You haven't lost time, you needed this time to gain the perspective you have now. Having creative practice revelations is challenging and scary and exciting! I'm excited for you! Mwa! X
the "being perfect is where the fun part is" mentality is sooo ingrained in me that i never experiment or branch out anymore... WHEW i related to so much of this!!
Something I really appreciate of you as an artist is how honest you are about this stuff! I don't see many artists who have online careers give any impression that they struggle with creativity and their relationship with art, when it's something literally every artist struggles with. It feels so much more genuine and I can see and feel it in your videos and art 🥺
I think that being the best artist you can be and a brilliant business owner are such two different things, don't let one make it hard to nurture the other. Listen to what you want, I think it will be your best guide right now :)
Thanks for making things like this! In the last year or so I realized that my perfectionism in combination with ADHD task paralysis really stunted my art practice for my entire life. Ive always loved art and illustration but when it came to ME creating things, staring at the blank page just filled me with dread. I even wrote off the thought of being an artist (not as a job, but as an identity) because I felt defeated by how I wasn’t good enough and every year that passed made me feel sad about how much time I wasted not trying to make art. Following artists I admire online has been so eye opening for me - every time I see them struggle with their practice or just express how difficult and tiring creating art can be, it makes me think “oh if they struggle with these things too then maybe I’ve been tricking myself into thinking I’m not good enough.” Low and behold, I discover that art doesn’t need to be perfect and you don’t need to love the things you make but having an art practice AT ALL gets you that many steps closer to making good art you like. I’ve been drawing so much more than I ever have in my whole life and seeing the changes that have naturally occurred in my sketchbook over the course of time has been inspiring… and I literally never thought that I could inspire MYSELF. I’m still nowhere near a place where I feel all that happy with my art tbh, however, now instead of feeling defeated by it, it really has become fuel for me to keep working and growing.
I get that thought about not believing you have the ability to do or be something. I was watching a dog and decided to doodle after not having drawn anything in like two years. The doodles where bad and it freaked me out, because I believed I was better then "this". Then I realized that I had been trying to draw from an empty "art vault" and with no references. When I used to draw I used references to make my pieces. When I realized this I suddenly remember me "attempting" to learn to play the piano by only pressing the keys with no instructions, programs or guides and then quitting after 5-15 minutes proclaiming "that I was not a music person". But I had not even given it a fair shot and had decided that it meant I was unable to learn. It is scary what we can make ourselves believe. But it also means we are capable of changing our mind with the right input.
I think this is partially why I'm so interested in rejection therapy. I'm so good at protecting my fear that I've managed to get away from situations/experiences where my brain will be uncomfortable. My perfectionism will literally keep me in my house if I let it. I recently made the decision to go back to school, as a self-proclaimed old lady. Talking to people, turning in assignments (when I've been out of school for over a decade)...so many opportunities for discomfort! But, I have been telling myself, it's okay to be afraid. It can't stop me from doing what I need to do. ***Do it afraid*** is my mantra right now.
My husband has ADHD. One thing we've noticed is that over time, he loses his lessons--even recipes! Like, he'll start out strong and with a plan. Then gradually (sometimes immediately), he "forgets" the steps/intentions/priorities. He's 52. Being mindful is his solution. He needs to slow down and reaffirm or re-read or re-think at least once a week to be sure he's still on the trail. I make him get out the recipe each time he cooks because his memory of it deteoriates, and he thinks it's right, but it's not! I do think it is part of that out-of-sight, out-of-mind thing. It's weird because I've been watching your videos for years, and I'll often think as I'm watching "ohh, she's going off-course again!" because I'm so used to recognizing it in my husband's behavior! No reason to be ashamed of it.
It makes me happy to see these kinds of vulnerable videos online because every single artist goes through this, usually repeatedly through their life/career whether they are a professional working artist or hobby artist or both. This thing you're going through right here is part of being an artist, and it hits us all differently in different ways for different reasons at different times, and it is so important to share that so that everyone who is suffering alone quietly knows that it is entirely part of the process of a creative person! It takes reflection and introspection and courage to decide on your next step without knowing exactly where that direction will take you next. As someone with an art degree who ended up in a career entirely unrelated to art, I just want to say... none of this will ever make sense, so do the things that interest you and speak to you even if it feels weird, because it will eventually feel awesome and no artist comes through life with a clear path that makes any sense. But we are definitely having more fun than anyone else. We are here for you, keep going and keep exploring, and thank you so much for your wonderful videos.
One thing that always grounds me when I find myself spiraling in worry is asking: *_"What if it all works out?"_* Even if it doesn't work out in the end, you'll have something to learn from, and use that lesson to grow and improve. Keep on drawing because those lessons will build up into the artist you'll become in the future! 🌱
As a fellow artist who struggles with all of these things you mentioned, I do want to give a shout out to Danny Gregory's videos on the Sketchbook Skool channel. His videos have REALLY been life changing and have made a huge difference with how I view my creativity and my art. He's so good at pinpointing the problems, how to fix them, and he gives such helpful advice. He also didn't start drawing until much later in his life. I think we get too preoccupied with the thought of "I'm too old to change things". We're never too old to do anything. Getting rid of my perfectionism has been a very long journey and I'm still in the middle of it, but it's definitely getting better. Allowing myself to feel free in my art and in my own creativity has been so important. ❤
you described exactly what i have been going thru for the past 2-3 years :( it is nice to find that one of my favourite illustrators is also going thru the same crisis, but i hope we both overcome it soon
Real shit queen!!! ugh this is speaking to my soul tbh, art careers are so structureless and theres always so many groovy things you /could/ do, it's frustrating to have to pick a path to dump your time/resources/skill points into to improve. Thanks for sharing the "mess" of the process, it's reassuring to know that everyone goes through this thinking and reassessing and all that. I hope you find a path that feels like a sustainable practice, and dont be afraid to get real weird with it~!
I’ve been relearning the fundamentals and it’s been sooooo helpful! I’m taking the classes on SVS Learn. The forums there are also full of illustrators who love helping each other grow and I’ve found that to be invaluable. But yeah, it’s weird to love art and need to do art but to just not want to do it. Not good. Just MAKE, girl. Make things that are crap. Make things that you never show anyone. That’s helped me a ton. It means getting out of a social media productivity mindset and back into a creative kid’s mindset.
I don’t do art for a career but goodnessssss the way you spoke about your perfectionism is so so relatable, thank you for sharing this! I appreciate it so much ❤
I have always struggled to not let my art be affected my perfectionism and fear of failure. It was so nice to listen to you speak about your own experiences with perfectionism. I am also always trying to tell myself that done is better than perfect. I wish you all the very best with this next chapter in your art! 😊
Wow, just watched and I relate so hard. After art school I went through depression, trying to make art, back to depression and it took 7 years for me to figure out that it was an outside source of deadlines that actually gave me the structure I needed to have a good and solid art practice. But I agree with Sha'an, it's not lost time. I traveled and explored and learned a lot about myself during my "lost years." And I think you have a great plan for getting back to it. You can do this!! cheers
As someone who has been struggling with these types of feelings, this video was really comforting to me to know that I'm not the only one. I've had to pivot multiple times in my life before I finally came back to art where I'm supposed to be, so I totally get the feeling of wasted time. But I also know that I wouldn't be the person I am now, making the art I am now, without the journey (which we're all on our own version of). Being your own teacher and cheerleader and coach and artist and all the other hats we have to wear is really hard. Thank you for sharing your struggles and insecurities with us, it makes me feel so much more human to know that these things are universal. You've already done wonderful things on your journey, and I know you'll continue to discover what your next steps are. As another ADHD artist, structured learning is super helpful (when you can focus on it T_T ). On another note, I actually discovered your art and channel from Andy's podcast! (also one of my favorites). If you're looking for another good podcast, there's the Savvy Painter podcast with Antreese Wood, I call it my art therapy podcast lol she talks a lot about your relationship with your art, it's helped me a ton with the emotions surrounding my art.
hi Cheyenne, thank you for sharing your experiences. I've been going through this for a long long time now with periods where I would get back into daily drawings, but like you I would often go weeks or months only drawing a few times. I miss who I was when I was younger, so deep into art and draw at any opportunity I had. But I also try to give myself grace because that Me was a teenager with more time and less energy. And ofc ADHD doesn't make building routines any easier 🥲 Also I know you said you built your YT career on drawing and I totally respect that you wanna keep doing it, but know I (and I'm sure many others) watch it for you Cheyenne. I frequently rewatch your vlogs and crafting videos without any drawing. I just love your content. So rest assured that a good chunk of us is not gonna disappear just because you decide to change your main craft one day.
one of my favorite quotes i keep in mind is that it’s okay to change your mind! sometimes something serves us in one season and sometimes it won’t and that’s totally okay! i think you sharing this reminds every creative/artist that the creative journey is ups and downs and growth is not linear. thanks for being vulnerable with us! it’s nice to know that we’re never alone, no matter what art/creative crisis we’re currently facing, it’s all a part of growing on our own creative journeys ❤️
I completely relate to everything you're feeling right now when it comes to art. I've also lost my connection to what I'm doing, and have been consumed with just surviving at my "normal person job". I look at my art and don't connect to it like I want to and have just stopped drawing entirely. Getting back into it can be hard or stressful, especially when there's that stress about it being "good enough" to post about or sell. I wish you the best of luck in getting back into the practice and the joy of creating. I hope I can do the same.
finding the joy in the doing of somthing when its not 'perfect' is so so hard when it comes to illustration !! i personally went to school for art for a total of 4 years of my life and boy did it drain all of my personal creativity out of me i dropped out of my graphic design degree last december when i realised i wasnt even able to pick up my pencil for a sketch, somthing i used to enjoy so much if it was on a scrap piece of paper or in the margins ever since ive been trying to find joy in creating again and it has been rough!! to say the least! but i know that if i try and turn my brain off and just. draw. i will be fine i am very excited for you and this new direction with your career and i cant wait to see what products you design in 2025!!
This was super encouraging and helpful to watch as a fellow creative, to know that I’m not the only one out here having an existential crisis over the direction and details of my own work. Thank you SO MUCH for being brave enough to share this with us- I’m sure it wasn’t easy, and I’m sending love, light, and good vibes to you and everyone else going through the same thing rn 🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾
You have always been such a comfort to me. Figuring out how to be a human and be an artist is hard! It's always nice to see someone so open about that process. My education was to make me a professional dancer, and only going through that training did I learn that that isnt a lifestyle I want (turns out! being a professional athlete takes up your whole life! I want to have friends and hobbies outside of dance). In the few years since graduating, I have been doing more and more work in technical theatre, which I enjoy (and pays better). But it feels like I am neglecting my artist self. I can't seem to find a way to engage with dance that feels exploratory and rewarding. It feels like a chore, mostly. Lately I've been wondering if I just need to engage with it, despite it being a chore? I don't know - but it's nice to know I have company in the "figuring it out" process.
being super sheltered, a people pleaser and prone to keeping everything i felt to myself, i never really learnt how to communicate so this is honestly really insightful! ty for sharing! 🧠👂🐸✨
Okay I must say that your nails in your past few videos (or at least the past few videos I've watched) are soooo pretty. The colors are all so much fun and I can't stop looking at them 😍
omgggg you're not alone in the perfectionism, i literally felt so heard / called out when you were talking about trying to enjoy things when you're not great at them because "the fun comes from being good at it" 😩why is the brain like this...life is so short...it's ok for us to cherish things simply because we do them hhhh ♥sending good art journey vibes
Its so good to see this chatty type of content from you again! I've been through the same type of realization in a non-creative context - i worked in coffee for years stuggling to make ends meet and just yearning to find a new professional niche for myself. It took a bad boss for me to take the leap and apply for office jobs for more structure and financial comfort. From there it took the pandemic for me to decide I wanted to go to grad school to qualify for the kind of work i wanted. And deciding what exactly that work / degree would be was TERRIFYING. But I'm here now, in my new career, not perfectly happy but so proud of myself for taking that leap. I have time now for my hobbies instead of side gigs and studying, and I'm still anxious about what lies ahead but I know my torch is pointed in the right direction. Wishing the same sense of relief and contentment to you, even as we continue to find our way forward ❤
Thank you for being so honest & genuine with your audience. Being vulnerable can be so hard, especially online. Sending love & creative good vibes from Utah!🤍🎨
This resonated with me so much! I'm in a different career but a similar funk and it was honestly so clarifying to hear you voice so many of the ways I'm feeling right now too 💕
This is exceptionally relatable to me. I think I also have ADHD, definitely dyslexia, and though I dont think generallising everything to those things is useful for me but its hard not to imagine that a lot of the things in the venn diagram overlap of you and my experiences might stem from the neurodivergence. You seem to be doing amazingly and thank you for sharing so openly. No adventure without misadventure...
I was so happy when i saw your video cheyenne! I've been having a rough day, but i jusy made myself dinner and watched this so I feel better. I'm glad that you figured out a way to make your shop and patreon work for you and I know all of us will stand by you whatever you choose!
Chey- I love it when you're vulnerable with us because it reminds us that we're just human beings living in weird tiny bodies having to deal with emotions. I hear you when you say that you dont know where all of your fun went with the sketchbooks. I've recently have dealt with that as well. Earlier this year i got back into painting and doing art in general which I havent touched since I was a child. But then, I felt pressured to start a sketchbook practice to get better at simple doodling and anatomy. I also started to teach myself how to digitally draw. I learned over the summer however, I hate anatomy and trying to doodle. Im best with painting and I feel like my brain is better relaxed with painting. So, I decided to put down what I was dreading and picked back up that paint brush. To see my work be transformed after months of ignoring what I truly loved was astonishing. I feel like im having fun again with my art. My partner & mom even comment that they can see the improvement that I show after each painting i complete. Dont forget, you got this. You will find what you love and get back into the flow.
It's so comforting to hear other people talk about things that I deal with (perfectionism, adhd, all-or-nothing thinking, etc.) It's so so so easy to feel alone, especially since my day job is not in a creative field, and I often feel like everyone else has it all figured out. Thanks for sharing - I'm glad to be here for whatever direction your artistic journey takes.
holy smokiesssss i think this is the first video of yours that I’ve come across and watched all the way through. It just makes so much sense to me as someone who is a creative person with ADHD. I just got rejected from art school for a masters and now I am struggling to figure out what to do, hearing you talk about perfectionism and losing time and not being coached in art things just ring so true to me. thank you for this video, you are not alone and its so wonderful to hear that i am not alone either :)
This video speaks to me on a level that is beyond words. I feel you. And I think that me randomly stumbling upon this video and your channel was for a reason. Thank you for being vulnerable and posting this and helping others. Good luck with your journey. I have a feeling you’ll work it all out 😉 💙💙💙
I've been following you since the pre-art-business days, back when I was just a little design student in college, and wanted to say that as a now grown adult working as a fr fr full time creative - I'm sooooo grateful for your transparency about changing your art business. It can feel so shameful and chaotic and scary to start or stop something and it's a relief to know that everyone else is feeling that too lol. Sending all the love - may your new business structure bring all the peace and joy you need
Damn, I relate to this so much! I remember constantly feeling this way when I studied at uni too. Love your honesty Chey, you're a super talented artist and I know you'll navigate this time and find a solution😊
here's something that has helped me a lot that i want to share just in case you can use it too: perfectionism is really just fear of failure. for me, understanding what is underneath makes it way less powerful. i still struggle against it but i'm discovering that showing up "imperfectly" is how i can show up at all, and there are people who value that i show up! and i wanna get to connect with them! and not let the fear of failure stop me. i also relate to falling into seeing drawing as a "waste of time". i have a tendency to think of making art as my "reward" for doing unpleasant things, so if i don't do the dishes i'm not allowed to draw or whatever, which is so backwards because when i'm doing lots of drawing i have more energy for boring tasks because i love doing it. also agree sophie's scribble brigades are amazing for this! no need to pick references, just sit down and draw, and get reminders from sophie that it's all fine and good and we're just having fun. love scribble brigade!
i relate so hardcore. back when i was in school it was so much easier to make art. in k-12 the pressure to create something GOOD wasn't really all consuming. and I do so much better when I ahve structure as an adhd artist too. I'm really trying to learn how to make 'ugly art' honestly. draw to draw, try things because its fun to experiment and problem solve. i honestly have been needing to re-purchase a skillshare membership because i remember the classes also helped me a lot
thank you so much for this vulnerable video! i relate with dropping the artist's way a month it. i plan on picking it back up again because i want to prove to myself that i can finish something on my own. and i understand that feeling of looking at old art and realizing that you had more fun then. i kind of have the opposite lesson from you and i felt like i was getting too rigid in my art, focusing on the technicality of it when i felt more fulfilled just letting it happen. your art and works genuinely inspire me in letting loose and not letting technicalities stop me. i'm starting to learn drawing without guidelines this time and i'm having so much fun 😄 i hope you have fun learning the art you want to make! 💖
Cheyyy. Thank you so much for sharing. I relate so much to all of the things you're saying about art in relation to your ADHD. The struggle is so real. The perfectionism, the comparison, the need for structure, the black and white thinking. I mean I struggle with this in every aspect of my life, but it's very apparent in my creative pursuits. I like your term "no middle slider". That is a kinder way to look at it. May we all develop our middle slider. You do have one, it's just dormant ❤. We are cheering you on!
hi, cheyenne! the way you talk about perfectionism in this video made me re-evaluate everything that i have thought about making art. it almost made cry just thinking about being so harsh on myself when i was younger and how even to this day i still have the same thought patterns (maybe that's one of the big reasons why i don't make that much art anymore, especially when it comes to drawing something). perhaps i should do something about it!
yay! Sophie's scribble brigades! ^o^ I'm rly excited for yer shop loot+ following along in the artistic adventures ahead! tis always so insightful listening to yer ramble bambles!
I find it amazing that I started watching you 6 years ago, before my adhd diagnosis, before your adhd diagnosis, and now here we are and you speak so clearly to my adhd experience. Having "no middle slides" o m G that's ME to a T. I've discovered that I have all or nothing thinking for everything I do. I'm glad I finally realized it but the next hard part is figuring out how to work with it or around it. Wishing you well on your journey to navigate your brain's quirks 💕
its so intersting to hear you talk about this and to relate so much! You are an artist I've always aspired to be as prolific as, but it sounds like we're struggling with the same hurdles. I look forward to seeing where this new growth takes you :--)
Thank you for sharing, I think there’s nothing so universal as the doubting yourself, choosing a path, doubting yourself going back and so on, so thank you for showing that none of us are the only ones going through it. Also, as a fellow perfectionist girly who does pottery, I’ve actually found that the fact that something can go wrong with a piece at whatever stage of the process while frustrating has also been really good for me. It forces me to enjoy each step regardless of the outcome, and while of course there is still a degree of knowledge which then avoids those problems, things fall and get smashed or someone else’s piece exploding in the kiln destroys yours or any number of things, which shows that we are only able to control one tiny part of things and the world is going to what it wants. Hope that makes sense! And good luck with everything you’re doing 😊
I really appreciate you sharing about your perfectionism! ❤️ Something I found that helped me with not trying to be the best at something is the fact that when we are learning, we are just exploring the art form to gain the ability to communicates thoughts and ideas through it. Because communicating the idea is abstract, we can just focus on what tools we need to continue exploring. The skill will come later on out of the learning, but it isnt something that should distract you from understanding the tools that are of interest to you. I hope that makes sense! I love your content!
The overwhelm of understanding you are good, but there are things you still cannot do! The comfort zone is a tricky place :( very comforting, but alas... I am saving this video and sending it to everyone I love. Thanks for the wake up call xx
I just love listening to your rambling so much, you speak similarly to how i think and it is so soothing to me. I have always loved every inch of your universe, you inspire me so much. Recently its been really hard for me, struggling with depression and my relationships, i litteraly do nothing all day. I have been trying to draw to enjoy something in my day that isnt like tiktok or any social media that pollutes my mind and thoughts. This video is helping me so much, so thank you 🥰 I hope talking about it helps you too. Take care! Bisous form France 🥰
i have been following you for a very long time, i love your artwork and you are such an inspiration ! this video resonated with me very deeply, i am going through a similar struggle with my art right now and honestly it is a little comforting hearing so many other artists go through stuff like this cause it can feel so isolating. thank you for talking about this you are inspiring, and have inspired me to pick up on art classes again and to try and do things that scare me in art. thank you for this video and for being so open about it
hello Cheyenne! thank u for such an honest video 🤍 I really feel you, last year it was the same for me with art. u just inspired me to revive my yt channel too even though i never thought of it in the recent months! thank u , thank u, and wish u much strength to keep going with your art! 🩷
Honestly, painting everyday is the one thing that works if you want you art to be more confident and fun. Drawing skill is just like training any other "muscle". I've kept my daily practice for a year and only now I feel like I can paint anything I imagine in my head. I have a good tip I saw somewhere! At the beginning of the sketchbook, write down a list of your ,,comfort" subjects. You can always return to them if you don't feel like coming up with anything and you just want to have mindless fun. :) It can be anything (mine are things like thorny plants, simple landscapes, houses, cats, doodles, patchwork...). It really helps!
I’m so happy to see you finding your stride again! Been following you for years and relate so much to your journey. You inspire me to keep making my own art! 🤍 I have to ask though!! What color is that shimmery blue nail polish?! 💅🏼
Thankyou so, so much for this video & your honesty & vulnerability. I honestly needed to hear this so much & now feel so inspired to go on my own rediscovery journey
thank you for sharing l can relate to a lot of what you spoke about, 'the artists flump' and lack of motivation happens many times its the ebbs and flows of being a creativity, l think a big problem comes when we create for our business making art to sell it takes the joy out of creating just for fun and the joy of it, finding a balance in creating for self and the business is maybe the key to keeping the flow going. Like you l struggle with perfectionism and comparing which can cause huge issues with not thinking you are good enough or even worthy enough to call yourself an artist, l haven't created for a long time due to this but l feel a turning point is coming where l will just create for myself and have fun trying new techniques to learn and grow, hugs x
I've struggled with this so much as well, but I love that you already know what steps to take and are trying! I think that's actually not easy to do when in a creative slump. I'm going to share what helped me in case it might help anyone else - I started going on nature walks with my camera, taking pictures and then drawing from them. Somehow that became really motivating and got me out of my head. This activity is kind of inspired by the artist dates from the Artist's Way. I have since talked my art friend into doing it too and started recently a Patreon chat for anyone that would like to have some company and accountability. Maybe that's not as useful if you want to draw characters 😅 But figure drawing with some friends sound so fun and kinda similar!
As someone who is trying to get back into her own art practice, this video hit hard. (Fellow Adhder✨) To hear you say both 'your days feel like they melt away from you' and 'my art never felt important enough' - oof, that resonated! I'm setting up my 2025 journal right now and have deliberately gone Bujo style, to try and incorporate a space for painting and drawing, knowing that I prioritize my journal and hope to sort of ingrain the practice into my routine. Videos like this are so encouraging and reassuring, it's so easy as a creative to get stuck in your own head and chats like this are an amazing way to remind you, you're not alone. Thank you for sharing 💚
Thanks Chey I was able to get my laundry done 😂 but no in all seriousness I relate to everything you’re saying so hard. Especially the being in a learning environment and thriving there. College was probably the best part of my life creatively. And I’ve been in a weird slump ever since. Thanks for the video it made me feel seen ❤
I think figuring out the root of perfectionism has really helped me make wayyy more art. As uncomfy as it is. I personally connected a fear of failure with punishment I experienced as a kid and that turned into perfectionism. But what sucks about that is you can make the best art when you aren't afraid of failure or you're okay with pivoting when failure happens. Idk just some food for though. Wishing you the best in your art journey this upcoming year, excited for future launches and all that jazz.
I'm also someone who finds it difficult to enjoy something I'm not good at. For me, enjoyment comes from external validation and if I'm not good, I'm not able to get that validation. At the moment I'm trying to learn a new skill and I'm struggling as I am (obviously!) not great at it as an absolute beginner - but I am enjoying it! Progress!
Thanks for sharing. When ai began sharing my art online I made an active decision NOT to make an income with my art. I just can’t. The pressure sell and the pressure to market my illustrations just absolutely would suck the joy out of it. So I really do respect and commend the artists who are able to monetize their art. I think of myself as a content creator artist (or atleast trying to be) thanks for sharing this ❤
You are sooo relatable! I got nine weeks into the artist pages and then, I was meant to read all my ramblings and I just didn't want to, and I've been floundering ever since . I need to quit perfectionism or something too
Holy F*CK! Get out of MY HEAD! Everything you said has resonated with me and I have been in a creative PARALYSIS for going on a decade! I wanted to be a Photographer when I grew up... I am not a photographer I am a web developer and I have lost the love of that in the past year also! I Also believe that my middle slider has gone missing as well... Maybe mine is hiding with yours! Thank you so much for your honesty and vulnerability so that I (and I am sure that you are not just talking straight to me even though it feels like it) can know that I am not the only one that this has happened to! THANK YOU! 💜
As a fellow adhder (or Audhd, rather!), I relate SO HARD to all of this!!! The time blindness and the slow processing - like, it takes YEARS to process some stuff sometimes ! Momentum is my good friend. When I get on the momentum bus, it feels great and I have so much fun... then it gets BORING and I have to jump from the momentum bus to the momentum boat, then the push bike, then sliding down the stairs, then the go karts, then a skipping rope... and so on, you get it! But then if I don't get back on, I STOP and my days get sucked away into nothingness and the guilt HURTS. BRAINS ARE SO ANNOYING sometimes, but we need to rest them and give them gently 'lil kissies. There's no way to have a perfect practice, we just plod along and roll around. The world isn't made for OUR brains. It's either TOO MUCH or blank spaces hahahhaa Okay, that was a weird ramble... BUT that's my reaction to your thoughts and maybe some bits make sence!!! Let's have some art dates, my dear Chey! Love you very much x
I feel so incredibly seen by your words ;; As an ADD artist, perfectionist and business owner it can be so incredibly hard to find a balance and finding the joy in the journey of doing things that are scary and challenging. You are absolutely not alone, and I wish I could give you a very big hug ♥ What is helping me right now is trying to step outside of my comfort zone and think of future me in a year or even 5, looking back at current me and being so proud of what she achieved. In a way it is future promised dopamine I guess haha, but it helps to just picture myself in the future being grateful I dared to be messy and experimental, because she will be in a place where she will be happier with her work ;; And talking about these topics like you are doing helps a lot, as somehow having the words spoken and out there feels better than keeping doubts inside. You are doing so well Chey, one step at the time and I hope your torch will light up the way you wish to thread :)
im a writer and 100% relate and am now having a crisis because you're telling me there are people out there who GENUINELY have fun doing things that they aren't good at? like. truly? the fun IS in being good. oh god. i am now full of stress and doubt lol. i think.....i shall also look into classes and workshops. and therapy. i officially got diagnosed in adhd and then didnt do.....anything about that. because procrastination. and then forgot until this video that i have adhd, officially, and thats why i relate to you so much lol. best of luck! to both of us! full of fear and shame but trying anyway! ugh but also
it all has to do with my cut, tbh!! i'm very grateful to my hairdresser :') this is all natural texture -- I shampoo twice, condition my hair every other time I wash it, and then I scrunch JVN air dry cream through while it's wet and let it air dry into this !!
Ahh AuDHD artist with a Patreon (that I created to give myself a reason to make something at least once a month as well) and EVERYTHING you said is so relatable! Being bored with my own work but not practicing enough :'). I find the best thing to do is just not be too hard on yourself (I know cliche, but truly) and just have fun with it. Every time I do get into it then, I get to enjoy it so much! Hope you'll feel more like it as well soon. Thanks for sharing!
I can definitely relate to the feeling of 'why don't I draw this anymore?!'. I used to draw characters a lot when I was a teenager and over the years, I kinda just stopped doing it because firstly, I was not getting better at it cause I was just drawing these characters with no reference, frame of design and/or no story in mind (most of the time), but I still liked doing it. And secondly, other art-related interests caught my time and attention. However, in the last few years, I have MISSED drawing characters so much! The craving is still there and the realization that I have to practice the human anatomy, gestures, expressions, mood, clothing, etc. to get to where I wanna be, leaves my brain to two sides. One part of my brain just says, 'UGH sounds like work...that will be hard...and that will take a long time to do...' but another part of my brain is saying back, 'But I love drawing characters and they can only get better if I do even just one class of sketching out gestures or learning how to observe people out in the world. I have to do this!' So far, the latter brain is winning cause I did recently took a class (on Skillshare funny enough) on learning about sketching gestures and how many different ways you can figuratively create a basic skeleton of a character. Its just one step, but everyone says that's the hardest part. Just gotta keep trying :)
Recently I also looked thru my old drawings and had an oh shit moment 😂 Very belated realization that I pretty much had a two-year art block without realizing it. It makes sense in hindsight because the absolute stress of my personal circumstances meant I barely had energy for being functional, much less art. But I feel a little bad for the past me that was building up to something only for it to peter out. At the same time, really grateful I didn't have to face this artistic existential crisis in the midst of it -- a few months ago I was thinking some things like "huh why is it suddenly so hard to draw these kinds of things I used to do so seamlessly??" but it didn't really click haha I thought it was just a style issue. Now at least I'm warming up again on the fundamentals and stuff so the blow, when it actually came, wasn't as bad. I hope you find a rhythm that works for you again. And thank you for putting to words this kind of experience, it is invaluable to know we're not alone in the confusion.
you mentioned having no middle slider with things you do and try and honestly i also relate to that a Lot, being adhd and autistic myself. one thing that kind of helped me with that, and that does help, is like, when you mentioned you did the artists way for a month and then gave up, i think that kind of thing is very pervasive in adhd people (i am familiar with it) and it can create this sense of hopelessness in us BECAUSE the world tells us all around us that we need to be consistently working on something all the dang time and if we're not we're failures, and i think the adhd brain sees the way we do things all at once or not at all and goes 'oh well i can't possibly do it constantly for ages so there's no goddamn point and i'll never achieve this'. this is an attitude i had SO MUCH in highschool, i did the IB program which requires constant revision and studying and practice to be able to take huge exams worth 80% of your grade at the end of 2 years, so you need to be revising TONS of content and making sure you fucking know your shit, and i would constantly get bogged down in how i didn't have a consistent study practice or day for studying, or proper broken up blocks of time to do work on assignments or anything - the most consistent things in my life were sports i did on the weekends cos my parents paid for the lessons and were gonna make sure they got their money's worth by taking me to them (the sports were horse riding and archery which i really loved so its not like i was forced into stuff i hated) and also the weekend job i had at the teddy bear shop in my city. this is a long winded way to establish my point: adhd people struggle with consistency, and the idea of consistency is overwhelming and terrifying to us because it DOESN'T work and we CAN'T keep it up. naturally, this can make us feel really depressed and upset and lost in basically everything we do, and in your career that is entirely self-directed, i get the feeling that that sense is just dialled up to 11. your sense of 'no middle sliders' is not a single you thing and i bet thousands of people relate to that, i certainly do. and in relating, i have, over the years, kind of worked to tackle that in my own head so its not so paralysing. consistent practice is great, yeah - but something is better than nothing even if its not consistent. i do not draw very often, and the most i do draw is shippy character sketches in a battered notebook my partner gave me ages ago. it's still drawing though, and still good, and most importantly, i still enjoy it. i do try to draw on my tablet from time to time and god it is like pulling teeth but i try to keep the idea in my head that what im doing in that moment right there is still better than any amount of time i wasn't drawing, even if it hate it, even if it scrap it all, even if i never touch that sketch or practice ever again - i still did something. a single row of knitting on a sweater is still 1 more row that wasn't there before. reading one page of my book club book is still one page more of reading that i otherwise wouldn't have done. these little things, bit by bit, add up to an actually pretty large sum when i look at it as a whole, and they're not consistent good practice every day, far from it - but they're so much better than doing nothing. i think trying to constantly talk to yourself about 'this one thing is better than nothing at all and THAT IS GOOD' can help a lot. it's a mental practice, like strengthening muscles, of allowing the counter on the slider to inch down from the extreme ends and slowly build up an idea of what the middle ground can be. i think of it like, not necessarily striving for the middle ground, but walking backwards from the extremes and letting it slowly reveal itself to you. one day you'll turn around and realise you're actually pretty close to the middle ground and have a lot of steps in between the extremes and the middle that you can return to and figure out yourself. and in this way, ive found its less paralysing than 'i have to be doing this all the time and to the best standard i can' and 'i will never achieve this so whats the point'. just fumbling around in the dark in little bits at a time can help. it will probably suck, and feel bad, and not be fun or enjoyable at all, and can be so fucking hard. but one day you look up and realise 'holy shit things are so much easier to handle now' and that's amazing. a boulder being cracked doesn't break from the last hit it gets, it breaks from the cumulative force of every hit that looked like it was doing nothing. this isn't a full solution and also i may be preaching to the choir here; but i recognise a lot of similarities between you and i and how we think about our art and of course i wanna try and offer some support if it can. even if i don't help you hopefully i'll help someone else. good luck
Once I finally realized personal growth of any kind is rarely linear, it helped me feel like I hadn’t lost time during the periods things were less than ideal. It didn’t look like it at the time, but things were happening in those times that eventually lead to growth overall.
I really related to this video. While I’m not a full time artist, I want to pursue art and art therapy and yet making time for my own art practice and growth has been impossible. I am also an I focus on this task fully or not at all person which is difficult with regular life happening. Thanks for sharing this and putting into words what I’ve been feeling!
I'd highly recommend taking up life-drawing if you'd like to work on anatomy. I've re-started it recently and it's really fun and frustrating and usually a little structured. I do untaught sessions but you could try taught sessions!
I see no point in doing things for fun if I don't improve, I get you 100% this is the KILLER of art. As kids we draw and paint for fun and I don't know how/when it became a mental torture :(
You haven't lost time, you needed this time to gain the perspective you have now. Having creative practice revelations is challenging and scary and exciting! I'm excited for you! Mwa! X
reading this made me tear up because i need to remind myself of this all the time as i get to my mid 30's.. thank you for this waaaahh T_T
the "being perfect is where the fun part is" mentality is sooo ingrained in me that i never experiment or branch out anymore... WHEW i related to so much of this!!
Something I really appreciate of you as an artist is how honest you are about this stuff! I don't see many artists who have online careers give any impression that they struggle with creativity and their relationship with art, when it's something literally every artist struggles with. It feels so much more genuine and I can see and feel it in your videos and art 🥺
I think that being the best artist you can be and a brilliant business owner are such two different things, don't let one make it hard to nurture the other. Listen to what you want, I think it will be your best guide right now :)
Thanks for making things like this! In the last year or so I realized that my perfectionism in combination with ADHD task paralysis really stunted my art practice for my entire life. Ive always loved art and illustration but when it came to ME creating things, staring at the blank page just filled me with dread. I even wrote off the thought of being an artist (not as a job, but as an identity) because I felt defeated by how I wasn’t good enough and every year that passed made me feel sad about how much time I wasted not trying to make art. Following artists I admire online has been so eye opening for me - every time I see them struggle with their practice or just express how difficult and tiring creating art can be, it makes me think “oh if they struggle with these things too then maybe I’ve been tricking myself into thinking I’m not good enough.” Low and behold, I discover that art doesn’t need to be perfect and you don’t need to love the things you make but having an art practice AT ALL gets you that many steps closer to making good art you like. I’ve been drawing so much more than I ever have in my whole life and seeing the changes that have naturally occurred in my sketchbook over the course of time has been inspiring… and I literally never thought that I could inspire MYSELF. I’m still nowhere near a place where I feel all that happy with my art tbh, however, now instead of feeling defeated by it, it really has become fuel for me to keep working and growing.
I get that thought about not believing you have the ability to do or be something. I was watching a dog and decided to doodle after not having drawn anything in like two years. The doodles where bad and it freaked me out, because I believed I was better then "this". Then I realized that I had been trying to draw from an empty "art vault" and with no references. When I used to draw I used references to make my pieces. When I realized this I suddenly remember me "attempting" to learn to play the piano by only pressing the keys with no instructions, programs or guides and then quitting after 5-15 minutes proclaiming "that I was not a music person". But I had not even given it a fair shot and had decided that it meant I was unable to learn.
It is scary what we can make ourselves believe. But it also means we are capable of changing our mind with the right input.
The amount of times I said “YES! Thank you!!” during this video is off the charts. So relatable, so helpful, so deeply felt.
I think this is partially why I'm so interested in rejection therapy. I'm so good at protecting my fear that I've managed to get away from situations/experiences where my brain will be uncomfortable. My perfectionism will literally keep me in my house if I let it. I recently made the decision to go back to school, as a self-proclaimed old lady. Talking to people, turning in assignments (when I've been out of school for over a decade)...so many opportunities for discomfort! But, I have been telling myself, it's okay to be afraid. It can't stop me from doing what I need to do. ***Do it afraid*** is my mantra right now.
My husband has ADHD. One thing we've noticed is that over time, he loses his lessons--even recipes! Like, he'll start out strong and with a plan. Then gradually (sometimes immediately), he "forgets" the steps/intentions/priorities. He's 52. Being mindful is his solution. He needs to slow down and reaffirm or re-read or re-think at least once a week to be sure he's still on the trail. I make him get out the recipe each time he cooks because his memory of it deteoriates, and he thinks it's right, but it's not! I do think it is part of that out-of-sight, out-of-mind thing. It's weird because I've been watching your videos for years, and I'll often think as I'm watching "ohh, she's going off-course again!" because I'm so used to recognizing it in my husband's behavior! No reason to be ashamed of it.
So you just voiced my entire conundrum that I’m dealing with right now. It’s nice to know I’m not alone 😚
16:50 this was the pep talk i needed about my own struggles with ADHD / perfectionism with art thank you Chey TT
It makes me happy to see these kinds of vulnerable videos online because every single artist goes through this, usually repeatedly through their life/career whether they are a professional working artist or hobby artist or both. This thing you're going through right here is part of being an artist, and it hits us all differently in different ways for different reasons at different times, and it is so important to share that so that everyone who is suffering alone quietly knows that it is entirely part of the process of a creative person! It takes reflection and introspection and courage to decide on your next step without knowing exactly where that direction will take you next. As someone with an art degree who ended up in a career entirely unrelated to art, I just want to say... none of this will ever make sense, so do the things that interest you and speak to you even if it feels weird, because it will eventually feel awesome and no artist comes through life with a clear path that makes any sense. But we are definitely having more fun than anyone else. We are here for you, keep going and keep exploring, and thank you so much for your wonderful videos.
One thing that always grounds me when I find myself spiraling in worry is asking: *_"What if it all works out?"_*
Even if it doesn't work out in the end, you'll have something to learn from, and use that lesson to grow and improve. Keep on drawing because those lessons will build up into the artist you'll become in the future! 🌱
As a fellow artist who struggles with all of these things you mentioned, I do want to give a shout out to Danny Gregory's videos on the Sketchbook Skool channel. His videos have REALLY been life changing and have made a huge difference with how I view my creativity and my art. He's so good at pinpointing the problems, how to fix them, and he gives such helpful advice. He also didn't start drawing until much later in his life. I think we get too preoccupied with the thought of "I'm too old to change things". We're never too old to do anything. Getting rid of my perfectionism has been a very long journey and I'm still in the middle of it, but it's definitely getting better. Allowing myself to feel free in my art and in my own creativity has been so important. ❤
you described exactly what i have been going thru for the past 2-3 years :( it is nice to find that one of my favourite illustrators is also going thru the same crisis, but i hope we both overcome it soon
Real shit queen!!! ugh this is speaking to my soul tbh, art careers are so structureless and theres always so many groovy things you /could/ do, it's frustrating to have to pick a path to dump your time/resources/skill points into to improve. Thanks for sharing the "mess" of the process, it's reassuring to know that everyone goes through this thinking and reassessing and all that. I hope you find a path that feels like a sustainable practice, and dont be afraid to get real weird with it~!
I relate SO much to everything you said about perfectionism... it's so frustrating and difficult to overcome! "The fun comes from being GOOD" UGH
I’ve been relearning the fundamentals and it’s been sooooo helpful! I’m taking the classes on SVS Learn. The forums there are also full of illustrators who love helping each other grow and I’ve found that to be invaluable.
But yeah, it’s weird to love art and need to do art but to just not want to do it. Not good.
Just MAKE, girl. Make things that are crap. Make things that you never show anyone. That’s helped me a ton. It means getting out of a social media productivity mindset and back into a creative kid’s mindset.
I don’t do art for a career but goodnessssss the way you spoke about your perfectionism is so so relatable, thank you for sharing this! I appreciate it so much ❤
I have always struggled to not let my art be affected my perfectionism and fear of failure. It was so nice to listen to you speak about your own experiences with perfectionism. I am also always trying to tell myself that done is better than perfect. I wish you all the very best with this next chapter in your art! 😊
Wow, just watched and I relate so hard. After art school I went through depression, trying to make art, back to depression and it took 7 years for me to figure out that it was an outside source of deadlines that actually gave me the structure I needed to have a good and solid art practice. But I agree with Sha'an, it's not lost time. I traveled and explored and learned a lot about myself during my "lost years." And I think you have a great plan for getting back to it. You can do this!! cheers
As someone who has been struggling with these types of feelings, this video was really comforting to me to know that I'm not the only one. I've had to pivot multiple times in my life before I finally came back to art where I'm supposed to be, so I totally get the feeling of wasted time. But I also know that I wouldn't be the person I am now, making the art I am now, without the journey (which we're all on our own version of). Being your own teacher and cheerleader and coach and artist and all the other hats we have to wear is really hard. Thank you for sharing your struggles and insecurities with us, it makes me feel so much more human to know that these things are universal. You've already done wonderful things on your journey, and I know you'll continue to discover what your next steps are. As another ADHD artist, structured learning is super helpful (when you can focus on it T_T ).
On another note, I actually discovered your art and channel from Andy's podcast! (also one of my favorites). If you're looking for another good podcast, there's the Savvy Painter podcast with Antreese Wood, I call it my art therapy podcast lol she talks a lot about your relationship with your art, it's helped me a ton with the emotions surrounding my art.
Thank you for being so open and honest about your always inspiring art journey and also for getting me to do the dishes 🙏
hi Cheyenne, thank you for sharing your experiences. I've been going through this for a long long time now with periods where I would get back into daily drawings, but like you I would often go weeks or months only drawing a few times. I miss who I was when I was younger, so deep into art and draw at any opportunity I had. But I also try to give myself grace because that Me was a teenager with more time and less energy.
And ofc ADHD doesn't make building routines any easier 🥲
Also I know you said you built your YT career on drawing and I totally respect that you wanna keep doing it, but know I (and I'm sure many others) watch it for you Cheyenne. I frequently rewatch your vlogs and crafting videos without any drawing. I just love your content. So rest assured that a good chunk of us is not gonna disappear just because you decide to change your main craft one day.
one of my favorite quotes i keep in mind is that it’s okay to change your mind! sometimes something serves us in one season and sometimes it won’t and that’s totally okay! i think you sharing this reminds every creative/artist that the creative journey is ups and downs and growth is not linear. thanks for being vulnerable with us! it’s nice to know that we’re never alone, no matter what art/creative crisis we’re currently facing, it’s all a part of growing on our own creative journeys ❤️
I completely relate to everything you're feeling right now when it comes to art. I've also lost my connection to what I'm doing, and have been consumed with just surviving at my "normal person job". I look at my art and don't connect to it like I want to and have just stopped drawing entirely. Getting back into it can be hard or stressful, especially when there's that stress about it being "good enough" to post about or sell. I wish you the best of luck in getting back into the practice and the joy of creating. I hope I can do the same.
finding the joy in the doing of somthing when its not 'perfect' is so so hard when it comes to illustration !!
i personally went to school for art for a total of 4 years of my life and boy did it drain all of my personal creativity out of me
i dropped out of my graphic design degree last december when i realised i wasnt even able to pick up my pencil for a sketch, somthing i used to enjoy so much if it was on a scrap piece of paper or in the margins
ever since ive been trying to find joy in creating again and it has been rough!! to say the least! but i know that if i try and turn my brain off and just. draw. i will be fine
i am very excited for you and this new direction with your career and i cant wait to see what products you design in 2025!!
This was super encouraging and helpful to watch as a fellow creative, to know that I’m not the only one out here having an existential crisis over the direction and details of my own work. Thank you SO MUCH for being brave enough to share this with us- I’m sure it wasn’t easy, and I’m sending love, light, and good vibes to you and everyone else going through the same thing rn 🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾
You have always been such a comfort to me. Figuring out how to be a human and be an artist is hard! It's always nice to see someone so open about that process.
My education was to make me a professional dancer, and only going through that training did I learn that that isnt a lifestyle I want (turns out! being a professional athlete takes up your whole life! I want to have friends and hobbies outside of dance). In the few years since graduating, I have been doing more and more work in technical theatre, which I enjoy (and pays better). But it feels like I am neglecting my artist self. I can't seem to find a way to engage with dance that feels exploratory and rewarding. It feels like a chore, mostly. Lately I've been wondering if I just need to engage with it, despite it being a chore? I don't know - but it's nice to know I have company in the "figuring it out" process.
being super sheltered, a people pleaser and prone to keeping everything i felt to myself, i never really learnt how to communicate so this is honestly really insightful! ty for sharing! 🧠👂🐸✨
Okay I must say that your nails in your past few videos (or at least the past few videos I've watched) are soooo pretty. The colors are all so much fun and I can't stop looking at them 😍
omgggg you're not alone in the perfectionism, i literally felt so heard / called out when you were talking about trying to enjoy things when you're not great at them because "the fun comes from being good at it" 😩why is the brain like this...life is so short...it's ok for us to cherish things simply because we do them hhhh ♥sending good art journey vibes
Its so good to see this chatty type of content from you again! I've been through the same type of realization in a non-creative context - i worked in coffee for years stuggling to make ends meet and just yearning to find a new professional niche for myself. It took a bad boss for me to take the leap and apply for office jobs for more structure and financial comfort. From there it took the pandemic for me to decide I wanted to go to grad school to qualify for the kind of work i wanted. And deciding what exactly that work / degree would be was TERRIFYING. But I'm here now, in my new career, not perfectly happy but so proud of myself for taking that leap. I have time now for my hobbies instead of side gigs and studying, and I'm still anxious about what lies ahead but I know my torch is pointed in the right direction. Wishing the same sense of relief and contentment to you, even as we continue to find our way forward ❤
just keep swimming bestie ✨ you're definitely not alone, i'm going through something similar. I'm excited to see where you go from here ♥
i loved this video, thank you for sharing. you’re not alone in this.
Thank you for being so honest & genuine with your audience. Being vulnerable can be so hard, especially online. Sending love & creative good vibes from Utah!🤍🎨
This resonated with me so much! I'm in a different career but a similar funk and it was honestly so clarifying to hear you voice so many of the ways I'm feeling right now too 💕
This is exceptionally relatable to me. I think I also have ADHD, definitely dyslexia, and though I dont think generallising everything to those things is useful for me but its hard not to imagine that a lot of the things in the venn diagram overlap of you and my experiences might stem from the neurodivergence. You seem to be doing amazingly and thank you for sharing so openly. No adventure without misadventure...
I was so happy when i saw your video cheyenne! I've been having a rough day, but i jusy made myself dinner and watched this so I feel better. I'm glad that you figured out a way to make your shop and patreon work for you and I know all of us will stand by you whatever you choose!
Chey- I love it when you're vulnerable with us because it reminds us that we're just human beings living in weird tiny bodies having to deal with emotions.
I hear you when you say that you dont know where all of your fun went with the sketchbooks. I've recently have dealt with that as well. Earlier this year i got back into painting and doing art in general which I havent touched since I was a child. But then, I felt pressured to start a sketchbook practice to get better at simple doodling and anatomy. I also started to teach myself how to digitally draw. I learned over the summer however, I hate anatomy and trying to doodle. Im best with painting and I feel like my brain is better relaxed with painting. So, I decided to put down what I was dreading and picked back up that paint brush. To see my work be transformed after months of ignoring what I truly loved was astonishing. I feel like im having fun again with my art. My partner & mom even comment that they can see the improvement that I show after each painting i complete.
Dont forget, you got this. You will find what you love and get back into the flow.
It's so comforting to hear other people talk about things that I deal with (perfectionism, adhd, all-or-nothing thinking, etc.) It's so so so easy to feel alone, especially since my day job is not in a creative field, and I often feel like everyone else has it all figured out. Thanks for sharing - I'm glad to be here for whatever direction your artistic journey takes.
holy smokiesssss i think this is the first video of yours that I’ve come across and watched all the way through. It just makes so much sense to me as someone who is a creative person with ADHD. I just got rejected from art school for a masters and now I am struggling to figure out what to do, hearing you talk about perfectionism and losing time and not being coached in art things just ring so true to me. thank you for this video, you are not alone and its so wonderful to hear that i am not alone either :)
This video speaks to me on a level that is beyond words. I feel you. And I think that me randomly stumbling upon this video and your channel was for a reason. Thank you for being vulnerable and posting this and helping others. Good luck with your journey. I have a feeling you’ll work it all out 😉 💙💙💙
I've been following you since the pre-art-business days, back when I was just a little design student in college, and wanted to say that as a now grown adult working as a fr fr full time creative - I'm sooooo grateful for your transparency about changing your art business. It can feel so shameful and chaotic and scary to start or stop something and it's a relief to know that everyone else is feeling that too lol. Sending all the love - may your new business structure bring all the peace and joy you need
Damn, I relate to this so much! I remember constantly feeling this way when I studied at uni too. Love your honesty Chey, you're a super talented artist and I know you'll navigate this time and find a solution😊
here's something that has helped me a lot that i want to share just in case you can use it too: perfectionism is really just fear of failure. for me, understanding what is underneath makes it way less powerful. i still struggle against it but i'm discovering that showing up "imperfectly" is how i can show up at all, and there are people who value that i show up! and i wanna get to connect with them! and not let the fear of failure stop me.
i also relate to falling into seeing drawing as a "waste of time". i have a tendency to think of making art as my "reward" for doing unpleasant things, so if i don't do the dishes i'm not allowed to draw or whatever, which is so backwards because when i'm doing lots of drawing i have more energy for boring tasks because i love doing it. also agree sophie's scribble brigades are amazing for this! no need to pick references, just sit down and draw, and get reminders from sophie that it's all fine and good and we're just having fun. love scribble brigade!
i relate so hardcore. back when i was in school it was so much easier to make art. in k-12 the pressure to create something GOOD wasn't really all consuming. and I do so much better when I ahve structure as an adhd artist too. I'm really trying to learn how to make 'ugly art' honestly. draw to draw, try things because its fun to experiment and problem solve. i honestly have been needing to re-purchase a skillshare membership because i remember the classes also helped me a lot
thank you so much for this vulnerable video! i relate with dropping the artist's way a month it. i plan on picking it back up again because i want to prove to myself that i can finish something on my own. and i understand that feeling of looking at old art and realizing that you had more fun then. i kind of have the opposite lesson from you and i felt like i was getting too rigid in my art, focusing on the technicality of it when i felt more fulfilled just letting it happen. your art and works genuinely inspire me in letting loose and not letting technicalities stop me. i'm starting to learn drawing without guidelines this time and i'm having so much fun 😄 i hope you have fun learning the art you want to make! 💖
This is so stunning, I love hearing your process ☺☺
Cheyyy. Thank you so much for sharing. I relate so much to all of the things you're saying about art in relation to your ADHD. The struggle is so real. The perfectionism, the comparison, the need for structure, the black and white thinking. I mean I struggle with this in every aspect of my life, but it's very apparent in my creative pursuits. I like your term "no middle slider". That is a kinder way to look at it. May we all develop our middle slider. You do have one, it's just dormant ❤. We are cheering you on!
hi, cheyenne! the way you talk about perfectionism in this video made me re-evaluate everything that i have thought about making art. it almost made cry just thinking about being so harsh on myself when i was younger and how even to this day i still have the same thought patterns (maybe that's one of the big reasons why i don't make that much art anymore, especially when it comes to drawing something). perhaps i should do something about it!
yay! Sophie's scribble brigades! ^o^ I'm rly excited for yer shop loot+ following along in the artistic adventures ahead! tis always so insightful listening to yer ramble bambles!
I find it amazing that I started watching you 6 years ago, before my adhd diagnosis, before your adhd diagnosis, and now here we are and you speak so clearly to my adhd experience. Having "no middle slides" o m G that's ME to a T. I've discovered that I have all or nothing thinking for everything I do. I'm glad I finally realized it but the next hard part is figuring out how to work with it or around it.
Wishing you well on your journey to navigate your brain's quirks 💕
its so intersting to hear you talk about this and to relate so much! You are an artist I've always aspired to be as prolific as, but it sounds like we're struggling with the same hurdles. I look forward to seeing where this new growth takes you :--)
Thank you for sharing, I think there’s nothing so universal as the doubting yourself, choosing a path, doubting yourself going back and so on, so thank you for showing that none of us are the only ones going through it. Also, as a fellow perfectionist girly who does pottery, I’ve actually found that the fact that something can go wrong with a piece at whatever stage of the process while frustrating has also been really good for me. It forces me to enjoy each step regardless of the outcome, and while of course there is still a degree of knowledge which then avoids those problems, things fall and get smashed or someone else’s piece exploding in the kiln destroys yours or any number of things, which shows that we are only able to control one tiny part of things and the world is going to what it wants. Hope that makes sense! And good luck with everything you’re doing 😊
I really appreciate you sharing about your perfectionism! ❤️ Something I found that helped me with not trying to be the best at something is the fact that when we are learning, we are just exploring the art form to gain the ability to communicates thoughts and ideas through it. Because communicating the idea is abstract, we can just focus on what tools we need to continue exploring. The skill will come later on out of the learning, but it isnt something that should distract you from understanding the tools that are of interest to you. I hope that makes sense! I love your content!
you are very much not alone in this!!! xx inspiring to watch
The overwhelm of understanding you are good, but there are things you still cannot do! The comfort zone is a tricky place :( very comforting, but alas... I am saving this video and sending it to everyone I love. Thanks for the wake up call xx
I just love listening to your rambling so much, you speak similarly to how i think and it is so soothing to me. I have always loved every inch of your universe, you inspire me so much. Recently its been really hard for me, struggling with depression and my relationships, i litteraly do nothing all day. I have been trying to draw to enjoy something in my day that isnt like tiktok or any social media that pollutes my mind and thoughts. This video is helping me so much, so thank you 🥰 I hope talking about it helps you too. Take care! Bisous form France 🥰
Thank you for sharing
i have been following you for a very long time, i love your artwork and you are such an inspiration ! this video resonated with me very deeply, i am going through a similar struggle with my art right now and honestly it is a little comforting hearing so many other artists go through stuff like this cause it can feel so isolating. thank you for talking about this you are inspiring, and have inspired me to pick up on art classes again and to try and do things that scare me in art. thank you for this video and for being so open about it
very excited to see where this new route takes you! Good luck!
almost always when i watch videos it gets me inspired to get up and do some art so thank you!!
hello Cheyenne! thank u for such an honest video 🤍 I really feel you, last year it was the same for me with art. u just inspired me to revive my yt channel too even though i never thought of it in the recent months! thank u , thank u, and wish u much strength to keep going with your art! 🩷
I literally was doing my laundry when launching your video 😂 thank you for this moment. I wish you to find your way out ❤
this was a lovely video, it happens to the best of us!! thank you for sharing your process
Honestly, painting everyday is the one thing that works if you want you art to be more confident and fun. Drawing skill is just like training any other "muscle". I've kept my daily practice for a year and only now I feel like I can paint anything I imagine in my head.
I have a good tip I saw somewhere! At the beginning of the sketchbook, write down a list of your ,,comfort" subjects. You can always return to them if you don't feel like coming up with anything and you just want to have mindless fun. :) It can be anything (mine are things like thorny plants, simple landscapes, houses, cats, doodles, patchwork...). It really helps!
I’ve been binge watching your vids all week I’m so glad u posted again!!! Love ur art it’s incredible! 🎉
Just goes to show that when you make good stuff it doesn’t really matter too much what you do, people will support and buy your stuff either way!
I’m so happy to see you finding your stride again! Been following you for years and relate so much to your journey. You inspire me to keep making my own art! 🤍 I have to ask though!! What color is that shimmery blue nail polish?! 💅🏼
Thankyou so, so much for this video & your honesty & vulnerability. I honestly needed to hear this so much & now feel so inspired to go on my own rediscovery journey
thank you for sharing l can relate to a lot of what you spoke about, 'the artists flump' and lack of motivation happens many times its the ebbs and flows of being a creativity, l think a big problem comes when we create for our business making art to sell it takes the joy out of creating just for fun and the joy of it, finding a balance in creating for self and the business is maybe the key to keeping the flow going. Like you l struggle with perfectionism and comparing which can cause huge issues with not thinking you are good enough or even worthy enough to call yourself an artist, l haven't created for a long time due to this but l feel a turning point is coming where l will just create for myself and have fun trying new techniques to learn and grow, hugs x
I've struggled with this so much as well, but I love that you already know what steps to take and are trying! I think that's actually not easy to do when in a creative slump.
I'm going to share what helped me in case it might help anyone else - I started going on nature walks with my camera, taking pictures and then drawing from them. Somehow that became really motivating and got me out of my head. This activity is kind of inspired by the artist dates from the Artist's Way. I have since talked my art friend into doing it too and started recently a Patreon chat for anyone that would like to have some company and accountability. Maybe that's not as useful if you want to draw characters 😅 But figure drawing with some friends sound so fun and kinda similar!
As someone who is trying to get back into her own art practice, this video hit hard. (Fellow Adhder✨) To hear you say both 'your days feel like they melt away from you' and 'my art never felt important enough' - oof, that resonated! I'm setting up my 2025 journal right now and have deliberately gone Bujo style, to try and incorporate a space for painting and drawing, knowing that I prioritize my journal and hope to sort of ingrain the practice into my routine. Videos like this are so encouraging and reassuring, it's so easy as a creative to get stuck in your own head and chats like this are an amazing way to remind you, you're not alone. Thank you for sharing 💚
Thanks Chey I was able to get my laundry done 😂 but no in all seriousness I relate to everything you’re saying so hard. Especially the being in a learning environment and thriving there. College was probably the best part of my life creatively. And I’ve been in a weird slump ever since. Thanks for the video it made me feel seen ❤
I think figuring out the root of perfectionism has really helped me make wayyy more art. As uncomfy as it is. I personally connected a fear of failure with punishment I experienced as a kid and that turned into perfectionism. But what sucks about that is you can make the best art when you aren't afraid of failure or you're okay with pivoting when failure happens. Idk just some food for though. Wishing you the best in your art journey this upcoming year, excited for future launches and all that jazz.
I'm also someone who finds it difficult to enjoy something I'm not good at. For me, enjoyment comes from external validation and if I'm not good, I'm not able to get that validation. At the moment I'm trying to learn a new skill and I'm struggling as I am (obviously!) not great at it as an absolute beginner - but I am enjoying it! Progress!
Oh wow.. you got me thinking for myself.. Thank you for sharing! Need that personal assessment..
Thanks for sharing. When ai began sharing my art online I made an active decision NOT to make an income with my art. I just can’t. The pressure sell and the pressure to market my illustrations just absolutely would suck the joy out of it. So I really do respect and commend the artists who are able to monetize their art. I think of myself as a content creator artist (or atleast trying to be) thanks for sharing this ❤
You are sooo relatable! I got nine weeks into the artist pages and then, I was meant to read all my ramblings and I just didn't want to, and I've been floundering ever since . I need to quit perfectionism or something too
Holy F*CK! Get out of MY HEAD! Everything you said has resonated with me and I have been in a creative PARALYSIS for going on a decade! I wanted to be a Photographer when I grew up... I am not a photographer I am a web developer and I have lost the love of that in the past year also! I Also believe that my middle slider has gone missing as well... Maybe mine is hiding with yours!
Thank you so much for your honesty and vulnerability so that I (and I am sure that you are not just talking straight to me even though it feels like it) can know that I am not the only one that this has happened to! THANK YOU! 💜
As a fellow adhder (or Audhd, rather!), I relate SO HARD to all of this!!! The time blindness and the slow processing - like, it takes YEARS to process some stuff sometimes !
Momentum is my good friend. When I get on the momentum bus, it feels great and I have so much fun... then it gets BORING and I have to jump from the momentum bus to the momentum boat, then the push bike, then sliding down the stairs, then the go karts, then a skipping rope... and so on, you get it! But then if I don't get back on, I STOP and my days get sucked away into nothingness and the guilt HURTS.
BRAINS ARE SO ANNOYING sometimes, but we need to rest them and give them gently 'lil kissies. There's no way to have a perfect practice, we just plod along and roll around. The world isn't made for OUR brains.
It's either TOO MUCH or blank spaces hahahhaa
Okay, that was a weird ramble... BUT that's my reaction to your thoughts and maybe some bits make sence!!!
Let's have some art dates, my dear Chey! Love you very much x
I feel so incredibly seen by your words ;; As an ADD artist, perfectionist and business owner it can be so incredibly hard to find a balance and finding the joy in the journey of doing things that are scary and challenging. You are absolutely not alone, and I wish I could give you a very big hug ♥
What is helping me right now is trying to step outside of my comfort zone and think of future me in a year or even 5, looking back at current me and being so proud of what she achieved. In a way it is future promised dopamine I guess haha, but it helps to just picture myself in the future being grateful I dared to be messy and experimental, because she will be in a place where she will be happier with her work ;; And talking about these topics like you are doing helps a lot, as somehow having the words spoken and out there feels better than keeping doubts inside.
You are doing so well Chey, one step at the time and I hope your torch will light up the way you wish to thread :)
im a writer and 100% relate and am now having a crisis because you're telling me there are people out there who GENUINELY have fun doing things that they aren't good at? like. truly? the fun IS in being good. oh god. i am now full of stress and doubt lol. i think.....i shall also look into classes and workshops. and therapy. i officially got diagnosed in adhd and then didnt do.....anything about that. because procrastination. and then forgot until this video that i have adhd, officially, and thats why i relate to you so much lol. best of luck! to both of us! full of fear and shame but trying anyway! ugh but also
thank you for this super insightful video!! as an aside - i'm obsessed with your hairstyle 😭 would you do a brief tutorial on how you style it?
it all has to do with my cut, tbh!! i'm very grateful to my hairdresser :') this is all natural texture -- I shampoo twice, condition my hair every other time I wash it, and then I scrunch JVN air dry cream through while it's wet and let it air dry into this !!
1. loved the monster factory reference
2. you are amazing and i think i will always love whatever you create
Ahh AuDHD artist with a Patreon (that I created to give myself a reason to make something at least once a month as well) and EVERYTHING you said is so relatable! Being bored with my own work but not practicing enough :'). I find the best thing to do is just not be too hard on yourself (I know cliche, but truly) and just have fun with it. Every time I do get into it then, I get to enjoy it so much! Hope you'll feel more like it as well soon. Thanks for sharing!
holy shit you just described EXACTLY how I feel! thank you for this video
Felt this. Thank you for the vulnerability 💛
i completely relate to this. thank you for sharing :’)
i relate so much whenever you talk about your mental health
I can definitely relate to the feeling of 'why don't I draw this anymore?!'. I used to draw characters a lot when I was a teenager and over the years, I kinda just stopped doing it because firstly, I was not getting better at it cause I was just drawing these characters with no reference, frame of design and/or no story in mind (most of the time), but I still liked doing it. And secondly, other art-related interests caught my time and attention. However, in the last few years, I have MISSED drawing characters so much! The craving is still there and the realization that I have to practice the human anatomy, gestures, expressions, mood, clothing, etc. to get to where I wanna be, leaves my brain to two sides. One part of my brain just says, 'UGH sounds like work...that will be hard...and that will take a long time to do...' but another part of my brain is saying back, 'But I love drawing characters and they can only get better if I do even just one class of sketching out gestures or learning how to observe people out in the world. I have to do this!' So far, the latter brain is winning cause I did recently took a class (on Skillshare funny enough) on learning about sketching gestures and how many different ways you can figuratively create a basic skeleton of a character. Its just one step, but everyone says that's the hardest part. Just gotta keep trying :)
Recently I also looked thru my old drawings and had an oh shit moment 😂 Very belated realization that I pretty much had a two-year art block without realizing it. It makes sense in hindsight because the absolute stress of my personal circumstances meant I barely had energy for being functional, much less art. But I feel a little bad for the past me that was building up to something only for it to peter out. At the same time, really grateful I didn't have to face this artistic existential crisis in the midst of it -- a few months ago I was thinking some things like "huh why is it suddenly so hard to draw these kinds of things I used to do so seamlessly??" but it didn't really click haha I thought it was just a style issue. Now at least I'm warming up again on the fundamentals and stuff so the blow, when it actually came, wasn't as bad.
I hope you find a rhythm that works for you again. And thank you for putting to words this kind of experience, it is invaluable to know we're not alone in the confusion.
you mentioned having no middle slider with things you do and try and honestly i also relate to that a Lot, being adhd and autistic myself. one thing that kind of helped me with that, and that does help, is like, when you mentioned you did the artists way for a month and then gave up, i think that kind of thing is very pervasive in adhd people (i am familiar with it) and it can create this sense of hopelessness in us BECAUSE the world tells us all around us that we need to be consistently working on something all the dang time and if we're not we're failures, and i think the adhd brain sees the way we do things all at once or not at all and goes 'oh well i can't possibly do it constantly for ages so there's no goddamn point and i'll never achieve this'. this is an attitude i had SO MUCH in highschool, i did the IB program which requires constant revision and studying and practice to be able to take huge exams worth 80% of your grade at the end of 2 years, so you need to be revising TONS of content and making sure you fucking know your shit, and i would constantly get bogged down in how i didn't have a consistent study practice or day for studying, or proper broken up blocks of time to do work on assignments or anything - the most consistent things in my life were sports i did on the weekends cos my parents paid for the lessons and were gonna make sure they got their money's worth by taking me to them (the sports were horse riding and archery which i really loved so its not like i was forced into stuff i hated) and also the weekend job i had at the teddy bear shop in my city.
this is a long winded way to establish my point: adhd people struggle with consistency, and the idea of consistency is overwhelming and terrifying to us because it DOESN'T work and we CAN'T keep it up. naturally, this can make us feel really depressed and upset and lost in basically everything we do, and in your career that is entirely self-directed, i get the feeling that that sense is just dialled up to 11.
your sense of 'no middle sliders' is not a single you thing and i bet thousands of people relate to that, i certainly do. and in relating, i have, over the years, kind of worked to tackle that in my own head so its not so paralysing.
consistent practice is great, yeah - but something is better than nothing even if its not consistent.
i do not draw very often, and the most i do draw is shippy character sketches in a battered notebook my partner gave me ages ago. it's still drawing though, and still good, and most importantly, i still enjoy it.
i do try to draw on my tablet from time to time and god it is like pulling teeth but i try to keep the idea in my head that what im doing in that moment right there is still better than any amount of time i wasn't drawing, even if it hate it, even if it scrap it all, even if i never touch that sketch or practice ever again - i still did something.
a single row of knitting on a sweater is still 1 more row that wasn't there before. reading one page of my book club book is still one page more of reading that i otherwise wouldn't have done.
these little things, bit by bit, add up to an actually pretty large sum when i look at it as a whole, and they're not consistent good practice every day, far from it - but they're so much better than doing nothing.
i think trying to constantly talk to yourself about 'this one thing is better than nothing at all and THAT IS GOOD' can help a lot. it's a mental practice, like strengthening muscles, of allowing the counter on the slider to inch down from the extreme ends and slowly build up an idea of what the middle ground can be. i think of it like, not necessarily striving for the middle ground, but walking backwards from the extremes and letting it slowly reveal itself to you. one day you'll turn around and realise you're actually pretty close to the middle ground and have a lot of steps in between the extremes and the middle that you can return to and figure out yourself. and in this way, ive found its less paralysing than 'i have to be doing this all the time and to the best standard i can' and 'i will never achieve this so whats the point'. just fumbling around in the dark in little bits at a time can help.
it will probably suck, and feel bad, and not be fun or enjoyable at all, and can be so fucking hard. but one day you look up and realise 'holy shit things are so much easier to handle now' and that's amazing. a boulder being cracked doesn't break from the last hit it gets, it breaks from the cumulative force of every hit that looked like it was doing nothing.
this isn't a full solution and also i may be preaching to the choir here; but i recognise a lot of similarities between you and i and how we think about our art and of course i wanna try and offer some support if it can. even if i don't help you hopefully i'll help someone else.
good luck
Once I finally realized personal growth of any kind is rarely linear, it helped me feel like I hadn’t lost time during the periods things were less than ideal. It didn’t look like it at the time, but things were happening in those times that eventually lead to growth overall.
I really related to this video. While I’m not a full time artist, I want to pursue art and art therapy and yet making time for my own art practice and growth has been impossible. I am also an I focus on this task fully or not at all person which is difficult with regular life happening. Thanks for sharing this and putting into words what I’ve been feeling!
I'd highly recommend taking up life-drawing if you'd like to work on anatomy. I've re-started it recently and it's really fun and frustrating and usually a little structured. I do untaught sessions but you could try taught sessions!
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts ❣️
Thank you for share these moments w us ! We will be for u anytime!!! Love u
I see no point in doing things for fun if I don't improve, I get you 100% this is the KILLER of art. As kids we draw and paint for fun and I don't know how/when it became a mental torture :(
cosy chey pod!! wooo!!