101 - Chasing Potential And Putting Them On A Pedestal With Silvy Khoucasian

Sabrina and Silvy sit down to discuss what can cause the tendency to chase potential in relationships and put partners on pedestals. They offer practical tips for managing these patterns. Silvy, a relationship coach, reflects on her own journey with fearful-avoidant attachment after a long-term relationship, explaining how unresolved childhood trauma led her to project insecurities and set unrealistic standards. She and her husband learned to recognize their vulnerabilities and communicate better, a skill crucial for those in anxious-avoidant dynamics. Sabrina and Silvy emphasize that placing someone on a pedestal, which is linked to attachment wounds, prevents true intimacy by idealizing a partner and avoiding vulnerability. They explain that this behavior can stem from childhood but becomes harmful in adult relationships, blocking authentic connection. To overcome this, look at relationships objectively, understanding your emotional needs, and communicating honestly, ensuring that your attachment style and role in the dynamic align with healthy, balanced intimacy.
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[@iankeel8903]

I’ve recently discovered you as a gay man getting back into dating after a few years. You’ve absolutely changed my perspective on dating and have turned my mental health around for the better. The way you speak and how you share from your own life really resonates with me. You’ve helped me really look at myself, take responsibility and understand dating in a new way. Thank you so much for doing this podcast and sharing it for all of us who need it.

[@Sabrina_zohar]

So happy to help babes, welcome to the family 🥹🫶🏼

[@Supsup7777]

I think the issue I see a lot is that the person who is more avoidant or dismissive tends to not want to work on things, while the person who is anxious does. That is often the issue. She said it beautifully when she said, I just did not give people a chance. If both people would show up for therapy and be all in that would be great. However, the person who is avoidant usually does not want to go to therapy.

[@Sabrina_zohar]

I understand what you mean, but I think you may be confusing avoidant personality disorder (AVPD) with avoidant attachment style. AVPD is statistically less likely to seek external help, typically turn inwards, but my reading of the literature doesn't show a statistical difference between anxious and avoidant attachment styles being more predisposed for therapy. Happy to change my mind with updated data, if you have any relevant double blind studies to share that showcase that, open to a conversation!

[@SarahBurnell-j6u]

Love love LOVE this conversation! I really like the two of you together, your energy and insights are just 👌🏼🤩

[@Rootedcalmco]

Fantasy fills in when we're missing context. By reflecting on its root instead of feeling shame, you can address the underlying need, reducing its hold and finding real fulfillment.