Domestic Abuse on Men: My Story

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  • Опубліковано 16 лис 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 71

  • @carolinecantelmo3790
    @carolinecantelmo3790 9 годин тому +1

    Very thankful of your braveness for coming forward , many men are abused by women or a same sex partner. Abuse in any relationship is dangerous and very unhealthy. If experiencing any abuse please seek help immediately. Domestic violence does not just go away and it most likely will escalate to higher and more frequent abuse . Caroline Cantelmo survivor and advocate for Domestic Violence . Former voices member for NYC Mayors office .

  • @Josh-ri7hy
    @Josh-ri7hy 2 роки тому +6

    Bravo for speaking up, man. Word is getting out thanks to men like you!

  • @BridgetKF
    @BridgetKF 3 роки тому +21

    For those who do not believe that women can be as cruel and abusive as men are. And, more often than not, a man who is abused will be put in prison, mocked, and belittled and driven into suicide even by the authorities because of the mindset of "MEN are the abusers, only, women never abuse men, it's the other way around" and "You're just belittling women who are abuse victims by talking about male victims!" No, I'm not. We need to ACKNOWLEDGE this is happening. And hold ALL abusers, male and female, to the law. Before more people die.

    • @RoboMonkey-oo-Ah-Ah
      @RoboMonkey-oo-Ah-Ah 2 роки тому +3

      I couldn't get through this video it was too slow and long but yes there is major abuse towards men, sometimes that is the result of why men even hit woman even though that is not ok and yes the way men are treated does push them to suicide, crime, murder and resentment toward a community. there are a lot of programs for woman that are being exploited by malicious woman and it does drive men to hate or kill, that is if they do not choose suicide. depends on the guy.

    • @NFTeve
      @NFTeve 7 місяців тому

      They are worse

    • @NFTeve
      @NFTeve 7 місяців тому

      I put the speed on 2x faster on most videos ​@@RoboMonkey-oo-Ah-Ah

  • @sigmarecovery699
    @sigmarecovery699 2 роки тому +5

    This happened to me. More than once. Men are not allowed to talk about trauma or abuse. Started with my narc ex-wife. I jumped from abusive relationship to abusive relationship after that. The chaos “seemed” normal to me, a reflection of my own abusive childhood. When we do try to talk about this stuff, even with professionals, we are often shamed, blamed, and labeled as “weak” by both men and women. It’s an injustice. Enough.

  • @colleenhanna5383
    @colleenhanna5383 3 роки тому +5

    Good for you for having the courage to speak out abuse is abuse no matter who is dishing it out ....

  • @ChethanSrinivas
    @ChethanSrinivas 3 роки тому +13

    I had been in an abusive relationship in a very same situation as the victim in the video. It became physical abuse very quick during the lockdown and when my old parents were not home. Initially I didn't tell anyone fearing embarrassed about it. But when I did I got lot of support and I was able to escape and get shelter. But being an indian male though my friends understand what I went through, the society does not. Because she's a very covert narc. I have been bashed in the skull many times. I didnt realise until I came out and when my mental health became stable I was able to recognise the danger I was in. Her parents are really horrible to deal with they don't even accept she has done wrong. Her mental abuse on me is on a different level. The vulgar words are unbearable. Her behaviour is disgusting especially during an argument she used to scratch and spit in my mouth. My mental health took a hit, but I knew this was wrong and decided to stand up for myself and told my family and friends. Though now I'm safe, financial ly drained. Getting ready to face the biased law. She even abused my parents in public, but my neighborhood knew about her. I could only tell what she was and done to me, I had taken photos of my injuries and record her behaviour (dangerously).PS . Her mother was just watching me get assaulted in the house, that was the day I was locked in, I managed to escape and runaway. The brilliant police never saw the abuse. 😐I tried explaining to the great inspector wouldn't even look at my injuries. Sigh.
    One day I hope I can raise awareness in my country.

    • @jascintarebello3234
      @jascintarebello3234 3 роки тому +4

      So happy you escaped that evil witch. Pray for my son to take a stand. I'm from India but my son is in Australia.

    • @raghavhabib
      @raghavhabib Рік тому

      A big red flag to watch out for is when the wife or her family never take accountability, have the attitude that they can do wrong and never admit to any mistakes they make. They always blame you for everything!! If you see this run, run, run from that relationship!

    • @carolinecantelmo3790
      @carolinecantelmo3790 9 годин тому

      Keep your faith and continue to speak out and you will eventually bring awareness in your country .❤

  • @ReVolt_e-Vlogs
    @ReVolt_e-Vlogs 4 роки тому +18

    Bro, you're NOT ALONE, & people "think" it's only the push overs, sensitive men, & the like that deals with this, that couldn't be FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH!!! 💯 I'm an ex con, ex gang member from the inner city of Chicago. I served 17yrs in prison, I been shot 5 times, stabbed twice, & am DEFINITELY NOT the typical victim type, but if they can't dominate you by physical beatings, & abuse, then they'll do it by starting to plant seeds in people's heads like; "man, he has a bad temper....", or; "I'm scared he might hit me if he ever got really mad...", so they already start laying the road for their carefully planned, methodical & deliberate smear campaign, to make YOU think you're going crazy, & to convince EVERYONE ELSE that their the victim, then the "DEATH OF 1,000 CUTS" truly begins!!! You'll NEVER please them, as soon as you appease them on 1 goal, they pick up & move the goal post!!! 😤💯 There's LITTLE to NO HOPE for these sick individuals, they're false sense of ego would NEVER ALLOW them to admit they're broken, it doesn't fit with their narrative of being the essence of beauty & intelligence for ALL to fawn over! They're ALL cheats, they can NEVER be satisfied with 1 partner, they've been cheating on you from day 1, if you don't believe that, your truly naive! All the times they're accusing you of cheating on them, IT'S PROJECTION, & the more persistent they are with accusing you, shows HOW BAD they're really cheating on you, & they treat the replacement just the way they treated you in the beginning, like you were the CENTER OF THEIR WORLD!!! Most the times they just recycle exes that are DUMB ENOUGH to fall for the lies again! I kicked my covert narcsisst wife out over a week ago, I was too the point feeling like I'm in prison.....AGAIN, BUT a prison FAR WORSE that any real prison I've done time in, I had more freedoms & trust by prison guards, I was too the point I was gonna KILL MYSELF, or possibly lose it & lash out at her, so before that happened I called 911 to have her removed from my house. Well when she really sees I did call, she calls them & LIES & says I just beat the shit outta her & spit in her face!!! While waiting for the police, she assaulted me in front of my son, & threw her drink in my face, then took off afterwards. When the police arrived, I can tell they already looked up my background just by the way they were acting, mind you, I NEVER had a domestic battery in my past, or ANYTHING against women, well my son says right off the bat when they asked what happened that my wife assaulted me & scared him, with OBVIOUS red marks on my face, & they can see the drink ALL OVER ME & the house, but all they seemed concerned with was if "I" assaulted her!!!💯😤 I told them, don't you think that if I assaulted her, I'd be the one to run away & leave, wouldn't "the victim" wait for help???? They found her after 30 minutes, & of course, NO MARKS ON HER B & she admitted to them I didn't assault her. ALL they did was "recommend" she left for the night,b probably told her; "FOR YOUR PROTECTION", screw my son & I, right, THE REAL TRUE VICTIMS!!! 😤 They didn't arrest her for domestic violence, nor do anything for filing a false police report, in their eyes, big hairy men CAN'T BE A VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE!!! 💯 There needs to be more men to speak up about this, searching in UA-cam, it's either all women talking about their abuse at the hands of their spouses, or gay men talking about they abuse by their boyfriends, so I can't relate to either, most the tactics are the same, but overall a way different situation. In wish you'd share more about this, & what you did to move on & "try" to forget. Have you found a good spouse yet, or did you give up on the thing called "LOVE"???

    • @juniorlinden7030
      @juniorlinden7030 3 роки тому

      Hey man thanks for sharing this with us - I am doing a school project and am making a podcast and would like if you could tell us this story in an interview - let me know - thanks

    • @FourbrrlGrabber
      @FourbrrlGrabber 2 роки тому

      Mine went on for 19 years, 3 years this side of it, total no contact at all, she still is at my farm, I was banned from the county, jailed, and penniless, intentional destruction of my existence. FINALLY, beginning property division. Been divorced since June 2019 !!

    • @heretic5116
      @heretic5116 2 роки тому

      Real talk man, hope you and your son are in a better place

  • @Mrliamharris
    @Mrliamharris 2 роки тому +5

    Well done on sharing your story, it was very brave.

  • @reneroo277
    @reneroo277 4 роки тому +16

    This is so important. Thanks for sharing 👍🏽

    • @AbuseonMen
      @AbuseonMen  3 роки тому

      Thank you for your support.

  • @MonteaNoLipton
    @MonteaNoLipton 2 роки тому +2

    this really hits close to home...thank you for making this video.

  • @mikael7956
    @mikael7956 3 роки тому +6

    Thank you for sharing and informing us! We hope you are feeling better. 👍

  • @melanieking4357
    @melanieking4357 2 роки тому +3

    never tell an abusive partner that you are leaving them, it simply is not safe to do so. Leave very much on the quiet. Once you are safe and sound, then inform your partner that you have left them and that you are never coming back. That's the only way to do it safely for all concerned.

    • @heretic5116
      @heretic5116 2 роки тому

      Wise words, tht really is when all hell breaks loose and shit just goes crazy

  • @melanieking4357
    @melanieking4357 2 роки тому +3

    Have thought for a long time that different types of abuse should be taught at high school so that you know when you are being abused.and can identify when those around us are being abused. We should learn what healthy and unhealthy relastionships look like so we can be much more proactive in dealing with abuse and do what one needs to do to get help and protectrion when and if needed. Enabling one to leave much earlier before the terrible damage is done to ones psyche.

  • @melanieking4357
    @melanieking4357 2 роки тому +3

    One thing l want to say as l am listening to you speak is, never lose sight of healthay boundaries. Healthy boundaries are non negotiable, they should always stay in place, for yourself and others safety and personal control and balance. Never allow another person to define your boundaries. They are yours and yours alone to put in place. That's why they call them "personal bounadaries". Btw there is no such thing as the perfect couple and the prefect relationship. Every relationship has it's challenges Ppl will only see what you put in front of them and in that way some ppl showcase their relationship as though it was a product to sell to others. Be ware of this tendency in ppl. True characrter is being honest about any situation and dealing with it appropriatly. How are ppl going to learn how to deal with things as they arise if everyone is selling the perfect relationship product? Isn't how a person deals with adversity something important to learn and see in others?

  • @gleemunga5420
    @gleemunga5420 3 роки тому +7

    No body can manipulate like a well heeled woman

  • @starsofaheartattack6286
    @starsofaheartattack6286 3 роки тому +4

    I'm glad you spoke out! :)

  • @artmeacademywiththesaltyse9537
    @artmeacademywiththesaltyse9537 3 роки тому +13

    So sad, lived it for a few decades with a covert narc. Easy to get in with golden love bomb period. Hard to get out with kids after being demoralized.
    Thanks for sharing.

    • @AbuseonMen
      @AbuseonMen  3 роки тому +3

      Yes I lost all my confidence during just 2 years. I cant imagine how hard it is after decades and kids. I was terrified of having kids with her. Its so easy to fall for these people and so difficult to get out. Thanks for sharing too.

    • @user-sh3vv4fd2rMr.K
      @user-sh3vv4fd2rMr.K 2 роки тому +2

      working my out now after almost ten years married and two kids and we own a home together. The police have been good to me in understanding and assuring me that men can and do get abused like this. Our psychologist has clarified the level of abuse, I reported a sexual assault and provided audio recording of the whole ordeal, including lengthy discussions of the various abuses that she is still outright denying... Even with the authorities on your side, even with tons of evidence to support that you have been manipulated for so long, and isolated over time from family and friends, even when you know your abuser doesn't have a case... it is still near impossible to be confident and at peace and maintain your composure and sanity while you are still in it, especially with children who have to witness the abuse. The children and I can't leave, and she won't leave. But unless she physically beats the hell out of me... I have to deal with it while I navigate my way out through the legal systems. The children are going to need therapy... Thanks for sharing your story!

  • @melis5425
    @melis5425 3 роки тому +2

    thank you for speaking out. i know this will help so many people.🥰 take care love

  • @sonderman8079
    @sonderman8079 3 роки тому +9

    I have been living this nightmare for 21 years now. Still stuck as we have a young boy between us. Thank you for sharing your story. Please keep up the good work to raise awareness.

    • @AbuseonMen
      @AbuseonMen  3 роки тому +3

      Hey, thanks for your comment. To live in that nightmare for 21 years must be awful. I got to the point where it was easier to try make it work than to leave. I didnt think it was possible to leave. Now I am out for over a year and I realized its all a spell. You can also get out of it. There is a better world waiting for you. Find people to help you.

    • @sonderman8079
      @sonderman8079 3 роки тому

      @@AbuseonMen Thanks for the message of support. I really wish you a good and content life that you deserve.

  • @pierreepohmoudio7609
    @pierreepohmoudio7609 2 роки тому +1

    Thanks for sharing your story.

  • @brummytoo
    @brummytoo 3 роки тому +3

    Just keep strong, and beieve in yourself..thanks for sharing

  • @lisadabbs2181
    @lisadabbs2181 3 роки тому +9

    It sounds exhausting to be in a relationship like that. She seems to be "light of the street. darkness of the house." Relationships don't need to be this hard and if you feel you need to constantly "work" at it, then you're better off being on your own

    • @AbuseonMen
      @AbuseonMen  3 роки тому +1

      Yes totally agree. Thank you so much for your comment. So much happier than I have ever been since I left.

    • @AbuseonMen
      @AbuseonMen  3 роки тому +2

      Thanks for your comment. I totally agree. Her issues and playing the victim totally consumed me. I had no energy ever. I was overweight. I wasnt myself. I was imprisoned by her and she knew it. Its so important to know the signs and red flags. I wish I knew before. Now I only focus on being happy and anyone that comes into my life must only elevate that.

    • @uhegbu
      @uhegbu 3 роки тому

      'Light of the street, darkness of the house'. Explain to me what it means in proper terms.

    • @lisadabbs2181
      @lisadabbs2181 3 роки тому +2

      @@uhegbu Mainly, it's a translation from Spanish (my mother tongue). It goes: "Luz de la calle, oscuridad de la casa". It refers to the person who is charming and friendly with friends and strangers but abusive and unpredictable with their families at home. A double faced person.

    • @lisadabbs2181
      @lisadabbs2181 3 роки тому

      @@AbuseonMen Isn't strange that we tend to be more careful and informed about buying a car or a house, to make sure we aren't getting something defective, to get what we are paying for? But when it's time to select our life's partner, our most important "investment", we don't bother to investigate this person and take him/her at face value?
      Would an employer hire anybody without asking for references? Of course not, because he's not guided by feelings and emotions. But hey, like the song says "All we need is love" because, supposedly love conquers all.

  • @zippyz4170
    @zippyz4170 3 роки тому +3

    Be glad its over and be highly selective in who you let get close to you...they could destroy your dreams or help you be successful in life. Been in these types of "relationships" for over 20 years and constantly felt like a failure as if I wasn't doing enough and little by little they would lie, cheat and be highly manipulative. Over time they would start calling me the narcissist and smearing my name to friends and family. More men need to speak out about the abuse not because its a sign of weakness but a sign of strength that we have had enough. Stay strong brothers and stick to your guns.

  • @bowhunteraden
    @bowhunteraden Рік тому +1

    I’ve just woken up over the last year, after being married for 18 years. It sounds like your ex and my wife are twins.

  • @Boombastic82
    @Boombastic82 2 роки тому +3

    The truth is men are not abusive but under pressure to bend to the unnecessary and unusual demands of society. A man who is abusive has been abused hundred times over.

  • @minwade5436
    @minwade5436 3 роки тому +16

    Typical narcissistic behaviour by the perpetrator, trying to isolate you from friends.

    • @AbuseonMen
      @AbuseonMen  3 роки тому +3

      That was the worst thing. By the end I didnt know what were my thoughts and what were hers. So often she would say "we" didnt like my friends anymore because she didnt like them. So happy I am out.

    • @minwade5436
      @minwade5436 3 роки тому +4

      @@AbuseonMen I’m so glad you eventually stood up & have moved on with your life. Too many guys won’t say anything, it’s a dreadful way to live. Stay safe.

    • @jascintarebello3234
      @jascintarebello3234 3 роки тому

      My heart goes out to all the males who are suffering abuse. As unlike women it is so hard for them to speak. My son is suffering this and it's breaking my heart.

    • @minwade5436
      @minwade5436 3 роки тому

      @@jascintarebello3234 I understand my nephew was in a relationship with a narcissist, too many men are suffering in silence. I’m glad my nephew saw the light after being manipulated into disassociating with his family & friends. I truly hope your son also manages to break free.

  • @davidparker6924
    @davidparker6924 3 роки тому +1

    Sorry to hear your story son . I know because I am married to a n wife . I have been with her for not far off 50 years .! In my case to many have happens . I should have done a lot of things but did not .I have come to the other side of my life and left it far to late . But it's does stay with you in my case . my attitude is never give in . That's it I don't know what else to say . again best of luck to you 👍

  • @annem5899
    @annem5899 3 роки тому +1

    Stay strong x

  • @NFTeve
    @NFTeve 7 місяців тому

    My mom is a domestic abuser.
    I haven’t seen my dad in 15 years

  • @DavidSmith-xr8js
    @DavidSmith-xr8js 3 роки тому +7

    She sounds like a borderline based on your story. Be glad it was only six months and not 30 years.

    • @DavidSmith-xr8js
      @DavidSmith-xr8js 3 роки тому +3

      Not at all! When your with women like this, it messes you up. Most men have never experienced crazy like that before and it really most have no idea what to do about. My advise is run away fast!

    • @AbuseonMen
      @AbuseonMen  3 роки тому +2

      @@DavidSmith-xr8js Yes I was very lucky to be out after only 2 years. The escalation for the last 6 months was crazy though. My therapist after said most people dont get out of it from the position I ended up being in. I was very lucky. She had me in her prison and she knew it, it was like a spell.

    • @jascintarebello3234
      @jascintarebello3234 3 роки тому

      I worry for my son. She's a Dr. Jackyl and Mr. Hyde. She has managed to isolate him from family and destroyed his personality. And this evil witch works as a nurse.

  • @blessyaheart
    @blessyaheart 2 роки тому

    I witnessed someone I love being physically abused by the wife and when I tried to intervene the wife hit me. Abusers aren't gender specific.