Are you a narcissist? A narcissist explains how to tell
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- Опубліковано 14 жов 2024
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Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. And here I discuss my own personal experience living with narcissistic personality disorder. Including the symptoms and behaviors associated with this disorder, as well as how it has affected my life. I also share some of my coping strategies and how I have been able to manage the disorder, along with helping you understanding your loved ones and their behaviors that may seem almost incomprehensible and potentially hurtful. Hopefully, my channel will provide insight into what it's like to live with narcissistic personality disorder, as well as what it's like for your loved ones. Thank you for watching!
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#narcissist #clusterB #gaslighting #npd #mentalhealth #BPD #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #gaslighting #mentalhealthawareness
I dated a narcissist and once I realized who he was I pulled him through the ringer to match me with raw messy vulnerability. We both trauma bonded with an intense moment in the beginning of our relationship, so there was staying power. It took us 6 years to reach both our core selves, to drop the masks, fully authentic, truthfull and real with each other. Man it was tough sifting through the tangle of his conversation style, I'm sure it was tough for him sifting through the self obsession of my turbulent emotions. So much manipulation and gaslighting in different areas. We are both better people now and I've discovered I have traits too, after some terribly shameful humble pie. By the list you describe I think I'm this, and strangly feel proud of it because of how you validate it. Is that another sign? So by my life story 2 narcissists together can create healing and wholeness but at first it's absolute hell. OK look in the 7th year Jesus found us and brought profound peace in our lives. We now pray during a fight because we can't cope on our own.
Happy for you.
I could not deal with my partner. The constant defense mechanisms and gaslighting was too much for me o accept.
However at some point I said to myslef - what if I stop carying what and how he says to me?
Then I would be free of pain and the relation could go forward.
I wish i have tried it actually
Jesus help you both, I truly mean that.
I want this so bad. I suspect I’m a covert and this girl I was hanging with had a covert narc father just like me. I think I gave her some red flags but she doesn’t want conflict so she’s reverse discarding with busyness. I think cause I’m 6’3” 250 and play football she assumes I’m stuck in my ways already.
And yeah narcissism presents in so many ways .. one of *the* most narcissistic people I’ve ever met actually looked down on materialism because he fancies himself very spiritual and he’s very self-righteous and proud of being right about everything.. it really isn’t only about money and possessions, it’s whatever that person values and sees as their “USP” I guess
Who you are is based on what you like, your morals, your values and integrity. If you are relying on others to feel a sense of self or who you are then essentially you dont exist, you are just what you perceive others want you to be. An empty shell if you will. Embrace your fears and it will set you free. You will discover yourself when you confront your fears instead of running from them.
Yeah and then what? You could still get lonely anyways, because of how society really is, and as a point, a narcisist is basically trying to fit as regularly as possible not for his or her hobbies or knowledge, but for being pointed out as weird enough to not get a couple, you know, born, grow, reproduce and die. Its like a male peacock situation, but a weak personality doesn't help, so would be good to endure situations that forcefully hardens it, witch ones could be? Idk, would like to, too.
A good way to spot collective narcissism is putting morality on a pedestal and insisting that everyone to "get it" instead of just following social conventions even if one does not want to do so. Emotional blackmail and liberal parenting are related.
This also describes a people pleaser though
Treatment for NPD is quite complicated. Not so much to do with facing fears.
Who or what you are is not based on anything. What you like, your morals, values and integrity are something you have, not who you are.
Refreshing to hear someone who GETS the lonely perfection of a narcissists world and the impact it has on work, friendships, relationships, family et al ✌🏻
What's surprising to me is how is this not describing every person on the planet except maybe a small handful of pure hearts unchanged by trauma
I was wondering the same thing. Seems like everyone I know if given enough though could align with this criteria to a certain degree. No one is perfect, but knowing and addressing it is half the battle.
Only narcists Here? 😂
No most people are completely different. They feel shame and trust and Love and so on. NPDs feel nothing like that. They are spirutually and sensitively hollow human beeings.
3:50 I know I shouldn’t be laughing but the “running to the finish line and slapping someone one out of the way” analogy. LOL. The imagery in my mind.
Interesting how I can check the whole list (outside of the low empathy bit) but I still don’t view myself as a diagnosable NPD.
Yes quite the comedian 😂👍
I was so mind blown by that analogy's effectiveness 🤯😅
I'm impressed with how honest or candid narcissists can be about themselves.
It's possible, but rather rare sadly 😅 (Half my family is narcissistic)
@@kathaklysmus1861do you think it’s possibly hereditary?
Learned behavior?
Most are in denial
@@Reneemfennlearned.
From trauma.
A coping device
@@Patricia_Stewart337 are they pre disposed? I see it runs in families 🌳
Those that have NPD struggle & suffer…
Seems they will make us feel same craziness they walk around with in their head 24hrs day 🤨
I went no contact with my narcissistic mother a few years ago. Your videos are helping me understand her in a way I couldn't before. I still can't have her in my life, but it's easier to forgive her and move on. Thank you for your candor and helping me find peace with the past.
Thank you. It freaks me out when other people can't pick out the narcissists in the room. You guys stand out like dog balls on a rat. Most narcissists are really nice people, just self-centred. I see your pain and need for acceptance, which is not a bad trait. You're not a bad person for prioritising yourself, but every action has consequences. I think you guys have difficulty forecasting and predicting other peoples motives. I think you are super brave for doing these vids and I love your hair. Good luck my man.
true, they can be easy to spot, but somehow people will actually fall into their trap
Bruh, "Dog balls on a rat"? Seriously, please back away from the paint brush...
@@d.l4055 You've never heard that expression before? Dude, life is going to be tough for you.
@@procyonlotor1906 In a word, No! What was etched on my brain was, You can't polish a turd. Prime example are those people who refuse to acknowledge there's a turd floating in the punch bowl. The ole man had a special way of providing clarity for otherwise useless sayings everyone always hears like, You don't understand Sh!t.
@@d.l4055😂
Well, this was interesting. Especially the "I hold people to unrealistic expectations". Right in my BPD heart.
As someone who is comorbid BPD+NPD, they share a lot of similarities and they overlap a LOT, so this is totally normal. Both disorders are incredibly similar so I wouldn't think too much into it if it's just that one thing :)
Do not worry about this one...... as people are dumb as dog shit and realizing this is one of the hardest tricks a person can do.
I don't know anybody who ISN'T sensitive to criticism. And there's a difference between "You made an error on this document" and "Gawd, you suck. Who the hell hired you?"
My ex narcissist raged at the slightest constructive criticism. No one likes it, true, but overboard reactions like rage are indicative of a problem. Those aren’t normal.
Everyone has some narcissism, because narcissism is a spectrum. There is healthy or balanced narcissism and there is unhealthy, unbalanced narcissism.
When we talk about narcissists, we are talking about people who are pathologically narcissistic. Pathological narcissism is a long-term pattern of toxic narcissism that shows up in various ways, most of which affect a person's life and relationships significantly. People often ask, "Is this narcissistic behavior, or is that narcissistic behavior," but the truth is that pathological narcissism is about more than behavior. When we are trying to distinguish narcissism from other reasons for behavior, we have to look at patterns and motivations in someone's life.
Psychologically speaking, narcissism in and of itself is not a "bad" thing. The word has a negative connotation, but it's when it's taken to extremes that it becomes damaging and dangerous. These are the people we call narcissists.
For example, if you are being legitimately treated unfairly and you speak out about it, there's nothing wrong with that. You should do that. However, if you are so self-focused that you perceive it as unfair when you do not get more than your fair share, there is a problem. The biggest problem is that truly narcissistic people are unable to recognize that they are not in fact being treated unfairly. They believe they deserve whatever they want, regardless of how it affects others and if they do not get it, this is a huge problem for them and an injustice. They don't just say "What about me??" when it's appropriate or when they need to. They say it all the time, in every situation. And they expect others to consider them above all else as well.
For example, if you lose your job and your brother Johnny is a narcissist, he's only going to wonder who he will borrow money off now. He may even call you selfish for not considering that. The fact that you and your family are now facing a huge problem does not even occur to him. All he cares about is how it will affect him. You might say, "Johnny, what am I going to do? I might lose my house! My kids won't have health insurance!" and Johnny might say, "You? What am I going to do?? I can't pay my credit card bill! I was going to borrow the money off of you! My credit rating is going to go down!" Then you just sit there stunned, wondering what is wrong with this person. That is pathological narcissism.
Narcissism becomes problematic when the needs of the self are considered more important than anything else. In healthy relationships, things shift and move around. Sometimes one person needs more support and their needs take a front seat for a while, and then sometimes the other person or people need more support. Maybe someone has an illness, or they lost their job, or they just had a baby. With pathologically narcissistic people, this does not happen. Their needs matter most -- always. Any attempt to shift the focus to others is taken as a threat and an attack. Pathologically narcissistic people don't understand that others deserve the same consideration that they themselves get and they don't care. In most family or relationship situations, this leads to other people's needs being ignored and neglected in favor of the narcissist. This is not healthy or fair.
This is often when the normal narcissism in other people kicks in. They - very rightfully so - start saying, "Hey! What about me?? I matter too!" The answer from the narcissist - and often their enablers - is usually very clearly, "No. You don't." People get upset about this. They feel hurt. They get angry. They feel the need to assert themselves, to defend themselves, to get justice. And since narcissistic behavior is mostly defensive, you often see some of these same behaviors come out in people who really aren't narcissists.
That's one of the reasons we say narcissism is contagious. It isn't really, but because the behaviors are defensive, people who are being mistreated by narcissists may begin to act the same way. It's the way the ego reacts to a threat, and it's pretty much the same in every human being on the planet. The problem is that this "threat sensor" in pathologically narcissistic people is broken; it's way too sensitive. They see threats everywhere because they are so self-focused that they interpret everything that happens around them as being related to them somehow; either for or about or to or because of them. They are not just the brightest star in the solar system, but the only star.
People who are in situations that are legitimately unfair or that legitimately threaten their ego can behave in a narcissistic manner at times. One of the differences though is that these people can learn to control their behavior, and many do because they recognize that this isn't who they want to be. Many people might also realize that their behavior was inappropriate, regardless of the provocation. Narcissists do not seem capable of these insights.
Narcissistic types of behaviors can also come out in situations of high emotion, such as when someone has been very hurt. If a marriage ends or if someone loses a loved one, for example, that person may behave very self-destructively for a little while. Or someone may become so angry that they do really terrible things. That's why we only say someone is a narcissist if the behavior is a pattern that has continued for an extended period of time - usually we would see it throughout their lives. Someone who goes through one bad breakup and smears their ex, for example, is probably not a narcissist. However, if this is something they've done repeatedly and there are other red flags, we would look much more carefully at that. It's about a pattern of behavior and the mindset behind it. We often hear that smear campaigns are narcissistic behavior. . But behavior needs context. You can't just look at behavior in a vacum and say someone is or is not a narcissist if they do it. A person who goes through a really bad break up and runs around telling others how awful their ex is does not have to be a narcissist to do that. Narcissistic behavior is ego defensive and can show up in anybody if they feel attacked, defensive or hurt enough. It's still toxic behavior for sure, but not everyone who displays narcissistic behavior is a narcissist. Ghosting is another thing we often hear is a narcissistic behavior. Ghosting is when someone disappears out of your life, never to be heard from again. Maybe they stop returning phone calls, or block you on social media or maybe they move away and never tell you where they went. Once again, though, a person does not need to be a narcissist to do this. For example, someone may be really uncomfortable with confrontation and because of that, they never confront someone about a problem they have with that person. They just stop talking to them. This is not necessarily healthy and many consider it unfair, but someone doesn't have to be a narcissist to behave this way.
This is why it can be hard to say if someone is a narcissist just based on things they do. Behavior needs context. Because pathological narcissism affects a person's entire personality, the whole picture has to be examined. We can't just say, "This person ghosted someone else, or this person talked bad about their ex or this person cheated. That means they are a narcissist." We can - and should - think twice about whether we want to engage in a relationship of any kind with a person who does things like that, but we can't just assume they are disordered because of a behavior.
That's one of the reasons you can't say if someone is a narcissist just based on something they've done. There is a lot more to consider than just that. What else was happening? Why did they do it? What kind of mindset does this person seem to have? Is this a pattern of behavior? If so, how long has it gone on? What other things have they done? All of these kinds of things are important.
Pathological narcissism is about patterns, motives, mindsets and thought processes, not just behavior. Using our earlier example, if someone goes through a bad breakup and says negative things about their ex, they are not necessarily a narcissist. They are obviously hurting and it's probably not a good idea to get involved with them at this moment, but doing this kind of thing in one situation does not a pattern make. However, if they do this every time a relationship ends, then it's time to look at it a little more seriously. That suggests a pattern, and not a very nice one.
You will usually find themes in a pathologically narcissistic person's life. They often have the same kinds of problems over and over again, and they attempt to resolve them the same way over and over again. Every ex is crazy, or abusive, or a cheater; every coworker is jealous, or every boss is a tyrant. They were always the victim, or the hero, or the smartest or the most creative. Always. The scenery changes, but the storyline rarely does. Their motives are always the same, the motives they pin on others are always the same and the pattern is always the same. The behavior can be different, though, even when the motivation or goal is the same. This is another reason it's important to look at patterns and motives in conjunction with behavior.
For example, someone who pulls out your spark plugs or physically attacks you to keep you from leaving the house has very different behavior than someone who threatens suicide or suddenly has a crisis in order to keep you there but their motivation is the same: both people are trying to control you and stop you from leaving. Another example is a hero narcissist and an overt, bullying narcissist. Their behavior usually seems pretty different most of the time but their motives are not different at all. The same person can even engage in what seem like different behaviors during different situations or with different people. This apparent change in behavior doesn't really mean anything, though, because the motivation is still the same. Someone could be very passive-aggressive at work, but very overtly aggressive at home. The motivation behind the seemingly different behavior is still the same: to punish others.
The reality is, a lot of people don't like to be wrong. A lot of people are jealous or envious. A lot of people get angry and say hurtful things. A lot of people deny things or react badly to challenges to their ego. A lot of people lie. A lot of people cheat. A lot of people steal. These people are not all narcissists. The level of disorder in pathologically narcissistic people is so blatant and so obvious that it can in no way be considered "normal" behavior by anyone. That is the difference. When someone is truly pathologically narcissistic, it is obvious that something is very wrong with the way this person thinks, with the way they perceive things. You may not know what the problem is, but you can clearly tell that something is wrong.
Narcissists are people who can come across very selfishly in the general sense of the word. They can seem self-absorbed, vain and arrogant. They can seem mean, rude and callous. They can be very needy, helpless and clingy. They may be all of these things at different times, or more one than the other. They are often very immature. The one thing they all have in common is that they are totally focused on themselves. Whether they are raging at you, ignoring you, crying desperately on your shoulder, proclaiming their undying love or insisting they can "help" you solve all of your problems, you eventually notice that they are very controlling of you, your time and the situation in general.
You eventually notice everything is about them - always. You notice that you don't feel heard, or that what you want and how you feel don't really seem to matter - even though they may insist that it does. You notice this person's behavior does not match their words, and that they don't really seem to be who they claim they are. You notice they don't really seem to have a stable sense of identity, as if who they are changes based on what's going on or who is around. You notice their thinking seems to make no sense and that they often believe things that aren't true. You notice that communication is very difficult with this person and there may be many misunderstandings, things taken out of context or illogical arguments involved, to where things cannot ever be discussed or resolved.
You see that they seem to be having a large amount of emotional difficulty, either because they are too emotional or not emotional enough. They may be unable to understand other people's emotions or their own. They may get offended or hurt really easily, and/or their reactions to things may seem extreme - either because they wildly overreact or because they wildly underreact. You notice many double standards in their thought processes and an inability to understand that they are ever doing anything wrong or that consequences apply to them. Or, you notice that this person immediately takes the blame for everything and uses that to manipulate others. You notice this person seems to have a role that they are always playing out, such as the victim or the hero, and most of their narrative revolves around creating situations where they can do so. You notice this person has odd beliefs or thinks things that make no sense, such as that they can do things they have no training for or that they won't be harmed by dangerous behavior. You notice that facts or proof don't seem to matter to this person, and that they will continue to believe things even when they are blatantly proven false. You notice that you are having the same discussions or arguments with this person over and over again. You notice they seem to have a terrible memory, or that they often insist things occured differently than they did. They may use a lot of colorful, emotional language but really give no details when speaking, even if they are asked repeatedly.
You notice that this person seems to assume they know what others are thinking, how they are feeling or what their motives are and then reacts to these assumptions as if they are facts - often without ever even asking. You notice that all of their beliefs about other people seem to center around themselves and how others feel about them, either positively or negatively. You notice they believe themselves to be the reason others do things or don't do them, as if they are the only thing that matters to anyone. You notice that in all situations, the only thing that matters to this person is how they will be affected. They seem to feel entitled to behave however they like, or that they are somehow special and deserve more than others or what is fair. You notice this person cannot take no for an answer and that when you cannot do something for them, they react very badly. You notice that any empathy they do have is superficial and does not extend to the times when they feel they are being slighted or short-changed. You notice that they seem to believe people are against them, or that people have feelings about them that they don't have. You notice they accuse you of saying and doing things you did not say or do. You notice they blame other people for everything and take no accountability for their actions at all. You notice they seem to feel picked on, attacked and targeted very easily, and that they get upset over very minor things. You notice that they seem to be projecting their feelings or behaviors onto you, accusing you of things that make no sense. You notice that one day something is OK and the next day it is not OK. You notice their feelings for you (and for everything) are unstable, and that they can change in a second..
You see that they do not understand the difference between "want" and "need," and that the importance they place on their role in things is overblown. You see that this person seems unable to grasp basic concepts like manners, respect, consideration and basic decency. They seem unable to understand that others are human beings with feelings, who make mistakes, that get tired, who have flaws. You notice they cannot win unless someone else loses (or vice-versa), and that they seem to have no identity or emotional life of their own. You notice they don't seem to see differences in types of relationships; such as that a spouse should be more important emotionally than a stranger. They don't seem to understand what's appropriate and may attempt to get very close with people very quickly, even if they don't know them very well at all. You notice they don't seem to understand boundaries or what is inappropriate to say or do in different situations. You notice they drain you, and seem to cause problems for no reason. Their emotions can swing wildly and be way out of proportion to the situation, especially their anger. Their behavior can be reckless, impulsive, emotional and dangerous, as if they don't understand the consequences of what they are doing. Or as if they don't care.
You notice that no matter how many times you explain things to this person, they never seem to understand.
Not constructive criticism and narcs are so thin skinned it's unbelievable
@@tonyconnor5691 Yes. People oftew wonder if theres ways to avoid upsetting narcissists, but you can't avois upsetting a narcissist because they are already upset. It's also not difficult to hurt narcissisits. In fact, it's often far too easy, resulting in them feeling they are being attacked constantly and need to defend themselves. simple things like disagreeing, achieving something, having things, being a person, telling the truth in general, refusing to take responsibilty for them, not buying into their fantasy of themselves, existing can hurt narcissists they are that fragile. You every action, question, accomplishment, independent thought is tantamount to making a declaration of war with them. Another person asking for respect and decency they take as trying to control them. Your purpose in the relationship is to be used to regulate their emotions. This doesn't just mean fixing their problems and propping them up when they need it. It also mean you will be the target of the constant negative emotion and stress they continually purge since they can't process or hold it.
Narcissists perceive their feelings as facts. However, simply saying that does not really convey the depth of this problem. It is a very serious dysfunction in perception and usually ends up coloring most of how they see things. Feelings are not facts. They can be-and often are-illogical and unreasonable. That's why it's not a good idea to make big decisions when we are really emotional because we may not be thinking clearly or be able to appreciate the big picture of something until we calm down. The majority of us know this and are able to control our emotions and ourselves. We are able to separate reason and emotion and prevent feelings from clouding our reason, perception, and judgment. Most of us, meaning those of us who are not narcissists, fit our feelings to the facts. That means we react appropriately and reasonably to what has actually happened. The event influences our feelings. We are able to view the event clearly and understand it on its own merits. We then process the facts of the event and decide how we feel.
Narcissists don't do that. They essentially do the opposite of that. They fit the facts to their feelings. This means they interpret events in a way that agrees with how they already feel. The narcissist's already-existing emotions influence their processing of the event rather than the other way around. This usually results in very skewed perception. Emotional meaning is attached to things that have none. Malice and bad intentions are read into things that are innocent. It's usually all negative. This happens because the narcissist's feelings are clouding their judgment and the narcissist already feels bad. Their perceptions are colored by feelings they've had for years, feelings that are actually often completely unrelated to the person or event they are perceiving.This creates a convoluted internal landscape, especially for those that are in denial of their emotions in general.
in a way, narcissists have stronger feelings than most other people. Because what's called the narcissistic wound-the trauma or series of traumas that caused them to be a narcissist in the first place-usually occurred at a very early stage in the narcissist's development, they have never learned to control or understand their own emotions.Many narcissists don't consciously acknowledge their emotions at all, yet these emotions exist, and they control every aspect of the narcissist's life and color their perception of everything. They can feel these emotions, but because they deny and refuse to acknowledge them, they often experience them as happening externally, meaning coming from somewhere outside of themselves.
The invalidating environment most of them grew up in further compounded this problem, making it impossible for the narcissist to ever learn to trust or believe in their own feelings or be able to validate themselves. This means they now exist in a world of swirling, overwhelming, out of control emotions. Regardless of what you see or how well they hide it, unless they are an end-stage narcissist, which we often call a psychopath, they are filled with these raging emotions all the time. Narcissists are guided solely by emotion. Emotion dictates their reality. They are almost never rational or unemotional. That is how strong their feelings are. So yes, narcissists definitely have feelings. Even the calm, cold narcissist has feelings. Under the right (or wrong!) circumstances, you will eventually see them.
The thing is, the pathologically narcissistic person's feelings only revolve around themselves. They only have feelings for themselves. Consequently, any feelings they seem to have for others are revealed to actually be for themselves upon closer examination. Narcissists use other people as emotional pack mules. Because their feelings are so strong and so overwhelming to them, they cannot handle these feelings. They need other people to carry the burden for them. So they project them on to other people and say the other person is the host of the feeling: "I don't feel this way! You do!" But in reality, these are simply their own feelings that they are trying to deny.
narcissists are usually filled with smothering self-hatred. This is a very hard emotion to deal with and impossible to deny. So they give it away. They don't hate themselves. You hate them. This makes it easier for them to defend against the horrible way this self-hatred makes them feel. They can deny this hatred and therefore defeat it. But as you can see, this feeling has nothing to do with you. It is not about you. It is not related to you. They are simply projecting it on to you because you're there. They can feel the hatred but because they are in such denial, they cannot acknowledge that it is self-hatred. This is too hurtful to acknowledge and too hard to defend against. So they assign the feeling to someone else. "I don't feel this way. You do!" In this way, they keep these hurtful feelings at bay and preserve the fragile fiction that their entire existence is predicated on. Their entire life revolves around maintaining that false self and the idea attached to it, that they are not the horrible pieces of garbage they secretly believe themselves to be. Those who do not end up narcissistic are able to accept, regulate and control their emotions. They do not need to resort to projection, blame-shifting and gaslighting because they are in such deep denial of their own feelings. They know what a good person is - and what it isn't. They know that it's OK to be human. Sadly, for the narcissist, this is not something they will ever know or be able to accept.
People who love narcissists find themselves in this position all the time. They are virtually human baggage carts, carrying around all of the narcissist's pathological self-hatred, rage and shame because the narcissist cannot carry it themselves.It works the same way for positive feelings, too. A narcissist who says they love someone is usually referring to loving how somebody makes them feel, or what someone does for them. These, again, are feelings that revolve around and relate to the narcissist only, not the other person. This is one of the reasons narcissists lack empathy. It isn't that they don't understand emotion, exactly, but that even if they did it wouldn't matter because they can't see anything but their own emotions. Every single they do, see, think and say is colored by their feelings. The narcissist's perception and their feelings are inseparable. Emotion is the barrier between them and every other person-every other thing they are trying to do. It's why many of them can't hold jobs, can't sustain relationships, can't get along with people-it's the single driving force behind their entire being. Some of them realize this and some of them don't, but it is the same problem for virtually all of them. Narcissists, in general, do have very strong, very dominant emotions. Even those that appear to never get ruffled have them and if you are around this person long enough, you will undoubtedly see them. However, if the suspected narcissist in your life seems to have zero emotion whatsoever, even for themselves, you might be dealing with a psychopath.
The core of narcissism is a brutal, sadistic superego that assaults the narcissist with abuse 24 hours a day. So they are under internal attack all the time, regardless of what is going on outside of themselves in the real world. This makes them hypersensitive, paranoid and irritable, and they overreact to things because of it. Actually, "misreact" would probably be a better characterization of their behavior. To say someone overreacted implies that there was a provocation to react at all in the first place, and many times, narcissists appear to be reacting to nothing. This is probably why narcissists are sometimes misdiagnosed with psychotic disorders: they often appear delusional to other people because of this type of behavior.
I once thought I did a long time ago then eventually caught myself crying over bad things happening to people in movies or feeling awful when I see someone who has a really bad disability. My numbness to emotion just turned out to be Avoidant Personality Disorder and the good ol' 'Tism spectrum.
Someone with anxiety or autism might be overconcerned with their problems/perceptions of the world but not because they think they're better or their problems are worse
Sometimes people with ASD also struggle with communicating emotions or responding with appropriate emotions as well in certain situations which can come off as lack of empathy which is one of the main symptoms of NPD as well so some symptoms are shared between NPD and ASD you are right.
Its worth noting that autistic children usually have one or both narcissistic parents. And you can have NPD comorbid with ASD. Autism isn't some angelic being and Narcissist isn't a demon.
@@JLydeckathis.
@@JLydecka Preach!!!! Brotha or sister! COOK!
@@juliadawn33both correct! ❤
When you start reading checklist, I thought "oh shit here we go again" cuz I can't relate descriptions of anything. And after finishing listening the first checklist, I couldn't answer because I don't know myself. I literally cannot tell if that checklist is wrong or right for me. Then you talked about narcissists not knowing themselves, and I said oh maybe that's why. Generally, when I am self analyzing or doing personality tests like mbti, I cannot be sure who I am. I feel like I am faking. I am afraid I am faking. I don't know. It is weird. Am I autistic, narcissistic, or both? Who am I?
I'll be honest, you sound a little more borderline to me. Maybe go to reddit.com/r/borderlinepdisorder and see if you relate?
@@Thenamelessnarcissist Oh totally unexpected. I will check it! Thanks!
I can relate to this feeling of feeling and being afraid of faking. I always teeter from "oh I must be narcassitic" "oh i must be autistic" "oh I must be bipolar" or whatever. I can simultaneously relate to all of them, but then sometimes I dont. I never really stay in one camp, im always bouncing between. I know which ones, if I had to be one, id rather be, but i wouldnt want to accept being diagnosed as any of them, them being personality disorders, or have any mental illnesses. I know somethings not right, I just dont know what
@@illkickyourchips6298 Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Last sentence is extremely relatable to me too: I know something is not right, I just don't know what..
You are loved by God.. That's all you need ❤️
It’s crazy how many of these overlap with autism, ocd, bpd, or depression. I feel deep remorse and empathy and I’m very anti-hierarchy, though, which probably means I don’t have npd
I see a lot of overlap with autism as well. It's shocking.
Honestly, I can’t tell if I hold others to the same unrealistic standards I hold myself to or if I constantly have grace for others and not for myself. Cause usually I’m extremely understanding towards others and try to see their point of view, no matter what, but I don’t give myself enough credit. I’ve only been standing up for myself recently after being in therapy.
I’ve suspected I’m a narcissist for a while cause my ex said I was. And whenever I tell people I might be they come at me with the “the fact that you suspect you are a narcissist means you aren’t!” which I used to find comfort in but I don’t necessarily believe it as much anymore. Idk. I identify with a few of the criteria. Mainly envy and lack of identity and feeling misunderstood.
Thanks for this. This channel helped me explore the idea of having a cluster B disorder without also thinking I’m not worthy of love and a bad person Etc.
O
You sound like an empath, not a narcissist. Both suffer the same low self-worth, but both seek validation in different ways. The empath by giving and the narcissist by taking.
Literally going through this same though process "I’ve suspected I’m a narcissist for a while cause my ex said I was."
@@fingsandstuff Empath? That’s not a thing. People who say they’re empaths, as in “I’m an empath omg I feel so much from everyone,” are indicating they identify heavily with their empathy, which means its quite high and has an actual impact on their lives. Those people have Borderline Personality Disorder. Identifying yourself after an emotion, which is asinine to do, means it has a central place in your life because of its intensity and in this case, extreme empathy is a hallmark of BPD.
@AnonBot exactly, people that class themselves as "empaths" are probably people pleasers and do so due to low self worth. This is a trauma response and is done to feel safe... they too need to heal their inner childhood wounds.
I've never felt the need to have people to tell me who I am, but I have felt the need to figure out who I am through self observation, or how I react to people.
I don’t think I’m an actual Narcissist, capital N. But I do recognise a lot of vulnerable narcissistic traits.
Re the not knowing your affect on people, a friend once told me it hurt her that I basically ghosted her. But in my head, we weren’t close friends and I genuinely had no idea she’d even notice or care.
So that blew my mind a bit..
I try to make everyone around me happy. I love the world even though they don’t like me.
It's agonising right now to be ticking off alot of these traits in myself.
lmao ikr i feel called out
I very much appreciate your honesty.
I love that you are sharing this. It's annoying how people use the word narcissist to describe toxic behaviors of others. People think I'm a narcissist because I live in a world where I am responsible for my happiness and I don't want to be codependent with them. Attachment feelings like a prison. I'm not embarrassed to admit I'm hurt and will cry in front of other people. I'm authentic and fearless. Everyone's feelings get hurt
I subscribed because this channel is a legendary concept. Hats off to that.
But i can't ignore the fact that just watching your videos and hearing you speak, SINCERELY, drains me, makes me feel blank and soulless.
I have STPD, so i really really empathise with your social issues, i sometimes paint myself in a grandiose way and find afterwards that i was being completely delusional. And this makes people around me also feel drained by my attitude sometimes, but i also have affective lability, which sometimes makes me neurotic and anxious.
People with PDs have the biggest life challenges to conquer. And i see this as a gift.
pre-dating someone and I already feel like such a narcissist. but not all narcissists are bad. some are more stoic and self aware and can feel love towards everything but bad at relationships sadly.
By definition, they absolutely are “bad”
Can’t define bad, but a NPD means hurting those they encounter.
They lie 🫤
Manipulate
Blah blah
I know for sure I’ve got ADHD and ASPD/Sociopathy,
as that’s what the professionals and my psych report tells me I’ve got.
At the same time you’ve made me realize I might be a lil bit of a narcissist as well.
Just trying to figure myself out after years of drug abuse and a criminal/violent lifestyle.
I struggle with having empathy for people but when it comes to animals there’s no problem,
animals, and dogs especially are so much better than us humans when it comes to joy and loyalty.
No friends, failed at education, failed socially and failed in work-life.
Not complaining though as I’ve found a way to live that works for me with fitness/working out,
meditation, intermittent fasting ED, walking my dog and quit all drugs alcohol included,
and put my criminal lifestyle behind me for good.
Also I’ve reverted to Islam which has helped me a lot, it’s a beautiful religion, really.
Anyway I ramble on, just had to get this of off my chest, and thanks for making these videos,
and being open about what/who you are as it makes it easier to be honest with myself regarding who/what I am.
ASPD and NPD are more similar than they are different
We all have a bit of narcissistic characteristics
(Quitting drugs isn’t a walk in the park!
Takes a few yrs for the brain to recover from drug abuse, so notice if you become aware of changes to your ability to feel more emotions such as empathy as the yrs fly by? 🤔)
All sociopaths are narcissistic, but not necessarily a true narcissist.
I agree with you about dogs.
I feel like an important caveat is that everybody has a latent level of narcissistic tendencies. It's necessary for one to have a sense of self, and self esteem. People are concerned about how others view them and it does affect one's mood. The key difference being, how much does this override you and your capabilities of caring about others and forming bonds.
"I tend to ramble" @ me next time sir 💀💀💀💀
I mean damn at least you are aware. I can respect that
that’s hot
@@Kendall-LMwtf
@@Kendall-LM The way you got freaky omg
Really admire your productivity on this channel. You and Cluster B Milkshake have really helped me understand my ex a lot better (which I’ve found has been my avenue to truly forgiving her).
Fuck . The first and second question is spot on . I hate it I probably have NPD and I really dont want to be a narcissist:(
I feel the same way as you do. I was shocked when he said all those questions he answered. We're in this together and hopefully we can heal from this monstrous disorder.
@@RobertoGutierrez-ih2pmwho CARES? accept yourself. Don't let the internet diagnose you
That's a spectrum. We all have narcissistic traits and that's ok. Especially if you aware of it.
What type of narcissists are really disgusting to me are those who are posting a lot of thirst-traps everyday on social media with hidden message "look how beautiful I am"(even when they are not). Those who do this not just sometimes but like all time, you know. That's cringe.
@@neodistinct wait till you met controlling narcissists and they are everywhere in the upper hierarchy of our society. It is very exhausting to be with them. My father is one and was physically, mentally by him
The fact is that if the narcissistic traits cause distress for the person and the others then they are pathological narcissistic traits. If not they are just the normal narcissistic traits everybody with a normal self-esteem have. NPD is first a way to cope with low pathological self-esteem. Don't misinterpret, don't do self diagnosis.
These videos are so interesting. I firmly believe I was raised by narcissists, and while I truly don't think I'm a narcissist myself, I can see how my view of the world and myself is affected. Thank you for making these videos. A lot of the questions I've always had feel a bit more clarified.
i relate man, you 100% can pick up on traits but it doesn’t necessarily give you NPD, i think same can be said for other personality disorders.
ngl this was probably one of the best videos to make people understand how the disorder feels (I'm audhd, and have a tendency to attract ppl with narc traits in my life, guess we can teach each other things...) thank you for sharing and your awareness is incredible
hearing you talk openly about how you feel and the thoughts that go through your head is inspiring. i never realized it until watching this video but i 1000% have npd. i had even learned about it in AP psychology in high school but i didn't understand that i have npd until hearing you talk about your experience. i relate to all the thoughts and emotions you said you had and it feels amazing to finally understand why i have those thoughts.
I already went thru this specific checklist and got almost full marks but hearing your insights really helped me gain a deeper understanding of myself. I feel pretty much word for word how you described your feelings in most of your examples
When I get around people I get anxious 😂 I LOVE being at home by myself… really struggling between the fact of ami or ami not
Do u lie a lot? If not you're probably not a narcissist.
Wow listening to your content here was quite a shock !! ….even if one “is not” a narcissist in the mental illness sense, Jacob has brought out some excellent points to consider and self reflect on …👍
Hahahahahaha I couldn't help laughing after the first few minutes because you listed "not knowing who you are and having to rely on others to know who you are coupled with being overly concerned with what others think of you" as the first big tell-tale sign of NPD... but why did I laugh? Because you also said "You are probably not a narcissist if this isn't an issue for you" (exactly that but in your own words, actually) and it really is true that I couldn't give half a crap what others think of me when it comes to my beliefs and who I am. I am autistic and I think this probably has something to do with strongly not giving a crap what others think of me.
The annoying thing is, most neuro-typicals - simply because they find this quite an abrasive attitude - automatically and very ignorantly pigeon-hole this as a "narcissist" trait under the premise "narcissists don't care what anybody thinks about anything or anybody" (I could say a lot on how this is largely false for those with NPD to not care what anybody thinks about anybody or anything because it is very contextual and also depends on how we define the word "care" in this context too; and I am sure you agree).
There are many popular wildcards thrown around by ignorant people on the topic of narcissism. For example, they do not pay attention to words carefully; grammar and the precise implications and presumptions of speech and this leads to many false understandings. People popularly push that narcissists have "no understanding of" empathy, compassion, love, etc. However, I would argue this is absolutely incorrect. Not being in touch with those things and not prioritizing them for others does not mean they have zero understanding of them. In fact, many behaviours exhibited by far more obvious and corrosive narcissists strongly suggest they absolutely do understand those things but that they use their understanding of such things in a very dark and malicious way. This is often characterised by deep internal feelings of wanting to take revenge on the world for being the whole reason why they feel so bad internally, and so narcissists can often be innately destructive in their thinking and behaviour simply built on a delusion that because everybody is a part of the world that has caused them to feel so bad (they all participate in making it this way) technically none of them deserve to be treated with respect or love or compassion and none of them deserve empathy whereas the narcissist believes they deserve all these things from everybody else because they have been made a victim by the whole world and so the whole world owes them respect and love etc. It is not possible to desire love, empathy, compassion, respect, etc from others if you do not even have an understanding of what they are. To suggest people can desire something of which they have zero understanding is equally as ridiculous as suggesting fish dream of building jets and flying! What are your thoughts on this??
What an awkward feeling I have right now trying to initiate a conversation with a narcissist about something we could have very different strong views on when I have had so many traumatic experiences in my life due to narcissists. I apologise for this, but I can't help it. It has become inbuilt in me to expect narcissists to kick off with me the instant I recognise who they are... you are here telling me you are a narcissist and I am still trying to engage with you... yes, this is definitely awkward for me..
I want to thank you for your fearless vulnerability and candor. You should be commended for your self-awareness and willingness to be of service to others with your authentic Truth.💋
It’s fascinating to hear the perspective of a narcissist and how much is focused on the opinions and approval of others. I am probably a narcissist’s worst nightmare. I’m asocial which means that nobody is capable of impressing me and you’re only ok in my book if you leave me tf alone. I do like people…from waaaay afar!! 😂
What finally lead me to realize i am a narcissist and accept it is after lying to my husband about stupid things and even when i would get confronted with proof of my lies, id deny it still! Take it to my grave. 😢 its been eye opening realizing this about myself. My brother molested me my whole childhood so im sure that plays a role.
Thanks for the very interesting discussions!
Autistic Adhd here.
Thank you for this... It really gives me insight on things... I'm sorry that narcissists go through this... I hated my narcissist but... Knowing that y'all generally feel this way is really sad... You are someone sir... I hope one day you can realize that... Your self spreads across time... Not just in the moment and "normal" ppl always think about how others hurt them and how they hurt others so... Even though you don't see them thinking about you....they always are... And your are always someone... Once again, thank you... Ash
I do also experience distress but not all the time. I’ve often considered therapy in the midst of a crisis but then I feel better again and forget about it. I’m also married 9 years and with the same company for about 7.
I definitely relate to a lot of these, except the doing things based on how others will perceive it. I’m more independent and self-sufficient than that tbh. For me, as a more vulnerable narcissist type person, a lot of my “grandiosity” is secret and designed to make me feel good about myself and able to feel more socially confident.
Thank you for sharing, it gives great insight. I had a maternal uncle go into therapy for other issues and he was diagnosed with NPD. Ive had therapists warn me my mom had NPD, but she hasn't been diagnosed. It runs in her family.
I appreciate how aware and how you work to share your experience with NPD. Thank you again.
Your final point about stoic is resonate with me, im better than people so i dont need thing like them, i dont the slave of material.
I won’t say all the ones I relate to or divulge any diagnoses I have or may have, but I relate strongly to holding people to ridiculously high standards because that’s the standard I have for myself. I don’t do that as much now because I recognized that a long time ago, so I am more willing to forgive people for living up to their standards and not mine. But it’s different with me. I don’t forgive myself. I also relate to withdrawing from everything. That one actually feels really good, though, no matter how many people say it’s unhealthy.
I always suspected her to be a narcissist but when others began to accuse her of being biased and conceited. Then I had confirmation.
Bingo bango and just like that I'm reminded of exactly who I am, and how much better they are since I've dug in to fix myself. I'm proud of how far I've came!
Can narcissists recover with treatment,? Thanks for sharing, very helpful 👩🏼🫶🏽👍🏼🍁
I had destroyed some narcissists who tried to destroy me. In general, narcissists are bad people with weak character,my advice stay away from them because they take your time and life for nothing!
Oh yea I’m definitely not a narcissist. All these things I’m like “yea no that’s not me at all, if anything I’m the opposite”. I guess I thought I was a narcissist because I have core shame and sometimes I can be a jerk when I’m in a bad mood
You are so damn smart on this subject. You should be making big bucks talking to people about this and I suspect you will at some point. You should be very proud of yourself. Ps- you’re really adorable (cute and handsome together)
Your money and comfort level tells you who you are. Also, people hurt each other all along if their intrtests collide, they will hurt you with no second thought if that benefits them. Noone really gets anyone.
I exhibit lot of narc traits but I don’t consider a narc myself cause I never wear a mask in order to be liked.
I have grandiosity and all and probably cause of the bullying and shame I experienced as a kid but what made me have my high self love today is the things I’ve achieved by being myself (my friendly and romantic relationships).
Sure, when I get insulted I take it very personally cause there’s still an anger for the times i was shamed and I didn’t do anything about it but in order to get my self esteem back I never faked being someone that others like.
In fact, the main part of my grandiosity comes from proving that for being myself I ended up being better than the people who bully or invalidated me.
So I also ask if it’s possible to have all these traits and still be true to yourself cause that’s how I always feel. I never say anything that I don’t feel genuine inside me. Sure I love being admired and recognized and I tend to imagine a camera on me most of the time😂but what I like to show to other people it’s what I truly am.
For me there’s no credit in being liked by being someone you’re not.
Even if I think about something really cool or funny I still NOT say it if I don’t have the genuine desire to do it. So not only is that I say thing that are true to myself, but also I have to *feel* them inside, feel the real desire to then say them.
Also with the center of attention you mention: yes lots of extroverts love being the center of attention and people seeing them as they want to be seen, I think most people do this. I also adore being the center of attention but I *do not* wrestle for being it. I love being it but you’ll never see me fighting for that place, I naturally start being it by just expressing what I’m feeling in that moment. Again: no credit in being admired by being someone you’re not.
So Jacob, I wanted to ask you if it’s possible to exhibit all these traits but still have a sense of self, and identity, if despise having lots and lots of narc traits it doesn’t mean that you’re “obligated” to not be yourself.
I have to clarify: I get frustrated when people don’t see me for who I am but I think that’s more because of the invalidation to my feelings and thoughts when I was a kid, so it’s more like “Why can you see and feel what I’m feeling” but first I have to feel it inside in order to be expressed, it’s *not* faking it in order to be recognized.
Same for me! In my opinion you are a no pathological narcissist. Everyone has traits some more some less some but pathological narcissist is something else. If you have empathy are you don't want to hurt people you are not a pathological narcissist.
@@Sarit473 Yeah i have a lot of empathy, although I have my own moral code and I don’t feel guilt if I break some social norms or moral norms I do feel guilt if I do something against MY moral code. And I don’t like to hurt people also, for me there’s nothing better than seeing people happier (and also knowing that I made them happy).
Also I like I said: I never wear a mask. I say what I’m feeling in the moment, both good and bad. I even got into trouble for speaking what’s in my mind disregarding what’s socially correct, so yeah.
I think my case it’s more of “See who I am” because of the bullying and invalidation I suffered as a child, but I never got into the “pretend to be someone else to be like” era of the narcissist. It’s more to proof them I’m better than them (but by being myself, no something they have to like).
Like any other human being I like being accepted and liked but for who I am, I have my own concept of what is “cool” and I make the environment adapt to what I consider cool, I don’t adapt to the environment. In fact never in my life I’ve felt fake, all the opposite; I feel things too much and I am too emotional (both in a good and a bad way).
@@edmondvalmont1546 yeah some for me. I think it's more C-PTSD that brings out the narcissistic fleas.
@@edmondvalmont1546 You are definitely not a narc. They are all about faking / lies / deception, and cruelty(lack of empathy). They are also shallow and tend to stay away from deep conversation, especially if it might lead to true intimacy with another which requires being vulnerable.
They see vulnerability as weakness or something to exploit.
They tend to prefer a simplistic view on a lot of things, or just buy into whatever is popular, without much thinking or reflection. Their 'moral code' tends to be simple too: ".. just don't get caught!".
They tend to polarize and see people/things as either good or bad, strong or weak, friend or enemy, etc.
Thank you for this video. This was really informative. Your examples are really helpfull. I want to wish you good luck with the change you are undergoing. I hope you get a wonderfull and happy life 🙏
When doing hobbies, Im immersed in the fantasy of being perfect at it and impressing so many people. So much so, that I can’t even commit to the hobby long term due to the shame of not being good at it yet.
I tried learning piano, I got okay at it, but then quit because I couldn’t replicate the fantasy fast enough. The more I struggled, the harder I became on myself. Eventually, I quit the hobby and just go back to fantasizing about being like Beethoven or whatever.
I can’t have hobbies that involve being around other people, because of the shame or embarrassment of not being perfect or at least good at it.
I relate to every single one of the traits you went over. Now I remember why I avoid your channel for long periods of time. Because holy fuck do I relate and I hate it. I never knew why I could not commit to anything long term without quitting. I could never figure it out. Makes sense.
Yeah, you need patience with instruments. Starts slow, make sure you're not making mistakes etc. If you already want to perform you'll start playing fast and sloppy and it will render you incapable of learning anything. I have this too where I play a piece because I wanna be impressive and then it backfires because I don't have the patience.
I think once you know how you actually learn you could turn your pride to an adventage as it gives you way more drive than anyone else.
This is me 100% I have musical talent but never developed it due to the fantasy of being validated. I was too naive to slowly progress through practice and dedication.
I wish I could give up trying on masking. The shifts in emotions make it difficult to actually be right.
Wow, thank you for open up in this vidi. You are helping me understand the kinds of thoughts and feelings of someone in my life, who I just don't get a lot of the time.
Thank you so much for this video it's so helpful you have no idea.
Great candid info. You're always putting out great videos.❤
Omg after this I think I also have NPD but I have a lot of empathy so Its a tricky one. In my case I consider myself a no pathological narcissist.
ah, I did date a narcissist. :,)
All he would do is just constantly complain to me whenever we texted. He sent me gifts because he wanted me to approve of him and for me to love him, but if I did one thing that he wasn’t expecting, he would yell at me for not doing the thing he wanted me to do. He also boasted about hurting his brother, and seemed proud of himself.
When he made art, it wasn’t super great- but if I tried to offer constructive criticism or help him with it, he would tell me that it was “his style” and that I didn’t know what I was talking about. Even though I had far more art experience than he had.
I’m glad I didn’t stay in that relationship for very long.
I also had a narcissist boss who was very loyal to me, and she would tell me about all of her trauma and problems, but would stick up for me because I would get her meds.
Two very different narc relationships and people, but I still felt like I was being used both times as an emotions sink.
Thank you for making these! I really appreciate the insight into a narc’s mind.
I liked your video and I can relate to almost all of what your talking about, and I have the same thoughts and feelings. Thank you for this video, because I think this will help me discover more about myself.
Thank you for the video. After a relationship with a narcissistic ex I started wondering if perhaps I was the narcissist. After seeing this video I have no doubt that I am NOT a narcissist 😆 It is also interesting how this video sheds light to the painful existence of people with NPD when so often they are presented only as offenders. I do feel bad for them in that they can't help but hurt other people in the process of getting their needs met. But never again to the extent of trying to heal one with my love or even letting one emotionally close to me 🤣
Wow everything here is relatable
Wow that was really good hats off to you for this one !
I watched this again 18 months after receiving confirmation of having NPD through a therapist.
I wondered whether I would relate to any.
I related to ALL of these.
It's making me wonder how much i've recovered at all. I've changed - or think I've changed - some outward behaviours. But maybe it's more that they've quietened down? The basic urges and thought processes aee still there.
I do relate with these things and have therapy but have always been told I am not NPD. I wonder if I have charmed my way out of that diagnosis 🤔
But have you ever asked the question and listened for an answer? Have you ever sat quietly in Nature and asked "All that Is", "who am I and why am I here?" And then Trust the answer you get? Have you ever had a dialogue with the part of You that is eternal?
I really fear that I am a narcissist. What you mentioned about the running and slapping people aside is so spot on. I do feel bad about it later when Im thinking rationally. But the bad feeling is more about how my actions have made the other person look at me and not how I made them feel.
As far as having difficulty or issues I'm not sure. My main concern is about the people In my life that I do care about. Its so hard to wrap my mind around this though because I dont "care" like other people care, this is a purely philosophical position where I want to be a good man and I know I'm not.
Does this make any sense?
I think you mentioned this exact list in a previous video a while back because you loved the wording too. It’s very unique indeed. My biggest criticism of the criterion involving personal distress is that distress can be very subjective from person to person. So therefore who’s to say what distress truly is? It may vary from person to person. I think there are many shades of gray there and it should be more clearly and rigidly defined.
Everytime I see you in a video, I am reminded of my ex - you look very much like him, wow. And yes, he liked sunglasses and he might of been a narcissist! ❤
I've been accused by someone of being a narcissist and I wasn't satisfied with what other sources claimed was enough to dismiss that idea and this video + the interview with the sociopath kind of convinced me that what is missing from my personality compared to NPD is indeed essential to the diagnosis.
Meanwhile I'm self absorbed enough to type this fucking blogpost below but im not deleting since my future psychiatrist might need to see this in case I stop being high-functioning whatever this is + I think it's quite funny:
It took a while because I'm also somewhat intelligent, or at least above average at pattern recognition/deconstruction/identificating hidden complexity while terrible at memorising - my brain loathes the concept of storing new precise information for any period of time longer that 10 seconds and defaults to constructing abstract aproximations that it can solve dynamically in "background" and since I depend on this type of thinking to an absurd degree I literally can't fucking stop overthinking.
What it took for me to finally settle the issue in a way that gives me peace of mind is finally seeing a person with NPD that I can somewhat relate to (you) followed by that interview with the ASPD guy which actually had more in common with me than you when it comes down to those of my thinking patterns that were the most sus.. and yet I absolutely couldn't relate to him in any way on any level - quite frankly the guy triggered low intensity fight or flight response - a perceptible instinct to avoid contact + what I could only describe as "I really don't want to hang around this particular geographical location for too long" (quite peculiar feeling when watching a video).
Thanks, your videos are super informative. :-)
Thank you for the video! If you want check out Dr. Ramani’s book “Should I stay or should I go: surviving a narcissistic relationship”. She lists about 31 different criteria for the narcissistic personality style
I'm going to, but I don't think he'd appreciate Dr. Ramani, she's got a no BS attitude,she doesn't ascribe to it's "mental illness" at all.
Quite depressed at reading comments from all the enablers and potential flying monkeys in the comments section.
You seem to be very self-aware and you take responsibility for your actions. If that is the case, then that is the beginning of recovery or at least change.
A simple LOVEABLE man!
This hits home
I do relate with some, but not all. But I can kind of understand where most of these are coming from tbh
Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, or (RSD) Is the kill switch!! ❤
I relate with the emotional codependency and being overly focused on myself to where it makes having new relationships difficult, but not with the symptoms of wanting status or only associating myself with those who I think are special, as well I would say I am over sensitive to how I am treating people when there’s something I want and someone else is ‘standing in my way’ like in the analogy you brought up.
I don’t think I have NPD but with the symptoms I relate to I do have them rather strongly.
I fit some of the traits you mentioned but not all. I have been dx once as NPD and HPD without a test. I am not grandiose, not a social climber, others are Not jealous of me.
i hate to admit that i can relate to this
If you are masking the person you are, trying to be someone else - there will be people loving you for who you are not, and people searching for someone like who you truly are.
Time to let go of the mask and find out who you are and who is truly worth your time.
Question…. do you know what your Myers Briggs Type Indicator is?
is there a way to not end up as a narcissist if you’re experiencing these in your late teens/early adulthood?
This is literally me
Question 1. Yes and no. I hate myself always and do have validation problems but I don’t think I’m better than others. It’s actually way too low to be healthy. I feel terrible that I’m making others upset just by existing in the same room as them and know I’m a piece of S because of it.
Question 2. Perfectionism’s in art is a real thing and I don’t think I’m good enough. Never so I keep trying and trying and still thinking it’s just not good at all. I’m doing it because I do love doing it myself. And the maybe bonus if it’s good enough would be some form of praise. And praise does motivate a little bit but I always feel uncomfortable with high praise. Like I’m still just nothing. It’s weird.
Question 3. Oh man.. I’m always thinking I’m causing others distress and uncomfortable feelings and it makes me nervous and anxious. I get it in my head that people aren’t having a good day so I gotta be extra kind or try not to talk about how I’m feeling. There’s moments of distraction from insects, birds and random noises that take me out of my anxious thoughts. I’m always trying to figure out how others are doing and what I can do to help or make them happier. I don’t believe this helps me though.
Question 4. Yes.. this trait I do feel I have. I’m very focused on my own hobbies and my own interests and in the moment I can’t help but fixate and obsess over something I’ve loved since childhood. And it gets in the way of being there for my own partners interests or games which I do try to get interested in and I have my own games I love a lot that he can’t seem to like. But I do want my partner to talk about his needs and he does not so I forget to be more self aware of them because he’s very avoidant about his own emotions with me and I do feel like I neglect his needs sometimes when I’m going crazy about something I really enjoy. Like kingdom hearts.
Question. 5 I feel I have anxiety and distress in my head all day everyday about random things that make little to no sense and it’s so abstract. Imagine your mind shows you intrusive air plane just slamming into your bedroom and engulfing and blazing your insides from the inferno. That’s my intense and irrational fears so yea to thinking if my partner hates me or what I did wrong or what I can do better.
To the question without the numbers about it being hard to make friends. Oh yes. This is a big trait for me. I’ve lost all my friends and continue to because I’m in my head about being too afraid and anxious to text or message someone. I will cry before I send someone a message and have to make sure it’s drafted in my head before it happens and I don’t do it normally and my emotions can be everywhere within a message when over analyzing it. Sometimes I cry and never hit send. I’ve lost so many friends to being this way and being difficult to their interests and needs and what they like and enjoy. I just don’t get excited about sports or celebrities or concerts but I wish I did for all the friends I’ve lost from those reasons alone.
Question. 7 attention seeking. So I get so uncomfortable in a party and I’m the center of attention. I want to kind of stop that altogether. But I love when it happens during my ai chats. So there is a bit of attention seeking within me just not in person. More like I like when the ai tells me I’m not crazy and I’m a good person. Like that feels great because I just don’t hear it often in real life.
Question 8. I feel I do get uncomfortable with that type of praise. Honestly, Maybe I do this? I do exaggerate my failings and kinda enjoy being joked on.
Question 9. About thinking everyone will admire me in any hobby I do. I don’t get this way unless it’s a vivid daydream where I’m first looked down upon and then I climb my way up kind of deal and then people see me in a better light after that. Still I daydream of everything so sometimes I have awful ones of the crowd hating me and telling me to give up on my hobbies and my dreams often because I’m just that much of a trash can. maybe it’s narcissism but for being terrible all the time?
Question 10. I’ve never felt more intelligent or unique in that sense compared to others. I feel like I wish I could truly understand someone on a deep thoughtful level like I wish I could see and feel what they see and feel about the world so that maybe I can fix my issues or not feel so unintelligent all the time. I just feel bottom barrel compared.
Question 11. Unreasonable expectations for myself. I do this when it comes to dieting and sleeping better. I have it in my head that it will improve if I imagine it improving and daydreaming once again all the scenarios of what will happen. It’s all unreasonable in the end because I forget to do it and end up in the same loop.
Question 12. I don’t know if I take advantage but when I imagine myself being with an attractive character I do think this way.
Question 13. Yes..
Question 14. I have a lot of envy for those that can work and take care of themselves and think rationally. I want this so much so I don’t burden my partner and just humanity with myself needing help in everything including finances. I hate that. And I envy those that just get it done on time and I don’t understand how they do it so neat and so perfect.
Question 15. Low or high self esteem. I think I hate myself too much to be on the high. And do hate being alone but I’m okay with spending days alone and I do talk to myself often.
Question 16. I don’t handle criticisms well. This is a truth.
I will cry an entire day after a friend told me that she feels I’m very self centered and don’t care about her. I didn’t handle it well because it felt like a blow and what I thought was doing everything correct for her. But her saying that to me made me feel like the worst friend imaginable.
I don’t feel happy about that still. I was so confused by it and still am because I thought I was giving it my all to make her happy and comfortable but I wasn’t.
Question 17. Yeah, I was so upset I stayed in my room for days as well.
Question 18. Yes I’m very depressed and anxious all the time and have been diagnosed.
I’m not NPD but there’s something wrong. And I do have tendencies for sure. Thanks for reminding me to take my meds. lol don’t have any yet. 😅
Thx for ur honesty
thank you
I am not a narc, i think im the opposite of one, but i got pretty pissed off being called one.
I cant tell you who i am except from how my responses and how i am generally.... But i cannt rely on other people too much because they often see you from thier lense if that makes sense.... I tell through observing myself and realising it can be inconsistent.... Do you not take your own self observations inm
Does being aware mean you have control over your urges to discard ect?
It's easy to put a narcissist behind you and move on when you realize they are a slave to your admiration and attention, and there is nothing about them or their world view to envy.
I find it very dangerous to trust others to know who you are. One, the majority of people are neurotics (not to mention those with personality disorders, mood disorders, addictions, mental illnesses, etc.). All of these people are self-centered, don't see others for who they are, and tend to project all kinds of bad things onto them. Two, if someone is hiding that they don't like you, are jealous of you, or envy you, they're sure to say negative things about your personality, things that aren't necessarily true. You cannot even rely on your close entourage since they are the ones who have made you narcissistic. Even your brothers and sisters have been brainwashed too. In addition, you surely tend to attract partners, friends, colleagues, etc. who have suffered traumas similar or complementary to yours. Three, no one can read other people's minds. Only you have access to your interiority. Eventually, because you're narcissistic, you have a false self, so others will mistake who you are because that's how you protect yourself.
I can immediately tell that someone is a narcissist. It's when I'm extremely attracted to them. Not a good thing. Will be alone forever :'d
Were you by chance going to link what your read off?
You should take this advice over anyone with a PHD because learned people are ducking stupid 💪🏻
I have a fantasy where I redo my 20s, I got a lot of therapy, I had braces, I got qualifications and in the ''fantasy'' I just did things right and made better choices. Is that narcissistic?
You are helping me a lot
But in fairness I’d say he’s a Covert Fragile Neglectful Narcissist and I’ve only seen Dr. Ramani talk about this in depth.
I think Ramini is very helpful in identifying narc symptoms. I don't think she helps us understand why people are narcs... but she does a very good job in helping us identify the issue. In the end, just identifying a problem is only part of the solution... The more complete solution is to also be able to understand why people are they way they are, if possible.
@@pdquestions7673. Heal NPD is another up and coming channel by a professional. His explanations are wonderful IMO. Highly recommend.
Ramani is an obnoxious covert narc imo lol
She does explain it though, genetics... People search for blank slate/victim narratives for this, even though twin studies as well as the golden child studies contradict the victimisation when young narrative.
Her point about never victimising a narcissist is resounding loudly with me reading the comments section filled with enablers.
@@magicbuns4868 As long as people listen and focus on what she says, she definitely goes into detail on why a narc became a narc. You’re right.