What I love about your videos: no distracting music, no gadgets or anything to try to impress or "hypnotize" anybody. Thank you for your honesty one again.
Bro I'm from South Africa. I just moved out only at 31. I am finally away from my toxic family. I have been grieving like hell lol and only have one friend who understands to some extent as he also has toxic family. I appreciate your video's you are amazing. It's helping me heal. God bless you.
Rick Kikta Yes I’ve been watching and downloading his vids for a couple of years. He’s the best bar none the best therapist I’ve ever experienced. I love the fact that he is coming from his own experiences. Authentic to the core. Yes he is a treasure thus I gift to all of us. I get a true sense of peace and acceptance of myself from all the work I’ve been putting into my own difficult recovery because of Daniel validating all that I’ve done.
Note to self: 1. Distance from those who harmed me and those who took their side 2. Create a safe place and moment to let the grieving happen 3. Set my life around healthy habits and avoid distractions (helps with self-awareness) 4. Seek people who spontaneously side with my grieving process (helps with self doubt) 5. Explore my history to let feelings and memory come back I feel I'm going to get back to this video a lot.
I told my therapist after disconnecting from my parents, that I felt like they had died, that my whole family had died, and she looked at me so uncomfortably. I felt like she thought that of course they aren't dead, you chose to disconnect from them. I knew she couldn't relate. Sent me off to another institution to be dealt with due to "therapy-interfering" behaviours. Haven't seen a therapist since and certainly don't intend to. The grieving process is hell, the amount of loneliness it brings can be staggering.
I didn't disconnect my family unfortunately but I had an argument with one of my parents that I told 'I am done with this family, I am done!'. After that even though I see them breathing, talking, walking I feel like they died. I feel like they are just ghost, ghost that I have to interact with them as little as much possible. Every time I look at them now, I feel like I am looking at just a flashback of past. It is really saddening for me. Although they are still living, I feel like I already lost my family completely.
I'm 53 and grieving my childhood physical, emotional and sexual abuse. My whole life has been a series of underacheivement, depression, quit jobs, extreme difficulty keeping friends other than on a very superficial leveland more and more self-isolation but I never attributed it to the abuse. I knew it had some effect but I was in denial. 6 months ago I started to piece it all together and I also have had a few good cries... sometimes unexpected...
skyscrapercamera wow! I can truly relate to your story. Same thing happened to me. One day it all hit me and I realized where the root of the problem stemmed from.
Can relate as well and 53. I found through a spiritual awakening and we have a astrological Chiron return ( the wounded healer) at about 50- 51yrs of age. It's all about shame, grief self esteem or lack there of, abandonment and rejection too. I found a few things helped me like Marisa peer on UA-cam learning l am enough for self esteem, not being in a relationship helps heal the you that you search for in others, the hopononpono forgiveness prayer for all the perpetrators and forgiveness for the self. Doing inner child work and healing that lost part of you and also some meditations with arch angel Michael and Raphael for cutting cords and healing. Also ancestral grieving and healing too, some deep wounds are not even ours but our parents or their parents that were programmes, instilled in us. Good luck it's a journey but well worth it.
Going thought my Chiron return right now at 49 years old. Just about fell apart and had massive waves of crying and grieving several aspects of my life. You mention ancestral wounds and something I’ve been thinking about recently, as a female, is that we are born with all the eggs in our ovaries that we will ever have. So that means that in utero, our mothers’ experiences were experienced, in a way, by us or at least impacted us at a cellular level. And to take that up a notch, this also means that as an egg, we were already inside our mothers’ body when HER mother (your grandmother) was pregnant with your mother. I hope that makes sense. Basically granny’s pain, trauma, experiences and that of your own mother has all been indirectly experienced and passed on through to ourselves 🤔
honestly, I had a good cry just scrolling through all the thousands of comments on this video. look how many are suffering like me and your able to help all of us make sense of this. I can't thank you enough. You make yourself vulnerable sharing this info but it really is helpful in our healing process. I felt so alone all these years. I guess I'm not alone after all.
❤just when you think you are totally alone in the world & no one else on the entire planet gets you - you find this guy & know there is something bigger than yourself & to never give up being yourself ❤
Yes - except mine is so wild bc at 11yr old I knew my parents were greatly flawed as parents and in their marriage. So I stopped calling them mom dad and instead by their first names and I basically lived at my best friends. But bc at 13yr old I unconsciously buried all this important info bc of mother being my assistant principal at my high school I was about to attend…. And led me to acting like my 8yo self who wasn’t traumatized by her yet.
I turned 50 this past March, lived a life of self abuse, just woke up and I found my 4 year old self . It's so unbelievable how many emotions i feel now.
@@hetedeleambacht6608same here, chronically sick from not feeling my grief and inner child. How are you doing now, what are you doing to help? Does it feel healing?
It really is the hardest thing to do. The main person i needed to hold my hand is me. I can be so horrible to the vulnerable 'sensitive' kid that I was, it's a relief to know that I can stay with him and try to re-nurture him into a better place. I've now found someone who is understanding and accepting, but only by valuing myself differently
I totally recommend asking god for help in those moments. Even if you don’t believe. Just ask, honestly and humbly, for help. It usually opens the floodgates, if you allow it to happen.
Its such a shame kids can't be caught at the pre-kindergarten stage and healing can start right there, nip it in the bud before the behavior and feelings are engraved in their soul, and only 50 years later. after a yet more traumatic life, then begin the healing process. I relate to the denial very well, I remembered the trauma but always said it really didn't affect me.
I agree Lynn. I find it sad. In life it seems we are almost completely surrounded by hurt people don't understand they're hurt and acting out. But it's so hard to heal as you get older.
when someone says, "oh, that's hogwash, my father abandoned my family and it didn't affect me". I realize they may never get in touch with their child heart, which is where God is found. Jesus came to reintroduce us to ourselves, find the lost child inside and heal. I'm amazed at how many high profile televangelists are divulging childhood sexual abuse. Max Lucado, Marilyn Hickey, Joyce Meyer, Terry Crist. Max just put it in a recent book. It just goes to show...Satan attacks us where it hurts the worst...our fragile identitly, nothing worse than being objectified/sexualized, with absolutely no emotional tools to process it and no adults paying attention to our change or distress. Hell, no one likes being objectified as an adult for someone elses use/manipulation. Just want to relay that God has delivered and there is hope even for the most broken. There's a common theme in this life and God wants us to learn to be good grievers...getting in touch with the child inside that got cut off in so many ways. It is part of our life journey back to God. I was SO AFRAID for years to touch on it, was afraid I'd fall apart and no one would be there for me, or I'd somehow cease to exist, the fear of realizing I am alone and I'm not going to die. I finally started loving myself and giving myself a break...once shame left.
Real talk. The fact is that most therapists or even "alternative healers" have not gone themselves through this deep process and thus aren't really able to assist you to heal for real. You need to know, if you decide to do so, you're completely going against the grain of society and the system, which just runs on unhappy wounded people who are doing their best to just get by and to cope with their stuff - the whole structure of society/the system is built around this. It doesn't want you thriving and at your full potential. The few who have done the work themselves though can help. And most of that help, for me at least, came in the form of the assurance I missed as a child, telling me what I'm feeling n experiencing is alright, and not abnormal or crazy or unacceptable.
you re absolutely right about that, and that is how i experience the world, day in, day out. perhaps i could get healed but then, thete are very few who really dig deep into things
Daniel, sooo many of your videos are like your adult arms hugging and pulling my heart out of my chest and platonically holding it and kissing it like a caring brother to a newborn infant. I feel my deepest feelings and care about me because of your candid stories. You are saving sooo many people's lives. You are validating my need to bawl and cry and grieve for decades and at random times at inopportune times....it happens of its own volition and i need to cancel an appointment with someone else and make myself a priority.... Daniel, when I am old , i would like to meet you and shake your hand and hug you to thank you for changing my life , and giving me hope, and creating pathways for others to validate themselves because no one has ever done that for them in the 75 yrs of their life.
I felt grieve for my brother while I was in a dream. I woke up and I could still feel it in my body.After the grieving was over I felt pure joy in my chest.I never felt in my life this feeling of intense joy.
I reflect on my childhood / teenage years and remember crying my heart out, due mainly to being misunderstood, not having my needs met, and being unnecessarily and unjust punishments. I would cry profusely and uncontrollably on my own, yet even though my parents could hear me weeping and distressed, they never came to console or help me make sense of the injustices (scapegoating, gas-lighting, mocked, ignored...) in which I was subjected to, and which caused me much confusion, frustration, and insecurity. I cried so many tears that I would feel dehydrated ! I think these crying episodes were cleansing and relieving after much emotional suppression and dissociation.
It’s not just people’s avoidance of pain - we are much hardier than we know; when, ever, in this world is a child/person exposed to grief and loss processing? Who, ever, anywhere, shows us, speaks to us, explains to us, listens to us, in the constant ebb and flow of life? Loss is a daily thing, as is attainment (learning, loving)…we have much to learn…
This is pure gold. I have also felt and saw structural changes in my cognitive style, body posture, emotions dealing and social skills once I started grieving and journaling.
Daniel, what you are doing on this channel is invaluable. I cannot believe how much I identify with some of the things you are saying. Thank you for helping me heal
True...no one is doing it. In a way society normalises suppression on negative emotions. Emotions tell us what's happening in our environment and our reactions to what is happening. They are not right or wrong, bad or good. They are messengers, Don't kill the messenger because you don't like the message.
I'm glad i found your comment. A came to the realization after my grieving process that now i'm someone totally diferent and a part of me has died.I used to be very codependent and needy...i'm only 19 and sometimes i'm afraid of the new part of me
@@anacantu2626 it’s so wonderful you’re digging so deep with these things so young! 💙 and so great to be able to find and be guided wisely… it’s one great blessing of the internet ~ with all the toxic about it, there is absolute gold for life to be found! Another great channel is Jay Reid
The brain connections LOVE honesty, and grieving is honest. It's like a defragmentation and re-organizing of parts of the brain to function in a more healthy way. And make connections where we didn't understand before. Dishonesty is actually damaging on the brain, it goes into panic and overdrive with lying.
One of my grieving process involves drinking a bottle of wine (because of what I went through I am not terribly emotional in a Normal state), being alone, holding a smiling photo of my 3 year old self and telling her I will always be there for her, to protect and love her.... I would go into this extreme state of sadness, crying for myself, and crying for the pain and rough experience I went through. I would cry uncontrollably hard for 10 - 30 minutes with every fiber of my body.... I have done this many times in the past few year. I believe this is my grieving process even though I didn’t know what to call it. I grieve until I completely exhausted that feeling and committed to loving myself like no one else. I am a better person today and found the love of my life. Thank you for sharing this Daniel.
Wow. deliberate and tempered use of alcohol and drugs indeed can indeed help sometimes ( if you can handle not getting addicted, that is). I drink coffee. Too much, it gives me inflammations but it gives me a serotonine boost in the morning wgen i feel like xx. I want to quit the coffee. i have to. but its better then psychofarma shxt or chemical drugs, which i dont take. i drink alcohol very rarely last years (never was a big drinker though).
Deep heartfelt grieving that includes real crying and real tears releases the traumatic energy that was stored in the muscles at the time of the trauma. If you allow yourself enough of this type grieving it will change who you are on a physical level because it metabolizes the adrenalin that was stored in the muscles allowing them to become more relaxed and less responsive to trigger events so you can see them in a different less threatening light. It will change the brain also because when you see things from a different perspective, it creates new distinctions, and neuro pathways to allow for the new interpretations changing the hormonal response your brain sends to the body.
which explains the chronical inflammation in muscles and joints that are related to 'depression'. I have it gor years. and its clear for me it is related to frustration and in particular, self loathing
I'm so glad I found your videos because I too was traumatized and I too went through that intense grieving and didn't quite understand it. I did EMDR trauma therapy last year and when I was alone at home and where no one could hear me, I cried for hours so hard and felt the most powerful release. It did happen a few times and I felt internally changed. The EMDR didn't change me but the grieving did. And maybe it was the EMDR and bringing up all the details of horrible childhood abuse that brought me to my knees at a later time. I cried to God and begged him to heal me. I cried for the little girl that went through the most hellish experience caused by my sociopath parents and older sister. As a result, I could no longer have any relationship with my family. I had very minimal contact with my toxic mom via phone, no contact with the others, but she continued to violate me even via the phone and I have just had enough. I refuse to take her calls, respond back to her texts and I cut it off for good. The grieving was my way of letting it out and letting it go. But also I can't allow anything like that to continue. I'm a good loving soul that deserves love and kindness. I did not deserve what happened to me and I had to grieve that. It was soooo painful and so hard to understand why anyone would do that to a sweet little girl. I cried for her. I have a young daughter and she is so sweet like i was. I see myself in her. I really needed to grieve all that because it was repressed and would bubble up as anger in inappropriate ways. As I went through this period I would cry often and had no control when it would come up. But I did not repress it anymore, I let it flow naturally and exit my body and it was most healing process I've experienced yet. I also isolated myself during this time, I want to be alone, I want to heal and process alone because there is no one who can understand what I'm going through except maybe you Daniel. Your the very first person I've heard talk about this grieving process. I have a trauma therapist I work with weekly but she doesn't' quite understand trauma cause she never been traumatized. It's something you feel deeply, can't learn this from a book.
isolation is key, as it seems, too i tjink you can only grieve when you are truely alone, for long enough periods.. A luxury perhaps not always there for everyone. I think the need to be alone every now and then is severely underrated and too often seen as a problem in itself, not part of a healrhy grieving process. its what animals do, too. And kids. 'Leave me alone'.
Your comment moved me a lot and I felt connected to you in what you wrote as I’m feeling that my story is similar in a way to yours. I have taken the decision to cut down my family, it’s something I knew and fantasize about for sometimes but always felt and still feels wrong but my heart tells me it’s the right things to do. I wish myself luck and may you and I grieve and prosper
Bless you Daniel. I turned 30 in April and after falling in love for the first time, traveling and really experiencing what it's like to live for the first time my first relationship fell apart and I'm faced with having to deal with myself. Someone I always neglected.
It’s especially hard with religious people Some are open but many are very self centered and self indulgent I was part of it I want to be different just to be more open minded I became very tough and not easy , complicated as I think I was wearing lots of emotions of others and I have to set boundaries to be more easy and offensive Enjoy life and be happy
Doing anger work can jumpstart the grieving process. Sometimes anger opens the floodgates to the tears. We used an anger wall during a trauma program and it helped to feel our feelings and then the tears come in buckets. Getting out the anger we feel that has went unexpressed for a lifetime leads to a deep grieving process that opens the floodgates to even more anger and sadness to be processed over time. Stuffing that sadness and anger is so toxic! We were yelling out what made us angry about a particular trauma or person, and when almost finished the tears come out. Then we said what we were sad about in that relationship or incident. Doing it in a group setting was amazing because you have support. It was like taking an emotional shower and cleansing the deep wounds we never wanted to face. The anger wall changed my life and tapped into being able to feel my feelings and grieve deep losses. But we did this in a two-week long trauma program under supervision. Thanks so much Daniel, for all you do. I'm so glad you are sharing what works.
Something something like that just happened to me recently. I cried so deep at some point I FELT like a baby. Such comfort and there was no left or right, there was nothing I had to do. It was just pure bliss and something in there just....changed.....I even faintly kinda saw a movie strip happen very fast before my eyes but couldn't make up any particular image. Then, I got up and i simply said I DID IT. I DIT IT! I didn't knot what I did but I just KNEW I Did it!! I suddenly felt like running and I did. Im so glad I'm not the only one who\s gone through this experience
I am deeply grieving, and you made me cry...... but it was of happiness for the realization there are people like you as well as great sadness for the past.
I did not deal with my childhood, till 26yrs. I thought I came from a happy child hood. I was alcholic from age I picked up. 26yrs old I was in rehab. As my brain clearly ed all these odd feeling and emotions I was carrying. Went into full pain and grief. I could not breath. I was full up. I have suffered for years . I'm 57yrs old. Depressed all my life. Cried not stop for 15 years. Grieved like an animal. The pain was so deep. I was sexually abused from the age of 7yrs old perhaps before. Everyone abused me. Physically and sexually abused by my mum. She was scithronia , in and out of the hospital, having electric shock treatment. I protected my sisters. Father abused me up to age 13 yrs. My mother was dragged into a cult in the 60s. With me and my sister and profile ring. Mother put crosses all round the house, house wall and ceilings were banging. As I am writing this. I'm glad I was an alcholic it saved me to a point, not remembering. But I'm always in grief and confusion. I get on with my life like normal peoole. But inside stoo breathing, get confused, who am I. Yea had psycotherapists. But lot my stuff is deep in my subconscious to protect me.
Daniel, thank you for sharing. As a child and as an adult I often have felt not understood, that my parents do not approve of my feelings. When my first baby died, they made me feel I wasnt allowed to cry, I felt I had to be ok for them not to be upset. It was verty diffilcult. all I wanted to do is cry and expected them to be there for me but they couldnt .. I realised afterwards it was very difficult for them to grieve too. Today with my own children I can seeI have also made mistakes and I feel so bad about it. Specially my son , which reminds me of you, is very sensitive and is now having a difficult time , I realise he is grieving for all the moments he felt negleted and abandonded by me , by his father.Just as you say. He doesnt want us near him, he left home. He is now crying a lot, I wish I could spare him of this pain. i just love him so much. Im trying to step back, to understand , to have empathty. to be patient. I know he can heal, that he can do it. this situation has moved me deeply, has made me dig into my own experience, my own traumas. I thank youl for courage and your kindness.
Many times I dont agree with this guy BUT he is so honest and transparent that I keep gong back to his videos. He is not presumptions or snoby. He is like an honest friend that tells you what he thinks even tho you may not always agree.
Since I was about 10 I remember feeling anxious with my family, but it wasn’t until 5 years ago that I had a full blown breakdown which led to chronic anxiety and eventually depression. About 3 years ago I found your channel, and while I enjoyed the content, I didn’t think it applied much to me in terms of healing emotional trauma from childhood. I have since come full circle and this past year have finally come to realize just how much trauma my mother caused me. There were others as well, but my mom has been the biggest negative force in my life, and I am basically just now starting the healing process. I am nervous because I feel head fog and emotionally numb, and to think this could last forever makes me afraid, but I know that if I put in the work, the results will come in time.
@@andybreedlove Hello and thank you for asking! I am actually doing quite a bit better now, and my life trajectory feels great as I can see myself improving at a slow but steady pace. I would say the biggest thing which helped me, sadly, was the death of my mother. Her passing away really freed me of the burden which she used to put on me, and it has allowed me, for the first time in my adult life, to really examine who I am, and what I want to do with my life. I can honestly say I now feel much more connected to my life. One of the hardest parts now is having patience and empathy with myself as I re-parent myself and develop my personality.
I'm happy you could experience your grieving so throughly, crying so freely. I'm still so scred of it. I'm 46 and when I start crying my grieve I feel that I could cry a river and stop myself. I cannot let go yet.
I'm so grateful for a whacky hippy therapist I met here in Ireland who was a great believer in the grieving process to heal. I thought she was a crazy but she was totally right. Once the tears started, it turned into a full flood that took months to come out of me. It was like dam bursting. But once it all started coming out, I felt deep inner healing inside my soul.
OMG... identifying with the parent instead of the child. I CAN'T believe that I have never thought of that! I have done a lot of work over many years but this is something that never occurred to me and it's EXACTLY what I do.. what a completely A-HA moment! Thank you, Daniel.
You are so right about most people not doing the work. I have experienced that feeling of isolation because no one around me understood what I was going through - even therapists.
I really agree that a therapist has to have gone through the process themselves. As a codependent adult child of an alcoholic in recovery, I would be loath to talk with a therapist who doesn't understand this specific type of trauma with specific outcomes. It's a deeply rooted set of patterns and beliefs that's unbelievably persistent and hard to change. It's not a vague disturbance, and medication will never solve it. Best put, it's a spiritual journey.
when you said “a lot of people don’t even remember their own childhoods” i paused and really thought about that. i’m only 19 and i don’t remember much. occasionally have little flashbacks or if someone says something that reminds me of that time a memory i haven’t thought about in years just pops. sometimes these memories catch me off guard and make me sad like i didn’t know i repressed what happened to me so much i don’t even remember the good parts
In order to survive the brain hides certain memories until we get away from the environment and people who are part of the traumatic events because the reality is very painful and we are programmed to survive. Can't survive as a kid knowing your not loved, protected, given support and guidance etc. Marvelous defense mechanism.
I’m 53 and I finally found a good therapist for my experience of being molested by my father. I’ve been in therapy for many decades and they were clueless in how to help me. My new therapist has 40 years of experience and I feel she can help me heal.
I can so much relate to all of this. It’s pretty similar to my own grieving experience and you are so right that it’s a journey you often make alone because most people seem to be too fearful to, and I think it really is a journey that you mostly have to take by yourself. I found therapy somewhat helpful, but not really. It was me being willing to do the work, not talking to a therapist that made the difference. One suggestion that I have for people that feel stuck in reconnecting with their past memories and emotions is to look at old photos or listen to music from the era in which they grew up. I very recently heard a song by Donovan called Catch the Wind and just started weeping when I heard it. I don’t believe I’ve heard it since the 1960s and then I realized it reminded me of my mom. The odd thing is that I weep every time I hear it and I haven’t figured out why. It’s hard listening to it, but I do. I just want to figure out why it impacts me this way... but yeah music, photos and memorabilia from the era may help. I also think it was part of the reason for my personal vintage obsession. I just really wanted to unearth my past. If you read all of this, thank you for your time.
Thank you i can relate to you total about the part of the music from childhood. I would cry and cry and try to use my body to it as it comes (Bioenergetic). This feels afterwards like release, thank you for sharing!
there was a Catholic monk Thomas Keating who developed Centering Prayer, which essentially is sitting 20 min in silence. It has the same result - deep crying out and evacuation of accumulated nonsenses.
I've been trying to recall events from my childhood for 20 years now with little success. I went to a therapist 15 years ago and she made me realise how disturbed and pathological my home was. Up until then I thought I was guilty because of my rebellious nature. I remember the therapist telling me "if you don't seperate yourself from your toxic mother right now, you have little chance of doing so if you reach 40". She was right, I'm 44, still living with her and getting sicker and sicker physically and emotionally. I went through all that grief and crying you talk about but didn't have enough courage to leave so I became numb. I wrote it already in my other comments that I keep myself alive for my son. Otherwise I function like a robot. And I used to be so full of life so hopeful until I turned 40. I was hoping I could change things right now I feel as if I had zero control over my life.
You are still that person; dont you think your son deserves that true being?? At least you are aware that it is you attachment to your mother that is holding you back; just leave….! Wish i could help
I had that grieving experience too ...I cried so much that i forgot about my own trauma and I could feel other people's pain, I could see their trauma so clearly. It was the best couple of hours of my life and I've always been trying to get back there. Some ppl say if Jesus did indeed exist, he must have felt like that 24/7.
My defense mechanism is so strong that I would start forgetting heartbreaking abuses that happened to me just a few days ago. My mind would intuitively make the memory fuzzy, cut away details, and quickly block out unpleasant things. I was surprised to re-read a journal that I’ve kept for the past year,but it explains a lot and makes everything clear.
The body keeps the score. Even if your conscious brain doesn't want to remember the exact circumstances, you can still release the emotional pain. I thought that was important to mention. And Yoga actually helps people to release stored up bodily traumas. I did some hip flexors and started crying gently because something had released and come out! Dancing, singing, chanting, having a fire, screaming.... writing, shaking, drumming.... all very releasing activities for stored traumas. Visualization, smashing plates after writing trigger words on them... so many diverse ways to grieve! No one proper way :-)
My brother from another mother. 💙 Sometimes I feel soooooo alone... and then I hear your vid or of another fellowtraveler from internet. Gratefull. Couse it's a lonely road if you grew up being traumatised.
When I see kids in distress it makes me feel very unconfortable I have an impulse to comfort the kid because it reminded me of when I was a kid se adults saw my pain n tried to protect me from my often sadistic step father. I can calm most kids and make them laugh, I love kids.
Lost my dad this past aug, and im 33. I had that deep spiritual grief at first. The nothing but chaoshas has ensued. My mom is not allowing me to grieve. And made my dads death about her. And oh my, i identity with the aggressor makes so much sense. I have a deep sense of abandonedment, and have slipped into severe depression. Itheres so much more. I wish i could be your friend.
Thank you for sharing this and all of your wonderful videos Daniel. Your courage to self-disclose such deep truth is generous, inspiring and so deeply healing. Thank you for being you.
The crying release happened to me recently. It was so strange it was so odd feeling joy it was like bits blocked off in my body reconnecting. Some of the things I had resolved intellectually released as actual feelings. It was exactly how you stated I couldn’t have stopped it if I wanted to I felt sad and happy throughout the process, like things were leaving but I was being refilled with a feeling of wholeness. It’s definitely helped alot and I’m pretty sure it will happen again. Now I feel more able to access my emotions and I’m not as afraid of the more intense ones that would trigger bad memories of the past or conditioning to repress them. I now feel it’s important to let the full spectrum of anger sadness happiness flow throw my body without judgement.
12:50 I've been realizing the same thing about myself over the past couple days. I find myself really caring for another person, and I kept telling myself in some capacity that it wasnt okay to care as much as I do. I ran it over and over in my head on an uncontrollable loop. Saying nasty things to myself like "you're pathetic", "you arnt good enough" etc. Even trying to rationalize it, like telling myself: "she isnt worth caring about", or "that sorta thing just isnt for you". It finally got to a point where I started accepting my emotions for what they were.Mostly fear. Fear of abandonment. I started sobbing like a child uncontrollably just like you said you did. And I realized that I'm so scared to care for another person because they might leave me. Like so many other people did. Either friends moving away, friends drifting away from me, girls breaking up with me or betraying my emotions. All things I had no control over, but still hurt all the same. So after all these years, the hurt child withen me finds it easier to pretend that I don't care. Because if I don't care I cant get hurt. Actually, come to mention it I vividly remember myself saying "I dont care" as a response to pretty much any concern or criticism I faced as a young kid or teenager... this is some really profound shit.
one thing to mention is that its not just emotional, or intellectual, but somatic. being able to feel safe enough and connected to your body and where these emotions are trapped
That part about being misdiagnosed and even labeled as psychotic speaks to me. I have c-ptsd symptoms, no psychotic symptoms. I met some people in the mental health section who treated me like this. One psychologist that never experienced trauma or abuse (or at least was not aware of it) could not relate to anything i said, and was like a robot. At one point i noticed i was explaining the literal definition of bullying and discrimination, and she kept assuming that i just "misunderstood" the situations in my life. I could not believe it. One psychiatrist referred to my years of being bullied and isolated by basically an entire school of 400 people, but mostly by my own class as "not being something that could traumatize a person." Luckily i left that place, and filed a complaint. I will do what i can to make sure they will be held responsible. The good things is that now i will never let someone treat me like that again.
Wow. Thank you so much for this video. My friends and I instinctively know that grieving is key. But you talking about it in this way and giving a roadmap of how to do it, is so helpful. We always ask ourselves “how do we grieve?” So this answers some of those questions. I have found that starting with a simple timeline was key to putting together what had happened to me. It sounds strange to think that I wouldn’t remember what happened when, but I didn’t. Once I started putting together that timeline, I was able to start seeing cause and effect. And like you said, I started with what I could remember (which was not much), but that caused me to remember more and more and more. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for this video. I’m going through a huge grieving process right now, and honestly most people around me can’t handle it. They insinuate that I’m crazy. I have lost everything in these past two years. It was necessary, but it is not fathomable to hardly anyone. I start to doubt myself and criticize myself. This video helped combat that. Thank you again.
Really, you are not alone! Grieving brings up great fear in many but there are also many of us right there with you! Holding you in my thoughts and all those doing this very challenging work🦋
You are such a treasure for people like we are!. Thank you for that explanation. After my marriage ends I cried for almost 2 year's every day. Until I understand everything what was happened.. Don't stop doing your job!.You are absolutely wonderful therapists!
Yes! Same experience to me. In 2021 I just hurriedly rushed to my room and cried and cried, tears like rivers flowed for the longest time. And my voice was fine afterwards I thought I might get a hoarse voice but no. And I was refreshed afterwards! So yes, this is indeed a much needed process and I can vouch for its realness and Effectivity
Wow, this is what I've always understood... I felt my siblings were not strong enough to accept the incredibly hard reality, because I felt I could go insane when I did.... that our mother didn't love us and only cared about one. So I was stuck and alone dealing with it, and having no help in stopping this by confronting it. Because both my mother and her favored child in their deception and evil manipulation played the victims of my "accusations" when I confronted them. So my other siblings sided with them, acknowledge it or be attacked like I was for speaking the ugly truth.
Feeling confident in one's feelings... I'm learning how important that is today. As I'm trying to piece together how little me experienced my childhood, I keep feeling like I'm "falsely accusing" people of doing things wrong. I wish I felt more confident in my feelings.
I also went through that emotional, hours long crying and sobbing. It seemed beyond physical or even emotional. It seemed elemental, animal almost. It was after admitting, (to myself), childhood sexual abuse, emotional, and physical abuse and also religious abuse. All those things were such a part of me and I had just laid a cloth over them and gone on being who I was "supposed" to be. Pulling back the cloth was exhausting but after the crying, I felt clean and energized. It was amazing and it changed me.
I hear you. I think what you are saying makes a lot of sense. It's simple in a way. It's much simpler to think that people are suffering because they've been harmed, and we fail to see it, than it is to think they've never been harmed at all. Occam's razor.
Wow how incredibly insightful this young counselor is. people who aren’t real because they have never dealt with their own childhood trauma can’t relate to you but relate and Ally with the aggressor/abuser. Their not willing to look at and grieve their own pain nevertheless your pain. No wonder my counseling session with stoic people never helped me. I always felt even more alone and like I was bad for grieving and being angry at the abuse. I’d always leave feeling worst about myself. Leaving therapy was the best thing I could have done. U Tube been such a help
I've randomly found your vedio...i'm working on healing my childhood trauma..i've gone through this process earlier but without knowing what or why I am doing this.. thats why i had stopped it there. Recently i found that the way i am doing certain things or behaving, which caused harm in my personal life actually are the reflection of my childhood trauma... You are saving my life... Thank you... Take my love 🌿
I'm 44 and wish I could have that experience you had at 33. I've started to do the work the last couple years. I'm going to start doing a biography like you suggested. I need to reconnect to that inner child and grieve. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Again I am looking at this video for the thousand's times while going through grief again and it really helps! Wauw again this is the BEST most crucial video made on UA-cam ever! Thanks Daniel!!!!!
Life lets you come across certain things in certain moments. ANd I find listening to everything this man is saying is just making me cry, but it's not out of frustration. It's because I feel like, for one of the first and few times in my life, Im an actual human and like I do belong. Everything being said about grieving and just needing to get away from it all in order to do so is what I've been screaming at MH professionals since I walked through their door at 12 years old (I'm 25 now). And it's interesting to hear their sentiments, not that they are far off from what is being said here, but I suppose what they lack is that feeling of "authenticity". This man knows what to say, and you can tell it's coming naturally and not difficult. That's the authenticity, or I suppose humanity, I crave and I hope I really do keep hoping I find it because Im so scared of what happens to me if I don't. I love myself and watching myself spiral and become a shadow of who I was is destroying me in every way imaginable. And I can't just "go get help" anymore. I've done that for 13 years.
This is a beautiful place. This is exactly what I'm going through. 👏 it is soooo hard. I'm terrified of leaving my partner. Who used to think he was "evil," and that was a lot of negativity and fights put on me. Someone who sees everyone for the good. But, he is the last link to my old life. I'm terrified to do this alone. 😢
I recently chose to distance myself from a parent even though my siblings do not understand or agree with my choice. You have reassured me that this was indeed the right step for me to take. Thank you for sharing your precious & personal insights!
What I love about your videos: no distracting music, no gadgets or anything to try to impress or "hypnotize" anybody. Thank you for your honesty one again.
Well said. I just felt the need to comment on a gimmicky video that had all the crap you mentioned that this man wisely avoids.
lovethineownself
Hypnosis was a large part of how I was able to heal from my own trauma.
@@zain4019 can you please elaborate how u used hypnosis for healing? It could help others
Yess !!! This !!! I agree ! ❤️
Agreed I think it's a good decision for him to treat these subjects with the reverence they deserve.
“The process of grieving is unlocking frozen trauma” - Beautiful Daniel!
Yes, spot on!
Bro I'm from South Africa. I just moved out only at 31. I am finally away from my toxic family. I have been grieving like hell lol and only have one friend who understands to some extent as he also has toxic family. I appreciate your video's you are amazing. It's helping me heal. God bless you.
Yesssssss!! That is exactly it and I don't ever hear that from other therapists!
Daniel, you are like Gold. You are so precious to me. Thank you!
what a wholesome thing to say. that made me happy reading that and it wasn't even directed to me. Thanks rick
Me too 👍
Here I just want grief over-
Like hurry up....so then I can get to healing. Thank you for this insight
tami stone Healing is there already. It’s happening while you grieve...
Rick Kikta Yes I’ve been watching and downloading his vids for a couple of years. He’s the best bar none the best therapist I’ve ever experienced. I love the fact that he is coming from his own experiences. Authentic to the core. Yes he is a treasure thus I gift to all of us. I get a true sense of peace and acceptance of myself from all the work I’ve been putting into my own difficult recovery because of Daniel validating all that I’ve done.
Note to self:
1. Distance from those who harmed me and those who took their side
2. Create a safe place and moment to let the grieving happen
3. Set my life around healthy habits and avoid distractions (helps with self-awareness)
4. Seek people who spontaneously side with my grieving process (helps with self doubt)
5. Explore my history to let feelings and memory come back
I feel I'm going to get back to this video a lot.
Noticed you just commented a few hours ago. Glad to know I’m not alone watching these videos.
I did that over 2 years and I am happy now and self aware
Great comment!
Same here ❤
Thank you for the notes 🙂.
Crying is the key.
I told my therapist after disconnecting from my parents, that I felt like they had died, that my whole family had died, and she looked at me so uncomfortably. I felt like she thought that of course they aren't dead, you chose to disconnect from them. I knew she couldn't relate. Sent me off to another institution to be dealt with due to "therapy-interfering" behaviours. Haven't seen a therapist since and certainly don't intend to. The grieving process is hell, the amount of loneliness it brings can be staggering.
Absolutely!
And it is OKAY to choose to disconnect from toxic people, if it means finding peace and allowing yourself to grieve.
You just have to find the right people to go through it with. You can find someone supportive
I didn't disconnect my family unfortunately but I had an argument with one of my parents that I told 'I am done with this family, I am done!'. After that even though I see them breathing, talking, walking I feel like they died. I feel like they are just ghost, ghost that I have to interact with them as little as much possible. Every time I look at them now, I feel like I am looking at just a flashback of past. It is really saddening for me. Although they are still living, I feel like I already lost my family completely.
What dumb therapist
“Identifying with the aggressor.” This explains SO much. Thank you!!
I'm 53 and grieving my childhood physical, emotional and sexual abuse.
My whole life has been a series of underacheivement, depression, quit jobs, extreme difficulty keeping friends other than on a very superficial leveland more and more self-isolation but I never attributed it to the abuse. I knew it had some effect but I was in denial. 6 months ago I started to piece it all together and I also have had a few good cries... sometimes unexpected...
skyscrapercamera wow! I can truly relate to your story. Same thing happened to me. One day it all hit me and I realized where the root of the problem stemmed from.
I'm 60 and was physically sexually and emotionally abused. I've been grieving for over a year. I feel hopeful but very alone. I cry alot
Can relate as well and 53. I found through a spiritual awakening and we have a astrological Chiron return ( the wounded healer) at about 50- 51yrs of age. It's all about shame, grief self esteem or lack there of, abandonment and rejection too. I found a few things helped me like Marisa peer on UA-cam learning l am enough for self esteem, not being in a relationship helps heal the you that you search for in others, the hopononpono forgiveness prayer for all the perpetrators and forgiveness for the self. Doing inner child work and healing that lost part of you and also some meditations with arch angel Michael and Raphael for cutting cords and healing. Also ancestral grieving and healing too, some deep wounds are not even ours but our parents or their parents that were programmes, instilled in us. Good luck it's a journey but well worth it.
Going through exactly the same here
Going thought my Chiron return right now at 49 years old. Just about fell apart and had massive waves of crying and grieving several aspects of my life. You mention ancestral wounds and something I’ve been thinking about recently, as a female, is that we are born with all the eggs in our ovaries that we will ever have. So that means that in utero, our mothers’ experiences were experienced, in a way, by us or at least impacted us at a cellular level. And to take that up a notch, this also means that as an egg, we were already inside our mothers’ body when HER mother (your grandmother) was pregnant with your mother. I hope that makes sense. Basically granny’s pain, trauma, experiences and that of your own mother has all been indirectly experienced and passed on through to ourselves 🤔
honestly, I had a good cry just scrolling through all the thousands of comments on this video. look how many are suffering like me and your able to help all of us make sense of this. I can't thank you enough. You make yourself vulnerable sharing this info but it really is helpful in our healing process. I felt so alone all these years. I guess I'm not alone after all.
Wishing you the best! Daniel
Crying is healing...but it takes strenght to cry
❤just when you think you are totally alone in the world & no one else on the entire planet gets you - you find this guy & know there is something bigger than yourself & to never give up being yourself ❤
❤❤❤
god bless. WE ALL DESERVE LOVE, always have, always did.
One MUST BREAK THE FANTASY BOND WITH THEIR PARENTS OR THEY WILL NEVER BE THEIR AUTHENTIC SELF. Most adults are still blindly bonded to their parents.
Yes - except mine is so wild bc at 11yr old I knew my parents were greatly flawed as parents and in their marriage. So I stopped calling them mom dad and instead by their first names and I basically lived at my best friends. But bc at 13yr old I unconsciously buried all this important info bc of mother being my assistant principal at my high school I was about to attend…. And led me to acting like my 8yo self who wasn’t traumatized by her yet.
You are a gift to the world, Daniel.
I turned 50 this past March, lived a life of self abuse, just woke up and I found my 4 year old self . It's so unbelievable how many emotions i feel now.
You aren't alone
im 43 and still fighting my own true self. That at a later age you can reaquaint wirh your inner child gives me hope, still
@@hetedeleambacht6608same here, chronically sick from not feeling my grief and inner child.
How are you doing now, what are you doing to help?
Does it feel healing?
Wow congratulations 😍
This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. I feel like I need someone to hold my hand! 🥺
It really is the hardest thing to do. The main person i needed to hold my hand is me. I can be so horrible to the vulnerable 'sensitive' kid that I was, it's a relief to know that I can stay with him and try to re-nurture him into a better place. I've now found someone who is understanding and accepting, but only by valuing myself differently
Me too. Me too!
I totally recommend asking god for help in those moments.
Even if you don’t believe. Just ask, honestly and humbly, for help. It usually opens the floodgates, if you allow it to happen.
@@winterroadspokenword4681 thank you for your reply 🙏🏻
There's always light on the other side and a peaceful world.
Its such a shame kids can't be caught at the pre-kindergarten stage and healing can start right there, nip it in the bud before the behavior and feelings are engraved in their soul, and only 50 years later. after a yet more traumatic life, then begin the healing process.
I relate to the denial very well, I remembered the trauma but always said it really didn't affect me.
I agree Lynn. I find it sad. In life it seems we are almost completely surrounded by hurt people don't understand they're hurt and acting out. But it's so hard to heal as you get older.
Yes
More productive to heal parents before they have children
when someone says, "oh, that's hogwash, my father abandoned my family and it didn't affect me". I realize they may never get in touch with their child heart, which is where God is found. Jesus came to reintroduce us to ourselves, find the lost child inside and heal. I'm amazed at how many high profile televangelists are divulging childhood sexual abuse. Max Lucado, Marilyn Hickey, Joyce Meyer, Terry Crist. Max just put it in a recent book. It just goes to show...Satan attacks us where it hurts the worst...our fragile identitly, nothing worse than being objectified/sexualized, with absolutely no emotional tools to process it and no adults paying attention to our change or distress. Hell, no one likes being objectified as an adult for someone elses use/manipulation. Just want to relay that God has delivered and there is hope even for the most broken. There's a common theme in this life and God wants us to learn to be good grievers...getting in touch with the child inside that got cut off in so many ways. It is part of our life journey back to God. I was SO AFRAID for years to touch on it, was afraid I'd fall apart and no one would be there for me, or I'd somehow cease to exist, the fear of realizing I am alone and I'm not going to die. I finally started loving myself and giving myself a break...once shame left.
agreed
What a beautiful soul. He’s authentic about who he is. So connected to his words and body. He has me hanging on every word.
Real talk. The fact is that most therapists or even "alternative healers" have not gone themselves through this deep process and thus aren't really able to assist you to heal for real. You need to know, if you decide to do so, you're completely going against the grain of society and the system, which just runs on unhappy wounded people who are doing their best to just get by and to cope with their stuff - the whole structure of society/the system is built around this. It doesn't want you thriving and at your full potential.
The few who have done the work themselves though can help. And most of that help, for me at least, came in the form of the assurance I missed as a child, telling me what I'm feeling n experiencing is alright, and not abnormal or crazy or unacceptable.
you re absolutely right about that, and that is how i experience the world, day in, day out. perhaps i could get healed but then, thete are very few who really dig deep into things
our whole destructive economy is one big trauma as far as im concerned
Daniel, sooo many of your videos are like your adult arms hugging and pulling my heart out of my chest and platonically holding it and kissing it like a caring brother to a newborn infant. I feel my deepest feelings and care about me because of your candid stories. You are saving sooo many people's lives. You are validating my need to bawl and cry and grieve for decades and at random times at inopportune times....it happens of its own volition and i need to cancel an appointment with someone else and make myself a priority.... Daniel, when I am old , i would like to meet you and shake your hand and hug you to thank you for changing my life , and giving me hope, and creating pathways for others to validate themselves because no one has ever done that for them in the 75 yrs of their life.
I felt grieve for my brother while I was in a dream. I woke up and I could still feel it in my body.After the grieving was over I felt pure joy in my chest.I never felt in my life this feeling of intense joy.
Thank you! This video gives a sense of... well, not being so lonely in this process...
I reflect on my childhood / teenage years and remember crying my heart out, due mainly to being misunderstood, not having my needs met, and being unnecessarily and unjust punishments. I would cry profusely and uncontrollably on my own, yet even though my parents could hear me weeping and distressed, they never came to console or help me make sense of the injustices (scapegoating, gas-lighting, mocked, ignored...) in which I was subjected to, and which caused me much confusion, frustration, and insecurity. I cried so many tears that I would feel dehydrated ! I think these crying episodes were cleansing and relieving after much emotional suppression and dissociation.
Chase the pain , let yourself know what your going thru ,be there for your self !
It’s not just people’s avoidance of pain - we are much hardier than we know; when, ever, in this world is a child/person exposed to grief and loss processing? Who, ever, anywhere, shows us, speaks to us, explains to us, listens to us, in the constant ebb and flow of life? Loss is a daily thing, as is attainment (learning, loving)…we have much to learn…
This is pure gold.
I have also felt and saw structural changes in my cognitive style, body posture, emotions dealing and social skills once I started grieving and journaling.
Daniel, what you are doing on this channel is invaluable. I cannot believe how much I identify with some of the things you are saying. Thank you for helping me heal
I feel just like you. All the best to you.🌈
@@tonywright8342 Thank you. All the best :)
I feel same way, wish I found him sooner.
True...no one is doing it. In a way society normalises suppression on negative emotions. Emotions tell us what's happening in our environment and our reactions to what is happening. They are not right or wrong, bad or good. They are messengers, Don't kill the messenger because you don't like the message.
I'm glad i found your comment. A came to the realization after my grieving process that now i'm someone totally diferent and a part of me has died.I used to be very codependent and needy...i'm only 19 and sometimes i'm afraid of the new part of me
@@anacantu2626 it’s so wonderful you’re digging so deep with these things so young! 💙 and so great to be able to find and be guided wisely… it’s one great blessing of the internet ~ with all the toxic about it, there is absolute gold for life to be found! Another great channel is Jay Reid
The brain connections LOVE honesty, and grieving is honest. It's like a defragmentation and re-organizing of parts of the brain to function in a more healthy way. And make connections where we didn't understand before. Dishonesty is actually damaging on the brain, it goes into panic and overdrive with lying.
Love that idea - defragmentation and re-organisation of the brain.
Awesome and true!!! Dishonesty is good for nothing; start with brutal honesty with self then the rest just falls into place
thats true, keeping my traumas under the radar it really feels my iq went down 20 points or so.......
One of my grieving process involves drinking a bottle of wine (because of what I went through I am not terribly emotional in a Normal state), being alone, holding a smiling photo of my 3 year old self and telling her I will always be there for her, to protect and love her.... I would go into this extreme state of sadness, crying for myself, and crying for the pain and rough experience I went through. I would cry uncontrollably hard for 10 - 30 minutes with every fiber of my body.... I have done this many times in the past few year. I believe this is my grieving process even though I didn’t know what to call it. I grieve until I completely exhausted that feeling and committed to loving myself like no one else. I am a better person today and found the love of my life. Thank you for sharing this Daniel.
Wow. deliberate and tempered use of alcohol and drugs indeed can indeed help sometimes ( if you can handle not getting addicted, that is). I drink coffee. Too much, it gives me inflammations but it gives me a serotonine boost in the morning wgen i feel like xx. I want to quit the coffee. i have to. but its better then psychofarma shxt or chemical drugs, which i dont take. i drink alcohol very rarely last years (never was a big drinker though).
Deep heartfelt grieving that includes real crying and real tears releases the traumatic energy that was stored in the muscles at the time of the trauma. If you allow yourself enough of this type grieving it will change who you are on a physical level because it metabolizes the adrenalin that was stored in the muscles allowing them to become more relaxed and less responsive to trigger events so you can see them in a different less threatening light. It will change the brain also because when you see things from a different perspective, it creates new distinctions, and neuro pathways to allow for the new interpretations changing the hormonal response your brain sends to the body.
which explains the chronical inflammation in muscles and joints that are related to 'depression'. I have it gor years. and its clear for me it is related to frustration and in particular, self loathing
I'm so glad I found your videos because I too was traumatized and I too went through that intense grieving and didn't quite understand it. I did EMDR trauma therapy last year and when I was alone at home and where no one could hear me, I cried for hours so hard and felt the most powerful release. It did happen a few times and I felt internally changed. The EMDR didn't change me but the grieving did. And maybe it was the EMDR and bringing up all the details of horrible childhood abuse that brought me to my knees at a later time. I cried to God and begged him to heal me. I cried for the little girl that went through the most hellish experience caused by my sociopath parents and older sister. As a result, I could no longer have any relationship with my family. I had very minimal contact with my toxic mom via phone, no contact with the others, but she continued to violate me even via the phone and I have just had enough. I refuse to take her calls, respond back to her texts and I cut it off for good. The grieving was my way of letting it out and letting it go. But also I can't allow anything like that to continue. I'm a good loving soul that deserves love and kindness. I did not deserve what happened to me and I had to grieve that. It was soooo painful and so hard to understand why anyone would do that to a sweet little girl. I cried for her. I have a young daughter and she is so sweet like i was. I see myself in her. I really needed to grieve all that because it was repressed and would bubble up as anger in inappropriate ways. As I went through this period I would cry often and had no control when it would come up. But I did not repress it anymore, I let it flow naturally and exit my body and it was most healing process I've experienced yet. I also isolated myself during this time, I want to be alone, I want to heal and process alone because there is no one who can understand what I'm going through except maybe you Daniel. Your the very first person I've heard talk about this grieving process. I have a trauma therapist I work with weekly but she doesn't' quite understand trauma cause she never been traumatized. It's something you feel deeply, can't learn this from a book.
May continued healing fill your soul. So heartfelt❤
isolation is key, as it seems, too
i tjink you can only grieve when you are truely alone, for long enough periods.. A luxury perhaps not always there for everyone. I think the need to be alone every now and then is severely underrated and too often seen as a problem in itself, not part of a healrhy grieving process. its what animals do, too. And kids. 'Leave me alone'.
Your comment moved me a lot and I felt connected to you in what you wrote as I’m feeling that my story is similar in a way to yours. I have taken the decision to cut down my family, it’s something I knew and fantasize about for sometimes but always felt and still feels wrong but my heart tells me it’s the right things to do. I wish myself luck and may you and I grieve and prosper
@@hetedeleambacht6608❤❤❤
❤🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️🤗❤️
Ah! Maybe that why I can’t get over stuff, I never knew how to grieve and process
Bless you Daniel.
I turned 30 in April and after falling in love for the first time, traveling and really experiencing what it's like to live for the first time my first relationship fell apart and I'm faced with having to deal with myself.
Someone I always neglected.
My senses tell me you’re a taurus😅😅😅😅
It’s especially hard with religious people
Some are open but many are very self centered and self indulgent
I was part of it
I want to be different just to be more open minded
I became very tough and not easy , complicated as I think I was wearing lots of emotions of others and I have to set boundaries to be more easy and offensive
Enjoy life and be happy
Doing anger work can jumpstart the grieving process. Sometimes anger opens the floodgates to the tears. We used an anger wall during a trauma program and it helped to feel our feelings and then the tears come in buckets. Getting out the anger we feel that has went unexpressed for a lifetime leads to a deep grieving process that opens the floodgates to even more anger and sadness to be processed over time. Stuffing that sadness and anger is so toxic! We were yelling out what made us angry about a particular trauma or person, and when almost finished the tears come out. Then we said what we were sad about in that relationship or incident. Doing it in a group setting was amazing because you have support. It was like taking an emotional shower and cleansing the deep wounds we never wanted to face. The anger wall changed my life and tapped into being able to feel my feelings and grieve deep losses. But we did this in a two-week long trauma program under supervision. Thanks so much Daniel, for all you do. I'm so glad you are sharing what works.
This sounds life changing.
How can I take part in a trauma program like this?
Something something like that just happened to me recently. I cried so deep at some point I FELT like a baby. Such comfort and there was no left or right, there was nothing I had to do. It was just pure bliss and something in there just....changed.....I even faintly kinda saw a movie strip happen very fast before my eyes but couldn't make up any particular image. Then, I got up and i simply said I DID IT. I DIT IT! I didn't knot what I did but I just KNEW I Did it!! I suddenly felt like running and I did. Im so glad I'm not the only one who\s gone through this experience
I am deeply grieving, and you made me cry...... but it was of happiness for the realization there are people like you as well as great sadness for the past.
glad im not the only one
Thanks for sharing Matilda
Love is to protect and respect a persons individuality.
I did not deal with my childhood, till 26yrs. I thought I came from a happy child hood. I was alcholic from age I picked up. 26yrs old I was in rehab. As my brain clearly ed all these odd feeling and emotions I was carrying. Went into full pain and grief. I could not breath. I was full up. I have suffered for years . I'm 57yrs old. Depressed all my life. Cried not stop for 15 years. Grieved like an animal. The pain was so deep. I was sexually abused from the age of 7yrs old perhaps before. Everyone abused me. Physically and sexually abused by my mum. She was scithronia , in and out of the hospital, having electric shock treatment. I protected my sisters. Father abused me up to age 13 yrs. My mother was dragged into a cult in the 60s. With me and my sister and profile ring. Mother put crosses all round the house, house wall and ceilings were banging. As I am writing this. I'm glad I was an alcholic it saved me to a point, not remembering. But I'm always in grief and confusion. I get on with my life like normal peoole. But inside stoo breathing, get confused, who am I. Yea had psycotherapists. But lot my stuff is deep in my subconscious to protect me.
There are maybe five therapists in the whole world who have the primal wound work that you have.
This is the best and most important video on the whole of youtube and I watched it a zillion times. Thanks so much Daniel. You are my hero!
Wow! Thank you Esinam. Daniel
Somehow this man came across my UA-cam feed, and I'm thankful he did. Sir...you have an amazing gift to share with humanity. I'm listening. Thank you.
Everybody who grew up in an off family needs to hear this. You are helping me find myself again.
Daniel, thank you for sharing. As a child and as an adult I often have felt not understood, that my parents do not approve of my feelings. When my first baby died, they made me feel I wasnt allowed to cry, I felt I had to be ok for them not to be upset. It was verty diffilcult. all I wanted to do is cry and expected them to be there for me but they couldnt .. I realised afterwards it was very difficult for them to grieve too. Today with my own children I can seeI have also made mistakes and I feel so bad about it. Specially my son , which reminds me of you, is very sensitive and is now having a difficult time , I realise he is grieving for all the moments he felt negleted and abandonded by me , by his father.Just as you say. He doesnt want us near him, he left home. He is now crying a lot, I wish I could spare him of this pain. i just love him so much. Im trying to step back, to understand , to have empathty. to be patient. I know he can heal, that he can do it. this situation has moved me deeply, has made me dig into my own experience, my own traumas. I thank youl for courage and your kindness.
Many times I dont agree with this guy BUT he is so honest and transparent that I keep gong back to his videos. He is not presumptions or snoby. He is like an honest friend that tells you what he thinks even tho you may not always agree.
Thank you!
Since I was about 10 I remember feeling anxious with my family, but it wasn’t until 5 years ago that I had a full blown breakdown which led to chronic anxiety and eventually depression. About 3 years ago I found your channel, and while I enjoyed the content, I didn’t think it applied much to me in terms of healing emotional trauma from childhood. I have since come full circle and this past year have finally come to realize just how much trauma my mother caused me. There were others as well, but my mom has been the biggest negative force in my life, and I am basically just now starting the healing process. I am nervous because I feel head fog and emotionally numb, and to think this could last forever makes me afraid, but I know that if I put in the work, the results will come in time.
No feeling last forever! You are strong
Thank you for your comment. It helped me understand a bit more about myself and where I'm from. Hope you doing well
Sending you good vibes, and healing❤
How are you doing 2 years on? What helped? I hear you.. I’m deeply on a journey from near death to finding myself.
@@andybreedlove Hello and thank you for asking! I am actually doing quite a bit better now, and my life trajectory feels great as I can see myself improving at a slow but steady pace.
I would say the biggest thing which helped me, sadly, was the death of my mother. Her passing away really freed me of the burden which she used to put on me, and it has allowed me, for the first time in my adult life, to really examine who I am, and what I want to do with my life.
I can honestly say I now feel much more connected to my life. One of the hardest parts now is having patience and empathy with myself as I re-parent myself and develop my personality.
I'm happy you could experience your grieving so throughly, crying so freely. I'm still so scred of it. I'm 46 and when I start crying my grieve I feel that I could cry a river and stop myself. I cannot let go yet.
Me neither - kind of afraid it will kill me…
I'm so grateful for a whacky hippy therapist I met here in Ireland who was a great believer in the grieving process to heal. I thought she was a crazy but she was totally right. Once the tears started, it turned into a full flood that took months to come out of me. It was like dam bursting. But once it all started coming out, I felt deep inner healing inside my soul.
Love u for being so real thank u
OMG... identifying with the parent instead of the child. I CAN'T believe that I have never thought of that! I have done a lot of work over many years but this is something that never occurred to me and it's EXACTLY what I do.. what a completely A-HA moment! Thank you, Daniel.
You are so right about most people not doing the work. I have experienced that feeling of isolation because no one around me understood what I was going through - even therapists.
Thank you for sharing this so others that are alone in their grieving can relate and not feel so alien.
I really agree that a therapist has to have gone through the process themselves. As a codependent adult child of an alcoholic in recovery, I would be loath to talk with a therapist who doesn't understand this specific type of trauma with specific outcomes. It's a deeply rooted set of patterns and beliefs that's unbelievably persistent and hard to change. It's not a vague disturbance, and medication will never solve it. Best put, it's a spiritual journey.
👏🏽💯👏🏽
when you said “a lot of people don’t even remember their own childhoods” i paused and really thought about that. i’m only 19 and i don’t remember much. occasionally have little flashbacks or if someone says something that reminds me of that time a memory i haven’t thought about in years just pops. sometimes these memories catch me off guard and make me sad like i didn’t know i repressed what happened to me so much i don’t even remember the good parts
In order to survive the brain hides certain memories until we get away from the environment and people who are part of the traumatic events because the reality is very painful and we are programmed to survive. Can't survive as a kid knowing your not loved, protected, given support and guidance etc. Marvelous defense mechanism.
I don' t remember my childhood at all. Thank you for telling us.
I'm not alone with not rememberi ng. Others here!
wisper welle …..thy say that the child that doesn't remember their childhood had a happy one .
They say the way we are now, triggers and wounds reveal the type of pains that may have been inflicted and it’s most important to heal the triggers 🙏
I’m 53 and I finally found a good therapist for my experience of being molested by my father.
I’ve been in therapy for many decades and they were clueless in how to help me.
My new therapist has 40 years of experience and I feel she can help me heal.
Don't ever give up! It's worth it until we take our last breath.
Love yourself. You are allowed to love yourself. Everything has kept you from loving yourself. Allow yourself to love yourself.
I can so much relate to all of this. It’s pretty similar to my own grieving experience and you are so right that it’s a journey you often make alone because most people seem to be too fearful to, and I think it really is a journey that you mostly have to take by yourself. I found therapy somewhat helpful, but not really. It was me being willing to do the work, not talking to a therapist that made the difference.
One suggestion that I have for people that feel stuck in reconnecting with their past memories and emotions is to look at old photos or listen to music from the era in which they grew up. I very recently heard a song by Donovan called Catch the Wind and just started weeping when I heard it. I don’t believe I’ve heard it since the 1960s and then I realized it reminded me of my mom.
The odd thing is that I weep every time I hear it and I haven’t figured out why. It’s hard listening to it, but I do. I just want to figure out why it impacts me this way... but yeah music, photos and memorabilia from the era may help.
I also think it was part of the reason for my personal vintage obsession. I just really wanted to unearth my past. If you read all of this, thank you for your time.
Thank you i can relate to you total about the part of the music from childhood. I would cry and cry and try to use my body to it as it comes (Bioenergetic). This feels afterwards like release, thank you for sharing!
you are right, those things usually immediately strike a chord with me as well.
there was a Catholic monk Thomas Keating who developed Centering Prayer, which essentially is sitting 20 min in silence. It has the same result - deep crying out and evacuation of accumulated nonsenses.
I've been trying to recall events from my childhood for 20 years now with little success. I went to a therapist 15 years ago and she made me realise how disturbed and pathological my home was. Up until then I thought I was guilty because of my rebellious nature. I remember the therapist telling me "if you don't seperate yourself from your toxic mother right now, you have little chance of doing so if you reach 40". She was right, I'm 44, still living with her and getting sicker and sicker physically and emotionally. I went through all that grief and crying you talk about but didn't have enough courage to leave so I became numb. I wrote it already in my other comments that I keep myself alive for my son. Otherwise I function like a robot. And I used to be so full of life so hopeful until I turned 40. I was hoping I could change things right now I feel as if I had zero control over my life.
You are still that person; dont you think your son deserves that true being?? At least you are aware that it is you attachment to your mother that is holding you back; just leave….!
Wish i could help
These videos make me feel so grounded and safe in my deep grieving that I have been doing for some time now. Thank you for creating this environment 🙏
I had that grieving experience too ...I cried so much that i forgot about my own trauma and I could feel other people's pain, I could see their trauma so clearly. It was the best couple of hours of my life and I've always been trying to get back there. Some ppl say if Jesus did indeed exist, he must have felt like that 24/7.
My defense mechanism is so strong that I would start forgetting heartbreaking abuses that happened to me just a few days ago. My mind would intuitively make the memory fuzzy, cut away details, and quickly block out unpleasant things. I was surprised to re-read a journal that I’ve kept for the past year,but it explains a lot and makes everything clear.
The body keeps the score. Even if your conscious brain doesn't want to remember the exact circumstances, you can still release the emotional pain. I thought that was important to mention. And Yoga actually helps people to release stored up bodily traumas. I did some hip flexors and started crying gently because something had released and come out! Dancing, singing, chanting, having a fire, screaming.... writing, shaking, drumming.... all very releasing activities for stored traumas. Visualization, smashing plates after writing trigger words on them... so many diverse ways to grieve! No one proper way :-)
I'm often doing myofascial release and have done for years, haven't found any magic spots yet 😞
I guess it has to be the right time.
My brother from another mother. 💙
Sometimes I feel soooooo alone... and then I hear your vid or of another fellowtraveler from internet. Gratefull. Couse it's a lonely road if you grew up being traumatised.
I'm always amazed of how much I see myself in everything that you say. Your testimonies are an inspiration to me. Thank you!
When I see kids in distress it makes me feel very unconfortable I have an impulse to comfort the kid because it reminded me of when I was a kid se adults saw my pain n tried to protect me from my often sadistic step father. I can calm most kids and make them laugh, I love kids.
Lost my dad this past aug, and im 33. I had that deep spiritual grief at first. The nothing but chaoshas has ensued. My mom is not allowing me to grieve. And made my dads death about her. And oh my, i identity with the aggressor makes so much sense. I have a deep sense of abandonedment, and have slipped into severe depression. Itheres so much more. I wish i could be your friend.
This is so important for every single human soul. Thank you Sir.
Thank you for this. Im going to start my own grieving process. Im 60. Had enough stress that ive made.
Thank you for sharing this and all of your wonderful videos Daniel. Your courage to self-disclose such deep truth is generous, inspiring and so deeply healing. Thank you for being you.
yes, thank you Daniel. You are an angel to me.
I find these trauma healing vidoes the most helpful.
Yes I needed space from those who caused me pain but as they were part of the family I had to push it down and wait a really long time.
The crying release happened to me recently. It was so strange it was so odd feeling joy it was like bits blocked off in my body reconnecting. Some of the things I had resolved intellectually released as actual feelings. It was exactly how you stated I couldn’t have stopped it if I wanted to I felt sad and happy throughout the process, like things were leaving but I was being refilled with a feeling of wholeness. It’s definitely helped alot and I’m pretty sure it will happen again. Now I feel more able to access my emotions and I’m not as afraid of the more intense ones that would trigger bad memories of the past or conditioning to repress them. I now feel it’s important to let the full spectrum of anger sadness happiness flow throw my body without judgement.
12:50 I've been realizing the same thing about myself over the past couple days. I find myself really caring for another person, and I kept telling myself in some capacity that it wasnt okay to care as much as I do. I ran it over and over in my head on an uncontrollable loop. Saying nasty things to myself like "you're pathetic", "you arnt good enough" etc. Even trying to rationalize it, like telling myself: "she isnt worth caring about", or "that sorta thing just isnt for you".
It finally got to a point where I started accepting my emotions for what they were.Mostly fear. Fear of abandonment. I started sobbing like a child uncontrollably just like you said you did. And I realized that I'm so scared to care for another person because they might leave me. Like so many other people did. Either friends moving away, friends drifting away from me, girls breaking up with me or betraying my emotions. All things I had no control over, but still hurt all the same. So after all these years, the hurt child withen me finds it easier to pretend that I don't care. Because if I don't care I cant get hurt. Actually, come to mention it I vividly remember myself saying "I dont care" as a response to pretty much any concern or criticism I faced as a young kid or teenager... this is some really profound shit.
one thing to mention is that its not just emotional, or intellectual, but somatic. being able to feel safe enough and connected to your body and where these emotions are trapped
That part about being misdiagnosed and even labeled as psychotic speaks to me. I have c-ptsd symptoms, no psychotic symptoms. I met some people in the mental health section who treated me like this. One psychologist that never experienced trauma or abuse (or at least was not aware of it) could not relate to anything i said, and was like a robot. At one point i noticed i was explaining the literal definition of bullying and discrimination, and she kept assuming that i just "misunderstood" the situations in my life. I could not believe it. One psychiatrist referred to my years of being bullied and isolated by basically an entire school of 400 people, but mostly by my own class as "not being something that could traumatize a person."
Luckily i left that place, and filed a complaint. I will do what i can to make sure they will be held responsible. The good things is that now i will never let someone treat me like that again.
I SO APPRECIATE YOU.❤ GOOD VIBES SENT TO YOU AND EVERYONE❤
Thank you... you described my life. Helped me to understand and grief... THANK YOU! Now I can sufer and heal... GRIEF IS RELIEF!
Beautiful, powerful talk. I greatly appreciate your voice
Wow. Thank you so much for this video. My friends and I instinctively know that grieving is key. But you talking about it in this way and giving a roadmap of how to do it, is so helpful. We always ask ourselves “how do we grieve?” So this answers some of those questions.
I have found that starting with a simple timeline was key to putting together what had happened to me. It sounds strange to think that I wouldn’t remember what happened when, but I didn’t. Once I started putting together that timeline, I was able to start seeing cause and effect. And like you said, I started with what I could remember (which was not much), but that caused me to remember more and more and more.
I thank you from the bottom of my heart for this video. I’m going through a huge grieving process right now, and honestly most people around me can’t handle it. They insinuate that I’m crazy. I have lost everything in these past two years. It was necessary, but it is not fathomable to hardly anyone. I start to doubt myself and criticize myself. This video helped combat that. Thank you again.
Really, you are not alone! Grieving brings up great fear in many but there are also many of us right there with you! Holding you in my thoughts and all those doing this very challenging work🦋
@@flynnzilla8796 Thank you 💙
You are such a treasure for people like we are!. Thank you for that explanation. After my marriage ends I cried for almost 2 year's every day. Until I understand everything what was happened.. Don't stop doing your job!.You are absolutely wonderful therapists!
Yes! Same experience to me. In 2021 I just hurriedly rushed to my room and cried and cried, tears like rivers flowed for the longest time. And my voice was fine afterwards I thought I might get a hoarse voice but no. And I was refreshed afterwards! So yes, this is indeed a much needed process and I can vouch for its realness and Effectivity
Wow, this is what I've always understood... I felt my siblings were not strong enough to accept the incredibly hard reality, because I felt I could go insane when I did.... that our mother didn't love us and only cared about one. So I was stuck and alone dealing with it, and having no help in stopping this by confronting it. Because both my mother and her favored child in their deception and evil manipulation played the victims of my "accusations" when I confronted them. So my other siblings sided with them, acknowledge it or be attacked like I was for speaking the ugly truth.
i just turned 18 your videos are helping me alot
Feeling confident in one's feelings... I'm learning how important that is today. As I'm trying to piece together how little me experienced my childhood, I keep feeling like I'm "falsely accusing" people of doing things wrong. I wish I felt more confident in my feelings.
gold medal to anyone who has gone through the actual deep grieving of trauma, it is not. fucking. easy.
Wow Daniel, this is the first real answer I got on my question how to grieve... thank you very much for this video!
*hugs* from Holland :)
The late and great Dr. Peter Gerlach comes to mind when speaking of unresolved grief
I also went through that emotional, hours long crying and sobbing. It seemed beyond physical or even emotional. It seemed elemental, animal almost. It was after admitting, (to myself), childhood sexual abuse, emotional, and physical abuse and also religious abuse. All those things were such a part of me and I had just laid a cloth over them and gone on being who I was "supposed" to be. Pulling back the cloth was exhausting but after the crying, I felt clean and energized. It was amazing and it changed me.
I hear you. I think what you are saying makes a lot of sense.
It's simple in a way. It's much simpler to think that people are suffering because they've been harmed, and we fail to see it, than it is to think they've never been harmed at all. Occam's razor.
Wow how incredibly insightful this young counselor is. people who aren’t real because they have never dealt with their own childhood trauma can’t relate to you but relate and Ally with the aggressor/abuser. Their not willing to look at and grieve their own pain nevertheless your pain. No wonder my counseling session with stoic people never helped me. I always felt even more alone and like I was bad for grieving and being angry at the abuse. I’d always leave feeling worst about myself. Leaving therapy was the best thing I could have done. U Tube been such a help
Your videos are life changing Daniel
It's always an outer voice before it's an inner voice. ❤️
I've randomly found your vedio...i'm working on healing my childhood trauma..i've gone through this process earlier but without knowing what or why I am doing this.. thats why i had stopped it there. Recently i found that the way i am doing certain things or behaving, which caused harm in my personal life actually are the reflection of my childhood trauma... You are saving my life... Thank you... Take my love 🌿
I'm 44 and wish I could have that experience you had at 33. I've started to do the work the last couple years. I'm going to start doing a biography like you suggested. I need to reconnect to that inner child and grieve. Thanks for sharing your experience.
I am so grateful for your wisdom and truth.
Another great talk Daniel. So much good advice e and wisdom there. So much I recognise and resonate with. Thank you.
Again I am looking at this video for the thousand's times while going through grief again and it really helps! Wauw again this is the BEST most crucial video made on UA-cam ever! Thanks Daniel!!!!!
I’m rejected all the time bc of my authenticity. It’s disturbing but I will never stop being authentic.
Life lets you come across certain things in certain moments. ANd I find listening to everything this man is saying is just making me cry, but it's not out of frustration. It's because I feel like, for one of the first and few times in my life, Im an actual human and like I do belong. Everything being said about grieving and just needing to get away from it all in order to do so is what I've been screaming at MH professionals since I walked through their door at 12 years old (I'm 25 now). And it's interesting to hear their sentiments, not that they are far off from what is being said here, but I suppose what they lack is that feeling of "authenticity". This man knows what to say, and you can tell it's coming naturally and not difficult.
That's the authenticity, or I suppose humanity, I crave and I hope I really do keep hoping I find it because Im so scared of what happens to me if I don't. I love myself and watching myself spiral and become a shadow of who I was is destroying me in every way imaginable. And I can't just "go get help" anymore. I've done that for 13 years.
Remember that the authentic you is already there and complete - and indestructible! Just uncover it, trust that - there is nothing you need to add : )
This is a beautiful place. This is exactly what I'm going through. 👏 it is soooo hard. I'm terrified of leaving my partner. Who used to think he was "evil," and that was a lot of negativity and fights put on me. Someone who sees everyone for the good. But, he is the last link to my old life. I'm terrified to do this alone. 😢
Youve got this❤sending good vibes!
I recently chose to distance myself from a parent even though my siblings do not understand or agree with my choice. You have reassured me that this was indeed the right step for me to take. Thank you for sharing your precious & personal insights!