want their own daddy to support them but the “girlfriend’s daddy.” Very picky even to be supported. They don’t look for their own but for others and call women all kinds of insults bc they’re everything that they calling the woman male version.
I'll never forget a dude i went on a date with who visited his weed man twice in one day then asked me for gas money. When i didnt give him the money, i never heard frm him again.
You're my favorite relationship coach 😊
😊😊
That's sweet of you to say💝
Mine too. He's so wise.
@@KevHick thank you for everything you have said, wish I had your wisdom all of my life. Better late never ❤️
Same Here
I dealt with this and this was the worst situation I’ve dealt with in my entire life. You are spot on with the signs! Constant crisis! Always taking never giving! I felt so broken by the time I got away. But I can’t beat myself up for being used. I know what to watch out for next time and at least I put an end to the situation. Thanks for sharing such accurate information. ❤️
the guy I'm dating never initiates to do things for me or buy me things. whenever we are together I am always the one buying us food or paying for things. He has even made me buy him things? He says he loves me. But I am beginning to think he might be lazy and using me as well :'(
@@rindin100 Girl I hope you ran and never looked back
That's right you can never beat yourself up for something you never had self awareness on.
I just got rid of one 🦶🏽
Thank u Kev 🙏🏽
I cried listening to this video....you speak the truth. My eyes have finally opened. Thank you x
Every man has the tendency to be selfish and manipulative especially if he's struggling. But if u say no, hold to standards, allow him get on his feet BY HIMSELF W/O YOU if he's a natural provider, he'll appreciate & respect you in the end for not enabling him. If he's the one for you, pray for him & keep it moving. He'll come back when he's able to support you in all areas and learns to trust God.
That's something their mothers should've taught them. If she was always there to tend to his every little, even financial need, chances are...he'll be looking for his gf to take the role of his mom.
If he's a special kind of dead beat, even to feed him, clothe him and wash his clothes and cook his meals at the same time.
@@ST-yc7uj yep you're correct
be careful sometimes people will give you their representative to pull you in...be careful ladies.
I wish I heard this earlier! I was too kind and too willing to help BUT NOW I’m not the same woman I was before and it was a great lesson learned.
True, he wanted me to come see him and randomly said ( im gonna text you on snapchat cause I have too many bills to pay) 🤨 I knew right away his line was cut off but I didnt want to help him so I said “ok” and this guy replied 0.02 secs later “ wanna help me with my bills” i said I’ll see. A week later he text me from his phone so i asked him if he still needed the money and he said yes 😂 I was done. This was my first and last situationship
Lol *blocked* chile
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
They are using you, of they aren't giving you the same love and effort as you are. I had to learn that the hard way. You confirming a lot of things I experienced
I've been punished for saying no to certain things especially when I was super fatigued or I had homework assignments I needed to get done and was burnt out to finish
Damn...I just ghosted one of these and it feels good.
You just described my ex.....
Woooh chile. Mine too. Just dropped that zero!!
Lucky it's an ex then.
Mines to a fuking tee.
Samme..smh
Same
Im so embarrassed. Im going through this everyday. Its sad. Because i really like the person. Your saying everything im going through.
Dump.him and run for ur life
That's how you know you are the real victim. Which also means you need support, but there isn't one. People think if they help you, you will latch on to them so...God will help you figure it out. But He also know who watched you suffer and CHOSE to do nothing. Karma never forgets.
i want a move-in ready "man" ; a masculine man who pursues me; thank you!
Good luck
First please do a background check on them ... you will be surprised....
@@maryt7959 definitely
What's "move in ready"???
@@come_on_barbie_123 has the basics (job, car, shelter and life vision)
Yep, I was used for money. I'm sure he's getting money elsewhere from someone else. He was very quick to use the "I love you" too.Lesson learned.
You can't do anything to keep a user or a manipulator happy unless it's exactly what they want. (They don't recognize or appreciate anything thoughtful or considerate that you do they not respectfully of your time or energy. They don't like to see you happy or peaceful. Unless they think that is them getting away with pulling wool over your eyes!!)
User = NARCISSIST!
Me every time I start Kev's vids : "what's good UA-cam" 🤗🤗😂😂
Can't help it
Charly same here😂😂😂
What’s good Charly?😂
Me toooo
I always love to listen to that watch his lips🙈
@@iamchinelo I love the content, but I have to say...that is a bonus! Lol
Love 48 laws of power! One of the best books ever written. Thank you Kev!
Yes! On point as always. If he wants to be your king and wants you to be his queen, he will do for you. He will show concearn for you. Love your advice. Truth teller.x
@Sancha Powell. I just walked away from a guy like that . He was overly interested in my finances prematurely. He's not motivated to work. I found out he's financially dependent on his Mom even though he's 48. He's quite content with that arrangement. No thanks
A user is when a guy asks you out for breakfast, lunch, or dinner and you accept. Have a great conversation and the food is good. The waiter/waitress brings the check and this fool says he has no money or not enough to cover the entire bill. A man will do this to test you.
I just got used by someone, I was honestly thinking we was together and he got on his feet and left 🤦🏾♀️
He did you a favor. You deserve better.
And he never is gonna have any good luck
I don’t like when people ask this question acting like they don’t know....you know. That feeling you get...THATS the answer.
This seems so crazy to me… Because I’ve watched so many UA-camrs that give relationship advice… But you are the most... like real and common sense type of person about things...like street smarts kind of guy with relationships...and you don’t sugarcoat it or bullshit it and I really like that and appreciate it.
This video made me want to cry. I too haven't dated in 4 years and I understand about helping someone when they are down and out with no gratefulness.
Your going to be just fine ,We live m learn !! Don't cry , chalk it up as a lesson welled learn n don't repeat the same mistake twice
Dump him.
🎯💯
Absolutely,some men though🤦🏿
You’re so wise! God bless your intelligence! Thank you for the message, I love to see men promoting that masculine energy. More young men need this type of guidance... Keep your good work up KeV! ❤️🙏
This man is the truth... I love how he tell the complete truth. Alot of these so called men don't like it because only because he's telling the truth.
He was a user alright.. everything I did for him i never got a damn thing in return
Thank You They Come in All Ages Too. No Matter How Old He Is If He Is Use To Games He Will Continue In It.
You're speaking right into narcissistic personalities...especially guilt- tripping upon refusal.
I'm finally learning this after almost 17 years if marriage which I'm going to be free from soon! WOW
Especially when you didn't ask for it. Dude insisted on paying off my credit cards, then wanted me to perform like a trained seal. He ended up cancelling the payments as unauthorized. A waste of time he was.
I had 1 do same. He became controlling etc and wouldnt fund me starting my own business because then hed lose his power/control these are NARCS
Thank you for this! And thank you so much for not cursing in this video 🙏🏾🙏🏾. I'm a Christian and it's hard for me to get through when there's profanity. Please keep this trend. God bless you!
This video was helpful and validated that the relationship was messed up. I was doing way too much for him from the beginning, and I never felt like the support was reciprocated. He expected the relationship to progress quickly, and was upset when I would voice that it was going too fast. Hindsight is 20/20, but I know now!
That’s exactly what happened to me, I was used for months , everything you just said happened, it took me a long time to get out of it. Thank you for sharing!!
Great advice. Its exhausting trying to be a man's problem solver.
Damn this deep too ! As I always felt in my relationship, I was wayyy more giving & everything started to seem one sided as well after a while ! I felt I was always the one willing to work things out , talking out our problems. I was the first to initiate it all , never did he come to me first to work out a different nor acknowledge anything he has done to hurt me. Wow , thankss for sharing once again w Us ladies!!! The more I watch , the wider my eyes become! I truly thank youu !!
i was with a man who reached me only when he needs something. He ghosted me for weeks and reappeared when he lost his job. I saw your video about ghosting and i followed it thoroughly. He came crawling back many times but this time i knew what to do, and i didnt take him back. This video was another eye opening one that put me into perspective that maybe then man im seeing is just a lying, manipulative user and im better off without him. Thank you Kev. You are the best relationship guru here and i will eternally be grateful for you.
Wow! This was spot on Kevin! I wish I would've had this video when I was dating my ex. He was in fact a user. Which I didn't really pay attention to until months into the relationship. I'm just so much happier now that I am no longer in that relationship. I deserve so much better.
I was with my user for over 8 years, so glad I finally left.
The easiest way to tell if you're dating a user or a manipulator is when they violate your boundaries. This guy I work with came on to me. He didn't really like me but he tried to get me to have a thing for him because his motive was to get free secretarial work out of me.
I set him straight by telling him that I don't work for him. I also said that I don't know what his motive was but if it was sex, I'll admit it, I thought about it but nah, that would be like putting someone behind the wheel of a Ferrari who didn't know how to drive. I'm way too intense and freaky with an appetite for oral to be bothered with someone who doesn't look like they have much to offer 😉. I don't work for this man so he can't get me for sexual harrassment. I chose my words wisely. In other words, I was building myself up while tearing down his manhood. NOBODY disrespects me and tries to play me as a fool.
💯
Periodt sis...you did the right thing💯👏🏾
You sre a role model 👏👏👏👏
I lived with a user for 21 years and divorced him,and he didn't know what love was,and now I am very careful about guarding my heart cause I gave him my whole heart.
This definitely hit home. And I’m so glad I let that situation go before even getting into a relationship because I would have been disappointed
I can't believe ladies also go through the same "guy's using you" thing that we go through.
We all use each other
It’s what the person is adding to our lives mentally physically & emotionally to make it better that is the key
And...what we have to add to “their lives”!
Wow this was so helpful , especially when you said “ when you find yourself fixing this man’s problems “
This is true for friends, family, coworkers, romance. Especially in the first few weeks of hanging out/working with anyone, Golden Rule applies. If their behavior shows victimization/laziness, ESPECIALLY when wrapped in a bow of charm, double check that what you're being asked to do is 1) fair and something a capable adult should be asking you to do in that context 2) appropriate for your level of knowing each other. A one night stand wouldn't pick up your kids at school the next day; why would you be bending over backwards to give exorbitant time/money/effort to a man who hasn't proven he's worthy to be in your life yet?
👑👑💪🏾💪🏾👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Well said !!
Man this is sooooo necessary to hear, everything said here is vital for a women. I always say" love looks different when a man is in survival mode.
What do you mean?
@amnbvcxz8650 when a guy is in survival mode he tends to be in the iii need mind set, a man who has provided for his basic needs can relax and love you the right way.
Your message is always on point. Thank you for sharing your perspective on things. You're definitely teaching us women the game.👌🏽
My lord so true. Love one self and dont settle. Love not hate. Amen.
This applies to friends and family too. And just because you keep helping someone, doesn't mean they are loyal to you or speak highly of you after it. Nope. Great video.
Met someone who would do anything to spend time with me. Was very loving and one day he left a stack of money from a wallet he dropped. He ask if it was in my apt and I found it. When I gave him the wallet he kept hugging me over and over again. The weird thing is that the following week he asked for money and he comes from money. I said no and explained why but I was so turned off I never called him again. Calls me over and over again and I had to ask him to stop . Can't even look at his face. I am still shocked and confused over the whole thing.
Sounds like he was a manipulater.. You did the right thing!
@@katalynbabe I think it is weak and disgusting when a man asks a woman for money.
I dated someone who made more money then me, but he would ask for help. He got too comfortable. This one time I couldn’t help, he threw a tantrum and said I was wish-washy.. he said I wasn’t there for him at all. I learned my lesson to not help anyone. All I wanted was to be nice.
Narcs love spending OPM. Remember that. Or they give alittle and expect a really big exchange. Let Tone handle the problem.
Listen ladies, "he guilt trips you". FACTS!!!!
GREAT advice. Never thought about it this way! Makes it easier to spot thinking like this... THANK YOU!