If you missed my latest video, I discuss certain celebrities who are frequently cited as autistic (Messi, Taylor Swift?)...but have actually never been open about a diagnosis. Some of them even appear on numerous listicles (particularly on ABA websites??!!) and the only evidence is 'they look a bit socially awkward'! I'd love to know your thoughts!: ua-cam.com/video/HDK2miTzTTA/v-deo.html 6 traits I’m always surprised to find are not actually in the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for autism! Some of these are alluded to within the additional information in the DSM-5 e.g. for meltdowns it mentions “disruptive/challenging behaviors are more common in children and adolescents with autism spectrum disorder than other disorders, including intellectual developmental disorder.” And there is quite a bit about masking - so all these doctors saying the no eye contact thing need to have a re-read 👀 “Many adults report using compensation strategies and coping mechanisms to mask their difficulties in public but suffer from the stress and effort of maintaining a socially acceptable facade.” If you’d like to know more about what masking can look and feel like, you might like this video: ua-cam.com/video/36-K-HW3syc/v-deo.html And here are 9 Signs you’re Probably NOT Autistic (the non-invalidating version): ua-cam.com/video/0ZomGtlmfXE/v-deo.html Hope you’ve had a good Thursday!! 💛 See you soon!
Maybe the reason the DSM focusses so much on social skills is that those will have the most impact on others around the autistic person (such as their parents). I think in many cases parents will seek help for their child's odd social behaviours, not as much for what the child is actually experiencing themselves (because the child may not be able to effectively communicate that). The whole diagnostic criteria are written from a neurotypical point of view anyway. (What is insufficient eye contact, and for whom?!?) I only realised I'm on the spectrum once I started talking to actually autistic people. I couldn't relate to the DSM criteria at all, same for my teenage daughter. But once I started listening to the actual autistic perspective, things fell into place. Forever grateful for your videos, and those I found within the autistic community.
The trouble with this video is that the DSM isn't there to provide a full look at autism and everything that goes into it. It's there to provide a diagnostic criteria so that those who need treatment or accommodations can be given them on a simpler basis. That is why DSM is short for Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. So, it provides you with the criteria for having autism spectrum disorder, but not meeting the full criteria doesn't mean someone isn't autistic to some degree (hence why there's new research into sub-clinical autism), it just means they did not meet the requirements for having ASD. The diagnosis of ASD would then allow insurance to fill prescriptions for medication for those with higher support needs, and it would open doors to easier accommodations in school (or college/university), and certain legal protections for vulnerable adults. However, it also makes it more difficult to immigrate to several other countries and can interfere with getting a referral for any kind of gender confirmation treatment in transgender patients. People who have some autistic traits but not enough to qualify for ASD are now thought to have sub-clinical autism, or ASD-like traits in someone who can generally function on a level that day-to-day doesn't require any kind of treatment or intervention. If you have a sibling with full ASD, you are more likely to have sub-clinical autism, or generally a higher degree of autistic traits. Because brains are a bit funky, there's kind of a continuum and there is no true "neurotypical brain", just people with less of these traits and less of a difficult time functioning. The DSM requires for diagnosis that someone's autistic traits cause them to need some level of support. Level 1 is needs support, level 2 requires substantial support, and level 3 requires very substantial support. So, unless there is enough distress in someone's life in which they need support, they may not receive an autism spectrum disorder diagnosis. Again, this doesn't mean they don't have a sub-clinical form of autism. But, they don't qualify by the DSM to need treatment or support, which is the only thing the DSM is meant to provide diagnosis for, so there would then be no point to diagnose someone that way, because it can become a bar to certain things. As mentioned previously: immigrating to other countries (including Canada and Australia), gender transition support as well as your diagnosis potentially being used as an excuse for someone (usually a parent) to gain conservatorship over you which can be bad for some people. But not having a diagnosis should never be an invalidating thing. You don't need a diagnosis or any kind of license to go out wearing soundproof headphones so sounds or people don't overwhelm you. You don't need one to adjust your life the way you want to live it. In the US, you can request reasonable accommodations with an employer through the ADA, but sticking with minor requests is typically best if you don't have a different diagnosis (physical or mental) you can ask for a doctor's confirmation letter over. That being said, if you do have a separate diagnosis, you can use that in lieu of an autism diagnosis and have reasonable adjustments made in accordance to how you feel you can work your job with your traits regardless. I hope this helps someone out there!
I definitely have your version of autism but much of what you describe as autism I wholeheartedly feel are just human. People think don’t suffer with certain symptoms are actually incredibly impressive because most people are totally uncomfortable with their life. Anyone who grew up with mass media is suffering with neurosis. I admit that when you describe your version of perfectionism and the life and death exaggeration of emotion is definitely mine. But everyone is a perfectionist, it’s a survival instinct to not want to be excluded from the group because in ancient times being seperate from the group meant guaranteed death. So doing anything that might get you judged as not worthy of the group will trigger anyones fight or flight mechanisms to one degree or another. I am a Buddhist Lama, and the head of a entire lineage of my religion, which is an ancient school of Indian Mysticism. I am a artist and a writer, so.. you may enjoy connecting and having a discussion. I would love to speak with you as your way with words is very impressive. So please consider correspondence I think I may be able to offer you a very helpful perspective of what is human as I am genuinely an expert in practical psychology from being a spiritual counselor and guide in a religion who’s focus is perfect sanity. Ps. When I was in college I dated a borderline girl and she remains the most intensely passionate relationship ever for me. But their was no chance that she was merely autistic. She definitely was autistic but the BPD was an exceptional obsession with self destructive behavior, in absolutely everything from our relationship to her eating habits to her relationship with pain period. She was absolutely sadistic and even more masochistic and I don’t believe that is autistic. Frustrated rage yes but not delight with seeing others hurt or hurting themselves.
Same here. It felt like at least the adults accepted me if I had good grades and was well behaved in school, and apparently that was what mattered they would tell us. Hit a-levels, a million and one changes going on in my life all at once and it all collapsed. My self esteem left me as the grades hit rock bottom and it felt like maybe I would never be good enough for anyone now.
that quote about perfectionism, the "even minor mistakes can have serious consequences" is something that shows up in my job as a web developer/programmer constantly. One little typo WILL break EVERYTHING! I've seen it happen, I'm not crazy!
Aye, but in programming, those mistakes aren't actually small mistakes, they're big mistakes that the layman might think are small because capitalization and spelling are usually minor mistakes in most contexts
I could swear I've seen problems that were solved by loading a backup and rewriting the same code character by character without changing anything else
Do you also review your own PRs a hundred times to check if there's something wrong? I'm very anxious about open PRs because of this and I feel terrible when someone comments something "stupid" on it.
I could probably be a fairly successful cartoonist, drawing strips, but ever since i was little i would just draw pages and pages of characters in different poses, expressions, and interactions in order to learn to draw them perfectly every time. If i couldnt master them or if they started to evolve as i drew them more, i would scrap them and start a new character.
I was describing what a meltdown feels like yesterday and said "there's not really any emotion like fear or anger, it's more a sort of primordial anguish - which is a phrase I shall be adding to my list of good names for rock bands"
Rock's too soft, that is clearly a metal band name. That reminds me, Judas Priest has a song "Metal Meltdown"...but it has nothing to do with this here, naturally. I think at least, haha.
@@Dreykopff yes - probably metal. I also have a habit of spotting people who look like Soviet politicians. I was once able to combine this with my collection of names for rock bands when I saw a lady who looked like Brezhnev's lovechild.
These can apply to ADHD as well. Though they aren't the keys traits. And actually some aren't traits of the condition but rather a result of trying to exist in an environment and society that doesn't fully support or recognise ADHD. E.g. People with ADHD were told off or corrected on average 3 times as much as a neurotypical person. The rejection is severe causing the person with ADHD to work far harder to prevent future rejections, and hence they become a perfectionist.
Wow. The part about internalizing until you reach your safe space at home is spot on for me. Now I realize why I become very detached from everyone when I get home. Explains why I feel suffocated when I’m in a long term relationship, so I generally bail out after 6 months as I need a lot of “me time” to recover and reset for the next day out in the wild.
Worth noting, I’ve recently started looking into ADHD as a work colleague has it. Well it’s lead me down a rabbit hole of research and have learnt I most probably have ADHD, childhood trauma, autism or a combination of all. If anyone can recommend a specialist in Australia for a diagnosis that would be greatly appreciated.
Oh boy it’s always nice reading other peoples comment and realizing something I better tell my wife I love her She makes a lot of space for me Reading your comment helped me realize this in a better way
Me when my doctor said I was “too empathetic” to be autistic and made me fill out an empathy quotient with the question “did you cut up worms for fun when you were younger?” (The correct answer was apparently yes….) don’t even get me started on the “library or party?” Question lol
I feel like its also super underestimated how learnable an empathy approximate is. Like it wasnt intuitive but I and from my understanding a lot of other people were able to learn something similar
THATS REAL? Definitely see the problems with that. My brother is autistic and would always save worms when he found them (which just meant putting them in the dirt bc they were on concrete.) He's also very sociable, just doesn't understand what's appropriate to say around new people and what's not. I remember being scared of having to cut open a frog in 7th grade only to skip it bc my teacher was on maternity leave.
As a kid I did that with termites and silverfish, which is weird because I’m OTHERWISE hyperempathetic, especially towards animals……. I guess it’s just because they were “bad” bugs, and linked to my (literal) garbage living situation at the time (it’s better now)
I think the Borderline and Bipolar criteria including references to meltdowns is why female children/adults are more likely to be undiagnosed as autistic and misdiagnosed as one of those two. It fits perfectly into the "males stoic, females crazy," societal narrative, and dovetails with/bolsters the "gurlz cnt b autistic!!1!" narrative. It's harmful and frustrating and causes all sorts of unnecessary suffering for thousands of people
So true! It just highlights that the diagnostic criteria are still based wayy too much on how men and boys (get to) express their autistic symptoms. We are not treated the same by society, unfortunately.
Most hospitals inpatient units (where a lot of us Autistics end up with meltdowns, shutdowns, etc)...don't diagnose for ASD/ADHD/ND. They are labelled as "acute" settings for when people will harm themself or others. I work in one and, a LOT of Autistic people come onto our units. Adults and children. Which goes back to the statistics on Autistic people who have struggled with mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, and SI. Also, some providers refuse to do the diagnosis until the person's Bipolar/BPD, etc. is stable. Which, you can have multiple things. I just question if people really have a diagnosis or, if it's actually Autism and the person was just mis-diagnosed. When I got my diagnosis it helped my mental health so much and, honestly probably saved my life. Before my diagnosis I was IN an inpatient unit myself. Not saying I don't have bad days or days when I do have sensory overload/meltdowns/spirals. It's just a LOT easier to manage and I feel I have more space in my life to enjoy it and, care for myself in the process. I feel that without my diagnosis and realization, I was probably not going to reach 30.
Honestly, as someone who studies history (especially women's history), I've come to the conclusion that, in many ways, "borderline personality disorder" is the 21st century version of the 19th century, "Hysteria." I'm no doctor, and I'm not saying that borderline personality disorder is not a real thing, BUT... in my experience, I've heard people (and one who IS a doctor) refer to women as having BPD with a sneer and such condescension that I think to myself, "She's probably fine, you just don't like her because she's a strong woman with opinions who intimidates you and who you just don't LIKE.... she's INCONVENIENT." Grrr..... Sorry. This is a really big peeve with me. I completely agree with your post!
I hadn't heard about autistic inertia, but that describes me very well. It's incredibly difficult for me to start doing things, but when I do, I just keep going.
I noticed this is the case for really many or most things in the DSM. We all share many experiences and traits, but for some the traits are more ingrained or less flexible, or less episodic. ( I purposefully ignore and refuse the negative connotations of all issues and traits named in the DSM. Even a schizophrenic breakdown episode can have positive outcomes [varies per person]. [It is just an extreme example: I am *not* comparing a mental illness with autism; not at all.])
And this is why the common notion of, "Oh, *everyone* is a _little bit_ [insert disorder here]" doesn't pan out. Because while most, or even all, people may experience it, it may even otherwise be a normal functional mental tool, the "disorder" part is when it's _out of order_ and functioning incorrectly, to the point that it *causes* problems rather than solves them. And a while back, I came across a very wonderful way to illustrate this concept: "Everybody Pees" Everybody pees. A typical person might pee 3-5 times per day depending on their fluid intake. But if someone is saying they've been consistently peeing 47 times per day for months or years on end, or even their entire life, it'd be pretty foolish to tell them, "Well, everybody pees, so that sounds totally normal." And even moreso if they're talking about how difficult and disruptive it is to their life to have dozens of interruptions every single day to go to the bathroom, and you try responding with, "Well, everybody else pees too, so it's not like you're dealing with any difficulties that other people don't manage in their own lives. Why do you want special treatment?" It's pretty obvious how ridiculous that would sound trying to make such an argument. It's _obvious_ the person isn't saying that "peeing, in general" is difficult, but rather the frequency and constant interruptions far above and beyond what people normally deal with, as well as the need to fight the resulting dehydration with massive water intake. And even further than that, what if it's a child bringing this up with the adults in their life? Children rely on more experienced grown-ups around them to learn about the world and set foundational expectations for what is normal and standard. But if a kid tells their parents, their doctors, their teachers, and just society in general, "I pee 47 times per day and it's really time consuming and disruptive and I have to drink _lots_ of water because of it," and is told, "Well, _everybody pees_ so this is just a normal difficulty that everybody learns to deal with. It's a part of growing up." They will grow up with a skewed standard that "47 times" is the normal, reasonable amount that _other_ people are experiencing, too. If they hear that some other person only pees 3 to 5 times per day, they'll just dismiss that as, "Oh wow, how lucky" rather than re-think their measure of what's normal. They wouldn't even _consider_ bringing it up with a doctor or mentioning anymore how much of a problem it is because, in their mind, they've normalized to it; 47 is the typical value that you just have to "deal with" and everyone else "deals with it" without complaining, so I'd be seen as a whiner if I say this is difficult for me. It needs to be *even worse* before they'll consider it a problem worth talking about; some impossibly high frequency like 200-300 times per day or more. And they'll *never* reach that amount, so they'll never hit that target where they start talking about it as a problem unless something happens to drastically re-adjust their scaling. Everybody has an immune response, but not everybody has auto-immune disorders. Everybody gets sad, but not everybody is depressed. Everybody gets scared, but not everybody has a phobia. Everybody pees, but that's nothing to get pissy about.
That comment about "postponing“ a meltdown really hit. Because I used to "breathe the emotions away“ when at school and in public and had a designated "crying time“ in the evening, where I laid down, put on fitting music and let the emotions out. I just kinda unmasked. In retrospect this felt so weird, because I planned it. Like I would think: "Oh okay, so first I feed the bunnies, then I watch the daily news with my parents, then I cry and after that I can watch Netflix.“ (I’m not diagnosed or anything, it just reminded me of when I used to do this)
@@mzdrizzle Punctuation rules are highly dependent on language. The same goes for math and which symbols are use to denote what. 3.045 in English means 3 and a little, it means 3 thousand forty five in Dutch. The reverse for 3,045. That would be 3 and a bit in Dutch, but not in English. Same goes for quotation marks, when and why you're allowed to use commas, etc. It was a thing when studying English at uni. We got remarks about using too many commas in too long sentences in English, or got told "comma splice! Fix it!" when those sentence structures would be completely normal in Dutch.
Hahahaha autistic minds are very creative!!! It makes no sense for a child to say they think in black and white. Specially if they thinking about their special interest. It will sure be full of colors. Unless you have this special condition that won't let you picture things through imagination...
The DSM is not about classifying people based on patterns, as lots of people (including some psychologists/psychiatrists) may think, but it is about classifying people based on patterns that negatively affect either their life or the rest of society. Hence an autistic person may not be autistic from the point of view of the DSM if their life isn't particularly filled with "uncommon" issues. There is, by design, a negative bias in the DSM; it is about pointing out problematic issues, not about pointing out eccentricities.
Which is also why it uses the term "disorder" in describing Autism Spectrum Disorder; a disorder definitionally interferes with quality of life of the person diagnosed, otherwise it wouldn't be a disorder. This is also the same reason that Gender Identity Disorder was renamed to Gender Dysphoria, as a trans individual may not necessarily be disordered despite meeting all other qualifications.
Yeah the DSM is about catching pathological patterns and behaviors, pathological in the sense that it is disruptive to your activities of daily living. In Psychology there are states, traits and pathologies. States are temporary, traits come and go but pathologies are persistent and disruptive.
That's right. I'm not autistic because I'm an engineer. But make me work in McDonald's and I'll go crazy or make everyone else crazy. Environment matters.
I feel like there is so much emphasis on the social aspect because that's the part that impacts NTs, not just the autistic person, so they notice it more. I might be being overly cynical though.
Such a good point. I’m good at masking and instead of not picking up on social cues, I’m actually HYPER aware of them - so I’ve always been able to fit in when socializing is necessary. (Though I much prefer to be on my own) The part of autism that really makes my life the most difficult is sensory issues, executive dysfunction, overstimulation, and burnout.
I agree. Even if you want to look at it a bit more charitably, in the sense that it's not necessarily about what bothers NTs - the social ones are just the traits that are observable from the outside. It's bothered me from day 1 how much the DSM focuses on observable traits rather than interior experience. I can kind of see why that would be necessary for an objective diagnosis but it does invalidate the person getting the diagnosis and implicitly assumes they can't convey their experience accurately.
Sadly you’re not. I was recently diagnosed late in life. At which point my near 25 year marriage ended. It was “too hard on him”. It’s heartbreaking to see, think, hear harmful things or deeds caring little for our needs. We either conform or everything ends in a flash.
I was diagnosed as a child, I'm 60+ now. I was not told, because they didn't want me to limit myself by having the 'label'. I've also got dyspraxia. I was not told, so I never got any accomodations or help in life, after leaving home. The focus was on teaching me to move and act like NT's. It was so hard to go through life without knowing. I'm not surprised so many decide to not deal with it all, and end it. Don't keep it a secret from us. It's too much a struggle to do it blindly.
It leaves you thinking there is something wrong with you because everyone else can do what you cannot. No one told me I had asthma, which had been in my medical record since I was very young and almost died from pneumonia. I couldn't run like the other kids without having to stop (because, let's face it, it is hard to run without oxygen), and I thought that there was something intrinsically wrong with me as a person.
My husband was not told till he was 35 and about to marry me that he was diagnosed ASD as a child. I was a single mom of 3 with two diagnosed autistic. His adoptive parents apparently did not want him using it as an excuse and felt a lot of shame, so they hid it from him as well as everyone else. When it was finally presented to him, it was with a casual "by the way" attitude that was nothing less than infuriating. So many years wasted...he struggled majorly in school and in life for decades without understanding why, dealing with everything from drug and alcohol addiction to spending several years of his youth in prison before meeting me. He has clawed his way to a much happier existence now. 20 plus years sober and free. He tries not to think about what could have been but he has expressed more than once how much he would like to have known and received help for. My experience was different yet I share the long years of not knowing. It was actually not until well after marrying him as well as rexamining my kids' experiences in light of my own that I gave myself permission to see my own diagnosis. For so long I actually felt guilty at even considering it though I realize how much sense it makes now. I always figured I was just broken-a fumbly failure looking for handy excuses for my screw-ups (CPTSD figures in there, too). Hard to silence those thoughts at times, but getting better the more I interact with those I relate to.
I love crafting and every time I make something new to me, I make loads of mistakes until I learn how it all goes together. For me my mistakes are me teaching myself and I learn more from each mistake than I could learn from a teacher. It took many years to feel this way and see it differently. Every mistake is an opportunity for intense learning. This is so difficult a concept for autistic people.
I really love your breakdown of how meltdowns aren’t specified in the dsm for autism, but they are for BPD and bipolar. “Challenging behaviors” is THE vaguest way you could possibly describe autistic behavioral struggles.
i haven’t gotten to that part yet but woah. i have been diagnosed with bipolar and have felt like partly why i am not autistic is cuz idk if i’ve had meltdowns (started questioning in the last few months) this is really baffling me.
@@AlexisTwoLastNames I have had a BUNCH since I developed PTSD, because my brain just can’t cope with my autism like it did before the trauma. But before that happened, I’d only had one full on meltdown. Shutdowns are much more common for me.
@stephanieolson8535 That sounds familiar. While I had autistic traits as a child, I’m not sure if I really did meltdowns. I started having obvious shutdowns as an adult, and implosive meltdowns, and eventually explosive meltdowns, as life stresses built. The last type was very much CPTSD. That I also have ADHD confuses matters further. I think I’ve come to make sense of it in much the way that you describe. I know I have always had a predisposition toward stress, and an overactive flight or flight response. This left me vulnerable to worsening mental health issues, not just from trauma but from cumulative life stress. Both autism and ADHD are talked about by many professionals as being a childhood problem that can get better in adulthood, but simply can’t get worse. Which I now see is nonsense. Persistent stress degrades all systems in humans, and neurodivergent people can be especially vulnerable, not just because we experience more stressful situations, but also because at least some of us are predisposed to an outsize stress response. It’s recognized that ADHD symptoms (I chose that word intentionally in this context) can increase in adolescence when “demands begin to exceed capacity,” and I’d say this happened to me heavily in my fifties. Russell Barkley, the ADHD specialist, has noted that, while traits don’t increase later in life, impairment can, and he was basically talking about this. I’ve seen a lot of comments online from older autistic people who also lost ground as they aged. There is even a straightforward mechanism to contribute to this: ambient inflammation increases as adults age, and inflammation worsens many conditions. So while it still weirds me out a bit that I have meltdowns that I never had before, some including SIBs, it no longer seems nonsensical to me. There are a lot of neurodivergent adults having the types of meltdowns that are associated mostly with children, it just isn’t talked about that much.
@@jimwilliams3816 I whole heartedly agree with you. If I wasn’t burnt out right now, my current demands would not exceed my capacity. I’ve honestly dealt with more. But masking and cumulative stress and self neglect from trying to perform in ways that aren’t natural to me - they’ve all lead to a massive impairment that I didn’t have before.
Not bashing ur comment btw! But I've just started the vid as I'm replying and I wanna these are things that overlap with not just BPD and Bipolar, but autism as well! I'm an autistic being evaluated for Bipolar and eventually BPD at another place (I just have to get in first), and I learned that all these overlapping features just make all of them so complex- but to me even more interesting as a result (I have a special interest in medicine/psychology lol /lh)
There is a uncertain irony in that the treatment paradigm for autism is based around teaching skills but the diagnostic paradigm is based around assuming autistic people can’t learn those skills.
One thing that is important to note in the first three criteria that must be accounted for is that it specifically says that it can have been present historically, meaning " I did that as a child but I don't anymore" is as valid as doing it right in front of the person assessing you, and anyone giving an autism assessment that isn't taking that seriously into consideration is not correctly trained or doing their job.
@@cathleenc6943 People in the comments (and as far as I understood the video itself) talk about a set of criteria seen in the video (in a table) as it is a set for diagnosing autism. BUT the header of the table itself says that those are for people with already established diagnosis, for the purpose of narrowing it to whatever varieties there might be. Consequently, without already established diagnosis even checking 100% of the table means nothing.
I just got my late autism diagnosis on the 22nd of may 2024. Just 8 days ago. I'm 43 years old. I'm forever grateful for autistic youtubers like you. It means the world to me. Thank you. 🏆❤
My meltdowns had always had the form of an incontrolable crying. It's like... my eyes were throwing up their tears, I simply can't stop until everything is out.
Yeah that's how I use to describe it as a kid. I said my face felt like crying because I felt like I couldn't control it. Then people would get mad at me for crying lol.
I'm over here trying to figure out if 'crybaby' and 'snappish if unable to flee while overwhelmed by sensory / social things' are bad enough to count as meltdowns.
My last meltdown was about a year ago. I literally couldn't calm down nor stop crying. Since crying is more socially acceptable than, you know, screaming and yelling. But it still sucks, and it went on for about an hour.
oh shit. I hadn't made that connection yet. I thought all my exessive crying in childhood and teenage years was to do with being depressed or someting. I'm seriously just now considdering that a lot of that might have been meltdowns. "has trouble calming down" is what it still says on my report card from my first year of school. and there were more incidents where I could not stop crying. it was a regular thing. it was like cramping but with tears. it was noticed.... by teachers and so on.... but never followed up on. no one ever did anything beyond trying to calm me down in the moment. they didn't even ask what it felt like. they always just tried to make me be quiet again.
But what does it feel like for you guys? Cause I'm also autistic and I've been wondering if my meltdowns are the crying crisis I have so often, but I also have depression, so it could be that? For me my crying is pretty uncontrollable, but my emotions are of sadness, what about for you? Is it anger or anything different?
I went for a diagnosis after a major burnout (and previous years of research in autism). The day the phycologist gave me my official diagnosis she told me: "You don't need to change anything in the way you live your life, look at all you have accomplished so far". WTF! It's like she didn't even care the price I was paying to accomplish whatever she thought I accomplished.
Reminds me of my carreer orientation course: several tests, interviews and exercises later I was told I could be "whatever I wanted". And my family paid them for that! PS: when I finally chose pre-med, they told me "sure, you can be a doctor, but we didn't tell you that because we don't know if you can handle the stress to become one".
Oh wow. That sounds horrible. It kind of feels like, "you should keep doing these things in order to fit in, no matter what that does to your mental health." Which, yikes. You'd expect someone who studied mental health to at least understand that that's a bad thing. I made a comment about hyperfocus (I have adhd) and one nurse said that sounded great, that I got absorbed into a task and hours passed by. And like. What? No, I forgot to eat lunch, didn't drink anything for half a day, almost didn't make it to the bathroom and was too late for an important meeting. Because I didn't notice time passing, and didn't feel any cues from my body until it got VERY urgent. It's not great at all, it's stressful! Thankfully she was a random nurse and not part of the team that diagnosed and treated me, but still, if someone tells you something is a problem in their lives, and causes issues, the least you could do is not tell them it sounds great actually.
I haven't found anything besides monotropism that is common among autistics. Almost every "common" stereotyped trait is not found in all autistics. Oddly if you don't have a common trait you might have the exact opposite. A common trait is the need to have a schedule and stick to it. I don't have that, I have the can't follow a schedule if I tried. A lot of autistics are on the asexual spectrum, others have hypersexual needs instead. Some autistics are super clean, some literally don't care much about cleaning until it gets bad. The thing all of this has in common is that they are all sensory issues. Bottom line I really think that there needs to be a lot more autistic research and a new diagnostic criteria that is not so "child" centric.
this makes sense to me. A lot of my specific needs/traits are a result of my reactions to my specific sensory issues. Other people just see the outward signs and take those signs as the issues/traits rather than looking at the underlying causes
What about not being able to read facial expressions and having to conciously learn how to read them and how to make them? I don't have that, which is why I ruled out Autism for me, even though I relate to a lot of stuff, especially struggles with sensory input and switching tasks.
Thing is the things that are common in autistic people are common, even if they're not something all autistic people have. There has been research in the form of brain scans and such on autistic people, and one of the qualities noted are: Brain not purging connections, and very easily reinforcing them (which would mean habits are easily ingrained, boost associative and longterm memory (which note, also are the theory behind how synesthesia works)) Brain starting to grow earlier, brain overgrowth Strong short-distance connections in the brain and grey matter (that do the brain activity stuff) And varying but often really feficient whitematter and long distance connections (things that typically coordinate info through the brain and are important to skills) Its literally part of the neurological data that autistic people have uneven and generally atypical skills. I'd describe it as an autistic brain has less functional preset/built in skills but has the ability to easily gain skills and qualities.
@emmynoether9540 communication and social cognition involve long-distance connctions in the brain, which are noted to be absent or poorly formed in scans of autistic brains Uneven skills are also a quality predicted by the long distance connectivity. Other things noted/theories of autism involve overactive fight/flight and that does impair communication
Thank you. I did not realize I was on the autistic spectrum until I started watching some of these videos online in the past six months or so. Even though I was often at the top of my class in all subjects, and received numerous academic awards in the sciences and mathematics, I was often criticized for being a "procrastinator". I privately relabeled that for myself decades ago to my having "inertia"; it seemed more accurate, and in line with concepts in physics: As with other commenters, getting started was very hard, but once I got started, I had more momentum than most people in any given task; then stopping became an issue. Of course, I was often also labeled as "weird", no matter how well I performed in a job. I finally gave up on trying to socialize: I found I always gave more loyalty to an associate or employer than I received in return - simply because I was not "personable".
Yes, I have experienced the loyalty issue and not really understanding why it is not reciprocated in jobs. I wonder if you have been told as I have that you are too honest instead of being a yes man and blindly agreeing to something that strikes you as illogical and that has made a supervisor uncomfortable.
I don't know if it's widespread or if it's more of a personal feeling I have, but I feel like one of the aspects of autism I haven't heard much about is being bothered by statements which make no (literal) sense and feeling compelled to correct them, even if you do understand what is meant, and you know it's not supposed to be taken literally. You mentioned teachers saying things like "You must give your 110%", and I have heard others saying 'Give your 200%!' and to me, that causes a very strong urge to respond: "That is literally impossible. You cannot give more than what you have. You shouldn't have unrealistic expectations of people, let alone tell them to act accordingly to them." And then they tell me "That's just a figure of speech", and I'm like "Yes, I knoooow" while my brain goes "but it's a WRONG figure of speech! RAAWWWRRR" at which point I typically tell it to shut up and let it go.
Man, I have A LOT OF THIS!! My friends constantly use figures of speech or irony, sometimes I recognize that it is not literal, but my feeling of trying to understand what it means and correcting the quote is much bigger than just accepting it. It's like there's a voice in my brain saying, "This is irony... This is irony..." And I'm like, "Is it really?? But I need to be sure!"
I do this! Usually I'm pretty good at controlling it, but there have been awkward moments caused by someone saying something and me taking it too literally by far.
EDIT: Please do not go looking at the thread below this comment as it devolves into ableist nastiness, and none of us need any more of that in our lives. On eye contact: I was looking at my diagnosis yesterday, and it blew my mind to note that the doctor spoke about my level of eye contact *during* *a* *part* *of* *the* *process* *done* *over* Zoom. As should be obvious, "eye contact" over Zoom is nothing at all like eye contact face-to-face, and it was wild to me that the doctor didn't bear that in mind (small complaint about an otherwise excellent diagnostic process).
Yikes. After my diagnostic interview, the interviewer noted “frequent and appropriate” eye contact (or something like that) and I’m thinking “nope, I spent most of the interview looking at the aquarium over your shoulder, you should probably move that”.
@@theGhostWolfeWhen I have job interviews or online consultations, I position the camera so I'm not looking at the other people, but myself on my phone, though it looks like I'm looking at them. Great autistic hack 😆
I have a difficult time even looking at at the screen on zoom. Where do I look? I hope they aren't if looking at me. If I look past the screen will it look like I'm looking at them. Are my eyes looking in a weird direction. they think I'm not paying attention. How long do I need to hold this pose.
"even minor mistakes have serious consequences" - This feels like my response to the trauma of always getting it "wrong" in social situations but never knowing why
Whenever you show the footage of you as a teen in shutdown mode, it feels like looking at a video of myself and I get really sad. I remember my parents and teachers always remarking about how angry and miserable I looked all the time. Its frustrating to know now that the reason for this was I was just so overwhelmed all the time. I wasn't an inherently miserable child, and I didn't WANT to walk around with a scowl on my face all the time, but I was constantly under pressure to do things I didn't want to in environments that were extremely over stimulating. I wished we could go back in time and tell our younger selves that what we are feeling isn't our fault and that some day we'll have things more figured out and it'll get a little better.
The fact that they pressure us to look happy after making us miserable by pressuring us over everything at our lives is so abusive. It's like: "you made me like this and now you're angry because I'm not okay??? I didn't choose this!! YOU ARE THE RESPONSIBLE ONE"
I was diagnosed ADHD two years ago (at 48) but haven't been evaluated for autism. So many of the traits you describe are one's shared by ADHD. I can relate to almost everything described for autism other than the need for perfectionism, though I've had many people when I was younger describe me that way. I'd never heard the term autistic inertia before but I'd described my personality since I was a child as me having a lot of inertia and everything you described regarding that symptom fits me exactly.
9:32 That part about a child behaving "well" in school and then emotionally "collapsing" when they get home reminds me so much about my youngest. But they are AFAB, so they were diagnosed only with ADHD, whereas my son got the dx AutDHD. For me the time between my ADHD and autism confirmations was 13 effing years. It's a ridiculous prejudice.
My youngest daughter is the same and she's so high masking that when the school tried to get her assessed they said no she's fine, but she has monumental meltdowns at home.
Yeah my husband just went through a full diagnostic process. They ignored everything that was said about his autistic behaviours and said, they're all just because of his ADHD and hearing issues. I'm really glad they diagnosed the ADHD, but I'm still pissed off that they just completely dismissed everything I had to say about the very clearly autistic traits he has because he presented well in an interview with the psychologist 🤦♀️
Autism is about 80% - 90% genetic. If a full sibling is diagnosed autistic, the psych should be required to show their reasoning before declaring that another sibling is not autistic.
I wish people understood that it does not help me at all when I'm overwhelmed and already dysregulated, yelling at me, screaming at me, punishing me doesn't make me "stop acting like this" - it probably makes it WORSE and I get EVEN MORE overwhelmed and heightened.
I learned that while raising my son. No more than 1-2 step directions at a time, taught him to take a time out for himself in his room when he was dysregulated and overwhelmed, and keeping my voice low and as emotionless as possible to help him not to escalate. Wow, it has been quite the journey!
This goes for actually every human being. I don't know why so many people get this wrong. But mostly it's just their own frustration screaming. I work as a tutor, whith school children second grade upwards. I have had a fair share of difficult children. Uninterested, low concentration, overwhelmed, you name it. Sometimes I'm able to work with them no problem, other times we will just sit there for 50 minutes in silence. We seldom sit for 50 minutes in silence. Normally after 5-10 minutes the child will approach. If not, I try to approach and suggest an activity. Not schoolwork, something else. A game, a video, a song. At the end we normally can work for at least another 5 minutes or so. Doesn't have to be more in most cases. Small steps lead you a long way. And the reaction of the parents is always the same: "You can work with him/ her? We have given up. And we tried several tutors before you. That's amazing!" Now. It's not. But it's sad that sometimes I feel like I'm the only person acknowleding the child's needs and not putting more pressure onto them.
How can autoimmune attacks be linked to autism? I’m at the beginning of a diagnosis procedure and bc of the autoimmune responses in my body they’re already doubting Autism. I’m finally sure of ASD, otherwise I wouldn’t have asked for a diagnosis at 51, but I’d like to go in prepared. 🙏🏼🌺
gosh your explanation of austistic meltdowns are so accurate to my experience. I was so calm and collected at school and on the ride home but as soon as I saw my home all the emotions started coming in and i went to my room as fast as possible to punch the wall. internalizing that's a new word for me but that perfectly descirbed what i was doing. thankyou for this
You touched on so many things that I've experienced and have not understood enough to research. You talk about things that aren't covered in every health or psychology article about Autism criteria/symptoms. Thank you!
All of this literally boils down to "hey, maybe the 'experts' who keep gate-keeping support from us should know more than two things about the condition they're supposedly experts in."
3:49, Oh my goodness this quote of always wanting to find the "right" answer and always seeking perfectionism is ME. I was never able to really articulate this feeling until you/this study described it, but inside my head, whenever I'm thinking or overanalyzing a situation/social experience I've had, I'm want to always find the "right answer" the one that will make me feel at peace. I try to think of every single possibility i can to keep myself in check to make sure that I'm not missing something in order to make sure what I conclude is correct. It's exhausting. To give an example, I often do this when im thinking about a social situation where I'm not sure if the way I behaved was correct or not. I'll try to think about my feelings at that time, then ill be thinking if those feelings are even correct, then ill start thinking about the other person's actions during the situation, and even go as far as to think about reasons the person could of acted the way they did. Whenever I want to make a conclusion about a situation to stop dwelling on it, I fear that I may of missed a factor and I, in the end, didn't think of the right answer/the right way to feel. This is the mental turmoil I often face and it can be so tiring!! I'm glad to know it's just apart of my autistic experience though.
I've been fighting this tendency since forever (or it feels like it). Weirdly enough one thing that really helped me was a maths class in school when I was maybe 12 or 14. This class was about strategies to guesstimate answers, and how you can use this to quickly check you answers. What's this got to do with anything? This one hour of school introduced me to the concept of "good enough", and in a very thorough way. It explained WHY "good enough" or "near enough" is so useful, and therefore GOOD (rather than "almost there" or "close but not quite"). One could say that it happened to coincide with exactly the right developmental stage for me - I was ready to take on board a utilitarian approach, and break free (a bit) of right/wrong. Though wrt social skills it still took a decade or more before I really could internalise this "good enough" philosophy. (Various basic things from communication theory really helped in my later teens.)
Hmm. I feel like this is reflective of myself. However - like many, many, (all) mental illness… The symptom markers aren’t so precise. Perhaps this is my autism speaking, but literally Autism and Anxiety seems far too similar. I think mental illness is a label. I identify as myself. I think the focus should be on something beneficial in society, rather than someone else seeing similarities in the category selection of diagnosis when at the end of the day it is what it is. Support is for people that love you, not the government trying to label you.
When your special interests include…stuff that’s normal for someone of your gender (fashion, makeup, and hair) but you end up being even more obsessed than normal and wasting too much time and money on them..
I wondered if that is possible, because I think I am my special interest since I try to overcome my depressions by trying to understand and "fix" me to be more comfortable for me and the peoples around me 😝
@@caseyjc5 I feel you...I spent many minutes in the dollar tree and couldn't stop picking out glosses and lip oil and not to mention artificial flowers (my other special interests is flowers) I kept buying more and more and more 😅
the last thing when you said about the "you need to fill in all of the social points to get a diagnosis" is when it like made sense why I didnt get diagnosed with autism along with adhd. I am very good at socialising because I love people watching! I find it very interesting how people talk about things and how people say straightforward things without being called rude, what tone to talk in, when to laugh, how long to talk (not as good at this one I love talking about my interests),, and so ive learned a lot about socialising and therefore im probably better at social skills than the average autistic person.
I literally cried watching this video because you've literally just described me and now things make so much more sense. I'm so glad I found your channel!
FYI, The idiom "Out of thin air" doesn't have a lengthy, historical etymology. It was just a phrase that Shakespeare invented. You could say he just pulled it out of thin air.
@@DrinkYourNailPolish Nah you have it backwards. Shakespeare published his stuff long before any English version of the bible existed. The bible translators cribbed heavily from their pop culture.
A meltdown for me is the feeling that, on the inside I am screaming and shrieking and shaking, while on the outside I am desperately trying to calm myself down or find an outlet that isn't actual screaming. During a shutdown I kind of turn into a five year old who only communicates by whispering to mom with her eyes cast down and a desperate need to get out of the situation. I found that moving and exerting force - like going for a bike ride - helps to regulate me during a meltdown. Shutdowns... I sit them out until I can be by myself and recover. Though when I'm really at my limit, after the shutdown there'll be a meltdown. Took me a while to figure that out.
This....opened my eyes...I think my teenager is slowly switching to this. Mainly because he's trying to avoid external screaming. I might have to ask him if he wants to go for a walk next time.
Yikes, that quote on perfectionism is real. It gave me the excuse to blame everything on myself, even other people’s feelings. “If I comfort everyone well enough then they won’t feel sad anymore”
One of the funniest autism symptoms that comes with mine is that I’ll literally forget that I’m hungry, or forget that I have to use the bathroom. Idk how you forget something like that, but I literally do LOL
Same here! I sometimes don’t realize when my body temperature is too high which had led to me passing out especially in hot weather. Then I would wake up like “What happened?” with no idea until later. Now I have an alarm that reminds me to hydrate during hot weather.
Oh, forgetting to be hungry is a thing. I'm not autistic, but I definitly tend to have an unhealthy dose of perfectionism and can work myself in neat little flows while reading or writing. I won't eat at those times, if nothing is directly presented to me, at least. I will ignore my growling stomach, my numbing mind and when my body finaly gets tired I will lay down to sleep, even thou the cause of my exhaution is lack of calories. I normally will wake up after a while and then realize I'm hungry and eat something, but I definitly know the feeling of "forgetting my own hunger".
There is a very reasonable chance that you're misidentifying a regular animal trait as an autistic one there. Hunger has one purpose - Informing you that you need to input more sustenance into your system. However, if you're scavenging through the underbrush and your hunger is constantly frustrating you, you might overlook something edible and end up perishing as a direct result of it. Meanwhile, if your body suppresses your hunger (as it does for most people after a short while), then you'll be in as good a shape as you can be to secure your next meal.
@@OzixiThrill it usually only happens when I get invested in a show or UA-cam video and forget I’m hungry, like I’ll be like “man I’m hungry, but before I eat I’m gonna watch some episodes of this show” (and then after like 5 minutes of the show I forget that I was even hungry, and then when the episode ends I feel hungry again and remember “oh yea I was hungry this whole time I forgot about that” lol)
The eye contact thing... Everytime I talk to someone I see my mother's face inches from my face; screaming 'Look at me when I'm talking to you!' Still. Every time I talk to someone. Every time.
Did she also grab your face by the cheeks and turn your head aggressively towards her to make you look at her? I have wondered about this, how this is so traumatizing, especially for autistic kids.. How f'ed up is it to associate eye-contact with being punished/taught a lesson. It were the only moments my mother tried to connect for real, demand eye-contact, to let me know how mad she was at me for something I probably didn't intend.
I can't stand being watched either, I feel like an ant under a microscope, I can be great at something but as soon as someone's watching I get the shakes and can't do it. Also had/have eating disorders 😢
Honestly had to leave a restaurant 2 weeks ago because I felt a couple of the staff watching our table a little *too* intently. I just didn't feel comfortable anymore.
@@FreeManFreeThought I can't eat out anywhere unless it's a drive through and it's not me ordering 😆 I've always used my fingers to eat when I was a kid, I found a knife and fork confusing as a child and much easier to 'feel' my food before it went in my mouth, I use cutlery for some meals these days but I still eat with my fingers a lot. Me and food have had a bit of a battle🤣 didn't like the texture of nearly all good when I was a kid, still have trouble now, onions are just way over stimulating for me and I think I might be allergic to them since I feel very ill if I eat anything and don't realise it has onion powder in or something. So I was a toast, Weetabix, porridge(only if done right) and biscuit kid, I think my mum nearly had a breakdown thinking I was going to die from not eating enough🤣 I also had a few hospital trips to the A&E as I would choke on red meats and pork meats and chicken once too. I remember it like it was yesterday and I must have been between 2-4. When I eat now if people cause me distress my throat constricts and I can't swallow my food and it's only got worse as I aged. I have a tumor on one of my parathyroid glands so it makes me wonder if all the stress in that area contributed to that?
I completely froze up in the grocery store self checkout a few weeks ago because a store clerk came up and asked if I found everything I needed when I was just trying to get an item and get back out of the store as soon as humanly possible. Then after I said "yes" in order to get rid of her faster, she started bustling around me with the bags and everything and then when she noticed I was still standing there holding the item, she commented, "it doesn't look like that went through." I said, "I know. I'm waiting." When she asked what I was waiting for, I said, "I'm waiting for you to be done." She said "Me to be done?" My reply, "Yes, for you to be out of the way." Of course it was rude and I didn't intend it to be (or even had any desire to talk to anyone at ALL in the first place), but I felt like I had no control over things by that point and just needed to get the heck out, and when she moved away and I could finally finish checking out , I dwelt on the horrible encounter for over a week, and obviously I'm still to some degree dwelling on it because now I think "what if it happens again?" whenever I go back into that store. In short, I don't like people hovering over me, being in my space, or watching me do things unless I'm specifically in teaching or training mode. It REALLY makes me uneasy if not freaks me out entirely.
@@rebeccachapman1231 yeah definitely, I hate going into stores as when I get to the tills if anything goes slightly weird which 99% of the time it will I will start sweating and overheating, my mind starts racing and I'm stuttering. It takes a moment for anything someone says to process in my mind so for people who ask something but don't wait before needing the answer it's like my mind got scattered all over, I often describe stressful situations like my mind is being pulled in many directions almost like it's a physical feeling, one person talking, a person making irritating noises, the lights, echoes in the store, smells from people or products, this is my world outside my home and occasionally inside my home if too much is happening at once, further each part of my mind is being pulled and twisted or even pushed in the closer I get to shutdown, sometimes meltdowns but I internalise a lot so I have a tendency to withdraw completely.
Hi, can’t wait to watch I am a 16 year old girl in the UK that has started the diagnostic process for Autism and you have really helped me in finding out this stuff about myself, and feeling like it is ok to be yourself :)
Aayyyy same here. Except the girl part (in terms of identity,anyways) . But other than that, same. Start of last month had a phone triad thing, I forgot the name
I've been considering autism for myself for a few years and the more I learn, I both get more certain and more uncertain lol I have experienced both meltdowns and shutdowns, and both suck so bad. I spent many years convinced I should be alone forever because I accidentally hurt someone during a meltdown.
Absolutely the lack of meltdowns in the criteria leads to misdiagnosis. In my first diagnostic appointment when I was 6 I had a meltdown during the appointment and was immediately misdiagnosed as bipolar for the next 8 years despite none of my other symptoms really matching.
catatonia is such an interesting thing for the DSM-5 to mention in the diagnostics for autism. i studied psychology as well (good luck btw!) and i was only ever introduced to catatonia as a condition associated with schizophrenia -- i never really considered where else it might show up. its classic expression is a sudden rigidity (not talking, standing very still, etc) and an inability to move properly, which in hindsight sounds a LOT like what autistic folk experience especially when approaching a meltdown
The not wanting to go to the toilet because it interrupts thing is a massive one for me. my partner occasionally prompts me. literally this conversation last night: "Emma, do you need a wee?" "Yes." "then go." "BUT I DON'T WANT TO!" "I know. but you still have to go."
@@mzdrizzleI don't think it is whether they like to be treated like that or not, it's the fact that by going to the bathroom for toilet breaks, it usually disrupts their "flow of work" so to say. So one of the ways to avoid that is to not go to the bathroom so that "flow" is not disrupted. Heck, I do that a lot sometimes. Usually in the form of refusing to eat because I can take 20 minutes to an hour to eat, all in the name of not losing that "flow of being productive". ....... I'm actually going through it right now, I stopped my flow, and I'm now struggling to get back to it because I need to do other things....... I _really_ wanna do my work though.... but I can't.... ugh. TLDR Because even a small break can disrupt our "flow of work" or "rhythm" where we are doing something, like chores, assignments or work. Stuff like that. So to avoid losing that flow or rhythm, we just _do not_ do that thing that disrupts it. I hope you understand a little better with my explanation. /gen
Yah. I had the same problem. I do that with my son who has the same problem. I ask him if he needs to go and tell him to go if he says yes. He’s so into doing things that he forgets or puts it off. I did the same exact thing and did for a long time. It gave me chronic utis for the majority of my adult life. Your husband is very thoughtful to remind you.
@@mzdrizzle- as someone who had chronic UTIs for the same issue, I think it’s very sweet of her husband to remind her that it’s important to go to the bathroom.
A lot of other people have already said it, but I've noticed with both adhd and autism the major criteria seem to be related to what inconveniences other people the most... (hyperactivity and social issues for example) Finally getting diagnosed with one despite never having most of the visible symptoms really put it into stone for me 🙃. I had to frame every issue i knew i had in relation to how it affected other people and my job, not how it was making my life as a whole painfully difficult to navigate
It's probably a bit 'tin-foil hat' of me, but sometimes I wonder if there's a reason some disorders' symptoms can be so vague, even contradictory at times. It's no secret that schoolteachers are overworked and spread too thin, and often, putting the disruptive kids on Ritalin or other ADHD meds is just easier than finding the time and resources to adjust the kids' individual environments and lesson plans. You can't just put a kid on fairly hardcore psych meds without a proper diagnosis, but then, it can be pretty easy to get A diagnosis (if not necessarily the RIGHT diagnosis) when both 'not paying enough attention' (inattention) and 'paying too much attention' (hyperfixation), which are already a bit subjective to begin with, can both be seen as signs of the same disorder.
My school is considering making a big poster about autism acceptance and my first thought was to use this channel as a idea that can go on it !! 🙂 Also this video is very helpful for me personally
Some guy made a video about Asperger’s some years ago when my son was in Middle School designed to play to the class. It explained to the classmates re the behavior and what it was (it was called Asperger’s back then). It was kind of cute- “Are all kids with Asperger’s geniuses?” and funny lines like that….But really, until he grew to 6’2”, and the teachers let him hang out in the computer room, the bullying was intense. Back then, it was hard to even find a therapist. I had to do a lot of reading. I’m surprised he turned out to be such a social butterfly, due in part to social skills classes twice a week for FOUR YEARS all through High School. Lots of driving though, and endless waiting.
I am very happy to have found your channel!! After a bit of a fight, we finally got our 8-year-old son evaluated and he received his diagnosis. Listening to your experience reminds me so much of my 8-year-old. The part of this video about perfectionism brought back certain things he has done that stand out and helped me understand why. Thank you for these videos and for sharing them with us!
How many times is perfectionism a side effect of being constantly told you’re making mistakes, though? Feeling someone will drop down on you any second out of freaking nowhere to punish you for something you never even knew you’d done, or that it was wrong to do? The severity of the outside response may vary but we all know the experience of having people be angry at us for actions that were never taken with deliberate animosity. It can not only make you never want to make a mistake again but cause you to want to make damned sure, even at the cost of your own health and well-being, that no one can say you didn’t bend over backward to do the right thing. I am actually HAPPY when I get sick because I feel like people can’t expect anything of me. But yeah, when I was little I had a very distracted and unaffectionate mom who never seemed to notice me until I did something wrong. She had a lot to deal with, I get it, but the result is that I guiltily wonder to this day whether I really am Autistic or whether, in some rare cases, doctors might have been right about the effects of refrigerator mothers.
as a teen i thought i had BPD bc of my frequent meltdowns, but as an adult i don't fit that profile anymore (i think it was due to being in a dysfunctional home). i still get meltdowns from time to time, but they're not violent anymore, more like a panic attack or intense crying. a lot of the time i am unable to speak to share my feelings with others during this, too ps: i love ur red plumbob earrings
Remember that Autism is a brain of extremes…so some of us are on the other extreme from dyspraxia…insanely great coordination (dance, sports, gymnastics , martial arts, circus arts etc).
yes! I can pick up a dance style easily bc I listen to the rhythm to the music BUT P.E. during my school years was the hardest thing to do for me.. my classmates would make fun of me all the time bc I was poorly coordinated to perform well during Phys. Ed :( and funny thing is I was never able to learn how ride a bike or roller skating which I remember I had a meltdown bc I felt and scraped my knees at the first try, I was around 6 years old when it happened.
I was recently challenged to stand and balance on one leg, and it was so easy for me that it wasn't an exercise. But I am very imbalanced and struggle with other motions at the same time, my spacial awareness is a bit... curved? and things like the logical order a door opens were something I had to figure out over time. Like it is very simple to understand once you think about how the locks work, but not thinking about what the lock looks like underneath, I didn't get it. I have a pretty steady footing overall and good awareness of the surface I am walking on, but I do overestimate the space I need to fit through somewhere horizontally and often think I will hit my head while I am rather short and nowhere close to the branch or whatever. I was a natural at horse riding as a kid but riding a bike didn't work out, once time I practiced I could only do a circle and move in circles and once I tried to go straight I hit the wall and didn't try again for years. When I practiced again as an adult, once again, circles were the easiest, while others told me turning and circles are the hardest on a bike. While my spacial awareness seems to lack behind, I also think of a lot of my environment in some sort of shape when I am familiar with my environment. I also don't recognize faces I do not expect at a certain location at first, so I am thinking something about my processing is just a little delayed and filtered weirdly. Back in physics class, I once came up with a formular we did not learn yet from trying to understand the process behind it, I struggled hard to learn it but once it reached me it fell into place. I was sure I was failing the test, just to get praised by the teacher because he said my understanding was advanced.
I think the thing with the emphasis on socializing is because that is what is inconvenient for neurotypical people. I am autistic, and I struggle so hard with social things but I have learned to mask heavily. I go home and I feel exhausted. I love socializing, but it really wears me down because I’m thinking about so many different things, especially with people I don’t know as well. I have to think a lot harder about how to respond. It is exhausting.
9:33 this is the reason why I requested to work from home. When I started at the company I work for, it was just two of us (besides the boss and owner), it was so quiet. Then the company started growing and it was just overwhelming, from 4 people at the office to 15+ so fast, the noise, the people walking by to go to lunch or the restroom, etc... So I started having meltdowns way too often, but I was able to postpone them until I was out of the office and before I got on my bike. It made me feel so ashamed tbh cause I was still in public at the office building, just not with my coworkers. But as they became more frequent it was getting harder and harder to postpone them, the day I had to literally run to lock myself in the restroom cause I felt it coming on was the day I made the request, I said I didn't want to cause disruption and I knew it would eventually happen in the office, so they approved the request. Honestly I'm ao grateful, I'm self-diagnosed but they still believed me and made the accomodations I needed, they could've easily fired me without having any legal issues.
As someone that tests as distinctly autistic, I think it’s interesting to note that I started life as a perfectionist but my experience in woodworking and coding eventually caused my focus to shift from perfectionism to consistent improvement. This has had a profoundly positive affect on my mental health and productivity. Surprisingly (to me), I still appear to be a perfectionist to casual observers.
The DSM isn’t just missing autistic characteristics/traits. It fundamentally mischaracterizes the condition as a cluster of observable psychological traits. It’s a problem with every neurodivergence, really. These conditions fundamentally don’t belong in the DSM in the first place.
@@imautisticnowwhat exactly. And granted, the purpose of the DSM is identification, i.e., diagnosis. And it is fairly effective in that regard. But it simultaneously completely misses the mark when it comes to identity or definition. It’s kind of ironic to me, honestly, because it’s basically a neurotypical estimation missing the specificity of a monotropic condition.
@@shapeofsoup if you want to diagnose a cancer, you do laboratory tests and scans and don't just ask when and how you experience pain and if you're sick in other ways. There should be ct scans and encephalograms and other tests to check up the neurological differences that are observable. Not just "what did you teachers think about you when you were a kid"
When I'm put in a position where I have to explain to somebody why I can't do something that they think isn't a big deal, I become completely overwhelmed and eventually shut down...
That has happened for me too; for me, I suspect it is due to their invalidating me on something very important to me. NT folks also feel very shut down and withdraw if repeatedly invalidated on issues important to them! I feel that making us feel unusual on this is just more invalidation, it is refusal to try to see from our perspective. (NTs often are not good at this if the experience differs from their own.)
11:30 Yes, absolutely! No one, including myself, knew that I was on the autism spectrum until I began my ASD discovery journey back in 2017 when I was in my early 50s. So back in the mid-1990s when I was 30 years old and going through a very traumatic divorce from an abuser, I was misdiagnosed and prescribed SSRIs, which scrambled my neurodivergent brain circuits. I snapped one day and tried to permanently check out. So yeah, it's extremely important to not get misdiagnosed and subjected to the same kind of crap I went through. I'm so glad that autism is a lot more understood now than it used to be!
Recently I started thinking that I might have ADHD, maybe also autism but I'm not sure I need to go and get tested for that. And your videos help, like a LOT. Also I cant believe I'm this early. Like wow
I think the heavy social criteria really echoes the fact that this whole book was established by mostly neurotypical people noticing how someone else’s disability impacted other and not how it impacts themselves. Most people see me and think of my autism as a social issue that they have to deal with rather than an all encompassing thing that impacts every aspect of my being. I think that’s why people say “you’re making autism your whole personality.” It’s because to them it affects just this one thing that they can see because they really only care to notice the details that make interacting with autistic people “difficult.” They don’t see my dyspraxia or the inertia issues or my slow processing speed or the fact that I can’t even tell when I have to go to the bathroom. They just see someone that’s “bad at talking” and doesn’t do the same things they do for fun and maybe won’t shut up about primates for some reason
Oh wow, yes! The same goes for many things, I noticed it with adhd, because I have adhd, so my life, how I interact with the world, how I perceive things, my personality, etc, are all affected by that. Of course I made adhd my personality, because it is. It affects my entire life. And yeah, the lists of traits and behaviours (especially older ones) for adhd (and autism and other neurodivergencies) are very much focussed on things that parents and teachers notice, very little is about how it feels, and what is going on internally. For adhd it's all very much about being disruptive, fidgeting, being loud, being lazy, etc. Newer lists include more things like being bored, being distracted, unable to do things you want, etc. So of course the fidgety, loud kid who disrupts the lesson in school gets a diagnosis, but not the equally distracted and bored dreamy kid, because their distraction only happens internally and doesn't affect the people around them. (and if the dreamy kid is smart enough to keep up in school without actually listening to the lessons, they won't notice any issues until that kid is in uni and no longer can get passing grades with only the textbooks when there's a pressing deadline. It's me, I was the dreamy kid) The questions seem also aimed people around the person getting diagnosed, as in parents, so I had a hard time filling them out as an adult pursuing a diagnosis. I had to fill out this questionnaire and one of the questions was about interrupting people, and how often it happens. I had no clue how often, because to me it felt more like "I have something to add to this conversation, so I have to say it right now, before I forget it because I got distracted by a new topic, or a new train of thought (of 20) derailing my original thought." I really try not to do it, because I know it's rude, but it's hard to see how often you do things if you're not looking at it from the outside. So I couldn't fill out those types of questions on my own. If the questions were phrased differently I might have had an easier time recognising it, but the questions were likely made by a team of NT people, who only see the behaviour and not the internal things going on. I think it would be very beneficial to include people who have the disorder or neurodivergency they're trying to diagnose, and ask them for input. It doesn't even need to be on the "this is definitely a symptom" list, but just giving examples of what it can look like helps a lot. It gives me a frame of reference, because to me most of those things feel normal. I don't know if I feel less patient than other people, so the question "do you often feel impatient when talking to other people" (while better than the interruption question because it does address the internal feelings rather than just the behaviour) is meaningless. How often is often, for me it feels like a normal amount because I don't know any other amount, I have no idea how often neurotypical people feel impatient.
Part of the problem is psychiatry diagnosid is by definition based on pathology : things that disrupt your life. So it's always a disorder or negative bias, because whether it's bipolar, autism, gender dysphoria etc if it doesn't cause problems in multiple areas of your life, it's "subclinical" ie not disordered and therefore not requiring diagnosis. The entire purpose is to identify and treat *pathology*, NOT to categorize people's neurotype. Ie If you have most symptoms of schizotypal personality but it's not causing problems in multiple areas of life over lifetime, you are on the subclinical part of its spectrum, and therefore you don't have schizotypal personality *disorder*, you're just an eccentric loner with bizarre beliefs and on the subclinical spectrùm of schizotypic features. Ie your not OCPD, just a rigid workaholic with control issues, you're not ADHD, you're just clumsy and forgetful etc.
Part of the problem is psychiatry diagnosis is by definition based on pathology : things that disrupt your life. So it's always a disorder or negative bias, because whether it's bipolar, autism, gender dysphoria etc if it doesn't cause problems in multiple areas of your life, it's "subclinical" ie not disordered and therefore not requiring diagnosis. The entire purpose is to identify and treat *pathology*, NOT to categorize people's neurotype. Ie If you have most symptoms of schizotypal personality but it's not causing problems in multiple areas of life over lifetime, you are on the subclinical part of its spectrum, and therefore you don't have schizotypal personality *disorder*, you're just an eccentric loner with bizarre beliefs and on the subclinical spectrùm of schizotypic features. Ie your not OCPD, just a rigid workaholic with control issues, you're not ADHD, you're just clumsy and forgetful etc.
This video has been the most helpful, so far. The bit where you mentioned "statue" was what I have been curious about for YEARS. I would describe what had happened to me & no one had any ideas whatsoever why it hapoened.
I didn't get the chance to become a special interest in my own diagnosis, mostly until my 20s the furthest my family would let me diagnosed with was with PTSD (later C-PTSD), depression, anxiety, and OCD. Ever since I've found the autism community, including the videos and lists meant to "debunk" whether or not the viewer has autism, I think I've been finding myself or made more sense of myself with more and more videos. It's been actually really comforting to see those rigid and vague lists explained to how it presets in daily life, it's like watching the puzzle pieces that have just been crammed into whichever spot, but learning about autism has been pulling them apart, sorting, and placing the pieces in the proper places. (please excuse the simile, I typed this before realizing it)
The social/masking thing is why i repeatedly was denied even so much as a referral for an assessment. And I believe that because I also have ADHD, the two kind of compensate for each other in some ways, especially externally, so I'm "to organized" to be ADHD (which organization became a special interest of mine, especially since i struggled with it so much), and "socially competent" to be autistic, which I've been learning to mask since kindergarten. I also have a lot of subtle stims because of the learned masking, and i have a lot of tools in place to help me compensate for my horrible memory and time blindness. And the whole perfectionism thing is very true, but its always been "all or nothing" and often times i was so depressed and burnt out that it was just "nothing". And yeah, I was originally diagnosed as bipolar, fought the diagnosis and ended up with a BPD. Even went through a year of DBT, and it was helpful but a lot of the things my therapist told me I was supposedly struggling with, I wasn't... And a lot of the significant outbursts that are present in the BPD were really only a thing for me when I was in the depths of an abusive relationship, so by the time the conversation about the BPD was happening, I actually didn't have the emotional outbursts she was talking about but still diagnosed me because I "technically qualified". Finally saw a therapist at a clinic that specializes in Autism and ADHD, and after a year of therapy she diagnosed me. I'm still on the wait-list as far as Im aware for an assessment, but she has the full credentials to diagnose me and told me she waits a year for it, but she could tell within a few sessions. Honestly, I think the diagnostic criteria is really focused on external observations and doesn't cover internal experiences a lot. ADHD is very similar. At least now they have it all under one diagnosis, with different presentations. I think that is one of its main issues. I also think for the laymen to try and interpret it is pretty hard. Like, I totally qualify for the stimming criteria but I didn't think so at first because I was told over and over again its rocking, spinning, hitting yourself... And that may be true for some people but it absolutely is not the only types of stims and masking has massively influenced the type of stims I do now.
Yeah, the last paragraph really resonated with me. The lists of questions for an adhd diagnosis have gotten better, but the older ones really only focus on the fidgeting, loud, disruptive kid, that will get noticed by teachers and parents, but the quiet dreamy kid, who is just as bored and distracted, but not loud, doesn't get noticed. Still, many of the questions were about behaviour, and even when they were about feelings and internal experiences the questions were still about how often I felt something, like impatience, and I have no idea if I feel impatience often or not. I only know my own experiences, so every frequency is normal for me, and I can't tell if my normal is often or not. I think most of those questionnaires and diagnostic tools would benefit from having some input from the people who got a diagnosis, because some of the questions were really hard to answer for me.
Can you make a video about what happens when you have ADHD and Autism at the same time? As someone with ADHD who is potentially Autistic, it would be super helpful as I haven't really been able to find much online
Yo Samdy Sam Oakwyrm Lyric Rivera, Neurodivergent Rebel I'm pretty sure there are more, but those were easy to find (I cannot remember names to save my life, unfortunately)
i've been burned out for years noww... I'm just so goddamned exhausted all the time and i've really started to struggle more and more wwith even managing to go outside
I feel this. It's almost like any potential for human interaction is just exhausting. I used to love walking back the bike trail by my house, but since I've moved back here, I swear the population increased (or tourism did). And everytime there's another person on the trail, it ruins my peaceful walk, because I have to act normal because I'm being observed. I like to be able to just sit in random places when I feel like it, talk to the bugs and animals, make random noises... yknow, be myself lol. I love nature, but sitting in my room is like the only thing that doesn't cause me a meltdown and anxiety.
@@Night7Crawler exactly. Iused to do the groceries. Always get big hauls and stuff. Now i can't even get some drinks wwithout getting overstimulated. When the sun shines even a little bit i MUST have my sunglasses. Just walking along the street is a pain due to cars and people existing. I live with my mother who does NOTHING to bother me but simply sharing a room with her as i anxiously anticipate her trying to talk to me is even to much (and i repeat she does nothing to deserve any ire from me. It makes me feel very guilty). Every family gathering is a source for anxiety attacks before i'm even there and afterwards i need 2 days of being comatose in front of my laptop to recover. Literally just existing is becoming to tiresome at this point.
I hear ya. Still remember when my physician looked at me in 1995 and said "The part of you which processes anything more than the most minimal amount of stress is gone, burned up, burned out, and most likely never coming back." I was only 32.
I can relate. The tiredness it causes ceases to become worth the effort. Getting out of the house and living a healthy life is important though, it's just finding a thing you like to do, where and the amount of other people involved. You find this and it can help ground you and bring your equilibrium back.
You’re amazing!! Thank you for sharing. I see these same moments when my teen is in meltdown. It makes so much sense now. I’m very grateful for the community you are building. Much love ❤
I feel like who thinks a melt down is a tantrum has never witnessed a meltdown. Before my son's diagnosis he would have meltdowns and there was another I could do in the moment. It was heartbreaking.
I too hate being watched while working on something, since I want to show it when it is good, and it's not good yet when I am working on it, and I am terrified of what people will think of it when I turn it in.
7:29 Oh oh I LOATHE being interrupted. My CORE TRAUMA when I was two... I was interrupted, and suddenly punished for whatever I was doing that my parents felt was "wrong". What I was doing was playing with my toys in the middle of the night (sensory aversion, hell yes, I sure was, the bright lights, the demands/expectations to get up and walk that was painful when I fell) I was two, not yet speaking, I remember visuals and feeling very well, but cant remember a damn word, but I remember what I felt, what I wanted, what I saw, and they took my favorite toy away, later saying I didnt understand consequences, when I very well knew, angry parent = I lose joy. Yeah well I guess my awareness of consequences didnt travel very far, nor did my awareness circle (at the time I was two was like 3 feet in front of me at the time), and my parents were angry I wasnt considering their feelings. I WAS TWO. dammit (1979). Even now I am not very well aware of how other people would feel reading this comment. Not that I dont care (I care about everyone not being hurt) but because I tried so hard so long ago to be considerate of everyone for decades ..... I lost myself in the process of trying to avoid punishments and angry people.... I settled on: You like or you hate, I am not, nor ever will be, the one to make that decision (deciding if you love or hate me) for you. I'll get punished regardless, cause people are going to think whatever BS they wanna think to kick me to the curb or deny me something I wanted, because they wanted to beat down on someone, and I end up being scapegoated often, so here, me, all my unrestricted blathering, because I have hope that some small sliver of humanity exists out there that my comment might be helpful somehow, somewhere, in this hopeless life I would not wish for anyone to experience. I like to story share. That is why I say anything at all anymore. I like to share. I learned to talk when I was a kid because I wanted to ask for my damned toy back. They lied about giving it back, they lied. I know exactly where it is, right now, 44 years later.... It will still be there in that hole in the kitchen corner if nobody has torn apart that old house yet. Different minds indeed. I seem to excell in areas that are not well-to-do according to social /norms/ (or whatever society calls that thing I cant get along well with most of the time). Sincerely, A 46 year old autistic here with undiagnosable form of PTSD. P.S. PTSD undiagnosed because... because... 3 years and several thousand dollars not enough money to get this trauma (and it's detrimental reflexes which impair my life every second of everyday even now) diagnosed/recognized for dictation upon official documents... damn Amaerica not recognizing cPTSD yet, even now. Maybe someday. Also, nobody ever made sense to the ideaology we should not "share" like seriously, I have asked so much and so often to so many people, nobody has ever made anything of that "you shared too much" make any sense, other than someone else's persona annoyance... TL;DR: To read or not to read, this is your choice. I aint forcing you.
I've been watching a lot of your videos the last couple of days and I just wanna say: Thank you! Since I was a little child I always thought literally everything about me must be wrong because the whole world seemed to reject me, starting with the fellow kindergarden kids at the age of 3. My former therapist said he suspects me to be autistic about year ago, but I was kinda okay at the time so I didn't pursue it. Since it's getting worse again I decided to dive into the issue and found your channel. I can so heavily relate to a lot of things you explain and the storys you share. Your videos really helped me to understand what might be going on, so I got a psychiatrist appointment to check it out. This is the first time I don't feel like an abnormality or alien anymore. I don't know how I feel aboout that yet but I have real hope that it might get better. So, TLDR: thank you and keep up the great content!
I am so impressed with your depth of knowledge and great ability to describe experiences! I have been a clinical psychologist working with children, adolescents and adults on the spectrum for nearly 30 years and I am now subscribed!
Thank you! I started watching for my adult son and I am becoming aware that I have been struggling with these things for my whole life. I am 70. I believe I may also have ADD but the issues you describe are spot on for my history. Thank you so very much!!🎉
... I spent a long time picking a favorite color, since I like several colors, but I felt like I needed to find the correct one, the perfect one. This also happens with other things, like books, movies, TV shows, food... I am terrible at picking favorites, since I feel like I need to pick the perfect one.
It was a revelation to learn that when neurotypicals ask what my favorite anything is, the real question is "What color/tv show/band do you like?". I always tried to pick one single favorite while considering every possible angle.
Oh, I despise "one favorite" questions, because the premise of "one favorite," in my opinion, leaves out _SOOOOO_ many valid choices! Like, one favorite song. There are millions of songs in existence, I like thousands of songs, I love hundreds of songs, and trying to narrow down to even a dozen favorites is nearly impossible, because it leaves out hundreds of valid options! Favorite color- well, for what? I have a favorite color to wear (blush pink/dusty rose), a favorite accent color for my kitchen (cobalt blue, especially glass), a favorite neutral (light grey), and so on.
I just had a conversation with 2 family members (1 diagnosed autistic) & we all agreed that "favorite" questions were the worst because we contain multitudes and you can't get them right, lol.
My favorite color is "warm colors" and i prefer yellow-orange usually but it get persnickety. Also, It takes me 5 minutes to give the full explanation of favorites in colors lul. The shortest and most specific answer is "yellow-orange usually" I put a lot of work into that answer. But I still can't drop the "usually" no matter how hard I try.
For me, it was the tie of the physical symptoms with the mental. Seeing one doctor for mental troubles and having my physical symptoms be just "odd" to my doctor. Needing to get both of my doctors together before they agreed with me about this being plausible. Forums clued me in on a lot of shared experiences - the vivid, one after the other nightmares/dreams during all sleep times. Increased REM cycles compared to others, sometimes 2 or 3x the amount of cycles. waking directly out of REM. Random nerve pains, sharp pains that last 2-5 seconds. Twitching hard when falling into sleep. Headaches, meltdowns, inability to regulate body temperature. Perfectionism is unbearable. It feels like I will be dragged out into the street and murdered for the most minor failures. Being the best came with too much attention, so I always aimed for my version of good enough... Depression, anxiety, body flushing, etc. all of these symptoms align with ASD... and only bits of them fall into other categories. A build up and burn out cycle. Inability to express emotions during times of stress and then a random thing weeks later can cause a meltdown that brings it all flooding in. Blazing through work tasks for 2 weeks and an inability to think or problem solve for the following week. Being a genius one moment and staring blankly for 5-10 minutes after.
I had constant nightmares and intense dreams, waking up constantly, anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour. Got medical marijuana, and I know it's controversial, but it's helped me be able to sleep at least 4 or 5 hours before waking, with far fewer dreams/nightmares. Just wanted to share what worked for me for sleep, because I know none of the pills did.
If only I could figure out a way to remedy the headaches and regulate body temperature. I had been going to the doctor for years, thinking I had some sort of serious chronic illness. Chest pains, severe headaches, overheating or freezing, out of breath or hyperventilating. But when I stay home all day and don't interact with anyone, I'm fine. Learned that after moving back home. But as soon as I go to work and start interacting with people, I ultimately feel sick and like I'm going to have a meltdown.
@@Night7Crawler I feel like the cannabis helps me get to sleep - which is usually, basically, a fear of falling asleep. But it doesn't stop me from dreaming. I absolutely do stay asleep longer. No more hourly wake ups. But I also feel locked into my dreams longer. I have 2 a night now, average, instead of the previous 5-8. Your point on fewer dreams is true. I just feel they are longer dreams in my case :D. Thank you for relating on the dreams!
@@Night7Crawler Only thing that helps me with being HOT is having bare feet. My feet in their default state are ice cold. I allow this to continue in order to keep the rest of my body cool, maybe the sensation of cold there interferes with the hot sensations elsewhere. I cannot sweat. I cannot sleep anymore with blankets. if I get too cold, it does seem like it takes an eternity for me to warm back up. Headaches... magnesium helps me a lot with this. At least, it helps with the length of the headache.
I personally find there to be a difference between meltdown and panic attack. Meltdown feels like you're a shaken bottle with so much pressure (often mixed with pent up frustration) that needs to erupt out, as if you're exploding with overload, whereas a panic attack is an overwhelming feeling of, well, panic (fear).
Oh yeah, they're definitely not exactly experience, I agree! But I think it's a good way to think about them - as something uncontrollable rather than just 'bad behaviour' as some do
I’d agree with this. I’ve had at least a couple of each of those. Meltdowns, for me, were related to being overwhelmed, over-stimulated, and not being able to handle another thing. Panic attacks were high anxiety and hyperventilating and my mind spinning 100 mph. Very nuanced differences.
Id go as far as saying the panic is the feeling of going on a roller coaster ride and that flighty feeling where your heart SINKS when the G force hits but Dragged out longer
So proud of you for deciding to go back to school despite having chosen to drop out of school due to burn out 🙏 Thank you for all that you do. You have helped she so much light on my experiences that i had previously internalized as some sort of character deficiency. I was assumed to have ADHD as a child, but i was never seen "autistic enough" to get assistance that i could have used. I'm now working with a therapist that understands what I'm going through and is helping me to forgive myself and others so I can grow into the person I've wanted to be all along. Thank you again for all you do 🙏
You know, I also feel like perfectionism is what makes me feel like I lack a 'manual' in life. It's like I think that there must be these perfectly thought out answers to why everyone does what they do or why something's done or made a certain way, but I've only just recently realized in my adultlife that nobody knows wtf they're doing and that everyone just kinda goes with whatever works. That has blown me away. Assuming I don't know the rules makes me feel very anxious and why I feel like I can't do anything until I know EXACTLY how it must be done or what is expected 100%. I have to catch myself thinking this ALL the time and then realizing, that, oh wait, right, nobody fricking knows, they just wing it. I just can't fathom how they do that without a meltdown, lol.
I have been diagnosed with adhd, but also planning to seek autism diagnoses thanks to videos like yours. I live alone 19:07 and it is hard for me to "switch gears" as i call it. Going from eating to cleaning (ie my own dishes) is very difficult. But when im doing dishes, i also vacuum, do the laundry, clean the floors. If it's time to sleep in wanna keep doing research. If it's time to wake up my sleep brain will convince me to fall back asleep. I think that might be like the inertia thing. Sharing some things that have been helping me. I'm still in the middle of my discovery journey so i appreciate tips for living on my own in terms of self care and by extension house management. One thing I have done that feels helpful instead of restrictive, is that I have made the lighting in my house be no blue light after x oclock. I'm talking the whole house is amber lights instead of normal lights. If you dont live alone amber glasses is great. Make sure blue bic pen colour looks black when wearing them. You may wonder what that has to do with me eating and going to the washroom i stead of hyperfocusing, but I argue a big part of the the sensory thing is that we do actively live in a society with more sensory stimulus than ever before in human history.
Over the years I've done multiple things to help myself. You mentioned lights. I turn down lights on very dark, overcast days to prevent pulsating/slight migraine symptoms. Screen lights, lightbulbs, etc. - discarded all my cutlery except the most basic - 1 fork, 1 knife, 1 small bowl for cereals, 1 big bowl for salads, 1 glass, that way I dont stack dishes upon dishes and I dont see a mountain to clean and lose motivation - physical exercise: started with running only but wasnt enough, was tough at first but started with upper body training and feeling a lot better now (less afraid of others on street, more energy when needed, etc.) (not sure if that appies to females as well) - only cooking when absolutely necessary because i hate cleaning my stove and the process, mostly microwave/oven/toasting or cold calorie rich foods like corn waffles, nutrition wise it's very subjective so i'm gonna skip that part except i avoid sugar in regular food because it makes me "unbalanced/moody" (20÷ sugar content cookies i eat only 2 bites at a time as a dessert, same with ice cream, no fruit, no fruit juice (except maybe carrot), cereals with added sugar only in smaller quantities and coupled with whole grain, always checking for sugar content when discovering a new food, caffeine in small doses multiple times a day (not later than 4-5pm for good sleep), stress reduction (work, exposure to other people, noise, staying inside/in bed for too long), music "therapy" with own music library and selected headphones, headphones/in ears when outside (cover only 1 ear to hear what's around you while still having noise reduction) (with full sized additional advantage of not being bothered by others vs inears that can be overlooked), less exposure to annoying/draining people, meet with people maybe once a week for oxycotin release, playing loot oriented action RPG for dopamine receptors, jogging/waking outside for serotonin, watching corn shortly before sleep for better sleep/relaxation + less reliance on others. Hope that helps...
always have snacks near you so you dont forget to eat. wear enough during winters, dont think just because youre not shaking you arent cold or because you dont like sweating it's fine, buy expensive deodorant and always stay warm! if you dont have AC and it's hot use ventilators pointed at your back, showers, frozen towels, open the windows during nights/mornings to lower humidity and temp. - walk in the middle of pavement so you can always switch sides when somebody comes your way and you arent stuck on one side. choose routes with less cars/people in your way even if they arent the shortest distance (esp. true for cities).
I think everyone has different parts of autism that they find the most disabling part. For me the most disabling part of my presentation of autism is communication. I just really really struggle with verbal communication and interacting with others, and its incredibly disabling for me, and on the other hand i don't really struggle with meltdowns or inertia as much. I think the key thing to know about the DSM is that it seeks to summarise all traits of autism in these umbrella sections, within which the more specific traits of autism can fit in. Perhaps they need to give some more examples within their listed traits, cause most doctors don't seem to be able to work out what fits in them and what doesn't lol.
Brilliiant - thanks so much. All of this fits so well - found the detail re physical impacts re movement, inertia, burnout especailly useful. And - as always, seems our community is so far ahead re research and understanding of autism than most healthcare settings.
I really get so much from your videos. I was diagnosed with ADHD a couple of years ago, but the more I watch your videos, the more I think I may actually be autistic as well. I recently qualified as a counsellor and often find myself working with Neurodivergent people. Your videos are really informative and helpful. Thank you. xxx
so ive been watching your videos for 6 months now i think & i started noticing that i related a lot to all the stuff that you’d talk about. i started doing some more research & after awhile i reached out to a professional (my psychologist). we talked about it & did some tests. turns out im autistic! I’m really grateful for your videos because you’re the reason i found out about my autism! thank you for making these videos 💗
A "fun" part of perfectionism is searching for pure or original forms of things, things that may never had existed or never be able to find because they are absolutely elusive and lost to time.
I was recently diagnosed with Level 1 Autism months ago at 27. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder & ADHD first. The autistic inertia describes me well. When the object stops moving I usually describe myself as feeling disconnected. I can't tap into my usual skills mentally, like I won't be able to do a cover letter or interview because the flow isn't there. My perfectionism is there & I feel anxious. It's not even a lack of self esteem. It goes beyond procrastination. When the object moves= I feel connected, there is a flow I can mentally tap into those skills and I can feel more creative as well. Creativity isn't the full picture though. Cover letters & interviews I can connect to everything well, my perfectionism is still there, but I am moving. I do have a fear of rejection for sure.
motor skills one hit me hard. i always thought it was so weird because i have always been told that i run weird, and i've always tried to "run right" but never understood how. when people described the right way to run i was always like "this isn't descriptive enough i don't understand!!!"
I'm one of those that internalized everything. My family is super religious and I'm the firstborn. I feel tremendous pressure from My family, especially now that I've turned from the belief. My home was not violent at all, but I never felt safe enough to speak. That went on for 25 years. I'm terrified of the fight I could cause, the pain I would feel and cause others, and the broken relationship with My family. I probably need therapy
same story for me friend - hope youre doing ok, and know that youre own honesty and genuine care for your loves is all that matters - to you and everyone in your life. it takes a lot of courage to get it out but its so worth it.
Same here I'm eldest of 8, mine had a few cases off violence but yeah I also internalized everything & was being seen a calm, motherly, supporting & wise beyond my years so I tried to hide & act normal desperately lived like that until I moved out & got fed up with the contradictions etc. as I have a serious personality & it resulted in faith crisis. I climbed out of that myself & happy I did without much damage. I also masked & internalized for years to point they unfortunately couldn't diagnose me a few years back when I went to test for autism because I've experienced too much & also had performance anxiety (fear of failure). I'm apparently "high functioning", empathic, can manage well socially &nam doing well according the ones doing the test. I've completely turned from the religion ~12-15 years ago & my family knows but I still don't dare to unsubribe exactly due to the same reasons you mentioned but at least don't really have to bother with it anymore, especially now with family kinda in shambles due it as my mom wants to divorce & earlier this month my grandpa passed away. Well, trying to plan & get together xmas with my sibs as my was a drama (well it's always been chaos) due each of them prioritizing themselves first & it end up cancelled this year as both parents overseas, my mom due to my grandpa's passing) & my dad on vacation (fleeing due marital issues) & him being isolated by some of my sibs after my mom said she wanted a divorce earlier this year. I'm kinda tired but then again I've been chronicly fatigued (also couldn't be diagnosed I've yo phck it back up) & always tired for a few decades already due to health issues and environmental disturbances & noise. It's great you know this about yourself I hope you can also get over this. It feels great when you can be yourself & less painful after finally putting & throwing that mask away I don't ever go back to do that well actually I even can't do so anymore as I have no energy nor drive to doing so as I already learned my lesson when I crashed & burned!xD Wish you all the best!❤
The perfectionism and artificial social pressure to be perfect was/is my most visible trait! If that was included I would’ve gotten evaluated while still in school!
You absolutely highlight so many of my struggles in this video. I even remembered I had forgotten to eat today as soon as you mentioned that! I was evaluated for autism but due to being an expert masker my psychiatrist just wasn't comfortable diagnosing me because she couldn't say for certain whether I met the social criteria or not. Instead I got diagnosed with ADD, which absolutely fits my profile as well but also further hides my social struggles from view. Thus I am still very much considering myself an undiagnosed autistic person, but I am without the ability to get the support I need.
I was told that i was too "successful" and "too good at socialising" when I first tried to ask for advice before starting the journey of an autism diagnostic as I am AFAB and diagnosing Autism especially in Queer/Female people is a challenge. It took me years of starting to undo years of hardcore masking, i am still in the process of rediscovering my own personality below the masks and trauma i have lived through. The more i dig, the more i notice my own boundaries and notice how much everything seems to stress me. Unmasking - while it definitely made me feel better and finally like not playing a role that makes me hate myself - also came with a ton of downsides. Now i stop pushing myself past my sensory overwhelms on a daily basis, have rebuild a sleep routine, have etablished a basic simple style of clothes i feel comfortable in, notice the status of my social battery better and allow myself to stim, allow myself to shutdown and go non-verbal, allow myself to meltdown.... It happens. It restricts me in doing the things i want to do, my capacity for stress is less than it used to be because i try to be kind to myself and some stuff I just cant do anymore as i used to do. It does piss me off. Because now while i am already unmasking, i have to relearn not just who i am but also how to cope with life, how to do basics things again and how to balance all that....
If you missed my latest video, I discuss certain celebrities who are frequently cited as autistic (Messi, Taylor Swift?)...but have actually never been open about a diagnosis. Some of them even appear on numerous listicles (particularly on ABA websites??!!) and the only evidence is 'they look a bit socially awkward'! I'd love to know your thoughts!: ua-cam.com/video/HDK2miTzTTA/v-deo.html
6 traits I’m always surprised to find are not actually in the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for autism! Some of these are alluded to within the additional information in the DSM-5 e.g. for meltdowns it mentions “disruptive/challenging behaviors are more common in children and adolescents with autism spectrum disorder than other disorders, including intellectual developmental disorder.”
And there is quite a bit about masking - so all these doctors saying the no eye contact thing need to have a re-read 👀
“Many adults report using compensation strategies and coping mechanisms to mask their
difficulties in public but suffer from the stress and effort of maintaining a socially acceptable
facade.”
If you’d like to know more about what masking can look and feel like, you might like this video: ua-cam.com/video/36-K-HW3syc/v-deo.html
And here are 9 Signs you’re Probably NOT Autistic (the non-invalidating version): ua-cam.com/video/0ZomGtlmfXE/v-deo.html
Hope you’ve had a good Thursday!! 💛 See you soon!
Maybe the reason the DSM focusses so much on social skills is that those will have the most impact on others around the autistic person (such as their parents).
I think in many cases parents will seek help for their child's odd social behaviours, not as much for what the child is actually experiencing themselves (because the child may not be able to effectively communicate that).
The whole diagnostic criteria are written from a neurotypical point of view anyway. (What is insufficient eye contact, and for whom?!?)
I only realised I'm on the spectrum once I started talking to actually autistic people. I couldn't relate to the DSM criteria at all, same for my teenage daughter. But once I started listening to the actual autistic perspective, things fell into place.
Forever grateful for your videos, and those I found within the autistic community.
13:52 difficulties crossing threshold get a close quarter combat course and make it your stim move like me ^^
The trouble with this video is that the DSM isn't there to provide a full look at autism and everything that goes into it. It's there to provide a diagnostic criteria so that those who need treatment or accommodations can be given them on a simpler basis. That is why DSM is short for Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. So, it provides you with the criteria for having autism spectrum disorder, but not meeting the full criteria doesn't mean someone isn't autistic to some degree (hence why there's new research into sub-clinical autism), it just means they did not meet the requirements for having ASD. The diagnosis of ASD would then allow insurance to fill prescriptions for medication for those with higher support needs, and it would open doors to easier accommodations in school (or college/university), and certain legal protections for vulnerable adults. However, it also makes it more difficult to immigrate to several other countries and can interfere with getting a referral for any kind of gender confirmation treatment in transgender patients.
People who have some autistic traits but not enough to qualify for ASD are now thought to have sub-clinical autism, or ASD-like traits in someone who can generally function on a level that day-to-day doesn't require any kind of treatment or intervention. If you have a sibling with full ASD, you are more likely to have sub-clinical autism, or generally a higher degree of autistic traits. Because brains are a bit funky, there's kind of a continuum and there is no true "neurotypical brain", just people with less of these traits and less of a difficult time functioning.
The DSM requires for diagnosis that someone's autistic traits cause them to need some level of support. Level 1 is needs support, level 2 requires substantial support, and level 3 requires very substantial support. So, unless there is enough distress in someone's life in which they need support, they may not receive an autism spectrum disorder diagnosis. Again, this doesn't mean they don't have a sub-clinical form of autism. But, they don't qualify by the DSM to need treatment or support, which is the only thing the DSM is meant to provide diagnosis for, so there would then be no point to diagnose someone that way, because it can become a bar to certain things. As mentioned previously: immigrating to other countries (including Canada and Australia), gender transition support as well as your diagnosis potentially being used as an excuse for someone (usually a parent) to gain conservatorship over you which can be bad for some people.
But not having a diagnosis should never be an invalidating thing. You don't need a diagnosis or any kind of license to go out wearing soundproof headphones so sounds or people don't overwhelm you. You don't need one to adjust your life the way you want to live it. In the US, you can request reasonable accommodations with an employer through the ADA, but sticking with minor requests is typically best if you don't have a different diagnosis (physical or mental) you can ask for a doctor's confirmation letter over. That being said, if you do have a separate diagnosis, you can use that in lieu of an autism diagnosis and have reasonable adjustments made in accordance to how you feel you can work your job with your traits regardless.
I hope this helps someone out there!
I definitely have your version of autism but much of what you describe as autism I wholeheartedly feel are just human. People think don’t suffer with certain symptoms are actually incredibly impressive because most people are totally uncomfortable with their life. Anyone who grew up with mass media is suffering with neurosis.
I admit that when you describe your version of perfectionism and the life and death exaggeration of emotion is definitely mine. But everyone is a perfectionist, it’s a survival instinct to not want to be excluded from the group because in ancient times being seperate from the group meant guaranteed death. So doing anything that might get you judged as not worthy of the group will trigger anyones fight or flight mechanisms to one degree or another.
I am a Buddhist Lama, and the head of a entire lineage of my religion, which is an ancient school of Indian Mysticism. I am a artist and a writer, so.. you may enjoy connecting and having a discussion. I would love to speak with you as your way with words is very impressive. So please consider correspondence I think I may be able to offer you a very helpful perspective of what is human as I am genuinely an expert in practical psychology from being a spiritual counselor and guide in a religion who’s focus is perfect sanity.
Ps. When I was in college I dated a borderline girl and she remains the most intensely passionate relationship ever for me. But their was no chance that she was merely autistic. She definitely was autistic but the BPD was an exceptional obsession with self destructive behavior, in absolutely everything from our relationship to her eating habits to her relationship with pain period. She was absolutely sadistic and even more masochistic and I don’t believe that is autistic. Frustrated rage yes but not delight with seeing others hurt or hurting themselves.
propionic acid supplementation seems to make me autistic. have you heard of cortexin and cerebrolysin wich can heal the brain?
My perfectionism came from a sense of acceptance. I thought that if i didn't make a mistake, I wouldn't give anybody else a reason to reject me.
Yeah, I think that was part of it for me too! The study did also mention that that might be a factor. It's so sad!
Same here. I have always felt that someday I might be accepted if I can find a way to be "good enough".
No luck yet.
My sense of perfectionism came from my parents rejection for me never being what they expected from me
Same here. It felt like at least the adults accepted me if I had good grades and was well behaved in school, and apparently that was what mattered they would tell us.
Hit a-levels, a million and one changes going on in my life all at once and it all collapsed. My self esteem left me as the grades hit rock bottom and it felt like maybe I would never be good enough for anyone now.
@@sweetdream242424163same🩷😭😭😭
that quote about perfectionism, the "even minor mistakes can have serious consequences" is something that shows up in my job as a web developer/programmer constantly. One little typo WILL break EVERYTHING! I've seen it happen, I'm not crazy!
Aye, but in programming, those mistakes aren't actually small mistakes, they're big mistakes that the layman might think are small because capitalization and spelling are usually minor mistakes in most contexts
I could swear I've seen problems that were solved by loading a backup and rewriting the same code character by character without changing anything else
Do you also review your own PRs a hundred times to check if there's something wrong? I'm very anxious about open PRs because of this and I feel terrible when someone comments something "stupid" on it.
I could probably be a fairly successful cartoonist, drawing strips, but ever since i was little i would just draw pages and pages of characters in different poses, expressions, and interactions in order to learn to draw them perfectly every time. If i couldnt master them or if they started to evolve as i drew them more, i would scrap them and start a new character.
@@natassiatavares4568uuuuuuugh yeah I prolly spend more time "reviewing" my PR's than actually working on the issues 😅
I was describing what a meltdown feels like yesterday and said "there's not really any emotion like fear or anger, it's more a sort of primordial anguish - which is a phrase I shall be adding to my list of good names for rock bands"
Yesss!! That's it!!!
How so you know the Differenz between an Panik Attack and a meltdown?
Rock's too soft, that is clearly a metal band name. That reminds me, Judas Priest has a song "Metal Meltdown"...but it has nothing to do with this here, naturally. I think at least, haha.
@@Dreykopff yes - probably metal. I also have a habit of spotting people who look like Soviet politicians. I was once able to combine this with my collection of names for rock bands when I saw a lady who looked like Brezhnev's lovechild.
Sky falling world on fire and NTs with gas cans and lighters asking me what my problem is .
1. Perfectionism
2. Meltdowns
3. Burnout
4. Motor skills (dyspraxia)
5. Inertia
6. Masking
checking all the boxes
ty i didnt have time to watch it
These can apply to ADHD as well. Though they aren't the keys traits. And actually some aren't traits of the condition but rather a result of trying to exist in an environment and society that doesn't fully support or recognise ADHD. E.g. People with ADHD were told off or corrected on average 3 times as much as a neurotypical person. The rejection is severe causing the person with ADHD to work far harder to prevent future rejections, and hence they become a perfectionist.
"Regular" humans experience all of the above.
@@sauceysinister7924 yup, all of us have experienced these sometimes in our lives
but does everyone have to deal with them 24/7 nonstop?
Wow. The part about internalizing until you reach your safe space at home is spot on for me. Now I realize why I become very detached from everyone when I get home. Explains why I feel suffocated when I’m in a long term relationship, so I generally bail out after 6 months as I need a lot of “me time” to recover and reset for the next day out in the wild.
Worth noting, I’ve recently started looking into ADHD as a work colleague has it. Well it’s lead me down a rabbit hole of research and have learnt I most probably have ADHD, childhood trauma, autism or a combination of all.
If anyone can recommend a specialist in Australia for a diagnosis that would be greatly appreciated.
Oh boy it’s always nice reading other peoples comment and realizing something
I better tell my wife I love her
She makes a lot of space for me
Reading your comment helped me realize this in a better way
Me when my doctor said I was “too empathetic” to be autistic and made me fill out an empathy quotient with the question “did you cut up worms for fun when you were younger?” (The correct answer was apparently yes….) don’t even get me started on the “library or party?” Question lol
or the "museum or the theater"?
I feel like its also super underestimated how learnable an empathy approximate is. Like it wasnt intuitive but I and from my understanding a lot of other people were able to learn something similar
THATS REAL? Definitely see the problems with that. My brother is autistic and would always save worms when he found them (which just meant putting them in the dirt bc they were on concrete.) He's also very sociable, just doesn't understand what's appropriate to say around new people and what's not. I remember being scared of having to cut open a frog in 7th grade only to skip it bc my teacher was on maternity leave.
@@duikmansme, a history-loving theatre kid 😬
As a kid I did that with termites and silverfish, which is weird because I’m OTHERWISE hyperempathetic, especially towards animals…….
I guess it’s just because they were “bad” bugs, and linked to my (literal) garbage living situation at the time (it’s better now)
I think the Borderline and Bipolar criteria including references to meltdowns is why female children/adults are more likely to be undiagnosed as autistic and misdiagnosed as one of those two. It fits perfectly into the "males stoic, females crazy," societal narrative, and dovetails with/bolsters the "gurlz cnt b autistic!!1!" narrative. It's harmful and frustrating and causes all sorts of unnecessary suffering for thousands of people
So true! It just highlights that the diagnostic criteria are still based wayy too much on how men and boys (get to) express their autistic symptoms. We are not treated the same by society, unfortunately.
Yes, I agree. Misdiagnosed since the 1980s, here!
Agree! I was misdiagnosed for 30 years. Largely because special interests were called mania & obsession, and meltdowns called psychotic episodes!
Most hospitals inpatient units (where a lot of us Autistics end up with meltdowns, shutdowns, etc)...don't diagnose for ASD/ADHD/ND. They are labelled as "acute" settings for when people will harm themself or others. I work in one and, a LOT of Autistic people come onto our units. Adults and children. Which goes back to the statistics on Autistic people who have struggled with mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, and SI. Also, some providers refuse to do the diagnosis until the person's Bipolar/BPD, etc. is stable. Which, you can have multiple things. I just question if people really have a diagnosis or, if it's actually Autism and the person was just mis-diagnosed. When I got my diagnosis it helped my mental health so much and, honestly probably saved my life. Before my diagnosis I was IN an inpatient unit myself. Not saying I don't have bad days or days when I do have sensory overload/meltdowns/spirals. It's just a LOT easier to manage and I feel I have more space in my life to enjoy it and, care for myself in the process. I feel that without my diagnosis and realization, I was probably not going to reach 30.
Honestly, as someone who studies history (especially women's history), I've come to the conclusion that, in many ways, "borderline personality disorder" is the 21st century version of the 19th century, "Hysteria." I'm no doctor, and I'm not saying that borderline personality disorder is not a real thing, BUT... in my experience, I've heard people (and one who IS a doctor) refer to women as having BPD with a sneer and such condescension that I think to myself, "She's probably fine, you just don't like her because she's a strong woman with opinions who intimidates you and who you just don't LIKE.... she's INCONVENIENT." Grrr..... Sorry. This is a really big peeve with me. I completely agree with your post!
I hadn't heard about autistic inertia, but that describes me very well. It's incredibly difficult for me to start doing things, but when I do, I just keep going.
This!!
Likewise!
Task Initiation struggles! Like a mountain between one and a task.
Executive dysfunction is very real.
I had to force myself to slow down during the pandemic and now I can't get going again.
"A lot of autistic traits are kind of like normal parts of the human experience but with the volume turned way up."
I like that description a lot.
I noticed this is the case for really many or most things in the DSM. We all share many experiences and traits, but for some the traits are more ingrained or less flexible, or less episodic.
( I purposefully ignore and refuse the negative connotations of all issues and traits named in the DSM. Even a schizophrenic breakdown episode can have positive outcomes [varies per person]. [It is just an extreme example: I am *not* comparing a mental illness with autism; not at all.])
Yeah, the phrase sort of turned on a lightbulb or 6 for me.
HumanPlus+
And this is why the common notion of, "Oh, *everyone* is a _little bit_ [insert disorder here]" doesn't pan out. Because while most, or even all, people may experience it, it may even otherwise be a normal functional mental tool, the "disorder" part is when it's _out of order_ and functioning incorrectly, to the point that it *causes* problems rather than solves them. And a while back, I came across a very wonderful way to illustrate this concept: "Everybody Pees"
Everybody pees. A typical person might pee 3-5 times per day depending on their fluid intake. But if someone is saying they've been consistently peeing 47 times per day for months or years on end, or even their entire life, it'd be pretty foolish to tell them, "Well, everybody pees, so that sounds totally normal." And even moreso if they're talking about how difficult and disruptive it is to their life to have dozens of interruptions every single day to go to the bathroom, and you try responding with, "Well, everybody else pees too, so it's not like you're dealing with any difficulties that other people don't manage in their own lives. Why do you want special treatment?" It's pretty obvious how ridiculous that would sound trying to make such an argument. It's _obvious_ the person isn't saying that "peeing, in general" is difficult, but rather the frequency and constant interruptions far above and beyond what people normally deal with, as well as the need to fight the resulting dehydration with massive water intake.
And even further than that, what if it's a child bringing this up with the adults in their life? Children rely on more experienced grown-ups around them to learn about the world and set foundational expectations for what is normal and standard. But if a kid tells their parents, their doctors, their teachers, and just society in general, "I pee 47 times per day and it's really time consuming and disruptive and I have to drink _lots_ of water because of it," and is told, "Well, _everybody pees_ so this is just a normal difficulty that everybody learns to deal with. It's a part of growing up." They will grow up with a skewed standard that "47 times" is the normal, reasonable amount that _other_ people are experiencing, too. If they hear that some other person only pees 3 to 5 times per day, they'll just dismiss that as, "Oh wow, how lucky" rather than re-think their measure of what's normal. They wouldn't even _consider_ bringing it up with a doctor or mentioning anymore how much of a problem it is because, in their mind, they've normalized to it; 47 is the typical value that you just have to "deal with" and everyone else "deals with it" without complaining, so I'd be seen as a whiner if I say this is difficult for me. It needs to be *even worse* before they'll consider it a problem worth talking about; some impossibly high frequency like 200-300 times per day or more. And they'll *never* reach that amount, so they'll never hit that target where they start talking about it as a problem unless something happens to drastically re-adjust their scaling.
Everybody has an immune response, but not everybody has auto-immune disorders. Everybody gets sad, but not everybody is depressed. Everybody gets scared, but not everybody has a phobia.
Everybody pees, but that's nothing to get pissy about.
Same.
That comment about "postponing“ a meltdown really hit. Because I used to "breathe the emotions away“ when at school and in public and had a designated "crying time“ in the evening, where I laid down, put on fitting music and let the emotions out. I just kinda unmasked. In retrospect this felt so weird, because I planned it. Like I would think: "Oh okay, so first I feed the bunnies, then I watch the daily news with my parents, then I cry and after that I can watch Netflix.“
(I’m not diagnosed or anything, it just reminded me of when I used to do this)
quotation marks go on the top.
@@mzdrizzleNot in every language. Not everyone has English as their first language
@@mzdrizzle i know, my laptop just "corrects" them like that, because i'm german.
@@mzdrizzle Punctuation rules are highly dependent on language.
The same goes for math and which symbols are use to denote what. 3.045 in English means 3 and a little, it means 3 thousand forty five in Dutch. The reverse for 3,045. That would be 3 and a bit in Dutch, but not in English.
Same goes for quotation marks, when and why you're allowed to use commas, etc.
It was a thing when studying English at uni. We got remarks about using too many commas in too long sentences in English, or got told "comma splice! Fix it!" when those sentence structures would be completely normal in Dutch.
I can so relate to this.
Me, as a child, reading that autistic people can have black and white thinking: No, I don't think in black and white, I think in full colour! 😆
Love this!! 😂
Hahahaha autistic minds are very creative!!! It makes no sense for a child to say they think in black and white. Specially if they thinking about their special interest. It will sure be full of colors. Unless you have this special condition that won't let you picture things through imagination...
Ah yes… I used to think people literally screamed, “Bloody murder!”
Like thinking literally IS one of the criteria but how one IS asked for diagnosing does Not Take that into Account at all
@@SingingSealRiana It isn't in the diagnostic criteria.
The DSM is not about classifying people based on patterns, as lots of people (including some psychologists/psychiatrists) may think, but it is about classifying people based on patterns that negatively affect either their life or the rest of society. Hence an autistic person may not be autistic from the point of view of the DSM if their life isn't particularly filled with "uncommon" issues. There is, by design, a negative bias in the DSM; it is about pointing out problematic issues, not about pointing out eccentricities.
Well originally it’s written by Rothchilds/Rockefeller owned schools that only allowed white men in them.
Which is also why it uses the term "disorder" in describing Autism Spectrum Disorder; a disorder definitionally interferes with quality of life of the person diagnosed, otherwise it wouldn't be a disorder. This is also the same reason that Gender Identity Disorder was renamed to Gender Dysphoria, as a trans individual may not necessarily be disordered despite meeting all other qualifications.
Yeah the DSM is about catching pathological patterns and behaviors, pathological in the sense that it is disruptive to your activities of daily living. In Psychology there are states, traits and pathologies. States are temporary, traits come and go but pathologies are persistent and disruptive.
That's right. I'm not autistic because I'm an engineer. But make me work in McDonald's and I'll go crazy or make everyone else crazy. Environment matters.
I feel like there is so much emphasis on the social aspect because that's the part that impacts NTs, not just the autistic person, so they notice it more. I might be being overly cynical though.
I think there's probably some truth to that!
Exactly. That's what sticks out to them
Such a good point. I’m good at masking and instead of not picking up on social cues, I’m actually HYPER aware of them - so I’ve always been able to fit in when socializing is necessary. (Though I much prefer to be on my own) The part of autism that really makes my life the most difficult is sensory issues, executive dysfunction, overstimulation, and burnout.
I agree. Even if you want to look at it a bit more charitably, in the sense that it's not necessarily about what bothers NTs - the social ones are just the traits that are observable from the outside. It's bothered me from day 1 how much the DSM focuses on observable traits rather than interior experience. I can kind of see why that would be necessary for an objective diagnosis but it does invalidate the person getting the diagnosis and implicitly assumes they can't convey their experience accurately.
Sadly you’re not. I was recently diagnosed late in life. At which point my near 25 year marriage ended. It was “too hard on him”.
It’s heartbreaking to see, think, hear harmful things or deeds caring little for our needs. We either conform or everything ends in a flash.
I was diagnosed as a child, I'm 60+ now. I was not told, because they didn't want me to limit myself by having the 'label'. I've also got dyspraxia. I was not told, so I never got any accomodations or help in life, after leaving home. The focus was on teaching me to move and act like NT's. It was so hard to go through life without knowing. I'm not surprised so many decide to not deal with it all, and end it. Don't keep it a secret from us. It's too much a struggle to do it blindly.
It leaves you thinking there is something wrong with you because everyone else can do what you cannot. No one told me I had asthma, which had been in my medical record since I was very young and almost died from pneumonia. I couldn't run like the other kids without having to stop (because, let's face it, it is hard to run without oxygen), and I thought that there was something intrinsically wrong with me as a person.
@@lisadavis9535Technically speaking something _is_ intrinsically wrong with you
My husband was not told till he was 35 and about to marry me that he was diagnosed ASD as a child. I was a single mom of 3 with two diagnosed autistic. His adoptive parents apparently did not want him using it as an excuse and felt a lot of shame, so they hid it from him as well as everyone else. When it was finally presented to him, it was with a casual "by the way" attitude that was nothing less than infuriating. So many years wasted...he struggled majorly in school and in life for decades without understanding why, dealing with everything from drug and alcohol addiction to spending several years of his youth in prison before meeting me. He has clawed his way to a much happier existence now. 20 plus years sober and free. He tries not to think about what could have been but he has expressed more than once how much he would like to have known and received help for. My experience was different yet I share the long years of not knowing. It was actually not until well after marrying him as well as rexamining my kids' experiences in light of my own that I gave myself permission to see my own diagnosis. For so long I actually felt guilty at even considering it though I realize how much sense it makes now. I always figured I was just broken-a fumbly failure looking for handy excuses for my screw-ups (CPTSD figures in there, too). Hard to silence those thoughts at times, but getting better the more I interact with those I relate to.
@@illegalopinions4082no. nothing is *wrong* with you, your brain just works differently.
@@illegalopinions4082Not 'wrong' that is a value assigning word, something different.
Failing something is so utterly unacceptable that I freeze and am unable to even start something new.
I love crafting and every time I make something new to me, I make loads of mistakes until I learn how it all goes together. For me my mistakes are me teaching myself and I learn more from each mistake than I could learn from a teacher. It took many years to feel this way and see it differently. Every mistake is an opportunity for intense learning. This is so difficult a concept for autistic people.
I really love your breakdown of how meltdowns aren’t specified in the dsm for autism, but they are for BPD and bipolar. “Challenging behaviors” is THE vaguest way you could possibly describe autistic behavioral struggles.
i haven’t gotten to that part yet but woah. i have been diagnosed with bipolar and have felt like partly why i am not autistic is cuz idk if i’ve had meltdowns (started questioning in the last few months)
this is really baffling me.
@@AlexisTwoLastNames I have had a BUNCH since I developed PTSD, because my brain just can’t cope with my autism like it did before the trauma. But before that happened, I’d only had one full on meltdown. Shutdowns are much more common for me.
@stephanieolson8535 That sounds familiar. While I had autistic traits as a child, I’m not sure if I really did meltdowns. I started having obvious shutdowns as an adult, and implosive meltdowns, and eventually explosive meltdowns, as life stresses built. The last type was very much CPTSD. That I also have ADHD confuses matters further.
I think I’ve come to make sense of it in much the way that you describe. I know I have always had a predisposition toward stress, and an overactive flight or flight response. This left me vulnerable to worsening mental health issues, not just from trauma but from cumulative life stress. Both autism and ADHD are talked about by many professionals as being a childhood problem that can get better in adulthood, but simply can’t get worse. Which I now see is nonsense. Persistent stress degrades all systems in humans, and neurodivergent people can be especially vulnerable, not just because we experience more stressful situations, but also because at least some of us are predisposed to an outsize stress response. It’s recognized that ADHD symptoms (I chose that word intentionally in this context) can increase in adolescence when “demands begin to exceed capacity,” and I’d say this happened to me heavily in my fifties. Russell Barkley, the ADHD specialist, has noted that, while traits don’t increase later in life, impairment can, and he was basically talking about this. I’ve seen a lot of comments online from older autistic people who also lost ground as they aged. There is even a straightforward mechanism to contribute to this: ambient inflammation increases as adults age, and inflammation worsens many conditions.
So while it still weirds me out a bit that I have meltdowns that I never had before, some including SIBs, it no longer seems nonsensical to me. There are a lot of neurodivergent adults having the types of meltdowns that are associated mostly with children, it just isn’t talked about that much.
@@jimwilliams3816 I whole heartedly agree with you. If I wasn’t burnt out right now, my current demands would not exceed my capacity. I’ve honestly dealt with more. But masking and cumulative stress and self neglect from trying to perform in ways that aren’t natural to me - they’ve all lead to a massive impairment that I didn’t have before.
Not bashing ur comment btw! But I've just started the vid as I'm replying and I wanna these are things that overlap with not just BPD and Bipolar, but autism as well! I'm an autistic being evaluated for Bipolar and eventually BPD at another place (I just have to get in first), and I learned that all these overlapping features just make all of them so complex- but to me even more interesting as a result (I have a special interest in medicine/psychology lol /lh)
"We can pick up skills. We can learn. We can grow." THANK YOU
There is a uncertain irony in that the treatment paradigm for autism is based around teaching skills but the diagnostic paradigm is based around assuming autistic people can’t learn those skills.
One thing that is important to note in the first three criteria that must be accounted for is that it specifically says that it can have been present historically, meaning " I did that as a child but I don't anymore" is as valid as doing it right in front of the person assessing you, and anyone giving an autism assessment that isn't taking that seriously into consideration is not correctly trained or doing their job.
This!
in raads-r there are answers like “done that before 16 yo” and “after 16 yo”
More important thing was JUST above that one - that those criteria are only for the people who had a diagnosis established previously.
@sergiomorozov I'm not understanding specifically what you're referring to.
@@cathleenc6943 People in the comments (and as far as I understood the video itself) talk about a set of criteria seen in the video (in a table) as it is a set for diagnosing autism. BUT the header of the table itself says that those are for people with already established diagnosis, for the purpose of narrowing it to whatever varieties there might be. Consequently, without already established diagnosis even checking 100% of the table means nothing.
I just got my late autism diagnosis on the 22nd of may 2024. Just 8 days ago. I'm 43 years old. I'm forever grateful for autistic youtubers like you. It means the world to me. Thank you. 🏆❤
Lots of respect to you. My support with you.
Thank you @@seed.meditation .
My meltdowns had always had the form of an incontrolable crying. It's like... my eyes were throwing up their tears, I simply can't stop until everything is out.
Yeah that's how I use to describe it as a kid. I said my face felt like crying because I felt like I couldn't control it.
Then people would get mad at me for crying lol.
I'm over here trying to figure out if 'crybaby' and 'snappish if unable to flee while overwhelmed by sensory / social things' are bad enough to count as meltdowns.
My last meltdown was about a year ago. I literally couldn't calm down nor stop crying. Since crying is more socially acceptable than, you know, screaming and yelling. But it still sucks, and it went on for about an hour.
oh shit. I hadn't made that connection yet. I thought all my exessive crying in childhood and teenage years was to do with being depressed or someting. I'm seriously just now considdering that a lot of that might have been meltdowns. "has trouble calming down" is what it still says on my report card from my first year of school. and there were more incidents where I could not stop crying. it was a regular thing. it was like cramping but with tears. it was noticed.... by teachers and so on.... but never followed up on. no one ever did anything beyond trying to calm me down in the moment. they didn't even ask what it felt like. they always just tried to make me be quiet again.
But what does it feel like for you guys? Cause I'm also autistic and I've been wondering if my meltdowns are the crying crisis I have so often, but I also have depression, so it could be that? For me my crying is pretty uncontrollable, but my emotions are of sadness, what about for you? Is it anger or anything different?
I went for a diagnosis after a major burnout (and previous years of research in autism). The day the phycologist gave me my official diagnosis she told me: "You don't need to change anything in the way you live your life, look at all you have accomplished so far". WTF! It's like she didn't even care the price I was paying to accomplish whatever she thought I accomplished.
Oh wow, unbelievable... You would expect more from a psychologist who actually gave you the diagnosis.
This is why I can't be bothered getting diagnosed.i know I am I'm not having a stranger judging me
Reminds me of my carreer orientation course: several tests, interviews and exercises later I was told I could be "whatever I wanted". And my family paid them for that!
PS: when I finally chose pre-med, they told me "sure, you can be a doctor, but we didn't tell you that because we don't know if you can handle the stress to become one".
This happened to me to too, she said “just keep doing what you’re doing”. And things right after got MUCH MUCH worse.
Oh wow. That sounds horrible.
It kind of feels like, "you should keep doing these things in order to fit in, no matter what that does to your mental health." Which, yikes. You'd expect someone who studied mental health to at least understand that that's a bad thing.
I made a comment about hyperfocus (I have adhd) and one nurse said that sounded great, that I got absorbed into a task and hours passed by.
And like. What? No, I forgot to eat lunch, didn't drink anything for half a day, almost didn't make it to the bathroom and was too late for an important meeting. Because I didn't notice time passing, and didn't feel any cues from my body until it got VERY urgent. It's not great at all, it's stressful!
Thankfully she was a random nurse and not part of the team that diagnosed and treated me, but still, if someone tells you something is a problem in their lives, and causes issues, the least you could do is not tell them it sounds great actually.
I haven't found anything besides monotropism that is common among autistics. Almost every "common" stereotyped trait is not found in all autistics. Oddly if you don't have a common trait you might have the exact opposite. A common trait is the need to have a schedule and stick to it. I don't have that, I have the can't follow a schedule if I tried. A lot of autistics are on the asexual spectrum, others have hypersexual needs instead. Some autistics are super clean, some literally don't care much about cleaning until it gets bad. The thing all of this has in common is that they are all sensory issues. Bottom line I really think that there needs to be a lot more autistic research and a new diagnostic criteria that is not so "child" centric.
this makes sense to me. A lot of my specific needs/traits are a result of my reactions to my specific sensory issues. Other people just see the outward signs and take those signs as the issues/traits rather than looking at the underlying causes
What about not being able to read facial expressions and having to conciously learn how to read them and how to make them? I don't have that, which is why I ruled out Autism for me, even though I relate to a lot of stuff, especially struggles with sensory input and switching tasks.
Thing is the things that are common in autistic people are common, even if they're not something all autistic people have.
There has been research in the form of brain scans and such on autistic people, and one of the qualities noted are:
Brain not purging connections, and very easily reinforcing them (which would mean habits are easily ingrained, boost associative and longterm memory (which note, also are the theory behind how synesthesia works))
Brain starting to grow earlier, brain overgrowth
Strong short-distance connections in the brain and grey matter (that do the brain activity stuff)
And varying but often really feficient whitematter and long distance connections (things that typically coordinate info through the brain and are important to skills)
Its literally part of the neurological data that autistic people have uneven and generally atypical skills.
I'd describe it as an autistic brain has less functional preset/built in skills but has the ability to easily gain skills and qualities.
@emmynoether9540 communication and social cognition involve long-distance connctions in the brain, which are noted to be absent or poorly formed in scans of autistic brains
Uneven skills are also a quality predicted by the long distance connectivity.
Other things noted/theories of autism involve overactive fight/flight and that does impair communication
Maybe what is needed is more field research over the autistic community, with people sharing their symptoms
Thank you. I did not realize I was on the autistic spectrum until I started watching some of these videos online in the past six months or so. Even though I was often at the top of my class in all subjects, and received numerous academic awards in the sciences and mathematics, I was often criticized for being a "procrastinator". I privately relabeled that for myself decades ago to my having "inertia"; it seemed more accurate, and in line with concepts in physics: As with other commenters, getting started was very hard, but once I got started, I had more momentum than most people in any given task; then stopping became an issue. Of course, I was often also labeled as "weird", no matter how well I performed in a job. I finally gave up on trying to socialize: I found I always gave more loyalty to an associate or employer than I received in return - simply because I was not "personable".
Yes, I have experienced the loyalty issue and not really understanding why it is not reciprocated in jobs. I wonder if you have been told as I have that you are too honest instead of being a yes man and blindly agreeing to something that strikes you as illogical and that has made a supervisor uncomfortable.
I don't know if it's widespread or if it's more of a personal feeling I have, but I feel like one of the aspects of autism I haven't heard much about is being bothered by statements which make no (literal) sense and feeling compelled to correct them, even if you do understand what is meant, and you know it's not supposed to be taken literally. You mentioned teachers saying things like "You must give your 110%", and I have heard others saying 'Give your 200%!' and to me, that causes a very strong urge to respond: "That is literally impossible. You cannot give more than what you have. You shouldn't have unrealistic expectations of people, let alone tell them to act accordingly to them."
And then they tell me "That's just a figure of speech", and I'm like "Yes, I knoooow" while my brain goes "but it's a WRONG figure of speech! RAAWWWRRR" at which point I typically tell it to shut up and let it go.
Shit I have that...and I have ADHD...shit
Agree
Man, I have A LOT OF THIS!! My friends constantly use figures of speech or irony, sometimes I recognize that it is not literal, but my feeling of trying to understand what it means and correcting the quote is much bigger than just accepting it. It's like there's a voice in my brain saying, "This is irony... This is irony..." And I'm like, "Is it really?? But I need to be sure!"
I do this! Usually I'm pretty good at controlling it, but there have been awkward moments caused by someone saying something and me taking it too literally by far.
EDIT: Please do not go looking at the thread below this comment as it devolves into ableist nastiness, and none of us need any more of that in our lives.
On eye contact: I was looking at my diagnosis yesterday, and it blew my mind to note that the doctor spoke about my level of eye contact *during* *a* *part* *of* *the* *process* *done* *over* Zoom. As should be obvious, "eye contact" over Zoom is nothing at all like eye contact face-to-face, and it was wild to me that the doctor didn't bear that in mind (small complaint about an otherwise excellent diagnostic process).
You're so right!!
Yikes. After my diagnostic interview, the interviewer noted “frequent and appropriate” eye contact (or something like that) and I’m thinking “nope, I spent most of the interview looking at the aquarium over your shoulder, you should probably move that”.
@@theGhostWolfeWhen I have job interviews or online consultations, I position the camera so I'm not looking at the other people, but myself on my phone, though it looks like I'm looking at them. Great autistic hack 😆
I have a difficult time even looking at at the screen on zoom. Where do I look? I hope they aren't if looking at me. If I look past the screen will it look like I'm looking at them. Are my eyes looking in a weird direction. they think I'm not paying attention. How long do I need to hold this pose.
From their time speaking with Neurotypicals, they know what eye contact looks like on Zoom.
"even minor mistakes have serious consequences" - This feels like my response to the trauma of always getting it "wrong" in social situations but never knowing why
Whenever you show the footage of you as a teen in shutdown mode, it feels like looking at a video of myself and I get really sad. I remember my parents and teachers always remarking about how angry and miserable I looked all the time. Its frustrating to know now that the reason for this was I was just so overwhelmed all the time. I wasn't an inherently miserable child, and I didn't WANT to walk around with a scowl on my face all the time, but I was constantly under pressure to do things I didn't want to in environments that were extremely over stimulating. I wished we could go back in time and tell our younger selves that what we are feeling isn't our fault and that some day we'll have things more figured out and it'll get a little better.
This
The fact that they pressure us to look happy after making us miserable by pressuring us over everything at our lives is so abusive. It's like: "you made me like this and now you're angry because I'm not okay??? I didn't choose this!! YOU ARE THE RESPONSIBLE ONE"
Yup. Evidently my parents’ friends started commenting about how “serious” I was when I was still just a baby.
I resonate with this so much 😔
Exactly this...and I have very deep frown lines because of it.
I was diagnosed ADHD two years ago (at 48) but haven't been evaluated for autism. So many of the traits you describe are one's shared by ADHD. I can relate to almost everything described for autism other than the need for perfectionism, though I've had many people when I was younger describe me that way. I'd never heard the term autistic inertia before but I'd described my personality since I was a child as me having a lot of inertia and everything you described regarding that symptom fits me exactly.
The part about beeing exhauted is making me emotional, I never find words to explain how numbing it can feel, you express it really great, thank you ❤
9:32 That part about a child behaving "well" in school and then emotionally "collapsing" when they get home reminds me so much about my youngest. But they are AFAB, so they were diagnosed only with ADHD, whereas my son got the dx AutDHD. For me the time between my ADHD and autism confirmations was 13 effing years. It's a ridiculous prejudice.
My youngest daughter is the same and she's so high masking that when the school tried to get her assessed they said no she's fine, but she has monumental meltdowns at home.
Yeah my husband just went through a full diagnostic process. They ignored everything that was said about his autistic behaviours and said, they're all just because of his ADHD and hearing issues. I'm really glad they diagnosed the ADHD, but I'm still pissed off that they just completely dismissed everything I had to say about the very clearly autistic traits he has because he presented well in an interview with the psychologist 🤦♀️
Autism is about 80% - 90% genetic. If a full sibling is diagnosed autistic, the psych should be required to show their reasoning before declaring that another sibling is not autistic.
you can just say female. it's not a dirty word
@@amandak.4246 You can just mind your own business regarding my kids. Shoo! Begone.
I wish people understood that it does not help me at all when I'm overwhelmed and already dysregulated, yelling at me, screaming at me, punishing me doesn't make me "stop acting like this" - it probably makes it WORSE and I get EVEN MORE overwhelmed and heightened.
I learned that while raising my son. No more than 1-2 step directions at a time, taught him to take a time out for himself in his room when he was dysregulated and overwhelmed, and keeping my voice low and as emotionless as possible to help him not to escalate. Wow, it has been quite the journey!
This, especially during an argument. I can only work things out in a quiet tone as I can’t process anything someone is saying in a loud volume
This goes for actually every human being. I don't know why so many people get this wrong. But mostly it's just their own frustration screaming. I work as a tutor, whith school children second grade upwards. I have had a fair share of difficult children. Uninterested, low concentration, overwhelmed, you name it. Sometimes I'm able to work with them no problem, other times we will just sit there for 50 minutes in silence. We seldom sit for 50 minutes in silence. Normally after 5-10 minutes the child will approach. If not, I try to approach and suggest an activity. Not schoolwork, something else. A game, a video, a song. At the end we normally can work for at least another 5 minutes or so. Doesn't have to be more in most cases. Small steps lead you a long way.
And the reaction of the parents is always the same: "You can work with him/ her? We have given up. And we tried several tutors before you. That's amazing!"
Now. It's not. But it's sad that sometimes I feel like I'm the only person acknowleding the child's needs and not putting more pressure onto them.
My dad shouted at me "calm down" wich I DINDNT because it was OUT OF MY CONTROL and he took my phone for 2 days because I "didnt obey him"
Telling us to calm down also doesn't help.
Meltdowns, autoimmune attacks, and rage were some of the major clues for my own self diagnosis at age 50.
How can autoimmune attacks be linked to autism? I’m at the beginning of a diagnosis procedure and bc of the autoimmune responses in my body they’re already doubting Autism. I’m finally sure of ASD, otherwise I wouldn’t have asked for a diagnosis at 51, but I’d like to go in prepared. 🙏🏼🌺
gosh your explanation of austistic meltdowns are so accurate to my experience. I was so calm and collected at school and on the ride home but as soon as I saw my home all the emotions started coming in and i went to my room as fast as possible to punch the wall. internalizing that's a new word for me but that perfectly descirbed what i was doing. thankyou for this
You touched on so many things that I've experienced and have not understood enough to research. You talk about things that aren't covered in every health or psychology article about Autism criteria/symptoms. Thank you!
All of this literally boils down to "hey, maybe the 'experts' who keep gate-keeping support from us should know more than two things about the condition they're supposedly experts in."
3:49, Oh my goodness this quote of always wanting to find the "right" answer and always seeking perfectionism is ME. I was never able to really articulate this feeling until you/this study described it, but inside my head, whenever I'm thinking or overanalyzing a situation/social experience I've had, I'm want to always find the "right answer" the one that will make me feel at peace. I try to think of every single possibility i can to keep myself in check to make sure that I'm not missing something in order to make sure what I conclude is correct. It's exhausting. To give an example, I often do this when im thinking about a social situation where I'm not sure if the way I behaved was correct or not. I'll try to think about my feelings at that time, then ill be thinking if those feelings are even correct, then ill start thinking about the other person's actions during the situation, and even go as far as to think about reasons the person could of acted the way they did. Whenever I want to make a conclusion about a situation to stop dwelling on it, I fear that I may of missed a factor and I, in the end, didn't think of the right answer/the right way to feel.
This is the mental turmoil I often face and it can be so tiring!! I'm glad to know it's just apart of my autistic experience though.
I've been fighting this tendency since forever (or it feels like it).
Weirdly enough one thing that really helped me was a maths class in school when I was maybe 12 or 14. This class was about strategies to guesstimate answers, and how you can use this to quickly check you answers. What's this got to do with anything?
This one hour of school introduced me to the concept of "good enough", and in a very thorough way. It explained WHY "good enough" or "near enough" is so useful, and therefore GOOD (rather than "almost there" or "close but not quite").
One could say that it happened to coincide with exactly the right developmental stage for me - I was ready to take on board a utilitarian approach, and break free (a bit) of right/wrong. Though wrt social skills it still took a decade or more before I really could internalise this "good enough" philosophy. (Various basic things from communication theory really helped in my later teens.)
Hmm.
I feel like this is reflective of myself. However - like many, many, (all) mental illness…
The symptom markers aren’t so precise. Perhaps this is my autism speaking, but literally Autism and Anxiety seems far too similar. I think mental illness is a label.
I identify as myself. I think the focus should be on something beneficial in society, rather than someone else seeing similarities in the category selection of diagnosis when at the end of the day it is what it is. Support is for people that love you, not the government trying to label you.
when your special intrest is ✨⭐ yourself ⭐✨
Omg 😂 I feel called out
When your special interests include…stuff that’s normal for someone of your gender (fashion, makeup, and hair) but you end up being even more obsessed than normal and wasting too much time and money on them..
I wondered if that is possible, because I think I am my special interest since I try to overcome my depressions by trying to understand and "fix" me to be more comfortable for me and the peoples around me 😝
@@dn3305 Yeah you go pookie ! Special interest in 😍⭐✨ self improvement 😍⭐✨
@@caseyjc5 I feel you...I spent many minutes in the dollar tree and couldn't stop picking out glosses and lip oil and not to mention artificial flowers (my other special interests is flowers) I kept buying more and more and more 😅
the last thing when you said about the "you need to fill in all of the social points to get a diagnosis" is when it like made sense why I didnt get diagnosed with autism along with adhd. I am very good at socialising because I love people watching! I find it very interesting how people talk about things and how people say straightforward things without being called rude, what tone to talk in, when to laugh, how long to talk (not as good at this one I love talking about my interests),, and so ive learned a lot about socialising and therefore im probably better at social skills than the average autistic person.
I literally cried watching this video because you've literally just described me and now things make so much more sense. I'm so glad I found your channel!
FYI, The idiom "Out of thin air" doesn't have a lengthy, historical etymology. It was just a phrase that Shakespeare invented.
You could say he just pulled it out of thin air.
I see what you did there.. but only because the air wasn't thick
Really you should just assume any idiom was made up by Shakespeare until told otherwise. It’s crazy how many there are, still commonly used today.
@@eduardog3000
I usually assume most idioms come from the Bible as I've discovered plenty from there.
Like "forbidden fruit" being one of them
@@DrinkYourNailPolish Nah you have it backwards. Shakespeare published his stuff long before any English version of the bible existed. The bible translators cribbed heavily from their pop culture.
Womp womp 🙄
A meltdown for me is the feeling that, on the inside I am screaming and shrieking and shaking, while on the outside I am desperately trying to calm myself down or find an outlet that isn't actual screaming.
During a shutdown I kind of turn into a five year old who only communicates by whispering to mom with her eyes cast down and a desperate need to get out of the situation.
I found that moving and exerting force - like going for a bike ride - helps to regulate me during a meltdown.
Shutdowns... I sit them out until I can be by myself and recover.
Though when I'm really at my limit, after the shutdown there'll be a meltdown. Took me a while to figure that out.
I call mine the "internal tantrum". That's just what it feels like, like I'm crying and screaming internally but externally I'm frozen.
This....opened my eyes...I think my teenager is slowly switching to this. Mainly because he's trying to avoid external screaming. I might have to ask him if he wants to go for a walk next time.
@@jessicavigil9144 Thank you for listening :) I hope it helps your child!
Yikes, that quote on perfectionism is real. It gave me the excuse to blame everything on myself, even other people’s feelings. “If I comfort everyone well enough then they won’t feel sad anymore”
You can have that for various reasons, for example being taught to be overly responsible or very empathic.
One of the funniest autism symptoms that comes with mine is that I’ll literally forget that I’m hungry, or forget that I have to use the bathroom. Idk how you forget something like that, but I literally do LOL
Same here!
I sometimes don’t realize when my body temperature is too high which had led to me passing out especially in hot weather. Then I would wake up like “What happened?” with no idea until later. Now I have an alarm that reminds me to hydrate during hot weather.
Oh, forgetting to be hungry is a thing. I'm not autistic, but I definitly tend to have an unhealthy dose of perfectionism and can work myself in neat little flows while reading or writing. I won't eat at those times, if nothing is directly presented to me, at least. I will ignore my growling stomach, my numbing mind and when my body finaly gets tired I will lay down to sleep, even thou the cause of my exhaution is lack of calories. I normally will wake up after a while and then realize I'm hungry and eat something, but I definitly know the feeling of "forgetting my own hunger".
There is a very reasonable chance that you're misidentifying a regular animal trait as an autistic one there.
Hunger has one purpose - Informing you that you need to input more sustenance into your system.
However, if you're scavenging through the underbrush and your hunger is constantly frustrating you, you might overlook something edible and end up perishing as a direct result of it.
Meanwhile, if your body suppresses your hunger (as it does for most people after a short while), then you'll be in as good a shape as you can be to secure your next meal.
@@OzixiThrill it usually only happens when I get invested in a show or UA-cam video and forget I’m hungry, like I’ll be like “man I’m hungry, but before I eat I’m gonna watch some episodes of this show” (and then after like 5 minutes of the show I forget that I was even hungry, and then when the episode ends I feel hungry again and remember “oh yea I was hungry this whole time I forgot about that” lol)
Same!! AuDHD strikes again!!
The eye contact thing... Everytime I talk to someone I see my mother's face inches from my face; screaming 'Look at me when I'm talking to you!' Still. Every time I talk to someone. Every time.
Did she also grab your face by the cheeks and turn your head aggressively towards her to make you look at her? I have wondered about this, how this is so traumatizing, especially for autistic kids..
How f'ed up is it to associate eye-contact with being punished/taught a lesson. It were the only moments my mother tried to connect for real, demand eye-contact, to let me know how mad she was at me for something I probably didn't intend.
Same but dad
I can't stand being watched either, I feel like an ant under a microscope, I can be great at something but as soon as someone's watching I get the shakes and can't do it. Also had/have eating disorders 😢
Ant under a microscope describes it perfectly!!
Honestly had to leave a restaurant 2 weeks ago because I felt a couple of the staff watching our table a little *too* intently. I just didn't feel comfortable anymore.
@@FreeManFreeThought I can't eat out anywhere unless it's a drive through and it's not me ordering 😆 I've always used my fingers to eat when I was a kid, I found a knife and fork confusing as a child and much easier to 'feel' my food before it went in my mouth, I use cutlery for some meals these days but I still eat with my fingers a lot. Me and food have had a bit of a battle🤣 didn't like the texture of nearly all good when I was a kid, still have trouble now, onions are just way over stimulating for me and I think I might be allergic to them since I feel very ill if I eat anything and don't realise it has onion powder in or something. So I was a toast, Weetabix, porridge(only if done right) and biscuit kid, I think my mum nearly had a breakdown thinking I was going to die from not eating enough🤣
I also had a few hospital trips to the A&E as I would choke on red meats and pork meats and chicken once too. I remember it like it was yesterday and I must have been between 2-4.
When I eat now if people cause me distress my throat constricts and I can't swallow my food and it's only got worse as I aged. I have a tumor on one of my parathyroid glands so it makes me wonder if all the stress in that area contributed to that?
I completely froze up in the grocery store self checkout a few weeks ago because a store clerk came up and asked if I found everything I needed when I was just trying to get an item and get back out of the store as soon as humanly possible. Then after I said "yes" in order to get rid of her faster, she started bustling around me with the bags and everything and then when she noticed I was still standing there holding the item, she commented, "it doesn't look like that went through." I said, "I know. I'm waiting." When she asked what I was waiting for, I said, "I'm waiting for you to be done." She said "Me to be done?" My reply, "Yes, for you to be out of the way." Of course it was rude and I didn't intend it to be (or even had any desire to talk to anyone at ALL in the first place), but I felt like I had no control over things by that point and just needed to get the heck out, and when she moved away and I could finally finish checking out , I dwelt on the horrible encounter for over a week, and obviously I'm still to some degree dwelling on it because now I think "what if it happens again?" whenever I go back into that store.
In short, I don't like people hovering over me, being in my space, or watching me do things unless I'm specifically in teaching or training mode. It REALLY makes me uneasy if not freaks me out entirely.
@@rebeccachapman1231 yeah definitely, I hate going into stores as when I get to the tills if anything goes slightly weird which 99% of the time it will I will start sweating and overheating, my mind starts racing and I'm stuttering. It takes a moment for anything someone says to process in my mind so for people who ask something but don't wait before needing the answer it's like my mind got scattered all over, I often describe stressful situations like my mind is being pulled in many directions almost like it's a physical feeling, one person talking, a person making irritating noises, the lights, echoes in the store, smells from people or products, this is my world outside my home and occasionally inside my home if too much is happening at once, further each part of my mind is being pulled and twisted or even pushed in the closer I get to shutdown, sometimes meltdowns but I internalise a lot so I have a tendency to withdraw completely.
Hi, can’t wait to watch I am a 16 year old girl in the UK that has started the diagnostic process for Autism and you have really helped me in finding out this stuff about myself, and feeling like it is ok to be yourself :)
Aayyyy same here. Except the girl part (in terms of identity,anyways) . But other than that, same. Start of last month had a phone triad thing, I forgot the name
Absolutely!
"Be yourself, because everyone else is already taken"!!
This quote blew me away when I first heard it. I hope it encourages you!
I've been considering autism for myself for a few years and the more I learn, I both get more certain and more uncertain lol
I have experienced both meltdowns and shutdowns, and both suck so bad. I spent many years convinced I should be alone forever because I accidentally hurt someone during a meltdown.
Absolutely the lack of meltdowns in the criteria leads to misdiagnosis. In my first diagnostic appointment when I was 6 I had a meltdown during the appointment and was immediately misdiagnosed as bipolar for the next 8 years despite none of my other symptoms really matching.
catatonia is such an interesting thing for the DSM-5 to mention in the diagnostics for autism. i studied psychology as well (good luck btw!) and i was only ever introduced to catatonia as a condition associated with schizophrenia -- i never really considered where else it might show up. its classic expression is a sudden rigidity (not talking, standing very still, etc) and an inability to move properly, which in hindsight sounds a LOT like what autistic folk experience especially when approaching a meltdown
The not wanting to go to the toilet because it interrupts thing is a massive one for me. my partner occasionally prompts me. literally this conversation last night: "Emma, do you need a wee?" "Yes." "then go." "BUT I DON'T WANT TO!" "I know. but you still have to go."
...do you like being treated like that...?
@@mzdrizzleI don't think it is whether they like to be treated like that or not, it's the fact that by going to the bathroom for toilet breaks, it usually disrupts their "flow of work" so to say.
So one of the ways to avoid that is to not go to the bathroom so that "flow" is not disrupted. Heck, I do that a lot sometimes. Usually in the form of refusing to eat because I can take 20 minutes to an hour to eat, all in the name of not losing that "flow of being productive".
....... I'm actually going through it right now, I stopped my flow, and I'm now struggling to get back to it because I need to do other things....... I _really_ wanna do my work though.... but I can't.... ugh.
TLDR Because even a small break can disrupt our "flow of work" or "rhythm" where we are doing something, like chores, assignments or work. Stuff like that. So to avoid losing that flow or rhythm, we just _do not_ do that thing that disrupts it. I hope you understand a little better with my explanation. /gen
I can "hold it" for hours because of that, and I know is unhealthy but I'm so used of it that I sometimes I don't even realice that I'm doing it.
Yah. I had the same problem. I do that with my son who has the same problem. I ask him if he needs to go and tell him to go if he says yes. He’s so into doing things that he forgets or puts it off. I did the same exact thing and did for a long time. It gave me chronic utis for the majority of my adult life. Your husband is very thoughtful to remind you.
@@mzdrizzle- as someone who had chronic UTIs for the same issue, I think it’s very sweet of her husband to remind her that it’s important to go to the bathroom.
A lot of other people have already said it, but I've noticed with both adhd and autism the major criteria seem to be related to what inconveniences other people the most... (hyperactivity and social issues for example)
Finally getting diagnosed with one despite never having most of the visible symptoms really put it into stone for me 🙃. I had to frame every issue i knew i had in relation to how it affected other people and my job, not how it was making my life as a whole painfully difficult to navigate
So true.
It's probably a bit 'tin-foil hat' of me, but sometimes I wonder if there's a reason some disorders' symptoms can be so vague, even contradictory at times. It's no secret that schoolteachers are overworked and spread too thin, and often, putting the disruptive kids on Ritalin or other ADHD meds is just easier than finding the time and resources to adjust the kids' individual environments and lesson plans. You can't just put a kid on fairly hardcore psych meds without a proper diagnosis, but then, it can be pretty easy to get A diagnosis (if not necessarily the RIGHT diagnosis) when both 'not paying enough attention' (inattention) and 'paying too much attention' (hyperfixation), which are already a bit subjective to begin with, can both be seen as signs of the same disorder.
With one notable exception: there was a time in which you had to be a genius (regarding your IQ test results) to be diagnosed with Asperger.
My school is considering making a big poster about autism acceptance and my first thought was to use this channel as a idea that can go on it !! 🙂 Also this video is very helpful for me personally
Aww, that's so sweet! It's lovely that they're doing the poster! 💛
@@imautisticnowwhatThank you, I really love learning stuff about autism and would love to share it to people
Some guy made a video about Asperger’s some years ago when my son was in Middle School designed to play to the class. It explained to the classmates re the behavior and what it was (it was called Asperger’s back then). It was kind of cute- “Are all kids with Asperger’s geniuses?” and funny lines like that….But really, until he grew to 6’2”, and the teachers let him hang out in the computer room, the bullying was intense. Back then, it was hard to even find a therapist. I had to do a lot of reading. I’m surprised he turned out to be such a social butterfly, due in part to social skills classes twice a week for FOUR YEARS all through High School. Lots of driving though, and endless waiting.
"hatred for interruptions should probably be in there too..." Right before number six, somewhere around 19:47....then there was an AD!!!!
I am very happy to have found your channel!! After a bit of a fight, we finally got our 8-year-old son evaluated and he received his diagnosis. Listening to your experience reminds me so much of my 8-year-old. The part of this video about perfectionism brought back certain things he has done that stand out and helped me understand why. Thank you for these videos and for sharing them with us!
How many times is perfectionism a side effect of being constantly told you’re making mistakes, though? Feeling someone will drop down on you any second out of freaking nowhere to punish you for something you never even knew you’d done, or that it was wrong to do?
The severity of the outside response may vary but we all know the experience of having people be angry at us for actions that were never taken with deliberate animosity. It can not only make you never want to make a mistake again but cause you to want to make damned sure, even at the cost of your own health and well-being, that no one can say you didn’t bend over backward to do the right thing. I am actually HAPPY when I get sick because I feel like people can’t expect anything of me.
But yeah, when I was little I had a very distracted and unaffectionate mom who never seemed to notice me until I did something wrong. She had a lot to deal with, I get it, but the result is that I guiltily wonder to this day whether I really am Autistic or whether, in some rare cases, doctors might have been right about the effects of refrigerator mothers.
Refrigerator mothers would certainly cause issues. The issue would not be autism.
as a teen i thought i had BPD bc of my frequent meltdowns, but as an adult i don't fit that profile anymore (i think it was due to being in a dysfunctional home). i still get meltdowns from time to time, but they're not violent anymore, more like a panic attack or intense crying. a lot of the time i am unable to speak to share my feelings with others during this, too
ps: i love ur red plumbob earrings
Remember that Autism is a brain of extremes…so some of us are on the other extreme from dyspraxia…insanely great coordination (dance, sports, gymnastics , martial arts, circus arts etc).
Yes, the one physical activity I was good at was dance. I still walk into walls all the time but put on music and I'm as graceful as can be. 😅
Yes to this! My late-diagnosed husband is an incredible athlete with exceptional spatial awareness. Can't dance to save his life!
yes! I can pick up a dance style easily bc I listen to the rhythm to the music BUT P.E. during my school years was the hardest thing to do for me.. my classmates would make fun of me all the time bc I was poorly coordinated to perform well during Phys. Ed :( and funny thing is I was never able to learn how ride a bike or roller skating which I remember I had a meltdown bc I felt and scraped my knees at the first try, I was around 6 years old when it happened.
Yup. I figure skate, inline rollerblade, dance, and skateboard. But I can't ride a bike or stand on the 4 wheel rollerskates
I was recently challenged to stand and balance on one leg, and it was so easy for me that it wasn't an exercise. But I am very imbalanced and struggle with other motions at the same time, my spacial awareness is a bit... curved? and things like the logical order a door opens were something I had to figure out over time. Like it is very simple to understand once you think about how the locks work, but not thinking about what the lock looks like underneath, I didn't get it. I have a pretty steady footing overall and good awareness of the surface I am walking on, but I do overestimate the space I need to fit through somewhere horizontally and often think I will hit my head while I am rather short and nowhere close to the branch or whatever. I was a natural at horse riding as a kid but riding a bike didn't work out, once time I practiced I could only do a circle and move in circles and once I tried to go straight I hit the wall and didn't try again for years. When I practiced again as an adult, once again, circles were the easiest, while others told me turning and circles are the hardest on a bike. While my spacial awareness seems to lack behind, I also think of a lot of my environment in some sort of shape when I am familiar with my environment. I also don't recognize faces I do not expect at a certain location at first, so I am thinking something about my processing is just a little delayed and filtered weirdly. Back in physics class, I once came up with a formular we did not learn yet from trying to understand the process behind it, I struggled hard to learn it but once it reached me it fell into place. I was sure I was failing the test, just to get praised by the teacher because he said my understanding was advanced.
I think the thing with the emphasis on socializing is because that is what is inconvenient for neurotypical people. I am autistic, and I struggle so hard with social things but I have learned to mask heavily. I go home and I feel exhausted. I love socializing, but it really wears me down because I’m thinking about so many different things, especially with people I don’t know as well. I have to think a lot harder about how to respond. It is exhausting.
9:33 this is the reason why I requested to work from home.
When I started at the company I work for, it was just two of us (besides the boss and owner), it was so quiet. Then the company started growing and it was just overwhelming, from 4 people at the office to 15+ so fast, the noise, the people walking by to go to lunch or the restroom, etc... So I started having meltdowns way too often, but I was able to postpone them until I was out of the office and before I got on my bike. It made me feel so ashamed tbh cause I was still in public at the office building, just not with my coworkers.
But as they became more frequent it was getting harder and harder to postpone them, the day I had to literally run to lock myself in the restroom cause I felt it coming on was the day I made the request, I said I didn't want to cause disruption and I knew it would eventually happen in the office, so they approved the request. Honestly I'm ao grateful, I'm self-diagnosed but they still believed me and made the accomodations I needed, they could've easily fired me without having any legal issues.
As someone that tests as distinctly autistic, I think it’s interesting to note that I started life as a perfectionist but my experience in woodworking and coding eventually caused my focus to shift from perfectionism to consistent improvement. This has had a profoundly positive affect on my mental health and productivity.
Surprisingly (to me), I still appear to be a perfectionist to casual observers.
Burnout is such a serious issue. It should definitely be part of the criteria!
The DSM isn’t just missing autistic characteristics/traits. It fundamentally mischaracterizes the condition as a cluster of observable psychological traits. It’s a problem with every neurodivergence, really. These conditions fundamentally don’t belong in the DSM in the first place.
For sure - it's all about observable behaviours.
@@imautisticnowwhat exactly. And granted, the purpose of the DSM is identification, i.e., diagnosis. And it is fairly effective in that regard. But it simultaneously completely misses the mark when it comes to identity or definition. It’s kind of ironic to me, honestly, because it’s basically a neurotypical estimation missing the specificity of a monotropic condition.
Love this conversation- and the way you explained it- totally makes sense!
@@shapeofsoup if you want to diagnose a cancer, you do laboratory tests and scans and don't just ask when and how you experience pain and if you're sick in other ways.
There should be ct scans and encephalograms and other tests to check up the neurological differences that are observable. Not just "what did you teachers think about you when you were a kid"
@@derAtze as nice as that sounds if these diagnoses get any more expensive itll be an even larger barrier
When I'm put in a position where I have to explain to somebody why I can't do something that they think isn't a big deal, I become completely overwhelmed and eventually shut down...
That has happened for me too; for me, I suspect it is due to their invalidating me on something very important to me.
NT folks also feel very shut down and withdraw if repeatedly invalidated on issues important to them! I feel that making us feel unusual on this is just more invalidation, it is refusal to try to see from our perspective. (NTs often are not good at this if the experience differs from their own.)
I was recently diagnosed with ASD. Thank you for this video. It will help me find ways to explain attributes of my condition to my support network.
11:30 Yes, absolutely! No one, including myself, knew that I was on the autism spectrum until I began my ASD discovery journey back in 2017 when I was in my early 50s.
So back in the mid-1990s when I was 30 years old and going through a very traumatic divorce from an abuser, I was misdiagnosed and prescribed SSRIs, which scrambled my neurodivergent brain circuits. I snapped one day and tried to permanently check out.
So yeah, it's extremely important to not get misdiagnosed and subjected to the same kind of crap I went through.
I'm so glad that autism is a lot more understood now than it used to be!
Recently I started thinking that I might have ADHD, maybe also autism but I'm not sure I need to go and get tested for that. And your videos help, like a LOT. Also I cant believe I'm this early. Like wow
I think the heavy social criteria really echoes the fact that this whole book was established by mostly neurotypical people noticing how someone else’s disability impacted other and not how it impacts themselves. Most people see me and think of my autism as a social issue that they have to deal with rather than an all encompassing thing that impacts every aspect of my being. I think that’s why people say “you’re making autism your whole personality.” It’s because to them it affects just this one thing that they can see because they really only care to notice the details that make interacting with autistic people “difficult.” They don’t see my dyspraxia or the inertia issues or my slow processing speed or the fact that I can’t even tell when I have to go to the bathroom. They just see someone that’s “bad at talking” and doesn’t do the same things they do for fun and maybe won’t shut up about primates for some reason
Oh wow, yes!
The same goes for many things, I noticed it with adhd, because I have adhd, so my life, how I interact with the world, how I perceive things, my personality, etc, are all affected by that. Of course I made adhd my personality, because it is. It affects my entire life.
And yeah, the lists of traits and behaviours (especially older ones) for adhd (and autism and other neurodivergencies) are very much focussed on things that parents and teachers notice, very little is about how it feels, and what is going on internally.
For adhd it's all very much about being disruptive, fidgeting, being loud, being lazy, etc. Newer lists include more things like being bored, being distracted, unable to do things you want, etc.
So of course the fidgety, loud kid who disrupts the lesson in school gets a diagnosis, but not the equally distracted and bored dreamy kid, because their distraction only happens internally and doesn't affect the people around them. (and if the dreamy kid is smart enough to keep up in school without actually listening to the lessons, they won't notice any issues until that kid is in uni and no longer can get passing grades with only the textbooks when there's a pressing deadline. It's me, I was the dreamy kid)
The questions seem also aimed people around the person getting diagnosed, as in parents, so I had a hard time filling them out as an adult pursuing a diagnosis.
I had to fill out this questionnaire and one of the questions was about interrupting people, and how often it happens. I had no clue how often, because to me it felt more like "I have something to add to this conversation, so I have to say it right now, before I forget it because I got distracted by a new topic, or a new train of thought (of 20) derailing my original thought." I really try not to do it, because I know it's rude, but it's hard to see how often you do things if you're not looking at it from the outside. So I couldn't fill out those types of questions on my own.
If the questions were phrased differently I might have had an easier time recognising it, but the questions were likely made by a team of NT people, who only see the behaviour and not the internal things going on.
I think it would be very beneficial to include people who have the disorder or neurodivergency they're trying to diagnose, and ask them for input. It doesn't even need to be on the "this is definitely a symptom" list, but just giving examples of what it can look like helps a lot.
It gives me a frame of reference, because to me most of those things feel normal. I don't know if I feel less patient than other people, so the question "do you often feel impatient when talking to other people" (while better than the interruption question because it does address the internal feelings rather than just the behaviour) is meaningless. How often is often, for me it feels like a normal amount because I don't know any other amount, I have no idea how often neurotypical people feel impatient.
Part of the problem is psychiatry diagnosid is by definition based on pathology : things that disrupt your life. So it's always a disorder or negative bias, because whether it's bipolar, autism, gender dysphoria etc if it doesn't cause problems in multiple areas of your life, it's "subclinical" ie not disordered and therefore not requiring diagnosis. The entire purpose is to identify and treat *pathology*, NOT to categorize people's neurotype. Ie If you have most symptoms of schizotypal personality but it's not causing problems in multiple areas of life over lifetime, you are on the subclinical part of its spectrum, and therefore you don't have schizotypal personality *disorder*, you're just an eccentric loner with bizarre beliefs and on the subclinical spectrùm of schizotypic features. Ie your not OCPD, just a rigid workaholic with control issues, you're not ADHD, you're just clumsy and forgetful etc.
Part of the problem is psychiatry diagnosis is by definition based on pathology : things that disrupt your life. So it's always a disorder or negative bias, because whether it's bipolar, autism, gender dysphoria etc if it doesn't cause problems in multiple areas of your life, it's "subclinical" ie not disordered and therefore not requiring diagnosis. The entire purpose is to identify and treat *pathology*, NOT to categorize people's neurotype. Ie If you have most symptoms of schizotypal personality but it's not causing problems in multiple areas of life over lifetime, you are on the subclinical part of its spectrum, and therefore you don't have schizotypal personality *disorder*, you're just an eccentric loner with bizarre beliefs and on the subclinical spectrùm of schizotypic features. Ie your not OCPD, just a rigid workaholic with control issues, you're not ADHD, you're just clumsy and forgetful etc.
This video has been the most helpful, so far.
The bit where you mentioned "statue" was what I have been curious about for YEARS. I would describe what had happened to me & no one had any ideas whatsoever why it hapoened.
I didn't get the chance to become a special interest in my own diagnosis, mostly until my 20s the furthest my family would let me diagnosed with was with PTSD (later C-PTSD), depression, anxiety, and OCD.
Ever since I've found the autism community, including the videos and lists meant to "debunk" whether or not the viewer has autism, I think I've been finding myself or made more sense of myself with more and more videos. It's been actually really comforting to see those rigid and vague lists explained to how it presets in daily life, it's like watching the puzzle pieces that have just been crammed into whichever spot, but learning about autism has been pulling them apart, sorting, and placing the pieces in the proper places. (please excuse the simile, I typed this before realizing it)
The social/masking thing is why i repeatedly was denied even so much as a referral for an assessment. And I believe that because I also have ADHD, the two kind of compensate for each other in some ways, especially externally, so I'm "to organized" to be ADHD (which organization became a special interest of mine, especially since i struggled with it so much), and "socially competent" to be autistic, which I've been learning to mask since kindergarten. I also have a lot of subtle stims because of the learned masking, and i have a lot of tools in place to help me compensate for my horrible memory and time blindness. And the whole perfectionism thing is very true, but its always been "all or nothing" and often times i was so depressed and burnt out that it was just "nothing".
And yeah, I was originally diagnosed as bipolar, fought the diagnosis and ended up with a BPD. Even went through a year of DBT, and it was helpful but a lot of the things my therapist told me I was supposedly struggling with, I wasn't... And a lot of the significant outbursts that are present in the BPD were really only a thing for me when I was in the depths of an abusive relationship, so by the time the conversation about the BPD was happening, I actually didn't have the emotional outbursts she was talking about but still diagnosed me because I "technically qualified".
Finally saw a therapist at a clinic that specializes in Autism and ADHD, and after a year of therapy she diagnosed me. I'm still on the wait-list as far as Im aware for an assessment, but she has the full credentials to diagnose me and told me she waits a year for it, but she could tell within a few sessions.
Honestly, I think the diagnostic criteria is really focused on external observations and doesn't cover internal experiences a lot. ADHD is very similar. At least now they have it all under one diagnosis, with different presentations. I think that is one of its main issues. I also think for the laymen to try and interpret it is pretty hard. Like, I totally qualify for the stimming criteria but I didn't think so at first because I was told over and over again its rocking, spinning, hitting yourself... And that may be true for some people but it absolutely is not the only types of stims and masking has massively influenced the type of stims I do now.
Yeah, the last paragraph really resonated with me. The lists of questions for an adhd diagnosis have gotten better, but the older ones really only focus on the fidgeting, loud, disruptive kid, that will get noticed by teachers and parents, but the quiet dreamy kid, who is just as bored and distracted, but not loud, doesn't get noticed. Still, many of the questions were about behaviour, and even when they were about feelings and internal experiences the questions were still about how often I felt something, like impatience, and I have no idea if I feel impatience often or not. I only know my own experiences, so every frequency is normal for me, and I can't tell if my normal is often or not.
I think most of those questionnaires and diagnostic tools would benefit from having some input from the people who got a diagnosis, because some of the questions were really hard to answer for me.
Can you make a video about what happens when you have ADHD and Autism at the same time? As someone with ADHD who is potentially Autistic, it would be super helpful as I haven't really been able to find much online
There are at least a couple AutDHD UA-camrs, let me go check their usernames...
I believe The Aspie World shared he's both autistic and adhd
Also interested in this, since Meghan has such intuitive insight into psychology!
Check out Purple Ella. I started following them as they have EDS like me. But they have AuDHD too.
Yo Samdy Sam
Oakwyrm
Lyric Rivera, Neurodivergent Rebel
I'm pretty sure there are more, but those were easy to find (I cannot remember names to save my life, unfortunately)
i've been burned out for years noww... I'm just so goddamned exhausted all the time and i've really started to struggle more and more wwith even managing to go outside
I feel this. It's almost like any potential for human interaction is just exhausting. I used to love walking back the bike trail by my house, but since I've moved back here, I swear the population increased (or tourism did). And everytime there's another person on the trail, it ruins my peaceful walk, because I have to act normal because I'm being observed. I like to be able to just sit in random places when I feel like it, talk to the bugs and animals, make random noises... yknow, be myself lol. I love nature, but sitting in my room is like the only thing that doesn't cause me a meltdown and anxiety.
@@Night7Crawler exactly. Iused to do the groceries. Always get big hauls and stuff. Now i can't even get some drinks wwithout getting overstimulated. When the sun shines even a little bit i MUST have my sunglasses. Just walking along the street is a pain due to cars and people existing. I live with my mother who does NOTHING to bother me but simply sharing a room with her as i anxiously anticipate her trying to talk to me is even to much (and i repeat she does nothing to deserve any ire from me. It makes me feel very guilty). Every family gathering is a source for anxiety attacks before i'm even there and afterwards i need 2 days of being comatose in front of my laptop to recover.
Literally just existing is becoming to tiresome at this point.
I hear ya. Still remember when my physician looked at me in 1995 and said "The part of you which processes anything more than the most minimal amount of stress is gone, burned up, burned out, and most likely never coming back." I was only 32.
Me for the last 3 years
I can relate. The tiredness it causes ceases to become worth the effort. Getting out of the house and living a healthy life is important though, it's just finding a thing you like to do, where and the amount of other people involved. You find this and it can help ground you and bring your equilibrium back.
You’re amazing!! Thank you for sharing. I see these same moments when my teen is in meltdown. It makes so much sense now. I’m very grateful for the community you are building.
Much love ❤
I feel like who thinks a melt down is a tantrum has never witnessed a meltdown. Before my son's diagnosis he would have meltdowns and there was another I could do in the moment. It was heartbreaking.
I too hate being watched while working on something, since I want to show it when it is good, and it's not good yet when I am working on it, and I am terrified of what people will think of it when I turn it in.
7:29 Oh oh I LOATHE being interrupted.
My CORE TRAUMA when I was two... I was interrupted, and suddenly punished for whatever I was doing that my parents felt was "wrong".
What I was doing was playing with my toys in the middle of the night (sensory aversion, hell yes, I sure was, the bright lights, the demands/expectations to get up and walk that was painful when I fell) I was two, not yet speaking, I remember visuals and feeling very well, but cant remember a damn word, but I remember what I felt, what I wanted, what I saw, and they took my favorite toy away, later saying I didnt understand consequences, when I very well knew, angry parent = I lose joy. Yeah well I guess my awareness of consequences didnt travel very far, nor did my awareness circle (at the time I was two was like 3 feet in front of me at the time), and my parents were angry I wasnt considering their feelings. I WAS TWO. dammit (1979).
Even now I am not very well aware of how other people would feel reading this comment. Not that I dont care (I care about everyone not being hurt) but because I tried so hard so long ago to be considerate of everyone for decades ..... I lost myself in the process of trying to avoid punishments and angry people.... I settled on: You like or you hate, I am not, nor ever will be, the one to make that decision (deciding if you love or hate me) for you. I'll get punished regardless, cause people are going to think whatever BS they wanna think to kick me to the curb or deny me something I wanted, because they wanted to beat down on someone, and I end up being scapegoated often, so here, me, all my unrestricted blathering, because I have hope that some small sliver of humanity exists out there that my comment might be helpful somehow, somewhere, in this hopeless life I would not wish for anyone to experience.
I like to story share. That is why I say anything at all anymore. I like to share. I learned to talk when I was a kid because I wanted to ask for my damned toy back. They lied about giving it back, they lied. I know exactly where it is, right now, 44 years later.... It will still be there in that hole in the kitchen corner if nobody has torn apart that old house yet.
Different minds indeed. I seem to excell in areas that are not well-to-do according to social /norms/ (or whatever society calls that thing I cant get along well with most of the time).
Sincerely,
A 46 year old autistic here with undiagnosable form of PTSD.
P.S. PTSD undiagnosed because... because... 3 years and several thousand dollars not enough money to get this trauma (and it's detrimental reflexes which impair my life every second of everyday even now) diagnosed/recognized for dictation upon official documents... damn Amaerica not recognizing cPTSD yet, even now. Maybe someday.
Also, nobody ever made sense to the ideaology we should not "share" like seriously, I have asked so much and so often to so many people, nobody has ever made anything of that "you shared too much" make any sense, other than someone else's persona annoyance...
TL;DR:
To read or not to read, this is your choice. I aint forcing you.
I've been watching a lot of your videos the last couple of days and I just wanna say: Thank you!
Since I was a little child I always thought literally everything about me must be wrong because the whole world seemed to reject me, starting with the fellow kindergarden kids at the age of 3.
My former therapist said he suspects me to be autistic about year ago, but I was kinda okay at the time so I didn't pursue it. Since it's getting worse again I decided to dive into the issue and found your channel.
I can so heavily relate to a lot of things you explain and the storys you share. Your videos really helped me to understand what might be going on, so I got a psychiatrist appointment to check it out. This is the first time I don't feel like an abnormality or alien anymore. I don't know how I feel aboout that yet but I have real hope that it might get better. So, TLDR: thank you and keep up the great content!
I am so impressed with your depth of knowledge and great ability to describe experiences! I have been a clinical psychologist working with children, adolescents and adults on the spectrum for nearly 30 years and I am now subscribed!
Thank you! I started watching for my adult son and I am becoming aware that I have been struggling with these things for my whole life. I am 70. I believe I may also have ADD but the issues you describe are spot on for my history. Thank you so very much!!🎉
... I spent a long time picking a favorite color, since I like several colors, but I felt like I needed to find the correct one, the perfect one.
This also happens with other things, like books, movies, TV shows, food... I am terrible at picking favorites, since I feel like I need to pick the perfect one.
This is so relateble!
It was a revelation to learn that when neurotypicals ask what my favorite anything is, the real question is "What color/tv show/band do you like?". I always tried to pick one single favorite while considering every possible angle.
Oh, I despise "one favorite" questions, because the premise of "one favorite," in my opinion, leaves out _SOOOOO_ many valid choices! Like, one favorite song. There are millions of songs in existence, I like thousands of songs, I love hundreds of songs, and trying to narrow down to even a dozen favorites is nearly impossible, because it leaves out hundreds of valid options!
Favorite color- well, for what? I have a favorite color to wear (blush pink/dusty rose), a favorite accent color for my kitchen (cobalt blue, especially glass), a favorite neutral (light grey), and so on.
I just had a conversation with 2 family members (1 diagnosed autistic) & we all agreed that "favorite" questions were the worst because we contain multitudes and you can't get them right, lol.
My favorite color is "warm colors" and i prefer yellow-orange usually but it get persnickety.
Also, It takes me 5 minutes to give the full explanation of favorites in colors lul.
The shortest and most specific answer is "yellow-orange usually"
I put a lot of work into that answer. But I still can't drop the "usually" no matter how hard I try.
For me, it was the tie of the physical symptoms with the mental. Seeing one doctor for mental troubles and having my physical symptoms be just "odd" to my doctor. Needing to get both of my doctors together before they agreed with me about this being plausible.
Forums clued me in on a lot of shared experiences - the vivid, one after the other nightmares/dreams during all sleep times. Increased REM cycles compared to others, sometimes 2 or 3x the amount of cycles. waking directly out of REM. Random nerve pains, sharp pains that last 2-5 seconds. Twitching hard when falling into sleep. Headaches, meltdowns, inability to regulate body temperature. Perfectionism is unbearable. It feels like I will be dragged out into the street and murdered for the most minor failures. Being the best came with too much attention, so I always aimed for my version of good enough... Depression, anxiety, body flushing, etc. all of these symptoms align with ASD... and only bits of them fall into other categories. A build up and burn out cycle. Inability to express emotions during times of stress and then a random thing weeks later can cause a meltdown that brings it all flooding in. Blazing through work tasks for 2 weeks and an inability to think or problem solve for the following week. Being a genius one moment and staring blankly for 5-10 minutes after.
I had constant nightmares and intense dreams, waking up constantly, anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour. Got medical marijuana, and I know it's controversial, but it's helped me be able to sleep at least 4 or 5 hours before waking, with far fewer dreams/nightmares. Just wanted to share what worked for me for sleep, because I know none of the pills did.
If only I could figure out a way to remedy the headaches and regulate body temperature. I had been going to the doctor for years, thinking I had some sort of serious chronic illness. Chest pains, severe headaches, overheating or freezing, out of breath or hyperventilating. But when I stay home all day and don't interact with anyone, I'm fine. Learned that after moving back home. But as soon as I go to work and start interacting with people, I ultimately feel sick and like I'm going to have a meltdown.
@@Night7Crawler I feel like the cannabis helps me get to sleep - which is usually, basically, a fear of falling asleep. But it doesn't stop me from dreaming. I absolutely do stay asleep longer. No more hourly wake ups. But I also feel locked into my dreams longer. I have 2 a night now, average, instead of the previous 5-8. Your point on fewer dreams is true. I just feel they are longer dreams in my case :D. Thank you for relating on the dreams!
@@Night7Crawler Only thing that helps me with being HOT is having bare feet. My feet in their default state are ice cold. I allow this to continue in order to keep the rest of my body cool, maybe the sensation of cold there interferes with the hot sensations elsewhere. I cannot sweat. I cannot sleep anymore with blankets. if I get too cold, it does seem like it takes an eternity for me to warm back up.
Headaches... magnesium helps me a lot with this. At least, it helps with the length of the headache.
Some of your physical symptoms sound like POTS which is more common in autistic women (and occasionally men).
I personally find there to be a difference between meltdown and panic attack. Meltdown feels like you're a shaken bottle with so much pressure (often mixed with pent up frustration) that needs to erupt out, as if you're exploding with overload, whereas a panic attack is an overwhelming feeling of, well, panic (fear).
Oh yeah, they're definitely not exactly experience, I agree! But I think it's a good way to think about them - as something uncontrollable rather than just 'bad behaviour' as some do
I’d agree with this. I’ve had at least a couple of each of those. Meltdowns, for me, were related to being overwhelmed, over-stimulated, and not being able to handle another thing. Panic attacks were high anxiety and hyperventilating and my mind spinning 100 mph. Very nuanced differences.
Id go as far as saying the panic is the feeling of going on a roller coaster ride and that flighty feeling where your heart SINKS when the G force hits but Dragged out longer
So proud of you for deciding to go back to school despite having chosen to drop out of school due to burn out 🙏
Thank you for all that you do.
You have helped she so much light on my experiences that i had previously internalized as some sort of character deficiency. I was assumed to have ADHD as a child, but i was never seen "autistic enough" to get assistance that i could have used. I'm now working with a therapist that understands what I'm going through and is helping me to forgive myself and others so I can grow into the person I've wanted to be all along.
Thank you again for all you do 🙏
the term 'autistic inertia' was new to me, but it makes so much sense! thank you for mentioning it
You know, I also feel like perfectionism is what makes me feel like I lack a 'manual' in life. It's like I think that there must be these perfectly thought out answers to why everyone does what they do or why something's done or made a certain way, but I've only just recently realized in my adultlife that nobody knows wtf they're doing and that everyone just kinda goes with whatever works. That has blown me away. Assuming I don't know the rules makes me feel very anxious and why I feel like I can't do anything until I know EXACTLY how it must be done or what is expected 100%. I have to catch myself thinking this ALL the time and then realizing, that, oh wait, right, nobody fricking knows, they just wing it. I just can't fathom how they do that without a meltdown, lol.
I have been diagnosed with adhd, but also planning to seek autism diagnoses thanks to videos like yours. I live alone 19:07 and it is hard for me to "switch gears" as i call it. Going from eating to cleaning (ie my own dishes) is very difficult. But when im doing dishes, i also vacuum, do the laundry, clean the floors. If it's time to sleep in wanna keep doing research. If it's time to wake up my sleep brain will convince me to fall back asleep. I think that might be like the inertia thing.
Sharing some things that have been helping me. I'm still in the middle of my discovery journey so i appreciate tips for living on my own in terms of self care and by extension house management.
One thing I have done that feels helpful instead of restrictive, is that I have made the lighting in my house be no blue light after x oclock. I'm talking the whole house is amber lights instead of normal lights. If you dont live alone amber glasses is great. Make sure blue bic pen colour looks black when wearing them.
You may wonder what that has to do with me eating and going to the washroom i stead of hyperfocusing, but I argue a big part of the the sensory thing is that we do actively live in a society with more sensory stimulus than ever before in human history.
Over the years I've done multiple things to help myself. You mentioned lights. I turn down lights on very dark, overcast days to prevent pulsating/slight migraine symptoms. Screen lights, lightbulbs, etc. - discarded all my cutlery except the most basic - 1 fork, 1 knife, 1 small bowl for cereals, 1 big bowl for salads, 1 glass, that way I dont stack dishes upon dishes and I dont see a mountain to clean and lose motivation - physical exercise: started with running only but wasnt enough, was tough at first but started with upper body training and feeling a lot better now (less afraid of others on street, more energy when needed, etc.) (not sure if that appies to females as well) - only cooking when absolutely necessary because i hate cleaning my stove and the process, mostly microwave/oven/toasting or cold calorie rich foods like corn waffles, nutrition wise it's very subjective so i'm gonna skip that part except i avoid sugar in regular food because it makes me "unbalanced/moody" (20÷ sugar content cookies i eat only 2 bites at a time as a dessert, same with ice cream, no fruit, no fruit juice (except maybe carrot), cereals with added sugar only in smaller quantities and coupled with whole grain, always checking for sugar content when discovering a new food, caffeine in small doses multiple times a day (not later than 4-5pm for good sleep), stress reduction (work, exposure to other people, noise, staying inside/in bed for too long), music "therapy" with own music library and selected headphones, headphones/in ears when outside (cover only 1 ear to hear what's around you while still having noise reduction) (with full sized additional advantage of not being bothered by others vs inears that can be overlooked), less exposure to annoying/draining people, meet with people maybe once a week for oxycotin release, playing loot oriented action RPG for dopamine receptors, jogging/waking outside for serotonin, watching corn shortly before sleep for better sleep/relaxation + less reliance on others. Hope that helps...
always have snacks near you so you dont forget to eat. wear enough during winters, dont think just because youre not shaking you arent cold or because you dont like sweating it's fine, buy expensive deodorant and always stay warm! if you dont have AC and it's hot use ventilators pointed at your back, showers, frozen towels, open the windows during nights/mornings to lower humidity and temp. - walk in the middle of pavement so you can always switch sides when somebody comes your way and you arent stuck on one side. choose routes with less cars/people in your way even if they arent the shortest distance (esp. true for cities).
I think everyone has different parts of autism that they find the most disabling part. For me the most disabling part of my presentation of autism is communication. I just really really struggle with verbal communication and interacting with others, and its incredibly disabling for me, and on the other hand i don't really struggle with meltdowns or inertia as much.
I think the key thing to know about the DSM is that it seeks to summarise all traits of autism in these umbrella sections, within which the more specific traits of autism can fit in. Perhaps they need to give some more examples within their listed traits, cause most doctors don't seem to be able to work out what fits in them and what doesn't lol.
I couldn't figure out if the criteria fit me. Granted I am not a doctor.
Brilliiant - thanks so much. All of this fits so well - found the detail re physical impacts re movement, inertia, burnout especailly useful. And - as always, seems our community is so far ahead re research and understanding of autism than most healthcare settings.
I really get so much from your videos. I was diagnosed with ADHD a couple of years ago, but the more I watch your videos, the more I think I may actually be autistic as well. I recently qualified as a counsellor and often find myself working with Neurodivergent people. Your videos are really informative and helpful. Thank you. xxx
so ive been watching your videos for 6 months now i think & i started noticing that i related a lot to all the stuff that you’d talk about. i started doing some more research & after awhile i reached out to a professional (my psychologist). we talked about it & did some tests. turns out im autistic! I’m really grateful for your videos because you’re the reason i found out about my autism! thank you for making these videos 💗
A "fun" part of perfectionism is searching for pure or original forms of things, things that may never had existed or never be able to find because they are absolutely elusive and lost to time.
Platonic ideals❤
I was recently diagnosed with Level 1 Autism months ago at 27. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder & ADHD first. The autistic inertia describes me well. When the object stops moving I usually describe myself as feeling disconnected. I can't tap into my usual skills mentally, like I won't be able to do a cover letter or interview because the flow isn't there. My perfectionism is there & I feel anxious. It's not even a lack of self esteem. It goes beyond procrastination. When the object moves= I feel connected, there is a flow I can mentally tap into those skills and I can feel more creative as well. Creativity isn't the full picture though. Cover letters & interviews I can connect to everything well, my perfectionism is still there, but I am moving. I do have a fear of rejection for sure.
I love the way you describe and elaborate on everything. You verbalize things I feel all the time and can’t explain to others. Thank you!!!! ❤
motor skills one hit me hard. i always thought it was so weird because i have always been told that i run weird, and i've always tried to "run right" but never understood how. when people described the right way to run i was always like "this isn't descriptive enough i don't understand!!!"
I'm one of those that internalized everything. My family is super religious and I'm the firstborn. I feel tremendous pressure from My family, especially now that I've turned from the belief. My home was not violent at all, but I never felt safe enough to speak. That went on for 25 years. I'm terrified of the fight I could cause, the pain I would feel and cause others, and the broken relationship with My family. I probably need therapy
same story for me friend - hope youre doing ok, and know that youre own honesty and genuine care for your loves is all that matters - to you and everyone in your life. it takes a lot of courage to get it out but its so worth it.
Same here I'm eldest of 8, mine had a few cases off violence but yeah I also internalized everything & was being seen a calm, motherly, supporting & wise beyond my years so I tried to hide & act normal desperately lived like that until I moved out & got fed up with the contradictions etc. as I have a serious personality & it resulted in faith crisis. I climbed out of that myself & happy I did without much damage.
I also masked & internalized for years to point they unfortunately couldn't diagnose me a few years back when I went to test for autism because I've experienced too much & also had performance anxiety (fear of failure). I'm apparently "high functioning", empathic, can manage well socially &nam doing well according the ones doing the test. I've completely turned from the religion ~12-15 years ago & my family knows but I still don't dare to unsubribe exactly due to the same reasons you mentioned but at least don't really have to bother with it anymore, especially now with family kinda in shambles due it as my mom wants to divorce & earlier this month my grandpa passed away. Well, trying to plan & get together xmas with my sibs as my was a drama (well it's always been chaos) due each of them prioritizing themselves first & it end up cancelled this year as both parents overseas, my mom due to my grandpa's passing) & my dad on vacation (fleeing due marital issues) & him being isolated by some of my sibs after my mom said she wanted a divorce earlier this year. I'm kinda tired but then again I've been chronicly fatigued (also couldn't be diagnosed I've yo phck it back up) & always tired for a few decades already due to health issues and environmental disturbances & noise.
It's great you know this about yourself I hope you can also get over this. It feels great when you can be yourself & less painful after finally putting & throwing that mask away I don't ever go back to do that well actually I even can't do so anymore as I have no energy nor drive to doing so as I already learned my lesson when I crashed & burned!xD Wish you all the best!❤
The perfectionism and artificial social pressure to be perfect was/is my most visible trait! If that was included I would’ve gotten evaluated while still in school!
You absolutely highlight so many of my struggles in this video. I even remembered I had forgotten to eat today as soon as you mentioned that! I was evaluated for autism but due to being an expert masker my psychiatrist just wasn't comfortable diagnosing me because she couldn't say for certain whether I met the social criteria or not. Instead I got diagnosed with ADD, which absolutely fits my profile as well but also further hides my social struggles from view. Thus I am still very much considering myself an undiagnosed autistic person, but I am without the ability to get the support I need.
I was told that i was too "successful" and "too good at socialising" when I first tried to ask for advice before starting the journey of an autism diagnostic as I am AFAB and diagnosing Autism especially in Queer/Female people is a challenge.
It took me years of starting to undo years of hardcore masking, i am still in the process of rediscovering my own personality below the masks and trauma i have lived through.
The more i dig, the more i notice my own boundaries and notice how much everything seems to stress me.
Unmasking - while it definitely made me feel better and finally like not playing a role that makes me hate myself - also came with a ton of downsides.
Now i stop pushing myself past my sensory overwhelms on a daily basis, have rebuild a sleep routine, have etablished a basic simple style of clothes i feel comfortable in, notice the status of my social battery better and allow myself to stim, allow myself to shutdown and go non-verbal, allow myself to meltdown....
It happens. It restricts me in doing the things i want to do, my capacity for stress is less than it used to be because i try to be kind to myself and some stuff I just cant do anymore as i used to do.
It does piss me off. Because now while i am already unmasking, i have to relearn not just who i am but also how to cope with life, how to do basics things again and how to balance all that....
I love your look! Sims earrings are fitting to the topic, as well as sprakly hair looks very nice. 😊