Whew! All I will say is 1. THANK GOD for Dr Spirit! 2. Gaslighting is a REAL THING! 3. Never marry a man/woman who won’t sleep in the bed with you. 4. PEOPLE WILL BETRAY YOU AND THEN FLIP IT ON YOU AS IF YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG! 5. PREMARITAL COUNSELING IS A MUST‼️‼️
💯an I’m so tired of down low dudes and all their podcasts calling themselves relationship coaches 🥴🤦🏽♀️the reason there is a DL epidemic bcuz of all the DL sickos mol. all these boys and then later on they also down low and do all these weirdo stuff while messing with women at the same time. It’s sooooooo common in our community it’s sickening. All this said, he definitely needed to tell her he was having interc. with men b4 getting with her or even marrying her 🤦🏽♀️ the fact that bm think they can always withhold this info and straight up be conniving and then acting like they did nothin wrong is crazy gaslighting 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️also in 99% bm are cheating while married
It's interesting you brought up #3 I've heard that ppl are considering having marriages but living apart, I'm cool on that, that sounds like someone needs a greencard or something, idk, this world is getting too weird for me🤷🏿♂️
@@NatHenrickClarke 😂😂 That’s like saying never marry a man who doesn’t want to sit at the same table with you. You’d assume every man would push to sleep in the bed with the woman he married even those who cheat. The other way around it’s slightly different but a man! who doesn’t want to sleep in the same bed with a woman he married something doesn’t add up fr 😂
My dad did this to my mom, married her had 2 kids and then she came home from work early and caught him with a man. He never copt to it until I was 43 years old. He continued to lie about it to me and my bro. He finally told us he was molested by his bro when my grandmother had to leave to do something. After all those years of resentment, I gave him grace. I can't imagine a little kid being molested and being confused about your sexuality trying to live in this world. People do not leave your kids alone period if you can. Listen to them, ask questions. 😢
Im overprotective with my children a lady from church want my daughter to her place we both have daughter around same age. I don’t know her. I did let them play in church. She was in the system with her son as soon she got him back she got right back into the system. The cops were looking for in church. Even though this not related to the topic. You don’t know people. As soon she got her son back she was judging me and this other lady about our boys. She was gossiping and causing strife in church. It was another lady judging us as well she was not vocal about it. When the lady lost her rights she was crying in the church. Lessons I learned Judge not so u won’t be judged. You reap what you sow. Someone gossip to u will gossip about you. The lady she gossip to me and the other lady she was laughed at back of the church when she was crying. Pride come before a fall. You can’t cause strife and division in church and not reap punishment. You will respect God in the church. I was not surprised it happened to her. She was so focus on other people family end up losing her own.
@@deion55 It can be a spirit that the enemy use to destroy the victim as well the perpetrator. Some people have history of generational curses. Some people came from dysfunctional families and think it normal to do. Just like many siblings was raised by same parents. Some get into drugs and some don’t. Some work and some dont. Everyone react /cope to things differently just like when someone died. Some things in life not to meant to be understood because we don’t know the history of people background.
This was hard to watch😣 However, shoutout to Tysean and Ryan for giving the individuals the opportunity to talk through this with openness, guidance and some form of accountability. A special, special shoutout to Dr. Spirit for her patience and expertise!
I really love Dr. Spirit. I thought it was awesome for her to counsel a real couple live. I know that there are many people afraid of therapy, but I hope this gives people an insight and that it’s not scary or a place that you will feel judged. Dr. Spirit is definitely a professional. Thanks to the couple who were courageous enough to come on the show and be vulnerable. I know it was not easy. Thank you for sharing and I wish you both the best in life.
So this is why the Lord has protected me from entering a relationship in the past! My unresolved trauma would have had me in the same situation 100 percent (marrying not for love, but because they meet a need stemming from my trauma). I'm just now getting connected with myself and trusting myself more at 28. Thanking this couple for their openess, and praying for their healing journeys 🙏🏾
A big shout out to the couple for opening up and being vulnerable about their marriage. If I’m honest, I wouldn’t be able to stay in a marriage where my spouse hid their sexual orientation. I feel that would be a massive red flag and breach of trust. Though I am sympathetic to his trauma. The trust would be broken, and I don’t think children witnessing that in their home as part of a marriage would be a healthy environment to raise those children. I think she’s well within her rights to pursue a divorce. As much as I empathise with his trauma, he seems hell-bent on the fact that he doesn’t want to divorce, but not on the fact that he has broken the trust of his wife, by being deceptive and ultimately leaving her heartbroken. If he had disclosed this before they decided to have children, she would’ve had a choice. But after having children, I’m unsure how he envisioned she would process that. Childbirth and motherhood is no joke.
This was exhausting but so realistic. I commend the both of them for putting their life out there and I pray they will both heal and seek God for the sake of themselves and their children
Unfortunately I think a lot of men have the first callers idea of loyalty and support where he looks out for his own best interest sets you up in a double bind situation, drops nuclear bombs, and if you don't handle your life being an upended lie perfectly and accept it kindly or in any way advocate for your peace and happiness then you're disloyal and not supportive. That's not fair, nor is he showing his wife any level of compassion, love or consideration he wants for himself.
@@AscendinSoul That assertiveness is why, she let him make all the decision and just go along whether she agreed or disagreed. He knows the type of woman he married.
@@lenebrantley221this is why women need to be in complete control when “submitting “ to men. Know who you are regardless of who he is or becomes, know your power, know all the facts, know that no matter what you always have yourself and can depend on you and that you don’t need to depend on him.
This Episode was DEEP!!! I applaud the couple for being transparent with all of us Hardly Initiated Folks!!! I am Praying that God will direct their path 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 Thank you Dr. Spirit for being A👏🏽M👏🏽A👏🏽Z👏🏽I👏🏽N👏🏽G
If you cannot tell your partner an important aspect of yourself (sexuality) during the dating process, then you have NO business marrying. There’s nothing wrong with men being bisexual, a huge number are and keep it secret due to societal prejudice. But the partner deserves to know and have a choice as to whether she wants to commit.
Wow, such bravery! A lot of people need to hear this because they are dealing with this and don't even know or realize it. Childhood Molestation is an epidemic that causes major issues and destroys lives.
This was truly one of the best couple and individual counseling sessions I have witnessed which was gentle yet firm, was vulnerable, authentic, and non dramatic. Thank you for this. Bless you all for the insights you have provided,Dr.Spirit.
He picked her because he could smell how insecure she was… he was deceitful by not disclosing his previous intimate relations w the other sex … waited until they got married … sleeping on the couch prior no affection etc… THEN waits until they have children to destroy her life… then adds wants to do a polygamous relationship… boy you could’ve “found yourself “ before destroying her life… how does she recover now??? With kids … make it make sense
😢😢😠 I didn't finish the entire episode but reading what you just said toward the end just pissed me off. I didn't get to the part where he wants a poly relationship. It's so sad with kids involved. Whew Chile, marriage is scary when you link with someone you THINK you know but you really don't.
She played a part in it so i wouldn’t place all the blame on him. She said there were clear red flags but she proceeded. She can play dumb all she wants but she knew
I wonder if his wife even got clarity because she mention affection more than once, I feel that she is saying ,him sleeping on the couch prior before her finding out he was abused n been with men, she is now connecting the dots to say now thats why., im wondering if you were ever attracted to me or u picked me because you thought I was naive and I will provide a perfect cover so that you can go on sleeping with men. The fact that they were even discussing poly marriage further cement her fears, which probably is you are not affectionate to me, so your attraction probably still is really towards other men. I think her fears are that those feelings for the same sex are still there, and that's the deal breaker.
There's soooo much I'd like to say but will not. What is clear is this couple should have never gotten married. They both have identity and trauma issues that need to be properly addressed. Husband is saying a lot but actually not saying anything at all and wife is so disconnected from herself and has severe communication issues. I truly feel great empathy for them and hope they get the help they need. They also need to be REAL with themselves face their truth
I'm only 17 minutes in and I thought the same regarding the husband, I'm here thinking "He's not really saying much about anything." Which I find most men do. They talk in circles without hitting the point. Or they hit the point but are vague about where the point derives
Yeah, I'm at the part where he's asked what was said for his wife to say that is a deal breaker...and this guy went around the question so many times. I was listening and saying at the screen, "But that's not what she asked you." Then when Dr. Spirit said well let me ask the wife, then he's now like, "Oh, yeah I know" smfh....why do men do that? But the nerve of him to ask for Poly 😂😂😂😂 boy BYEEEEEEEE then had tge audacity to act like she suggested an open relationship. He KNEW she was asking for clarity regarding his request
I appreciate them presenting this because we have probably all been in this situation just unknowingly need to know how to deal with it because a lot of people have gone through childhood traumas and need help throughout life
This really broke my heart. The wife though an adult married mother has a level of navieness and innocence about her. Or, as my Grandma would say wet behind the ears. The husband exudes a level of for lack of a better word false maturity but he too is stifled in his childhood. The union came from a trauma bond. I have so much more I could say but I pray they find their whole healthy selves and God if they haven't already.
I really hopes she listens to her intuition this time 🙏🏽 it’s crazy that it’s even still in question after this MAJOR that she wants the divorce. Why in the world would she trust him after years of deception
How if he's bisexual and want to be with her and only her. If he really wanted to live his life and experiment with men wouldn't the divorce be the perfect solution for him ?
IF you're practicing monogamy in your marriage, being bisexual is of no concern. Heterosexuals are still attracted to others. Monogamy means the same for both: "I can look, but not touch".
@@AngelaElikyaI’m sorry, Men will have sex with you and still hate yo guts. We don’t have sex with what we’re not attracted to. Men are complex but simple.
She needs grace as well not just him. On the other hand, they were not compatible from the beginning. And they were trauma bonding like many of us. They also need grace for themselves individually.
Big Ups to the DOC! Sis did her thing… mannnnnnnnn I tell ya….You gotta love yourself FULLY then share THAT SELF with someone. Now I get it when people say they married their spouse “representative.”
I’m mad. He used her. He picked her. He was wrong. He plotted and picked her knowing. I’m so mad. That was not fair to her. He used her as a beard and still lying he was still sleeping with men. So he put her health at Risk to. So unfair. He daddy is mad I know.
Oh wow. I love Dr. Spirit but I feel like the sister was gaslit by all in this pod. That man LIED about his sexuality. She was LIED to about a very pivotal part of a relationship. For her to say she could work on the other things but draw the line at that, is not unreasonable. I don't like this thing of making Black women who don't want to be with gay males a comment on their "grace" or progressiveness. There are women who will accept him. He should have given this women the right of informed consent. P.S. The fact that it took 1:40 for him to admit he knew what the dealbreaker was should have been addressed.
This situation between the two of them is so sad. This is why it is important to take time to get to know yourself before you try to get with someone else. What would the trajectory of their lives or even their relationship have been if he were just honest from the beginning? Maybe they could have really been supportive friends of one another. Had a honest and healthier foundation for a relationship. Who knows?!!! But this is a a great example of why it’s important to be honest with yourself and others first from the beginning. I hope that they are both able to heal and move forward with their lives. Hopefully they can be cordial for the sake of their children’s. 💕💕
As a woman that found out the exact same thing about my ex 5 years in to our marriage after sex completely stopped 2 years in. I got married in 2011 and stopped in 2013 but didnt divorce until 2022.I can tell you it makes you question your entire foundation,your marriage, and you womanhood. Like what made me the one he decided to make his wife while he enjoyed men. For me there were other factors as well but all in all I started to look at him as another one of my son's and no longer my husband. By 2020 we were just roommates. I yold him dont worry about the man I laid with and I wouldn't worry about the men you layed with. We finally divorced in 2022. It was time and I had closure.
This was very interesting to listen to, and despite the title the sexuality is kinda the leaat of the issues w/this couple. I really appreciate the couple's vulnerability and how well Dr. Spirit was able to really focus in on the root issues. Crazy what a need for safety and fear of neglect can cause
Wheeeeewwww I am upset I had to work last night and not be in the live chat!!! This needs a disclaimer of : "We gonna need something stronger than wine for this" 😵
OMG. He completely used this young lady. He knew he was bisexual and honestly prefers men. Unbelievable and very selfish of him. My beautiful sister - RUN RUN RUN and don’t look back. Given my profession I would never make this comment but my goodness it’s obvious to me that he knew he was deceiving her. She was his beard - as the young people would say.
Pure selfish behavior on his part. He knew he had issues before marrying her. He found a woman who has low self esteem unable to communicate effectively. The longer you stay in this marriage the worse it’s going to get. This is sad! Girl get out while you can.
Exactly!! 🎯🎯….This dude picked a woman who was vurerable. She stated he was her first, and definitely ignored the 🚩 flags; coupled with his deceitfulness!! I commend this woman’s courage to publicly share her experience. I hope she gets the therapy that’s needed!! 🙏🏽
I often ask this question. How many people would actually stay in their relationships if social media, family, and all outside influences had no way of finding out. . Alot of times people are concerned what "others" will think of them. In marriage you forsake "ALL" others for your union. I have learned that a great deal of married couples have stayed through some unimaginable things. I aso think if marriage counseling in the church was as effective as Dr Spirit there would be alot more success stories!!!!
It's good that she offers non-judgmental therapy. People should have space to be transparent if they want real help. But, if the therapist's foundation is the Word of God, the biblical response is that bisexuality, polyamory, etc. is outside of the boundaries God has set for marriage and His creation, believers or not. It's okay to offer compassion but there is still right and wrong, THE truth, not your truth or my truth.
I think this is especially important to see b/c this is literally how a lot of ppl end up being who they are b/c they were molested as children but never come to terms with it. (Many) weren’t born that way, they were abused into it.
It also didn’t end with the marriage. I don’t believe for a second that he ever stopped sleeping with men. Also, he’s so disconnected from her and the marriage, he didn’t even remember if his youngest child had been born when he confessed to her. He dropped this bombshell while she was carrying their child and doesn’t even remember doing it!!!! RUN. NOW.
1:47:44 this episode definitely hit a nerve. I empathize with the young lady having gone through a similar relationship and used as a beard. You question yourself, sexuality, and what it means to be a woman. The nitpicking of household chores and what a Woman does etc. Even at the end of my marriage I allowed the roommate situation and when I decided it best we move forward with our separate lives, things turned ugly. This was a great episode.
My ex husband was like this/ is still like this. Not really giving much compassion to our daughters, like fathers usually are…even ain’t Ish 💩 fathers still love and dote on their daughters no matter the relationship with the mother….unless there’s some disconnect with the feminine energy. He had so many sexual hang ups …even the women he dated after our separation said he had too many sexual hang ups.
My heart breaks for her. She was taught to put everything she thinks and feels to the side to make everybody else comfortable so it’s hard to put herself first. I been there Sistah ❤ you are beautiful inside and out and I pray that you begin to learn to love yourself first.
She’s not confident in herself and her decision bc she hasn’t been seen heard celebrated all her life. I really hope she gets some therapy to do the inner work to attract whose her appropriate person as well as him doing the same
Hey HI!! Love the show! Watching this episode right now. I had to pause just to say this.Bravo to the guest for showing so much vulnerability!! With that being said Ty and Ryan moving frwd I think shows like this the chat should automatically be only for your members out the gate. Cover your guest on such emotional episodes like this ❤
He says he found his person in the beginning, but she didn't even know who he was. So now he sees who she is, and he's constantly trying to change her and pull her along to his beliefs and plans and schedules it seems he wants her to be someone else. So, who was he falling in love with? He wasn't even able to answer direct questions. I don't trust him for her...that's it.
Great point. So it seems he’s not really revealing what he saw in her, although it’s pretty obvious now. He never mentioned any good or wifely traits when asked. Good catch.
Wow!! Thanks to the couple for being transparent in sharing their story. Thanks the Dr. Spirt for all of your insights for this couples story. Thanks to the Hardly Initiated team for this episode!! Wow just a great podcast overall.
Trust is broken and insecurity about the new situation appears to be the biggest issue. They both have self-esteem issues and she seems unclear in what she wants and how to express herself. WIshing them both a happy resolution. God Bless.
Hoping the Hardily Initiated offers this couple together or separately a minimum of 6months counseling with this therapist so they can receive the understanding and closure they need to coparent successfully and move on peacefully.
Ty and Ryan should go back and review this video from beginning to end. There was a lot that was missed in the moment… but rewatching this… There’s a lot more to unpack between these two.
Praying for them. He is deceptive and a liar. So glad yall brought both of them on to see through the lies. She's not as dumb as he thinks she is. He needs to be honest with himself and walk in his truth. Like the therapist said, they both need to find their own truth. GIRL RUNNN!!!!!!!
Watching the episode with the bi-sexual husband… and did anyone ever ask Jakera if she needs more time to digest this information… considering the fact that he had about 20 yrs to deal with his life issues but only gave her a few years to deal with it and move on… where is his grace for her? And why has he been in such a hurry with everything for her… what’s the age gap…
This was really Beautiful ‼️ She cared for them in Real Time and gave clarity without disrespectful to them. Which is not normal on Podcasts these days‼️ I Appreciate them being so Open and Honest with what they were struggling with‼️
This is scary! I wish people would be honest in the dating process. If you can’t talk about your past experiences prior to marriage, then we can’t get married! Seriously!!! Dr. Umar was telling the whole truth.. “ you never really know someone until you live with them!” 😢
Dr. Spirit is a very smart person, but I don’t agree with her assessment about giving grace. The man was deceptive and wrong for withholding that information from his wife. She was deceived. Period. She’s isn’t wrong for not being comforting to him because he lied. He probably would have gotten a different response if this wasn’t disclosed in the marriage. She didn’t give her the opportunity to make the best choice for her life. Now, she’s empowered to leave and she should divorce him. The only person who deserves grace for the dissolution of the marriage is the wife.
This is giving Carlton from Love is Blind. The audacity that men think it’s ok to not disclose this kind of information before pursuing a relationship & then be confused by the woman’s reaction. Smh
They should have really talked about whether or not they should have even done this because it’s obvious there are things they don’t want to talk about. I think she’s trying to protect him
I don’t think he’s bisexual” I think he really wants to be with a man but not live as a “Gay man.” Sleeping on the couch not touching her speaks to that struggle. Sad he made her believe he was in love and committed. He used her sadly. I hope they can be cool tho and raise their kids together
Therapy for childhood trauma, self esteem, sexual and relationship preferences, and marital responsibility are necessary. The sexuality lie is important, but the bigger issue seems to be he needed a mother and chose her… no real accountability for his wounds. Grace alone is foolishness without boundaries around accountability. Accountability not just for the lie, but for his whole life, for his role as a husband. He’s been behaving like a scared child. I hope they both heal and can be kind to each other for themselves and their children.
It took a lot of courage for the both of them to come on and even talk about this issue. I pray for them. Both the good Lord will will be done. I pray they have a church home.
She should run... fast. He has placed so much blame or her... he is not trustworthy. He has been all over the place... God help him! Why on earth would you ever suggest more than you 2 in your marriage? No way... RUN SIS.
He felt like that because deep down inside his ssa wanted to be with a Man instead of a Woman. He was not true to himself. He basically gas lighted this woman the whole entire time. What about the children? What about his wife? What about him as a Man? What's going to happen to this family?
This man def tried to gaslight at first. Then he finally came out and said what it was! I appreciate the honesty, but waiting til marriage is NOT ok! He was living in deceit!
He used her as a front, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love her sad . She was virgin etc He was wrong he should have told her from jump. Then now there's children. it's a situation I know of and the person doesn't know she with a bi man.
She was naive and maybe borderline desperate in the beginning. Looked past red flags but it’s not entirely her fault. Also, we have to remember the potential impact of narcolepsy, the impact on the brain. Clearly she also doesn’t have a grasp on some very basic concepts. Her light has been dimmed by family trauma, a debilitating disease, and a very confused partner.
This was such an insightful episode. We all need to do the work so that we know ourselves better which makes it less likely to get with someone who's not compatible
He took away her option to choose from the rip given half truth narrative… he may battle from depression due to the fact he has struggles within himself due to his sexuality he’s uncertain. I feel for both parties….
Dr. Spirit dropping 💎 "With Love, you're not in the position to "pitch" I felt that in my soul. If he really wanted to be with her he should be set on "I'm not messing with guys, I don't want a guy, I want you only and want to work this out with you. If she's not willing to do that then, there's no "figuring it out or pitching" she's done, period. If she can't make a decision and stick with it then, it's on him to let her go.
Men and women - finding yourself before uniting with someone is everything - passive aggressive behavior is not good, blaming is not good - the answers are within ourselves I’m glad his wife was able to determine she didn’t want to be there - fear of loneliness. he is right in saying she does blame and not want him.- he feels it He has issues but my God - he is fighting for a woman who doesn’t want him and I’m sure this will be further trauma: they both have trauma. God bless. Be friends and work on yourselves - it’s not easy
This is a good relationship to review so that a course can be developed on sexual identity in God. This course could cover 4 areas of identity, behavior, groupings, and purpose. I.e. What does God reveal at birth and how do people relate to others in their sexual identity? What are the acts of sexual behavior versus intent? What does sexual identity mean in the context of LGBTQ+? How can a Christian worldview perspective on sexuality be adopted that gives freedom to people to identify matters in their sexual life versus solely what is promoted in culture? Dr. Spirit is greatly positioned to take the lead on this and help many upon many. And this is needed to start for young persons and adults ages 14 or 16 and up to meet the flow of puberty. I encourage her to be used and set many free. Blessings!
This will bless anyone that watches this completely with an open mind & heart.. Don't focus on the title Listen Alone or with a significant other Hardly Initiated This I know will be one of my all time favorites of your platform. #hardlyinitiatedpodcast
👉Head to hi.hardlyinitiated.com/factor1 and use code initiate50 to get 50% off!
It is so important to know yourself and fully love yourself before getting in a relationship.
This is so true
That’s totally the greatest move a woman can make to obtain a functional relationship. Second only to having a relationship with God!!
Exactly. Loving yourself is key 🔐 first before you love someone.The wife wanted a husband and children and overlook red flags from her husband.
Whew! All I will say is
1. THANK GOD for Dr Spirit!
2. Gaslighting is a REAL THING!
3. Never marry a man/woman who won’t sleep in the bed with you.
4. PEOPLE WILL BETRAY YOU AND THEN FLIP IT ON YOU AS IF YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG!
5. PREMARITAL COUNSELING IS A MUST‼️‼️
💯an I’m so tired of down low dudes and all their podcasts calling themselves relationship coaches 🥴🤦🏽♀️the reason there is a DL epidemic bcuz of all the DL sickos mol. all these boys and then later on they also down low and do all these weirdo stuff while messing with women at the same time. It’s sooooooo common in our community it’s sickening. All this said, he definitely needed to tell her he was having interc. with men b4 getting with her or even marrying her 🤦🏽♀️ the fact that bm think they can always withhold this info and straight up be conniving and then acting like they did nothin wrong is crazy gaslighting 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️also in 99% bm are cheating while married
#5 and #3 are the top 2
I've learned that #2 is a GOLIATH, as well‼️
It's interesting you brought up #3 I've heard that ppl are considering having marriages but living apart, I'm cool on that, that sounds like someone needs a greencard or something, idk, this world is getting too weird for me🤷🏿♂️
@@NatHenrickClarke 😂😂 That’s like saying never marry a man who doesn’t want to sit at the same table with you. You’d assume every man would push to sleep in the bed with the woman he married even those who cheat. The other way around it’s slightly different but a man! who doesn’t want to sleep in the same bed with a woman he married something doesn’t add up fr 😂
My dad did this to my mom, married her had 2 kids and then she came home from work early and caught him with a man. He never copt to it until I was 43 years old. He continued to lie about it to me and my bro. He finally told us he was molested by his bro when my grandmother had to leave to do something. After all those years of resentment, I gave him grace. I can't imagine a little kid being molested and being confused about your sexuality trying to live in this world. People do not leave your kids alone period if you can. Listen to them, ask questions. 😢
Im overprotective with my children a lady from church want my daughter to her place we both have daughter around same age. I don’t know her. I did let them play in church. She was in the system with her son as soon she got him back she got right back into the system. The cops were looking for in church.
Even though this not related to the topic. You don’t know people.
As soon she got her son back she was judging me and this other lady about our boys. She was gossiping and causing strife in church. It was another lady judging us as well she was not vocal about it.
When the lady lost her rights she was crying in the church. Lessons I learned Judge not so u won’t be judged. You reap what you sow. Someone gossip to u will gossip about you. The lady she gossip to me and the other lady she was laughed at back of the church when she was crying. Pride come before a fall. You can’t cause strife and division in church and not reap punishment. You will respect God in the church. I was not surprised it happened to her. She was so focus on other people family end up losing her own.
@@deion55 It can be a spirit that the enemy use to destroy the victim as well the perpetrator. Some people have history of generational curses. Some people came from dysfunctional families and think it normal to do.
Just like many siblings was raised by same parents. Some get into drugs and some don’t. Some work and some dont. Everyone react /cope to things differently just like when someone died. Some things in life not to meant to be understood because we don’t know the history of people background.
@@Ruth-vy1qj👌
This was hard to watch😣 However, shoutout to Tysean and Ryan for giving the individuals the opportunity to talk through this with openness, guidance and some form of accountability. A special, special shoutout to Dr. Spirit for her patience and expertise!
I really love Dr. Spirit. I thought it was awesome for her to counsel a real couple live. I know that there are many people afraid of therapy, but I hope this gives people an insight and that it’s not scary or a place that you will feel judged. Dr. Spirit is definitely a professional. Thanks to the couple who were courageous enough to come on the show and be vulnerable. I know it was not easy. Thank you for sharing and I wish you both the best in life.
🎯 I'm so glad Dr. Spirit was will to do this so viewers can see what a safe therapeutic space looks like. 🙏🏾
I appreciate these young people’s willingness to allow others to learn from their tragic situation.
Such bravery in this conversation. I wish them both healing and reconciliation (at whatever level is healthiest for the entire family).
So this is why the Lord has protected me from entering a relationship in the past! My unresolved trauma would have had me in the same situation 100 percent (marrying not for love, but because they meet a need stemming from my trauma). I'm just now getting connected with myself and trusting myself more at 28. Thanking this couple for their openess, and praying for their healing journeys 🙏🏾
Personal therapy first sis😊
🙌🏽
🙏🏾💪🏾
A big shout out to the couple for opening up and being vulnerable about their marriage.
If I’m honest, I wouldn’t be able to stay in a marriage where my spouse hid their sexual orientation. I feel that would be a massive red flag and breach of trust.
Though I am sympathetic to his trauma. The trust would be broken, and I don’t think children witnessing that in their home as part of a marriage would be a healthy environment to raise those children.
I think she’s well within her rights to pursue a divorce. As much as I empathise with his trauma, he seems hell-bent on the fact that he doesn’t want to divorce, but not on the fact that he has broken the trust of his wife, by being deceptive and ultimately leaving her heartbroken. If he had disclosed this before they decided to have children, she would’ve had a choice. But after having children, I’m unsure how he envisioned she would process that. Childbirth and motherhood is no joke.
He figured, the children will have her stuck with him.
This was exhausting but so realistic. I commend the both of them for putting their life out there and I pray they will both heal and seek God for the sake of themselves and their children
Unfortunately I think a lot of men have the first callers idea of loyalty and support where he looks out for his own best interest sets you up in a double bind situation, drops nuclear bombs, and if you don't handle your life being an upended lie perfectly and accept it kindly or in any way advocate for your peace and happiness then you're disloyal and not supportive.
That's not fair, nor is he showing his wife any level of compassion, love or consideration he wants for himself.
Exactly. He has a lot of problems to be making such demands. He’s more assertive so he is more captivating but he’s not anywhere ready to love.
@@AscendinSoul That assertiveness is why, she let him make all the decision and just go along whether she agreed or disagreed. He knows the type of woman he married.
@@lenebrantley221this is why women need to be in complete control when “submitting “ to men. Know who you are regardless of who he is or becomes, know your power, know all the facts, know that no matter what you always have yourself and can depend on you and that you don’t need to depend on him.
you said a mouthful....
This Episode was DEEP!!! I applaud the couple for being transparent with all of us Hardly Initiated Folks!!! I am Praying that God will direct their path 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Thank you Dr. Spirit for being
A👏🏽M👏🏽A👏🏽Z👏🏽I👏🏽N👏🏽G
If you cannot tell your partner an important aspect of yourself (sexuality) during the dating process, then you have NO business marrying. There’s nothing wrong with men being bisexual, a huge number are and keep it secret due to societal prejudice. But the partner deserves to know and have a choice as to whether she wants to commit.
Wow, such bravery! A lot of people need to hear this because they are dealing with this and don't even know or realize it. Childhood Molestation is an epidemic that causes major issues and destroys lives.
This was truly one of the best couple and individual counseling sessions I have witnessed which was gentle yet firm, was vulnerable, authentic, and non dramatic.
Thank you for this.
Bless you all for the insights you have provided,Dr.Spirit.
He picked her because he could smell how insecure she was… he was deceitful by not disclosing his previous intimate relations w the other sex … waited until they got married … sleeping on the couch prior no affection etc… THEN waits until they have children to destroy her life… then adds wants to do a polygamous relationship… boy you could’ve “found yourself “ before destroying her life… how does she recover now??? With kids … make it make sense
😢😢😠 I didn't finish the entire episode but reading what you just said toward the end just pissed me off. I didn't get to the part where he wants a poly relationship. It's so sad with kids involved. Whew Chile, marriage is scary when you link with someone you THINK you know but you really don't.
Booom
She played a part in it so i wouldn’t place all the blame on him. She said there were clear red flags but she proceeded. She can play dumb all she wants but she knew
I wonder if his wife even got clarity because she mention affection more than once, I feel that she is saying ,him sleeping on the couch prior before her finding out he was abused n been with men, she is now connecting the dots to say now thats why., im wondering if you were ever attracted to me or u picked me because you thought I was naive and I will provide a perfect cover so that you can go on sleeping with men. The fact that they were even discussing poly marriage further cement her fears, which probably is you are not affectionate to me, so your attraction probably still is really towards other men. I think her fears are that those feelings for the same sex are still there, and that's the deal breaker.
AMEN
🎯🎯🎯 !!! THIS.
Agree 💯
There's soooo much I'd like to say but will not. What is clear is this couple should have never gotten married. They both have identity and trauma issues that need to be properly addressed. Husband is saying a lot but actually not saying anything at all and wife is so disconnected from herself and has severe communication issues. I truly feel great empathy for them and hope they get the help they need. They also need to be REAL with themselves face their truth
I'm only 17 minutes in and I thought the same regarding the husband, I'm here thinking "He's not really saying much about anything." Which I find most men do. They talk in circles without hitting the point. Or they hit the point but are vague about where the point derives
Word vomit because he is narcissistic and he lies and he rushed her to have children so she would stay with him and be his beard.
Yeah, I'm at the part where he's asked what was said for his wife to say that is a deal breaker...and this guy went around the question so many times. I was listening and saying at the screen, "But that's not what she asked you." Then when Dr. Spirit said well let me ask the wife, then he's now like, "Oh, yeah I know" smfh....why do men do that? But the nerve of him to ask for Poly 😂😂😂😂 boy BYEEEEEEEE then had tge audacity to act like she suggested an open relationship. He KNEW she was asking for clarity regarding his request
Girl your so spot on 😂@@kieshaarielle
this the post because baby I was struggling to comprehend what the wife was trying to say, I was shouting "girl, spit it out" lol
I appreciate them presenting this because we have probably all been in this situation just unknowingly need to know how to deal with it because a lot of people have gone through childhood traumas and need help throughout life
Whenever I come on UA-cam, see 'Hardly Initiated' and 'Dr Spirit' I press play immediately!!!
Me Too
Me too
That part
Listen!!!!! Same here! 😆♥️
FACTS
This really broke my heart. The wife though an adult married mother has a level of navieness and innocence about her. Or, as my Grandma would say wet behind the ears. The husband exudes a level of for lack of a better word false maturity but he too is stifled in his childhood. The union came from a trauma bond. I have so much more I could say but I pray they find their whole healthy selves and God if they haven't already.
Yes! I felt that when he talked about how she shared her trauma early in the relationship and he felt connected with her.
I really hopes she listens to her intuition this time 🙏🏽 it’s crazy that it’s even still in question after this MAJOR that she wants the divorce. Why in the world would she trust him after years of deception
Dr. Spirit is GORGEOUS
Could it be a possibility that this woman was used as a "Beard"? while he chose to have his cake and eat it too, literally?
How if he's bisexual and want to be with her and only her. If he really wanted to live his life and experiment with men wouldn't the divorce be the perfect solution for him ?
That is exactly what I thought. I won't say Why... But my thoughts exactly
@@BrittnePtheBestGirl yeah we know why she would be a good beard sadly
IF you're practicing monogamy in your marriage, being bisexual is of no concern. Heterosexuals are still attracted to others. Monogamy means the same for both: "I can look, but not touch".
@@AngelaElikyaI’m sorry, Men will have sex with you and still hate yo guts. We don’t have sex with what we’re not attracted to. Men are complex but simple.
She needs grace as well not just him. On the other hand, they were not compatible from the beginning. And they were trauma bonding like many of us. They also need grace for themselves individually.
I agree💯she is the one who was deceived for all these years in a major way
Oh wow. How are therapists even sane? Hats off to Dr spirit.
As a social worker and previous counselor intern , I was taught that every counselor needs a counselor. It's so true. Also, self care is so important.
@@jerlynnghee207 I agree
@@jerlynnghee207🔥🔥🔥🔥
In addition to what Jerlynn said, I believe an important part of their training is learning how to separate yourself from other people’s experiences.
Big Ups to the DOC! Sis did her thing… mannnnnnnnn I tell ya….You gotta love yourself FULLY then share THAT SELF with someone. Now I get it when people say they married their spouse “representative.”
Dr. Spirit killed that first interview! Probably the best episode I’ve seen on this platform
“Someone who is neglected is starving.” - Dr. Spirit
I’m mad. He used her. He picked her. He was wrong. He plotted and picked her knowing. I’m so mad. That was not fair to her. He used her as a beard and still lying he was still sleeping with men. So he put her health at Risk to. So unfair. He daddy is mad I know.
He planned everything.
@@feleciafoster4480 this is facts!!!
Oh wow. I love Dr. Spirit but I feel like the sister was gaslit by all in this pod. That man LIED about his sexuality. She was LIED to about a very pivotal part of a relationship. For her to say she could work on the other things but draw the line at that, is not unreasonable. I don't like this thing of making Black women who don't want to be with gay males a comment on their "grace" or progressiveness. There are women who will accept him. He should have given this women the right of informed consent.
P.S. The fact that it took 1:40 for him to admit he knew what the dealbreaker was should have been addressed.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
This channel is growing and maturing love it for them
👉DATING CARDS: www.hardlyinitiated.com/products/dating-deck
This situation between the two of them is so sad. This is why it is important to take time to get to know yourself before you try to get with someone else. What would the trajectory of their lives or even their relationship have been if he were just honest from the beginning? Maybe they could have really been supportive friends of one another. Had a honest and healthier foundation for a relationship. Who knows?!!! But this is a a great example of why it’s important to be honest with yourself and others first from the beginning. I hope that they are both able to heal and move forward with their lives. Hopefully they can be cordial for the sake of their children’s. 💕💕
This ready saddens my heart. It’s a terrible situation for everyone. Most of all the innocent children.
Wonderful episode, everyone of us have to know ourselves, heal, before attaching to someone else
Sakera is a very nice person, so vulnerable.
Dr Spirit is 🔥🔥🔥 I need her in my life.
As a woman that found out the exact same thing about my ex 5 years in to our marriage after sex completely stopped 2 years in. I got married in 2011 and stopped in 2013 but didnt divorce until 2022.I can tell you it makes you question your entire foundation,your marriage, and you womanhood. Like what made me the one he decided to make his wife while he enjoyed men. For me there were other factors as well but all in all I started to look at him as another one of my son's and no longer my husband. By 2020 we were just roommates. I yold him dont worry about the man I laid with and I wouldn't worry about the men you layed with. We finally divorced in 2022. It was time and I had closure.
Wow!
I am so sorry you went through that.
Glad you got out. 👏🏾
This was very interesting to listen to, and despite the title the sexuality is kinda the leaat of the issues w/this couple.
I really appreciate the couple's vulnerability and how well Dr. Spirit was able to really focus in on the root issues.
Crazy what a need for safety and fear of neglect can cause
Wheeeeewwww I am upset I had to work last night and not be in the live chat!!! This needs a disclaimer of : "We gonna need something stronger than wine for this" 😵
Lord Jesus.. yes
The man asked him what about the marriage was worth fighting for, and he went all over the place to avoid that fundamental question.
OMG. He completely used this young lady. He knew he was bisexual and honestly prefers men. Unbelievable and very selfish of him. My beautiful sister - RUN RUN RUN and don’t look back. Given my profession I would never make this comment but my goodness it’s obvious to me that he knew he was deceiving her. She was his beard - as the young people would say.
The ultimate betrayal
Deceit on ALL fronts!! No excuse for this level of disrespect and selfishness!!! 🤦🏽♀️
Exactly! Count her blessings that she found out in six years! Run!
Gurl he is bisexual lol. Bisexual men can be in a relationship with a woman.
Pure selfish behavior on his part. He knew he had issues before marrying her. He found a woman who has low self esteem unable to communicate effectively. The longer you stay in this marriage the worse it’s going to get. This is sad! Girl get out while you can.
Exactly!! 🎯🎯….This dude picked a woman who was vurerable. She stated he was her first, and definitely ignored the 🚩 flags; coupled with his deceitfulness!! I commend this woman’s courage to publicly share her experience. I hope she gets the therapy that’s needed!! 🙏🏽
Dr. Spirit is the whole truth 💯
S/o to Dr. Spirit! She's really dope.
I often ask this question. How many people would actually stay in their relationships if social media, family, and all outside influences had no way of finding out. . Alot of times people are concerned what "others" will think of them. In marriage you forsake "ALL" others for your union. I have learned that a great deal of married couples have stayed through some unimaginable things. I aso think if marriage counseling in the church was as effective as Dr Spirit there would be alot more success stories!!!!
👏👏👏
It's good that she offers non-judgmental therapy. People should have space to be transparent if they want real help. But, if the therapist's foundation is the Word of God, the biblical response is that bisexuality, polyamory, etc. is outside of the boundaries God has set for marriage and His creation, believers or not. It's okay to offer compassion but there is still right and wrong, THE truth, not your truth or my truth.
I think this is especially important to see b/c this is literally how a lot of ppl end up being who they are b/c they were molested as children but never come to terms with it. (Many) weren’t born that way, they were abused into it.
He avoids any question to do with his sexuality.
He's explored his identity as a bisexual man much more than he's being honest about.
Yesssss!!!! I feel he isn't being totally honest about it.
Right that key… like why they wasting time on trying to get to the root when it’s obvious
It also didn’t end with the marriage. I don’t believe for a second that he ever stopped sleeping with men. Also, he’s so disconnected from her and the marriage, he didn’t even remember if his youngest child had been born when he confessed to her. He dropped this bombshell while she was carrying their child and doesn’t even remember doing it!!!! RUN. NOW.
1:47:44 this episode definitely hit a nerve. I empathize with the young lady having gone through a similar relationship and used as a beard. You question yourself, sexuality, and what it means to be a woman. The nitpicking of household chores and what a Woman does etc. Even at the end of my marriage I allowed the roommate situation and when I decided it best we move forward with our separate lives, things turned ugly. This was a great episode.
My ex husband was like this/ is still like this. Not really giving much compassion to our daughters, like fathers usually are…even ain’t Ish 💩 fathers still love and dote on their daughters no matter the relationship with the mother….unless there’s some disconnect with the feminine energy. He had so many sexual hang ups …even the women he dated after our separation said he had too many sexual hang ups.
My heart breaks for her. She was taught to put everything she thinks and feels to the side to make everybody else comfortable so it’s hard to put herself first. I been there Sistah ❤ you are beautiful inside and out and I pray that you begin to learn to love yourself first.
I haven’t even finished watching and I can tell when he talks he gay. She knew!
She knew something was wrong but didn't tie it with him being bisexual she tied it to his trauma
Seems to be a nice guy, but dominating the conversation
She’s not confident in herself and her decision bc she hasn’t been seen heard celebrated all her life. I really hope she gets some therapy to do the inner work to attract whose her appropriate person as well as him doing the same
She was his beard, I feel sad for her
Hey HI!! Love the show! Watching this episode right now. I had to pause just to say this.Bravo to the guest for showing so much vulnerability!! With that being said Ty and Ryan moving frwd I think shows like this the chat should automatically be only for your members out the gate. Cover your guest on such emotional episodes like this ❤
GREAT suggestion! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
He says he found his person in the beginning, but she didn't even know who he was. So now he sees who she is, and he's constantly trying to change her and pull her along to his beliefs and plans and schedules it seems he wants her to be someone else. So, who was he falling in love with? He wasn't even able to answer direct questions. I don't trust him for her...that's it.
Great point. So it seems he’s not really revealing what he saw in her, although it’s pretty obvious now. He never mentioned any good or wifely traits when asked. Good catch.
Wow!! Thanks to the couple for being transparent in sharing their story. Thanks the Dr. Spirt for all of your insights for this couples story. Thanks to the Hardly Initiated team for this episode!! Wow just a great podcast overall.
Dr. Spirit is such a gem.
Trust is broken and insecurity about the new situation appears to be the biggest issue. They both have self-esteem issues and she seems unclear in what she wants and how to express herself. WIshing them both a happy resolution. God Bless.
This is definitely a trauma bond. I do not believe neither one of them were ready to be married. This episode was EXHAUSTING
T totally agree
There’s none like Dr. Spirit. You can’t help but love her.
Hoping the Hardily Initiated offers this couple together or separately a minimum of 6months counseling with this therapist so they can receive the understanding and closure they need to coparent successfully and move on peacefully.
I love the growth in them and the program
Ty and Ryan should go back and review this video from beginning to end. There was a lot that was missed in the moment… but rewatching this… There’s a lot more to unpack between these two.
👉 Head to factormeals.com/initiate50 and use code initiate50 to get 50% off!
Praying for them. He is deceptive and a liar. So glad yall brought both of them on to see through the lies. She's not as dumb as he thinks she is. He needs to be honest with himself and walk in his truth. Like the therapist said, they both need to find their own truth. GIRL RUNNN!!!!!!!
Amazing work Dr spirit 👏🏿. Even tough I'm not married, I can emphasize and learn from the lady.
Thank you for the episode. My heart goes out to her. Dr. Spirit is the real deal ❤
Watching the episode with the bi-sexual husband… and did anyone ever ask Jakera if she needs more time to digest this information… considering the fact that he had about 20 yrs to deal with his life issues but only gave her a few years to deal with it and move on… where is his grace for her? And why has he been in such a hurry with everything for her… what’s the age gap…
The therapist did point that out. They both need grace. She also said she is not going to repeat the things that he already said to her
This was really Beautiful ‼️ She cared for them in Real Time and gave clarity without disrespectful to them. Which is not normal on Podcasts these days‼️ I Appreciate them being so Open and Honest with what they were struggling with‼️
This is scary! I wish people would be honest in the dating process. If you can’t talk about your past experiences prior to marriage, then we can’t get married! Seriously!!! Dr. Umar was telling the whole truth.. “ you never really know someone until you live with them!” 😢
I appreciate their transparency and willingness to seek clarity. I wish them well. 🙏🏿
Dr. Spirit is a very smart person, but I don’t agree with her assessment about giving grace. The man was deceptive and wrong for withholding that information from his wife. She was deceived. Period. She’s isn’t wrong for not being comforting to him because he lied. He probably would have gotten a different response if this wasn’t disclosed in the marriage. She didn’t give her the opportunity to make the best choice for her life. Now, she’s empowered to leave and she should divorce him. The only person who deserves grace for the dissolution of the marriage is the wife.
I thought I was the only one who assessed that.
This is giving Carlton from Love is Blind. The audacity that men think it’s ok to not disclose this kind of information before pursuing a relationship & then be confused by the woman’s reaction. Smh
❤ The wife is still holding back ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
They should have really talked about whether or not they should have even done this because it’s obvious there are things they don’t want to talk about. I think she’s trying to protect him
🎉🎉 THANK you both 4 Sharing 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
They're not the only ones.
Not watching this episode. But per the question on the thumbnail, yes. That would warrant a divorce. Alrighty then, I’m out ✌️
I don’t think he’s bisexual” I think he really wants to be with a man but not live as a “Gay man.” Sleeping on the couch not touching her speaks to that struggle. Sad he made her believe he was in love and committed. He used her sadly. I hope they can be cool tho and raise their kids together
I hope that they offered additional support
Compassion indeed DR.
SPIRIT. YES❤
My therapeutic style is similar to Dr. Spirit 🎉
Therapy for childhood trauma, self esteem, sexual and relationship preferences, and marital responsibility are necessary. The sexuality lie is important, but the bigger issue seems to be he needed a mother and chose her… no real accountability for his wounds. Grace alone is foolishness without boundaries around accountability. Accountability not just for the lie, but for his whole life, for his role as a husband. He’s been behaving like a scared child. I hope they both heal and can be kind to each other for themselves and their children.
It took a lot of courage for the both of them to come on and even talk about this issue. I pray for them. Both the good Lord will will be done. I pray they have a church home.
She should run... fast. He has placed so much blame or her... he is not trustworthy. He has been all over the place... God help him! Why on earth would you ever suggest more than you 2 in your marriage? No way... RUN SIS.
Should you divorce? IS A PIG PORK??
He felt like that because deep down inside his ssa wanted to be with a Man instead of a Woman. He was not true to himself. He basically gas lighted this woman the whole entire time. What about the children? What about his wife? What about him as a Man? What's going to happen to this family?
Wow
This was heavy! Woooo
This was such a powerful talk! Thank you ❤
This episode was everything!!!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 Spoke right to my soul!
This man def tried to gaslight at first. Then he finally came out and said what it was! I appreciate the honesty, but waiting til marriage is NOT ok! He was living in deceit!
He used her as a front, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love her sad . She was virgin etc He was wrong he should have told her from jump. Then now there's children. it's a situation I know of and the person doesn't know she with a bi man.
She was naive and maybe borderline desperate in the beginning. Looked past red flags but it’s not entirely her fault. Also, we have to remember the potential impact of narcolepsy, the impact on the brain. Clearly she also doesn’t have a grasp on some very basic concepts. Her light has been dimmed by family trauma, a debilitating disease, and a very confused partner.
Childhood trauma, low self-esteem and no accountability will change your life around for the worst. Omg.
This was such an insightful episode. We all need to do the work so that we know ourselves better which makes it less likely to get with someone who's not compatible
The coach is very good. I hope this couple get counseling and healing so they can raise their kids in a healthy manner.🙏🙂
He took away her option to choose from the rip given half truth narrative… he may battle from depression due to the fact he has struggles within himself due to his sexuality he’s uncertain. I feel for both parties….
They both have to do the work of forgiving themselves and then each other and it’s a journey and it takes a long time
Dr. Spirit dropping 💎
"With Love, you're not in the position to "pitch" I felt that in my soul. If he really wanted to be with her he should be set on "I'm not messing with guys, I don't want a guy, I want you only and want to work this out with you. If she's not willing to do that then, there's no "figuring it out or pitching" she's done, period. If she can't make a decision and stick with it then, it's on him to let her go.
Men and women - finding yourself before uniting with someone is everything - passive aggressive behavior is not good, blaming is not good - the answers are within ourselves I’m glad his wife was able to determine she didn’t want to be there - fear of loneliness. he is right in saying she does blame and not want him.- he feels it
He has issues but my God - he is fighting for a woman who doesn’t want him and I’m sure this will be further trauma: they both have trauma. God bless. Be friends and work on yourselves - it’s not easy
This is a good relationship to review so that a course can be developed on sexual identity in God. This course could cover 4 areas of identity, behavior, groupings, and purpose. I.e. What does God reveal at birth and how do people relate to others in their sexual identity? What are the acts of sexual behavior versus intent? What does sexual identity mean in the context of LGBTQ+? How can a Christian worldview perspective on sexuality be adopted that gives freedom to people to identify matters in their sexual life versus solely what is promoted in culture? Dr. Spirit is greatly positioned to take the lead on this and help many upon many. And this is needed to start for young persons and adults ages 14 or 16 and up to meet the flow of puberty. I encourage her to be used and set many free. Blessings!
Sounds like you have already developed the framework. I look forward to seeing the finished product.🤗🙏❣️
This will bless anyone that watches this completely with an open mind & heart..
Don't focus on the title
Listen
Alone or with a significant other
Hardly Initiated
This I know will be one of my all time favorites of your platform. #hardlyinitiatedpodcast