They don't have a conscious awareness of their false self being a false self. If they became momentarily conscious of it, they will eventually deny it. The false self has become their self, it protects their true self from ever experiencing the shame they felt as a child, a shame that turned into self-hatred of such a fantastic degree that it became better for them to create a false self than to feel the lies about whom they believe they are.
If one is consciously capable of identifying feelings of shame over having or acting out of a false self, they are capable of healing if they are willing to do the work, in general. In the case of the narcissist, the false ego is iron-clad, they cannot face the pain of the original transgression toward themselves because they believe the lie, and they cannot face the truth of who they have become as a result of it.
Where is the line for potential healing? How much hope is there for a narcissist who wants to do the work and claims to feel the void, pain, and shame?
I imagine the Cherokee Story of Two wolves after listening to this video. n old Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life... "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. "One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego. "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. "This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too." The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?" The old chief simply replied, "The one you feed."
Where I am right now is... I'm going through self identity crrisis.. like..I feel like... like what this guys is saying I'm like..ok is that me. But it's not me it can't be I get mixed up like I just can't do this shit. For me to admit a lot of things I believe in law of attraction in creating yourself and making yourself..ahh fuck it just fuck it all. I come out however I hear my outside self I love helping people so much I have so much heart I swear to God it hurts because people hurt. bye y'all take care.
I know a true narcissist/sociopath. Numerous times I've watched her reeling in others with "love," getting them to confess their secrets, then creating a drama to destroy them. I've watched her create divisions where she works, with friendships, and family. I'm astounded that she retains so many "friends" even after attacking them. Like they never wake up to the manipulation. Somehow she always convinces them that the destruction she wreaks is their fault somehow. When I see her target new people, I feel like warning them--particularly when she's using family connections. I've thought it would be inappropriate, but maybe I'm wrong and they deserve to be told.
I married one!, ticks every box for NPD and most for Psychopathy and I'm not exaggerating! The only ones I can't verify is juvenile offending and childhood behavioural problems.
maryse plante The juvenile offending and childhood behavior problems were there but not realized for what they truly were. They can stay low key and fly under the radar getting away with all kinds of behavioral issues.
@@suzannethompson4157 yes I couldn't prove those aspects because I was not present in the early years, I do believe they would have been fulfilled only I was not there to witness it 😊
Damn this is so true!!!!!!!!!!! This happened to me by relatives, teachers, peers,co workers, bosses and people who worked in day programs with NPD!!!!!!!!!!! These people have a severe personality disorder. They're worse off than I am with my highly functional form of Autism, ADHD and Bi-polar. IJS
Narcissists have been around us for thousands of years, the apostle Paul spoke of "them" influencing the Galatian Christians when he recorded the following found at Gal 4:17 in the New Living Translation ... Those false teachers are so eager to win your favor, but their intentions are not good. They are trying to shut you off from me so that you will pay attention only to them.
I think you are the only one who can answer this: In the beginning of being with the narc, I could see the mask being adjusted. It was nearly imperceptible, but I would sense a fakeness. It didn't go from monster to angel -- more of an upward adjustment to secure the "fit". It may sound crazy but I know I saw/sensed it. Have you ever heard of this? I ignored it but it has haunted me for five years. I have since seen the mask all the way off and that is unmistakeable. Thanks.
My ex true self does not exit i believe to burried. He never shared one thought literally in a year. I never know who this person was, all I knew of him was his defense mechanisms. Where does that leave you. How can any person in this world be with someone that they dont even know? How can you have a relatinoship with that false self? Thats not real? What do you do? I know to walk away I guess, there is no real bond. Never was. How do they feel living like this? Do they care?
No, they don't care because they don't actually feel. You can't care if you don't feel. The inner landscape of a narcissist in comparison to a normal person is like night and day. That's what is so difficult for normal people to understand - you cannot comprehend what a narcissist is actually like, because you're not one.
Hi Sam, Love your videos, thankyou. I must disagree with one thing you mentioned (3mins15secs). You state that the narcissist has an ancanny ability to psychologicaly penetrate others. In my experience with a highly inteligent sociopath this is true, but in my experience with a below average intelligence narcissist it isn't. All the best.
Sam, your description of the "false self" reminds me of the old Jungian concept of a "persona." Do you think that the narcissist's creation of a false self could be an extreme version of what normal people do when they adopt a persona?
How can they live like that (false self) knowing it is false and be satisified. If all friendships and romattic relationships are based on this false self, then none of it is real. How can they have moments of happiness when their whole life is a lie? I just dont understand how they can live like this, no real human closeness and contact. It sounds so foregin to me. Do I fell pity for my ex or is he fine as lacks ability to feel much anyway? I dont know how to wrap my head around this?
The same way the codependant has a relationship with narcissists. They are just 2 sides of the coin. People on these sites rail on about the narcs but enjoy being with them as well. People need to learn to be attracted to nice people , not fake people
It is interesting to talk about "the narcissist" and there certainly are people that seem almost to demand that this label is applied to them, but presumably most people have some false self/true self issues, so could one see most people as having some of these narcissistic defensive aspects with the most extreme cases deserving the label "narcissist"?
@LegalEagle000, you are right - detecting a narcissist straight away is not necessarily a matter of "depth". It's a matter of combined experience and sensitivity. It is true though that many intuitive people have a 6th sense perceiving psychopathology in other people. Whereas people who are more the thinking-analytical type might rather try to "analyse" the situation and come to the "rational" conclusion there is nothing wrong with a NPD, when there is. Doesn't mean they are shallow though....
They don't have a conscious awareness of their false self being a false self. If they became momentarily conscious of it, they will eventually deny it. The false self has become their self, it protects their true self from ever experiencing the shame they felt as a child, a shame that turned into self-hatred of such a fantastic degree that it became better for them to create a false self than to feel the lies about whom they believe they are.
If one is consciously capable of identifying feelings of shame over having or acting out of a false self, they are capable of healing if they are willing to do the work, in general. In the case of the narcissist, the false ego is iron-clad, they cannot face the pain of the original transgression toward themselves because they believe the lie, and they cannot face the truth of who they have become as a result of it.
Where is the line for potential healing? How much hope is there for a narcissist who wants to do the work and claims to feel the void, pain, and shame?
I imagine the Cherokee Story of Two wolves after listening to this video. n old Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life...
"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.
"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
"One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.
"The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.
"This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,
"Which wolf will win?"
The old chief simply replied,
"The one you feed."
That was genius
Y not share.
Laurie Swanson profound!!
Where I am right now is... I'm going through self identity crrisis.. like..I feel like... like what this guys is saying I'm like..ok is that me. But it's not me it can't be I get mixed up like I just can't do this shit. For me to admit a lot of things I believe in law of attraction in creating yourself and making yourself..ahh fuck it just fuck it all. I come out however I hear my outside self I love helping people so much I have so much heart I swear to God it hurts because people hurt. bye y'all take care.
wow! powerful!
I know a true narcissist/sociopath. Numerous times I've watched her reeling in others with "love," getting them to confess their secrets, then creating a drama to destroy them. I've watched her create divisions where she works, with friendships, and family. I'm astounded that she retains so many "friends" even after attacking them. Like they never wake up to the manipulation. Somehow she always convinces them that the destruction she wreaks is their fault somehow. When I see her target new people, I feel like warning them--particularly when she's using family connections. I've thought it would be inappropriate, but maybe I'm wrong and they deserve to be told.
They do deserve to be told at your own safety
I know a woman exactly like that.
I married one!, ticks every box for NPD and most for Psychopathy and I'm not exaggerating! The only ones I can't verify is juvenile offending and childhood behavioural problems.
maryse plante The juvenile offending and childhood behavior problems were there but not realized for what they truly were. They can stay low key and fly under the radar getting away with all kinds of behavioral issues.
@@suzannethompson4157 yes I couldn't prove those aspects because I was not present in the early years, I do believe they would have been fulfilled only I was not there to witness it 😊
Wow,This really hit home,This is my wife I feel so bad for her.
Damn this is so true!!!!!!!!!!! This happened to me by relatives, teachers, peers,co workers, bosses and people who worked in day programs with NPD!!!!!!!!!!! These people have a severe personality disorder. They're worse off than I am with my highly functional form of Autism, ADHD and Bi-polar. IJS
Wow..a fighting a losing power struggle within one's self.
Sam do you feel like narcissist are possessed by demons at times!
My friend, you are on the right track!
Narcissists have been around us for thousands of years, the apostle Paul spoke of "them" influencing the Galatian Christians when he recorded the following found at Gal 4:17 in the New Living Translation ...
Those false teachers are so eager to win your favor, but their intentions are not good. They are trying to shut you off from me so that you will pay attention only to them.
Everyone is narcissistic
You deny that you lying to yourself
@@blunder2128 thank you , everyone is narcissistic to a certain extent , different levels of narcissism
I think you are the only one who can answer this: In the beginning of being with the narc, I could see the mask being adjusted. It was nearly imperceptible, but I would sense a fakeness. It didn't go from monster to angel -- more of an upward adjustment to secure the "fit". It may sound crazy but I know I saw/sensed it. Have you ever heard of this? I ignored it but it has haunted me for five years. I have since seen the mask all the way off and that is unmistakeable. Thanks.
Emotional resonance tables samvak.tripod.com/faq48.html
My ex true self does not exit i believe to burried. He never shared one thought literally in a year. I never know who this person was, all I knew of him was his defense mechanisms. Where does that leave you. How can any person in this world be with someone that they dont even know? How can you have a relatinoship with that false self? Thats not real? What do you do? I know to walk away I guess, there is no real bond. Never was. How do they feel living like this? Do they care?
No, they don't care because they don't actually feel. You can't care if you don't feel. The inner landscape of a narcissist in comparison to a normal person is like night and day. That's what is so difficult for normal people to understand - you cannot comprehend what a narcissist is actually like, because you're not one.
This is incredible, thank you
“The narcissist true self, or his inner child if you wish is obliterated by this barrage of a variety or forms of mistreatment”
Beautifully said.
Hi Sam, Love your videos, thankyou.
I must disagree with one thing you mentioned (3mins15secs). You state that the narcissist has an ancanny ability to psychologicaly penetrate others.
In my experience with a highly inteligent sociopath this is true, but in my experience with a below average intelligence narcissist it isn't. All the best.
Tim, I know of examples who are fascinatingly discerning others weaknesses/vulnerabilities
maybe it's not shallow in an intellectual way but I think he means emotionally shallow
Hi Sam, I have a question. There is any type of narcissism that doesn't include the development of a false self?
No. samvak.tripod.com/faq48.html
The shame full true self, would that be due to a concious awareness of there false self any help would be greatly appreciated
Sam, your description of the "false self" reminds me of the old Jungian concept of a "persona." Do you think that the narcissist's creation of a false self could be an extreme version of what normal people do when they adopt a persona?
Jung and narcissism samvak.tripod.com/faq51.html
@@samvaknin Carl jung ⭐
Illuminating.
How can they live like that (false self) knowing it is false and be satisified. If all friendships and romattic relationships are based on this false self, then none of it is real. How can they have moments of happiness when their whole life is a lie? I just dont understand how they can live like this, no real human closeness and contact. It sounds so foregin to me. Do I fell pity for my ex or is he fine as lacks ability to feel much anyway? I dont know how to wrap my head around this?
They don't feel like they have a choice
They don't have moments of true happiness, their true self wasn't loved or acknowledged, so they live in survival mode
The same way the codependant has a relationship with narcissists. They are just 2 sides of the coin. People on these sites rail on about the narcs but enjoy being with them as well. People need to learn to be attracted to nice people , not fake people
It is interesting to talk about "the narcissist" and there certainly are people that seem almost to demand that this label is applied to them, but presumably most people have some false self/true self issues, so could one see most people as having some of these narcissistic defensive aspects with the most extreme cases deserving the label "narcissist"?
Narcissism is a spectrum - from healthy to pathological samvak.tripod.com/1.html Narcissism and Self Love samvak.tripod.com/faq23.html
sounds very accurate account of the Narcissist I know.
@LegalEagle000, you are right - detecting a narcissist straight away is not necessarily a matter of "depth". It's a matter of combined experience and sensitivity. It is true though that many intuitive people have a 6th sense perceiving psychopathology in other people. Whereas people who are more the thinking-analytical type might rather try to "analyse" the situation and come to the "rational" conclusion there is nothing wrong with a NPD, when there is. Doesn't mean they are shallow though....
Very high maintenance.
🐸