This was such a great interview that really encompassed the content I had watched during my season of being single, years ago. I absolutely found myself in the devastating situation of compromising my values as you mentioned that lady in the 10 year relationship that ended or denying the things I wanted in my life for years in order to maintain the comfortability that I was already living with the person which is such a hassle to move everything, but mostly convincing myself we could make it work. A person genuinely knows, when they know -that person isn't right for them. I'm just thankful by my forties now I found the person who was that missing element of what I should've been looking for and that's someone who is not just a boyfriend, fiance now but he's my best friend! Some of my previous relationships were so ridiculous I wasted years because when I was honest with myself they were not even a good friend to me. If you don't want regret of the most precious thing in life which is time, you have to be honest with yourself and act on it. You know what is best for you, listen to it and get a group of people that will emotionally be there as you navigate the new life you desire for yourself. Thank you Matthew for continuing to help ladies set standards for themselves, be honest with themselves, and sharing your story of how things went about meeting your wife. I appreciate your telling how you first interacted with her and her boldness to show her expectations to move forward should you want a relationship. It's great to see your continued honesty carry through with Mel in such a lovely way to say hey this is what I sent her which came across a certain way and she called me out on it. You all sound great at just being open and to the point in the relationship that takes ownership. I finally have a fiance that has those admirable traits as well. Proud of you both setting a great example. Congrats Matt and Mel on both the successes you have both earned through hard work, knowledge, and being our motivational leaders in life (:
I was married for 25 years. He passed from cancer, and I'm just getting back into dating. My husband and I never had the talk or dealt with these texting,breadcrumbing, ghosting games. He was a stand-up guy who treated me right, and I reciprocated. So I'm afraid I'm lost in this dating world, and staying single is looking better and better.
Perhaps for someone like you it would be better to avoid inundating yourself with these stories of negativity. There are other men with integrity and honor. 🙏🌍🕊🕊
That part where it's mentioned that it's not about resenting them for the time we spent and they wasted, it's about us taking accountability of not having honored our standard... I really needed to hear that 😔
Even with all these qualities it doesn’t mean they are 1) already not with someone else 😢 2) they knew all along they were just milking what they could get from you 3) it’s easy to get bored with people because of all the online places you can meet people from the comfort of your own phone 📱
I don’t want to commit to someone I’m not compatible with. That order of operations seems wrong. I think there’s a difference between exclusive dating commitment and marriage commitment. That one comes after compatibility. It should be level 5.
While running, I clicked on this video, I suddenly fell to my knees and started bawling. "No one cares about your time or your life as much as you do"-such powerful words of wisdom.❤
I can totally relate to this. I wasted all of my 30s (30 to 39 years old) with a man who would never marry me or have a family with me, yet always dangled the carrot making me believe if I just held on and kept waiting, it would happen. It didn't. He left me for someone 10 years younger when I was 39.
This episode is so well timed. Today, I finally walked out of a 3 year relationship after finally putting myself and my needs first. With a diminishing biological window, I wasn't going to let this man keep me on Level 2 any longer. I feel scared and worried but am trusting the process and hoping to meet someone who wants the same things as me, including a family of our own. Thank you, Matthew and Mel. I needed this today.
Amazing! I feel at about a similar point in my life, and it sounds so good you took that decision! Actually, this video made me consider that I am in a better place now than my maybe not so committed couple friends... anyways, it will work out! For sure! All the best to you :)
As they say, Do it scared. U sadly only have one life and sadly I have experienced first hand on a day to day a mother who wasted the best years of her life on a man ( my dad) who didn't love her, didn't her want, that part was more obvious and upsetting and just wanted a companion. Which is horrible for her, she put up with his shit, bore him 3 kids and gave him a nice home. As child then teenager and young woman, that was really upsetting to watch and the only reason she stand was because she was scared to be alone. Plus what all woman forget is that, while you busy staying in the wrong shitty relationship, your missing out on the person out there your actually meant to be with, for a unhappy relationship.
@@nicolelouis8968 Try being me, she was my only view on what a relationship should be like, so as you can imagine, it was rough trying to pick and have a decent functional relationship we someone because this Is all and knew. It took till my late 30s to have better relationships..women all women forget that your children especially daughter look to U and female siblings on how to navigate boyfriends and relationships..so if your daughter has only ever known you have bad or abusive in any form in relationship that is what she is going to think is normal.. So if she gets a boyfriend and he starts abusing her or treating her badly or always arguing, she's going to think that's normal. Your daughters are watching U. It's horrible.
yeah men and women's sexual problem are largely the same. that's why with any such discussion you'll get a few people in the chat saying "this episode is so well timed". Everyone thinks their situation is unique, it's not. Otherwise we could not create predictive frameworks and solutions
Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
"No-one, no-one cares about your time and your life as much as you and expecting them to is a recipe for wasting your life!" This is so profound and true not just for relationships but work and everything else in your life!!! WOW, thank you!
Matt, try the raw food diet , or raw till 4 diet. It helps you control your desire to eat poorly if you eat enough fruits during the day . Just check it out. You could have meat in evening if you like as well. 😮😊
I married a boy who only wanted to experience a marriage, not actually put in the work, time, and energy. I now know it's because we did not discuss what "marriage" means to us. We went into this with two different definitions. Marriage to him is just a piece of paper and a ring. I've been emotionally alone in this marriage and have grown resentful with time. My focus now is to be the best mother I can be to my children and make myself financially independent so I can leave this marriage.
Have you considered asking to watch the video with you because or Is he that spiritually and emotionally lazy that he won't even watch it with you? Does he realize that you're just insane yourself for your own self preservation?
''Why would I let someone who doesn't respect this human, anywhere near them? Why would I let someone who is making this human feel unsafe or confused about their worth, or keep them in limbo, or pick them up and put them down, completely inconsistent....anywhere near me'' - powerful words and hits me hard. Sadly ive allowed this😢
I've allowed this too. Its so hard when you think someone is your one and you listen to this and realise it's just my idea of what i want him to be that's keeping me there. I need to.love myself first x
Matt talks about having standards and living them as being attractive. He is spot on. Standards equal self worth. Someone with standards/high self esteem will only be attractive to someone else with standards/high self esteem. The abusers and takers will see that and will run like their tail is on fire! Those types of people are attracted to the over- givers, the co-dependants, empty people who need outside validation from someone else to feel they have worth.
Not necessarily true. Some abuser thrive on breaking someone who has self esteem, values, andstandards. I believe the majority are. Same as some abusers hide the red flags and reveal their abusive side until later, some it can be years. It's a game of power to them. No size for all I see on 99.999% of all these relationship advice. Leave the relationship once they show hints of any red flags, abuse...etc
Great words to stop my narcissistic ex to finally stop popping in and out of my life and playing his usual games... " my energy and time is valuable to me, so I thank you for not contacting me in any way in the future."
I 💜 Matthew Hussey’s work. Sadly, I wish he had been around when I was in my 20s, 30s, or even 40s. After choosing to enter not one, but TWO marriages that became toxic. I’m now 60 and have lost hope that I will ever find a life parter that meets my core needs. It’s better to be alone than to be with someone who hurts you.
What is difficult is that people pretend to be compatible in the beginning to rope you in then you find out how selfish they really are once you're married. Although there were probably signs earlier we didn't pay attention to . Also, I think we all want people just like us and don't learn what you did recently Mel, that compatibility can be balance vs similarity. I'm just learning this now
Ah! This! Once a guy asked me what I look for in a significant other. I said, “I rather just get to know who you are and see if we are compatible.” I don’t think it’s a good idea to tell someone what you are looking for because they can just pretend to be that….
Exactly. They appear enthusiastic and want to get committed and married! They follow through and then get cold feet to life, to reality. They’re almost lost. It looks like some of these enthusiasts, go through life with the mantra ‘fake it, till you make it.’ It’s a disappointment when you’re serious about your future and they only have appeared to be serious and no game plans for life. Be careful!
look up covert narcissism. Covert narcissist use people as a rule, so they will pretend in the beginning and love bomb to hook people in. They are not normal and I don't think most normal people pretend to be compatible in the beginning, unless they want something out of you. Typically men do that to women who are just looking to get in their pants.
I've been a fan of Matthew's for a long time. Difficult conversations are scary, but once you have them they get easier. They can bring you closer together or if it's not the right fit, you can move forward gracefully faster.
compatibility is so important. I would say to know if your not, you always feel you are never enough and you always have to change for the other one to be happy with you.. You fight and dont ”get” each other. When you have compatibility you feel safe in who you are, and who your partner are. You feel understood for who you are. My husband let me be me, and that is the greatest gift ❤️
Of all speeches, mantras, books, pieces of advice etc. that I've come across about self-love, what Matthew says here has captivated me the most. It is intelligible, highly reasonable and touching all at once 😊 You have only one job, it is to give the best possible life to this human. That's great, man.
I ended a 2.5 yr relationship although I was still very much in love with a guy. Being stuck in level 2 is so unfair to yourself. I should have ended it shortly after we met when he told me he wasn't looking for marriage. 😢Heartbreaking!
I'm just curious, some guys don't necessarily want the traditional kind of marriage. Sometimes we say words but mean different things. Maybe he was totally in for commitment but not "marriage" in the traditional sense of the word. If of course you have 2 different ideas of what marriage means then I get it. But sometimes we are so fast in coming to conclusion, while we miss the opportunity to truly understand what the other meant. There is this beautiful quote from Khalil Gibran saying: "Between what is said but not meant, and meant but not said, most of love is lost" I'm not saying this is the case for you but I was just curious if you understood him correctly? Was he truly not willing to commit?
Just wish this guy was around 20 years ago! I was with a guy for years that stayed at level 2. Hell I moved the other side of the world to “build a new life” which was happening quite lovely! Took a couple of emails and flew back and stayed with him for a number of years and gave him my decision in not to have a family. I can’t regret it but i gave myself and decisions to the wrong person. I hope anyone that’s going through this now sees they will never change for you. You got to go through the heart ache of a break up and move on to someone that aligns with you. ❤
You two have just exposed much of my life. Being a serial level 2er, so much of my time, decades have been wasted. Just the fear of chasing people away kept me dumb and clingy and expecting someone to read my mind without having to push further. I pray this will not continue in my life. God bless all your viewers. May they all find true fulfilment in every area of your lives. 🙏
This generation is very fortunate to have access to podcasts like this one!! For my generation, there was little to no resources available. Either it was the example I had at home or the area in which I lived - but I wasted 7 of my teens to early 20’s in a relationship I knew I did not want to be permanent-just to avoid the pain of splitting. That was stupidity & indecisiveness on my part. And what’s sad… is I knew better.
Don't beat yourself up. It was harder to split in the past, and there were more consequences. I bet you did the very best you could at the time. (As the saying goes, "Life is lived forward but understood backwards.")
@@TTunah perhaps I wasn’t clear in my first text… I wasn’t married to the guy-just dating-but I stated way too long. I’ve never heard that quote but I love ❤️ it! The words ring true!
Ugh, no compatibility after 23 years of marriage. Constant friction and agitation. The regret is exhausting. 😢 I wish I heard this before rushing into marriage.
I feel like this teaching has completely blown up my world. Why oh why did it take me 76 years to hear this? 76. Now, my time left is undeniably short. I must decide whether I want to remain in a relationship with someone I love, with my emotional needs partially met, or have that hard conversation, believing it will end things, or stay where I am respected and cared about, but not completely fulfilled. I'm okay alone, but life is sweeter with him in it. Maybe, at 76, that's enough. 😮
I will pray for clarity for you. This stumps me! I lean towards staying because there is love, respect, and overall the relationship is adding to your life. (You would definitely know if it was subtracting.)
no one is going to be in perfection. Take what you have & say it's enough. Life will never be enough. I am 72 divorced 3 yrs now. My ex wanted to ck out the greener pasture. He is now very very miserable he had it good enough but chose to want more, but he chose to be selfish.
I think what is most important here is to be honest with ourselves what we want, what is important to us and stop lying to ourselves. Unless both partners in a relationship our willing to be honest about everything it will not work.
After listening to this podcast I am inspired. I am hereby committed to taking his words to heart! It is my number 1 job to take care of this human to make sure she has the most vivid, joyful and actualized life!! Why should I only be good at this for others??
I'm 52 and I've never been married, a few engagements. Nothing has ever really clicked with anyone, obviously. Yet I'm still single and also happy . I would like to meet my person at some point, I'm optimistic.
Spot on advise. I had the hard convo two years into Our relationship and here we are 25 years later living in our castle and growing stronger and stronger. Simply be truthful and know your values and vision in life.
Like many others in the comments , this showed up in my feed at the perfect time... looking for some comfort and understanding after my 4.5 year relationship ended yesterday. The purposeful nature with which he inflicted pain and his absolute contempt of my feelings has me destroyed. I almost didn’t click on it, knowing I’ve got some healing to do and thinking this video isn’t for me at this stage. But something encouraged me to and because of the content in this conversation, I’m actually feeling some resolve so thank you.
Mel when you said... "I can change them" That's absolutely so true... If I just love them enough or do this or say that or wear this or be that.... People only change if they want to. That's it... So powerful, so true...
Just watching the opening of this Mel saying "You can't fix this person" is so accurate. When I was younger, I tried that and feel it happened vice versa a few times before age 33 and it just doesn't work that way. People are who they say they are. You cannot mold someone into what you want as though you are some arrogant genie, or to fix some deeply rooted past issues you are subconsciously inflicting onto this person, to mend your past to feel better. You need to come to the table a whole person, that doesn't need validation, can take it or leave it. That person doesn't define you they add to your life. Now i will listen. Thank you. Have a great day. ❤😊
I cried when Matt said imagine the builder there building and the other person is AWOL. This has been a recent experience for me and I wholly feel that he only engaged with me for the experience when I wanted the "holy grail" that I felt with them.
I truly loved this! I’m 62 years old and in the dating scene again. I was married to a narcissist for 27 years. I finally found the strength to leave him and have been single now for 5 years. I’m in a relationship with someone for about 10 months now. I have no idea where I stand. I need to have that conversation but I’m afraid. After listening to this podcast, I now know what I need to say and do. Thank you for be amazing you!! I love all your podcast.
This conversation has blown my heart and mind wide open. What a clear way to cataloge where a relationship is. Adulting requires training and constant learning. I feel like a teen just learning to drive. Thank you!! Both Matt and Mel for bringing this powerful and life changing lessons to us. ❤
Interesting video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go,i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
@@stanleymartins-o3s do not do it. Youre soul will pay the ultimate price. They work with the Jinn . Instead accept that if she was the one for you . Then she would be. But she is not. Invest in healing instead of selling youre soul to a devil worshipper
I recently went through a tough breakup. My 7 year relationship ended a month ago, and it's been really hard for me. I still love my ex so much and can't stop thinking about him. I've tried everything to win him back, but nothing has worked. It's frustrating, and I can't imagine being with anyone else. I've been trying to move on, but I can't seem to get him out of my mind. I know it might sound strange to share this here, but I miss him a lot and just can't stop thinking about him.
I understand the pain of letting go of someone you love. I went through a similar situation when my 12 year relationship ended. I couldn't just let him go, so I did everything I could to win him back. I sought the help of a spiritual counselor, and their guidance ultimately helped me to bring him back into my life.
It'll get better!! Give yourself love and space. Also, be careful with scammers... I don't think there's a magic mystic anything that can recover a deeply broken relationship. Only therapy if anything, but after some point, it was just not going to work. It may feel scary because one is older now than at the beginning, the great majority of men are not what one wants... but precisely, the more time you spend attached to something that is not working, the more time you waste away from a future good fulfilling relationship.
This really resonates with me. I am nearly 50, and have had a couple long term relationships that really should have ended a lot sooner than they did, due to me thinking they could change into the person I needed them to be and being kept in level 2. My first LTD(long term dude) wanted the physical relationship and kids without being married. Deal breaker. Second LTD is a great guy, said he wanted what I want, but refused to become financially stable enough(get a stable job) for us to move forward. That one was really hard to walk away from, bc he truly is a good guy. He just couldn’t give me what I need. Love truly was not enough. I hope and pray that I can still find someone who I align with and can spend the rest of my life with. ☺️☺️☺️
When will we have the courage to talk about how "marriage" is not a requirement for a full complete life? So many commenters cannot wait to find the "right" partner. When you are FINALLY complete as a person you will be able to make the "right" choice and it may not EVER be marriage. I look forward to having Mel interview someone with this perspective.
Ok! I have been planning to re-check my values and standards ,with my husband of 5 years, TONIGHT, and I came across this podcast! How awesome you are! 😍😍😍
Thank you so much for this !! I’m recently divorced because we were not compatible. I’m the laid-back person who is 110% willing to accommodate / placate & put all the pillows around my significant other to help him feel secure , when I never felt secure or safe even in the smallest things like planning a trip or, the worst was all the money and the cash out refinances we did on our house. I objected every time and I couldn’t engage in a conversation about my security. And now I have a template to follow that makes sense and it’s short simple to the point thank you so much!!!!
Doesn't sound like you were willing to accommodate anything if you divorced him. Marriage is for better or worse. The lack of commitment is a huge problem these days.
@@thorie79 I think she is saying that until now, she didn't know to have boundaries and check in with herself first about what she truly wanted/needed for her life.
Nice video, I'm still struggling with the end of my 7-year relationship. My significant other, who I considered to be the love of my life, left me a month ago, and I can't seem to shake the constant thoughts of him. Despite my efforts to bring him back into my life, nothing has worked, and I feel frustrated and hopeless. I've tried to move on, but my heart still longs for him, and I don't see myself with anyone else. I apologize for sharing this here, but I just can't seem to stop missing him.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
I’m older and have no debt. I’m dating a great guy who has big debt. We have a great time together and are very compatible but I won’t move in with him until his debt is gone and he buys health care insurance. We have had this conversation and he is fine how things are. We enjoy our independence and companionship. This works for us-for now. Though I do wish he had the money to travel with me. I don’t have enough $$ to “pay for two”. The only thing I would change is for him to have secure finances. I feel we can’t move forward unless he has this. After getting divorce myself, I can’t take on someone else’s debt. I’m better off living alone even though I would love the daily companionship.
Definitely don't take on his debt. If he wants to commit, he'll work on it. If not, i hope that you leave your heart open to see that special someone who is compatible in all 4 levels. He may be closer than you realize
Huh.. Any person who has problems with finances is unprepared to accept additional responsibilities.. freeloaders?? Not in this day & age of inflation 😞🫢
You’re doing the right thing. 🚩 Had to postpone our marriage until he got his butt into gear after losing his job. Not a good way to start a marriage with financial challenges. It’s not about whether he’s fun or a nice guy. Do you want to be his “Mommy” or adult to adult partner? Do you want to end up carrying the relationship, it’s exhausting and not healthy? You’ve worked hard to get to where you are. Glad you know your values & boundaries. They’ll save you a lot of pain. Wish I had better insight before I married my “nice guy”.
I was in this same situation and after 2 1/2 years I had to walk away as I didn't see any actions from him to eliminate his debt. Important to see what actions he is doing to clean up his debt.
You two are absolutely amazing together. The history you both carry set the dynamic in a type of way no one else has. Love you both! You've both helped me so much! Married 17 years.
This is awesome!!! One suggestion: I think level 3 needs to be compatibility before level 4 because you should find out if you're compatible with someone before you commit to exclusivity.
I agreed! I was 7 years of a committed relationship to realize at some hard time in my personal life that we don’t have enough compatibility…and accepting it after so much love is very hard and hurts deeply both persons. Still with hope to find love again ❤
Mel, the discussion about moving from level 2 to level 3 reminds me of the lyrics to a song from the 1970's. "I used to say 'let's keep it simple' but freedom only helps you say goodbye".
I am 21 years old, been working on myself mental health for 3 years now and I’ve met the love of my life and me and him have both been working through trauma, unhealthy pattern. And create the most safest place for one another. I’ve never met such a beautiful person inside and out who cares so deeply. We are kinda twins but different in our own unique way! We inspire each other and it is the BEST healthiest relationship I’ve ever had.
My husband was stucked by me in level 2 for 2 years. I was just getting out of a relationship and not ready to fall in love. For him it was love at first sight, he said. First and last love of jos Life. He had thé patience to love for both in the first 2 years. For me love came gradually. It was built step by step. Today we celebrated 18 years. If my husband would have listened to the advice from the podcast, today we would have not be together.
That’s great. Imagine the folks that were married 20, 10 plus yrs and the partner never came around. That is sad and painful. I know, I’ve been there. 22 yr relationship. Kids and come to find I was getting so little just because I kept settling for less he would think the disrespect was ok. Heartbreaking stuff.
Men fall in love immediately if u r the one, thats important for them to chase and be active. But women fall in love gradually and its good. Guys dont want those who fall in love with them from the start. They want to deserve and work for love, then it will last. When falls in love quickly she messes up everything, and her brain doesn't work. She must be moving relationships to the commitment but it will not be possible if she is easy.
@@margaritaramos7643ppl should not marry if they are not in love. Even tho it is smart and normal.for women to take time to developing feelings, this should not last for years, within 6 month of seeing each other, if there are no feelings then dont engage and dont marry. Traditional Arranged marriages with no feelings are as bad as marriages built only on feelings. There is should a balance between both.
I think this was a very important comment. People and humans are dynamic, we shouldn’t be stuck in an all or nothing mentality- life is messy and people are messy. We’re all just figuring it out as we go and nothing is set in stone. I will say though that the message in the video is important for those that are looking to have children because that is a timeline that you can never get back.
It’s amazing how people will risk having lots of bills, stress, their sanity, possibly catching STDs and divorce just for companionship. When you think about it, it’s just crazy.
🎯I agree completely! I know of two people (a family member and an acquaintance) who risked STDs; one of them (the acquaintance) still does and the person that they occasionally hop into the sack with drinks A LOT, uses drugs and sleeps around. 😱 The acquaintance has a prophylactic in their medicine cabinet 🗄️ in hopes of stay safe and is also allegedly worried about catching co V !d in addition to h I v . It makes no sense whatsoever to risk one’s health for counterfeit fellowship/situationships. These people are both over 50. And the one who sleeps around is well over 65, maybe 70+. Insane behavior. UTTERLY insane.
This video just got me a piece of the puzzle I've been working on for a few months now, after I left a relationship that didn't make me happy anymore, because i was tired of waiting for a response. I chose one night, that I didn't need that response. Even though it was heartbreaking (I was deeply in love), I knew I was the only person responsible for my own happiness. By overcoming the fear of losing the person I loved, I found peace and strength. I am proud, I love the person I am and the one I am becoming. These videos give people the keys to the most precious thing on earth, the thing we are all here to learn : loving ourself. Treat yourself like you would treat the person you love the most in the whole galaxy.
Thanks you for this video. I was stuck in a relationship that was going nowhere. This video is so timely because a month ago l brought up the conversation with my girlfriend. She was basically happy in level 2 and in no hurry for commitment. This video validated my decision to walk away from the relationship.
Grace Cirocco’s explanation of the love level expands on his. Level 4 is the Angel level - the level of freedom where you let go of your expectations of your partner and want the best for them - your partner’s happiness and freedom is the most important to you and vice versa - your happiness is the most important to them - what magic ❤😊💗
If only this video came out 7 years ago. I spent the last 6 years with someone thinking I'm on Level 3 with them, but after our most recent break up, it turns out they were on level 2 this whole time. 6 years gone. I was depressed for a good year, but after sitting in that depression I was able to snap out of it, thank God! I started doing some inner work & managed to overcome this. Now, I'm just so grateful that I'm no longer with someone like that.
This episode is both brilliant and slightly crushing but in a tough love way we all need. I think everyone has been in that place where you don’t want that conversation but you know you need it. The poor lady at Matts event that wasted 10 years breaks my heart, but sometimes we don’t want to listen. A maybe is a no, we need to remember that even when all wrapped up
I value someone I knew. He is younger then me, It was so great talking with him, he has a great laugh, and he left. I accept & will always value my experience with him.
I wish this video was done 3 years ago. I would have saved time, energy, heartbreak and hitting rock bottom. I would have valued myself more and I would have done this hard conversations. Thank you for the video😊
I wish it existed when I was in my 20s…. There was no good relationship advice. So many people just treated marriage as the end of a relationship instead of the start of the most important one you’re going to have … It’s like everybody was rushing through the dating and engagement and nobody explained why that was important that made sense…. It was all molded and Pat answers . If someone had told me : you should wait to get married until you’ve been away from college and both living on your own for several months to see how that person is going to handle having to maintain their own life apart from other people making them maintain their life… I probably would’ve listened . When you tell me : there’s no way you can love this person as quickly (I had been friends with him for years and then we dated)… All the answers I was getting were not detailed enough …. If someone had told me if you see a red flag look for real responses or recognition of maybe that being a problem that they need to work on…. When I brought up a red flag about how he was treating his mother and sister… he said not to worry that he knows I will never be rational or crazy like they are… I thought I was a pretty rational woman. That response should’ve been a red flag because we all get crazy and irrational about different things and we all have emotions… that should’ve been a pull back and reassess… But I had no one to tell me that, and I trusted his assessment of myself because I hadn’t fully assessed myself. I think the biggest problem is most adults are not adults 18…. And I don’t think raising the adult age what is needed. I think we don’t teach our children emotional maturity soon enough, and we make them figure it out on their own of handing them the tools they need to succeed once they’re out of our house. Parents to teach their kids about what makes men or woman good or acceptable to be in relationship with… it’s time we brought that back… It’s time to show kids and teach them what is acceptable and unacceptable and relationships so that they’re not blind walking into it with just love and feelings. It’s also hard to make sound decisions when you get too physically intimate with people… if you are pleasuring each other to sexual arousal, even if there’s no intercourse, you are bonding with that person and won’t be able to make sound decisions… I have the chance to redo this, I will be much more careful with my physical boundaries, my emotional boundaries and my spiritual boundaries…. I have the tools now and the problem is it’s made my relationship with my husband very difficult because as I’ve gotten healthier, he has become less attractive to me as he struggles and refuses to change… the problem is it’s borderline about whether or not I claim it abusive enough to leave… so I sit here and wait
I love Matthew ❤ he is the kindest, the most eloquent and knowledgeable coach in the relationship advice field. I wish him neverending success both in business and in personal life. I'm really happy that he and lovely and wise Audrey got married. All the best to both of them ! ❤❤❤
UA-cam needs a Matthew Hussey for 60+ married people who are lonely and depressed in a relationship that checksbthe boxes but lacks connection and communication. Any suggestions?‽?
Getting a divorce after 22 years of marriage because I did not know any of this, as much as I was grieving wasted years I'm letting go and thankful for this knowledge. Im takin accountability for my part. Thank you both! 🎉
No one changes unless they want to; the only person i can change is me. We change through emotional work, honesty and learning what love is, which includes learning how to love myself; because I can never love anyone else unless I learn that
Still can't wrap my head around the situation where you have the 'talk', you both agree that you're committed to make the relationship work. It goes great for the initial year and then it starts to spiral down due to long distance and you see them not putting in the same efforts now. And then, they end up cheating you multiple times, keep lying to you and then make the fake promises again. It tore me apart and i don't know how to trust anyone ever again
Excellent video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my marriage of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
This literally solidified my choice to break up with my ex was the best thing to do 🙌🏾✨. The lack of trust, reliability and constant friction stifled whatever energy was present initially.
I was in a marriage for 19 years, and I was unable to admit or acknowledge to myself that he was unwilling or unable to show up for “US” (level three) A therapist said he would not do marriage counseling because , he said he is not in this marriage!! I still couldn’t let go at that point. I have been out of that marriage since 2003. I have continued to work in myself and I loved hearing this information. Thank you
Timestamp approx 42min...I knew this but to be reminded yet again, made me well up as I was packing to move house and move on. Thank you to both of you ❤
This is a great Video. This brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 5 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
I am sorry about what you have been through. I have been through something similar and was almost depressed, till I contacted a spiritual counsellor who helped me get my ex back and hence my life back
Online, you'll find shelly renee white, revered for her expertise as a spiritual counsellor. She has the ability to reunite couples and promote holistic well-being
I think you really love but if you truly love her let her fly away. True love is loving someone enough to set her free. Loving someone is loving you first. It’s ok to love her for a long long long time maybe forever but try to move on.
Truly, the best simplified description of relationship advice I’ve ever heard and I’m 61 years old. I wish I would’ve heard this years ago, 11 to be exact. Thank you!
I'm 36 and never been in a relationship, I hope to find that person with the qualities I'm looking for one day. However, I feel scared to get hurt, it's like I'd like to get that feeling to love and being loved back but at the same time I'm scared.
There’s no guarantee we won’t get hurt, but in a loving relationship you work through the hurts and insecurities. You gotta trust your value and resilience. Give love a chance
See, I'm partly avoidant and have a fear of intimacy, so sometimes I'm fine to stay in level 2, because I don't want a level 3 or traditional commitment or marriage badly enough. Even if I think it might be nice, there's a barrier that holds me back so I might be annoyed or disatisfied with level 2 but have a fear of level 3! And of course, I attract unavailable partners all of the time!
Its my only job to take care of this human (me). I feel so touched & so tender hearing this. The way that Matthew speaks about this is something ive never heard. So so beautiful! Thank you... xxx
I am with you !! I have been puzzled about the talk of the importance of self-esteem and ended up seeing it as a cliche instead of being able to figure it out. This has been a powerful explanation, not just - treat yourself like you would treat your best friend or your child or your partner - but actually - you have the responsibility to nurture and care for and protect the person you are - - - I have heard before, you are not responsible for anyone else and shouldn't try to change others - - - but never saw it put the way Matthew Hussey does - take care of the precious person you are and who you are responsible for - why would I let anyone make this human (me) feel unsafe or confused about their worth. Don't disconnect from yourself - take care of yourself. Another point I liked was - Don't think that if you get closer to a person you can change them (to suit you) they are their own person, if you want to change them, you are not respecting them - and (most brilliant) you already know how hard it is to change yourself (when you want to better yourself), you cannot direct change you want to anyone else. That doesn't mean you can't suggest change, sometimes the other person hasn't thought of the change you suggest and may be receptive to changing, but don't try to change someone who is opposed to your suggestion. My partner has made some changes for me that I said was important to me and vice versa, sometimes things that are important to one person are indifferent to the other and it is easy for them to change it for you. But I agree you shouldn't try to change someone if they don't want to. And you should get to know as much as you can what is important to them, their essence. As for the 4 levels, luckily I have a good marriage of 35+ years and much thanks to being with a compatible and steadfast partner. I sincerely did my best to build a two-way caring relationship but didn't know all the criteria listed above, and feel I put effort into it but was also very lucky to find my partner. One can be sincere and be deceived, almost every surprise in getting to know my partner better over time was a good one. I really enjoyed this episode, I thought I wouldn't get much from it because I am in a satisfying life partnership and past going through levels of getting to know someone, but the last bit of the episode regarding respecting and caring for yourself really hit home.
Imagine this being taught at school cz life is about relationships and getting it right. Whether a relationship with your self or relationship with others. Thank you I feel so much better now about being single and not rushing into anything. I know now why my relationships haven’t been successful. I’m not honest with my standards and boundaries and I’m not honest about the elephant in the room. Thankyou!
I love this conversation about compatibility. I have always HATED when people say relationships are hard. Like that should just be a given/expected. Because to me, if it's that hard and that much work it just means you are not compatible and shouldn't be together. But I almost never hear anyone else saying or thinking that way. So this was a very pleasant surprise :D
Thank you. I agree. Let’s just think about it for a moment. If two people in a partnership are reasonably intelligent, emotionally mature and care for one another what possible obstacle could get in the way? Maybe I’m missing something but the above partners would be able to work out any issue that comes between them with aplomb.
Agree. Exactly how difficult is a relationship between two people that are reasonably intelligent, emotionally mature and care for each other? I doubt they would ever see an obstacle that they couldn’t overcome. Conversely, if they are lacking in one or more of the above, what possible technique or advice will improve the relationship?
Holy shit, this was my 2023. I definitely started the relationship with hard questions and followed up. I was giving her Commitment, and she was only ever giving me Mutual Attraction. 🤦🏽♂️. She was in fact my girlfriend, and did many things to act like we were committed, but mentally never was in level 3. This definitely helped, but man I coulda used this last year. 🥴😔 However, I'm in a MUCH better place mentally now.
Listening to Mathew Hussey saved me with men i started listening to him 12 ys ago and 3ys later 😂😂😂 started implementing his Advice its literally the best thing i ever did Thank you Mathew
Great framework. Loved the way Compatibility was placed at no 4, in chronological order. This is the lair of the tragedy: incompatibilities often surface post-commitment. No amount of moralizing can change this reality for many unfortunate couples that simply do not harmonize well. They cannot evolve well together due to fundamental core differences. It is not possible to have a fulfilling relationship with ANYONE we choose and chooses us. They may care a lot about each other but holistic compatibility is key.
I am not sure I'd start the stage 3 inquiry this way. I offer a lot in my relationships. I look to see what energy they're putting in. Too much future faking in false words and its so hard to tell difference between desire for commitment and desire for continued gain. Trying to be honest with myself about the person's behavior (not words so much). Does their behavior indicate investment? Or not? I like open questions like "how are you feeling about this relationship?" "What are you wanting to see in a year?" If they arent talking goals that reflect commitment....they aren't thinking commitment.
I came up with his videos in 2018 and his guidance gave me soooo much strength and light in the most difficult situations (I'm not exaggerating) My husband that I'm carrying his child right now❤️ is 8 years younger than me, super smart and handsome, French, a great cook etc..... The love of my life... We broke up 2 times , and thanks to following Matthew's "value" advices, I kept my respect and value; which led him to come back to me for the 3rd time, with a proposal this time🥰🍀
I like the role playing there that u did and yeah I noticed too Mel that he didn’t say “I like u” but rather “I like spending time with u” when he politely and very genuinely showed care and respect while saying no. It really brings it to a realization again that level 2 is an experience. There is attraction and yes probably u like each other but more driving force to this is enjoying the time spent together as a level 2 brings experience.
I thoroughly enjoyed this conversation Mel. Thank you for having me. And thank you everyone here for watching!
Thank you for sharing. It’s been a fantastic episode. Getting your book right away!
This was such a great interview that really encompassed the content I had watched during my season of being single, years ago. I absolutely found myself in the devastating situation of compromising my values as you mentioned that lady in the 10 year relationship that ended or denying the things I wanted in my life for years in order to maintain the comfortability that I was already living with the person which is such a hassle to move everything, but mostly convincing myself we could make it work. A person genuinely knows, when they know -that person isn't right for them. I'm just thankful by my forties now I found the person who was that missing element of what I should've been looking for and that's someone who is not just a boyfriend, fiance now but he's my best friend! Some of my previous relationships were so ridiculous I wasted years because when I was honest with myself they were not even a good friend to me. If you don't want regret of the most precious thing in life which is time, you have to be honest with yourself and act on it. You know what is best for you, listen to it and get a group of people that will emotionally be there as you navigate the new life you desire for yourself. Thank you Matthew for continuing to help ladies set standards for themselves, be honest with themselves, and sharing your story of how things went about meeting your wife. I appreciate your telling how you first interacted with her and her boldness to show her expectations to move forward should you want a relationship. It's great to see your continued honesty carry through with Mel in such a lovely way to say hey this is what I sent her which came across a certain way and she called me out on it. You all sound great at just being open and to the point in the relationship that takes ownership. I finally have a fiance that has those admirable traits as well. Proud of you both setting a great example. Congrats Matt and Mel on both the successes you have both earned through hard work, knowledge, and being our motivational leaders in life (:
Loved the podcast, thank you for joining Mel
The 4 levels are realistic & it creates clarity at what point we can move forward or move away from.. you are very sensible 👍🏻
Greatly appreciating your clarity about the one job. Really simple and helpful (although not always easy!)
I was married for 25 years. He passed from cancer, and I'm just getting back into dating. My husband and I never had the talk or dealt with these texting,breadcrumbing, ghosting games. He was a stand-up guy who treated me right, and I reciprocated. So I'm afraid I'm lost in this dating world, and staying single is looking better and better.
Perhaps for someone like you it would be better to avoid inundating yourself with these stories of negativity. There are other men with integrity and honor. 🙏🌍🕊🕊
Make friends, do things that interest you, mingle..but not looking..see where that goes..but enjoy doing things you want to first. Love with you❤
Love this..
You have the ability to attract HEALTHY LOVE. Don't sell yourself short. Be discerning and get what you deserve. You can love again. God bless you ❤
I agree I haven't had intimacy and 18 months I am so afraid and stuck and I have no one to talk to but listen to these online narcissistic videos
That part where it's mentioned that it's not about resenting them for the time we spent and they wasted, it's about us taking accountability of not having honored our standard... I really needed to hear that 😔
that hits definitely
Facts cos we could've left at any time t.
😢Girl I wanted to go to therapy for feeling so guilty i needed tjis
I needed to hear that! Ouch! It hurts but it’s the undeniable truth.
Hard lesson to learn. Never again. Now we know. ❤
✓ Admiration
✓Mutual Attraction
✓Commitment
✓Compatability
Even with all these qualities it doesn’t mean they are 1) already not with someone else 😢 2) they knew all along they were just milking what they could get from you 3) it’s easy to get bored with people because of all the online places you can meet people from the comfort of your own phone 📱
@@penniroyal4398 4) compatability can be faked for up 1 year and in some cases up to 2 years.
Sounds like to much game playing AND THAT is not adulting. Grow up, mature up & get OFFLINE 🤳
❤❤❤
I don’t want to commit to someone I’m not compatible with. That order of operations seems wrong.
I think there’s a difference between exclusive dating commitment and marriage commitment. That one comes after compatibility. It should be level 5.
24:56 “Because no one, no one, cares about your time and your life as much as you, and expecting them to is a recipe for wasting your life”
This line made me cry. I wish I had understood this before
Preach 😮
‼️‼️‼️ this
This quote hits hard.
Sat up when I heard that line
While running, I clicked on this video, I suddenly fell to my knees and started bawling. "No one cares about your time or your life as much as you do"-such powerful words of wisdom.❤
I can totally relate to this. I wasted all of my 30s (30 to 39 years old) with a man who would never marry me or have a family with me, yet always dangled the carrot making me believe if I just held on and kept waiting, it would happen. It didn't. He left me for someone 10 years younger when I was 39.
Lol "fell to my knees and bawling" so dramatic 😅
This episode is so well timed. Today, I finally walked out of a 3 year relationship after finally putting myself and my needs first. With a diminishing biological window, I wasn't going to let this man keep me on Level 2 any longer. I feel scared and worried but am trusting the process and hoping to meet someone who wants the same things as me, including a family of our own. Thank you, Matthew and Mel. I needed this today.
Amazing! I feel at about a similar point in my life, and it sounds so good you took that decision! Actually, this video made me consider that I am in a better place now than my maybe not so committed couple friends... anyways, it will work out! For sure! All the best to you :)
As they say, Do it scared. U sadly only have one life and sadly I have experienced first hand on a day to day a mother who wasted the best years of her life on a man ( my dad) who didn't love her, didn't her want, that part was more obvious and upsetting and just wanted a companion. Which is horrible for her, she put up with his shit, bore him 3 kids and gave him a nice home. As child then teenager and young woman, that was really upsetting to watch and the only reason she stand was because she was scared to be alone. Plus what all woman forget is that, while you busy staying in the wrong shitty relationship, your missing out on the person out there your actually meant to be with, for a unhappy relationship.
@@misslanapaulford That's just so terribly to sad. I could never stay with someone like that.
@@nicolelouis8968
Try being me, she was my only view on what a relationship should be like, so as you can imagine, it was rough trying to pick and have a decent functional relationship we someone because this Is all and knew. It took till my late 30s to have better relationships..women all women forget that your children especially daughter look to U and female siblings on how to navigate boyfriends and relationships..so if your daughter has only ever known you have bad or abusive in any form in relationship that is what she is going to think is normal..
So if she gets a boyfriend and he starts abusing her or treating her badly or always arguing, she's going to think that's normal. Your daughters are watching U. It's horrible.
yeah men and women's sexual problem are largely the same. that's why with any such discussion you'll get a few people in the chat saying "this episode is so well timed". Everyone thinks their situation is unique, it's not. Otherwise we could not create predictive frameworks and solutions
Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
"No-one, no-one cares about your time and your life as much as you and expecting them to is a recipe for wasting your life!" This is so profound and true not just for relationships but work and everything else in your life!!!
WOW, thank you!
Hi
Yet we are supposed to give them absolute trust
@@jackijohnson3778 send me your number let get to know each other better
Matt, try the raw food diet , or raw till 4 diet. It helps you control your desire to eat poorly if you eat enough fruits during the day . Just check it out. You could have meat in evening if you like as well. 😮😊
Confirmed that my hubby and I are good even after 43 years❣️
Nice :D
congratulations!
Ooooooooh nice! How did you find the person out there you are actually meant to be with?
❤
@@Lily_faith227no such thing . They created it and kept working on it for decades
I married a boy who only wanted to experience a marriage, not actually put in the work, time, and energy. I now know it's because we did not discuss what "marriage" means to us. We went into this with two different definitions. Marriage to him is just a piece of paper and a ring. I've been emotionally alone in this marriage and have grown resentful with time. My focus now is to be the best mother I can be to my children and make myself financially independent so I can leave this marriage.
I’m so sorry. ❤🙏🏾
Thats awful,!,& i relate to that feeling ! 😬 👋🏻
Have you considered asking to watch the video with you because or
Is he that spiritually and emotionally lazy that he won't even watch it with you? Does he realize that you're just insane yourself for your own self preservation?
Did you consider counseling with a therapist?
It’s not all bad if you are able to be a good mom and you can build. He may not be all bad, he just needs a wake up
“You are the only one charged with the resposibility to take care of this one human” nurture yourself 🙌🏿
''Why would I let someone who doesn't respect this human, anywhere near them? Why would I let someone who is making this human feel unsafe or confused about their worth, or keep them in limbo, or pick them up and put them down, completely inconsistent....anywhere near me'' - powerful words and hits me hard. Sadly ive allowed this😢
Truly it hits differently
When we know better we choose better. Don’t beat yourself up because you didn’t know. We all learn in our own time. ❤
@@SarahWorkman-y3g Thank you ♥
These words just hit me like a gut punch...full of love ❤.
Love IS all we need....SELF LOVE, then the rest follows
🎉💥 BOOM 💥 🎉
I've allowed this too. Its so hard when you think someone is your one and you listen to this and realise it's just my idea of what i want him to be that's keeping me there. I need to.love myself first x
Matt talks about having standards and living them as being attractive. He is spot on. Standards equal self worth. Someone with standards/high self esteem will only be attractive to someone else with standards/high self esteem. The abusers and takers will see that and will run like their tail is on fire! Those types of people are attracted to the over- givers, the co-dependants, empty people who need outside validation from someone else to feel they have worth.
Not necessarily true. Some abuser thrive on breaking someone who has self esteem, values, andstandards. I believe the majority are. Same as some abusers hide the red flags and reveal their abusive side until later, some it can be years. It's a game of power to them. No size for all I see on 99.999% of all these relationship advice. Leave the relationship once they show hints of any red flags, abuse...etc
Well said 🎉
@@Kari-8xtqmAbsolutely! I had very high self confidence and my ex husband tore me down to the point of hating who I am to my core.
Standards are standards, eat, sleep, clean... expectations are idealisms
@@Kari-8xtqm agree. Lived it
Great words to stop my narcissistic ex to finally stop popping in and out of my life and playing his usual games...
" my energy and time is valuable to me, so I thank you for not contacting me in any way in the future."
I 💜 Matthew Hussey’s work. Sadly, I wish he had been around when I was in my 20s, 30s, or even 40s. After choosing to enter not one, but TWO marriages that became toxic. I’m now 60 and have lost hope that I will ever find a life parter that meets my core needs. It’s better to be alone than to be with someone who hurts you.
42:29 you are not alone, married 22 years and 13 years and 65 years old, living alone.
@@Barb-mu7yp 🫶🏻
Love is available at all stages in life. If you want to love the opportunity out there. I’m sorry you’ve been hurt but it’s available if you want it
Love at every stage shows up differently so u can still find true 💕
I am so sorry this happened to you. Best wishes that you find peace whether with a good partner, or alone with your awesome self.
What is difficult is that people pretend to be compatible in the beginning to rope you in then you find out how selfish they really are once you're married. Although there were probably signs earlier we didn't pay attention to . Also, I think we all want people just like us and don't learn what you did recently Mel, that compatibility can be balance vs similarity. I'm just learning this now
I was thinking this very thing this morning. 💜 Matthew Hussey.
Ah! This! Once a guy asked me what I look for in a significant other. I said, “I rather just get to know who you are and see if we are compatible.” I don’t think it’s a good idea to tell someone what you are looking for because they can just pretend to be that….
Exactly. They appear enthusiastic and want to get committed and married! They follow through and then get cold feet to life, to reality. They’re almost lost. It looks like some of these enthusiasts, go through life with the mantra ‘fake it, till you make it.’ It’s a disappointment when you’re serious about your future and they only have appeared to be serious and no game plans for life. Be careful!
It happens
look up covert narcissism. Covert narcissist use people as a rule, so they will pretend in the beginning and love bomb to hook people in. They are not normal and I don't think most normal people pretend to be compatible in the beginning, unless they want something out of you. Typically men do that to women who are just looking to get in their pants.
I've been a fan of Matthew's for a long time. Difficult conversations are scary, but once you have them they get easier. They can bring you closer together or if it's not the right fit, you can move forward gracefully faster.
I agree with you
Very true! Plus it’s is detrimental to one’s health (stress) to hold in conversations that need to be had.
Only good if you are with someone who is honest. Good manipulators can hide their agenda and true feelings
compatibility is so important. I would say to know if your not, you always feel you are never enough and you always have to change for the other one to be happy with you.. You fight and dont ”get” each other. When you have compatibility you feel safe in who you are, and who your partner are. You feel understood for who you are. My husband let me be me, and that is the greatest gift ❤️
Stage 2 in a 25yr marriage😔 however when I started to take care of self, I had the capacity to move fwd in grace and kindness💫
I have been there.. “Level of commitment you need in order to be happy that someone else is isn’t giving you” that got me
What other level of commitment do you need beyond marriage? He's committed the rest of his life to you and it's not enough commitment?
That's an oxymoron, if you are married for 25 years you have reached level 3.
@thorie and @videobrownsville It was level 2 if it turns out they were cheating the whole time.
Of all speeches, mantras, books, pieces of advice etc. that I've come across about self-love, what Matthew says here has captivated me the most. It is intelligible, highly reasonable and touching all at once 😊 You have only one job, it is to give the best possible life to this human. That's great, man.
I ended a 2.5 yr relationship although I was still very much in love with a guy. Being stuck in level 2 is so unfair to yourself. I should have ended it shortly after we met when he told me he wasn't looking for marriage. 😢Heartbreaking!
💪 making space for someone who will cherish you!
Language matters deeply! I say this all the time
Flying out ✈️ his lifestyle speaks volumes lol
I'm just curious, some guys don't necessarily want the traditional kind of marriage. Sometimes we say words but mean different things. Maybe he was totally in for commitment but not "marriage" in the traditional sense of the word. If of course you have 2 different ideas of what marriage means then I get it. But sometimes we are so fast in coming to conclusion, while we miss the opportunity to truly understand what the other meant.
There is this beautiful quote from Khalil Gibran saying: "Between what is said but not meant, and meant but not said, most of love is lost"
I'm not saying this is the case for you but I was just curious if you understood him correctly? Was he truly not willing to commit?
Just wish this guy was around 20 years ago! I was with a guy for years that stayed at level 2. Hell I moved the other side of the world to “build a new life” which was happening quite lovely! Took a couple of emails and flew back and stayed with him for a number of years and gave him my decision in not to have a family. I can’t regret it but i gave myself and decisions to the wrong person. I hope anyone that’s going through this now sees they will never change for you. You got to go through the heart ache of a break up and move on to someone that aligns with you. ❤
You two have just exposed much of my life. Being a serial level 2er, so much of my time, decades have been wasted. Just the fear of chasing people away kept me dumb and clingy and expecting someone to read my mind without having to push further. I pray this will not continue in my life. God bless all your viewers. May they all find true fulfilment in every area of your lives. 🙏
This generation is very fortunate to have access to podcasts like this one!!
For my generation, there was little to no resources available. Either it was the example I had at home or the area in which I lived - but I wasted 7 of my teens to early 20’s in a relationship I knew I did not want to be permanent-just to avoid the pain of splitting. That was stupidity & indecisiveness on my part. And what’s sad… is I knew better.
Don't beat yourself up. It was harder to split in the past, and there were more consequences. I bet you did the very best you could at the time. (As the saying goes, "Life is lived forward but understood backwards.")
@@TTunah perhaps I wasn’t clear in my first text… I wasn’t married to the guy-just dating-but I stated way too long.
I’ve never heard that quote but I love ❤️ it! The words ring true!
Ugh, no compatibility after 23 years of marriage. Constant friction and agitation. The regret is exhausting. 😢 I wish I heard this before rushing into marriage.
Thank you...60 years young...I see me and my needs. Now I am ready to date, openly and honestly with myself and the person to come.
Ххххххххошкооооошооооооооооооооооооооооошо
Was 32 years before I divorced. I hope you can find a healthy way to communicate and repair. The financial set back in later in life divorce is big.
Was it like this at the beginning? Why did you tolerate it for so long?
@@thorie79 Because people have no better options.
Why am I only hearing this now!? Just leaving 25+ years of a terrible terrible marriage, and am so glad to have heard this. Thank you.
Better late than never!
I feel like this teaching has completely blown up my world. Why oh why did it take me 76 years to hear this? 76. Now, my time left is undeniably short. I must decide whether I want to remain in a relationship with someone I love, with my emotional needs partially met, or have that hard conversation, believing it will end things, or stay where I am respected and cared about, but not completely fulfilled. I'm okay alone, but life is sweeter with him in it. Maybe, at 76, that's enough. 😮
It's never too late to have the life you want. A friend of mine met her man when she was in her 80s. She lived to 98
What you have is likely 80% of what you need . You are lucky enough already.
I will pray for clarity for you. This stumps me! I lean towards staying because there is love, respect, and overall the relationship is adding to your life. (You would definitely know if it was subtracting.)
no one is going to be in perfection. Take what you have & say it's enough. Life will never be enough. I am 72 divorced 3 yrs now. My ex wanted to ck out the greener pasture. He is now very very miserable he had it good enough but chose to want more, but he chose to be selfish.
I think what is most important here is to be honest with ourselves what we want, what is important to us and stop lying to ourselves. Unless both partners in a relationship our willing to be honest about everything it will not work.
So true and so painful when you find out the other one hasn’t been honest.
After listening to this podcast I am inspired. I am hereby committed to taking his words to heart! It is my number 1 job to take care of this human to make sure she has the most vivid, joyful and actualized life!! Why should I only be good at this for others??
OMG! I felt the same way. This podcast is the simplicity we all need to hear - explained beautifully well.
I'm 52 and I've never been married, a few engagements. Nothing has ever really clicked with anyone, obviously. Yet I'm still single and also happy .
I would like to meet my person at some point, I'm optimistic.
and u r beautiful..:)
Spot on advise. I had the hard convo two years into Our relationship and here we are 25 years later living in our castle and growing stronger and stronger. Simply be truthful and know your values and vision in life.
Like many others in the comments , this showed up in my feed at the perfect time... looking for some comfort and understanding after my 4.5 year relationship ended yesterday. The purposeful nature with which he inflicted pain and his absolute contempt of my feelings has me destroyed. I almost didn’t click on it, knowing I’ve got some healing to do and thinking this video isn’t for me at this stage. But something encouraged me to and because of the content in this conversation, I’m actually feeling some resolve so thank you.
Mel Robbins is sharp, articulate, awesome in every way.
Mel when you said...
"I can change them"
That's absolutely so true...
If I just love them enough or do this or say that or wear this or be that....
People only change if they want to. That's it...
So powerful, so true...
Love Matthew Hussey… he makes it all seem so logical, but he gives us all hope as well… much gratitude. Great podcast Mel!
Just watching the opening of this Mel saying "You can't fix this person" is so accurate. When I was younger, I tried that and feel it happened vice versa a few times before age 33 and it just doesn't work that way. People are who they say they are. You cannot mold someone into what you want as though you are some arrogant genie, or to fix some deeply rooted past issues you are subconsciously inflicting onto this person, to mend your past to feel better. You need to come to the table a whole person, that doesn't need validation, can take it or leave it. That person doesn't define you they add to your life. Now i will listen. Thank you. Have a great day. ❤😊
Arrogant genie 😂
I cried when Matt said imagine the builder there building and the other person is AWOL. This has been a recent experience for me and I wholly feel that he only engaged with me for the experience when I wanted the "holy grail" that I felt with them.
I told my ex wife several times that, I am not painting her house while she is out painting other peoples houses. She didn’t listen. Adios 😂👌
I truly loved this! I’m 62 years old and in the dating scene again. I was married to a narcissist for 27 years. I finally found the strength to leave him and have been single now for 5 years. I’m in a relationship with someone for about 10 months now. I have no idea where I stand. I need to have that conversation but I’m afraid. After listening to this podcast, I now know what I need to say and do. Thank you for be amazing you!! I love all your podcast.
This conversation has blown my heart and mind wide open. What a clear way to cataloge where a relationship is. Adulting requires training and constant learning. I feel like a teen just learning to drive.
Thank you!! Both Matt and Mel for bringing this powerful and life changing lessons to us. ❤
Interesting video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go,i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
@@stanleymartins-o3s do not do it. Youre soul will pay the ultimate price. They work with the Jinn . Instead accept that if she was the one for you . Then she would be. But she is not. Invest in healing instead of selling youre soul to a devil worshipper
I recently went through a tough breakup. My 7 year relationship ended a month ago, and it's been really hard for me. I still love my ex so much and can't stop thinking about him. I've tried everything to win him back, but nothing has worked. It's frustrating, and I can't imagine being with anyone else. I've been trying to move on, but I can't seem to get him out of my mind. I know it might sound strange to share this here, but I miss him a lot and just can't stop thinking about him.
I understand the pain of letting go of someone you love. I went through a similar situation when my 12 year relationship ended. I couldn't just let him go, so I did everything I could to win him back. I sought the help of a spiritual counselor, and their guidance ultimately helped me to bring him back into my life.
Amazing! How did you find a spiritual counselor, and how can I contact them?
His name is Fatherabulu, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can help restore your relationship with your ex.
Thanks for sharing this valuable information. I just looked him up online and I'm impressed.
It'll get better!! Give yourself love and space. Also, be careful with scammers... I don't think there's a magic mystic anything that can recover a deeply broken relationship. Only therapy if anything, but after some point, it was just not going to work. It may feel scary because one is older now than at the beginning, the great majority of men are not what one wants... but precisely, the more time you spend attached to something that is not working, the more time you waste away from a future good fulfilling relationship.
This really resonates with me. I am nearly 50, and have had a couple long term relationships that really should have ended a lot sooner than they did, due to me thinking they could change into the person I needed them to be and being kept in level 2. My first LTD(long term dude) wanted the physical relationship and kids without being married. Deal breaker. Second LTD is a great guy, said he wanted what I want, but refused to become financially stable enough(get a stable job) for us to move forward. That one was really hard to walk away from, bc he truly is a good guy. He just couldn’t give me what I need. Love truly was not enough. I hope and pray that I can still find someone who I align with and can spend the rest of my life with. ☺️☺️☺️
When will we have the courage to talk about how "marriage" is not a requirement for a full complete life? So many commenters cannot wait to find the "right" partner. When you are FINALLY complete as a person you will be able to make the "right" choice and it may not EVER be marriage. I look forward to having Mel interview someone with this perspective.
Absolutely. To me, everything under the topic of self help and psychology all boils down to one thing. How to love yourself first.
Finally complete as a person. Best said.
🙌🙌🙌
Not true!!
Same !!!, SOME PEOPLE have been there done that, "🤷♀️🤔
Have 0 interest in marriage.
But ITS OKAY!, TO ONLY WANT commitment. ! 😼😃
Ok! I have been planning to re-check my values and standards ,with my husband of 5 years, TONIGHT, and I came across this podcast! How awesome you are! 😍😍😍
Thank you so much for this !! I’m recently divorced because we were not compatible. I’m the laid-back person who is 110% willing to accommodate / placate & put all the pillows around my significant other to help him feel secure , when I never felt secure or safe even in the smallest things like planning a trip or, the worst was all the money and the cash out refinances we did on our house. I objected every time and I couldn’t engage in a conversation about my security. And now I have a template to follow that makes sense and it’s short simple to the point thank you so much!!!!
How did you move on your own? Did you have a good career already? ❤
Doesn't sound like you were willing to accommodate anything if you divorced him. Marriage is for better or worse. The lack of commitment is a huge problem these days.
@@thorie79 I think she is saying that until now, she didn't know to have boundaries and check in with herself first about what she truly wanted/needed for her life.
Nice video, I'm still struggling with the end of my 7-year relationship. My significant other, who I considered to be the love of my life, left me a month ago, and I can't seem to shake the constant thoughts of him. Despite my efforts to bring him back into my life, nothing has worked, and I feel frustrated and hopeless. I've tried to move on, but my heart still longs for him, and I don't see myself with anyone else. I apologize for sharing this here, but I just can't seem to stop missing him.
It's hard to let go of someone you love; I went through a similar experience when my 12-year relationship ended. I tried everything to get him back, and eventually I had to turn to a spiritual counselor for assistance.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him?
he is Owen Abiola, he has great powers, he can help you.
His name is Owen Abiola, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information,i just looked her up now online. impressive
I’m older and have no debt. I’m dating a great guy who has big debt. We have a great time together and are very compatible but I won’t move in with him until his debt is gone and he buys health care insurance. We have had this conversation and he is fine how things are. We enjoy our independence and companionship. This works for us-for now. Though I do wish he had the money to travel with me. I don’t have enough $$ to “pay for two”.
The only thing I would change is for him to have secure finances. I feel we can’t move forward unless he has this. After getting divorce myself, I can’t take on someone else’s debt. I’m better off living alone even though I would love the daily companionship.
Definitely don't take on his debt. If he wants to commit, he'll work on it. If not, i hope that you leave your heart open to see that special someone who is compatible in all 4 levels. He may be closer than you realize
Huh.. Any person who has problems with finances is unprepared to accept additional responsibilities.. freeloaders?? Not in this day & age of inflation 😞🫢
You’re doing the right thing. 🚩 Had to postpone our marriage until he got his butt into gear after losing his job. Not a good way to start a marriage with financial challenges. It’s not about whether he’s fun or a nice guy. Do you want to be his “Mommy” or adult to adult partner? Do you want to end up carrying the relationship, it’s exhausting and not healthy? You’ve worked hard to get to where you are. Glad you know your values & boundaries. They’ll save you a lot of pain. Wish I had better insight before I married my “nice guy”.
The say second marriages can be better - probably bc we have matured and know our worth! I wish you the best!
I was in this same situation and after 2 1/2 years I had to walk away as I didn't see any actions from him to eliminate his debt. Important to see what actions he is doing to clean up his debt.
You two are absolutely amazing together. The history you both carry set the dynamic in a type of way no one else has. Love you both! You've both helped me so much! Married 17 years.
This is awesome!!! One suggestion: I think level 3 needs to be compatibility before level 4 because you should find out if you're compatible with someone before you commit to exclusivity.
I thought the same thing as soon as I saw what level 4 was!
My thought as well. Thanks for declaring it!
I thought level 2 meant compatibility.
I agreed! I was 7 years of a committed relationship to realize at some hard time in my personal life that we don’t have enough compatibility…and accepting it after so much love is very hard and hurts deeply both persons. Still with hope to find love again ❤
Yup!
Mel, the discussion about moving from level 2 to level 3 reminds me of the lyrics to a song from the 1970's. "I used to say 'let's keep it simple' but freedom only helps you say goodbye".
I am 21 years old, been working on myself mental health for 3 years now and I’ve met the love of my life and me and him have both been working through trauma, unhealthy pattern. And create the most safest place for one another. I’ve never met such a beautiful person inside and out who cares so deeply. We are kinda twins but different in our own unique way! We inspire each other and it is the BEST healthiest relationship I’ve ever had.
My husband was stucked by me in level 2 for 2 years. I was just getting out of a relationship and not ready to fall in love. For him it was love at first sight, he said. First and last love of jos Life. He had thé patience to love for both in the first 2 years. For me love came gradually. It was built step by step. Today we celebrated 18 years. If my husband would have listened to the advice from the podcast, today we would have not be together.
That’s great.
Imagine the folks that were married 20, 10 plus yrs and the partner never came around. That is sad and painful. I know, I’ve been there. 22 yr relationship. Kids and come to find I was getting so little just because I kept settling for less he would think the disrespect was ok. Heartbreaking stuff.
Men fall in love immediately if u r the one, thats important for them to chase and be active. But women fall in love gradually and its good. Guys dont want those who fall in love with them from the start. They want to deserve and work for love, then it will last. When falls in love quickly she messes up everything, and her brain doesn't work. She must be moving relationships to the commitment but it will not be possible if she is easy.
This proves that men love is more important than a woman being in love from the beginning
@@margaritaramos7643ppl should not marry if they are not in love. Even tho it is smart and normal.for women to take time to developing feelings, this should not last for years, within 6 month of seeing each other, if there are no feelings then dont engage and dont marry. Traditional Arranged marriages with no feelings are as bad as marriages built only on feelings. There is should a balance between both.
I think this was a very important comment. People and humans are dynamic, we shouldn’t be stuck in an all or nothing mentality- life is messy and people are messy. We’re all just figuring it out as we go and nothing is set in stone. I will say though that the message in the video is important for those that are looking to have children because that is a timeline that you can never get back.
It’s amazing how people will risk having lots of bills, stress, their sanity, possibly catching STDs and divorce just for companionship. When you think about it, it’s just crazy.
🎯I agree completely! I know of two people (a family member and an acquaintance) who risked STDs; one of them (the acquaintance) still does and the person that they occasionally hop into the sack with drinks A LOT, uses drugs and sleeps around. 😱 The acquaintance has a prophylactic in their medicine cabinet 🗄️ in hopes of stay safe and is also allegedly worried about catching co V !d in addition to h I v . It makes no sense whatsoever to risk one’s health for counterfeit fellowship/situationships. These people are both over 50. And the one who sleeps around is well over 65, maybe 70+. Insane behavior. UTTERLY insane.
We have to ask a lab result gor STD before jumping to sex..too many new STD in now days
We're attachment seeking humans (all mammals need it to survive in infancy till adulthood)
This is probably one of the videos that actually teaches how to implement advice which is rare. Thanks! And much love
Omg, that last part really hit home! My one job is to love and nurture myself! Duh! That is going to be my mantra 💗
Thank you both 🙏🏽
So copying this! ❤
I love all of this! More people need to practice this and stop pretending to want what someone else wants. Be you, be happy!
This video just got me a piece of the puzzle I've been working on for a few months now, after I left a relationship that didn't make me happy anymore, because i was tired of waiting for a response. I chose one night, that I didn't need that response. Even though it was heartbreaking (I was deeply in love), I knew I was the only person responsible for my own happiness. By overcoming the fear of losing the person I loved, I found peace and strength. I am proud, I love the person I am and the one I am becoming.
These videos give people the keys to the most precious thing on earth, the thing we are all here to learn : loving ourself. Treat yourself like you would treat the person you love the most in the whole galaxy.
Thanks you for this video. I was stuck in a relationship that was going nowhere. This video is so timely because a month ago l brought up the conversation with my girlfriend. She was basically happy in level 2 and in no hurry for commitment. This video validated my decision to walk away from the relationship.
Grace Cirocco’s explanation of the love level expands on his. Level 4 is the Angel level - the level of freedom where you let go of your expectations of your partner and want the best for them - your partner’s happiness and freedom is the most important to you and vice versa - your happiness is the most important to them - what magic ❤😊💗
Whoah ! “Level of commitment you need in order to be happy that someone else isn’t giving you” - this stopped me in my tracks..
Way to go Mel! Great to see that big smile on your face 😁
I wish this was like three hours long. One of the most revolutionary podcasts I’ve heard
If only this video came out 7 years ago. I spent the last 6 years with someone thinking I'm on Level 3 with them, but after our most recent break up, it turns out they were on level 2 this whole time. 6 years gone. I was depressed for a good year, but after sitting in that depression I was able to snap out of it, thank God! I started doing some inner work & managed to overcome this. Now, I'm just so grateful that I'm no longer with someone like that.
This episode is both brilliant and slightly crushing but in a tough love way we all need. I think everyone has been in that place where you don’t want that conversation but you know you need it. The poor lady at Matts event that wasted 10 years breaks my heart, but sometimes we don’t want to listen. A maybe is a no, we need to remember that even when all wrapped up
I value someone I knew. He is younger then me, It was so great talking with him, he has a great laugh, and he left. I accept & will always value my experience with him.
I wish this video was done 3 years ago. I would have saved time, energy, heartbreak and hitting rock bottom. I would have valued myself more and I would have done this hard conversations. Thank you for the video😊
Aren't you glad it wasn't 30 years?
I wish it existed when I was in my 20s…. There was no good relationship advice.
So many people just treated marriage as the end of a relationship instead of the start of the most important one you’re going to have …
It’s like everybody was rushing through the dating and engagement and nobody explained why that was important that made sense….
It was all molded and Pat answers .
If someone had told me : you should wait to get married until you’ve been away from college and both living on your own for several months to see how that person is going to handle having to maintain their own life apart from other people making them maintain their life…
I probably would’ve listened .
When you tell me : there’s no way you can love this person as quickly (I had been friends with him for years and then we dated)…
All the answers I was getting were not detailed enough ….
If someone had told me if you see a red flag look for real responses or recognition of maybe that being a problem that they need to work on….
When I brought up a red flag about how he was treating his mother and sister… he said not to worry that he knows I will never be rational or crazy like they are… I thought I was a pretty rational woman.
That response should’ve been a red flag because we all get crazy and irrational about different things and we all have emotions… that should’ve been a pull back and reassess…
But I had no one to tell me that, and I trusted his assessment of myself because I hadn’t fully assessed myself.
I think the biggest problem is most adults are not adults 18…. And I don’t think raising the adult age what is needed.
I think we don’t teach our children emotional maturity soon enough, and we make them figure it out on their own of handing them the tools they need to succeed once they’re out of our house.
Parents to teach their kids about what makes men or woman good or acceptable to be in relationship with… it’s time we brought that back…
It’s time to show kids and teach them what is acceptable and unacceptable and relationships so that they’re not blind walking into it with just love and feelings.
It’s also hard to make sound decisions when you get too physically intimate with people… if you are pleasuring each other to sexual arousal, even if there’s no intercourse, you are bonding with that person and won’t be able to make sound decisions…
I have the chance to redo this, I will be much more careful with my physical boundaries, my emotional boundaries and my spiritual boundaries….
I have the tools now and the problem is it’s made my relationship with my husband very difficult because as I’ve gotten healthier, he has become less attractive to me as he struggles and refuses to change… the problem is it’s borderline about whether or not I claim it abusive enough to leave… so I sit here and wait
I love Matthew ❤ he is the kindest, the most eloquent and knowledgeable coach in the relationship advice field. I wish him neverending success both in business and in personal life. I'm really happy that he and lovely and wise Audrey got married. All the best to both of them ! ❤❤❤
UA-cam needs a Matthew Hussey for 60+ married people who are lonely and depressed in a relationship that checksbthe boxes but lacks connection and communication. Any suggestions?‽?
Check out the book his needs her needs and the 5 love languages.
Even in marriage you are responsible for your own happiness, but individuals are also subject to demoralization.
Getting a divorce after 22 years of marriage because I did not know any of this, as much as I was grieving wasted years I'm letting go and thankful for this knowledge. Im takin accountability for my part. Thank you both! 🎉
No one changes unless they want to; the only person i can change is me. We change through emotional work, honesty and learning what love is, which includes learning how to love myself; because I can never love anyone else unless I learn that
Still can't wrap my head around the situation where you have the 'talk', you both agree that you're committed to make the relationship work. It goes great for the initial year and then it starts to spiral down due to long distance and you see them not putting in the same efforts now. And then, they end up cheating you multiple times, keep lying to you and then make the fake promises again. It tore me apart and i don't know how to trust anyone ever again
Excellent video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my marriage of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
Absolutely rubbish @@michael-gg2rh
This literally solidified my choice to break up with my ex was the best thing to do 🙌🏾✨. The lack of trust, reliability and constant friction stifled whatever energy was present initially.
This really hit home today. I really need to have that conversation with myself. Thank you so much for being there when I needed it the most.
I was in a marriage for 19 years, and I was unable to admit or acknowledge to myself that he was unwilling or unable to show up for “US” (level three) A therapist said he would not do marriage counseling because , he said he is not in this marriage!! I still couldn’t let go at that point. I have been out of that marriage since 2003. I have continued to work in myself and I loved hearing this information. Thank you
Timestamp approx 42min...I knew this but to be reminded yet again, made me well up as I was packing to move house and move on. Thank you to both of you ❤
This is a great Video. This brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 5 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
I am sorry about what you have been through. I have been through something similar and was almost depressed, till I contacted a spiritual counsellor who helped me get my ex back and hence my life back
Interesting. Who is this counsellor, and how do I meet the person?
Online, you'll find shelly renee white, revered for her expertise as a spiritual counsellor. She has the ability to reunite couples and promote holistic well-being
Thanks a lot. I just did. Impressive.
I think you really love but if you truly love her let her fly away. True love is loving someone enough to set her free. Loving someone is loving you first. It’s ok to love her for a long long long time maybe forever but try to move on.
Truly, the best simplified description of relationship advice I’ve ever heard and I’m 61 years old. I wish I would’ve heard this years ago, 11 to be exact. Thank you!
This conversation is exactly what I needed and been going through, discovering what I want in a relationship, boundaries, standards ...all of it.
I'm 36 and never been in a relationship, I hope to find that person with the qualities I'm looking for one day. However, I feel scared to get hurt, it's like I'd like to get that feeling to love and being loved back but at the same time I'm scared.
There’s no guarantee we won’t get hurt, but in a loving relationship you work through the hurts and insecurities. You gotta trust your value and resilience. Give love a chance
Getting hurt is inevitable, just find someone worth it, i genuinely would rather get my heart broken than to never have loved someone
Learn about Red Flags and Narcissism.
Save yourself alot of hurt.
I did the identity matrix exercise in Matts book and I can’t believe how much an simple exercise helped with with how i look at myself
See, I'm partly avoidant and have a fear of intimacy, so sometimes I'm fine to stay in level 2, because I don't want a level 3 or traditional commitment or marriage badly enough. Even if I think it might be nice, there's a barrier that holds me back so I might be annoyed or disatisfied with level 2 but have a fear of level 3! And of course, I attract unavailable partners all of the time!
I would encourage you to find out what that barrier is, because it’s likely stopping you from finding a committed relationship .
Avoidants should avoid relationships 1 and 2 stages until they do the work they are avoiding.
Mel is there a way I can contact you?
Its my only job to take care of this human (me). I feel so touched & so tender hearing this. The way that Matthew speaks about this is something ive never heard. So so beautiful! Thank you... xxx
My favourite part, from 40:58 is so powerful. It has changed the way I see myself. I hope it continues to.
I am with you !! I have been puzzled about the talk of the importance of self-esteem and ended up seeing it as a cliche instead of being able to figure it out. This has been a powerful explanation, not just - treat yourself like you would treat your best friend or your child or your partner - but actually - you have the responsibility to nurture and care for and protect the person you are - - - I have heard before, you are not responsible for anyone else and shouldn't try to change others - - - but never saw it put the way Matthew Hussey does - take care of the precious person you are and who you are responsible for - why would I let anyone make this human (me) feel unsafe or confused about their worth. Don't disconnect from yourself - take care of yourself.
Another point I liked was - Don't think that if you get closer to a person you can change them (to suit you) they are their own person, if you want to change them, you are not respecting them - and (most brilliant) you already know how hard it is to change yourself (when you want to better yourself), you cannot direct change you want to anyone else. That doesn't mean you can't suggest change, sometimes the other person hasn't thought of the change you suggest and may be receptive to changing, but don't try to change someone who is opposed to your suggestion. My partner has made some changes for me that I said was important to me and vice versa, sometimes things that are important to one person are indifferent to the other and it is easy for them to change it for you. But I agree you shouldn't try to change someone if they don't want to. And you should get to know as much as you can what is important to them, their essence.
As for the 4 levels, luckily I have a good marriage of 35+ years and much thanks to being with a compatible and steadfast partner. I sincerely did my best to build a two-way caring relationship but didn't know all the criteria listed above, and feel I put effort into it but was also very lucky to find my partner. One can be sincere and be deceived, almost every surprise in getting to know my partner better over time was a good one.
I really enjoyed this episode, I thought I wouldn't get much from it because I am in a satisfying life partnership and past going through levels of getting to know someone, but the last bit of the episode regarding respecting and caring for yourself really hit home.
Imagine this being taught at school cz life is about relationships and getting it right. Whether a relationship with your self or relationship with others. Thank you I feel so much better now about being single and not rushing into anything. I know now why my relationships haven’t been successful. I’m not honest with my standards and boundaries and I’m not honest about the elephant in the room. Thankyou!
My sister did the mistake of living together with her boyfriend (10 years ago) and when she asked to get married and have a family he disappeared…
On line dating is the worst thing you can do. That's my opinion too many lieing sobs
This is a powerful interview! Hard conversations can be so difficult but so necessary!
I love this conversation about compatibility. I have always HATED when people say relationships are hard. Like that should just be a given/expected. Because to me, if it's that hard and that much work it just means you are not compatible and shouldn't be together. But I almost never hear anyone else saying or thinking that way. So this was a very pleasant surprise :D
Thank you. I agree. Let’s just think about it for a moment. If two people in a partnership are reasonably intelligent, emotionally mature and care for one another what possible obstacle could get in the way?
Maybe I’m missing something but the above partners would be able to work out any issue that comes between them with aplomb.
Agree. Exactly how difficult is a relationship between two people that are reasonably intelligent, emotionally mature and care for each other? I doubt they would ever see an obstacle that they couldn’t overcome.
Conversely, if they are lacking in one or more of the above, what possible technique or advice will improve the relationship?
Holy shit, this was my 2023. I definitely started the relationship with hard questions and followed up. I was giving her Commitment, and she was only ever giving me Mutual Attraction. 🤦🏽♂️. She was in fact my girlfriend, and did many things to act like we were committed, but mentally never was in level 3. This definitely helped, but man I coulda used this last year. 🥴😔 However, I'm in a MUCH better place mentally now.
Listening to Mathew Hussey saved me with men i started listening to him 12 ys ago and 3ys later 😂😂😂 started implementing his Advice its literally the best thing i ever did Thank you Mathew
I was stuck in a 6 year relationship this is very insightful
Great framework. Loved the way Compatibility was placed at no 4, in chronological order. This is the lair of the tragedy: incompatibilities often surface post-commitment.
No amount of moralizing can change this reality for many unfortunate couples that simply do not harmonize well. They cannot evolve well together due to fundamental core differences. It is not possible to have a fulfilling relationship with ANYONE we choose and chooses us. They may care a lot about each other but holistic compatibility is key.
I am not sure I'd start the stage 3 inquiry this way. I offer a lot in my relationships. I look to see what energy they're putting in. Too much future faking in false words and its so hard to tell difference between desire for commitment and desire for continued gain. Trying to be honest with myself about the person's behavior (not words so much). Does their behavior indicate investment? Or not? I like open questions like "how are you feeling about this relationship?" "What are you wanting to see in a year?" If they arent talking goals that reflect commitment....they aren't thinking commitment.
I came up with his videos in 2018 and his guidance gave me soooo much strength and light in the most difficult situations (I'm not exaggerating)
My husband that I'm carrying his child right now❤️ is 8 years younger than me, super smart and handsome, French, a great cook etc..... The love of my life...
We broke up 2 times , and thanks to following Matthew's "value" advices, I kept my respect and value; which led him to come back to me for the 3rd time, with a proposal this time🥰🍀
Level 2 is quintessential fboy territory. Thanks Mel for everything you do
Mel, your laugh is just so honest and heartwarming ❤ a ton of LOVE to you
I just adore this episode. So interesting but also empowering because you both formulate sentences that show the "how" to say it. Thanks !
I like the role playing there that u did and yeah I noticed too Mel that he didn’t say “I like u” but rather “I like spending time with u” when he politely and very genuinely showed care and respect while saying no. It really brings it to a realization again that level 2 is an experience. There is attraction and yes probably u like each other but more driving force to this is enjoying the time spent together as a level 2 brings experience.