When we're done, we're done. We ask, we tell, we beg, scream and holler, trying desperately to hold the family together. Then we go silent, everything has already been said. After 20 yrs of the bs, trying to fix it as we're walking out the door is waaaaaay too late.
Absolutely, I really disagree that he's now put more pressure on the wife to comply to this 'try', when she has been putting up with this crap and finally made a decision to stop this self destroying relationship.
as a single man - not looking, but want to get married in 4-8 years - what would you say is a domain that i could spend my single time working on? for example, after my first relationship ended, i worked on learning to set boundaries; after my last relationship, i worked (still working) on determining what my values and expectations are, and how to reevaluate/modify them over time. basically, what are some things that i should learn/unlearn to prevent being unjust to my future wife. thanks
I get irritated when men get serious about change when she’s walking out the door like they didn’t know they’ve been insufferable for years. But I’m glad he’s self aware and hope he changes
Men decide to change when it’s too late. There’s this idea that women just like to complain, likes it’s a hobby and it doesn’t mean anything also that if she’s been unhappy for 3,5,10 years obviously she can keep on being unhappy forever. That’s where they’re wrong.
She’s out. By the time a doormat type person speaks up saying they want a divorce they have spent months and months working up to this point. She’s been gone for at least two years. It’s just normal for someone to want to leave a person who is mean, critical and selfish as he admits to being. Why would she stay?
As sad as it is...what you just said is FACTS. Men like this take women like her for granted for years, subconsciously thinking that she will never leave! When a woman is done, she is DONE. It's sad but so many women overstay for various reasons, mainly to keep the family together. But when she has been pushed so far...theres no going back.
Wrong. My husband’s father is a bully. the only thing he learned from his mom staying with his dad is how to bully women into silence and that wives are doormats. My husband goes to therapy now. We broke that generational curse.
Because the relationship might actually work if she developed some boundaries instead of blaming him for her unhappiness. He can’t fix things he doesn’t know about…
I hate it when people generalize, but its whatever, go ahead and livein a world to were "MEN" are all like this and ill enjoy my life as a man building your houses and roads and ill just take the money as a thank you while society despises me for my chromosomes. Welcome to america gentlemen.
@@andreaseriksson9225stating on topic, helps with the gender wars. It’s a man calling in about his short comings. People are relating to him by there experience with men and how he treated his wife.
My Dad was just like this man. I have zero relationship with him now and he lives one street away. Myself and my daughter's haven't seen him in six years. I was never good enough for him, nothing we did was and it continued that way throughout my life. My Mom who treated us kindly, I see every other day. The way your kids treat you after they no longer need food and shelter is a direct reflection of your parenting.
Hey this is what I have been going through. My dad is the same too and he actually lives one street away as well and I see him probably twice a year usually for Christmas Eve or thanksgiving with the entire family there. He doesn’t put any effort towards me or my sisters and my mom was super unhappy in her marriage. I’ve tried telling him that I wish he would stop drinking and be my dad and tell him I wish we could be close and he doesn’t care or make any effort
You should know, your dad was probably a product of his own upbringing. He didn't know any better. And he certainly didn't receive the good advice this poor guy just got. You should tell your dad how you feel.
@@underedenxx. >>product of own upbringing Is why my mother says I should still be on good terms with my Grandma (paternal), but I could tell she hated life-and most people-when I was little. Set a GREAT example for me! /s
@@reeseerhardt7052I'm so sorry. Drinking is harder to stop than anything. If your life is unhappy, it's impossible. Not sticking up for your dad, but just to let you know that alcohol may be his only friend. It's sad how many lives have been ruined by it.
This was exactly me about 5 yrs ago. I have a beautiful wife and daughter. Married for 12 yrs. I didnt listen or respect my wife that much. I didnt listen to any of her decisions. I do love her but never showed her romantic or treat her like she loved. She didn't know what happened to our marriage that I am always rage on her. She became depressed and always didn't wanna live or do anything. I realized I messed up and my marriage is going downhill. I realized it was not her. It was me that failing. I looked my life and changed once and for all. I quit alcohol, quit any kind of sugar, exercise and changed my job that stressed me out. Now I make good money and always with my wife and daughter enjoying life together. I apologized to my wife the way I treated her. Our marriage excellent now but still regretting the way I treated her. My advice to this guy I think a little too late but I hope he will change once and for all but he seems not ready. Good luck 👍
@XxstuntkidXx He only realized after she told him blantly she is thinking leaving and that hit him because he didn't expect her to do or say that. For a man to be ready you have to be honestly ready to change without nobody telling you. There is a big difference.
I beg to differ, John says that the guy has turned into someone he doesn't want to be. That's not true. He has developed enough comfort to show EXACTLY who he actually is!
All the women just wanting to blame his very being. So sad. You women are horrible communicators and your nagging and whining makes us walk on egg shells and a lot of times the stress response is to shut down. Typical woman though you think you know everything from a short talk
Quiet as it’s kept, this call is a case study of why women are the ones to initiate divorce. Many men seem to only notice the invisible labour of women when things are going sideways. Instead of taking charge to fill in the gaps, there is berating, rude words, and devaluing of said work. I’m glad that he seems to have a high level of self-awareness, but it’s sad that’s it’s coming with the threat of her walking out the door.
When he said he just wants to "solve it" he meant, he wants it to solve itself, without his effort and this is why his wife is leaving. This was a great convo!
You don’t know what his intentions are, so stop assuming, maybe he is committed to changing now. You are worsening the problem by putting more hate onto someone you don’t even know. You weren’t there so don’t act like an expert
@@rexperkins3876i completely agree the majority of people arnt just lazy and even if they are they probably are because of things like this lack of incuragment he probably has a hard time finding peace in himself let alone createing it in others we all need some kind of guidance dont knock someone down who hasnt had the same opportunitys you have
@@lindawise4652 She literally insulted him by saying “this is why his wife is leaving” without knowing the husband and wife’s backstory. I don’t see why it’s necessary to insult someone who’s getting help.
Agreed, my ex blames everyone except himself for his problems. He still tries to control me and my son from afar, and blames ME for the relationship failing even though he was the one he cheated. It's so exhausting dealing with a person like this.
That’s called being married to a narcissist. So glad I got rid of him, and yes, I still get the lecture that it’s my fault because I should have “put up with the affairs and we would be ok”! My fault. All my fault! 🤣🤣🤣
Women who say they’re ready for a divorce, it’s been on their mind for at least a year… AFTER all the begging, pleading, telling their husband what they want or need, asking for marriage counseling… once it’s said, it’s likely. Because she feels defeated, beat down, drained, sad, angry, frustrated, and exhausted.
@@schy9614 I was lucky enough that my ex finally understood why we were terrible together once we were in mandated (by state because we have a daughter together) counseling during the divorce process.
@@MarkSummers-g2n sometimes. I didn’t personally have that happen. My ex just didn’t believe me when I told him that if he can’t bring himself to spend more time with me and our daughter, be a bit nicer to everyone, and actually have an adult conversation, that I would leave. He didn’t, so I did what I said I would do.
I was a stay at home Mom with two toddlers. Sometimes my husband would come home and just say "Have you ordered pizza yet".... he knew it was a rough day. the sweetest thing he could say.
I am very good about dinner but when I'm not my husband will casually make himself grilled cheese or something. It's nice to not have them crush you when you already feel like you've failed.
@briskettacos depends. Sometimes I'll get my own idea of what I want or my son wants something different. On those kinds of nights it becomes a free for all. Normally there are so many leftovers we will eat that and he will make our son the grilled cheese. He helps in whatever way that works out.
His wanting to stay married has nothing to do with her happiness or emotional wellness. He just doesn't want her love either. He wants her to stay to be the verbal emotional punching bag that he uses rather than using himself.
He doesnt want her opinion. And mean. That's a narcissist who only loves himself. Dont believe the " in the moment" excuse. He knows perfectly he is mean. But doesnt want to be accountable and not love his wife but himself
He sees her as his possession and no longer her own person. He, for years, refused to listen to her or work on the marriage. He left her two choices, life of misery or leave. It's all too common these days. Why does this guy NEVER give it to these callers straight? I guess because they would hang up on the real truth and no one would ever call? 😊
@@evelynbare1975 It might be a cultural thing. I think Delony is from the South, so he keeps dancing around callers. He's never as straight forward, blunt and inquisitive as he should be. His advice is pretty hit or miss imo.
My ex- husband was just like this guy and after 23 years of marriage we divorced. The way a man starts to outsource all his unfulfilling and unhappy aspects of his life, to the wife being the source of his problems, is common in long term marriages. It was compelling to witness Dr. John be so on point with the husband’s issues! The doc is a MASTER at reading people’s problems. This man’s marriage can definitely be saved, it just takes work. At least the husband is self-aware so there is hope.
I’ve separated from mine 4 1/2 years ago and just filed for divorce. I was hoping things would change but nothing did. So I am finally divorcing him. I still love him I just can’t do this anymore
I'm admitting I was wrong for everything after 15 years since the day we met been married for 8 and I've changed because I realized losing her meant losing my best friend, I was wrong please help.
@@biersmorgen6609 Apologize sincerely to her. Whatever she says please do not make it after yourself. You are strong, you can do it. Look at yourself in the mirror and really ask yourself when was the last time you took her out for a date without asking anything in return. Lead, Lead, lead.... when she says something repeat it to her and ask questions. Please do not turn the table at her. You can do it. I hope this helps.
What if wife is generally under performing? I'm working 50-60hrs a week, commuting another 10. I come home and take over dinner duties. My wife don't work and I still do the lions share of cleaning. How are you meant to set a standard for them to follow if you're just doing it? Women do make trivial things out to be hard work.
@@adamglltt89 You can't control people. Either they love you enough or they don't. You made the commitment, you made the vows. Work with what you DO have, and don't be miserable trying to get what you never will and don't compare.
As long as shes happy man.. i guess. Women dont ever react well to being told they are under performing. Meanwhile men their entire lifes are reminded of their inadaquacies so thdy learn to be able to take it. Women are told they are so good and dont need improvement. They are praised from birth to death. Men are told to toughen up work harder get better youre not good enough theres someone better from birth to death. It is what it is
A woman will put up with a lot because of her remembering who she fell in love with. But there comes a point when she's done, she stops asking and visits a lawyer.
what is it about HELP???? you have a house together, a family together , it is a joint responsibility NOT just the woman"s one to keep the house!!! It was in my parent's time 70 years ago but not now.
I will predict this guy's wife leaves. He is still externalizing the problem. It's still his wife and kids who aren't good enough, who aren't meeting his expectations, and he has decided to try to tolerate it. He is still going to criticize them, just "internally" now (like the wont notice) and will do stuff with the attitude that he is paying the price for them to be losers.
@@jameswilkerson4412 part of the problem with a liar is that you can't trust what they say. The wife probably does deserve criticism, but we can't know for what *from him* because he is lying (seen in his contradicting himself).
@@jameswilkerson4412 no we're pointing out that criticism is not an effective tool for causing behaviour change in others and in fact is a harmful tool in the damage it does to relationships, and other people's self esteem and sense of self efficacy. Like taking a hammer to a broken bone. We're also pointing out that the need to criticise hints at challenges beyond the behaviour that is being criticised, such as communication skills that need to be improved, high anxiety and need for control, and blame shifting rather than taking accountability of the anxiety/need for control. Not unsolvable challenges but definitely ones that require intentional effort.
TJ sounds just like my spouse and that is why I am walking out after 17 yrs of marriage. He has always been a highly anxious & rigid person; through listening to Dr. John for the past 6 mos, I am now realizing how toxic that has been for us. Things have worsened since his mental health breakdown last year which resulted in us losing our house & almost losing our jobs. Yet, my spouse doesn't seem to want to take responsibility for himself & he consults with his parents on everything rather than talking with me. He won't follow the wise advice of our pastor or his therapists. He insisted that we needed couples counseling to keep our marriage together, I agreed, yet he keeps cancelling the appointments. As I've worked on our marriage over the years, I haven't seen much "fruit" or growth from him even though he believes he's a godly man. He states that our child (with special needs) & I are dragging him down - we are negative, uncooperative, always complaining & lazy. This is having a terrible effect on her mental & physical health. I'M OUT.
I am sorry for your marital troubles. You mentioned having pastors which makes me assume that you are a believer. Would you please take the time to pray fervently to God to show you whether He is okay with you divorcing your husband? If God tells you to leave, He will guide your next steps. I also know that God changes people and circumstances. If He doesn’t give you 💯 confirmation to divorce, stay put and fight the devil who wants to destroy your marriage.
It's as if some men get married and feel they have gained a possession. Someone that should serve them and make them look good because they financially support them and feel it is owed to them. If they Loved their wives and eventual children, financial support is just One way they need to support them. If it isn't servant leadership, then it isn't the proper leadship in a marriage. Your wife and kids don't exist for you to have bragging rights with the guys or extended family. God first, wife second. When you marry you lay down your life and only with this attitude would a woman submit to True Servent leadership.
Your husband sounds like he is on the spectrum. My dad was 100% like this! Only ever trusted his parents, had crazy expectations on others that could never be satisfied, would give himself pats on the back for the bare minimum… If your special needs kid has Aspergers or Autism, the kiddo got it from dad. I know cuz I was that kid. If you go into any kind of counseling, please get a therapist who understands neurodiversity and how it affects families. Even if the divorce happens, you can’t approach that situation like you’re dealing with neurotypical people 😢
Look at all these men screaming “just let her go!” … didn’t u just hear him admit that he put her down, didnt respect her etc etc ..instead of yall to encourage him to be a better husband, you tell him to leave her like she’s done something wrong.. foolishness. The audacity.
@@standground8284She didn’t ask for a divorce yet. He said she’s weighing the option because she’s desperate for him to stop being a jerk. If he’s willing to change why would you throw away 10 years of marriage and leave the kids with a lifetime of trauma? You guys are so quick to race to divorce and then wonder why Delony says half the time to stay away from the comment section. Glad he’s not reading these! 🙄
@@SarahConnor562 even if she threatens divorce it's still not only good to work on your marriage and fight to keep it together, it's necessary. There's kids involved, they made vows. You don't just throw all that out the window
@@flashthecorgi2053 Again, no one is throwing anything away that isn’t already trash. He intentionally treats her terribly and he knows it. I think you got the wrong idea that I was routing for him but I’m routing against him- I hope his wife leaves him (that way he’ll know how to respect the person in his next relationship). He still allowed to be a good father to his kids. He’s intentionally treating her bad she’ll leave. Many men do this all the time so they won’t be the villain in the story because it’s harder to just leave.
It's often the case that until someone is held accountable for their actions they OFTEN will not gain perspective and they OFTEN will NOT change. It's sad but often in regards to human relationships (friends, family, intimate partners), people will not recognize their wrongs until a relationship ends. We don't do people a favor by tolerating their bad behavior.
Amen! That's why now, in the dating world,if I tell a guy only twice about something I do not want or allow and if i have to tell him the 3rd time, I am done, no more convo I am the 'gone girl' at that point. I refuse to be a nag to a guy or not have my request followed through or basically not be respected or be unhappy with someone. Relationships should not be hard if everyone communicates, and the recipient listens, respects, and follows through and vice versa.
Exactly, some men complain and joke about women nagging as if it's enjoyable for the woman, but if he straight up said he doesn't want to do it or if he just did it everything would be clear, but some of them just keep avoiding issues and conflict thinking it will go away and they also put women down for repeating what she wants, as if we're dealing with toddlers.
Same! For certain boundary violations - I won’t even give a second chance if they disrespect me. Life experience has taught me if they do it once, they will do it again and again. Unfortunately society has taught women to tough it out, and tolerate men’s misbehavior and we are breaking that curse in these younger generations 🎉
I do kind of wish John could take this into account when he talks to people. The more honest people are about their faults, the harder he might come down on them. But there are a lot of people who call in, I'm sure, who exaggerate and deny. And of course there is a huge selection of people who would never call in, even in the face of divorce.
Listening to this is so painful. Because I told my husband I am out because he has treated me the same way. And I honestly hate him and don’t respect him at all.
This man needs to learn to live a life of gratitude rather than a life of angst. Sometimes you have to decide what hill you want to die on, and a tidy bedroom and making it to church every week are not those hills for me. If your heart and brain has a load of crap in it, who cares if there are toys on the floor. See them as a gift because there are healthy kids who play with them.
100% this. I'm 27f, I would LOVE to have children I hope soon someday, I'd do anything to see toys strewn all over the place and kids around laughing and being loud. It's all about perspective, grass is always greener and all that.
@@nomansland6376 Use your senses and look for things to do. Does your boss have to hold your hand at work? No? Then stop making your wife hold your hand at home, baby boy.
@@ElizabethGeiger-ye1sf I own a business. Don’t need hand holding. What we need are women that speak up and don’t play games. I deal with enough of that crap at work. Don’t want to deal with it in my home. I’m not going to walk around on eggshells in my home trying to guess what will make a woman happy.. because, you can’t. Women are never happy, nor content. Always something wrong. Always a man’s fault they are never happy.. until there’s no man around, and then women still blame men.. never looking in the mirror and realizing it was them all along. Women are supposed to men’s help mates. We aren’t here to be emotional punching bags and your constant scapegoat for your inherent unhappiness.
There needs to be communication of needs. I cannot expect my husband to understand what I personally need to feel loved (because everyone is different), without directly telling him. Maybe once he knows, I eould be able to stop telling him, but also my needs change. Men are not taught how to succeed in relationships because of exactly this mindset. We need to change the narrative and break this generational cycle
Sending the strength to change to this man. I left a 9 year relationship for these exact same reasons -the disrespect and anger. I couldn’t take it anymore. Hopefully he can change in time before it’s too late. Great job Dr. John.
Really hope wife divorces him. I have just started to video. Can hear his voice. He doesn't want to be alone. He ought go and FIND himself. Cliché but true.
Never make a man tell you more than once that he doesn't want you. He's been telling her he didn't want her for a long time, and she's been too cowardly to leave. I hope that she's done. He'll change just enough to manipulate her into staying and then go right back to the way it was. If there are no consequences, he has no reason to change. Ultimatums do not make people change. The only course of action is to leave.
@@SarahConnor562 There is absolutely no reason for him to resist the divorce. He never loved her. He's always just been using her. That she clung pathetically to someone who told her every day how much he hated her has resulted in children who now have to go through a divorce. Mistakes on both sides, for sure.
@@ancfm1995 That you don’t support accountability is insight into yours. Weakness is a flaw. So is cowardice. Pull up your big girl panties, find your dignity and protect your children. I’ll bring you ice cream and sit with you while you cry AFTER you do what needs to be done. Weakness is for prey.
As a single man with this similar mindset as this husband, I needed to hear this. This criticism and feeling like your family/friends ‘should be x’ is actually related to your own anxiety. The more you lead by example and let others just be while communicating effectively to them, you’ll be amazed how people respond. For those external relationships who don’t care about reasonable standards, you can decide whether you want them in your life or not.
"Don't care about reasonable standards" - this is the selfishness that ruins relationships. It is not a moral failing on their part that they do not meet YOUR arbitrary and not-agreed upon standards. You know what is a massive moral failing? Deciding that how your friend lives their life is your business and your place to judge. You are the failure. Not them if they buy am expensive car or leave dishes until the morning or eat out instead of cooking. You are the failure for judging. If you think you are "being the bigger person" by deciding to "tolerate" their behavior, you're not being better. You've just found a new way to be an asshole.
I would definitely take this to heart because my father is like this, and he only has a relationship with 2 of his 4 kids at this point, and one of the their relationship is very shaky. This guys mindset (and yours) is definitely on the more narcissistic side, though that doesn't mean you have narcissistic personality disorder. Possibly you were the "golden child" of your siblings, or an only child. Narcissistic traits often develop in childhood from a strange shame/praise dynamic. I think it's great that you are self-aware enough to recognize this in yourself, and I hope you consider therapy or at least to read up on psychology. I'm a big fan of Internal Family Systems therapy, and it's easy to do without a therapist. My father and his mother never were self-aware and completely unwilling to work on themselves, and my grandmother died very lonely from alienating her 6 children and countless grandchildren through her constant criticism, and my father is headed for the same fate.
@@lindsaydiscovers9842 - Very interesting assessment. I was the golden child to a degree; I gave my parents their share of scares but I was a home body so they often didn't have to worry about me. The siblings were fairly responsible and didn't get into much trouble either though. I'm somewhat the golden child in adulthood as I'm the most financially stable of all my siblings. I wouldn't consider myself a narcissist, but may have some traits. I def' have had challenges letting go of control when I see family members struggling and I know I have a solution.
He sounds like an absolute jerk. All his expectations are for everyone else, not himself. He keeps saying "I don't know..." but it's easy to know that he'll die alone and unloved. Forgiveness for years of this behavior will not come quickly or easily.
If he’s calling Dr. John, she’s already made up her mind and he sees that she’s serious. And not only is his behavior toxic, it’s a turn off. This is why Dr. John’s advice is very hard turning for someone like him. It was hard for him to just admit that he might be part of the problem. But good luck to him. Once a woman is gone mentally and emotionally, she’s pretty much gone.
@@vaska1999 I was replying to ger assumption that he did not acknowledge that he was a problem, which he obviously did. I don't know what your comment was all about when you clearly did not understand the premises of the discussion on ground. I never said he was remorseful. Howevet, he did acknowledge that he was a problem
@@efegbareefenedo6668 Again, admitting you did something wrong means nothing by itself. Manipulative people make such admissions regularly -- and never change for the better.
@@vaska1999 Would you have preferred it if he denied? What do you want him to do at this point? Jump off a cliff? A wise man once said "acknowledgimg you have a problem is a huge step towards solving the problem. Do you think he called to tell us how proud he was to do what he did? He called because he wanted help, so get off your self righteous high horse
I will say I respect this caller. He wants this fixed with all his heart and called Dr. John truly wanting to make this more well. There was a moment in the call when Dr. John saw this man is dead serious. He needed help and he gave real advice. Good on the end of the caller.
My husband has been the one that I've had to encourage and push to do better and be more responsible. We have a child together. After 3 years of trying to get him to stay on track and be responsible. I divorced him. Through the divorce process we decided to give it another try. He said he was going to be the husband I needed him to be. Sounded good but I've seen a pattern over the years. I knew it wouldn't last long. Im glad I went thru with the divorce so that his irresponsible choices with money won't affect me.
TJ, i think what youre doing is great. I definitely couldve forgave my husband if he just tried but sadly the actions never matched the words. Hoping for healing in your marriage❤
I… did not expect to hear someone give a dad, who sounds exactly like mine, a road map to the childhood I deserved. I fully expected this to be a cathartic little hate-listen, like “oh here we go, this fuggin guy.” Instead I’m sobbing into my coffee and really, really hoping he takes your advice. I haven’t spoken to my dad in 5 years. He doesn’t know my children. He doesn’t get to see the healthy marriage I built with a man nothing like him. It’s because he never had the bravery to ask for help like this, much less be quiet and listen during the answer. I wish TJ that bravery.
He sounds like a miserable human being. Let her go man, you crushed her spirit. She deserves to be loved and cherished. But not by you. Side note - by the time a quiet, meek, woman who puts up w crap for years and years and years - once that woman, says she is done, there is NO COMING BACK. None. She has wanted to go for many years and your marriage was a death she grieved. Let her go.
This happens all the time. Men only get serious about change when the woman has 1 foot out the door. And then, when she forgives him and puts that foot back in, he goes back to his old ways.😅
@@omotayosatuyi252 He's not making any changes at all. He's going to sweet talk her into staying and will be as mean and selfish as ever just three months from now.
It depends on so many factors. This guy seems to have some narrccisitic traits (though not necessarily full-blown NPD), which indicates stunted emotional growth from deep childhood shame. Someone with anxiety disorder will be the nicest person ever when their stress is low, and fly off the handle over the smallest thing when their triggered; same with PTSD. My advice when these things happen to not take it personally, and just assume the person is having a hard day, and it has nothing to do with you. If it's your partner treating you this way constantly, not just once in a while, find a different partner. No one is perfect. The main thing for me is weather you take accountability for yourself when you treat others poorly, not just appologizing, but also working on yourself so it doesn't happen in the future.
You’ve heard marriage is hard. It is. It changes in ways you’d never imagine sometimes. I’m sure at the beginning of his marriage he never dreamed he’d treat his kids that way.
I find that people that put other people down are not happy with themselves. He probably envies something about her, or he views her as a tool to boost his status, image or ego needs and she wasn’t working in that way he wanted
I'm married and no it's not. Stress can really really wear you down but talking to your spouse with kindness is only a matter of respect. My husband treats me with kindness in front of our child too to make sure I'm respected and my voice matters. He is fully involved in the home and he does have a stressful job, works long hours and having a rough time making money right now. People don't respect themselves enough so they don't realize that it costs nothing for somebody else to be respectful. Kindness in a marriage is not up to how you're feeling, it's an absolute, non negotiable must.
@@lindsaydiscovers9842wow that is a super helpful comment. I've learnt something about myself and my husband. Our poor children have to cope with a father whose face turns white and lips quiver with anger when the fridge door has been left open longer than he approves of. They have a mother who considers herself loving and supportive but in reality rarely prepares supper and will start sobbing over anything and everything. I've really got to heal and bounce back.
This sounds like my husband. But the difference is mine sees no wrongdoing on his end. Constantly be littles me and makes the boys feel bad. I’m out already. I’m mentally exhausted. I’m taking it one day at a time but not sure how many more days will pass before I just say enough of this loveless marriage.😢😢😢 it’s been 10 going on 11 years and the past 2 it’s just been going down hill. He works a lot so I can stay home with the boys. But when he is home criticizes my parenting, the way I handle fights, the way I clean, or don’t clean. Has even gone as far as saying,” I’d rather be working than have to see this mess!”😢I’m just over it at this point. Praying for a miracle.😢🙏🙏🙏
I'm pretty sure God's already telling you something you don't want to hear. Such as, how many more of the best years of your life do you want to waste on a loveless marriage?
He's struggling with respecting and honoring others who have better life-skills than he has. He needed to let her lead since she has it more together than him.
I think this is one of the most profound podcasts I've heard in a very long time. I for one very much appreciate it. And I think a lot of marriages could deal with hearing this podcast. I think the way that he handled it was perfect, and I wish the couple good luck on their journey. Very wise words. Thank you. 💖💙🙏🏼
My sister’s husband is exactly the man John has explained toward the end of this episode. He’s absolutely OCD, but instead of complaining he’s always been the one who comes home from work & picks up things from the floor, washes the dishes, gathers the laundry & starts the washer, everything she’s not able to do before he comes home…he takes up the slack so that they’ll have more time together. A total jewel of a guy! Super smart & supports her in everything she does!❤
Husband realizes he has no positive impact on his family’s well-being. What is he doing to help his sons and daughters learn good habits of organization and time management? How does he spend time with his children? How does he display a healthy and respectful partnership for his kids? How does he instill calm even when things aren’t perfect? How does he show it’s ok to disagree, that it’s ok to talk about something and still be loved and supported?
Due to being mistreated, disrespected, belittled, criticized. Can’t take a walk and just be ok. Can’t hold hands, my partner does not like being touch. Failing to celebrate my birthday. Always feeling like I am dragging him out to celebrate my birthday or myself. I am tired. I no longer want to be a participant in this marriage. I have never cheated or talk to any men in 18 years. Never interested in the opposite sex. I was treated like an object. My husband does not even try to lead. I can’t teach a man how to be a man.
I’m a single woman who does kit have children and I relate to him a lot. I wasn’t my best self for a long time and bled onto those around me. I lost a possibly great relationship during that time too. It’s take a lot of self work and self love to treat others properly and give grace. I hope he can make the right change for the better of himself and family.
I absolutely love the advice he’s giving, also I hope this guy doesn’t just do this for 30 days and will do this forever. He needs to be better and be the change.
The reason males wait until their wives are practically out the door to start caring is because they thought she’d stay through their bullshit. They think once they’re married that they’ve “got her”. My ex husband was the exact same. Ab*sed me for 3 years, didn’t change afterI threatened to leave, then did a complete 180 after I actually just up and left. He acted blindsided, then suggested therapy when I had asked for counseling for years only to be brushed off with a “we don’t need therapy”. They only care once hey see their punching bag is actually leaving. They don’t have a doormat anymore and it scares them. Who else can they tear down?
i had to learn to curb this behavior myself. when i get anxious, it comes out as irritability and anger. when im like that, it doesnt take much to irritate me, i might say something i dont mean if i go far enough.
i just want to give an advice for these type of situations (im autistic and have migraines which sometimes makes it very hard for me to be calm in situations where there is lots of stimulation which results in anger) when u even feel the small decrease in your patience just take a deep breath and take a step back and observe. than try and tell yourself to be calm cuz i know if anyone but u says that to u, u will explode but maybe will listen to yourself. and absolutely COMMUNICATE. when something or someone bother me and i feel overwhelmed and overstimulated i know that it’s a me problem not a them problem. so what i like to do is just either erase myself from the situation (i know it might sound selfish but doing the opposite is more selfish believe me) or look et the person who is making the sound, saying the stuff that makes me angry and say “ can we please be quiet for a minute I NEED to calm myself down and regulate a little” or “I FEEL really mad rn and i don’t think if we have this convo rn i’ll be really helpful to solve this with u” ask for space first cuz it’s your right to ask for it. also if u ask for space and communicate your emotions very clearly and openly and they still don’t see you then u blow up. cuz u did your part and they didn’t listen. that way u have an explanation to your behavior and that explanation is not just u being a “child” ( ik it is long but if you read until the end thank you and sorry if i made any mistakes on grammar as i am foreign 😊)
I wonder how old this guy is because as you get older and look back on your life, it will probably look very differently than what you envisioned when you were young. You gotta roll with the punches!!
That is very optimistic. After life has beaten me up and add to that my observations of people and the world. I teeter between pessimism and realism, so my take is... people only serve themselves!!
I’m sure he’ll be super great for about 6 months and then he’ll be right back to his crap. The fact she had to tell him she would leave after so long is telling…. He doesn’t care!
I wish we could find out how it turned out♡ Wish him well.. she didnt seem finalized in her thoughts, and he can be a better man, version of himself. I hope it worked out
I read some of the comments, its not easy in this world!!! Thank you John for this, I have found your channel and content very informational. It helps me understand myself as well as those around me. I saw a bit of myself from this situation, emotionally, not the circumstances. As in the self-esteem high expectations, which I think a good amount of young people suffer nowadays. I am single and 25, but I will save this video for a future reminder of myself, for when I become a wife and a mother, to help understand myself, husband, and children. I agree, a good amount of parents, treat their children as a report card, while thinking they are doing them a favor. Which I can understand where they are coming from. However, it does not lessen the emotional scars left behind by such actions and behavior. Anyway, I throughly enjoyed this video. I am contemplating on giving you a call. I look forward to the future to come😊
It's almost like he was dreaming in a way (he got a little too comfortable), got a reality check and woke up. I'm glad he has it in him to do better and save his marriage, rather than ending up in divorce. I wish them well.
This was heavy and such a good one...I'm gonna take this with me too cuz I need this as much as that guy does I believe in him, its easy to fall into patterns but he really seems willing to do that stuff that he doesn't understand but knows is needed
So many judgemental bitter people in this comment section. I pray this guy gets it together, I pray the rest of you find out why youre waiving pom poms. I too struggle with seeing my kids room for example and taking it personal. It isnt easy and I am glad I stumbled upon this video.
waving pom poms? That does not even make sense. I will give you a pro-tip on why you "struggle with seeing your kids' rooms" - you are someone that craves external validation. So stop trying to impress other people, most of whom do not care.
@@mfawls9624 the advice John gave spoke volumes to me as I am getting married this summer and want to plan for the marriage not the wedding. I understand it will not be sunshine and rainbows
I know, if she had guts and mental toughness she would have divorced him and told him the why after. I would be no surprise because he’s well aware that he treats her like trash. It’s a win win situation.
@@paulwilliams7700 No one is mocking, it’s only weird that he magically noticed his faults, I’m not into people pretending. It is pretty weak to remain in a relationship under the guise of that - “please don’t leave me, I promise I’ll change” approach. That’s pathetic and reeks of desperation. There is no respect left in this relationship, he’ll be doing them both a disservice by not following through with the divorce. They’ll be divorced either way whether it’s now or 20years down the road.
I’m a woman and I learned a lot about self reflection in this episode, about our expectations of others and how we respond to them, how they might be rooted in negative self view.
Just found out my husband has been cheating on me for the full 6 years of our life together. Hes just now like "oh yeah. Let me delete my social media and all my temptations" And my heart is enough broken i cant forgive him but suddenly hes putting in all this effort? He wasnt the man i ever married. He lied to me this whole time. I gave my life to him and he used me. I was convenient. Im heart broken.
This is my life; I´m the wife that the husband does not respect or treat with respect...almost 10 years of marriage ....but I stepped apart; my heart is broken since my husband thinks that everything is fine and nothing is wrong, only me who appreciates the life we have..... but the way I´m the person who provides and the one who at the end is doing nothing
I just leave my husband two weeks ago, btw my kids were force to do homeschooling, currently they are at school, happier than ever, me living a new life, doing all the paper work and be better at my work I love... thanks
It's so depressing listening to these self-absorbed husbands calling in with tales of woe after demeaning their spouses and children for years. I can tell that this caller is not absorbing Dr J.'s sage advice because it's not what he wants to hear. I'm so glad that I'm single.
YESSS > Say the word "I" - I have said this several times- everytime I talk with him- his replies are YOU or he is PERFECT - I am where his wife is- but my husband is clueless
Dear husbands, Your wives are not trash cans, into which you can dump your business or life's frustrations by criticizing them. Solve this through sports, psychotherapy, fishing or jogging. 👍 Dr. John advice is perfect and I hope that this man will save his marriage.
I congratulate the man for calling in and seeking some direction. John’s advice was good. The man is struggling and probably hasn’t told the whole story - there’s always something that sits under strife like this. If his wife has noticed a positive difference, then he’s making the effort - what he doesn’t realise is the “why” he is behaving like this. That’s the missing piece. I wish him the best because his wife and children depend on this changing and he can be so much better - and happier.
When we're done, we're done. We ask, we tell, we beg, scream and holler, trying desperately to hold the family together. Then we go silent, everything has already been said. After 20 yrs of the bs, trying to fix it as we're walking out the door is waaaaaay too late.
This
I feel you 100%. I don't think it's too late though when they're like this man who sincerely is trying to be better.
Unlike my husband 😢
Absolutely, I really disagree that he's now put more pressure on the wife to comply to this 'try', when she has been putting up with this crap and finally made a decision to stop this self destroying relationship.
It only took me four years..and I got tired of his bs and lies
as a single man - not looking, but want to get married in 4-8 years - what would you say is a domain that i could spend my single time working on? for example, after my first relationship ended, i worked on learning to set boundaries; after my last relationship, i worked (still working) on determining what my values and expectations are, and how to reevaluate/modify them over time.
basically, what are some things that i should learn/unlearn to prevent being unjust to my future wife. thanks
I get irritated when men get serious about change when she’s walking out the door like they didn’t know they’ve been insufferable for years. But I’m glad he’s self aware and hope he changes
Men decide to change when it’s too late.
There’s this idea that women just like to complain, likes it’s a hobby and it doesn’t mean anything also that if she’s been unhappy for 3,5,10 years obviously she can keep on being unhappy forever.
That’s where they’re wrong.
📍
I get irritated when women do the same thing.
@@EspritsFantomes exactly! His “self awareness “ has always been there he just thought he could get away with it forever 😒
@@jjasminedee3062bingo!
She’s out. By the time a doormat type person speaks up saying they want a divorce they have spent months and months working up to this point. She’s been gone for at least two years. It’s just normal for someone to want to leave a person who is mean, critical and selfish as he admits to being. Why would she stay?
Her kids
As sad as it is...what you just said is FACTS. Men like this take women like her for granted for years, subconsciously thinking that she will never leave! When a woman is done, she is DONE. It's sad but so many women overstay for various reasons, mainly to keep the family together. But when she has been pushed so far...theres no going back.
Wrong. My husband’s father is a bully. the only thing he learned from his mom staying with his dad is how to bully women into silence and that wives are doormats. My husband goes to therapy now. We broke that generational curse.
Contemplating
Because the relationship might actually work if she developed some boundaries instead of blaming him for her unhappiness. He can’t fix things he doesn’t know about…
Men refusing to give a damn until they already worn down and lost their wives never gets old
The same don't apply to the wives? :D
Projecting much?
I hate it when people generalize, but its whatever, go ahead and livein a world to were "MEN" are all like this and ill enjoy my life as a man building your houses and roads and ill just take the money as a thank you while society despises me for my chromosomes. Welcome to america gentlemen.
@@andreaseriksson9225stating on topic, helps with the gender wars. It’s a man calling in about his short comings. People are relating to him by there experience with men and how he treated his wife.
The same does apply for wives too men and woman @andreaseriksson9225
My Dad was just like this man. I have zero relationship with him now and he lives one street away. Myself and my daughter's haven't seen him in six years. I was never good enough for him, nothing we did was and it continued that way throughout my life. My Mom who treated us kindly, I see every other day. The way your kids treat you after they no longer need food and shelter is a direct reflection of your parenting.
Hey this is what I have been going through. My dad is the same too and he actually lives one street away as well and I see him probably twice a year usually for Christmas Eve or thanksgiving with the entire family there. He doesn’t put any effort towards me or my sisters and my mom was super unhappy in her marriage. I’ve tried telling him that I wish he would stop drinking and be my dad and tell him I wish we could be close and he doesn’t care or make any effort
As soon as I became depressed and stopped performing well in school and sports my dad had nothing to do with me
You should know, your dad was probably a product of his own upbringing. He didn't know any better. And he certainly didn't receive the good advice this poor guy just got. You should tell your dad how you feel.
@@underedenxx. >>product of own upbringing
Is why my mother says I should still be on good terms with my Grandma (paternal), but I could tell she hated life-and most people-when I was little. Set a GREAT example for me! /s
@@reeseerhardt7052I'm so sorry. Drinking is harder to stop than anything. If your life is unhappy, it's impossible. Not sticking up for your dad, but just to let you know that alcohol may be his only friend. It's sad how many lives have been ruined by it.
This was exactly me about 5 yrs ago. I have a beautiful wife and daughter. Married for 12 yrs. I didnt listen or respect my wife that much. I didnt listen to any of her decisions. I do love her but never showed her romantic or treat her like she loved. She didn't know what happened to our marriage that I am always rage on her. She became depressed and always didn't wanna live or do anything. I realized I messed up and my marriage is going downhill. I realized it was not her. It was me that failing. I looked my life and changed once and for all. I quit alcohol, quit any kind of sugar, exercise and changed my job that stressed me out. Now I make good money and always with my wife and daughter enjoying life together. I apologized to my wife the way I treated her. Our marriage excellent now but still regretting the way I treated her.
My advice to this guy I think a little too late but I hope he will change once and for all but he seems not ready. Good luck 👍
How does he seem not ready. He seemed very ready and willing to change
@XxstuntkidXx He only realized after she told him blantly she is thinking leaving and that hit him because he didn't expect her to do or say that. For a man to be ready you have to be honestly ready to change without nobody telling you. There is a big difference.
Many of us wish we married you. Look, if a woman is unhappy, with kids, it's probably you.
Good job! That’s amazing work.
Thanks for sharing.
I beg to differ, John says that the guy has turned into someone he doesn't want to be. That's not true. He has developed enough comfort to show EXACTLY who he actually is!
Agreed
EXACTLY. He didn’t get to “live” and wants out.
Bingo. My brother is just like this and I warned my sister in law. I bloody warned her.
I agree. This guy is ok with who he is, he just wants his wife to not leave his sorry ass.
All the women just wanting to blame his very being. So sad. You women are horrible communicators and your nagging and whining makes us walk on egg shells and a lot of times the stress response is to shut down. Typical woman though you think you know everything from a short talk
Quiet as it’s kept, this call is a case study of why women are the ones to initiate divorce. Many men seem to only notice the invisible labour of women when things are going sideways. Instead of taking charge to fill in the gaps, there is berating, rude words, and devaluing of said work. I’m glad that he seems to have a high level of self-awareness, but it’s sad that’s it’s coming with the threat of her walking out the door.
When he said he just wants to "solve it" he meant, he wants it to solve itself, without his effort and this is why his wife is leaving. This was a great convo!
You don’t know what his intentions are, so stop assuming, maybe he is committed to changing now. You are worsening the problem by putting more hate onto someone you don’t even know. You weren’t there so don’t act like an expert
@@rexperkins3876i completely agree
the majority of people arnt just lazy and even if they are they probably are because of things like this lack of incuragment he probably has a hard time finding peace in himself let alone createing it in others we all need some kind of guidance dont knock someone down who hasnt had the same opportunitys you have
Also, at the beginning he said - " a wife" - I lost him there..😢
@@rexperkins3876 Just stop. Ones opinion is his own. Its just that, not putting hate on someone. People live to be offended.
@@lindawise4652 She literally insulted him by saying “this is why his wife is leaving” without knowing the husband and wife’s backstory. I don’t see why it’s necessary to insult someone who’s getting help.
My ex was like this. So miserable with himself, he tried to control everything I and our child did. It was hell. So glad I left him.
Agreed, my ex blames everyone except himself for his problems. He still tries to control me and my son from afar, and blames ME for the relationship failing even though he was the one he cheated. It's so exhausting dealing with a person like this.
@@girlienerd Same!!! I hope they get help, but it’s not our job to fix their mental health.
@@girlienerdWooh a male never taking accountability man child
@@girlienerdsounds like narcissistic personality disorder to me.
That’s called being married to a narcissist. So glad I got rid of him, and yes, I still get the lecture that it’s my fault because I should have “put up with the affairs and we would be ok”! My fault. All my fault! 🤣🤣🤣
Women who say they’re ready for a divorce, it’s been on their mind for at least a year… AFTER all the begging, pleading, telling their husband what they want or need, asking for marriage counseling… once it’s said, it’s likely. Because she feels defeated, beat down, drained, sad, angry, frustrated, and exhausted.
And then the husband has the audacity to say they'll listen to you after you serve the papers. 😢 Too little too late
@@schy9614 I was lucky enough that my ex finally understood why we were terrible together once we were in mandated (by state because we have a daughter together) counseling during the divorce process.
Yes. This.
It started when they suspected that their husband was having an affair but couldn't prove it
@@MarkSummers-g2n sometimes. I didn’t personally have that happen. My ex just didn’t believe me when I told him that if he can’t bring himself to spend more time with me and our daughter, be a bit nicer to everyone, and actually have an adult conversation, that I would leave. He didn’t, so I did what I said I would do.
I was a stay at home Mom with two toddlers. Sometimes my husband would come home and just say "Have you ordered pizza yet".... he knew it was a rough day. the sweetest thing he could say.
I am very good about dinner but when I'm not my husband will casually make himself grilled cheese or something. It's nice to not have them crush you when you already feel like you've failed.
@@abigailloar956Wow. That is priceless.
@@abigailloar956just for himself or will he cook for your family?
@briskettacos depends. Sometimes I'll get my own idea of what I want or my son wants something different. On those kinds of nights it becomes a free for all. Normally there are so many leftovers we will eat that and he will make our son the grilled cheese. He helps in whatever way that works out.
❤
This was one of the realest calls ever. Most men wouldn’t even call.
True, he was brutally honest.
Right.
Guarantee this guy wasn’t expecting this level of honesty to be delivered to him
His wanting to stay married has nothing to do with her happiness or emotional wellness. He just doesn't want her love either. He wants her to stay to be the verbal emotional punching bag that he uses rather than using himself.
He doesnt want her opinion. And mean. That's a narcissist who only loves himself.
Dont believe the " in the moment" excuse. He knows perfectly he is mean. But doesnt want to be accountable and not love his wife but himself
Ok Dr. Phil. What insights
He sees her as his possession and no longer her own person. He, for years, refused to listen to her or work on the marriage. He left her two choices, life of misery or leave. It's all too common these days. Why does this guy NEVER give it to these callers straight? I guess because they would hang up on the real truth and no one would ever call? 😊
@@evelynbare1975 It might be a cultural thing. I think Delony is from the South, so he keeps dancing around callers. He's never as straight forward, blunt and inquisitive as he should be. His advice is pretty hit or miss imo.
Many men aren't taught how to love or to be in a give and take relationship. That's a cultural issue
My ex- husband was just like this guy and after 23 years of marriage we divorced. The way a man starts to outsource all his unfulfilling and unhappy aspects of his life, to the wife being the source of his problems, is common in long term marriages. It was compelling to witness Dr. John be so on point with the husband’s issues! The doc is a MASTER at reading people’s problems. This man’s marriage can definitely be saved, it just takes work. At least the husband is self-aware so there is hope.
Oh wow so it was 100% his fault and nothing on your side. Got it.
@@MrHCify you got nothing c bot, how many cars do you see in the picture?
I agree with you and people are coming at me with blades and lemon for speaking the truth. He knows he’s mistreating her, he doesn’t care.
Typically the one that is unhappy gets their feelings prioritized. Yeah but you did this this and this is terrible.
Typically the one that is unhappy gets their feelings prioritized. Yeah but you did this this and this is terrible.
Everyone is always worried about how others can serve them, when love and marriage should be about how we can serve others.
PREACH
**Each other
Yes! Serving each other is the only way it's a happy union.
But this should be mutual, not one-sided. Romatic love is unlike parental love where love can be unconditional.
Had 4 kids, their rooms are not going to be clean! Sometimes you just need to shut the door and keep walking!
It is difficult for people to change. I left after 33 years of marriage. I still love my husband, I just kept asking for support and love.
You are beautiful.
I’ve separated from mine 4 1/2 years ago and just filed for divorce. I was hoping things would change but nothing did. So I am finally divorcing him. I still love him I just can’t do this anymore
I'm admitting I was wrong for everything after 15 years since the day we met been married for 8 and I've changed because I realized losing her meant losing my best friend, I was wrong please help.
Be proud of yourself! I wish my mom had, it scarred me for life. It also changed who she was as a person.
@@biersmorgen6609 Apologize sincerely to her. Whatever she says please do not make it after yourself. You are strong, you can do it. Look at yourself in the mirror and really ask yourself when was the last time you took her out for a date without asking anything in return. Lead, Lead, lead.... when she says something repeat it to her and ask questions. Please do not turn the table at her. You can do it. I hope this helps.
Every time you want to criticize something, you go do it. 100%
What if wife is generally under performing? I'm working 50-60hrs a week, commuting another 10.
I come home and take over dinner duties.
My wife don't work and I still do the lions share of cleaning.
How are you meant to set a standard for them to follow if you're just doing it?
Women do make trivial things out to be hard work.
@@adamglltt89 You can't control people. Either they love you enough or they don't. You made the commitment, you made the vows. Work with what you DO have, and don't be miserable trying to get what you never will and don't compare.
As long as shes happy man.. i guess. Women dont ever react well to being told they are under performing. Meanwhile men their entire lifes are reminded of their inadaquacies so thdy learn to be able to take it. Women are told they are so good and dont need improvement. They are praised from birth to death. Men are told to toughen up work harder get better youre not good enough theres someone better from birth to death. It is what it is
@@adamglltt89 Is your wife home taking care of small children? If she is, then she's been working all day, same as you.
@@adamglltt89 underperforming!!??? This isn’t about quota system!! This is your love life…safe space allegedly, omg…
A woman will put up with a lot because of her remembering who she fell in love with. But there comes a point when she's done, she stops asking and visits a lawyer.
This healed me as a wife to some degree. I’m not insane because I expect my husband help in our life the way I do.
You're not crazy❤
You are not crazy, if he doesn't value you enough to help then he doesn't respect you. Life is too short to allow anyone to disrespect you.
what is it about HELP???? you have a house together, a family together , it is a joint responsibility NOT just the woman"s one to keep the house!!! It was in my parent's time 70 years ago but not now.
I will predict this guy's wife leaves. He is still externalizing the problem. It's still his wife and kids who aren't good enough, who aren't meeting his expectations, and he has decided to try to tolerate it. He is still going to criticize them, just "internally" now (like the wont notice) and will do stuff with the attitude that he is paying the price for them to be losers.
So we’re going to assume he’s an unreliable narrator and they don’t deserve criticism?
@@jameswilkerson4412 part of the problem with a liar is that you can't trust what they say. The wife probably does deserve criticism, but we can't know for what *from him* because he is lying (seen in his contradicting himself).
you got it. she's gone.
@@jameswilkerson4412 no we're pointing out that criticism is not an effective tool for causing behaviour change in others and in fact is a harmful tool in the damage it does to relationships, and other people's self esteem and sense of self efficacy. Like taking a hammer to a broken bone. We're also pointing out that the need to criticise hints at challenges beyond the behaviour that is being criticised, such as communication skills that need to be improved, high anxiety and need for control, and blame shifting rather than taking accountability of the anxiety/need for control. Not unsolvable challenges but definitely ones that require intentional effort.
TJ sounds just like my spouse and that is why I am walking out after 17 yrs of marriage. He has always been a highly anxious & rigid person; through listening to Dr. John for the past 6 mos, I am now realizing how toxic that has been for us. Things have worsened since his mental health breakdown last year which resulted in us losing our house & almost losing our jobs. Yet, my spouse doesn't seem to want to take responsibility for himself & he consults with his parents on everything rather than talking with me. He won't follow the wise advice of our pastor or his therapists. He insisted that we needed couples counseling to keep our marriage together, I agreed, yet he keeps cancelling the appointments. As I've worked on our marriage over the years, I haven't seen much "fruit" or growth from him even though he believes he's a godly man. He states that our child (with special needs) & I are dragging him down - we are negative, uncooperative, always complaining & lazy. This is having a terrible effect on her mental & physical health. I'M OUT.
I am sorry for your marital troubles. You mentioned having pastors which makes me assume that you are a believer. Would you please take the time to pray fervently to God to show you whether He is okay with you divorcing your husband? If God tells you to leave, He will guide your next steps. I also know that God changes people and circumstances. If He doesn’t give you 💯 confirmation to divorce, stay put and fight the devil who wants to destroy your marriage.
Run... take your child and run. Don't provide a notice to him either... that could be dangerous.
It's as if some men get married and feel they have gained a possession. Someone that should serve them and make them look good because they financially support them and feel it is owed to them. If they Loved their wives and eventual children, financial support is just One way they need to support them. If it isn't servant leadership, then it isn't the proper leadship in a marriage. Your wife and kids don't exist for you to have bragging rights with the guys or extended family. God first, wife second. When you marry you lay down your life and only with this attitude would a woman submit to True Servent leadership.
Your husband sounds like he is on the spectrum. My dad was 100% like this! Only ever trusted his parents, had crazy expectations on others that could never be satisfied, would give himself pats on the back for the bare minimum…
If your special needs kid has Aspergers or Autism, the kiddo got it from dad. I know cuz I was that kid.
If you go into any kind of counseling, please get a therapist who understands neurodiversity and how it affects families. Even if the divorce happens, you can’t approach that situation like you’re dealing with neurotypical people 😢
It takes 2 people not just 1 to fix it @Word_Rain_Music
Look at all these men screaming “just let her go!”
… didn’t u just hear him admit that he put her down, didnt respect her etc etc
..instead of yall to encourage him to be a better husband, you tell him to leave her like she’s done something wrong.. foolishness. The audacity.
@@standground8284She didn’t ask for a divorce yet. He said she’s weighing the option because she’s desperate for him to stop being a jerk. If he’s willing to change why would you throw away 10 years of marriage and leave the kids with a lifetime of trauma? You guys are so quick to race to divorce and then wonder why Delony says half the time to stay away from the comment section. Glad he’s not reading these! 🙄
@@SarahConnor562 even if she threatens divorce it's still not only good to work on your marriage and fight to keep it together, it's necessary.
There's kids involved, they made vows. You don't just throw all that out the window
@@dabd8175 sounds better than being with MOST men..... women file for over 70% of divorces for a reason lol
Sounds like it’s not a threat and she’s letting him know that she’s at her whits end
@@flashthecorgi2053 Again, no one is throwing anything away that isn’t already trash. He intentionally treats her terribly and he knows it. I think you got the wrong idea that I was routing for him but I’m routing against him- I hope his wife leaves him (that way he’ll know how to respect the person in his next relationship). He still allowed to be a good father to his kids. He’s intentionally treating her bad she’ll leave. Many men do this all the time so they won’t be the villain in the story because it’s harder to just leave.
It's often the case that until someone is held accountable for their actions they OFTEN will not gain perspective and they OFTEN will NOT change. It's sad but often in regards to human relationships (friends, family, intimate partners), people will not recognize their wrongs until a relationship ends. We don't do people a favor by tolerating their bad behavior.
I concur
@@2okaycola It's sad but true... Why is this?!
Amen! That's why now, in the dating world,if I tell a guy only twice about something I do not want or allow and if i have to tell him the 3rd time, I am done, no more convo I am the 'gone girl' at that point. I refuse to be a nag to a guy or not have my request followed through or basically not be respected or be unhappy with someone. Relationships should not be hard if everyone communicates, and the recipient listens, respects, and follows through and vice versa.
Exactly, some men complain and joke about women nagging as if it's enjoyable for the woman, but if he straight up said he doesn't want to do it or if he just did it everything would be clear, but some of them just keep avoiding issues and conflict thinking it will go away and they also put women down for repeating what she wants, as if we're dealing with toddlers.
I said the same thing. 3 times and I am done. 3 years and I am in a new job. No more staying or giving more chances to anyone.
Same! For certain boundary violations - I won’t even give a second chance if they disrespect me. Life experience has taught me if they do it once, they will do it again and again.
Unfortunately society has taught women to tough it out, and tolerate men’s misbehavior and we are breaking that curse in these younger generations 🎉
Most commenters are dismissing that he admitted mistreating her.
True. It's a good start, but change is needed. Hopefully he can grow.
Admitting it without change gets nothing.
Exactly. That's actually huge. Doesn't mean he doesn't need to change. But it means he's several heads above many men.
I do kind of wish John could take this into account when he talks to people. The more honest people are about their faults, the harder he might come down on them. But there are a lot of people who call in, I'm sure, who exaggerate and deny. And of course there is a huge selection of people who would never call in, even in the face of divorce.
Boohoo woe is me. Admission is the first step to recovery, but the road ahead is long for him.
This reminds me of the chap that said after 30 years of being divorced: "I have NO IDEA why she left me". Dude WAKE UP - it's obvious!
John's drawing blood from a stone chatting to this lad. 😂
I hollered 😂
This one made me wonder if they get these “letters” from Reddit and just have a staffer call in pretending to be the person who wrote it.
i want to highly recommend *MR OBALAR* for curing me of genital HPV with his natural herbs.❤…
Wow just the revelation about not liking yourself and creating unrealistic expectations about yourself just explained so much about people to me.
Listening to this is so painful. Because I told my husband I am out because he has treated me the same way. And I honestly hate him and don’t respect him at all.
Dr. John is doing an amazing job. This man is on the right path and can be proud of himself for exposing his weaknesses.
He’s a nutcracker
This man needs to learn to live a life of gratitude rather than a life of angst. Sometimes you have to decide what hill you want to die on, and a tidy bedroom and making it to church every week are not those hills for me. If your heart and brain has a load of crap in it, who cares if there are toys on the floor. See them as a gift because there are healthy kids who play with them.
100% this. I'm 27f, I would LOVE to have children I hope soon someday, I'd do anything to see toys strewn all over the place and kids around laughing and being loud. It's all about perspective, grass is always greener and all that.
STOP ASKING "what can I do to help?" you're putting the EMOTIONAL LABOR ON YOUR WIFE. LOOK AROUND and SEE what needs to be done.
Show some initiative
@@nomansland6376 Use your senses and look for things to do. Does your boss have to hold your hand at work? No? Then stop making your wife hold your hand at home, baby boy.
@@nomansland6376Show some initiative, like the previous comment said.
@@ElizabethGeiger-ye1sf I own a business. Don’t need hand holding. What we need are women that speak up and don’t play games. I deal with enough of that crap at work. Don’t want to deal with it in my home. I’m not going to walk around on eggshells in my home trying to guess what will make a woman happy.. because, you can’t. Women are never happy, nor content. Always something wrong. Always a man’s fault they are never happy.. until there’s no man around, and then women still blame men.. never looking in the mirror and realizing it was them all along. Women are supposed to men’s help mates. We aren’t here to be emotional punching bags and your constant scapegoat for your inherent unhappiness.
There needs to be communication of needs. I cannot expect my husband to understand what I personally need to feel loved (because everyone is different), without directly telling him. Maybe once he knows, I eould be able to stop telling him, but also my needs change. Men are not taught how to succeed in relationships because of exactly this mindset. We need to change the narrative and break this generational cycle
Service and leadership comes underneath people and lifts them up, it doesn’t Lord it over them!
Yep
Sending the strength to change to this man. I left a 9 year relationship for these exact same reasons -the disrespect and anger. I couldn’t take it anymore. Hopefully he can change in time before it’s too late. Great job Dr. John.
This is the same mind set my ex had. It was so oppressive and draining. Never any joy or fulfillment in life.
Really hope wife divorces him. I have just started to video. Can hear his voice. He doesn't want to be alone. He ought go and FIND himself. Cliché but true.
Never make a man tell you more than once that he doesn't want you. He's been telling her he didn't want her for a long time, and she's been too cowardly to leave. I hope that she's done. He'll change just enough to manipulate her into staying and then go right back to the way it was. If there are no consequences, he has no reason to change. Ultimatums do not make people change. The only course of action is to leave.
@@SarahConnor562 There is absolutely no reason for him to resist the divorce. He never loved her. He's always just been using her. That she clung pathetically to someone who told her every day how much he hated her has resulted in children who now have to go through a divorce. Mistakes on both sides, for sure.
You’re the person he is talking about 11:14
Way to victim shame with words like "cowardly" and "pathetic". It gives much insight into your own personality.
@@ancfm1995 That you don’t support accountability is insight into yours. Weakness is a flaw. So is cowardice. Pull up your big girl panties, find your dignity and protect your children. I’ll bring you ice cream and sit with you while you cry AFTER you do what needs to be done. Weakness is for prey.
As a single man with this similar mindset as this husband, I needed to hear this. This criticism and feeling like your family/friends ‘should be x’ is actually related to your own anxiety. The more you lead by example and let others just be while communicating effectively to them, you’ll be amazed how people respond. For those external relationships who don’t care about reasonable standards, you can decide whether you want them in your life or not.
"Don't care about reasonable standards" - this is the selfishness that ruins relationships. It is not a moral failing on their part that they do not meet YOUR arbitrary and not-agreed upon standards. You know what is a massive moral failing? Deciding that how your friend lives their life is your business and your place to judge. You are the failure. Not them if they buy am expensive car or leave dishes until the morning or eat out instead of cooking. You are the failure for judging.
If you think you are "being the bigger person" by deciding to "tolerate" their behavior, you're not being better. You've just found a new way to be an asshole.
@@elladeonTHIS COMMENT. 👆🏻
🔥🔥🔥
I would definitely take this to heart because my father is like this, and he only has a relationship with 2 of his 4 kids at this point, and one of the their relationship is very shaky. This guys mindset (and yours) is definitely on the more narcissistic side, though that doesn't mean you have narcissistic personality disorder. Possibly you were the "golden child" of your siblings, or an only child. Narcissistic traits often develop in childhood from a strange shame/praise dynamic.
I think it's great that you are self-aware enough to recognize this in yourself, and I hope you consider therapy or at least to read up on psychology. I'm a big fan of Internal Family Systems therapy, and it's easy to do without a therapist. My father and his mother never were self-aware and completely unwilling to work on themselves, and my grandmother died very lonely from alienating her 6 children and countless grandchildren through her constant criticism, and my father is headed for the same fate.
@@lindsaydiscovers9842 - Very interesting assessment. I was the golden child to a degree; I gave my parents their share of scares but I was a home body so they often didn't have to worry about me. The siblings were fairly responsible and didn't get into much trouble either though. I'm somewhat the golden child in adulthood as I'm the most financially stable of all my siblings. I wouldn't consider myself a narcissist, but may have some traits. I def' have had challenges letting go of control when I see family members struggling and I know I have a solution.
Nailed it❤🎉
He sounds like an absolute jerk. All his expectations are for everyone else, not himself. He keeps saying "I don't know..." but it's easy to know that he'll die alone and unloved. Forgiveness for years of this behavior will not come quickly or easily.
💯 especially your last sentence ❤ 💯
Insufferable.
She may need to leave, people seldom change and it sounds like he doesn't want her to go so his life doesn't change.
“I’m gonna go do those dishes”
I’m gonna pick up those clothes”
“I’m gonna vacuum”
Sweet opportunities to serve his family.
@@nikki27ishShe definitely needs to leave.
If he’s calling Dr. John, she’s already made up her mind and he sees that she’s serious. And not only is his behavior toxic, it’s a turn off. This is why Dr. John’s advice is very hard turning for someone like him. It was hard for him to just admit that he might be part of the problem. But good luck to him. Once a woman is gone mentally and emotionally, she’s pretty much gone.
Did you even listen to the call? He acknowledged everything
@@efegbareefenedo6668So what? A murderer pleads guilty for a reason, too, and it's almost never because he feels genuine remorse.
@@vaska1999 I was replying to ger assumption that he did not acknowledge that he was a problem, which he obviously did. I don't know what your comment was all about when you clearly did not understand the premises of the discussion on ground.
I never said he was remorseful. Howevet, he did acknowledge that he was a problem
@@efegbareefenedo6668 Again, admitting you did something wrong means nothing by itself. Manipulative people make such admissions regularly -- and never change for the better.
@@vaska1999 Would you have preferred it if he denied? What do you want him to do at this point? Jump off a cliff? A wise man once said "acknowledgimg you have a problem is a huge step towards solving the problem. Do you think he called to tell us how proud he was to do what he did? He called because he wanted help, so get off your self righteous high horse
I will say I respect this caller. He wants this fixed with all his heart and called Dr. John truly wanting to make this more well. There was a moment in the call when Dr. John saw this man is dead serious. He needed help and he gave real advice. Good on the end of the caller.
My husband has been the one that I've had to encourage and push to do better and be more responsible. We have a child together. After 3 years of trying to get him to stay on track and be responsible. I divorced him. Through the divorce process we decided to give it another try. He said he was going to be the husband I needed him to be. Sounded good but I've seen a pattern over the years. I knew it wouldn't last long. Im glad I went thru with the divorce so that his irresponsible choices with money won't affect me.
Well done Dr John! Its so easy to criticize....not so easy to solve our own issues! This wife will think she's died and gone to heaven!
TJ, i think what youre doing is great. I definitely couldve forgave my husband if he just tried but sadly the actions never matched the words. Hoping for healing in your marriage❤
When a man only decides to change when the woman’s walking out the door, that’s the moment that the woman needs to keep on walking out that door
i want to highly recommend *MR OBALAR* for curing me of genital HPV with his natural herbs.❤…
I… did not expect to hear someone give a dad, who sounds exactly like mine, a road map to the childhood I deserved. I fully expected this to be a cathartic little hate-listen, like “oh here we go, this fuggin guy.” Instead I’m sobbing into my coffee and really, really hoping he takes your advice. I haven’t spoken to my dad in 5 years. He doesn’t know my children. He doesn’t get to see the healthy marriage I built with a man nothing like him. It’s because he never had the bravery to ask for help like this, much less be quiet and listen during the answer. I wish TJ that bravery.
Hugs ❤
Hi, me too! Wishing you peace and fulfillment ❤
He sounds like a miserable human being. Let her go man, you crushed her spirit. She deserves to be loved and cherished. But not by you.
Side note - by the time a quiet, meek, woman who puts up w crap for years and years and years - once that woman, says she is done, there is NO COMING BACK. None. She has wanted to go for many years and your marriage was a death she grieved. Let her go.
This happens all the time. Men only get serious about change when the woman has 1 foot out the door. And then, when she forgives him and puts that foot back in, he goes back to his old ways.😅
O stop it, he is making a change see that for what it is
Yes and that cycle goes on for 20 yrs and the wife realizes enough is enough.
@@omotayosatuyi252 yes after 10 long years. He deserves a cookie. Poor thing.
@@omotayosatuyi252 He's not making any changes at all. He's going to sweet talk her into staying and will be as mean and selfish as ever just three months from now.
@@Archonion43 You don't know what's been going on
I’m not married but is it really that difficult to just be kind? Like, genuine question because these situations are super common.
It depends on so many factors. This guy seems to have some narrccisitic traits (though not necessarily full-blown NPD), which indicates stunted emotional growth from deep childhood shame. Someone with anxiety disorder will be the nicest person ever when their stress is low, and fly off the handle over the smallest thing when their triggered; same with PTSD.
My advice when these things happen to not take it personally, and just assume the person is having a hard day, and it has nothing to do with you. If it's your partner treating you this way constantly, not just once in a while, find a different partner.
No one is perfect. The main thing for me is weather you take accountability for yourself when you treat others poorly, not just appologizing, but also working on yourself so it doesn't happen in the future.
You’ve heard marriage is hard. It is. It changes in ways you’d never imagine sometimes. I’m sure at the beginning of his marriage he never dreamed he’d treat his kids that way.
I find that people that put other people down are not happy with themselves. He probably envies something about her, or he views her as a tool to boost his status, image or ego needs and she wasn’t working in that way he wanted
I'm married and no it's not. Stress can really really wear you down but talking to your spouse with kindness is only a matter of respect. My husband treats me with kindness in front of our child too to make sure I'm respected and my voice matters. He is fully involved in the home and he does have a stressful job, works long hours and having a rough time making money right now.
People don't respect themselves enough so they don't realize that it costs nothing for somebody else to be respectful. Kindness in a marriage is not up to how you're feeling, it's an absolute, non negotiable must.
@@lindsaydiscovers9842wow that is a super helpful comment. I've learnt something about myself and my husband. Our poor children have to cope with a father whose face turns white and lips quiver with anger when the fridge door has been left open longer than he approves of. They have a mother who considers herself loving and supportive but in reality rarely prepares supper and will start sobbing over anything and everything. I've really got to heal and bounce back.
This sounds like my husband. But the difference is mine sees no wrongdoing on his end. Constantly be littles me and makes the boys feel bad. I’m out already. I’m mentally exhausted. I’m taking it one day at a time but not sure how many more days will pass before I just say enough of this loveless marriage.😢😢😢 it’s been 10 going on 11 years and the past 2 it’s just been going down hill. He works a lot so I can stay home with the boys. But when he is home criticizes my parenting, the way I handle fights, the way I clean, or don’t clean. Has even gone as far as saying,” I’d rather be working than have to see this mess!”😢I’m just over it at this point. Praying for a miracle.😢🙏🙏🙏
I'm pretty sure God's already telling you something you don't want to hear.
Such as, how many more of the best years of your life do you want to waste on a loveless marriage?
My husband gets like this too 😢
Because we all die wishing our kids rooms had been cleaner.....
Ever had a kid insist on their clean clothes, when they hadn’t given you the dirties?
This was a hard call to listen to, but Dr John was right.
He sounds like he’s struggling with leading his family with confidence and clear direction.
I think he just sounds mean and bossy
He's struggling with respecting and honoring others who have better life-skills than he has. He needed to let her lead since she has it more together than him.
Too late bro. She is a smart girl! People don’t change!
Best advice I've ever heard to save a marriage
He said "you should" and thats a mistake. He orders her without moving in that direction. Defensive, expectations, forgets to love his wife.
Not sure why husband's forget to love their wives. Always being defensive.
I think this is one of the most profound podcasts I've heard in a very long time. I for one very much appreciate it. And I think a lot of marriages could deal with hearing this podcast. I think the way that he handled it was perfect, and I wish the couple good luck on their journey. Very wise words. Thank you. 💖💙🙏🏼
How common is this. Everyone is still acting out their unaddressed childhood trauma I feel. It’s so sad..
My sister’s husband is exactly the man John has explained toward the end of this episode. He’s absolutely OCD, but instead of complaining he’s always been the one who comes home from work & picks up things from the floor, washes the dishes, gathers the laundry & starts the washer, everything she’s not able to do before he comes home…he takes up the slack so that they’ll have more time together. A total jewel of a guy! Super smart & supports her in everything she does!❤
Husband realizes he has no positive impact on his family’s well-being. What is he doing to help his sons and daughters learn good habits of organization and time management? How does he spend time with his children? How does he display a healthy and respectful partnership for his kids? How does he instill calm even when things aren’t perfect? How does he show it’s ok to disagree, that it’s ok to talk about something and still be loved and supported?
Thank you, Dr. John. it's been 18 years, and I am on my way out. I finally said to my husband that I was done after 2 decades.
Why, may I ask?
Due to being mistreated, disrespected, belittled, criticized. Can’t take a walk and just be ok. Can’t hold hands, my partner does not like being touch. Failing to celebrate my birthday. Always feeling like I am dragging him out to celebrate my birthday or myself. I am tired. I no longer want to be a participant in this marriage. I have never cheated or talk to any men in 18 years. Never interested in the opposite sex. I was treated like an object. My husband does not even try to lead. I can’t teach a man how to be a man.
I’m a single woman who does kit have children and I relate to him a lot. I wasn’t my best self for a long time and bled onto those around me. I lost a possibly great relationship during that time too. It’s take a lot of self work and self love to treat others properly and give grace. I hope he can make the right change for the better of himself and family.
I absolutely love the advice he’s giving, also I hope this guy doesn’t just do this for 30 days and will do this forever. He needs to be better and be the change.
The reason males wait until their wives are practically out the door to start caring is because they thought she’d stay through their bullshit. They think once they’re married that they’ve “got her”. My ex husband was the exact same. Ab*sed me for 3 years, didn’t change afterI threatened to leave, then did a complete 180 after I actually just up and left. He acted blindsided, then suggested therapy when I had asked for counseling for years only to be brushed off with a “we don’t need therapy”. They only care once hey see their punching bag is actually leaving. They don’t have a doormat anymore and it scares them. Who else can they tear down?
i want to highly recommend *MR OBALAR* for curing me of genital HPV with his natural herbs.❤❤..
i had to learn to curb this behavior myself. when i get anxious, it comes out as irritability and anger. when im like that, it doesnt take much to irritate me, i might say something i dont mean if i go far enough.
i just want to give an advice for these type of situations (im autistic and have migraines which sometimes makes it very hard for me to be calm in situations where there is lots of stimulation which results in anger) when u even feel the small decrease in your patience just take a deep breath and take a step back and observe. than try and tell yourself to be calm cuz i know if anyone but u says that to u, u will explode but maybe will listen to yourself. and absolutely COMMUNICATE. when something or someone bother me and i feel overwhelmed and overstimulated i know that it’s a me problem not a them problem. so what i like to do is just either erase myself from the situation (i know it might sound selfish but doing the opposite is more selfish believe me) or look et the person who is making the sound, saying the stuff that makes me angry and say “ can we please be quiet for a minute I NEED to calm myself down and regulate a little” or “I FEEL really mad rn and i don’t think if we have this convo rn i’ll be really helpful to solve this with u” ask for space first cuz it’s your right to ask for it. also if u ask for space and communicate your emotions very clearly and openly and they still don’t see you then u blow up. cuz u did your part and they didn’t listen. that way u have an explanation to your behavior and that explanation is not just u being a “child” ( ik it is long but if you read until the end thank you and sorry if i made any mistakes on grammar as i am foreign 😊)
I truly hope this family is able to work through this hurdle and overcome. It’s hard but doable.
it's a personal issue with the husband who has to work on himself and stay more positive, his marriage can still be saved
Hahaha joke
You really turned a frustrated moment into pure gold. This was too funny to watch knowing about the original video.
I wonder how old this guy is because as you get older and look back on your life, it will probably look very differently than what you envisioned when you were young. You gotta roll with the punches!!
"A husband is about service." It would be nice if we could all look at each other as human beings to serve and not malfunctioning appliances to fix.
That is very optimistic. After life has beaten me up and add to that my observations of people and the world. I teeter between pessimism and realism, so my take is... people only serve themselves!!
Women are usually cooks, maids and sex objects in marriage..... so yeah, the man can serve too.....
Agreed
@@GAFB1122 I could have written that
I’m sure he’ll be super great for about 6 months and then he’ll be right back to his crap. The fact she had to tell him she would leave after so long is telling…. He doesn’t care!
I wish we could find out how it turned out♡ Wish him well.. she didnt seem finalized in her thoughts, and he can be a better man, version of himself. I hope it worked out
I have some respect for this guy. He wants to make it right at least.
I wish him good luck and smooth sailing.
Facts same here
Dr. John I have to say this episode was so good!! 👌🏼
Dr. Delony’s show is one of the best algorithms to happen in my life!
I feel like this is an epidemic with our generation of men. Why are there so many men like this?!?!?!?? I really don’t understand
Previous generations as well.
I read some of the comments, its not easy in this world!!!
Thank you John for this, I have found your channel and content very informational. It helps me understand myself as well as those around me. I saw a bit of myself from this situation, emotionally, not the circumstances. As in the self-esteem high expectations, which I think a good amount of young people suffer nowadays. I am single and 25, but I will save this video for a future reminder of myself, for when I become a wife and a mother, to help understand myself, husband, and children.
I agree, a good amount of parents, treat their children as a report card, while thinking they are doing them a favor. Which I can understand where they are coming from. However, it does not lessen the emotional scars left behind by such actions and behavior.
Anyway, I throughly enjoyed this video. I am contemplating on giving you a call. I look forward to the future to come😊
It's almost like he was dreaming in a way (he got a little too comfortable), got a reality check and woke up.
I'm glad he has it in him to do better and save his marriage, rather than ending up in divorce.
I wish them well.
This was heavy and such a good one...I'm gonna take this with me too cuz I need this as much as that guy does
I believe in him, its easy to fall into patterns but he really seems willing to do that stuff that he doesn't understand but knows is needed
This is going to be way too much for him. He's not going to change.
This is really good insight and advice. I hope that this guy is able to keep the marriage and work on being happier.
i want to highly recommend *MR OBALAR* for curing me of genital HPV with his natural herbs.❤❤..
I 100% feel like I've seen the wife's call of this conversation!
This is something I struggle with. Great video here, I’m going to apply this to my life.
i want to highly recommend *MR OBALAR* for curing me of genital HPV with his natural herbs.❤❤
So many judgemental bitter people in this comment section. I pray this guy gets it together, I pray the rest of you find out why youre waiving pom poms. I too struggle with seeing my kids room for example and taking it personal. It isnt easy and I am glad I stumbled upon this video.
Why are you glad?
waving pom poms? That does not even make sense.
I will give you a pro-tip on why you "struggle with seeing your kids' rooms" - you are someone that craves external validation. So stop trying to impress other people, most of whom do not care.
@@mfawls9624 the advice John gave spoke volumes to me as I am getting married this summer and want to plan for the marriage not the wedding. I understand it will not be sunshine and rainbows
Most men wouldn't call so kudos to him. A man willing to save his family
You've got very low standards.
He doesn't want to save his family, he wants to keep his selfish wants and desires satisfied.
@@sarahrobertson634that's not true at all stop finger pointing
So she had to threaten you for you to want to change?
Typical male 😅
I know, if she had guts and mental toughness she would have divorced him and told him the why after. I would be no surprise because he’s well aware that he treats her like trash. It’s a win win situation.
Wow. The guy literally took the blame for everything and admitted that he didn't know what to do and you still find a way to mock the situation?
@@paulwilliams7700 No one is mocking, it’s only weird that he magically noticed his faults, I’m not into people pretending. It is pretty weak to remain in a relationship under the guise of that - “please don’t leave me, I promise I’ll change” approach. That’s pathetic and reeks of desperation. There is no respect left in this relationship, he’ll be doing them both a disservice by not following through with the divorce. They’ll be divorced either way whether it’s now or 20years down the road.
@paulwilliams7700 "I've tried anything and I'm all out of ideas!"
I’m a woman and I learned a lot about self reflection in this episode, about our expectations of others and how we respond to them, how they might be rooted in negative self view.
If this guy is really serious I wish him luck. I hope he works with a couselor to stay on track as he attempts to change.
Just found out my husband has been cheating on me for the full 6 years of our life together. Hes just now like "oh yeah. Let me delete my social media and all my temptations"
And my heart is enough broken i cant forgive him but suddenly hes putting in all this effort?
He wasnt the man i ever married. He lied to me this whole time. I gave my life to him and he used me. I was convenient.
Im heart broken.
This is my life; I´m the wife that the husband does not respect or treat with respect...almost 10 years of marriage ....but I stepped apart; my heart is broken since my husband thinks that everything is fine and nothing is wrong, only me who appreciates the life we have..... but the way I´m the person who provides and the one who at the end is doing nothing
I hope you get the strength to leave and build a good future for yourself.
I just leave my husband two weeks ago, btw my kids were force to do homeschooling, currently they are at school, happier than ever, me living a new life, doing all the paper work and be better at my work I love... thanks
It's something about respect and to be heard and being taken serious.
i want to highly recommend *MR OBALAR* for curing me of genital HPV with his natural herbs.❤❤
Lots of great advice today! Really spot on!
It's so depressing listening to these self-absorbed husbands calling in with tales of woe after demeaning their spouses and children for years. I can tell that this caller is not absorbing Dr J.'s sage advice because it's not what he wants to hear. I'm so glad that I'm single.
Projecting much? He said he is going to take the advice. So glad that you are single, too.
@blingman78 he also continued to blame his family for not meeting expectations and kept saying "I don't know" when asked to take action.
@@elladeon nope, you didn't even watch to the end.
@blingman78 I did. A noncommital, "yeah, mmhmm, I'll do that" did not inspire my confidence.
@@elladeon10:37 You didn't watch this part? Or you just pretended to watch it and just projected what your life is about?
Really really solid stuff right here❤👍
I can see why she’s divorcing him. He’s so passive. “Well… I don’t know… shrug…”
i want to highly recommend *MR OBALAR* for curing me of genital HPV with his natural herbs.❤❤
I am a woman and I learned a lot from this!
YESSS > Say the word "I" - I have said this several times- everytime I talk with him- his replies are YOU or he is PERFECT - I am where his wife is- but my husband is clueless
Dear husbands,
Your wives are not trash cans, into which you can dump your business or life's frustrations by criticizing them. Solve this through sports, psychotherapy, fishing or jogging. 👍
Dr. John advice is perfect and I hope that this man will save his marriage.
I congratulate the man for calling in and seeking some direction. John’s advice was good. The man is struggling and probably hasn’t told the whole story - there’s always something that sits under strife like this. If his wife has noticed a positive difference, then he’s making the effort - what he doesn’t realise is the “why” he is behaving like this. That’s the missing piece. I wish him the best because his wife and children depend on this changing and he can be so much better - and happier.
i want to highly recommend *MR OBALAR* for curing me of genital HPV with his natural herbs.❤❤