14 Signs You Actually Have Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)
Вставка
- Опубліковано 4 чер 2024
- TW: From 26:37 to 26:55 there is a brief mention of eating disorders.
I have a new Patreon! Join before the 12th of November and I'll send you a membership badge:
/ imautisticnowwhat
*I used quite a few quotes from this book about PDA:
amzn.to/43GSk9J
💛 WATCH NEXT 💛:
💛 If you missed the last TikTok reaction (we talk about faking autism, parents filming their children's meltdowns, and the struggle of choosing from menus as a PDAer and not wanting to make the WRONG choice) 💛:
• You're ALL under ARRES...
My Burnout Story might also give you some more context:
• struggling with autist...
💛 My Videos Mentioned 💛:
10 Signs you have Pathological Demand Avoidance:
• 10 Signs you have Path...
Take the PDA Test with me:
• Do YOU Have Pathologic...
00:00 What demands sound like?
01:39 PDA Vs Executive Dysfunction
03:40 What does anxiety actually feel like?
06:30 Everything is a phobia
08:00 PDA is feeling relief?
11:30 PDA Rage
16:09 Jobs are Claustrophobia
20:00 We can't be wrong!!
22:35 Low self-esteem
24:30 Criticism Dysphoria
25:15 OCD
27:28 Everyone must be equal!
30:15 Electricity in my brain
31:06 NO routine
34:40 PDA is Euphoria?
Sources:
The PDA Society:
www.pdasociety.org.uk/
ODD NHS:
www.cntw.nhs.uk/services/oppo...
Elizabeth Newson Wikipedia:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elizabe...
How PDA avoidance feels from the inside. Sally Cat PDA:
• How PDA avoidance feel...
Executive functioning: a personal perspective:
www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-...
Emotion Regulation and Executive Function in Children and Adolescents with Autism Spectrum Disorder and Pathological Demand Avoidance Traits:
discovery.ucl.ac.uk/id/eprint...
Autistic traits, emotion regulation, and sensory sensitivities in children and adults with Misophonia:
link.springer.com/article/10....
Dysthymia:
www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-c...
Anxiety of the PDA Kind:
www.pdasociety.org.uk/life-wi...
Riko PDA Facebook:
RikosPDApage...
Coping strategies for PDAers:
• Coping strategies for ...
How PDA can Feel:
www.pdasociety.org.uk/life-wi...
What is PDA Booklet:
www.pdasociety.org.uk/wp-cont...
PDA by PDAers Book:
amzn.to/43GSk9J
Relationships - dependence vs independence: www.pdasociety.org.uk/life-wi...
Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA):
www.aspriscs.co.uk/news-blogs...
Riko PDA Case Study: www.pdasociety.org.uk/wp-cont...
Distressed behaviours:
www.pdasociety.org.uk/life-wi...
80,000 hours Update: Don’t follow your passion: 80000hours.org/2014/09/update...
Managing work:
www.pdasociety.org.uk/life-wi...
PDA Test: dragonriko.wordpress.com/pda-...
Thank you so much for taking to the time to watch! Feel free to make requests for future videos in the comments.
DISCLAIMER: I am a second-year psychology student and a late-diagnosed #actuallyautistic individual. I am not a qualified healthcare professional.
*Books I'd Recommend about Autism:
Different not Less by Chloe Hayden (read if you want to cry):
amzn.to/40fKx2m
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone:
amzn.to/3xSZ6Mg
*Unmasking Autism by Devon Price:
amzn.to/3LhMV3j
*Links with a star are affiliate links. The channel will receive a small commission if you buy anything on Amazon after clicking through with this link. There's no extra cost to you and any money will go towards putting out more content. I'd love to post twice a week and put more time into research for these videos. Thank you so much - I really appreciate everyone sharing their stories in the comments.
I always find posting about PDA really difficult for some reason, but I’m here, facing the phobia again 😂
Thank you for being here as always! 💛 💛 💛
I've just posted a new video about tips for coping with PDA:
ua-cam.com/video/JoXIJhnFAdI/v-deo.html
My Burnout Story might provide some more context to some of the clips included here (and explain why I ended up dropping out of college etc):
ua-cam.com/video/zHZuzwl6r3c/v-deo.html
And if you need more PDA, here’s the playlist:
ua-cam.com/play/PLEHi2YmjD7gG0_GkY6Sec9YcmDml4AsNH.html
Thank you for making these videos. These "invisible" problems can be hard to understand, and I'm finding that we have a lot in common, both with AD[h]D and ASD(PDA). When I can get myself to sit down and watch, which isn't always easy when I keep opening more browser tabs, it's nice to know I'm not alone in some of my struggles. I appreciate the validation. ❤
You have a true talent in making topics as tough as PDA fun and engaging. Well done on another great video.
Thank you for working through it, this video is excellent. You’re so talented and perceptive. Your videos explain our experiences so well, Thank You!
When I generally see a 40 minute long video from other creators, I'm like ok, let's see if I can make it to the end. But when I see that you uploaded a long video I'm like: YESS!!! 40 minute video!!! I'm so happy to have found your channel 😁
Finding your videos on PDA is one of the best things that has happened to me recently. I don't constantly feel stupid, incompetent, or lazy anymore because I cannot manage tasks that others find trivial. Thank you for making me feel seen and heard.
"when I'm making decisions I feel like there's a right answer" oh my god i have chills. i have literally said to friends before that the reason im so indecisive is cos decisions feel SO high stakes. I've spent the last year wondering if i could be autistic but i feel like the PDA autism profile is so eerily similar to me that im not sure what else it could be...
same here, I always feel like there's a single correct answer that I *have* to find, even if it makes no sense at all, and I can get lost so easily in my own head going around and around in circles trying to find the answer that is objectively and provably correct even when I know that answer doesn't actually exist. It makes every decision feel like such a threat, and so I avoid decisions as much as possible, because the feeling of choosing 'wrong' makes me feel like I've done the worst thing imaginable in the world and like I'm awful and horrible and like I've ruined everything forever. 'High stakes', as you say, is exactly right! I still don't know if this is PDA specific, but it's definitely extremely recognizeable.
I am
The underwear thing really got me, I literally do that, same with socks and shirts. Pants are a little less "stakey" cause I usually wear 1 pair for the week.
PDA can also go with ADHD, or exist on its own, but yeah, the emotional stakes feel so high with some decisions. Like, will I feel satisfied with option A? or B? or something else I can't even imagine?
I don't think PDA fits me, I'm a high school lab tech, I'm being asked to do stuff all day and I love my job. But this statement fits me down to the ground and I certainly relate to a lot of anxiety. I think my anxiety is generally around a sense of perfection, finding that right answer every time, even if its just what ice cream flavour do you want.
I'm starting to get that one doesn't really matter, though I still obsess a little over price and whether It would be better if it would be better for the person buying cost wise if I declined or whether they want to treat us. I now may be slightly obsessing on the perfect wording of this comment. Realising this stuff has helped take the anxiety level down a good few notches though.
The part about not liking to sit in front of a big computer screen where people could potentially be watching what you're doing and preferring to just sit in lessons and then do the work when you're alone/at home sounds so much like me! I've always found it easier to do school/uni work when I don't feel 'observed'; it's why I tend to sit at the back in lectures/in more private areas in the library so there aren't people behind or around me
I literally fell behind in high school because I couldn't bring myself to do the work in class. But being around people in a social setting wore me out so much that by the time I was home I was too exhausted to do my work left from school. High school was just so much more uncomfortable than middle school where I felt at ease with my teachers and my classmates.
(not sure if I have anything) I feel really self conscious anytime I’m in like view of a window even if someone probably couldn’t see through it. It’s taken me a long time to be comfortable being on our really big (it’s like. Three feet. It’s insane.) computer screen my dad bought when I was doing stuff on it, even if it wasn’t like bad but it’s not something I want anyone to see I’m doing. Like when I used to roleplay. Or when I was talking with people. I always typed with the smallest font when I wrote on my iPad so nobody could ever read my stories I was writing. I don’t even like talking on walks, the neighbors could be listening (I can’t like. Tune out people if I can hear them. So I kinda eavesdrop by accident all the time. And I think I project that). Is that like paranoia? is that normal?
I’m also uncomfy getting ready for something when someone just asked me. To be comfortable I feel like I have to wait a minute. Or wait for them to leave. I get ready so much faster when, say, my dad is outside instead. I avoid taking showers when both of my parents are home and watching TV because I don’t like the idea of them seeing me go upstairs and it being a whole thing where they see me go shower. Idk why.
That’s why I was so relieved when work from home became a constant thing since the pandemic. Regular work felt so tiring
@@sophiathefurbstwow, I could relate to everything you said. I moved from an apartment where neighbors could see through the windows to one where the trees cover and I am instantly more relaxed. I always dim the light on the phone in public settings so no one can watch what I’m doing, i also don’t want to be noticed (like your shower thing) so I wait to do things when people aren’t around, i don’t want to be heard on walks, can’t imagine people recording their vlogs in public, it would be so nice if I could, I’m a very expressive person though, and the getting ready part, my mom was always wandering around me in the mornings.
Yeah this is such a particular thing about me, i had no idea others shared this.
Pressure. I feel an immense, disproportionate amount of pressure. When my dog wants to go outside, when the doorbell rings, when my phone goes off, when the microwave dings, when anyone asks for something….I feel like it’s being screamed in my face like a drill sergeant.
I also feel guilt over not having done it before someone asks. Like I screwed up something…AGAIN.
I literally dont open the door if i dont know someone is coming. Nooo way too much pressure they can go away. I will be silent uhah
One thing that helps this a lot is to socially isolate. There is, far less pressure in life if nobody knows you. I have known nobody, nor has anybody known me, in a, long time. There has reduced anxiety and pressure to very low levels, I doubt I will ever be social again. The very few benefits being social supplies, are not worth the tremendous amounts of negatives that come with being social. Give social isolation a try. It is a simpler way of life.
I think for me the anxiety and anger are intertwined in the way you mentioned at the end. The feeling of "why didn't I get to it first?" leaves me guilty AND angry. I never thought about the microwave but you're so right--I hate when it dings before I get it! I have thoughts like "God shut the fuck up, I know already, I'm on it, sheesh!!" even if I definitely wasn't because of ADHD time blindness 😅 I guess I never recognized it as anything but irritation. The beeping is, admittedly, an upsettingly piercing and painful sound
@@indridcold8433omg same
My dog pooped on the floor the other week and I dreaded cleaning it up. I spent several hours thinking about how I needed to do it ASAP. I was finally about able to finally do it and then my dad asked "can you please pick up the dog shit behind the couch" and I just got so angry. It's because I already spent hours internally screaming at myself to do it, and when someone else says to do it, it feels like they've already been screaming and yelling at me to do it and so I get really upset. Because it's not just that they asked, it's that I was already feeling pressured for it, and their demand adds into my own internal demand and my anger seems out of proportion. But I also have repressed feelings about my father and get angry at him because things he does reminds me of the past between us and it seems like I'm angry for no reason but if my dad breathes a certain way it reminds me of when he would freak out on me as a kid and I start to get defensive and feel like I'm going to be attacked either physically or verbally, and so I get into a defensive angry state very fast bevaus im expecting him to be out to get me.
Is it weird that I feel like my own body demanding that I get some sleep is also a trigger and something I want to rebel against, and have done for practically all my life?
Not weird! That's exactly why I've never had a consistent bedtime! I feel the same with hunger and thirst too.
I literally read this comment at 3:50 am and realized that's what I'm doing 😬
I’m fighting this so hard ever since I had to stop taking my sleeping pills. I need sleep more than anything and yet the act of going to bed is such a strong demand I physically cannot do it. I need to find a way to resolve this so I can sleep.
Oh no, you're not alone in this. 😂
I've always wondered why I procrastinated sleeping when I'm extra tired!
My friend rebranded PDA as "Persistent Urge to Never Kneel". Aka, PUNK. And I've here for that rebrand.
Just wanted to share 😜
*I'm
This!
Not even to myself 🤘
fuck yeah. most of the punks in my life are PDAers. aka "fuck you why should i?"
Oh god. You're right
for me PDA is about being unwilling to let go of any feeling of stasis I've achieved. I'm finally relaxed, or my mind has been clear lately, or my chronic pain has been less recently and PDA is this absolute passive unwillingness to Get Up and Do The Thing because it means giving up on the closest thing to comfort I've felt all day/year/life. It feels like quite a dramatic conundrum inside.
I can relate so much.
I relate. I am in chronic pain and often don't want to get up because I know I will be hurting more even shortly after getting up.
@@ElaynaSP yes! Or at mealtime, others say sit down and have a bite. My answer". No I can't because once I sit down I will have no desire to get up and do anything else, get anything else, fix anything else for anyone."
Get assessed for ADHD, I did, one of the key symptoms is not being able to relax
I'm on ritalin now and for the first time in my life I can actually relax.
I'm 43
This confuses me, then what's the difference between this and autistic inertia?
the fact that a lot of disorders names are just what they may look like from the outside is just more proof that a lot of doctors don't gernuinely listen but just observe from a distance. It's the same with ADHD etc...
For real.
Yeah, ADHD was originally thought of as a BEHAVIORAL DISORDER. And the treatment was basically “how can we make them less of a problem for other people” that’s why I love doctor Hellowell because he describes ADHD from the inside (because he also has it). I only like to listen to experts who actually have ADHD otherwise their advice too often tends to be “just act like you don’t have ADHD” such as “be organized” lol.
Dude i told my doctor in detail what i was dealing with. For the first time someone wrote in detail on my chart. She literally made up an entire story and wrote it out instead of summarizing what i had said. She said how anxious i was, i took several hours to be anxious and then i could do chores. Like girl what? I said i was on the toilet for 2-3 hours because I have IBS. Then I have to go to sleep because of my sleep disorder. Then when i wake up it's 10pm but i have to do chores. They do not listen. They go on what they assume when they first see you. I decided if I'm going to do that again I'm going to ask them to summarize and tell me what i just said.
15:45 I had “friends” that tried to trick me and force me on a roller coaster when I was a teenager. I screamed and cried- they were trying to restrain me and thankfully an attendant came over and let me out, telling the other girls they couldn’t force me to ride.
I felt guilty for years after that. They made me feel guilty too. I tried to explain to them how I felt like they were trying to kill me- that’s the sort of terror I underwent in the moment. They scoffed and called me ridiculous. But as an adult I can look back on that and say, what sort of friends would want to subject their friend to something they admitted to being that terrified of?
It’s not like these girls didn’t know I was scared. I told them I didn’t like roller coasters because they scared me. But they tricked me into staying in line and then proceeded to pin me in and hold me down. Mean girls doesn’t even begin to cover what they were.
They told me later that they were just trying to cure me of my fear. Course, I never asked them to do that. Nor did I want it.
I got on a roller coaster again at the age of 30 with friends who held my hand the whole time. Who told me I could get out, that I didn’t need to prove anything to them. They were good guys. I still hated it. 0/10, will not ride a roller coaster again. But that was my choice. It made all the difference to me, having people who supported me and gave me the exit if I needed it.
@@ooshiikuraiWhat those "friends" did to you was subjecting you to torture. I hate the whole notion of "facing fears by subjecting someone to them" because by forcing them to do that you're putting them in a fearful state that can lead to their death.
This type of practice was and is considered a form of torture and it was sometimes used against people to torture them with their fear.
@@ooshiikurai I happy that now you have people around you that actually care about you and won't put in such dour and fearful situations. ❤
@@ooshiikurai i find that people who don't deal with the mentally ill, people with disorders, people with problems in general, to think that exposure therapy is the answer for everything (just go do it then it'll be fine) when more often than not this turns out traumatic for the person. it's like throwing a person with a phobia of water into the deep end of the pool, you just frighten them
Is the wrong reaction to ask where they are now and planning to strap them on the outside of a plane?
The saying 'no' and doing something you've been asked to do anyway is so relatable! I usually say it in a joking manner but it feels so nice for some reason. Like 'haha i'm being cheeky'.
//Obligatory 'thanks for the likes' comment 😅//
That's exactly it!
Lol So true 😂
I feel this part super hard, I do this with my boyfriend a lot.
I get highly irritated if someone does something for me if they didn't want to. I would rather hear no and make other arrangements
@@ElaynaSP That's not what we're talking about though (for me at least)
The point is I like saying no for whatever reason
But I'll say it in the same way everytime, a way that my bf and I already know means 'I'm saying no but doing it anyway' usually with a certain expression change that makes it clear what im doing. :) I can't explain exactly *why* I say no but it's cathartic in a way.
Obviously if I didn't want to do it I'll say I don't want to. Usually with a tired expression or a tone of voice that shows such.
For the longest time I had no idea it wasn’t normal for other people to feel a pressure in their chest at all times. I didn’t realize other people didn’t think about how to do things and “look normal” or “like a human”.
I thought everyone had the same fears and pressures and burdens, but they all dealt with it. I thought everyone else was Superman, and in failing to be Superman I failed to count. At all, to anyone.
You are normal because no one is normal. This is all marketing to sell you drugs. The DSM was created to sell people drugs.
Where do I look. Did I look weird then. Did that guy think i was starting at him. Did I smile properly. Did I say hello properly. Did I answer that question properly. Am I looking at my feet too much oh look at that tree instead normal people look at things right? That girl thinks im perving on her. etc tc AHHHHH 30 YEARS AND IM SICK OF IT!
@@TheBanana93maybe micro dosing mushrooms
@@lindac6919YES. "Everyone else is so much better at life, I just suck at this." At 30 or so, I realized that my depression was not the norm - complete anxiety WAS my norm. My first memory, when I was TWO, boiled down to inward pressure and anxiety. I never realized that it wasn't that I suck at this, it's that I have an extra handicap - in sports terms, I mean.
Personally, I think the self-criticism and the low self- esteem seem to come with the first time you realize you are not "normal". Every experience in your life, from this point forward, just confirms how not normal you are. And it often comes from the way others address you, exclude you, mistreat you. And having praise only when you have mistreated yourself to appear just a little normal, makes this behaviour become a core belief (I have to make it so others will like me because I am not likeable as I am). I really think that if we were more accepting of otherness, neurodivergent people wouldn't feel so bad about themselves.
We can't feel good without Jesus...He created us individually...we are all different and have different callings, individuals with unique giftings from the Lord for our unique purpose, to love & worship God, and to serve others...we also have an enemy, fighting us every step of the way. Thankfully Jesus already defeated him(satan) and has given us everything we need to overcome...we just have togo to Him and ask Him to help us...also DON'T get vaccinated...the chemicals in those are specifically designed to mess up your brain!... it's still a challenge but with Jesus it's doable...He is well able to bring you thru!
All of this stuff always resonates so hard. My brain's going, "Hey remember how you just a few weeks ago described yourself as a 'ball of endless rage' to a friend?" or "Hey, remember that time you just LEFT a family function during an argument? Just got in your car and left, remember how relieving it felt to just be able to LEAVE?" or "Hey, remember that time you had a monday night roleplaying group and had literally worked yourself into vomiting by the third session from the sheer anxiety of having to do a thing?" or "Hey remember how in college and also at work and in pretty much every aspect of life you procrastinate essential tasks down to the very last possible second so you're FORCED to complete them?" Even this morning, as I was BRUSHING MY TEETH (yeah..) I was saying to myself "Gosh all these years I thought I was depressed and I'm thinking it was all just PDA all along."
I think work for me, at first, was absolutely crushing, after the first 3-4 months of having my first job I just had a complete, sobbing, late night breakdown to my parents about it. Because the idea of getting up every morning and going to a job for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, until I'm 60 felt like very literal torture. My dad had the presence of mind to tell me that if I wanted to quit that bad, it was fine. Instead I just stopped being productive at work, started goofing off 100% time- It took care of itself, they sent me to work with another team in a way more social and chaotic setting, with more varied tasks (I'd been alone in an office before that) and somehow it stimulated me in a way that I've been doing some iteration of the same thing for the past 14 years. These days my comfort on bad days is still the fact that I can quit anytime I want. I'm not obligated to be here by my paycheck, I'm financially secure with no debts, so it's almost like I'm roleplaying as a good employee, and I do enjoy RP.
That sounds like you have ADHD to me. You need the optimal stimulation to be productive and need more variety in order, most likely to stimulate dopamine production. Dopamine is deficient in ADHD.
@@Danielle-nz9tn That's what I was gonna say. The two sound kinda similar in the "overwhelmed by tasks" part, except in ADHD, it can motivate you if used well.
"Facing your phobias everyday". That's the best description of PDA I've ever heard, it's exactly how I've felt inside all my life.
I remember as a teenager, when my father told me that I should start using deodorant and shaving facial hair. I always felt this sensation of impending doom and self judgement that stopped me from doing any of these things. It took me several years being able to do these basic tasks on an almost regular basis.
Someone told me _“you’re the most fearless person I’ve ever known who’s also afraid of just about everything”_ now I understand why
Same. This really resonated with me too!
@@YaoiSceneyes a constqnd demand. Also going to sleep wak7ng up the right time. Shopping groceries eating cooking cleaning
It took me an entire YEAR to actually enjoy taking showers :/
@@turtleanton6539 Imy alarm clock for school was one of those tiny watch beeps. I always woke up on time. But I'd lay there staring at the clock in existential dread facing the invisible wall stopping me from actually getting up and going. I ended up quitting high school my senior year one semester away from graduation. 😅 I finished my credits doing paperwork at home instead. Back then I had no idea what was going on with me.
This describes my whole entire life from kindergarten on. Yes, mountain climbing for almost 63 years. Now I'm exhausted after work. My life is a mess because I have no energy for anything else. Then when I'm asked to work on the weekend or holidays, while I need extra money, I refuse knowing I'll have a devastating private meltdown. Age taught me to guard boundaries like a dragon's hoard.
I’m 53 and hard same. Just getting through a week is so draining, I safeguard my weekends as completely unstructured time. During the week, I am just flat out done mentally by 4 pm, and it’s a real struggle not to just go to bed then. I do log off work and put my phone on do not disturb, because it is such a relief to know I don’t have to interact with anyone.
Personal space is so vital
I’ll be 45 in November & same, although I *do* say yes from time to time, but ONLY when I feel I have enough spoons to do so…which is far less than in my 30s.
I just caught that you weren't talking about literal mountain climbing but your life since kindergarten... My life also since kindergarten and I'm 53. Completely burntout been homeless now a Uber driver barely surviving. Sure wish something like this I could relate to years ago.
I’m not autistic (that I know of) but being quiet and shy at school so you don’t get hurt really struck me. Thinking back I do think I was anxious as a kid but I just didn’t realize that was what I was feeling. I recall feeling grey and like life wasn’t that all that great (although I had a roof over my head, food, and all the necessities) I felt like time was just passing me by and I was just waiting for life to get better
Same
@@jenevieve7814 ditto!
1% of kids have autism
9% have ADHD
Scientists now think they're both the same thing
@@Uncanny_Mountainfor what i know adhd and autism are kinda opposites, but around 60% of people who have autism also have adhd
@@maxstevam430 As someone with both, I would say it's a lot more complicated than that. In some ways, the two can be quite distinct from each other, and in others they can actually be quite similar; they share a lot of the same symptoms and it's pretty common for one to get misdiagnosed as the other. It used to be that you couldn't even get diagnosed with both until relatively recently, my autism was missed for that very reason.
I’m 27 and was just diagnosed with ADHD about 2 months ago. Tbh, I relate more to autistic content creators than to ADHD creators. Idk.
How you are describing your experience having PDA makes me wonder. Everything feels like a demand for me, everything is SO hard. The minute someone places a demand on me, even if it’s something I want to do, like going to a friend’s birthday celebration, it feels SO hard to do and I feel such a sense of relief if I have a reason to cancel.
The psychologists who conducted my evaluation were like, “Oh, you’ve been able to hold down a job so it’s not really serious.” Oh okay, so it’s normal and totally fine that I get extremely angry at work, that I get so overwhelmed by sensory stuff at work that I have to go out to my car to cry all the time. Right….. “Mild” ADHD.
Yes! Same! I was diagnosed with ADHD June 2022, and a lot of autism content is more relatable to me.
Many people are misdiagnosed as ADHD when they are autistic.
It’s also bc adhd and autism have HUGE overlap, you could have both! Worth considering :)
Sadly, for most mental diagnoses, experts have been taught that if patients learn how to work or navigate despite their diagnoses, that they're "fine." Kinda default and poor assumption.
@@_Cloun I actually went to get diagnosed and thought that I had autism, but the psychologist said that I don’t. However, the questions in the evaluation that were geared towards ASD were very surface level stereotypes. So I am not taking the ADHD diagnosis as pure fact/I am not ruling out that I could also have ASD just because 1 psychologist said I don’t.
Same. I've been trying to figure out where the 'morning depression' and 'evening joy' my life has been structured by for decades, and this video seems to be the best lead. I've already read about PDA quite a bit, and already related with AuDHD. Honestly can't even believe you talked about the distracting, annoying 'hum' of being observed while trying to concentrate!
I always wonder if/how many of people like us had very angry parents.
Following. Had an angry, alcoholic parent. 🙋🏼♀️
Following, I too, had angry and fearful parents. Specifically one angry and one fearful.
Kinda like in LOOK ME IN THE EYES the autism book, his mom and dad were referred to (not called) by him as slave and stupid.
Had angry parents and was raised in a cult (lots of phobia indoctrination regarding "sin" and doing things incorrectly).
'morning depression' and 'evening joy' ...erf...
Oh my God you put my experience to words lol. I have such revenge bedtime procrastination but this is the heart of it. And yes, alcoholic, angry parents who would stand over me and scream directions and me and critique how I did things when I was doing my best but just a kid with bad coordination. Cannot STAND anyone standing over me watching me work. Hm wonder why 😅
Not even a minute in and im in tears. Oppositional Defiance Disorder. That's what my counselor (not therapist or psychologist) said I had. No discussion. No goddamn listening to me when I said time and time again that I thought I was Autistic. "You have ODD. you just don't want to listen to authority figures. I know you're just being defiant for the sake of it." I tried to explain I WANTED to do the tasks. I wanted to be a good kid. I wanted to listen. But it felt like there were stones on my feet. Or like I was mentally disallowed to move. I often couldn't physically make myself do things because I would freeze up and shut down. But no. "You have ODD. You just need to do it. It's not that hard." I hate that fucking label with every fibre of my being. It makes me want to scream. There is nothing I want more than to be able to take care of myself without hours long fights with myself. Without feeling like a ghost in a shell of a body. Without the heavy weight that physically saps my energy. I'm not defiant. I'm fucking suffering.
"I'm not defiant. I'm fucking suffering." I feel you!!
Me too
I love the way you tell us NOT to turn on notifications, knowing on some level that those of us who are PDA will turn them on because "you're not telling me what to do."
But I actually turned notifications on because I don't trust the algorithm and I really like your content.
Yes! I hate UA-cam because there are a couple of creators I really enjoy, but as soon as I'm asked to like the stream... I literally feel like screaming.
@@nofocus9329 i use twitch a lot, the streaming platform. one time i joined a guy's stream i had never been in before, had fun and i followed his stream. he said something along the lines of "ahh, now i know for sure you'll be coming back", i never came back. how stupid is that lol
@@nofocus9329 I use an extension on my browser called "Enhancer for UA-cam" that has an option where you can automatically skip those kinds of things.
@@nofocus9329I Just ignore it.
From the sounds of it, I think that PDA might not be _like_ a phobia, but actually _be_ a phobia. It seems to be a sort of fear of failure, or fear of letting someone down, elevated to the status of a full blown phobia. There seems to be "Atychiphobia" which is described as the fear of failure, but I'm not sure if they quite line up.
The single most freeing feeling I can think of is when there are no consequences. When you can just _do_ something and not have to worry about the outcome, or being judged on it, or what you should be doing instead. (I wonder if this has anything to do with existentialism. Rather than be depressed from the lack of meaning, said lack instead means that there's no standard you need to hold yourself to.) It does mean that I rarely finish personal projects, but the relief of just being able to put something down without worrying about if it's good enough can be intoxicating.
I feel you. Lack of meaning has always been a very relieving thought to me, never depressing. Meaning in somethinh means there is pressure, which kills inspiration.
More fear of success I think. Because success leads to further demands.
That honestly describes me to a T, if you're not a licenced shrink you should be.
Holy sh*t. That sounds like me to a T. You explained the feeling very well.
@@Constantin9va well.....that explains a lot.
I'm kind of in shambles right now because this explains so much about my life. I was diagnosed as autistic a few months ago as a 33 year old and it was somewhat of a relief but it wasn’t until I found your videos on PDA that I felt that I can start the process of truly forgiving myself for the past.
Even with the ASD diagnosis I still felt that I was just an unusually lazy person or just terrible and selfish, but it’s not my fault. I am trying so hard at everything and it’s not about making up excuses so I won't have to do anything and be a leech on society.
Thank you so much for these videos, as difficult as they must be to make they're giving me a lot of comfort (and anxiety at the same time but everything does that lol).
I relate to this comment so hard. I was just diagnosed a few months ago, myself. I'm in my late 40s and it has brought such clarity to so much of my life. I've watched a lot of AuDHD and PDA content, but I feel the same way about Meg's videos specifically.
I wish you well on your autism journey, friend. ✌💜
@@kingrix Thank you! I wish you well on yours. 💜
I get this so much, when I was diagnosed with ASD a lot made sense, but even then I still felt different, I felt alienated from others with ASD because there were things i experienced which they didn't, and how they felt that everything made sense now. I didnt feel like ASD explained everything. When I found PDA I finally felt like things made total sense without anything missing.
I’m “twice-exceptional”, which I swear makes surviving in the world harder than being more simply ADHD or AuDHD. I find some tasks much easier than most people; but many other tasks much harder; and I have invented personalized ways of approaching most everyday tasks that look bizarre or lazy to most other people. I don’t think I have PDA, but I definitely am an outlier even in groups of outliers, and it’s a hard, lonely way to have to live. 😔
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Microdosing helped me get out of the pit of my worst depressive episode, a three year long episode, enough to start working on my mental health.
Can Dr.sporesss send to me in UK?
PDA is the worst part of my Autism/ADHD. It wrecks my life, it’s crippling. I’m 56, the demands never stop, in fact as I’ve aged and my family has grown and the economy is even more tits up (so I need to work more) the demands have multiplied 🤦♀️
And I’m flipping tired of that daily slog of climbing that mountain.
Thank you for raising awareness and sharing your experience and those of other PDAers ✨
Ps. I think you were describing RSD rejection sensitivity dysphasia re the spinach in teeth thingy
It's also imo the hardest part to treat
PDA feels like perfectionism. 1000%!! If I make a mistake I beat myself over the head for DAYS, but I’m always overly accommodating if someone else makes a mistake (probably because I don’t want them to feel like me). I also love being praised, but not publicly, and not for things that to me seem obvious. For example, I also am very demanding of myself and if my boss praises me for doing something like stepping up when nobody else did I get wildly uncomfortable. To me, that’s the expectation and one of the ways I think I’ve managed PDA growing up is to think of expectations as “non-negotiables” so I don’t feel like I did anything that needs praising. It’s all very contradictory.
I go back and forth on whether or not I have PDA, I was dx adhd and odd as a kid, but recently rediagnosed adhd and autistic. I feel like a lot of the pda stuff fits, but there’s still a part of me that says “well are you sure…maybe you’re wrong”…
You my soul sister
i have had this go through my head pretty verbatim. i have gotten very good at complimenting people because of how much i generally don't like praise. I, (and apparently others because this strategy does seem to work for me) want to be complimented on what we are TRYING to be, not the things we already know about ourselves. Don't compliment a pretty persons looks or a smart person's intelligence.
“Extreme Demand Anxiety”!
Please highlight that phrase!
How do we replace PDA with EDA in the DSM?
@@magicseahorse I’ve heard it, but it’s an excuse for using the letters PDA. It’s not defining the anxiety that this video explains and explores. EDA is all encompassing!
We don’t have to. PDA is not in the DSM. >:(
@@jimwilliams3816 Then clinicians shouldn’t be using that phrase in any medical diagnosis. 🖋️
“PDA” is offensive, nonsensical psycho-babble.
“EDA”, otoh, is 🎯.
Yeah, I dunno about everyone else, but "anxiety" is just as annoying and ambiguous label in my mind as "pathological". People are gonna think it's something else when you say it, there's too many flavors of anxiety that have nothing to do with ASD. "Extreme Demand Avoidance" sounds more like its own thing, but even then "extreme" is like... A really ambiguous word. Like, extreme compared to what? Like I remember being absolutely frozen with rage and injustice for a few minutes at being asked to take off my shoes at my niece's house (wouldn't have been any issue if I'd been given literally ANY amount of warning ahead of time), and I *didn't* turn around and walk out the door and down the street and never look back, like I wanted to, and I didn't have a complete meltdown. But those are what I would consider to be the "Extreme" options.
@@ijustdocomments6777 Yes, that's my objection to my GAD dx -- I don't disagree, but like certain other disorders, it's far too broad. I also did not recognize anxiety as that much of a root for a long time, because I'd mostly heard it talked about in terms of panic attacks, and I don't really get those much, not the textbook examples. I am not aware of my heart beating fast, or shortness of breath, or chest pains -- what I feel is mostly the animalistic urge to protect myself by some part of fight or flight. Had I understood this, I might not have gone on the antidepressant I did, which is known to sometimes increase anxiety that not fade when you go off it. I think I may have gotten some of that...
What's most galling to me is that my anxiety baseline in hypervigilance, and while some sources will allow as how this can have physiological roots, many link it inextricably to trauma, usually childhood trauma. I still struggle with the concept of trauma, because it tends to focus on the Thing That Happened, and what I know about myself is that what happened to me is normal life, except I am predisposed to see every damned Thing as a threat. I think it would be best for all concerned, both people with real traumatic experiences, and those of us without, to find an alternate term for when genuinely traumatic experiences are lacking. The line for what's called trauma and what's not would get drawn person by person, based on what feels right to the individual. Right now my PDA feels like saying "I have trauma" is a demand.
Same deal with "anxiety." You can only stop there if your main aim is to sell Xanax. It's different things, with different effects, and I consider GAD to be an excuse to look no further. I tend to refer to my "persistent fear response." Generally speaking, I suspect I have prenatally heritable hyperadrenergic dysautonomia (my mother may have had POTS, and I think I may have when I was younger). I've actually heard of people who got HD diagnoses, but only if it got bad enough to cause their central nervous system to break down in physical ways -- arrhythmias, inability to regulate temperature, stuff like that. IMO, doing this is a bit like waiting until physical symptoms appear to diagnose cancer, or declaring that someone doesn't have dementia because they can still remember who they are (the latter is still a bit of a thing, in fact).
If we want to keep the initialism, one option would be PHYSIOLOGICAL Demand Avoidance. Or perhaps Physiological DANGER Avoidance. Of course, we'll have to do battle with the Behaviorists on that one.
End rant...
At the end of the video, "does it help having your partner remind you of tasks?"
While watching this video, I got a text asking if I did certain tasks, I tossed my phone and had an anxiety attack. I'd say no 😂
It took me a minute to grasp the part about relief, but yes! When a door closes - “I won’t be doing that any more” - it is SUCH a weight off my shoulders. There’s a “flight” aspect to it for me. I am suddenly seeing that this creates a massive emotional conflict for me when someone close to me dies. Taking care of my elderly father the last few years of his life was exhausting, and the mixed emotions that come from a sense of guilt over feelings of relief when it’s over are, I think, common. But for a PDAer, I think maybe it comes up in a more general way. If part of you is feeling like, “okay, My interaction with this person is finished, and I think I feel relief,” and this is in the absence of thinking, “it’s good for them that their suffering is over” - it produces very weird and intense survivor’s guilt. Parts of this are coming to me as I type it, and I am suddenly seeing some previously unrealized explanations for why my parents’ deaths were so fraught and confusing for me. Thank you for that insight.
I took care of my dad when he was dying and I’m positive I’m PDA Audhd. It’s hard so hard to deal with and the grief is immense. You’re not alone.
Watched another Autism video aboit how autistic people are at high risk for abuse and it hit me pretty hard because it explained my whole life the past 33 years. The unfair treatment, actual abuse between home and school, the bullying, everything. Just a shame now im 33 and kind of checked out of society. Relationships were never great for me either just little things. Ive also had a long string of getting accused and blamed for stuff by people in the past too because "its always the weird guy" its always the dumbest kind of stuff to. Realizing all of it has been bughing me a lot
i agree, society ultimately feels predatory and abusive, i'd prefer not to participate most of the time.
For me it’s also about something that feels necessary becoming something that feels optional. If there’s an unavoidable necessary thing to do, the only way to get it done is if I do the absolute worst unnecessary thing I can think of so the other thing doesn’t feel so bad, it’s hellishly easier said than done but on the odd occasion that it works, the satisfaction and elation is immeasurable.
Also, I feel resentment towards ANYTHING or ANYONE that takes my time, energy and attention away from what I want to do rather than something I have to, or should do. What I really want to do 24/7 is my special interest and if I can’t, then comes the anxiety which inevitably leads to irritability and anger.
It's a strange thing, carrying around a diagnosis that include the labels of pathological & disorder, so I very much appreciate you sharing/normalizing our neurodivergent experiences.
Greetings and well wishes from Oregon 🌲🌊♥️
I always cite Robert Sapolsky...when feeling pathologized, I recall him talking about how, when DSM 4 came out, it stopped categorizing homosexuality as a disorder, and as he put it “millions of people were cured overnight.” That was his wry criticism of the field of psychology, and of the many things it has bolloxed up.
These labels, like so much relating to behavioral theory, will not stand the test of time. I know I am dysregulated, whereas there really is nothing disordered about gay people, but still, the terminology thrown our way remains very primitive and unduly punitive.
It's true, diagnoses are really just lines drawn in the sand made to potentially aid management of certain symptoms that may have a common cause and a common way to help with... There's nothing wrong with us!
All the labels do but it’s from an NT perspective.
We just have a different operating system
The way you explained the phrase “a demand shared is a demand halved” has finally put into words what I have struggled and agonized over trying to explain to others and I’m genuinely sobbing because I feel like someone actually understands for the first time in my life 😭
A lot of what I've been reading/hearing about PDA *as an experience* resonates, but because I tend to internalize everything, my outward behaviors don't *look* like PDA.
Often, I will have to overcome an extreme resistance internally--but do the thing asked of me because it gets rid of the issue with the least escalation... but it will leave me totally out of sorts for a long time. Also, I don't run away--I shut down. I start moving very slowly or just stop altogether.
With work, it's a struggle. I undermine myself because sometimes I just *can't* do the things. I end up playing mind games with myself like seeing what I can put off or what I can get away with as a way of taking back control... and sometimes that ends up with me not doing enough and getting in trouble.
I'd attributed a lot of this to c-PTSD. Still might have both.
I'm so grateful to you for these PDA videos. I have ADHD, but I knew there was just something more going on, cause the world shouldn't feel like a constant burdan. Because of understanding myself better through these videos, the quality of my life has dramatically improved, and I've been socializing much easier with my work-friends cause I was able to explain my anxieties and behavior to them, and they surprised me by being supportive. I've practiced stoicism to help me get through things, but my inner absurdist is completely okay with taking the wheel now, cause yes, everything is crazy, so I might as well just roll with things more. You've made this more possible for me. Thank you for all your effort.
It's funny, but my PDA has kept me at my job for 18 years because I fear that there isn't anything else out there I could handle. It does kind of feel like prison, and if my wife wasn't dependent on my income due to disability issues I would probably walk away today. I get that feeling of relief from quitting things. I quit school multiple times, and many jobs before I came across trucking, where I'm mostly left alone, as long as I arrive at my end destination in a reasonable amount of time. No one tells me what to do because I have a set route. That story of coming across dysthymia fits me to a t, and being a happy child until school as well. I'm 40 and I still have vivid memories of my first day of kindergarten. Every time I think of school I get that Supertramp song The Logical Song stuck in my head.
Oh my gosh! I hated being watched before things were ready. It paralyzed me.
I feel a lot of relief too when i give up. So far ive been managing quite well but an auto immune disease is wearing my mask out. Whether im autistic or not. Im still trying to find out with a clinician.
i also drive. i'm also a substitute teacher. i am with you, i don't know what i would do without two jobs where i get left the fuck alone
I can relate to every single one of these, especially when you say you feel like you face your phobias every day. Back when I was in a full-time job, it was so soul-crushing, I couldn't understand how millions of people do this every single day. I am self-employed now too.
How did you start the path to being self employed?
I also am curious about your self employment. The only job I could sort of manage was doordash and such because I knew if anything happened like I forgot to eat or suddenly realized I smelled bad and got scared to be around people, I could go home. And sometimes just the relief I felt KNOWING I could BAIL if things got intense, was good enoigh. I wouldn't even have to go home. I'd say "let's finish one more delivery and then go home" but that would relieve the anxiety just saying that sometimes. And I'd finish that delivery and feel fine to do several more. Sometimes I had to actually stop for the day but sometimes just knowing I wasn't trapped removed the urge to leave.
You talked about liking other people helping with tasks. For me I enjoy being self sufficient often with things I like. With things I don’t like I I love it when people ask if it would be ok for them to help me. I don’t like people randomly helping because it feels like “I’m more functioning than you haha”
Wow, I get that.
Thank you Thank you thank you, you've explained so much of my life, I can't believe I've finally figured out so much about myself since discovering my autism
💛💛💛
That part about praise feeling like criticism! I suddenly remember how when I was five, I couldn't stand getting compliments-I'd get really upset and start crying. The grown-ups around me were mystified by that-I was supposed to be happy, right? Months after finally getting a formal diagnosis, I'm still finding ways it explains parts of my life that were never comprehensible before.
Praise means they are LOOKING at you, they have SEEN you do the thing and now maybe expect you to do more of the thing at the same or better level as before again so now, every time you do the thing you have to remember to do it that way or better or however that person may have liked it or whatever. Like, so much stuff suddenly comes into context that I don't want to think about.. Don't touch me
Praise feels like JUDGEMENT!
Praise is a trap!
@@YaoiSceneword for word, your explanation was perfect.
I don't have a formal autism diagnosis, but I believe I am autistic, and while I don't have the "anything asked of me drives me nuts" thing, I do pretty much have everything else.
One thing I find very interesting about myself is that I don't only just have insomnia, but I often am tired and could sleep, but just don't want to. Like, I literally keep myself awake because I want to do something else -- usually something stupid like playing a video game or watching TV. And, yeah, because nighttime is also the time that nobody forces me to do anything, it is usually the time I feel lightest and less burdened, and more able to do things as a consequence. It is infuriating.
Once you have a diagnosis, you now have a direction to head for recovery. These symptoms dont have to define you and are not excuses to live the rest of your life in ignorance by. I see so many get a diagnosis and that's it. We need to work on ourselves, and be less naive and complacent to the things we have the power to control and change. We have personal responsibility to get to the root cause and find healing for our problems. Now you now what hinders you, you are able to work on correcting these triggers. Your triggers are your responsibility. Good luck on all your personal journey's. Much love and respect to those who seek growth, and much compassion for those still trying to find their answers 💚
It's so interesting because i was homeschooled up until partway through 7th grade and i remember going into school and expressing how much i desperately hated it(needing to be particular places at particular times, be quiet, do a LOT of assignments i felt were silly or unhelpful, ect). But of course other kids were like yeah it sucks whatever but i felt like. Rage and despair! And i didnt want to act like my feelings were bigger than my peers' surrounding school, but looking back it seems much more apparent why it was like that lmao
I also work a typical 9-5 and getting positive feedback on work always stresses me out!!! I do NOT like for there to be expectations set on me. And ive felt that for as long as i can recall.
I appreciate your videos and all you share more than i can say!
I can so relate to your rage and despair about schoolwork. Even as early as 2nd grade, I recall adding up all the time I still had left of school to complete, and realizing that I emotionally probably wouldn't manage to last that long to graduate high school, despite getting good grades. Also, I HATED essay topics, and would always find a way to tweak the topic since the original topics just made me so viscerally irritated for no reason, and I couldn't even begin writing. But if I got the little thrill from subverting the assignment, I could actually do it
I was mostly unschooled and feel this so much. I still have a hard time with things that have to be done "just because".
OMG comparing it to misophonia or however it's spelled... Genius. I've been trying to describe what that level of irritation is, where it almost feels like I could turn it off, which makes it feel so unjustified and wrong on the inside. Why am I so annoyed at you asking me to work on something I WANT to work on? I must just hate you...
I actually started crying at number 7. I wasn't quite sure if PDA fit me, mostly because school was very easy for me up until I graduated secondary school and everything started to come crashing down in college. Maybe that's because before college I didn't have to try very hard so I could kinda just do my own thing - I'd always be drawing or writing notes in the back of the class, I'd barely study and still get good grades.
But upon watching this video, so many things deeply resonate with me. So many things that I thought were just me being entitled. or lazy, or weird or a bad person.... Nothing else has ever described my issues with getting out of bed in the morning or making food for myself so clearly. I'm actually really emotional rn and I'm not sure what to do with myself
"don't turn on notifications" thanks for that. i don't get why anyone would willingly turn on notifications to get notified about everything. i don't have them on for a single channel and generally, whenever i create a new account or something the notification settings are like the first thing i take care of, making sure i only get the ones i want in the way i want them.
18:37
Can confirm... yeah :(
It's very hard to find that sense of freedom in self employment when you aren't in any position to quit your full time job. It's hard to push myself to do the things to change it with my creativity and energy just non-existent.
I'm glad I found your channel. I had no idea of a PDA profile even being a thing, and it was always that core bit of self-doubt I had; the differences between PDA profile and the 'typical' profile. It's one of the few things I've experienced in life where once you hear about it you know.
It baffles me just how much I relate to your stories, I find them so helpful at this stage in my life, you're guiding me through stuff you struggled with too. I'm currently studying away from home, my room (and life) is chaos. I've been sleeping on a mattress with no sheet on for a week, sleeping in my clothes, going to sleep at 5am or not sleeping at all, eating one meal a day, which sure sounds disgusting and is disgusting, I'm just really struggling. I'm not diagnosed with anything (yet) but I struggle to find any other explanation for my behaviours since childhood other than austism. Im definitely PDA, but recently also think I could be ADHD. all I can say is thank you for helping me destigmatize my behaviours to myself. I feel rubbish for the way I live, it feels not right and out of order, and it is, but having someone else who's felt that too goes a mile. helps me declutter my brain and not be so hard on myself so I can actually focus on doing something to improve. Having answers is such a relief. I cant thank you enough for your channel meg
It depends what that one daily meal consists of, surely? Were you referring to the other stuff? I sleep in my clothes, too, and only change them when I shower which is (if I've gotten grubby) every two days. There. You're not the only one. I'd bet we're not outliers, either. It's a stigma. People don't like admitting it. You wash your hands after touching something icky and/or before preparing your one daily meal? My hands see a lot of aquatic action... Sometimes, though, I don't even brush my teeth every day. That one - I try to do but there's nobody to be bothered about it. So what. Not a sugary diet (and, like Meg, telling you without being asked (vegan) (we're not the worst offenders, though)) and my teeth and gums are reasonably healthy.
I wouldn't go around doing a 'Sound of Music' thing all about how I was unshowered (four days - sometimes), wearing yesterday's clothes, and with unbrushed teeth. At the same time - it's our business and I'm not sure people care (so long as we are not waving banners about it or presenting a contamination risk) as much as you think they do. :) . I think you might be allowed to cross that issue off the 'things people are judging me on' list.
Thank you for your comment too bcs i relate to it so much.. we’re not alone ❤
@@batintheattic7293 I love all the personality you put in this comment ❤
Sounds like executive dysfunction, it could be part of ADHD or it could be a standalone thing. Definitely worth having it looked at! Executive dysfunction isn’t laziness, if you’re laid there thinking about how you really need to do something but you physically are unable to get up and do it, then you’re looking at a potential executive dysfunction issue
Omg, I had to comment again! My daughter does the tearing up her work thing, or if I give her praise, she gets angry and tells me to stop. Actually, both of my younger daughters do that. And I feel the same way. I want people to like what I do, but I don't want to hear about it directly. It just feels icky. Likewise, any criticism feels like the end of the world for us as well. We just don't want any comment at all on what we are doing! Lol
My older daughter is this way as well, now that I think about it. She's just not as aggressive about it as the other two.
I like hearing people compliment things I've done when they don't know it's me who did it best haha
The anxiety! It’s in everything, everywhere, all the time! I can’t sub at work for people who are sick. Having an abrupt change to my schedule sends me spiralling. I need weeks in advance for it but that’s impractical for illnesses which are never on timetables. To me it feels like stomach aches, headaches, feeling sick, an air of impending doom. It’s sucks so bad
The thing about bulldozing yourself and not getting much from your accomplishments really strikes a chord in me! I don't get the same satisfaction other get from completing something, I feel very 'meh' and others get frustrated with me for not appreciating my work. Also I have always absolutely bulldozed myself to get things done, it doenst matter if I'm hungry, tired, upset, or whatever. The only thing that stops me is when there is a demand. I have to make myself stop doing something for my own wellbeing sometimes, but even that is a demand so I have to play constant mind games with myself. I have to tell myself the contrary thing, like if I want to do something I have to tell myself that I'm banned from doing it, or I have to do it on a whim in a dissociated state where I don't think about what I'm doing.
Autistic/ahdh folks don’t get dopamine rewards from completing tasks.
We can only learn/listen if we’re interested because our entire nervous system lights up when we’re interested.
So no nervous system engagement=the information will go in one ear and put the other.
This really kinda just solidified in my brain that I am definitely autistic. I was such an angry and child went from taking it out on other people to myself. I have a similar issue with exams and tests as well and that’s why I failed school so badly. I hated when I a “50% or your grade” test I literally just stopped trying at school because I had so many of those. I just sat there didn’t take it or guessed everything because I knew I’d fail anyways.
The DSM was created to sell people drugs. No one is "normal". This video describes most everyone I have ever met. This is all marketing. Describing generic behaviors as symptoms of "mental illness" or "autism" and creating new consumers of terrible drugs that cause facial tics and Alzheimer's. It's disgusting.
I hope you are doing better now
Thank you for making these videos !
I´m pretty sure I´m autistic and PDA seems to explain literally all struggles , that make me feel like I´m just a complicated weird person. Your videos help me a lot to uncover many things about myself, that I had been trained to see as flawes I have to learn how to fix them. But it also made it painfully clear to me, how much I have been supressing myself, that I don´t even feel like I´m able to stim. Often I feel this huge amount of energy build up inside, but when I want to move in way that doesn´t look normal, I´m just frozen. Even when I´m alone, I just can´t move freely, like someone would be looking and judging me.
I'm so glad you started talking about PDA. Because of your previous video, I realized that it was what had been going on with me since I was a kid, and helps relieve some of the shame about it. I know it affects my friendships and other relationships, but now it's not some bewildering 'why is this happening' sort of situation. Just knowing that there are other people who feel so similarly, and in particular, the way you've described your experiences with PDA match many of my own, including the unexpected claustrophobia
This video just made me feel seen... especially when you said lack of control and "minor" frustrations can cause meltdowns, sometimes even more so than sensory stimuli. That literally feels like the story of my life, and would explain why I have a "temper tantrum" because something "small" isn't going my way, or most often, a piece of technology isn't working the way it's supposed to. Like me almost having a panic attack because my phone would freeze for minutes and not load the bus timetable when I'm already running late and need to re-plan quick.
You just reminded me of a lady I had to deal with when I worked in a media center. During down times I’d draw patterns for fun and she would just watch me and comment. It’s like she couldn’t restrain herself, every week, same comments… all about how lucky I was to be able to draw, how envious she was, and so on. Tried just saying thank you but she didn’t stop. Sometimes every few minutes as though she hadn’t spoken before. I tried suggesting she draw more and she’d get better (not that I’m that great… they were what I called “advanced doodles”). Next week, another comment about how envious she was.
One week she asked me to teach her to draw. I suppose that should have been the door to some wholesome story but all I could think was that here was this woman who had hounded me for months and made me actually feel GUILTY that I’d had the audacity to draw for years and therefore got better at it before I met her, and now she wanted me to TEACH her to draw? But all she’d seen me do was stuff that I had done for years to pass the time. You can’t teach someone to do that. There are classes to teach you to draw. I am not a teacher.
My brother got on my case when I complained, saying I was ungrateful that this woman appreciated my art and was taking an interest. Excuse me for not being such an attention wh0re that I would lap up her aggressive neediness week after week, having no idea what the crap she wanted from me, until she asked for something I couldn’t give her. Every danged week, same comments, no idea how to respond, because she’d only say them again.
I dunno if that was just the PDA because that woman was a soul-sucking vampire.
i wouldn't have done it. anyone who outwardly expresses jealousy thinks you have it easy for no reason and will sabotage you in a moment. you made the right decision.
This is so relatable. Specially with the being watched part. I remember freezing every time a teacher looked over my shoulder at school because my brain always is like "if you make a mistake now, they'll think you can't do anything, so better not do anything 'cause then you can't mess up"
I am literally sobbing watching this video. Some of the things you've said you personally feel have hit so so close to home for me, and I never had any idea why. I've never heard of PDA but I absolutely will be digging into it now. I am just blown away. I feel so validated and so relieved, but so angry that I have been called things like lazy and disagreeable and have internalized it so much when it is a real disorder. Thank you for making your videos. They are truly life changing.
I have said, several times, that giving up is wonderful... for a day or two, and then you have the demand of coming up with/doing something else. At university I used to have an incredibly hard time registering for my courses. I'd spend the first two weeks of each half-semester (when courses started at my uni) in a constant state of paralysis/panic/anxiety. This lasted until I either managed to register for the courses or, as became more common the longer I tried to study, I the final date for late registration passed - and it felt like an enormous weight had lifted from me, even though I had actually failed to register and had just created problems for myself in the long term. This is always the example I return to when asked to describe things like this, because registering was so easy - you could do it online, it took like two minutes to do, it was something that I actually wanted to do - but the fact that I _had_ to do it made the task near impossible to complete.
I don't find personally that I always have the irritated feeling when faced with tasks or requests, but I think it builds up and I reach a tipping point where everything becomes very annoying and I become quite mean. It's upsetting for me and I've been able to manage this somewhat through cognitive behavioral therapy tricks, but it doesn't always work. It's like something building up that is going to explode and I can't control it and the anger I feel about that lack of control gets redirected at my family.
The feeling that you could be OCD is also there for me. When i was little, my stims were more 'structured', i remember having a specific moment where i looked at myself and said "hey, if i keep doing this i'll never stop". It was really just touching my hands in specific ways, or if a specific material touched one part of one hand, the other hand had to do it too. It's funny for you to say you had these feelings that you just grew out of, because that is similar to my perspective. I wonder sometimes if i could have let it take over my life, whether my decision to be careful about it even mattered.
For me it's like classic kill bill sirens. But sometimes my bloodpressure or heart rate skyrockets and then i can feel the vibrating drone of my blood rushing through my veins.
I've only recently come to know that PDA is a thing, and this is the first video I've watched on it - my first time learning anything at all about it. I cried through a lot of this video because its so relatable. This sick, trapped feeling of going to work has always caused me so much shame. I've even had therapists mock me for it. I feel like my soul is strangled, and the masking, I guess is what I do, is so exhausting. The anger, the perfectionism, the running out of exams... so many things. Thank you for making this video.
You’re so perceptive and gifted at explaining these experiences. You covered so many aspects, this is an excellent video. Thank you!
"We forget how connected anxiety, anger, and irritation are." My personal definition of the word "anger" is "a perceived lack of control." "Anxiety" is "the expectation of negative emotions." "Irritation" is "the presence of discomfort." You're right. We all too often forget the places that these emotions come from (or simply never knew in the first place), and in so doing, we forget (or cannot know) how they are connected.
Also, I'm in a website development class right now, and my PDA is manifesting itself in doing the website perfectly, but specifically _not_ in the way the textbook said to do so. I'm supposed to put a link in the page for you to click on and go to the menu of the mock coffeeshop page we have to make for homework? There is a button. It looks just like a link. You can click on it; it will take you to the menu. But it isn't a link. I have a special button that replaces the main text on the page with the text of the menu. It makes some things harder, but once you've got it running, it makes a lot of things a whole lot easier. I don't have to worry about fixing the menu page to be like the main page every time I change something now. Plus, it's _fast._ Normally when you click on a link, you have to wait about a quarter of a second (200-250 ms) for the page to load and the browser to render it and everything else that's going on in the several million lines of code needed to make websites function. My way takes 20-50 ms. If you blink, you will quite literally miss it. It's HTMX, for all the nerds reading this.
Same thing with my composition class. Microsoft Word? Never heard of her. I use LaTeX. Again, it's harder (a _lot_ harder, in fact) to start with, but once you get it figured out, everything is much easier. Plus, I'm not reliant on Word now. LaTeX documents are just literal text files that you feed into special programs to get the pretty PDFs that everyone wants. I can write my essays on my phone now, and Microsoft can sugma balls.
Its very frustrating to be in a relationship with someone like this. My husband is a PDA’er. I absolutely have empathy for the diagnosis as someone who has autism herself, but the contradiction of wanting personal freedom but needing to control the person your with and your surroundings is maddening. It very much feels like being married to a self absorbed toddler at some points. I understand that it stems from anxiety, but it can be smothering and not being able have autonomy as the person on the other end of the relationship. Thanks for the information.
I have felt like this in many relationships that were monogamous. I have had more success in having a cloud of intimate relationships. I simply *cannot * deal with the expectations that being with one person brings, no matter how much i love them the requests they make are overwhelming. It sucks tbh.
I've been thinking that my feelings and behaviour around the need to prove myself was not low self esteem but rather directly linked to RSD and my absolute fear of rejection. My life sometimes feels like it's going to implode due to how sensitive I am to rejection. However from what you have said I now need to ponder whether it could be linked to PDA as I am diagnosed with PDA whereas I'm too poor to access testing for ADHD and other subtypes of it. Thank you for your videos, they are always insightful
I've never had a job. I just can't. I've applied for so many jobs but when I've had a chance to get it I self sabotage, even when I've put so much effort into it. I feel terrible about it and I'm at the age where you're seen as a total loser if you've never had a job. I have to live with that and the way others perceive me because of it.. There's many things in my life I put a huge amount of effort into, and go above and beyond, but a job is not one of those things. It makes life hard not having the money, and it will make life even harder in the future, but PDA makes doing such things intolerable. Im on benefits and also sell things. School and uni was enough, I barely got through it and had so many crises. I'm so glad I know what PDA is now, my whole life makes sense. I tend to keep it to myself, only my partner and mum know and they understand it, they both know I'm not lazy and how hard I work on other things.
felt the "not liking asking other people to do things bc i think everyone else hates being asked to do things as much as i do" and taking praise just as badly as criticism
The jobs one man. If i had known i struggled with PDA i never would have tried to do commission based work. I tried it several times in several different structures and every time i just felt like a horrible lazy broken person because why couldnt i just do it why did it make me panic when i had a due date coming up for a commission i was so excited up... its just really helpful to hear that its not just a personal flaw. Im trying hard to structure my work better and just accepting that certain things dont work for my brain is a huge step toward lifting the guilt
I'm 36 going on 37 and despite our age difference, I relate and finally feel like I'm not alone. Your videos have been helping me to understand myself on levels I never thought I could, and helping my mom understand me better. PDA is very much like claustrophobia for me. I'm sure I have this. I have this "performance anxiety" and my huge triggers are being told what to do while I'm doing it, being micro-managed and having to hand over control to another person, as if to depend on them or if they're in some form of authority to provide a need or service to me I can't obtain myself.
I've always been "different" and for the first time, someone asked me if I have been diagnosed for being on the spectrum last year when renewing my SSI (Disability) with a psychologist. Since then I've been really taking an in depth look at myself. I consider myself neuro-divergent. Getting diagnosed/help in the USA for such is difficult.
Your videos help me a lot and bring so much to light that exists for myself and others. Thank you for being so brave, sharing yourself and experiences and bringing so much information to us all along with your personal experiences. You are amazing for sharing so much to help others. 🥰
Okay, I just had to comment on the part where you say that having someone do something for you feels like relief, because I realized something about myself this year and that is - for me help ALSO triggers my PDA, pretty severely, to have someone try to help me do something; I don't know what that is, but it's a very strong, uncomfortable feeling of imposition, like I was having a hard enough time doing this and here you are putting this pressure on me to let you help and now I have to think about that and whether I want that and now I feel like I have to do this thing more quickly or do it to your liking or not look weird doing it and not be too autistic in front of you, and make sure you do it correctly, etc. Lol To the point where I had a meltdown in Houston earlier this summer at the Hilton because the valet person wanted to help with my bags. I was so stressed out about the bags and the process of checking in, in general, and driving in the city, I kept circling the hotel trying to figure out what to do and where to go, and then I finally pull up to the right place and this stranger not only wants me to remove all of my bags right here onto a cart but he also wants me to stand there while HE does it? What kind of crazy place is this? Lol It was such a ridiculous proposal to me that I LITERALLY DID NOT UNDERSTAND that that's what was supposed to happen until after I drove away to the parking garage to unpack my OWN vehicle. I angrily kept asking my husband what I was supposed to do, and he kept saying the scenario I just described, and I could not wrap my head around that; I just kept saying "NO, HE DID NOT MEAN THAT." Like a literal crazy person. My poor husband, who is also ASD, does not have anxiety like I do. He also doesn't drive, though. 🤔
It took everything in me not to break down crying and shut down completely and hide in the nearest broom closet right then and there.
There is a caveat to this point, though. And that is...if I specifically ASK someone for help, and they do it, it DOES feel like relief. So I would specify for me in this instance, that help does feel like relief if it is on my terms and not imposed upon me.
Got any tips for someone in your husband’s position without requiring me to have everything under control all the time?
I'm terrified by how much I relate to so much of what you said. I was diagnosed with ADHD last year, but lately I've been feeling like there's something else going on in my neurodivergent brain. I've been watching a lot of videos about autism and OCD, and my therapist actually mentioned OCD as a possible diagnosis a few sessions ago, but I still don't know what to think. I feel like my brain works on a completely different frequency from everyone else's, to the extent that is hard to explain with my own words, so I end up relying on quoting people I relate to, and a lot of the time that just feels like I'm faking it somehow, even when I know I've been feeling this way my whole life.
I took the PDA/Autism test you linked in the description and got the "likely" result on both, so now I just want to go hide and cry and not deal with any of it
Thank you for this video. I’ve been thinking that I may fit this profile for a little while now, but your explanation from the “inside” perspective rather than an observer has really cemented my belief. You’ve explained all your points so well, and I love seeing the video clips of your younger self (though teenage and college you have such sad eyes it’s heartbreaking).
The feeling of lack accomplishment in my accomplishments, feeling let down, that they lack meaning is definitely a thing with me. Discomfort with both compliments and criticisms is a thing. After decades of experience with critiques in my design school education and career, I think I'm actually more comfortable with receiving criticisms than receiving compliments. Receiving compliments gives a sort of gucky queazy feeling. I don't know how to respond or I don't feel like I'm able to respond in a manner that's expected from so-called normal appreciative people. I can't meet the common expectations of those moments. I probably seem like an arsehole.
Thank you for expanding my knowledge about autism in my 11month+ everyday autism research 😀. PDA is really interesting topic to learn. Definitely will buy the book from video description. But also I am glad not to be a PDAer
Thank you for this. I've been having a bad day and was looking up coping strategies for PDA and then I saw you uploaded this video at the perfect moment. I forget sometimes that I'm not the only one dealing with this. Its good to be reminded we aren't alone
Your videos about PDA have been so healing for me, thank you so much ❤
PDA is so intense especially during burnout, every time I had to cover a different location at work, I’d call in sick the next day or two (was enough for them to notice a pattern) it was so infuriating when I didn’t feel like it, so would take the longest route to get there. Being in control is very important otherwise my anxiety kicks in, I was really happy when someone called me a perfectionist cause collated that to doing something at a high standard.
Can be so hard to hide pda traits during burnout cause when masking, running away or avoiding doesn’t work, so easy to blow up uncontrollably at a demand you’re not in the head space for. On a normal day I can internalise everything without having a noticeable meltdown.
This video has been very helpful for me to recognize that while I do have some demand avoidance, I probably don't have PDA. Thank you.
There's a big difference to me between praising a work in progress and praising a finished product. These videos are finished products, so there's no expectation of the video being praised continuing to be worked on.
Well this was enlightening. I started tearing-up when you were describing some of the feelings you experience. Thank you Meg, that's given me some things to think about.
I love these little clips you put in, from when you were a little kid. It's such a precious thing that your mother (or whomever was doing the filming) thought it would be valuable in some way to record your behavior. And now they are such good examples to the rest of us who struggled for so long, to see it as acceptable and "normal" to have the alternative nervous systems we seem to have. (That's one way I explain "neurodivergency" to myself. It makes a lot of sense to me after a lifetime of "Why am I like this? Why can't I make myself be like other people and just manage life, as they expect me to?").
Thank you so much for these videos. Not to be funny, but UA-cam was recommending me your first(?) PDA video for a long while, and the other day I finally clicked it just to get it to stop recommending. Needless to say, I'm pretty certain this is starting me down a really important journey. Until that, I never considered autism, but the videos on PDA and masking unlocked a lot of memories and getting more familiar with the claustrophobia I feel all the time. "Why does playing my favourite videogame feel like trying to touch a hot stove?" and "Why do I want to reconnect with my friends but the second they suggest a game night I feel winded?" and questions like this have been haunting me.
I still don't how to go forward with this, but I appreciate hearing I'm not alone in this. It's unbelievable how relatable this all has been.
Your examples of how it manifests practically into every day life, is sooo relateable! You have put me in deep thought about my behaviour and also i can confirm that there is nothing better for a PDAer than the relief of succesfully avoiding a demand! 😂
P.S i agree about the MRI machines but i actually find roller coasters very freeing, it feels like flying ✈
This broke my heart. I'm both autistic and ADHD. I have suffered from depression all my life. Sadly, for someone that doesn't know me, I present fully functional, if not, overachieving.
My fear of failure is so intense that I've had no choice but to be exceptional at school and work.
That being said, I struggle with things like paperwork to the point where I am in actual grief from not being able to force myself to do this very simple thing.
I have implored my partner to help me out, saying what weight he'd lift off my shoulders, and he really isn't grasping the magnitude of my pleas for help. He's a wonderful man, but he cannot comprehend how someone so seemingly competent can have a meltdown over silly tasks. 😑
I was diagnostic with dysthymia.
But I think I also have this. Sometimes I feel like a stubborn teenager because I don’t want to to something for no real reason and I hate it. I’m having trouble with my martial arts class, I want to put in the effort but there’s like a wall stopping me. And at the same time I want to quit and almost dread going every week.
Grateful for the wonderful video as per usual!
Now I'm finding myself in a dilemma:
I have experienced pretty much everything in this video to a T. However, I found myself saying to the scenarios at the beginning of the video: "Well, those don't _always_ irritate me. I mean, some similar situations, yes, but-"
And then I realized that I _almost never_ encounter these scenarios.
When I'm in the grocery store, (1) there's barely anyone in there (because I either go to a 24-hour one and choose to go at night or I go to one with just daytime hours and go at a dead period) and (2) I'm _constantly_ looking around me to see if someone is nearby. Why? _So I can move before they ask me._ That or I'll pull out the line, "Do you need to get in/over here?"
When I'm spending time with my S.O., we usually make sure our things are closest to us. If that's not always possible and I would need to pass her something, I'm more often than not the one that asks if she needs that certain thing. Why? _Because I've predicted she'll ask me._
Now, the having something in my teeth really depends. Either I already feel it and it's bothering the daylights out of me or I don't feel it at all because I'm overloaded with other sensory stimuli (sensory issues, amirite? 🤪), so I think that's why that doesn't really bother me when someone tells me that? But now that I think about it, it does irritate me when someone asks me to get something out or off of my teeth "because it's distracting" or that they laugh at me for it. But these days, now that I think of it, I'm mostly either eating alone, eating alongside (not across from) someone, or wearing a face mask.
But yeah, in simplest terms:
Do any PDAers mask by being so hypervigilant that they try to predict and meet the demand before it can even be made so that no one ever has a demand to make of them?
Yes I absolutely do! I actually realised how much I do this while reading your comment. I've always berated myself for appearing timid or like a frightened mouse in these public situations (like going to the shop), I'm constantly looking around, moving out the way first, always trying to predetermine the smallest things that others are doing so that I can act first. I also try to find the most efficient way to do literally anything, so I can go through without any difficulties from others. Because I have so much practise I'm good at predicting what people will do/feel, but doing so causes me even more anxiety.
I grew up in a chaotic and abusive home so I had to learn to be hypervigilant anyway, but there are a lot of things I'm hypervigilant of that are difficult to understand if you don't account for PDA. Experiencing PDA as a child is traumatic in itself when you consider that the adrenaline reaction you experience everyday is quite often only reserved for traumatic/terrifying experiences in children without PDA. Even if my parents weren't abusive at the time I would still be hypervigilant.
It is so amazing to see the pictures and clips of your childhood while hearing you talk about this. I suspect my 8yo is PDA (it’s not really diagnosed here) and putting the adult words together with the child is amazing and so, so helpful. Thank you for being so sharing and open about it.
I relate completely. Something that helped me was changing all Shoulds to Could. This may seem trivial at first, but makes a huge difference in feelings around perfectionism. Should implies an invisible authority figure you must obey. NO! COULD IMPLIES YOU ARE THE BOSS. And if you choose to do it, you recieve credit for making your own decisions and taking action. I call this getting into the driver's seat of life.
Hey, I'd like to recommend Riko's blog (a simple google will lead you there) and the posts about PDA they make. Would be interesting to have more people talking (and sharing) about PDA outside of the forums of the internet. As someone with a lot of mental conditions colliding against each other sometimes it is very hard to read through/watch stuff, and sometimes I am obsessive to the point it is all I do in the day.
I would also comment on the word "pathological", an interesting interpretation I heard the other day is like "pathological means without control", and to be honest I feel my PDA is without control, as much as I SEE, THINK and try to ACT, it's like I am physically incapable. (And at this point considering a neurologist)
I like the term pathological. it feels like this happens before anything even reaches my reasoning.
I think I might have to add some new letters to my collection. PDA would explain a lot about me.
I've recently been diagnosed with the disorder formerly known as ADD, but I think the symptoms I have could just as well be explained with Autism (diagnosed since childhood), PDA, and a dash of trauma. Not going to get this one reassessed though, I find the meds to be beneficial.
As an aside, I've second guessed every word in this comment and I dread sending it. All part of the deal I guess :p
suddenly the time that a professor told me my essay was the best and most insightful in the class and then i started skipping that class and did not turn in any more essays and eventually failed makes a lot more sense
It was very sweet of you to share your experiences honestly and put so much care into this presentation which is so comprehensive. It was really helpful. Thanks.
Ngl my agoraphobia sounds alot like pda 😂
I'm ftm and came out at 17 I started seeing my local gender clinic at 18 and after a long process of around 20 therapy sessions and multiple assessments they set up an appointment for me to talk to the doctors about hormones, I got the go a head and it was all set in place.
Come the day to start hormones , I was super hyped and looking forward to it.
I go all my stuff, loaded it in my mums car, finished my cigarette and got in the car.
As soon as my butt hit the seat I felt like I was having a panic attack, immediately jumped out the car , ran inside and have been housebound ever since.
I am now 29.
I did eventually get my hormones but it wasn't until I was nearly 21 as I had to go through assessments and stuff.
After this happened i was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and went through loads of cbt and therapy but nothing changed I just couldn't go outside so I was diagnosed with agoraphobia and left to figure it out.
I have had periods of time where I was "forced" into a situation but eventually ended up housebound again.
My sister told me she wanted to go to an open day at college so I went with her , when we were there she spoke to a game developer course and we ended up signing me up 😅
The course started and there was only like 10 people on the course and the computers were all set up so we had our own work spaces , I was super anxious but I had a friend who would walk with me from my house to class and sit next to me throughout the day and walk me home , it really helped. One day my benefits stopped because I started college and they said I could go to college therefore I could work. It send me right back to not being able to go out. After 4 months I went back to college and even tho i had missed loads of work I completed my course with a distinction and got accepted onto the level 3.
I was really happy and when the day came to start the level 3 I was really excited.
When we were taken to our class we were in a massive room with 3 clusters of computers all facing each other and it has seating for 70 students. We had 3 classes all put together in this one room as not enough students had applied to fill other classes. In my actual class there was 14 of us but we were lumped into this room which totalled 60 students plus 3 teachers and 1 assistant. I managed to go for 3 weeks and even though it was really hard I was trying my best to cope with all the noise, if it got to much i was allowed to take a break and stuff like that so I thought I could do it.
3 weeks in.
Thats as far as I got.
The head of the department told me I wasn't coping and should take the year off to deal with my mental health and come back next year. I agreed as I thought it was close enough to the start of the course someone else might be able to start and catch up and take my place. They said I would have a guaranteed interview for the course when I came back.
I never went back because I am still housebound.
I one day I will do my level 3 tho 😅
I was like 22 when this happened.
Over the last few years my physical health has gotten worse and I have became house bound due to health aswell as agoraphobia.
My landlord kicked me out and I am now living in temporary accommodation but I am forced to be outside everyday.
My agoraphobia is still bad but since I figured out I'm autistic I have found ways to cope with being outside (headphones hat ear plugs etc) it has become slightly easier to deal with the agoraphobia.
But what if this whole time my agoraphobia was actually just pda autism 😅
Mad 😂
Anyways this video gave me alot to think about haha 😂
This was , as always , another great video ❤
Turns out I was autistic with adhd and pda lol ❤
Omg when you said about not feeling things about your accomplishments, wow. That got me pausing the video and yelling yes, thank you, it's not just me! I honestly don't feel anything about any of my accomplishments and am forever told that I should celebrate these things more. But why? They happened and I moved on. Just because I did something amazing once does not mean I can do it again. The expectation that I can makes me feel unhinged at times.
i remember crossing the stage for my high school graduation, and my family were all so happy, asking me if i was excited, telling me to be proud of myself. i was like "yeah i'm glad it's done" but i did not at all care that i had done it. i did not want to celebrate it.
always thought i was weird, glad i'm not alone
As I heard number 3- facing your phobias every day - I started to cry. This is me. Oh and so much lighter in the evening! Thank you
This video just explained my entire existence. Every single point you made I entirely relate to. I was shocked when you talked about the freedom of starting projects early because you're not supposed to start them yet! This is what got me through school honeslty, it was the only way I could complete homework without being in extreme distress and completely dysregulated.
I was diagnosed with Autism (at that time pdd-nos) 25 years ago at age 7, and I never heard of PDA until now, but it makes so much sense. I just always thought I was a coward for running away from things and lazy for not being able to do what people tell me to do while being able to do lots of things if I’d come up with them myself. Mind is literally blown…
I relate to like 75% of this. Thanks for making the videos! I think part of me doing a PhD program (clinical psych) is because I was told I couldn't do things. Almost done 😈
Thank you so much for this video. You (probably do) have no idea how much it hit me straight to my core.
this video and hearing all of your experiences is hitting so so so hard. ive never related so hard its seriously bringing me to tears