ONLY Narcissistic Abuse Survivors Do These Things
Вставка
- Опубліковано 28 чер 2024
- Heal After Narcissistic Abuse:
emotionalabuserecovery.com/hana
chapters
00:00 introduction
00:56 Clip reaction
01:41 1. Feeling anxious about your looks & constantly trying to look better
03:04 2. Over explaining things a lot !
04:29 3.You may avoid eye contact
06:09 4. Not being able to handle crowds
07:47 HANA course Announcement !
08:35 5. You may feel unsafe in your own home
10:47 6. You may want to do everything alone
How To Heal After Narcissistic Abuse
emotionalabuserecovery.com/hana
Mr Bashir, what is the deal with narcissists and food?
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
Isolation and doing things alone def rings a bell.
I'm going through that, I've been home alone for almost 2 weeks now
alone became a necessity for safety when dealing with rash unstable hostile Narcs.
@@dineosithe5961I have been home alone for 10 months. 😂
I want to be alone all the time. I force myself to see a friend at least once a month but it’s stressful.
I feel the same but my narc is not husband, close family member
I can relate!
Same here
Understood. Socialize as much or as little as you feel like. And leave when it’s stressful, no guilt.
Same
I wear sunglasses in public so Narcs can't give me evil eye. Wear earphones to protect ears. Love being alone Trust only trauma survivors
100% right. I also developed a symptom of depression wanting to stay on bed all day
yes its a battle.
between Ido get up and engage with life... im good.
its the getting up is a hurdle.
my symptom is depression too but have to run here and there in a sweat and wear myself out
@@tanyamcculloch2989 I ran myself into the ground, running from the grief. and broke my health. trying to be exhausted enough to fall to sleep. only after years of counseling. specifically focused on abuse have I found peace. @ 70 yrs old. the generations of Narc abuse spanned decades. and some wrong doing just exposed itself also after decades. thank God truth unfolded.
stay close to counsel outside of the Narc relationships for perspective and strength.
I have the same problem often🫂🙏🏼
What narcs accuse you of, they are doing themselves
Exactly why I don't deal with my dad's projections. I can't be bothered being blamed for the abuse Dad heaps on me and blames me for it. He's a jerkwad, I can't be bothered with him!
Ex narc sibling accused me of stalking her, stalking her pages and acting like a ‘fan.’ I discovered she was doing all of those things TO ME 🤣
my sister said i was evil and that she is not sinister in the things she does towards me, she basically admitted she is evil and sinister
Narcissists are always putting you down, and making you unsure with insecurities. They're always blaming you for something, and always calling you crazy for something they did. And they make you feel unsafe. They tell you they like your hair, clothes, etc. They make it hard for you to trust other people.
I experience all of them!
Growing up, my mother would make sure to humiliate me everywhere we went. Until now, the community and extended family know only her version of me.
I feel unsafe in the world.
Driving on motorways feels very unsafe to me.
They make sure that we don't live a normal life.
We are beyond strong!
I definitely hate crowds. My town gets extremely busy in the summer. I feel like I am going into battle! What helps is to walk slower,rather than trying to get past everybody.
I find that helpful too.
Avoiding eye contact and wanting to always be alone. I've been accused of being deceptive because i don't make direct eye contact when talking to new people.
I relate with half of these, especially the agoraphobia and the desire to be alone. I don't feel any positive feelings when I am around other people's in fact, people tired me and I just want to be left alone. After experiencing, betrayal, disrespect, threats, insults, mockery, blaming etc. You just lose faith in human and you are always scared of the next betrayal because you don't ever want to experience that pain again. So at the end, I learnt to enjoy my solitude to the point where the presence of other people overwhelmed me instead of gratifying me.
Totally agree
I struggle with the isolation. It compounds it because I'm one of those people that others flock to and want to be around. It is extremely stressful and leaves me drained.
Do not be dismayed at not being understood.. be dismayed at not understanding. A truth that was lost on me due to severe narcissistic abuse. Come out of it and live!! Peace and Blessings 🙏🙏🙏
The damage has been done and I am finally free but exhausted. I have have been surrounded by narcs all my life - too much drama and negativity. just want to be alone and it will always be that way. For me, this is peace and happiness.🤗
He accused me of cheating when I was pregnant and I called him at 2am to talk to him, he just started spilling nonsense and I learnt that if a man accuses you of cheating, he is the one cheating not you. This was back in 2021. Happy birthday to my 2 year old son. May you be blessed everyday ❤🎉
I have read that statistically the most likely time a man will cheat on you is when you are pregnant with his child. Disgraceful conduct. Glad you have your beautful baby❤️🙏🏻❤️
So true-I lock everything and check windows. I sleep with a wooden club when my husband is away.
I,was always depressed,not anymore! Now,I am no longer depressed,gave my x-narc walking papers almost 7months ago.Feeling myself everyday and everyway now more than ever since I left him in the dust!🙏💜🙏❤️🙀
me too. isn't peace and honesty a wonderful thing.!!!!
I’m so happy to hear that 😊I wish You Awesome Health and Happiness always ❤
All of them are me. I'm so depressed sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy
Danish, you made me cry again! 😅
I am going through everything you said in this video. I have trouble looking people in the eyes anymore. I am afraid they will see into my soul. I can't sleep because I have to be the last one awake in the house. Also my husband has come to where I live before...he just "popped over" (at 3:00 a.m.) a year ago. I am not strong enough to face him in divorce court yet. That's also because I was abused by my divorce lawyer too! He took $30,000.00 from me and I'm still not divorced! (If I asked questions, he would say, "oh God, I don't need this" to me over and over and it triggered me. So I said "Isn't that your frigging job"? So he fired me. Now I need to find a new lawyer just to get divorced.
I feel like I'm crazy all the time still.
It's funny you mentioned "spark". I said that literally to my daughter. Do not ever let a man take your spark away...ever!
My husband sucked the life out of me for 26 long years, but I am "sparkly" again! 😄
I just don't have enough strength to do the lawyer thing right now. Luckily last time my husband called (3 months ago), I literally sat on my hands to not pick up the phone and haven't spoken to him since January.
Clearly, I am over explaining! 😂
I am laughing now through the tears! Thank you once again for your videos, they really do help me.
There is a top attorney named Rebecca Zung who has many videos on Utube where she gives advice on how to negotiate a divorce with a narcissist. If interested check out her videos.
rebecca zung is a good lawyer who knows about narcissts
Yes all the signs, i was the familie scapegoat 😢
I always sit at end of aisle so I can leave quicklu
1,2, and 5 100% and I hate it.
Gotten better with eye contact.
love being alone.
Gives me a lot of anxiety going places alone, but if I go with someone then I can tap into my extroverted side
Narcs are vile snakes 😡
Wanting to do things by myself. Shopping, doctor appointments, social things (out w/friends but by myself), etc.
I live in southern California, about 20-30 mins from Disneyland. It's still a dream of mine to go to Disneyland all by myself. Been there many times but w/family + friend groups. I'm never "demanding" on what rides to go on so I just go with the flow. But by myself I'd repeatedly go on Pirates of the Caribbean and Haunted Mansion!👑🏰
Isolation, checking locks, avoiding crowds and doing things alone have been the most due to distrust. As a healing survivor I make sure they get a death stare when they play their mind games and mess with my personal boundaries. Also stopped explaining myself following therapist's advice on using only short, blunt and meaningful words with them, strict limiting contact devoid of emotions/personal information, if they misunderstand that's their problem. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and personal experience with us, Danish 🙏🏻💜
Yes being a monk sounds lovely
Omg. I love you so much. You make me understand why I do the things I do. God bless you❤❤❤
I do work alone so much, but I’m not afraid of being social.
So true! Checking locks on doors and windows, also avoiding crowds. Healing away from narcissists and taking your power back is real freedom. If leaving them is not an option, limit contact to bare minimum without taking anything personally, at the end their accusations are their own confessions. Love and trust yourself. Thank you, Danish 🙏🏻🌟💞
Thank you for the content. It made me realize that there is an aspect of overexplaining that I do as a survivor myself, and I need to know how to stop that because it is really annoying. Now, I know what I need to work on in therapy. Thank you so much.
Everything was always my fault.
Same here😊
The NPD person "can't" ever be wrong, even with their own kids. As a recovering adult, it's taken a long time to unwind the problems associated with just that one maladaptive thought - that it's always my fault. Good luck to you, pinki.
@@jonstewart5386Jon, thanks so much. That comment almost ruined my life. In college I saw myself on a video tape- to my surprise, I wasn’t ugly-I was pleased at what I saw!
Yes, I come from a narc family where there was no such thing as forgetting or forgiving any event imaginary or real for decades! Had to go no contact. Anyone else notice what vicious gossips these people are with made up stories, lies, and speculations. No contact only answer.
@@cherylberk4593 my parents had a chart on the wall to mark my faults & misbehavings. When it was filled they said they’d give me to an orphanage. I never felt safe, like I belonged.
I ran away to another city
Obssessed about my looks
Overexplanation
Craving loneliness all the time
I find myself to be the narcissist now I'm not but I feel like I am
I do like to be alone..I once thought I was broken however once it was confirmed I had narcs around me , the alone feeling Is soooooo peaceful! Us survivors already won but what I am learning and have learned is alone is self love! Alone also equal peace, once u have the knowledge of narcissism most will love to be alone and have strong boundaries if anyone wants to disturb the alone time !
Wish we had in school this so many would be safe and aware
No. 2😢
Over explaining things 😢
He constantly reminded me that I wasn't smart enough 😢
My mother always told me I was ugly & that people would vomit if I looked them in the eye.
How horrendous! I'm so sorry that your parent said that to you. You didn't deserve it.
That’s awful🙁 I’m sorry you went through that..be strong!
Been there
What a senseless and jealous thing to say, you deserve more and you are MUCH more ❤️🩹
My mother was a former model-beautiful, but very cruel
My lack of control resulted in anorexia.
Mine resulted in weight gain. It's so sad.
I've spent almost 30 years in marriages with narcissists. I cannot look people in the eye, I detest looking in the mirror, I overexplain a lot, small talk is the bane of my existance, crowds are my worst nightmare, and I have become as much of a hermit as possible.
After thinking on this for a bit, I think one of the reasons small talk is so disliked is this: Small talk is the time when you reveal tidbits about yourself and your life that can and will be used against you whenever possible. You will from that point forward be made to regret you ever shared with them such a mundane fact as a musician you like to listen to. You will be shamed, ridiculed, and taunted about that forever.
Lesson learned. Tell no one anything about you. Keep it very surface level generic. They will smile in your face and walk away and shit talk you to anyone that will listen.
All of what you mentioned absolutely resonates, also I expect everyone not to believe what I’m talking about and if someone blocks a doorway I panic! Thanks Danish 😊
I came here thinking none of them would apply to me, yet all of them do. Every single one. I guess I’m still gaslighting myself after all the damage that was done
So true, my descriptions are never ending
The wanting to be alone, and the wanting to find deeper meaning, going through your own dark night of the soul, disconnecting from everyone, and then a spiritual awakening follows.
Thats how it is unfolding for me, once I found my strength and disconnected from the narc.
Peace and healing to allof you. You can do it!!❤
Thank you for explaining weird, shamed, paranoid me. That's from 4 narcissists throughout my life. Let the healing begin and continue.
I have been introverted since I can remember because of my parents, I want peace and quiet and I will have it at all costs. Yet there is still static in my thought patterns. Constant second guessing myself. Avoidant. DESPISE confrontation. I lack communication skills because I was never allowed to express myself and if I did, I was made to feel unbelievably stupid even if they didn't expressly say that. It was a game I haven't won in 50 years.
My covert narc never put down my looks, but he did put down the way I loved him, how I raised the children how I spent my money, how I treated him, my family, my lack of orginisation.....etc.
Exhausting and soul destroying. Be kind to yourself when healing, allow yourself to go through all the dark emotions. Only then can u heal.
I
hope you all feel safe and peaceful again. ❤❤❤❤
I want to be alone, all the time. I can’t wait to get home so I can be with my pets and no one else. Also, I prefer not to have to talk to people or to tell them what I’m thinking. I never look into people’s eyes either. I was in my 50’s before I knew my Dad’s eyes were blue. Oh yeah, also crowds. It’s really confusing to be at parties. I never go out on Black Friday because of the crowds. But I’ve been through EMDR therapy, 6 years of it. Now I just know I’m the way I am and I’m fine with it. I don’t have to be like everyone else. My way of being has benefits. I’m gifted as an empath. Or you could say I was made to be an empath by my upbringing. I need my alone time to rest and recharge. I can handle my triggers now. I recognize when I’m getting anxiety. I recognize when I’m uneasy. I tell myself that others don’t know what I’m thinking or that I’m anxious. They are not empaths. So I relax and be myself. I’m not real talkative and I’ve grown to appreciate the invisibility. I used to overrun my own boundaries and talk about myself, sharing too much. Most people care about themselves, so I draw them out and encourage them. They like that and it makes them like me. Most people don’t read others as well as I do, so I am happy to be a bit of a mystery. No one wants to hear about my past, so I don’t tell them. That’s mine to know and to reveal to people who are trustworthy.
I can relate to so many of those trauma related behaviours. Our bodies need to heal and it takes time, patience, self-compassion, self-love , self-care and safe surroundings. Thank you Danish ❤
Thank you
I’m a HUUUGE loner. Like doing everything myself. I feel safe though. And happiest when I’m alone . yes I’m always looking over my shoulder and out the window as well. Because my abusers would follow me home from work late at night parked outside my backyard with headlights on.
I could be a very happy recluse. I don’t want to be around people. I like being by myself.
I have most of them, difficulty in making eye contact feels worst, thanks🙏🌹 Danish for such a wonderful video, you are doing great job 👍may God bless you.
I need a routine but feel unsafe when I have a routine. Unpredictable feels safer in my coming and goings
I always want to be alone but it was at first because I was used to it now after 6 years of NPD abuse I want to be alone on purpose. Im also constantly checking my doors constantly or it feels like someone is going to startle me. My abuser was my “friend/roommate” and my door didnt lock so they would barge into my room when I was sleeping to disturb and disrupt my sleep without any consideration of my surroundings and feelings
I feel all but my anxiety of looks is because of the lack sexual intimacy
I want to be alone. I’m scared to go anywhere because I fear breaking down and making a fool of myself.
Big fear. Going somewhere and being laughed at in public.
I definitely like to be alone. I've worked on eye contact & am better. Before I knew wht narcissists wer, I hd someone say to me, "why do u look down all the time". I was about 12 or 13 yrs old. I now know becuz I felt inferior from the narcissists' putdowns. I make it a point now to hold my head up & walk in confidence
Experiencing all of em but number 6 really got me
Right now I’m dealing with body dysmorphia ……🥺
Same here.
I do all of them . Especially check the locks in my home.
Relatable I suppose. I just don't need to deal with people so much anymore so I choose not to. Perhaps it is due to past abuse. My step mother made me want to be a female instead of male. This has become a common thing ..
Isolation,I even eating in bedroom
Great video, very insightful !
Thank you, I am always shocked at you nail my every overwhelming traits.
The body dimorphic disorder is so bad for me. I was humiliated by family my whole life about my appearance. My mother has been dead for 20 years and I still can’t go out in public without feeling like people are staring at me. It mentally crippling.
Wow!!! You are in my mind! You UNDERSTAND Bashir!!!
Thank You! DB
Thank you for the information I’m struggling with everything you mentioned
I really want to get rid of my obsessions and compulsive behaviour. I cant even watch news without having to clean everything.
Wehenever I see or read something bad, I start cleaning. I feel as if something bad will happen, if I dont clean.
have you looked into enneogram personality types? Good books by authors riso and another book by beatrice chesnut. You might be a perfectionist and your childhood wounds are: to be good ,do the right thing, be productive, so these all get triggered when you are stressed like you were in childhood. look into those books, it is has helped me a lot. God bless
Oh my God I learn something everyday.
After all these years in my relationship, I’m now developing allegory. The one thing that I can’t stand. I use to escape my life by getting out and being away from home. I hate being alone and now I’ve made it even worse. I got away from him and now my life seems to just get worse as time goes on.
Yes, my mother said that I would make someone vomit
if they make a insult remark {or disguised as a joking roast as my narc husband does} just know the opposite is true. they dont want you to look good.
Danke!
I do this…
Great video. Admit I am guilty of the all.❤️
I’m definitely a survivor!
Danish you speak the truth
I'm also paranoid about going out anywhere there are people. I hate driving because I'm so worried about making a mistake. Id rather be in my room because I'm always aching in my hips & joints and excessively tired. This is not normal for me. I have to force myself to get up and get things done everyday. I work a lot and I guess I just have to power through. What else is there to do Danish?
I do all of these. Every single one. Not sure how to change any of it
1,2,4 ,5 and 6
I look out of the peep hole a lot. I didn’t really realize it
The thing with the hands ....I've done that the most. And yea, eye contact.
In the beginning of our relationship, when he first started getting angry & I was confused as to why he was making such a big deal out of certain things, I used to feel better looking down or away because I didn't want to see the anger in his eyes directed at me. WOW, he got so angry because he wanted the eye contact at all times to prove I was listening completely with no distractions. He also applied that at work saying people who don't look you in the eyes, you can't trust and it's disrespectful. ??? What do you think?
All of them
all of the above, but working on it
Hi Dr danish, can you please make a video on numbness after narcissistic abuse and how to over come it..
I have these all things 😢😢
over explaining and fighting an invisible monster, the eye contact thing vampire eyes , not being around sociably settings , love to do everything alone,mostly screwed up but Jesus loves me and that is everything,
Well before I'm even watching the whole video.I'll say that for myself after my narcissistic mother.I can never trust anyone I mean.I just have never been able to have a relationship boring.Honestly have intimacy psychologically or I trust that person because my mom backstabbed me so many times
All. In the past mostly. Some still not.
I do the avoid eye contact in social situations moreso. I was taught to make eye contact to be respectful with authority, so I was sure to do that!
I do all of them 😢
All 6.
I am fine with interacting with people. I live in a small, quiet, safe community. He drives a charcoal grey SUV. In my experience since going no contact, I've become hyper vigilant when driving that he won't be in town and the possibility our paths would cross. Didn't realize just how many charcoal grey SUVs there are out there!!! That's all I seem to see. Never noticed it or gave it any thought before this. Am locked-in to avoid him in all ways.
Bold title why make sweeping generalisations, behaviours are similar across many different disorders
A trauma response to abuse is not a disorder.
@@cassiebennet4262 but these behaviours are typical of other conditions
ALL off them
I have All.....😮
Yes my brother called me selfish when I discovered he has my videos while I have a sex with my ex boyfriend that he recorded. I didn’t have a f idea about this, day by day destroyed my life and I am selfish because “I don’t want to share videos recorded by psychopath I was nobody and I’m nobody and I’d rather to be alone now than with Mr Judge 24/7 and life is not about f around with everyone all the time to fell better because you are poor, not enough pretty, smart etc. I wish you all good souls around you and angels thank you for the video.
Interested to join how much is the fees
Please explain: what will happen when u expose a narcissist and you completely block narc and their flying moneys even when they tried to reachout to u. Its been 3 yrs since it happened