How to BE A MAN: essential and performative masculinity
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- Опубліковано 7 чер 2023
- There is a contemporary crisis in masculinity. Whereas 100 years ago, everyone seemed to take it for granted what it meant to be a man, today the topic is rife with dissention and speculation. Unfortunately, much of the advice men hear today pertains to what I call "performative masculinity": a suite of behaviors that can be learned to communicate masculinity socially. While there is nothing wrong with this, such advice fails to cut to the heart of the matter. In today's episode, I discuss the two attributes of "essential masculinity".
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #men #masculinity
There is a contemporary crisis in masculinity. Whereas 100 years ago, everyone seemed to take it for granted what it meant to be a man, today the topic is rife with dissention and speculation. Unfortunately, much of the advice men hear today pertains to what I call "performative masculinity": a suite of behaviors that can be learned to communicate masculinity socially. While there is nothing wrong with this, such advice fails to cut to the heart of the matter. In today's episode, I discuss the two attributes of "essential masculinity".
Social Media
Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/
Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks
Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993
Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:
ua-cam.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin
Book a paid consultation:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations
Sponsor an episode:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode
Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #men #masculinity
I am sure some asked the question but it was phrased differently. Also, it is easy to say "I am conventional therefore I am fulfill the definition."
Doctor orian stop fooling your self bro, when the society falls, people like you will too. You don't have what it takes to exist in a world without laws
What a joke, tired of hearing this nerd sh*t all the time
What a fkin joke
Gd I can't even listen to this sh*t
Having a spine = the courage to say "No."
Having balls = the courage to say "Yes."
I see it as testifying to objective truth rather than merely expressing subjective preferences, and laying down and adhering to law - your own law that aligns with the truth, no matter the cost. In other words: truth before face (having spine) and principled actions (having balls) regardless of the cost.
Interesting simplification. I could agree (in most cases)
Having a brain= the courage to know the difference
It gets difficult, when these 2 are in combat with each other. I think it is always important to look at what are you scared of but doing it, would indicate having balls. For example, if you're scared of talking to a girl, you find attractive, then you should approach her BUT if somebody tells you to talk to a girl, you find attractive and you're not feeling it that day, than you show your spine by saying no.
you said a whole lot of nothing pal @@filthycasual9381
"suffer the risk of being somebody" is a great phrase
And what if you don’t make the grade? I see the risk isn’t worth the reward.
@@Cyber-JOC The grade is not the focus. Look further than that!
I failed, still do, but redo! Have courage!
I am not anymore the one I was when I didn't suffer the risk of being somebody. I am more now, and more the more I do. That's the reward of the risk of being somebody .
@@Cyber-JOCyou will falter here and there. That's part of it.
Menn are fine the way they are. They really haven't changd. Its postmodernn womn who are deeeply flawd and need correcttion.
@@Cyber-JOC stay weak
I just asked a girl I liked from my favourite coffeebar if she wanted to go grab a drink, got rejected but it felt enourmously freeing! I stood up for what I believed in and rejection is part of life. I'm not going to die from it so why not bother the risk. I'm growing more balls and whatever is meant for me will come, but you got to be willing to make the first move.
How many balls have you grown now?
congrats bro
@@raven4140 Ive personnaly grown 12588545 balls toward my bro's because I helped them being more manly as the brain of the group 😎 now they all have spines and balls for life were very proud
@@raven4140 🤣🤣
Congrats to you man, why is this shit impossible tho 😭
Outstanding video. YEAH!
My Dad was the manliest man and most courageous man I knew. He fought as a Guerilla in WW2 in the jungles of the Philippines. He was afraid in combat, but courage is doing the right thing even if you are afraid.
I remember many nights when I heard him screaming in his sleep from a nightmare. Once I told him I heard him screaming, and asked him what his nightmare was about. He said he was reliving what it was like to be shelled by artillery. He survived, he endured, and didn't retreat even though he was scared. He fought for what he believed in.
Once a certain other man was harassing a certain woman, and Dad, unarmed intervened to protect the woman and said, "you'll have to kill me first to get to her". The would-be assailant backed down. The woman Dad rescued eventually became his wife and then my mother.
RIP dad. I love you and miss you...
I met a Philippine Scout. He was old when I met him. He was about 5 feet tall but one big man. He was fearless, polite, clean as a farmer can be. I wish I could have gotten to know him better. We saw each other now and then but we were both working so we just nodded in recognition and kept going.
Your dad is the man of man!
I’m sorry your dad went through that. Having awful PTSD because a capitalist government sent you to terrorize a weaker nation is an awful lot in life. God rest his soul and I pray we never send a never soldier abroad again.
W dad
the word for me is "responsibility". a man takes responsibility for himself and once he does that he can extend that circle further and further
Facts. A man’s ability to respond to a situation is directly tied to having a spine and being ballsy.
Women are so by default, women live life on easy mode.
kinda true, but to me it became kind of a buzzword, it keeps getting thrown around carelessly
@@forgottenfuryan if they're attractive
"Physician, heal thyself" - Ancient proverb
Being a man is about knowing yourself, knowing what you want out of life, and having the willpower and determination to achieve this.
No guarantees there.
And above all being genuine man and not a smiling nice guy that talks way too much.
@@tongobong1 Right, so you're saying be Clint Eastwood or John Wayne? That's a tall order!
@@tancreddehauteville764 yes if a man is genuine then he resembles Clint or John and women love him.
& Doing it.
Having a spine: standing up for what you believe in and your mission
Having a pair of balls: willing to achieve your purpose no matter what others think
Thank you
Well said. I'll add that a lot of what helps us to be men is a healthy level of testosterone. Which means we need to sleep well, exercise, lower our stress, and avoid chemicals that can disrupt our hormones (such as in plastics). It's something we need to take seriously since our testosterone levels have dropped a whopping 50% from our forefathers.
Dairy is filled with mammalian compatible estrogen, so you might want to avoid that too. The more you know.
Couldn't agree more. Having healthy T levels makes this more achievable
Yes! Ever since increasing my testosterone with diet and supplements I've noticed I have started behaving very differently. People who are very used to me being a yes man and never saying no are shocked when I say no to their uncomfortable requests or demands with a serious face. I always used to smile nervously and comply. None of this happened because I watched Psych hack videos or anything like that.
Your messages are so clear and concise. So many people out there need your messages.
Thanks for the love, Daniel. All the best.
@@DB-sd3cw bruh
@@DB-sd3cw bruh your'e nobody man
@@DB-sd3cw Cringe
@@DB-sd3cw Facts. while we're giving out 100s...😆
'Most of the things in your head were put there by other people and a lot of that stuff is garbage'; straight up. I love the way this guy puts things across so clearly.
The trick is keeping what's good and removing the years of garbage that we've been fed.
how do we know this guy is not putting garbage to us, the same as other guys or sources before him?
Best answer I've heard so far from someone on the internet. No tough guy shit, no social contruct nonsense, no alpha male garbage. A spine and some balls.
I'll use that to help construct my opinion on what a man/masculinity is in the future. I guess what im looking for is what makes masculinity unique to males and what makes femininity unique to females.
As a man that was raised mostly by a single mom and was very feminine for many years and has now grown a lot to be a strong man. I could have not come up with a better definition. Thank you for your input Doc.
Same here. I often tell single mothers that most dont know what they put their sons through by being a single mom.
I have huge respect for men who have had to build themselves up without a father figure. I've been around my mother and sisters all my childhood, but it has made me more masculine because I've been more protective towards them and strengthened myself, taking responsibilities to save them the trouble. But this may be because I did have a father (though spent most of the time away at work) but gave me an example, an archetype for masculinity.
This resonates profoundly with me. I grew up taken care of by my mother and grandmother. No father figure whatsoever. I believe they tried, but there was never any discomfort in their efforts, so I grew up 'weak'. I know now that now. But being 44, and knowing tbat I'm not really a 44 year old man, yet, has been a such a challenge. Every day is a struggle, I wake up and try to climb that mountain. One day I'll reach my goal, for now discipline helps, if nothing else. Thanks Doc, and thanks @Tech Sir. Good luck to all here on such a journey.
You have less of an idea than this guy then.
@@watamutha same here brother. Its hard to find sources on what we can do become to better.
There used to be a book “Real men don’t eat quiche”. My wife makes an excellent quiche, and I enjoy it. I always wanted to write a colliery, “Real men don’t let other people tell them what to eat.”
Cool story bro but do me a favor and don't say quiche. It looks like a dirty word in French. Almost onomatopoeic.
@@sethbrolsma516 well, I already know some dirty words in French. Baby seal for example..
@@Guildofarcanelore 👁👃👁 touche
@@sethbrolsma516 merci, Mon ami. Bon soir
Except their wives. That's a given.
Thanks for clearly articulating an answer to the question "what is a man"
It is my believe that most adults (male or female) instinctively know what is a man
although it is vague and they are unable to adequately describe it with words
Your explanation helps them specifically identify what a man is
When you stand up for yourself the initial moment is fear. But it quickly becomes so much better the moment it is known to everyone that you're not tolerating it. It's a muscle that needs to be developed just like any other muscle but you'll feel so much better when you finally do stand up for yourself.
Agreed. Courage and not backing down is definitely something to be learned and isn't inherent, it's a choice
@@Automotib Wrong. It is genetic and it all boils down to how much prenatal exposure of testosterone you had in your mommy's womb, and of course, also pubertal T with a healthy environment with healthy development, the perfect combo. Low neuroticism is not something you become but just simply ARE. Free will copers, keep coping.
@@marcelobasilio2028 🤓🤓🤓
@@marcelobasilio2028 wrong again, blasting testosterone can correct this
Agreed. We could add that the first time you standup, it might feel like you are just a cartboard in a wind. And that can be scary. But over the years, you can become a mountain that nothing will move.
In the era of women, being a strong man is even more necessary 💪.
Marriage, sex and childbirth rates are at all time lows. My strength is my own.
Two things to be a man, spine and balls:
1. Spine:
It is always simple to fall; there are an infinity of angles at which one falls, only one at which one stands. (G.K. Chesterton)
2. Balls:
Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point. (C.S. Lewis)
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
00:00 🧔 Masculinity is a complex topic, and many definitions are linked to performative behaviors that change over time.
01:08 🎯 Many answers about how to be a man focus on performative behaviors like having a beard, playing sports, etc.
02:42 💪 Being a man is simple: you need a backbone and courage to defend your beliefs and values.
04:06 🌟 Having a backbone also helps define your position in the world and attracts opposing opinions.
06:26 🏆 Having courage (a figurative pair) means being willing to take risks in the name of your beliefs and values.
07:23 🤝 Respect is often earned by those who stand up for their beliefs, regardless of the approval of others. It is not gained by trying to please everyone.
08:32 🙌 Having a backbone and courage is essential to be considered a man, regardless of other masculinity stereotypes.
Made with HARPA AI
AI generated
@@liljzz8621 so? Yea
you really needed AI for a 10 min video?
@@henriquehc8657 so link my nuts
"This is why we respect people who stand up for right, despite the personal risk" it's big true. I'll tell you something if you are young - DO NOT EVER BE SCARED OF CONFLICT WITH SOMEONE.
When i was 19 and went to first job i was agreeable and nice boy, always helping people because i was scared this person won't like me if i say no. When you helping people all the time they expect you are gonna help them all the time. You know what's happened when i said "sorry, not now i don't have time"?. The response was: WHAAAAT?! WHY U WON'T HELP ME? and this person start to backstabbing me. Listen this guy little boys, stand tall and have balls. It's really hard at the beginning to say "no" but trust me, the more you say "no" the more people respect you. Don't be even scared to lose friends, if you have "friend" who even sometimes makes funny of you and crosses your borders, don't be scared and just quit this relation.
Things like gym or martial arts are just accessories for being confident. In workplace even if someone is 2x bigger than you he can't hurt you. Don't be scared guys. If you are scared to conflict someone, just ask yourself at first place "is this person can hurt me?". Even if you gonna be fired from work, life goes on and you are still alive.
Live YOUR OWN life not your mother/dad/friends life, don't ask for permission, don't listen orders, don't think "oh whats my parrents gonna think if i will do it", take life in your own hands and decide about it by YOURSELF.
My own family all the time trying to change me and telling "Why you doing this and this. Why you doing so much risk. Get safe job and don't change anything", listen it's my life and i don't give a shit, my life my consequences
Women are infinitely more valuable than men, to the point of absurdity due to the reproductive bottleneck.
Perfectly said
"When you are helping people all the time they expect you are gonna help them all the time." Yup. I had a Business Law Professor who would share .. "guidance" now and then. One tidbit was DO NOT do "110 percent" when first starting a new job. If *you* set your performance THAT high, then when you want to throttle it down to "normal," IT WILL APPEAR as if you are slacking off.
@@M0viLover
Story of my life. I just want to try hard, coach! 🥺
You do need a good sense of a persons emotional capacity to deal with the uncertainty and perception of imperfect control. Like if they can not regulate enough to cause their fight or flight reflex to calm down and allow their frontal lobe to take over, no matter what you do (limit you try 10 different things) if it dosent work, at a certain point your just being a codependent fixer and trying to fix something out of a need for desperation. Some peoples nervous systems are just not very capable of calm reasonable thought.
Simply amazing how far society has fallen
Whenever I find myself having these thoughts, I rephrase the question: in which society would I rather live? If the answer is India or Argentina, then I set my intention to visit India or Argentina.
Signs “the west” is crumbling are everywhere, but in reality “the west” has been crumbling for a long time. Read Dickens. Other societies have their soft underbellies too. Corruption tends to be a lot worse most other places, whereas US corruption is more focused in Washington and in large financial centers.
Orion is advocating for men to stand up and cast more of a shadow. That is where we should be focusing, not looking so much at a glorious past that may never have been.
You don’t gotta be so cynical bro.. times have just changed really fast and humans are playing catch up that’s all
I am at the point of sitting back with my popcorn and watching it burn - totally detached from it. I was watching a podcast and a 23 year old girl was trying to destigmatize herpes, or any sexually transmitted disease. Her argument was that sex workers (girls on onlyfans) are tested for STDs far more regularly than the general public and are therefor healthier and cleaner. In her mind, she is cleaner and healthier than a loyal couple that has been married and exclusive for 10 years, that has not been tested. What do we destigmatize after herpes? herione? murder? I show my 85 year old mother a video of a biological boy that thinks he is a woman playing full contact rugby against girls and injuring 3 of them in one match. I can't convince her this is real. She thinks it is people playing pranks. I wish she was right.
@@whocarescrapsa Which city are we living in now... Sodom or Gonorrhea?
@@whocarescrapsa maybe talk to a professional about that and get the weight off your shoulders, therapy is powerful
You want to be a man?
Have a spine and have a pair as he said.
However, you also need to take responsibility for your actions and over yourself as a whole. You need to set a list of goals and have the determination, resilience, and willpower to achieve them and stick to it! It doesn’t matter if you served in the military, cut wood for a living, have a physically strenuous job, or play sports. Looks don’t matter either - it doesn’t matter if you don’t have a nicely groomed/trimmed beard. It doesn’t matter if you physically look intimidating, wear flannels constantly with jeans and boots on - none of that matters. It’s all fake “masculinity”. I suffered from all of this… all throughout school, I played football, wrestled, took martial arts, played baseball, constantly spent hours in the gym every single day, and helped work around the house and learned everything I could in relation to woodworking, plumbing, electrical, etc. As soon as I turned 17, I joined the Army as an infantryman because I thought that that was the “manly” thing to do. I deployed, saw combat, and lost friends… I did 6 years active, and 4 years in the guard. As soon as I got off active, I became a firefighter - I was a firefighter for 6 years before inflation and whatnot. I wasn’t happy - I literally did all of this so I can be deemed as a “man”. I knew I needed a change, while still being a man. So what did I do? I decided to go to school and learn software engineering. Why? Because I finally wanted to do what made me happy! I finally learned what it meant to be a man! If you’re single, have a spine, take responsibility, and have a pair. If you’re married, do all of this whilst also providing for your family. I was tired of living check to check because my salary as a firefighter and my wife’s salary as a teacher wasn’t paying the bills. I am now a software engineer making more money than I know what to do with, I’m happy, and I still feel like a man… possess these traits, and you’ll be more of a “man” than most people… 💪🏼
Good stuff that can also be applied to woman - standing up for who you are and what u believe in is universal.
Also there are many people who have this level of confidence but just go around hurting people which is not being a man. A true man will make the world a better place around them because they have a bigger heart than just caring for themselves. They add to their Strength Qualities that build people, build families, build societies and they fight for what is true and right !
"A man that has nothing to lose is a dangerous man": I think this sentence is important, because a real man doesn't need family, friends, career, money or else to be himself. This is what we have to learn: not to be too attached to people and things
WRONG. Plenty of "real men" need their children as motivation to continue to put forth the effort required to "have a spine" and "have a pair of balls". If their children died, they would suffer greatly and have no motivation. Acknowledging that they need these things, and not caring what others think about them needing them, fits the definition of "being a man" as outlined by the video. All people need something, and it is not your place to judge what others need, as then they can judge what you need as making YOU "not a real man".
Such a concise, simple, yet eloquently explained concept. This is an essential message that every boy and man needs to hear!
Women have unconditional value, like children and pets.
@@firestick4991
I speak of reproductive bottlenecks
Intrinsic or inherent value would be a better description than unconditional.
Vyou have to be able to take someones life and hold a baby within the same day
Hardest part for me is dealing with boredom and loneliness. I could be fulfilling all of my responsibilities, meeting my goals, etc. But it's all just so boring and lonely. Even as a married man I get lonely in my marriage. Once you have kids your relationship with your wife essentially ends. You just become a glorified atm and taxi. It's gets old real fast. Objectively I have a good life and I'm a good dude. I just get bored and lonely. I get tired of it all.
Me too. Same boat. A lot of other girls start looking really good...but alas. Married
take your wife on a date.
Get a divorce I guess. A good marriage should be fun
I’m not in your boat but it reminded me of a book I read about once a year.
John Eldredge- Wild At Heart
Give it a shot. Good luck, good dude.
So spend time with your children. Form a bond. I never understood why some men think being a father is just being a glorified atm.
To hear that being put so eloquently is a treat. Thank you for your content. Keep it coming.
This is one of the best videos I’ve ever watched. Short and concise.
agreed. this is exactly what having boundaries in a relationship are about. if you don't set boundaries and also enforce them, you will get walked on, used, and disrespected.
That just inspired me not to hide my true self anymore. I am a woman!
LOL you grew a pair
😂😂
When women don't need to do anything but hit puberty to be women.
😂😂😂 u crazy lol
@@forgottenfuryan love boxxx
Fantastic. Knowing who you are, what is right, and standing up for it.
As I listen to you, I can't escape the opinion that much of the problem derives from parents not teaching the right things to their children in the developmental years. My parents hammered ethics, telling the truth, right from wrong, taking responsibility and learning critical thinking skills into me at at an early age. I definitely strayed from that ideal, but those early years gave me a compass to find my way back, not perfect by any means, but I always knew which way to go.
Admitting you're wrong quickly and fixing what led you to it without whining or emotion. Not being afraid of confrontation but almost never initiating it. Not being afraid of emotion but almost never expressing it outside of very narrow circumstances. Not being afraid or incapable of leading but not assuming you always have to lead and being just as capable of being a good soldier under someone else's leadership. Being honest.
Thanks! You are a true asset to mankind. Please continue to inspire and provoke thought.
You are truly needed and thank you for showing up.🙏🏾
I've watched three videos of yours from yesterday till now, it's a rare case that I give thumbs up let alone do it three times in a row. You just say very logical and sane things.
Perhaps THE most important and fundamental of all. Appreciate and thank you.
Thank you so much!! You are literally re-opening the world of relationships with women for me! Please keep on doing what you are doing!🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I found this video without looking for it and I surprisingly gave me very good feelings while watching it. I agree with you and I find very helpful to support my thoughts with someone like you. Your words/ideas/message gives me confidence to reaffirm the new concept of a man and motivates me to become one. You are a source of inspiration. Thank you!
This is one of the coolest and most honest channels I’ve come across. You’re real, sir. Keep it up! You have my support
I love your channel! It give an honest, straightforward advice and celebration for men. Love that you give women straight up advice too
Great stuff. I'm 28 and learning this the hard way at the moment. It's taking a lot of effort, but I think it's starting to pay off.
you have to be able to take someones life and hold a baby within the same day
@@RR-et6zp LMAO How many people have you met outside of prison have taken a person's life? Not everyone is permitted to join the military ( I was excluded because of a birth defect), and of the many who have, how many were in a position to fire a gun and an enemy?
you're insane @@inconnu4961
@@inconnu4961 It's about the principle of it. Be willing to sacrifice safety for justice, to protect those you love. At the same time, to have the ability to show gentleness and nurture your children, tenderness to your wife.
He wrote 'be able to'. Not 'required to'.
READ.@@inconnu4961
You're the man doc! Been watching a bunch of your videos. You articulate clarity which provides a not only a deep sense of understanding, but gives strength and support in this sometimes...crazy modern world. Thank you very much and keep up the great work. -Ben
what currency is that bro?
@@tastydumpling9909 israel shekels
it's shekel, he just donated around 70$@@tastydumpling9909
מקצוען
I'm so glad I found your page today. Incredibly valuable. Thank you.
Excellent presentation!
Your video reaches out to a lot of people.I married a man, pHd but he did not know who to be a father.
He spend decades not being able to love his kids.
Thank you for being explicit about expressing mans beliefs above all.
God Bless.
Great video. Some qualities that come to mind are responsibility, ability to stand up for what you believe in, ambition, duty etc. Self knowledge and just knowledge in general is imperative.
I remember watching the movie Hoodlum when I was 11 years old in the movie theater with my parents and there is one scene I will never forget. There’s a Spanish dude in a white suit who is upset at a Boss. He walks into his office pissed and talking sh*t. Before he gets shot, he’s telling the Boss he has big balls, bigger balls than his. After the Boss shoots and kills him, someone whispers “Big balls, no brains!”
As a Man you need a spine to stand up for yourself and when conflict can’t be avoided, the balls to defend yourself.
This is the alpha and omega on masculinity for me. Thank you.
THIS is so true thst there are some women that are more men than most men would ever be...
Dr Orion thanks for this. I was already doing this and dealing with the consequences at work. Thanks for verbalizing what it is!! Bless u bro
I’m thankful every day for the moments i stood my ground to defend my values while being coerced to act otherwise.
Isolated moments that could lead to a lifetime of pride or regret.
You rocked it doc! I'm 75 now, and I've heard no better definition. I call it willing to stand tall in the pocket, and knowing the hit is coming, as in football... bravo!
you put what many of us felt deep down into words. now that we see the formula it will be alot easier to move towards male excellence. every man should see this.
Shadow in proportion to your beliefs is a deep insight I hadn’t considered. Thanks doc you’re one of the heroes for men today
Orion, you’re a legend! So profoundly delivered
I listened to this video months ago, and it still sticks with me. Just want to say thanks.
Thanks for sharing this video Doc. So many boys and men could benefit from your words
I belive your definition is really good, short, understandable and just true.
I expirienced it the same way growing up, standing up for my self and the things I belive in (mostly my own sense of justice) always earned me respect even though I also had more than one conflict in which it got physical. Most of the time these "fights" didn't even have a "winner" or I might have sometimes been the "loser" but I feel like I never "lost" something. My peers just respected me for having a spine and balls.
Thank you for posting this. I like it a lot. I’m learning to be a man from real men and old traditional men. Most Young men within my generation are not giving of helpful information to be a real men but hoarders of their fathers advice with an unwillingness to share the information with other men who lacked a father in the house.
Thank you for the clear and straightforward explanation.
I have a couple of brothers who are hurting. Much appreciated for these takes.
Thanks for bringing this up. It's society's toxic views on what "makes" a man (i.e., aggressive conquerer) that causes men to question themselves and their values, and vice versa for women. Values are key. Women like men who are secure in themselves, their values, and their place in the world, and standing up for them, over some insecure, aggressive, controlling loudmouth misogynist overly self-conscious about defending his "manhood." Men can be sensitive and strong at the same time. It all comes down to values and sticking to one's guns.
I love how nearly all of the "how to act like a man" list you gave started with "Learn to..."
Just abbreviate it..... "How to be a man? Constantly seek to improve yourself."
Women are automatically valuable
you have to be able to take someones life and hold a baby within the same day
I think this is the answer I found that like the most on the internet. A lot come with a prescription of role or faith (serve, do this, say that, look like this, have that) but this is pretty open and straightforward.
That‘s exaxtly what I am struggling with. You put it right, when you said that we need to show the world who we truly are, show them the man we really want to be and support as our best version - regardless of reactions, mummy-love or attention. Great!
Well put! Its having standards and convictions that are unwavering in regards to one's own morality of whats right and wrong and sticking with it. The tree whose roots are deeply entrenched and unmovable no matter the storms that come. Its knowing other people's opinions of you are irrelevant and especially when they go against your belief in whats right and wrong, true or false. Simply put, it's being resolute in the ethics of one's beliefs, at the potential loss of career, family, friends.
Dr. Orion, thank you for distilling masculinity down to its essence. Makes me think of derivations from first principles, as well as finding necessary and sufficient conditions for a property to hold. I will steal and use it from now on. It feels like something all fathers should teach their boys at some point.
This was the best video I've ever seen on the topic.
It gave me peace of mind, because I realized that I already have everything I need.
Growing up without a father's presence is not easy, we end up looking for this guidance elsewhere, thankfully we have professionals like you.
Greetings from Brazil.
You have no idea how eye opening this was
I usually avoid talk of what a “man is”, but this made a lot of sense. While watching this video, I immediately knew which parts of my life I had been avoiding (not having balls). It’s strange how we can seek help as if we don’t know how to fix our lives, but the answers are so obvious like we knew all along. Great video!
Thank you Sir I definitely needed this. In a constant world of crippling bullshit and a lot of consumption sometimes it is difficult to see why so many of us Men are lost. Being 20 and growing up without a father has made it difficult but it’s also has made it great. It’s made me reliable and as well conscious of my own actions. There is a lot of stigmatism when it comes to what it means to be a man or the definition of “ be a Man “ I fully agree with what you said. A lot of men or “boys” will say that being a man means you have to get big fuck your feelings and stop giving a shit. While physical strength is great for both mental and physical it’s not everything. It’s very important to be aware of how all these little connotations affect us psychologically. I do believe in controlling your emotions. Men that control their emotions are stoic. I’m not saying keep everything bottled in although if you think before you make a decision and don’t let your emotions get the best of you it will always result in better outcomes for you rather than acting on impulse or on the feelings of yourself or the pressure out on by others. We live in a world of centralization on social media and doing what we feel like doing not what we have to do. A world were we are never bored because we always have our phones and screens to keep us idiotized. In order to be a man, it’s not about just about knowing how to change a tire or knowing how to fight and this and that ect. It’s about standing up for what right and the truth. I don’t want to bring religion into this because everyone has their own opinion but as a man of God it’s important to trust God and know there is a purpose for each and every one of us men. I just turned 20 this July. 5 years ago my buddys and I from swimming class were playing Fortnite and starting highschool laughing and talking about our small problems now most of them are in college, moved out, having a kid and moving on with their lives. My only advice gentleman is always look forward and be grateful. Work hard and stay disciplined and last but not least like David Goggins said a quote that’s stuck with me all these years “ DONT GET POISONED BY BULLSHIT “ Take care y’all. One last thing if you are having problems mentally remember we are men but we are also human there is always a way out and talking to someone is always the answer rather than acting on impulse and making a stupid decision that will ruin your life and the life of others.
straight to the core. I need hearing this to remind myself, Why i am doing all of this and why I need to do it. Thank you, Sir, whats a man.
Well said Doc, couldn't agree more, shared in my red pill space, thank you.
The German philospher Ernst Bloch, writer of the "Principle of Hope" made the concept "aufrechter Gang" central in his life-work (many possible translations, like: walk with one's head held up high, having a backbone, not bending, being unafraid). He chose this as the central concept of a value-based, unscared existence and the spine of his philosophy, his view of the world's and the human potential.
These virtues mentioned by Dr Taraban, are absolutely essential for being masculine, but they are not excludingly masculine traits, many feminine women have them, too, and indeed, figuratively it takes some balls to be a feminine woman. Look around. Women have stood their ground in so many important issues about motherhood, children's rights, civil rights, organization for peace and equality. And also having guts privately against players and seducers, especially when they are higher up in a hierarchy. Women have stood up for their sons, too, for example against military oppression, as well as for labor unions, voters' rights, environmental protection, animal protection, in education, etc, in many movements that require courage. Women have stood up for feminine values and for humane values really valiantly throughout history - not as the only ones, but together with male comrades, or against some powerful men opposing such values, for example fascist movements.
To be *biologically* a male, you need XY chromosomes, and to be *manly* you need to be adult and all the things Dr Taraban mentions, i e encompass classical manly values and virtues. In some societies a man would write sentimental poems and cry with his friends, learn Greek and Latin and even Persian as foreign languages; in others he would be the first to sacrifice himself (saving women and children first); in others he would wear fancy dress and strutt in wigs and lace like a peacock, which is not manly in westerns societies now, but was so once, historically, not so long ago.
A certain degree of adaptation to the norms in their contemporary society and a certain guts to oppose these norms, are healthy manly traits, according to my social-psychological perspective. Men like Viktor Frankl, Erich Fromm, JRR Tolkien, Joseph Campbell, Harry Belafonte, Wendell Berry, Jordan Peterson, Glenn Kirschner, are a few examples of such men. There are millions of them, famous or not, and women tend to call them "good men" or "real men". And they need not at all look like the caricature in the thumbnail picture in today's video.
Great, but short, novels to read about men with spine and balls, are Nevil Shute's "Trustee from the Toolroom", Anthony Trollope's "The Warden" (two great manly characters), and "My Father's Glory" by Marcel Pagnol, which all show that you dont' get a spine and balls just by being born biologically a man, it is a process.
Its good to mention that courage is basically a trait that is healthy for both men and women to have. It definitely makes us all more attractive and just happier within ourselves. Granted, it makes men more attractive in a different sort of way, so I get your point here. This explanation is just vague, so its open to many interpretations that you didn't intend.
Women are celebrated for cowardice because they're much more valuable to society, men are conditioned to be disposable.
Loved this simple definition of masculinity and it makes total sense.
Despite being wrong you’d be able to stand your ground.
I always resounded with the poem "If" bu Rudyard Kipling in this context:
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream-and not make dreams your master;
If you can think-and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings-nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And-which is more-you’ll be a Man, my son!
I'm 22 years old. And this video spoke greatly to me. I appreciate your commitment to serve and to share useful wisdom. I'll be coming back again and again to watch more of your videos. Thanks for being real.
This was amazing and much needed. Well said, thank you!
This is so powerful... thank you for posting
Was happy to see where this led, as I wasn’t very hopeful from the beginning but happy I stuck around as this is good advice.
This channel deserves way more attention. Thank you Dr. Taraban for sharing your wisdom with us!
you have to be able to take someones life and hold a baby within the same day
This channel is pure gold. You should have far more views and subscribers.
Thanks! Good stuff! Great to see you on the whatever podcast. Hopefully you can make the rounds on other podcasts and channels to share your insights with a range of audiences. Recurring on whatever would be amazing.
Thanks for the love, Nosmada. Your support is appreciated.
Oh wait he was? I gotta look it up! Thanks mate 👍
Show your true colors and walk away from trouble when you can.
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I've been worried about the performance so much that I don't even know what I believe. I need to find the right questions to figure out my answers to!
Loved this video!!! Truth! Having balls is having the willingness to suffer for being our authentic selves!!! Yes.
Wow great perspective! Love the nuances of what it really means to be a man
That’s right fellas, stand tall, cast shade on the haters and don’t care what they think. Welcome to life as a Man. Great & concise content Sir, Thank You!
This reinforced what I’ve recently discovered about myself, thank you
Wow I’ve never heard somebody explain it so well, thank you
As a man I have learned that creating a mission statement for myself has been a gamechanger. I use this mission statement as my point of reference. When I want to do things, when I have an opinion, I always refect on my mission statement. Does what I am going to do or say align with my mission statement? When I hear "have a spine" I hear have a purpose and stand by it. Great video.
What does your mission statement look like?
"mission statemen" is a great sentence
Thank you for breaking this down. Your channel is awesome!
you have to be able to take someones life and hold a baby within the same day
One of your best Doc! Smiling and chuckling; but it takes time and years. And I know or assume you know many of us suffer thru This. Spine
Balls
Thx
Thank you for this Orion! Im 25 and struggle with my masculinity due to no male role model and an emotionally unavailable mother. Im starting to understand more of myself thanks to your videos
Excellent advice! Your videos motivate me to become the best version of myself and your transparency sheds a new light on the reality of the human psyche.
Great example of healthy masculinity 👏🏼
Well articulated. Thanks for this.
I love this guy and how he is delivering a very important message!! The world needs you man!! Men who are lost or are trying to learn their role and positions need you!! You are perfect for exactly what you're doing and communicating!!
Great work as usual, looking forward to the next one.
I like your no BS, straight to the point, style. Also one of the strongly masculine traits btw. 💪💥
Thanks always for speaking in easy to understand terminology. Great content.