From personal experience I wholeheartedly agree that the trauma of betrayal is real. My father was a terrible person who did terrible things… and my mother justified him, blamed me for what happened to me, and denied me medical aid when he injured me. I’ve been in therapy for some years now, and I don’t talk about my father often. Although my mother rarely beat me, she was the one who broke my spirit. And I’ll never forgive it to her. My message to all parents who hope that their violent spouse is going to change: not protecting or actively seeking ways to protect your children from abuse is also abuse.
Agreed with my mother being in the perpetrator and using my father as a tool to gain control through threats of abuse of all kinds. I detest my mother.
Most people dont have a village when they raise kids. Our culture and society has become so individualised and promotes work over family. Everyone knows parents shouldnt raise kids alone however most dont have much choice
Communities were allowed to help educate and discipline children. This is why it worked. Now you're not allowed to tell a child anything and especially not allowed to reprimand a kid. So now it's each to their own as children have become less manageable.
Absolutly, which explains the levels of metal health in societies. I live in the UK, and so many people live in a suburb and drive everywhere and have no contact with other people. It explains so much.
There is no such thing as a village, everyone lives separated, there r pedophiles everywhere, childcare is expensive, parents like myself r exhausted and constantly thinking of divorce 😢
The complicated part about community is that if you don’t have it, and you need it, you have to go get it. Community doesn’t knock on your door, community doesn’t fall out of the sky, it’s a parents duty to form community. If you have kids, and you need help, you need to communicate with other capable adults around you, who are trustworthy and share your values, and ask for help. If you dont know people like that, start making small talk with other adults with kids who you see around you, chat with teachers, be vulnerable, honest and humble. Thats whats hard about community. You cant buy it.
This is the same thing ive finally started to think years ago, we should grow in a small village and have more close exapmples and see how our parents interact with the community but we are getting more and more isolated , small families with no relationship with people living around them, it's not working for anyone
I had this in my childhood, huge family on both sides, extended to in-laws and parents friends and their children. Plus our own friends and schools, libraries, neighbours, church. Very old and very young and everything in between. Things changed immeasurably when Thatcher came to power in 1979 and compounded problems without solving or resolving.
As a 1% introvert..I hated to be on a sports team. In gym class when we had to play team sports, it was horrifying. In contrast, I excelled in gymnastics, skiing and cycling. Not everyone is designed to agressively chase a ball.
I love your show. I don’t always get to watch every episode, but they are informative and entertaining. As an aside, I bought Dr van def Kolk’s book & it opened my eyes to childhood trauma. You can’t go back, nor undo, but you can get help and move forward ❤.
I was fundamentally afraid to leave my young family alone for very long on any given day even though it was assumed I was supposed to go to work. Besides not desiring to miss anything in the developmental dynamic and be a part of it I always worried that it just would be too stressful for everyone. Inadvertent cruelty was a huge concern. I really wanted to "be there" for everybody. Especially in the earliest periods until our kids were three years and older. And the comment about the singing made me think deeply about the loss of making ones own sounds and filling the void with canned music instead. That was profound to think about considering the huge value of vibration in one chest which singing produces. As wonderful as listening to the vast selection of musical choices is, what a loss to ones growth and inner health is the personal silence reinforced by constant filling of the ears with sounds made by others long ago or currently just to set the mood or have as background. Very thought provoking to think about this. How the chant of a mantra or combination of melodic vibrations and breathing while singing stimulates so much on so many levels. For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory of song from ages to ages ! Amen!
We all need to start looking after our own mental health. This needs to start from a very young age. Learning techniques to do this on a daily basis. It needs to start NOW!
This seems to be a complete misunderstanding of everything. (1) your own mental health is your problem as soon as you become an adult. (2) The whole point is to UNburden the kids. So that they are free to develop and learn the many things they have to learn. Definitely NOT Burden the kids further..... to start learning "from a very young age .... about mental health, techniques to do this (typically unspecific). Learn what? together with all the garbage that is being pushed on children these days? (About sex, race, gender, politics). For goodness' sake allow the children to focus on play, their own imaginative games (their process of developing and learning at their own pace) and equip them with tools to survive in modern society (reading, writing arithmetic).
It depends whose in that village. If I let my kids have more interaction or lived closer to my extended family then they would be in more of a toxic environment and being taught toxic personality traits And in big cities you don’t have a “neighbourhood” per se that can be relied upon as you don’t know them well enough
Important în dezvoltarea unui copil să vadă cât mai mulți alți părinți adulți cum gândesc și cum reacționează idee sat Village african Traumă copii au nevoie de ajutor și există oameni lângă ei care nu îi ajută și stau privitori Ideea că nu are cine să ajute nu au unde să ceară ajutor când sunt într o situație Grea le frică Lipsă grup suport și încredere in alti oameni 3:20 întrebarea cea mai des pusă Unde găsesc acest ajutor răspunsul trebuie să fii un explorator Traumele se rezolva in relatii cu alti oameni Traumele sunt provocate cu unii oameni și se tratează cu alti oameni
Beware of projecting your own guilt onto this. I find this very helpful and even common sense advice. We are responsible for our choices and actions, especially as parents
No its the truth. Truth can’t hurt sometimes. I myself have not a big familie surrounds. But you won’t hear me scream NO THIS IS NOT FAIR ADVISE. Instead i search for solutions
He shared solid advice. It is up to you as to how you hear it. If you want to be offended then so be it. If you want to do something with your life then start now.
From personal experience I wholeheartedly agree that the trauma of betrayal is real. My father was a terrible person who did terrible things… and my mother justified him, blamed me for what happened to me, and denied me medical aid when he injured me. I’ve been in therapy for some years now, and I don’t talk about my father often. Although my mother rarely beat me, she was the one who broke my spirit. And I’ll never forgive it to her.
My message to all parents who hope that their violent spouse is going to change: not protecting or actively seeking ways to protect your children from abuse is also abuse.
So sorry for what you went through xx
i can relate to this wholeheartedly 😢
Agreed with my mother being in the perpetrator and using my father as a tool to gain control through threats of abuse of all kinds.
I detest my mother.
Most people dont have a village when they raise kids. Our culture and society has become so individualised and promotes work over family. Everyone knows parents shouldnt raise kids alone however most dont have much choice
Communities were allowed to help educate and discipline children. This is why it worked. Now you're not allowed to tell a child anything and especially not allowed to reprimand a kid. So now it's each to their own as children have become less manageable.
Absolutly, which explains the levels of metal health in societies. I live in the UK, and so many people live in a suburb and drive everywhere and have no contact with other people. It explains so much.
People are getting so much more hateful and disconnected from other’s suffering every year it’s sad 😢
There is no such thing as a village, everyone lives separated, there r pedophiles everywhere, childcare is expensive, parents like myself r exhausted and constantly thinking of divorce 😢
The complicated part about community is that if you don’t have it, and you need it, you have to go get it. Community doesn’t knock on your door, community doesn’t fall out of the sky, it’s a parents duty to form community. If you have kids, and you need help, you need to communicate with other capable adults around you, who are trustworthy and share your values, and ask for help. If you dont know people like that, start making small talk with other adults with kids who you see around you, chat with teachers, be vulnerable, honest and humble. Thats whats hard about community. You cant buy it.
This is the same thing ive finally started to think years ago, we should grow in a small village and have more close exapmples and see how our parents interact with the community but we are getting more and more isolated , small families with no relationship with people living around them, it's not working for anyone
Brilliant as always. Never seen this genius before. Such a knowledgeable man.
Read his book, “The Body Keeps Score”. It will blow your mind. 😊
This is how we were raised. My family is Nigerian.. In a village.
I had this in my childhood, huge family on both sides, extended to in-laws and parents friends and their children. Plus our own friends and schools, libraries, neighbours, church. Very old and very young and everything in between.
Things changed immeasurably when Thatcher came to power in 1979 and compounded problems without solving or resolving.
As a 1% introvert..I hated to be on a sports team. In gym class when we had to play team sports, it was horrifying. In contrast, I excelled in gymnastics, skiing and cycling. Not everyone is designed to agressively chase a ball.
This is where the listening skills are vital. Everyone is different.
INFJ
I love your show. I don’t always get to watch every episode, but they are informative and entertaining. As an aside, I bought Dr van def Kolk’s book & it opened my eyes to childhood trauma. You can’t go back, nor undo, but you can get help and move forward ❤.
I was fundamentally afraid to leave my young family alone for very long on any given day even though it was assumed I was supposed to go to work. Besides not desiring to miss anything in the developmental dynamic and be a part of it I always worried that it just would be too stressful for everyone. Inadvertent cruelty was a huge concern. I really wanted to "be there" for everybody. Especially in the earliest periods until our kids were three years and older.
And the comment about the singing made me think deeply about the loss of making ones own sounds and filling the void with canned music instead. That was profound to think about considering the huge value of vibration in one chest which singing produces. As wonderful as listening to the vast selection of musical choices is, what a loss to ones growth and inner health is the personal silence reinforced by constant filling of the ears with sounds made by others long ago or currently just to set the mood or have as background. Very thought provoking to think about this. How the chant of a mantra or combination of melodic vibrations and breathing while singing stimulates so much on so many levels.
For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory of song from ages to ages ! Amen!
We all need to start looking after our own mental health. This needs to start from a very young age. Learning techniques to do this on a daily basis. It needs to start NOW!
This seems to be a complete misunderstanding of everything.
(1) your own mental health is your problem as soon as you become an adult.
(2) The whole point is to UNburden the kids. So that they are free to develop and learn the many things they have to learn. Definitely NOT Burden the kids further..... to start learning "from a very young age .... about mental health, techniques to do this (typically unspecific). Learn what? together with all the garbage that is being pushed on children these days? (About sex, race, gender, politics). For goodness' sake allow the children to focus on play, their own imaginative games (their process of developing and learning at their own pace) and equip them with tools to survive in modern society (reading, writing arithmetic).
The blind eye and the other parent's betrayal. Will def watch full episode
It depends whose in that village. If I let my kids have more interaction or lived closer to my extended family then they would be in more of a toxic environment and being taught toxic personality traits
And in big cities you don’t have a “neighbourhood” per se that can be relied upon as you don’t know them well enough
One of the reasons I never had them.
So excited about this conversation.
Fewer places, not less.
Thank you
Important în dezvoltarea unui copil să vadă cât mai mulți alți părinți adulți cum gândesc și cum reacționează idee sat Village african
Traumă copii au nevoie de ajutor și există oameni lângă ei care nu îi ajută și stau privitori
Ideea că nu are cine să ajute nu au unde să ceară ajutor când sunt într o situație Grea le frică
Lipsă grup suport și încredere in alti oameni
3:20 întrebarea cea mai des pusă Unde găsesc acest ajutor răspunsul trebuie să fii un explorator
Traumele se rezolva in relatii cu alti oameni
Traumele sunt provocate cu unii oameni și se tratează cu alti oameni
Be present and put down the damn phone!
Sorry
What
Who
Idealizes
What?
Child rearing
People
Idealize
Large social support systems as seen in African villages
Hope that helps
This is very shaming! Not everyone has a village! I'm deeply disappointed in this advise. Extremely judgmental
Beware of projecting your own guilt onto this. I find this very helpful and even common sense advice. We are responsible for our choices and actions, especially as parents
Not judgemental
Please read his book
No its the truth. Truth can’t hurt sometimes. I myself have not a big familie surrounds. But you won’t hear me scream NO THIS IS NOT FAIR ADVISE. Instead i search for solutions
He shared solid advice. It is up to you as to how you hear it. If you want to be offended then so be it. If you want to do something with your life then start now.