Q&A - Not feeling in love, ROCD & Vacation, Exposure with LDR & More...

Every month, Kiyomi hosts an on-the-spot Q&A for community members in the ROCD/RA course community.
Get your questions answered by joining us at rocdcourse.com in the community (All questions and answers here are CONFIDENTIAL and members remain anonymous)
1:14 - How do I trust the ebb and flow and trust the not "in love" feelings?
3:30 - What to do with ROCD during vacation?
6:30 - What if im in denial with HOCD?
8:10 - How to do exposure work with ERP in a LDR? Am I doing it right?
9:45: What's the difference between a compulsion and urgency of life?
11:45: How to work with disgust? I am not feeling turned on during sex
14:30 - What if I’m not truly in love with my partner and im wasting my time?
16:55- How to implement practices instead of constantly educating yourself?
19:15 - How to maintain a state of tranquility when ROCD comes back?
& more...
Disclaimer: As always, we are NEVER talking about abusive relationships and/or narcissistic relationships - we are speaking for people in secure relationships and couples who are willing to grow out of dysfunctional patterns
#herestobeinghuman, #yana
» ROCD/RA ACADEMY & COMMUNITY: rocdcourse.com/
» ITUNES PODCAST: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast​...
» SPOTIFY PODCAST: open.spotify.com/show/6BrSot3​...
» WEBSITE: AWAKENINTOLOVE.COM
» INSTAGRAM: / withawakeni. .
» PARTNERS OF ROCD MASTERCLASS: rocdcourse.com/partnersofrocd...
» ROCD FREE CHECKLIST: rocdcourse.com/the-checklist​
Disclaimer: All of the information listed in this channel is for informative, motivational, and educational purposes only. Please note that this channel is not meant to diagnose you or treat a mental health disorder but serves only as education and motivation.
#ROCD, #Relationshipocd, #Relationshipanxiety, #OCD

[@emmapulou6706]

Reading these comments makes me feel so much better and so seen

[@Awakenintolove]

Please know that we see you, we hear you, and know that you are not alone love. xo -AIL Team

[@Aliciaamorgana]

You look so much like a friend I have half chinese half french yet you're not at all that's the most triggering thing I had seen at first lol. very good content you're making🙏❤️

[@amystratton4144]

I would love you to do one entirely on traveling and vacation. I really had a grasp on ROCD until we decided to fly home to meet my parents and since then I’ve been a total self-sabotaging wreck.

[@Awakenintolove]

we so understand and yana love. Also, thank you so much for the topic suggestion. We will note it for future videos of Kiyomi. -AIL Team

[@marycerda958]

I have a question. My last relationship was 2 years ago and half way through that relationship I had sessions with Alexis and turns out I had Rocd. Now im dating someone else but I refuse to put a label on it because there’s a major issue: im 4years older which is not a bad age gap but the ages that we are in right now are not correct. At first we both thought we were different ages from our actual and we were both attracted to each other. We hit it off right from the start and even when I knew him for only 3 months it has felts like over a year. From the beginning when we met we were already like flirting and having a thing. After a month it moved into a relationship and while we never made it official because I refused to, that’s what it is. I started 2 weeks ago with the thought that I don’t love him anymore. I feel like this is not Rocd because I have previous experience with Rocd and I don’t know if it’s normal to have it start this early while the other relationship started a bit after 2 years. Aside from this, the previous relationship started off with the typical doubt of “what if I don’t love him”, but this relationship just started off with “ I don’t love him anymore” and I strongly believe in my feelings, which I know I shouldn’t. I know I don’t love him anymore, but stay because in ways I’m hopeful it will fix and I also don’t want to hurt him. Side note his a really great guy I’ve done self-reflections of past relationships and I can honestly say I’ve never been with a guy who’s great at communicating and shows his honest emotions to me. He puts me first instead of himself and I just feel guilty and terrible that I don’t love him back. Last side note, I had started this relationship thinking it wasn’t going to last due to the age difference so I was going with the flow and now I’m here. We broke up yesterday and today and I kept telling him let’s try because I don’t want to hurt him. I do feel relieve when we break up and I cry, but after feeling better I go to this stage of whatever I don’t care anymore because I notice I don’t love him. I feel like I’m just playing with him at this point and have started to feel that I’m just not meant to be in long term relationships. Any advice?

[@underdog382]

i have a question, so i have a girlfriend and she was my best friend prior to dating. Recently i feel like i lost the feeling but i know i love her, the not feeling anything freaks me out and makes me wonder if i actually love her or not. i mean i know i love her but again i don’t feel it. what should i do know if i truly love her or not?

[@isbetosaurus]

Love is a choice. Not just a feeling.

[@hammad8062]

hey man wassup how are you doing

[@idaholmgren8989]

can you join the course if you are not very good at speaking english? but i understand english very well? I feel like I'm about to break down from all the thoughts and worries about my ROCD. You are so Wonderful, I look up to you son much ❤️❤️

[@lotto.2618]

Yana! Everything is going to be fine, try to remember that! I went through very hard rocd years and it always gets better in the end. I promise ❤️

[@idaholmgren8989]

@@lotto.2618 Im so glad for you, Lots of love to you! I really love my partner, and I feel like it’s being better every day. But some days it feels like I’m taking like 5 steps back again and I start to be scared and forget everything I learned.❤️

[@Awakenintolove]

Hi love, yes of course you can join the AIL ROCD/RA Academy. Please feel free to sign up for the course here: rocdcourse.com. By joining, you will gain access to excellent tools and resources designed to help you find freedom from ROCD, Relationship Anxiety, and obsessive thoughts. We also have a fantastic community of people from all over the world who will support you in your healing journey. Hope this helps. -AIL Team

[@gabrieltejada7424]

This is gonna be long but please can someone give me advice or talk to me.
I need a bit of help. I don't know if I have rocd but for the past few months I've had doubts about my relationship. It started one day when I woke up and I had a thought "do you want to be in this relationship". It was so out of no where and it came with a break up urge. I found that thought so unacceptable cause i did want my relationship, so when it appeared i ruminated so much on it. That i think my brain actually registered and created that as a problem. I dont know if this led me to get ROCD. At the time im pretty sure i was in the honeymoon phase and it created a lot distress for me. At times i had periods where i knew i wanted to be with my boyfriend and others where i didnt know. When I thought about breaking up with my boyfriend I would panic so badly and get really bad anxiety. I searched so much online and videos. I look back at it and I think it probably made it worse, but I did and it created so much stress. I eventually found your channel and other things talking about ROCD/RA. It fit a lot of my symptoms and I was trying my best to heal my possible ROCD/RA. The other day I found a video about ruminating, and how to clear your mind and relax. I've been doing that. I've been telling myself that I acknowledge that I have these feelings and doubts and fear, but that I do not wish to waste my time and energy on them. That I would rather spend my time and energy on cultivating my relationship and being happy. This made me a little calmer where the anxiety wasn't as bad and I could relax. The only thing now is that I am calm, I'm no longer in the honeymoon phase so those feelings of infatuation aren't there, so now I'm struggling thinking that I don't love him anymore. I tried thinking about it when i woke up but the thoughts led to thinking that I didn't and that I should break up. I felt calm about it but I don't want to break up. I don't want to and it scares me. Even if the feelings aren't there I want to choose to love him cause I want to believe that love is a choice you make, but it's so hard. The thing is he's my first boyfriend I dated him back when I was in my first year of HS(so around when I was 16 and he was 17-18) and we dated for around a year. I don't remember why but back then I left him cause a one point I think I felt like I didn't love him, but now that I think about it I think it was that I wasn't in the honeymoon phase so I didn't know how to handle it. I dated one person after him and I knew I didn't like them so I ended up breaking up with them. Him and me went around no contact for those few years until this March(I would tell him happy birthday and stuff and at one point we texted for a little) but we went mostly no contact. Throughout those years though I thought about how he was actually really great and back around March of this year I talked about it with a few friends and I decided to text him again. I was a nervous wreck and I honestly took my friends helping to do it. I texted him on March 4th and I told him how I felt. He told me he needed time to think about it and that he would text me after he thought about it. He didn't text me for around a week. He told me that he would give another chance and that we should talk and get to know each other again. We started texting and one day he asked if he could bring me ice cream or something to my house. I said yeah but I was so nervous to see him again. When he got there I got in the car, I was really nervous but it kinda calmed down and me and him as we talked ended up getting closer and closer to each other and cuddled a bit and kissed at one point. Three days later I asked him out, and he said yes. The first 2 months around there were amazing. I was happy and excited and I was very attached to him. I stayed with him for a while, while my family was on vacation for a few months. It was really nice but then came the day I had that thought and from there it went downhill(I wonder if I didn't ruminate on the thought so much if it would be different). From there on though i would constantly think about it and it made it worse and worse. I was also very attach still so at one point I cried cause I couldn't spend time with him. There's nothing really wrong with our relationship and honestly he does make me happy, but I don't know how to deal with the feelings not being there. I was thinking about it earlier and I dont want to leave I really don't it makes me want to cry when I think about it. I don't know what to do and I know that if I end it there's no more chances and that I won't have him in my life anymore. I don't want him to disappear from my life. I don't think I know how to have a healthy relationship and my lack of experience doesn't help.

[@laurabassa6980]

Hello, How are You?? You want talk With me, I understand, sorry My English... If You want talk about me, I am here for listen you...

[@anastasijapoprjaduhha6623]

Hi, Do you want to talk? :)

[@sadhanapandey1846]

Had the same thoughts the first year of my relationship with my best friend. Today, after almost 6 years we are getting married and though I handled the ruminations in past well with help of meditation and Buddhism, as I am entering this big stage of life, I have the same feelings back. It's scary but I wanna show those ruminations that I am what I do n ot exactly what all I think. ♥️hope this helps. Plus this channel is a blessing.

[@jadavergara6682]

I relate to this so much and it’s been a month since I’ve been feeling like the feelings just aren’t there anymore, and Ike you said that just terrifies me bc I feel like it’s wrong to be in a relationship where feelings aren’t there, but I don’t want him out of my life. He genuinely makes me happy when we’re together and I feel calm when I’m with him. When we’re on car rides and have music playing I feel a connection of love being there. It’s lingering around still but then I start to check my feelings in the middle of it and I ruin that moment bc I get sucked back in the thought of “are you actually happy right now? What if you’re forcing it?” We’ve been together for 6 years. He was 15 and I was 17. There are so many great memories created together that I don’t ever want to let go. I feel like I’ve dealt with ROCD before just didn’t know what it was at the moment. Now that I figured it out just this year it kinda helped calm me but at the same time made it worse? I’ve been struggling with my feelings and the intrusive thoughts for about a month now and my brain is telling me “this isn’t normal, the feelings should be there by now”. I’m so calm about the feelings not being there right now and that also terrifies me and sends me in a huge panic and I start to cry a lot bc I’m so terrified!!! I’m starting to ask myself “is this ROCD at this point? Or did I truly fall out love with him?” Part of me is feeling like this is it, it’s over my feelings aren’t coming back. He just left for boot camp yesterday so not having him here is making it so much harder to work on connecting with him. We’re no contact at the moment until they allow him to write to me or call me. I want to see us grow together and deepen our connection. I also wonder if these loss of feelings are due to the fact that I have spent nearly every single day with him for the last 6 years we’re been together and have never spent a day alone with out him. I don’t know who I am outside of this relationship, I lost who I was. This who feeling of these loss of feelings are taking a huge toll on my mental well being and I’m just constantly ruminating on these feelings. I’m also thinking about how this is unfair for him that I’m feeling doubt about us and doubt on my feelings. I don’t want to leave though, and that makes me feel selfish at the moment. He doesn’t understand how I’m feeling with this whole thing and it scares him as well bc he’s never felt this way towards me. He’s never had these intrusive thoughts or ever doubted his feelings towards me. I know I love him but now I’m questioning if it’s the same type of love as before? I feel like he’s like a friend to me but I want to experience all his successes, I want to grow old with him, I never want him out of my life. He’s a good man who loves me very much. I have the urge to leave bc I feel like it may be best but that sends me into a frenzy bc I know there’s still feelings there but it’s not constant. Is it because we’ve been together for so long? Is it space that we need? A chance to miss each other? I’ve left him in the past before due to these intrusive thoughts and this is also my last chance to be with him. I’m at a stand still and I feel numb and my brain is tired of constantly thinking on this. It’s taking a physical toll on me as well now. I feel like I’m losing hope. I also know that love is a choice but not having those feelings here right now is overwhelming sometimes. I’m trying to seek therapy but it’s so hard right now due to most not accepting my insurance. I would love to go to couples therapy as well but everything is so expensive. Therapy feels like a luxury at the moment and I feel upset and angry that others can afford to pay 100’s of dollars for as many visits as they need. Im constantly checking my feelings and thoughts by looking at pictures of each other, trying to think about him more to trick my brain. Trying to convince myself that I know I still love him but I don’t know what’s the truth anymore and I feel so defeated.

[@lamahaytham908]

@@jadavergara6682 hey how’re u doing now?