Denial - Mental Health and Trauma
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- Опубліковано 3 тра 2020
- Hi everyone,
We have had endless issues today with this video, hence it being half finished and generally riddled with issues. We always said our channel was meant to be chilled out and imperfect so we are really loving up to that. Frankie will have an introduction up on our Patreon tomorrow to make up for the fact this has all been a shambles.
That aside, here’s a video on the fact we’re convinced we’re faking our DID 😂 it’s a bit of a jumble and like I said, a bit rubbish but it’s a pretty honest little ramble and I hope a couple of you can relate / get something positive out of it.
Luca x
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We have struggled with feeling like we're lying because, like, sometimes one alter will tell someone about an experience, and then later, a different alter might be asked a question about it or something. Saying "I don't remember this even though earlier I told you it happened" wasn't really a choice to say for most of our life. It felt like lying to pretend to remember something, though.
Idk if this is something y'all have experienced, but it's helped us a lot to recognize that maybe we have done things that felt like lying *as a result of having DID*, but that doesn't make us liars about having DID.
Ohhh I get you! Yeah I totally feel you. Tbh we got called a liar for so long. Our partner once found a social media belonging to an alter before I knew about the system, and obviously there was no way to logically explain it but I genuinely had no idea where it came from. It was hard. And there's also been times I've just gone along with the fact someone thinks I've lied about something because it's easier and safer than explaining DID.
We spent 3 months after our diagnosis running on this wheel. Our host was primary for 35 years so we had a very hard time getting her to believe that our diagnosis was spot on. Host kept trying to dismiss all the obvious symptoms.
Agreed so much on the learned behavior of gaslighting from abusers/others seting us up to deny, deny, deny. And comparing your trauma to others - yes! Thank you so much for this video!
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! And I'm happy to hear your host has started to come round ❤ it took me about 4 years to get to this point, and I still have a long way to go!
It is interesting to hear a system say "Maybe we are just making it up."
Because...."we" means that there is more than one.
I mean, I worry I'm making it up, and my friends who know the others blatantly laugh and say, "They are obviously real."
It is hard not to trauma compare. You explain it quite well here.
Yeah I realise I'm like "we're fake", and then kick myself in the head about it 😂 and thank you for the kind words!
@@thesparksystem5959 i literally did that the other day, lol
i think it's normal for the brain to have trouble processing plurality- fighting between being aware of it and being in denial because of trauma (and the stress of being aware of being a system, too). it's a lot!
So, so helpful. Thank you so much for sharing this.
The struggle is real. We appreciate the video. Thank you. Losing time when you are stressed is a pretty clear sign, just saying.
-The Melty Rainbow System 🌈
Totally get it! We think sometimes it helps to just stop caring so much about the labels and the over analyzing spiral of denial doom. Love how genuine you all are.
Yes labels can be super harmful! But sometimes we personally find it easier to categorize just a tiny bit haha. And thank you so much, I think it's really important we're as honest as we can be here - even with the garbage quality of our videos !!
I just got here rendomly, I found out I was a subscriber of this channel and that I already watched a part of this video, No memories at all about this. And now seeing your piercings made me question myself about my piercings. Wait... I don't have any piercings anymore !? haha I'm a fool of thinking I was lying about me being in a system, but still denial is more confy so i'm just gonna stay in this loop until I don't know when... I just can't believe DID can be my reality even tho I know it must be real...
Just catching up on your videos, but I wanted to say how brave I think you are for your total honesty! You are mature beyond your years, and just know that you are really helping so many by sharing your experiences.
This is exactly what we've been dealing with recently :( it helps to know we aren't alone but I'm sorry you're dealing with this too
Sorry to hear y'all are struggling, we're here if you need to talk xx
I understand how difficult this video must have been to make... But thank you, genuinely. I really can't express how much I needed this.
I'm so glad you found this video helpful ❤❤
Oh. My. Goshhhh. It’s like you’re in my head mate. Like word for word. The whole not remembering trauma thing is like my Hangup. And what I do remember I always invalidate hardcore. I’m sorry you go through these spirals too
I get you! I'm so sorry you have the same thing ❤
I know this video is from awhile ago. We saved it and visit it occasionally. Been aware we are a system 10 months. Today's journal entry, "I still don't want to believe it's true. What if it's all in my head and I'll be so embarrassed I've told all these people." Yet everyone who knows 'me' and hears about it is like, "oh that makes so much sense! Yeah there's totally more than just you in there."
So, 8 months later after this video, where are you in the acceptance journey?
Hello! We are doing okay right now actually. Denial wise yeah we're not bad. General mental health is mixed 😂
Accepting DID takes a long long time and denial is so normal and common!! But you're valid and I hope you're holding up okay 🖤🖤
You lot are ALL VALID and under no circumstance are you fakin. DID can be a rubbish bitch and have you thinkin youve either been lied to or are just lyin to yourselves. Take it from those of us (your DID community) who battle this on a daily basis as you guys do.
Not gonna lie though, i straight up thought we were the only ones who felt this crap so intensely to a point of being debilitating. We always have that,
"What if this is all just made up?",
" what if someone fucked up along the way and tricked us into believin that we are WE and not I and none of this is real?"
Our previous host, Alex, who came in at the bodies age of 5 and only 7 months ago went out in a bang and a crazy traumatic split of himself was the most effected. Im Jett, the result of the odd integration/break off explosion, i hold the fucked up, traumatized section of Alex but now im left with all that rubbish doubt. Proper validatin to hear so many others are going through this as well.
In no way are we sayin thats a good thing. Its not, its degrading and painful and can put you in an endless doubt spiral. But its nice to know we're not alone.
And btw our girlfriend, (Alex's wife), has PTSD and also dissociates. We have had a few well proper talks about how her dissociation and ours are VERY different. PTSD dissociation is pretty much sinking into a void or into a trauma memory whereas our dissociation results in an entirely other person coming into the body, fronting and all that jazz.
Thank you guys for makin this video sure it was well hard to conquer this subject and not negativity spiral durin it. But massive thanks coming to you awesome cats for bein real and speaking truth 👊
-Jett
Hey!! Thank you so much for this. I'm so sorry you guys experience the same thing but I'm glad you found the video helpful. I think it's normal that people experience denial and talk about it but it's opening up and talking about the next degree of it that seems to halt the conversation. We still worry that going on so much about how often we feel fake makes us sound even more fake and it's really hard to keep out of that mindset. Thank you so much again for your comment 💞