It’s important for a man to love and cherish his mom, but it’s such a turn off when a man can’t set healthy boundaries with his mom or family members and protect and value his woman. How can you take the lead in your role as a husband if you can’t make decisions without mommy or need her approval before taking action. Respect for your elders doesn’t mean being a child for the rest of your life 😬
This is story of my ex family in short: his dad is 60 and acts like a toddler around his mum. She has two sons and both are man child. Especially my ex, who is in his 30 and has no job spends most of his time in his room. When I act weirded out by his family (of course its sick) he said I disrespected his mother ( who in their right mind would????) i am very disgusted
when me and my ex had the smallest concern, he would tell his Mom before addressing it with me. I immediately understood why Mother in laws would dislike their daughter in laws because it skewed their perception of his lady. He had hero complex but Mommy always had the final say. Lack of healthy boundaries
I just left an engagement also because of this reason. We argued. Didn't speak for 7weeks and then when I spoke to his mum I realised they spoke about the argument and she was aware of all his plans.
Same here. Also broke the engagement because my ex and his mother were leading my relationship. He went with her to the shop to get my engagement ring. And he wanted me to commit visiting his mother every weekend or have a justification. Did I do the right thing to leave? I’ll never know
I know this video was two 2yrs ago, but this needs to be spoken about more. This is sad, and some men and their mothers are destroying beautiful families. I am in the process of heading towards divorce, not due to an ultimatum but because I have reached my point that I can't anymore. My husband constantly let's his mom + brothers be disrespectful and so on. Lies for them, etc, just things that common sense you stick up for your spouse... exhausting, and it's just enough. It's been 10yrs 2kids later, and he sees no reason to speak up for us. I hope women can see the red flags and run from these types of men. Blessings to all 🙏
Oh, and been living with the in laws. No privacy even though we got married 18 months ago. Mother lies and is meddlesome. Husband witnessed the truth but says he’ll never call his mother a liar
@@katysmith-n2yGet therapy & strengthen your relationship with the Lord. My ex never, couldn't disobey his mom. Couldn't do anything without her approval, including a marriage to me. He's almost 70 now. Never married and is a sex addict. Deeply unhappy and became a narc.
stand up and declare your adulthood. plain and simple. you are a grown man and need no help making a decision . stand on your own til you find your better half. better half meaning other than your mother.
I’m a mama’s boy and I’m going through therapy to learn more about myself. It’s hard but the more we all talk about it, the more free I can become and not feel guilty. Thank you
Just sent my husband to therapy via the courts and my boundarys o made clear in court were anything to be discussed between me and him. About me and him and aboit our daughter is to be done in private. Not me him and his Mum discussing mine and my daughters needs. The more i put boundarys in place the more his mum clinges on. These type of mothers are evil, unhinged and do not want to do the work on themselves. My husband is 40. I cant even buy him new underwear she gets jealous. She walks in to the bathroom in her underwear when hes sitting on the toilet. Its INSANE. Id never have a relationship with another mexican man ever. As a european women its painful to be in this type of dynamic.
With my ex, I now feel like I was co-parenting him with his mother. He lived with her and visited me in my apartment. We essentially had 50/50 visitation. We both provided lodgings, amenities, resourced and he contributed nothing. His mother had got him use to women providing for him. A big man child.
Exactly and that old bitch keeps reminding me that I am using her "money". Such a crazy whore :)) I gave my 50 in the relationship already sometimes more than 50 and now I owe her???? Her son has nothing but his mommy that's sickk
my ex is mommy’s boy to the point where we couldn’t have “alone” time….he said he listens to his mom because the 10 commandments…honor thy mother and father…and lastly he said whatever makes his mom happy he’s happy..even if that means leave the relationship…by the way he told me “my mom knows how important you are to me..she would never break us up”
A good, healthy Mother wants to raise each of her children to be autonomous. Never favours one child over the other. Never triangulates her children. A good mother wants all of her children to do well in life and to get along. Good mother does not want her children to be unhealthily& dependant on her or on anyone forever. She wants her children to be self-reliant, resourceful and strong, happy, confident, capable human beings. She sets a beneficial positive example as their primary female role model. Does not overpraise. She respectfully shares life lessons and teaches about rules and consequences. She respects her children's personal space. She does not rifle through their drawers, does not listen in on their phone calls , spies on their computers, and she never opens their mail. She does not ever stalk them on social media or in person. A good mother has her own life and hobbies and Friends. She never bothers her children at work and she never embarrasses them. A good mother respect her children's privacy. She equips them with life-skills like effective communication skills, social skills, being polite and respecting others, healthy work ethic, money management, self-grooming, food preparation, general medical and nutritional advice, taxes, empathy, compassion, kindness, charity, appreciation, general matters of the heart, she assists in educating them, she builds up their self-confidence, self-esteem, and prepares them for the outside world. Trusts her children. She knows that they are strong, capable and resilient. She makes them feel good about the world and helps them to understand the world can be a beautiful safe place & that, with the right life skills, with trial and error, adult children will be just fine. She will often be available if they require her advice or assistance. She makes no motion to overtly play favourites with her different children. Each of her children knows, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that their mother loves them unconditionally. She wants the best for her children so she does everything she can to ensure that her children have all the survival tools they need to live happy independent lives. She builds up the confidence in her children supports whatever decisions they make even if those are not the decisions she would make for herself. She respects her children's autonomy, their choices in relationships she respects healthy boundaries and her children's own ability to self-assess and consult their romantic partners ahead of her in much life advice. She respects her children's choice in life partners and she gives advice only when consulted. She respects the privacy of her children. A good mother never feels threatened or like she was competing with a life partner of her children. Good mother never parentifies her children never lays a guilt trip or tries to manipulate with threats of self-harm. Good mother applauds when you win and builds up your self confidence. At the same time, within reason , she makes herself available when needed. Her love is NEVER conditional. Good mother celebrates for children's individuality. She is so happy that they are become their own people with their own wonderful, separate, personalities. A good mother knows her place & never interferes. The kind of mother who raises a mama's boy is the opposite. She cripples her son, makes them dependant upon her. She robs him of his self-confidence and steals his masculinity and pride. She makes him feel powerless, guilty and afraid. She treats him like her indentured servant, as if he 'owes' her just for being born. She tries to make him think he's responsible for her happiness. She treats him as if he's her husband. She deploys him on missions to bully the other children in the family. Over praises him so that he never believes the praise OR he winds up a narcissist with a false sense of entitlement. That kind of mother knows what she's doing, she means to do it and she does it on purpose. She's a master manipulator. She is very very selfish. Very bad mother. A wise son of such a mother will refuse to play her games possibly go and stay no contact. He will shield his loved ones from her (lest she spew her toxicity on them)
Wow’ I read this a few times! Very eloquently said. I felt blessed to read items and know in my heart that’s who, what and how I strive to be, but also look back on how I’ve failed in some areas and wish I would’ve been healthier. Thank you for this! It should be published in Webster’s under the definition of a good mother for current and future mothers to read. ❤
Wow! As someone who did not have a healthy mother because of mental illness. I never knew what it looks like to be a good mother and always wondered how could I possibly be a good mother. I feel blessed to have come across your comment because i always thought that is exactly how I would raise my kids. And now I know that I would be a great mother. And I feel like I could always come back to this if I forget. Thank you ❤
I'm 53 year old male and started the process of separating my "True Self" from my Mother a few years ago. Looking back, I see positive effects in my masculine development, self-worth/confidence, and assertiveness/boundary development. I was sad when my Mom died earlier this year, however, I was able to let her go with acceptance and gratefulness for her positive influence on my life.
I am in a situation with a mama’s boy right now. I just want to give up! He is constantly allowing his mother to interfere with our relationship and he is so emotionally dependent on her, it’s ruining us and I can’t go on anymore. I have shared this video with him. Hopefully it will give him the guidance he needs. I just can’t anymore
Well if your going to send him this video and then post a comment like that on same video he's probably better off with his mom than you until a high value woman comes along that would give him the proper motivation to change. You go girl. No really...GO!😂
@@apex11177Doesn't mean she's low value. She's frustrated. I'd say if he doesn't get help or make changes, she should leave. It will be worse if they marry.
9:50, men are honestly trying to be good sons, but SO many men are depressed and trapped in enmeshed, unhealthy relationships---THANK YOU! Hopefully awareness keeps spreading and more men wake up to what's going on. Guys, you CAN break away, you CAN heal, and your mama will get on her own two feet and be BETTER for it when she stops abusing you!
Repress you own feelings putting your mom feelings above your own boundaries. And she not doing her shadow work and healing her own mother wounds. 💙🦁🐺💓 Covert emotional incest happens with alot of families. It's very common. Awareness and boundaries, help you get in touch with your individuality while maintaining a healthy relationship with your mom with some distance. It's a codependency relationship. She gotta be able to take care of herself
In the case I knew of, the mother infantilized her husband and used him as a punching bag while delegating her eldest son as a surrogate spouse. And of course, this dynamic was enabled by female family members with drug addiction. Another related book is called, “When he is married to mom.”
This mama boy crap killed my relationship. A grown ass man at 44. He ran to her every time we fought. He lived with her prior to living with me. When we broke up, she bought him his own damn home. He has zero adulting skills and it was a complete turn off. #peterpan
Sounds familiar besides the buying him a house part. It’s a big turn off. He actually got extremely mad at me and broke things in my home one day when I left due to us getting in an argument, I told him he had to leave. Guess who he ran back to his momma smh…
After my ex blindsided in the breakup, he immediately went to his mum to validate all his feelings and be patted on the back for 'being so brave' and the reason I know this is because the day after he broke up with me his mum sent me a 'im so sorry this happened blah blah' message which included a bunch of information about why he felt he needed to break up with me that I didn't even know yet 🙄
I'm sorry. Mine has his mother as confidant and she gave advise as to stay single... So when he broke up with me impulsively, there were immediately texts of support from his parents and his mother offering me support.. They were in the loop, in real time, I believe now she prompted him what to tell me. Later we reconciled, after I met her for coffee, and she let me understand she knew everything about her son and that we should meet less because that was too much for him.. He finally dumped me for good. He called months ago and he lives with the parents. He'll be 40 soon. Both these mothers wanted to present as supportive and nice, but really telling us they were the real influencer in their sons' lives. Narcissistic bitches. I'm so sad my ex doesn't wake up to the abuse.
My Ex husband had to tell his mother Everything. And I mean EVERYTHING! Getting a call from his mother at 10am saying she "knew what I did in that filthy bed of yours last night"; how she knows the ways I'm trying to trap her son and proceeded to call me disgusting names. Bear in mind we were married for 5 years and had a year old child. Another night, she called saying she want a bubble bath. My husband jumped out of bed and ran to run her bath, light candles, pour her wine as he stayed in the bathroom, playing guitar for her, while she bathed. He told me this like it was the most normal thing in the world. Our sex life, which was strained to begin with because his mother would call him at 10pm every night and the two would stay on the phone for over and hour, became non-existent after that. They both went to therapy to get ME out of her life. He was identified as being in an emotional/covert incestuous relationship with his mother. His mother stopped him going to therapy. He went back to live with his mother - and father. Divorce.
some good parts of the discussion: 1. you feel like the chosen one and chosen to save mom: 5:14 2. the mom trains you that relationships drain you (since mom drained you): 6:50 3. both son and mom often think they have a great close relationship (when enmeshed): 8:55 4. son felt guilty when he asked for a few months off from talking with mom but that was ok to ask for: 15:23 5. let go of the image that you are the golden child and perfect son: 16:49 6. ok to only interact with mom a couple times a year, or to tell her you don't vibe with things, don't be afraid of conflict, it gets easier over time: 20:00
This makes so much sense. My issue was he ran to her during any argument including his serial cheating in which she said I deserved. We never had a private relationship and that's a huge turn off. All of it is toxic.
my husband is like this. when a man marries he LEAVES his parents house and Cleves to his new family , wife. He is not meant to be absent from his family to entertain his mother because she is passive controlling , suggestive manner as to hurt a marriage . That is what im dealing with. among many other things after 22 years. two faced is real , behind backs, passive manipulative behavior . I just keep calm and quiet and awesome and it usually wins in the end . she has caught on to this also. but she will never be able to undo what is already known. Ladies stay sophisticated and stronger , smarter than a passed generation. lol they cant fight that. hahah. plus it helps to have the patience of a saint.😂😇😉
My ex husband mum used to call his son (ex husband) and complain to him that he has forgotten about her since he married. She would do that while crying. I one day got very sick and he couldn't suggest I go to the hospital until his mum did. Later I had to ruuuuunnnn
A mama's boy can never have a healthy relationship with a woman. Never. Because his mother is used to being the boss. She calls the shots. Always. He allows it because he is used to it. It's all he knows. When this man gets married, his wife will find out that she now has a boss. A supervisor. That boss is her husbands mother (her mother in law). Mama's boy will not be able to set boundaries with his mother. He never has. He will allow his mother to abuse his wife. He doesn't have the guts to stand up to his mother and put a stop to it. Mother competes with his wife. His wife is "competition" and must be eliminated. Mother must always be his "first girl". Mama's boys will always fail to adhere to the "leave and cleave" commandment for marriage. His mother will refuse to "release" him to his wife so they can have their own life. The marriage will always be a "triangle" between the three people. No privacy. No boundaries. The marriage will eventually fail and the mama's boy will end up in divorce court.
My sister has 3 boys , they are all grown with families, 6 kids between them all and never have they done this to their wives because they were raised to be MEN. They did not grow up poor nor did they grow up rich, they grew up under the right parentage . My sister would never dream of interfering in her grown sons marriage as it should be, but she is there if any , wives, sons, grandkids want to talk to her she is a rock for EVERY ONE OF THEM. That is how its meant to be. Unfortunately I married an #European and its been nothing but a mamas boy syndrome .
just one example , he will sit and blow breath like he is disgusted with life over and over again without saying a F-ing word. He makes it noticeable and on purpose , but will not say one word.!!!! he is baiting me for a fight. after 22 years of marriage I know this, a little trick he probably learned from his mother. I dont go for it anymore so he just ends up frustrated at himself or pushing it to what he wants which im more than prepared for after that many years lol, he has found himself in a no win situation. aaahhh alas, his match has been check mated.😏🤣
This is my ex's mother he is an avoidant and doesn't realize that his mom clearly lacked boundaries with him and made him responsible for her emotional well being as a baby it's so sad because he has a good heart but he's not ready to see the truth he said he doesn't need therapy and he is over his trauma which I know is BS but it's not my job to show him he goes to his mom for advice and she told him don't let no women change you while telling me she would NEVER be with a man like her son🙄 she was jealous of me and had narcissistic and borderline traits as well as a serious drug problem which was obviously a concern for me when I brought it up to my ex he basically gaslighted me and said how do I know she's on drugs it's like he didnt't want to see the truth I was heartbroken! my mom is a narcissist so I know the signs and I also decided to go to therapy but my ex has a lot of guilt and shame around truth and vaunerbility and gets offensive he told me his mom is nothing like my mom and that his child hood wasn't that bad🙄 I wish him the best and hope one day he will have enough strength to look deeper within his self he also still lives with his mom at almost 30 years old which is one of the main reasons I feel like it's hard for him to grow.. thanks for this
She was a whole thing in my world when I was 6. I started to get annoyed around 18 and that was it. Everyone thinks I m mean to my parents, not respectful and still in the rebellion phase but I just express my opinions and talk less if I don’t feel like it. If they bring up their concerns and worries which I don’t feel like talking about it, of course I talk less or avoid them. What I hate about my mom is that she self diagnoses my physical and mental health or friendship with others and create imaginary problems and worries about them constantly. My dad became somewhat more involved since I left the house and have a good relationship with him and talk to him a lot more and going on vacation with him soon. They are occupied with grandkids so not like they are lonely, so I m not worried but not sure how a single child does with a mother like that.
I had heard him in the bathroom, when the toilet was flushed to drown out his words” I cannot do this anymore!” This, I feel, goes along with the pressures of trying to maintain something that was mirroring him/mom and he couldn’t do double duty! This was a reality check/forewarning for me hearing him/this vid
In my case the Mama was the sister. And it is the worst. If I had an argument with him he would run to her and I had to resolve it with her or it was over. In hindsight I don't know I let it go on for so long. Since the first date we never had a date where she would send him texts. 🙄🙄🙄.
I feel you on this, except mine was both the mum AND the sisters (especially one sister in particular). We'd go on days out together and most of the time I'd feel like the 3rd, 4th, 5th wheel. If one of them said and/or did something I didn't like and I reacted to it, I was the crazy one and I had to apologise or resolve the situation it was never their fault. I also don't know why I let it go on 🤦
My ex is enmeshed by the mother AND his older sister too. I believe they are both narcissists. So my ex has OCD, having doubts about our relationship and worrying if I was the one etc.. So he would compulsively call his sister and mother for guidance. He admired his sister for her grand lifestyle, for what I understood she uses men to achieve that so I was worried where he got guidance from. Not healthy people. It is such a sick enmeshed family system that I realise I had no chance to win. He still called me months ago, and he joked that he left his apartment and now lives at his parents!
This creates significant problems when mama’s boy gets married and has children with that wife. Mama thinks she owns her grandchildren and can manipulate the son to go against his wife’s wishes. It is a horrible cycle with the wife and children innocently caught in the crossfire.
this was suggested to me because of I have been watching I love a mamas boy on tv is my guess lol.. While I am a woman I found you all so interesting and I love how gently you spoke the truth! Thanks for sharing
oh the side affects are real and for ever lasting. What a narcissistic MIL(mother-in-law) does impacts her sons marriage in many ways. Be better than her, smarter if you care about your marriage you must learn how to be a therapist to your husband, have the patience of a saint and the blessing of God. If your lucky nothing else is thrown in on top of all this mess like infidelity , which would make the MIL happy because no one is good enough for her son. Like she is good enough for anything , if she is that type of MIL. Mine is the silent deadly kind, not even kidding. we live less than a quarter mile from each other and I have not seen her in over a year. Christmas this year just did not happen and that was that, no explanation just that. now you see the amount of narcissist I deal with here in Austria. cold as hell people, They will treat you kind while holding their breath so to speak.
This is my brother. It makes me so mad that he won't stick up for me. My mother already has one foot soldier, my dad, and when I try to suggest change in our family dynamic (that mum can never be hurt, that mum is always right, that mum is the VICTIM of anybody's request to be heard) and when i stuck up for myself, the family turned on me and gave me the silent treatment. Turns out, I'm the man in the family............... but, i was kicked to the kerb, my family of origin doesn't need the scapegoat to be there, they can still rubbish me when i'm not in earshot. edited to add, my brother has never introduced a woman to our mum. He couldn't. he'd be too embarrassed. It'd be weird. i'd love a sister in law though. oh families.................
I think this 🤔 type of conversation alludes to rich spoiled families. However, the lower class individual who has a great mother relationship doesn't have this mindset where his mother dictates everything in his life. A male is always going to have a powerful bond with his mum unless loved by a mother. Wasn't the childhood experience. But to put it in a different perspective because I hear this term mummy's boy all the time as we love to throw labels out there, especially on men. Any person that comes out of the womb, whether it is a boy or girl, is always going to have a deeper connection to the mother. But let's turn the table on the woman and say "daddy's girl" when a woman has a problem with her relationship. Who's the first person she goes to for advice 🤔 is it the father, or is it the mother ? I'm very confident nine times out of ten is the mother. Why is it because the woman is the feminine energy that you are supposed to go to for comfort and safety. She will always be the first person you feel safe around, whether you are a baby boy or baby girl, it's not the father is it now. 🤔 double standards, right? If a boy only had his mother in his life, it simply means she is the only parent he felt safe with and the only parent he could rely on. If a woman nature is to be nurturing and caring, he or she is always going to go back to he or her mother this doesn't take away from a man's masculinity or take away from a woman femininity it's all down to lack of communication skills. A man can disagree with their mother the same way they disagree with their woman or agree either way, so to me, if we are going to us logics, it's like saying ' a man is a "girlfriend boy" now how crazy does that sound. Lol, we gotta stop using these lame terms for grown men it's ridiculous. Now, if a man is still living with his mother , living of his mother, and not contributing anything that's just called a man with no ambition or purpose and very low self of steam that ain't got nothing to do with being a mummy's boy but let me digress because I can go on. 😉
when after a big fight and I had made him breakfast, he thanked me and a few minutes later said, "I just thanked you because my mom asked to do so" 32 yo entitled prick 😂
Give the boy over to the dad like in boys in the hood. Hopefully, he’s not a mammas boy either and he’s actually around. There’s gotta be some sort of healthy male influence that takes over.
This tap dances around the issue. The issue is patriarchy. The issue of women not feeling loved, because we are NOT Loved, we are hated. With a vicious white hot burning passion. So a woman looks to love from her son. Not ideal. Not in the slightest. It needs to change. The buck stops at the patriarch.
Interesting thinking.. ask yourself this.. who are the mothers these men? Mothers who wound their sons, will create wounded men. Simple math. It doesn't matter who starts to change, it only matters that someone is conscious enough to look at and heal themselves instead of wait to be rescued by someone else.
There is a huge pay off for the son that he never had to mature like Peter Pan He can be a perpetual adolescent and continue to play with immature little girls Lol😅
As a woman or mom gets older, it is good for safety reasons for a son to live with his mom. But mom should allow her son to entertain company another woman at home. Not to be sexual but for the son and mom don't affect one another that could be damaging latter on.
I agree with the safety aspect but he doesn't necessarily have to "live" with his mother. He could always move CLOSER to her (same city, neighborhood).
It’s important for a man to love and cherish his mom, but it’s such a turn off when a man can’t set healthy boundaries with his mom or family members and protect and value his woman. How can you take the lead in your role as a husband if you can’t make decisions without mommy or need her approval before taking action. Respect for your elders doesn’t mean being a child for the rest of your life 😬
💯👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
💯💯
Yes your right indeed
This is story of my ex family in short: his dad is 60 and acts like a toddler around his mum. She has two sons and both are man child. Especially my ex, who is in his 30 and has no job spends most of his time in his room. When I act weirded out by his family (of course its sick) he said I disrespected his mother ( who in their right mind would????) i am very disgusted
Whenever someone says but in a sentence I get nervous however the whole mamas boy thing is null and void if moms deceased.
when me and my ex had the smallest concern, he would tell his Mom before addressing it with me. I immediately understood why Mother in laws would dislike their daughter in laws because it skewed their perception of his lady. He had hero complex but Mommy always had the final say. Lack of healthy boundaries
I just left an engagement also because of this reason. We argued. Didn't speak for 7weeks and then when I spoke to his mum I realised they spoke about the argument and she was aware of all his plans.
Same here. Also broke the engagement because my ex and his mother were leading my relationship. He went with her to the shop to get my engagement ring. And he wanted me to commit visiting his mother every weekend or have a justification. Did I do the right thing to leave? I’ll never know
I know this video was two 2yrs ago, but this needs to be spoken about more. This is sad, and some men and their mothers are destroying beautiful families. I am in the process of heading towards divorce, not due to an ultimatum but because I have reached my point that I can't anymore. My husband constantly let's his mom + brothers be disrespectful and so on. Lies for them, etc, just things that common sense you stick up for your spouse... exhausting, and it's just enough. It's been 10yrs 2kids later, and he sees no reason to speak up for us. I hope women can see the red flags and run from these types of men. Blessings to all 🙏
Exact same situation here. 5 years but thankfully no children that I’ll have to co parent x
Oh, and been living with the in laws. No privacy even though we got married 18 months ago. Mother lies and is meddlesome. Husband witnessed the truth but says he’ll never call his mother a liar
Same here
Mothers who are like that have a lot insecurities.
I’m in that exact situation with my mom and I see how she’s affected my romantic relationships because of her narcissistic tactics
I understand you my fiancé ex mother was like this 🙁
Cut the cord dude.
I recently got into that with an older woman. Best believe it didn't last long but I saw something I would never see about myself needing therapy
@@katysmith-n2yGet therapy & strengthen your relationship with the Lord. My ex never, couldn't disobey his mom. Couldn't do anything without her approval, including a marriage to me. He's almost 70 now. Never married and is a sex addict. Deeply unhappy and became a narc.
stand up and declare your adulthood. plain and simple. you are a grown man and need no help making a decision . stand on your own til you find your better half. better half meaning other than your mother.
I’m a mama’s boy and I’m going through therapy to learn more about myself. It’s hard but the more we all talk about it, the more free I can become and not feel guilty. Thank you
@@kimvannote5024 that happened to me what i do
Just sent my husband to therapy via the courts and my boundarys o made clear in court were anything to be discussed between me and him. About me and him and aboit our daughter is to be done in private. Not me him and his Mum discussing mine and my daughters needs. The more i put boundarys in place the more his mum clinges on. These type of mothers are evil, unhinged and do not want to do the work on themselves. My husband is 40. I cant even buy him new underwear she gets jealous. She walks in to the bathroom in her underwear when hes sitting on the toilet. Its INSANE. Id never have a relationship with another mexican man ever. As a european women its painful to be in this type of dynamic.
With my ex, I now feel like I was co-parenting him with his mother. He lived with her and visited me in my apartment. We essentially had 50/50 visitation. We both provided lodgings, amenities, resourced and he contributed nothing.
His mother had got him use to women providing for him. A big man child.
I just walked out of an engagement because of this same reason. This exact same reason.
That's why it's important men learn to break the cycle now. I'm breaking it off. If I do have sons or daughters I want them to be in a healthy home
Exactly and that old bitch keeps reminding me that I am using her "money". Such a crazy whore :)) I gave my 50 in the relationship already sometimes more than 50 and now I owe her???? Her son has nothing but his mommy that's sickk
my ex is mommy’s boy to the point where we couldn’t have “alone” time….he said he listens to his mom because the 10 commandments…honor thy mother and father…and lastly he said whatever makes his mom happy he’s happy..even if that means leave the relationship…by the way he told me “my mom knows how important you are to me..she would never break us up”
BETAAAAAA ....lol. dogded the bullet.
Girl bye! Mommy will be controlling the marriage. No thanks 😂
Not every mom's the same tho,
LOL, where's the LAUGH emoji?!?
Yeah but the Bible also says “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh…”
A good, healthy Mother wants to raise each of her children to be autonomous. Never favours one child over the other. Never triangulates her children. A good mother wants all of her children to do well in life and to get along. Good mother does not want her children to be unhealthily& dependant on her or on anyone forever. She wants her children to be self-reliant, resourceful and strong, happy, confident, capable human beings. She sets a beneficial positive example as their primary female role model.
Does not overpraise.
She respectfully shares life lessons and teaches about rules and consequences.
She respects her children's personal space. She does not rifle through their drawers, does not listen in on their phone calls , spies on their computers, and she never opens their mail. She does not ever stalk them on social media or in person. A good mother has her own life and hobbies and Friends. She never bothers her children at work and she never embarrasses them.
A good mother respect her children's privacy.
She equips them with life-skills like effective communication skills, social skills, being polite and respecting others, healthy work ethic, money management, self-grooming, food preparation, general medical and nutritional advice, taxes, empathy, compassion, kindness, charity, appreciation, general matters of the heart, she assists in educating them, she builds up their self-confidence, self-esteem, and prepares them for the outside world. Trusts her children. She knows that they are strong, capable and resilient. She makes them feel good about the world and helps them to understand the world can be a beautiful safe place & that, with the right life skills, with trial and error, adult children will be just fine. She will often be available if they require her advice or assistance.
She makes no motion to overtly play favourites with her different children. Each of her children knows, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that their mother loves them unconditionally. She wants the best for her children so she does everything she can to ensure that her children have all the survival tools they need to live happy independent lives. She builds up the confidence in her children supports whatever decisions they make even if those are not the decisions she would make for herself. She respects her children's autonomy, their choices in relationships she respects healthy boundaries and her children's own ability to self-assess and consult their romantic partners ahead of her in much life advice. She respects her children's choice in life partners and she gives advice only when consulted. She respects the privacy of her children. A good mother never feels threatened or like she was competing with a life partner of her children. Good mother never parentifies her children never lays a guilt trip or tries to manipulate with threats of self-harm. Good mother applauds when you win and builds up your self confidence. At the same time, within reason , she makes herself available when needed.
Her love is NEVER conditional. Good mother celebrates for children's individuality. She is so happy that they are become their own people with their own wonderful, separate, personalities.
A good mother knows her place & never interferes.
The kind of mother who raises a mama's boy is the opposite. She cripples her son, makes them dependant upon her. She robs him of his self-confidence and steals his masculinity and pride. She makes him feel powerless, guilty and afraid. She treats him like her indentured servant, as if he 'owes' her just for being born. She tries to make him think he's responsible for her happiness. She treats him as if he's her husband. She deploys him on missions to bully the other children in the family. Over praises him so that he never believes the praise OR he winds up a narcissist with a false sense of entitlement. That kind of mother knows what she's doing, she means to do it and she does it on purpose. She's a master manipulator. She is very very selfish. Very bad mother.
A wise son of such a mother will refuse to play her games possibly go and stay no contact. He will shield his loved ones from her (lest she spew her toxicity on them)
Wow’ I read this a few times! Very eloquently said. I felt blessed to read items and know in my heart that’s who, what and how I strive to be, but also look back on how I’ve failed in some areas and wish I would’ve been healthier. Thank you for this! It should be published in Webster’s under the definition of a good mother for current and future mothers to read. ❤
Wow! As someone who did not have a healthy mother because of mental illness. I never knew what it looks like to be a good mother and always wondered how could I possibly be a good mother. I feel blessed to have come across your comment because i always thought that is exactly how I would raise my kids. And now I know that I would be a great mother. And I feel like I could always come back to this if I forget. Thank you ❤
You just described my husband’s ‘mother’ in latter half …..thank goodness he got away
I'm 53 year old male and started the process of separating my "True Self" from my Mother a few years ago. Looking back, I see positive effects in my masculine development, self-worth/confidence, and assertiveness/boundary development. I was sad when my Mom died earlier this year, however, I was able to let her go with acceptance and gratefulness for her positive influence on my life.
I am in a situation with a mama’s boy right now. I just want to give up! He is constantly allowing his mother to interfere with our relationship and he is so emotionally dependent on her, it’s ruining us and I can’t go on anymore. I have shared this video with him. Hopefully it will give him the guidance he needs. I just can’t anymore
Nothing will change him girl.
It won't get better
Well if your going to send him this video and then post a comment like that on same video he's probably better off with his mom than you until a high value woman comes along that would give him the proper motivation to change. You go girl. No really...GO!😂
@@apex11177youre brain dead
@@apex11177Doesn't mean she's low value. She's frustrated. I'd say if he doesn't get help or make changes, she should leave. It will be worse if they marry.
9:50, men are honestly trying to be good sons, but SO many men are depressed and trapped in enmeshed, unhealthy relationships---THANK YOU! Hopefully awareness keeps spreading and more men wake up to what's going on. Guys, you CAN break away, you CAN heal, and your mama will get on her own two feet and be BETTER for it when she stops abusing you!
Repress you own feelings putting your mom feelings above your own boundaries. And she not doing her shadow work and healing her own mother wounds. 💙🦁🐺💓 Covert emotional incest happens with alot of families. It's very common. Awareness and boundaries, help you get in touch with your individuality while maintaining a healthy relationship with your mom with some distance. It's a codependency relationship. She gotta be able to take care of herself
You guys JUST hit the nail on the head just as I had stopped trying to figure him out! thank you
In the case I knew of, the mother infantilized her husband and used him as a punching bag while delegating her eldest son as a surrogate spouse. And of course, this dynamic was enabled by female family members with drug addiction. Another related book is called, “When he is married to mom.”
This mama boy crap killed my relationship. A grown ass man at 44. He ran to her every time we fought. He lived with her prior to living with me. When we broke up, she bought him his own damn home. He has zero adulting skills and it was a complete turn off. #peterpan
Sounds familiar besides the buying him a house part. It’s a big turn off. He actually got extremely mad at me and broke things in my home one day when I left due to us getting in an argument, I told him he had to leave. Guess who he ran back to his momma smh…
This was soooo INTERESTING. I honestly experienced this with my relationship with Mum.
After my ex blindsided in the breakup, he immediately went to his mum to validate all his feelings and be patted on the back for 'being so brave' and the reason I know this is because the day after he broke up with me his mum sent me a 'im so sorry this happened blah blah' message which included a bunch of information about why he felt he needed to break up with me that I didn't even know yet 🙄
I'm sorry. Mine has his mother as confidant and she gave advise as to stay single... So when he broke up with me impulsively, there were immediately texts of support from his parents and his mother offering me support.. They were in the loop, in real time, I believe now she prompted him what to tell me. Later we reconciled, after I met her for coffee, and she let me understand she knew everything about her son and that we should meet less because that was too much for him.. He finally dumped me for good. He called months ago and he lives with the parents. He'll be 40 soon.
Both these mothers wanted to present as supportive and nice, but really telling us they were the real influencer in their sons' lives. Narcissistic bitches. I'm so sad my ex doesn't wake up to the abuse.
😮
lol crazy to think this is an adult man
Thank you two..
I'm in a mamas boy marriage and it really hurts😢
My Ex husband had to tell his mother Everything. And I mean EVERYTHING! Getting a call from his mother at 10am saying she "knew what I did in that filthy bed of yours last night"; how she knows the ways I'm trying to trap her son and proceeded to call me disgusting names. Bear in mind we were married for 5 years and had a year old child. Another night, she called saying she want a bubble bath. My husband jumped out of bed and ran to run her bath, light candles, pour her wine as he stayed in the bathroom, playing guitar for her, while she bathed. He told me this like it was the most normal thing in the world. Our sex life, which was strained to begin with because his mother would call him at 10pm every night and the two would stay on the phone for over and hour, became non-existent after that. They both went to therapy to get ME out of her life. He was identified as being in an emotional/covert incestuous relationship with his mother. His mother stopped him going to therapy. He went back to live with his mother - and father. Divorce.
That's CRAZY! His mom is a witch and he's a fool. Be cautious in the future. Pray and ask God who you should be in relationship with.
That is sooo sick poor you
That’s disgusting
This is such a great informative video based on therapy and psychology, for FREE. I wish it would reach so many
some good parts of the discussion:
1. you feel like the chosen one and chosen to save mom: 5:14
2. the mom trains you that relationships drain you (since mom drained you): 6:50
3. both son and mom often think they have a great close relationship (when enmeshed): 8:55
4. son felt guilty when he asked for a few months off from talking with mom but that was ok to ask for: 15:23
5. let go of the image that you are the golden child and perfect son: 16:49
6. ok to only interact with mom a couple times a year, or to tell her you don't vibe with things, don't be afraid of conflict, it gets easier over time: 20:00
This makes so much sense. My issue was he ran to her during any argument including his serial cheating in which she said I deserved. We never had a private relationship and that's a huge turn off. All of it is toxic.
my husband is like this. when a man marries he LEAVES his parents house and Cleves to his new family , wife. He is not meant to be absent from his family to entertain his mother because she is passive controlling , suggestive manner as to hurt a marriage . That is what im dealing with. among many other things after 22 years. two faced is real , behind backs, passive manipulative behavior . I just keep calm and quiet and awesome and it usually wins in the end . she has caught on to this also. but she will never be able to undo what is already known. Ladies stay sophisticated and stronger , smarter than a passed generation. lol they cant fight that. hahah. plus it helps to have the patience of a saint.😂😇😉
My ex husband mum used to call his son (ex husband) and complain to him that he has forgotten about her since he married. She would do that while crying. I one day got very sick and he couldn't suggest I go to the hospital until his mum did. Later I had to ruuuuunnnn
When I am sick I asked him to come he told me he has to ask his mom for permission and hes 30 😂thats sickening
A mama's boy can never have a healthy relationship with a woman. Never. Because his mother is used to being the boss. She calls the shots. Always. He allows it because he is used to it. It's all he knows. When this man gets married, his wife will find out that she now has a boss. A supervisor. That boss is her husbands mother (her mother in law). Mama's boy will not be able to set boundaries with his mother. He never has. He will allow his mother to abuse his wife. He doesn't have the guts to stand up to his mother and put a stop to it. Mother competes with his wife. His wife is "competition" and must be eliminated. Mother must always be his "first girl". Mama's boys will always fail to adhere to the "leave and cleave" commandment for marriage. His mother will refuse to "release" him to his wife so they can have their own life. The marriage will always be a "triangle" between the three people. No privacy. No boundaries. The marriage will eventually fail and the mama's boy will end up in divorce court.
thank you guys, it helped me a lot
My sister has 3 boys , they are all grown with families, 6 kids between them all and never have they done this to their wives because they were raised to be MEN. They did not grow up poor nor did they grow up rich, they grew up under the right parentage . My sister would never dream of interfering in her grown sons marriage as it should be, but she is there if any , wives, sons, grandkids want to talk to her she is a rock for EVERY ONE OF THEM. That is how its meant to be. Unfortunately I married an #European and its been nothing but a mamas boy syndrome .
just one example , he will sit and blow breath like he is disgusted with life over and over again without saying a F-ing word. He makes it noticeable and on purpose , but will not say one word.!!!! he is baiting me for a fight. after 22 years of marriage I know this, a little trick he probably learned from his mother. I dont go for it anymore so he just ends up frustrated at himself or pushing it to what he wants which im more than prepared for after that many years lol, he has found himself in a no win situation. aaahhh alas, his match has been check mated.😏🤣
great video, thanks for talking about this topic!
You two are soooo smart and soooooooo brave. I love the video. Greetings from Serbia ❤️
This is my ex's mother he is an avoidant and doesn't realize that his mom clearly lacked boundaries with him and made him responsible for her emotional well being as a baby it's so sad because he has a good heart but he's not ready to see the truth he said he doesn't need therapy and he is over his trauma which I know is BS but it's not my job to show him he goes to his mom for advice and she told him don't let no women change you while telling me she would NEVER be with a man like her son🙄 she was jealous of me and had narcissistic and borderline traits as well as a serious drug problem which was obviously a concern for me when I brought it up to my ex he basically gaslighted me and said how do I know she's on drugs it's like he didnt't want to see the truth I was heartbroken! my mom is a narcissist so I know the signs and I also decided to go to therapy but my ex has a lot of guilt and shame around truth and vaunerbility and gets offensive he told me his mom is nothing like my mom and that his child hood wasn't that bad🙄 I wish him the best and hope one day he will have enough strength to look deeper within his self he also still lives with his mom at almost 30 years old which is one of the main reasons I feel like it's hard for him to grow.. thanks for this
I don't want to hear this anymore. I'm going to go watch Everybody❤️Raymond with my mom.😊😊
She was a whole thing in my world when I was 6. I started to get annoyed around 18 and that was it. Everyone thinks I m mean to my parents, not respectful and still in the rebellion phase but I just express my opinions and talk less if I don’t feel like it. If they bring up their concerns and worries which I don’t feel like talking about it, of course I talk less or avoid them. What I hate about my mom is that she self diagnoses my physical and mental health or friendship with others and create imaginary problems and worries about them constantly. My dad became somewhat more involved since I left the house and have a good relationship with him and talk to him a lot more and going on vacation with him soon. They are occupied with grandkids so not like they are lonely, so I m not worried but not sure how a single child does with a mother like that.
I had heard him in the bathroom, when the toilet was flushed to drown out his words” I cannot do this anymore!” This, I feel, goes along with the pressures of trying to maintain something that was mirroring him/mom and he couldn’t do double duty! This was a reality check/forewarning for me hearing him/this vid
In my case the Mama was the sister. And it is the worst. If I had an argument with him he would run to her and I had to resolve it with her or it was over. In hindsight I don't know I let it go on for so long. Since the first date we never had a date where she would send him texts. 🙄🙄🙄.
I feel you on this, except mine was both the mum AND the sisters (especially one sister in particular). We'd go on days out together and most of the time I'd feel like the 3rd, 4th, 5th wheel. If one of them said and/or did something I didn't like and I reacted to it, I was the crazy one and I had to apologise or resolve the situation it was never their fault. I also don't know why I let it go on 🤦
My ex is enmeshed by the mother AND his older sister too. I believe they are both narcissists. So my ex has OCD, having doubts about our relationship and worrying if I was the one etc.. So he would compulsively call his sister and mother for guidance. He admired his sister for her grand lifestyle, for what I understood she uses men to achieve that so I was worried where he got guidance from. Not healthy people. It is such a sick enmeshed family system that I realise I had no chance to win. He still called me months ago, and he joked that he left his apartment and now lives at his parents!
Chances are you are involved in a narcissist family and you need to immediately set boundaries
This creates significant problems when mama’s boy gets married and has children with that wife. Mama thinks she owns her grandchildren and can manipulate the son to go against his wife’s wishes. It is a horrible cycle with the wife and children innocently caught in the crossfire.
no music please
Yes! Hard to hear
Yes! It’s terrible!!
Co dependency & emotional baggage
this was suggested to me because of I have been watching I love a mamas boy on tv is my guess lol.. While I am a woman I found you all so interesting and I love how gently you spoke the truth! Thanks for sharing
oh the side affects are real and for ever lasting. What a narcissistic MIL(mother-in-law) does impacts her sons marriage in many ways. Be better than her, smarter if you care about your marriage you must learn how to be a therapist to your husband, have the patience of a saint and the blessing of God. If your lucky nothing else is thrown in on top of all this mess like infidelity , which would make the MIL happy because no one is good enough for her son. Like she is good enough for anything , if she is that type of MIL. Mine is the silent deadly kind, not even kidding. we live less than a quarter mile from each other and I have not seen her in over a year. Christmas this year just did not happen and that was that, no explanation just that. now you see the amount of narcissist I deal with here in Austria. cold as hell people, They will treat you kind while holding their breath so to speak.
This is my brother. It makes me so mad that he won't stick up for me. My mother already has one foot soldier, my dad, and when I try to suggest change in our family dynamic (that mum can never be hurt, that mum is always right, that mum is the VICTIM of anybody's request to be heard) and when i stuck up for myself, the family turned on me and gave me the silent treatment. Turns out, I'm the man in the family............... but, i was kicked to the kerb, my family of origin doesn't need the scapegoat to be there, they can still rubbish me when i'm not in earshot. edited to add, my brother has never introduced a woman to our mum. He couldn't. he'd be too embarrassed. It'd be weird. i'd love a sister in law though. oh families.................
I think this 🤔 type of conversation alludes to rich spoiled families. However, the lower class individual who has a great mother relationship doesn't have this mindset where his mother dictates everything in his life. A male is always going to have a powerful bond with his mum unless loved by a mother. Wasn't the childhood experience. But to put it in a different perspective because I hear this term mummy's boy all the time as we love to throw labels out there, especially on men. Any person that comes out of the womb, whether it is a boy or girl, is always going to have a deeper connection to the mother. But let's turn the table on the woman and say "daddy's girl" when a woman has a problem with her relationship. Who's the first person she goes to for advice 🤔 is it the father, or is it the mother ? I'm very confident nine times out of ten is the mother. Why is it because the woman is the feminine energy that you are supposed to go to for comfort and safety. She will always be the first person you feel safe around, whether you are a baby boy or baby girl, it's not the father is it now. 🤔 double standards, right? If a boy only had his mother in his life, it simply means she is the only parent he felt safe with and the only parent he could rely on. If a woman nature is to be nurturing and caring, he or she is always going to go back to he or her mother this doesn't take away from a man's masculinity or take away from a woman femininity it's all down to lack of communication skills. A man can disagree with their mother the same way they disagree with their woman or agree either way, so to me, if we are going to us logics, it's like saying ' a man is a "girlfriend boy" now how crazy does that sound. Lol, we gotta stop using these lame terms for grown men it's ridiculous. Now, if a man is still living with his mother , living of his mother, and not contributing anything that's just called a man with no ambition or purpose and very low self of steam that ain't got nothing to do with being a mummy's boy but let me digress because I can go on. 😉
What dose it mean when your son feels this way and you are not that kind of mother
when after a big fight and I had made him breakfast, he thanked me and a few minutes later said, "I just thanked you because my mom asked to do so" 32 yo entitled prick 😂
Give the boy over to the dad like in boys in the hood. Hopefully, he’s not a mammas boy either and he’s actually around. There’s gotta be some sort of healthy male influence that takes over.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with Mama's Boys! My Joey Jr worships me!
This is so rage bait 😂
@@amydelgado1796 perhaps ;)
I can't focus on the talk because of the music 😢
It's always too late guys sorry.
background music is very distracting! Good video though!
This tap dances around the issue. The issue is patriarchy. The issue of women not feeling loved, because we are NOT Loved, we are hated. With a vicious white hot burning passion. So a woman looks to love from her son.
Not ideal. Not in the slightest. It needs to change. The buck stops at the patriarch.
Interesting thinking.. ask yourself this.. who are the mothers these men? Mothers who wound their sons, will create wounded men. Simple math.
It doesn't matter who starts to change, it only matters that someone is conscious enough to look at and heal themselves instead of wait to be rescued by someone else.
I can not hear because of musik
Music isn't good in background
Not every mom's the same tho,,
This one!
What about the 50/50 I think that men like that are not in their masculine energy since they dont seem to take the lead
These make me angry you are saying truth 😡 and i wand abandonment for long time
There is a huge pay off for the son that he never had to mature like Peter Pan
He can be a perpetual adolescent and continue to play with immature little girls
Lol😅
Berm through it. Awful
As a woman or mom gets older, it is good for safety reasons for a son to live with his mom. But mom should allow her son to entertain company another woman at home. Not to be sexual but for the son and mom don't affect one another that could be damaging latter on.
I agree with the safety aspect but he doesn't necessarily have to "live" with his mother. He could always move CLOSER to her (same city, neighborhood).
Not really why would a son live with the mother ever
This sounds weird and creepy. Live with his mom but she allows him to have female company?? That is a teenager, not an adult man!!
WEIRD AF!
@@ziggypip2938lol
CAP