INFJ: 10 Reasons Why You're Still Single
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- Опубліковано 4 тра 2019
- Exploring some theories on why some of you INFJs may still be single. Or it could just be that you're too cool and attractive and everyone is intimidated.
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Charisma Matrix: • Video
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🔴 Here's another video you'll like: Unhealthy INFJ: 7 Signs You're an Unhealthy INFJ ua-cam.com/video/AwATt5_nXNM/v-deo.html ⭐
Frank, as a fellow INFJ, you are very good at this. Your videos are very clear and concise in explaining INFJ. You are intelligent, entertaining and attractive. :) Thanks for speaking up.
Frank James I wish I could go 1 on 1 with you
@@rachelsterner1399 I totally agree!! I always think about how I can never verbalize my thoughts as coherently as he can.
More infj videos please! So insightful, some of these things I didn't even realise I did until I read this...
Yo!! So my myers-briggs changes by the day... what I mean is I frequently get either INFJ or INTJ. Idk if I'm just weird or what but my thinking/feeling are usually so close that I could go either way. Is this a common thing?? Also, do you have any thoughts on this? P.s. you are a Gorgeous man Haha:) great videos and info!!
Anyone here having deep thoughts about how badly you want to be in a relationship but also don't want to?
Meee hahah
Hi ARMY 💜
@@aSerendipityCalledBTS hi there INFJ ARMY! 😂💜
😂Thats me
@@aSerendipityCalledBTS yess I do have a Twitter acc @mochiesanpjm you can follow me there?
@@bernzZz I just did it 😊
Who else here lies in bed at night and can’t sleep because they are having deep philosophical conversations with hypothetical run ins with people you’ll probably never meet in your head?
Yup
I'm already seeing myself being surrounded by nieces, nephews and my cats in the future -_-
Here i am
Omg me too except real People but I create like different versions of a conversation about a particular situation.
wtf haha
1) You're too attached to your dream person
2) Dating is a pain in the butt
3) You think too much and overplan in order to feel safe
4) Too aware of other people's needs
5) You're looking for someone to give you an identity
6) Become a shell of themselves when in a relationship (go cold)
7) Look too far in the future and get in too deep, too fast
8) We can read people very well and that can scare us
9) You are weird and that's okay 💕
Thank you for this
Facts I feel like I’ll stay single 😅🥹
7) yeah, there was this time when I met person for 5 minutes and then planned everything to the day of our wedding
I am intj tho
Oh, that's what was wrong with me all this time. Not like I wasn't constantly aware of feeling like a social outcast for all my life. Perhaps some good advice would be to tell me how the FUCK I can cope with it?
both blessing and curse... but again I am thankful for the way I am born.
I'm an INFJ and I am single. Reason being, relating to people takes too much work. Plus, I always feel resentful over the fact that while I always try to make people happy (even at a cost to myself), it always feels like, "NOBODY KNOWS ME" - even the people who are supposed to.
I can definitely relate to the feeling of “nobody knows me”, but ALWAYS remember that it’s not your job to make others. Your happiness, your responsibility. Those other people are responsible for their own happiness.
@@Keesha_Hardy damn.... I recently found out about these personality types. And when the result shows me im an INFJ im confused... What is infj. Then I've searched UA-cam and here i am with tears in my eyes while he explaining how infj personality working and i have everything he said. Im always ask myself "is there any problem for me?" "Why im hard to love"... Now i got the answer. Hey keesha if u wanna be friends just ask me... Its good to have some infj's around 😊
A❤❤❤ fr
This 🥲
Perfectly said, and understood….☹️
The main problem with relationships is that there’s another person in it
😂😂😂😂😂
Hahahahahha thats true
Yeah getting that intimate relationship satisfaction without the actual pain and work that goes into it would be a little too good.
🤣🤣🤣 im cackling
Exactly😂😂😵😵😵
"You look too far into the future and decide it's not gonna work out." - Wow, that's scarily accurate.
Rose Gervacio me af lols
Yeah...that’s me
Are u a Capricorn?
@@jerrica4315 No, I'm a Scorpio. :)
Lol... Yeah.. I always tell my sister who loves and cries easily over her lovelife, never to jump into a relationship with both feet... Coz relationships to me are not full proof... Because it can not be planned ahead... Hahahaha...
My thing with dating is I just cannot stand small talk. The meaningful relationships I've had were ones that began with almost instant deep conversations.
Agreed. As I'm getting older I see the pitfalls of stumbling in, as I have gotten my heart, and sanity, whooped from doing that. And yet I miss that effortless, instant-dive into a relationship because at least then you go for it and don't have to deal with the "nice chit chat" boring stuff that takes forever and is so confusing, all the games and "etiquette" of dating... Or maybe I'm just impatient hah. ;)
Small talk is so tedious. 😩
Yeah, small talk is boring af haha
Same!
If they are interested in small talks, then we are not compatible.
You know this is the right person when you two just glide into deep conversations without even deliberately steering the conversation that way.
You two just glide into it, apparently effortlessly. Because you two are both interested in the same thing.
I think being an INFJ improves as you get older. This is where the boundaries and letting go get better. Less controlling, more spontaneity, etc.
I think all personality types get better. Hell, I'm an ENFP and the older I get, the more confident I get regarding my own wackiness. We all have some life lessons to learn before we're ready to tackle real problems.
Meditation also helps 😁
For me it's the opposite. I liked my INFJness before and it brought me a great life and support system in friends. Now as I'm getting older my INFJ traits are intensifying and I'm heading in a darker place, I feel like I'm losing friends (staple of my life up til now) and yeah of course I won't find a relationship anymore 😶🌫️
Exactly. Letting go becomes easier, you want to focus only on the things you can control
My boundaries are strengthened lol
Me an INFJ: Im so lonely. I have very few friends and I'm still single
Also me an INFJ: AAHHH!!! SOLITUDE IS BLISS!!!!!!!!!
Klaus Klaus Klaus lol the struggle. When I tell people I don’t have friends they look at me like im either crazy or lying.
@@rn2511 Hey i feel the same!!!!! Also the saddest thing is when your true friends can't afford to hang out and talk with you anymore coz they're busy with their relationship. Also people call me I'm weird and mysterious and not just that, they can't afford to listen to me once i try to talk about life, religion, conspiracies, aliens and other "weird" topics. People think that it's boring in their perspective. Uugghhhh......
I'm just glad that im an INFJ 😀
Oh my god, these are the thoughts that run through my mind at night 😂
I know. Wtf is life really
Klaus Klaus Klaus yaaaaaas
I’ve never felt so simultaneously attacked and understood
Emily Caballero OMG I was gonna comment this before I came across yours 😂😂
its like being whip by the hand of the wind....it doesn't hurt but it wakes u up.....lol
That's my whole experience with this channel ! 😭
Emily Caballero lol right!
This is exactly how his videos make me feel!
I’m an old lady INFJ. I’ve spent my life not understanding why people don’t think like I do. As a young person, I thought everyone thought like I did, only to be repeatedly misunderstood. I’ve had two marriages that didn’t work out, the last one I was in for 25 years. The comment about being a shell hit home. I always feel like I need to “shake off” like a wet dog, after spending too much time with people. Dating is excruciating and I doubt I ever do it again. If I met someone organically, maybe I’d consider seeing that person, but to just get on a site, no. The vibes from the people I’ve met are awful. But I’m happy with where I am in life, it’s definitely my own now.
Were they sensors? I’ve noticed in that intuitives understand each other better. Especially introverted intuitives. Like my mom’s an ISFJ and doesn’t care about theories or insights about different personalities so our conversations only go so far. An intuitives are deep and sensors like to keep it surface which I think can feel stifling to the intuitive
As an INFJ I was convinced that I would know when I met my soul mate and was not interested in dating just anyone. I did not care that that wasn't 'normal'. When I met my future husband it was like "BOOM - this is someone I can trust absolutely". Thankfully he felt the same way (he's an ISTJ). First relationship for both of us and we are still very happily together 23 years later. So trust your instincts about people. Intuition is our super power. And don't settle - it's worth the wait.
holy shit you just untie some knot for me girl, I always feel like I wont be able to date someone just because I dont even want to, you know, try it out, to know someone a lil bit better. But after reading this, things just make sense, I never realized that it is not my fault because I dont want to get to know someone, but just because I ALREADY KNOW that they are not the one, so now imma just chilling, waiting til I meet my soulmate. Waiting for the boom boom clicky click clack hahaaa
Yaaaay! I am an ENFJ and I feel the same way! I do not do dating either ❤ Your story gives me hope!
Me, INFJ, on Tinder:
"no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, maybe but still no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no..."
I actually read the bios on Tinder and CoffeeMeetsBagel, most are "no" and a couple of "tentative on personality"
That's sadly me, I actually said nope I dont like anyone 😭😅
Exactly!😳
True then when I finally get a match I spend 3 days trying to compose a message 😂
Hahaha that's me. Mostly are "no", and when I have some match and the person don't send messages, I get sad, but when they come talk to me I'm like "ohhh no..."
I thought I had some kind of problem hahaha
INFJ is like a curse but a blessing at the same time
It's a curse mostly for me :'(
@@spatsbina5327 actually I do feel like that too
This is a perfect description of this personality, I’ve always said I use my powers for good..lol
For me, it's mostly blessing
Blessings are meaningless though.
Hello INFJs!! I'm an ESTP and I absolutely love your species haha! Such emotionally complex people. I wish I can just open your head and explore it. I have a friend who's INFJ and he is too fun to hang out with and drag around. Keep being you, you INFJs.
edit: im actually an ESFP, but point still stands
Haha I wish I could talk to you because it seems you understand us
BLESSINGS TO U!
Appreciated bud. ^_^
I always had a feeling that me and ESTP would get along nicely together. Ive met some people who would fit that category and I would describe them as basically INFJ but full of explosive energy. You have the courage to blast through the walls, and I simply follow the destruction and put the pieces back together so they make sense again. Its a thing of beauty watching you work, keep doing you
Are you sure you're ESTP?
And this is why you INFJs need to find yourself an ENFP like me. We will talk for hours about the complexities of the universe and what makes us and you tick on a fundamental level, our goals and plans and wishes.
Get yourself an ENFP 🤗
As an xnfp with an infj boyfriend... Yeah, i agree. He is really happy with me ✨ (his words, not mine 😊)
Where do we find you ? I need to get myself one
i want one. female INFJ here :')
@@shawnasatchell8897 we are everywhere actually, sometimes we look like infps (im an enfp actually, but i do look and behave infp-ish very much too) you could find us in college, in drama classes, any kind of hobby... We are literally everywhere! Just use your Ni radar to look for someone who 1) "has a mind of it's own", someone who follows their heart and is vert idealistic. Fi plays a big role in our life, you can literally see us using Fi ALL.THE.TIME...thats why we tell you everything about ourselves! 🤣2) a clumsy, disorganized yet organized person who seems to like order and/or cleaning but fails to keep a regular routine and is very VERY spontaneous. 3) that happy go lucky person that is really nice and friendly but also very independent 4) someone who actually uses intuition (like a lot, i learn everything through my intuition) 5) a clumsy mf (we are clumsy as f... 🤣 That Se demon is a nightmare 6) the creative person. We can be very creative, not only in the artistic field but with life. We might come up with new solutions, new approaches to theories, nee stuff, or a creative way of even.. organizing and cleaning! Or even cooking! I love to pour my creativity into cooking ✨ 7) look for the ambivert... Yes, dont let the stereotyoe fool you. We are ambiverts. We like people, we love connection and talking but.. for a while, is energizing, sure, but to a degree... So, yeah. Ambiverts.
Hope this helps! ✨❤️ Good luck finding your weird little enfp aliens! 🍀🍀🍀✨✨✨
It’s so interesting seeing other INFJs. I feel like we’re our own species.
Yes, so true.
More like unicorns unfit for life outside their magical glade.
so true😑I had a weird dream about all the infjs getting together and move to another universe to form a nation, where only peace and knowledge exist lol
It's like finding family!!
Damn, well played bro. I found out agile ago I am a INFJ-A I was stoked because it was a picture of a wizard lol. But for real this hit home for real. Even you sir I feel a kin too, like we speak the same. You are doing great bro and you don’t repeat yourself.
I think I need to go to a meeting for INFJs. Any other INFJs feel like they need a support group? Lol
No, better be alone.
@@Bakerygo I tend to feel the same way although I wonder if that's healthy. All things in moderation right? Hopefully there is a good balance to be found with socializing. It's not good to hibernate like a bear all the time, although I do think its necessary to retreat sometimes.
Exactly my thoughts now! Even tho we prefer our time alone, we still have this need for real human connection, we can't escape that. Tho I value my alone time the most, I've actually found the beauty and importance of sharing time with people you connect with and appreciate, it is healing
Only online gathering as anonymous 😁
@@chaves2628 you sound like me :)
I have this weird habit of texting people in a schedule. Like, oh I haven’t texted my best friends for a week now guess it’s time to text them again bcs I should text best friends every two weeks so they don’t think I forget them, or oh! It’s a new day now it’s time to text my parents so they don’t think I ignore them and I can show that I’m still care for them or things like that. The fact that I didn’t text them bcs I’d like to spontaneously but instead, more like a task that I have to follow is making me questioning myself a lot.
see to me that makes sense but I am an INFJ-T so maybe that's why😂
OMG yes! I HATE the advent of texting and cell phones because it's given me so much more connection anxiety. Like... oh god another area where I can fail at making someone feel cared for, or question the proper way to do it so that I don't mess anything up? Great.
lol. i do the same
It makes sense to me. If I haven't texted someone for a while, I feel I need to text them just to say we are still on, I haven't forgotten you.
Other times, I'm kind of like so involved in my own everyday life with practical things as well as my thoughts that I don't even think about them at all.
But as an INFJ, I will certainly be there in times of crises or troubles of the people I care about. I will drop everything for them no matter what I am busy doing.
INFJ care deeply about the people they love and are very loyal. It's not easy to earn our trust, but once the person earned it, it will be like forever unless we've got or felt betrayed.
I mean, you all understand me right because I am talking with like-minded people.
As an INFJ, it's kinda complicating being in a relationship cuz we don't wanna show our vulnerable side, and we avoid feeling emotions most of the times cuz they can bring us memories we just sweep to the back of our heads and try never remember them again. Quite weird though how we seek a perfect match with someone else, we wanna find someone that goes accordingly with the script that we made to this person. We daydream a lot and we plan everything in our own lives, that's why relationships can be a huge impact on us, we cannot control what they're thinking or how they're gonna act around us. We expect to much from someone, cuz we expect too from ourselves and we frame this expectations in someone else.
When after realizing you're overthinking you overthink overthinking....
Edit: Thanks for the likes I didn't
even think people would find this
ahhahahhahh LOL true
Wait... this is a red flag?
😂 damnn
Why think when you can overthink? -INFJ Me
Then you think overthinking is fine lol and then be alright until its brought back up
(10 reasons why you're still single as an INFJ)
1. You're too attached to your dream person.
2. Dating is Painful.
3. You think too much.
4. You're too aware of other people's needs.
5. You're looking for someone to give you an identity.
6. You're too shell with yourself.
7. You get in too deep, too fast. (You get too attached to someone too soon)
8. You can read people and see their flaws quickly.
*9. I didn't get this one*
10. You are weird.
Thanks.. Was scrolling for this only🤣🤛🏻
I relate to 1, 2, 3, 4, 7 & 8. Rest I didn't really relate to. Maybe a bit of 6 as well.
In my opinion, 9 is “seeing that they are good enough, but can’t except it, and try so hard to find a reasons to not be okay with that person.” Correct me if I misunderstood
10 hahaha
Define weird and why you're weird?
Before I knew I'm an INFJ, I thought I'm just weird or a psychopath. Sometimes, I don't know what I want. I really want to express my feelings and ideas, but am too tired to explain it, because I know they won't get even if I tried.
get a blood test to get your Vitamin D level checked - I thought I was depressed and my excellent crone doctor said, hey let's check your Vitamin D level and it was at 15 and needed to be up in 700 range - took Vitamin D supplement for 3 months and brought it up to the 600 range and I felt so much better and not depressed
I think the main reason I'm single as an INFJ is because I value peace over anything else in my life. Too often I see people in relationships that are mostly good but you can see they're dealing with bullshit from their partner on a regular basis (not catastrophic or relationship ending bullshit, but you know what I mean). I'd rather be alone and not deal with any bullshit at all. My peace and my tranquility are number one. A secondary reason is that I need someone who intellectually stimulates me and that is difficult to find, it's like finding a diamond in the rough truly.
How people see an INFJ: wow you're one of the most outgoing personable people ive met
How it feels to be an INFJ: im a literal psychopath
lol sometimes i really do feel like one
I def question it...
thanks mate, made me laugh, cause it's true.
finally some words to describe it lmfao
I know sometimes i really look like a Psychopath - even my bf who also an INFJ said that 😂 But you know what, he looks like that too.. Even our jokes sometimes are about killing people 🤣😅
"You can read people very well and that scares you." damn straight
Very scary. Takes me about 2 min or less and I'm like this person is a great soul or not a great soul. I feel. I was dating a girl and one day I saw something couldn't explain and I left her asap. Like the next day. But what I saw in her eyes?
i thought i was just being judgemental...
@@reillesan right? I did too.
I wonder if I could read another INFJ just as easily as I can read others... Or does it stay interesting for way longer...
@@lisamarie904 I have the same thoughts, too. But I have a brother and I'm pretty sure he's an INFJ, too. It's quite exhausting reading another INFJ sometimes because of how you see so much of yourself (esp the way you tend to keep things to yourself) in their actions.
You're 100% right on the whole chameleon thing. Sometimes, I'm the leader and most social person in a group, cracking jokes and leading the conversation. Other times, I'm the most quiet and throw my 2 cents in here and there. I often struggle with knowing which one I truly am, I definitely flip flop.
I was recently identified as an INFJ personality. Dating is a struggle. Without making any effort I can already sense a person's true intentions and I know when they're lying. This 6th sense natural gift we have works as a radar with no off button. Even when I ignore my gut about someone I end up getting hurt. We have a gift that is also our curse. It's exausting in every sense, but despite the fact I've never dated I learned to love myself more each day. Plus I don't need share my freaking space with anyone. 😂
Hahaha yes!
I get it, when I'm talking to other party I can mostly guess what they r intending to do when we are in a conversation. I feel bored and scared sometimes and then i just don't wanna be there and wanna go home and have a my "me time".
But what really hurts is when you are with your family and u get that same intuitive feeling that they are gonna disregard you and speak some hurtful things, still you sit there smiling because you can't avoid them at those gatherings.
For me family hurts more than any outsiders coz we can't just cut our family off like we do it with others.
Just chill, there is a lot of good people with good intentions out there, we just have to put in the effort to find it
“You’re to attached to your dream person” come on man, I feel violated
Knock knock
We’re all effed up in the head. We’re a living controversy
Lol
😄
youtube knows me too well
INFJ's hate to be told who they are by people who make a lot of assumptions.
damn true
yes !!!
Yeah one time this guy I work with told me “everything that’s wrong with me” and I at first thought he was right, like he knows something about me that I don’t. Turns out he just makes huge assumptions and is also kind of a douchebag.
Ooooh hell yeah we do. This is probably THE one thing I hate the most.
@@blackpillfitness9136
The biggest problem of being INFJ is too handle pressure in Public people suspect you are gay becoz of your anxious and weird behaviour
Frank, I think you made an amazing job trying to describe us INFJ's, but deep down, we do all these things because we are always at the edge of: "I want to be liked, I want to meet new people, but at the same time I am perfectly fine alone.. should I really go through all this?". And we always have that option, our comfort zone. We know people is flawed, just as we are, and we will always have our comfort zone to go back to. Do you agree? :)
I think you kinda nailed it.
You just explained my whole life to me in a few minutes. I was a Trauma ICU nurse for 15 years. It was the absolute perfect career due to the caring, anticipating needs, and ‘ten steps ahead’ thinking. I’ve been single most of my life or in the exact relationships you just mentioned. I was beginning to believe I am an alien lol. You’re amazing! I love you! Keep up the incredible work. And keep being weird! 🙃
I'm gonna be 25 this year and I've never dated anyone or done anything
sexual/romantic apart from kissing. I'm not asexual, just
can't seem to meet anyone who I can trust.
literally same. not even kissing. starting to think i have a fear of intimacy.
@@michellenguyen1261 I mean I just kissed people when I was drunk and they kissed me and I just went along with it :p was always gross
trust can be difficult, i agree
Often when we have a hard time trusting others it's because we don't trust ourselves, so we are unable to trust others by proxy.
Keep doing that! Don't give yourself up for anyone else
. Make an keep friends through groups with other singles who are on the same wavelength..
I am afraid of being alone forever yet i am also afraid to commit like bruh...i think being single is beautiful yet being with someone is beautiful too..again it's a MESS
Too
Lmao, same here
I feel you
Its weird I been like this too, when it comes down to declare, i straight up confess the feelings in their entirety and scared lots of potential relationships. I think deep down we all want the relationships, for me I been more afraid of the loss and grief after giving all I have only to fail. Not only that but the Identity issue.
Same thoughts 😪
Dating is too much work, is painful and exhausting. We are so different and other people don't understand us.
"Never again. Never forget." Hah! I can relate to this. To me it's like building more invisible walls around myself to prevent the same thing from happening ever again...
"You don't want abundance. You just want one." - I felt that... Haha!
I’ve accepted the possibility that I’ll be single my whole life.
Dill-One me too
Me three
Me 4
Let’s get married !
Dill-One me too...it's a lonely road
Any other INFJs feel like a villain in every relationship because you accidentally made someone think they love you and they aren't "the one" so you shake them off? :/
Sara Wardian I can relate to this :/
Every time
Yes, Sara, I have faced abuse and been ghosted by partners
@@iwillnotbesilent I'm so sorry that you had to go through that :'(
Always the time
I understand what he is saying but I had to giggle when he said to stop reading people and give them a chance. I have given people multiple chances and they always turn out to be the exact way I read them at first.
As an infj, I get attached to people very early and at the same time I always want distance to be alone. I also often get sick easily and I am very demanding. Being attached to the person of my dreams is a problem too, but the biggest problem with being an infj is wanting to have a relationship, and at the same time not wanting to. Oh hell, this is a curse
Thts exactly how I feel
God yes 😩
I appreciated hearing your insights!
i can relate
Very yes!
1. You're too attached to your dream person
2. Dating is a pain in the butt (too much new sensory information)
3. You think too much and try to over plan dates (projecting into the future)
4. You're too aware of other people's needs (so you keep getting into one sided relationships)
5. You're looking for someone to give you an identity
6. Becoming a shell of yourself in a relationship
7. You get in too deep too fast
8. We can read people very well and that scares you (so no one is good enough.. give people a chance, maybe there's more about them)
9. Digging for red flags
10. You are weird and it's okay
I...i can't read
I don't really want to share my weird inner world with anyone else. I wish to be accepted. I make really bad decisions in relationships. No one can live up to my image of what a partner should be. I cannot live up to my own standards. Yap this pretty much is the story of my life. I cannot vision myself with anyone. I love everyone and no one at the same time. My heart might go all in and my head-gut says the total opposite. Creating this constant inner battle. This is not how I want to be.
Ruthier Rivera 😂😂😂
I can totally relate to almost everything. But tbh, I am glad he left me. I'm happy to be single
I see myself here, please don't call me out again 😂😂😂
It would be incredible if a dating site geared towards INFJs specifically could be created ....imagine the comfort level we could feel, plus renewed hope that all is not lost, if we did not have to sift through so much crap or anxiety trying to bridge our dream love to the real love! If anyone knows of such a place for INFJs, please let me know! 👩❤
Wonderful idea! I wish I knew. But hey, there's a good idea for an app if you or anyone wants to start a business :)
Sounds like it would turn into a Narcissist hunting ground.
Absolutely! Totally with you on that 👏🏻👏🏻🥳🥳😁
I'm sitting here for 15 mins listening to Frank describe who I am even better than what I know about myself. And reading through the comments make me realize that," hey, I'm not alone in this" and that we INFJs really are our own species. The things Frank said all makes so much sense to me now that I hear someone talking about it. Its all been there, I've known it to be there but I just didn't see it as it was not pointed out by someone.
A couple of years ago I realized that I was searching for someone who would complete me(give me identity). And I just completely stopped trying to be in a relationship because I thought that it was just messed up to think that way. There are issues with overthinking, reading too much into it and trying to make things better before things even happened(?), going in too deep , trying to overcompensate others needs and wants and forgetting who I am, and then the complete opposite of trying to make things work- being a shell of me because its not working out. ugh its just a shit show. And now I'm like I want to be in a relationship but I don't want to be in a relationship at the same time? It feels like I'm running away from it because my past relationships were just me making a fool of myself but at the same time it also feels like I'm trying to understand myself better and give myself more time? Its hard to explain. Frank does a better job explaining the emotions that we go through better than me. And overly attached to the perfect person in our head just makes dating sooo difficult. No one is just good enough even though they are amazing and so warm. Its just me nitpicking things and turning it down before even giving it a go.
It feels good to write about it, its been on my mind for so long and I just found a perfect video that describes what I feel. So i just expressed myself.
Thank you so much for the video. It was really helpful and just seeing the community gives me motivation to do better and be better.
Reason N1: "You're too attached to your dream person."
...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE PERSONALLY ATTACKED AND UNDERSTOOD AT THE SAME TIME IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
SAME😭😭
It's probably why I'm 28 and still single, I just love tons of freckles so much, but rarely will I ever find a girl with the massive amount of freckles that I have endless affections for.
(just editing this comment down, sometimes I say more then whats needed, lmao)
I'll give you a hint. This person does not exists. haha
I only get my nightmare person
I did find my ideal dream girl in person, so much freckles, my affections were simply too intense.
I gave her a few poems by my favorite poet which was also her favorite poet, I also wrote her a few deep letters.
She wrote back, turns out she's an INFJ too, but she's already in a relationship.
I'm puzzled at life now, I mean what are the chances of finding someone like that.
No.1 reason is : it scares me about losing my private space, solitude and independence, and also it’s the potential exhaustion of having to talk/participate too much, and being surrounded by another person all the time😕
same
Literally don’t understand how I will marry or have children. I admire my space :/ and I used to think I was just selfish
But you still dont want to be alone...? Me too
Yep
THIS!!!!
I'm an INFP, and the four people I love the most are INFJs. I feel so at home with them in a world where I feel like an outsider
love u too, you are so sensitive, caring and deep
INFJ and my bff is an INFP and the only person in my entire life that I ever felt understood me. So nice having someone who was on the same wavelength.
I felt the part about thinking someone is too good and missing something so you dig to find stuff and just end things. It's insane. Finding what I want to find just to feel comfort with a red flag.
INFJs aspire to find their true soulmates...so it is no wonder that they get disappointed. I, personally, prefer solitude rather than being with someone just to avoid being alone.
Really true..
I love the company of a woman in an intimate relationship too much for me to just stay alone; even though everything Frank described on this video. I love touching them too.
yessssss
What if you don't have a soul??
That is such a ridiculous thing to say,
מיכאל Lamont! All beings have one, even the evil ones! I think you might confuse the lack of empathy with the notion of the soul...
"Unintentionally manipulate relationships so they like you faster" to "you've played the game, now are you actually compatible?" hits deep
This is so true and I can't avoid doing it, it's just automatic
This hit me so hard. I feel like I’m always trying to learn about that person first, so I can impress them with how similar we are. Then when we end up having nothing in common, because I wasn’t my real self upfront. 😭
It's like staring at a mirror
I felt cut to the core at that moment. This channel is going to make me not sleep for days.
Becca MacKay YES YES YES YES YES
Oh yes, the identity problem. I used to say "I hate who I am when I'm dating someone because don't feel myself". Worst thing is when it's all over and you look back and you're like: Did I do those things, did I say those things? OMG. I hate it!
each and everything here rings so true. as INFJ's we are so sensitive, being emotionally and mentally drained in the dating phase as well as in a relationship. we put our all into it and feel and think so deeply. we lose ourselves and fill the other person's cup when we're empty through wringing out whatever little we do have. and when things go wrong and end, our whole world falls apart and we're devastated.
Who else here met peoples in their dream and decide to daydream it more because they are attracted to their characters more than the actual person you met in real life
LOL....I dont mean 2 laugh...but this is sooooo me
Jesus! That's me!
The people in your dreams are people you’ve seen. Your brain can’t make up faces, so it uses ones it’s seen.
I have fallen deeper in love with literary characters than actual real people. 😐
3-4 days ago I had a dream with this random dude. For the past nights, I have been trying to reconnect with him lol.
"You're too attached to your dream person." I FEEL CALLED OUT FRANK GEE THANKS :"))))
any time 😈
@@_________________._._._._ lmaoooooo
Idealism and perfectionism ruin the magic of meeting real people! That's a fact!
@Frank. Gonzalez2034 me too. I find it hard to move on after separating ways with that very special person. He's the guy who understands a lot of me.
Agreed!
It’s weird because I’ve been told that I’m an INFJ a few times, but I feel like I *barely* meet the criteria, like for example: I’m single because I’m both scared and don’t want to inconvenience anybody else, especially in the dating field.
This leaves me unsure of what I truly am and am supposed to be. So, on top of people not being able to understand us, even *I* can’t fully understand myself and it drives me crazy
Get in too deep too fast and a few years in, realize we can't be ourselves in the relationship, go cold, and move on... So much of this analysis makes sense.
INFJ + trauma because of the narcissist person encounter = forever single by choice
TRUTH right there. Badly burnt.
God this hits home
Yeah, have to admit I got hit by that one as well. I've never experienced a relationship better than being alone. If only it was an a la carte menu.
So damn true!!!!
Exactly
I honestly think I want a relationship, but then I look around, and get exhausted by the fact theres someone I need to care for, so yeah too much work emotionally and mentally, back to visualizing in my head*sighs*
Well, I'm in a relationship. And it sure hell exhausting. And sometimes you'll just want to wish that you never did enter it. I'll get emotionally wild and stuff. Sure is painful, and sometimes regret it. But in the end. There is always the joy, to have someone who can understand you, or trying their best to understand you as a person. There will be a lot of struggles, changes but in the end. You'll need that someone in your life! Maybe not now, but someday they will come
I'm actually INTP but can relate to this. I occasionally feel like I want it but the more I think into it the more I realize I probably wouldn't want it if I got it. One of the reasons is I think there would be way too much pressure to perform (or they either leave you or become resentful you aren't doing it right) and it seems there are so many ways to do it wrong. At the same time, I would need a reason to stay as well and I cant picture it would make me happy if I constantly had to worry about pleasing the other person. I also cant picture getting with someone I actually like in the first place.
@@zakosist very true, I also think my childhood is to blame too... not good examples for relantionships around me oh well, hopefully it gets better. Honestly praying the right person comes along one day..
@@user-ms3pk5do9z Thanks, hopefully!
Wanting be in a relationship the same time you’ve convinced yourself that you’re better off not being in a relationship
INTJ here, but I found this video so illuminating and relatable. Your first 3 reasons INFJ is single apply to INTJ as well because both types have very strong intuition and inferior sensing. Concretely that means people like me really like to plan ahead, make everything perfect in advance, read other people, don’t live in the moment, etc. It gets really frustrating sometimes because that’s not how most people play the game.
Reading these comments are like I'm reading the inside of my head and I feel less alone.
Is it not scary that we all have cats in our lap right now?
Me too...
@@konkyolife
Yeah I got a cat, in my lap!!
Me too ☺️☺️☺️😍
Same
My standards are high. Yet when they are met, I sabotage the relationship.
Truth
Omg! I always thought there was wrong with me. I realize that this is who I am
Damn
😢
True story 😂
Been single about 4 years. I feel much better this way. Mostly, I'll admit, because most people are like 'sheep' and not 'genuine.' I happen to love 'genuine', even if it's flawed, just give me 'genuine.' I'm very happy being alone, as opposed to having 'fake' in my life.,
as an INFJ with an INFP girlfriend, i can definitely say that even though we liked each other it was very hard to start a relationship between us. i couldn't stop asking myself "what if it wont work out?". i decided to try and talk more to her and open up about my feelings "something we're not good at". weve been dating for 3 months and i do not regret my decisions whatsoever.
sorry if its not clear, im spanish
Aw that's very nice and encouraging, thank you. I hope it's still going well. Opening up and sharing my feelings with someone I care for or start to date is scary for me. The last relationship I was in, I pushed myself to be vulnerable and kept getting hurtful feedback (or none at all). I didn't take it as a sign to stop because I was idealizing him and wanted things to be the way I felt they were or were meant to be... and lots of other stuff. Once I was honest and said I felt a little insecure when he sent a photo of himself with a random girl in it (that I intuitively immediately knew there was something going on with her, or that he sent it to make me react or something) and I asked if he was involved with her, and he wrote back "you're weird". It still haunts me to this day I just feel like I can't be honest with anyone because they will totally dismiss me. But reading this helps me see that it's maybe worth the effort. Everyone is different after all.
@@jamielawrence4749 it didn't work, thank you anyway
@@4tr_m porque no funciono? Yo estoy haciendo lo mismo
@@mentirusco ya no me acordaba de este comentario, con el tiempo hubieron diferencias. simplemente no acabábamos de compartir intereses y ella aún le daba vueltas a su ex. empezó a dejar de quererme y decidimos dejarlo los dos. de eso ha pasado un año y ahora ha estado con más chicos que yo que sé
ahora me estoy centrando en descubrir más a fondo mis gustos y pasiones, pienso que no se puede forzar ninguna relación porque deja de ser especial
bueno eso es todo
So I’m an INFJ and seeing all the comments and how they’re so accurate makes me happy. Knowing there are other people out there like me.
💚💛
This comment section is like therapy or a support group LOL
Same here❤
Same here
lol. other people you will never attempt to connect or get along with
I love reading INFJ's comments here, cause i could have written all of them. they're all so relatable omg
same and oh my word its my first time doing tests and finding out I'm an INFJ- Advocate and seeing all these videos and comments.... everything makes sense to me it's so overwhelming because I've always thought there was something wrong with me but now I understandd
@@Ahs0kaa same, i've recently discovered those personality tests and i did them because maybe i could find more things about myself, since i'm always trying to know myself better. but i didn't expect the result to be SO accurate, i was even scared when i read it 😂
Right? I was like "O.O I've found my people" XD
Ikr
Agreed
I spent my entire adult life as someone’s woman. I had kids (awesome), did the houses, cooking, parties, travel etc. I’m 65 and I’m DONE !! I take care of ME now. I come and go as I please, with no one to answer to or clean up after. I’m soooo happy !! I have done serious inner work and have been, serenity and joy. My kids and grandkids are everything, I stay busy and just enjoy life.
We just have to realize some people just aren’t meant for each other and THATS OKAY! May sound corny but you miss 100% of the chances you don’t take, so just go for it! Call that girl or guy cute, tell them you like their outfit, something small. We don’t need to go reaching for a relationship just to be in one either. If you vibe you vibe, but how will you know you’re on the same wavelength if you keep trying to be someone other than yourself. I just recently found somebody who is just as goofy as me and slightly more outgoing its been a lot of fun, but I’m just scared of myself. Every relationship I’ve been in has crashed n burned in 9 months and I’m really trying to figure myself out, I do not want to become a shell of myself once again and I don’t want to hurt anyone again. I am just trying to enjoy the time we spend together n not think too much about it
'You can read people very well, and that scares you.'
It also scares them. A lot of ghosting that happens when I inch warmer to some truth. Sigh.
Yes. I feel the same exact way.
That's sad... I feel (as an ENFP) that I relate to this in a way. I think I just overwhelm them with too much attention and stuff too soon.
Yes, so true!!
I was dumped because of this, he was a friend before I started to date him... I could see through the bs and drug abuse... it was hard to be ghosted after caring for so long....
@@thuy__ I'm sorry 😞
I, an INFJ, am afraid of repeating the test and getting a different answer, and apparently that is a VERY INFJ behavior.
Edit: 3 months later I retook the test (I know you should wait 6 months but it was killing me) and still got INFJ, I was so nervous.
I tried mine again, I was scared and also excited but I got the same result. 😂 Still INFJ
@@ilonggongkiwi7109 that also happened to me. i was scared to took a test again but then it comes out the same
I was thinking of redoing it myself to see if I actually was infj, of course I thought the same thing.. :) I've done it three times already but you can never be too sure.....
Me too! 😂
I did Myers Briggs twice, the Cloverleaf assessment, and Truity and got all INFJ. Truity gives three options but INFJ was first.. I was sweating bullets while taking them lol.
Let me ask you guys something, when you go to the store, do you have to scan an area several times to make for sure something is or isn’t there? I’ve been aware of my lack of attention to detail since childhood because of my ISFJ mother. She would send me to an aisle to find something and I could never find it. Then she would look and spot it immediately and get so frustrated with me. To this day I have to triple check an aisle before deciding something isn’t there.
I know this is an old post but I’m obsessed with this channel and just realized I’m an infj… I’m constantly torn between wanting a relationship (and needing to lower my ideals, stop reading into every change in demeanor) and just being cool with being single and i can just devote my life to my dreams without losing myself in someone who drains me emotionally.
I don't really care about relationships.
Its true that we often think we are not meant to be in a relationship as our expectations can be quite high, but with maturity, you learn to take your time and observe before engaging fully. Also I don't know you guys but for me, being with an IFNP is the perfect heaven match! Wish you all to find the love of your life. Give it time and take chances, you never know what you will find. ;)
1. Too attached to ideals.
2. Overstimulated by dating.
3. Think/plan too much.
4. Too aware of others needs and not yourself.
5. Looking for your identity in others.
6. Becoming a shell of yourself.
7. Too deep too fast.
8. Read people too much.
9. Afraid of missing info.
10. Accept your weirdness.
me: i should start dating
my brain: well, if you start dating, youre gonna have to keep up with them and get attached and would have to deal with feelings you havent been into before are you sure you wanna do that youre gonna get hurt and lose control and are you actually gonna find something that's gonna be worth it ?????
me: ok, why date? imma die anyways
Michaella Caballes ME
This is so me!!!
Omg stop reading mee lol
bruh relatable
SO ME
If social media didn't exist we'd thrive.
This man is truly legend He could defined what i thought and my feelings this whole time when i myself cant explain what it is Big respect
- INFJ
“That’s all dating is, is sorting through a bunch of new information, getting out there in the real world...”
Me: *deep sigh* (immediately feels tired)
I did the same exact thing 😂
😂😂😂😂 same
Dude I did the same thing. Kinda did the internet laugh thing where you just blow more air through your nose than normal.
This happened to me, i dating girl in my college like one year ago, we went dinner and watched movie together and then 1 month later i got flu, i did not send her any message for a day, since then i never talk to her or message her again, but i don't feel anything neither having something lost in my relationship
I'm demisexual and in some online demisexual social groups. In the group one person describes dates as "sex interviews". I cannot unsee the truth in that anymore
Painful thing about being an infj is that you know if someone is being genuine with you or not. And you just have to sit through whatever they are saying because you don't know if you will end up hurting the person by calling them out
yup. i lie a lot because of it cause i don’t wanna hurt them
Yepp
Yup. My boss
That’s until you master the sweet punch technique. It’s like you tell them you already know what they are about in a beautiful and compassionate way. After that, guide them through the best outcome possible that you already analysed after running 1000 simulations for second in your mind and they will have no choice than to follow through.
much more painful if the person doing that is just to get along with you.
As a INFJ i can say that the pain of a relationship break up is horrendous
I have worked out already before meeting the person if it will potentially work out but that overthinking is completely exhausting
I recognize the qualities of the person i want to be with and now i am avoiding dating and waiting for that person to enter my life
Looking or searching is far too difficult
Thanks for sharing this
You're hitting the nail(s) on the head here. And as I get older (I'm 60+), I've learned to embrace my weirdness. It makes life a lot easier.
*still single because my dream person hasn’t been found or is fictional.
*clicks on video
FJ: “Reason number one why you’re still single: you’re too attached to your dream person.”
Me: Damn. He’s good at this.
You are not alone pretty
Me at every character I love in the books I read.
@@rand0mn0sity14 When you in love s such a wonderful thing, makes you smile n sing, n the joy you share no kid in candy land or fun World can compare
Literally all my crushes have been fictional 😓
I was in shock! So accurate
*Me seeing the headline* “This is probably full of crap.”
First reason: “You’re stuck on looking for the perfect person” ouch.
Glad I'm not the only one who clicked thinking "This is probably crap." LOL
Also when he said "you're looking for somone to give you an identity"....my last relationship without releasing it at the time
As an INFJ, hearing these ten truths really puts an ache in my heart, well its because its true. Im having struggle having to find that identity that i want, and i start searching it through my friends, my family, and even dating apps. and it just turns out to be more frustrating, confusing, and disappointing. I'm glad that there are people like you who could understand our peculiar and unique personalities and guide us through these videos. I hope you still continue making these type of videos. I... i mean we, are genuinely thankful to have people like you to help and inspire others through your work. Kudos to you bruthah!!!
same
Same 😢
I am an Infj and honestly I don't want anyone in my life. I am not waiting for anyone. What is mine will come to me no matter what. You chase only that which is running away from you. My only goal in life is to know myself.
I choose to believe that it's because I'm just "too cool and attractive and everyone is intimidated" 😉
Jessica2810 same girl💁🏻 we’re just too much to handle. Hahaha
You two don't seem to be introverts. I'm an ENFJ
Jessica2810 L
THIS!
I don't mean to brag but *runs hand through hair* it's true for me *blows a kiss and winks*
I'm an INFJ-A and my boyfriend is an INFJ-A. WE DID WONDER WHY WE WERE SINGLE BEFORE. BUT HERE WE ARE NOW. I'M GETTING MARRIED SOON~~~~
Yaaaay! So happy for you😉
Congrats!
So lucky. Happy for you ^^
다나 Aweeee!! Congrats!!
Congratulations!!!
For point 6 (becoming a shell in a relationship), it’s probably because we sometimes look for our identities in our partners. That identity is pretty exciting and flattering to yourself when you’re in the infatuation stage. If there isn’t a structure to grow on in a relationship, or one that encourages you to grow ( maybe like basic things in common, trust or communication skills), you can get spit out, feeling the effects of having given it your all, without getting much in return. That person might be too different from you to keep up the charade you don’t realize you’re putting up. And it’s hard to be understood as an INFJ, or to even understand yourself and your needs. Your intuition tells you this, eventually, and you become a shell of yourself, lost and probably a little confused.
Of course I'm single. I'm not attached to a "dream person" I'm attached to the infinite variety of "persons not present" with whom I have deep philosophical conversations - daily. Who can compete?
Entps and enfps
The problem is that every other personality type has a heart card or a club card or diamond or spade cards while we INFJs are going around with Joker cards lol it's so rare to find a genuine match
awww ;(
I thought this very same analogy
Joker card? We live in a SOCIETY!
I feel like the Joker why is that?
All E types: "Hey, we just met and I like you. I want to come see you tonight."
My INFJ self: *a mix of sheer panic and snide disdain because I don't even know if you are worth me leaving my house yet*
LRCLaw 😂
yeah...leaving my house for personal reasons is a big deal. can't waste that on just anyone!
FUCK OUCH
😂😂😂😂 so true
Sooooooooo true!!!
6:22 and 8:43 Frank I'm so thankful there's someone out there like you that can describe us so well in the right words; we don't really get the chance to.
I don’t know if I’m sad because I’m usually happy, or I’m happy just because I’m not usually sad…. It’s no wonder I keep causing myself to be single! Misery loves company, and this guy just explained me to myself. Thanks!
I can hold sadness in for several years... then just let it out when I can't take it anymore, then hold it in again, repeat.
Thats how to hold in sadness forever
And, did anyone else notice that there are like NO thumbs down in our comments??? Why? Because we all perfectly understand each other and actually feel compassion for our fellow INFJs!
@@troyw.5101 also because you can't see dislikes
@@istoleyourorangejuice Is this TRUE? Am I so dense?!? Are you saying we can see thumbs up, but not down? Why would that be? Can think of like 5 reasons, but none are good! If what you said is true, first: thanks for informing me, and two: can you tell me the reason (obviously I’m not a “tuber.”). Thanks again!
I always feel extreme relief when my relationships end, doesn't matter who broke it up, doesn't matter how much I cared for them, it's just so liberating. A lot of times I don't even know if I miss them, it's usually indifference and it takes time for me to get into a new relationship because I value my freedom so much and I'm never sure I am ready to take on the responsibility of caring for a whole other adult like a child and it can be exhausting. I don't hate relationships, I like them when they are happening but I don't miss them when they end. I hardly go out of my way to seek one too, they just have to happen organically.
I feel safe when i watch this video and read the comments
Yeah so do I :)
Same holy shit
dIO
Me too pal, me too
1:07 "...The real world - you know that place where we all live" - wait, what??!
Millie Carter L
Millie Carter,in the real world especially in the nexts future Immortal Generations is a wonderful lifes according to my Dad ,The Original Creator God of Heaven and Earth ,Far and Beyond.No religions No criminal bibles.but strongly standing for freedom etc.The Nexts Immortal Futiures Generatios its not here on earth,its in the Immortal World places and times.thats all and thanks.
I love the deep dive conversations. I'm good at asking questions that ppl just have never pondered and it totally stumps them. Makes them have to do some serious thinking. I always like to get inside of things.
As an ENTJ this is also very relatable. Always reading people fast and deciding that it won't work out, seeing others flaws, having a perfect imagine of a partner in our head, etc.
Did I stumbled upon some INFJ community !!?? Like THIS IS MY CLAN 😹😹😹
sxphire Heart i’d like to give a shoutout to the youtube algorithm for allowing me to find my people
Whaddup fam?...Do people still say that in 2019? By the way, I’m weird.
Welcome fam 🦊❤️☺️
I feel at home OMG 😅😅😅
How did u tube know to show me this, it seems to have read my mind again , it is a fucked up life
I am an INFJ, my ideal man is not existing in the physical realm.. lol
my ideal woman doesn't exist in this reality either.
My perfect woman also 😂
@@yuekosho6938 😂
Hahaha I can relate
right mans exists in my head and i’m books :/
I'm an INFP and I could relate to many things you mentionned. I think our personality type shares a lot of the same issues INFJs have.