I am having my first narc-free Christmas after 6 years. The silent treatment was a big feature of our relationship. It was incredibly confusing, painful, annoying and Dr Ramani is correct in calling it “indoctrination”. It absolutely is. It still hurts me to think back on. Tonight I will spend Christmas Eve alone and wake up home alone on Christmas morning for the first time in my life and there is nothing better than the peace I feel right now. The silence is wonderful. Just me and the fire. (I will see family tomorrow daytime, don’t worry, all good!) I am allowing myself to feel proud for leaving, even though the mixed-up emotions continue to be a rollercoaster. Merry Christmas to all of you. If you’re considering leaving, please please please give yourself the chance to do it. Nothing feels better than peace and quiet at the end of all this xxxxxx
Instead of spending time with my mother, an abusive sibling and his family, I chose me. I’m 60, and this is my first Christmas alone, too. My fridge is stocked with food and goodies. I’m going to rent a couple of movies and enjoy my day without any family drama. Merry Christmas! 🎁🎄
@@hoby7439 its my first Christmas alone aswell. My son is with his father and his family. At first i felt sad, the days before Christmas. But now i feel at peace. Alone but not lonely. Looking forward to a brand new year with opportunities to explore i did not have the last 17 years. May God Bless you
The irony is most wouldn't have suffered narcissistic abuse from someone with NPD but rather just be in highly complex relationships perhaps with a very disagreeable person with some narcissistic traits. That's not to say it's not difficult however. The reality is Ramani profits from making NPD appear more prevalent than it actually is - the statistics are rather at only 1-1.5% of the population. Narcissistic traits & full blown NPD are two entirely different beasts altogether. I say this as someone who was cyberstalked for years & as a mental health professional who specialises in personality disorders. Remember, Dr Ramani has a generic doctorate in psychology, she is not a specialist in any sense in this highly nuanced field of study. I wish people would be more critical of their source material. Humans are inherently complex creatures & not all benevolent - we don't have to label it as NPD to validate we've been through a horrific time.
When I bared my heart and soul in how much the silent treatment hurt me, he took every opportunity to do it. Dr. Ramani gave me the mindset to see his silent treatment as the gift that keeps on giving. Perception is everything! I saved my money for over a year, bought an rv, and pulled away from Georgia to Texas. I am alone with my two cats and I find such solace in the peace I have claimed for myself! After a 21 year toxic and abusive marriage, I'm winning at last!!! 🙏🏻🥰💯💪🏻💜
I turned the tables on this one; I decided to embraced it! I simply just acted like she wasn’t there. It was wonderful when she got hurt when I didn’t make her dinner, make her morning coffee, go grocery shopping for both of us-just me. I prefer the silence over the smartass comments and digs. Know what felt even better? Divorce! 🎉
Yes indeed!! I turned the tables for a month! The amount of peace and quiet from the passive aggressive comments, the small micro aggressions- it felt like a vacation. I knew then I had to divorce him and that I was not put on the planet to live in that mess. Divorce had been golden!🎉
After my grandfather and cousin stole money from me, then me calling them out for it, they resorted to stone cold silence. It turned out to be such a relief that I grew to enjoy. I decided that we should keep things that way. It's been a peaceful past year. A few months ago, I was told that my grandfather was in my state. He didn't call, text, or come to my house. Cool. I do the same when I'm back home; simply acting like he doesn't exist. He likes it, I LOVE it. By the way, keep your inheritance, Gramps. ✌️
I called my son out - *FINALLY* called him out on his BS and I stood my ground and I haven't heard a peep from him in months. He has removed himself from my phone group list of "my babies" of my children. I don't care. Years and years of gaslighting, abuse, lies, making up stories that were absolutely NOT TRUE, absolute crazy-making behavior, putting me in impossible situations....I'm DONE with it! The silence is beautiful! The few days I'm really sad, I remember that I'm grieving for my little boy, not the man he turned out to be. Then I give it to God and move on. He will no longer have any of my life; he has taken too much of it as it is.
My son doing the same thing! I adopted him when he turned 19- his dad traumatized him, not me! I left when I was able- his view of reality is so screwed up- the gaslighting, degrading remarks are too much! I’m done after all his cryptic remarks on social media too! He isn’t talking to me, my other children. My door is open but I’m not going down his rabbit hole period!!!
100% Same with my daughter. The only picture I have up is when she was a tween. It’s been years and the last thing I said when she started her bullying was “ ok, I know how you feel about me and when you can bring a adult conversation to the table, I’m here “ She’s 34 and it’s been over 2 years. Not holding my breath
My son just turned 26 yesterday. I put up some ornaments he made when he was little. I did spend time with him yesterday - the way HE wanted, not healthy at all - and I realize that I too am grieving my baby boy who is a grown man now and not the innocent child. He still has a good soul somewhere in there, I know, and his behaviors are just covering it up. I also feel like he will keep Taking from me until I die and there’s nothing left to take. It stops now. He’s toxic to me and it’s abusive. When and if he gets sober and figures life out, I may still be there or not - I don’t know how I’ll feel. I love him and hope he gets it for himself. And in the meantime, I’m sad. And done. Thanks for listening. ❤
It's worse than being alone really; If you're alone, you can feel lonely but not have that person around physically to taunt or trigger you with their presence. It feels twice as bad, seeing the tormentor while you are being to feel lonely and disconnected.😢
Don't see it as lonely. Look at it as a perfect exit ramp from the relationship. They made it easy for you. It's also not a loss because you can't lose what you don't have.
I’ve been saving up all of your videos about narcissistic parents until after the holidays…but this one got me. Being a child of a single father who is a narcissist was terrifying, the silent treatment and sulking would start with a rage…something broken…followed by weeks of silence. I would always have to placate him eventually because I would need something, a signature on a progress report or a backboard for the science fair. I don’t know which was worse. The rage was scary but I never knew how long the silence would go on. Sometimes he’d just go stay at his girlfriend’s house until they had a fight. That wasn’t too bad, except I never knew when he’d come “home”. I don’t know why I wrote this comment, I think maybe so I wouldn’t cry. Thank you for your videos and your podcast,you’ve been helping me to heal.
I remember the very first silent treatment-I dared to say something, just trying to make him feel better, about not “wallowing in his problems” and to be grateful for what he had-a good job, a beautiful home, etc. He got this really ANGRY look on his face , & wouldn’t speak for a LONG time. I just turned & watched TV, & wondered what the hell was going on. Finally after a long time , he said, “you know what you said a little while ago? About moving on & all that? Well, I don’t want to EVER hear that again.” WOW. 😮😮😮That should have been a clue into a future of silent treatments & rage towards me over stuff he REFUSED to stop playing the victim over. But I didn’t know what a malignant narcissist WAS then; the minute my brain registered “verbally abusive” is when I should have walked & not looked back, like his first 2 wives.
@ I didn’t actually say the word “wallowing”, but was hinting at it. It was a really kind , “count the things to be grateful for” type of talk. But instead of just shutting it down, or agreeing to disagree, it ANGERED him, was my point. At the time I was young & didn’t know that I was with someone that was not only verbally/mentally/emotionally abusive, but someone that had the emotional maturity of a 6 year old boy. It was the start of a really awful relationship that lasted 18 years, until he died.
25 years into this sham of a marriage to a covert narcissist parasite of a man in my life. His silent treatment used to work in the beginning. Now I enjoy the silence. He hates how it doesn't affect me anymore. He drinks and then concocts other ways to try to get under my skin-- which also are ineffective because I know every move and gameplay he's going to make. 😈 .
Same here! 22 years of marriage & currently we're on about 10 months of silent treatment. I'm enjoying every moment of silence now. And yes, he's also trying to do other things to get a reaction out of me. Like ruining my hand towels that my best friend gave me for my birthday. He used them to clean up grease & who knows what else.
@@dawn7733 same with me; I got to the point where I loved the 3 day silent treatments, because at least then he’d leave me the hell alone for a bit. It’s so awful when it gets to that point.
He tries. Sleep is best when he isn't here. I set my alarm for him and sleep accordingly. He will wake me doing weird stuff. He told me I woke him, because I stirred. But he said you were 'disturbed'. I said you just 'pinged me' referring to a great video I came across by Jerry Wise. He looked at me and he dropped it, end of conversation!
Thank you for posting this reply. Silent treatment is what I used against my narcissistic family. I am so happy I did this. I don’t have to deal with their anger and me trying to fix everything. They now text to wish me and my kids for major events and now I say Thank you, sending you and your family lots of love. My husband has blocked them and is so happy. I cannot bring myself to blocking them so I allow them to text me. Only one of them apologized and admitted to all things that was done to me. We are on light speaking terms but I keep my boundaries now. Silence is golden. Someone once said (Buddha?) if you don’t accept their gifts of anger, then it goes back to them.
Oh my goodness, you don’t deserve that. Peace in your life is more important. I am currently going through a separation in my relationship and told him I no longer consider being together unless he gets help from a therapist; he agreed and he has gone twice already. I am doing the same but I have started 6 months ago. I feel that my peace is more important and I rather be alone than being in an unhealthy relationship. Be well.
The silent treatment is so destabilizing because you're just kind of waiting and you are so off balance not knowing what they are thinking or what is going to happen. And if you've been through trauma in the past it's just excruciating.
For 10 years now! I have learned to live with a ghost that pulls out a mask, when a third party or witness shows up . I don't even try to break this silent treatment anymore.
Actually this means you have met him with your total silence! You are strong!! Be proud of yourself and live your life! I do - I am free and live as I please
The last narcissist who tried using the silent treatment to manipulate me was treated to me loudly singing "The Sound of Silence" and other golden oldies, and loudly playing my favorite podcasts while I worked in the barn where we both had our horses 😂 Including podcasts about narcissists. But I didn't have to live with or work for her, which matters.
@@moniquejackson7741 I hope that's true. Because my ex used the silent treatment on me. I could be wrong but I don't believe I ever used the silent treatment on him. But yet when we'd fight because I suffered from anxiety and depression he'd blame my illness and say I'm being paranoid and he say it's your illness that's doing it you're taking it the wrong way blah blah blah.
@@moniquejackson7741 I was sure I had replied since I was using a voice to text thing so maybe I forgot to click reply so here I go again. What I said before was I hope it's true that healthy people don't use silent treatment under that once the reason I'm saying this is because my ex who purported that I was the one that had the illness. He blamed the stuff on me he said it's your your illness that's doing it called me paranoid and he did the silent treatment on me if I said anything. But he said a lot of things that offended me and I don't believe I ever once used the silent treatment on him.
This is my third attempt to make a reply to your post Youngblood. I don't understand why my other replies did not appear. Sorry this particular reply is rather generic and anemic it's because I worry that my other replies were offensive and somebody whoever is in control took the other two off. I did not say anything mean to anybody on here or about the lady that does these videos so I don't know understand why the other two post replies got taken off.
I am now trying to utilize the "Silent" treatment back at the narcissistic. Its Christmas Eve and he hid my stocking. He put out his stocking, the dogs stocking but lost my stocking. He took an old, holey work sock and hung it up for me. When I i asked him where my stocking from my childhood,the one my Grandma had made it for me, he still hasn't answered me about "Why" " Wheres my beloved stocking" and "Why would you put a old, worn sock up as a replacement?" I haven't gotten an answer, not one. I got nothing, nada. God help me! I am stopping asking. I can't handle a passive aggressive response. I am now silent. I pray this is my last Christmas with this person.
I'm right there with you with my wife. I'm not praying it's the last Christmas, I'm promising it's the last Christmas. Been on this hell for 29 years. No more.
Playing their games only hurts you more. It might FEEL good, like revenge. But feelings and thoughts of revenge aren't good for you. They're just not. The only way to win is to stop playing the game and leave. They cannot stand being alone because they feel terrible about themselves, in reality. It might not seem that way but it is.
I grew up in such a toxic environment where the silent treatment was a daily occurrence. Looking back, I remind myself: If they truly cared about me, they would have stayed in my life. That’s not the reality, though, and I no longer care about them. I’ve stopped chasing after people or worrying about their actions. They chose to cut me out, and that’s fine-done and dusted. Don’t get me wrong; in the past, it hurt when someone ignored me, but not anymore.
The silent treatment. I know it well. It did indeed work well to make me feel worse than a criminal for a long time. Then the person who most often used it on me to get her way told me that she used it because whenever someone offended her, they lose the right to exist until they make it right. My response from that moment on was to push past my feelings and enjoy not having to listen to the horrible things she'd normally say, taking her silent treatment as a break instead of an attack. When she figured that out, after a couple of times, the silent treatment stopped . . .
That's the craziest thing - other people lose the right to exist - who goes around judging whether other people deserve to exist all day? That must be excruciating, caring so much about such utterly pointless things.
My ex gave me the silent treatment for over a year. We lived in a small community with no public transportation and I was not permitted to have a drivers license. He controlled the money and therefore the food. I carried on with my life, no apology or caving. I knew he was the problem and when the youngest child left, I called a moving truck and went to Transition House. Stalking and divorce followed.
This is so relevant to me right now. I finally lost my 💩 with my mother last night when she got upset we're not spending Christmas with her (it's my husband's family's turn this year) and hung up on me. I texted her my grievances about this whole bull situation as well as a few others. I knew it probably wasn't going to get me anywhere, but I did it anyway, because I'm just so done. It's Christmas Eve and she hasn't responded. She wants me to apologize. I know it. I've felt anxious all day and have spiraled into "how I can make it better" thoughts multiple times. I'm re-watching some of your videos and talking to friends who help me remember I'm sane and am getting though it. But it's hard.
Early on in the relationship with my ex I caught him rifling through my private paperwork and got annoyed. He gave me the silent treatment and I ended up apologising. Another time he sent me a sexually explicit message which upset me because I felt like I didn't know him. The guy I'd been dating wouldn't find that type of smut funny. So next day he asked me if I got his message and I said yes but I didn't like it. Guess what! The silent treatment again and again I ended up being peacemaker. This person went on to become a very abusive, emotionally/physically/financially and sexually. We really need to pay heed to these early red flags. It took me ten years to finally get away from that miserable creep and a lot of therapy afterwards. Thank you Dr Ramani for your excellent service.
My mom was the master of silent treatment. She knew I would eventually need something from her, like something signed for school, and she would smirk when I would ask her, instead of responding. She relished being able to demonstrate how perfect and superior she was, by putting others below her. It took a long time to realize the lie behind her outward appearance of superiority. I feel sad for her now because I know she felt so inferior and unloveable that the only way she thought she could get her wants and needs met was by manipulating others to force them to make her feel important and loved.
The narcissistic in law in my family gave me the silent treatment when I said hello as I literally was standing right in front of her. I don’t know why. It was unnerving. She then continued to scapegoat me, verbally assault me and do a smear campaign against me to my family. So toxic and disgusting. Protecting my health and peace. Not playing their game nor taking the blame. Going DDEEP . Standing strong in the truth. 💪🏼 Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
Therapy is one if you can afford it. Two get a hobby. Three go out to a bar. Plan a trip. Anything not involving her. It will be really painful while you'll doing it. Maybe not even a month or three or even a year , maybe more you'll feel pain but increasingly less. And as the months move you will see you've made a lot of progress. And forget them. If you did hurtful things too you will also grow and change out of them. If you are ready for that and this you will be fine.
Remember this: for someone to give you the silent treatment, it requires a lot of hatred and contempt. I could never treat a loved one like that, that type of behaviour derives from a very dark and evil place.
When we give a Narcissistic silence. It does come with some hatred towards them for the things they did. But this is peaceful for the victim. Cutting the cord with a narcissist stops a lot of anger going astray. Focus on your loving circle and rebuke the toxic circle. Let it kick the bucket.
Hi! I've been watching your videos for a while now - both during and after leaving my narcissistic abuser. The first time I watched one of your videos, was when I was attempting to leave my live in partner (a year ago or so), and she went to the police station and reported that I had physically abused her. She filed a DV restraining order on me and kept my pets from me since we had lived together. I watched your video after the sheriff called me and told me about the "twelve-hour rule" - in which it was past the time they could arrest me for said "abuse". She tried to have me arrested for breaking and entering when I tried to take my pet - so I had to prove that I was living there up to that date via Mail. When I would talk to the police and tell them the reality of the situation, they would tell me it was woman drama and "tit-for-tat". We had a court date set for a month or so away, and I had it moved up for fear of my pet's safety. I told the police that I had proof that she had physically abused me, but since I did nothing about it at the time, they could do nothing. I had been extremely emotionally abused and manipulated, but that was very hard to prove. And at this point, I was busy playing defense. I contacted a womans support group in the area and asked for help since I was way over my head and was the one who was abused for years. They told me they couldn't help someone who has an active restraining order for DV and that their hands were tied. Which then make me question why all abusers couldn't do this. They can go to the police, sign a few court documents and have all support ripped from the survivor. I printed every ounce of evidence of abuse I could find, messages where she'd tell me to drive drunk when I'd sleep on my friend's couch - because she hated when I would see my friends and wanted me in her control. And when I would refuse, she'd leave me terrible voicemails. She'd tell me my family hated me for being gay. She convinced me that I have Borderline. She bought the book "Walking on Eggshells" and underlined and highlighted areas for me to study so I could change my behavior. She had hit me before - at the beginning. But when that happened, I left immediately. She would sit on the stoop of my apartment and outside my door for hours. Eventually - I gave in. More out of embarrassment of what my neighbors would think. She never hit me again, but she did isolate me, jump from my moving car once, texted my friends to try to tell them horrible things about me, or things I would vent to her about. The list goes on and on and on. Once in court, I had prepped a statement, as well as gathering testimonials from my friends and family, and even my ex-girlfriend who vouched for my calm and loving demeanor as a partner. She didn't expect me to come prepared, and she floundered - with obviously no evidence that I ever abused her in any way. We waited for the decision by mail - about two days later - dismissed. I then called the womans help center and left a voicemail as no one picked up. I told them that the case had been dismissed, and that she was MY abuser and had hit me and emotionally abused and isolated me, and what's to stop any other abuser from doing what she did? Playing offense so suddenly the true victim who just wanted to leave quietly now has to defend themselves without their support. Especially since abuse victims rarely seek help. They never called back, and I didn't expect them too. It's a messed-up system and I just thank my lucky starts every day that I didn't have kids with her. It's been about a year, and she finally gave me my pets back - though one had passed in that time. I had to play the long game with her for the whole year. We didn't get back together, but I had to pretend that she was someone I wanted in my life even if she didn't have my pets. It wasn't easy and I had to know when to push and when to pull. I don't know what finally made her decide to hand them over - but when she did, it was as if she was tossing the trash. For what she held onto for so long, suddenly she didn't care. I am counting it as a win though thinking about it just confuses me. I'm sorry this is so long I just wanted to express my gratitude for helping me to see this is a huge win! And someday, she will not occupy my mind at all - which will be the biggest win I could ever imagine. Thank you Dr Ramani.
Currently in a silent treatment standoff because I rather like the silence. I don't care to engage with him either which way. He's getting annoyed but I'm concerned we could do this indefinitely....
Finally had enough of my bully eldest sister and ignored her 2 week custom silent treatment. She finally ran back and stated, “I know you’re hurting. I know you miss me just admit.” Admit!” I smiled and stated I was quite alright
Consider "the silent treatment" as an absolute blessing. I freeze-out narcissists all the time by serving them-up reverse silent treatment. See, when you're autonomous and you live with deep self-awareness and social awareness, you don't need the breadcrumb bullshit validation from narcissists to exist. Any narcissists who challenge me with the silent treatment will get their own silent treatment into perpetuity (meaning I consciously demonstrate not validating or engaging them at all).
My late father used to use the analogy of a broken TV when warning us about our narcissistic mother with phrases like, " there's a picture but no sound today." She was forever in a huff about something and at nearly 80 years old is still the same!
I gave the narc i know the silent treatment as the way to just disengage. They did NOT like that! Of course, they find a way to make the whole situation my fault.
Yes they had another name for it in Al-Anon when I went to the meetings in the 90s. I had made another post about this on another of this lady's videos. I did this thing once with my ex just temporarily and he noticed that I wasn't talking and he got offended but yet he could use the silent treatment on me and it was a different story.
My son experienced the silent treatment from his girlfriend. He was so confused by this, he tried to date another girl. She accused his of cheating on her. They had a fight over this. My son ended the fight by shooting himself dead. I don't believe that she meant for this to happen or even expected he would react that way. Silent treatment can be very harmful.
I learn a perfect way to avoid headaches about silence situation, I don't have expectations on no one anymore. When we don't need anything from anyone is the best way to live. Happy holidays to everyone, peace, blessings and happiness to everyone 🙏
He doesn't use the silent treatment often. At first I thought he was having hearing problems, lol. I finally decided to embrace these silent moments when I understood what the narcissist was trying to do. I prefer the silence to the rage full yelling. How sad to live with both...
The silent treatment at one time caused me pain. Now I enjoy not hearing him whine and complain. He sees it no longer works and eventually he starts talking. I honestly now prefer not engaging with him and enjoy my many outlets and hobbies as well as my friends. It took time to get to this point. I have a great therapist and loving friends and family. He can "get his pout on" all he wants. I ignore the stupidity and enjoy my life. He really does not know how to deal with this. Talk about taking my power back after 30 plus years. Thanks Dr Ramani.
I can't even count how many times I got the silent treatment, starting for hours and days a kid, then to weeks as an older teen, and then progressing to years at a time, as an adult. It was designed to make me feel like I was easy to "get rid of", somehow putting me in my place. I ended the torture by going no contact, which is still hard to handle sometimes, but totally worth it.
Brilliant. BEST Silent Treatment video so far. We have all found ourselves betraying who we are in order to end the uncomfortable silence. Thank you for unpacking what that can do to us over time.
Dr Ramani has helped me so much. Only after coming across a Facebook video of her talking about narcissists that I came here and wow she has changed my life. I've just been through narcissistic abuse, and man, oh man, I nearly lost myself until I came and started watching her videos. She's amazing 👏🏼
I have CPTSD from various trauma some of which is from npd abuse by husband learned this year. Over Christmas I set some boundaries about family staying for new years (they had been here for a week and want to come back for a week for new years) I set up boundaries as I was so overwhelmed I was physically shaking at the thought of having to host five people again for that long with nobody doing anything. I’ve been so exhausted o have not got off the couch. I apologised and explained all this to my husband and he somehow twisted it like he was the martyr and will have to live with not seeing his family (I suggested he fly to there’s for new years as he is on leave for school holidays) So it then became a huge deal of him having to suffer and now he is not speaking to me. I was literally pleading in tears and apologising when I asked as I physically can’t do it at the moment and he didn’t seem to have any empathy. His empathy seems to get worse as he gets older. I’ve been told by psych he probably has NPD and he suffers from shame a lot but the lack of empathy makes me wonder
As an adult who just recognized my parent is a narcissist, I didn’t recognize the silent treatment as a bad thing until I got into a healthy relationship recently. I was so used to it. As a child if I “did something wrong” my father would send me to my room and not talk to me for the rest of the day/weekend. I spent a lot of time alone and feeling invisible. So I just thought that was normal.
Currently receiving the silent treatment from my mother. She has created extreme separation between me and my siblings. So much so that my sister is pregnant with my parents first grandchild and that sister excluded me from knowing about the pregnancy. My little brother just got married and i was excluded from even attending the wedding. I initially was the best man in that wedding. My mother acted a fool at his engagement party and instead of owning up to her behavior.She literally created elaborate lies about me,taking the attention off of her actions.narcs will do smear campaigns that end in very hurtful results for you and then ignore you like youre the one in the wrong. Learning that this silent treatment is a blessing. We dont need people like my mother in our lives. We cannot live healthy lives with these ppl in our life .
Be empowered with the psychological tools available. The manifesting of abuse appearing in constant and SUPER diverse ways is truly amazing, not really from one's emotional vantage, but from the observing vantage. Be open to the mind-blowing discoveries, but NEVER minimize the emotional impacts of discovered internalized abuse. This is for the survivor, YOU.
I actually went silent a lot when I was with my narc ex wife.. She would yell and berate me and the only option I felt like I had was to just stop responding and let her throw her fit.. I wouldn't call it giving her the "silent treatment" tho, cause it really came from a place of complete hopelessness
@@Ahandii89 me too, it was my husband, they don’t care what you have to say, they don’t pay attention, they’ll argue, they’ll play stupid..it’s exhausting to say one sentence as they have you repeat it over and over, they are a psychological nightmare
I was growing up with a narcissist father and codependent mother. He was a master of silent treatment. Once he was not talking to me and not looking at me for over a month when I was a teen. I did some stupid teenage stuff but looking from a perspective that was so very abusive of him. I remember I just wanted for him to hit me or shout at me and just move on. Now I am almost 40 and going to therapy hoping to finally heal the wounds. Thank you so much for your content. It really helps me to understand better what happened to me and that it wasn't my fault.
My sister's ready excuse for giving me the silent treatment has always been she does not like to talk. When she was visiting she was always talkative to people when we encountered them. Once I made the mistake of calling her out and said I wish you would treat me like you treat the people we encounter. Bad idea. It was her first narcissistic rage at me. Thanks for the insight. I never saw her silent treatment as a power tactic. My father did the same thing. His criticism of me? "You talk too damn much."
The silent treatment hurts more than all other forms of their behavior. At a point in life where we were just figuring them out. Now looking forward to silent treatment.
I am watching this as my father is giving me one at this very moment, on christmas- of course- because I stood up to him. He ruined everyones christmas eve supper* extending the silent treatment to my Mother and Grandmother them too and I am currently forced to sit alone in my room for being a bad girl for basically not being in the same head-butting, "joker", playful mood that he was in and letting him know (*its a custom in Poland that we celebrate on 24th dec evening). thank You Dr Ramani, its like a christmas gift from You - this video. And I wish all my bullied crew in the comments Merry Christmas and much strength!
I flipped the script-after my CN FIL deigned me unworthy of words at my MIL's funeral I went no contact. He spent Christmas utterly alone and I've no guilt.
Not everyone can “divorce” or go “No contact”. Some of us are willing to stay to raise children and take care of our disabled and/or elderly family members. Silence as punishment can be endured for the sake of caring for those worse off than ourselves. It’s worth making the sacrifice so long as there is no physical abuse.
@@tessysingh1327 for me it was never worth it, but it was so hard to financially get out plus, with children, it’s very hard to leave with children involved.yes sometimes you can’t leave and you have to lea4n how to save yourself if you’re still in.
I’ve been subjected to the silent treatment for more than half a year by my brother-WHILE we are sharing caregiving responsibilities for elderly parents. He literally won’t speak to me-EVEN about their care. It’s literally insane and logistically nearly impossible.
Sometimes he gave what I decades later understood was silent treatment for weeks, and once for three four months. Two and a half year ago he hade his rage, and was worst than ever. After exploding telling him almost everything I wanted, I used the samename calling, and attacked him with fact infront of our daughters. The stealing part I left out. Then I went silent! And stumbled over a video on covert vulnerable narcissist- and wow what a chock. After 30 years of marriage I understood what he was. That became my turning point. I went silent - and stood my ground. Went to intensive therapy and got healed. I am so totally indifference to him! i have always been financially independent, but with therapy I became totally psychologically and emotionally detached. I am free! Hang in there!
I've used the silent treatment on the narc because I have no idea how to function around them. It's actually a huge source of supply for them. They know I'm hurt and can't function.
I did the same only we are different in that our MOTIVE is self preservation. Their motive is a manipulation to have power and control over us. Please don’t ever feel like you are the same in that regard.
Oh, you are so right about a narcissist getting supply from your freeze response. Anything that allows them to feel superior and powerful, gives them euphoric supply. Your freeze response isn't the same as using the silent treatment as a weapon, though. It is merely confirmation that you are being abused.
The reason for not going to Xmas lunch, stepfather for 40 yrs has used this to make all kids feel unwelcome, from 8yrs old. Eating dinner separately with mother, waiting until we have left the room to then enter, initials on phone call notes instead of our names. And still, she sits there expecting an arrival of some kind, unwelcome. Stopped accepting that and she'll fight to the death for his excuses. All kids now parents, suffered so badly within confidence wise. This is refreshing to listen to, thank you.
For me, it was more than just silence. My narcissistic sister, her flying monkeys and her enablers, would act as if I literally didnt exist. It was/is unnerving to be in a roomful of people who dont acknowledge your presence.
As a kid growing up, I desperately wanted my mother’s love, interest and affection. That never happened. She was and still is the Queen of the silent treatment (or simple ignoring). The damage, pain and suffering she caused is indescribable. I allowed her invalidation to define me. She had her tentacles in every aspect of my life, and I was a shell of who I should have become. It took me 59 years to find the strength to leave her. It took a year for my nervous system to calm down, and then I crashed big time. I’m still struggling with exhaustion and chronic fatigue. It’s been a journey of many ups and downs, but I am learning to love myself and find healing within.
My 82 year old mom is currently giving me the silent treatment for the for what feels like the millionth time. She especially seems to enjoy choosing holidays as an extra gut punch. I’m exhausted.
I used the silent treatment for 2 months to plan and execute my escape from a 34 yr nightmare Never noticed that I was packing and staging belongings. He went to work and friends and movers swooped in and moved me out. Neither did our daughter who partnered in the silent treatment.
A big thanks for this sharing. I lived the "silent treatment" when I was young with my parents and I felt all that you said. It took me a lot of readings and counseling to regain my "voice" and reject the feeling of guilty.
You're spot on doctor. I have been indoctrinated by my mother on many things on life. Now, she conveniently hide herself behind dementia and she does many actions that opposite of her indoctrination wise words. I guess that's where my aversion of authority or power comes from. Obedient people want trust of truth. That what we learned from the power are true, that the power also use their own words that the power indoctrinated to others, in any stage if life, be it during clear mind or mental illness.
@thebirima91 The minute he stepped in the house, the first word he mouths is " chit." He has never greeted me. We were sleeping on his single bed for years even though he easily could afford a double bed as he spent a lot of money on his two Mercedes Benz. He wouldn't buy it because I told him my father bought a double bed for every room. He didn't want me to feel comfortable. We've never had a comfortable bed for both of us to sleep in. Also, as soon we were settled in his single bed , he would react violently and immediately turn his back on me.
@@melisentiapheiffer3034 that’s strange. Maybe try under this comment. If not I wish you all the strength you need. It’s happening here for about six months now. A ridiculous situation and bad example for our kids too but she doesn’t seem to understand that nor care.
I just asked my covert narcissistic sister who was in my life with the sweetest presence and yet i felt judged and anxious in her presence..and not in touch with myself. It's like she was judging me and putting me in my place...a place she saw fit. I finally messaged her to stay away and told her in no indirect terms why.. It must have hurt her ego tremendously as she has not reached out..and in the beginning, i was tempted to reach out ( she is my sis after all) but I am not taking any chances. The peace I feel is amazing...
I had never experienced The Silent Treatment until my 2nd Marriage. It was quite shocking and after many episodes of it over 15 years, I fled. Recently his 1st Wife disclosed that he went for 18 months not speaking to her.
My ex used to leave and turn off his phone. He would leave for over 24 hours. The first few times I thought he was dead. I eventually stopped talking. I swear I watched whatever he wanted and did what ever he wanted. It was horrible. I did this for almost 4 years. I left and found a guy that was physically abusive at least he cared enough to hit me. I know. I got out of that went back to the narc. But I've been Fully no contact with my nex for a year in October. I was 21 when I met him, 23 when I married him. I just turned 40. The only thing I regret is that I didn't do it sooner. After about a year and some really hard work my debilitating health issues cleared up. Dr. Ramani you are an Angel. I would never have the life I have today if you didn't do what you do. I'm forever Grateful!!!!
I am the adult child of a narcissist. The longest silent treatment for our family was six long weeks. My step-dad would come home while we were eating dinner, go to the last of the food and eat out of the pots. Because he wouldn’t speak to our mom, he didn’t speak to us.
My parents used silent treatments against me regularly. I complied as a child, by submitting. 40 years later, my brother has used silent treatment twice since Covid, when we’ve been in disagreement. Understanding this dynamic now, from this and other videos, makes me feel very angry at my family. Growing up in a narcissistic family system as the scapegoat has been such a painful ride. I’ve not complied this time around. I’ve gone no contact!
I use the silent treatment as time for everyone involved to reflect and to better understand what was said and done and move forward. Even if they don’t see what they did wrong to cause the silence. For yourself, you should have peace of mind during the silence to find your way back to yourself.
Try to remember the best path forward is always open, honest communication. We can't expect people to understand our feelings or thoughts when we don't communicate with words 😊
Almost every time I listen to one of your videos, I am in awe .. again .. of how you 'hit the nail on the head' as to exactly what was going on .. and didn't understand .. but I Absolutely do now !! Thank you .. ❤️🩹
I'm so tired of narcissistic bullshit...so tired. I'm getting the silent treatment from two narcissists in my life right now. And there is no way in hell that I am taking anymore blame for their bs. At this point in my life it's just driving me further away not pulling me in. I'm ready to move on with my life.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for your great teachings on narcissism. I appreciate your manner of how you explain it to make the terms easy to understand. Have a Happy holiday and God bless you.
This is true. The silent treatment and last betrayal is how they earned my forever silence. I messed up and reached out, and now I have to start all over. 😮again.
They abused the knowledge about my need for clarity and closure. All of them! Also my parents, siblings but also men and teacher, therapists, friends, business associats etc. I endured weeks and months of silent treatments as a child and it broke me countless times. Not ever received an apology. Went No Contact with whole my past and they alienated my children from me. No help or support whatsoever. Still I survived and yet it isn't over. It's a sick world.
For me, the worst part about the silent treatment is not even knowing what the narcissistic person believes I did wrong. My narcissist parent often expected me to know things that I had never learned or been taught. Then I would have to plead even to know what I was being punished for. Thank you, Dr Ramani, for helping me make sense of my childhood.
My sister gave me the silent treatment for months and months, maybe a year plus, through our high school years. We shared a bedroom. I forgot about that; however fully aware that she was the beginning of my narcissistic journey. This was in the 70s. She absolutely destroyed my entire life. Couldn’t have kids. Stole mine. I wasn’t even acknowledged in her obituary.
I saw that as sinister* instead of sister. No offense to sisters everywhere. I gave my own 3 each to hold on to. I never had one. Only SIL, enough said!
Sinister indeed, pushing me from the edge of the pool to try to drown me when I was 2, and off the fence when I 4. She was 21 months older than me. A living nightmare who eventually cut me off from my whole family. My son recovered from some of her poison- yet is narcissistic, but my daughter and I have zero contact and I have never met my grandkids. I have never had a mean bone in my body and She took the lies to her grave. Naturally I haven’t had one good partner in my life- the magnet that I was. But at 67 I’m okay and still have love in my heart.
I've been given silent treatment by a coworker at work. She does not even answer my Hi. Then one weekend, she and her daughter saw my husband and I at the grocery store, and she shamelessly started a small talk with us. I was so confused and it was so awkward when the next day she continued to give me silent treatment. This people confuse and destabilize your senses. So manipulative! I don't even know how to react. It hurts!
What’s fascinating? If you ignore them they magically start talking to you again as if nothing happened. Life in the spin cycle. Over and over again.
@@nopereradicator not always but that’s not our decision
Literally, and when I told mine that things weren't just magically fixed because I told him that our cat needed food, surprised Pikachu face. 😂
just walk away, silently
I'd say more like brain damaged and unaware, are these narcs.
@@mkultraviolenc3 exactly!
I am having my first narc-free Christmas after 6 years. The silent treatment was a big feature of our relationship. It was incredibly confusing, painful, annoying and Dr Ramani is correct in calling it “indoctrination”. It absolutely is. It still hurts me to think back on. Tonight I will spend Christmas Eve alone and wake up home alone on Christmas morning for the first time in my life and there is nothing better than the peace I feel right now. The silence is wonderful. Just me and the fire. (I will see family tomorrow daytime, don’t worry, all good!) I am allowing myself to feel proud for leaving, even though the mixed-up emotions continue to be a rollercoaster. Merry Christmas to all of you. If you’re considering leaving, please please please give yourself the chance to do it. Nothing feels better than peace and quiet at the end of all this xxxxxx
Right on!!!
Keep your head up you got this
Merry Christmas & well done!❤
Instead of spending time with my mother, an abusive sibling and his family, I chose me. I’m 60, and this is my first Christmas alone, too. My fridge is stocked with food and goodies. I’m going to rent a couple of movies and enjoy my day without any family drama. Merry Christmas! 🎁🎄
@@hoby7439 its my first Christmas alone aswell. My son is with his father and his family. At first i felt sad, the days before Christmas. But now i feel at peace. Alone but not lonely. Looking forward to a brand new year with opportunities to explore i did not have the last 17 years. May God Bless you
My God! The pain in the comments from viewers! What torment you all have endured or are enduring! May we all find peace and warm love!
Amen.
Thank you
The irony is most wouldn't have suffered narcissistic abuse from someone with NPD but rather just be in highly complex relationships perhaps with a very disagreeable person with some narcissistic traits. That's not to say it's not difficult however. The reality is Ramani profits from making NPD appear more prevalent than it actually is - the statistics are rather at only 1-1.5% of the population. Narcissistic traits & full blown NPD are two entirely different beasts altogether. I say this as someone who was cyberstalked for years & as a mental health professional who specialises in personality disorders. Remember, Dr Ramani has a generic doctorate in psychology, she is not a specialist in any sense in this highly nuanced field of study. I wish people would be more critical of their source material. Humans are inherently complex creatures & not all benevolent - we don't have to label it as NPD to validate we've been through a horrific time.
Jr, you’re a compassionate person! What a breath of fresh air. What you wrote was so kind! Happy new year !
@Tad-For-Global-Peace Thank you!
When I bared my heart and soul in how much the silent treatment hurt me, he took every opportunity to do it. Dr. Ramani gave me the mindset to see his silent treatment as the gift that keeps on giving. Perception is everything! I saved my money for over a year, bought an rv, and pulled away from Georgia to Texas. I am alone with my two cats and I find such solace in the peace I have claimed for myself! After a 21 year toxic and abusive marriage, I'm winning at last!!! 🙏🏻🥰💯💪🏻💜
God bless you!
I turned the tables on this one; I decided to embraced it! I simply just acted like she wasn’t there. It was wonderful when she got hurt when I didn’t make her dinner, make her morning coffee, go grocery shopping for both of us-just me. I prefer the silence over the smartass comments and digs. Know what felt even better? Divorce! 🎉
Woohoo!!!🎉
She obviously was not the violent type of narcissist. Good for you! That's not an easy technique to try.
Yes indeed!! I turned the tables for a month! The amount of peace and quiet from the passive aggressive comments, the small micro aggressions- it felt like a vacation. I knew then I had to divorce him and that I was not put on the planet to live in that mess. Divorce had been golden!🎉
After my grandfather and cousin stole money from me, then me calling them out for it, they resorted to stone cold silence. It turned out to be such a relief that I grew to enjoy. I decided that we should keep things that way. It's been a peaceful past year. A few months ago, I was told that my grandfather was in my state. He didn't call, text, or come to my house. Cool. I do the same when I'm back home; simply acting like he doesn't exist. He likes it, I LOVE it. By the way, keep your inheritance, Gramps. ✌️
I’m right behind you on that!
I called my son out - *FINALLY* called him out on his BS and I stood my ground and I haven't heard a peep from him in months. He has removed himself from my phone group list of "my babies" of my children. I don't care. Years and years of gaslighting, abuse, lies, making up stories that were absolutely NOT TRUE, absolute crazy-making behavior, putting me in impossible situations....I'm DONE with it! The silence is beautiful! The few days I'm really sad, I remember that I'm grieving for my little boy, not the man he turned out to be. Then I give it to God and move on. He will no longer have any of my life; he has taken too much of it as it is.
My son doing the same thing! I adopted him when he turned 19- his dad traumatized him, not me! I left when I was able- his view of reality is so screwed up- the gaslighting, degrading remarks are too much! I’m done after all his cryptic remarks on social media too! He isn’t talking to me, my other children. My door is open but I’m not going down his rabbit hole period!!!
Can you hear the cheering?!
100%
Same with my daughter. The only picture I have up is when she was a tween.
It’s been years and the last thing I said when she started her bullying was “ ok, I know how you feel about me and when you can bring a adult conversation to the table, I’m here “
She’s 34 and it’s been over 2 years. Not holding my breath
My son just turned 26 yesterday. I put up some ornaments he made when he was little. I did spend time with him yesterday - the way HE wanted, not healthy at all - and I realize that I too am grieving my baby boy who is a grown man now and not the innocent child. He still has a good soul somewhere in there, I know, and his behaviors are just covering it up. I also feel like he will keep Taking from me until I die and there’s nothing left to take. It stops now. He’s toxic to me and it’s abusive. When and if he gets sober and figures life out, I may still be there or not - I don’t know how I’ll feel. I love him and hope he gets it for himself. And in the meantime, I’m sad. And done. Thanks for listening. ❤
See this is what I’ve been waiting for dealing with a narcissistic child. It’s the worst
Yes! It’s so cruel!! It’s so lonely 😢
A good trick here is replacing that word "lonely" with "peaceful."
It is absolutely cruel yes and so painful
It's worse than being alone really; If you're alone, you can feel lonely but not have that person around physically to taunt or trigger you with their presence.
It feels twice as bad, seeing the tormentor while you are being to feel lonely and disconnected.😢
@sparklecanada0112 no contact
Don't see it as lonely. Look at it as a perfect exit ramp from the relationship. They made it easy for you. It's also not a loss because you can't lose what you don't have.
I’ve been saving up all of your videos about narcissistic parents until after the holidays…but this one got me. Being a child of a single father who is a narcissist was terrifying, the silent treatment and sulking would start with a rage…something broken…followed by weeks of silence. I would always have to placate him eventually because I would need something, a signature on a progress report or a backboard for the science fair. I don’t know which was worse. The rage was scary but I never knew how long the silence would go on. Sometimes he’d just go stay at his girlfriend’s house until they had a fight. That wasn’t too bad, except I never knew when he’d come “home”.
I don’t know why I wrote this comment, I think maybe so I wouldn’t cry.
Thank you for your videos and your podcast,you’ve been helping me to heal.
I remember the very first silent treatment-I dared to say something, just trying to make him feel better, about not “wallowing in his problems” and to be grateful for what he had-a good job, a beautiful home, etc. He got this really ANGRY look on his face , & wouldn’t speak for a LONG time. I just turned & watched TV, & wondered what the hell was going on. Finally after a long time , he said, “you know what you said a little while ago? About moving on & all that? Well, I don’t want to EVER hear that again.” WOW. 😮😮😮That should have been a clue into a future of silent treatments & rage towards me over stuff he REFUSED to stop playing the victim over. But I didn’t know what a malignant narcissist WAS then; the minute my brain registered “verbally abusive” is when I should have walked & not looked back, like his first 2 wives.
@ I didn’t actually say the word “wallowing”, but was hinting at it. It was a really kind , “count the things to be grateful for” type of talk. But instead of just shutting it down, or agreeing to disagree, it ANGERED him, was my point. At the time I was young & didn’t know that I was with someone that was not only verbally/mentally/emotionally abusive, but someone that had the emotional maturity of a 6 year old boy. It was the start of a really awful relationship that lasted 18 years, until he died.
Also telling you what to say and do is never okay.
@@ktbiwk like she was telling him to stop feeling down?
Same exact situation.
25 years into this sham of a marriage to a covert narcissist parasite of a man in my life. His silent treatment used to work in the beginning. Now I enjoy the silence. He hates how it doesn't affect me anymore. He drinks and then concocts other ways to try to get under my skin-- which also are ineffective because I know every move and gameplay he's going to make. 😈 .
Same here! 22 years of marriage & currently we're on about 10 months of silent treatment. I'm enjoying every moment of silence now. And yes, he's also trying to do other things to get a reaction out of me. Like ruining my hand towels that my best friend gave me for my birthday. He used them to clean up grease & who knows what else.
@@dawn7733 same with me; I got to the point where I loved the 3 day silent treatments, because at least then he’d leave me the hell alone for a bit. It’s so awful when it gets to that point.
He tries. Sleep is best when he isn't here. I set my alarm for him and sleep accordingly. He will wake me doing weird stuff.
He told me I woke him, because I stirred. But he said you were 'disturbed'. I said you just 'pinged me' referring to a great video I came across by Jerry Wise.
He looked at me and he dropped it, end of conversation!
Thank you for posting this reply. Silent treatment is what I used against my narcissistic family. I am so happy I did this. I don’t have to deal with their anger and me trying to fix everything. They now text to wish me and my kids for major events and now I say Thank you, sending you and your family lots of love. My husband has blocked them and is so happy. I cannot bring myself to blocking them so I allow them to text me. Only one of them apologized and admitted to all things that was done to me. We are on light speaking terms but I keep my boundaries now. Silence is golden. Someone once said (Buddha?) if you don’t accept their gifts of anger, then it goes back to them.
Oh my goodness, you don’t deserve that. Peace in your life is more important. I am currently going through a separation in my relationship and told him I no longer consider being together unless he gets help from a therapist; he agreed and he has gone twice already. I am doing the same but I have started 6 months ago. I feel that my peace is more important and I rather be alone than being in an unhealthy relationship. Be well.
The silent treatment is so destabilizing because you're just kind of waiting and you are so off balance not knowing what they are thinking or what is going to happen.
And if you've been through trauma in the past it's just excruciating.
For 10 years now! I have learned to live with a ghost that pulls out a mask, when a third party or witness shows up . I don't even try to break this silent treatment anymore.
So sorry you're going through that dear.
Actually this means you have met him with your total silence! You are strong!! Be proud of yourself and live your life! I do - I am free and live as I please
The last narcissist who tried using the silent treatment to manipulate me was treated to me loudly singing "The Sound of Silence" and other golden oldies, and loudly playing my favorite podcasts while I worked in the barn where we both had our horses 😂 Including podcasts about narcissists. But I didn't have to live with or work for her, which matters.
After the third day of the silent treatment, is one indication that they never loved in the first place.
Excellent point. Healthy people don't use the silent treatment on their loved ones.
@@moniquejackson7741 I hope that's true. Because my ex used the silent treatment on me. I could be wrong but I don't believe I ever used the silent treatment on him. But yet when we'd fight because I suffered from anxiety and depression he'd blame my illness and say I'm being paranoid and he say it's your illness that's doing it you're taking it the wrong way blah blah blah.
@@moniquejackson7741 I was sure I had replied since I was using a voice to text thing so maybe I forgot to click reply so here I go again. What I said before was I hope it's true that healthy people don't use silent treatment under that once the reason I'm saying this is because my ex who purported that I was the one that had the illness. He blamed the stuff on me he said it's your your illness that's doing it called me paranoid and he did the silent treatment on me if I said anything. But he said a lot of things that offended me and I don't believe I ever once used the silent treatment on him.
You know what a real part of me thinks that they just don't know how to love.. genuinely love.
This is my third attempt to make a reply to your post Youngblood. I don't understand why my other replies did not appear. Sorry this particular reply is rather generic and anemic it's because I worry that my other replies were offensive and somebody whoever is in control took the other two off. I did not say anything mean to anybody on here or about the lady that does these videos so I don't know understand why the other two post replies got taken off.
I am now trying to utilize the "Silent" treatment back at the narcissistic. Its Christmas Eve and he hid my stocking. He put out his stocking, the dogs stocking but lost my stocking. He took an old, holey work sock and hung it up for me. When I i asked him where my stocking from my childhood,the one my Grandma had made it for me, he still hasn't answered me about "Why" " Wheres my beloved stocking" and "Why would you put a old, worn sock up as a replacement?" I haven't gotten an answer, not one. I got nothing, nada. God help me! I am stopping asking. I can't handle a passive aggressive response. I am now silent. I pray this is my last Christmas with this person.
I'm right there with you with my wife. I'm not praying it's the last Christmas, I'm promising it's the last Christmas. Been on this hell for 29 years. No more.
Ruuuun! 🏃
Pray, but also ACT..leave asap
They really are infants in adult bodies.
Playing their games only hurts you more. It might FEEL good, like revenge. But feelings and thoughts of revenge aren't good for you. They're just not. The only way to win is to stop playing the game and leave. They cannot stand being alone because they feel terrible about themselves, in reality. It might not seem that way but it is.
I grew up in such a toxic environment where the silent treatment was a daily occurrence. Looking back, I remind myself: If they truly cared about me, they would have stayed in my life. That’s not the reality, though, and I no longer care about them. I’ve stopped chasing after people or worrying about their actions. They chose to cut me out, and that’s fine-done and dusted. Don’t get me wrong; in the past, it hurt when someone ignored me, but not anymore.
Well said!
@@moniquejackson7741 Thank you
Exactly, pay them dust right back and let them be the little victim.
The silent treatment. I know it well. It did indeed work well to make me feel worse than a criminal for a long time. Then the person who most often used it on me to get her way told me that she used it because whenever someone offended her, they lose the right to exist until they make it right.
My response from that moment on was to push past my feelings and enjoy not having to listen to the horrible things she'd normally say, taking her silent treatment as a break instead of an attack. When she figured that out, after a couple of times, the silent treatment stopped . . .
That's the craziest thing - other people lose the right to exist - who goes around judging whether other people deserve to exist all day? That must be excruciating, caring so much about such utterly pointless things.
Everyone..have a wonderful day..blessings and much love to you all ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤Merry Christmas!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Merry Christmas 🎄 🕯
Merry Christmas,🎄
Merry Christmas 💚💚💚💚
Thank you.
@@spyder5280 Merry Christmas 🎄
My ex gave me the silent treatment for over a year. We lived in a small community with no public transportation and I was not permitted to have a drivers license. He controlled the money and therefore the food. I carried on with my life, no apology or caving. I knew he was the problem and when the youngest child left, I called a moving truck and went to Transition House. Stalking and divorce followed.
@@elaineduncanson1474 omg! So glad for you! That's great!
This is so relevant to me right now. I finally lost my 💩 with my mother last night when she got upset we're not spending Christmas with her (it's my husband's family's turn this year) and hung up on me. I texted her my grievances about this whole bull situation as well as a few others. I knew it probably wasn't going to get me anywhere, but I did it anyway, because I'm just so done. It's Christmas Eve and she hasn't responded.
She wants me to apologize. I know it. I've felt anxious all day and have spiraled into "how I can make it better" thoughts multiple times.
I'm re-watching some of your videos and talking to friends who help me remember I'm sane and am getting though it. But it's hard.
They really think the sun and moon sets on them 😂
Early on in the relationship with my ex I caught him rifling through my private paperwork and got annoyed. He gave me the silent treatment and I ended up apologising. Another time he sent me a sexually explicit message which upset me because I felt like I didn't know him. The guy I'd been dating wouldn't find that type of smut funny. So next day he asked me if I got his message and I said yes but I didn't like it. Guess what! The silent treatment again and again I ended up being peacemaker. This person went on to become a very abusive, emotionally/physically/financially and sexually. We really need to pay heed to these early red flags. It took me ten years to finally get away from that miserable creep and a lot of therapy afterwards. Thank you Dr Ramani for your excellent service.
That's awful!
Sometimes the trash takes itself out… just try to see it as the blessing it is🙏💖🙏
My mom was the master of silent treatment. She knew I would eventually need something from her, like something signed for school, and she would smirk when I would ask her, instead of responding. She relished being able to demonstrate how perfect and superior she was, by putting others below her. It took a long time to realize the lie behind her outward appearance of superiority. I feel sad for her now because I know she felt so inferior and unloveable that the only way she thought she could get her wants and needs met was by manipulating others to force them to make her feel important and loved.
Sad really and not your fault
The narcissistic in law in my family gave me the silent treatment when I said hello as I literally was standing right in front of her. I don’t know why. It was unnerving. She then continued to scapegoat me, verbally assault me and do a smear campaign against me to my family. So toxic and disgusting. Protecting my health and peace. Not playing their game nor taking the blame. Going DDEEP . Standing strong in the truth. 💪🏼 Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
Therapy is one if you can afford it. Two get a hobby. Three go out to a bar. Plan a trip. Anything not involving her.
It will be really painful while you'll doing it. Maybe not even a month or three or even a year , maybe more you'll feel pain but increasingly less.
And as the months move you will see you've made a lot of progress. And forget them. If you did hurtful things too you will also grow and change out of them. If you are ready for that and this you will be fine.
Remember this: for someone to give you the silent treatment, it requires a lot of hatred and contempt. I could never treat a loved one like that, that type of behaviour derives from a very dark and evil place.
When we give a Narcissistic silence. It does come with some hatred towards them for the things they did. But this is peaceful for the victim. Cutting the cord with a narcissist stops a lot of anger going astray. Focus on your loving circle and rebuke the toxic circle. Let it kick the bucket.
Hi!
I've been watching your videos for a while now - both during and after leaving my narcissistic abuser. The first time I watched one of your videos, was when I was attempting to leave my live in partner (a year ago or so), and she went to the police station and reported that I had physically abused her. She filed a DV restraining order on me and kept my pets from me since we had lived together. I watched your video after the sheriff called me and told me about the "twelve-hour rule" - in which it was past the time they could arrest me for said "abuse". She tried to have me arrested for breaking and entering when I tried to take my pet - so I had to prove that I was living there up to that date via Mail. When I would talk to the police and tell them the reality of the situation, they would tell me it was woman drama and "tit-for-tat". We had a court date set for a month or so away, and I had it moved up for fear of my pet's safety. I told the police that I had proof that she had physically abused me, but since I did nothing about it at the time, they could do nothing. I had been extremely emotionally abused and manipulated, but that was very hard to prove. And at this point, I was busy playing defense. I contacted a womans support group in the area and asked for help since I was way over my head and was the one who was abused for years. They told me they couldn't help someone who has an active restraining order for DV and that their hands were tied. Which then make me question why all abusers couldn't do this. They can go to the police, sign a few court documents and have all support ripped from the survivor. I printed every ounce of evidence of abuse I could find, messages where she'd tell me to drive drunk when I'd sleep on my friend's couch - because she hated when I would see my friends and wanted me in her control. And when I would refuse, she'd leave me terrible voicemails. She'd tell me my family hated me for being gay. She convinced me that I have Borderline. She bought the book "Walking on Eggshells" and underlined and highlighted areas for me to study so I could change my behavior. She had hit me before - at the beginning. But when that happened, I left immediately. She would sit on the stoop of my apartment and outside my door for hours. Eventually - I gave in. More out of embarrassment of what my neighbors would think. She never hit me again, but she did isolate me, jump from my moving car once, texted my friends to try to tell them horrible things about me, or things I would vent to her about. The list goes on and on and on. Once in court, I had prepped a statement, as well as gathering testimonials from my friends and family, and even my ex-girlfriend who vouched for my calm and loving demeanor as a partner. She didn't expect me to come prepared, and she floundered - with obviously no evidence that I ever abused her in any way. We waited for the decision by mail - about two days later - dismissed. I then called the womans help center and left a voicemail as no one picked up. I told them that the case had been dismissed, and that she was MY abuser and had hit me and emotionally abused and isolated me, and what's to stop any other abuser from doing what she did? Playing offense so suddenly the true victim who just wanted to leave quietly now has to defend themselves without their support. Especially since abuse victims rarely seek help. They never called back, and I didn't expect them too. It's a messed-up system and I just thank my lucky starts every day that I didn't have kids with her. It's been about a year, and she finally gave me my pets back - though one had passed in that time. I had to play the long game with her for the whole year. We didn't get back together, but I had to pretend that she was someone I wanted in my life even if she didn't have my pets. It wasn't easy and I had to know when to push and when to pull. I don't know what finally made her decide to hand them over - but when she did, it was as if she was tossing the trash. For what she held onto for so long, suddenly she didn't care. I am counting it as a win though thinking about it just confuses me. I'm sorry this is so long I just wanted to express my gratitude for helping me to see this is a huge win! And someday, she will not occupy my mind at all - which will be the biggest win I could ever imagine. Thank you Dr Ramani.
Silence is INVALIDATING!!!!
Currently in a silent treatment standoff because I rather like the silence. I don't care to engage with him either which way. He's getting annoyed but I'm concerned we could do this indefinitely....
Finally had enough of my bully eldest sister and ignored her 2 week custom silent treatment. She finally ran back and stated, “I know you’re hurting. I know you miss me just admit.” Admit!” I smiled and stated I was quite alright
You are such an important person, Doctor. Thank you thank you thank you for this. This was SO needed on this dark day
Consider "the silent treatment" as an absolute blessing. I freeze-out narcissists all the time by serving them-up reverse silent treatment. See, when you're autonomous and you live with deep self-awareness and social awareness, you don't need the breadcrumb bullshit validation from narcissists to exist. Any narcissists who challenge me with the silent treatment will get their own silent treatment into perpetuity (meaning I consciously demonstrate not validating or engaging them at all).
My mum used to do it a lot. It’s dehumanising and unbearably painful.
My mom too, and now I'm dealing with it from my husband. They all play by the same hand-book, I swear.
My mom also. And then I told the narc my mom used to do this and he did it more.
My late father used to use the analogy of a broken TV when warning us about our narcissistic mother with phrases like, " there's a picture but no sound today." She was forever in a huff about something and at nearly 80 years old is still the same!
LOL I am gonna tell her that 🤣
Thank you so much for pointing out that. It's not just about giving them the time to be silent, but rather getting you to speak the words they want
I gave the narc i know the silent treatment as the way to just disengage. They did NOT like that! Of course, they find a way to make the whole situation my fault.
Yes they had another name for it in Al-Anon when I went to the meetings in the 90s. I had made another post about this on another of this lady's videos. I did this thing once with my ex just temporarily and he noticed that I wasn't talking and he got offended but yet he could use the silent treatment on me and it was a different story.
My son experienced the silent treatment from his girlfriend. He was so confused by this, he tried to date another girl. She accused his of cheating on her. They had a fight over this. My son ended the fight by shooting himself dead. I don't believe that she meant for this to happen or even expected he would react that way. Silent treatment can be very harmful.
What a tragedy 😢
I get both the silent treatment and the yelling in my face
Years of silent treatment - amazing!
I learn a perfect way to avoid headaches about silence situation, I don't have expectations on no one anymore. When we don't need anything from anyone is the best way to live. Happy holidays to everyone, peace, blessings and happiness to everyone 🙏
He doesn't use the silent treatment often. At first I thought he was having hearing problems, lol.
I finally decided to embrace these silent moments when I understood what the narcissist was trying to do.
I prefer the silence to the rage full yelling. How sad to live with both...
😂 I literally laughed out loud. Lots of love to you ❤
The silent treatment at one time caused me pain. Now I enjoy not hearing him whine and complain. He sees it no longer works and eventually he starts talking. I honestly now prefer not engaging with him and enjoy my many outlets and hobbies as well as my friends. It took time to get to this point. I have a great therapist and loving friends and family. He can "get his pout on" all he wants. I ignore the stupidity and enjoy my life. He really does not know how to deal with this. Talk about taking my power back after 30 plus years. Thanks Dr Ramani.
I can't even count how many times I got the silent treatment, starting for hours and days a kid, then to weeks as an older teen, and then progressing to years at a time, as an adult. It was designed to make me feel like I was easy to "get rid of", somehow putting me in my place. I ended the torture by going no contact, which is still hard to handle sometimes, but totally worth it.
Brilliant. BEST Silent Treatment video so far. We have all found ourselves betraying who we are in order to end the uncomfortable silence. Thank you for unpacking what that can do to us over time.
Absolutely. I never saw it has a power play.
It's insane how some people use the silent treatment after contributing nothing.
Dr Ramani has helped me so much. Only after coming across a Facebook video of her talking about narcissists that I came here and wow she has changed my life. I've just been through narcissistic abuse, and man, oh man, I nearly lost myself until I came and started watching her videos. She's amazing 👏🏼
I have CPTSD from various trauma some of which is from npd abuse by husband learned this year.
Over Christmas I set some boundaries about family staying for new years (they had been here for a week and want to come back for a week for new years) I set up boundaries as I was so overwhelmed I was physically shaking at the thought of having to host five people again for that long with nobody doing anything. I’ve been so exhausted o have not got off the couch.
I apologised and explained all this to my husband and he somehow twisted it like he was the martyr and will have to live with not seeing his family (I suggested he fly to there’s for new years as he is on leave for school holidays)
So it then became a huge deal of him having to suffer and now he is not speaking to me.
I was literally pleading in tears and apologising when I asked as I physically can’t do it at the moment and he didn’t seem to have any empathy.
His empathy seems to get worse as he gets older.
I’ve been told by psych he probably has NPD and he suffers from shame a lot but the lack of empathy makes me wonder
As an adult who just recognized my parent is a narcissist, I didn’t recognize the silent treatment as a bad thing until I got into a healthy relationship recently.
I was so used to it. As a child if I “did something wrong” my father would send me to my room and not talk to me for the rest of the day/weekend. I spent a lot of time alone and feeling invisible. So I just thought that was normal.
Currently receiving the silent treatment from my mother. She has created extreme separation between me and my siblings. So much so that my sister is pregnant with my parents first grandchild and that sister excluded me from knowing about the pregnancy. My little brother just got married and i was excluded from even attending the wedding. I initially was the best man in that wedding. My mother acted a fool at his engagement party and instead of owning up to her behavior.She literally created elaborate lies about me,taking the attention off of her actions.narcs will do smear campaigns that end in very hurtful results for you and then ignore you like youre the one in the wrong. Learning that this silent treatment is a blessing. We dont need people like my mother in our lives. We cannot live healthy lives with these ppl in our life .
Be empowered with the psychological tools available. The manifesting of abuse appearing in constant and SUPER diverse ways is truly amazing, not really from one's emotional vantage, but from the observing vantage.
Be open to the mind-blowing discoveries, but NEVER minimize the emotional impacts of discovered internalized abuse. This is for the survivor, YOU.
I actually went silent a lot when I was with my narc ex wife.. She would yell and berate me and the only option I felt like I had was to just stop responding and let her throw her fit..
I wouldn't call it giving her the "silent treatment" tho, cause it really came from a place of complete hopelessness
@@Ahandii89 me too, it was my husband, they don’t care what you have to say, they don’t pay attention, they’ll argue, they’ll play stupid..it’s exhausting to say one sentence as they have you repeat it over and over, they are a psychological nightmare
GO DOCTOR RAMANI THE CHAMPION OF PSYCHOLOGY !
I was growing up with a narcissist father and codependent mother. He was a master of silent treatment. Once he was not talking to me and not looking at me for over a month when I was a teen. I did some stupid teenage stuff but looking from a perspective that was so very abusive of him. I remember I just wanted for him to hit me or shout at me and just move on. Now I am almost 40 and going to therapy hoping to finally heal the wounds.
Thank you so much for your content. It really helps me to understand better what happened to me and that it wasn't my fault.
The part about "it silences us" I can relate because we can't say the things that we normally would say lest the silent treatment happen again.
My sister's ready excuse for giving me the silent treatment has always been she does not like to talk. When she was visiting she was always talkative to people when we encountered them. Once I made the mistake of calling her out and said I wish you would treat me like you treat the people we encounter. Bad idea. It was her first narcissistic rage at me. Thanks for the insight. I never saw her silent treatment as a power tactic. My father did the same thing. His criticism of me? "You talk too damn much."
The silent treatment hurts more than all other forms of their behavior. At a point in life where we were just figuring them out. Now looking forward to silent treatment.
you think so?
Because it's a 'punitive tool' as Dr Ramini says.
That's usually the point when they bust out the silent treatment: when they realize we are figuring them out!
@@NarcissistHex-nf9eq Why are you so fascinated?
@@christinelamb1167 When you show disapproval maybe.
I am watching this as my father is giving me one at this very moment, on christmas- of course- because I stood up to him. He ruined everyones christmas eve supper* extending the silent treatment to my Mother and Grandmother them too and I am currently forced to sit alone in my room for being a bad girl for basically not being in the same head-butting, "joker", playful mood that he was in and letting him know (*its a custom in Poland that we celebrate on 24th dec evening). thank You Dr Ramani, its like a christmas gift from You - this video. And I wish all my bullied crew in the comments Merry Christmas and much strength!
I flipped the script-after my CN FIL deigned me unworthy of words at my MIL's funeral I went no contact. He spent Christmas utterly alone and I've no guilt.
I can’t thank you enough for waking me up after all these years 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
Not everyone can “divorce” or go “No contact”. Some of us are willing to stay to raise children and take care of our disabled and/or elderly family members. Silence as punishment can be endured for the sake of caring for those worse off than ourselves. It’s worth making the sacrifice so long as there is no physical abuse.
@@tessysingh1327 for me it was never worth it, but it was so hard to financially get out plus, with children, it’s very hard to leave with children involved.yes sometimes you can’t leave and you have to lea4n how to save yourself if you’re still in.
I’ve been subjected to the silent treatment for more than half a year by my brother-WHILE we are sharing caregiving responsibilities for elderly parents. He literally won’t speak to me-EVEN about their care. It’s literally insane and logistically nearly impossible.
Yes - they step it up when the communication is basic and necessary and will even help THEM make life easier.
Sometimes he gave what I decades later understood was silent treatment for weeks, and once for three four months.
Two and a half year ago he hade his rage, and was worst than ever. After exploding telling him almost everything I wanted, I used the samename calling, and attacked him with fact infront of our daughters. The stealing part I left out. Then I went silent! And stumbled over a video on covert vulnerable narcissist- and wow what a chock. After 30 years of marriage I understood what he was.
That became my turning point. I went silent - and stood my ground. Went to intensive therapy and got healed. I am so totally indifference to him! i have always been financially independent, but with therapy I became totally psychologically and emotionally detached. I am free! Hang in there!
I've used the silent treatment on the narc because I have no idea how to function around them. It's actually a huge source of supply for them. They know I'm hurt and can't function.
I did the same only we are different in that our MOTIVE is self preservation. Their motive is a manipulation to have power and control over us. Please don’t ever feel like you are the same in that regard.
Oh, you are so right about a narcissist getting supply from your freeze response. Anything that allows them to feel superior and powerful, gives them euphoric supply. Your freeze response isn't the same as using the silent treatment as a weapon, though. It is merely confirmation that you are being abused.
The reason for not going to Xmas lunch, stepfather for 40 yrs has used this to make all kids feel unwelcome, from 8yrs old. Eating dinner separately with mother, waiting until we have left the room to then enter, initials on phone call notes instead of our names. And still, she sits there expecting an arrival of some kind, unwelcome. Stopped accepting that and she'll fight to the death for his excuses. All kids now parents, suffered so badly within confidence wise. This is refreshing to listen to, thank you.
For me, it was more than just silence. My narcissistic sister, her flying monkeys and her enablers, would act as if I literally didnt exist. It was/is unnerving to be in a roomful of people who dont acknowledge your presence.
The silent treatment is terrifying because you know the rage is building and if you don’t diffuse it they could blow.
As a kid growing up, I desperately wanted my mother’s love, interest and affection. That never happened. She was and still is the Queen of the silent treatment (or simple ignoring). The damage, pain and suffering she caused is indescribable. I allowed her invalidation to define me. She had her tentacles in every aspect of my life, and I was a shell of who I should have become. It took me 59 years to find the strength to leave her. It took a year for my nervous system to calm down, and then I crashed big time. I’m still struggling with exhaustion and chronic fatigue. It’s been a journey of many ups and downs, but I am learning to love myself and find healing within.
My 82 year old mom is currently giving me the silent treatment for the for what feels like the millionth time. She especially seems to enjoy choosing holidays as an extra gut punch. I’m exhausted.
I used the silent treatment for 2 months to plan and execute my escape from a 34 yr nightmare
Never noticed that I was packing and staging belongings. He went to work and friends and movers swooped in and moved me out. Neither did our daughter who partnered in the silent treatment.
A big thanks for this sharing. I lived the "silent treatment" when I was young with my parents and I felt all that you said. It took me a lot of readings and counseling to regain my "voice" and reject the feeling of guilty.
You're spot on doctor. I have been indoctrinated by my mother on many things on life. Now, she conveniently hide herself behind dementia and she does many actions that opposite of her indoctrination wise words. I guess that's where my aversion of authority or power comes from. Obedient people want trust of truth. That what we learned from the power are true, that the power also use their own words that the power indoctrinated to others, in any stage if life, be it during clear mind or mental illness.
Wow, IT’S NOT OUR FAULT (of course her great book)📕 thank you 🙏 333❤❤❤❤
I have experienced it for two years straight because I have set boundaries. It's like he is at war with me.
Does he also not greet when coming home or not say goodnight like my own infantile narc?
@thebirima91 The minute he stepped in the house, the first word he mouths is " chit." He has never greeted me. We were sleeping on his single bed for years even though he easily could afford a double bed as he spent a lot of money on his two Mercedes Benz. He wouldn't buy it because I told him my father bought a double bed for every room. He didn't want me to feel comfortable. We've never had a comfortable bed for both of us to sleep in. Also, as soon we were settled in his single bed , he would react violently and immediately turn his back on me.
@thebirima91 I did reply to you, but it seems as if my comment was deleted.
@@melisentiapheiffer3034 that’s strange. Maybe try under this comment. If not I wish you all the strength you need. It’s happening here for about six months now. A ridiculous situation and bad example for our kids too but she doesn’t seem to understand that nor care.
I just asked my covert narcissistic sister who was in my life with the sweetest presence and yet i felt judged and anxious in her presence..and not in touch with myself. It's like she was judging me and putting me in my place...a place she saw fit. I finally messaged her to stay away and told her in no indirect terms why..
It must have hurt her ego tremendously as she has not reached out..and in the beginning, i was tempted to reach out ( she is my sis after all) but I am not taking any chances. The peace I feel is amazing...
The silent treatment started this sunday and this video posted omg perfect timing!!!!
I had never experienced The Silent Treatment until my 2nd Marriage. It was quite shocking and after many episodes of it over 15 years, I fled.
Recently his 1st Wife disclosed that he went for 18 months not speaking to her.
After finally working it out I hope the silent treatment goes on forever. This time forever keep that shit up.
Now that I have this knowledge, I view silent treatments as silent TREATS. These people are ridiculously unreasonable.
Merry Christmas 🎅 🎄 ❤️ Love to you all!!!❤❤❤❤❤❤
This this!!
My stomach gets sick just thinking about it.
Thanks for this back up pep talk on this abusive tactic. Everyday.
Thank you Dr. Ramani. Perfect timing with ths subject of the silent treatment and the holidays.
My ex used to leave and turn off his phone. He would leave for over 24 hours. The first few times I thought he was dead. I eventually stopped talking. I swear I watched whatever he wanted and did what ever he wanted. It was horrible. I did this for almost 4 years. I left and found a guy that was physically abusive at least he cared enough to hit me. I know. I got out of that went back to the narc. But I've been Fully no contact with my nex for a year in October. I was 21 when I met him, 23 when I married him. I just turned 40. The only thing I regret is that I didn't do it sooner. After about a year and some really hard work my debilitating health issues cleared up. Dr. Ramani you are an Angel. I would never have the life I have today if you didn't do what you do. I'm forever Grateful!!!!
It's good because I grow away.
I am the adult child of a narcissist. The longest silent treatment for our family was six long weeks. My step-dad would come home while we were eating dinner, go to the last of the food and eat out of the pots. Because he wouldn’t speak to our mom, he didn’t speak to us.
‘You have to eat your own shit or make a false confession to get them to speak again’ 😂😂😂 so funny yet so true and not an exaggeration
My parents used silent treatments against me regularly. I complied as a child, by submitting. 40 years later, my brother has used silent treatment twice since Covid, when we’ve been in disagreement. Understanding this dynamic now, from this and other videos, makes me feel very angry at my family. Growing up in a narcissistic family system as the scapegoat has been such a painful ride. I’ve not complied this time around. I’ve gone no contact!
I use the silent treatment as time for everyone involved to reflect and to better understand what was said and done and move forward. Even if they don’t see what they did wrong to cause the silence. For yourself, you should have peace of mind during the silence to find your way back to yourself.
Try to remember the best path forward is always open, honest communication. We can't expect people to understand our feelings or thoughts when we don't communicate with words 😊
Almost every time I listen to one of your videos, I am in awe .. again .. of how you 'hit the nail on the head' as to exactly what was going on .. and didn't understand .. but I Absolutely do now !! Thank you .. ❤️🩹
Thanks Dr R. Happy holidays. I hope you have a peaceful narcissist free season. Or at least some spaces in between
So timely. Thank you.
I'm so tired of narcissistic bullshit...so tired. I'm getting the silent treatment from two narcissists in my life right now. And there is no way in hell that I am taking anymore blame for their bs. At this point in my life it's just driving me further away not pulling me in. I'm ready to move on with my life.
Thank you Dr. Ramani for your great teachings on narcissism. I appreciate your manner of how you explain it to make the terms easy to understand. Have a Happy holiday and God bless you.
Yep...and the more you need them or honor them(especially emotionally)the better it works👀🤨😠😡😔😆😂🎄😔✝️✌🏽
@@Johnjones-vx1wy Yes, when Parents or Spouses pull it on you , it feels so lonely 😭 & scary.
This is true. The silent treatment and last betrayal is how they earned my forever silence. I messed up and reached out, and now I have to start all over. 😮again.
They abused the knowledge about my need for clarity and closure. All of them! Also my parents, siblings but also men and teacher, therapists, friends, business associats etc. I endured weeks and months of silent treatments as a child and it broke me countless times. Not ever received an apology. Went No Contact with whole my past and they alienated my children from me. No help or support whatsoever. Still I survived and yet it isn't over. It's a sick world.
For me, the worst part about the silent treatment is not even knowing what the narcissistic person believes I did wrong. My narcissist parent often expected me to know things that I had never learned or been taught. Then I would have to plead even to know what I was being punished for. Thank you, Dr Ramani, for helping me make sense of my childhood.
Wow... Hi from South Africa.. Same here😢
My sister gave me the silent treatment for months and months, maybe a year plus, through our high school years. We shared a bedroom. I forgot about that; however fully aware that she was the beginning of my narcissistic journey. This was in the 70s. She absolutely destroyed my entire life. Couldn’t have kids. Stole mine. I wasn’t even acknowledged in her obituary.
I saw that as sinister* instead of sister. No offense to sisters everywhere. I gave my own 3 each to hold on to. I never had one. Only SIL, enough said!
Sinister indeed, pushing me from the edge of the pool to try to drown me when I was 2, and off the fence when I 4. She was 21 months older than me. A living nightmare who eventually cut me off from my whole family. My son recovered from some of her poison- yet is narcissistic, but my daughter and I have zero contact and I have never met my grandkids. I have never had a mean bone in my body and She took the lies to her grave. Naturally I haven’t had one good partner in my life- the magnet that I was. But at 67 I’m okay and still have love in my heart.
I've been given silent treatment by a coworker at work. She does not even answer my Hi. Then one weekend, she and her daughter saw my husband and I at the grocery store, and she shamelessly started a small talk with us. I was so confused and it was so awkward when the next day she continued to give me silent treatment. This people confuse and destabilize your senses. So manipulative! I don't even know how to react. It hurts!
This year, I endured ten months of the silent treatment. But I'm a Grey rock 🪨
Repeatedly treated like this by my father when I was a child.