As a 48 yr. old with CPST, I would advise younger folks to listen to this message as it took me having a major stroke to wake up and realize EXACTLY what this kind lady is saying is THE TRUTH. Thank you Anna! 🙏🏻
@@chriswinter8255 C is for Complex. It refers to trauma that is followed by one traumatic event after another thereby compounding the trauma. PTSD is often a single traumatic event/situation.
I'm 41 and never got diagnosed with anything until 2002 while in the Army. I was Ithink 23 at the time. They say Ihave social anxiety with narcissitic traits. Had a crappy stepfather from about 2nd grade...but I had friends until we moved at 4th grade and the neighborhood had more kids that were troublemakers and I avoided...had a few friends but not many and one good friend drown at 9th grade. I NEVER talked to my mother when I would snap back verbally to the point she kept asking if I wanted her to make me a doctor's appt. to talk. I didn't want ot talk to her cause i didn't want her to stress or worry cause she worked two jobs ot support and i wasnt a threat so she couldn't force it o nm. So the Army came and i got drunk in the barracks and started walking around with a butterfly knife in my hand, not that I'd use it on myself or anyone
I just can't stand fake people...or those that seem to always skate by never getting busted for ANYTHING yet the first small thing I do wrong i get lectured. I pay ALL my bills and even for streaming services and then have these fucks that pirate and cheat the system and get by
I was diagnosed with this a few years ago. Realizing that my mother and family GAVE me this caused me immeasurable rage. I got onto a C-PTSD forum and started to realize that this is a freaking worldwide epidemic. We need to teach people how to be decent parents, starting in middle school or earlier.
AMEN! Damaged parents can raise damaged kids. It would help our world SO much if people felt loved BEFORE they had their own kids, so they would know how to love THEM.
My parents were good people who happened to develop really awful mental health issues and my trauma comes mostly from the stress and unpredictability that comes with that. More so than "teaching people how to be decent parents", I think we need to reconnect to a more interdependant, supportive community structure. Lots of folk know how to be good parents, but they simply don't have enough community support. I ABSOLUTELY agree and relate with the core of your message .
I agree, and I think Anna would, too. How could imperfect adults teach impressionable children EVERYTHING they will need for their lives? In degrees, everyone is probably short of SOMETHING. It's just some of us need more "remediation" than others. There's lack of learning but there's also "mis-learning."
Every once in a while, I catch a glimpse of who I am without the pain, without the story of the people that hurt me. In this glimpse, I am joyous, not just hopeful, in knowing that I’m going to triumph. I can react to others’ faulty perception of me in a different way. Not being ashamed of myself for their faulty perception. Not blaming them for being a part of my damage, but reveling in the knowing they can no longer bring me down. I’m holding onto that glimpse a little longer each day. I’m starting off each day by writing my fears and resentments, and letting them go, as Anna suggests. This is the beginning of my new story; with more joy, more music and more dancing in whatever form my new life takes on. Look for the glimpse of your new story, and start telling it to yourself a little more each day. Thank you, Anna!
I am so grateful to have read this c:. It gives me so much hope for myself. That its not too late. And this great wonderful feeling of freedom is mine. The freedom that im finally giving to myself to just be fucking happy. im really glad its happening NOW and not LATER.
Visually, to create a ‘pause’ or to step back, I visualize being on a boat at sea. In those stormy seas, I trim my sails and cast anchor. This allows that moment of pause- to take some deep breaths to get oxygen to all parts of my body. I try to check my thoughts as to validity. Not everything a person thinks is true. Am I listening to some dialogue that runs amuck ? What new ‘monologue’ can I put in its place. I’m not going to say its always easy, but one step is one step. Journaling or writing is useful too. Keep on keeping on if you are stuck. I’ve never met a grown person who wasn’t first an infant. Life is a process of growth daily. ✌️
I knew someone once who had all the symptoms of childhood cptsd but i was never able to find out what the trauma was- they always said their childhood was “fine”
I isolate myself because I have felt like I’ve never belonged. I fear interaction with many people but generally love being around people. It’s difficult to explain why I want to go out but don’t want to go out. I also have that fear of allowing anyone to get too close because I don’t want to be hurt again.
I used to think that self compassion was just coddling yourself and self pity. When I realized that it was ok be nice to yourself and hold yourself accountable for your own choices it was life changing.
It's so hard to imagine what life would be like not having these symptoms, when I don't remember ever not having them. Right from a young child this was my life
Yes, you're not alone in that feeling. But healing is very much possible. You may just need to work at it and experience it in order to learn the healed feeling. I find it is like a muscle. It gets easier with practice.
I can really relate to what you are saying... my mother was very brutal... she tried killing me when I was 3 yrs. old... i thought she killed my brother when he was 9 yrs. old... all I remember is trauma.4 foster homes... 4 step-dads... many different schools, always the new kid... bullied by everybody.?. Everywhere.?. Everytime.?. Humiliated, beaten, ridiculed... then i was married for 20 yrs. to a woman that found it nessassary to tell me I was ugly, she didn't want me, need me, or like me... taught my 2 girls 👭 how to hate me... cuss at me... lie to me... my insides are screaming... CPTSD?
The hardest part is facing the reality but for me it’s that I’ve acted the same way my parents did to me, to my own children. I’m heartbroken at this realization. I’m a believer in Christ and really seeking help to stop further damage.
The more you practice focusing on something else, some activities that you would like if you did feel freer, then it will get easier and easier and you will actually become freer and freer from the past. Don't give up and don't let set backs really set you back - everybody stumbles, but just get right back up on that horse and focus on something else!
Hi Nathalie I hear you. I don't know if it was this or another video where they said it's like 20% of people could be diagnosed with cptsd. I personally think it's a lot more than this who grew up in less than nurturing environments and I gotta believe it's the number one reason for societal issues like addictions, violence, depression, bullying, eating disorders etc. I have to give myself credit for having made it this far in life with all my issues and have been able to take care of myself having had a alcoholic father and a mentally ill mother who was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and I think undiagnosed borderline pd. and was insane to be around because of her volcanic insane behavior. I lived in fear of her or even talking to her as this might set her off, which at times it did. I had to walk on egg shells around her because of how miserable she felt from her own ungrieved dysfunctional depression era childhood. I still have that feeling of looming catastrophe to this day from constant exposure to her and her behavior growing up and not being able to say or do anything about it just like my dad's alcoholism, just shut up and endure it. I've survived every day of my life since my childhood, got low self esteem, lack of boundaries, constantly in fight or flight, freeze or fawn mode, constant doubt for anything I ever do, fear, shame, difficult time interacting with people and making friends, all sorts of physical health problems etc. But I have gratitude for having made it to this age and I try to work at getting better little by little in ACoA 12 step group. I encourage you who have survived thus far in life to do the same. I go back and forth with this feeling and sometimes feel better or worse but I don't think I ever truly acknowledged how bad it was going up and how I'm seriously affected by this. I minimize and think other people had it worse than I did which may be true but my childhood was pretty bad too. Sorry to dump and ramble on but there are a lot of us out here in the world who grew up in these sad environments who deserve t lead peaceful and serene lives. I wish you the best Nathalie because you most certainly deserve it.
@@brianwalsh1401 this sounds so much like my life , I am astonished I am aware others have lived a life resembling mine , but it is the first time I read it like this almost word for word.
@@shywalker404 I'm sorry to hear that but not surprised. In the 12 step groups I hear a lot people share things that could've come right out of my mouth which is one of the reasons these groups are so valuable. Our past sticks to us like gum on a shoe. It takes work to learn new tools and let go of the pain but thank god I have the opportunity to do this because I don't know if I would be alive right now. So thank you for your comment because it let's me know I'm in good company. I wish you the best in life because we deserve it.
I wish that the god who created us, would have seen fit to make us a little better equipped to endure the demonic hell from the hands of our caretakers and others in this life; so that so much precious time, beauty and lives would not be lost?! The injustice of the fragility, alone, is mind blowing!
Came across this quote recently: "Trauma destroys people's relationship with time because the loss of continuity means the absolute inability to imagine a future anymore" Myself, I'm stuck in "the wheel" & have been caught up in that ongoing obsession loop, anger, & foreshortened future. My present focus is in *imagining* a future & goals. Tough to do, it's a weak muscle but I'm confident that it's a real step to "break the wheel".
Ohh i am in that timeless these days ..large parts of my life.....and i know it's a shame to deal with life like that but i just don't know how to break through it. I am reading a book about ptss now which is helpfull. And listen to this video of course.
I've been fighting so long for or against me and everything at some point I just don't even know if I'm in the wheel, out of it, broke the damn wheel, built a new one? I'm relly glad i found this place and people like you. Like me. We are not alone. I think that helps me just knowing that. being able to exchange like this. I love this channel. I love these people.
I'm guilty of being attached or maybe a more appropriate word is "addicted" to my past pain and trauma, it's become part of my identity. So my ego is saying along the lines of "Why do you want to change and surrender your identity." - Hence I have a lot of resistance to thinking differently that I can be an individual who is positive, outgoing and fun to be with and not have a trauma based identity and personality. Hope that makes sense to some people here?
Try asking yourself what it is that you gain from this identity? How do you feel this identity serves you or makes you feel safe? Then ask yourself if all of the things that this identity has given you, are you able to have though while also feeling freedom, joy and empowerment in an identity that truly reflects who you are and not just an accumulation of your past xx
@@zanajex-blake9105 Good question, off the top of my head right now, this identity keeps me safe from people, any more potential hurt, shame and ridicule. Besides my trauma, I have ADHD and a stutter, so for me to function in social and work environments I find overwhelming at times when this inner child in me who was abandoned and traumatized growing up perceives everyone to be a threat, they will be nasty or condescending. So, I'm aware I'm judging people beforehand that they are going to judge me negatively because of my trauma based personality, ADHD and stutter, it's a vicious ruminative cycle I'm often in. Hence, I'm making life difficult for myself by not being able to drop my defensive barriers and simply relax, trust people that they will be nice to me especially if I have one of my ADHD and stuttering block moments.
@@RobinDivine777 That's right - protection. At 57 I have too much trauma from childhood on up and I have struggled to break it and every single time people involved have come back at me and it has been a disaster. It's not just the CPTSD - I was diagnosed with Borderline PD at 54, and the C-PTSD after 40 years of therapy. Too late now. I hunker down and isolate. I don't want to be hurt again and the odds are not in my favor. COVID has been a blessing. My wife can't drag me out in public any more. I have a reason to be a hermit. The worst thing - I still have to work in a workplace that nearly killed me. They fear me here. At first, I was horrified and sad - I didn't want that. But now if that's the way it is and will not change - good! Leave me the Hell alone. I'm tired of people. And yes, I'm tired of myself. I've been on that ruminating wheel all my life. I wish not only that I had received my diagnoses 25 years ago, I wish I could have found this site then as well. I could have been saved.
My past is reality. I've spent a lifetime trying to be someone else when in conversation till I realized I'm always trying to be someone else. It doesn't feel good either. I want to be a me.
Whether you think you can or you cant......... you're right. We tend to 'own' our trauma and our damage. We become one with it. It becomes our entire identity. So if you can fully embrace being damaged, you can also fully embrace being healed. It's all in what we tell ourselves. Thanks again for another thought provoking, healing message! I cant get enough of your videos.
I saw a therapist as soon as I left home and went to college. My therapist told me that in over 30 years of practice they had never heard of such abuse. My therapist also got to meet my family through another client. She said "Never see those people again. Ever. Some of the most horrible humans I've ever encountered." I never got beyond the stage of recovery other than managing to not be suicidal all the time. Now I am an old man and it is too late. Sometimes you cannot just saunter away merrily from such scarring and pain.
It is have to late to get help and heal from trauma. I’m so sorry you have been hurting. I hope you have better days and the help you need. I’m sending you hugs.
Even if you are as you describe yourself “an old man” do not give up and stop believing that healing can come. Discouragement saps your own expectation for a better tomorrow. I myself endured terrible abuse for 13 yrs of childhood and I’m no longer young... we all gotta believe our tomorrows can be better!
you mean i can be something outside the emotional pain? that i can exist outside of this pain? that is a revolutionary idea for me right there.. Living with emotional pain is all know, how will i be without it leaves me feeling blank and anxious.
Keep going you can do it. If you can read all you can about Developmental trauma. Then find a therapist that can do “somatic experience “ the trauma is suck in the body. It’s taken a while but I’m getting better. I dropped my “bipolar Il diagnosis “ I also started doing meditation and a lot of spiritual stuff from you tube because I was never introduced to this 🙏🏼❤️
Today I made 8 perfect crepes and ate four of them . Tomorrow I will eat the other four. That's my success of the day. (Actually I have been trying to perfect my crepe recipe for years. Today it went so well. Am in shock.) Lockdown Crepes. "Its a good thing".
This video made me cry for the first time in a long time... therapy didn’t work for me but I’m working on myself and I think things will get better, finally. Even if I don’t know where I’m going quite yet I think i will be okay. Thank you Anna for making me feel less alone.
I'm on meds through the VA...but yeah...Therapy doesn't work for me and usually costs more then i can afford I can'd make it, like with the VA. They usually have sessions during the day hwen I work..and I'd feel weird talking about childhood issues among guys that would be talking about shit that happened in war time
@@Mandalor_the_Lonely Hi I have seen from some online comments from vets and others that many who have PTSD from combat also have wounding from childhood CPTSD that makes it harder to carry the burden.. I have heard some vets have had help with keeping more emotionally regulated and sleeping better with a low carb, or ketogenic or carnivore diet. I have had some help with it the glucose being more even helps with the fight flight freeze responses and a thing called GABA.. it is calming as are Wim Hofs breathing exercises that's the physical side Anna stuff is great and whatever spiritual answers we can find to not give up and to rebuild ourselves and to accept and carry... I am asking God to help too cause I am just me...
What if the people in the first group with hope and faith are in that group because there was a "before" their trauma that taught them that not all things/people are bad? And then what about the people who literally were born into situations where there was never really a good "before trauma" time that existed--that there is no example in the minds memory to even know what that would be like to live with reduced trauma? Thank you for this video. I'm struggling with bitterness because I was born into trauma, and of course now live in a situation filled with it, as I just keep repeating my patterns. I don't want to be bitter, and yet its like I'm viewing the bitterness growing in me as if I'm watching another person. I see how dangerous and unproductive it is, and yet to be bitter almost feels like a relief from the relentless trying that one with trauma endures. It's like your body gets tired of the struggle it takes. I don' know if any of this makes sense to anyone reading this, I'm just being honest with what I have been feeling.
Yeah, what you're describing is common. If you want a little breather from this mindlock, try what I'm saying. Better yet, take my free course "The Daily Practice." Many people with pasts more harsh than you can imagine, have benefitted!
If you feel that it's hopeless to change something then don't waste your energy fixating on it or trying to change it. If you know in your heart it won't change then accept that fact and you will have more space and energy for something new to enter your life. If you were a dish made up of some ingredients and you always tasted the same, the only way to change that is by adding more ingredients.
I've watched literally hundreds, probably thousands, of videos over the last several years, read books & articles, trying to heal & learn to love myself. And thankfully it hasn't been without growth. But these videos are blowing my mind! I know I have childhood trauma. I don't remember a whole lot of it. But there were abandonment issues and emotional unavailability at a young age, loss of a parent and most of the other truly loving people in my life, & abuse later in my teen years, but I only remember bits and pieces of it because apparently one of my coping mechanisms has been repression, or basically memory loss of those particular things that happened. Occasionally a more vivid memory will come up and when that has happened, I expect it to be healing for me, but it never is. I had been thinking that maybe I need to simply journal about my childhood and remember as much as I can. But I'm not sure there would be much and although I've learned to be a very forgiving person, I'm afraid that remembering more would just cause me to harbor some already existing resentful feelings. Which is why these videos feel like they are that final step for me to get past all of it. These two things are totally mind blowing to me... #1. It's not necessary to remember it, to relive it, or to even think about it. #2. That there are actual triggers in between my anxiety over something and what can turn into a full blown depression or extreme loneliness if I let it. These two things right here, as simple as they are, are things I didn't even realize existed until now. @Crappy Childhood Fairy, they should give you an honorary therapist license for what you're doing here. I literally stumbled across this while checking out a new potential dates UA-cam channel. I'll call it fate! In just 3 videos so far, I believe you have just given me the tools I needed to work with to get past the CPTSD (which I never realized I had), my abandonment issues, and my fears of moving forward (ie: fear of failure). I'll be signing up for the rest of your stuff as well. You are truly amazing!!! ❤️❤️❤️
@@debbiewitched67 you can find one by searching same name on Amazon and track things that help you do things to help you remain. Positive and moving forward
Hi Anna, I wanted to say thanks and give a quick testimony. My sister and I were physically and emotionally abused, as well as being so badly neglected by our mom that it led to my sister being raped at the age of 12. We were both blamed for the things that happened to us by our abuser. The fallout from this led to 2 suicide attempts and 2 divorces. It was only after I got divorced that I sought therapy for my past and was able to bravely confront our abuser for her neglect, thus. reuniting my sister and I. I have struggled to move into the camp of the healed, because I clung so tightly to 'The Wheel', which you so accurately described in this video. It was as though you were speaking directly to me and it allowed me to break the wheel, free myself, forgive myself, love myself and stop hurting others with the frenzied, spinning, wheel. Thank you for your help. Thank you for this tool. Thank you for your love. Sincerely, W.
To the people who are in the middle. It happened that in my life the person I had to adapt to was so different than who I really am to the point that I lost connection with myself. For many years I didn't know who I am. I always felt something was missing, that there is something more out there but I just don't know what it is. Because I was trying to understand, I navigated towards psychology and that path led me to so many discoveries about myself and others. still to this day I'm living with a vague sense of self, even though I know myself now better than I did last year and the year before. I'm not sure if I'm doing it wrong or not but I feel like it's an up and down journey. Some days my emotions are stable other days I'm completely disregulated. I do feel helpless a lot but I also feel inspired when I see content like this. Miss Anna thank you, I always get a boost of hope whenever I listen to you.
@Aya, I think you have it exactly right. It's up and down. The boosts of hope are the 'vitamins" we need to stay focused, keep moving in the right direction. It's easy to fall into negative thinking and the price for that is so much worse than we realize!
I am finally in the healing group. What I am really struggling with is the grief of how much of my life I lost to unsealed trauma. Maybe you can do a video on this. I missed so much, including having a family and the grief of this is overwhelming sometimes. Thank you so much for all you do! 😊
Maybe there's some comfort in knowing that you're not alone in feeling that way? Everyone feels they missed out on some important milestone. It's a very human experience that life takes us on one journey to the exclusion of others. I suggest you research "meaning-making." Take care
So glad the videos have been helpful. If you haven't already, I encourage you to check out Anna's free course, 'The Daily Practice'. Here is the link: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Calista@TeamFairy
My dear lady, you have just described my life in one word 'Pain is my personality'. I have caught the wheel now and start to break it. Thank you for a message of affirmation and support. Love and cherish your guidance.
It took almost 15 years and a LOT of self destructive, self sabotaging behavior before I on my own figured all this out. How I wish I could have found this channel earlier. I'm so glad you're doing this, thank you so much, and for those still doubtful, I promise you, you can and will heal and you will be amazed and the difference. Quite literally, night and day. The fog is lifted!
Crappy Childhood Fairy I would love to and plan to respond to this is the briefest and to the point way that I can but it will take some, as you can imagine it was by no means a straightforward or easy path and sometimes I feel I got lucky, but know better! I’m currently dealing with some domestic issues so my priorities lie there but I wanted to acknowledge and thank you for your comment and let you know I’m happy to share my story once I’m in a better place physically and mentally to do so! (Last few days are testing me harrddddd haha)
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Okay, so it started when I had a legit epiphany at age 26 that I was tired of blaming my past for my crappy present. As strong of a word as epiphany is, it was only a microstep in the right direction, but an important one. I then proceeded with simply googling "why does it bother me when ____" or "why am I so ___" and doing my own research, as I couldn't afford a therapist. It took 4 years to get myself together enough to re-register for school, and another 6 to finish school and continue my research, all while entering many unhealthy relationships and having TONS of self doubt and even suicidal bouts. It was not an easy path. Understanding why the thoughts I was having were happening helped but I still had a hard time fighting them off. So I started with trying to become more aware of my cyclical thinking and either in my head or out loud saying "stop, that's not us anymore" and focusing on my breathing or anything else sensory in the present. Over the years it became easier but the depression and lack of self esteem was still there. I was raised heavily pentecostal and the trauma from those religious experiences caused me to leave the church at 13 when my mom went to jail and my life started falling apart even more, I eventually became an atheist. Through my studies in physics I found quantum mechanics and one day the link between physics and spirituality clicked for me and I found and understood my place in the universe, just like popping in the last puzzle piece, and legitimately like magic I felt clear, awakened, renewed. Now, the symptoms of my various mental illnesses still exist of course and I take medication to help, but I can honestly say I have never felt this clear or happy in my entire life, I feel like I've been born again (again not in a necessarily religious way) and I'm excited to start my new life and continue to better myself with the mastery of the tools I've learned and researched over the past 15 years
@@valentinaateljevic2531 Thank you Valentina! It's an every day work in progress but this channel and the support of friends and people like you also help!
I made a rocky balaboa level of commitment to healing my life 16 years ago. I just couldn't handle thinking this was all there is, living life so unhappy. I wanted to post for those struggling that i have only actually felt the healing for rhe last 3 or 4 years. What took me this long might only be a few years for you. Heck you might even start major recovery in a few months. And i hope for that. But the single most imporrant thing for me was the intrinsic commitment to finding healing, and the patience for it, 'no matter' how long it takes. Then it was learning the 100 things that it wasn't 😂 only to find how simple it was that i was in a constant state of bodily threat response hypervigilance (aka triggered) and that reassuring and calming the body calms rhe mind. I hope beyond hope you find your path. I can't describe in words how much it is worth it. You don't have to belive right now, you dont even need to try beyind your current energy level, you dont even need to feel like you deserve it at this stage. Just want it and be curious. I will know you deserve it for the both of us until you truly feel deserving of it yourself. You deserve peace and Anna has so much wisdom to offer finding it.
I'm 72 and in the quick sand Anna...but for the first time ever another human being KNOWS THAT I SUFFER, THAT IT'S REAL, IT'S A THIEF, IT'S DEBILITATING AND YOU ALSO KNOW I am not a flake, i do matter, i do have worth and I can be whole...I'm FAR from it but finding you and this tribe at least have my full attention...baby steps...THANK YOU ANNA...THANK YOU TRIBE...I pray I can do this🌹💛🧡
Yup. Set boundaries. Started within. Exactly, started loving me. Doing what I Wanted and needed to do to Nurture myself. Heal myself. Love and protect myself. I Am Totally more at ease daily. I Am having better quality individual interactions w people. I'm not interrupting people anymore. I'm listening, but not giving a hint as to my feelings. Practicing keeping my feelings to myself. SOOO Empowering. No raised eyebrow, no sigh Nothing. I watch eyes. I listen. I'm 55 and I'm actally acting like it. I don't feel the need to tell my life story to everybody now. Everybody doesn't have to know I was incarcerated. People in my past would say why do u tell people that? I was making an honest attempt at being a functioning socially accepted being. Turns out, blurting out your weeknesses and faults isn't such a great way to cultivate the relationship you Really want. Not so fast anyhow. And in the right context. I was (Being real). I thought by letting people know b4 someone else told them. Afraid they would be offended if they found out that I hadn't told them. But since I have been realing it in. Showing my strengths, not all my flaws and weaknesses. Respecting me. And making sure I'm respected, or rather just not tolerating the disrespect. I speak up now. And respectfully express my dislike or whatever. Not being hurtful about it either. I can be honest without being hurtful. I have made progress. I had to go back to when the conditioning began. See, understand. Accept. Etc. I wanted change With all of me. Now I'm changing daily. I write it down. Then make it happen. Doing me. And I'm meeting and cultivating Way better relationships. Just a couple, but with my new coping skills. I'm Owning it. Thank you so much for info. Folks, it's IN YOU. How bad do u want it.
what a glorious success story. I so relate to the hard lessons about self-disclosure. I mean, how could you NOT tell people such a big thing as past incarceration, but you're so right -- slow and steady wins the game. Glad to have you here.
I think part of the issue the individuals who have childhood PTSD is that we get re-traumatized over and over again bc we get picked on by so many, and even treated poorly by people who are generally considered “the nicest people”. So the childhood abuses just continues for decades and decades. We seem to be the only person who seem get the worst side of the “best” people who are just genuine angels with everyone else. Perhaps we induce the worst behaviors from others bc we can’t stand up to other people.
I totally relate to that. Sometimes I wonder if we get picked on because the “best people” see our fears and insecurities and judge us because they can’t relate to us. My sister is like this and people I work with. It feels like I have a sign on my chest that says I’m broken. I believe that other people who have done the work to heal themselves understand us and have compassion for who we are and an understanding of our vulnerabilities and therefore treat us with genuine kindness. I am learning from Anna to accept myself where I am at and I believe this may help to decrease other people’s vague but negative response to me as I will be coming from a more like able and confident self disposition. Fingers crossed.
I've experienced this myself. I know how hard it is. I've often felt it's because I'm overweight and not pretty. People can treat me as less than for sure. They are no longer there, but my work place had two very nasty women who treated me horribly when I started working there.
@@melissalopez9607 Thanks for your post. I totally relate! I have a sign on me that says “abuse me,” like the Scarlet Letter. I am still trying to figure out how to make the sign go away. Sending love!💜
Maybe even a nice person gets frustrated with someone who plays a victim over & over, instead of that victim learning how to be an overcomer. Maybe it's hard for even a nice person to hear negative complaints daily from someone who has never taken the time to get healing from their childhood issues.
The ability to smile through a triggering has been helpful for me. I’m in it and think, here it comes. CPTSD was a gift from Mom. I’ve gone low low-contact. Never alone with her and she will slip and say nasty things but I always have a witness. I just smile and engage her, tell her thank you and then smiling, look over to the person with me with shock in their eyes.
Gratitude!!! Yes, I feel awkward as an adult, not being able to connect with certain people in social gatherings. I get along with children and the elderly
I relate to this as well. I realized, that for me, it's because I won't be compared to elderly people (who are at an age where they're generally more accepting) or children. And, of course, animals don't judge.
This is a lecture that should be given in childbirth classes. Pregnant women young and old need to be warned of the ramifications of being a bad parent. Learn how to be a good one so you don't have to have your child online 30 years later looking at the crappy childhood fairy. I'm sorry you have to be an online counselor, but I'm at least glad you're there
Why are you blaming women? Does it not take both parents involved to raise a healthy child? Yes you're right. It should be taught in Parenting classes in highschool for all students
It’s really amazing how crystal clear you are about all this … and without being a therapist. I recently had a set of triggering events take place including someone touching me in a “sensitive area.” As I sought to make sense of these events, and who person represented within my psyche, it was one of those from Indiana Jones where Indy inserts the amulet into a slot and a huge stone starts to roll back to reveal the hidden cavern.
Hit the nail right on the head! Gosh, that really struck me. It's exactly like a centrifuge. Watching your videos I always tear up, I'm not really sure why. It takes me a week or two to process what you've said, but I'm slowly starting to feel better, more alive. I'm realizing that the hurt isn't my identity, and I've allowed myself to hide there in it for so long because it was all I knew. Trauma bonded with the negativity. This is the reason I feel so out of touch. You're leading me back to me, the real me. Time to break out of this damn shell. Thank you so much🙏
That is it! Leading back to our true selves even if we don't recall who that is. Remember ... re-member ... we have been dismembered, in a way, now let us remember ourselves. Thank you.
It’s really amazing how crystal clear you are about all this … and without being a therapist. I recently had a set of triggering events take place including someone touching me in a “sensitive area.” As I sought to make sense of these events, and who person represented within my psyche, it was one of those from Indiana Jones where Indy inserts the amulet into a slot and a huge stone starts to roll back to reveal the hidden cavern.
Everything about all of your videos feels like exactly what I need to hear/learn at that moment. So grateful for all you do 💚 It took me decades to even realize my trauma was trauma. I was too busy beating myself up or “surviving”. I was convinced I was the only one on this planet like me 🤦🏻♀️
Yeah I remember the bitterness. I still feel it occasionally, mostly when distressed. It’s a toxic place to be because its like your trapped in a cement block. You’re just so angry that you are in it to begin with that you don’t want to try ways to help yourself out.
Hey 💜 I just discovered your channel today by accident after clicking on a video on "why don't people like me?" (Lol)... Well it started because I was watching narcissistic abuse videos and then looking at a video on PTSD to see if I was going to identify and then I saw the video on people not liking me and one of your videos caught my attention when I was scrolling while that video was playing... And this is the first time I've ever seriously considered that I have CPTSD - because I completely relate to everything I've heard you talk about so far!! You're telling my story!! I'm not going to launch into my personal history here about what I've done and tried and been through... But I will say that right now I'm in the stuck helpless victim cycle and have been for a few years now... Seriously, I've done the therapy, done the recovery, done the energy healing and I've launched myself into everything and had visions of myself healed and happy and right now I feel like my sparkle is gone and everywhere I look to jump off of "the hamster wheel" feels hopeless and I feel like I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place... I watched this particular video because I can see loud and clear the universe is telling me to get out of victim consciousness and start taking responsibility for myself and what I'm creating... I've been reading and watching videos on this and I've been doing online courses trying to break through this resistance, but nothing is clicking or landing for me... And now I'm wondering if I'm choosing to stay in helpless victim space for an emotional payoff?? For example, hanging onto the pain and stories feels safer than change?? Or because it gives me the illusion of power and control with those who I feel have hurt me the most?? Or I secretly love to isolate and withdraw because then I'm not seen by others and I can avoid myself because I'm not being triggered by the mirror and having to get honest with myself about the choices I'm currently making and the consequences of these?? Is it to create self distraction and avoidance because I'm afraid of change because I don't know what the outcome will be?? Is it because I'm addicted to the self pity and overwhelm emotional energy?? I'm a "freeze mode response" anxious attachment type, so right now I'm living like the 8 years old little girl who used to freeze when feeling unsafe and attacked and I'd go and isolate and hide in my bedroom and unconsciously eat sugar to numb and disassociate... And it frustrates me that I have the insight and awareness of what I do and why, but I'm resisting the change and breaking through the pain and stories... And I'd love to hear your beliefs about why we find ourselves in this space of not wanting to change - because everything is a choice, right?? Just when I think I'm "there" and strong enough to make changes and begin to heal, I find myself feeling drained, tired, overwhelmed, a drama will happen and I allow it to take my full attention, I'll get triggered and go into self obsession etc., It really feels like wanting to give up an addiction but the timing is never right because deep down I really want the addiction more than I want to heal and so I subconsciously manipulate my world so I can continue to do the same thing for another day?? Ugh I drive myself nuts!! I'd really love to hear your thoughts on those of us who cling to our pain, our stories and toxic coping mechanisms over those who don't and choose to begin their healing process?? 💜💜
Thank you for this. I am well on my way to healing now but your videos do help. I wish I would have found you earlier and not struggled for 5 years. I was abused daily and literally brainwashed (adopted just to be used and abused) for 23 years, spent 3 years in a daze after escaping. Connecting is still hard, so is trust. I need to find work but I've been hurt by companies treating me badly as well as my CPTSD ruining my life and getting me fired. I also just learned my CPTSD physically makes it hard for my body to burn fat. So even though I'm doing everything right with eating clean, exercising daily, etc. I only lose 1 pound a week when my doctor says I should be losing 2 to 3 based on how overweight I am. I'm frustrated but moving forward. I can do this! I like finding new tools, I use workbooks right now.
Yes! Never underestimate the power of one small step at a time! Completely changes everything, especially compared with doing nothing. YOu've got this!
I TRULLLLLYYYYY believe god guided me to your channel. my therapist is amazing dont get me wrong but i felt she never understood me and i never understood myself and here i am on youtube searching for answers and your video popped up. I really thank you!
Perfect timing for this subject. My wheel has been spinning all week under the surface. All sorts of horrible thoughts, the whole world feels heavy. I think the high dose of antibiotics I'm on might be exacerbating the anxiety on top of my usual stressors. BUT I've handled this week much better than I have in the recent past. I didn't start a fight or trigger my roommate. I worked all my hours and didn't feel that overwhelming need to leave. I coaxed myself into chatting with some of my coworkers. I even gave my guy friend a hug after I dropped his birthday gift off this morning, which is a huge thing for me since one of my most deeply rooted triggers is any physical contact with men. Despite the dark thoughts that swirl in my mind, I think I'm finally starting to get control. Thank you so much for all you do. I wouldn't be at this point if it wasn't for you sharing your beautiful self.
I did DBT before but after my last relationship I noticed that that was all just symptom oriented. After she was gone (she had CPTSD herself) I felt *devastated*. Reliving everything from my past (emotionaly). I got stone walling, silent treatment, blame shifting, being left alone, getting my feelings invalidated. All I wanted was to love her but she somehow saw me as the enemy suddenly. It hit me like a train. All my daily interactions and tasks are me just saying "I will get through this. Just go on, hold in your emotions". Never fixing my shit. As sad as I am to have lost her (even though she was kinda toxic ngl), I am so glad that this experience cut open my heart to make me finally realize that I'm building my life on rotten wood. Just ever so close to collapsing, pushing myself with drugs and other harmful stuff just so I can survive and not feel my emotions. I am so excited. I know it won't be easy. I know it won't be always fun. But it's time to finally reprogramm myself, "bleed the pain away", get clean, get a job at a company where I'm not just staying because of future faking (from my boss) and insecurity ("I'm not good enough to get another job", even though everyone around me is telling me that I'm really good at developing software). I'll get through this. But not by suffocating myself so I'm good enough for this world. I'll get through this by learning how to breath. Thank you for your work.
I've been enjoying this series for a while now, so it was significant to hit the wall of "oh shit, i'm in the second group!" The entire time you're talking about the possibility of healing, I'm believing it's true for many of your listeners - just not me. I realize I truly don't *believe* there's a different way of being for me. I watch the vids, read the books, go through the motions of someone on a healing journey (i did all of this with great progress only to come crashing down 10 years ago, so i REALLY feel "too broken")... all with the conviction that This Is It for me. I'm 44 and I have little to no savings, no investments, no plans, no goals - my life is functional and "successful" from the outside, till someone says "when are you taking your vacation?" at work - I don't *plan* out a season in advance - I think I'm always hoping not to be here in a year. Everything social for me, a single woman without family in a small town, is about enduring Other People's Connections. I swipe angrily at my 10 options on dating sites when I can't even imagine LITERALLY I can not imagine a healthy loving relationship. That's not in the cards for me - relationships bring death and hell into the everyday and it's not worth it. Wish I could suck these thoughts out of my mind forever and get on with it!
Seriously, go check out my Daily Practice course. That's what it's for -- sucking horrible thoughts out of your mind so you can think and "move about the cabin" and maybe make some good changes! courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com
I am definitely stuck in the story. It is very much like a loop. I hate it. And I definitely feel hopeless. I go back and forth on whether to write my story or not. And I have written a lot of it. I am torn on whether to go back to it or not. Since I'm still very reactive and it does effect my mood as well as my reactivity, if I'm ever going to write it (or go back and continue) it's probably best to do it after some serious semblance of recovery. I decided today I'm going to binge watch your videos since I fell off and stopped watching at one point. So I just came from "How do I make People Stop Triggering Me?" I already knew the answer, that it's actually up to us to work the triggers out. And I love your idea to sit down and start the writing exercise when having been triggered. But I'd have to say the most important part here is to catch myself without getting into the spin and getting deep into the outburst/reaction. How did you start doing that? Because once I'm worked up all I want to do is run and well, I can't physically run.
Hi @Wordivore, by now you've probably seen that I teach a free course showing people exactly how I learned to reduce the symptoms of trauma. It's called the Daily Practice and it's on my courses page at courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com
Some people turn to drugs in order to escape the turning wheel....it takes courage to jam that stick into the wheel to make it stop - almost as if that 'turning wheel' is their comfort zone and they are afraid to break it. Thanks so much for your insights.
I thought I had moved on from the 'wheel', but the actions of others who had not moved on with their perspectives, had retained their resentments, ruined life yet again and that left me not only with the old bad memories revived, but left with the consequences of their actions that are dictating the present and the future. The wheel can suck you back down again and again, and that is what gets people into despair; because some people never change.
Just come across these videos! I've recently completed CBT therapy for cPTSD and I've experienced the 50% reduction you were talking about. I have to say the knowledge that the symptoms CAN be reduced as a consequence of having experienced it is in itself helpful when triggered later on. Still feel like I have more healing to do but I imagine it will be a continuous struggle for the rest of my life.
I just started into my 60's. I feel like my whole life has been about the trauma, making sense of the trauma, trying to get over the trauma. New insights have hit hard and once again, I am in the thick of it. I am certain my nervous system is fried. I am content with small pleasures and R&R. I would like to be free of it all.
After many over reactive outbursts, which persisted for decades, and after talk therapy for years, I was summoned to jury duty for a crime of violence. I was the last jury member. I had to wait for hours after everyone answered the basic questions in which some were about personal experiences of trauma. My brother was found in a coma, beaten in the head with a baseball bat, all the bones on mis face shattered or broken, six weeks unconscious, woke up squeezing my hand after my mom told him to if he could hear us. This after visiting him for weeks with no response. Plus, our childhood was full of extreme abuse from our creepy dad. The third whammy, a lot of my close friends died horrible deaths during the AIDS epidemic. Anyhow, when it finally was my turn to speak in the jury box, I was completely agitated and almost hostile myself just having to re-live the trauma my family experienced due to violence. Afterwards, I realized that I needed psychological help. I had completed years of talk therapy which never really address my emotional outbursts, so I decided EMDR fir the first time at the age of 57. My reoccurring nightmares which plagued me for years, ended abruptly. I haven’t had that nightmare since. Some of my other symptoms are still with me, but there is a marked difference since the therapy. I recommend it and I also recommend this channel. The crappy childhood fairy is a breath of fresh air. I’m glad I’m not alone.
You're not alone! Thanks for sharing that story, it is a really unusual and dramatic way of realizing you needed more help and I'm so glad you could hear and follow that instinct. Amazing! -Cara@TeamFairy
Pete, you're condemning yourself! You've decided to fail before you've given yourself the love you never had. Accept yourself WHERE YOU'RE AT TODAY! That will help you to move towards healing. No one has a time table for THIS. See if you can do ONE thing a day that brings you joy, baby steps sweetie! Best of luck my friend!
Hi, I was recently informed that my trauma won’t stop affecting me because the abandonment, neglect, and abuse was part of my character development. I’d been in therapy most of the last 40 years. I was told I won’t get better with a capital B, but I can get better. I didn’t believe it until I was told I can improve ways to cope. If it were easier to cope with your feelings, or cope with other people, or cope with tough days, do you think you would feel better?
I had to reconnect with my pain because my trauma pushed my feelings to one side and the memory of events to the other. It's how I coped. I had to connect and feel these, unpack the trauma, learn to cope with panic attacks to get unstuck. The same techniques that I used to cope with panic attacks, like grounding using senses and breathing. I used off and on all day. It allowed me to begin connecting with the present. Music helped, too. Sometimes I needed to just mood alter to move past the moment. These videos help support me with the struggle. Commit? Just touch and go in the moment of now. I string these together as I am able and am finding the time I can cope is lengthening. Be as kind and gentle and supportive of yourself as you would a dear friend. Be that friend to you. Give yourself that compassion, empathy, support. I see your post is 1 year ago. Hope today holds more of what you want me life. We are all a work in progress. This is our time here on this planet. Do with as you will!
My thing is physical disability from multiple trauma injuries. My Story is lifelong maintenance but Everyone should take good care of their health. A healthy painfree day is a happy day. I reckon.
Absolutely brilliant, I agree with you totally & have seen that in my life. Changing to positive energy has changed how people see me... very powerful stuff. Thanks for putting this on UA-cam. ♥️
Such great advice Anna! I think we are all guilty of getting stuck on the negative wheel during stressful times. It takes strength and courage to get off the wheel and choose to live a better life. Thank you xx
I have so much grief from loss of a child. I don’t have big support system. I love your videos they give me hope! I get so triggered by the worLD and bad CPTSD that I don’t know how to constantly keep myself regulated. I try very hard to go out and function instead I end up in my car sometimes all day not wanting to feel the pain or live again and wanted any advice on how to cope and regulate my emotions as I try very hard but get STUCK!!!!
"This is kind of an advanced stage of healing.. their talents and their gifts will start emerging and filling up their lives with a sense of purpose and actions that are helpful to other people" You're speaking to my soul, Ann! I have healed so much from my childhood but I've started feeling stuck again and having to reevaluate everything I've healed from to see what I've skipped over. For some reason I cannot seem to get over that hump and reach this stage of healing. Still feeling unworthy, not good enough, and struggling with loving myself. If this helps anyone, I've realized that I've put my self-worth into my intimate relationships and now, being single, my healing has seemed to crumble somewhat. I see now where my next challenge lies. The test of true self-love!
Thank You!!! I have always needed a cheerleader rooting for me..... Someone who would say "You can do it.!" Thank you for being one who cares, even though you have never seen me. 😊 ❤️
An acute trauma state can last as while, but when it eases up, you learn more, and it eases up more, and you realize more, and this continual learning, growing, evolving thing starts budding. And you realize this evolving of self is never going to end, and you will continually welcome the next place to grow. It’s so very worth it 💗☮️💗
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever know what it is like to actually feel happy. I have been doing work to heal now that I know where the limiting beliefs I have held on to for so long came from, but it is very hard. Sometimes you get dragged back down into the mire. My sister is one of those people who blames everyone else for her terrible life and takes no responsibility for her own actions. She acts out, creates scenes and dramas, and I get tarred and feathered with the same crazy brush. I can’t escape the trauma because she helps to tear old wounds open. She refuses to help herself and seems to want to make everyone else around her as miserable as she is. No one loves her you see. No one is there for her. She has no friends, but she can’t admit that her behaviour actually pushes people away. Everything anyone says is a potential trigger for her. It’s exhausting talking to her because you never know what word is a minefield. Everything has to be over-analyzed. I’ve tried to help her so many times, but it always bites me in the ass. I can’t move forward myself. I’d cut her loose but I have a niece who she is destroying just like our mother did to us (who eventually committed suicide by setting her bed on fire). She seems to be wanting to create a perfect childhood for her so she can live vicariously through her daughter, but ends up mostly creating the opposite. I don’t want to be unhappy for the rest of my life, and I don’t want my niece to be affected any more than she has been.
This is hard. But here's my experience: To get out of that negative space, get your focus off the past and Off other people, and onto yourself and the symptoms you're having, and work on healing THOSE. That's what you can change. And if and when you step in with your niece, you don't want it to be depressed, hopeless you. You'll need to be very strong to do that well!
I got pushed to do some things I really didn't want to do, as a young woman, things I could never change afterwards, that had permanent effects on the rest of my life. For decades I was so angry. The breakthrough came when, a couple of years back, I finally took ownership of my actions. No matter how hard I was pushed to do what I did, I could - I really could - have done differently. I could have done otherwise. Radical ownership of my own life, my past (in adulthood) and my actions means that no one has control over how I feel. No one owns me or 'owes me' anything (they're never going to pay up, btw!) and no one is to blame for my decisions. So I am free. The actions and motivations of those who pushed me, well, that's their life to live out - and I don't envy them one bit.
We're all trying to get free, I think you can be free AND know that you couldn't have done different, not because you're a victim, but because you just didn't have the tools/maturity/wisdom/strength to do different-which ALSO is not your fault :) -Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Greetings. On this I disagree with you. This is not, to my mind, about fault or blame, it's about full ownership of one's actions in the context of facts, and complete de-coupling from the actions and motivations of others. It is true that I, at that time, didn't have the tools/maturity/wisdom/strength, and I don't blame or condemn myself for that. But the fact remains that I could have done differently. Until I fully owned my actions, in the self-compassion of knowing I was under great pressure, I remained tied to the ones who had exerted that pressure, and deep down blamed them. In blaming them, I stayed angry, resentful, bitter and stuck. Owning one's actions in order to liberate oneself emotionally from the past means also owning one's mistakes. To my mind, there is no freedom and sovereignty without that. In the matter of ownership of our actions, I am, needless to say, speaking about adulthood, not childhood.
Interesting. I'm in both. Tried a lot, not much success. Feel bitter but not about the past, as its alot of current things/people that make you never heal/retraumatize us. I just stay away from toxic people but its hard as so many out there. Action is best and I need to keep believing it will get better. So we have to be real positive & hide our pain to get support? I got lost there tho & been hiding my pain all my life. Thanks for your hope 💜❤💙
Not hiding pain. Just not focusing on it so much. Here's a metaphor. Having your period. You don't necessarily talk about it everywhere you go. It's there. You're not "hiding it," or lying about it, or pretending you don't get periods. You're just not focusing on it or talking to everyone about it. Maybe just a friend or two, from time to time.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Ok. Good analogy thanks.☺ I don't tell most about my problems tho & only occasionally, so it just struck a chord like I was doing something wrong. I feel others are always dumping on me & they don't have cptsd...just like me listening👍
@@zenawarrior7442 It seems many of us are sympathetic and longing for connection, so we stay stuck in the listener role while others dump endlessly on us, yet when we want to be heard, they don't want to hear it. I finally realized NOBODY wants to hear that negative stuff, who does it help? You can tell it a thousand times, if won't make things better. What people would rather hear is hot to find hope.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I have had many chances for love... don't forget my age - I lost a lot of my cohort to AIDS in the 80's and 90's... so now in the age of Covid 19... it reminds one how temporary and fleeting this life is...
Good morning, good morning, good morning! Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's it, That is it. You can do it, release it. Release it and move forward. It will come for you all if you work through it to release it. Move forward with love to the ones that you are connected to. Sending out loving vibes to you all out there struggling. Have faith in the process of healing you and loving you. You are worthy. I'm getting there each and every day. Love to you all. Beautiful video and very helpful.
I don't know in my case who should I blame. I belong to a low class family. In the age of 5 I was bullied quiet a lot , my father was diagnosed with cancer at the same time . I was feeling so sad I didn't knew what to do at that time I guess. I was also getting petty afraid and narvous. I would stop talking to people. I would only talk to people who I would just know very well that, was the situation and . At 9 my high school grades were also getting bad . I was told that "look at him or her and what you are doing. I used to feel ashmed not knowing how to deal with them. I was too much upset about myself. And also father used to be petty angry minded due to his disease. There was a tenson alawyas inside my head that the next moment something can go wrong. And at around 12 I habe found out the exact way to get some relief in my life that is porn. I was feeling that was the only thing that have just given me some pleasure in my life and I although know that what I was doing was wron but at that time their was no way around . Also my family was focused on my father a little which is fair and from my teens I have lived to be with myself. I used to just watch tv study bare minimum and repeat that . I was just getting lost at that time not know what I was doing . My mentality was also gone for a toss. I wanted to do wright but I was missing things., focus was very bad and fear was too high. My self worth used to be 0 at that time when I was 13-14. I was not finding any good thing about me. So at that time on 2015 my father passed away . But trust I myself was so emotional crippled that I couldn't even cry. O was become blank not know what emotion to show. Not a single tear drop has come out of my eyes.I. Still trying to find what it was like that. So I was very depended on my father after his death it was very bad to handle all these situation. After that naturally I have drifted for 2 years and do a whole bunch of shit that I was told by my friends. At that time my life was driven by the emotion of other . I was not knowing what to do with my life . But when I got 18 I told myself bro enough I it the time to fight back. So from the time I have started to buy a buch of self help book and started working out . I used to hooked on them . But my porn watch habbit was still there. But I was progressing . Slowly I was gaining confidence. And I am now 21. I am a mindful , passionate, boy who try do do a little better everyday. Who know that his life was rough . I may take a little longer than usual. Life has given my so many things I will fight I have quitted porn for last 3 month successfully and that was one of the best thing I ever did in my life. I meditate. I have gained muscle., I slowly knowing my strengths and weaknesses. I am positive. I am gona make the tings that are needed to be done . But little while ago I was feeling very sad. That's why I came here. But now I am okay. I know how sigh I was at 17 I wouldn't be able to go to shop and buy something now they are very easy. I accept all that has happened and I am moving on . Thank you . So emotional advice as I feel like most of tha time I am okay with myslef I don't need any. Also previously I used to sleep at 4.30am and now I woke up at 4 am
Very happy for you that you've been able to take such positive steps! I don't think enough is said about the harm of porn. I hope you'll keep being outspoken about it.
I just wanted to thank you for giving me the insight into why I behave thee way I do. You make so much sense and you are brilliant at explaining it all, I am so glad that you are doing these U Tube videos. Thank you so much x
So, you're surviving, but gave up the goal of thriving. Don't give up on thriving... Consider getting help with a therapist who is trained in c-ptsd. Some things are self-help/DIY but not everything. 😕 You might do better trying to understand yourself more in a therapy relationship. Not forever, but at least until you can start taking baby steps to make the most out of who you are. I wish you the best.
I feel this. I find out that most people AREN’T your friends. No one is true. Time and time again they’ve proven it to me. Back stabbers and fakes. No thanks. I’d rather not deal with that
I found you at a time when I was so confused. I have reduced my stresses by 50 to 75% and even disaster strikes I don’t dwell in negativity, I jump into action and figure the next best step! Thank you so much Anna
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you very much! Thanks to your posts and all your comments I am really getting it that I am not alone and that I am not crazy I was raised this way. God bless you all.
I posted this on another channel but I think the stages of healing involve validation (that your problems are real), distress (that your problems are huge and difficult to overcome), glimmers of hope of a different way of living, and then finally complete healing. The distress stage is really painful and I greatly appreciate your solution oriented advice in overcoming it. I already feel so many fewer negative thoughts by doing your daily practice (which for anyone reading is a very simple daily writing exercise that's very effective)
I was doing so well last year up until March when I lost both my jobs, my connection with church friends and family. The last 9 months I've relapsed and it's hard to see the light again when the pandemic restrictions aren't going to lift anytime soon.
I feel like I live in an area that is a breeding ground for narcissists and flying monkeys. I feel trapped. It may not be but it’s the way I perceive it.
I understand your feeling, Guyla. Sometimes people don’t understand how impossible it is or what it’s like to be trapped. Hope it’s getting better for you.
OMG! The wheel! THE WHEEL! The only way to stop ruminating is to focus on something else. It really does work to focus on something else, and it does get easier and easier.
I've been stuck for over 50 years. I want so bad to be ok. I've lost so much because of my depression and anxiety from childhood trauma. I want to heal!
The message of this video seems to be: ‘Forsake your story and become popular! You can only heal through social acceptance.’ IMO, the only connection that really matters is the one with yourself. Accept yourself exactly where you are, right now. If you’re sad today, be sad. And love yourself, anyway. You’re not the problem. You never were. Give yourself the unconditional love you never got, and you will heal.
Thank you for your comment. I will never be popular. It is unlikely that I will ever have even one unpaid friend. I just want to get through the day without self-hatred.
Thank you so much for your videos. Just recognizing deregulation/regulation and triggers, realizing that the trauma is not my fault, and a little push in the right direction from someone close to me I was able to start healing. It is insane looking back at the last 5 years of my life. I didn’t even realize how much pain I was in until I was able to reflect clearly and talk to others. I always downplayed/ignored all the negative things that happened to me and blamed myself for a lot of things. I started out small but that momentum just kept building which allowed me to focus on my life in a positive way. You have made a huge impact on me and explained exactly how I felt in those hopeless times. Thank you for giving me hope.
Ya know what's a shame? That I lived with all this pain for 67 years until I figured out how I was hurt, how I perpetuated the hurt for all this time, and what was possible instead. I have learned that you can't just walk out of the hurt, you actually do have to understand how you are caught in order to step out of the way. I kind of knew this all along as a friend of Bill W., but the death of a parent rejumbled the whole mix and meant I had to do it all over again.
This channel is full of extremely helpful and rare information. Unlike for example narcissism channels where people watch a video and then make the same video themselves you are presenting information that not so many people talk about. Looking forward to watch every single of your videos. I am sure I will learn a lot. Really great work. Thank you
As a 48 yr. old with CPST, I would advise younger folks to listen to this message as it took me having a major stroke to wake up and realize EXACTLY what this kind lady is saying is THE TRUTH. Thank you Anna! 🙏🏻
Wow. Powerful testimony.
What is CPST? How is that different from PTSD???
@@chriswinter8255 C is for Complex. It refers to trauma that is followed by one traumatic event after another thereby compounding the trauma. PTSD is often a single traumatic event/situation.
I'm 41 and never got diagnosed with anything until 2002 while in the Army. I was Ithink 23 at the time. They say Ihave social anxiety with narcissitic traits. Had a crappy stepfather from about 2nd grade...but I had friends until we moved at 4th grade and the neighborhood had more kids that were troublemakers and I avoided...had a few friends but not many and one good friend drown at 9th grade. I NEVER talked to my mother when I would snap back verbally to the point she kept asking if I wanted her to make me a doctor's appt. to talk. I didn't want ot talk to her cause i didn't want her to stress or worry cause she worked two jobs ot support and i wasnt a threat so she couldn't force it o nm. So the Army came and i got drunk in the barracks and started walking around with a butterfly knife in my hand, not that I'd use it on myself or anyone
I just can't stand fake people...or those that seem to always skate by never getting busted for ANYTHING yet the first small thing I do wrong i get lectured. I pay ALL my bills and even for streaming services and then have these fucks that pirate and cheat the system and get by
I was diagnosed with this a few years ago. Realizing that my mother and family GAVE me this caused me immeasurable rage. I got onto a C-PTSD forum and started to realize that this is a freaking worldwide epidemic. We need to teach people how to be decent parents, starting in middle school or earlier.
AMEN! Damaged parents can raise damaged kids. It would help our world SO much if people felt loved BEFORE they had their own kids, so they would know how to love THEM.
My parents were good people who happened to develop really awful mental health issues and my trauma comes mostly from the stress and unpredictability that comes with that. More so than "teaching people how to be decent parents", I think we need to reconnect to a more interdependant, supportive community structure. Lots of folk know how to be good parents, but they simply don't have enough community support. I ABSOLUTELY agree and relate with the core of your message .
If we have it , our parents had it.
I agree, and I think Anna would, too. How could imperfect adults teach impressionable children EVERYTHING they will need for their lives? In degrees, everyone is probably short of SOMETHING. It's just some of us need more "remediation" than others. There's lack of learning but there's also "mis-learning."
AMEN!!
Every once in a while, I catch a glimpse of who I am without the pain, without the story of the people that hurt me. In this glimpse, I am joyous, not just hopeful, in knowing that I’m going to triumph. I can react to others’ faulty perception of me in a different way. Not being ashamed of myself for their faulty perception. Not blaming them for being a part of my damage, but reveling in the knowing they can no longer bring me down. I’m holding onto that glimpse a little longer each day. I’m starting off each day by writing my fears and resentments, and letting them go, as Anna suggests. This is the beginning of my new story; with more joy, more music and more dancing in whatever form my new life takes on. Look for the glimpse of your new story, and start telling it to yourself a little more each day. Thank you, Anna!
Yes! Not believing those fears our dysregulated brains (or others) tell us is the magic in the Daily Practice!
❤️🌟
I love this! Fears and resentments. I’ll also write my gratitudes and vision of myself. Everyday!
Wow 🕊️
I am so grateful to have read this c:. It gives me so much hope for myself. That its not too late. And this great wonderful feeling of freedom is mine. The freedom that im finally giving to myself to just be fucking happy. im really glad its happening NOW and not LATER.
Best description yet- childhood PTSD is the inability to connect!
Yes!
Visually, to create a ‘pause’ or to step back, I visualize being on a boat at sea. In those stormy seas, I trim my sails and cast anchor. This allows that moment of pause- to take some deep breaths to get oxygen to all parts of my body. I try to check my thoughts as to validity. Not everything a person thinks is true. Am I listening to some dialogue that runs amuck ? What new ‘monologue’ can I put in its place. I’m not going to say its always easy, but one step is one step. Journaling or writing is useful too. Keep on keeping on if you are stuck. I’ve never met a grown person who wasn’t first an infant. Life is a process of growth daily. ✌️
@@karenalden7142 very well said thank you 🙏
I knew someone once who had all the symptoms of childhood cptsd but i was never able to find out what the trauma was- they always said their childhood was “fine”
@@somrahprincess1 that sounds like me a lot. I spent years, decades in denial. It was part of my toxic coping mechanisms.
aint nothing fairytale about this women shes about as real as real can get. thanks for keepin it real.
I isolate myself because I have felt like I’ve never belonged. I fear interaction with many people but generally love being around people. It’s difficult to explain why I want to go out but don’t want to go out. I also have that fear of allowing anyone to get too close because I don’t want to be hurt again.
You are describing exactly who this program was created for :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
You're describing me and my behavior, Samantha
I used to think that self compassion was just coddling yourself and self pity. When I realized that it was ok be nice to yourself and hold yourself accountable for your own choices it was life changing.
I followed that same trajectory. I think there was a time -- maybe you can relate -- when I just had to be hard on myself so I didn't fall apart.
It's so hard to imagine what life would be like not having these symptoms, when I don't remember ever not having them. Right from a young child this was my life
Yes, you're not alone in that feeling. But healing is very much possible. You may just need to work at it and experience it in order to learn the healed feeling. I find it is like a muscle. It gets easier with practice.
I can really relate to what you are saying... my mother was very brutal... she tried killing me when I was 3 yrs. old... i thought she killed my brother when he was 9 yrs. old... all I remember is trauma.4 foster homes... 4 step-dads... many different schools, always the new kid... bullied by everybody.?. Everywhere.?. Everytime.?.
Humiliated, beaten, ridiculed... then i was married for 20 yrs. to a woman that found it nessassary to tell me I was ugly, she didn't want me, need me, or like me... taught my 2 girls 👭 how to hate me... cuss at me... lie to me... my insides are screaming... CPTSD?
The hardest part is facing the reality but for me it’s that I’ve acted the same way my parents did to me, to my own children. I’m heartbroken at this realization. I’m a believer in Christ and really seeking help to stop further damage.
@@richardlong9785 my God I’m so sorry! 😢 That sounds horrific.
The more you practice focusing on something else, some activities that you would like if you did feel freer, then it will get easier and easier and you will actually become freer and freer from the past. Don't give up and don't let set backs really set you back - everybody stumbles, but just get right back up on that horse and focus on something else!
Thank you for this, I am right there, bitter, lonely and out of hope, numb to my own life
Me too!
Hi Nathalie I hear you. I don't know if it was this or another video where they said it's like 20% of people could be diagnosed with cptsd. I personally think it's a lot more than this who grew up in less than nurturing environments and I gotta believe it's the number one reason for societal issues like addictions, violence, depression, bullying, eating disorders etc.
I have to give myself credit for having made it this far in life with all my issues and have been able to take care of myself having had a alcoholic father and a mentally ill mother who was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and I think undiagnosed borderline pd. and was insane to be around because of her volcanic insane behavior. I lived in fear of her or even talking to her as this might set her off, which at times it did. I had to walk on egg shells around her because of how miserable she felt from her own ungrieved dysfunctional depression era childhood. I still have that feeling of looming catastrophe to this day from constant exposure to her and her behavior growing up and not being able to say or do anything about it just like my dad's alcoholism, just shut up and endure it.
I've survived every day of my life since my childhood, got low self esteem, lack of boundaries, constantly in fight or flight, freeze or fawn mode, constant doubt for anything I ever do, fear, shame, difficult time interacting with people and making friends, all sorts of physical health problems etc. But I have gratitude for having made it to this age and I try to work at getting better little by little in ACoA 12 step group.
I encourage you who have survived thus far in life to do the same. I go back and forth with this feeling and sometimes feel better or worse but I don't think I ever truly acknowledged how bad it was going up and how I'm seriously affected by this. I minimize and think other people had it worse than I did which may be true but my childhood was pretty bad too. Sorry to dump and ramble on but there are a lot of us out here in the world who grew up in these sad environments who deserve t lead peaceful and serene lives. I wish you the best Nathalie because you most certainly deserve it.
@@brianwalsh1401 this sounds so much like my life , I am astonished
I am aware others have lived a life resembling mine , but it is the first time I read it like this almost word for word.
@@shywalker404 I'm sorry to hear that but not surprised. In the 12 step groups I hear a lot people share things that could've come right out of my mouth which is one of the reasons these groups are so valuable.
Our past sticks to us like gum on a shoe. It takes work to learn new tools and let go of the pain but thank god I have the opportunity to do this because I don't know if I would be alive right now. So thank you for your comment because it let's me know I'm in good company. I wish you the best in life because we deserve it.
I wish that the god who created us, would have seen fit to make us a little better equipped to endure the demonic hell from the hands of our caretakers and others in this life; so that so much precious time, beauty and lives would not be lost?! The injustice of the fragility, alone, is mind blowing!
Came across this quote recently: "Trauma destroys people's relationship with time because the loss of continuity means the absolute inability to imagine a future anymore"
Myself, I'm stuck in "the wheel" & have been caught up in that ongoing obsession loop, anger, & foreshortened future. My present focus is in *imagining* a future & goals. Tough to do, it's a weak muscle but I'm confident that it's a real step to "break the wheel".
Hugs ❤️
Ohh i am in that timeless these days
..large parts of my life.....and i know it's a shame to deal with life like that but i just don't know how to break through it. I am reading a book about ptss now which is helpfull. And listen to this video of course.
Glad you're here @HPMcQueen!
Exactly.
I've been fighting so long for or against me and everything at some point I just don't even know if I'm in the wheel, out of it, broke the damn wheel, built a new one? I'm relly glad i found this place and people like you. Like me. We are not alone. I think that helps me just knowing that. being able to exchange like this. I love this channel. I love these people.
A persisting sense of grievance is the biggest roadblock to recovery.
Well said.
Festivus comes but once a year!
@@SuperMrHiggins 🤣😂🤣
@@SuperMrHiggins "Festivus----for the rest of us!" -Frank Costanza
I'm guilty of being attached or maybe a more appropriate word is "addicted" to my past pain and trauma, it's become part of my identity. So my ego is saying along the lines of "Why do you want to change and surrender your identity." - Hence I have a lot of resistance to thinking differently that I can be an individual who is positive, outgoing and fun to be with and not have a trauma based identity and personality.
Hope that makes sense to some people here?
Makes perfect sense. You're self-awareness is excellent!
Try asking yourself what it is that you gain from this identity? How do you feel this identity serves you or makes you feel safe? Then ask yourself if all of the things that this identity has given you, are you able to have though while also feeling freedom, joy and empowerment in an identity that truly reflects who you are and not just an accumulation of your past xx
@@zanajex-blake9105 Good question, off the top of my head right now, this identity keeps me safe from people, any more potential hurt, shame and ridicule. Besides my trauma, I have ADHD and a stutter, so for me to function in social and work environments I find overwhelming at times when this inner child in me who was abandoned and traumatized growing up perceives everyone to be a threat, they will be nasty or condescending.
So, I'm aware I'm judging people beforehand that they are going to judge me negatively because of my trauma based personality, ADHD and stutter, it's a vicious ruminative cycle I'm often in. Hence, I'm making life difficult for myself by not being able to drop my defensive barriers and simply relax, trust people that they will be nice to me especially if I have one of my ADHD and stuttering block moments.
@@RobinDivine777 That's right - protection. At 57 I have too much trauma from childhood on up and I have struggled to break it and every single time people involved have come back at me and it has been a disaster. It's not just the CPTSD - I was diagnosed with Borderline PD at 54, and the C-PTSD after 40 years of therapy. Too late now. I hunker down and isolate. I don't want to be hurt again and the odds are not in my favor. COVID has been a blessing. My wife can't drag me out in public any more. I have a reason to be a hermit. The worst thing - I still have to work in a workplace that nearly killed me. They fear me here. At first, I was horrified and sad - I didn't want that. But now if that's the way it is and will not change - good! Leave me the Hell alone. I'm tired of people. And yes, I'm tired of myself. I've been on that ruminating wheel all my life. I wish not only that I had received my diagnoses 25 years ago, I wish I could have found this site then as well. I could have been saved.
My past is reality. I've spent a lifetime trying to be someone else when in conversation till I realized I'm always trying to be someone else. It doesn't feel good either. I want to be a me.
Whether you think you can or you cant......... you're right. We tend to 'own' our trauma and our damage. We become one with it. It becomes our entire identity. So if you can fully embrace being damaged, you can also fully embrace being healed. It's all in what we tell ourselves. Thanks again for another thought provoking, healing message! I cant get enough of your videos.
Thanks for sharing!
-Calista@TeamFairy
I saw a therapist as soon as I left home and went to college. My therapist told me that in over 30 years of practice they had never heard of such abuse. My therapist also got to meet my family through another client. She said "Never see those people again. Ever. Some of the most horrible humans I've ever encountered." I never got beyond the stage of recovery other than managing to not be suicidal all the time. Now I am an old man and it is too late. Sometimes you cannot just saunter away merrily from such scarring and pain.
😢❤️
It is have to late to get help and heal from trauma. I’m so sorry you have been hurting. I hope you have better days and the help you need. I’m sending you hugs.
Even if you are as you describe yourself “an old man” do not give up and stop believing that healing can come. Discouragement saps your own expectation for a better tomorrow. I myself endured terrible abuse for 13 yrs of childhood and I’m no longer young... we all gotta believe our tomorrows can be better!
I am so sorry for your pain. I am glad you found this site .
I'm glad you're still here, old man. Some don't get that far.
you mean i can be something outside the emotional pain? that i can exist outside of this pain? that is a revolutionary idea for me right there.. Living with emotional pain is all know, how will i be without it leaves me feeling blank and anxious.
That's why there's the Daily Practice. To deal with the ups and downs of experiencing your life.
Keep going you can do it. If you can read all you can about Developmental trauma. Then find a therapist that can do “somatic experience “ the trauma is suck in the body. It’s taken a while but I’m getting better. I dropped my “bipolar Il diagnosis “ I also started doing meditation and a lot of spiritual stuff from you tube because I was never introduced to this 🙏🏼❤️
Been totally stuck for years. Stumbled on this and makes more sense then anything else I've seen
Very glad you're here!
I got better when I had transportation. It changed my life..
Very cool! I love hearing stories like this! Practical solutions!
Today I made 8 perfect crepes and ate four of them . Tomorrow I will eat the other four. That's my success of the day. (Actually I have been trying to perfect my crepe recipe for years. Today it went so well. Am in shock.) Lockdown Crepes. "Its a good thing".
Wish I could share them with you! Good job doing good things @Diana.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Right chuffed.
I feel you on this! I had some soup and 2 crackers very proud !! ♥️🙌🏻
Lol such a sweetheart
I LOVE crepes. Forgot about making them. I fill mine with canned peaches or pears. Trying to get my appetite/motivation/energy back. Inspired me a bit
This video made me cry for the first time in a long time... therapy didn’t work for me but I’m working on myself and I think things will get better, finally. Even if I don’t know where I’m going quite yet I think i will be okay. Thank you Anna for making me feel less alone.
Thank you for sharing this here, so others too can feel less alone! Glad you're here.
Same here, Outlaw!
I'm on meds through the VA...but yeah...Therapy doesn't work for me and usually costs more then i can afford I can'd make it, like with the VA. They usually have sessions during the day hwen I work..and I'd feel weird talking about childhood issues among guys that would be talking about shit that happened in war time
@@Mandalor_the_Lonely Hi I have seen from some online comments from vets and others that many who have PTSD from combat also have wounding from childhood CPTSD that makes it harder to carry the burden.. I have heard some vets have had help with keeping more emotionally regulated and sleeping better with a low carb, or ketogenic or carnivore diet. I have had some help with it the glucose being more even helps with the fight flight freeze responses and a thing called GABA.. it is calming as are Wim Hofs breathing exercises that's the physical side Anna stuff is great and whatever spiritual answers we can find to not give up and to rebuild ourselves and to accept and carry... I
am asking God to help too cause I am just me...
Unlike you JL I cry all the time. Thank you So much Crappy Childhood Fairy for your insights and help!
What if the people in the first group with hope and faith are in that group because there was a "before" their trauma that taught them that not all things/people are bad? And then what about the people who literally were born into situations where there was never really a good "before trauma" time that existed--that there is no example in the minds memory to even know what that would be like to live with reduced trauma? Thank you for this video. I'm struggling with bitterness because I was born into trauma, and of course now live in a situation filled with it, as I just keep repeating my patterns. I don't want to be bitter, and yet its like I'm viewing the bitterness growing in me as if I'm watching another person. I see how dangerous and unproductive it is, and yet to be bitter almost feels
like a relief from the relentless trying that one with trauma endures. It's like your body gets tired of the struggle it takes. I don' know if any of this makes sense to anyone reading this, I'm just being honest with what I have been feeling.
Are you saying you are quite sure there is no hope for you? I offer you a choice. You don't have to take it.
Crappy Childhood Fairy I edited this while you replied.
Yeah, what you're describing is common. If you want a little breather from this mindlock, try what I'm saying. Better yet, take my free course "The Daily Practice." Many people with pasts more harsh than you can imagine, have benefitted!
If you feel that it's hopeless to change something then don't waste your energy fixating on it or trying to change it. If you know in your heart it won't change then accept that fact and you will have more space and energy for something new to enter your life. If you were a dish made up of some ingredients and you always tasted the same, the only way to change that is by adding more ingredients.
Totally understand
Don’t give up on yourself, everyone has a unique, beautiful gift to share with the world. Thanks Anna, awesome.
You've summed it up beautifully!
Even depressed Eeyore, on his most emo days, was accepted by Pooh and friends.
gosh, i never realized eyore was depressed.
I’ve heard it said that each character in that story is a different neurosis
@@Beowulf-wt3kb makes sense. And if we accept these characters in a book, is it not possible to accept their attributes in real life?
@@Beowulf-wt3kb and have you worked out what the others had?
@@esotericsolitaire right
I've watched literally hundreds, probably thousands, of videos over the last several years, read books & articles, trying to heal & learn to love myself. And thankfully it hasn't been without growth. But these videos are blowing my mind! I know I have childhood trauma. I don't remember a whole lot of it. But there were abandonment issues and emotional unavailability at a young age, loss of a parent and most of the other truly loving people in my life, & abuse later in my teen years, but I only remember bits and pieces of it because apparently one of my coping mechanisms has been repression, or basically memory loss of those particular things that happened. Occasionally a more vivid memory will come up and when that has happened, I expect it to be healing for me, but it never is. I had been thinking that maybe I need to simply journal about my childhood and remember as much as I can. But I'm not sure there would be much and although I've learned to be a very forgiving person, I'm afraid that remembering more would just cause me to harbor some already existing resentful feelings.
Which is why these videos feel like they are that final step for me to get past all of it. These two things are totally mind blowing to me...
#1. It's not necessary to remember it, to relive it, or to even think about it.
#2. That there are actual triggers in between my anxiety over something and what can turn into a full blown depression or extreme loneliness if I let it.
These two things right here, as simple as they are, are things I didn't even realize existed until now.
@Crappy Childhood Fairy, they should give you an honorary therapist license for what you're doing here. I literally stumbled across this while checking out a new potential dates UA-cam channel. I'll call it fate! In just 3 videos so far, I believe you have just given me the tools I needed to work with to get past the CPTSD (which I never realized I had), my abandonment issues, and my fears of moving forward (ie: fear of failure). I'll be signing up for the rest of your stuff as well. You are truly amazing!!! ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for that awesome summary! Great insight :)
A habit tracker is helpful for me...self care things i need to pay attention to...because as we all know, we quickly can get knocked off center.
Me too!
How do you do a habit tracker?
@@debbiewitched67 you can find one by searching same name on Amazon and track things that help you do things to help you remain. Positive and moving forward
This is great!
Hi Anna, I wanted to say thanks and give a quick testimony.
My sister and I were physically and emotionally abused, as well as being so badly neglected by our mom that it led to my sister being raped at the age of 12. We were both blamed for the things that happened to us by our abuser.
The fallout from this led to 2 suicide attempts and 2 divorces. It was only after I got divorced that I sought therapy for my past and was able to bravely confront our abuser for her neglect, thus. reuniting my sister and I.
I have struggled to move into the camp of the healed, because I clung so tightly to 'The Wheel', which you so accurately described in this video.
It was as though you were speaking directly to me and it allowed me to break the wheel, free myself, forgive myself, love myself and stop hurting others with the frenzied, spinning, wheel.
Thank you for your help. Thank you for this tool. Thank you for your love.
Sincerely, W.
Well done champ
To the people who are in the middle. It happened that in my life the person I had to adapt to was so different than who I really am to the point that I lost connection with myself. For many years I didn't know who I am. I always felt something was missing, that there is something more out there but I just don't know what it is. Because I was trying to understand, I navigated towards psychology and that path led me to so many discoveries about myself and others. still to this day I'm living with a vague sense of self, even though I know myself now better than I did last year and the year before. I'm not sure if I'm doing it wrong or not but I feel like it's an up and down journey. Some days my emotions are stable other days I'm completely disregulated. I do feel helpless a lot but I also feel inspired when I see content like this. Miss Anna thank you, I always get a boost of hope whenever I listen to you.
@Aya, I think you have it exactly right. It's up and down. The boosts of hope are the 'vitamins" we need to stay focused, keep moving in the right direction. It's easy to fall into negative thinking and the price for that is so much worse than we realize!
Aya Ahmed very well said. I’m 58 and wish I had your perspective. Thanks
Bless you in your journey ! Iv been riding this rollercoaster ride a very long time and I'm tired and want off.
Your videos are part of what has saved my life. I can talk and think about methods all the time. Practicing it is another story. Thank you so much.
I am finally in the healing group. What I am really struggling with is the grief of how much of my life I lost to unsealed trauma. Maybe you can do a video on this. I missed so much, including having a family and the grief of this is overwhelming sometimes. Thank you so much for all you do! 😊
Thanks for listening!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I feel the same: grief. Sorrowly miss those happy relationships, other people had and have in their life , while I had never.
Maybe there's some comfort in knowing that you're not alone in feeling that way? Everyone feels they missed out on some important milestone. It's a very human experience that life takes us on one journey to the exclusion of others. I suggest you research "meaning-making." Take care
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy +1 for Danielle's idea - the grief that comes with healing.
I have the same life story. It’s unbearable.
I have childhood ptsd and can’t afford your classes. So, I am grateful for these free ones. Wish I could delve deeper.
So glad the videos have been helpful. If you haven't already, I encourage you to check out Anna's free course, 'The Daily Practice'. Here is the link: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Calista@TeamFairy
I am Breaking the Wheel. I am ready Annie to Heal from Childhood Trauma.. 😍💖💜🙏🏽
Yes you are!
My dear lady, you have just described my life in one word 'Pain is my personality'. I have caught the wheel now and start to break it. Thank you for a message of affirmation and support. Love and cherish your guidance.
It took almost 15 years and a LOT of self destructive, self sabotaging behavior before I on my own figured all this out. How I wish I could have found this channel earlier. I'm so glad you're doing this, thank you so much, and for those still doubtful, I promise you, you can and will heal and you will be amazed and the difference. Quite literally, night and day. The fog is lifted!
Wow! What a strong testimonial. How did you heal?
Crappy Childhood Fairy I would love to and plan to respond to this is the briefest and to the point way that I can but it will take some, as you can imagine it was by no means a straightforward or easy path and sometimes I feel I got lucky, but know better! I’m currently dealing with some domestic issues so my priorities lie there but I wanted to acknowledge and thank you for your comment and let you know I’m happy to share my story once I’m in a better place physically and mentally to do so! (Last few days are testing me harrddddd haha)
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Okay, so it started when I had a legit epiphany at age 26 that I was tired of blaming my past for my crappy present. As strong of a word as epiphany is, it was only a microstep in the right direction, but an important one.
I then proceeded with simply googling "why does it bother me when ____" or "why am I so ___" and doing my own research, as I couldn't afford a therapist. It took 4 years to get myself together enough to re-register for school, and another 6 to finish school and continue my research, all while entering many unhealthy relationships and having TONS of self doubt and even suicidal bouts. It was not an easy path.
Understanding why the thoughts I was having were happening helped but I still had a hard time fighting them off. So I started with trying to become more aware of my cyclical thinking and either in my head or out loud saying "stop, that's not us anymore" and focusing on my breathing or anything else sensory in the present. Over the years it became easier but the depression and lack of self esteem was still there.
I was raised heavily pentecostal and the trauma from those religious experiences caused me to leave the church at 13 when my mom went to jail and my life started falling apart even more, I eventually became an atheist.
Through my studies in physics I found quantum mechanics and one day the link between physics and spirituality clicked for me and I found and understood my place in the universe, just like popping in the last puzzle piece, and legitimately like magic I felt clear, awakened, renewed.
Now, the symptoms of my various mental illnesses still exist of course and I take medication to help, but I can honestly say I have never felt this clear or happy in my entire life, I feel like I've been born again (again not in a necessarily religious way) and I'm excited to start my new life and continue to better myself with the mastery of the tools I've learned and researched over the past 15 years
@@itsniea
Hi! You and your story are amazing!
Thx for sharing❣
@@valentinaateljevic2531 Thank you Valentina! It's an every day work in progress but this channel and the support of friends and people like you also help!
I made a rocky balaboa level of commitment to healing my life 16 years ago. I just couldn't handle thinking this was all there is, living life so unhappy. I wanted to post for those struggling that i have only actually felt the healing for rhe last 3 or 4 years. What took me this long might only be a few years for you. Heck you might even start major recovery in a few months. And i hope for that. But the single most imporrant thing for me was the intrinsic commitment to finding healing, and the patience for it, 'no matter' how long it takes. Then it was learning the 100 things that it wasn't 😂 only to find how simple it was that i was in a constant state of bodily threat response hypervigilance (aka triggered) and that reassuring and calming the body calms rhe mind. I hope beyond hope you find your path. I can't describe in words how much it is worth it. You don't have to belive right now, you dont even need to try beyind your current energy level, you dont even need to feel like you deserve it at this stage. Just want it and be curious. I will know you deserve it for the both of us until you truly feel deserving of it yourself. You deserve peace and Anna has so much wisdom to offer finding it.
I'm 72 and in the quick sand Anna...but for the first time ever another human being KNOWS THAT I SUFFER, THAT IT'S REAL, IT'S A THIEF, IT'S DEBILITATING AND YOU ALSO KNOW I am not a flake, i do matter, i do have worth and I can be whole...I'm FAR from it but finding you and this tribe at least have my full attention...baby steps...THANK YOU ANNA...THANK YOU TRIBE...I pray I can do this🌹💛🧡
Hell ya! We got your back.. hope things have been well for you and moving forward over this past year
Yup. Set boundaries. Started within. Exactly, started loving me. Doing what I Wanted and needed to do to Nurture myself. Heal myself. Love and protect myself. I Am Totally more at ease daily. I Am having better quality individual interactions w people. I'm not interrupting people anymore. I'm listening, but not giving a hint as to my feelings. Practicing keeping my feelings to myself. SOOO Empowering. No raised eyebrow, no sigh Nothing. I watch eyes. I listen. I'm 55 and I'm actally acting like it. I don't feel the need to tell my life story to everybody now. Everybody doesn't have to know I was incarcerated. People in my past would say why do u tell people that? I was making an honest attempt at being a functioning socially accepted being. Turns out, blurting out your weeknesses and faults isn't such a great way to cultivate the relationship you Really want. Not so fast anyhow. And in the right context. I was (Being real). I thought by letting people know b4 someone else told them. Afraid they would be offended if they found out that I hadn't told them. But since I have been realing it in. Showing my strengths, not all my flaws and weaknesses. Respecting me. And making sure I'm respected, or rather just not tolerating the disrespect. I speak up now. And respectfully express my dislike or whatever. Not being hurtful about it either. I can be honest without being hurtful. I have made progress. I had to go back to when the conditioning began. See, understand. Accept. Etc. I wanted change With all of me. Now I'm changing daily. I write it down. Then make it happen. Doing me. And I'm meeting and cultivating Way better relationships. Just a couple, but with my new coping skills. I'm Owning it. Thank you so much for info. Folks, it's IN YOU. How bad do u want it.
what a glorious success story. I so relate to the hard lessons about self-disclosure. I mean, how could you NOT tell people such a big thing as past incarceration, but you're so right -- slow and steady wins the game. Glad to have you here.
I think part of the issue the individuals who have childhood PTSD is that we get re-traumatized over and over again bc we get picked on by so many, and even treated poorly by people who are generally considered “the nicest people”. So the childhood abuses just continues for decades and decades. We seem to be the only person who seem get the worst side of the “best” people who are just genuine angels with everyone else. Perhaps we induce the worst behaviors from others bc we can’t stand up to other people.
I totally relate to that. Sometimes I wonder if we get picked on because the “best people” see our fears and insecurities and judge us because they can’t relate to us. My sister is like this and people I work with. It feels like I have a sign on my chest that says I’m broken. I believe that other people who have done the work to heal themselves understand us and have compassion for who we are and an understanding of our vulnerabilities and therefore treat us with genuine kindness.
I am learning from Anna to accept myself where I am at and I believe this may help to decrease other people’s vague but negative response to me as I will be coming from a more like able and confident self disposition. Fingers crossed.
I've experienced this myself. I know how hard it is. I've often felt it's because I'm overweight and not pretty. People can treat me as less than for sure. They are no longer there, but my work place had two very nasty women who treated me horribly when I started working there.
It's coz we SEE things that other ppl are blind to coz we had to be super vigilant as kids. Now we can't help but see things that others don't
@@melissalopez9607 Thanks for your post. I totally relate! I have a sign on me that says “abuse me,” like the Scarlet Letter. I am still trying to figure out how to make the sign go away. Sending love!💜
Maybe even a nice person gets frustrated with someone who plays a victim over & over, instead of that victim learning how to be an overcomer. Maybe it's hard for even a nice person to hear negative complaints daily from someone who has never taken the time to get healing from their childhood issues.
The ability to smile through a triggering has been helpful for me. I’m in it and think, here it comes. CPTSD was a gift from Mom. I’ve gone low low-contact. Never alone with her and she will slip and say nasty things but I always have a witness. I just smile and engage her, tell her thank you and then smiling, look over to the person with me with shock in their eyes.
Gratitude!!! Yes, I feel awkward as an adult, not being able to connect with certain people in social gatherings. I get along with children and the elderly
Me too! I will seek out kids, the elderly, or pets, especially dogs.
Me too..I can connect with children or very elderly people only
I relate to this as well. I realized, that for me, it's because I won't be compared to elderly people (who are at an age where they're generally more accepting) or children. And, of course, animals don't judge.
Anna how you described being stuck at 6.00 is just amazing acceptance and hope and action to change and rebuild.. small steps... Thankyou
Thank you so much 🙂
This is a lecture that should be given in childbirth classes. Pregnant women young and old need to be warned of the ramifications of being a bad parent. Learn how to be a good one so you don't have to have your child online 30 years later looking at the crappy childhood fairy. I'm sorry you have to be an online counselor, but I'm at least glad you're there
haha!! yes!! yes!! yes!!! great point! excellent advice!
Why are you blaming women? Does it not take both parents involved to raise a healthy child? Yes you're right. It should be taught in Parenting classes in highschool for all students
I fully resent the fact that my mother is totally oblivious to the harm she has caused me and still expects everyone to care about her drama
Narcissism also needs to be taught in middle/ high school.
Uhh, KINDA LATE.
It’s really amazing how crystal clear you are about all this … and without being a therapist.
I recently had a set of triggering events take place including someone touching me in a “sensitive area.” As I sought to make sense of these events, and who person represented within my psyche, it was one of those from Indiana Jones where Indy inserts the amulet into a slot and a huge stone starts to roll back to reveal the hidden cavern.
Hit the nail right on the head! Gosh, that really struck me. It's exactly like a centrifuge. Watching your videos I always tear up, I'm not really sure why. It takes me a week or two to process what you've said, but I'm slowly starting to feel better, more alive. I'm realizing that the hurt isn't my identity, and I've allowed myself to hide there in it for so long because it was all I knew. Trauma bonded with the negativity. This is the reason I feel so out of touch. You're leading me back to me, the real me. Time to break out of this damn shell. Thank you so much🙏
What a beautiful comment. Thank you. I'm saving this!
That is it! Leading back to our true selves even if we don't recall who that is. Remember ... re-member ... we have been dismembered, in a way, now let us remember ourselves. Thank you.
It’s really amazing how crystal clear you are about all this … and without being a therapist.
I recently had a set of triggering events take place including someone touching me in a “sensitive area.” As I sought to make sense of these events, and who person represented within my psyche, it was one of those from Indiana Jones where Indy inserts the amulet into a slot and a huge stone starts to roll back to reveal the hidden cavern.
Everything about all of your videos feels like exactly what I need to hear/learn at that moment. So grateful for all you do 💚 It took me decades to even realize my trauma was trauma. I was too busy beating myself up or “surviving”. I was convinced I was the only one on this planet like me 🤦🏻♀️
Reassuring when we realize we aren't all alone with this :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
What you said about losing the belief that one can ever be better is very true.
Hope not true for you :)
Such a joy to encounter Anna here again. I feel like crying. Such a kind person!
Aw. you're going to make me cry...
Thank You, this is your purpose in life to help us see the way out of our trapped souls
Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Yeah I remember the bitterness. I still feel it occasionally, mostly when distressed. It’s a toxic place to be because its like your trapped in a cement block. You’re just so angry that you are in it to begin with that you don’t want to try ways to help yourself out.
Yeah, I think we all know it. Glad not to be stuck there!
Hey 💜 I just discovered your channel today by accident after clicking on a video on "why don't people like me?" (Lol)... Well it started because I was watching narcissistic abuse videos and then looking at a video on PTSD to see if I was going to identify and then I saw the video on people not liking me and one of your videos caught my attention when I was scrolling while that video was playing... And this is the first time I've ever seriously considered that I have CPTSD - because I completely relate to everything I've heard you talk about so far!! You're telling my story!!
I'm not going to launch into my personal history here about what I've done and tried and been through... But I will say that right now I'm in the stuck helpless victim cycle and have been for a few years now... Seriously, I've done the therapy, done the recovery, done the energy healing and I've launched myself into everything and had visions of myself healed and happy and right now I feel like my sparkle is gone and everywhere I look to jump off of "the hamster wheel" feels hopeless and I feel like I'm stuck in between a rock and a hard place...
I watched this particular video because I can see loud and clear the universe is telling me to get out of victim consciousness and start taking responsibility for myself and what I'm creating... I've been reading and watching videos on this and I've been doing online courses trying to break through this resistance, but nothing is clicking or landing for me... And now I'm wondering if I'm choosing to stay in helpless victim space for an emotional payoff?? For example, hanging onto the pain and stories feels safer than change?? Or because it gives me the illusion of power and control with those who I feel have hurt me the most?? Or I secretly love to isolate and withdraw because then I'm not seen by others and I can avoid myself because I'm not being triggered by the mirror and having to get honest with myself about the choices I'm currently making and the consequences of these?? Is it to create self distraction and avoidance because I'm afraid of change because I don't know what the outcome will be?? Is it because I'm addicted to the self pity and overwhelm emotional energy?? I'm a "freeze mode response" anxious attachment type, so right now I'm living like the 8 years old little girl who used to freeze when feeling unsafe and attacked and I'd go and isolate and hide in my bedroom and unconsciously eat sugar to numb and disassociate... And it frustrates me that I have the insight and awareness of what I do and why, but I'm resisting the change and breaking through the pain and stories... And I'd love to hear your beliefs about why we find ourselves in this space of not wanting to change - because everything is a choice, right??
Just when I think I'm "there" and strong enough to make changes and begin to heal, I find myself feeling drained, tired, overwhelmed, a drama will happen and I allow it to take my full attention, I'll get triggered and go into self obsession etc., It really feels like wanting to give up an addiction but the timing is never right because deep down I really want the addiction more than I want to heal and so I subconsciously manipulate my world so I can continue to do the same thing for another day?? Ugh I drive myself nuts!!
I'd really love to hear your thoughts on those of us who cling to our pain, our stories and toxic coping mechanisms over those who don't and choose to begin their healing process?? 💜💜
Thank you for this. I am well on my way to healing now but your videos do help. I wish I would have found you earlier and not struggled for 5 years. I was abused daily and literally brainwashed (adopted just to be used and abused) for 23 years, spent 3 years in a daze after escaping. Connecting is still hard, so is trust. I need to find work but I've been hurt by companies treating me badly as well as my CPTSD ruining my life and getting me fired. I also just learned my CPTSD physically makes it hard for my body to burn fat. So even though I'm doing everything right with eating clean, exercising daily, etc. I only lose 1 pound a week when my doctor says I should be losing 2 to 3 based on how overweight I am. I'm frustrated but moving forward. I can do this! I like finding new tools, I use workbooks right now.
Yes! Never underestimate the power of one small step at a time! Completely changes everything, especially compared with doing nothing. YOu've got this!
If your Dr isn't supportive, look around for a different one. We pay them, they work FOR us. Good luck sweetie!
I TRULLLLLYYYYY believe god guided me to your channel. my therapist is amazing dont get me wrong but i felt she never understood me and i never understood myself and here i am on youtube searching for answers and your video popped up. I really thank you!
I'm so glad!
Perfect timing for this subject. My wheel has been spinning all week under the surface. All sorts of horrible thoughts, the whole world feels heavy. I think the high dose of antibiotics I'm on might be exacerbating the anxiety on top of my usual stressors. BUT I've handled this week much better than I have in the recent past. I didn't start a fight or trigger my roommate. I worked all my hours and didn't feel that overwhelming need to leave. I coaxed myself into chatting with some of my coworkers. I even gave my guy friend a hug after I dropped his birthday gift off this morning, which is a huge thing for me since one of my most deeply rooted triggers is any physical contact with men.
Despite the dark thoughts that swirl in my mind, I think I'm finally starting to get control. Thank you so much for all you do. I wouldn't be at this point if it wasn't for you sharing your beautiful self.
Aw... I can't tell you what it means to me to hear a personal, detailed account of the little things changing. Miracles before our eyes...
I did DBT before but after my last relationship I noticed that that was all just symptom oriented. After she was gone (she had CPTSD herself) I felt *devastated*. Reliving everything from my past (emotionaly). I got stone walling, silent treatment, blame shifting, being left alone, getting my feelings invalidated. All I wanted was to love her but she somehow saw me as the enemy suddenly.
It hit me like a train. All my daily interactions and tasks are me just saying "I will get through this. Just go on, hold in your emotions". Never fixing my shit. As sad as I am to have lost her (even though she was kinda toxic ngl), I am so glad that this experience cut open my heart to make me finally realize that I'm building my life on rotten wood. Just ever so close to collapsing, pushing myself with drugs and other harmful stuff just so I can survive and not feel my emotions.
I am so excited. I know it won't be easy. I know it won't be always fun. But it's time to finally reprogramm myself, "bleed the pain away", get clean, get a job at a company where I'm not just staying because of future faking (from my boss) and insecurity ("I'm not good enough to get another job", even though everyone around me is telling me that I'm really good at developing software).
I'll get through this. But not by suffocating myself so I'm good enough for this world. I'll get through this by learning how to breath. Thank you for your work.
I've been enjoying this series for a while now, so it was significant to hit the wall of "oh shit, i'm in the second group!" The entire time you're talking about the possibility of healing, I'm believing it's true for many of your listeners - just not me. I realize I truly don't *believe* there's a different way of being for me. I watch the vids, read the books, go through the motions of someone on a healing journey (i did all of this with great progress only to come crashing down 10 years ago, so i REALLY feel "too broken")... all with the conviction that This Is It for me. I'm 44 and I have little to no savings, no investments, no plans, no goals - my life is functional and "successful" from the outside, till someone says "when are you taking your vacation?" at work - I don't *plan* out a season in advance - I think I'm always hoping not to be here in a year. Everything social for me, a single woman without family in a small town, is about enduring Other People's Connections. I swipe angrily at my 10 options on dating sites when I can't even imagine LITERALLY I can not imagine a healthy loving relationship. That's not in the cards for me - relationships bring death and hell into the everyday and it's not worth it. Wish I could suck these thoughts out of my mind forever and get on with it!
Seriously, go check out my Daily Practice course. That's what it's for -- sucking horrible thoughts out of your mind so you can think and "move about the cabin" and maybe make some good changes! courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com
Im healing for 2 years now, made some nice steps, new place and new people helps a lot!
I am definitely stuck in the story. It is very much like a loop. I hate it. And I definitely feel hopeless. I go back and forth on whether to write my story or not. And I have written a lot of it. I am torn on whether to go back to it or not. Since I'm still very reactive and it does effect my mood as well as my reactivity, if I'm ever going to write it (or go back and continue) it's probably best to do it after some serious semblance of recovery.
I decided today I'm going to binge watch your videos since I fell off and stopped watching at one point. So I just came from "How do I make People Stop Triggering Me?" I already knew the answer, that it's actually up to us to work the triggers out. And I love your idea to sit down and start the writing exercise when having been triggered. But I'd have to say the most important part here is to catch myself without getting into the spin and getting deep into the outburst/reaction. How did you start doing that? Because once I'm worked up all I want to do is run and well, I can't physically run.
Hi @Wordivore, by now you've probably seen that I teach a free course showing people exactly how I learned to reduce the symptoms of trauma. It's called the Daily Practice and it's on my courses page at courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com
Some people turn to drugs in order to escape the turning wheel....it takes courage to jam that stick into the wheel to make it stop - almost as if that 'turning wheel' is their comfort zone and they are afraid to break it. Thanks so much for your insights.
This was a spectacularly comforting video. Anna, thank you.
Thank you @Brian.
I thought I had moved on from the 'wheel', but the actions of others who had not moved on with their perspectives, had retained their resentments, ruined life yet again and that left me not only with the old bad memories revived, but left with the consequences of their actions that are dictating the present and the future. The wheel can suck you back down again and again, and that is what gets people into despair; because some people never change.
Just come across these videos! I've recently completed CBT therapy for cPTSD and I've experienced the 50% reduction you were talking about. I have to say the knowledge that the symptoms CAN be reduced as a consequence of having experienced it is in itself helpful when triggered later on. Still feel like I have more healing to do but I imagine it will be a continuous struggle for the rest of my life.
I just started into my 60's. I feel like my whole life has been about the trauma, making sense of the trauma, trying to get over the trauma. New insights have hit hard and once again, I am in the thick of it. I am certain my nervous system is fried. I am content with small pleasures and R&R. I would like to be free of it all.
You're in the right place! -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you! @@CrappyChildhoodFairy
After many over reactive outbursts, which persisted for decades, and after talk therapy for years, I was summoned to jury duty for a crime of violence. I was the last jury member. I had to wait for hours after everyone answered the basic questions in which some were about personal experiences of trauma. My brother was found in a coma, beaten in the head with a baseball bat, all the bones on mis face shattered or broken, six weeks unconscious, woke up squeezing my hand after my mom told him to if he could hear us. This after visiting him for weeks with no response. Plus, our childhood was full of extreme abuse from our creepy dad. The third whammy, a lot of my close friends died horrible deaths during the AIDS epidemic. Anyhow, when it finally was my turn to speak in the jury box, I was completely agitated and almost hostile myself just having to re-live the trauma my family experienced due to violence. Afterwards, I realized that I needed psychological help. I had completed years of talk therapy which never really address my emotional outbursts, so I decided EMDR fir the first time at the age of 57. My reoccurring nightmares which plagued me for years, ended abruptly. I haven’t had that nightmare since. Some of my other symptoms are still with me, but there is a marked difference since the therapy. I recommend it and I also recommend this channel. The crappy childhood fairy is a breath of fresh air. I’m glad I’m not alone.
You're not alone! Thanks for sharing that story, it is a really unusual and dramatic way of realizing you needed more help and I'm so glad you could hear and follow that instinct. Amazing!
-Cara@TeamFairy
❤Thank you so much! I am healing more everyday and I am so grateful
Huge gratitude for this brilliant dialogue. You articulate the impossible. Thank you
The struggle is real..! “Help” I am beyond stuck. And can’t believe I cannot commit to moving forward 🤷♂️
No commitment required. Just one step.
Pete, you're condemning yourself! You've decided to fail before you've given yourself the love you never had. Accept yourself WHERE YOU'RE AT TODAY! That will help you to move towards healing. No one has a time table for THIS. See if you can do ONE thing a day that brings you joy, baby steps sweetie! Best of luck my friend!
Hi, I was recently informed that my trauma won’t stop affecting me because the abandonment, neglect, and abuse was part of my character development. I’d been in therapy most of the last 40 years. I was told I won’t get better with a capital B, but I can get better. I didn’t believe it until I was told I can improve ways to cope. If it were easier to cope with your feelings, or cope with other people, or cope with tough days, do you think you would feel better?
I had to reconnect with my pain because my trauma pushed my feelings to one side and the memory of events to the other. It's how I coped. I had to connect and feel these, unpack the trauma, learn to cope with panic attacks to get unstuck. The same techniques that I used to cope with panic attacks, like grounding using senses and breathing. I used off and on all day. It allowed me to begin connecting with the present. Music helped, too. Sometimes I needed to just mood alter to move past the moment. These videos help support me with the struggle. Commit? Just touch and go in the moment of now. I string these together as I am able and am finding the time I can cope is lengthening. Be as kind and gentle and supportive of yourself as you would a dear friend. Be that friend to you. Give yourself that compassion, empathy, support.
I see your post is 1 year ago. Hope today holds more of what you want me life. We are all a work in progress. This is our time here on this planet. Do with as you will!
My thing is physical disability from multiple trauma injuries.
My Story is lifelong maintenance but Everyone should take good care of their health. A healthy painfree day is a happy day. I reckon.
Thanks for the reminder. I hope you continue to heal!
Absolutely brilliant, I agree with you totally & have seen that in my life.
Changing to positive energy has changed how people see me... very powerful stuff. Thanks for putting this on UA-cam. ♥️
Absolutely!
Such great advice Anna! I think we are all guilty of getting stuck on the negative wheel during stressful times. It takes strength and courage to get off the wheel and choose to live a better life. Thank you xx
My UA-cam parent 🥰🙏
Yes! Sometimes I imagine I go visit my younger self and teach myself to bypass all the trouble!
Blessing for orphans.
I have so much grief from loss of a child. I don’t have big support system. I love your videos they give me hope!
I get so triggered by the worLD and bad CPTSD that I don’t know how to constantly keep myself regulated.
I try very hard to go out and function instead I end up in my car sometimes all day not wanting to feel the pain or live again and wanted any advice on how to cope and regulate my emotions as I try very hard but get STUCK!!!!
I apologize I didn't see your comment until now. Perhaps you've looked over the website for more help? crappychildhoodfairy.com/
Its okay if you're stuck - if you find this content it means you are on the right track. Keep going on with your healing dear friend ❤
Great attitude :)
"This is kind of an advanced stage of healing.. their talents and their gifts will start emerging and filling up their lives with a sense of purpose and actions that are helpful to other people" You're speaking to my soul, Ann! I have healed so much from my childhood but I've started feeling stuck again and having to reevaluate everything I've healed from to see what I've skipped over. For some reason I cannot seem to get over that hump and reach this stage of healing. Still feeling unworthy, not good enough, and struggling with loving myself. If this helps anyone, I've realized that I've put my self-worth into my intimate relationships and now, being single, my healing has seemed to crumble somewhat. I see now where my next challenge lies. The test of true self-love!
Persevere, @oneandonlyjm47...
Thank You!!! I have always needed a cheerleader rooting for me..... Someone who would say "You can do it.!" Thank you for being one who cares, even though you have never seen me. 😊 ❤️
You can do it!!!!
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy 🤗
An acute trauma state can last as while, but when it eases up, you learn more, and it eases up more, and you realize more, and this continual learning, growing, evolving thing starts budding. And you realize this evolving of self is never going to end, and you will continually welcome the next place to grow. It’s so very worth it 💗☮️💗
So great with words. You make things so much clearer. Somehow it's getting through.
That's wonderful :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever know what it is like to actually feel happy. I have been doing work to heal now that I know where the limiting beliefs I have held on to for so long came from, but it is very hard. Sometimes you get dragged back down into the mire. My sister is one of those people who blames everyone else for her terrible life and takes no responsibility for her own actions. She acts out, creates scenes and dramas, and I get tarred and feathered with the same crazy brush. I can’t escape the trauma because she helps to tear old wounds open. She refuses to help herself and seems to want to make everyone else around her as miserable as she is. No one loves her you see. No one is there for her. She has no friends, but she can’t admit that her behaviour actually pushes people away. Everything anyone says is a potential trigger for her. It’s exhausting talking to her because you never know what word is a minefield. Everything has to be over-analyzed. I’ve tried to help her so many times, but it always bites me in the ass. I can’t move forward myself. I’d cut her loose but I have a niece who she is destroying just like our mother did to us (who eventually committed suicide by setting her bed on fire). She seems to be wanting to create a perfect childhood for her so she can live vicariously through her daughter, but ends up mostly creating the opposite. I don’t want to be unhappy for the rest of my life, and I don’t want my niece to be affected any more than she has been.
This is hard. But here's my experience: To get out of that negative space, get your focus off the past and Off other people, and onto yourself and the symptoms you're having, and work on healing THOSE. That's what you can change. And if and when you step in with your niece, you don't want it to be depressed, hopeless you. You'll need to be very strong to do that well!
I got pushed to do some things I really didn't want to do, as a young woman, things I could never change afterwards, that had permanent effects on the rest of my life. For decades I was so angry.
The breakthrough came when, a couple of years back, I finally took ownership of my actions. No matter how hard I was pushed to do what I did, I could - I really could - have done differently. I could have done otherwise.
Radical ownership of my own life, my past (in adulthood) and my actions means that no one has control over how I feel. No one owns me or 'owes me' anything (they're never going to pay up, btw!) and no one is to blame for my decisions.
So I am free. The actions and motivations of those who pushed me, well, that's their life to live out - and I don't envy them one bit.
We're all trying to get free, I think you can be free AND know that you couldn't have done different, not because you're a victim, but because you just didn't have the tools/maturity/wisdom/strength to do different-which ALSO is not your fault :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Greetings. On this I disagree with you. This is not, to my mind, about fault or blame, it's about full ownership of one's actions in the context of facts, and complete de-coupling from the actions and motivations of others. It is true that I, at that time, didn't have the tools/maturity/wisdom/strength, and I don't blame or condemn myself for that. But the fact remains that I could have done differently. Until I fully owned my actions, in the self-compassion of knowing I was under great pressure, I remained tied to the ones who had exerted that pressure, and deep down blamed them. In blaming them, I stayed angry, resentful, bitter and stuck. Owning one's actions in order to liberate oneself emotionally from the past means also owning one's mistakes. To my mind, there is no freedom and sovereignty without that. In the matter of ownership of our actions, I am, needless to say, speaking about adulthood, not childhood.
I hurt so much from my family is disfunal family we do not talk at all I hurt got away from toxic friendships and with my husband they don't like
Sorry you're going through all this @Rebekah. It's very good you're here!
Me too.
This visualization is a genius idea to do in your video ❤️
Interesting. I'm in both. Tried a lot, not much success. Feel bitter but not about the past, as its alot of current things/people that make you never heal/retraumatize us. I just stay away from toxic people but its hard as so many out there. Action is best and I need to keep believing it will get better. So we have to be real positive & hide our pain to get support? I got lost there tho & been hiding my pain all my life. Thanks for your hope 💜❤💙
Not hiding pain. Just not focusing on it so much. Here's a metaphor. Having your period. You don't necessarily talk about it everywhere you go. It's there. You're not "hiding it," or lying about it, or pretending you don't get periods. You're just not focusing on it or talking to everyone about it. Maybe just a friend or two, from time to time.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Ok. Good analogy thanks.☺ I don't tell most about my problems tho & only occasionally, so it just struck a chord like I was doing something wrong. I feel others are always dumping on me & they don't have cptsd...just like me listening👍
@@zenawarrior7442 It seems many of us are sympathetic and longing for connection, so we stay stuck in the listener role while others dump endlessly on us, yet when we want to be heard, they don't want to hear it. I finally realized NOBODY wants to hear that negative stuff, who does it help? You can tell it a thousand times, if won't make things better. What people would rather hear is hot to find hope.
@@elkekirkpatrick6481 - "What people would rather hear is how to find hope !" Thank you for this - Yes ! The penny has finally dropped for me too.
I stopped the world and got off. Now, after many years of watching it turn below me, I wonder why I should jump on to it again.
Because you need to be loved and it makes you happy listening to music with fun people. Two good reasons.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I have had many chances for love... don't forget my age - I lost a lot of my cohort to AIDS in the 80's and 90's... so now in the age of Covid 19... it reminds one how temporary and fleeting this life is...
@@Leftatalbuquerque Perhaps all the more reason to heal and truly breathe during this one life. A gift to oneself.
Good morning, good morning, good morning! Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's it, That is it. You can do it, release it. Release it and move forward. It will come for you all if you work through it to release it. Move forward with love to the ones that you are connected to. Sending out loving vibes to you all out there struggling. Have faith in the process of healing you and loving you. You are worthy. I'm getting there each and every day. Love to you all. Beautiful video and very helpful.
I don't know in my case who should I blame. I belong to a low class family. In the age of 5 I was bullied quiet a lot , my father was diagnosed with cancer at the same time . I was feeling so sad I didn't knew what to do at that time I guess. I was also getting petty afraid and narvous. I would stop talking to people. I would only talk to people who I would just know very well that, was the situation and . At 9 my high school grades were also getting bad . I was told that "look at him or her and what you are doing. I used to feel ashmed not knowing how to deal with them. I was too much upset about myself. And also father used to be petty angry minded due to his disease. There was a tenson alawyas inside my head that the next moment something can go wrong. And at around 12 I habe found out the exact way to get some relief in my life that is porn. I was feeling that was the only thing that have just given me some pleasure in my life and I although know that what I was doing was wron but at that time their was no way around . Also my family was focused on my father a little which is fair and from my teens I have lived to be with myself. I used to just watch tv study bare minimum and repeat that . I was just getting lost at that time not know what I was doing . My mentality was also gone for a toss. I wanted to do wright but I was missing things., focus was very bad and fear was too high. My self worth used to be 0 at that time when I was 13-14. I was not finding any good thing about me. So at that time on 2015 my father passed away . But trust I myself was so emotional crippled that I couldn't even cry. O was become blank not know what emotion to show. Not a single tear drop has come out of my eyes.I. Still trying to find what it was like that. So I was very depended on my father after his death it was very bad to handle all these situation.
After that naturally I have drifted for 2 years and do a whole bunch of shit that I was told by my friends. At that time my life was driven by the emotion of other . I was not knowing what to do with my life .
But when I got 18 I told myself bro enough I it the time to fight back. So from the time I have started to buy a buch of self help book and started working out . I used to hooked on them . But my porn watch habbit was still there. But I was progressing . Slowly I was gaining confidence. And I am now 21. I am a mindful , passionate, boy who try do do a little better everyday. Who know that his life was rough . I may take a little longer than usual. Life has given my so many things I will fight I have quitted porn for last 3 month successfully and that was one of the best thing I ever did in my life.
I meditate. I have gained muscle., I slowly knowing my strengths and weaknesses. I am positive. I am gona make the tings that are needed to be done . But little while ago I was feeling very sad. That's why I came here. But now I am okay. I know how sigh I was at 17 I wouldn't be able to go to shop and buy something now they are very easy. I accept all that has happened and I am moving on . Thank you . So emotional advice as I feel like most of tha time I am okay with myslef I don't need any.
Also previously I used to sleep at 4.30am and now I woke up at 4 am
Very happy for you that you've been able to take such positive steps! I don't think enough is said about the harm of porn. I hope you'll keep being outspoken about it.
I just wanted to thank you for giving me the insight into why I behave thee way I do. You make so much sense and you are brilliant at explaining it all, I am so glad that you are doing these U Tube videos. Thank you so much x
This assumes that you WANT connection. I'm 52 and have pretty much resigned myself to eventually become a total recluse with my books.
So, you're surviving, but gave up the goal of thriving. Don't give up on thriving... Consider getting help with a therapist who is trained in c-ptsd. Some things are self-help/DIY but not everything. 😕 You might do better trying to understand yourself more in a therapy relationship. Not forever, but at least until you can start taking baby steps to make the most out of who you are. I wish you the best.
What's a former fundie?
I feel this. I find out that most people AREN’T your friends. No one is true. Time and time again they’ve proven it to me. Back stabbers and fakes. No thanks. I’d rather not deal with that
You and Irene Lyon have been so helpful for me and so many others. Thanks, darlin'.
Yes, @Irene_Lyon is wonderful!
Dwelling on the negative gives you a negative life, dwelling on the positive gives you a positive life.
That’s tough to do depending on what’s happened to you.
Not that simple....
I found you at a time when I was so confused. I have reduced my stresses by 50 to 75% and even disaster strikes I don’t dwell in negativity, I jump into action and figure the next best step! Thank you so much Anna
Never having validation from a Narassistic mother who adopted me. I never knew what end was up.
Welcome to our community
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you very much! Thanks to your posts and all your comments I am really getting it that I am not alone and that I am not crazy I was raised this way. God bless you all.
Me too. My narc adoptive mom wrecked me 🫶
I posted this on another channel but I think the stages of healing involve validation (that your problems are real), distress (that your problems are huge and difficult to overcome), glimmers of hope of a different way of living, and then finally complete healing. The distress stage is really painful and I greatly appreciate your solution oriented advice in overcoming it. I already feel so many fewer negative thoughts by doing your daily practice (which for anyone reading is a very simple daily writing exercise that's very effective)
I'm so happy to hear that the Daily Practice has been helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I was doing so well last year up until March when I lost both my jobs, my connection with church friends and family. The last 9 months I've relapsed and it's hard to see the light again when the pandemic restrictions aren't going to lift anytime soon.
I'm breaking the wheel. I am healing. Thank you so much for your wonderful videos.
Fantastic!
I feel like I live in an area that is a breeding ground for narcissists and flying monkeys. I feel trapped. It may not be but it’s the way I perceive it.
Guyla you must be living and
Working in Houston, Texas
It’s all about the $$.
That is the wheel talking. Take time to notice the kind people in your midst.
I understand your feeling, Guyla. Sometimes people don’t understand how impossible it is or what it’s like to be trapped. Hope it’s getting better for you.
Lol, I know that feeling. There's some really kind loving people about though.
OMG! The wheel! THE WHEEL! The only way to stop ruminating is to focus on something else. It really does work to focus on something else, and it does get easier and easier.
I've been stuck for over 50 years. I want so bad to be ok. I've lost so much because of my depression and anxiety from childhood trauma. I want to heal!
Glad you're here- if you haven't already check out the website crappychildhoodfairy.com/
❤️🙏🏾
I suffer from cptsd and just recently found DMT and oh wow it has helped me in such amazing ways.
The message of this video seems to be: ‘Forsake your story and become popular! You can only heal through social acceptance.’ IMO, the only connection that really matters is the one with yourself. Accept yourself exactly where you are, right now. If you’re sad today, be sad. And love yourself, anyway. You’re not the problem. You never were. Give yourself the unconditional love you never got, and you will heal.
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Wow that resonates beautiful comment.
Thank you for your comment. I will never be popular. It is unlikely that I will ever have even one unpaid friend. I just want to get through the day without self-hatred.
Thank you so much for your videos. Just recognizing deregulation/regulation and triggers, realizing that the trauma is not my fault, and a little push in the right direction from someone close to me I was able to start healing. It is insane looking back at the last 5 years of my life. I didn’t even realize how much pain I was in until I was able to reflect clearly and talk to others. I always downplayed/ignored all the negative things that happened to me and blamed myself for a lot of things. I started out small but that momentum just kept building which allowed me to focus on my life in a positive way. You have made a huge impact on me and explained exactly how I felt in those hopeless times. Thank you for giving me hope.
Ya know what's a shame? That I lived with all this pain for 67 years until I figured out how I was hurt, how I perpetuated the hurt for all this time, and what was possible instead. I have learned that you can't just walk out of the hurt, you actually do have to understand how you are caught in order to step out of the way. I kind of knew this all along as a friend of Bill W., but the death of a parent rejumbled the whole mix and meant I had to do it all over again.
Death rattles us, I understand. Being a friend of Bill W is a great asset though :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
This channel is full of extremely helpful and rare information. Unlike for example narcissism channels where people watch a video and then make the same video themselves you are presenting information that not so many people talk about. Looking forward to watch every single of your videos. I am sure I will learn a lot. Really great work. Thank you