yes they lie & slander to make you sound like the raging mentally ill person that is "imagining things" ....it's pretty psycho be live with. im so thankful to have had the strength to say to myself. Hell No!!, that's not okay to treat me this way.
Very true. Best signifiers 1. They never apologize or it’s a bit real like “I’m sorry you feel they way” 2. They don’t take criticism at all 3. They want to be in control of everything and act like they deserve to be 4. They talk about themselves and not only that but never ask you anything about you or if they do it’s not genuine at all or only to get something for themselves Those are the best starters if anyone hits those watch out they might be very dangerous. Narcisssits are extremely abusive and manipulative in ways that are not currently illegal and can wreck you. Usually they harm family and friends so be really careful. The best course of action is to get as far away as you can from them asap.
Yep I told mine recently that the baby has a strong heart beat (I’m 7 weeks pregnant) and he right away goes that’s crazy! I’ve always felt like I have a really strong heart beat. Made the babies moment and Gods moment all about him. They don’t know or understand who God is. They have no spiritual depth to them. They are spiritually immature. It’s really annoying talking to them for too long.
@@4Mikes4Mindset4 yep. I can’t help but feel bad but at the same time I deserve so much better and I’m not settling for that. This baby deserves so much better!
And if you call them out that they never ask about others or they ask them directly begin talking about themselves disregarding you saying how you are? They’ll purposely NOT ask just because they think you want them to ask. They’ll purposely not call if you’re I’ll OR begin talking about someone else’s illness ,injury and problem in an attempt to minimize yours. Instead of,maybe I should be more considerate and maybe I’m being self absorbed and rude? Let’s do it some more and make it obvious I’m doing it! Seen it ….
One thing I've noticed is that they LOVE for you to pity them. It seems like most, if not all of the coverts have a slew of stories about how they were victimized, treated badly, etc. and practically demand your sympathy. They'll tell you these stories upon first acquaintance and dominate the conversation, steering it back to themselves until it's virtually a monologue. Their need for an audience is exhausting.
True 👍 ✔️ watching someone do this everyday no one is safe they go out of their way to cause destruction and then we get the blame for something they did and they are the victim
They are "sick" and love to talk about their sicknesses to get pity. It can be high level of cholesterol or anything. They can talk about sick familymembers too to get pity and a listening ear. They walk around town every day not really going anywhere, when see this always and year around its a 🚩. Normal people go to do something most of the time. They seldom talk deep topics. They often talk negative talk about something or someone. They dont like a NO. They are lazy and want others to do even minor chores.
This. This is what has drained me so much in the past six months. When eventually you tell them you're done listening to the same story for the 25th time, they get angry with you for "not being there for them". Don't expect any empathy when you're going through stuff yourself though... covert narcissists even know how to make other people's problems about themselves somehow, it's bizarre.
These types of people are absolutely THE WORST. If you uncover one, PLEASE run away and NEVER let them in your life. They WILL try to destroy you, and with a SMILE on their face as they do it.
Married to one with grandiose, histrionics, malignant but vulnerable. Nightmare narc abusive husband I am divorcing. Fled DV situation after six months. Never go back! They offer nothing.
After years of dealing & trying to avoid narcissist, this is right on point, give them any negative feedback & you see their true self, even if it's fleeting.
Just because someone reacts negatively to negative feedback doesn't mean they are automatically narcissists. Many people are highly sensitive or just have low self esteems. I am this way. But it has to come with other signs to be considered toxic. Like for example, I don't react well to negative feedback but I don't seek revenge or act petty. I overthink it and beat myself up. But I don't get angry at the person who told me. Social anxiety symptoms can be very selfish as well but they aren't malicious and I don't want people confusing all bad reactions to feedback as toxic.
@@usernameisunavailable8270high functioning autism, avpd (avoidance personality disorder), rejection sensitivity dysphoria etc can also cause sensitivity to criticism.
If you are around them, and don't treat them as if they ARE BETTER than you are....this angers them badly. Now you have no idea what they think or what they will do....suddenly they are angry and decide you must be punished.
And they always have very quick answer to block an equal conversation and to shut you down. If we go against them they will attack and if it's to much effort for them they will walk.away bc they can't be in one space with an autonome individual or worse: being in one room with a human with feelings. They despise regular human emotions.
Coverts don't get called out. No one ever knows that they are. If you do call them out, you are liable to lose your life so I wouldn't recommend it. You should never publicly on mask a covert nark. They have spent their lives building that image. If you crack it, you will pay
Another way is to tell them “no”. Especially after they’ve just done something nice for you. If a person seems too good to be true try it. Narcissists don’t believe in boundaries and therefore will take your “no” personally. They don’t care enough to wonder about the reasons that could have led you to say no and that if you don’t want to, you have a right to say no without explaining yourself
Why would you confront them? Why would you do that to yourself? Don't you know by now how it will play out? There's no satisfaction or resolution in it, I want peace.
You are spot on. The biggest beginning red flag to my covert narcissistic mother in law was when she kept offering to pay for me for family outings. I would politely decline, she'd push her way into paying anyway. She REFUSES for anyone to spend money on her and will make a scene if you dont listen. My then boyfriend now husband was blinded by manipulation back then. He then told me, "It hurts her feelings and she gets mad if you don't let her pay for things. Just let her." We were young and naive but it seemed strange. She does this when she meets anyone to set up the obligation. Then tells you her sob life story to set up the guilt. Then puts the "fear" of hurting her into you by gaslighting with kindness, and going into deep detail of how someone years ago hurt her. They keep you enmeshed so you are not able to see the abuse. My husband was compared to her father who "abandoned" her by remarrying, and I was compared to her abusive stepmother when he told her that his life can't REVOLVE around her schedule anymore because he's getting married. She will guilt you into going to an event so she can watch her flying monkeys attack you, while you are the elephant in the room. It's insane. So glad that we moved away.
Actually they will accept 'no' to your face unlike an overt but instead they will plan a devious revenge on you and put a lot of effort in so that when they finally have that 'gotcha' moment you can't connect it to the original slight you gave them.
So True! Just went through this recently..a guy that I just met was constantly future faking love bombing and making nonstop sexually comments- so One day I casually asked him his definition of love he immediately got defensive refused to answer and ended the call… he stopped contacting me after that. And I’m so grateful! 😂
Oooh yes! My former lover, who is now a general surgeon, thought his stethoscope was broken during med school. I told him that it needed to be recalibrated. I then demonstrated that it wasn’t broken. Rather than saying _thank you_ or _oh okay,_ he tried to insult me by saying “…well I’m not going to need to know how to do that, that’ll be your job.” I was studying to be a nurse but changed majors after that interaction.
This is so true. After coming out of a 3 year long relationship with a covert narcissist and going through therapy, I decided to start dating again. I was able to use this same technique after going on one date with a man and after I told him my opinion about something he was doing wrong, he got defensive, started posting subliminal messages about me on fb and when I confronted him about the messages he started calling me names and telling me I broke his heart after 1 date. I immediately blocked him
True. They won't take accountability for the sake of bettering the relationship. They would rather leave the relationship before ever saying sorry or saying that they did wrong. It's fucked up.
They leave like you meant nothing to them!! It’s the most demeaning feeling in the world, they block you and never call you until you reach out they don’t even attempt to talk about the issue this happens in the discard phase I think
@Geeta kharel Lol truuuuue. And pssssh, let them 'discard' us. They'll regret it later once they realize how they fucked up and realized that the grass wasn't greener on the other side. Just wait. They'll be trying to get back with us, but we should be strong and let them live without us like they so wanted lol. They're gonna cry like babies, facts!! I'm moving on though. Fuck the people that don't wish to grow for the sake of a divine union. We deserve better and the people who will treat us right all of the time, and uncondtionally too. My ex was the most conditional man I have ever met and never fought for us.... only I did. He did one single time. While I did it for 5 years literally. We k ow our worth. I think it's time we show them what they're going to live without due to their highly unaware decisions. Unless they hurt us intentionally due to being straight aholes. Gosh who knows. I am going to find an amazing man. Cause this one for damn sure ain't the one for me. I'd be married by now had he truly loved me and smart enough to realize. How about you?? Like I said... They'll be sad to know we won't play their games any longer. That's a fact! They're unneeded, quite honestly.
The only way to stop a narcissist is to never back down. You have to hold your ground and challenge them. When they try to change the direction of the conversation, you don't respond and loop it back to the original statement. You do this until they either give up or walk away. They will attempt to distract you many times. Never take the bait. They will backdown and they will leave on their own.
This is exactly what happened to me. I was with a girl for 3 years. She always reacted negatively to any criticism. I finally stood my ground for an entire argument and she left. Good riddance
They can never admit that they do anything wrong. It's like they have to admit to doing wrong. And when you point it out to them anger sets in. How dare you say that about me!!
That's been my experience as well. It's as bumfuzzling as it is frustrating. He listens only to reply in defense,not to understand. I refer to it as a never ending dry circle jerk.
Exactly! Watch out if the CN is a supervisor. They will really exercise damage over you if you do not 'worship' them. Best to set up another job with another supervisor and watch your back the whole way out the door.
It's sad that society doesn't teach that any type of leadership, really is servanthood. 😊👍 Not dictatorship. Good leadership is people wanting to respect & follow your lead.👍 Do you have the character in you, that people want your leadership? Or do they hate to see you coming. 🤔 Such as being a narcissists boss. Matthew 20:26 That's not the way it should be among you. Instead, whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant. So real leadership is not what alot of people have been taught about leadership. 😊
Yeah I had this. Better to just go your own way. It’s painful because I have the codependent need for the other persons validation and I’m just not gonna get it. I think what I’m really trying to learn is to validate myself.
I seen exactly what you are saying every/any time he was told he has a problem. It was always projected back on me. Needless to say, the conversations never went anywhere.
A couple of weeks ago we were out of town at a baseball tournament… It was 104°, and I began to get lightheaded, so he adamantly instructed a volunteer to drive me back to the hotel, so I can be in the air conditioned room and not pass out in the heat. Fast forward a couple of days later I did not want to go to a particular eatery, and he went ballistic… Blaming me for being selfish and inconsiderate, and throwing in my face that I was able to return to the hotel, while he had to remain in the grueling heat! I reminded him that it was at his request that I returned to the hotel not my own… And I felt that he was being very petty at the tournament. People were praising him for being so caring and concerned about my health and well-being. so he received admiration from others when in reality, he was resentful that I was able to go back to the hotel and be out of the heat. so he was the poor victim, who had to remain in the heat, and I was the villain, for returning to the hotel, so I would not pass out… This argument blossomed into him, inviting me to leave the hotel, and find my way back to the airport… I was baffled, and horrified! there was a banquet that evening, and he got dressed, stormed out without speaking, a word to me and absolute toddler, throwing a temper tantrum! I decided not to waste another breath on trying to Reason with the unreasonable, while he was gone, I called the airline, removed myself from his flight booked myself on the first things smokin… Pack my bag, and I was ghost!!! He has reached out to a mutual friend and she has been calling me and I have yet to answer her calls. No doubt he has given her his version of this story, making himself the victim.! Absolutely. Unreal…😔😞
So I've been stuck in this house with the jerk for 20 years. He now tells me hes going to have surgery and needs my help. I said before I agree to that, what's the level of punishment I'm going to receive for giving you my time, energy, expertise and myself? **What do you mean? I can't do it right, its not possible. (I saw the gears grinding) so, what's the punishment, the smack down, the cruelty I'll have to endure in return? I think you should hire someone, I walked away
@@patriciatoomingtheplantpar2558 people leave with NOTHING but their sanity barely intact. My mother stayed with a sick narcissist because she wanted to keep the house and she sold her children out because of it. I’m so sorry but I’m very triggered by your comment.
Oh yes, I lived this scenario for 27 years. You describe it perfectly. I had never heard of a narcissist of any kind until I was trying to get a divorce and was going to abused women counseling. I wish I would have known sooner.
@@charleslinley4288 fan that tiny spark of life in your chest that wants to live. Use it to find strength and others to support you. Look for abused women support group. There is more to you than you think!! God bless. 🙏❤🙏❤️🩹
@@charleslinley4288 Stand strong and remember your identity is not them. Be stealth and get copies of every single thing financial & receipts when they are not around.
So true! My therapist knew enough about my ex when I suggested we do marriage counseling. He said that’s fine but he’s either not gonna show up or he’s gonna start a conflict with the therapist the first visit and never come back and sure enough he became enraged at me than the therapist, then lashed out at the therapist for weeks, saying that the therapist had ruined “ his perfectly good marriage”
💯 true. I did exactly this to a covert narcissist and it is literally IMPOSSIBLE for their identity to not be revealed to you immediately after you do it if they truly are the covert narcissist you suspect them to be.
To uncover a narcissist at little or no harm or injury to myself, I'll say "no" to something they say or want early on before getting in too deep. It's a test.
This is interesting. I was asked to do a lot of things in the beginning and I turned my friend down and he changed. His communications slacked and he began getting busy. I started giving him.back his energy. Things never got better. Saying "no" definitely does something to them.
Coverts can hide their anger though and wait a very long time to get revenge and they do work towards revenge and will plan it out very methodically so that when they get their revenge it is so long since the original slight or you saying 'no' that you would never connect the two together
@lastthingsbiblestudy I don't know if that is actually a covert narcissist. Narcissist's reactions to "no" is usually pretty immediate. They really get disproportionately angry and can't hide it. It's like an overreaction. I suppose covert narcissists are different. I don't know much about them.
I'm pretty sure I'm not a narc because I don't check most of the boxes (only a few) but I am sensitive when critiqued because that's all I got growing up and it hurts a lot and brings back all the times I was never good enough and undeserving of love... Narc father. I keep to myself because I can't trust anyone anymore and yes I get hurt way to easily and I'm not gonna apologize for that, I've been gaslight enough for having feelings.
Growing up with a narc will do that to you. If you are able to take a step back and assess when you were in the wrong in an argument, you're not a narc. They will always find a way to guilt-trip you, make you feel like your criticism is invalid, even if you have proof, because you obviously don't love them and you're hurting them when you tell them they've been hurting you. My parent is like that but now I can tell when I'm not supposed to feel guilty for what I said. My lack of self-worth growing up really made me into a naive young adult who got taken advantage of by older men with the same pattern of guilting me. It finally clicked when the things that were said were essentially that the problem was me and me only and I had to become what they wanted me to be (docile and always agreeing to what they said) for them to love me. I finally got a backbone and left, and now I won't let anybody invalidate my feelings or opinions. Anyway, if you've never been manipulative towards someone to get something from them, if you've never gaslit someone into believing something false, I wouldn't worry
@@machin8593thanks for the reply, sorry about your situation :( even though it's really hard to admit I was wrong (because of shame) I do do it. I've never gaslit anyone into believing something false, I actually have a very strict policy for truth and honesty. I don't think I've ever been manipulative to anyone to get anything, maybe as a little kid like acting extra cute for sweets when I was told I couldn't have any but that's about it and I haven't done that in a very long time :))
I am so happy and proud of the fact that you figured a way out, of that mess. No one deserves to be surrounded by extreme toxicity, maliciousness and abuse. Love💘!@@RitaG4404
But they’ll make you feel like you’re the bad person and they are on eggshells. Cuts a true mi d game and it’s sick. When all you do is try to resolve conflict and they continue to create new problems.
Omg. The circles we would talk, the sudden silence for weeks but “nothing is wrong”, the times I was told to wait a second when I needed help carrying something, which never came, never once complemented me but the on going list of things he hated got longer and longer.
You are so right. Confront them, on doing things behind your back, gossiping about you for example to smear you and use you at the same time. Next, they will try to set you up to accuse you of some crime. Be very careful with them.
I lived this for 15 years ...one thing he missed....the "punishment " doesn't end its on going at whatever point they can stsbb they will . The punishment only ends at the next " injury" they get this could be you or someone else. Any action they commit they will never admit to especially in front if a counselor.
True! But also we have to be responsible for our delivery of criticism as well. You can’t knock someone over the head and not expect them to take a step back.
Most people in our society are narcissistic. We live in the look at me generation, where the main focus of everyone’s life is themselves. I have definitely been narcissistic in the past, not because I wanted to be but because I had no idea that I was being a narcissist. It’s hard to let go of your ego and pride, and admit defeat. But it’s essential to be able to grow and flourish. Hope everyone lives their best lives. ✌️
But is not correct to hurt others because you are beign selfish and a user. There is such thing as empathy toward others which narcs don't know anything about. Narcs live in their own delusional world to continue to hurt others. Karma will do it's job at the long run.
It’s not even as severe as admitting defeat. It actually can be good if someone corrects us because no one is perfect and that is how we grow! We all can help each other! As long as it’s not malicious intent, I think some feedback can be really helpful and beneficial to me (and others too)! 🙏☺️
@@corbinwilson3781 Yep. NPDs tend to have tentacles they wrap all around you (and anyone close to you), then squeeze the shit out of you...and right when they think you may break or die in misery...they let go and give you kisses full of false hopes, more manipulation and lies... so you stay 🦑 🐙 Then the cycle begins again.
Same here, after 25 years of friendship ended because I found my voice and she didn't like it and she moved away and blocked me, but in the end I was relieved and got on with my life without her.
Same, around 25 years of bff pretend. So lucky to be ghosted by her. When I think she was even asking me what is wrong with her to have such difficulties finding a man. She only wanted overconfident, rich, successful man, that don't take crap from anybody, and she did find them, she was attracted to overt narcissists and didn't want to change that, the other bunch were weak in her view.
Yep! I confronted by brother in law…. Oh my goodness! His eyes were like venom darts! And because I “won” and kick him out.. he wrote the most wicked wishes and threats against me, for something he did wrong and I called him out.
My mother is this way she can never do no wrong and blames everyone got her problems. When I made a mistake and got a dui I took responsibilities and even recollect on the situation to see what I could take away from it in order to avoid it happening again. If that was my mom that got the dui it would’ve been everyone else’s fault for making her get that wasted. Just an example btw. That’s what she would do to me when I lived in her household
What's worse than a narcissist... a bipolar narcissist. My niece is a bipolar narcissist, sadly the whole family believes every word from her. One thing I've noticed is she conveniently can't "remember" the mean things she does or says.
Record something she's saying or doing, but when she does it in front of others, not you alone, then show it back to her a bit later. If you record secretly when it's only you alone with her it people will see you as untrustworthy
My step father in law is a bipolar narcissist. It's crazy how much control they have over everyone. His wife, my mother in law is a covert narcissist. She hides behind his narcissism and uses it to play the "woe is me" narrativewhen it's convienent to manipulate others. Then acts like they are the queen and king of the universe when he's attacking her target from her manipulation. When they are ready to attack someone together (me OR my husband. Always one at a time) they give each other eye contact, a little smirk, and attack with whistleblowing.
Yoooooo I’m dealing with one of them now!!! She always needs examples, or needs me to explain things. Her favorite word is “when?”. And somehow she takes what I say she does to me, and flips it. Like I did it to her. She said I need to give her dates and times and a full run through of what was said for her to remember. 😂😂😂 like wtf?! I’ve pulled her card. She bipolar, no therapy, and no meds.
@@torrianfrazier901 it's best to get out of that relationship now. If you don't, your life will be a living hell all the time. It will take a terrible toll on you one way or another.
Wanted to give you a hundred thumbs up on that one ... that is so true just a simple little test a simple comment and you will see how they really are see that angry look and then watch out.
Yep; I confronted my covert narc female neighbor who was constantly in my face when I first moved in, and told me every single day for several months how broke she was, she didn't like it. When I added up all the things she said she couldn't afford (yet clearly could), it came to about half of my income. She was going for half of my monthly income. When I let her know I'd had enough of that, she faded away into her own apartment and went ghost on me, and gave me the silent treatment. She's not stupid; she just isn't a very good woman. 💁🏼
Yep I’m married to one but once I figured out the game I just ignore him and he is sweating trying to get my attention. I limit my conversations and reminds him that he is unloving when he is he hates it. Then he is good for a few weeks but the click 😮happens when I lest expect it. He is on a lower level but I think he could be worse he is more withdrawn then anything. I can tell there is a battle within his soul it’s kinda sad but he needs to go to get help but he doesn’t see it and they can not face themselves. I have natural joy he took it for a few years because I did not know what was wrong but I learned praise God.
@@uplift56 yes I am as long as he is not violent. He has never put his hands on me or been violent with me. He belittles but only if it is allowed I have found courage to not believe what he says and I speak back to him the way he speaks to me and that backs him up. I believe God knows what he is doing. I have grown tremendously under my husband. I would not change a thing in the past but I would like to grow with him in love but he will not be vulnerable with me. Does not like talking feelings and believes love is just paying to bills. So if he just wants a room mate and I don’t pay rent anywhere then so be it. It’s not an ideal marriage but most things are there just not social emotional support he can’t do it he doesn’t have it to give. I am not a needy person I don’t have to have affection from him to function but I would like that from him but I believe he is afraid to relax in love😞but he will need to talk with someone but he want. So that’s life.
Just say "no" to something they want, or better yet, to an expectation they set for you to do and say "no". Watch...it's the best way to unmask the covert narcissist. I just told my boyfriend no last week, he screamed at me like he's never done before, it scared me. He left, and has cut me off. I know why, he must protect that false ego.... and I know his truth.
Yes. Correct them on something reasonable. Of course. But normal people aren't going to start targeting you just because you correct them in some way. In my experience the easiest way to spot them is if you see someone who has poor boundaries. Lovebombing is also common, especially if they aren't too introverted. They will seem eager to present themselves in a particular light. Most people have a image they present themselves with at times, yes. But Vulnerable Narcissists (and Narcs in general) do this to a higher degree. Your instincts may send off subtle alarm bells too, so to speak. Later, passive aggressive behaviors toward the target will emerge (devaluation).
Damn that hit hard lmao theres times im talking about something and someone will literally disagree with me and say the same thing I said and try to take credit for it 🙄
I discovered your channel yesterday and I think it is one of the best I have ever listened about narcissism: your way of explanation, your energy, voice, everything...
Covert narcissists are tricky but the red flags are there. For me, the negative energy that they emit is the first red flag to not ignore and trust your intuition. It will save you a lot of pain - NOTE TO SELF. It would be a better world if they would just all agree to move to planet NARC! An island will due until the aircraft is built and the planet is discovered. Well I can at least fantasize.
These covert narcs actually Have a nice and affable facade. They can be quite light and humorous too. What they lack IS reciprocity. They take your energy, time and effort and do not give anything Back. They use you as a source of self-esteem, they want you to Ask them questions and they never ask you a question in return. They answer only. Covert narcissists let you do all The Work.
I had a grandiose, covert religious Narcissist in my life once, and I confronted her concerning some of her sins against me. She knew I was right but refused to apologize. She became angry and belligerent, and informed me that she wasn't perfect -- as if I was the one in the wrong for supposedly demanding perfection from her, when in fact she had simply sinned against me. Jesus said if someone refuses to listen to you when you confront them concerning their sins against you, to let them be to you as a pagan or tax collector.
This is totally true. That said, many people, especially those who suffered criticism in abusive forms, are sensitive to it and may respond to it defensively out of habit. It also seems as though most people have a threshold for criticism of any kind before they find themselves displaying defensive reactivity. Essentially this occurs when the seeming purpose of the criticism shifts from “about those behaviors” towards “about you”.
You’ve just described my father and mother. When I confronted both of them, it was hard, scary and powerful. They had never heard me speaking to them on an assertive adult level. (Jesus was my strength). My mother was livid, my father was sneaky, pretending my discontent had nothing to do with him. Both of them have helped denigrate me amongst my siblings. There both 💀 ☠️ dead, now. 🛎 Ding-Dong they gone.
I believe this nasty, evil look is their demons coming out from their cover. They'll turn on you like a light switch. Even their pupils go black. It's ugly and scary. Just retreat to a safe place and put your Godly armor on. ✨️
Omg, thanks for sharing this. I’ve been trying to work out just one aspect of a friends personality, and you have just explained it - I’m reluctant to test this out...obviously because it’s not a nice moment when you push that particular button. I’ve often thought that if you lived with someone like this, you would soon “learn” not to offer ANY feedback - but I guess that’s the point. Thanks
My Covert narcassistic Brother is ...he'll try and make you feel like your the problem and demand an apology! I never fed into that which infuriated him!!! I never gave in so all he did was create yet another false story about me in hopes others would agree but that too blew up in his face. Today he is all aline and miserable
Thankyou Ross R. I first heard your videos in 1916. About 2 years ago or so, I finalized the ending of a narcissistic transactional---relationship that took years to end. 😊
Had an ex narc friend that wanted to know why I disconnected from them. I told them I saw patterns that I couldn't rock with anymore. They went on a complete tangent. Told me I was difficult throughout our connection, that I was self righteous, and that they know I was still bitter and hurt about us disconnecting. They said all of this completely forgetting they'd reached out to me!! Lol Wew chile. Smh 🤦🏽♀️
I'm a bit insecure about feedback depending on the intent behind it, so I'll be immediately upset or even angry, but I'm not going to go after someone for it.
I spent so long convincing myself I was awful for ever expressing criticism because it has never been received well. Videos like this have been so validating, because I've felt absolutely nuts for so long
I confronted a narcissist that was playing crazy sicological distractions on me, we have never been friends which surprised me that she was okay playing those games on me, but what surprised me the most is that she had became so comfortable and maybe get a kick out of doing that that she didn't want to stop, and started discrediting me
@Saint Jabroni like making weird repetitive sharp or loud sounds that was clearly acknowledging that I was around, its extremely repetitive to the point that others think it's part of her personality, it's very crazy
They'll get angry or emotional and pretend cry in front of people and turn around the blame. Make you look like a horrible person.
The Jedi-Mind Trick!! Always opposite day
They always find a way to turn themselves into the victim
This is what they do...every one of them...on cue...how is that possible? You describe exactly what the person at home does...amazing!!!
yes they lie & slander to make you sound like the raging mentally ill person that is "imagining things" ....it's pretty psycho be live with. im so thankful to have had the strength to say to myself. Hell No!!, that's not okay to treat me this way.
They sure know how to act the part of being some poor perpetual victim.
Yep, one small criticism and suddenly you are attacked, gaslight, ghosted of all the above.
Very true. Best signifiers
1. They never apologize or it’s a bit real like “I’m sorry you feel they way”
2. They don’t take criticism at all
3. They want to be in control of everything and act like they deserve to be
4. They talk about themselves and not only that but never ask you anything about you or if they do it’s not genuine at all or only to get something for themselves
Those are the best starters if anyone hits those watch out they might be very dangerous. Narcisssits are extremely abusive and manipulative in ways that are not currently illegal and can wreck you. Usually they harm family and friends so be really careful. The best course of action is to get as far away as you can from them asap.
Yep I told mine recently that the baby has a strong heart beat (I’m 7 weeks pregnant) and he right away goes that’s crazy! I’ve always felt like I have a really strong heart beat. Made the babies moment and Gods moment all about him. They don’t know or understand who God is. They have no spiritual depth to them. They are spiritually immature. It’s really annoying talking to them for too long.
@@Universaltruth333 they are basically stupid children. That was dumb what he said.
@@4Mikes4Mindset4 yep. I can’t help but feel bad but at the same time I deserve so much better and I’m not settling for that. This baby deserves so much better!
My colleague is exactly like what you describe, it’s truly insane how well narcissists fit this description
And if you call them out that they never ask about others or they ask them directly begin talking about themselves disregarding you saying how you are?
They’ll purposely NOT ask just because they think you want them to ask.
They’ll purposely not call if you’re I’ll OR begin talking about someone else’s illness ,injury and problem in an attempt to minimize yours.
Instead of,maybe I should be more considerate and maybe I’m being self absorbed and rude? Let’s do it some more and make it obvious I’m doing it!
Seen it ….
One thing I've noticed is that they LOVE for you to pity them. It seems like most, if not all of the coverts have a slew of stories about how they were victimized, treated badly, etc. and practically demand your sympathy. They'll tell you these stories upon first acquaintance and dominate the conversation, steering it back to themselves until it's virtually a monologue. Their need for an audience is exhausting.
True 👍 ✔️ watching someone do this everyday no one is safe they go out of their way to cause destruction and then we get the blame for something they did and they are the victim
Omg so true haha
They are "sick" and love to talk about their sicknesses to get pity. It can be high level of cholesterol or anything. They can talk about sick familymembers too to get pity and a listening ear. They walk around town every day not really going anywhere, when see this always and year around its a 🚩. Normal people go to do something most of the time. They seldom talk deep topics. They often talk negative talk about something or someone. They dont like a NO. They are lazy and want others to do even minor chores.
This. This is what has drained me so much in the past six months. When eventually you tell them you're done listening to the same story for the 25th time, they get angry with you for "not being there for them". Don't expect any empathy when you're going through stuff yourself though... covert narcissists even know how to make other people's problems about themselves somehow, it's bizarre.
@@loedje86
Yes. It's all about them and everyone else is a tool to be used.
These types of people are absolutely THE WORST. If you uncover one, PLEASE run away and NEVER let them in your life. They WILL try to destroy you, and with a SMILE on their face as they do it.
You said this so right! God bless you!
Married to one with grandiose, histrionics, malignant but vulnerable. Nightmare narc abusive husband I am divorcing. Fled DV situation after six months. Never go back! They offer nothing.
Rage. Pure rage if you say anything remotely critical.
Yes! This is how my relationship began to crumble…then became violent.
IT DIDD IT DIDD I wasted my first YES and my first MARRIAGE on that bull. 😞 Trying to get therapy so I don't hide from A GOOD ONE.
After years of dealing & trying to avoid narcissist, this is right on point, give them any negative feedback & you see their true self, even if it's fleeting.
I'm going to do that to my psychology teacher at university. I'm sick of being mistreated
Just because someone reacts negatively to negative feedback doesn't mean they are automatically narcissists. Many people are highly sensitive or just have low self esteems. I am this way. But it has to come with other signs to be considered toxic. Like for example, I don't react well to negative feedback but I don't seek revenge or act petty. I overthink it and beat myself up. But I don't get angry at the person who told me. Social anxiety symptoms can be very selfish as well but they aren't malicious and I don't want people confusing all bad reactions to feedback as toxic.
@@usernameisunavailable8270 this is true. Most, if not all, people have narcissistic traits.
@@usernameisunavailable8270high functioning autism, avpd (avoidance personality disorder), rejection sensitivity dysphoria etc can also cause sensitivity to criticism.
The narcissist stare is chilling
I call it the eagle eyes.
100% they are demons
Just stare back!
@@francoisgouws7288 it eats from your soul when you stare back
Their eyes turn black!!
If you are around them, and don't treat them as if they ARE BETTER than you are....this angers them badly. Now you have no idea what they think or what they will do....suddenly they are angry and decide you must be punished.
Yep!
Coverts do not care if you or people call them out on their BS. They do not care who they psychologically or physically hurt.
And they always have very quick answer to block an equal conversation and to shut you down.
If we go against them they will attack and if it's to much effort for them they will walk.away bc they can't be in one space with an autonome individual or worse: being in one room with a human with feelings.
They despise regular human emotions.
Call outs are pointless with narcissists
@@sundaridevi6555 calling them out is a narc supply. Every response is a narc supply
That all depends on who is present when you call them out. Just my experience.
Coverts don't get called out. No one ever knows that they are. If you do call them out, you are liable to lose your life so I wouldn't recommend it. You should never publicly on mask a covert nark. They have spent their lives building that image. If you crack it, you will pay
The eyes tell it for sure.
Another way is to tell them “no”. Especially after they’ve just done something nice for you. If a person seems too good to be true try it. Narcissists don’t believe in boundaries and therefore will take your “no” personally. They don’t care enough to wonder about the reasons that could have led you to say no and that if you don’t want to, you have a right to say no without explaining yourself
Why would you confront them? Why would you do that to yourself? Don't you know by now how it will play out? There's no satisfaction or resolution in it, I want peace.
On point. Giving feedback + this 👆
Exactly! They disrespect bounds all the time! They are entitled!
You are spot on. The biggest beginning red flag to my covert narcissistic mother in law was when she kept offering to pay for me for family outings. I would politely decline, she'd push her way into paying anyway. She REFUSES for anyone to spend money on her and will make a scene if you dont listen. My then boyfriend now husband was blinded by manipulation back then. He then told me, "It hurts her feelings and she gets mad if you don't let her pay for things. Just let her." We were young and naive but it seemed strange. She does this when she meets anyone to set up the obligation. Then tells you her sob life story to set up the guilt. Then puts the "fear" of hurting her into you by gaslighting with kindness, and going into deep detail of how someone years ago hurt her. They keep you enmeshed so you are not able to see the abuse. My husband was compared to her father who "abandoned" her by remarrying, and I was compared to her abusive stepmother when he told her that his life can't REVOLVE around her schedule anymore because he's getting married. She will guilt you into going to an event so she can watch her flying monkeys attack you, while you are the elephant in the room. It's insane. So glad that we moved away.
Actually they will accept 'no' to your face unlike an overt but instead they will plan a devious revenge on you and put a lot of effort in so that when they finally have that 'gotcha' moment you can't connect it to the original slight you gave them.
So True! Just went through this recently..a guy that I just met was constantly future faking love bombing and making nonstop sexually comments- so One day I casually asked him his definition of love he immediately got defensive refused to answer and ended the call… he stopped contacting me after that. And I’m so grateful! 😂
Oooh yes! My former lover, who is now a general surgeon, thought his stethoscope was broken during med school. I told him that it needed to be recalibrated. I then demonstrated that it wasn’t broken. Rather than saying _thank you_ or _oh okay,_ he tried to insult me by saying “…well I’m not going to need to know how to do that, that’ll be your job.” I was studying to be a nurse but changed majors after that interaction.
Wooooow
I’m a nurse and yes I believe it, cause most surgeons are hiiiiighly narcissistic it’s gross
This is so true. After coming out of a 3 year long relationship with a covert narcissist and going through therapy, I decided to start dating again. I was able to use this same technique after going on one date with a man and after I told him my opinion about something he was doing wrong, he got defensive, started posting subliminal messages about me on fb and when I confronted him about the messages he started calling me names and telling me I broke his heart after 1 date. I immediately blocked him
They don't like confrontation.
My narc abusive husband said that. Should have left earlier and not married him. He has alot of skeletons in his closet.
True. They won't take accountability for the sake of bettering the relationship. They would rather leave the relationship before ever saying sorry or saying that they did wrong. It's fucked up.
So very true!
Narcissist rarely leave their supply. They are usually the ones that get left. They won't leave someone unless they have another source of supply
I left her though. Divorce is fun with them too
They leave like you meant nothing to them!! It’s the most demeaning feeling in the world, they block you and never call you until you reach out they don’t even attempt to talk about the issue this happens in the discard phase I think
@Geeta kharel Lol truuuuue. And pssssh, let them 'discard' us. They'll regret it later once they realize how they fucked up and realized that the grass wasn't greener on the other side. Just wait. They'll be trying to get back with us, but we should be strong and let them live without us like they so wanted lol. They're gonna cry like babies, facts!! I'm moving on though. Fuck the people that don't wish to grow for the sake of a divine union. We deserve better and the people who will treat us right all of the time, and uncondtionally too. My ex was the most conditional man I have ever met and never fought for us.... only I did. He did one single time. While I did it for 5 years literally. We k ow our worth. I think it's time we show them what they're going to live without due to their highly unaware decisions. Unless they hurt us intentionally due to being straight aholes. Gosh who knows. I am going to find an amazing man. Cause this one for damn sure ain't the one for me. I'd be married by now had he truly loved me and smart enough to realize. How about you?? Like I said... They'll be sad to know we won't play their games any longer. That's a fact! They're unneeded, quite honestly.
The only way to stop a narcissist is to never back down. You have to hold your ground and challenge them. When they try to change the direction of the conversation, you don't respond and loop it back to the original statement. You do this until they either give up or walk away. They will attempt to distract you many times. Never take the bait. They will backdown and they will leave on their own.
Awesome advice!
THAT is great advice and what I am working on. Thank you for your positive feedback 😊
This is exactly what happened to me. I was with a girl for 3 years. She always reacted negatively to any criticism. I finally stood my ground for an entire argument and she left. Good riddance
Or they will injure you until your disabled or kill you. JUST WALK 🚶♀️
Just be sure to not do it so someone who has a short temper. My father physically tried to push me out of the room. Be safe!
They can never admit that they do anything wrong. It's like they have to admit to doing wrong. And when you point it out to them anger sets in. How dare you say that about me!!
i agree with that 100%. I never taught people can be so mean to another person they claim they so love
And they are EVERYWHERE now days
In my experience- they don’t want to understand and cannot see your point of view or pain
That's been my experience as well.
It's as bumfuzzling as it is frustrating.
He listens only to reply in defense,not to understand.
I refer to it as a never ending dry circle jerk.
Exactly! Watch out if the CN is a supervisor. They will really exercise damage over you if you do not 'worship' them. Best to set up another job with another supervisor and watch your back the whole way out the door.
Just left a job like that
Amen to that!
It's sad that society doesn't teach that any type of leadership, really is servanthood. 😊👍
Not dictatorship.
Good leadership is people wanting to respect & follow your lead.👍
Do you have the character in you, that people want your leadership? Or do they hate to see you coming. 🤔 Such as being a narcissists boss.
Matthew 20:26
That's not the way it should be among you. Instead, whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant.
So real leadership is not what alot of people have been taught about leadership. 😊
@@GoddessYvonne3 I'm about to. They are everywhere but i will do another type of job where I can work from home always.
Yeah I had this. Better to just go your own way. It’s painful because I have the codependent need for the other persons validation and I’m just not gonna get it. I think what I’m really trying to learn is to validate myself.
So true. That look they give. So dark. Very dangerous people
I seen exactly what you are saying every/any time he was told he has a problem. It was always projected back on me.
Needless to say, the conversations never went anywhere.
Exactly
A couple of weeks ago we were out of town at a baseball tournament… It was 104°, and I began to get lightheaded, so he adamantly instructed a volunteer to drive me back to the hotel, so I can be in the air conditioned room and not pass out in the heat. Fast forward a couple of days later I did not want to go to a particular eatery, and he went ballistic… Blaming me for being selfish and inconsiderate, and throwing in my face that I was able to return to the hotel, while he had to remain in the grueling heat!
I reminded him that it was at his request that I returned to the hotel not my own… And I felt that he was being very petty at the tournament. People were praising him for being so caring and concerned about my health and well-being. so he received admiration from others when in reality, he was resentful that I was able to go back to the hotel and be out of the heat. so he was the poor victim, who had to remain in the heat, and I was the villain, for returning to the hotel, so I would not pass out… This argument blossomed into him, inviting me to leave the hotel, and find my way back to the airport… I was baffled, and horrified!
there was a banquet that evening, and he got dressed, stormed out without speaking, a word to me and absolute toddler, throwing a temper tantrum!
I decided not to waste another breath on trying to Reason with the unreasonable, while he was gone, I called the airline, removed myself from his flight booked myself on the first things smokin… Pack my bag, and I was ghost!!! He has reached out to a mutual friend and she has been calling me and I have yet to answer her calls. No doubt he has given her his version of this story, making himself the victim.! Absolutely. Unreal…😔😞
Yep, can testify.
Even if you leave they don't let go of you because they have already picked you as a soft target for their evil.
So I've been stuck in this house with the jerk for 20 years.
He now tells me hes going to have surgery and needs my help.
I said before I agree to that, what's the level of punishment I'm going to receive for giving you my time, energy, expertise and myself?
**What do you mean?
I can't do it right, its not possible.
(I saw the gears grinding)
so, what's the punishment, the smack down, the cruelty I'll have to endure in return?
I think you should hire someone, I walked away
Good for you sounds like a real live demon jerk.🙄
When are you leaving. I'm working on my exit. And I'm happy
@@wandajemison4166 I can't leave, I own this house, the only way I can leave is to sell my home.
@@patriciatoomingtheplantpar2558 people leave with NOTHING but their sanity barely intact. My mother stayed with a sick narcissist because she wanted to keep the house and she sold her children out because of it. I’m so sorry but I’m very triggered by your comment.
@@wandajemison4166 good for you!
I KNOW THEM BY THEIR FRUITS AND CONFRONTING THEM IS LIKE TELLING THEM TO DRINK POISON THEY GET SO PISSED AND PLAYING THE VICTIM AT THE SAME TIME
Sounds like a woman tbh 😂😂😂 that's what alot of women do in relationships.
My NEX was a man.
"by their fruits you will know them"
Oh yes, I lived this scenario for 27 years. You describe it perfectly. I had never heard of a narcissist of any kind until I was trying to get a divorce and was going to abused women counseling. I wish I would have known sooner.
Bless you, Jody. I'm mustering all the strength left to leave. You are an inspiration!!! (I'm Lakeisha.) Please pray for me!
@@charleslinley4288 fan that tiny spark of life in your chest that wants to live. Use it to find strength and others to support you. Look for abused women support group. There is more to you than you think!! God bless. 🙏❤🙏❤️🩹
@@jodycarpenter6011 Plus pray always God loves you and he doesn’t want his children to be hurt
@@charleslinley4288 Stand strong and remember your identity is not them.
Be stealth and get copies of every single thing financial & receipts when they are not around.
I feel you, I have been there! All I wish, I came out earlier.
This is GOLD everyone dating should know this!!
He's not lying it's all in the eyes
They don’t want constructive feedback
Or ANY feedback.
If not asked for it
So true! My therapist knew enough about my ex when I suggested we do marriage counseling. He said that’s fine but he’s either not gonna show up or he’s gonna start a conflict with the therapist the first visit and never come back and sure enough he became enraged at me than the therapist, then lashed out at the therapist for weeks, saying that the therapist had ruined “ his perfectly good marriage”
Can't believe how accurate and familiar this is.
💯 true. I did exactly this to a covert narcissist and it is literally IMPOSSIBLE for their identity to not be revealed to you immediately after you do it if they truly are the covert narcissist you suspect them to be.
To uncover a narcissist at little or no harm or injury to myself, I'll say "no" to something they say or want early on before getting in too deep. It's a test.
It's a plan that always works. 💯 Especially if it's something they really want.
This is interesting. I was asked to do a lot of things in the beginning and I turned my friend down and he changed. His communications slacked and he began getting busy. I started giving him.back his energy. Things never got better. Saying "no" definitely does something to them.
This is a much better way to test a narc. Thank you.
Coverts can hide their anger though and wait a very long time to get revenge and they do work towards revenge and will plan it out very methodically so that when they get their revenge it is so long since the original slight or you saying 'no' that you would never connect the two together
@lastthingsbiblestudy I don't know if that is actually a covert narcissist. Narcissist's reactions to "no" is usually pretty immediate. They really get disproportionately angry and can't hide it. It's like an overreaction. I suppose covert narcissists are different. I don't know much about them.
That was an excellent short take, very informative
I'm pretty sure I'm not a narc because I don't check most of the boxes (only a few) but I am sensitive when critiqued because that's all I got growing up and it hurts a lot and brings back all the times I was never good enough and undeserving of love... Narc father. I keep to myself because I can't trust anyone anymore and yes I get hurt way to easily and I'm not gonna apologize for that, I've been gaslight enough for having feelings.
Growing up with a narc will do that to you. If you are able to take a step back and assess when you were in the wrong in an argument, you're not a narc. They will always find a way to guilt-trip you, make you feel like your criticism is invalid, even if you have proof, because you obviously don't love them and you're hurting them when you tell them they've been hurting you. My parent is like that but now I can tell when I'm not supposed to feel guilty for what I said. My lack of self-worth growing up really made me into a naive young adult who got taken advantage of by older men with the same pattern of guilting me. It finally clicked when the things that were said were essentially that the problem was me and me only and I had to become what they wanted me to be (docile and always agreeing to what they said) for them to love me. I finally got a backbone and left, and now I won't let anybody invalidate my feelings or opinions. Anyway, if you've never been manipulative towards someone to get something from them, if you've never gaslit someone into believing something false, I wouldn't worry
@@machin8593thanks for the reply, sorry about your situation :( even though it's really hard to admit I was wrong (because of shame) I do do it. I've never gaslit anyone into believing something false, I actually have a very strict policy for truth and honesty. I don't think I've ever been manipulative to anyone to get anything, maybe as a little kid like acting extra cute for sweets when I was told I couldn't have any but that's about it and I haven't done that in a very long time :))
True. Been there. You can not say anything and you have to walk on eggshells or you get 💯 treated like worse crap than they have been doing 💯
And you get something hurtful. And enjoyment in it. If a sociopath, they will hide it.
@@tanjaovsenik81yes, it's disgusting & very creepy to be abused by that sicko mind. 🤮
That’s why I pretended to get along with him, all the while watching for a way out! Till it happened! I’m free now!
I am so happy and proud of the fact that you figured a way out, of that mess. No one deserves to be surrounded by extreme toxicity, maliciousness and abuse. Love💘!@@RitaG4404
But they’ll make you feel like you’re the bad person and they are on eggshells. Cuts a true mi d game and it’s sick. When all you do is try to resolve conflict and they continue to create new problems.
Omg. The circles we would talk, the sudden silence for weeks but “nothing is wrong”, the times I was told to wait a second when I needed help carrying something, which never came, never once complemented me but the on going list of things he hated got longer and longer.
You are so right. Confront them, on doing things behind your back, gossiping about you for example to smear you and use you at the same time. Next, they will try to set you up to accuse you of some crime. Be very careful with them.
I needed this at this very moment in my life. Thank you so much. 💜💜🤩
Don’t listen to this guy. Never confront a narcissist it’s dangerous if you’re going to remain there. ❤
My this creature came into my life the worst mistake of my life I won't ever trust or love anyone again
Absolutely, I wish my therapist was this informative
I lived this for 15 years ...one thing he missed....the "punishment " doesn't end its on going at whatever point they can stsbb they will . The punishment only ends at the next " injury" they get this could be you or someone else. Any action they commit they will never admit to especially in front if a counselor.
I know this to be true. I am the type of person that seek for truth. I like to voice my opinion in every conversation to get feed back from it.
True! But also we have to be responsible for our delivery of criticism as well. You can’t knock someone over the head and not expect them to take a step back.
Don’t cast your pearls before swine. I never fully understood that until I realized that I didn’t deserve to be treated like that
Same
Most people in our society are narcissistic. We live in the look at me generation, where the main focus of everyone’s life is themselves.
I have definitely been narcissistic in the past, not because I wanted to be but because I had no idea that I was being a narcissist. It’s hard to let go of your ego and pride, and admit defeat. But it’s essential to be able to grow and flourish.
Hope everyone lives their best lives. ✌️
But is not correct to hurt others because you are beign selfish and a user. There is such thing as empathy toward others which narcs don't know anything about. Narcs live in their own delusional world to continue to hurt others. Karma will do it's job at the long run.
It’s not even as severe as admitting defeat. It actually can be good if someone corrects us because no one is perfect and that is how we grow! We all can help each other! As long as it’s not malicious intent, I think some feedback can be really helpful and beneficial to me (and others too)! 🙏☺️
@@JesusSaves77799 i agree
@Gold Tau tentacles? Like an octopus?
@@corbinwilson3781 Yep. NPDs tend to have tentacles they wrap all around you (and anyone close to you), then squeeze the shit out of you...and right when they think you may break or die in misery...they let go and give you kisses full of false hopes, more manipulation and lies... so you stay 🦑 🐙 Then the cycle begins again.
I waited til I couldn't take it anymore and blew up at him. At the time I didn't know what I was dealing with.
He did that. Very tricky indeed. Was a very harsh awakening for me. Survived but never the same again.
I “had” what I thought was a good friend react just like you describe….. what did she do?… blocked and ghosted, me? I decided it was a lucky escape🙏
Same here, after 25 years of friendship ended because I found my voice and she didn't like it and she moved away and blocked me, but in the end I was relieved and got on with my life without her.
Me too
Same, around 25 years of bff pretend. So lucky to be ghosted by her. When I think she was even asking me what is wrong with her to have such difficulties finding a man. She only wanted overconfident, rich, successful man, that don't take crap from anybody, and she did find them, she was attracted to overt narcissists and didn't want to change that, the other bunch were weak in her view.
Truth! First of all the one that I know is always right and justifies everything.
Yep! I confronted by brother in law…. Oh my goodness! His eyes were like venom darts! And because I “won” and kick him out.. he wrote the most wicked wishes and threats against me, for something he did wrong and I called him out.
What....you kicked him out the house??
My mother is this way she can never do no wrong and blames everyone got her problems. When I made a mistake and got a dui I took responsibilities and even recollect on the situation to see what I could take away from it in order to avoid it happening again. If that was my mom that got the dui it would’ve been everyone else’s fault for making her get that wasted. Just an example btw. That’s what she would do to me when I lived in her household
Demons manifest at the word NO.
The injury is actually exposing the shame that lives there under the mask. It’s the wounded inner child. And yes the eyes go black and are demonic
That’s an actual demon. We’re calling them narcs on the psychological level but the eyes going black? That’s a spiritual phenom, not a mental one.
What's worse than a narcissist... a bipolar narcissist. My niece is a bipolar narcissist, sadly the whole family believes every word from her. One thing I've noticed is she conveniently can't "remember" the mean things she does or says.
Record something she's saying or doing, but when she does it in front of others, not you alone, then show it back to her a bit later.
If you record secretly when it's only you alone with her it people will see you as untrustworthy
My step father in law is a bipolar narcissist. It's crazy how much control they have over everyone. His wife, my mother in law is a covert narcissist. She hides behind his narcissism and uses it to play the "woe is me" narrativewhen it's convienent to manipulate others. Then acts like they are the queen and king of the universe when he's attacking her target from her manipulation. When they are ready to attack someone together (me OR my husband. Always one at a time) they give each other eye contact, a little smirk, and attack with whistleblowing.
Yoooooo I’m dealing with one of them now!!! She always needs examples, or needs me to explain things. Her favorite word is “when?”. And somehow she takes what I say she does to me, and flips it. Like I did it to her. She said I need to give her dates and times and a full run through of what was said for her to remember. 😂😂😂 like wtf?! I’ve pulled her card. She bipolar, no therapy, and no meds.
@@torrianfrazier901 it's best to get out of that relationship now. If you don't, your life will be a living hell all the time. It will take a terrible toll on you one way or another.
Wanted to give you a hundred thumbs up on that one ... that is so true just a simple little test a simple comment and you will see how they really are see that angry look and then watch out.
Yep; I confronted my covert narc female neighbor who was constantly in my face when I first moved in, and told me every single day for several months how broke she was, she didn't like it. When I added up all the things she said she couldn't afford (yet clearly could), it came to about half of my income. She was going for half of my monthly income. When I let her know I'd had enough of that, she faded away into her own apartment and went ghost on me, and gave me the silent treatment. She's not stupid; she just isn't a very good woman. 💁🏼
Recovering narcissistic here that passive aggressive and manipulation is so REAL!
Yep I’m married to one but once I figured out the game I just ignore him and he is sweating trying to get my attention. I limit my conversations and reminds him that he is unloving when he is he hates it. Then he is good for a few weeks but the click 😮happens when I lest expect it. He is on a lower level but I think he could be worse he is more withdrawn then anything. I can tell there is a battle within his soul it’s kinda sad but he needs to go to get help but he doesn’t see it and they can not face themselves. I have natural joy he took it for a few years because I did not know what was wrong but I learned praise God.
So you thinking to do 10 more years with him 😎??
@@uplift56 yes I am as long as he is not violent. He has never put his hands on me or been violent with me. He belittles but only if it is allowed I have found courage to not believe what he says and I speak back to him the way he speaks to me and that backs him up. I believe God knows what he is doing. I have grown tremendously under my husband. I would not change a thing in the past but I would like to grow with him in love but he will not be vulnerable with me. Does not like talking feelings and believes love is just paying to bills. So if he just wants a room mate and I don’t pay rent anywhere then so be it. It’s not an ideal marriage but most things are there just not social emotional support he can’t do it he doesn’t have it to give. I am not a needy person I don’t have to have affection from him to function but I would like that from him but I believe he is afraid to relax in love😞but he will need to talk with someone but he want. So that’s life.
@@karenaturner8074 I can relate thanks for sharing
Just say "no" to something they want, or better yet, to an expectation they set for you to do and say "no". Watch...it's the best way to unmask the covert narcissist.
I just told my boyfriend no last week, he screamed at me like he's never done before, it scared me. He left, and has cut me off.
I know why, he must protect that false ego.... and I know his truth.
Never apologize and walk away.
Yes. Correct them on something reasonable. Of course. But normal people aren't going to start targeting you just because you correct them in some way. In my experience the easiest way to spot them is if you see someone who has poor boundaries. Lovebombing is also common, especially if they aren't too introverted. They will seem eager to present themselves in a particular light. Most people have a image they present themselves with at times, yes. But Vulnerable Narcissists (and Narcs in general) do this to a higher degree. Your instincts may send off subtle alarm bells too, so to speak. Later, passive aggressive behaviors toward the target will emerge (devaluation).
If you say “it’s twelve o’clock” and he says “no, it’s noon” then he’s a narcissist.
GREAT example!
Damn that hit hard lmao theres times im talking about something and someone will literally disagree with me and say the same thing I said and try to take credit for it 🙄
The cerebrals are like this
Yes, they LOVE to argue and fight!! I will never understand people who enjoy fighting!
Very opinionated
Yes a narcissistic injury it’s in their eyes
I discovered your channel yesterday and I think it is one of the best I have ever listened about narcissism: your way of explanation, your energy, voice, everything...
My mother physically attacked me
Covert malignant narcissist!!
Yep! They really change the looks and the behavior
This post is truly appreciated
exactly what happened when i talked to my supervisor when I told him there were better way to tell someone when they do something wrong
I just ended a very long friendship (30+ years) because I realized she was a covert narcissist after confronting her on a few issues
Epic. Epic behavior.
@@saintjabroni I actually ended 2 different friendships over 30 years and it is tough because you miss the person you thought they were
@@reneegardner2286 Bless you…
I believe I know…the weird feeling (essentially). I’m going thru it brand new, now, as I type.
How this was such a great description. And I've seen a lot off ppl explain narcs. Thank you
Covert narcissists are tricky but the red flags are there. For me, the negative energy that they emit is the first red flag to not ignore and trust your intuition.
It will save you a lot of pain - NOTE TO SELF.
It would be a better world if they would just all agree to move to planet NARC! An island will due until the aircraft is built and the planet is discovered. Well I can at least fantasize.
Or Mars. The Moon. Hollywood. DC. New York. LA.
Thanks for the laugh. Yes so true.
These covert narcs actually Have a nice and affable facade. They can be quite light and humorous too. What they lack IS reciprocity. They take your energy, time and effort and do not give anything Back. They use you as a source of self-esteem, they want you to Ask them questions and they never ask you a question in return. They answer only. Covert narcissists let you do all The Work.
You gave me my first laugh out loud I had a broken heart I didn't know such evil excisted😂😂😂😂😂😂
An asshole's an asshole, but some are clever.!!!!
I was taken and married for my money. He did exactly what a narc would do, smear my name and try to take all my credibility.
Attack mode!! She says that when she gets hurt, it comes out as anger. No tears. No apologizing. No compromising.
I had a grandiose, covert religious Narcissist in my life once, and I confronted her concerning some of her sins against me. She knew I was right but refused to apologize. She became angry and belligerent, and informed me that she wasn't perfect -- as if I was the one in the wrong for supposedly demanding perfection from her, when in fact she had simply sinned against me. Jesus said if someone refuses to listen to you when you confront them concerning their sins against you, to let them be to you as a pagan or tax collector.
Good advice. Short and quick.
Thanks
I said the word No to him too many times hence the rage instantly. Smh
Did you get out yet?
This is totally true. That said, many people, especially those who suffered criticism in abusive forms, are sensitive to it and may respond to it defensively out of habit. It also seems as though most people have a threshold for criticism of any kind before they find themselves displaying defensive reactivity. Essentially this occurs when the seeming purpose of the criticism shifts from “about those behaviors” towards “about you”.
You’ve just described my father and mother. When I confronted both of them, it was hard, scary and powerful. They had never heard me speaking to them on an assertive adult level. (Jesus was my strength). My mother was livid, my father was sneaky, pretending my discontent had nothing to do with him. Both of them have helped denigrate me amongst my siblings. There both 💀 ☠️ dead, now. 🛎 Ding-Dong they gone.
Hopefully, you came out fine
@@harounben342 Yes. And as children of trauma can and do attest, it ain’t easy; but with Jesus Christ by my side, I’m peaceful. 💙
Happening now. They hate it when exposed. Bullies
I believe this nasty, evil look is their demons coming out from their cover. They'll turn on you like a light switch. Even their pupils go black. It's ugly and scary. Just retreat to a safe place and put your Godly armor on. ✨️
Omg, thanks for sharing this.
I’ve been trying to work out just one aspect of a friends personality, and you have just explained it - I’m reluctant to test this out...obviously because it’s not a nice moment when you push that particular button.
I’ve often thought that if you lived with someone like this, you would soon “learn” not to offer ANY feedback - but I guess that’s the point.
Thanks
My Covert narcassistic Brother is ...he'll try and make you feel like your the problem and demand an apology! I never fed into that which infuriated him!!! I never gave in so all he did was create yet another false story about me in hopes others would agree but that too blew up in his face. Today he is all aline and miserable
Thankyou Ross R. I first heard your videos in 1916. About 2 years ago or so, I finalized the ending of a narcissistic transactional---relationship that took years to end. 😊
😂🤣😂🤣 my mom will say "I never do something wrong, how dare you accuse me of anything!!" 🙄
Very clear…. If they are listening and , apologize perhaps I was wrong???
Had an ex narc friend that wanted to know why I disconnected from them. I told them I saw patterns that I couldn't rock with anymore. They went on a complete tangent. Told me I was difficult throughout our connection, that I was self righteous, and that they know I was still bitter and hurt about us disconnecting. They said all of this completely forgetting they'd reached out to me!! Lol Wew chile. Smh 🤦🏽♀️
This is spot on! Lived this for 2 years.
I'm a bit insecure about feedback depending on the intent behind it, so I'll be immediately upset or even angry, but I'm not going to go after someone for it.
Same here, hope we aren't narcissist it's just traits.
@@Dimple3 thankyou for sharing your perspective 😊
I spent so long convincing myself I was awful for ever expressing criticism because it has never been received well. Videos like this have been so validating, because I've felt absolutely nuts for so long
I've seen this and oh boy it is scary and run for your life!!
Very enlightening! Thank you!😔🙏🙏
With Gratitude! ! !❤⚜️❤
Blessed Be! ! !❤🙏❤
I confronted a narcissist that was playing crazy sicological distractions on me, we have never been friends which surprised me that she was okay playing those games on me, but what surprised me the most is that she had became so comfortable and maybe get a kick out of doing that that she didn't want to stop, and started discrediting me
What do you mean by sociological distractions?
@Saint Jabroni like making weird repetitive sharp or loud sounds that was clearly acknowledging that I was around, its extremely repetitive to the point that others think it's part of her personality, it's very crazy
@@tatianar.421 Thank you for your response.
I have no doubts.
I wasn’t expecting the face and it scared me 😅😂
Wow.... 💯 correct...it works every time