The Boundary Secret: with Terri Cole Setting Boundaries With Narcissists. Expert Talk
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- Опубліковано 21 вер 2024
- In this video Terri Cole and Ross Rosenberg dissect why boundaries do not work with Pathological Narcissists (Borderline, Narcissistic, and Antisocial Personality Disorders). Some of the topics discussed:
1. Narcissists cannot be codependents. Codependents cannot be narcissists.
2. Redefining codependency with "Self-Love Deficit Disorder."
3. Codependency (Self-Love Deficit Disorder) personality sub-types.
4. The "Human Magnet Syndrome's" Codependent/Narcissist Dance Metaphor
5. Emotional vampires.
6. Demystifying why setting boundaries with narcissists don't work.
7. Why boundaries worth with healthy "Self-Love Abundant" people.
8. Why childhood attachment trauma sets up a codependent/SLD to not know about or be able to set effective boundaries.
9. And much more!
Terri Cole is a New York based licensed psychotherapist and global leading expert in female empowerment. Through her blog (www.terricole...., social media platforms ( / terricole , signature courses, Real Love Revolution and Boundary Bootcamp, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show (itunes.apple.c....
Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., LCPC, CADC latest book, The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap (2018) and his personal development, seminars, workshops, and other services can be found at his Self-Love Recovery Institute company, www.selflovere...
Ross is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and author and is known globally for his expertise in codependency (Self-Love Deficit Disorder™), Pathological Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse and Trauma Treatment.
His book, “The Human Magnet Syndrome” sold over 120,000 copies and is translated into ten languages. Ross’s UA-cam channel has amassed over 19 million video views and more than 200K subscribers. He is a keynote speaker and educator who has presented educational workshops in 30 States/70 cities and abroad. Ross has been regularly featured on national TV and radio.
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I'm looking forward to hearing this important discussion. Ironically, the people that you need to establish boundaries with the most won't respect them, and the people that you can establish boundaries with don't need them because they are respectful to begin with. My grandfather used to say, "People can't get your goat if they don't know where it is." With that in mind, if you tell a narc what your boundaries are, to them it's just an invitation to target you in that way.
Great observations.
Blessings
True dat! ✌👍Boundaries are for children when parenting them to bring up a good respectful people out of them. Not for adults.
Hahaha "People can't get your goat if they don't know where it is" I like your grandpa
Exactly!!
Boundaries are nothing but challenge fuel that's all they are, it's like they try to push and push, boundaries don't work that's my experience, it's just challenge fuel,my boundaries are called goso get out stay out 👍
The reality is that you can set boundaries, but to make them work, you have to enforce the consequences if those boundaries are not respected. If you don’t act when your boundaries are crossed, you are a perfect target for narcissistics.
Wrong! They do not work with narcs, PERIOD! Absolutely useless waste of time. Going no contact and focusing on yourself with a love and compassion is the only way. Because the first and major general boundarie could be defined as "Do not abuse me in any way, or I'll leave you". Well, boom, the minute you set this boundarie, guess what, the narc will cross it right away and abuse you in some form again! To enforce the consequence you'd have to leave the narc, right? DUH! So wouldn't it be easier and more efficient to leave them right away at the first sign of abuse, discard the narc harshly by going no contact for life and be done with it??? Why wasting time with setting boundaries???
@@MichelleVisageOnlyFans They work but notice: Boundaries are for your own protection, (there are not to control a narcissistic to make them be nice to you).
Working boundaries with narcissistic usually results in the termination of the relationship.
They work but not in the traditional sense. The “boundary work” the SLD does in reality is just practice for their next, hopefully healthier, relationship.
RR’s observe don’t absorb technique is also very useful. SLD will set a reasonable boundary with a Cluster B, it will almost certainly be violated immediately. This cycle will happen again and again. The SLD using observe don’t absorb will recognize over time how unhealthy the Cluster B person will always be, while at the same time the SLD is getting healthier.
Eventually there will be a boundary and stated consequence of “Do X again and I am gone...”. It will be violated and what this entire process has done is given themselves permission to finally end it.
@@sburns2421 in other words a USELESS WASTE OF TIME as I said in the first place.
@@MichelleVisageOnlyFans A codependent is almost universally raised by at least one parent with narcissistic characteristics, and if the other parent is also in the home they will often be the model for codependent behavior. This is therefore taught and reinforced very early in the child’s life.
The ability to set and reinforce boundaries is not in a codependent’s skill set, and must be learned later, typically after some traumatic breakup. It may be obvious to you what anyone in that situation should do, but it is much harder for a person whose first 20, 30, 40 years were spent with a parent or romantic partner(s) who disregard boundaries.
I am close to two men who are 70+ and still do not understand, the narc women in their lives are of course highly experienced and skilled manipulators. Pretty sure both will go to the grave without ever really understanding what I am blathering on about.
Absolutely. I can now set boundaries because I have detatched from cluster B people and surrounded myself with healthier relationships. Happy to say that I am no longer a match for narcissictic people because my energy shows that they can't get their supply from me any more. Now I don't even have to be so vigilant because I am happy with my own company and also to share my time with others who are able to have healthy relationships.
Thanks so much for sharing Pauline!
Yes yes by doing that it will slow the narcissist...I don't have time for toxic narcissist people anymore!!!!! I enjoy my own company I only love to be around healthy people etc.......
Two of the smartest and coolest people ever!
Thank you so much for the support!
I never understood why the boundaries I set always failed. “What’s wrong with me?” I always wondered...
“What do I not get where boundaries are concerned?”
NO!! I have always been trying to set/enforce boundaries with a damned narcissist. No wonder I have had fail after fail in that regard. Thanks, you guys! I need to refocus my lense where my own healing work is concerned.
Thank you so much for sharing Kayth!
They dont love, care or respect us and we are so afraid of losing them. This is so insane, I think I am now coming to my senses. I was so afraid of going my separate ways and now I want to go my separate ways. This is so helpful. I went thru this with my exhusband, my parents, and now my 2 adult children which is the hardest. I am getting my self love, thank you. I love both of ya, so helpful.
You are so welcome. Glad this is helpful. Thanks for the support. 🙏
...when your soulmate turns into your cell mate?! Perfect
"Self-love isn't a feeling; it's a way of life" !!!!!
I'm taking this with me and will remind myself of it every day. Thank you! 🌷🌷
You're so welcome! 🙏
This was a great discussion. Terri Coles book was really helpful to me. I need to listen to it multiple times to cement it in my brain. I do have the human magnet syndrome. I have not finished it yet but this reminded me of that. Thank you Ross and Terri.
Terri, Ross. Your work is so important! - Suffering is the key core problem and helping people stop suffering is the goal. - It applies to me too: mom loving caring but unaware of her own anger and unable to set boundries in toxic extended family, became schizofrenic, when I was about 10; father superficial, materialistic, selfcentered arrogant manipulative lying verbally aggressive wine-drinking covert narcissist. There was definitely a long period of chaos growing up. Over the years I was told I was well-balanced (I guess I am in some respects) but those therapists were clueless to my childhood traumas and dissociation from emotions linked to those traumas. Some therapists say I dont meet the criteria for any mental illness or disorder except perhaps sleep problems, so they dont know what to do with me. Your work, your guidance as well as books about cPTSD, Boundries Empaths and Trauma have helped me process and get unenmeshed; my sleep is much better and so is my quality of life. I live in a small country in Europe and is seems that no mental health professional here is even remotely aware of self-love deficit problems, codependent dysfunctional mechanisms of relating or how to recognize and what to do with childhood trauma, when the adult does not have any specific memories from those trauma experiences (I know about them by stories told in the family, I have emotional flashbacks but only in safe settings - at home, alone in my car while parking). Many of those clueless therapists have no clue on how to really help those who are suffering and part of the problem are insurance companies, who refuse to pay, if there is no clear diagnosis (criteria are not met) and if criteria are met, you might loose your drivers license or even your job.
YESSSS, thanks so much! Ross and Terri, you both are my favourite teachers, therapists and friends! Each video is life changing! Stay healthy please 💕💕💕 Greetings from Berlin Germany 💙🙏💙
Thank you so much for your support!
Ross, bought your book and absolutely love it ! I'm underlining almost everything, it's pure gold !
Fantastic! Thanks!
This is such powerful information for me at this point...I'm in the perfect place to do this. God willing..I'm ALMOST free!
Thank you so much for sharing and for the support. Keep up the good work!
🙏
I need to add to my comment: this is a process; it MUST be done more than once, in order to remain. The CNs & Ns will keep behaving the way they do; and with the empathy I have, I also need to continually work on me. There’s no “mountain “ to reach the top of, then it’s done; I wish it were that easy! So, I press on (& on, & on, ...) 😑.
My two favourite people! ❤️
Thank you for your support Rania!
For me, this was so insightful and got into such detail about the mechanics of what is at work in my life for so many years. The flow of the exchange revealed so much, they worked wonderfully together articulating what is so hard to see. I'm so thankful and so impressed by the content of this video, I took notes throughout and I will watch this again very shortly. I've watched a ton of videos here at UA-cam and as far as this information goes, you would be hard pressed to find one that is as hard hitting and as profoundly insightful as this one. I see this as a powerful gift of clarity, please keep up the great work and thank you so much. We have just one life to live here... how long will we wait to look at these things honestly and free ourselves from the prison of these behaviors? I truly wish everyone visiting this video all the healing and happiness you can take.
Thank you so much for your support! Glad to know this is helpful. This particular video has a LOT of content and it is expected to have to watch it more than once. 🙂
@@RossRosenberg Hey, you're welcome and thank YOU for your support! I'm taking bites and digesting as much as I can, this is hard work.
And also a very important point about how (most) women (the world over) are conditioned to be self-sacrificing! We face it every day even in the most regular situations and that's like swimming against a strong current. Difficult starting point x
I'm an "Anorexic" Codependent, (according to Rosenberg). I've chosen to be single for 18 years rather than risk getting into another relationship, because mine always turn out to be unhealthy and destructive. I decided I needed to be alone until I figured out what I was doing wrong, and how I was contributing. However, I haven't been totally alone, because I was a single parent. My youngest just moved out.
wow right on spot. suffering from cptsd this week... loss of a loved one suddenly it cropped up....my cousin had been killed it just brought back flooding...for anyone suffering there is help.. there are wonderful people out there who understand. .i have always kept ridgid boundaries because of our loss...no one in that community understood it.
OMG!!! I love you guys!!! keep up the wonderful, validating, freeing and healing work! Thanks so so much!
Thank you for the support! 🙏
One important aspect about boundaries with narcissists/ people who have no intention of, or capability for respecting the boundaries of others, is that it is linked to, or often used as an "explanation"; - the "title" they have, in relation to you: - because they are your, parent, partner, friend, etc., they see it as not being "necessary" for you to have/set boundaries against them.
Also, even though it may not be possible to set verbal boundaries, when in hostile environments, our bodies will set clear boundaries. It is important to, once out of non- respective relationships, allow the body to "speak", and empty out all these "unspoken" boundaries. Very often they will "come out" as twitches, kicks etc.
Very interesting topic. Thank you for your pleasant presence, and keep talking. Cheers!
Thanks for sharing!
I want to thank the both of you! I can not convey enough the grattitude I feel inside for your time, love and efforts!
My journey of healing and understanding through video's like yours have brought a freedom of joy and peace! God bless your mission in Christ, Jesus! It is my father in Heaven who dropped your channel into my suggestion box therefore working all things out for His glory! Peace be with you both 💙
Thank you so much for your support. Glad this is helpful. 💙
Super good info. Might have to watch again. 👏👍
Glad it was helpful! There is a lot of information in it, so it may be a good idea to watch it more than once. 🙂
@@RossRosenberg There was something very significant in this one that I was just thinking about this morning. That is the suggestion that some victims of narcissists may have been hypnotized. That some Narcs have some skill in this and that could explain some of the inexplicable bond victims have, despite being treated badly. That was a compelling insight I hadn’t heard before. More on that when you get to it!!!
Thank you Terri & Ross from over here in ENGLAND U.K.! 🇬🇧 🙏 💖
Thank you Patricia for the support!
Thank you so much for put a topic list in your description. I wish more presenters would do this. Cheers.
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you both for this excellent video!..My self love and my self respect is so strong now that my deal breakers with unhealthy people are immediate...I go no contact... .no boundaries necessary for myself..toxic is toxic ...we should not have to teach adults common courtesy and kindness...and if you are dealing with cluster b...forget about it!.. I maybe a boundary boss now with bullet proof bou daries but as a result I am so much happier and peaceful now without unhealthy abusive people in my life including my dysfunctional family. .my clean up has been transforming and making way for healthy relationships is my priority. ...and so be it...much love and gratitude. .💜
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and for the support. 🙏
I had such difficult time with cptsd symptoms in my last pregnancy and her voice was one of the most soothing things when I was feeling stuck in fight flight or freeze. I love her heart.
Thanks for sharing Heather. 🙏
Very grateful to have found your channel. So far what I've seen has been extremely helpful and your work has given me hope for my future. Also, I'm guessing from my own experience that these issues have a largely unaddressed audience among empaths paired with partners who have aspergers, not limited to only narcissists, the trait differences are almost unrecognizable at times imho.
You're very welcome. Glad this is helpful.
Yes aspies and npd are often comorbidities. You have been reading your Sam Vaknim.
I need to read those two books. Thank you so much, both of you, for your works!!
Thank you both for this information!!😊
This is so enlightening and encouraging. wow, thanks. 🌹
So glad it was helpful!
Thank-You both - Continuing forward with confidence - Self-Love Abundant :) Sharing
Thank you! 🙏
Thank you , this is so beneficial .I like your articulate and eloquent manner , words of wisdom with great insight .
So glad it was helpful.
Ross Rosenberg ❤️☘❤️
Thank you!
Welcome!
Thank you for introducing me to Terri Cole's work. I'm interested in her book.
You're so welcome.
Boundaries are about i myself accept. Therefor i am capable of setting boundaries with narcissists. If they do not accept and respect my boundaries, they are out.
Hi Ross! I’m 3 chapters into your book, and can relate most to your Mother’s role as codependent. I was shocked to read your comparison of the n/c to a dance, only because I recently went to a ballroom dance club and was unexpectedly asked to dance. I totally felt like Cinderella (in her abused, pumpkin state) but was totally treated like her transformed, princess state instead. :) I was ecstatic for days after that experience! I’m one month out of a 2nd long-term marriage to a narc, but left him not because of his narcissism, but because of my own spiritual deep dive into the Bible. God showed me in Romans 7:3 and other verses to leave my narc because it was an illegitimate 2nd marriage. I smiled when I read your Mother became a Christian because God & Jesus have been the lifelong Father’s to me that my narc bio Dad & Step-dad were not to me. I guess what I’m trying to say is, the Bible speaks of these narcs, and I don’t think we can label these “people” in light of just the psychological. The spiritual component trumps the psychological, IMO. I would encourage you to also deep dive into the Bible (if you haven’t done so already) so that you’re able to write yet another book on this subject, but from a spiritual perspective. :) Again, God bless you, & your work, and may the love & light of Jesus envelope you now, & always! *Hugs!*
Thanks for sharing Kathy!
You’ve said it perfectly! That would be exciting to see and I just found Ross and this information as the Lord dropped it in my youtube lap 🙏🙌🏻. Amazing ❣️God knew this was the way to get answers from Him on what to do with my marriage, once and for all, and for me to get off the hamster wheel to be able to focus more on my relationship with Him!
@@christinedaly2880 If you’re dealing with a narcissist I recommend others channels also. (The Royal We, Trace Face It, Tiffany Buckner, Narcissist Chronicles, Narcissist Survivor, Dr Les Carter, and I’m sorry if I forgot any! God bless you on your journey to healing! ✝️
Really enjoyed this. Great combo and so much info. I find it fascinating.
So glad you enjoyed it!
@@RossRosenberg loved it ❤
What a delightful n insightful conversation between you two!! Seldom does one hear such an easy flowing, mutually validating conversation between two professionals. Serious content yet light on the ears. Thankyou!
Always learning from you Ross..@ 16/17 min...solid gold!! Still not sure though, if boundaries dont work what does? Just Self love? Staying true to oneself?
Please consider explore more of Ross's resources at www.selfloverecovery.com/. Thanks for the support!
@@RossRosenberg Thankyou, will do. 🙏🏻
Regarding setting boundaries, one has to start at home and invest time and efforts into setting well runned home life/household based on organisation, coordination, communication based on respect for dignity and individuality of everybody involved. It should be a good practice. Those narcs who cannot follow this home/household/family organisation, and/or boycott should be isolated, possibly kicked out.
As a woman, I would set a boundary by saying no. My therapist told me no is a complete sentence. However, I still encountered a LOT of men who couldn't have cared less for what I said. So you say no politely, and your boundary is disrespected. So then you say the same thing louder, and you get called a bitch. Patriarchy and male entitlement suck.
When i did the work i began to not re about others- a stage of guilt and learning. Once I cared more for myself- the guilt dissolved. It's a new way to live. Thank you both! Narcissists are dependent on others- so, isn't that co-dependant npd?
This other video may be helpful: ua-cam.com/video/Mmac6AV8bjg/v-deo.html
Wow...what a beautiful moment to hear real and good talk to these two so wonderful, inspiring human beings.
Wow.. this is so good, helpful and empowering.
Thank you both so much!❤️❤️❤️
So glad you enjoyed it. 🙂
Wow, I really love this video! Great info
So glad it was helpful!
I am glad that I, mostly, did not have this issue, perhaps, because I discovered narcissism when I was fully matured and individuated (50s), through my mother’s behavior.
Her behavior, at least towards me (can’t really speak on anyone else’s behalf) got intermittently bad 10 years ago, then suddenly blew up 3 years ago. It did so, more in a narcissistic fashion, than a dementia fashion. I distanced myself, but it got truly nuts 3 years ago and I’ve gone completely no contact.
I don’t have a love relationship in my life so, I haven’t been shit tested there. But, it’s possible I have a narcissistic neighbor, who may have wanted to take advantage and I’ve cut her off, as well.
I guess I come from a life experience of having difficulty in jobs and I like a certain amount of peace so, when I see trouble at my doorstep, I kick the blast door shut. I cannot concentrate on someone else being devouringly needy. I work as a creative and have other plans for myself.
My mother has become so Joker-like, although I’m aware of the misdiagnosis of that movie character, that I have to assume she will become a ward of the state, in short order.
I can say I never saw this coming, with the type of person she seemed to be and I assume there may be onset dementia or frontotemporal issues at play. But, I don’t have the kind of work life, where I can handle someone in the background, who is working steadily to separate me from my income, drive me clear out of my mind, and destroy my reputation, all at once.
Of course, as is usual, most feel I’ve simply abandoned a sweet woman, who became too much trouble. No. My mother and I were TIGHT as far as I understood, for decades. My younger sister was always on the outs and never present. But, my mother turned against me, started smear campaigning, livelihood sabotage, manipulation, triangulation, gaslighting, etc. But, more importantly, some of her actions point to decent cognition. That there is fauxgetting and doing things that people with dementia probably aren’t doing. So, I bid her farewell. I do feel she will be back, as per the behavior, despite the fact that the police might pick her up and take her to a psych unit once again.
Mah mahn - your description comes the closest to my experience with my Parents I've ever read. It did NOT end well...
Nervotica ! I’m a woman.👧🏽😊 But, yes, despite me going no contact, I don’t expect for anything to end well, for anyone in my family.
I was likely the former Golden Child for many decades. My younger sister, who may have formerly been the Scapegoat, is the new Golden Child, but I suspect the love bombing may have ended or is in the process of ending.
I don’t get involved, have gone no contact with my entire family and expect there will be no inheritance. My mother may need her assets for the state to take them, when she becomes a ward of the state anyway. Even if she doesn’t and my sister sticks it out, with the free house she is to inherit early, there are likely to be mind-bending surprises for her, that she can’t foresee might destroy her, as she gets older. That, it will be like holding onto the tail of a very angry lion. Other family members, they were just looking for their cut and hoping I’d manage it all for them, while being thrown under the bus.
So, although I expect for my mother to show up again, in the Linda Blair nut style she did at the start of the year, I consider myself out of there. I’ve lived on my own for over 25 years so, I know it’s not as difficult for me, as it is for so many others.🙏🏽
@@privateprivate8366 - so true! Chased off the Family farm like a dog. Couple months later: Knock on door - we are here to see the Grandkids. I did mention - it did NOT end well... One wonders what could've happened if they didn't smoke...?
Nervotica ! and from what you’re saying, it sounds like that question of, “Is it dementia, plain memory loss or gaslighting from narcissism?” With my mother, I’m unsure if it’s entitlement as, she has previously said that she “doesn’t entertain, what she doesn’t want to hear.” Sheila followed through as, the police have told her not to call me - and she called that evening, after she’d called the police earlier that day.
Most would say, “Well, take her to the doctor!” Ohhh, you’re talking about one of those sweet, cooperative people that won’t claw my eyes out!”
@@privateprivate8366 - o goodness - the similarities! Took my Mum 3 (three) YEARS to realise she won't see us again! Could've been SO different. But - the Lord is GOOD!
Ross! Why are people in mental health so uneducated about narcissistic abuse! I called a helpline that tried to tell me my boundaries were CAUSING the abuse! Please save these bafoons 😭
Exactly! So much narc abuse globally, yet so little information
Setting boundaries with narcissists and toxic people is like waving a red flag to a bull🤪. I’ve always had boundaries but with semi healthy respectful people they get it.
You may find this other video helpful: ua-cam.com/video/iF9hDRhx_hU/v-deo.html
Finally choosing to let go of the CN & the N is sooo hard, but sooo freeing!
It takes time to (it took me a long time to) get to this place...
After the intense pain is true peace! (So much pain, then so much release!!!)
Thanks so much for sharing. Keep up the good work!
@@RossRosenberg Thank you!
I healed codepedency and unfortunately i entered in a narc environment because of quarantine that i knew there were narcs there and i relapsed so badly that i wanna cry cause i saw the self love, i saw that all is a matrix that starts from within and now I'm back to where i were 3 years ago, it's so scary. Because of quarantine i left my house just to find myself in another toxic house and it relapsed me so badly! I had done a great job and i wanna cry cause I entered in an environment with immature people. I think i sabotaged my self! I really wanna cry cause 5 months now i found myself, my real essence, authentic non codepedent sense of self and i lost it immediately after 2 conversations with a narc! I'm afraid that i have to spend another 6months to find my true self again if i find myself again. Cause to find yourself you have to hit bottom and i was in bottom and now i feel like I'm again in my comfort zone. I don't know what to do, has anyone experience this?
I have run into many many female narcs. Well, pretty much all of them I have known. Damn human magnet syndrome.
Ross, I have some questions for you. The word “codependent” is such a derogatory word IMO. It’s almost politically incorrect at this point I feel. :) Why should an empath/super empath change their spots for anyone? Why not just call us empaths instead of the C word? This really does boil down to good vs evil, and angels vs demons IMO. You’re right about the self-love deficit, but isn’t that just because we’re hard wired by God, & taught in the Bible to love others more than ourselves? I love and miss my narc, but I’m also loving being alone. Since my eyes are now opened to the dysfunction of the relationship, it’s my duty to myself to take steps to heal from all of it and not return to the source of the dysfunction. I wonder if the reason empaths stay is because they hold out hope for the narc’s eventual change, and not because they are disordered themselves? Just curious. Thank you. :)
Thanks so much for sharing Kathy! Ross doesn't use the term codependent and changed it for Self-Love Deficit Disorder. You can learn more about that in this very short video explanation: ua-cam.com/video/bVpbsZaef8Y/v-deo.html
I agree with you, I feel the same, I just have so much love and joy to share with others, its easy to forgive, easy to be tolerant, am definitely hard wired this way, I dont feel like I am dysfunctional in anyway, I am so successful, so healthy, so joyous naturally. Its shocking to me that the narcissistic ones in my family don't just want to enjoy all that I am but want to just snuff me out.
Thank you for sharing, this is such an interesting and teaching video! 👍
Glad it was helpful!
I realised I have been controlling with codepency but not to dominate people. I'd focus on helping and solving there problems because I didn't want to face my own.
Another issue overlooked is emotional regulation has to be taught to children and isnt an instinct, and some never learn it. example Dialectical behaviour therapy DBT. Boundaries would fall under it as self regulation.
do you have any videos out on narcisstic adult children? I know it is basically the same as any narc but it is so difficult to let go of.
i really can oscillate between active and cerebral codependant behavior
How do you do boundaries with a avoidant attachment style as a anxious attachment/codependent?
I needed a permission to leave mariadge, from my narc mom, at 52. But I left. She wanted to punish me. According to Ross, I am an active SLD (I was, I am SLA now). I still do not know how good I am at setting boundaries, so I will buy the book, Boundary boss,I thing was the title.
The dream team.
Thank you for your support Paula.
Hello Ross. Have you seen the newest video (awakening from the matrix)from Meredith Miller? I'd love to know what you think about it.
Thanks for the tip! We will send it to Ross. 🙂
My therapist is telling me to set boundaries and they aren't working.
I started with small things. Don't call me names. If he does I go to bed early. If he wants to fight.. I walk away. I don't engage. Gray rock. If he wants me to do something that i dont want to, i can say no or I don't want to.. I will stay. But won't engage in arguing. I'm almost 60 and he doesn't want me to leave any more than I do, he tries love bombing and projecting but I'm ok with my self love and peace now.
They can be a big help.
I had to take a second look.
My cousin's name is Terri Cole.
Thank you for sharing :)
Hi Ross! Sending love from india ... Requesting u to give free program links for codependency or SLDD for global citizens who can not afford online workshops.
I am not particularly codependent. However, I got involved with a narcissist for a short time before I realized what was going on. I did not realize I was the side girl and that he had a main girlfriend. As bad as he was she was the most vicious evil codependent person I have ever met. I don’t know how codependent people manage to get Themselves such a reputation as being nice. When they are not getting what they want they can be positively evil. Not to the person in the dyad they are codependent with but to anyone who gets in the way of that.
ive been all 5 of those co dependent types. i just want to be healthy.
Does the difference between a narcissist and codependent also apply to covert narcissists? Because I have to disagree in that case.
How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb. / all of them they all use gaslighting
So where can I get the therapy? And how much will it cost? I want to be on the other side already. Its so painful!!
How can I learn the 10 stages successfully?
Are there one on one councillor /therapists in the UK that can take me through this? And how long roughly will it take ?:'(
Wish Ross would let Terri speak more….
other than that , good video
Dr. Ross, I enjoyed this video. I have a sister in law who is a covert narcissist. She never RSVP’s, and every time, uses the excuse that she forgot, or just never calls. Would it be appropriate the next time it happens to simply say she cannot come bc she didn’t RSVP by the end date? I don’t feel like chasing her anymore.
The malignant narcissist alcoholic ex I divorced lives only in the world of himself
Boundaries, rules, laws, moral codes do not apply to him yet he will hypocritically hold you to following them
is anyone else lost after listening to this??
Have you read Ross's book? I haven't read this lady's book but The Human Magnet Syndrome should help.
Thank you Dr.Ross for all your teachings and resources. I’m trying to find a therapist in Tx who accepts Cigna insurance. Any recommendations please?
Hi Grace, unfortunately, we cannot recommend a specific therapist. When you are looking for one, Ross suggests to search for someone familiar and experienced with addictions, trauma, family systems, CBT, and has a psychodynamic theory and technique. Since you are in the US you could use this website www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists and filter by zip code, type of therapy, issues and insurance!
@@RossRosenberg That’s helpful info, thank you so much!
Wish she used the word "figuratively" instead of "literally" sometimes
The love of Jesus Christ has set me free from the suffering and angst I lived with my whole life with a narc mom and siblings. I finally see that my siblings are not capable, not willing to face our real mom, the abuser. Instead they have been beaten down by her and are unable to individuate from her. Our world is full of wickedness according to Christ. This is not my final destination or my real home.
TY TY
Happy New Year 2021😘🎉
Falling for a soul mate & end up being a cell mate. -Dr. Rosenberg
That describes a codependent relationship which leads to toxicity at its finest.
I'll gladly pass on that offer.
Yes, the one thing that I'm always able to control is myself.
#Self Worth
#Self Care
#Self Love
#Infinite Possibilities
#Angel 👼 Number# 432; 543
How is the co-dependent that Ross describes different from a person with BPD?
Thank you !Dr Pius Ozigbe for your help with the herbal meds you gave me and since when I'm done I've been seeing positive results and now I'm doing just fine. and thank. you for the encouragement keep it up and prosperity.❤❤
Loved it. Penetrating.
❤️❤️
What are the names of the books they're mentioning??
Thanks for asking!
Terri's book will be released in the next couple of months.
Ross's book is available in different formats here: www.selfloverecovery.com/collections/human-magnet-syndrome-books
Can we ask questions after this?
Unfortunately Ross didn't have a live this time. Thank you!
But I am the son.... oh you meant sun... didn't you? At least during childhood your world should revolve around your "son" or daughter.
Excellent! Thank you for this, and take care.
Important info on "Covid-19": interview with David Icke, by Brian Ross, LondonReal, on You -Tube or David Icke`s homepage.
Geee it seems I have all of these disorders!!! 😯🤭 God HELP me!!
Oh i set the boundary but the narc is all about a war that broke put well before i was born. Trying to take care pf my health. Not responsible fpr him as hes all about self serving....i dont even know this man he wamts me kicked out where i live .its pathetic. I play put a acript before i even see him in the hallways. Nothing i do can fix his attitude. I turn off feeling anything ross. Emd up feeling dead insode dealing with seceral personailties . Entitled
..selfish users
It was never that amazing to me.
Is it just me or does Ross look stoned? 😂
I wasn't. I have more respect for you guys and myself to do something like that. But you are not the first one to say that. When I am tired my eyes get squinty. Same if the light I'm using is too bright
@@RossRosenberg I cant believe you responded lol love you Ross! I wouldn't have cared if you were stoned. I love and have watched all your videos. Thank you so much for all you do ❤
Boundaries set sure didn’t work.
He
He na came violent and escalated to I had to leave 😭
Blah blah blah...
Not helpful. If you know all this already, why are you here?