Psychology Expert: How Colours, Your First Name And Your Location Might Be Ruining Your Life!
Вставка
- Опубліковано 3 тра 2024
- In this new episode Steven sits down with bestselling author and Professor of Marketing, Adam Alter.
0:00 Intro
02:47 Who are you & what do you do?
03:22 Why did you write this book?
04:55 Common themes of feeling stuck
05:51 Is there a trend in who's getting stuck?
08:11 How do we prevent being stuck?
12:45 Your biggest learning about humans getting distracted
13:41 How people behave differently in the presence of others
15:24 Our names have a huge impact on our outcomes
19:57 How does our environment affect our outcomes?
24:11 How do I know I'm stuck?
25:39 What's the difference between being stuck and quitting?
29:34 More failures correlate with more success
31:37 Why curiosity is a superpower
36:36 How do we make people more curious?
45:55 Experimenters vs satisfiers
50:23 When you hit a life crisis
55:56 The power of symbols
58:56 The importance of acceptance
01:08:36 The best way to get unstuck
01:16:33 Career hot streaks
01:20:17 How do we come up with our best ideas?
01:24:30 What challenges are companies usually stuck with?
01:26:14 Why you need to reframe difficulty
01:28:25 The power of nostalgia
01:32:17 The last guest's question
You can purchase Adam’s newest book, ‘Anatomy of a Breakthrough: How to get unstuck and unlock your potential’, here: amzn.to/3QzyWXx
Follow Adam:
Twitter: bit.ly/44i0BSs
My new book! 'The 33 Laws Of Business & Life' per order link: smarturl.it/DOACbook
Join this channel to get access to perks:
bit.ly/3Dpmgx5
Follow me:
Instagram: bit.ly/3nIkGAZ
Twitter: bit.ly/3ztHuHm
Linkedin: bit.ly/41Fl95Q
Telegram: bit.ly/3nJYxST
Sponsors:
Huel: g2ul0.app.link/G4RjcdKNKsb
If you enjoyed this conversation could you do us a favour and subscribe to the channel and join the 33% of regular viewers that are subscribed, it helps this channel out more than you know and enables us to keep bringing you these conversations. Thank you all! 🙏🏽
Im a old subscriber 😢😎😂
On it mate!😊
bro I don't think I've commented on your videos but I have to say I look up to you on so many levels and have been such a better communicator because of you. I ask why? As I highly functioning introvert that wants and desires to be so much more, I listen to you and learn how to carry conversations. It's still rocky and awkward but I want to get better.
Xq
wwwwx
I’m a chemist and I worked in the pharmaceutical industry for close to 25 years, feeling more and more stuck as years went by. When I was 48 I quit my job and went back to college to become a psychologist. I finished a year ago, and now I am doing a masters degree in clinical psychology. Hopefully in a year I will be working as a pysicotherapist
Bravo 👏 thanks for sharing. I love storys like yours. It gives me hope and motivation that its never to late to change my life around.
What is a pysicotherapist?
Wow that’s amazing 💕
Well, as long as you're still a cog in the system, still making big money off people's misery, you've got this.
Respect you very much for your choices❤
Does anyone else enjoy spending time with their thoughts, journaling, contemplating... it's my favorite thing to do and I feel as though I need to do this for hours daily (if possible). It is strange to me that people would rather get electrocuted or that the idea of being with their thoughts sounds like "hell".
Just notice next time you need to wait in a room full of people eg Doctors office....95% will have their phones out in less that 5 minutes because they can't be alone with their own thoughts 😂
I love to be with my thoughts in nature, but when I am sitting with a room full of people feeling uneasy, I can feel them feeling uneasy & I want OUT immediately!!!
Yes, it is strange they would want to take an electric shock over sitting with their own thoughts. This makes me cry to think of my beautiful grand doll in today's public school system😟
I started journaling daily in May last year and I love it 😁
@@iam1smiley1or...they don't know how to be in a community space with others. Folks are really socially poor. When there were no cell phones you would just wait and possibly have a conversation with other folks or take a quick nap. Now people behave as if it were inappropriate to do either and that being on the phone is the correct etiquette. 🤷🏽♀️
54:08 I am an 81 year old professional actor, writer, play write, jazz vocalist. I just recently started writing and performing poetry, and I’ve been creating paying jobs in libraries and little theaters. I have never stopped being creative and I believe that’s my secret to staying young.
Bravo! Love that 🎉
Amazing I just started singing a year ago and would love to go live one day
As an 81-year-old, you are to be celebrated for your ways and gifts, but in my mind, you have not "stayed young;" you have embraced the brilliance of your wisdom, and true capacity for living, creating and sacred service.
I am turning 60 in 6 weeks, and I love your example.
My mother was actress Sally Kellerman, who grew up in Hollywood desperate to look young, and she died looking ridiculous, and adorable. She wasted countless millions on facelifts, and botox, and daily stress and worry about "staying young."
I love 2024, when some women are truly aging into becoming pure Spirit, giving all they can along this path of fully living, to death, and rebirth. It is freedom that has no age, and "staying young" is verbiage of a dying way of life that is limiting to our true strengths and capacity for living. I am grateful to hear what 81 can be, and is for you, Judy.
Aloha,
Claire
As a 27 year old man I started singing showtunes after seeing so many on family guy and it just keeps me feeling stress free forever lol
I wish to make my own soon!
You are amazing 🙌🏻💪🏻
A curious person my whole life. At 75, I have no regrets because I've done various things, had more than one career and feel that reinvention is a normal part of the human process. This is an outstanding show.
Same here. I’m 64. (Incidentally I too am also carnivore 😁) Have also had several careers from medicine to body mechanics to real estate to commercial cleaning to horticulture. Variety is the spice of life. I feel like a chameleon. In the beginnings of a new metamorphosis as we speak. 😊
Amazing! thanks for sharing.
Another great comment.
Same here, but I’m in my 30s. In your experience, did you find it frustrating to be the only person the room to see things a certain way?
Needed to read this.tx.
Totally agree. I was a lawyer for 15 years and I was definitely not getting closer to my professional and financial goals, and there was really no obvious way that I could make it suck less. So I took the hard path: I quit lawyering and went back to school to become a dentist. 6 years on, I'm so much happier and more fulfilled as a dentist than I ever was as an attorney. The funny thing is that, as a healthcare provider, my legal background now affords me unique opportunities, new doors that can be opened that I couldn't have foreseen before I undertook this journey of professional metamorphosis.
@Robert wow! What a change!😊
I'm restarting education next year. I'll be 49 and I'm so apprehensive but excited for it equally so.
Reading your comment makes me really happy 💖
@@lady_c9060 Always bet on yourself. You won't regret it. 😊👍
at what age did you go to medical school? just curious and excited to know
Some naturally curious people can’t work for others. Bosses don’t always want people to truly question how things are done.
True. When I worked in retail, corporate wouldn't let me hire someone because his personality test indicated that he was a "problem solver" and "would think about what he was told to do."
I ran one of the top (sometimes THE top) store in the nation and wouldn't have been hired either - for the same reason - if they'd been requiring those tests when I was hired.
@@llkg9We fake our personality tests. There are actual online guides on the best answers to give for various professions.
It's gotten me canned more than once!
Ain't that the truth ....smart enough to obey , but don't call out the obvious flaws in the system. explains the rise of the midwit.
Story of my life! I'm unemployable!!
Sitting in a room by myself or being alone in the silence with myself is what I absolutely love. Silence is my favorite music. It is the music of Creativity.
My 89 year old husband is
amazing. Love talking to people, great psychologist, loves helping people. Plays 8 instruments. Was football + cricket coach. We talk about everything - my best friend for 35+ years.
Is the best thing to have after God, have someone you can talk to ! Love ❤️ to see when people value what’s important
I'm so glad I listened til the end. I'm turning 65 in 24 and having experienced a tremendous amount of loss the past few years I find myself drowning in nostalgia. I never thought to appreciate the positive side of that experience... that I am so fortunate to have so much good stuff to remember :-)
I am also turning 65 in 24 too, congratulations to you. I, myself do go back to nostalgic memories in order to cope with challenges. The difference is that I am always told that living in the past.
65 in 24 what? months? years? hours?
@@hangfeatphil905the year. 😉
@@fourteendays544don’t start over ‘in your sixties’. Just start over -now. From today.
It’s no harder than it ever was. I know, I’m your age and doing it.
@hangfeatphil905 I read that he meant that he is turning 65 in 2024.😂
A counselor told me that every ten years a past trauma comes up, and asks, in ways, for you to deal with it. It will show in depression, anxiety and many other ways. I think that is why you see so many people acting out against normalcy, to escape those feelings that they don't want to deal with. If you don't deal with the trauma, it will be back in ten years. The best way I avoided my trauma was by "fixing others" or" blaming others" during that year. Avoidance is so common. Truly understanding our inner self is difficult for most. The human psyche is very interesting.
Every ten years?! This happens to me at least twice a year and at this point I just roll with it 😅🙈 It's not as deep as full-on depression or severe anxiety, but it usually manifests as an uneasy feeling, restlessness and/or emotional exhaustion. It usually takes me about a month or two to complete a cycle of deep work on whatever it is that came up. Sometimes that fixes everything, sometimes another cycle is needed later on, but usually I get at least a few steps further than I was before.
We are all works in progress, facing our shadows is a natural part of the process. And yes, unfortunately many people resist doing the hard work on themselves for way too long. But honestly, those periods of deep work propel me further in my growth than anything else. I am so thankful for the fact that I have the dedication to keep working on myself regardless of any discomfort. It's never easy, but always 100% worth it.
You’re fortunate to have a good counselor. I’ve never found a therapist who remotely knows how to help me. They’ve been useless, never ask the important questions and I end up feeling more depressed.
@@iah8331don't stop searching for the right one, once you find one it's life changing. I notice you say they don't ask the the important questions, what are they to you? If you know your important questions or what it is you feel you need to dive into, maybe you could steer things in a way that will help you. Personally, the transactional analysis was the only model that helped me understand many things going on with me.
@@iah8331study psychology as a way to find out whats your issue. Therapy never helped me much...turns out im autistic and conventional talk therapy doesnt work.
Indeed and our culture trains us to blame self or others. What else is offered with specificity? I didn’t learn the option of understanding what’s going on inside as I make choices until I was 50. ❤️⭐️💜
I have lived under different names in my life and it is profound how differently people perceive/treat me with a different name.
That struck a chord with me, too. I grew up in the fifties being called Linda, and disliked it because it was so common. At 16, I discovered that my name was really Malinda, after my great-grandmother. My mother had thought it was too old fashioned for a little girl, but I was instantly at home with it and have loved it for 65 years. Red shoes make me happy, too.
I think the name can be given different impression when it’s just written, it doesn’t matter once you met someone
According to numerology it is normal.
And yea some names are just not the likeable people 😂😂
Same ❤
Someone might want an article on names that can make people more successful. There definitely is a bias against some names.
As someone that has worked for some major businesses and received a private education for half of my life, I feel that most areas do NOT reward people that ask questions and want to dig deeper. I’m not sure if I experienced this as a female more than a male but I saw consistently that most saw it as a threat. They “punished” me for trying to delve deeper and understand the whys.
Time to resign then and find an outlet where you are appreciated. Life's too short.
@@daveuk1324 laid off back in October and I’m enjoying life 😜
Systems, cultures, and hierarchies are self-perpetuating and can feel a threat coming on. Stay threatening!
It’s because the people you asked the whys didn’t know how to answer
How can you know both male and female experiences in one life?
0:12: 🔑 The career model for how we live our lives professionally is broken, leading to people feeling stuck in their careers, relationships, and various aspects of life.
8:23: 📚 The book explores how to get unstuck in life and asks important questions about personal fulfillment and purpose.
16:08: 🔑 Our names and physical environments have a significant impact on our behavior and experiences.
24:21: 📚 The feeling of being stuck is subjective and can vary from person to person, but it is important to understand that being stuck is not always a negative experience.
32:34: 🔍 Curiosity and asking the right questions are more important than age when it comes to creativity and success.
40:31: 🔑 Maximizers are those who always seek the best option, while satisficers are content with good enough.
48:47: 💡 Symbols play a powerful role in shaping behavior and conveying meaning, often influencing our expectations and actions.
57:17: 🔄 Taking action, even if it's small or not ideal, can help us move forward and get unstuck in times of transition or feeling stuck.
1:05:26: 💡 Taking action and simplifying the problem are key to moving forward and reducing friction in life and relationships.
1:17:21: 🔑 The importance of exploration and exploitation in career hot streaks and the value of keeping a record of ideas and interests over time.
1:22:02: 🔑 The best ideas are often a combination of old ideas or a recombination, and struggling through difficulty is a signal of potential rewards.
1:30:00: 📚 The value of finding meaning in mundane routines and embracing technological changes.
Recap by Tammy AI
❤
Thank you 🙏🏾
Wow dude so you just said "recap this video with timestamps" to a thing called Tammy AI? Pretty neat! Let me know
Nvm just did it. Wow! How useful!!
Thanks, helps skip past the drivel.
If companies want curious employees, allow them time to think and explore. I feel stuck in my career - couldn't pinpoint the issue, but this episode was a lightbulb moment. It's because the volume of tasks I'm completing coupled with very tight deadlines has eliminated my bandwidth for curiosity. Thank you Adam and Steven! Now to decide if it can be made better, or time to move on.
Hi, Rachel. Career coach, here. It seems you've already pinpointed the issue in that things are so tightly packed together there's no breathing space. I think Adam's question would really help you to figure out whether or not it's fixable. He asks: "What are the 3 things in your life (switch "life" for "work") right now that cause you the most friction? Can you sand them down / minimise them?" Identify those top friction points in your work that are causing you to feel almost stifled, and then write down as many ways you can think of to smooth them out, from the totally insane to the entirely reasonable. From that list, look at which would give you the most value (think pareto principle) and are actually possible and legal; the most bang for your buck; define them, then write down the first steps to implementation... Best of luck. Lisa Cherry Beaumont. :)
I experienced the same thing in my work life, the workload was crushing and there was no time to think. I initially would brainstorm and come up with really good ideas, the managers would not engage at all so over time I just became an automaton. I stayed way too long, and it's a big regret. Most companies do not care about their employees so don't feel any guilt or loyalty, look out for #1 always. It's a good idea to have the feelers always active and to be on the lookout for better opportunities.
If you’re very smart work remotely. I do 10 hours of work in two to four hours and am free to do as I will AND control my environment most of my day.
@@agnoseshi! Curious what type of remote work? I’m looking for remote work and would love something that I could get done in 4 hours to free up the rest of my day!
There’s something that makes you mentally and spiritually gratified about going after one’s passion. That is not to be underestimated.
As a child, I had no preconceptions. At home, my parents were pleased with my constant creativity. But I noticed there were times none of the other kids got on well with what we were doing. For example, we were asked to carve a half potatoe to use it as a stamp to make gift wrap. I waited all period to have the teacher slice a potatoe for me. What she did not realize is I had a pocket knife, and knew how to use it. Everyone struggled with that so, and teacher was told "Ten yr. olds shouldn't do that craft." It was all scrapped. I felt cheated. At home, I asked Mom for a potatoe. "No !". Two months later, They asked me what I wanted a potatoe for. At last !!.
Dad gave me two. I surprized everyone with the gift papers I made. People were shocked😂. I had carved deer and woodlands.
All that to say I've been held back by the herd for so long.. For me, anticipation is the best, and I aim for that target. 🎯
Bullseye ! Love it.
Caring parents and a village, good enough of each.
Absolutely! Hope you loved this episode. Team DOAC ❤️
0⁰⁰0000
Primary Teacher - gave up after 13 years as it was like working in a straight jacket - became like producing biscuit, factory children - same walls, same approach, same plans anything outside the box was frowned upon and thought strange - I’ve got my art channel now I work alone but use UA-cam for my team - no niche. I try all mediums- your fantastic talk. Explained exactly why I’m where I’m at - I thought I was a misfit, but in actual fact, I’m just a thinker - and funnily enough I used to teach the children. Life is as good as the questions you ask. X ❤ loved your talk.👍👏ps i’m 56 now, and more creative inventive and thinking outside the box than I’ve ever been - I literally have learnt to question everything, so another, thank you for including us & not writing off the oldies that are still young👏 PSS, my dad is 90, and he still has the enquiring mind that you talk of- so just like you said yes, it’s DNA, and a type - I’m writing too much, as the subject is far too interesting
Teacher here and I felt I gave my all but the system sucks the soul dry because we forget that it’s humanity first, productivity second. I don’t have any desire to start a new type of school. Late diagnosed autistic and adhd. I know I need the structure but would prefer to work three/four days/week and focus on creativity. I used to read and write a lot. The past five years has been challenging.
Ever since I was a very young child I loved painting and drawing. As I entered college, my parents strongly discouraged me from pursuing a career in art. Not knowing what else I wanted to focus on, I spent 13 years in college and never got a degree. The rest of my life followed pretty much the same pattern. I did work on my art throughout my life, but not as much as I would have liked. Now I am retired, with all the time I want to do my artwork, but due to nerve damage, I can no longer use my right hand as I used to in doing my art. I feel deeply sad, like I completely misused my whole life.
There are many different ways to create art. Considering that you’ve been thinking of making art your whole life, I assume it is still very dear to you, so please do not give up on finding new ways to express yourself in art.
I agree @zellow38. I was a left-hander but 'trained out of it' by my mother. I have always felt very sad about that, Now (I'm elderly) I use my left hand to draw and to write my name, lists etc every day. It looks messy but it pleases me. Do try, it will make you happy.
I feel sorry for you. At least you did work on your art throughout your life. 👍This is more than I did. I stopped completly after school. This was a bigger mistake than what you did. Congratulations, because at least you did a little bit 🏅🏆🎖.. so it wasen't in vain, maybe you are "only" depressed ? Hopefully you find something instead ❤❤❤❤🎉
Oh, dear artist at heart! Your story resonates extraordinarily with my life @zellow38!
KEEP CREATING AND PAINTING! Just use larger scale canvases! That way you can be shaky with your left hand, or unpracticed with your right while holding your brush and when you're large image is looked at from a distance your shaky strokes will not be noticed!
Tony Ryals was a quadriplegic. He painted beautiful pictures with his mouth. He was a mouth artist. He may be still around. He traveled and did shows and lectures.
I run hard and fast away from being pigeon-holed. Pivot and run, dont walk. Pray, meditate, and make moves often to not get stuck. People and things who don't move, get stuck. Keep moving, keep doing.
I would be happy to sit on my own, not just because I like my own space. Away from responsibilities and chores that keep calling ... to have that time, like bedtime, when nothing and no one needs you, is the time to get into those thoughts that you're too often pulled away from. Deep joy, thank you ❤️
....some things and some people will still follow you even in your bedroom and bedroom time..😂😂
@@beatricerweyemamu5540 time to install a portcullis 🤔
Getting unstuck sometimes it means finding yourself ,your own space, enjoying solitude.
“All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
― Blaise Pascal
I was a why why kid. Drove my mother crazy. I was terrible academically but I was/am very creative. I would compose music in my dreams or when I was creating jewellery I would see the completed design in a fully formed picture. Just popped into my head.
*jewelry* respectfully. ❤
💚
@@deejai1173respectfully "jewellery" is the English spelling.
@@deejai1173😆😆buy a dictionary. Respectfully.
@kathleen7849 I was the same way! I started sewing my doll clothes and my own on a old treadle machine at 4yrs old. I was inquisitive about everything! It would drive mom nuts at times so this kept me quiet. Lol Since the pendemic I surf the internet and learn something new each day. I never get bored but Ive met people who talk to me just to hear what ive learned. Lol Lately its been the anatomy and natural healing. Unraveling the sicknesses Ive had/have and learning to heal myself naturally. Being my own advocate. My GP(dr) is not a fan. Lol Im always impressed to find people who are why, why people. Im sure your jewelry is beautiful and unique 🌹 Ive learned people want different, not the cookie cutter item. Sending blessings your way for new inspirations and a openess to keep bringing the world beauty 💞🙏😇🌹
As an artist I’m often looking at something and asking, “how else can I do it?”, or “what ELSE might work?”…
That went into my parenting style, suggesting to my kids to ask themselves, “what’s next?”, “what else can I do?”.
It’s AMAZING to see, as adults, how they use it!
I wish you'd been my mother!! I was always asking, " How else can we do this?" and my parents always replied, " But this is how we've Always done it. What's wrong with you? Just stick to the script! "
25:01 Ho hum...
Yes, artists are problem solvers and they also tap into the unconscious mind.
Yes… always asking, What if?
summarized by Viet York from Mollyverse
00:00 Many people are stuck in relationships and jobs, becoming lonelier as a species.
05:22 Getting stuck in life is common due to broken career models and lack of variety.
14:57 Names have a significant impact on our lives
19:30 Physical environments and colors affect behavior
28:04 Hardship is the first step in making something good
32:30 Curiosity and questioning lead to creativity and success at any age.
41:17 Curiosity is key to success
45:31 Maximizers and satisficers have different outlooks on success.
54:40 Expectations can lead to unproductive behavior
00:02 Acceptance is key to transitioning between life seasons.
1:07:43 Simplify complex problems by identifying and removing friction points.
1:12:19 Small unaddressed frictions can compound negatively in relationships and life.
1:21:03 Recombination of old ideas is the best way to come up with creative ideas.
1:25:24 Minimizing change is important in difficult situations
1:34:21 Technology's unintended consequences must be considered
I wish the channel would do this so subscribers did not have to. Thank you.
@@swanvegalove He always types the chapters in the content box above.
Thanks ☺️
@@swanvegalovehe does its under the title of the episode, in the description x
This has gotta be my favorite DOAC episode of all time. Adam is smart, articulate and an amazing conversationalist. I could listen to him all day. Thanks for having him on. I'm gonna revisit this one a few more times.
Same here, so much to learn.
Ditto. Best ever. Listening again too.
Interesting point on maximisers. I was the "smart gifted child" but was masking adhd, autism and maths dyslexia. So I was constantly being compared to a high standard that was never good enough for teachers and parents.. resulting in people pleasing and perfectionism as an adult.
Hangry, hu? Me too !!!
So, have you been able to fix that yet? The people pleasing etc.?
Likewise.
Developed a kinda failure to thrive/ " achieve" ( meaning really to feel self fulfilled)people pleasing perfectionism.
@@sunnyadams5842 wow sorry I don't use UA-cam enough to realise I had notifications till now 😂 and yes my people pleasing definitely much better. I follow people like The Holistic psychologist and learn lots about human psychology ect which helped me understand things better. I feel better about saying no and standing up for myself
Then what did you decide to do?
Curious to hear!
Cuz that ADHD, etc, snuck up on me too 🤔
@@annadonahue4119 I guess one of the biggest things is accommodating for it. I learnt alot about adhd and instead of fighting against it, I identified my struggles and changed things to make life easier. Like a simple example, when I don't see something, I forget about it so now I compensate by having things I forget about more visible. Especially in the fridge. Gave up on calenders and diaries ect and had to find things that worked for my brain. Everything I was taught growing up on how to live just was the opposite of what I actually needed to do and no wonder I'd always struggled "adulting" haha
In our community we share our struggles. Together we are stronger, being vulnerable removes shame, guilt and more. Being stuck is a state of mind and a beautiful starting point, awareness is key.
you want to beat own weakness not share it with others accepting it
but a friendly help and friendly eye can help for sure to change that stuck in perspective and move on
I worked in a high street bank in the U.K. for 15 years and it was killing me. I kept hearing how I need to “prove myself” even though I was more educated and experienced than the new kids. I changed my career to accounting at the age of 43 and I love it. I’ve also always been interested in psychology so I hope I still have time to do that ♥️
Very interesting! My dad is retired now, but he was an architect. He enjoyed actually building the designs over just drawing up the blueprints. I have fond memories of, what looked to me as a child, huge pieces of paper that I'd watch him flip back and forth thru fixing things here and there and changing things sometimes completely. It was utterly fascinating to me. However, Dad was the happiest with a tool belt strapped on and making the designs come to life. He is incredibly brilliant but humble...he would just as quickly respond "I'm a carpenter" as he would respond "I'm an architect."
How to get unstuck in life in general: self-accountability, courage to acknowledge the truth and total acceptance of the current situation while taking massive action towards changing it. Change via accumulation of little increments on a daily basis over a loooong period of time.
The part of the discussion about taking action as a means to getting unstuck and managing rejection reminds me of the Rocky quote: 'it isn't about how hard you can hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and KEEP MOVING FORWARD, that's how winning is done!' 😀🥊...
The Jackass guy is stil taking the kicks on balls...
It's also how never to reflect and do things differently.
I've thought my whole life that my curious nature was a huge problem in a world that bullies it out of you. I'm in my 40's and feel so
questioning of everything around me. If I lived in the UK, I would have loved to work for you Steven, as a creative.
Glad I didn't click off this video. Great insights. Makes me feel sane. Thanks guys xx
So interesting. I have friends who get annoyed with me because I ask so many questions and can't just accept things at face value. I'm also an art director, designer and illustrator and consider myself to be very creative. I've never thought about the link between the two!
I identify with your remark! Fellow annoying person over here, lol!
The naturally curious shrivel in most workplaces. Being told that you are annoying with all the questions, or worse, "not a team player" because you can see the holes in what status quo is, tends to make us just want to fit in. We shut up to get a better review, to keep the job, or to make friends. I am about to leave another company because I questioned something and my life became hell "because who are you to question why we do it this way".
found your own company!! People with a vision need to be their own bosses
@@stefaniadellarovere6488 absolutely! It is what I am working on currently on the side. Make my own opportunities!
Perhaps YOU are the problem ?😊
@@jacobjorgenson9285 🤣🤣🤣
@@jacobjorgenson9285she’s a non-conformist and I can totally appreciate this
I am definitely a naturally curious and experimental person. I questioned so much as a child and young adult, and never wanted to live my life the way I was told; and of course, I was shut down often, allowing other's opinions to be my own. Now in my 40s, I've realized how much I've allowed my creative potential to be smashed and and have slowly started to revert back to my questioning of everything and thinking outside of the box. Incidentally, I realized all of this by being by myself and thinking and feeling for long stretches of time. I've lately been wondering what job/career I would like to explore, which is a heavy question because I'm interested and good at many different things. Hearing Adam elucidate on the ways naturally curious and creative people go about that same dilemma, I'm feeling so encouraged to let loose and experiment with different things, quitting when I need to, persevering when I need to. This was fantastic!
There was a NEW YORK Times experiment done years ago.
Hundreds of identical resumes were sent out to the same companies, the ONLY difference was in the first names of the candidates.
They found that the resumes with culturally Americanized names were the ones most picked!!!
Parents are often short-sighted when they pick names for their children; not realizing they are often DISADVANTAGING them from the BEGINNING!!!
Stay blessed, Everyone.
Robert-
I have a first and last name that makes me sound like a super hero 😂
I've also got an unusual resume, I often get job interviews where the interviewer says they just had to meet me because of my odd name and resume...be unique, even if you have a common name.
Well my name definitely isn’t common and I haven’t missed out on opportunities. You have to know that what is for you will never pass you by. The companies that pass up non common names miss out! Everyone has something to bring to the table and that is why so many companies have started investing in diversity and inclusion programs.
@kamallamccain2699 your name is fun though and has some quasi alliteration. Just rolls off the tongue.
The ending in 9-year idea is so ACCURATE. I'm 29 and will be 30 in a month. I have been reflecting so hard and changing so much lol. Hunting for meaning is so true.
Often I have gotten through the tough times in my life by remembering that there are few constants in life, but one of them is change. Even when it gets bad and keeps getting worse, eventually it will have to get better.
Love this 💖
I don’t think anything necessarily has to get better. That is desirable but it is not a universal norm I don’t think? But things definitely change.
I think the reason we're nostalgic about things that were mundane, or even not pleasant at the time, is we know we survived it (unlike the present where we may be unsure or anxious about the future). As each experience is unique, back then we didn't know how it would end up/what the outcome would be, now we do. Looking back, the discomfort, insecurities and risks are no longer a threat or worry, so we look back fondly and wish we could do it again. We even feel a rush of excitement when reflecting on a situation or activity was particularly risky. I also believe there's some type of subconscious inner pride attached, eg: "I did that!" / "we did that!" /"I survived that" - so we assume we could do the same again :). At 50yrs old, I can honestly say I do this on a daily basis lol. LOVE THIS ONE, STEVEN!!!
“When should you let life lead you and when should you be a little bit more purposeful.”
I turn 40 this year and have always allowed life to lead me. I’m at a point where I believe I should be advocating for myself a bit more to pivot to that next level and it’s been gut wrenching, but I’m pushing through the unsettling feeling.
You need clarity my friend 🙏 Meditate upon this
For me this kind of happened when I turned 30. :) (ofc during corona pandemic)
That's awesome! Enjoy all the bizarre feels. Good stuff. Be proud of the fact you're even capable of being self-aware. That's huge.
I congratulate you on your discovery and I wish you courage to find your new way through life. I felt similar feelings when I turned forty. There was something magical about it.
I always wear powerful colors, red and black.
Steven this is so true!! My name was given to Me from My Dad who was born & raised in Nigeria.... I love My name & it is powerful.... it means the purpose of God..... but it has been a source of difficulty throughout My life.... I grew up in an all black area of Queens New York.... believe it or not I used to get bullied bcuz kids would say "she thinks she's better than us bcuz her name & family is from Africa" or they would mis pronounce My name on purpose, & call it stupid or ugly & I had to fight often to protect Myself.... I guess we can call that cultural dissonance.... when I would see family or meet someone from 🇳🇬 Nigeria... I was too light skinned to be African & I have naturally curly hair from My Mom.... & you definitely can't have naturally curly hair! So I have the name that allienates Me from most groups including blood relatives.... they were worse....
I live in a town by the beach in Southern Cali .... they don't give Me a hard time with My name 😊
My name is beautiful & unique 😘
Please understand many people are afraid and intimidated by uniqueness and beauty. It's a blessing and a curse if you desire to "fit in." My mother told me as a young girl that 99% of the people in this world won't like you for one reason or another, if you concentrate on the 1% that does you'll be happy. She was right, I did and I was happy for the most part. Find your tribe even if it's only 1 person and THRIVE. ❤️
I've learned from living alone for a few years and being single and without close friends for the majority of that time, that first of all, it is hell. Second, it makes a person quite unstable, because there's a searching for meaning without any guardrails and there's a lot of bouncing around and changing course. Finally, there is an element to it that is positive, and that is the forced introspection. I've matured and learned a lot of self-control and learned more about what motivates me and what I should spend my time doing. I would never advise anyone to do what I did because trust me it's terribly painful even when you think you've gotten through it, but I will say that there benefit to doing it from time to time. My advice is to get comfortable being alone, but not very often and not for any prolonged time. (no more than a few days)
Mmmm, I don’t have your problem. Good for you for getting uncomfortable and finding the benefits.
totally echo how you felt as I am currently going through the same, been living alone for nearly 10 years now. It requires a strong mentality to get yourself through.
There comes a peaceful strength in aloneness. A solitary life can even be blissful. 🕊️✨
What about those of us who are shut in due to physical disabilities and little family support?
Wow, it's so profound that I am reading this right now and you verbalized the very state I am in. These podcasts and comments are really helpful.
My experience in the corporate environment has been that a person is penalized for being curious or questioning why things are done a certain way.
the problem is most of our environment starts being the corporate environment with procedures everywhere
The corporate system works when people stay in place and don’t change things all the time .
In the hospital network I worked with - the doctors, nurses and admin have daily huddles - and we ask .. 'what are our barriers to success today?' - relevant to the chat at around 1 hour 11 mins in this talk. This question works for very immediate checking in - makes sense that this occurs in hospitals where its critical that understanding everyone's conditions and circumstances are refreshed everyday.
I feel stuck when I have accomplished a goal that took time but then become bored. I realized that when I still young so I decided I should start thinking of the next project ahead of time. I must always have a new goal, " projects " is what I call them, always learning and moving forward.
“Good is knowing when to stop.” -Toni Morrison in “Beloved”
I sit alone with myself very well and seek out change in life just to pursue absolute joy. I put myself in some challenging situations, but I absolutely love the personal growth I have experienced. I have the happiest life I ever “planned”.😊
At 1:04:31, I like what you said about the writer who just wrote something down , even all the bad ideas.
Once I thought I had ruined a painting I was working on. I thought, “oh well I guess I can mess it up any worse.” So I just kept painting it and trying different stuff, which I really didn’t think would work, but this painting has turned out to be one of the best ones I’ve created.
He is spot on about the color red. I have had more interactions (negative and positive) with males when I wear red in public. It's quite an interesting phenomenon.
I love red, I wear it often. I used to love neutral earthy colors but as I've aged my tastes have changed. My boyfriend upon first meeting could hardly speak when he saw me at work in red. Today I saw myself in the mirror and I thought do I actually look good in red, I'm so pale. I told myself I'm going to wear it anyway because I like it.
French philosopher Deleuze was talking/writing about Repetition and Difference which help us have something new. He also developed a concept about "Lines of Flight" i.e., how new ideas develop, how to spot them, etc...
There are also modern techniques how to discover new things which derive, among other things, from this philosophy. It's called sense-making...
Hey great video! I didn't read all 290 comments, but in case anyone wants to know the 60:1 rule; it's for every 1 degree you're off course, you will miss your target by 1 mile for every 60 miles you travel. This is true for any straight-line navigation.
I am in a difficult life situation and the words of the Buddha regarding suffering have been most helpful. Meditation has helped me more than any analytical or talking therapy! But that is my personal experience hope it helps others.
Pay attention folks! This is one of the BEST EVER interviews! On life, love our careers and basicly everything important to humans! Absolutely loved it. Wow! Watch it and watch it again!!!!!!
My experience about being curious is that people are not interested in putting the time into looking at the question far fewer possible answers. When teaching, I always welcomed questions because it was an opportunity to discuss possibilities with the student and the class. It's really easy to shut down that space and watch the light fade from their eyes. Usually, the reason is lack of time.
Also, some people like certainty. When you're holding potential alternatives in the air, you initially have to suspend judgement while those possibilities are being revealed or teased out. Some people find this uncertainty very very uncomfortable.
Absolutely uncertainty is uncomfortable and not embraced enough in academia. I teach marketing on the college level and it really pains me that such a creative career choice is met with silence when I ask, "How would you do this or that for a client?" Intellectual curiosity is not the norm. They look at me for the answers when in my field there are often no right answers but one path the client ultimately chooses.
@@NatalieBaucum Yup. We are naturally lazy. Someone else can work out the "right" answer.
@@NatalieBaucum Now, in the Israeli/Palestinian conflict, wouldn’t be interesting to take on one side or the other as a client… Figure out what their goals are… And help them create a “campaign“ in order to realize those goals.
Do you have the respect of that is once you’ve decided which side you’re on… You find a way to justify the actions of your side…
I mean there is a middle ground where you decide the rightness of one particular cause, and have the freedom to point out and criticize the errors and excesses of your chosen side. But that doesn’t fit into politics.
The curiosity section 🔥 culture is also worth mentioning as a huge impact on killing that ‘odd one out’ natural inclination by alienation and punishment. It’s special to find out you never really lose it, you just lock it in in a box in your brain and so you can find your way back to it when life is safe.
I can't figure out what you're trying to say. If you can please explain more clearly.
Thanks
@@kea5763I think what he’s saying is that we all have this outcast/curious side of ourselves that we bury because it doesn’t fit in with our friend group/society. If we didn’t bury our uniqueness (what makes us different from others) we would be ostracized by our friend group. Happened to me as a early teenager and it still affects me to this day.
I love your podcasts, the way you speak, the way you ask questions very straight to the point and clear and your genuine energy and respect is reflected at least in my perception! Thank you 🙏
Great guest to interview, as always my thanks to you Steven for allowing your guest to answer the question without interruption. My husband is one of those with an ever inquiring mind, even at 80! He is a lap swimmer and is always searching for videos on better ways to swim, breathe, stroke etc. He is also an avid vegetable gardener, transformed into an hydroponic grower from necessity of unit living. Endless hours of research go into finding new ways of growing in this manner and experiments are always in production. His work life was incredibly varied, he got bored easily when he reached a pinnacle and would change direction to follow another path. I also had many changes, some better than others but am very glad for the variety of lived experience against doing the same thing for decades.
The name analysis is so spot on. I have an unusual name and most people I meet have never heard this name before. And I always have so much anxiety when I have to introduce myself because I know they are gonna ask me to repeat
Why are you anxious? Just say your name s l o w l y... repeat it and even go so far as to spell it and say where it originated. Use it as a conversation starter about your heritage & ancestry!
Embrace your whole self!
I've tried everything you've mentioned and yet, most will pronounce it wrongly. So I stick with telling my last name which is way easier for them to remember. Of course, if the person in front is from the same cultural background, then they know how to pronounce it correctly. The pain of hearing your name pronounced wrongly is... just ugh! Frustrating, lol.
Almost brought tears to my eyes when Adam was talking about nostalgia. Love this episode ❤
I'm one of those naturally curious people and I have to say, in all the jobs I've had I've been mainly discouraged from standing out, asking questions, or coming up with new ways to do things. Supervisors often feel annoyed or threatened and almost everyone thinks I'm either showing off or trying to make them look bad. So, I learned to just shut up and do what I'm told.
I’m glad you brought up the point that names that are hard to pronounce may cause prejudice and discrimination.
I spent 5 years as a technical advisor (guru) atmy old job. Loved it. Loved the people, loved the learning, got such a kick out of work. Became an assistant manager, left within 7 months. A shame in hindsight, but I'm happy now
1:02:00 - why do we need to see a season of change with fear? Why not excitement? As humans, we’re negatively wired, but by observing our thoughts we can create new patterns and choose excitement over fear. I’m in the middle of a major change, and yes my primary tendency is to see all things that can possibly go wrong, but as I have that thought, I cancel it and say instead “ imagine what it’ll be like when everything goes right?” I’ve trained my mind to imagine the best scenarios instead of fearing the worst.
This was honestly one of the most profound interviews I have heard in a long time! I just ordered the book. I just had to 😊
I love how articulate and easy going this guest is. I have really enjoyed really the conversation. My take home is the regular ask on what are the 3 things that we can fix in our relationships. Thank you Steve.
This guy is soooo brilliant , genuine, over intelligent, amazing guest Steven, thank u for bringing him
One of the most life changing videos I listened on youtube!
Answering the questions you said has just propulsed me in life like nothing in a long time. Thank you so much Adam and Steven for this wonderful interview!
Great interview! My dad always answered my many questions when I was growing up, and never made me feel like he was annoyed with me. I still ask a lot of questions even into my 50s. I’ve found it easier to remember things if I know why, and helps me to figure out if there’s a better way or not.
My favourite interview by far. He gave so many insights and ideas without overly complicating his conveyance of them.
Best episode by far. Insightful, helpful and informative. Lots of light bulb moments. I was engrossed and will listen again.
I don't usually comment but I'm genuinely in shock. I genuinely have a natural curiosity and have always been known as the "questions girl" or the "spokesperson" and to be honest I've tried to suppress it. People tend to get angry with you and when working in groups I feel I'm the only one who cares to know or everyone is me the "spokesperson" to ask the question they aren't willing too just incase it's seen as a stupid question. It's also frustrating when you can't find the answer to a lot of things. Never have I heard that curiosity is sought after 😳. Every answer I get spawns an algorithm of even more questions. I need a new path
You’re a very, very beautiful soul Mark. Thank you so much for the love and light. ❤️
So inspired to complete my MA in Research Psychology after listening to Adam speak (after a 6-year hiatus). I'm now within the Market Research space, and the dualities which Adam so eloquently discussed is CHEFS KISS. Thank you for this Steven and Adam!
Thank you Karen.
Another amazing episode! Thanks,Steven!
Hi, my name is Márcia and I'm part of that group of super curious people but this is not very recognized here in Portugal. We are part of a minority that is often left aside because we defy the "we've always done it this way" and that for many, is a lot of work. Thanks for the content 🙏😊
Thank you... I find myself so frustrated at work, I see a sea possibilities and hundred ways we could improve and do things differently. Soul breaking when I get hit with the 'we have always done it this way' wall. You get to the point where you give in, and you just show up at work to do what you are told and get a pay check. I like to leave my creative side to my hobbies and enjoy those, experimenting, creating and moving forward. Would be good if in general other people realised that creativity and curiosity is not age bound.
This is so true about the names! I’m from Ukraine but my mother is Russian and my father is ethnic German, so I have a typical Russian name and my last name is German. Wherever I go people remember me! That’s insane. Even when I went to our version of MRI or DMV (the atmosphere there is tense worldwide😅) people would remember me and be more lenient. The part about symbols was fascinating and I’ve never noticed it. I think if you bear this information in mind it can significantly help you through life. Even in the way you decorate your home/office etc. Thank you for the podcast!
I’m a questioner and always wondered why when asking for people to subscribe you say small favour? To you it’s a big thing to gain subscribers so a big favour? And maybe people feel more satisfied doing a big favour for you? Worth a try maybe. Love the podcast. I listen and learn daily. Thank you
I think because framing it as a small favor means less resistance to doing the action, which will hopefully make people more likely to hit subscribe. Just my take tho
I’m not sure if you just choose really fantastic guests or if my psyche is drawn to your videos, but every time I watch you, it’s exactly what I needed to hear at that time. Excellent job!
I’ve just reached the end of my rabbit hole! Podcast addiction. Reading addiction. Maximizing addiction.
These 2 hours will be explored and exploited weekly for the next 12 months and serve as a springboard for ideas, gritting, quitting, reevaluating.
This is the end of seeking!
So fully packed with multifaceted aspects worth noting and incorporating into a daily practice.
* A big gulp of fresh water
* Tao Te Ching for Modern Business and Scholarship
* The Basics of The Basics
Thank you!!!
Finding your True Identity is key. Understanding who You are and what you want instead of what your parents/society says you are. It is a crime to lose your True Identity. This is your life, your story. You are in charge.
Hi Steven and Adam, my name is Bruno and I was very thrilled to watch and learn from this episode. Tks and congrats for both of you!
This episode was very informative and the best one so far! I must save it and listen to it again and again to make sure I did not miss anything.
Some of the most successful people I know of are named: Anne, Joan, Mary, Rachel, Margaret, Jackie, Catherine, Trina, Kat, Mark, Steven, Jack, Pete, Mike, Robert, Tony, Ron, Sam, Don, Tom, Ted, Charles. These are more common and easier to remember names.
This is something that I excel at. I’m a Cancerian, I do ALONE exceptionally well
All the guests and topics on this podcast are the best, so interesting I always listen to the end. Your interviewing style is great too, very authentic and fun. keep ‘em comin Steven!!! 💟
I’m a happy 80-year-old who taught all my life. I knew when I was 15 what I would do. I look back on very happy teaching years.
What a wonderful and insightful conversation as I gear up for mega breakthroughs in 2024! Thanks a lot for sharing
I believe, due to life experience, we can become stuck in our own trauma and sorrow. Moving through our lives as though enveloped in a shroud that keeps us from really facing the world that has left such an indelible mark on our souls. If we try hard enough, we don't have to remember the hurt or the trauma at all. Almost.
What I find interesting about the ‘curiosity’ section, from my experience of being someone who is naturally curious yet has often gotten an eye roll for asking too many ‘whys’ in different companies, is that management’s attitude towards questions of curiosity and whether or not they’re taken on board/allowed to experiment further has a huge impact on the individuals potential for growth and fulfilment in the role and also company success. Too often I have seen resistance to experimentation and curiosity in junior staff that could really help business success… how to approach this?
Lovely! Thank you for validating my uncommon curiosity for everything!🎉 I definitely have a multidimensional mindset.
Wow, thank you for this episode! So many powerful ideas packed in it. I found myself scrolling back, relistening and jolting down notes. Thanks! You and Adam inspired me to act instead of strategizing!
You literally just made my whole year I was beginning to doubt myself because I am the person who asks❤ why is it done this way how is it done this way could it be done better and even if it's only a 1% different way, I like to have those conversations and not everybody is receptive to those conversations. I'm an inventor a think out-of-the-box person I dropped out of high school at 15 because I didn't think School made any sense with Antiquated booksIand boring teachers I wanted to go and first-hand experience life I was also very hungry figuratively and physically. I've had the fortune to start several of my own businesses even ended up on Oprah. Not understanding marketing but looking at how to possibly get free advertisement through articles which I think have much more impact than advertising. Also the one thing that shuts down people like me about asking questions and getting to the bottom of things as to why is because other people feel so threatened and want to throw you under the bus like you're less than because that's not your department, therefore we keep silent about our observations. This comment is unfortunately coming under my Sillyside versus my serious side that being said I love your podcast thank you so much for the diversity and deep thinking!
Steven! I just love your podcast. This interview, along with Busta Rhymes' is one of my favorites. I love your vulnerability, curiosity, and relentless pursuit of always becoming (better) as a human. I'd love to interview YOU! Your insights are golden.
Dec 28, 11:50. This is for me, the best interview..he absolutely has wisdom and understanding to share. I will now read his books. Thank you. And with that, you are so qualified to do these interviews. You are very skilled. So real and relaxed, human..
Even when I short in time, i di always find time to watch Steven's podcast. Such a value every time.
When an individual is not worried about time limits, one could come up with limitless variations on a theme. Even with time limits, being able to enjoy the process of discovery is crucial. Unfortunately, most schools and learning institutions focus on end results and speed.
Yep, I certainly am, I know why, yet cannot push past the solution. It's AFTER the solution, when I cut permanent marital ties, I need to move on down the road to a new life. My anxiety just shot through the roof. Triggered too easily.
One of the best ever interviews, thank you so much.
I really appreciate and value your podcasts. Thank you Steven, for being awesome!