They play on YOUR fears. If YOU fear abandonment they will play with that idea to keep you vulnerable. They are parasites on every level! Thanks for your vids David. Theyre good!!
Two things I have learned through my experience 1.) Actions are key. Someone that truly loves you is not going to treat you like shit or abuse you in any way. 2.) You fell in love with a false personality. That person you fell in love with DOES NOT EXIST and never did. I have to keep telling myself these things over and over to get on with the healing process. Its been 5 months of absolutely no contact and I 'm still grieving, but there will be recovery. I'm focusing on learning how to avoid getting into another crazy, doomed relationship like this again. Jacksonville FL.
Narcissist or BPD Rules (Please feel free to add to the master list ) 1. Lies to cover up lies 2. Never keeps a promise 3. Blames partner for everything gone wrong 4. Blames everyone else for everything that’s gone wrong 5. Triangulates everyone, your family , your friends , the neighbor , your coworkers to destroy your reputation and make you out to look like a monster 6. Reckless with their money , credit 7. Reckless with your own money , credit 8. Always needs financial help 9. Irrational & insecure , almost paranoid wanting to check your phone or where you’ve been but if they disappear we aren’t allowed to ask 10. Controlling of their partners 11. Are complete slobs that rarely clean or organized 12. Rules are for everyone else except themselves 13. Will manipulate you to make you feel as if your the crazy one . In fact they will tell you that you need psychological help 14. Will twist the truth and facts into their sick version of reality 15. Will pick a special day to torment or destroy you emotionally or by breaking up with you like on your birthday , holidays , special events just to make a permanent lasting damage to you that you’ll never forget 16. Will tell you that they want to spend the rest of their life with you and then turn around and say they don’t love you anymore get out 17. Never if rarely ever apologizes for their mistakes or if they get caught 18. Or if they do admit and apologizes, it is short lived and acts as if nothing terrible has happened 19. Constant mood swings back and forth that drive you crazy . 20. They are not financially stable 21. Constantly is on the cell phone checking on others on social media 22. Likes to judge and cast the stone upon others 23. Can’t handle criticism because their egos are so fragile 24. Will explode in rage and make you feel fear 25. Will set you up whether with the police , courts , friends , family to make you look bad 26. The biggest hypocrites claiming to believe in something but in reality they have no values no morals 27. Willing to screw people over including those close to them 28. Always complaining unappreciative 29. Creates a false sense of superiority in that they believe they deserve better than anyone else 30. Reckless in their decision making even risking ones own relationship & family 31. Are very charming and friendly that they suck you in 32. Quickly starts talking about marriage and you are my soul mate and talks about building a life together after only a few months 33. If you attempt to discard them before they are done with you, they will seek revenge and do everything in their power to get back into your life including by humbling themselves and saying how sorry they are . But in reality it’s all a setup to get you to lower your wall and defensive and then once in will destroy your heart on purpose . 34. Will use emotions like crying , screaming and acting as if they are the ones hurt , not you . 35. Will always leave the slightest chance of hope and mess with your mind that things might work out. 36. Can’t keep a stable job . In fact has more jobs than fingers on the hand 37. If they have seen a therapist, you can bet it’s not the same person over the months or years and will discard their own therapist once that person realizes how messed up they are and begin to question their decision making 38. Does not believe they have a problem. In fact you are the one with the mental issues . 39. Once they do something bad and get caught , taking responsibility does not exist for them. It’s you who will be punished and treated like crap 40. Will make plans in the future to discard you and possibly be with someone else but will wait patiently like a spider does to the fly prey. And then without warning will strike against you . And your either kicked out , served with divorce 41. After discarding you will hover around you to see what your up to like a vulcher circles around its potential prey. 42. Willing to take gambles and risky behavior regardless of the consequences 43. Is not afraid of the law, police or society . However the one thing they are terrified with is severe sickness or death because they know you can’t cheat nor manipulate it. 44. Will pretend to care and be interested in your problems but it’s all fake 45. Will be eager to meet new people and make new friends so as to use them in the future to get something out of them whether it’s a potential job , borrowing money or exploit them. 46. Will even use their own children against the other parent and bad mouth them to the child
I'd like to say, how very brave you are to talk about these things, and these facts. Brace, as obviously by the look in your eyes, and the pause you give in searching for words, to assist us looking for answers to our grief, you must relive that pain of your own. I'm sorry YOU had to talk that walk, of betrayal, and abandonment, as you are obviously a very kind and caring man. Thank you for choosing courage to share your testimony with us; the good Lord will reward those who shepherd the broken-hearted. 👊🏻🙏🏻
Hearing you say this reminded me that in the beginning he told me he wants to help people, make a positive difference in the world, etc. and said how the lack of it in the world bothers him. Like as if he was thinking out loud about it, and just sharing his good ideas for positive change with me. Now that I think of it, I can't even believe he even said that. The hatred he had for me, even when I'd suggest doing something nice for a stranger over time, he would get mad, or if I said or did something nice for someone who could've benefited. He acted like it was a dirty thing, disgusting, offensive thing. You're right, they really are full of u know what, even when pretending to have a personality and thoughts that don't involve ruining someone else's life. They're not even their real thoughts.
David ya know what makes me sad. It is not that he is not in my life anymore. He never ever will be. But he will always be part of my life history I will never be able to erase !
alot of narcs get left alone sitting there because they never wanna go with you anywhere, then the guilt trips, the wining of neglect on FB, accusations when you come back home its so confusing. when i left to do errands heart broken cuz he never wants be seen in public with me--unless he directly needs something from the store.
Hi David, your channel is the best I've seen in so far as providing real useful advice and information re NPD. Unfortunately i was married to a narc. It took her a lot of years but she eventually convinced me i was insane. I allowed her to abuse me mentally and physically for some unknown reason. My NPD ex has done absolutely zero with her life except bleed me and others dry. Thank god she's moved on to the next victim and me and my boys are further in the mirror. My 14 year old son has no contact with her. There's a life times worth of damage done if you chose to acknowledge it. It was 20 years of smoke and mirrors. Left was right, up was down, egg shells etc. Any time a narcs their lips are moving they are lying. You're convinced you're crazy and actually seek treatment for an illness that was never there. NPD abuse is so traumatic because you cannot apply logical cognitive processes to their behaviour. Once I realised this i was on my way. All the data says "no contact"! But if you have kids that's just not possible. I refuse to play happy families for the kids sake. I remain calm and stay right away from her at school and sports events. Like all of us on here i've studied the spectrum of NPD and my conclusion is, fuck these losers off out of your life. Feel free to repeatedly call them out every chance you get. I absolutely tell my ex narc every time and she absolutely hates it. You must always remember that all narcs are cowards and when you give it back to them all they want to do is get away from you. I don't buy this move on bullshit. You have every right to be furious. I just tell them to fuck off and it feels great. Acknowledge your anger and accept it. The good news is the anger subsides. I have no interest in revenge but every chance i get i make fun of the narc.
Andrew Ferguson Hi Andrew, welcome to the channel. 20 years, im sorry. You definitely have the right attitude. Im glad you have your children. Thank you for sharing. - David
this man was beautiful, and he made me feel so alive, he had the most beautiful smile, he knew exactly what to say and knew exactly how to make me feel so special...I remember that he enjoyed so many of the same things I did, so yes it was too good to be true, fast forward a year and he started hating everything he once loved about me, he started finding something wrong in everything we used to love, according to him I was the one changing so I'd try harder, silent treatment after silent treatment had me losing my damn mind. I felt like a damn addict that knows he is toxic but still wanted more, then one day by accident I read about narcissists and little by little I got the strength to give him the last silent treatment, I bet he's still waiting for me to call and beg , he left a gift outside of my door for my birthday, I ignored it and him....it's been 8 months no contact and I feel myself getting stronger and stronger....no more anxiety, no more depression or thoughts of suicide.....now I feel like myself again and I love it. this is somethingI don't wish on anyone, these people are evil beings. I should have known when I used to say that he reminded me of my dad sometimes that it was a big mistake. my father was a narcissist, but it was almost inevitable I guess, from what I understand.
Spot on. My ex had all these grand plans but could never follow through. He couldn’t even get up before 8am, he would get mad at me for getting up at 6am for my 8-5pm job! Because it took away from “him time” craaaaaazy!!
Thank you! What you are doing is a public service. I have learned so much from your videos as well as many others I have come across. As I stated above... I cannot under what he truly is now. You're so right when you say they are incredibly predictable and transparent. I feel so stupid and ashamed of myself for letting myself be fooled. There were so many RED FLAGS from very early on and I dismissed them... I allowed myself to look past them because even though I knew something was wrong... I didn't understand it. However... about 4 years ago, I did have a fleeting thought that he may be a sociopath. My gut has been trying to warn me for a long time. I will always trust it from now on.
I'm just sitting here, in awe, of the accuracy and explanation of what I lived, for YEARS! Thinking I hurt him so bad..for all kinds of fkd up reasons I see now. But it was my illusion, my mistake. I'm rethinking all the times I saw the real 'self and still it was my fault. I'm so grateful David,to you. Reason for everything RIGHT? Earth Angel, at least I believe so. You gave me back the reality..keep repeating anything Please! I'm just healing..my God 10 yrs ..God Bless you..you have a beautiful soul..its palpable..and I'm in mass...
Since I've been no contact everything your saying has come to light . Mentally being healthy I can see who the narc Really was . Your right they don't care about anything . Getting your mind right is the key , I feel so much better now :)
Watching this video I've just realised that why "love bombing" from narc works so well. It is "an emulation" of unconditional love from abusive patterns (narc). Basically our subconscious sees a narc as a our parent who a last start to love us for no reason aka unconditionally. This is a basic need of every child which must be filled to let the child move to next stages. Good video, thanks mate :)
So true. My ex dropped out after one semester of school--she pursues nothing intellectual or educational----does not read, does not have any interest in learning. spends her free time playing video games and sexing her girlfriend (she tells me about how amazing it is that is the only reason I know).
He told me he cut me off because i deserved it. I supported all of his ideas n he did nothing . he said he felt sorry for me. All the times he left me months at a time . until he decided to come back. I realized he never loved me . i cried hard every time he left me. 6 yrs of this emotional rollercoaster. Desyroyed me.
Thank you for your video I was with my narc for ten years later walked out today feel like I've lost ten years of my life with all the gaslighting, arguments back biting constant insults I am done I feel like I've completely lost my self can't believe he never even loved me from start to finish just feel that I couldn't take anymore they push u to the limit thank for your words of wisdom watch you everyday keeps me strong to push forward another day thank you for keep us all strong xx
i love your videos dude....im a woman and my narc was male...i can identify with so much of what you say....ive been 12 months no contact now....i ended up having to get a uk non molestation order against him because he kept making attempts to manipulate me again.....now ive educated myself on narcissim , i can see straight threw him......he was emotionally and quite physically abusive towards me and my 2 little boys from a previous relationship......initially i was having symptoms of ptsd going on..still do but not as much....i just feel lonely sometimes now but it beats walking on eggshells around him, thankyou for your videos, im sure there helping lots of people , like me
Aj Robinson Thank you so much and welcome to the channel! I hope my videos can give you some more knowledge. Good for you for healing yourself. Please ask me anything. - David
Thanks for sharing your knowledge. The more I know, and try to share my knowledge of the danger I'm in, the more shutin I have become. Blinders everywhere; but understanding is here, in a world created by pain and a search for keys. I want to be let out. Narc and me for 27 days more.
i realize they never loved me but i still love them. i know itll never amount to anything but i just cant walk away from someone i care about. this has been a huge struggle. balancing healing with this person still in my life
Thank you so much for these videos. I can’t imagine the pain of a 10 year relationship. I feel for you as best as I can. I dated a narc for only 3 months. The first warning sign of her issues began when I found out that she had childhood father issues.
David you are scaring me how right on the spot you are with the words she used, statements she made and emotions she used. I needed to figure out and understand what the fuck happened! I am a smart guy. Lived in 3 countries and several states as an engineer building pulp and paper mills. I lived 12 years in Manhattan and 5 years of that working on Wall Street. I have never met anyone so incredibly evil in my life that told me all the things you said. She told me I was her savior from an awful life many times. Thank you for helping me see everything more clearly.
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend thank you my friend ... I'm still recovering but I'm staying steadfast in educating myself and watching your videos n a few others. I'm learning self care ! I can't tell you how much it's helping me ! Thank you again !
Just watching some of your different video topics.. I have NEVER experienced anything like this before in my life. I've had arguments with past boyfriends and I've never in my life experienced what I have just been thru. At first I was on cloud 9 for about 6 months... omg did that change. My family still can't believe when I tell them who he really is.. I feel like you're talking to me. Thanks for these videos. It's been no contact since 9/1/17. I'm praying to continue to be strong.
Katharyn VanAllen Thank you for sharing Katharyn. Most of us have dated one before but didn't know it. Some of us also have at least one in our family. Something to think about.
I could listen to you all night.Ive had one of these people in my life for the last two years man you are so right.They are such takers all the time.Ive started no contact and he's hovering big time.I can't believe the crap I've been thru.I love your videos and your beautiful eyes.
I just wanted to say that you are doing a great job at helping people hear what they need to hear!! As hard as it is sometimes, learning the truth is what will help in the long run. I also strongly believe that narcissistics would love nothing more than to know they were responsible for one of their sources taking their own lives on account of the narcissist.
It's better to know than to not know. Once you see, you can't unsee. It's a painful process, but you become a stronger, well balanced person when you get to the other side. God Bless!!
Yes just yesterday proof my dad is a narc as well was when his mother was ill and i asked about her, and he said " ehh.. we all get old and croak", was a great example of emotionless traits.
Hi Alberto Estrada, Sorry, that you have to deal with the narc and his "emotionless traits." Strange thing about life...we'll ALL eventually become old & incapacitated.
Your videos have great points ... I disagree though that all narcs are abused ... some of them had great family support w/ one parent staying at home and the other paying for private school ... they are rageholics for the purpose of manipulation. And longer we stay with them, we turn into rageholics ourselves because there is only so much we can handle of an adult human flipping out on us... They don't care about you, they walk away from you when u r sick, when it is your birthday ... they plan vacations w/ their buddies on the birthdays of their spouses and you aren't invited ... and, when you get upset over it, they grab you by the throat and smash against the wall... and then, blame you for what they have done...
BestFriends You could be right but don't forget that neglect and abandonment because of chemical dependence, mental health issues are abuse. There's more to it. It's how brains react. Most of us experience some kind of neglect or abuse so it has to be more than abuse or just single child syndrome. We react differently. Maybe it's more nature than nurture than we think?
Best Friends It’s abuse that causes it. Oh it may look good on the outside but you can never know how their mother reacted to them in infancy, especially when no one was around. One adult at home and the other paying for the best private schools make no difference. You’re right on your other points though.
So grateful for your videos. I finally understand what I’ve been going through. It feels like you know my situation exactly. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much the videos are helping...
hey David, I've never stopped watching. it's been 1 month since the narcissist mother of my child since I kicked her out of our home because I wasn't gonna let her step on me any longer. since then she's been finding ways to msg me on fb. I guess she's see me moving on and ignoring her. I feel like the my power is coming back to me on how selfish a person can be. thanks David continue to help us. and I pray that someone who deserves your caring heart.
IshBooShow That is so great to hear and thank you so much for all your nice words. That really makes me happy for you!!!👍 Keep going and don't stop. More, more, more information and understanding. Thank you again!
block her on FB or delete your own FB or stop posting stuff on it so she cant see what you are upto,etc,etc.......ive always said that FB is a grandstand for narcs and you may see that even amongst other friends you have on there as they parade their stuff to the world attention seeking........i never ever ever add anyone i dont know of FB so just have approx 20 folk on mine who are either close family or friends ive known a long long time...i was with a narc 14 years and am now very cautious who i let into my life.....so there is now way id add friends of friends,etc on fb even if ive met them briefly.....i also wont add old classmates from school who try add me 35 years later to find out what ive done with my life or tell me about theirs,etc......if they werent friends at school with me and since then i want nothing to do with them even though its called a reunion..........move on and dont look back - best way.
geoffdundee You're totally right Geoff. It's how it was before social media and that's the way it should stay. Dating services are a breeding ground for predators. I've had many people tell me about their horror experience from match.com
I feel comfortable for hearing you explaining. You seem really care and share your emotions with us. I see um your eyes what you've been through as well. Good to us hearing these advices from someone who really understand all this shit
Good video David, and so true. It took me ages to accept the fact that he didnt love me, even though he was showing me he did not love me by his actions time and time again, it is such a total mind fuck !!!!
After I escaped my narc husband of ten years, I had major clinical depression. My NM kept asking me if I wanted a gun. I know she wants me dead and has wanted that since I was born. I was also told that if I couldn't get my life together, that I should drive to the bridge and just jump off of it.
Can't sleep at night because we broke up 3 week's ago and she ALREADY is in a relationship with dude who she knew a while and LIVES with him ALREADY 😣😣🤔 This really messed me up mentally. The road to recovery seems light year's away.
I call it like I see it Good! Great! The smoke vanished and you see the truth. His illusion isn't working!!! Let me know if you have questions. crazynarcissistxgirlfriend@gmail.com
actually, I do. I was planning on sitting down and emailing you when I have a chance to actually sit down. lol! My biggest question would be... How the hell do I get my son and I out of this mess, saftely... with our belongings? He and his children live in my home but, he will not leave and I am afraid if I start the eviction process, he will make good on his threats to "make our lives a living hell" and "destroy everything" so I'll get sued by the landlord. What do I do? Am I actually going to have to just leave in the middle of the night and leave everything behind? I'm terrified if I do that, he will still destroy the house that I am renting in my name... Just to screw me over. I have many other questions that I am not really comfortable sharing with others at this time but, that would be the biggest question I have. PS. I've already spoken to the landlord and she will not let me out of the lease and told me she would keep my security deposit and sue me for the months left on the lease. When I told her the situation she acted as if I were lying to her and said " well Idk he seems pretty chill to me, I've never seen him behave that way". So, I can already see that I will be painted as the abuser and he the victim and I'm sure he will use his children to go right along with it... and, they will because they don't want to end up on his bad side and I honestly can't blame them. I welcome any and all suggestions from anyone. Thanks!
I lost everything and I still want her back. extremely embarrassing for me. I'm a 220lb bodybuilder. she has completely broke me down. I understand what is wrong with her and have for some time but still care for her for some reason. hell I'm in rough shape. I use to be a gun owner. due to some arguments I developed panic attacks and had an episode. 911 was called police showed up before the ambulance as I guess anytime 911 is called an officer is dispatched. police came in smelled weed and called for backup. house was searched I was put in jail for not having 2 handguns which were locked in my safe but as I didn't have trigger locks on them it is careless storage of a firearm. I had a pair of decretive nunchucks on the wall in my gym.. boom another charge of owning a prohibited weapon. anyways by the time the cops were finished I had close to 80 small charges on me. I went to jail for over a week, now I cant travel to the united states as I am in Canada.. I am having a rough time finding a job due to the criminal record. on top of that I went back to her.. few months go by we go out have a few drinks she gets drunk and starts an argument in a bar. I walk out she comes out after with a shoe and hits me with the heal of it several times leaving scars all over my chest and shoulder till this day. she then left with a friend back into the bar leaving me.. I was so upset and the fact I was drinking and suffer from depression I tried to hang myself from a fire escape right there n then.. anyways i climbed up put my belt around my neck, tied it of and attempted to hang myself.. i don't know why but i thought of my parents and how sad they would be to see me like this.. so i tried to pull myself back up.. i was able to get the belt undone but as i went to jump down my finger got stuck in between the escape ladder and was torn off.. even after this i went back to her. constant name calling and abuse. being put down in front of her friends and family and i still care for her.. she just broke up with me again about a month ago. i haven't tried to contact her or anything but i still miss her and find myself hoping she will come back. man I'm fucked... anyways thank you for making these vids as they have really helped me a lot.
Your blessed you were protected from demon destruction of death..What ever demonic possession is in her transferred over to you..Energy transfer is on a HIGH frequency from above or Low frequency from below..Narcissist only operate on Low energy frequency from below..Any contact with them..verbal or physical is SUPPLY..They suck your high and give you their low..Your still alive thank GOD..Your dealing with demonic strong holds and need to be set free spiritually..peace to you.
ArcaneInfo111 I wanted him back the first time he left. He did everything to hurt me. Triangulation, hoovering, smear. I taken him back and it was 3mts of demonic behavior. I will never let it back in. Hope you found happiness within yourself. These people are liars, cheats, and have no empathy. We deserve to be loved unconditionally.❤
"Some of these Narcissists want to see you commit suicide." Absolutely *true* ! The reason? To show how *devastated* you are when they leave! Literally! *Several* times I was pushed to the brink of walking into on-coming traffic. The only reason I didn't was because there was one other person that I had in my life everyday, that I valued above him; my daughter. I even *told* him at one point during a "yelling match", one of many, that it because of her that I didn't actually do it. And, exactly one week after that was when he started to give me "advice" about my relationship with *her* , designed specifically to put a wedge between us that made me realize "something" was really wrong. That's when I began to question, "What do he and I really have in common anymore?". Then, I started looking for videos on UA-cam about "difficult relationships"...
So on point. . and So sad. David i know that you don't think that they are demon's , per say Yet they are Evil. lacking goodness. i used to beg my covert narcissist to attend church with me, mostly he refused, however when he did go, he'd get up and leave, EVERY TIME, he'd wait by the door for me.. now im not deeply religious, but i really appreciate the service the morals and lessons of being of service to your fellow man, always that was stressed and i do believe in helping others when you can, we probably don't di enough of that, Anyhow my point is, he could Not stay, likely it hurt his ears. . just saying. Thanks for letting me ramble. you're doing Great work for Us. and I appreciate it.
I wish I could have understood yrs ago. I believed him I accepted so much blame. he told me to do my kids a favor and die. he has destroyed everything with his lies and affairs it's all broken. I am away from him and I just wish I could make him hurt like he hurt everyone around him
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend thank you I'm trying so hard to get through it all. my faith and my children and grandbabies have brought me almost to th other side of this and ur videos are a true blessing u r helping so many people.
I think I hooked up with a covert narcissist who's been manipulating me for five months straight, even without being with him more than ten days because he lives in another country. He's still very young and I am the type to want to know people I am supposed to be intimate with and learn how to trust em, and so he's actually explained to me the way he puts on a facade, a fake version of himself because people wouldn't like who he is otherwise. And I give him right, because each time he was himself he was insulting, humiliating me and calling it a joke, pushing my boundaries etc. After finally telling one of my closest friends about him and the huge drama he's caused in my life since October, I realized while explaining how much bullshit I put up with. He'd always pick the worst times in my life where I am stressed out or times where I am having such a great day that I am singing to make things about him and ruin everything. I got rid of him on all social media platforms, blocked or put him on ignore so he leaves me alone. But as someone who doesn't like to hear that I hurt people it's been hard, even if him hurting and degrading me was a lot worse.
I'm distraught I was ruined and destroyed by the narc I'm a big-time empath. And he blames me for everything said I was too crazy person and I learned of all these lies I don't even know who this person was how do I heal from this abuse he's moved on to the next woman and this was only a 6-month relationship and I was affected I can't believe it
Hey David! Another great video! I think my mom might be a narc or have narc traits. She got remarried to my stepdad, he's a good guy! He loved her 100%. He passed away about 2years ago. Anyways, my mom cheated on him for a whole year with this dirt bag of a loser. My stepdad never found out but just recently I asked my mom, did you ever feel any remorse or feel guilty for cheating on your husband for that year? She said nope, he never knew, he didn't get hurt, so it's OK. She said it with absolutely no feelings at all, like its no big deal. Geez!! My own mother is empty inside. The more I learn about narcs, they seem to be everywhere.
Donna Hogan That is cold blooded... I just had a comment a guy wrote almost the same thing. When he asked his Father about his Mother's death he replied eh, we're all gonna croak someday and didn't seem to care at all. Most Husbands die right after the Wife if she dies first because they can't handle the loss.
He's trying to be nice again after a big hell storm. I told him what he was and I said that time will tell. I recently found out what a narcissist was. It was amazing how much to a T he was. I often thought. Wow how can a person say those things and act that way etc. toward his wife and kids. It's so crazy. if I look back over the entire 12 year relationship, It was from the beginning. I'm drained pretty much financially now, and just the other day he took over all the bills. Not mine though. Oh I have to pay own stuff. Now that I'm on disability I am like 7000 dollars in debt from having to buy food, take care of the dogs vet etc. food and so forth, and his daughters food and personal needs. I have raised his kids since they were 4 and 6, then are now 15, soon to be 16 and 18. I consider them mine. He wouldn't let me adopt them when they were little. He said. oh no wait. You can't adopt them because if anything happens between us, they will want to go with you.... also he told his daughter on Thanksgiving, not to forget who's daughter she was. smh. that's just a tiny piece of what has happened.
Terri Lynch My Life So familiar. They are textbook and do they same thing. Just pleae don't believe anything he says and contact only for the children. contact only if necessary otherwise forget him.
Terri Lynch My Life Omg I'm so sorry. I always tell people they can't heal until they're away from them. But that's without children. This makes it much harder but not impossible. Can you get away or get rid of him? Dad Surviving Divorce is a channel I recommend to everyone with chidren.
My ex narc girlfriend,would say to me if you love me show. I did not know what she ment at first,but i do now she wanted me to take my own as ultimate proof of my love for her......When i refused she discarded me!!!!
I wonder if they have personalities at all - buried inside - because they develop a mask that's gathered from the traits of past victims, and they also reflect our own selves - desires, hopes, etc., - back at us? If we develop our emotions, and how to control them, at around four years old, then isn't that our own personality that's also been developed from then on?
I am so confused and I cycle through the whole gamut of possible emotions. I feel guilt,shame,and hurt. I am so alone with my little truth and I am being killed slowly by the bigger lies. I am told I am the problem and I need to get help so we can then try to work it out. I have to accept the lies and move forward. If I could accept the lies,I could stop raving and sleep. I am so alone as it seems as if they are correct. Others tell me I have to calm down and stop the raving and they do not think that I realize I need help. I know I am fucked,and I do have issues too. I would do almost anything to get off my bi-polar cycle. It is sad as I simply can not accept a lie as truth and I refuse to build anything on top of a lie or pack of lies. I will keep praying because I am not going to compromise my soul even though I could easily accept the entire thing and peace would be mine. I am so afraid in the face of this evil as when faced with my small truth my controller goes ballistic and when I in anger forced her to admit the truth it was almost a whisper and I could barley hear it. She broke the contract we made in fall of 1980 that was the foundational agreement of our relationship. I would not have asked her to marry if she had been unwilling to agree to never let anyone else hear us argue or involve anyone else in our disagreements. This worked very well until now as we never spent a night apart until now. She always said that if I left her she would never come back and I was so afraid of losing her. She made up a petty lie and in desperation did so in front of a friend,and embarrassed I did not argue. When my friend who is sorta slow brought it up he told me that I was right and that she made up her own version of my words. I now know why I have been so spun out that I can not complete a project anymore and am overwhelmed. I used to keep everything maintained and nice here. I have blamed myself for failing to help her and my daughter. My daughter hates me for my failure to help her as I was so wrong to keep trying so long. When I gave up and told her that I had failed miserably and the financial health of the family was on the ropes and that I had failed to help with time and money to help. I have seen nothing but improvement in my daughter since,I feel guilt and shame as I tried to give her the help I so desperately needed myself starting out. I recieved no help making the struggle to get going almost impossible. I thought I would kick her out of the nest like that. A decade of financial assistance trying to help her to gain her independence left me almost broke mentally and financially and she was just as broke as the start. I am so lost now and wish I had not been so dumb. I saw I had hurt her by my efforts and I am now in shame,alone and I may be suffering from the punishment she and her mother dish out for my love and support. I may be the problem they face. This is a hard truth to me. I hope this helps someone else as I feel like I am a victim of my victims and if so I am a awful man who is only getting what I gave back. Be careful of your efforts to help the people near to your heart as I wish the pain and shame I feel on no one.
Hello, I love your videos I recently found your channel. I hope things go well for you now as you've had to go through so much and you're helping people with your experience. Selfless. I have a question to ask; Do narcissists use mutual friends (whom you haven't spoken to in a year+) to contact you and ask you for information? I've blocked my ex husband on fb the last 6 months and he hasn't tried blatant hoovering but 2 mutual friends who I havent spoken to in a good while have contacted me asking what I'm up to, whether I'm in America or not, am I working? I'm just curious what you think...
It is hard to accept it its upsetting. But others I do accept it's only because how I was treated. When you had or have feelings for that person its upsetting. It's based on levels of treatment? Not every narc was abusive to me,but most were . About 2 out of 10 were not. I don't get it. I got the absent silent treatment is abuse but nothing verbal or physical. I guess each person is different.
what is the best way to overcome it bro I need a solution man ...I don't wanna start my 2017 with these feelings ...I've been affected for like 4-5 months now and I'm tired bro
FatherZoo TV That's good you want it gone. At least you know what it is. It took a long time to feel this way, it takes some time to heal. Your brain needs time to heal. Treat it right and you will be there soon.
OMG! I planned to leave a comment here about narcissist. As I was drafting my question for you, the ex narc bf just texted me like 5 min ago with, ''Hey how's work? :D '' wth does he wants nowwwww. The more I ignore him, the more he is persistent to contact me! So creepyyyy!! Is this because of the holidays hoovering?! :O Anyway David, I have a question. I'm sorry to ask this if it sounds stupid somewhat. I have read somewhere that narcissist is attracted to a co-dependent person. And for those got discarded, people say that the narcissist is not the problem, but the one got discarded who is codependent and has to work on him/herself. So if my ex boyfriend is a covert narc, am I co-dependent? As far as I'm concerned, I have been an independent person. My close ones have known me to be an independent & happy person. I do have healthy boundaries with people, my close friends and my family. But with my ex bf, he always wanted me to depend on him. For example, when I'm financially tight, I would talk it out to him saying that I can't afford to visit him. I needed more time to save up before I could fly to see him. but he insisted that he would pay. I told him that I would not want him to do that as I don't want to burden him with using his money. And he would say things like he's my bf and that I should depend on him, etc(like as if how a husband/wife should be sharing, financially, physically and emotionally). Eventually flight ticket was bought using his money and weeks flew by and there were times when we had few fights here there, he would rage and took the easy way out saying that he wanted to break up. So many times he did that. Anyway, I got vulnerable and I gave in to him, became dependent on him. The more I became that way as he wanted me to be, the more he got annoyed, like as he was starting to dislike/hate me. That was what I felt. When I wanted to tell him about my feelings and talked about it to him, he would say that I always want to start argument with him. Even his friends have heard our ''fights'' and they would say that I provoked him. And now, he just texted me, he knows I'm at work. The last contact he made with me was 1 week ago but I ignored. I don't want to break my NC but I just have this guilty feeling for not replying - that is just a little frustrating as I want to be strong for myself ugghh
Finah A. Hi Finah! He won't leave you alone because he is refusing to lose. If you took him back I'm sure he would crush you in seconds and discard you. he believes he owns you and has no respect for you so the harassment is totally ok to him. Don't give in. No, you're not Codependent. Anyone that tells you that doesn't know what they're saying. They're not informed and telling you so can be more damaging. It's an outdated term that refers to enabling chemically dependent family members. Watch Codependency? WRONG✔
Yes I'm definitely staying where I am. Ain't gonna move. He just messaged apologizing for disturbing me and that he was drinking "a little bit too much" I ignored that msg too. So what? What's the point? He has never done this before since he broke up with me.. really trying his best to get reaction out of me..
Yes it doesn't seem like he is ready to let me go for good, looking at the pattern for 8 months now.. it has been the same. I shall watch your video on Codepency! Thanks David!
I believe e mpaths that are abused by narc parents are prime targets for a narc. They prey on you. And when you stop being a victim and claim victory over your childhood.. They triangulate you w some other train wreck. I feel like I need to do some videos on how to get money together and become independent even if u never leave. Tfhis gives you power. If you survive their lies and stay.. find your niche. Hobbies.. get a JOB. I know they keep u dependant as long as they can
Jessica Erin Hi Jessica. I'm sorry to hear how hard he's making it for you. He's controlling and has no respect for you or how you feel. On the extreme side you can have a lawyer write a letter for $50 - $100 that gives him a little scare. Easier, keep doing what you can to block him. It won't do any good to talk to him because he knows what you're doing. He's trying to get a hold of you because he believes he can still manipulate you. I'm sorry and I hoped that helped. Just try to be strong and stay away. It will get easier without communication.
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend ok just don't respond... I'ts hard for me to really grasp it when they're being so so nice it seems so genuine but deep down you know it's not.
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend yeah there's a part you want to say oh he's not a narc... but then the shit bullshit judging low insults and that starts... and it starts to come back yeah yeah he is blah blah
Jessica Erin Don't forget that he has lied about who he is to you and you fell in love with that. He will never be genuine. When they tell you who they are, they can never be honest, it's all lies. His actions should match his words, if they don't, there's a big problem.
They play on YOUR fears. If YOU fear abandonment they will play with that idea to keep you vulnerable. They are parasites on every level! Thanks for your vids David. Theyre good!!
msmay Thank you! Parasites don't kill their host, they are malignant. But you are awesome!
Two things I have learned through my experience 1.) Actions are key. Someone that truly loves you is not going to treat you like shit or abuse you in any way. 2.) You fell in love with a false personality. That person you fell in love with DOES NOT EXIST and never did. I have to keep telling myself these things over and over to get on with the healing process. Its been 5 months of absolutely no contact and I 'm still grieving, but there will be recovery. I'm focusing on learning how to avoid getting into another crazy, doomed relationship like this again.
Jacksonville FL.
Narcissist or BPD Rules
(Please feel free to add to the master list )
1. Lies to cover up lies
2. Never keeps a promise
3. Blames partner for everything gone wrong
4. Blames everyone else for everything that’s gone wrong
5. Triangulates everyone, your family , your friends , the neighbor , your coworkers to destroy your reputation and make you out to look like a monster
6. Reckless with their money , credit
7. Reckless with your own money , credit
8. Always needs financial help
9. Irrational & insecure , almost paranoid wanting to check your phone or where you’ve been but if they disappear we aren’t allowed to ask
10. Controlling of their partners
11. Are complete slobs that rarely clean or organized
12. Rules are for everyone else except themselves
13. Will manipulate you to make you feel as if your the crazy one . In fact they will tell you that you need psychological help
14. Will twist the truth and facts into their sick version of reality
15. Will pick a special day to torment or destroy you emotionally or by breaking up with you like on your birthday , holidays , special events just to make a permanent lasting damage to you that you’ll never forget
16. Will tell you that they want to spend the rest of their life with you and then turn around and say they don’t love you anymore get out
17. Never if rarely ever apologizes for their mistakes or if they get caught
18. Or if they do admit and apologizes, it is short lived and acts as if nothing terrible has happened
19. Constant mood swings back and forth that drive you crazy .
20. They are not financially stable
21. Constantly is on the cell phone checking on others on social media
22. Likes to judge and cast the stone upon others
23. Can’t handle criticism because their egos are so fragile
24. Will explode in rage and make you feel fear
25. Will set you up whether with the police , courts , friends , family to make you look bad
26. The biggest hypocrites claiming to believe in something but in reality they have no values no morals
27. Willing to screw people over including those close to them
28. Always complaining unappreciative
29. Creates a false sense of superiority in that they believe they deserve better than anyone else
30. Reckless in their decision making even risking ones own relationship & family
31. Are very charming and friendly that they suck you in
32. Quickly starts talking about marriage and you are my soul mate and talks about building a life together after only a few months
33. If you attempt to discard them before they are done with you, they will seek revenge and do everything in their power to get back into your life including by humbling themselves and saying how sorry they are . But in reality it’s all a setup to get you to lower your wall and defensive and then once in will destroy your heart on purpose .
34. Will use emotions like crying , screaming and acting as if they are the ones hurt , not you .
35. Will always leave the slightest chance of hope and mess with your mind that things might work out.
36. Can’t keep a stable job . In fact has more jobs than fingers on the hand
37. If they have seen a therapist, you can bet it’s not the same person over the months or years and will discard their own therapist once that person realizes how messed up they are and begin to question their decision making
38. Does not believe they have a problem. In fact you are the one with the mental issues .
39. Once they do something bad and get caught , taking responsibility does not exist for them. It’s you who will be punished and treated like crap
40. Will make plans in the future to discard you and possibly be with someone else but will wait patiently like a spider does to the fly prey. And then without warning will strike against you . And your either kicked out , served with divorce
41. After discarding you will hover around you to see what your up to like a vulcher circles around its potential prey.
42. Willing to take gambles and risky behavior regardless of the consequences
43. Is not afraid of the law, police or society . However the one thing they are terrified with is severe sickness or death because they know you can’t cheat nor manipulate it.
44. Will pretend to care and be interested in your problems but it’s all fake
45. Will be eager to meet new people and make new friends so as to use them in the future to get something out of them whether it’s a potential job , borrowing money or exploit them.
46. Will even use their own children against the other parent and bad mouth them to the child
I'd like to say, how very brave you are to talk about these things, and these facts. Brace, as obviously by the look in your eyes, and the pause you give in searching for words, to assist us looking for answers to our grief, you must relive that pain of your own. I'm sorry YOU had to talk that walk, of betrayal, and abandonment, as you are obviously a very kind and caring man.
Thank you for choosing courage to share your testimony with us; the good Lord will reward those who shepherd the broken-hearted. 👊🏻🙏🏻
DevInvest Oh thank you so much. I will never forget how hard is. Stay up!
Hearing you say this reminded me that in the beginning he told me he wants to help people, make a positive difference in the world, etc. and said how the lack of it in the world bothers him. Like as if he was thinking out loud about it, and just sharing his good ideas for positive change with me. Now that I think of it, I can't even believe he even said that. The hatred he had for me, even when I'd suggest doing something nice for a stranger over time, he would get mad, or if I said or did something nice for someone who could've benefited. He acted like it was a dirty thing, disgusting, offensive thing. You're right, they really are full of u know what, even when pretending to have a personality and thoughts that don't involve ruining someone else's life. They're not even their real thoughts.
Stacey Love They left their real self back at the age of five. They are just a fake personality now.
David ya know what makes me sad. It is not that he is not in my life anymore. He never ever will be. But he will always be part of my life history I will never be able to erase !
Please keep repeating these talks i don't get tired of truth and knowledge
alot of narcs get left alone sitting there because they never wanna go with you anywhere, then the guilt trips, the wining of neglect on FB, accusations when you come back home its so confusing. when i left to do errands heart broken cuz he never wants be seen in public with me--unless he directly needs something from the store.
joan baczek He needs to be completely by himself.
Hi David, your channel is the best I've seen in so far as providing real useful advice and information re NPD. Unfortunately i was married to a narc. It took her a lot of years but she eventually convinced me i was insane. I allowed her to abuse me mentally and physically for some unknown reason. My NPD ex has done absolutely zero with her life except bleed me and others dry. Thank god she's moved on to the next victim and me and my boys are further in the mirror. My 14 year old son has no contact with her. There's a life times worth of damage done if you chose to acknowledge it. It was 20 years of smoke and mirrors. Left was right, up was down, egg shells etc. Any time a narcs their lips are moving they are lying. You're convinced you're crazy and actually seek treatment for an illness that was never there. NPD abuse is so traumatic because you cannot apply logical cognitive processes to their behaviour. Once I realised this i was on my way. All the data says "no contact"! But if you have kids that's just not possible. I refuse to play happy families for the kids sake. I remain calm and stay right away from her at school and sports events. Like all of us on here i've studied the spectrum of NPD and my conclusion is, fuck these losers off out of your life. Feel free to repeatedly call them out every chance you get. I absolutely tell my ex narc every time and she absolutely hates it. You must always remember that all narcs are cowards and when you give it back to them all they want to do is get away from you. I don't buy this move on bullshit. You have every right to be furious. I just tell them to fuck off and it feels great. Acknowledge your anger and accept it. The good news is the anger subsides. I have no interest in revenge but every chance i get i make fun of the narc.
Andrew Ferguson Hi Andrew, welcome to the channel. 20 years, im sorry. You definitely have the right attitude. Im glad you have your children.
Thank you for sharing. - David
Yes Andrew. Yes.
this man was beautiful, and he made me feel so alive, he had the most beautiful smile, he knew exactly what to say and knew exactly how to make me feel so special...I remember that he enjoyed so many of the same things I did, so yes it was too good to be true, fast forward a year and he started hating everything he once loved about me, he started finding something wrong in everything we used to love, according to him I was the one changing so I'd try harder, silent treatment after silent treatment had me losing my damn mind. I felt like a damn addict that knows he is toxic but still wanted more, then one day by accident I read about narcissists and little by little I got the strength to give him the last silent treatment, I bet he's still waiting for me to call and beg , he left a gift outside of my door for my birthday, I ignored it and him....it's been 8 months no contact and I feel myself getting stronger and stronger....no more anxiety, no more depression or thoughts of suicide.....now I feel like myself again and I love it. this is somethingI don't wish on anyone, these people are evil beings. I should have known when I used to say that he reminded me of my dad sometimes that it was a big mistake. my father was a narcissist, but it was almost inevitable I guess, from what I understand.
"You got to understand, they don't love you."-DeMars Coaching
Spot on. My ex had all these grand plans but could never follow through. He couldn’t even get up before 8am, he would get mad at me for getting up at 6am for my 8-5pm job! Because it took away from “him time” craaaaaazy!!
Just trying to help people understand that to start healing you must know what a Narcissist is.
Thank you! What you are doing is a public service. I have learned so much from your videos as well as many others I have come across. As I stated above... I cannot under what he truly is now. You're so right when you say they are incredibly predictable and transparent. I feel so stupid and ashamed of myself for letting myself be fooled. There were so many RED FLAGS from very early on and I dismissed them... I allowed myself to look past them because even though I knew something was wrong... I didn't understand it. However... about 4 years ago, I did have a fleeting thought that he may be a sociopath. My gut has been trying to warn me for a long time. I will always trust it from now on.
I call it like I see it
Don't be ashamed. We didn't know that there were people like this. Now we know.
That is why I do this.
Terra Tamblyn Thank you for saying that. I truly appreciate it.
Terra Tamblyn That's right Terra, there is nothing more powerful than our minds. If they're suggestive, why let someone else determine what you are?
Terra Tamblyn I love that quote! So perfect.
Thank you ..you are right on the money David. It's all a lie, NOT capable of love.
Laurie Anne Thank you Laurie, I'm glad you understand.
wow, that little child inside. I'm damaged too from my childhood but am no narc. Terrified of relationships especially now
I'm just sitting here, in awe, of the accuracy and explanation of what I lived, for YEARS! Thinking I hurt him so bad..for all kinds of fkd up reasons I see now. But it was my illusion, my mistake. I'm rethinking all the times I saw the real 'self and still it was my fault. I'm so grateful David,to you. Reason for everything RIGHT? Earth Angel, at least I believe so. You gave me back the reality..keep repeating anything Please! I'm just healing..my God 10 yrs ..God Bless you..you have a beautiful soul..its palpable..and I'm in mass...
Since I've been no contact everything your saying has come to light . Mentally being healthy I can see who the narc Really was . Your right they don't care about anything . Getting your mind right is the key , I feel so much better now :)
Watching this video I've just realised that why "love bombing" from narc works so well. It is "an emulation" of unconditional love from abusive patterns (narc). Basically our subconscious sees a narc as a our parent who a last start to love us for no reason aka unconditionally. This is a basic need of every child which must be filled to let the child move to next stages. Good video, thanks mate :)
So true. My ex dropped out after one semester of school--she pursues nothing intellectual or educational----does not read, does not have any interest in learning. spends her free time playing video games and sexing her girlfriend (she tells me about how amazing it is that is the only reason I know).
stacy burnett She sounds wonderful...
Let her be someone else's problem.
stacy burnett Video game can be an intellectual exercise
He told me he cut me off because i deserved it. I supported all of his ideas n he did nothing . he said he felt sorry for me. All the times he left me months at a time . until he decided to come back. I realized he never loved me . i cried hard every time he left me. 6 yrs of this emotional rollercoaster. Desyroyed me.
Thank you for your video I was with my narc for ten years later walked out today feel like I've lost ten years of my life with all the gaslighting, arguments back biting constant insults I am done I feel like I've completely lost my self can't believe he never even loved me from start to finish just feel that I couldn't take anymore they push u to the limit thank for your words of wisdom watch you everyday keeps me strong to push forward another day thank you for keep us all strong xx
i love your videos dude....im a woman and my narc was male...i can identify with so much of what you say....ive been 12 months no contact now....i ended up having to get a uk non molestation order against him because he kept making attempts to manipulate me again.....now ive educated myself on narcissim , i can see straight threw him......he was emotionally and quite physically abusive towards me and my 2 little boys from a previous relationship......initially i was having symptoms of ptsd going on..still do but not as much....i just feel lonely sometimes now but it beats walking on eggshells around him, thankyou for your videos, im sure there helping lots of people , like me
Aj Robinson Thank you so much and welcome to the channel! I hope my videos can give you some more knowledge. Good for you for healing yourself. Please ask me anything. - David
Thanks for sharing your knowledge. The more I know, and try to share my knowledge of the danger I'm in, the more shutin I have become. Blinders everywhere; but understanding is here, in a world created by pain and a search for keys. I want to be let out.
Narc and me for 27 days more.
Liz McGee Sounds like he is still in your life. I am sorry. I wish for my videos to give you strength and encouragement to choose your life.
i realize they never loved me but i still love them. i know itll never amount to anything but i just cant walk away from someone i care about. this has been a huge struggle. balancing healing with this person still in my life
Yes, it does hurt
Thank you so much for these videos. I can’t imagine the pain of a 10 year relationship. I feel for you as best as I can. I dated a narc for only 3 months. The first warning sign of her issues began when I found out that she had childhood father issues.
Eric Walsh Thank you Eric. Painful for both of us but I'm glad you got out.
David you are scaring me how right on the spot you are with the words she used, statements she made and emotions she used. I needed to figure out and understand what the fuck happened! I am a smart guy. Lived in 3 countries and several states as an engineer building pulp and paper mills. I lived 12 years in Manhattan and 5 years of that working on Wall Street. I have never met anyone so incredibly evil in my life that told me all the things you said. She told me I was her savior from an awful life many times. Thank you for helping me see everything more clearly.
HeavyMetalPedal That why comparing stories is so beneficial, validation. Thank you.
Went off like Fireworks 💥 .......... ended like an atomic Bomb ....... it clicked , I was done ✅
Thank you for your videos. Spot on
angie Wehrle That is awesome Angie! I am so proud of you!!!
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend thank you my friend ... I'm still recovering but I'm staying steadfast in educating myself and watching your videos n a few others. I'm learning self care ! I can't tell you how much it's helping me ! Thank you again !
angie Wehrle That's great Angie, you're are welcome. Thank you for your message of hope for others.
Hi angie Wehrle,
Short, explicit, concise, on target and true! Well put. Thanks for sharing.
All the best good friend...
Just watching some of your different video topics.. I have NEVER experienced anything like this before in my life. I've had arguments with past boyfriends and I've never in my life experienced what I have just been thru. At first I was on cloud 9 for about 6 months... omg did that change. My family still can't believe when I tell them who he really is.. I feel like you're talking to me. Thanks for these videos. It's been no contact since 9/1/17. I'm praying to continue to be strong.
Katharyn VanAllen Thank you for sharing Katharyn.
Most of us have dated one before but didn't know it. Some of us also have at least one in our family. Something to think about.
I could listen to you all night.Ive had one of these people in my life for the last two years man you are so right.They are such takers all the time.Ive started no contact and he's hovering big time.I can't believe the crap I've been thru.I love your videos and your beautiful eyes.
Karen Henke Thank you for sharing Karen, I'm glad I could help. Please keep going and don't fall for his tricks.
Yes it’s painful- when you learn the truth. Painfulto know any human being can do this to another. Especially when it was your husband......
I just wanted to say that you are doing a great job at helping people hear what they need to hear!! As hard as it is sometimes, learning the truth is what will help in the long run. I also strongly believe that narcissistics would love nothing more than to know they were responsible for one of their sources taking their own lives on account of the narcissist.
Nina Novara Thank you so much Nina. You are absolutely right, suicide is a plan for many Narcissists to push on their victim
It's better to know than to not know. Once you see, you can't unsee. It's a painful process, but you become a stronger, well balanced person when you get to the other side. God Bless!!
I feel much , much , much better ! 😀😀😀 OMG i have no place to send pictures! Thank You my God! 😀😀😀🇸🇪🇲🇿 🙏🙏😀
Yes just yesterday proof my dad is a narc as well was when his mother was ill and i asked about her, and he said " ehh.. we all get old and croak", was a great example of emotionless traits.
Alberto Estrada Geeze...cold as ice.
Hi Alberto Estrada,
Sorry, that you have to deal with the narc and his "emotionless traits." Strange thing about life...we'll ALL eventually become old & incapacitated.
Your videos have great points ... I disagree though that all narcs are abused ... some of them had great family support w/ one parent staying at home and the other paying for private school ... they are rageholics for the purpose of manipulation. And longer we stay with them, we turn into rageholics ourselves because there is only so much we can handle of an adult human flipping out on us...
They don't care about you, they walk away from you when u r sick, when it is your birthday ... they plan vacations w/ their buddies on the birthdays of their spouses and you aren't invited ... and, when you get upset over it, they grab you by the throat and smash against the wall... and then, blame you for what they have done...
BestFriends You could be right but don't forget that neglect and abandonment because of chemical dependence, mental health issues are abuse.
There's more to it. It's how brains react. Most of us experience some kind of neglect or abuse so it has to be more than abuse or just single child syndrome.
We react differently. Maybe it's more nature than nurture than we think?
Best Friends It’s abuse that causes it. Oh it may look good on the outside but you can never know how their mother reacted to them in infancy, especially when no one was around. One adult at home and the other paying for the best private schools make no difference. You’re right on your other points though.
@@minoozola8353 nope not true. And having a super loving over-protective mother can have the same effects than abuse.
Spoken like a true survivor and empath🖤👩🏻
So grateful for your videos. I finally understand what I’ve been going through. It feels like you know my situation exactly. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much the videos are helping...
it hurts so bad
Terri Brown I'm sorry Terri. I promise it gets better, I hope you have someone to talk with about this.
I have tried to commit suicide I have lost all hope in love and humans I need therapy but have no means to get it...
Terri Brown If you feel suicidal, call someone you know or the hotline. You know you don't want to so you need to talk with someone.
Thank you so much for your videos . They are very informative & helped me understand my ex narcissist and it's great how blunt and honest you are lol!
Thank you bro. For all of the videos. You’re playing a very huge role in my healing. Please continue the great work you’re doing.
ecoupe370 That's great, thank you.
hey David, I've never stopped watching. it's been 1 month since the narcissist mother of my child since I kicked her out of our home because I wasn't gonna let her step on me any longer. since then she's been finding ways to msg me on fb. I guess she's see me moving on and ignoring her. I feel like the my power is coming back to me on how selfish a person can be. thanks David continue to help us. and I pray that someone who deserves your caring heart.
IshBooShow That is so great to hear and thank you so much for all your nice words. That really makes me happy for you!!!👍 Keep going and don't stop. More, more, more information and understanding.
Thank you again!
block her on FB or delete your own FB or stop posting stuff on it so she cant see what you are upto,etc,etc.......ive always said that FB is a grandstand for narcs and you may see that even amongst other friends you have on there as they parade their stuff to the world attention seeking........i never ever ever add anyone i dont know of FB so just have approx 20 folk on mine who are either close family or friends ive known a long long time...i was with a narc 14 years and am now very cautious who i let into my life.....so there is now way id add friends of friends,etc on fb even if ive met them briefly.....i also wont add old classmates from school who try add me 35 years later to find out what ive done with my life or tell me about theirs,etc......if they werent friends at school with me and since then i want nothing to do with them even though its called a reunion..........move on and dont look back - best way.
geoffdundee You're totally right Geoff. It's how it was before social media and that's the way it should stay.
Dating services are a breeding ground for predators. I've had many people tell me about their horror experience from match.com
I feel comfortable for hearing you explaining. You seem really care and share your emotions with us. I see um your eyes what you've been through as well. Good to us hearing these advices from someone who really understand all this shit
Good video David, and so true. It took me ages to accept the fact that he didnt love me, even though he was showing me he did not love me by his actions time and time again, it is such a total mind fuck !!!!
NARC FREE Yes it is but jeep exploring and connecting the dots from how we felt as children to our decisions we make and have made in our adulthood.
NARC FREE Yes it is but it makes more sense in time.
#1 trait of a narc....
There actions prove their words are lies.
Thank you David. Brilliant work. Love your honesty and passion. London 🇬🇧
After I escaped my narc husband of ten years, I had major clinical depression. My NM kept asking me if I wanted a gun.
I know she wants me dead and has wanted that since I was born.
I was also told that if I couldn't get my life together, that I should drive to the bridge and just jump off of it.
Ame3thyst3 That is absolutely horrible, I really hope you've found peace.
Thank you brother. From the bottom of my heart.
Can't sleep at night because we broke up 3 week's ago and she ALREADY is in a relationship with dude who she knew a while and LIVES with him ALREADY 😣😣🤔 This really messed me up mentally. The road to recovery seems light year's away.
@Rodrina Ortiz I'm great lol. I was over her in months 👍🏾 Just focused on me and I was good.
wow... I'm just a few minutes in and you are describing the person I'm with...
I call it like I see it I hope it's confirmation.
it is... I'm planning my escape.
now that I see who he really is... I cannot unsee it! its crazy!
I call it like I see it Good! Great! The smoke vanished and you see the truth. His illusion isn't working!!! Let me know if you have questions.
crazynarcissistxgirlfriend@gmail.com
actually, I do. I was planning on sitting down and emailing you when I have a chance to actually sit down. lol! My biggest question would be... How the hell do I get my son and I out of this mess, saftely... with our belongings? He and his children live in my home but, he will not leave and I am afraid if I start the eviction process, he will make good on his threats to "make our lives a living hell" and "destroy everything" so I'll get sued by the landlord. What do I do? Am I actually going to have to just leave in the middle of the night and leave everything behind? I'm terrified if I do that, he will still destroy the house that I am renting in my name... Just to screw me over. I have many other questions that I am not really comfortable sharing with others at this time but, that would be the biggest question I have.
PS.
I've already spoken to the landlord and she will not let me out of the lease and told me she would keep my security deposit and sue me for the months left on the lease. When I told her the situation she acted as if I were lying to her and said " well Idk he seems pretty chill to me, I've never seen him behave that way". So, I can already see that I will be painted as the abuser and he the victim and I'm sure he will use his children to go right along with it... and, they will because they don't want to end up on his bad side and I honestly can't blame them. I welcome any and all suggestions from anyone.
Thanks!
My Narcs weren’t abused! They were SPOILED! (Which is abuse by SPOILING!) I was abused by spoiled entitled Narcs.
Gold star presentation here. Go to the top of the list, CNXG!
Pamela Pratt Thank you so much Pamela!
Hi Pamela Pratt:
Ditto to that observation!
I lost everything and I still want her back. extremely embarrassing for me. I'm a 220lb bodybuilder. she has completely broke me down. I understand what is wrong with her and have for some time but still care for her for some reason. hell I'm in rough shape. I use to be a gun owner. due to some arguments I developed panic attacks and had an episode. 911 was called police showed up before the ambulance as I guess anytime 911 is called an officer is dispatched. police came in smelled weed and called for backup. house was searched I was put in jail for not having 2 handguns which were locked in my safe but as I didn't have trigger locks on them it is careless storage of a firearm. I had a pair of decretive nunchucks on the wall in my gym.. boom another charge of owning a prohibited weapon. anyways by the time the cops were finished I had close to 80 small charges on me. I went to jail for over a week, now I cant travel to the united states as I am in Canada.. I am having a rough time finding a job due to the criminal record. on top of that I went back to her.. few months go by we go out have a few drinks she gets drunk and starts an argument in a bar. I walk out she comes out after with a shoe and hits me with the heal of it several times leaving scars all over my chest and shoulder till this day. she then left with a friend back into the bar leaving me.. I was so upset and the fact I was drinking and suffer from depression I tried to hang myself from a fire escape right there n then.. anyways i climbed up put my belt around my neck, tied it of and attempted to hang myself.. i don't know why but i thought of my parents and how sad they would be to see me like this.. so i tried to pull myself back up.. i was able to get the belt undone but as i went to jump down my finger got stuck in between the escape ladder and was torn off.. even after this i went back to her. constant name calling and abuse. being put down in front of her friends and family and i still care for her.. she just broke up with me again about a month ago. i haven't tried to contact her or anything but i still miss her and find myself hoping she will come back. man I'm fucked... anyways thank you for making these vids as they have really helped me a lot.
ArcaneInfo111 omg poor you , I am really hope you did go no contact and you are stronger today
ArcaneInfo111 I feel for u, my story is similar, I just got a good attorney cost me a bundle though
Your blessed you were protected from demon destruction of death..What ever demonic possession is in her transferred over to you..Energy transfer is on a HIGH frequency from above or Low frequency from below..Narcissist only operate on Low energy frequency from below..Any contact with them..verbal or physical is SUPPLY..They suck your high and give you their low..Your still alive thank GOD..Your dealing with demonic strong holds and need to be set free spiritually..peace to you.
ArcaneInfo111 I wanted him back the first time he left. He did everything to hurt me. Triangulation, hoovering, smear. I taken him back and it was 3mts of demonic behavior. I will never let it back in. Hope you found happiness within yourself. These people are liars, cheats, and have no empathy. We deserve to be loved unconditionally.❤
Im so sorry to hear that I was with one too I was in the hosp with shingles for 10 days. Ive lost everything too Im hurting like hell. Im just sick.
"Some of these Narcissists want to see you commit suicide."
Absolutely *true* ! The reason?
To show how *devastated* you are when they leave! Literally!
*Several* times I was pushed to the brink of walking into on-coming traffic. The only reason I didn't was because there was one other person that I had in my life everyday, that I valued above him; my daughter.
I even *told* him at one point during a "yelling match", one of many, that it because of her that I didn't actually do it.
And, exactly one week after that was when he started to give me "advice" about my relationship with *her* , designed specifically to put a wedge between us that made me realize "something" was really wrong. That's when I began to question, "What do he and I really have in common anymore?".
Then, I started looking for videos on UA-cam about "difficult relationships"...
i have experience this also david very good video
Nancy Monohon Thank you Nancy.
Thank you for saying it over and over again!!!
Thank you for sharing, really love your videos.
christine haigh Thank you Christine!
So on point. . and So sad. David i know that you don't think that they are demon's , per say Yet they are Evil. lacking goodness. i used to beg my covert narcissist to attend church with me, mostly he refused, however when he did go, he'd get up and leave, EVERY TIME, he'd wait by the door for me.. now im not deeply religious, but i really appreciate the service the morals and lessons of being of service to your fellow man, always that was stressed and i do believe in helping others when you can, we probably don't di enough of that, Anyhow my point is, he could Not stay, likely it hurt his ears. . just saying. Thanks for letting me ramble. you're doing Great work for Us. and I appreciate it.
So true... my ex narcs girlfriends boyfriend hanged himself, i could understand why...
I think your some kind of mystic ninja fly on the wall because your so accurate it's Insane
A very compelling and insightful video.
I wish I could have understood yrs ago. I believed him I accepted so much blame. he told me to do my kids a favor and die. he has destroyed everything with his lies and affairs it's all broken. I am away from him and I just wish I could make him hurt like he hurt everyone around him
Jeannie Castleberry You won't care in 5 years because you will be busy with your healthier life. You can begin now.
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend thank you I'm trying so hard to get through it all. my faith and my children and grandbabies have brought me almost to th other side of this and ur videos are a true blessing u r helping so many people.
Thanks David I totally understand.
Yona Curtis Thank you Yona.
I don't understand David.. but I'm certainly trying. You do give me hope out of the insanity. :)
Laurie Anne HI Laurie, please watch more videos and if you have any questions, please ask. - Davud
crazynarcissistxgirlfriend@gmail.com
I think I hooked up with a covert narcissist who's been manipulating me for five months straight, even without being with him more than ten days because he lives in another country.
He's still very young and I am the type to want to know people I am supposed to be intimate with and learn how to trust em, and so he's actually explained to me the way he puts on a facade, a fake version of himself because people wouldn't like who he is otherwise.
And I give him right, because each time he was himself he was insulting, humiliating me and calling it a joke, pushing my boundaries etc. After finally telling one of my closest friends about him and the huge drama he's caused in my life since October, I realized while explaining how much bullshit I put up with.
He'd always pick the worst times in my life where I am stressed out or times where I am having such a great day that I am singing to make things about him and ruin everything.
I got rid of him on all social media platforms, blocked or put him on ignore so he leaves me alone.
But as someone who doesn't like to hear that I hurt people it's been hard, even if him hurting and degrading me was a lot worse.
20 yrs of this..planning my exit.but I can't lie I'm gutted.so hard to take in.and it gets worse with time.
julie morris I'm so sorry Julie.
Let me know what I can do to help.
crazynarcissistxgirlfriend@gmail.com
Thank you for all information!
love this video. Thank you David.
I'm distraught I was ruined and destroyed by the narc I'm a big-time empath.
And he blames me for everything said I was too crazy person and I learned of all these lies I don't even know who this person was how do I heal from this abuse he's moved on to the next woman and this was only a 6-month relationship and I was affected I can't believe it
Thank you.
Jessica S You're are so welcome and thank you Jessica.
Thank you!!!
Melissa Lange You're welcome, thank you Melissa.
Hey David! Another great video! I think my mom might be a narc or have narc traits. She got remarried to my stepdad, he's a good guy! He loved her 100%. He passed away about 2years ago. Anyways, my mom cheated on him for a whole year with this dirt bag of a loser. My stepdad never found out but just recently I asked my mom, did you ever feel any remorse or feel guilty for cheating on your husband for that year? She said nope, he never knew, he didn't get hurt, so it's OK. She said it with absolutely no feelings at all, like its no big deal. Geez!! My own mother is empty inside. The more I learn about narcs, they seem to be everywhere.
Donna Hogan That is cold blooded... I just had a comment a guy wrote almost the same thing. When he asked his Father about his Mother's death he replied eh, we're all gonna croak someday and didn't seem to care at all. Most Husbands die right after the Wife if she dies first because they can't handle the loss.
Spot on David xx
Well it seems like as soon as you get distant, or they think you are going to leave, they start the hoovering again.
Terri Lynch My Life Yes Terra, it's a push pull game. As long as you play you are giving them fuel.
He's trying to be nice again after a big hell storm. I told him what he was and I said that time will tell. I recently found out what a narcissist was. It was amazing how much to a T he was. I often thought. Wow how can a person say those things and act that way etc. toward his wife and kids. It's so crazy. if I look back over the entire 12 year relationship, It was from the beginning. I'm drained pretty much financially now, and just the other day he took over all the bills. Not mine though. Oh I have to pay own stuff. Now that I'm on disability I am like 7000 dollars in debt from having to buy food, take care of the dogs vet etc. food and so forth, and his daughters food and personal needs. I have raised his kids since they were 4 and 6, then are now 15, soon to be 16 and 18. I consider them mine. He wouldn't let me adopt them when they were little. He said. oh no wait. You can't adopt them because if anything happens between us, they will want to go with you.... also he told his daughter on Thanksgiving, not to forget who's daughter she was. smh. that's just a tiny piece of what has happened.
Terri Lynch My Life So familiar. They are textbook and do they same thing.
Just pleae don't believe anything he says and contact only for the children. contact only if necessary otherwise forget him.
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend problem is, we are still in the same house.
Terri Lynch My Life Omg I'm so sorry. I always tell people they can't heal until they're away from them. But that's without children. This makes it much harder but not impossible. Can you get away or get rid of him?
Dad Surviving Divorce is a channel I recommend to everyone with chidren.
Right on!! Great message!!
The Lion lies down with the Lamb Thank you so much.
My ex narc girlfriend,would say to me if you love me show. I did not know what she ment at first,but i do now she wanted me to take my own as ultimate proof of my love for her......When i refused she discarded me!!!!
I wonder if they have personalities at all - buried inside - because they develop a mask that's gathered from the traits of past victims, and they also reflect our own selves - desires, hopes, etc., - back at us? If we develop our emotions, and how to control them, at around four years old, then isn't that our own personality that's also been developed from then on?
step chicken They don't change our personality. Their personality is disordered. They can't change who they are and they don't change who we are.
I am so confused and I cycle through the whole gamut of possible emotions. I feel guilt,shame,and hurt. I am so alone with my little truth and I am being killed slowly by the bigger lies. I am told I am the problem and I need to get help so we can then try to work it out. I have to accept the lies and move forward. If I could accept the lies,I could stop raving and sleep. I am so alone as it seems as if they are correct. Others tell me I have to calm down and stop the raving and they do not think that I realize I need help. I know I am fucked,and I do have issues too. I would do almost anything to get off my bi-polar cycle. It is sad as I simply can not accept a lie as truth and I refuse to build anything on top of a lie or pack of lies. I will keep praying because I am not going to compromise my soul even though I could easily accept the entire thing and peace would be mine. I am so afraid in the face of this evil as when faced with my small truth my controller goes ballistic and when I in anger forced her to admit the truth it was almost a whisper and I could barley hear it. She broke the contract we made in fall of 1980 that was the foundational agreement of our relationship. I would not have asked her to marry if she had been unwilling to agree to never let anyone else hear us argue or involve anyone else in our disagreements. This worked very well until now as we never spent a night apart until now. She always said that if I left her she would never come back and I was so afraid of losing her. She made up a petty lie and in desperation did so in front of a friend,and embarrassed I did not argue. When my friend who is sorta slow brought it up he told me that I was right and that she made up her own version of my words. I now know why I have been so spun out that I can not complete a project anymore and am overwhelmed. I used to keep everything maintained and nice here. I have blamed myself for failing to help her and my daughter. My daughter hates me for my failure to help her as I was so wrong to keep trying so long. When I gave up and told her that I had failed miserably and the financial health of the family was on the ropes and that I had failed to help with time and money to help. I have seen nothing but improvement in my daughter since,I feel guilt and shame as I tried to give her the help I so desperately needed myself starting out. I recieved no help making the struggle to get going almost impossible. I thought I would kick her out of the nest like that. A decade of financial assistance trying to help her to gain her independence left me almost broke mentally and financially and she was just as broke as the start. I am so lost now and wish I had not been so dumb. I saw I had hurt her by my efforts and I am now in shame,alone and I may be suffering from the punishment she and her mother dish out for my love and support. I may be the problem they face. This is a hard truth to me. I hope this helps someone else as I feel like I am a victim of my victims and if so I am a awful man who is only getting what I gave back. Be careful of your efforts to help the people near to your heart as I wish the pain and shame I feel on no one.
Yes, it’s clicking, painfully, but it stops me wanting to reach out to him. Phew.
You: I love you...Narc:another One bites the dust. realize it, and GTFO!!! easier said than done. Good video.
J Martinez It is so easier said than done. Thank you. - David
Your amazing
Hello, I love your videos I recently found your channel. I hope things go well for you now as you've had to go through so much and you're helping people with your experience. Selfless. I have a question to ask; Do narcissists use mutual friends (whom you haven't spoken to in a year+) to contact you and ask you for information? I've blocked my ex husband on fb the last 6 months and he hasn't tried blatant hoovering but 2 mutual friends who I havent spoken to in a good while have contacted me asking what I'm up to, whether I'm in America or not, am I working? I'm just curious what you think...
Rosie Hello Rosie, thank you for your support. Please watch my video titled
Resist The Hoover!
Your answer is inside.
It is hard to accept it its upsetting. But others I do accept it's only because how I was treated. When you had or have feelings for that person its upsetting. It's based on levels of treatment? Not every narc was abusive to me,but most were . About 2 out of 10 were not. I don't get it. I got the absent silent treatment is abuse but nothing verbal or physical. I guess each person is different.
what is the best way to overcome it bro I need a solution man ...I don't wanna start my 2017 with these feelings ...I've been affected for like 4-5 months now and I'm tired bro
FatherZoo TV That's good you want it gone. At least you know what it is.
It took a long time to feel this way, it takes some time to heal. Your brain needs time to heal. Treat it right and you will be there soon.
....and it hurts like hell... 3 weeks nc for me
OMG! I planned to leave a comment here about narcissist. As I was drafting my question for you, the ex narc bf just texted me like 5 min ago with, ''Hey how's work? :D '' wth does he wants nowwwww. The more I ignore him, the more he is persistent to contact me! So creepyyyy!! Is this because of the holidays hoovering?! :O
Anyway David,
I have a question.
I'm sorry to ask this if it sounds stupid somewhat.
I have read somewhere that narcissist is attracted to a co-dependent person. And for those got discarded, people say that the narcissist is not the problem, but the one got discarded who is codependent and has to work on him/herself.
So if my ex boyfriend is a covert narc, am I co-dependent?
As far as I'm concerned, I have been an independent person. My close ones have known me to be an independent & happy person. I do have healthy boundaries with people, my close friends and my family. But with my ex bf, he always wanted me to depend on him. For example, when I'm financially tight, I would talk it out to him saying that I can't afford to visit him. I needed more time to save up before I could fly to see him. but he insisted that he would pay. I told him that I would not want him to do that as I don't want to burden him with using his money. And he would say things like he's my bf and that I should depend on him, etc(like as if how a husband/wife should be sharing, financially, physically and emotionally). Eventually flight ticket was bought using his money and weeks flew by and there were times when we had few fights here there, he would rage and took the easy way out saying that he wanted to break up. So many times he did that.
Anyway, I got vulnerable and I gave in to him, became dependent on him. The more I became that way as he wanted me to be, the more he got annoyed, like as he was starting to dislike/hate me. That was what I felt. When I wanted to tell him about my feelings and talked about it to him, he would say that I always want to start argument with him. Even his friends have heard our ''fights'' and they would say that I provoked him.
And now, he just texted me, he knows I'm at work. The last contact he made with me was 1 week ago but I ignored. I don't want to break my NC but I just have this guilty feeling for not replying - that is just a little frustrating as I want to be strong for myself ugghh
Finah A. Hi Finah!
He won't leave you alone because he is refusing to lose. If you took him back I'm sure he would crush you in seconds and discard you.
he believes he owns you and has no respect for you so the harassment is totally ok to him.
Don't give in.
No, you're not Codependent.
Anyone that tells you that doesn't know what they're saying. They're not informed and telling you so can be more damaging.
It's an outdated term that refers to enabling chemically dependent family members.
Watch Codependency? WRONG✔
Yes I'm definitely staying where I am. Ain't gonna move. He just messaged apologizing for disturbing me and that he was drinking "a little bit too much"
I ignored that msg too. So what? What's the point?
He has never done this before since he broke up with me.. really trying his best to get reaction out of me..
Yes it doesn't seem like he is ready to let me go for good, looking at the pattern for 8 months now.. it has been the same. I shall watch your video on Codepency! Thanks David!
Finah A. Try to stay strong. Don't give in.
Finah A. They never let you go. They think they own you.
You described the chick I was dating perfectly
so true
You made me cry :(((
You're not dealing with a normal person, that's for sure!!!
I think a lot of narcissists are successful, I don't agree about them not achieving a thing.
Jeina Vvr Yes lots of high positions are held by narcissistic people.
it's the worst, lol..
I believe e mpaths that are abused by narc parents are prime targets for a narc. They prey on you. And when you stop being a victim and claim victory over your childhood.. They triangulate you w some other train wreck. I feel like I need to do some videos on how to get money together and become independent even if u never leave. Tfhis gives you power. If you survive their lies and stay.. find your niche. Hobbies.. get a JOB. I know they keep u dependant as long as they can
Watching from my son's channel But you are brilliant and spot on
hey you.... so he's still trying to get with me... after all the shit... oh love you miss you..... thoughts and help please...
Jessica Erin Hi Jessica. I'm sorry to hear how hard he's making it for you. He's controlling and has no respect for you or how you feel.
On the extreme side you can have a lawyer write a letter for $50 - $100 that gives him a little scare.
Easier, keep doing what you can to block him.
It won't do any good to talk to him because he knows what you're doing. He's trying to get a hold of you because he believes he can still manipulate you.
I'm sorry and I hoped that helped. Just try to be strong and stay away. It will get easier without communication.
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend ok just don't respond... I'ts hard for me to really grasp it when they're being so so nice it seems so genuine but deep down you know it's not.
CNXG CrazyNarcissistXGirlfriend yeah there's a part you want to say oh he's not a narc... but then the shit bullshit judging low insults and that starts... and it starts to come back yeah yeah he is blah blah
Jessica Erin Don't forget that he has lied about who he is to you and you fell in love with that. He will never be genuine. When they tell you who they are, they can never be honest, it's all lies.
His actions should match his words, if they don't, there's a big problem.
Terra Tamblyn
Try to realize that they don't hinkle about how you feel. it's all about them. You are property and they can do want they want to you.
may our creator help them
There's no such thing as Darth Vader
QuartuvLarry All of us know that, what a weird thing to say
I stated a rhetorical metaphor. It means you should not expect a villain to have a heart of gold
I think they believe their own bullshit, what do you think about that possibility?
so true