NARCISSISTIC/BORDERLINE MOTHERS & EMPATHS/HIGHLY SENSITIVE CHILDREN
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- Опубліковано 16 бер 2021
- Empathic and Highly Sensitive children who grow up with parents who struggled with Borderline, Narcissism or other personality type disorders, are at an even greater risk and disadvantage for coping with their deeply invalidating environments.
Being born with high sensitivity to emotions, energy, relationships, sounds, smells, lights, etc means that we are likely going to really struggle ourselves alongside these parents, as those with traits of Borderline and Narcissism, particularly untreated, are likely going to express widely intense variations of emotions, or lack emotional expression -- as well as be less sensitive or invalidating to our high sensitivities.
This video explores the typical characteristics of Empaths and HSP's in childhood, and then explores how these traits play out with parents struggling with BPD, NPD, etc. and offers some suggestions for protecting yourself if you are an Empath or HSP-- in order to help manage and reduce your already increased risk for psychiatric illness (just as a child of a BPD parent, for example).
xo
http:www.drkimsage.com
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I feel as though my ability to be an empathetic has been "burnt out" by dealing with my mother. The way I relate to the world has been tampered with & now I feel disconnected from myself. My tolerance for other people's undesirable qualities are just so low I cannot stand it. It's a strange, empty feeling.
I am so sorry - I understand. Feeling "we have nothing left or can't handle one more thing... or other people's intensity, negativity, etc..." can be very common in certain childhood stories...
I can tee totally relate to your struggles. I'm going through similar issues as well., But am getting subtly better at dealing with difficult people they lack ambition and it's really annoying. But getting ensight is what I have to do in order to Better my life and those with no common sense too. I'm not sure if I'm suffering with AvPD or HSP or just introverted traits.
Honestly I feel disconnected when other people treat me poorly in person
I think that's 'empathy burnout' unless I'm mistaken. Don't feel bad. I don't think empathy ever leaves, it just gets exhausted. It's still a part of you, you just need time to recover.
You just took the words out of my mouth. I haven’t quite healed yet. I’m a work in process. But I did realize when my son was 5 and I was pregnant again, that I had to stop getting burned out emotionally with her or I would be of no use if my kids ever needed me like she did, I’d be useless and exhausted from parenting my parents my entire life.
The caregivers were the ones who repeatedly violated my boundaries before age sixteen. Now it all makes sense. No wonder I prefer The woods, farms, libraries and bookstores.
They are very peaceful places where I feel at ease and centered.
I'm 26 and I'm still in it. Everything from emotional neglect to being physically abused as recently as 2018
I’m very similar! Sometimes I realize there are certain opportunities I’m missing out on and I choose to venture past my comfort zone, but for the most part I feel like the cozy, quiet life I’ve created is very happy, healthy, and well-suited to my personality, and I deserve to protect and shelter myself in the way that I was never protected as a kid.
@@painoftheheart12 I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope you are in a position to work on an escape plan.
Gosh!! What you said is so true for me, too! I didn’t realize that I seek out “the quiet.” I would also spend time in a beautiful church, as a kid, for the feeling of quiet reverence! Thanks for your insight! I hadn’t made that connection before!!
I am a proud Empath. I was mocked and ridiculed for 40 years for being
"too sensitive." It started with a Narcisistic sociopathic birth mother, then the world.
Me as well and now I have borderline traits. I am currently hating myself. Trying to talk myself out of it.
@@terryellis7692 me, too. You are not alone.
I'm sorry. I'm dealing with this now with an elderly parent I made the mistake of getting a house with where I don't get enough space and get talked to sharply and/or screeched at over small things on a regular basis. I've had it.
I do not like calling hypersensitivity as "empaths". People automatically assume these people have the ability to walk in other people's shoes. What they feel is their own emotions and is often followed by an overreaction with lack of "empathy".
We are angels so we attract demons
It's like my whole childhood was explained. I cried watching this.
You do an amazing job breaking it down. Thank you.
My mother with bpd has always told me I'm an unfeeling monster because I quit responding to physical & emotional abuse and manipulation at a young age. We are not in contact. I work as a psychic. That's what I do. She now tells everyone she's an empath & psychic, and I abused her because I'm a narcissist. I was highly sensitive as a child, and I learned how to manage & navigate at a young age. I had to do so for my physical & mental safety. She has flipped the roles! As if I was the abusive parent! It's bizarre. As a child, I was sensitive to smells & sounds. She would wake me up in the mornings by blowing her nose in my ear, yelling at me, farting in my room, etc. Anything to rattle me. Hiding behind corners to frighten me. Anything to upset me. If I cried because I was startled, she would laugh, mock me, become angry or punish me. She would pop & snap gum and laugh when I'd try to get away. Carrying on about how I was abnormal. She even dumped my cat off in an alley and made me go with her in the car. I was sick with a high fever. I slowly lost my vision and couldn't see in dim light. Legally blind. She would insist we needed "mood lighting". She would tell me I didn't "need" to see. Anything to hurt me. I married a psychopath. He was nicer than my mother...until he wasn't. It's so wonderful to be free. No abusers & liars. No delusional relationships.
As an empath who grew up with I suspect a borderline mother, this really made me realize a lot that I hadn’t connected yet. I appreciate you for sharing this information with the world 💗
❤
Dr. Sage, thank you so much for all of your videos. At the tender age of 50, I am finally seeking therapy for decades of being the target of BPD abuse. Being highly sensitive, I've often said I feel like I'm walking through life feeling like a peeled grape. Having an abusive, neglectful parent, and walking on eggshells for my whole life, I finally know my mom will never change, but I can change my patterns of interacting. The most healing thing I've experienced is the loving and supportive relationship I have with my own children. It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
Your "feeling like a peeled grape" is a very accurate description for me also.
This must be bad enough for a woman, but possibly worse for a man although, contrary it seems to popular belief, we men are very sensitive for different reasons.
I would never live my life again, for it was worse than no life at all.
1) My mother indoctrinated me at age 7 that the male line of my father's family produces bad, angry, dogmatic, selfish men, and she got me to agree with her that my father is (as of then) dogmatic and always arguing and thinks he's always right, and she got me to agree with her on this, and then she got me to promise to make sure I would always be a good man.
2) When I was 12 or 13 I learned about how babies are made and I set my life goal, which was to provide for my offspring a loving and nurturing home (I knew I had not been happy with my mother's and father's constant discords which had in fact caused me a lot of pain) and that to fulfil my life goal I would have to be with a mother of my offspring who I loved and who loved me.
3) At age 14 I was given a message by a friend from a girl that she wanted to go out with me, and I wanted to follow up on this but did not know what to do and made the fatal mistake of telling my my mother and asking her how I should go forward, whereupon she flew into a rage and screamed at me that if my father ever heard about this, "HE WILL GO CLEAN THROUGH THE ROOF !", after which I was terrified of the girls.
4) At age 20 as a student I had become engaged to be married a year before - one day soon after my fiance visited me at my parents, my fiance abruptly ended our close relationship and engagement.
5) A few months later a letter I had written to my fiance trying to leave 'no stone unturned' to find out why she had done this came back to me from Australia with a postcard saying "HAVING A NICE TIME. GLAD YOU'RE NOT HERE".
6) For decades after that I was unable to go into relationship for reasons unknown and had a life I would not want to relive, and only after many years recognised that I was suffering from PTSD due to, at the time and 23 more years, cause unknown.
7) Many years later in 2011, at age 59, I recognised words my ex-fiance had spoken in 1972 as matching exactly words mum said to me at age 7, and I knew instantly that my mother had told my fiance what she told me at age 7 and certainly had caused her to cancel our engagement.
8) In 2018 at age 66 I finally discovered the cause of PTSD as occurring when I received my latter back from Australia wit the post card, and recalled suppressed memory of nightmares I had had for months afterwards.
9) Last year, at age 71, through my new interest and research into narcissism, I finally discovered that my mother was a covert narcissist, and at last I understood why my life has been a nightmare.
I still have no family.
I now see that I am an empath and was always absorbing feelings, even of strangers.
I was already very sensitive as a child, and averse to confrontation.
I grew to value alone time, comfortable in my own company.
I recognised in later life that I have had many experiences that can only be spiritual, and that I acquired my spirituality from my father.
I always knew there was a telepathic connection between me and my mother.
I can only see my mother as having destroyed my life by unremitting persecution, and that she was like a witch.
I have always craved love, and actually said, “I love love”.
Love and best wishes,
Thank you Dr.Sage. The world is a siege against the empaths. We don’t realize what is happening to us until we are thoroughly battered and can’t take it anymore.
❤
Is the trick to focus on helping people who are going through it worse? It seems like that's the way out of obsessing over group think, false power dynamics, and a game I call: "whose emotion is this anyway?" - There's got to be more to it, but utilizing highly sensitive emotions in a positive way could bring hope back for people who have lost hope - at the very least!
I'm in my fifties. I had to ghost my toxic mom to get away from her.
same here, sending you love, as that is a difficult decision
Wow! Mind-blowing. When one's mother says: "Don't be so sensitive!" How is a person supposed to respond? Daily criticism for a sensitive person/empath is life changing in the worst way! Revelations for each of your comments, Dr. Sage. I wish I had heard this video when I was growing up. Too late now, I'm in my 6th decade and closing on the 7th.
I think I can be considered as a highly sensitive person, but over the last months, I have considered the fact that I could be autistic. My mother (who I suspect to be borderline) has never been able to understand me. In addition, I’ve been dealing with overstimulation of my senses to the point where loud noises hurt and light makes me cry. Thank you for your videos they are really helpful!
Borderlines lack true empathy so that could be an element of it
get tested. hugs.
Same - dx ADHD with autistic traits
I have a Adopted BPD mother and I’m a HSP codependent I’m also very sensitive to sensory of any kind. I’ll Break out in a heavy sweat as I get overwhelmed by outside sensors. It’s exhausting. My mother was very religious, attachment disorder, and up and down several times a day. She did not bond with me at all, she was not nurturing. She was critical, judgemental, gossiped about me often thru “prayer requests”, and just overall didn’t approve of me. She would tell me that when I had kids~ the curse works ~ meaning generational curses will be strong because of me. She forced me to exercise before I could have dinner as she despised my chubbiness, and she took delight in coming up with bizarre punishments for when I got into trouble. She was diabolical. I always felt I had dead affect, and just shamed and hated myself. I’m 50 now, been married fir 30 years to my love, 2 boys and 2 beautiful grandchildren. I have worked very hard to find peace and to be a healthy person to my kids , husband and grands. I’m victorious! My mother just did a big smear campaign against me and still has no insight to her behavior due to pain from her own childhood, too much pride to be transparent. I’m grey rock a lot with her, but she will never approve of me unless she starts doing the inner work. I love your page! One of the best!🙌🏻🔥
Thank you for doing this video. I know I am not crazy and have always told people how sometime everything is too loud and bright. I take on others bad feelings and after a while being around many people with alot of negative feelings with no real breaks to my self makes me pretty hostile. I hate when it gets to that point but I fell like a bucket overflowing with everyone's emotional garbage.
I'm an HSP and an empath. I've literally cried me a river. 🤭 However, "between grief & nothing, I will take grief." --William Faulkner
Grief 'is' having nothing...
@@levimaxton6307 No, grief is feeling sad all the time. Have you never felt grief?
I fought like hell!!! Now I see why I moved and cut them off something evil was going on in this family..God had to put me there to change them but the devil will not change and I don't miss them.. My story to help my empathic ones as well 🙏🙏🙏
🙏🏼 again the correlation with cptsd and fibromyalgia. I’m so hoping that all the work I’m doing is going to push mine so far into remission eventually. Thank you very much. ❤️💪🏼❤️
wishing you strength and peace in your healing!❤️
I was diagnosed With CPTSD because of my fibro. I packed it all awY. Now I'm dealing with it. Migraines. I'm an empathy massage therapist. Or at least I was until my body stopped working.
My body has literally been continuously attacked (knee deformation,) for 20 years from the trauma I carried but had tucked deep down in my mind. At 37 I finally put it together after my mother suddenly passed away and a hold was released and a little over a year later I had a break. I’m continuing to uncover more and heal, and these videos have helped me understand so much. So very much. I almost feel “redeemed.” I finally am learning to stop being my worst abuser and forgive myself for the ways I coped and survived all of these years. Thank you so much Dr. Sage.
The high levels of cortisol are toxic to our bodies. Taking it all for so long took a toll but with education and shadow work we can at least stabilize. 🙏🏼❤️♾️🫀🧠💪🏼
a fellow fibro warrior here, doing all the work to push mine into remission as well!
So grateful for your videos! I've been educating myself for the last decade, trying to make sense of my uBPD/narcissistic Mom. In the last decade, my Dad passed away (stayed in the marriage despite difficulties), I got married, and had 3 beautiful kids. I've come face to face with intense anger and bitterness towards my Mom. I'm on the road to freedom, but it may take a drastic move to further distance. We are a 5 minute drive away from my Mom, and her behavior is starting to affect my kids. I can't bear the thought of them having scars. Keep the videos coming! So So validating and beyond helpful!!! xoxo
I work best alone undisturbed and uninterrupted.
I didn’t know or even considered myself an empath. I had the idea that empath was someone who can so psychic things, after being called an empath by others I wanted to research it. I always thought there was something wrong with me because I have “quirks” and I always say “I feel a lot, why do I have to feel so much” it is hard to explain to people what I mean by that, listening to you it was like a little light bulb 💡 went on. I often do soak up the feelings of others, things affect me so much, to the point that it alters my mood, I become sad a lot. I worry for stuff that doesn’t concern me, then I worry because it’s weird that I’m worrying. My childhood with my mom was rough, but I guess it could have been worse. However, because of her, I decided I did not want to have kids, I didn’t want to unconsciously repeat the damage and then pass it on to someone else. Listening to this, I’m so glad I chose to stop the cycle, I will not have a child that will spend its whole adulthood trying to recover from its childhood. I connect better with animals, and I’m a vegan, because it upsets me that animals feel pain. That’s just one of my examples of “feeling too much” I often think to myself “why can’t I just be normal and not care as much as I care, it would save me so much heartache”.
I had to double check to see whether I had posted this comment myself in the past, lol. I was vegan for almost 10 years, then worked with plant spirit medicine and realized they are sentient and feel pain as well. Now I eat what makes me healthy but offer gratitude for all the living beings providing me with sustenance. But the part you wrote a out never having kids so you wouldn't put a child through what you went through...ouch. I've even blurted that out to well meaning coworkers and people who start in with why I should have kids or why don't I, etc? Usually stops that push pretty quickly. Whenever I witness parents with their kids, of any age, being supportive and present, it kinds of takes the wind out of me. I've gone no contact a few times, always feel great so I decide to not bother needing that, and it starts all over again. Maybe this time will be permanent. But my empathy unfortunately extends to her too. Makes it tricky. I hope you're finding your way to healing. ❤
My mother was undiagnosed but after going through her journals after her suicide, she was definitely multiple personality, schizophrenic and bipolar. I was an only child - she was single mom.
Fast forward- I picked a narcissist had 2 kids. One of them is def borderline. They both have sided with their father and refuse to speak to me. I was a stay at home mom and my ex is a famous guitar player who was on tour 90% of the time.
I’m crushed but relieved in a way. Every time the kids would come over it was ptsd for me from their father. Talked to me just like he did, called me crazy, a conspiracy theorist - racist because I believe there are only 2 genders . Ex is a major lefty, his wife is a custody lawyer (extremely left)- I am not. Therefore I am dead to them. So crazy.
I needed up moving from his town I hated where I was abused by proxy (the things I heard about myself were insane), after a year passed where they would not respond to or contact me. I rented a condo on the ocean in Florida and am healing. Life😔
NPD parental alienation is more common than ppl recognize. The kids are unconscious that they were trained to form a blind lotalty
Believing there are only two genders is not racist, it is transphobic. Being 'left' is not a problem and it doesn't make someone a narcissist. Narc and BPD are the way someone's brain is wired at birth...
I hope your journey is going well. I too am escaping back to a beach ⛱️ condo.
Thank you for this. I made the mistake of moving into a house with my elderly mother. It was supposed to be that I would have a separate living space, but Covid happened and it didn't work out. I do have some of my own space, but the truth is we have never gotten along. We will go along and then she yells at me over something small, an argument ensues, and I'm messed up. I am finally at my breaking point. I have ended up with numerous extra health issues since I moved in with her - joint pain, chronic migraine that comes right back until I get more botox shots, and now I need to get scoped for chronic GERD. I want to help take care of her, but the screeching is hard to deal with. I never know what I am going to do to set it off.
Last night, she started yelling that she couldn't concentrate on her TV program with me around. I was leaving the area, and then she felt the need to yell at me because I left some slices of apple out for her that she now had to clean up. I did it as something nice for her as she usually eats some of them. This caused a huge argument with her yelling that she cries herself to sleep every night because she doesn't have a daughter who loves her. Just said a lot of horrible things to me and would not understand how wrecked I am and emotionally dysregulated over these kinds of things.
So now we are talking about selling this home and going our separate ways. I've been living in hell at times with her for three years, trying to do DBT therapy around me feeling triggered, and it's just not working that well while she has never done any therapy. I'm over being called "too sensitive" and being gaslit. If I'm too sensitive, then this is not a safe situation for me anymore. I can't wait for it to be over.
Anyway, you are very right. Thanks for this.
Your course looks really good. I'm going to see what I can do to take it at some point. My ACE score is rather high. It's only been over the last four years that I am finally understanding why I've had all these problems. I didn't know it was mostly due to developmental trauma. I just went around feeling like something was wrong with me that wasn't wrong with anyone else. I never knew any of my peers to struggle as much as I did in life. I had serious issues as a teenager and young adult.
I think it is important to note that sensory processing sensitivity (SPS) the scientific term for highly sensitive person (HSP), unlike misophonia is not a disorder. It is not a 'flaw' Also, in addition to the sensitivities mentioned, a foundational trait worth noting is the depth-of-processing aspect. This area of the brain is more active in HSP's which makes us more aware of subtleties. When you notice every little thing it's overstimulating because it's more to process- which explains our need for more quiet time. I believe being an HSP- if you learn how to manage it is a gift. It can be difficult to navigate. Myself, I'm still learning.
Thank you for bringing this forward, as you are completely correct. Being an HSP (or an empath) is not a diagnosable disorder, it is an innate temperament trait that 20-25% of all humans are born with. It's literally how our brains and bodies are built...
No its a disorder. Theres no gift to melting down because the grocery store is too big and bright and colorful and noisy. I'd love to go 1 week without snapping at my ,ids because they made a noise playing that I found physically painful. Its a sound... it shouldn't hurt and they shouldn't have to tip toe around like monks because my brains stupid and won't work right. I hate this, I hate everything about this. I'd trade all my "gifts" to be dumb, happy and normal
@@evil1by1 i'm sorry you are experiencing these extremes. perhaps looking into some resources medical/support wise would prove helpful- regardless of how you prefer to label it. even sharing with your children might be helpful for them. wish you the best.
I can't afford to go to go to therapy right now, growing up with immense trauma a neglectful mother and abusive father I love them and forgave them but I can't deny most of my pain is due to them, having it affect my relationships when I got older really is the cherry on top thank god for living at a time and age where resources are available online when healing yourself is the only option you have, thank you so much.
starseed 88 I was in and out of therapy for 30 years. I didn't have the money either so I went to my county mental health facility and paid on a sliding fee scale. It's the best investment I ever made. I don't know how anybody can recover from narc abuse without it. I had to walk through all the pain of my childhood to liberate myself and I'm as light as a feather.
Almost everything you say ticks the boxes for me. Im an empath and i have a bpd mum and very traumatic childhood. I thought when id leave my family household i would put the abuse behind me but unfortunately i unconsciously chose several partners that had narcissistic traits or even some bosses that treated me badly. Ive always been the nice girl trying to help everyone even people that were not so nice to me. I was successful with my studies and at work for some time - but all of the chaos and bad behaviour of people towards me left my body in havoc - i had rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalga and got postviral fatigue syndrome for 7 years since getting ebv, i had to stop work for 6 years alltogether. Ive had lower immunity since childhood... I had to escape my mum at the age of 17 but unfortunately that meant i met some predatory kind of men being so young and naive. I would like to get out of this circle of bad relationships and spiral of bad health... id like to be able to set boundaries and face conflict but i dont know how. I know i deserve a loving partner in the future because ive been only loving with others.... I only started addressing my childhood now at the age of 34 as I see its not as simple as forgetting it.
Please read Healing back pain by Dr john Sarno and The great pain deception by Steve Ozanich. Nicole Sachs on youtube also , many blessings xx
Hi Linda
I have so much in control with you. I had to double check to see if I wrote your comment. Same childhood, same abuse, same outcomes with same illnesses. I got JRA at 12 and develop more along the way . Left home at 17 and had exact same experience as you. I’m so sorry. If you ever want to talk message me back and I’ll send my email. It can feel so isolating at times. Best wishes
@@PJAndersson733 yes we can exchange our emails ❤️
Chronic fatique-> which job as an HSP?? With traumatic experiences.
Took me til almost 60 to find out about this phenomena. Great content. Thanks.
Thank you for explaining my life to me. I'm not crazy. I'm a HSP raised by an undiagnosed BPD mother. She's gone now, and I can only be relieved. 😢
Thank you Dr Sage. I'm an HSP and found this interesting. For many years I hated my high sensitivity because in Western cultures it was (is?) frowned upon, and tried to disconnect from myself. I hope you are well. xo
I found it very interesting about bright lights. I'm an empathic who only has a soft glowing Himalayan salt lamp in my bedroom. My partner likes the brightest overhead lights possible. I actually cringe at his place and sonetimes even wear sunglasses inside and he'll warn me when he's going to turn the lights on so I can shield myself. I provide him a bright flashlight at my place. I never correlated bright lights with empaths till this video. Thank you.
I'm an empath who suffers with borderline from narcissistic abuse. Which is why I hate NPD and BPD being lumped together. It's not my fault I grew up traumatized.
Thank you Dr. Sage, your teaching was so helpful & validating for me as an HSP/empath. I'm 54 and have come a long way in my healing. My sensitivity as a child, even adult was made fun of, provoked and belittled in my family, especially by my mother. She had a cruel sense of humor and would pick on me as a child to get reaction from me. Understanding my source of safety was also my source of fear brings me tremendous clarity! Thank you again!!
I recently found your channel..I suspect my mother has BPD and is an Engulfing Narcissist….Im 32 and have been drowning for so many years by the swamp of issues my mother has…I have a young daughter and really want to heal so I break this cycle….I digress, but your channel has changed my life. So many of your videos have made me finally feel heard and seen and validated that I’m not making this up. Thank you so, so much.
I read that you can be an empath and a borderline. I think I'm both. What a journey. My mom was mentally ill possibly schizo affective and alcoholic father. I ran away from home at 17 and I have been on my own since. I raised my son by myself literally. I know my issues have affected him. But God was with me through it all. Hes a great son. I'm very proud. I can only hope and pray that he will succeed at having a peaceful and successful life and a relationship with Christ. I lost my whole family within 5 years including a son who was a year old. Schizophrenic brother, commited suicide at 27. I wrote this poem as my testimony.
BUT I'M ALIVE TODAY
My dark childhood is locked away, BUT I'M ALIVE TODAY
In my teenage years I ran away from home and lost my way, BUT IM ALIVE TODAY
I tried to take my own life, BUT I'M ALIVE TODAY
I abused drugs and alcohol, BUT I'M ALIVE TODAY
I lost my only brother to suicide, BUT I'M ALIVE TODAY.
My mom overdosed 3 years later, BUT I'M ALIVE TODAY
My son was born with serious birth complications and tragically died a year later, BUT I'M ALIVE TODAY
My dad died a month later to cirrhosis of the liver BUT I'M ALIVE TODAY
I left a toxic relationship and survived BUT I'M ALIVE TODAY.
I ended up in jail, BUT I'M ALIVE TODAY
I lived through hell and came face to face with the devil, BUT I'M ALIVE TODAY. Today I can BOAST in my trials, tribulations, and persecutions BUT I'M ALIVE TODAY.
Sometimes I feel I can't go on BUT I'M ALIVE TODAY.
My Lord Jesus Christ makes me strong because I'm weak. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. And BECAUSE I'M ALIVE TODAY I know he's my healer and Reedeemer. He's doing a work in all of us in his own timing timing. Hold on one more day and ALWAYS remember,
REJOICE I'M ALIVE TODAY!
~ Amy Costello ~
Thank you @Kim for making a huge impact on the way i now percieve myself and my childhood. Always blamed myself for everything as a child and up to now as 55 year old. I have my feelings on the outside and a inside that is in chaos...seeing myself at worthles and not beeing able to be loved. I have so much love inside me to give to the right person or persons but so afraid to be rejected. My mother really did a great job to drag my selfasteem to the lowest possible level.
Dr Sage - I have never heard this before but it explains a great deal about me that I never connected the dots on, even down to liking the lighting dim. Thank you for this! Also, the pace of this was SO MUCH better and I was able to take it all in! Appreciate it!
Thank you for helping me with a NPD step father and a NPD/BPD mother. You are an amazing lady who does understand because you lived it. You are saving my life. Wendy
Thank you..very validating!.much love and gratitude 💜
Wow, this definitely hits home! Thank you so much! ❤️
I have mesophonia and now I have a name for it! Thank you for this most helpful video and I very much appreciate your manner of speaking, even to the point of seeming intuitive when you the answer questions I ask myself internally. This video is the best one I’ve ever watched that explains HSP and Empaths. Sometimes I feel cursed by these sensitivities and picking up on others’ states of mood. And yes, it’s true and also the first time I’ve ever been witness to another expressing that rage I can feel when hearing others chew (though I have learned to deep breathe, move away from or distract myself so as not to react outwardly).
Again, thank you very much for all these helpful presentations. (I don’t use TikTok as I don’t trust the source country that created and culls data on that app so I, a little selfishly, hope you’ll stay on UA-cam ongoing.) 😊🌹
Holy cow this sounds a lot like me...thanks for this. It's helping me make sense of my own trauma.
Thank you for this very validating video!
I have never felt more understood!
What a awesome video!! I had no idea me being an empath is the reason I cannot stand loud chewing...it is like someone dragging their nails down a chalk board haha! I am so glad I found you DR. Kim!
I think my mother was borderline, also addicted to Dexedrine for which she was hospitalized.
I retreat having never had an, open, honest conversation with her. There was always the fear of “saying the wrong thing” and having her, over the top, emotionl/physical reactions. So many terrible memories.
I'm here on the internet looking for clues about what is so deeply wrong with my mother. I am an empath as well. I am irreparably broken. My health is in great decline. I'm in therapy. I've been in therapy for 20 years. I take medication. I already had a heart attack, I have FM/ME, PTSD, TRD, GAD, breast cancer... and much more. I feel helpless and hopeless especially after talking to the woman who says she wished she would have aborted me before I was born. Who says that to their kid? I kinda hope I don't wake up in the morning because I feel the damage has already been done and nothing seems to help.
It’s like you are reading my mind & describing my life😬-I’ve never heard it explained like this but that was my childhood and also adulthood. Mother always telling me I’m too sensitive and constantly critical, as she was headed off to the psych ward. She had Several nervous breakdowns, five children (I was #2 child born) her husband (my so called dad) cheating on her constantly - ended up having an affair with her best friend! I was 12 when they divorced. He recently reappeared in my life two years ago, in my 60s -he’s 86, he drugged me and abused me in Florida. I’ve gone to therapy but I feel like I need to find someone that specializes in this field. Any suggestions? THANK YOU so much. Love and light💖☀️ sorry for the novel lol it sounds like a soap opera now that I read it back😳
So informative, thank you! Your videos are always wonderful to watch. You can tell by watching that you care & that you put a lot of effort into creating them.
This is such a relief. I can't begin to tell you.
Wow thank you so much
This resonates so deeply
I cant do office lights. Sensory hell lol.
I thought it was very extreme of me to do not be able to cope w havingjobs where I'm in lighting this for hours at a time everyday is just not possible for me
It's really nice to hear this is something other empathy deal with also
Man it's truly insane how relatable these videos are. I was gaslit for years by my family telling me that the avoidance of my feelings and mistreatment I had was normal. I've always had mysophobia with specifically my mother... I absolutely raged on the inside hearing her eat, but I knew I could never say anything about it, even though I was expected to eat with "manners." Anyway, as as a student I can't afford the time or money it takes for therapy right now (I have in the past several times) so thank you for these educational videos. It makes me feel seen!
People are allowed to eat. Its absurd to think people should I guess starve to death or eat alone on the toilet because you can't handle basic bodily fu cations like swallowing and breathing.
Good afternoon sister this is Richie I've been watching your tutorials and I caught the one yesterday about your time of grieving and going through what you're going through I saw the sadness in you that's not just about me during this time of me doing the Lord's work it's a greater gift to give than receive.
You're doing a great service on here / UA-cam..
Lol
I'm praying for you at your time of need!
Amen
BRAVO! You presented this topic thoroughly, with a deep understanding of this phenomenon. Thank you ever so much. I feel SEEN.
I have been connecting so many dots in my life thanks to your videos. You've really opened up a world of healing for me and I'm so grateful, thank you. ❤️
Is this why I couldn't watch some movies as a kid because I felt like the things in the movies were happening to me...
Guard your eyes and ears.
*UA-cam suggested your videos. How do they know?* Thank you ❤
So enlightening. I used to call my egg donor a narcissist and sociopath. But listening to a few of your videos, she was textbook BPD. Luckily, I went total no contact twenty years before she died. But at 68 years old, I still look at the emotional scars she inflicted on me every day.
Oh yes, Dr Sage, I know too that knowing what I am learning now would have spared me so much pain and so many mistakes!
Well, this greatly explains why I spent so much time reading in hidden nooks around the neighborhood. I had 4 spots where I would go to for "alone/solitude/reflection" time.
It would drive my family crazy that I would cry easily or express what everyone else was shoving under the household emotion rug.
I stopped all contact with my mother in 2015. My physical health is greatly affected with stress/trauma and I love her but cannot physically take on extra co-morbidities. (crohns)
I had hidden reading spots too, where I could just be in my own energy and get carried away to a magical land:)
You are the BEST. And so cool and beautiful too. Thank you for all you do.
I so appreciate you bringing this topic forward, as many psychologists deny the existence of empaths, but I believe that the world of energy is the world of science. So many of us grew up with a parent who was narcissistic or BPD, which is super intense. I created a non-scientific study that over 16,000 empathic people have taken and 48% report being diagnosed with clinical anxiety and depression, 45% had one or more chronic illnesses since childhood - we are the canary in the coal mine and a difficult childhood impacts us more. Research on HSPs demonstrates that we have 'differential susceptibility' - we are impacted more by trauma, and we thrive more in supportive environments...
💛💛💛💚💚💚you are amazing woman!
Wow...each new video of yours I watch, I feel more and more seen. Thank you.
Thank you so much for what you do! ❤
Brilliant!
im very empathic and very sensitive. My mother is most likely a BPD. My narcissist ex-wife d I vorced me 20s years ago. Im still not over it. She's been living 500 miles away with our 2 adult children. My father died tragically when I was 3 months old. I always wanted to be a dad. i thought the pain would go away buts lately it's gotten much worse. My ex gets psychic readings and dwells on them. I had a dream last month witg my ex-wife and son in it. I jumped out of bed very scared but I felt anwarm love for them, both of them. Its still with me. I need help or guidance. im not really sleeping anymore.
This video helped me clarify so much. Thank you!
Recognizes me a lot in what you talk about.Grew up with a dad with mental illness.One day fine the other day a monster.Was terrified and went like on eggshell and was scared.For I did not know what mood he was in. My mother is co-dependent. Then she chose a new man when I was 9 years old. A disgusting covert narc. It marked my life for 18 years. It has also followed me in adult love relationships. Also know that I'm Empath. Feels out of energies. Gets drained. This is also the energy I associated with love. Took a long time to put this together.But I am understanding myself.In my upbringing was yes no and no was yes.Although I felt and saw.I often heard.You are wrong.But what I saw and felt was wrong. Confusing. Learn and trust when my body says stop and no. But all my life I have gone against myself because of this.
Profoundly moved by the empath episode of Star Trek. Eventually had to sit my mother down to establish boundaries. Now I recite Cybele and Attis to help people understand that stage, that fascination with the "mother-goddess" image . . . and how to move past it.
Yes, and later in the Next Generation with Deana Troi and the entire world of empaths, Betazoid! I thought it was just a sci-fi character until I learned that I was an empath ten years ago, what a relief:)
Wow, thakyou. You unwound me. Im so glad i listened to you.
Excellent! You have been extremely helpful 😎
Thank you for the great work. I recently came across with your channel. For me the big trigger to realise that my mother actually was the narcissist and BPD traits was a relationship with an as it turned out undiagnosed male. I got out of that but what took a very long time was all what had emerged and what he actually represented not about him actually. It was like a mirror of parts of me, of my parents etc. do you have a video or could you do one describing more in detail these representations with examples of how the bpd partner represented the parent? Thanks for yo
ur efforts
Dr. Kim, you have no idea how much you have helped me at age 63; surprise semi retired ICU nurse.❤ thank you for your videos; I’m working very hard on the empathic issue/eldest daughter… Not comfortable sharing anymore. But God bless you.
Same age and also and eldest daughter and empath …thankful to find this UA-cam too
@@lindyf3318 💜🌸✝️☮️
Thank you for this video. It explains a lot. I appreciate your work and I am learning to give myself grace. I'm keeping an eye out for a counselor who aligns with my belief system who can help me walk through this healing even more.
Very helpful.
Thank you so much for this!
You are the first therapist I have ever heard talking about how being an Empath affects us psychologically. I am not only an Empath but a Heyoka Empath which is ever stronger and more extremely rare than just being a regular Empath. Real Empaths only make up about 2% of the world's population and Heyoka Empaths are so rare there is no way to figure a percentage of the population.
I don't know what psychological problems my mother had, I only know she was a horribly controlling and cruel person. She beat us, period. Not with belts or paddles but with her fists and hands. Bloody noses sort of beatings.
Lately my whole Empath nature seems to be trying to take complete control over my life. Its becoming too powerful to control oft times. I can now even "feel" someone who isn't even in the same room I am in but just close by. I feel everything they feel and very very strongly. I sometimes completely break down out in a public place and sob like my first born just died and I can only wonder whose child may have just died. I just want to be able to stop reliving my abuse, hating my mother, blaming myself for being too stupid to do something to make her stop and also I want to get some control over my Empath attacks.
hi Michael, once you're able to better adjust to being empathetic, your increased sensitivity will be able to help others in ways you can't imagine.
if I may, I'd like to share my experience with you. while I don't think I'm a heyoka, as an empath feeling everyone's energy in 10ft radius (extra sensitive to anger and judgement) as well the energy of buildings and places, the overwhelm forced me to reevaluate how I interacted with the world around me, around 6-7 years ago. one thing that really helped me is visualization coupled with the spoken word (saying out loud what I visualized). I made it a habit to do this before going into work, stores or my house (when I lived with my narcissistic stepdad and bpd mom). I'd close my eyes and imagine all energy that wasn't mine (looked like black clouds or smoke) pouring out of my body and then I'd picture a protective bubble of white light that surrounded me in x ft radius and then imagine unwanted energy (as black smoke or sometimes arrows) bouncing off of the bubble leaving me with just my own energy. helped me a LOT. now I'm at a place where I can feel the energy but not experience it, if that makes sense. I've researched other ways to help shield myself but this worked best for me.
Thank you.✨🌸✨
When are you going to do a video on no contact? Thanks
Research also tends to show autistic people being hsps or empaths...I find this very useful in a lot of ways!
Thank you so much 🦋🌈🌿
you are so welcome!:)
Omg this makes so much sense. I chose a man like my mother , cold nasty violent dismissive, I thought they might get better no they got worse. My mother really put me in a lot scary danger. So did my ex . I'm free now 🎉. But I have fibromyalgia ,lupus, and ptsd. I never thought the first two conditions could be part of trauma . I still help people , but if I see expectations I run .
When someone has an angry outburst, it feels like a physical punch in the gut to me, even if the anger isn’t directed at me. I don’t really have sensitivity to light, smell, or taste. Sound tho….not so much chewing, but like the cacophony in a crowded room is too much for me.
thank you !!!
I grew up with all this, then after I had my daughter,even though I've gotten help, it was very used against me. But I'm not allowed to blame my Parents! So I grew up with abuse, and I got help, but I'm judged harshly! So I got it as a child which was not my fault, now I'm judged today, even though I broke the cycle, I get it as an adult! Can't win!
"Taking on the wound", WOW! That's me
15:20 "A lingering trace of a wound on the body...like a tattoo." This floored me, Dr. Sage! And so did many other concepts like attunement & distegulation.
I am crying & feeling relief, revelation, & validation. I'm not crazy after all! I feel seen. Thank you! You are a great comfort & resource!
I am the same way. Take care.
I don't think I am an empath or anyone special, but I feel STRONG for finally healing. ❤
You are special, whether you are highly sensitive or moderately sensitive!
My mother was diagnosed with BPD & NPD. My life has been hell my whole life. I’ve been in therapy, groups, etc., for years. The damage these people do is mind boggling, and other people tend to minimize it and don’t want to hear about it. These shallow individuals cause even more trauma.
I'm not sure what my early childhood was like specifically but I've always been uneasy with my parents. As a child, and even later I couldn't put it into words. Just something was off and I never liked their energy. But I liked other ppl; calm ppl. I actually just figured it out minutes before scrolling past your vid in my suggestions.
I think they both have quiet BPD (and me too thanks to living with them). At 5 I wanted to stay with the neighbor boy because he had normal parents. In mid elementary I got diagnosed with ADHD. It gradually got better the less I relied on them. I'm not sure I qualify for it anymore. Maybe more specifically they don't know what unconditional love is, which I don't think they got as a kid either. They care but don't comprehend it isn't love.
I relate to this. I have misophonia. I consider myself empathetic but because I feel burnt out by people, I honestly want to just be left alone most of the time. I also absorb people's emotions and that is exhausting.
Dear Dr. Sage, could you please make a video about highly gifted children and narcissistic mothers?
Patient Question: "What if you have both extreme Empathy and sociopathy/psychopathy? I feel what others feel. I read people well, I love nature, I cry at starving animal commercials, (for no secondary gain ). Noise overloads me, other ppls agitation and anxiety is palpable to me-i feel it like sound waves. I talk a lot, fidget, can't focus and overthink and have social anxiety due to feeling what others feel or worry about what they think---- The other side of me is cold, vindictive, calculative, risk taking, thrill seeking and say things that hurt others without meaning to sometimes but other times I can use words like a scalpel. I have flashes of thoughts about inflicting pain on others that wrong me or hurt me- what the hell is my deal". Confusing scenario of symptoms for sure!
This female was raised by a WW2 vet and a narcissistic/functional borderline mother. Schools drop out, 2 teenage marriages and pregnancies by severely abusive husbands.
I really resonate with the fact that when I speak to a lot of people I get one message from their words (Overtly/Conscious) and another more powerful message through their energy and body language and facial expression (Covertly/Subconscious). It's often when these two signals are out of sync, and often opposing to each other I sort of get anxious, feel stressed and confused. I feel like I want to address the confusing signals I receive, but I believe I learned quite early that paying attention to my intuition is VERY dangerous. I was taught to disregard my intuition because I could see beyond the "surface" and there was so much shame and pain in my whole family and they didn't want to see it themselves.
But what I want to know is if anyone have good resources to share that helps me discern what I am experiencing from my intuition and what are negative intrusive thoughts that are in my head and confuse me and distorts the "signal". I'm prone to overthinking and sometime I feel like the thoughts are sort of interpretations of the energetic communication and sometimes they are the intrusive thoughts put there by my family and other negative caregivers that are trying to disregard my intuition, and then the two start to fight and my head becomes overloaded and jumbled and I head for the exit...
I'm somewhat scared of psychiatry and the modern medical system as I often feel they are trying to medicate away my intuitive side too. Does that make sense?
I confuse the two as well. But there was a 2 month period in my life where I actually got clarity, I was doing yoga and meditating/watching my breath every day. Long story short I went back to live with the BPD parent and lost clarity again so the search continues for me. I created public playlists on my channel for truth seekers who may or may not trust the "modern" systems, you might have a look and see if any jump out at you. I recommend the Benefits of Meditation and then the How To Meditate playlists so you can find some form that works for you, it will probably take many sessions but eventually you will know it works when you can sit in silence and you will realize there are no thoughts, this is how I increased my awareness (it's like a muscle) and that leads to you being able to tell the difference between intuition and intrusive thoughts. Good luck.
Thank you so much ❤️
You’re welcome 😊 thank you so much!
❤️ thank you
you are so welcome!!:)
My life swiveled about once my mother died. She went from bad to monstrous the closer she got to death.
Another empath over here - I literally take on people's emotions and states if mind. It obviously started in my childhood with me witnessing lots of fights between my parents and adapted to these circumstances by becoming invisible and walking on eggshells, while internalising my family's issues. Suffered from anorexia as a teenager (which is no surprise) and to this day I catch myself reading people's facial expressions, tone of voice and body language generally. My childhood home was like a bus stop where people came and went, and I hated that. There was no privacy, order or peace - just constant noise and upheaval. I'm 44 now. Loud noises startle me, arguments and general conflict terrorise me. I don't like crowded places and bright lights. My mother who I believe has undiagnosed personality disorder (most likely BPD) is still just as dysregulated, but my tolerance threshold is 0, so I've had no choice but to protect myself and remove myself from the presence of anyone who is too much for my nervous system.
I FIND THAT I AM NOT ABLE TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE I FIND IT HARD TO HAVE A WOMAN IN MY SPACE ALL THE TIME, IT IS OVER WHELMING HAVING SOMEONE AROUND ME ALL THE TIME. MY LAST GIRLFRIEND WAS THE MOST WONDERFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD AND I BROKE UP WITH HER WHEN SHE TRIED TO CLOSE THE GAP. SHE JUST DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THE SPACE I NEED AND TRIED TO CLOSE THE GAP INSPITE OF MY EXPLAINING MY NEEDS VERY CAREFULLY AND REGULARLY. SHE IS NOW HAPPY INVOLVED AND WE HAVE KEPT IN TOUCH AFTER THE PASSING OF THE FRIEND WHO INTRODUCED US. Appologies for the caps!
Which book? Thank you for getting it and explaining ❤️
"The Empath's Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Highly Sensitive People" - love it! Also, with all respect to Dr. Judith Orloff (who wrote the book) some people find some of the ideas to be perfectly in line with how they experience life, and some find the later parts of the book to feel a bit intense. However, everyone who I recommend to read it tends to love most of it --and to feel truly validated and understood - especially regarding being empathic and highly sensitive.❤️
Could there possibly be any advantages (I guess spiritual advantages) to being highly empathic with a bpd /narcisist parent, please?
Sadly I never learned to see boundries when it came to helping others, and giving, forever I felt like I was earning the right to be alive.
I don’t like the “empath” label but I do recognize many people have intense empathy. My BPD mother made it seem as if she was the only person who had empathy in our home. It wasn’t until therapy that I realized I had more empathy than my mother. She would say “I just FEEL for other people”. She didn’t know that she was feeling those BPD feelings. She had never really displayed true empathy. She judges others at every turn, assumes they all hate her and never puts herself in their shoes unless I play devil’s advocate for them.
I am 100% sure I have misophonia! And I’ve always been told by my parents I’m “too sensitive”…And my mom was very critical, controlling and perfectionistic…(and my dad has a short fuse). She never went to therapy and was never Dx with anything, but she should have…I liked this video a lot.
I always wanted my mom’s approval, even as an adult. But I constantly got hurt emotionally when I let my guard down…