Roman Soldiers Excited For Super-Easy Job Guarding Tomb Of Some Jewish Guy
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- Опубліковано 26 бер 2024
- These two Roman soldiers totally lucked out: their next assignment is to guard the tomb of some dead Jewish guy. How hard could it be?
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#easter #christian #jesus #comedy #bible #babylonbee - Комедії
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I bet those two Roman guards didn't think for a minute that they would make the news in the Babylon Bee 2000 years later!
That's even better than getting your picture on the cover of The Rolling Stone!
Hahahahahahaaa!!!😂😂😂
In Mistry Babylon the grate 😉👍👍
LOL no they didn't
MM years later 😅
Praise the Lord our God, the tomb is empty! Christ is Risen!
He is risen Indeed!
Not so fast... It's now even God Friday yet. It is hard to rise from dead before you are even dead!
He is Risen Indeed! Alleluia!
I love this, funny and true!!!
Resurexit sicut dixit!!!
As a security guard of 30 years, I appreciate this video. 😂😂😂
Bruh learn a skill.
@@zeroneutral Bruh get out of yer moms basement! 😆
@@zeroneutral his skill is guarding
second oldest profession
@@zeroneutral I play guitar. 😎
Every knee shall bow, every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord..
Misinterpretation and misunderstanding of Paul’s words. Please cross-reference 1 Corinthians 8:6.
AMEN
LOL!
i was born beyond the wall, I DO NOT KNEEL!
@@GabrielEddy Roman's 14:11, Phillipians 2:10-11, Isaiah 45:23.
The statement is correct.
I have been a Security Officer for 15 years. Glad to see the job hasn't changed in 2,000 years.
😂😂😂
Confirmed.
Guard: "I'm about to get promoted!"
Jesus: "I'm about to end this man's whole career"
Oh, come on, you couldn't have had one of them say, "I was two days from retirement"
He said he had done XIV years. Retirement age in the Roman army is XXV years, so he still had XI years to go.
@@philiphumphrey1548 Lolium!
@@philiphumphrey1548 ¡Lolium!
It's good to see someone can still do math correctly. Feels like people haven't done it properly for MM years!
He should have pulled out a picture of a boat with multiple oars and rowing slaves and said "yeah, me and Sarah are going to cruise The Med".
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."
😂
You didn't! lol
I don't get it.
V beers = 5 beers
Bruh ur slow@@SoRunThatYeMayObtain
To be honest, they were placed there to guard the tomb in case Jesus's disciples were to steal the body. So from their point of view they would not be guarding against "the dead guy" escaping, but against a mob coming to steal the body.
true. But that wouldn't fit this BB skit
I bet you were "the teacher's favorite." ... Just couldn't help yourself could you?
This is true. A lot of people don’t think of this.
That may be true INITIALLY. But by the third day they had obviously heard all the local gossip and met a number of his disciples. So they would naturally have adopted a more relaxed attitude. The Elders had said the disciples would try to steal the body, but the soldiers knew better. Totally legit.
@@PaulStringini Good points.
I love the "V minutes later."
I think saying "V minutes later" is a missed opportunity to say "X minutes later" :D
@@wojciechsura It comes from "Sponge Bob SquarePants" where the narrator says it with a French accent (presumably because of Jaques Cousteau) while it is printed on the transition screen. ten (X) minutes later would not make sense and there would be no reason to say it.
By the way, they live in Bikini Bottom where the Atomic Bomb (Bikini Atoll, 1946) was tested so they are all mutants from the radiation. That is something that is lost on most viewers since they are almost all children.
😂 love the use of Roman numerals in this
"V minutes later"
So funny!
CCCXIII people have liked this comment.
@@Jamesmatise Well, it's more than MCCCLXVI now. I do have to say, best V minutes of laughs here.
A couple of us guys played the guards in an Easter play one time when we were in high school. After the Resurrection, the other guy said that maybe we wouldn't get in trouble. I turned to the "tomb" with the cardboard stone off to one side and hyper dramatically said, "Oh, right - MAYBE NO ONE WILL NOTICE!"
I played Jesus in my youth group’s Stations of the Cross every year because I was a man child and the only one strong enough to lug around the cross.
😂
I watched this video VII or VIII times and laughed every time!😅
😂
🤣😅
Who watching this in MMXXIV?
What is so funny about this? I don’t get the humor with this particular skit.
Ya know, I really do feel sorry for those guards. How humiliating. You had one job!!!
, but hey if ur gonna fail, it might as well be to God.
@@arcguardian Good point.
Didn't they get paid off to say His followers came and took the body? A win? Though I suspect they might have been redeployed to somewhere like Scotland.
@@chrisgorman1652 Dereliction of duty in the Roman legions was an offence punishable by death. This is known by original documents from the time which still exist on stone tablets. Even falling asleep on guard duty would ensure a legionairre would never wake up (he would be executed in his sleep).
I very much doubt they would come to any agreement with Christ's followers for any amount of money, not that most followers of Christ had enough money to bribe anyone anyhow. Money is no good if you're dead.
The guarding of a well known political prisoner's body was taken very seriously indeed and the guards would most likely have been put to death following the events at Christ's tomb (although the Bible does not say either way). The Bible also talks a few times about the execution of guards who had lost prisoners on other occasions, including the escape of Paul and his companions from prison, when the guard was going to commit suicide in preference to a humiliating execution.
@@andymanaus1077 It was the Jewish leaders and the Romans that came to the agreement to quell any "Christ has risen" talk from His followers as that would look bad for both.
I like the authentic looking clothes. Did Romans really wear crocks? Happy Easter!
Latin crocks. Very Roman. 😂 Happy Easter!
😂
The Roman Army was defeated by Arminius at the battle of the Teutoburg Forest because they failed to put their Crocs into sport mode
I was wondering if Romans exposed their heart’s in armor or if these guys need to hit the gymnasion to fill them out?
I think Crocs came out in the early Hellenistic period! 😎
Happy Resurrection Day.
My Jesus is alive...alive forever more!! :)
"Not wearing my throwing sandals..." Man do I know THAT feeling!
The stone wasn’t rolled away to let Him out. It was rolled away to show that He was already gone!
Good point.
Deep stuff
Does anything in the video contradict that? I don’t think the opinions of the guards count as theological statements.
Settle down.@@jjkrayenhagen
Amen
I’ve always loved the irony that the steps they took to put an end to the Way ended up proving the Resurrection beyond a doubt. They put a giant boulder in the way, with a giant seal on it, and stationed troops from the best Army in the world at the entrance.
AssFCKS for Jeezass are insane.
Many, many, many years ago, and I saved it, there was an editorial cartoon in the San Diego "Union" showing two guards walking away from the tomb, and one saying to the other, "Relax. Who will even care in 2000 years?" Knowing how liberal the UT is now, I doubt very much they would publish that. (I quit them a couple of years ago when they ran two articles about the claim that men can get pregnant. I wrote them and told them exactly why I was guitting them. I even asked the editor, "How much do YOU spend each month on tampons?" The publisher is a man.)
I love this! Thank you!!
It is half his budget since his husband left him. Irony much? I'm also sure that David Schwimmer will try to sue you for being a antifa nazi...
I had a subscription to the SD U-T years ago, too. Even had a liberal friend who worked there as a photographer. They did have some excellent writers over the years, though. Remember John Sinor?
I miss the old B.C. & Wizard of Id comic strips: Johnny Hart always seemed to make some overt or oblique nod to Easter. He was a class act. Back when newspapers were still a daily fact of life....
@@nunyabidniz2868 BC kix cave-butt.
He is risen indeed !
Up from the grave He arose
With a mighty triumph o’er His foes
He arose a victor from the dark domain
And He lives forever with His saints to reign
He arose! He arose!
Hallelujah, Christ arose!
Amen brother!
And He’s coming back for His bride! Everybody get ready!
LOVE this hymn!
Also - "Death cannot keep its prey, Jesus, my Savior.
He tore the bars away, Jesus, my Lord!!"
Powerful words of truth!
Καλό Πάσχα! Χριστός Ανέστη.
(Happy Passover - Resurrection Sunday. Christ is Risen!)
Lies. No one has ever risen. Period. Jesus was an invention of the Roman Empire, man made stories
@@Blurb777 there is no savior. There is YOU. You can save yourself. You don't need anything but will. Be righteous as God commanded and you will be justly rewarded with the ressurection.
I was expecting Angel Travis to be like: "Excuse me guys, I need to move that rock."
Angel Travis?
@@Psalm-yg6yi The guy in the end skit; as an angel.
Travis is the worker bee prisoner in the endcard. They often have him come out at the end of a sketch and deliver very matter of fact lines.
He is risen!
At least I heard their next job was easier. They just had to guard Paul in prison.
🤣🤣 Thanks, Babylon Bee! 🙌🏻✝️🙌🏻
Pretty good Roman uniforms. Particularly accurate on the pilum (javelin). Even accurate on the 'don't have my throwing sandals'...cuz those Birkenstocks were definitely not standard Roman issue! 🤣 Happy Easter everyone! He is Risen!
And the way the leather creaks....it's real leather!
I bet the Pharisees are gonna make up some lame story about the well-trained Roman guards falling asleep...
And the camera systems shutting down at the same time by pure chance 😂
They did and also said that if the soldiers got into trouble with their superiors the Pharisees would put in a good word for them and make it ok.
And the soldiers testifying that the apostles stole Jesus' body... even though they were "asleep".
Jesus Christ is King......the Son of God......the Messiah,.......baby!
Dereliction of duty - check
Failure to obey a lawful order - check.
Loss of the Messiah - check.
Yep. They're going to end up standing in front of the First Sergeant's desk.
First Spear's desk. Primus Pilum. And ah... that might not be the end of their interaction with spears, since impalement was a punishment.
Centurion.
Praetor.
"How do you *lose* a Messiah, Private?"
"I don't know Sir, it just happened!"
It would be funny if they were also the prison guards in Acts.
At least they had an excuse, unlike Epstine's guards.
I wonder what their testimony was, did they even witness the angels before fainting etc.?
He is risen indeed
The whole time they were saying how easy the guard job is, I was TOTALLY expecting Jesus to be silently sneaking away on the background, like a cartoon character.
This is a Christian channel, I don't think they would do that.
Saw a cartoon (drawn by a Protestant minister) showing a couple of disciples standing outside the open tomb and looking in, and another figure, obviously drawn to be Jesus standing behind them with His hands on the shoulders saying, "Hey guys. What are we looking at here?"
Really? Seems too not naff somehow. I mean this stuff is really good. Love the alien.
Bugs bunny style 😂
Those darn protestants 😂@@russs7574
Happy Easter, Christ has Risen !!!
He is risen indeed
He is risen indeed!
He is risen, indeed!
@@surlyogre1476Dude is dead
Christ is risen. PTL
I love that the captions use Roman numerals 😂 it’s the little touches
For God So Loved the World...
Hallelujah! The tomb is empty and HE lives! 🙌🏽❤️🔥✝️
No. You and billions have been deceived. ❤
His explanation for you is in John 8:47 @@sitresjolie2343
Psst, over here. Did you know what the whore's favorite trick is? To obsess your mind and get you to think about her lies. 🙉🙈🙊
Happy Easter! Christ is risen!
Praise Jesus ❤
Yahweh was one of several late Bronze early Iron Age gods that the early Israelites followed, along with Baal. Yahweh and Baal were two of the sons of the Sumerian god El, in ancient Ugaritic texts. Eventually Yahweh was adopted as their main and then the only god, adopting the characteristics of the other gods. From this, Christianity and then Islam emerged. Historically, many scholars consider Jesus to have been an apocalyptic prophet, one of many from ~200 BC to his time, and bit after. He expected the imminent end, as did Paul after and some of the earliest Church Fathers. This did not happen, of course. There are also ~2000 religions that we know of in our long written history, with many more gods. Each can be shown to be a product of it's time and place, based on local myths, legends and ideas.
Dear Babylon Bee, if you read the resurrection account in Matthew's Gospel, it's clear that Pilate told the chief priests and Pharisees that they had their own guards (Jewish temple guards), that they could secure it themselves. It wasn't Roman guards at the tomb, but the henchmen of the chief priests.
You missed an opportunity to have someone sitting on top of the tomb, light beams coming off of him and holding a flaming sword. "Hey. How's it going? Everything good? Me, I'm just waiting on someone. Should be here any minute. Oh, look um, you guys can stay... but I'm on a bit of a schedule, alright? So no talking when she gets here. That okay with you guys? Of course it is."
One of the guards: "maybe it's like T'rex and can't see us if we don't move."
Greater love, He laid down His life for us!❤
Then why does yourA$$Fckr god burn nonbelievers? You know, those of us that are notStupidFCKnCunts.
Jesus Christ is risen!
No one had risen. Get a clue
@@xtianityisalie A clue would mean you can cite sources. You can get a clue by reading Lee Strobel's "Case for Christ". Scholars are now finding evidence that the gospels were written as early as 50 or 60 ad, 20or 30ish years after the event. No one in ancient history has that many detailed accounts arising in such a short time. Not Mithras, or Horus or anyone else that people say the gospels came from. Blessings!
He is risen indeed!
@jaycampbell6402 wrong. The gospels are anonymous. The gospels (based on the language used in the text themselves) don't start until after 70. They go as far as the 150s with later edits into the 300s. Get a clue. A REAL CLUE and quit making crap up.
@NRSGuardian my dough is risen. Jesus is nowhere....not in the present or the past. He's the same place that Bigfoot and the toothfairy are.... make believe land.
What comes next?
Pilates with Pontius?
👈🏻👈🏻🤣
i'll see myself out.
Biggus diccus?
@le13579 magnum phallus
😂😂😂
Soy católico y para mi esto no es ofensivo, es muy divertido 😂
I bet even Jesus loved this video 😂😂😂. Live, love, laugh, and educate...
Soldiers, soldiers never change.
Amen! He is Risen!
"Drake! Where’s the messiah?"
"What you mean he’s right there. . . . Oh, I see the problem"
"OH DO YA!"
HE HAS RISEN!
Their footwear was by the famous Roman designer "Birkentus Stockonius".
“Whom are we guarding”? The Son of God. ✝️
This is the best Bee video yet! Put tears in my eyes, bothfrom laughing and from Jesus!
LOL yessss lets go.
can't wait for all the bible humor.
HAPPY EASTER
The sad thing is, thousands of people will watch this and do not get what this skit is about.
I pray for you dear strangers
add to the grammar correction in the video as well seeing mot people cannot speak correct English and demand you follow their speak patterns. and they are encourage the reading of the Bible.
But many do. Praise the Lord!
@@ElCid48 that is why there are missionaries.
@@ElCid48respectfully, your grammar is atrocious.
But the thing is this, maybe some of them will seek out the answer. :)
Every bee shall bow, every buzz confess...that Jesus Christ is Lord ❤ well done Bee on another great vid!
Christ the Lord is risen today, Alleluia!
Christ has risen!
Three crosses stood, But only one stood for me. At a place that was called Mount Calvary. A place I will never visit or see, But the place where GOD REMEMBERED ME ❤❤❤
Is this from a song/poem?
@@sulamitalovesJesus No, I wrote it myself. ❤🕊⚘
@@sarafreeman5073wow impressive. you'll have to change the lyrics if u do end up visiting there lol.
@@arcguardian❤ ⚘🕊
@@sarafreeman5073 its pretty❤🙏you should write more poetry!
The Roman guards are like stormtroopers. They couldnt hit the tree with rocks and they certainly missed seeing a Risen King. Typical gaurds.
There goes that desk job 😂
Act of God indeed
Soldiers throwing rocks to pass the time... some things never change.
Amazing that the first Birkenstocks were in Roman times...
I hope that grammar bit was a nod to Life of Brian, because if it was it was pretty clever!
Jesus is Alive!!! 🙏✝️🙏
“Well I’m not wearing my throwing sandals so, you know…” 😆
I was waiting for....
"Jesus Christ.... this job is so easy!" LOL 😂
Humor is such a powerful tool. Praise The Son Of Man on this most holy of holy weeks....
That's the son of God . Big G ❤️👑💪🙏
WHY CANT I LIKE THIS MORE THAN ONCE!!!!!
I'm laughing so hard! Y'all really outdid yourself with this one!
"he got up, and walked away"
"he what?"
"he got up and walked away"
F&P
@@user-rf5ju5nz5u yup
He didn’t get a promotion but he did find true love
As a member of the Church of Christ I find that last bit with the guy in jail for playing a harmonica HILARIOUS!!!!!
Same!😂
Ditto!
If you were in the U.S. Army (back when it was the U.S. Army), you can imagine the write up for the Army Commendation Medal for these brave Soldiers.
They wouldn't have had beards but, I love the grammar lesson. Latin is all about the grammar.
Christos Anesti!!!
Vaistinu voskrese!
Vos estis decepti. ❤
Jesus is king of kings and Lord of lords ❤
"The tomb was empty, just as he said."
The soldiers should listen to,
"Oh Happy Day".
That should cheer them up!
He has risen, he has risen indeed! Yeshua, literal translation..... Our Savior!
Thank you for using His real name.
@@wwhinson Absolutely!
Yesheua is made up by haters of Christ. Of course, he uses it for good and it now allows people to come to him who never would have. But there is zero textual evidence that he was ever called "Yeshua".
Luke 2:21 says that the angel Gabriel gave him the name "Jesus" or Iessous, since the J would not have been pronounced as in modern English. The angel Gabriel is not limited to conjectures from scholars on Aramaic. Numerous times in the Bible (for example in Daniel) characters are given dual names if they have a name that was translated from one language to another.
The name "Yahahshua" was first invented by renaissance occultists but they were embarrassed when it was proven that this wasn't a real name. So they changed it to "Yehoshua" to cover their tracks, but then it was found that this name was rarely used in Judea of the time of Jesus, so then they changed it to "Yeshua" because that just happens to be the most common Aramaic name that sounds a little similar to Jesus. Guess what? NONE of that counts as evidence that anyone called Jesus "Yeshua" when his name was given directly by the angel of God!
@@jaycampbell6402 Tell that the Messianic Jews. Sorry, but Jesus is just a poor translation.
Yahweh was one of several late Bronze early Iron Age gods that the early Israelites followed, along with Baal. Yahweh and Baal were two of the sons of the Sumerian god El, in ancient Ugaritic texts. Eventually Yahweh was adopted as their main and then the only god, adopting the characteristics of the other gods. From this, Christianity and then Islam emerged. Historically, many scholars consider Jesus to have been an apocalyptic prophet, one of many from ~200 BC to his time, and bit after. He expected the imminent end, as did Paul after and some of the earliest Church Fathers. This did not happen, of course. There are also ~2000 religions that we know of in our long written history, with many more gods. Each can be shown to be a product of it's time and place, based on local myths, legends and ideas.
Thank you Jesus!
Very apt for Easter weekend.
Christ is King
Happy Blessed Easter, Babylon Bee, their families, & viewers! 🕊✝🙏🌷🐇💐
"Barring an Act of God!!"
Awesome!! Thanks be to God that He rose and paid the price for us all!
Christ is Risen! Jesus Christ is my life! ❤
No promotions for you!
Praise God!
Hahaha! 😂
Alleluia He is risen!!!
Thank you for bringing the Gospel in humorous form :) God bless you. Chris is king. Christ is risen!
Thank you for calling him a "Jewish" guy. Christians do not forget Christ was a Jew. Great video!
No he was not a Jew, he was from Kingdom on Judea and from the Tribe of Judah. Jews are of the Edomites that settled in Judea during the captivity of Judah in babylon and had the tradition of the elders that he condemned.
Props to the cameraman for traveling back in time 2000 years to film this.
Happy Resurrection everyone!
He is risen, indeed!
Q
"Easiest assignment EVER!"
Happy Easter ❤
HE is RISEN!!!
Q❤
He is not here, for He is risen! Thank you Lord! Our Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ now sits on the right hand of the Majesty on high. Hebrews 1:3.
The movie “Risen” has an interesting take on what it might have been like to be the guards at the tomb during the Resurrection. Let’s just say that they were a little freaked out…
I recommend that movie to everyone. I taught College Latin after 40 years as an attorney, I showed this in class near Easter time saying, "This is Cultural Literacy." At the end they sat there, stunned.
@@tereseshaw7650 As a Latin teacher, did you show them the “Romans go home” scene from “Monty Python’s The Life of Brian?”
Yes--but not on the 1st day. I gave a brief look and then said that in a month they would get the joke. l@@robertbusek30
That was hilarious. Well done mighty men of valor. All glory to our Risen Savior.
Happy Easter!!!
I’m impressed you got Pilum for the bit.
Oh yeah. JESUS can do ANYTHING He chooses! Great video!!!
Very authentic Roman gear. The 2-part spears were authentic!