Why the narcissist always fakes his emotions
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- Опубліковано 5 вер 2024
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Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. And here I discuss my own personal experience living with narcissistic personality disorder. Including the symptoms and behaviors associated with this disorder, as well as how it has affected my life. I also share some of my coping strategies and how I have been able to manage the disorder, along with helping you understanding your loved ones and their behaviors that may seem almost incomprehensible and potentially hurtful. Hopefully, my channel will provide insight into what it's like to live with narcissistic personality disorder, as well as what it's like for your loved ones. Thank you for watching!
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The worst one is when they fake crying, when they get caught lying. Absolutely disgusting.
Could be folks like him who are trying to better and I guess trying to fit in? Perhaps being 100% genuine and showing no emotion will have folks run for the hills?
the distinction I saw. guilt: I did something bad. shame: I am bad.
I wouldn't not tell someone you want to be in a relationship with, or might want to be in one with, that you have NPD and can't really make a strong emotional connection with them. Holding that info back is like not telling someone you're trans, or that you have kids. They need to know so they can make an informed decision and if they decide to leave you, it's their loss. At least they will respect you for telling them something that will have an impact on your relationship. The right person for you is the one who can handle you just as you are.
Agreed. I wish my husband could be honest like this
@gabriellaluzpm Your husband might not be aware of it.
That doesn't make any sense. Even if you do have "NPD", that does not automatically and inevitably imply that you can't form emotional connections with a person.
@rv706 Not everything people with NPD is with malicious intent. It's just really painful to deal with someone who might get vindictive when they feel like you've hurt them. It doesn't mean that their subjective experience can't be valid, though. Their way of dealing with it still does an awful amount of harm to their relationships.
Thing is, people only learn if they can handle someone when they're in the relationship for some time. If You tell someone you have NPD, chances are, they're gonna google it and well... No chance they're gonna take a chance.
I am a vulnerable narcissist. I 'faked' my emotions and my knowledge to get people to like me...once they liked me, I could control them (by being nice). If they did not like me or believe me, I tended to avoid them. If the 'walls were closing in', I got a new job or changed the situation. I needed to do this to survive, and make money to pay my bills.
Can you elaborate on what you mean, specifically, when you say you're a "vulnerable narcissist"?
@@rv706that kind of narcissist that know they are really good in something, but they pretend to be vulnerable to get people consideration, love, emphaty. I think it is that
@@rv706aka Covert Narcissist.
@@greicidejesus8422 you are very wrong on this one..... vulnerable narcissist are the ones with very low self esteem and sense of worth they are very insecure and fear criticism and rejection they can be people pleaser or try to get sympathy or withdraw from society.
I think the very best thing you can do is be 100% honest. Please give people a chance. Some of us are super open minded. We just don't want to be abused or lied to.
Seriously, I think the honesty. IS THE EMOTIONAL connection. If someone explained to me they weren't capable of connecting the same way. The honest itself makes me feel connected. But we're all built differently and I'm a "healthy" adult.
But that would mean they admit to you they are ‘less than’ you 😂 a narcissist would not do that, that causes them significant distress 😂 why bring pain to themselves like that when not necessary. They think always they can be slick and trick you and you not noticing 😂
Agree!
@GrgAProduction That's simply perception. Biologically, scientifically, and psychologically, we are all different unless you're a clone. So believing you're less than is their perception. Narcissists may lack empathy, but they tend to be highly logical and quite intelligent. It's kind of like figuring out how to use your superpower to your benefit. If you like me, how are we using these superpowers to "our benefit?"" They aren't incapable of love. They aren't incapable of relationships, but they have to figure out how to look at things differently to function in the world that matches their ideal vision they have for themselves. Do you see people diagnosed with BPD??? They're like super intense emotionally. "Normal" doesn't mean you don't exhibit less than stellar characteristics. You're better or flawless. Just means you missed a few more text qualified flaws to put you in the "normal" category, and maybe your parents picked you up more.
Guilt is have empathy for the person that was wronged. Shame is feeling bad about yourself.
I used to get so hurt when my ex would say he cannot give me the type of emotional connection I want. Thanks for explaining 🙏
I asked what love feels like for her, she said that it feels like a lump in her throat and a heavy chest....to me that sounds alot more like grief 😪
Yes. Because intimacy reminds them that it’s soon over 😂
Schizoid here, totally relate to that. Grew up in the big city, right... see hundreds of faces every day that I'm never gonna see again. Used to eat at the same McDonalds all the time; never met the same clerk twice.
Then I come to the small town my family is from. People exchanged 2 phrases with you 5 years ago, and you were drunk on top of that. They fucking expect you to REMEMBER who they are!!! It boggles the mind.
The people here keep complex genealogical trees with hundreds of individuals - DETAILED profiles of each - inside their brains, and they think you do the same. It's a feudalistic system of sorts where familial ties are oh so important, so every time you go out it's like "Oh, look who's here! You know my grand grand father was the cousin of the father of the neighbor of your grand grand something and...", and I have to pretend my brain can even parse what they are saying.
My entire... way of thinking, outlook on everything, is so alien to these people, feeling psychologically connected to them is almost impossible. I wish them absolutely no harm, I do not hate them, but they appear hurt/offended when they realize they don't figure in my thoughts as much as it appears I figure in theirs - for whatever reason.
So... yeah.
Actually as absurd as it sounds, do bring up your inability to connect in the traditional sense with people you would like to be in relationship with. Let them be the ones to decide if they can and want to meet you where you are at. I see your situation as having an avoidant attachment style. Knowing this is helpful. You want your space and when you do choose to interact its on your terms. There is nothing wrong with this any more than a anxious attachment style fears abandonment and needs more reassurance. Use of direct communication will be most effective in making this dynamic work.
Proud of your emotional maturity journey to completely own this diagnosis warts and all! As someone with mental health disorders I know how difficult putting yourself out there to destigmatize these labels so proud of you
As a dependent person, it definitely does suck to depend on other people making you feel good. I just dropped a 6 year best friendship with a Schizoid after months of saying things like “I’ve missed you” and getting ignored right after. Must be nice not to NEED and/or crave having certain people being in your life.
BuzzyBee. It felt like saying nice things or expressing feelings made them uncomfortable
Did you and I not watch the same video?? If you think that Jacob came off sounding like he feels “nice” in this video about not being able to reciprocate those feelings that are expressed to him by his friends and romantic partners, you should really consider getting your head out of your ass. Your 6 year best friend is hurting too…just in their own way. Just because you haven’t put in the effort to see how his brain processes these types of situations differently than you do, doesn’t mean he’s not hurting.
@@teresacotton7923 I’m pretty sure it does. Especially the distant Avoidant types. They brick wall you, then act like everything is fine when they want to talk to you. It’s so odd! Lol
While all Schizoids are different, many are uncomfortable whenever something implies a relation is evolving, since more meetups can be expected. This is, obviously, not what most Schizoids want. If you wanna get to know a Schizoid, you must never pressure them; everything has to move very slowly or they will start to ignore you - this is preferred over telling you straight out no, since they think that might hurt your feelings. Most Schizoids won't turn you down because you're boring to be with or because they think that they're better than you, they do it because their instincts almost always tell them to be alone and remain in the safe space - many of them are constantly fighting their instincts as to whether they should see a person or not.
Some studies suggest that the lack of interest in people could be because Schizoids don't process memories quite the same as others; they can know a night was fun and enjoyable but they generally can't "feel" it when processing the thoughts. These feelings "normal" people get when processing thoughts is mainly what's telling their instincts that company is good.
My ex husband is this kind, had a tap at side of his head and could turn the tears on and off in a second, and it normally was for me to feel sorry for him when he did something bad to me.
I feel sorry for all narsistic people because they have to live with them selfs FOREVER
I think it would feel more like being used than a betrayal. But I guess betrayal encompasses a lot. So, yeah,OK.
Every body fakes feelings. You are not weird for doing that. I mask all the time and pretend to like people that I don't like, or pretend to be happy and fine when I am feeling depressed. That is normal and doesn't make a bad person or a narcissist IMO.
But you do not go over the top faking LOVING a person for months on end until it bores you and then you torture the person until they run away 😂
Imagine you only enjoy the person for giving you attention but you act for months on end like you adoooooore them. That they are your soulmate even if you do not fancy them really. You just enjoy the things they do for you in return when you fake these things to them. THAT is the issue.
You don’t go around and make up fake stories of your grandmother dying for the 5th time for some sympathy and supply. Calling your friends in the middle of the night after coming home from being outside 4:30 just because you are lonely and now you make up a story about your mother being in a car accident. Just so you can speak to somebody and get some sympathy supply. Even if it’s fake supply basically, it’s good enough for them. Whatever they can get their hands on for the attention.
Masking being well when you are not is totally different from what these creatures are doing 😂 their whole existance is to illicit any sort of reaction from you in any way possible. Usually they got a good repertoire they repeat over and over again. Then they have to start mixing it up.
Thank you for your honesty, it's helpful 👌
Great video. First time I realized that smth was not going right with my ex was when I noticed (pretty fast) that he would be only angry and pissed in the situations where I felt touched or sad or relieved etc. Then this obvious inability to feel another person came out. And then things got worse. We don’t stay in touch any more and I only feel sad for him, I understand that’s it’s not his choice to live that way. Love your channel, the only one I’m watching about npd.
How can you tell he just didn't feel a lot of connection specifically with _you_ (as opposed to, with everybody)?
I commend you for being vulnerable and taking the time to make this video. It seems like speaking about these things makes you uncomfortable (I am just guessing, I could be wrong), so kudos to you for putting it out there anyway. I'm sorry your brain puts you through so much grief! As for telling people about your attachment problems, I think telling them at the beginning of the relationship would be so helpful. If my ex had told me what you said, I feel like I would have been better prepared.
You need an empathy to feel guilt, without empathy there is no guilt.
At first, I didn't believe you are a narcissist. After watching a few videos, I believe you.
Someone witty and confident with a thick skin and who maybe just happens to have a great psychologist in the family is the kind of person I imagine would understand you.
Best thing in my opinion that works for me is to not worry about what other people think or say, I realize is easier said than done, but you are doing a great job putting yourself out there & you owe no one nothing. We appreciate your message in your videos & can see that you are trying and that’s more than MOST of us can say for ourselves! Even quote most “normies,” can’t self reflect so on both sides no one is better than anyone else! The fact you can self reflect and are is more than MOST people on both sides can do or are even willing to do! My opinion is everyone has issues. EVERYONE! And some people think they are normal & are not! What is normal anyways? Is no normal! All of are combinations of personalities 😊 thank you for being YOU ❤
You are very courageous and I'm grateful for your words; giving me a perspective that's very helpful to see you and others that had trauma infliction at young ages in a clearer light.
❤ thank you for sharing
Fuck. This is good
I do appreciate you being honest with us. To me this is deep.
I think the fact that you are recording the video sitting alone in your car in darkness where no one sees you really shows that sad mood of disconnecting with people
Nope, not needing people is better than the best supply you've ever had
If I hear you speaking, I understand the topic much better. My idea is, you might be interested in speaking with Mark Waldman. He is a neuroscientist and he has an interesting approach to what is called "narcissm". Maybe new discoveries in Neuroscience make it possible to help people with your "disorder" in a new way. Lepra was an uncurable disease for 15.000 years. Then mankind realised what hygiene is. What a bacteria is. Now it is curable. I never believe in people who believe, that they can predict the future. We only can say: With the concepts we have in the moment, something is curable or not, but we don't know the future.
I am an introvert.
It's the other way around for me.
I cannot socialize more than 2 or 3 times a month.
I would go crazy if I had to be around people all the time.
I am single, couldn't stand having a partner again.
I work at home that way I don't have to see people. Except when I have to go shopping for food.
I find people exhausting.
Cats adore me and keep coming into my house, probably because they feel how peaceful I am. My neighbours go crazy trying to figure out why all their cats come to me.
You might have a schizoid personality
I’m the same way…does that mean we have symptoms of what this guy has? Do all loner have some form of mental illness?
@@coronaweeks4577
Hi! 🙂
In my opinion it tends to proove that we absolutely do not have that personality disorder.
These people need constant attention from others to survive, to validate the false persona they have created. They cannot stay alone. They hate being alone.
I have (had?) Complex PTSD according to two psychiatrists I went to in the late 90's. (When I was married to a overt narc, I escaped him).
I had agoraphobia, etc.
I worked my way out of that condition.
I would say that as long as you live confortably in your own skin there is no need to know if you have some form of mental illness or not. But it's just my opinion 🙂
I am 60 and doing fine. In general people like me, it's me that avoids letting people get too familiar with me because I know I can't sustain close friendships, it tires me. So, all is OK
Saludos from Switzerland!
I love you just the way you are, warts and all! ❤
I think it is hopeful you have the willingness to tell the truth, even though it is a painful truth, regarding different level of emotional investment. Even though I know this about NPDs, I did not know until now that any NPD has internal conflict about this topic.
I AM a schizo bitch. With enough narc traits to also qualify for an NPD diagnosis, so that's fun.
Schizoid PD has significant overlap with avoidant, which itself can have surprising overlap with vulnerable narcissism. and in my experience many of us do want to socialise and have relationships. Sometimes. With caveats. Heavy caveats. There are a few that veer hard schizoid, and they clearly much prefer total isolation, and seem to thrive in it. Most are not like that.
It's not as simple as wanting it or not. There are dilemmas. Most zoids I've seen value their autonomy very highly, and fear losing some or all of it if they enter relationships. We have a lot of conundrums like that. Exile or enslavement, etc etc.
Me, I can be way too comfortable being alone for extended periods of time. It's comfy but I stagnate, hard. I just live the same day on repeat, forever, which gets fairly dull, and I'm aware that that is really not healthy for me. I need others not only for validation, but also for borrowing their motivation to live and do stuff.
But interacting with people I'm not already intimate with is equal parts boring, terrifying, and potentially humiliating. And irritating. It's extremely not worth it most of the time.
Fuck kinda sounds like me
As someone with diagnosed bpd and some npd traits I relate to many of your videos extremely well but with this I am the complete opposite which is really annoying as well. Extremes are always annoying aren’t they?I always have to tone my feelings towards people down and my mask is kind of acting more tough and way less emotional than I feel inside. I connect extremely to people and it would freak some people out if they knew how much I care about them. That said I don’t think you are a monster at all. I did not choose my extreme emotional attachment and you did not choose this extreme. It also does not freak me out at all that you say things like that and I have people in my life who are like you and it doesn’t matter at all to me because honestly literally everyone is less emotionally invested in people than I am so I don’t even care at all if people are neurotypically less invested than I am or in the other extreme because I am always the one that is more emotionally invested anyway 😂
Idk why this sounds kinda cute. Good luck out there!
I was wondering. In general how do narcissists handle situations where they are in open competition with others? Sports, Tests, ect. How do they handle a loss vs a win. Are they sore losers? Can hypnosis help with narcissism?
Smth I forgot to mention: I’m watching your old and recent videos at the same time and it’s amazing how differently you act and talk now. I think you’ve made a huge progress and now very often it actually feels through the screen that you’re being a “100% regular human”. I hope it doesn’t sound bad or rude, I just want to say you’re very strong and I admire what you’re doing.
So smart at 23
The reason it matters to have genuine connection is so you dont drop and disgard your partner/friend when the sky comes down on them and relationship is inconvinent to you for a longer period.
Things like childbirth, death in the family or illness.
I sometimes find comfort in my loneliness, ive been in too many relationships after a bit you realize its all the same. You do the whole talk and dance to get to know each other and its always the same fucking bullshit people (same songs different singers) just bitch about former flames ( because everyone has baggage from prior relationships and everyone has had more than a few in this promiscuous era )
And I just don't it anymore it's boring. And hard to find a legitimate connection with someone, the reason I dated so much was because I was desperate to find a connection so any sign of one I would just go with. But severely damage myself mentally along the way lol (always fun) whenever that feeling of loneliness resurfaces I just think back on how getting to know people is repetitive, almost pointless 😅😅😅 and suddenly that lonely feeling goes away lol in this day and age making connections is a waste of time. This was longer than I thought, but I appreciate your channel, for the honesty or as honest as you can make it i get it. Hope you find what you are looking for but you are at leat getting help and understanding from a therapist, which is awesome and steps to where you want to be.
TNN, I'm not sure if my question will appear as foolish, with me having overlooked something obvious but here goes: While dating, do you think it would be more difficult for a neurotypical person so spot a self-aware narcissist or one that is lacking in that awareness? Thank you!
Ex: “Every O I ever had was fake.”
Me: “Cool story. Every positive emotion I had throughout the relationship was fake. Difference is, if I could actually have them, I’d communicate them to you and work on showing it in a real way. Unlike you, who can have an O, knows how to make an O happen, can communicate with me about it so we can work on making it real. But nah. You decided to fake it the whole time. So… who’s the actual POS here?” 😂
This is a hypothetical conversation. It’s so common for women to do this and say this, yet they will loose their mind if they think you faked anything in the relationship. Also, not bashing women either because not all women do this. If you’re offended by this comment, it’s probably because you’re the ex in this scenario 😂 Cast a stone in a crowd of dogs, the one who yelps, is the one who got hit. Taking offense is the same thing. Don’t tell on yourselves.
The Light in the car situation 😂 😂😂
This has such an impactful perspective. I really relate to your experience. Thank you for your transparency. Please, keep making videos ❤️
If someone said "I genuinely like you and enjoy your company Jacob".... would you believe them?
It’s crazy u said u wish u had those things lol I wish I was able to openly talk this much.
I find your pattern of speech very interesting. You fill in cognitive pauses with vocalizations, ie "like," "um," "but anyway" so that there really is no cessation of speech.
I wonder what cause, or combination of causes, is behind this. Is it sociocultural? Is it (another) result of trauma? Is it the perceived demand of a hypothetical audience that a content creator's speech be continuous and fluid?
I notice that I don't speak during cognitive pauses. I stare into space and/or look confused, conflicted, perhaps constipated. Maybe this is why I so often experience people interrupting me to give their opinion or to guess mine.
Shit! Now I get it 💢
It’s not like we go after the person to fuck their life. We really think we are interested.
If that’s how you feel then stay the hell away from people.
Sometimes when i hear your words, i will take your hand 😊
So so true. They tell all kind of lies about you to make them selves look great. They never accomplished any thing worth while and they are very jealous of people who do all this not a problem since I come across *Dr Osumbo the great spell caster* my life have been so batter with his spell
someone doesnt have to care about you for you to care about them
I love the « why people are texting me when I make videos » so authentic 🙌 I wonder if you laugh when people laugh at the cinema
He’s so braggy i cringe 🤦🏻♀️
My favorite video of yours. ❤
Does not connecting feel like having no emotions towards someone? Does anything help? Did being around Tessa feel like a connection?
You can explain to me until you're blue in the face what a narcissist is but I still wouldn't understand I guess that's why I get hurt so much. ..
You should stop watching internet videos about narcissism. Your ex wasn't a narcissist. Try to learn better communucation skills with your partners, and try to be open to the fact that in all likelyhood it wasn't only _their_ fault if things didn't work.
Sick but just have to be i guess, right ?
Ying Yang kind of shit, energy's and and all that stuff... and nobody asked to become how they are.
I really respect the video, it was very insightful and interesting.
Imagine how hard it would be if you gotta fake expectations, mask feelings and all that just to fit in this world.
Or else everybody else will curse you as if you are a demon.
You cannot live your life and be yourself
You can never admit, so ofcourse they are wearing masks
Have to be horrible.
I was victimized or whatever you want to call it, from childhood all to romantic relationships.
now i am 40 and alone again... getting stronger now.
Never knew what was happening to me, finding out what narcissism rally was and that i was an empath.
Everything became very clear and logic to me.
I immediately had forgiven all , and was very happy that the glass was still half full !!
I felt released.
If you are mad at them, then you are mad at life ! (that's way to easy)
they can't do nothing about it...
this will ruin your life and potential to grow in it.
Maybe Empath's are just to soft .. there have to be a balance in everything or there is no existence in anything at all.
Sick but true.
So i am grateful that i still at 40 i had the chance to figure this out and leaned in life.
Trying to get the most spiritual out of it i possibly can, and grow further...
Great video buddy...
You're not an empath. "Empaths" don't exist as a category of people: they're an invention of the internet. Stop obsessing over "narcissism" and start living in real life.
Would it be possible that you thinking "it is shitty" that you can't relate to people... actually comes from those repressed emotions you have? When you explain that you "long for connection", that you aren't purely looking for "narcissistic supply", for me it looks like relating to people IS caring about them.
All relationships are, at heart, contractual. I don't think you have to be narcissistic to understand that. The contract is an exchange of happiness. You might be blind to people's sufferings because of your own blinding suffering, but it doesn't feel like you just don't care about people.
Do what you want from that, but maybe reinterpreting some of your remarks would let you see that... you do care.
Plus, isn't "feeling shame when you hurt people" a way to feel that you have a connexion with them?
All thanks to *Dr Osumbo the great spell caster* who helped me with a spell that brings happiness in to my life and now me and my husband are very ok and happy together
My playlist 777
ridiculous
I saw this and immediately thought “oh no… Jacob finally snapped.” 😂
ua-cam.com/video/78QyTi5drEs/v-deo.html
You are he Monster, if you really would know how it is to be a normal person than you would know how BAD and demonic narcist people are. Like having no feeling destroying everything in its way!! Like what do you want us to think💀
Ah, my Grandmother's funeral was earlier today it was...interesting.
Sorry to hear that buddy. Hope she made the most of her time on planet earth....
@@dogtrainingmexico He meant he doesn't care (I think... 🤔)