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“oh so you’re like into theories and stuff? are you a flat earther??” ppl always say this and i’ve never even brought up the flat earth theory in a real life coversation before 😂
My best friend once asked me "why are you even overthinking this?" And I was like "have ya MET ME???" A little more respect for the supreme Goddess of the Overthinking here!" She laughed so hard she fell off her bed.
I said something harsh to my best friend in middle school. And here we are in college, i still feel guilty about it and say sorry to her while she has no idea what happened back then.
Is it a bad thing to say it when its true? If you cant stand that when its true it means that you cant handle critizism well and thats not a good thing
@@VeuTrox either do i eventhough im a thinker type but i suck it up, harsh life has led me to get used by things like this somethimes you need to be forced of something you dont like in order to be stronger its not just an oppinion its a fact, and i dont think people like these are INFJs many INFJs are mistyped usually INFJs love harsh truth and considering majority of INFJs are just other types obsessed of being special or just taking mbti without learning about the theory i can see all the shits happening here
As someone who have got INFJ almost everytime I've taken mbti test, I've understood that we infjs care for our loved ones so much that we even are brave enough to stand for them but when we need such a support, no one stands for us. Life as INFJ is very lonely and we get misunderstood and judged for everything we do.
I don’t open up to people because I don’t wanna bother people with my problem. Once my ex bestfriend told me to try to open up to her and i gradually did... Only once.... They said "The world doesn’t evolve around you". Dude I just aanted your presence that time. I'm by your side all the fucking time, throwing my works behind, making you my priority. Huh... That's how gradually I understood I was just being used/ we had trauma bond. Basically I was her therapist. She can't take a joke but I HAVE TO take a joke.
Yes but I think that bothers most people. I mostly struggle with not getting too defensive because people will say since you are being defensive that you must be guilty. No, I'm just offended that you think I did something I didn't do lol.
Let me just add: When people lie in front of INFJs and they think they're getting away with it. NO. We know you lied. We're just not pointing it out because you've just lost any and all respect and effort from us.
Exactly!! And I hate when you tell someone this and they respond with “you should’ve called them out on that” when it’s like, why would I? Losing my respect is enough. Why waste energy doing that ugh
Always helps/do your part and takes other people's needs in consideration. That one time you don't do it: "You are so selfish". Still hard to deal with that instant guilt tho.
@@rosanadeoliveiramoraes5405 Ugh this is too real. And once someone says that, you end up questioning all those times you were selfless and wonder why you did any of that. I honestly feel like I clowned myself whenever someone tells me I'm selfish. Like really? What about all those other times I put your needs before mine?
“You’re so quiet” “Speak up” “Get involved” “Come on, socialise” “Consider coming out of your shell more” “Why are you so quiet” “You’re so fussy” “You’re so picky” “ Put yourself out there more” “You need to be more confident” “How are you going to have kids if you’re so anxious” “Don’t be awkward” “You’re a quiet achiever but we need to focus on your brand”
"Speak up" is the most complicated phrase because it insinuates they care about my opinion and value my ideas but at the same time it can make me feel like my quietness isn't enough and therefore my value gets placed on my words instead of my presence
my god I relate to this so much... why do they think being quiet is wrong? extroverts want people to talk all the time and are extremely loud. small talks are so boring to me, it's not that I'm quiet but if I have nothing good to say I prefer not saying it instead of just saying "really?/yes/no/good /great/LOL" like, it doesn't add up anything and just extend the long small talk ...
I hate when I get ignored when I try to talk about something that is bothering me or just when someone acts uninterested in general when I share something about my personal life. I never talk to them about myself again.
I feel the same way! Especially if I’m hanging out with friends and all they wanna do is talk about themselves and don’t care about anything you have to say reallyyyyy annoys me and causes me to never wanna talk about myself with that person and then they wonder why they don’t feel like know us...
I've heard so much lately from both sides , the person overwhelmed by someone's problems and needs a health break and the person feeling uncared for or unheard. Only human and only so much energy these days. I listen to Jackson Browne These Days. Life is hard but also worth living. It's o.k to say. I don't feel heard please listen is this a good time to talk. Someone will be there at some point. Have patience but squeak your wheel if you so choose.
Sheyna If anyone told me that EVER, they are straight getting punched in the face. JK 😅 But I would shame their ass straight to hell. Ain’t nobody gonna judge ME. PERIOD. 😆
INFJ’s are amazing thinkers and have some of the best ideas but often have trouble finding the words to say it. People also like to to talk over them and assume an INFJ’s silence equals stupidity 🙂
Don't make it an INFJ thing tho. Speaking out correctly in public to be heard is important. I wish I had learned this earlier. Keep practicing and you'll get better♡
I’m an INFJ who grew up with a very critical and shaming father. He used to refer to my younger brother and I as Danny and Dora dumb shit. This has plagued me my entire life. I did very well in college and went on to obtain a Masters degree in Oceanography, but never believed I was worthy or smart enough. I am 60 years old and still hear my fathers voice in my head sometimes.
Well he was a shit dad, probably pretty usuall in his generation but never the less, his hurtful words has ZERO weight for you, he was wrong and youre right.
As an INFJ I literally panic and hate it when someone says, "Why don't you decide?" or "You make the decision." I don't want to do that. First of all I'm happier when you decide because I can adapt. Secondly I have no idea if what I decide will make you happy or make you uncomfortable lol.
Especially going to school and being rly pumped about something, going into full description etc. And the teacher’s like: “👁👄👁 yeeeaaah... so red and yellow make orange”
It’s very hard for me to open my mouth so when I feel like people don’t care about what I say by not paying attention to the conversation, trying to stop me half way, not listening to me until I finish the sentence etc., I will just stop talking immediately and automatically shift my head to somewhere else. I’d rather talk to myself than talking to someone who doesn’t truly care about me.
I understand this completely, it's exactly how my social interactions go. I just shut up. People talk over me as I'm speaking. So I sit quietly with my own thoughts and half the time don't even pay attention to others in the room.
My first boss in programming had this problem with me. When I would have a question (I was a junior programmer, just out of a 3-month crash course on C# and having to learn JQuery on the fly on the job), he would let me ask it, but then he would think he knew where I was going before I had finished speaking and try to address my question before I had really asked it. I am grateful to him for a lot of things, so let it never be said that I thought he was a terrible boss overall, but this was a big tension point between us. Often, I wasn't thinking what he thought I was thinking and would answer a question I wasn't asking, making it even harder for me to keep my train of thought on the rails. Shoot me down after I am done speaking if you must, but at least give me the dignity of having been allowed to finish.
I think one of the worst things to hear as an INFJ is "you're fake" because we are so concerned with making everyone feel good and be happy that when they say that not only are they attacking your whole cognitive process but it's also like throwing it in your face that you are failing at that, you are not making people happy, they don't like you
I've found people who say that are usually projecting their fear of being genuine with others.They see you being authentic but it makes them insecure so they lash out
I can't even help it. I have different behaviours around my different social groups and whenever someone calls me fake its like I'm doing this for you and now I feel dumb af
Eva that is so true, then joining different groups is the worst thing ever because you are a different type of person for every group & you got no idea how to act
When I announce a decision (move, divorce, whatever), and they say, “That’s so fast! Have you given this any thought?!” * yeah. For the last 3 years. I just didn’t run it by you or anyone else.
"INFJs always just have this anxiety of, I'm missing something. There's something i'm not seeing. I don't have all the information." That's so very true :)
I think this list has been put out to make you doubt yourselves. You hold onto the label of INFJ and think if this list isn't correct then I'm not an INFJ. Really! Think about it guys and have confidence in yourself! Don't allow someone to put you in a box with false labels. This whole podcast is a complete mind Fk! You see this guy as knowledgeable because he's got a huge following do think unless I accept these traits as listed then I'm not an INFJ. And of course then there is the play on your shadow because the title is things you never day to an INFJ because they can't accept it! It's a loose loose scenario! Don't allow yourself to be defined by a list especially from someone who clearly has issues himself! Do the F'ng Test!
For the INFJs here, I have a question about when you were a child. Did you used to get bullied in school? Also, did you always stand up for your friends when someone tried to bully them, but find that no one stood up for you when you were the one getting bullied? (And you didn't stand up for yourself either, thus taking the bully's words to heart?) Just wondering if that's a common experience we INFJs share.
As an INFJ i was never bullied but I always stood up for people who were bullied. And altho I was friendly with everyone not everyone was friendly with me, like for example some people would ignore me when i asked a question or would rather hang out with “cooler” friends. However that didnt mean they bullied me and i didnt really mind HAHAHA
Absolutely. I remember my little sisters enemies were terrified of me. I didn't know this until years later. I myself was horribly bullied. I never stuck up for myself but I doggedly defended everyone else.
I wasn’t bullied, but I was made fun in middle school. I’ve always been good at standing up for my friends, but when it comes to myself I never knew what to say to say and would just cry or embarrass myself.
As an INFJ, one sentence that gives me heart palpitations at work is “let me give you some feedback”. Code for “let me tell you everything that is wrong with you”
Often I wonder if INFJ's somehow exhibit a characteristic that gives many people (usually controllers or narcs) the GO light to TELL US WHAT to THINK, and WHAT to DO, and also WHAT is WRONG with our thinking and decisions. I see this with political issues now, it appears we are not allowed to have our own ideas, opinions and actions without being belittled by people who listen to CNN all day long. Unreal. I walk away from many of these people and stick with a close friend group who are able to see what is actually happening in our world. I am a practical INFJ.
For me, it’s “Shut up.” People have no idea how much energy it takes for me (such as trying to gather confidence or planning what I’m about to say) when I choose to say something. When I give my input on a situation, it means that it’s important to me. When someone instantly tries to shut me down by saying that, without even trying to understand why I’m saying what I’m saying, it REALLY gets to me.
Yeah I hear you there. But with experience in these kind of issues I find they arent worth the energy. Instantly the wall goes up and conversation ends.
One thing to never DO to an INFJ: Choose someone else. They will be done with you. They may still love you, but they will not want you back. They do not play second best after they have revealed themselves to you, and you chose to reveal yourself to someone else. They are done.
Okay.... that really resonates with me. Ever since I learned about me being the INJF (it's 18 hours) I keep jumping from "I see people as abstract constructs" to "I see patterns and get upset over possibilities and I excit the relationship once I figured out THE PATTERN (I made about them) doesn't suit me." I felt super guilty about it. Like... I make my probles and its all in my head. But seing what you wrote... you are right! I would forgive people everything. I don't have many close friends. If they act like they're sorry, I would forgive them everything. BUT NOT CHOSING SOMEONE ELSE OVER ME. I don't care if that person has golden genitals. Friend of 8 years decided to choose possible hookup instead of taking my side/doing what we planned for ages. I see it as betrayal. It doesn't match with my idea of how friends are supposed to treat each other. Betray me once, shame on you. Betray me twice, shame on me. Betray me thrice, there's now WANTED poster of you on my wall. PATTERNS proved to be right. Dead or alive. I'm going to remove myself emotionally from this relationship and there's nothing you can do to change that. It would be easier if we weren't roommates.
As an INFJ, this is a yes. But lately, I've been realizing this could be my negative trait too. Sometimes I overthink that someone else's actions means they choose someone else over me, instead of just take it with a grain of salt and not overreact.
I’m a INFJ-A and I’m not sure why, but I don’t feel like this. If they choose someone else, I would feel sad but like if that person can make them happier or help them achieve their goal, then I’m fine with it. I would be sad but not angry. Am I the only one?
There may have been a slight misunderstanding here. I would not be angry with them. I would simply choose not to pursue the relationship further. If there is doubt on the other person's behalf, then they were obviously not that certain about me. I'm an all or nothing sort when it comes to that sort of thing. And if the person left the other person for me, I would think s/he might always wonder what it would have been like had they chosen the other person. I don't want that for them. I want them to be certain. And if they choose the other person, I want them to be happy. But I don't want to be the third denominator in a relationship that could have been. So I save them the choice. I choose to remove myself from their uncertainty. Does that make sense?
You INFJ's are so pure and precious. Literal gold in my opinion. Never stop being kind my loves. You all have my heart. Even tho we might seem a bit insensitive and heartless at times just know we INTJ's appreciate you ❤
When an INFJ makes the effort to tell/show you something do NOT brush them off. When we make the effort to find you and interact with you, it means we value you . You brush us off we don't value you so much any more. (edit for typo)
Happened to me yesterday. I was always so excited to share stuff with these people- be it new music, yt videos or anything and then they just don't pay attention or say something like "hmm yeah it's ok" or "it's fine". Needless to say, I was sick of them and am planning to block them.
Me, an INFJ: I'm spontaneous! How dare you! Also me: *has a Google Doc with a list of possible activities to do with friends, what to talk about, who to invite, and what movies to watch based on who's there*
This is a great list for sure. I would also add: Don’t tell an INFJ that you are disappointed in them. We take all kinds of measures to prevent people from being disappointed in us. This statement would be truly hurtful to us.
As an INFJ I hate when people say: 'let's have a chat...' me 'sure!' Inside: OOFT Somethingbadiscoming somethingbadiscoming heckheckheckheck they hate me I said something that offended them, I am going to get fired, someone is dying.
I hate that, why don't people just send a really short text or short email? My exwife used to send me this massive emails that I'd just reply " I didn't read it but can you make it shorter and to the point please?"
It depends if they are INFJ -A (advocate assertive) or INFJ-T ( advocate turbulent). Assertive tend to deal with the spot light better. Turbulent tend to be more engrossed with their smaller group generally encompassed with their art. Being an INFJ-T I definitely fit into the second.
Personally, I detest it when someone says “Oh, I don’t remember saying that.” What! Am I making it up? Nah. I listened to everything you told me because I care but you data dumped pertinent details of our conversation? Gah! 🙄
I feel like my husband has no memory at all. I discuss previous conversations with him and he never remembers anything he has said before or what he was thinking at the time. But he is istp so I'm not sure if that is the reason why.
@@mistressofstones I think that the istp don't know how to interact emotionally with others because Fe is their inferior function. The INFJs are practically the opposite of them. INFJ: Ni dom, Fe aux, Ti tertiary function, Se inferior. ISTP: Ti dom, Se aux, Ni tertiary function, Fe inferior. My brother is an ISTP and I am an INFJ. We do not see the world with the same eyes.
Ive been in a relationship where gaslighting was used on me, and it used to work really well on my personality type until I happened across a gaslighting infographic online and realized I was a victim. I think INFJ’s are very susceptible to being told theyre wrong, theyre misremembering or missing details or their judgement isn’t solid or theyre too emotional. When I finally woke up to the gaslighting I was forced to re-learn how to trust myself, my judgement, my logic, and my thought processes.
Omgsh this almost made me cry. As an INFJ, I’ve been manipulated and gaslit by so many people. I’ve changed my behavior so many times to accommodate others, to the point that I feel I’ve lost myself. Your comment really resonates with me. Thank you for sharing.
If you are an empath, you're naturally going to draw narcissists. It's just part of the territory. Just learn to spot them better. I have decided to think of it as part of the long learning process that is life. 😕
You may find that with age and experience you will develop an uncanny gaslighting radar, so that even when you don't know for sure someone you're interacting with is a narcissist you will make a mental note when they seem manipulative. You will also likely become more assertive in saying no and feel less compelled to explain yourself to protect their feelings. Be wary, if you have dated a true narcissist it means you are likely an attractive target, with the emotional depth/intelligence they crave. Be well, sis.
@@carolyntalbot947 After 49years the "Observing and Experiencing" training programme has been overhauled to the next level of... See the "Red Flag, Acknowledge and About-Turn" protocol!
As an INFJ-T I absolutely hate when someone tells be I’m lazy or I’m being lazy. It has to do with not liking being told what to do but I don’t like when people assume I haven’t been working on things I’m just in my head figuring things out. Calm down.
Practical INFJ male here. Maybe it's a result of growing up without much money, but I've always been quite practical and efficient in most things. That said, if anyone tells me I HAVE TO do something, I'm going to every length to prove I don't have to do that, no matter how practical and positive that thing might be. Anytime my supervisor tells me to do something a different way, it feels like micro-management, especially when I'm getting the desired results doing it my way. And there's no need to shame me - if I messed something up, I'm already beating myself up worse than anyone else can. Spot on, Frank.
Same. Although I'm an INFJ I'm usually quite practical. I'm also totally ok with being spontaneous, as long as it's not a matter that would actually have some sort of effect on reality. But it all absolutely has to be my way unless you can prove to me that your way is, indeed, more practical or at the very least not outright dumb. Otherwise, it will be a veeeery long discussion while I try to figure out how to explain to you how I reached the conclusion that I did 🤣
Yeah, I'm fairly practical and don't mind spontaneity - sometimes even enjoy it. I once started a new role and my boss didn't tell me how to do it for 8 months (despite asking), so I figured it out and it was going well, my team were happy, things were running smoothly etc. Then my boss said I should be doing it another way, but after 8 months of doing it my way and it working without her input, I really didn't want to change things up.
Never tell an INFJ to “calm down” Because we are obviously not calm because we have figured out something that has completely internally disrupted the way we planned for our selves to feel. Also, never tell an INFJ “you’re crazy” or “you’re too emotional “
I had a boss that would purposely provoke me, THEN tell me to CALM DOWN in a very aggressive and belligerent manner... What the Hell was that all about?
I’ve always thought I was an infp because I relate to everything but I also relate too infjs and I feel out of place with both especially because people say they dint get mad or don’t want to let it out but when I’m at home with my brothers I’m so mad and I just yell all the time and I hate it but I need to instead of trying to be rational because I feel like I’m right they’re wrong and they need to be stopped because what they’re doing is bad and I don’t even care about the consequences any more because I feel like I’m doing what’s right and I freak out and I hate it but I feel like I have to and it happens a lot and they make fun of me and I feel so out of place for it I’m so confused what am I? I feel like I’m some different personality type outside of infj and infp that shares tendencies with both. I just want to be understood.
Yes! I was going to write this one too but distracted myself, haha! I feel like I was summoned to the principal's office and do as you do, think of all the worst case scenarios.
Exactly! My boss emailed me one time with "We need to have a meeting." Absolutely nothing else. Just gave me the time. I immediately go through all the scenarios and I land on: "I'm getting fired." Goes to meeting, boss says, "I just wanted to thank you (and explains why)" I, then think, why didn't you say that in the email.
"You're just weird" is one thing that you shouldn't say to an INFJ. We know we process information and experiences a little differently so we already know we're "weird." Saying that to a young INFJ is pretty mean. Even adult INFJs don't like to be reminded about being different. There is simply no reason to say it unless you're trying to hurt their feelings. You shouldn't say it to anyone. Saying it to an INFJ can trigger a shame spiral because it reinforces the idea that we really don't belong anywhere. We spend our entire lives trying to exist in a world that doesn't understand us so we don't need you to share your heartless rude analysis of us. I was always the weird kid growing up and even in my 20s.
AYO why is the so real. I always try to laugh off indirect ‘insults’ or words that have a second meaning but I become quieter and become more conscious of my actions or if I’m acting too much but being called “weird” would shut me down
If an INTJ ever says, "You're weird." Its a compliment. Because everyone is boring to us, weird is new, weird is different and complex. You're different than everyone else, which is precisely why we like you guys so much. That's how I interpret "weird". To be not stale like everyone else.
Personally I embrace the weirdness. Can't weaponize what doesn't belong to you, so to speak. The only people whose opinions matter are those closest to our hearts, no matter how much value we may subconsciously place on other people's views. My response would be, "I'm weirdly unique and you're mediocre at best" 😝
Tbh as an infj if anyone says I’m “weird” it’s really upsetting and offensive for some reason .. idk y I’m like this that I never fit in anywhere .. but I have come to accept that I am the way I am and it makes sense to my perception. People should really be more empathetic to saying that to anyone ❤
You should never say to an infj “you owe me something”. They live their life not just trying to be fair, but extremely generous to other people. When someone then has the nerve to say we owe them something, it literally sounds like an insult.
I would say that another thing that wounds me deeply is: “You’re slacking off. You’re not trying hard enough.”, when actually I’m on my last legs and try to move mountains.
That is just a sociopath, trying to work you harder. Call them out on it, sociopaths melt when you explain to them that they don't have the capacity to empathize.
I love how I’m an introvert and after I get close to someone I just can’t stop talking. Then when I say that I’m an introvert they don’t believe me 🤭🤦♀️
I noticed that I always have similar story that I tell people when I get close to someone. And when I see their reaction on that, then I know what can I talk or not talk with them. But yeah, I always end up talking too much and nobody believes me that I'm an introvert.😅
I cried while I was watching the last part.... I'm Japanese and INFJ, and I was really stressed in Japanese society. I think this is because Japanese culture is 'Culture of shame'. We sometimes need to think about the feeling of others too much. And I always felt guilty about something, and always thought 'I'm not enough.' Thank you for letting me realise about this idea!!!
This reminds me of 'The Chrysanthemum and the Sword', a Japanese anthropology book when it discusses the concept of 'on'. I would think the Japanese would accept this feeling since it's part of the culture but I suppose it really is hard on people no matter what.
Cheers for you. I am Taiwanese and infj. Traveling in Japan I can totally feel the micro aggression even though I don’t speak the language. Many underline rules that I don’t get since I am foreigner. Sometimes I feel bad for people who wants to have more freedom in this country. Hopefully Japanese culture will change a bit since so many foreigners move there. Good luck to you!
The most sad thing for me as an INFJ is that when I am talking about things I valued and sharing my findings with other people, especially with my friends, and they're like, "okay, good and have you guys heard about this story..." and start a whole new conversation about things that just don't really matter that much to me and I lost all my interest in participating in that conversation. For me, it is just the saddest moment as an INFJ and it happens many times in my life. And now I don't bother to share my real thoughts to people I don't really trust and earning my trust is really hard, if you do something wrong, I will just kick you out of my world in my mind.
🤓 why do i see myself here .... Theres literally no one, not a single soul who understands me.... The fact that a person with INFJ is really hard to understand is so frkkin unique like we understand people but people dont understand us... Thats just how unique we are
Yo I know that feeling, like Idk if I'm being too much but one time I realized my friends talking about menial things like their feet get hurts because they step on Lego or something and I thought to myself ohh maybe I should also share about that too. And so the next time when I tell them about how I hurt my foot while riding a motorcycle Idk i was expecting the same sympathetic reaction that I gave them. And when they didn't even felt sympathetic about it and just outright laughed at it and brushed it off to another topic. I just get so mad. Like is it wrong to expect them feeling a little bit sympathetic about me just like what I did to them? And then later on I felt guilty to feeling that way and feeling like oh god I'm such an egoist and whiny girl. Like damn!
Yeah. It pisses me off when people take half an hour to present information that I could have read in a couple minutes. Like videos that are a list of things, dude just give me the list.
Lately, a collegue of mine told me "You don't understand me" and "You betrayed me", after I told her that I have been currently more a psychologist than a friend. I passed so many times listening to her talking about her childhood/life, giving advices, encouraging her, being honest as possible, and facilitating her socialization. I feel hurt and sad, especially misunderstood by her, who has done almost nothing for me. To be my friend, I really need a good psychological, emotional and intellectual connection. PS : Sorry for my english, I am not an english native speaker.
That was so harsh after you spent so much time for this person. Unfortunately some people’s are like vampires. Just taking and never giving anything back. Maybe you can see it as something where you can learn from, so that people can’t exploit you so easily in the future anymore.
Im sorry that happened to you,i have a girlfriend who is also and infj and to this day i still have to learn and take notes on how not to offend her in any way,due to her being the only infj ik which is pretty cool.Anyway i hope you are and will feeling better and please take care of yourself❤
Do any infjs get hit with "you don't talk alot", or you finally open up to someone and some idiot nearby says "hey you're talking"? I hate it because it always feels condescending. So I now say "yeah I like to do alot of thinking inside my head. You should try it."
They say I never talk, but when I release the demons I keep from everyone else they complain about how much I spoke. You asked for it, and then you pull that card. Cmon
the people im with always gossip behind my back on how i look like a snob and talk bad things about me. one even started saying i have no friends and that was because i was mean and anti-social
Yeah...i really hate those responses when I'm trying to open up. Like yeah i keep quiet most of the time, but i always talking in my head. And when someone did that i feel so offended lol, then goodbye im not gonna talking to you anymore.
I was in the hospital after heart surgery and my nurse was like " wow, you're really quiet." I was surprised because I felt like I was talking a lot more than usual, and now that I think of it, do people usually just become chatterboxes three days after heart surgery or something?
Me, slowly understanding what it means to be INFJ: oh that kinda explains why I'm NEVER missing out on reading comment sections and I'm always majorly disappointed when comments are turned off..
Never ask a question and then don't listen to the answer or just walk away. That kills me every time! As an INFJ, that forces me to lose respect for the person almost instantly.
I also hate it when someone is being pretentious/fake. Like, the moment you see that person, you JUST instantly know how fake that person is & you just don't understand how everyone can stand talking to these people, while you slowly die from eye-rolling a million times in your own head.
I hate when someone says "you overthink things, or think too deeply about things, or get over it, or you're too deep or too serious, or you over react" I hate when someone tells me that my feelings or the way I think or feel is wrong and not normal...!
@@nadinegomez8858 questions are no bad thing. If someone does question someone or something there is not alwas an "?" at the end of the sentence. It is often an "!" at the end of an assumption. This assumption can be really mean. An assumption is not in every case the truth. People should be carefull in the way they open up with their guessing. Often there are misinterpretations the problem. This can happen to anyone. INFJ do have a high risk of misinterpretations because of the intuitive jugement. So me personal and every other INFJ has done this in his live. I think this should be considered, while getting mad about being questioned. ;)
Why do i see so many people that understand me here and i just feel slightly happier but also kind of sad because I've never meet anyone that understood me like this in real life
Probably because if you met us in real life we would not want to talk about it out loud and would probably all avoid each other due to the possible threat of small talk.
As an INFJ it is extremely difficult for me to tell a lie. I do not like to hurt anyone, so I may soften the truth. But an outright lie is very hard for me and I always regret not being 100% truthful. P.S. As hard as it is being like we are I would never ever change who I am. Be you, be proud and be strong. Love to you all.
I am a INTJ and feel very much the same. I am so sensitive to honestly that even speaking a foreign language makes me feel like I am lying. I feel I am not being authentic. If I were I would be speaking my native language English.
1. "why arent you talking?" 2. "why are you so quiet??" 3. "why are you taking so looong???" 4. "tell us who you are to the whole class," 5. "I know who you are," 6. "you're really random" 7. "whatever I dont care " well there a whole list but this is only a fragment 😅
my personal favourite from your list is ''you're really random'' because as an infj when im in a group chatting certain topic i sometimes would already think far far ahead from what theyre talking rn and when i'm speaking out about it they would go ''you're really random'' not like it hurts everytime but yea when its something youre excited about it will hurt
The 5th one really hit different cause i just wanna say like no jenna you do not know me at all you only know what i show you so get down of that cloud and look at the facts, that you actually know nothing about me.
If someone i like and trust and i've opened up a lot says: "I know who you are" or "i feel you" i really like it. In this Moment i don't need to feel lonely. If someone says that while an argument and tells me the stuff he/she thinks are my bad and selfish motivations (but is totally wrong)... i get really pissed of.
@@Ziscasworld honestly even with friends i dont like it when they say they know me, because if they actually did they wouldnt hurt me with their actions
My husband tries to tell me how to do stuff ALL THE TIME now. Like I've never used the washing machine before... I only taught him how... but OK go ahead & tell me how to do it your way. Yep. I put the soap in & turned it on. I'm not stupid. Then proceeds to tell me how to do the next thing... People want to know how I'm so patient. Well, I'm not after I walk away. I'm furious & just internalize it.
1. Let's wing it 2. Be practical 3. Why do you think that's a good idea? 4. I don't know who you really are 5. Do this a different way 6. Don't sweat the small stuff 7. You ought to be ashamed Um. Yeah. Correct on all counts.
Some of these I didn't think fit at first but then as he was explaining them I was like totes. Like #4, never had someone say those words to me, but being grossly misunderstood by people who should know better... y.e.p. The #2, be practical one gets me because usually I try to double check my intuition and sort of 'do the research' before proposing an idea or solution (early adaptation to environment) so... that one hits me like a punch in the gut after all the extra effort. And I think for most of these I've kind of learned how to adapt or deal with them better, but if I am not paying attention they can still catch me off guard.
@@qu0thraven Yeah, I agree. Initially, I didn't think I would relate to most of them but once he started explaining I had to laugh out loud because it was all rather familiar. Every single one. Doing things a different way was a particular gut punch. I HATE being forced to update technology or computer programmes when the upgrade forces me to relearn how to use it again. But all of them were relatable!
As an INFJ who grew up in a household where shame was used a lot, I can say I absolutely still struggle with shame a lot. If I'm shamed for something, even unintentionally, I will never do that thing again. Even if the other person isn't aware that what they said resulted in that. I realize this is my issue to overcome (rather than place blame somewhere else), but it's probably my #1, lifelong challenge.
Yes, those shame thoughts are such pests! I hope you're finding they are easier to shake off with practice. If it's any help, leaning into my faith made a night and day difference for my shame issues.
As a 62 yr old infj, I can tell you that there is hope, because as I have gotten older, I couldn't care less if people say these things to me. I know who I am, I like who I am, and in a world that never shuts up, I experience and consider my introversion as a godsend.
Same for me and I am 45. As we mature, we just learn to be more appreciative and compassionate with ourselves and with others. We evolve and become more easeful.
my friend : wow u look so beautiful . what skincare did u use ? me : ahh thank you . i just- my friend : looks uninterested me : finish what im saying and never talk to them again
When I was at Dover there was a guy who would do that to me. He would ask me a direct question and then after 3 seconds lose interest in my answer and start looking around. I kept talking. At first it was actual answer stuff but then it was just rambling filler. This would last a while, so I really had to tap-dance to keep talking. When his attention swung back my way, I would end the speech with, "...and the firemen had left by then. But what was I supposed to do with all those elephants?" I would walk away before he could ask any follow-up questions.
When people are complimenting me, I usually just ignore it because I know they are lying or didn't mean it or just making small talk. And ended it with, "Are your eyes okay?" Haha
I've made the experience that it's hard to not do that in an INTJ - INFJ dynamic. You *really* have to work hard on yourself in order to leave the INFJ alone and not try to push your Te conclusions about their life on them. We can't and shouldn't try to "solve" you guys.
@@shali4648 I feel like I'm the opposite. My bf is an INTJ and I'm an INFJ and I constantly have to remind him how to do... normal human stuff. Like, washing the area around your eyes after waking up (so you don't look crusty) bc he ALWAYS seems to forget that? Like he has a big fucking mirror in his bathroom but he doesn't see that? I have to hold speeches for him and tell him to get his shit together bc I won't be there for him at his workplace or at uni to remind him to do this type of shit, lmao.. 😂 And then there's stuff like clothes, too... His excuse for his clothing style is "I'm an IT-guy"... so yeah.. I'm the one reminding him that he has to look presentable and that he NEEDS TO CARE about how people see him.
@@shali4648 InfJs are equally prone to fix other psych to the world, knows best Fe style, so this is imo a dual dynamic in an infj intj match. All and all , i think that is very good match..
As a tactic or form of evil within pride-no. But shame absolutely serves a purpose in the world that’s not always a negative. Shame can be good, but not shaming.
Saying "You should be ashamed." to an INFJ is suicidal at times too. Since we are self reflecting most of the time, when you say those things, it hurts A LOT. Especially depending how close you are to our hearts at that particular time. Everything might just crumble down. No joke.
Can I tell an INFJ they are just people, and that in life people will say things that bother us and we all have to learn mature ways to cope rather than picking an acronym deeming them special treatment?
I get very offended when people question my motives. I take great pride in being a kind, thoughtful person and so that accusation is like a dagger to my heart.
This! When they accuse you of beinga nasty ugly character. Even better when it‘s your aggressive ESFP dad who has no rage control and tells you you are not normal, dumb or disabled on the regular. 🙄
@@bumbygrl I discussed this with my therapist and she said it was more than likely to be a form of transference on their part. ie they make these accusations because that's how they think within the privacy of their mind. Still pisses me off though!
I'm an INFJ, and coincidentally, I have been through some serious trauma lately. I had severe scoliosis, and I spent many years trapped at home behind four walls because my condition was very unstable. For me, there was no hope, I became so pessimistic and self-destructive, and my INFJ personality hyped up everything. I can't describe the emotional torture I went through because of my own brain. I had surgery last year, and now, finally, things have started to settle down. I've always been told how sensitive I am. It was only last year that I found out about my MBTI, and now I realise how my personality type enhanced my sensitivity in that stressful situation. If I had known it before, maybe I would have dealt with things much better. I'm now attending therapy, and my therapist tells me how much of an ambitious personality I have. Finally, I feel at least some peace. Now I can start being healthier mentally too; I'm really trying to stabilise all these extremes of my personality. I'm so happy I found your channel; it made me laugh and helped me embrace and understand my personality.
Just know that even if not everything is ok there will always be people that will directly or indirectly support you and wish the best for you. I have an INFJ friend who also deals with scoliosis and trauma. From my experience you are not too sensitive, I think the rest of the people are too selfish to acknowledge and understand other's feelings. Have a nice day and keep going 💪💜
I am an INFJ and I had a full posterior spinal fusion at age 15. I feel your pain, literally. It's good you have a there because this is traumatic. It won't be something you just get over.
so true...then they accuse you of being judgemental...although that means they are judgemental themselves, because of them accusing you. Because how do they know that this person is good? The lack empathy, intuition etc.
I tried to brush that feeling off to not to feel to judgemental but im starting to realize I was right every time kinda like a dog barking at a ghost lol
you can tell but, people can change too or not everyone is always not good, right? I'm an ENFP and I have an INFJ friend. I often sense the good in everyone, even though I know not everyone is good and, I feel the opposite with my INFJ friend who always sense the bad in everyone, even though not everyone is bad.
OMG so true. I have a polite mask for co-workers and so when they want to be friends I panic...they don't know at home I am serious and quiet and not the forced extroverted happy person from work. So who do they really want to be friends with? If they only knew what I really thought most of the time, would they still want to be friends? And I can't stand how often people tell me that I am over-thinking or over-analyzing, sighs.But if I ever open up and they don' get me...I never open up again...usually I ghost them over time.
Just remind them that they asked, and if they’re bothered that’s their prerogative. Then, remind yourself their problems are not your problems. You’re not obligated.
I really don’t like it when I’m sharing something personal and I get ignored or am misunderstood. Like people will interpret my emotions and connect them to something so far of,, even when I clearly state what’s bothering me. It takes a second to get comfortable enough to say what I’m feeling because I constantly question if it’s valid or not, so when I’m ready to say something, it really sucks to be ignored.
I was always different, but only discovered a few years ago that I am an INFJ. I was so relieved. I actually like the person I am because I am very kind, helpful, and give great advice. I always say that I’m an outgoing Introvert because I can talk to anyone; however, it can drain me if the conversation goes on too long. I then need to recharge by being alone. Overall, INFJs are good people and make great friends.
“That’s not what happened (or that’s not what I said) , you’re delusional” but you remember every single detail, word, reaction and everything that happened....
Yes!! 😭 I can’t even describe how awful it makes me feel, as I’ve made this up completely to hurt that person or to make them seem . I’ve had this happen to me many times and I feel so betrayed 🥺
You remember the expression in their face, how they scratched their leg, what their outfit was, how the sunlight shined on their face, what the person walking by was wearing and saying to someone on a phone conversation...etc. Right, I'M remembering incorrectly. Lol
That is so true... I said exactly what happened to a person and they couldn't even figure out if I was lying or saying the truth. As infj.. When we remember we know all of not we totally forget.
These are so true. The anxiety part and sweating the small stuff is 100%! I am walking (internalized) anxiety that typically appears calm on the outside.
Me when I moved overseas, people thought I was out of my mind, I as well. a year later ive come to the realisqtion I've planned this since tenth grade 🤡🤡
My dad is a "I just like to look at the big picture" kind of guy. And I am like, "THE BIG PICTURE IS MADE OF THOUSANDS OF TINY DETAILS!!! YOU CAN'T JUST IGNORE THEM!!!"
Omggg!!! People tell me the same thing your father says and i tell them about the DETAILS that make up the big picture... but they just don t get it.. :(( (also am an ENTJ ik that we are supposed to only "see the bigger picture" but come on we can t deny the fact that the bigger picture is just formed of thousands of details :))) )
Lol, ENTJ? My arch nemesis! Bane of the INFJ! 😂 Surprised to hear that from that type! Basically, I think my dad is just tired of messing with details. He knows full well that the big picture is full of details, but I think he's at the point where he just doesn't care anymore. But yeah, sometimes it's just a dumb excuse for "I don't want to really understand". Sometimes it drives me nuts.
When I finally, after months of agitation, decide to talk about something that's bothering me, and the other person decides to "lighten the mood" by joking. Not being taken seriously when I'm exposing my very soul is just devastating.
Yess, i poured my heart out to a friend of mine once because i really needed to vent, and told her that too. She proceeds to say i may be overreacting and not seeing things clearly, also trying to say it was my fault because i am 'too quiet' and i have to change that😑🙃
I once poured my heart out to a friend and she was sweet and was like I understand, can I do anything? I told her no bc she couldn't but it meant something for me because she understood ❤️
My very recent ex literally said everyone of these things to me. Daily. Every single day. I quit my 9-5 job, isolated myself from all of my friends and family, quit my side-hustle business that paid my bills, depleted my $8k savings, I started sleeping all day, started antidepressants, started therapy, quit therapy, I lost hope in every single ability, self-esteem dropped to -30, my hair started falling out, I then started forgetting/not wanting to take care of myself. I kicked him out yesterday. I am broke af and 3 days late on my rent, a month behind on my car note, my phone is suspended, I have zero groceries, no gas money, not a single penny, not a single person I could call to talk to. I don’t start my new job for another 5 days. And with all of this going wrong, sitting on the coldest rock bottom, this is the most peace I’ve had in 2 years. Please be careful who you let into your heart and mind. I believe as INFJs we are quick to accept blame, believe criticisms, and we take it hard.
I also dislike when someone asks "what is on your mind?" Like when 0.2 seconds ago? Cos in the last 30 secs I have thought about 50+ outcomes and scenarios
Or it's just like, If I tell them I was just thinking about the heat death of the universe and the tiny speck that is myself in time and space, they're gonna look at me weird so uh, now I've been thinking too long about what to say... shit.
The worst thing for me personally that someone could say is, “You’re wrong, you don’t know what your talking about.” Its so frustrating because it takes a lot of time and effort to just try and plan everything out and figure out how to make everything work and for someone to say “your wrong.” It’s just downright hurtful and makes me feel soooo much less confident.
Absolutely right. I'd come up with a theory or something for like whatever and then someone comes in after all that thinking and says "Well that just doesn't make sense, it's not logical" and it really pisses me off.
My favorite part of this is when years later...I get made aware of ALL the unfavorable things that happened to the people who called me stupid or talked bad about me in front of my subordinates. Not like in a sadistic way where I wish bad on others, more in the way where I am kosher enough with myself that I can shut down and be what these ignorant and arrogant people believe I am and it super sucks for me to just try not to care it's just alot of energy, but in my mind I can be fine now, because they mouthed off and ASSUME I am "stupid" so if they want to take the reins and DO ALL THE THINKING FOR ME when I am the one who actually went to the school or block of instruction for the Subject matter....that's more than fine with me and when the slip ups happen I very tactfully point it out. I anticipate those people's reactions by knowing they will either change they're corrupt behavior or they will just lash out and eventually take things farther than before. So whenever they decide to do that then I just have my sworn statements and witnesses statements from previous events signed and ready to go for that future walk of shame. I just do not understand how or why even as adults we can have the nastiest bullies it's so hard to be like that because I was at one point because I did not know how to protect myself from the rest of the world yet. But now I do and Master Resiliency Training (MRT) on QUIZLET Definitely gave me some more clarification on how my actions play an important role on how others react whether it be impulsive or responsive and knowing that I can always be in control of my situation and I choose when to let the other person have validation because I pay my bills not them. Once I stopped pleasing others and loving me for the complicated breathing paradox I am. Things got a bit better and the questions weren't as bad and actually my confidence started to make others feel inferior and now I get asked advice and I can do that at my own pace instead of me giving my best ideas and my dreams get crushed.
well i think anytime if you tell someone they’re wrong it hurts but it hits us more, because we put effort into what we are saying like, slamming people down actually hurts? 👍🏻
Here is a big one: "You're overthinking". This drives me NUTS. I have heard this so many times. Pretty much always from guys I'm with. It's especially upsetting because it feels like a dismissive way to stop me from being myself, or stop the conversation because they are uncomfortable, but then they can blame it on me. Especially because I'm probably sharing or bringing them into something vulnerable (rare) in order to connect with them!! It's such a turn off and also feels like I'm being shamed. My friend and I were out last week and I was really getting overstimualted socially and triggered by something happening. I was hiding it but started to tell him I was feeling off and asking him for reassurance. He said "...I think you're overthinking it" like it was all so easy to just turn off my processes. I was going to do what I normally do (say "oh...ya, you're right, I probably am") and then fade into the background and act fine, feeling misunderstood and confused. But I tried something new and said "...I know I'm overthinking! That's the point! That's why I'm asking for help!".... then I felt bad about that and he didn't seem to know what to say and it solved nothing. It was terrible. 😂
I hate it when someone makes plans with me and changes everything at the last minute. Like.. I put so much effort for things to run smoothly and you hit me with something new at the last minute. It instantly kills any enthusiasm I had😒
heck, they even get pissed if i asked them why would they change their plan, like jeez it's just a question after all?? at least answer?? they never do.. they get really pisssed and offended, and when i change my plan on something.. they go like "why??" don't bother to ask me the question and think "oh, she won't get pissed if i ask her but if she does to me I'd be pissed but she won't be pissed, so it's fine" that won't always work on me, at least not anymore
I KNOW RIGHT. like i prepared for all this, had plans on what to do and you tell me im stuck with the one person i would rather not be stuck with for 2 hours because you didn’t realise you were coming at 12 and not 10 and then get mad that im mad. LIKE PLEASE IDHHCHC
It really is the worst thing to say. Not a lot of people understand how INFJs actually feel. I hate hearing that phrase even more because I literally only have two thirds of a brain and can’t remember the first ten and a half years of my life. So I reall hate it when someone says, “I know how you feel,” because they don’t.
Another one is "I know what kind of person you are". Majority of the time they don't and just create a fake fantasy of you, which causes me anxiety lol
The number of times I heard someone say to me "are you okay" When I'm absolutely fine makes me scream inside + I'm the worst at facial expressions which makes people think the opposite of what I really feel.
Yes! My thinking/math face apparently looks like I’m about to cry and I’ve had professors in 300+ people classes ask if I’m ok after and I had no clue I looked in pain 😬
Correct answer: Are YOU okay? Should we call someone? I have the number to the suicide hotline. We can all tell there's something wrong. No we're not going to drop this because we LOVE you too much. It's not your fault. Only someone going through major life problems like you would try so hard to hide it. You need to learn to trust. You're not fooling anyone. You need to stop eating your feelings. Are you in denial? All the signs of emotional trauma are there for us to see. You can't blame yourself like this. Just be honest. 3 seconds later: Say, "So what's for lunch?" They will never want to open that can of worms again.
And then u go deeply into whether or not in actuality u r okay. Like if ur just ok in this moment and time, or if there’s some sort of internal conflict as a result of an event in your life that you haven’t overcome yet. So then right after they’ve asked if ur ok, ur not ok anymore 😩. I basically do a whole brain analysis.
When anyone tells me “It’s a conversation that needs to be had.” I am likely to say “No”. This is because I’ve already thought it through and made my decision based on every possible scenario and frankly I refuse to engage in an argument with anyone whose goal is simply to win at any cost.
Do any other INFJs, when doing a school project or group project, end up doing their own thing at the end because everyone else does stuff differently and you start getting the feeling they aren’t doing a good enough job? You might also think they will judge you for you ideas? Is this just me…
If no one else stepped up I’d take like the leader position to organize. I vastly hate being in the lead position, but I ain’t going to let the ship sink. I’d much rather just be the first mate whispering my thoughts in the Captain’s ear & let them do all the talking and leading.
I hate when people ask me my opinion on things or why I feel a certain way. I know folks are not usually willing to listen or really care so I tend to always ask people in the nicest tone possible “why do you ask?” cuz some extroverts ask these launch question just to rocket their own opinion off my “polite and understanding ass” back and that question usually forces people to Think and TELL ME about what they actually want to hear from me as saves me time and disappointment of not feeling heard.
Starts trying to explain every possible explanation form every possible perspective I’ve considered while letting you know I probably am missing something. Lol
I hate the feeling of not being heard or they're not interested on what I am saying. Just a few days ago, I send a video to my friend about something I like. And she replied *"So what do you want me to do with it?"* That hurts so I left her on read. I also don't like the feeling of not being enough
this is quite interesting, i wonder what kind of different approaches an infj can take in this situation... yknow just in case it happens to any of us lmao
❓What are other things that you should "never say" to an INFJ?
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Don't tell them they are being too sensitive or they will be even more sensitive and be grumpy usually
“Wow you REALLY ARE an INFJ 👀”... it’s like yes but excuse me 🤨
people always assume that we’re mistyped 🤷🏻♀️
“oh so you’re like into theories and stuff? are you a flat earther??” ppl always say this and i’ve never even brought up the flat earth theory in a real life coversation before 😂
" Just chill ! " when I have demonstrated many times that I can't, and won't. 🙃
Worst thing to say to an INFJ: Omg you’re still thinking about that?!
🥺
I’m kinda guilty about this cause I pretty much hold grudges to people who done bad things to me and I can still remember what they’ve done to me.
My best friend once asked me "why are you even overthinking this?"
And I was like "have ya MET ME???" A little more respect for the supreme Goddess of the Overthinking here!"
She laughed so hard she fell off her bed.
I said something harsh to my best friend in middle school. And here we are in college, i still feel guilty about it and say sorry to her while she has no idea what happened back then.
and it saddens me like, "I thought you knew me?"
So true
The worst thing you could say to an INFJ:
“You’re too sensitive.”
Omg i agree 💯! I had someone say that to me yesterday and I lost it! Worst thing to say ever!
Is it a bad thing to say it when its true? If you cant stand that when its true it means that you cant handle critizism well and thats not a good thing
yonathan rakau exactly
@@yonathanrakau1783 i know right...
@@VeuTrox either do i eventhough im a thinker type but i suck it up, harsh life has led me to get used by things like this somethimes you need to be forced of something you dont like in order to be stronger its not just an oppinion its a fact, and i dont think people like these are INFJs many INFJs are mistyped usually INFJs love harsh truth and considering majority of INFJs are just other types obsessed of being special or just taking mbti without learning about the theory i can see all the shits happening here
Never tell an INFJ anything negative. Because if you do that they will remember that dreadful moment for the rest of their lives........help me
it then also gets added to the files in your head that your brain picks out at night for you to think about when you are trying to sleep 🙃
That is so true unfortunately
@@xmochilove I might have to report you for exposing my night time activities smh get out of my head
@Gary Bradburn - You stole my comment, man! ;)
Good job! :D
Or learn to deal with it :)
As someone who have got INFJ almost everytime I've taken mbti test, I've understood that we infjs care for our loved ones so much that we even are brave enough to stand for them but when we need such a support, no one stands for us. Life as INFJ is very lonely and we get misunderstood and judged for everything we do.
I don’t open up to people because I don’t wanna bother people with my problem. Once my ex bestfriend told me to try to open up to her and i gradually did... Only once.... They said "The world doesn’t evolve around you". Dude I just aanted your presence that time. I'm by your side all the fucking time, throwing my works behind, making you my priority. Huh... That's how gradually I understood I was just being used/ we had trauma bond. Basically I was her therapist. She can't take a joke but I HAVE TO take a joke.
Yep spot on
Wud’nt wanna b a different type tho wud we?
Omg 😱 that’s was me 😢
This one is so true
I'm an infj and I don't like being blamed for something I did not do.
Most people don’t lol
I am also an INFJ and this annoys me like nothing else
Mega Man ikr it makes me lose my shit more than anything
Yes but I think that bothers most people. I mostly struggle with not getting too defensive because people will say since you are being defensive that you must be guilty. No, I'm just offended that you think I did something I didn't do lol.
Fr
"you always look angry"
- "I'm not, it's just my face".
Story of my life...
Ikr? And when people tell me to smile more? I smile so much to prove a point that they will get uncomfortable and feel sorry for themselves. Lol
@@dinkin_flicka14 and when they tell me "why won't you smile?" I go "I can't , it hurts my face" :D
Me too 😆
I'm not sure if that's an infj thing but yeah this happens to me ALL THE TIME.
This is so relatable, my parents and classmates always think I'm an unhappy person when it's really just my natural face
Let me just add:
When people lie in front of INFJs and they think they're getting away with it. NO. We know you lied. We're just not pointing it out because you've just lost any and all respect and effort from us.
Yup! That's a door slam
I wish I could like this 50 times over!
Exactly!! And I hate when you tell someone this and they respond with “you should’ve called them out on that” when it’s like, why would I? Losing my respect is enough. Why waste energy doing that ugh
@@geensjc YES! OH MY GOD! Perfectly said! Once they've crossed that line they're no longer worth the effort
Like
“Don’t be so sensitive it’s not that deep.”
Yeah to INFJ it’s all deep.
i really hate being told i'm selfish when i'm always considering other people's opinions, likes and dislikes lol
I try to tell people I need alone time. It can be very hard for people to understand.
I am sorry they tell you are selfish.
Whenever I hear that nowadays, I take it as a compliment.
Always helps/do your part and takes other people's needs in consideration.
That one time you don't do it: "You are so selfish".
Still hard to deal with that instant guilt tho.
Being told I'm selfish worries the fuck out of me cos I'm like 'i think about other people ALL THE TIME'
@@rosanadeoliveiramoraes5405 Ugh this is too real. And once someone says that, you end up questioning all those times you were selfless and wonder why you did any of that. I honestly feel like I clowned myself whenever someone tells me I'm selfish. Like really? What about all those other times I put your needs before mine?
“You’re so quiet”
“Speak up”
“Get involved”
“Come on, socialise”
“Consider coming out of your shell more”
“Why are you so quiet”
“You’re so fussy”
“You’re so picky”
“ Put yourself out there more”
“You need to be more confident”
“How are you going to have kids if you’re so anxious”
“Don’t be awkward”
“You’re a quiet achiever but we need to focus on your brand”
All of this, for real! As I of lately I have been getting this. Ugh.
"Speak up" is the most complicated phrase because it insinuates they care about my opinion and value my ideas but at the same time it can make me feel like my quietness isn't enough and therefore my value gets placed on my words instead of my presence
my god I relate to this so much... why do they think being quiet is wrong? extroverts want people to talk all the time and are extremely loud. small talks are so boring to me, it's not that I'm quiet but if I have nothing good to say I prefer not saying it instead of just saying "really?/yes/no/good /great/LOL" like, it doesn't add up anything and just extend the long small talk ...
My heart..
@Stxrs_Fxrever agree. esp "coming out of the shell more" like, this... is... who... I... am... though? 🤔
I hate when I get ignored when I try to talk about something that is bothering me or just when someone acts uninterested in general when I share something about my personal life. I never talk to them about myself again.
I feel the same way! Especially if I’m hanging out with friends and all they wanna do is talk about themselves and don’t care about anything you have to say reallyyyyy annoys me and causes me to never wanna talk about myself with that person and then they wonder why they don’t feel like know us...
Hate it when people just straight up ignore me when I tell 'em whats bothering me
@@Karina-jb4sc oof I feel youuuu
@@doubleu1446 honestly.
I've heard so much lately from both sides , the person overwhelmed by someone's problems and needs a health break and the person feeling uncared for or unheard. Only human and only so much energy these days. I listen to Jackson Browne These Days. Life is hard but also worth living. It's o.k to say. I don't feel heard please listen is this a good time to talk. Someone will be there at some point. Have patience but squeak your wheel if you so choose.
“I don’t think I know who you really are”
Neither do I.
"You should be ashamed of yourself"
Infj: Dies of shame and thinking about it for the rest of their life.
Sheyna If anyone told me that EVER, they are straight getting punched in the face. JK 😅 But I would shame their ass straight to hell. Ain’t nobody gonna judge ME. PERIOD. 😆
Sheyna okay, uh, no. That’s not a permanent state. You grow out of this pretty quickly as an INFJ, so, take heart.
Me
Sad but true
Immediately triggered
Someone: *calls my name in a not so happy tone*
Me: Oh no. What did I do this time?
With the profile picture though 🥺
Wow.. literally me every day.. kinda sad actually..
Same huhu
Everytime in the office!!! Soo uncomfortable and paranoid
Me😂😂
INFJ’s are amazing thinkers and have some of the best ideas but often have trouble finding the words to say it. People also like to to talk over them and assume an INFJ’s silence equals stupidity 🙂
Putting our thoughts into words. They don’t have words for most of my thoughts.
I always want to (and often do) say, “let me just draw you a picture.”
This is 100% true
Stupidity or shyness/lack of confidence!
Don't make it an INFJ thing tho. Speaking out correctly in public to be heard is important. I wish I had learned this earlier. Keep practicing and you'll get better♡
I’m an INFJ who grew up with a very critical and shaming father. He used to refer to my younger brother and I as Danny and Dora dumb shit. This has plagued me my entire life. I did very well in college and went on to obtain a Masters degree in Oceanography, but never believed I was worthy or smart enough. I am 60 years old and still hear my fathers voice in my head sometimes.
So sorry about that! Your Dad doesn't define you. Tragic he lived that way.
I feel you 😓
I am just a few years younger than you and am in the same boat.
Me too! I can totally relate. How could they have been so cruel and demeaning, I just will never understand.
Well he was a shit dad, probably pretty usuall in his generation but never the less, his hurtful words has ZERO weight for you, he was wrong and youre right.
As an INFJ I literally panic and hate it when someone says, "Why don't you decide?" or "You make the decision." I don't want to do that. First of all I'm happier when you decide because I can adapt. Secondly I have no idea if what I decide will make you happy or make you uncomfortable lol.
i relate so much :(
No...theres no reason for me to relate to this, why do i relate so much ;-;
Spot ON! Happened tonight.
Bingo!
SAME
The worst feeling is when you don't think anyone understands you
I would try to be funny here and ask you what you mean by that.
But... you know.
👊
yeppers peppers
Especially going to school and being rly pumped about something, going into full description etc. And the teacher’s like: “👁👄👁 yeeeaaah... so red and yellow make orange”
I relate to this
INFJs also can't stand seeing rudeness or oblivious people, that annoys me so much
Oh yeah, thanks for all the likes :3
Yes
yes
I’m telling you, I need an INFJ. (I’m ENFP)
Oof, I just noticed my comment sounds a bit like I'm some snob, no, I am not, just to put that out there.
Well, I hope I'm not at least.
@@daniellewalker256 hey I’m an INFJ, we can be friends :)
It’s very hard for me to open my mouth so when I feel like people don’t care about what I say by not paying attention to the conversation, trying to stop me half way, not listening to me until I finish the sentence etc., I will just stop talking immediately and automatically shift my head to somewhere else. I’d rather talk to myself than talking to someone who doesn’t truly care about me.
Same.
I understand this completely, it's exactly how my social interactions go. I just shut up. People talk over me as I'm speaking. So I sit quietly with my own thoughts and half the time don't even pay attention to others in the room.
My first boss in programming had this problem with me. When I would have a question (I was a junior programmer, just out of a 3-month crash course on C# and having to learn JQuery on the fly on the job), he would let me ask it, but then he would think he knew where I was going before I had finished speaking and try to address my question before I had really asked it. I am grateful to him for a lot of things, so let it never be said that I thought he was a terrible boss overall, but this was a big tension point between us. Often, I wasn't thinking what he thought I was thinking and would answer a question I wasn't asking, making it even harder for me to keep my train of thought on the rails. Shoot me down after I am done speaking if you must, but at least give me the dignity of having been allowed to finish.
Same. It’s a gift and a curse.
Wow!!! Yup!
I think one of the worst things to hear as an INFJ is "you're fake" because we are so concerned with making everyone feel good and be happy that when they say that not only are they attacking your whole cognitive process but it's also like throwing it in your face that you are failing at that, you are not making people happy, they don't like you
I've found people who say that are usually projecting their fear of being genuine with others.They see you being authentic but it makes them insecure so they lash out
I can't even help it. I have different behaviours around my different social groups and whenever someone calls me fake its like I'm doing this for you and now I feel dumb af
Oof true
Eva that is so true, then joining different groups is the worst thing ever because you are a different type of person for every group & you got no idea how to act
Eva Linoj it’s called code switching
When I announce a decision (move, divorce, whatever), and they say, “That’s so fast! Have you given this any thought?!” * yeah. For the last 3 years. I just didn’t run it by you or anyone else.
Karen Smith - Yes!
OMG so much this
Yes yes yes !!!! This !
And have thought through every possible idea/option...😬 yup!
So me, man. Overthinking and brooding until it’s all perfectly worked out......
"INFJs always just have this anxiety of, I'm missing something. There's something i'm not seeing. I don't have all the information."
That's so very true :)
And they say don't find answers !! How do we do that . There is no switch to turn that curiosity off 😣😣
So in reality we do seek information
So so true 😢
Relatable
I think this list has been put out to make you doubt yourselves. You hold onto the label of INFJ and think if this list isn't correct then I'm not an INFJ. Really!
Think about it guys and have confidence in yourself! Don't allow someone to put you in a box with false labels. This whole podcast is a complete mind Fk! You see this guy as knowledgeable because he's got a huge following do think unless I accept these traits as listed then I'm not an INFJ. And of course then there is the play on your shadow because the title is things you never day to an INFJ because they can't accept it!
It's a loose loose scenario!
Don't allow yourself to be defined by a list especially from someone who clearly has issues himself!
Do the F'ng Test!
For the INFJs here, I have a question about when you were a child. Did you used to get bullied in school? Also, did you always stand up for your friends when someone tried to bully them, but find that no one stood up for you when you were the one getting bullied? (And you didn't stand up for yourself either, thus taking the bully's words to heart?) Just wondering if that's a common experience we INFJs share.
I am not bullied in school. But most people do misunderstood me
As an INFJ i was never bullied but I always stood up for people who were bullied. And altho I was friendly with everyone not everyone was friendly with me, like for example some people would ignore me when i asked a question or would rather hang out with “cooler” friends. However that didnt mean they bullied me and i didnt really mind HAHAHA
Absolutely. I remember my little sisters enemies were terrified of me. I didn't know this until years later. I myself was horribly bullied. I never stuck up for myself but I doggedly defended everyone else.
I wasn’t bullied, but I was made fun in middle school. I’ve always been good at standing up for my friends, but when it comes to myself I never knew what to say to say and would just cry or embarrass myself.
I was bullied and I also defended people who were bullied, even if they weren't my friends
As an INFJ, one sentence that gives me heart palpitations at work is “let me give you some feedback”. Code for “let me tell you everything that is wrong with you”
YES
My worst nightmare in a sentence.
Often I wonder if INFJ's somehow exhibit a characteristic that gives many people (usually controllers or narcs) the GO light to TELL US WHAT to THINK, and WHAT to DO, and also WHAT is WRONG with our thinking and decisions. I see this with political issues now, it appears we are not allowed to have our own ideas, opinions and actions without being belittled by people who listen to CNN all day long. Unreal. I walk away from many of these people and stick with a close friend group who are able to see what is actually happening in our world. I am a practical INFJ.
AGREED
Same
For me, it’s “Shut up.” People have no idea how much energy it takes for me (such as trying to gather confidence or planning what I’m about to say) when I choose to say something. When I give my input on a situation, it means that it’s important to me. When someone instantly tries to shut me down by saying that, without even trying to understand why I’m saying what I’m saying, it REALLY gets to me.
That’s why I’ll never tell a person to shut up even if it doesn’t get to them as much as me
I felt this. No one should say that to anyone.
Sammmme it really makes me boil to the core I almost punch someone
Accurate
Yeah I hear you there. But with experience in these kind of issues I find they arent worth the energy. Instantly the wall goes up and conversation ends.
One thing to never DO to an INFJ: Choose someone else. They will be done with you. They may still love you, but they will not want you back. They do not play second best after they have revealed themselves to you, and you chose to reveal yourself to someone else. They are done.
Okay.... that really resonates with me. Ever since I learned about me being the INJF (it's 18 hours) I keep jumping from "I see people as abstract constructs" to "I see patterns and get upset over possibilities and I excit the relationship once I figured out THE PATTERN (I made about them) doesn't suit me." I felt super guilty about it. Like... I make my probles and its all in my head. But seing what you wrote... you are right!
I would forgive people everything. I don't have many close friends. If they act like they're sorry, I would forgive them everything. BUT NOT CHOSING SOMEONE ELSE OVER ME. I don't care if that person has golden genitals. Friend of 8 years decided to choose possible hookup instead of taking my side/doing what we planned for ages. I see it as betrayal. It doesn't match with my idea of how friends are supposed to treat each other.
Betray me once, shame on you.
Betray me twice, shame on me.
Betray me thrice, there's now WANTED poster of you on my wall. PATTERNS proved to be right. Dead or alive. I'm going to remove myself emotionally from this relationship and there's nothing you can do to change that.
It would be easier if we weren't roommates.
As an INFJ, this is a yes. But lately, I've been realizing this could be my negative trait too. Sometimes I overthink that someone else's actions means they choose someone else over me, instead of just take it with a grain of salt and not overreact.
I’m a INFJ-A and I’m not sure why, but I don’t feel like this. If they choose someone else, I would feel sad but like if that person can make them happier or help them achieve their goal, then I’m fine with it. I would be sad but not angry. Am I the only one?
There may have been a slight misunderstanding here. I would not be angry with them. I would simply choose not to pursue the relationship further. If there is doubt on the other person's behalf, then they were obviously not that certain about me. I'm an all or nothing sort when it comes to that sort of thing. And if the person left the other person for me, I would think s/he might always wonder what it would have been like had they chosen the other person. I don't want that for them. I want them to be certain. And if they choose the other person, I want them to be happy. But I don't want to be the third denominator in a relationship that could have been. So I save them the choice. I choose to remove myself from their uncertainty. Does that make sense?
You're right..
You INFJ's are so pure and precious. Literal gold in my opinion. Never stop being kind my loves. You all have my heart. Even tho we might seem a bit insensitive and heartless at times just know we INTJ's appreciate you ❤
A compliment like that from an INTJ ❤ You just made my weekend. Live long and prosper, friend.
Aww no probs haha I would love to have a close and real infj friend instead.
I hate being an INFJ, I envy 'T' types
Darkspice
Your are too kind 😊
Thank you!
T types to INFJs: "You're too emotional."
Other F types to INFJs: "You're cold."
Bingo
Unfeeling and uncaring!!!! Yes I care but how is your problem my responsibility?
INFJs are not too emotional. They are usually mad and paranoid.
@@Britneyspears482 it's all about p e r c e p t I o n
Yes! All the time. It’s annoying.
When an INFJ makes the effort to tell/show you something do NOT brush them off. When we make the effort to find you and interact with you, it means we value you . You brush us off we don't value you so much any more. (edit for typo)
This is so true!
Happened to me yesterday. I was always so excited to share stuff with these people- be it new music, yt videos or anything and then they just don't pay attention or say something like "hmm yeah it's ok" or "it's fine". Needless to say, I was sick of them and am planning to block them.
It happened to me today. Wait a moment... it happens to me all the time 🥲
So true!!! I really only put a lot of effort or initiative into people I value or want to know better.
@@katien3022 me too
Me, an INFJ: I'm spontaneous! How dare you!
Also me: *has a Google Doc with a list of possible activities to do with friends, what to talk about, who to invite, and what movies to watch based on who's there*
I cant believe how accurate this is!
Same
I have them but never do them
Same man
That is a great idea! omg
This is a great list for sure. I would also add: Don’t tell an INFJ that you are disappointed in them. We take all kinds of measures to prevent people from being disappointed in us. This statement would be truly hurtful to us.
As an INFJ I hate when people say:
'let's have a chat...'
me 'sure!'
Inside: OOFT Somethingbadiscoming somethingbadiscoming heckheckheckheck they hate me I said something that offended them, I am going to get fired, someone is dying.
I hate that, why don't people just send a really short text or short email? My exwife used to send me this massive emails that I'd just reply " I didn't read it but can you make it shorter and to the point please?"
Yesss like, " I have to talk to you."
Me: " Uh oh, what now?"
Oh yes. I felt that.
Ya, I can relate
Omg YES!
I feel like INFJs are both the most popular and least popular at the same time in school lol
It depends if they are INFJ -A (advocate assertive) or INFJ-T ( advocate turbulent). Assertive tend to deal with the spot light better. Turbulent tend to be more engrossed with their smaller group generally encompassed with their art. Being an INFJ-T I definitely fit into the second.
I can't say yes and I can't say no
as an infj I can confirm (like, everyone knows my name and who I am but I also have like two close friends lol)
That will be... Yes I'm som somehow unpopular that it become popular.
That’s true
Personally, I detest it when someone says “Oh, I don’t remember saying that.” What! Am I making it up? Nah. I listened to everything you told me because I care but you data dumped pertinent details of our conversation? Gah! 🙄
Same. I hate it 😤
Yup that's my husband xD And honestly me as an Enfp I forget a LOT what I exactly said so that's a common fight lol
@Jessica T. that's more of an Si thing actually
I feel like my husband has no memory at all. I discuss previous conversations with him and he never remembers anything he has said before or what he was thinking at the time. But he is istp so I'm not sure if that is the reason why.
@@mistressofstones I think that the istp don't know how to interact emotionally with others because Fe is their inferior function. The INFJs are practically the opposite of them.
INFJ: Ni dom, Fe aux, Ti tertiary function, Se inferior.
ISTP: Ti dom, Se aux, Ni tertiary function, Fe inferior.
My brother is an ISTP and I am an INFJ. We do not see the world with the same eyes.
Ive been in a relationship where gaslighting was used on me, and it used to work really well on my personality type until I happened across a gaslighting infographic online and realized I was a victim. I think INFJ’s are very susceptible to being told theyre wrong, theyre misremembering or missing details or their judgement isn’t solid or theyre too emotional. When I finally woke up to the gaslighting I was forced to re-learn how to trust myself, my judgement, my logic, and my thought processes.
Omgsh this almost made me cry. As an INFJ, I’ve been manipulated and gaslit by so many people. I’ve changed my behavior so many times to accommodate others, to the point that I feel I’ve lost myself. Your comment really resonates with me. Thank you for sharing.
If you are an empath, you're naturally going to draw narcissists. It's just part of the territory. Just learn to spot them better. I have decided to think of it as part of the long learning process that is life. 😕
That’s a very important point you’ve brought up.
You may find that with age and experience you will develop an uncanny gaslighting radar, so that even when you don't know for sure someone you're interacting with is a narcissist you will make a mental note when they seem manipulative. You will also likely become more assertive in saying no and feel less compelled to explain yourself to protect their feelings. Be wary, if you have dated a true narcissist it means you are likely an attractive target, with the emotional depth/intelligence they crave. Be well, sis.
@@carolyntalbot947 After 49years the "Observing and Experiencing" training programme has been overhauled to the next level of... See the "Red Flag, Acknowledge and About-Turn" protocol!
Does anyone feel like they’re going through an existential crisis all the time?
🙃🙃✊🏼
yes.
sure...
turningoutthelights 😭😭😭
Sadly.
As an INFJ-T I absolutely hate when someone tells be I’m lazy or I’m being lazy. It has to do with not liking being told what to do but I don’t like when people assume I haven’t been working on things I’m just in my head figuring things out. Calm down.
YES!! I'm an INFJ-T also and I absolutely hate that too.
Feel u
Same, I feel your pain
This is accurate, I like to figure things out in my head 1st, process them and then choose the best solution.
Oh mah gwad me too!! It pisses me off! I like doing things on my own time its done better that way. If I don't feel like it, I WON'T do it.
Infj: Let’s be more spontaneous and healthy!
Other people: Hey let’s do this new unplanned thing.
Infj: *N O*
That totally sounds like my conversations with my roommate.😂
The story of my life lol
😂😂😂😂
this is making me wonder how infj and enfp get along so well lol
Litterally me
Practical INFJ male here. Maybe it's a result of growing up without much money, but I've always been quite practical and efficient in most things. That said, if anyone tells me I HAVE TO do something, I'm going to every length to prove I don't have to do that, no matter how practical and positive that thing might be. Anytime my supervisor tells me to do something a different way, it feels like micro-management, especially when I'm getting the desired results doing it my way. And there's no need to shame me - if I messed something up, I'm already beating myself up worse than anyone else can. Spot on, Frank.
Same. Although I'm an INFJ I'm usually quite practical. I'm also totally ok with being spontaneous, as long as it's not a matter that would actually have some sort of effect on reality. But it all absolutely has to be my way unless you can prove to me that your way is, indeed, more practical or at the very least not outright dumb. Otherwise, it will be a veeeery long discussion while I try to figure out how to explain to you how I reached the conclusion that I did 🤣
This is entire paragraph is me. Im an INFJ female. Growing up poor has made me very practical.
When someone tells me I ,have to, need to do something, it brings out the donkey in me and she is a super stubborn critter, lol
Yeah, I'm fairly practical and don't mind spontaneity - sometimes even enjoy it.
I once started a new role and my boss didn't tell me how to do it for 8 months (despite asking), so I figured it out and it was going well, my team were happy, things were running smoothly etc. Then my boss said I should be doing it another way, but after 8 months of doing it my way and it working without her input, I really didn't want to change things up.
Yes I'd say I'm practical too
Never tell an INFJ to “calm down”
Because we are obviously not calm because we have figured out something that has completely internally disrupted the way we planned for our selves to feel.
Also, never tell an INFJ
“you’re crazy” or “you’re too emotional “
Exactly
Supposedly I'm INFP but this👆is me
I had a boss that would purposely provoke me, THEN tell me to CALM DOWN in a very aggressive and belligerent manner... What the Hell was that all about?
I’ve always thought I was an infp because I relate to everything but I also relate too infjs and I feel out of place with both especially because people say they dint get mad or don’t want to let it out but when I’m at home with my brothers I’m so mad and I just yell all the time and I hate it but I need to instead of trying to be rational because I feel like I’m right they’re wrong and they need to be stopped because what they’re doing is bad and I don’t even care about the consequences any more because I feel like I’m doing what’s right and I freak out and I hate it but I feel like I have to and it happens a lot and they make fun of me and I feel so out of place for it I’m so confused what am I? I feel like I’m some different personality type outside of infj and infp that shares tendencies with both. I just want to be understood.
@@idgiebee62 - sounds like my brother I hate it I hate it I hate it
For me, the worst is being told "Stop overreacting" or "Stop being so sensitive" it really triggers my fight or flight lol
yeah like it hurts so bad! we just feel so much that those statements make us feel like absolutely nothing 😔
It does, because it’s literally going to be in my mind for a long time.
Oh Em Gee! Yes! Those two statements sum up my childhood! Totally misunderstood by my family.
Me too.
Yeah, my Mom told me that when I was a small child, so I now don’t show emotions.
"We need to talk."
I hear that and instantly try to come up with the worst possible reason why that was said.
Nope, that's a whole lot of nope. Especially if the talking is not going to happen right f*cking now.
Or “I have something to tell you” that’s another one that will trigger every worst scenario possible
OMG YES
Yes! I was going to write this one too but distracted myself, haha! I feel like I was summoned to the principal's office and do as you do, think of all the worst case scenarios.
Exactly! My boss emailed me one time with "We need to have a meeting." Absolutely nothing else. Just gave me the time. I immediately go through all the scenarios and I land on: "I'm getting fired." Goes to meeting, boss says, "I just wanted to thank you (and explains why)" I, then think, why didn't you say that in the email.
"You're just weird" is one thing that you shouldn't say to an INFJ. We know we process information and experiences a little differently so we already know we're "weird." Saying that to a young INFJ is pretty mean. Even adult INFJs don't like to be reminded about being different. There is simply no reason to say it unless you're trying to hurt their feelings. You shouldn't say it to anyone. Saying it to an INFJ can trigger a shame spiral because it reinforces the idea that we really don't belong anywhere. We spend our entire lives trying to exist in a world that doesn't understand us so we don't need you to share your heartless rude analysis of us. I was always the weird kid growing up and even in my 20s.
AYO why is the so real. I always try to laugh off indirect ‘insults’ or words that have a second meaning but I become quieter and become more conscious of my actions or if I’m acting too much but being called “weird” would shut me down
If an INTJ ever says, "You're weird." Its a compliment. Because everyone is boring to us, weird is new, weird is different and complex. You're different than everyone else, which is precisely why we like you guys so much. That's how I interpret "weird". To be not stale like everyone else.
Personally I embrace the weirdness. Can't weaponize what doesn't belong to you, so to speak. The only people whose opinions matter are those closest to our hearts, no matter how much value we may subconsciously place on other people's views. My response would be, "I'm weirdly unique and you're mediocre at best" 😝
Accepting your own weirdness is one thing. Others using the word to denigrate you is a different matter entirely.@@lucy9698
Tbh as an infj if anyone says I’m “weird” it’s really upsetting and offensive for some reason .. idk y I’m like this that I never fit in anywhere .. but I have come to accept that I am the way I am and it makes sense to my perception. People should really be more empathetic to saying that to anyone ❤
You should never say to an infj “you owe me something”. They live their life not just trying to be fair, but extremely generous to other people. When someone then has the nerve to say we owe them something, it literally sounds like an insult.
Spot on!
In my 33yrs of existence, nobody said this to me yet
That’ll put the brakes on.
That's 100% right.😂😂😂
@@ILovePlayingZeldaGamesOnSwitch You must be surrounded by some really humble people. I heard it a lot in my 18 years of life.😂😂😂
I would say that another thing that wounds me deeply is: “You’re slacking off. You’re not trying hard enough.”, when actually I’m on my last legs and try to move mountains.
I fucking hate that. Its like, " Do you NOT SEE? wtf?" Like, what do I have to do to make you see that I am trying? Bleed from eyes? lol
I feel you...
Me rn
Definitely! Almost as bad as saying, “I don’t feel like you’re putting your heart into it.”
That is just a sociopath, trying to work you harder. Call them out on it, sociopaths melt when you explain to them that they don't have the capacity to empathize.
I love how I’m an introvert and after I get close to someone I just can’t stop talking. Then when I say that I’m an introvert they don’t believe me 🤭🤦♀️
lol. spot on.
Same, I love talking to people but it makes me so tired, so when I tell them I’m an introvert they’re like “No you’re not”
@@arcticvoid518 same
I noticed that I always have similar story that I tell people when I get close to someone. And when I see their reaction on that, then I know what can I talk or not talk with them. But yeah, I always end up talking too much and nobody believes me that I'm an introvert.😅
🤭 yes
I cried while I was watching the last part.... I'm Japanese and INFJ, and I was really stressed in Japanese society. I think this is because Japanese culture is 'Culture of shame'. We sometimes need to think about the feeling of others too much. And I always felt guilty about something, and always thought 'I'm not enough.' Thank you for letting me realise about this idea!!!
This reminds me of 'The Chrysanthemum and the Sword', a Japanese anthropology book when it discusses the concept of 'on'. I would think the Japanese would accept this feeling since it's part of the culture but I suppose it really is hard on people no matter what.
Cheers for you. I am Taiwanese and infj. Traveling in Japan I can totally feel the micro aggression even though I don’t speak the language. Many underline rules that I don’t get since I am foreigner. Sometimes I feel bad for people who wants to have more freedom in this country. Hopefully Japanese culture will change a bit since so many foreigners move there. Good luck to you!
The most sad thing for me as an INFJ is that when I am talking about things I valued and sharing my findings with other people, especially with my friends, and they're like, "okay, good and have you guys heard about this story..." and start a whole new conversation about things that just don't really matter that much to me and I lost all my interest in participating in that conversation. For me, it is just the saddest moment as an INFJ and it happens many times in my life. And now I don't bother to share my real thoughts to people I don't really trust and earning my trust is really hard, if you do something wrong, I will just kick you out of my world in my mind.
Aww, that's literally the worst! 😭😩 And of course the classic infj door slam at the end 🤩
🤓 why do i see myself here .... Theres literally no one, not a single soul who understands me.... The fact that a person with INFJ is really hard to understand is so frkkin unique like we understand people but people dont understand us... Thats just how unique we are
Yo I know that feeling, like Idk if I'm being too much but one time I realized my friends talking about menial things like their feet get hurts because they step on Lego or something and I thought to myself ohh maybe I should also share about that too. And so the next time when I tell them about how I hurt my foot while riding a motorcycle Idk i was expecting the same sympathetic reaction that I gave them. And when they didn't even felt sympathetic about it and just outright laughed at it and brushed it off to another topic. I just get so mad. Like is it wrong to expect them feeling a little bit sympathetic about me just like what I did to them? And then later on I felt guilty to feeling that way and feeling like oh god I'm such an egoist and whiny girl. Like damn!
Surface level people gonna shallow.
Consider it a vetting process.
Agreed, that just sucks
I hate it whenever people ask me why I'm shy. I just don't like to make meaningless conversation..
Can I steal this
Its like asking why is you hair brown
@@kitsune1946 Right.
@@kitsune1946 😂
That's why I looked like a trash in front of you
Im INFJ AND CAN'T STAND WHEN PEOPLE TALK IN CIRCLES GET TO THE POINT IM HERE TO LEARN SOMETHING ! TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE😥
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Yeah. It pisses me off when people take half an hour to present information that I could have read in a couple minutes. Like videos that are a list of things, dude just give me the list.
*me in my head* HURRY UP WERE ALL GONNA DIE
@@danielleneville3725 It took me 13 minutes just to get through this list! I get it. Next point please... lol
Damn. My mom is INFJ and my father and I are INTPs, you can imagine how terrible discussions go in our house.
Lately, a collegue of mine told me "You don't understand me" and "You betrayed me", after I told her that I have been currently more a psychologist than a friend. I passed so many times listening to her talking about her childhood/life, giving advices, encouraging her, being honest as possible, and facilitating her socialization. I feel hurt and sad, especially misunderstood by her, who has done almost nothing for me. To be my friend, I really need a good psychological, emotional and intellectual connection.
PS : Sorry for my english, I am not an english native speaker.
Sounds like someone deserves a door slam
Im not an infj but I totaly get what you're saying
Just know that you are not alone
Those type of people are just dumb loosers, they could get better by at least trying but then decide the easy way, "this person will do it for me"
That was so harsh after you spent so much time for this person. Unfortunately some people’s are like vampires. Just taking and never giving anything back. Maybe you can see it as something where you can learn from, so that people can’t exploit you so easily in the future anymore.
Im sorry that happened to you,i have a girlfriend who is also and infj and to this day i still have to learn and take notes on how not to offend her in any way,due to her being the only infj ik which is pretty cool.Anyway i hope you are and will feeling better and please take care of yourself❤
Do any infjs get hit with "you don't talk alot", or you finally open up to someone and some idiot nearby says "hey you're talking"? I hate it because it always feels condescending. So I now say "yeah I like to do alot of thinking inside my head. You should try it."
Thank you for saying this- I feel so validated! 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 I got this sooooo much in school, and never knew how to take it.
They say I never talk, but when I release the demons I keep from everyone else they complain about how much I spoke. You asked for it, and then you pull that card. Cmon
the people im with always gossip behind my back on how i look like a snob and talk bad things about me. one even started saying i have no friends and that was because i was mean and anti-social
Yeah...i really hate those responses when I'm trying to open up. Like yeah i keep quiet most of the time, but i always talking in my head. And when someone did that i feel so offended lol, then goodbye im not gonna talking to you anymore.
Yes! I relate to that so much!
Let me add one more: You should never ask an INFJ “why are you so silent?”. It’s the worst question e-v-e-r imo.
Other : "Are you a shy-person?"
Me : grinning (yeah better act like a shy person instead of talking about things you wont understand, dude)
I got really tired of hearing that so now I respond with "I like to do alot of thinking inside my head. You should try it sometime."
People ask me that question alot. A good comeback is to say, "why are you so loud?" That makes them shut up 😅
@@claireclarke7789 ooh that's better, I'm gonna use that
I was in the hospital after heart surgery and my nurse was like " wow, you're really quiet." I was surprised because I felt like I was talking a lot more than usual, and now that I think of it, do people usually just become chatterboxes three days after heart surgery or something?
Me, slowly understanding what it means to be INFJ: oh that kinda explains why I'm NEVER missing out on reading comment sections and I'm always majorly disappointed when comments are turned off..
I thought that it was only me 😂
@@sonnhi7820 me to...
That's me lol
I won't watch videos without captions unless I'm subscribed to the channel and the post on the community board..🤦🏾♀️
I cannot like this enough.
Never ask a question and then don't listen to the answer or just walk away. That kills me every time! As an INFJ, that forces me to lose respect for the person almost instantly.
I also hate it when someone is being pretentious/fake.
Like, the moment you see that person, you JUST instantly know how fake that person is & you just don't understand how everyone can stand talking to these people, while you slowly die from eye-rolling a million times in your own head.
For me it's mentally banging my head on a brick wall with these kinds of people
Yep and when everyone else around me is so freaking naive to their bs omggg
omg soo true
me just banging my head on the desk dobby style when my whole class takes the side of the person that is so obviously fake
I transcendent the time I had to put up with fake people
I graduated from school
I hate when someone says "you overthink things, or think too deeply about things, or get over it, or you're too deep or too serious, or you over react"
I hate when someone tells me that my feelings or the way I think or feel is wrong and not normal...!
I hate when people tell me who i am and how i act and think. They are always wrong.
Next person that tells me to get out of my head im gonna lose it
@@Picca65 I'm an INTP but that's extremely relatable
I'm the same but at the same time I hate this about myself.
“Tell me about yourself.”
“...”
*Spontaneous combustion*
Relatable.
Agreed
Soooo true. I still have trouble answering this. Its way too broad a question. Can people just be more specific?
Yes
...y e s
I hate it when people tell me “it’s not that deep bro” constantly, especially when its important and I am trying to tell them something.
I REALLY don't like when people question my motives or character.
But you're up to something...
j/k laugh it's Friday.
That is totally me as well. I hate being accused of something unfounded, or having my loved ones accused.
Questions aren’t always accusations though. Sometimes maybe just learn to communicate?
@@nadinegomez8858 questions are no bad thing. If someone does question someone or something there is not alwas an "?" at the end of the sentence. It is often an "!" at the end of an assumption.
This assumption can be really mean. An assumption is not in every case the truth. People should be carefull in the way they open up with their guessing. Often there are misinterpretations the problem.
This can happen to anyone. INFJ do have a high risk of misinterpretations because of the intuitive jugement.
So me personal and every other INFJ has done this in his live.
I think this should be considered, while getting mad about being questioned. ;)
Ikrrrr i just wanna scream "none of ur buisness " But il just laugh and act like a lamba Girl
Never tell an INFJ that they're "reading into things." We can tell when people are off or their (energy?) is off.
my mom always tells me this... that i'm always "reading too much into things". ugh.
Right. Because that is LITERALLY the way we're wired. It's WHAT WE DO.
@@stephaniemoulton basically, "Stop Existing" 🙂🙃
Nah you might just be crazy
That's a great way to start WWIII with me.
Why do i see so many people that understand me here and i just feel slightly happier but also kind of sad because I've never meet anyone that understood me like this in real life
Same! Just know that you are not alone. We are all here on the other side of the mountain.
Probably because if you met us in real life we would not want to talk about it out loud and would probably all avoid each other due to the possible threat of small talk.
Saaammeee
@@mariposa9506 hahahah that is funny and sad at the same time
I know right
As an INFJ it is extremely difficult for me to tell a lie.
I do not like to hurt anyone, so I may soften the truth.
But an outright lie is very hard for me and I always regret
not being 100% truthful. P.S. As hard as it is being like
we are I would never ever change who I am.
Be you, be proud and be strong. Love to you all.
I am a INTJ and feel very much the same. I am so sensitive to honestly that even speaking a foreign language makes me feel like I am lying. I feel I am not being authentic. If I were I would be speaking my native language English.
Me too.
1. "why arent you talking?"
2. "why are you so quiet??"
3. "why are you taking so looong???"
4. "tell us who you are to the whole class,"
5. "I know who you are,"
6. "you're really random"
7. "whatever I dont care "
well there a whole list but this is only a fragment 😅
my personal favourite from your list is ''you're really random'' because as an infj when im in a group chatting certain topic i sometimes would already think far far ahead from what theyre talking rn and when i'm speaking out about it they would go ''you're really random'' not like it hurts everytime but yea when its something youre excited about it will hurt
"why are you angry?"
I'm not mad!I just have no reason to smile all the time!why do i need to have a smile on my face all the time?
The 5th one really hit different cause i just wanna say like no jenna you do not know me at all you only know what i show you so get down of that cloud and look at the facts, that you actually know nothing about me.
If someone i like and trust and i've opened up a lot says: "I know who you are" or "i feel you" i really like it. In this Moment i don't need to feel lonely.
If someone says that while an argument and tells me the stuff he/she thinks are my bad and selfish motivations (but is totally wrong)... i get really pissed of.
@@Ziscasworld honestly even with friends i dont like it when they say they know me, because if they actually did they wouldnt hurt me with their actions
I don’t like it when people tell me what to do.
Especially if they don't explain the rationale or, worse, say "just do it, there's no why"
Yeah, it kinda makes me want to do the opposite of what they're saying.. don't really care if it pisses them off
My husband tries to tell me how to do stuff ALL THE TIME now. Like I've never used the washing machine before... I only taught him how... but OK go ahead & tell me how to do it your way. Yep. I put the soap in & turned it on. I'm not stupid. Then proceeds to tell me how to do the next thing...
People want to know how I'm so patient. Well, I'm not after I walk away. I'm furious & just internalize it.
Yes...that doesn't work with me either.
Nobody does. X
1. Let's wing it
2. Be practical
3. Why do you think that's a good idea?
4. I don't know who you really are
5. Do this a different way
6. Don't sweat the small stuff
7. You ought to be ashamed
Um. Yeah. Correct on all counts.
Some of these I didn't think fit at first but then as he was explaining them I was like totes.
Like #4, never had someone say those words to me, but being grossly misunderstood by people who should know better... y.e.p.
The #2, be practical one gets me because usually I try to double check my intuition and sort of 'do the research' before proposing an idea or solution (early adaptation to environment) so... that one hits me like a punch in the gut after all the extra effort.
And I think for most of these I've kind of learned how to adapt or deal with them better, but if I am not paying attention they can still catch me off guard.
@@qu0thraven Yeah, I agree. Initially, I didn't think I would relate to most of them but once he started explaining I had to laugh out loud because it was all rather familiar. Every single one. Doing things a different way was a particular gut punch. I HATE being forced to update technology or computer programmes when the upgrade forces me to relearn how to use it again. But all of them were relatable!
Quack quack quack! 🐥(That's a thx)
#8: "You need to relax." HATE THAT.
Another Stellar & informative, user friendly FJ vid!
@@DiamondsRexpensive 😊😂
As an INFJ who grew up in a household where shame was used a lot, I can say I absolutely still struggle with shame a lot. If I'm shamed for something, even unintentionally, I will never do that thing again. Even if the other person isn't aware that what they said resulted in that. I realize this is my issue to overcome (rather than place blame somewhere else), but it's probably my #1, lifelong challenge.
Yes, those shame thoughts are such pests! I hope you're finding they are easier to shake off with practice. If it's any help, leaning into my faith made a night and day difference for my shame issues.
As a 62 yr old infj, I can tell you that there is hope, because as I have gotten older, I couldn't care less if people say these things to me. I know who I am, I like who I am, and in a world that never shuts up, I experience and consider my introversion as a godsend.
Martha, I am also 62 and agree with you
amen
I look forward to being there. lol
I’m 42 and agree with this
Same for me and I am 45. As we mature, we just learn to be more appreciative and compassionate with ourselves and with others. We evolve and become more easeful.
my friend : wow u look so beautiful . what skincare did u use ?
me : ahh thank you . i just-
my friend : looks uninterested
me : finish what im saying and never talk to them again
When I was at Dover there was a guy who would do that to me. He would ask me a direct question and then after 3 seconds lose interest in my answer and start looking around.
I kept talking. At first it was actual answer stuff but then it was just rambling filler. This would last a while, so I really had to tap-dance to keep talking.
When his attention swung back my way, I would end the speech with, "...and the firemen had left by then. But what was I supposed to do with all those elephants?"
I would walk away before he could ask any follow-up questions.
Every time thats why i avoid people to avoid wasting my energy on surface lvl conversations.
When people are complimenting me, I usually just ignore it because I know they are lying or didn't mean it or just making small talk. And ended it with, "Are your eyes okay?" Haha
This happens to me always..ALWAYS😑
Exactly always happen with me 😔
“Probably shouldn’t be using shame as a tactic” please tell this to the entire world right now, that’s all people want to do nowadays
I've made the experience that it's hard to not do that in an INTJ - INFJ dynamic. You *really* have to work hard on yourself in order to leave the INFJ alone and not try to push your Te conclusions about their life on them. We can't and shouldn't try to "solve" you guys.
These are very trying times for INFJs
@@shali4648 I feel like I'm the opposite. My bf is an INTJ and I'm an INFJ and I constantly have to remind him how to do... normal human stuff. Like, washing the area around your eyes after waking up (so you don't look crusty) bc he ALWAYS seems to forget that? Like he has a big fucking mirror in his bathroom but he doesn't see that? I have to hold speeches for him and tell him to get his shit together bc I won't be there for him at his workplace or at uni to remind him to do this type of shit, lmao.. 😂 And then there's stuff like clothes, too... His excuse for his clothing style is "I'm an IT-guy"... so yeah.. I'm the one reminding him that he has to look presentable and that he NEEDS TO CARE about how people see him.
@@shali4648 InfJs are equally prone to fix other psych to the world, knows best Fe style, so this is imo a dual dynamic in an infj intj match.
All and all , i think that is very good match..
As a tactic or form of evil within pride-no. But shame absolutely serves a purpose in the world that’s not always a negative. Shame can be good, but not shaming.
"tell me what you're all about" Good god, man. Neither of us will live long enough to hear that story.
I love being able to scroll through the comments and be able to relate to everything everyone's saying
Omfg
Same
Me too
😊
I relate to this.
Relatable. Nice to belong to a type of community and not feel so alone sometimes
Same
Saying "You should be ashamed." to an INFJ is suicidal at times too. Since we are self reflecting most of the time, when you say those things, it hurts A LOT. Especially depending how close you are to our hearts at that particular time. Everything might just crumble down. No joke.
The more trust is there, the easier it is for you to kill us :P
This is true, I know because it almost happened to me.
Yes. Definitely.
Yes. I tend to take responsibility for all kinds of things that I am not responsible for. Then I feel stressed out.
Can I tell an INFJ they are just people, and that in life people will say things that bother us and we all have to learn mature ways to cope rather than picking an acronym deeming them special treatment?
I get very offended when people question my motives. I take great pride in being a kind, thoughtful person and so that accusation is like a dagger to my heart.
This! When they accuse you of beinga nasty ugly character. Even better when it‘s your aggressive ESFP dad who has no rage control and tells you you are not normal, dumb or disabled on the regular. 🙄
I agree...I hate having to defend myself when I'm truly just being nice with nothing to gain.
@@bumbygrl I discussed this with my therapist and she said it was more than likely to be a form of transference on their part. ie they make these accusations because that's how they think within the privacy of their mind.
Still pisses me off though!
@@saranox7319 I'm sorry 💜 That sounds like a really shitty environment to be stuck in.
Duck .... OHHH yes. THIS.
I'm an INFJ, and coincidentally, I have been through some serious trauma lately. I had severe scoliosis, and I spent many years trapped at home behind four walls because my condition was very unstable. For me, there was no hope, I became so pessimistic and self-destructive, and my INFJ personality hyped up everything. I can't describe the emotional torture I went through because of my own brain. I had surgery last year, and now, finally, things have started to settle down. I've always been told how sensitive I am. It was only last year that I found out about my MBTI, and now I realise how my personality type enhanced my sensitivity in that stressful situation. If I had known it before, maybe I would have dealt with things much better. I'm now attending therapy, and my therapist tells me how much of an ambitious personality I have. Finally, I feel at least some peace. Now I can start being healthier mentally too; I'm really trying to stabilise all these extremes of my personality. I'm so happy I found your channel; it made me laugh and helped me embrace and understand my personality.
So happy your doing fine, sorry for everything you went through, your gonna be OK 😊 God bless ❤
@@grace_evans. thanks ♥️♥️
Just know that even if not everything is ok there will always be people that will directly or indirectly support you and wish the best for you. I have an INFJ friend who also deals with scoliosis and trauma. From my experience you are not too sensitive, I think the rest of the people are too selfish to acknowledge and understand other's feelings. Have a nice day and keep going 💪💜
I am an INFJ and I had a full posterior spinal fusion at age 15. I feel your pain, literally. It's good you have a there because this is traumatic. It won't be something you just get over.
The absolute worst for me is for someone to doubt my intuition. If I say that person is not good, they are not good. I can tell. I can always tell.
so true...then they accuse you of being judgemental...although that means they are judgemental themselves, because of them accusing you. Because how do they know that this person is good? The lack empathy, intuition etc.
I tried to brush that feeling off to not to feel to judgemental but im starting to realize I was right every time kinda like a dog barking at a ghost lol
you can tell but, people can change too or not everyone is always not good, right? I'm an ENFP and I have an INFJ friend. I often sense the good in everyone, even though I know not everyone is good and, I feel the opposite with my INFJ friend who always sense the bad in everyone, even though not everyone is bad.
@@thatguywhois If they change then INFJ can tell they change -_-
Its kinda easy for INFJ
It's weird but this is so true.
This happened irl:
-Tell me what you really think, just say it!
I tell them.
-How can you think like that? It's wrong!
Me: shutting up forever.
lol, thats what happened to me last week.
OMG so true. I have a polite mask for co-workers and so when they want to be friends I panic...they don't know at home I am serious and quiet and not the forced extroverted happy person from work. So who do they really want to be friends with? If they only knew what I really thought most of the time, would they still want to be friends? And I can't stand how often people tell me that I am over-thinking or over-analyzing, sighs.But if I ever open up and they don' get me...I never open up again...usually I ghost them over time.
Just remind them that they asked, and if they’re bothered that’s their prerogative. Then, remind yourself their problems are not your problems. You’re not obligated.
My friend did this to me. We’re no longer friends🙂
My mind: Congratulations! Now you know whom to avoid the next time.
I really don’t like it when I’m sharing something personal and I get ignored or am misunderstood. Like people will interpret my emotions and connect them to something so far of,, even when I clearly state what’s bothering me. It takes a second to get comfortable enough to say what I’m feeling because I constantly question if it’s valid or not, so when I’m ready to say something, it really sucks to be ignored.
Yes it so does! Incredibly hurtful and negating of our value ( it feels that way to me) just awful.
THIS. So true.
Same goes for me,and its so frustrating when others just don't understand me.
Ugh so true. We rarely share our feelings. When we do, please listen. Because we'd do that and more for you.
Fr 😤
I was always different, but only discovered a few years ago that I am an INFJ. I was so relieved. I actually like the person I am because I am very kind, helpful, and give great advice. I always say that I’m an outgoing Introvert because I can talk to anyone; however, it can drain me if the conversation goes on too long. I then need to recharge by being alone. Overall, INFJs are good people and make great friends.
Here's one never to say to an INFJ: "Don't you ever think about other people's feelings?"
So true!!!✝️😇🙌🙏🕊👑
Exactamente
@Khayyira Shafiqa igual para mí es asi
Un horror
@Karrie Dee thanks a lot! Just, thanks lol
I (INFJ) am perfectly fine to be criticised but only when I ask for an opinion. Otherwise I take all the negativity to my heart and I never forget it.
Even when asking for their opinion, being affected by the criticism is still there.
Lol, true
Same here
YEP, me exactly, and it's bad.....I never forget it even if it's a minor infraction.
@Zuzana So true, absolutely. And we never make friends with someone, which played & betrayed us, again.
“That’s not what happened (or that’s not what I said) , you’re delusional” but you remember every single detail, word, reaction and everything that happened....
Happened to me many times.
Yes!! 😭 I can’t even describe how awful it makes me feel, as I’ve made this up completely to hurt that person or to make them seem . I’ve had this happen to me many times and I feel so betrayed 🥺
Felt that
You remember the expression in their face, how they scratched their leg, what their outfit was, how the sunlight shined on their face, what the person walking by was wearing and saying to someone on a phone conversation...etc.
Right, I'M remembering incorrectly. Lol
That is so true... I said exactly what happened to a person and they couldn't even figure out if I was lying or saying the truth.
As infj.. When we remember we know all of not we totally forget.
These are so true.
The anxiety part and sweating the small stuff is 100%! I am walking (internalized) anxiety that typically appears calm on the outside.
Me: thinks I've done something spontaneous
also me: *realizes that it was part of my 10 year plan*
HahahahahHAHAHAHHAHA
Me when I moved overseas, people thought I was out of my mind, I as well. a year later ive come to the realisqtion I've planned this since tenth grade 🤡🤡
😂😂😂 so true!
hate spontaneous...love routine
What a lovely episode of exposing us on our own
My dad is a "I just like to look at the big picture" kind of guy. And I am like, "THE BIG PICTURE IS MADE OF THOUSANDS OF TINY DETAILS!!! YOU CAN'T JUST IGNORE THEM!!!"
Omggg!!! People tell me the same thing your father says and i tell them about the DETAILS that make up the big picture... but they just don t get it.. :(( (also am an ENTJ ik that we are supposed to only "see the bigger picture" but come on we can t deny the fact that the bigger picture is just formed of thousands of details :))) )
Also love that you re the first person that i ve ever heard saying that
Lol, ENTJ? My arch nemesis! Bane of the INFJ! 😂 Surprised to hear that from that type!
Basically, I think my dad is just tired of messing with details. He knows full well that the big picture is full of details, but I think he's at the point where he just doesn't care anymore. But yeah, sometimes it's just a dumb excuse for "I don't want to really understand". Sometimes it drives me nuts.
YES!!!! I can’t leave the details out, and I see people’s eyes glaze over as I continue talking. But it all seems important to me..!
Same same SAME. So frustrating.
When I finally, after months of agitation, decide to talk about something that's bothering me, and the other person decides to "lighten the mood" by joking. Not being taken seriously when I'm exposing my very soul is just devastating.
I felt this on 💯
So trueeee. Happened with a friend, and ever since then NEVER told her anything personal ever again.
Yess, i poured my heart out to a friend of mine once because i really needed to vent, and told her that too. She proceeds to say i may be overreacting and not seeing things clearly, also trying to say it was my fault because i am 'too quiet' and i have to change that😑🙃
I once poured my heart out to a friend and she was sweet and was like I understand, can I do anything? I told her no bc she couldn't but it meant something for me because she understood ❤️
THIS IS AN ISSUE FOR REALLL!!!!!!
My very recent ex literally said everyone of these things to me. Daily. Every single day.
I quit my 9-5 job, isolated myself from all of my friends and family, quit my side-hustle business that paid my bills, depleted my $8k savings, I started sleeping all day, started antidepressants, started therapy, quit therapy, I lost hope in every single ability, self-esteem dropped to -30, my hair started falling out, I then started forgetting/not wanting to take care of myself.
I kicked him out yesterday. I am broke af and 3 days late on my rent, a month behind on my car note, my phone is suspended, I have zero groceries, no gas money, not a single penny, not a single person I could call to talk to. I don’t start my new job for another 5 days.
And with all of this going wrong, sitting on the coldest rock bottom, this is the most peace I’ve had in 2 years.
Please be careful who you let into your heart and mind. I believe as INFJs we are quick to accept blame, believe criticisms, and we take it hard.
I hope things are going better in your life these days!
So sorry for you. I hope your live got better!
And hold on to a dream that is long dead!
if you had it before you can have it again. it's in you to build it better and bigger this time, because now you probably value it more
I also dislike when someone asks "what is on your mind?"
Like when 0.2 seconds ago? Cos in the last 30 secs I have thought about 50+ outcomes and scenarios
@Jessica T. we can be our own worst enemies
I sometimes personally describe Ni as measure 50,000 times cut once.
Or it's just like, If I tell them I was just thinking about the heat death of the universe and the tiny speck that is myself in time and space, they're gonna look at me weird so uh, now I've been thinking too long about what to say... shit.
The few time I've told someone what I'm thinking about they've looked at me gone out "like you can't be thinking all that at once?"
Yup 🤣🤣🤣
*Why do you think that’s a good idea?*
Infj brain: *loading... please wait...*
HAHAHAHAHA 100% RELATABLE
And if its a situation where someone (ex. Your teacher)is staring at you for so long: Infj.brain.exe has stopped working.
Takes me long enough to decide in the first place, this only makes me question the entire thought process that led to the decision...
@@raininess right
haha i do that
The worst thing for me personally that someone could say is, “You’re wrong, you don’t know what your talking about.” Its so frustrating because it takes a lot of time and effort to just try and plan everything out and figure out how to make everything work and for someone to say “your wrong.” It’s just downright hurtful and makes me feel soooo much less confident.
Like I know what im talkimg about you just dont understand my thinking process
Absolutely right. I'd come up with a theory or something for like whatever and then someone comes in after all that thinking and says "Well that just doesn't make sense, it's not logical" and it really pisses me off.
My favorite part of this is when years later...I get made aware of ALL the unfavorable things that happened to the people who called me stupid or talked bad about me in front of my subordinates. Not like in a sadistic way where I wish bad on others, more in the way where I am kosher enough with myself that I can shut down and be what these ignorant and arrogant people believe I am and it super sucks for me to just try not to care it's just alot of energy, but in my mind I can be fine now, because they mouthed off and ASSUME I am "stupid" so if they want to take the reins and DO ALL THE THINKING FOR ME when I am the one who actually went to the school or block of instruction for the Subject matter....that's more than fine with me and when the slip ups happen I very tactfully point it out.
I anticipate those people's reactions by knowing they will either change they're corrupt behavior or they will just lash out and eventually take things farther than before.
So whenever they decide to do that then I just have my sworn statements and witnesses statements from previous events signed and ready to go for that future walk of shame.
I just do not understand how or why even as adults we can have the nastiest bullies it's so hard to be like that because I was at one point because I did not know how to protect myself from the rest of the world yet.
But now I do and Master Resiliency Training (MRT) on QUIZLET Definitely gave me some more clarification on how my actions play an important role on how others react whether it be impulsive or responsive and knowing that I can always be in control of my situation and I choose when to let the other person have validation because I pay my bills not them.
Once I stopped pleasing others and loving me for the complicated breathing paradox I am.
Things got a bit better and the questions weren't as bad and actually my confidence started to make others feel inferior and now I get asked advice and I can do that at my own pace instead of me giving my best ideas and my dreams get crushed.
well i think anytime if you tell someone they’re wrong it hurts but it hits us more, because we put effort into what we are saying like, slamming people down actually hurts? 👍🏻
exactly whatever i say it takes me time to get the confidence to do so and when i do they just ignore ur words like wtf
Here is a big one: "You're overthinking". This drives me NUTS. I have heard this so many times. Pretty much always from guys I'm with. It's especially upsetting because it feels like a dismissive way to stop me from being myself, or stop the conversation because they are uncomfortable, but then they can blame it on me. Especially because I'm probably sharing or bringing them into something vulnerable (rare) in order to connect with them!! It's such a turn off and also feels like I'm being shamed.
My friend and I were out last week and I was really getting overstimualted socially and triggered by something happening. I was hiding it but started to tell him I was feeling off and asking him for reassurance. He said "...I think you're overthinking it" like it was all so easy to just turn off my processes.
I was going to do what I normally do (say "oh...ya, you're right, I probably am") and then fade into the background and act fine, feeling misunderstood and confused. But I tried something new and said "...I know I'm overthinking! That's the point! That's why I'm asking for help!".... then I felt bad about that and he didn't seem to know what to say and it solved nothing. It was terrible. 😂
I hate it when someone makes plans with me and changes everything at the last minute. Like.. I put so much effort for things to run smoothly and you hit me with something new at the last minute. It instantly kills any enthusiasm I had😒
I second that😵!
heck, they even get pissed if i asked them why would they change their plan, like jeez it's just a question after all?? at least answer?? they never do.. they get really pisssed and offended, and when i change my plan on something.. they go like "why??" don't bother to ask me the question and think "oh, she won't get pissed if i ask her but if she does to me I'd be pissed but she won't be pissed, so it's fine" that won't always work on me, at least not anymore
I KNOW RIGHT. like i prepared for all this, had plans on what to do and you tell me im stuck with the one person i would rather not be stuck with for 2 hours because you didn’t realise you were coming at 12 and not 10 and then get mad that im mad. LIKE PLEASE IDHHCHC
@@mariamamokete3353 I third that 🙄
FRR
I'm an INFJ and the worst thing to say to me is, "I know how you feel." when they don't..(they never actually do)
Haha, bcz they can't feel the way we Infj feel , and we know when they are being fake just to sympathise us , so we hate it most
I have learned that such a feeling is actually quite universal.
No one likes to hear that.
It really is the worst thing to say. Not a lot of people understand how INFJs actually feel. I hate hearing that phrase even more because I literally only have two thirds of a brain and can’t remember the first ten and a half years of my life. So I reall hate it when someone says, “I know how you feel,” because they don’t.
Another one is "I know what kind of person you are". Majority of the time they don't and just create a fake fantasy of you, which causes me anxiety lol
The number of times I heard someone say to me "are you okay" When I'm absolutely fine makes me scream inside + I'm the worst at facial expressions which makes people think the opposite of what I really feel.
Yes! My thinking/math face apparently looks like I’m about to cry and I’ve had professors in 300+ people classes ask if I’m ok after and I had no clue I looked in pain 😬
Correct answer: Are YOU okay? Should we call someone? I have the number to the suicide hotline. We can all tell there's something wrong. No we're not going to drop this because we LOVE you too much. It's not your fault. Only someone going through major life problems like you would try so hard to hide it. You need to learn to trust. You're not fooling anyone. You need to stop eating your feelings. Are you in denial? All the signs of emotional trauma are there for us to see. You can't blame yourself like this. Just be honest.
3 seconds later: Say, "So what's for lunch?"
They will never want to open that can of worms again.
oh god yes XD my neutral face apparently looks way too serious/sad and it instantly triggers me when people ask me why do I look sad
And then u go deeply into whether or not in actuality u r okay. Like if ur just ok in this moment and time, or if there’s some sort of internal conflict as a result of an event in your life that you haven’t overcome yet. So then right after they’ve asked if ur ok, ur not ok anymore 😩. I basically do a whole brain analysis.
Yeah. I can't even sit alone outside with my thoughts without someone assuming I'm in a deep emotional crisis....
When anyone tells me “It’s a conversation that needs to be had.” I am likely to say “No”. This is because I’ve already thought it through and made my decision based on every possible scenario and frankly I refuse to engage in an argument with anyone whose goal is simply to win at any cost.
Do any other INFJs, when doing a school project or group project, end up doing their own thing at the end because everyone else does stuff differently and you start getting the feeling they aren’t doing a good enough job? You might also think they will judge you for you ideas?
Is this just me…
Started at school, and same in work
omg yess. i always feel the same way...
Yahh back in my elementary days, I always do the project alone and quietly without my groupmates... Kinda worried as well about being judged
Oh yes, I would be the one to recheck peoples work and add more of my touch. Good thing was, i was mostly stuck with those who don't think much
If no one else stepped up I’d take like the leader position to organize.
I vastly hate being in the lead position, but I ain’t going to let the ship sink.
I’d much rather just be the first mate whispering my thoughts in the Captain’s ear & let them do all the talking and leading.
I am an INFJ, so let me warn you never ask me: "Why do you think that?" or I will tell you and you haven't got time.
It takes like a half hour to explain every piece of my logic
I hate when people ask me my opinion on things or why I feel a certain way. I know folks are not usually willing to listen or really care so I tend to always ask people in the nicest tone possible “why do you ask?” cuz some extroverts ask these launch question just to rocket their own opinion off my “polite and understanding ass” back and that question usually forces people to Think and TELL ME about what they actually want to hear from me as saves me time and disappointment of not feeling heard.
I’m INFJ. I will listen. And u can listen to me. And we’ll stay w each other for days :)
Starts trying to explain every possible explanation form every possible perspective I’ve considered while letting you know I probably am missing something. Lol
But for someone I'd want to talk to more it's something I'd want to ask then?
I hate the feeling of not being heard or they're not interested on what I am saying. Just a few days ago, I send a video to my friend about something I like. And she replied
*"So what do you want me to do with it?"*
That hurts so I left her on read.
I also don't like the feeling of not being enough
I'm always worried that I'm not being enough/doing enough...
proper answer....."Just eat it"
this is quite interesting, i wonder what kind of different approaches an infj can take in this situation... yknow just in case it happens to any of us lmao
Awwwh :(( I'm an infj as well and I know how you feel in that kind of response 😔
It doesn’t sound like your friend is very nice to you...