Do YOU Have Pathological Demand Avoidance?
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- Опубліковано 23 лип 2024
- I'd love to post more frequently on this channel because I have WAY too many ideas! To make the possible, I've started a Patreon. If you join, you'll get get 2 exclusive videos a month and access to the Discord server, even on the lowest tier:
/ imautisticnowwhat
🐌 If you want to learn more about the Patreon & Discord community, I have a video tour! 🐌: • Introducing... THE ANT...
I'm an autistic PDAer - take the PDA test with me!
The PDA Test: docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FA...
💛Other videos you might find helpful 💛:
10 Signs you have Pathological Demand Avoidance:
• 10 Signs you have Path...
What masking feels like from the inside:
• But what does Masking ...
Me taking the masking quiz (the CAT-Q):
• How to Know if you're ...
Does EVERYONE Mask? Autistic vs Introverted:
• Does EVERYONE Mask? | ...
00:00 Are you PDA?
01:07 Question 1
02:01 Question 2
02:50 Question 3
04:15 Question 4
04:29 Question 5
05:15 Question 6
06:00 Question 7
06:43 Question 8
07:35 Question 9
07:44 Question 10
08:03 Question 11
09:10 Question 12
10:37 Question 13
11:24 Question 14
12:14 Question 15
12:47 Question 16
13:35 Question 17
14:03 Question 18
14:12 Question 19
14:29 Question 20
14:39 Question 21
15:23 Question 22
16:28 Question 23
17:57 Question 24
18:29 Question 25
18:35 Question 26
18:44 Question 27
20:17 Question 28
21:04 Question 29
21:32 Question 30
21:44 Question 31
22:53 Question 32
24:00 Question 33
24:30 Question 34
24:46 Question 35
25:26 Question 36
26:08 Question 37
26:49 Question 38
27:20 Question 39
27:40 Question 40
28:03 Question 41
28:20 Question 42
29:09 Question 43
29:34 Question 44
30:17 Question 45
30:32 Question 46
31:37 Question 47
32:23 Question 48
32:57 Question 49
33:42 Question 50
33:50 Yay PDA!
34:49 Should you get a diagnosis?
References:
Sally Cat PDA (one of the creators of the test):
www.sallycatpda.co.uk/
Riko's PDA (the other creator of the quiz):
dragonriko.wordpress.com/
The Aspie Quiz:
embrace-autism.com/aspie-quiz/
Adults: PDA and Mental Health:
www.pdasociety.org.uk/resourc...
The Cather in the Rye Essay:
www.ipl.org/essay/Holden-A-Hy....
*Books Mentioned:
The Catcher in the Rye:
amzn.to/42eN0tv
*Books I'd Recommend about Autism:
Different not Less by Chloe Hayden (read if you want to cry):
amzn.to/40fKx2m
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone:
amzn.to/3xSZ6Mg
*Links with a star are affiliate links. The channel will receive a small commission if you buy anything on Amazon after clicking through with this link. There's no extra cost to you and any money will go towards putting out more content. I'd love to post twice a week and put more time into research for these videos. If you were going to buy something on Amazon, it'd be super helpful if you could use my (or another creator's!) link. Thank you so much - I really appreciate every like and comment!
DISCLAIMER: I am a second-year psychology student and a late-diagnosed #actuallyautistic individual. I am not a qualified healthcare professional.
It’s Sunday again! Thank you to everyone who voted on the little community poll I put out - that was super helpful. I’ll get to work on the videos for you. Any other requests, feel free to leave them in the comments 💛
If you think you might be a PDAer, you might this helpful…
10 Signs you have Pathological Demand Avoidance: ua-cam.com/video/1Uq1n8UQ3hc/v-deo.html
And if you want to know more about masking…
What masking feels like from the inside: ua-cam.com/video/H4vcMWB7fuQ/v-deo.html
Take the masking quiz (the CAT-Q) with me: ua-cam.com/video/-RgYyi6SgWg/v-deo.html
Does EVERYONE Mask? Autistic vs Introverted (with my husband): ua-cam.com/video/kLqpaeRNMvs/v-deo.html
Thank you again!! 💛
“How are we supposed to exist?” Oh boy. Too accurate! I scored off the chart. Funny.
Hi im a new subscriber. Im a 39m on both the autism and pathological demand avoidance spectrums.
Just wanted to point something out that i learned today. The term asperger's can be triggering to some on the spectrum because of the connection to it's namesake. The nazi war criminal Hans Asperger. He helped the nazis sort autistic adults into the categories of high and low functioning to determine who would live as a slave and who would go to the camps.
This is not meant as a criticism of your use of the term aspie. I just wanted to pass on what i learned to help with your content. I really appreciate your channel. I lost my kitty, my best friend to heart failure in march and i haven't been able to function. Your videos have distracted me from yet another day of crying.
Thank You!
Well some of us find the term 'autism' triggering. I have a severely autistic uncle who can't even feed himself, so my associations with the term are very negative and it's not a word I want to use to describe myself. Also, many friends of mine with autism diagnoses are very socially inept and unable to work or study. @@childfreechurch4854
36/50 => Likely to be PDA
29/40=> likely to be autism
I think it means a lot, especially when you consider, my IQ is far above average (Very High Intellectual Potential) which allow very efficient coping mechanism (hence, I don't feel others emotions, I consciously and very precisely determine them through analysis of very subtle details others don't even perceive), and my self confidence too (I seldom felt I couldn't do a task, I often felt guilty not to have done it considering how easy it was for me and hard for others).
Thanks for helping me understand myself.
If someone watches me write, motor skills are reduced 75%
Yesss!! Same here!
If someone is in the passenger seat I drive like a toddler
@@sarahleony 😂😂 this too!!
Counterpoint: If someone is about to watch me write but then at the last second crosses their arms and turns around and says "im not waching yooooooou", my motor skill reduction increases to 90%
@@Triplechomending my problem is that my natural writing is fast, conjoined and messy. When Im pressured to write a bit normal I can and then it turns into scribble. I hold the pen with 4 fingers when I write and the pinky feels left out
i wish a lot of these questions had more of a middle ground, because a lot of the time i struggle to know whether to choose yes or no when the answer is truly “sometimes” or “kinda”
I couldn't agree more. Any and all questionares should have a middle ground for every question.
Do you expect other people to follow the rules? Absolutely yes. ... but they don't apply to you? Um, absolutely no?
@@MarkofScotland82 the trouble with middle grounds is that they end up making the results less accurate. imagine, for example, a quiz where you answer every question with a "maybe"... what would you expect the results to be? they'll be as so-so as your answers are. essentially, by saying "maybe," you're skipping the question. each time you skip a question, the accuracy and nuance of your results dwindles down. compare a 50-question quiz to a 3-question quiz--which one do you think would give more accurate results? you have to answer definitively to receive a definitive answer--that's if a computer is calculating the results for you. a human on the other hand might be able to tell certain nuances from your indecisiveness, but that's not possible through a google form.
Exactly. The questions are too plain and simple. I need more context and examples of what they mean.
Funny, I had a situation in 1st grade when a teacher who was brand new to teaching asked other teachers about siblings of the student. My brother was not diagnosed, had ADHD/Autism and at undiagnosed at the time dyslexia. He got dyslexia diagnosis in 8th grade. So, she assumed I should be in the lowest reading group. I was hyperlexic, I was reading since 3 years of age. I tried to tell her no, but I gave into authority easily. So when it became my turn to read Jack & Jill story books prior to the 80s, I finished the damn book. She accused me of being a good guesser based on the pictures. I literally broke down in tears, and she not knowing what to do with me took me to the principles office (2nd time that day, and the 1st time is another story). I was inconsolable, and my mother was called in, The principle tried to explain, I blubbered that I could read and Mrs. XXXX was saying I couldn’t. My mother asked the principle if he even bothered to believe me. Upon which a series of books came to me. Pictures were covered in the Jack & Jill books, I aced through that, I aced through the end of year books for that level, and start and end of year levels for the 2nd grade. I aced the start of 3rd grade, but stumbled upon some words at the end of year 3rd grade. I was immediately moved to another grades reading room time. Mrs. XXX held me back in math also, talk about being bored. She was rather mean to me the full year. By 4th grade I had finished all the 6 levels at the grade school had to offer, in mathematics. I was also reading at a college level at the end of the 6th year. My writing sucked, because I was concise and blunt. Science was the worst subject taught in elementary school in the US, since most teachers detested teaching it, along with mathematics in the first 3 years. I am an indigenous kid, from the lowest economic class, with a single mother. Let’s just say every time someone had to make a decision of where to place me, it was at the bottom of the food chain. I had to repeat this process again in middle school, and then high school. I was told I was poor and a Native American, my chances of graduating high school, let along going to University was slim to none. I now have graduated from both, and currently within the last month of doing my MSc.
Dealing with adults as a kid was super difficult. I was constantly challenging them on things because they seemed to make choices or have expectations that made 0 sense to me. I'm sorry you had that experience in school but way to go for proving everyone wrong! That's awesome to see ❤
My year 1 teacher deliberately ostracised me from the class - she wouldn't talk to me and she encouraged the other kids not to talk to me either - because she didn't believe I could read so well, and thought that I was so far ahead of everyone else because I was cheating. It absolutely destroyed me, and that was only one year, and with no principal/headteacher nonsense on top. I'm so sorry you had to go through so much of that over and over again. You deserved better.
I am so sorry that you were so misunderstood and that those that were supposed to advocate for you and your uniqueness tore you down for it. Teachers can be life changing in the most amazing and destroying ways.
Thank you everyone for your kind words, your stories mirror mine. It is a strange world when teachers do not believe kids and hyperlexia or that every child is different in a family.
Wow. I’m so glad you were able to persevere and excel despite all that.
I had a similar experience of being place in the lower reading groups despite being an adept reader. I struggled with reading aloud. It made me fume when upper reading books were reading books I had already read and yet I was stuck in the lower groups. But I never said anything. Went through my elementary school with low reading levels and never saying a word despite reading more than most kids.
On the manipulative front - I never thought I was, and I don't think anyone who knows me would say it off the bat, but one thing that therapy made me realise is that my anxiety-driven need for control has absolutely made me act in a low-key manipulative way in social situations. This often takes the form of people pleasing, in the sense that if I think I'm making people happy, that makes me feel safer, *regardless of what they actually need* (and it inevitably backfires in the end, sometimes spectacularly).
I feel that. I don’t think I’ve ever been called manipulative, but one of the major perks of being hyper-self-aware (in some facets) is that I know that I occasionally *am* very manipulative, almost never on purpose but intent doesn’t really matter with stuff like that.
Part of my journey toward ADHD diagnosis at 42 was my boyfriend at the time telling me he thought I was manipulative at first but then realized it was impulsivity. I still haven’t wrapped my head completely around that, but I’ve never for a second TRIED to manipulate anybody so ok lol. But here I am thinking ADHD doesn’t explain ALL the things and this video is making me feel called out over and over and over again.
Oh, my god. I can picture this in my own behaviour toward my husband. I'm so glad I read this.
As a fellow PDA-er the “Have a lovely day, if you want to” at the end made me feel so seen
Thank you for acknowledging my freedom to have a bad/mediocre day if I want to, and that not every day needs to be good and that’s ok! Let’s normalize having bad days and giving ourselves the space we need to process negative emotions
Omg it’s such a lovely phrase to hear, “If U want to”.
Some of the hardest things for me to do are what I like to do best - painting, writing, drawing, learning to play the piano, sewing, sculpting.... perhaps I have too many. It is torture trying to get myself to get started on any of these. Once I get started, it is just as difficult to tear myself away. Yeah, simple.
Very much so. To be at all reliably productive I often feel like things have to be interesting enough to me, but not to the point where it’s overwhelming.
Same! its horrible
Simple but not easy.
I very often get annoyed by taking care of my body issues - eating, potty, drinking water! They just waste time & are so boring & inconvenient. I didn't know others thought it too.
I'm learning SO MUCH from you! You're my kind of quirky *awkward finger guns*. 🦄
Mate, I was called out by the entire quiz, I don't need it from the comments too!😅
I was better about drinking water for some years after the kidney stone, but I’m back to beer colored pee these days. Food wise, I always wished I could be like a camel, eat maybe once a week. I do tend to make the meals, I’m thinking due to the need to control what I eat, but for some time I would serve it and then say “one more meal down between here and the grave!”
Same here! I get so damn annoyed by needing to feed and water and relieve the shell my mind occupies o.O And I actually really enjoy food and eating... it's just, I enjoy it when I feel like it, not when I *have* to.
well it's not a waste of time, because otherwise you'd die a very gross death.
@@DampenedHorizon same 😅
I love that you split the video into a squillion chapters 😂 -- given the audience for this video, it's extremely appropriate!!
It would be absolutely fantastic to do a followup video here where you get a neurotypical person to fill out the questions! So many of these questions i answered like "well yeah, but doesn't everyone??" -- so it would be really eye opening to see someone's thought process when they fill this out and actually get a low score!
Ahaha - I was sitting there adding them like 'Why am I like this?' 😂😂
That's an amazing idea. I think that would be so interesting. Thank you!
That’s a great idea! I feel like whenever I’m trying to talk about possible autism/adhd symptoms to my family and friends, they’re like „but i do that too“, which makes me think „either I am not neurodivergent or most of my loved ones are“ 😂 it would be great to have some neurotypical people‘s perspectives (regarding PDA, autism, adhd, you name it) ! 🤓❤️
@@LittleKikuyu you made the think about asking my friends to take this, but the more I think about it I'm not sure any of my friends are neurotypical. I can't think of any that don't have/do one or more of: stimming, special interests, sensory differences, social differences, executive function problems
@@RaunienTheFirst Yeah, that's kind of the thing... we usually come in flocks ;D It is however, definitely interesting to take these tests wth friends, who are also interested in taking them. I've had interesting results and you get to know each other better. (Just don't go "hey, y'all wanna test for autism together?" like i might have done) 🤣
I’m a 63 year old female, who as a child was classed as ‘shy’. I’ve known all my life something wasn’t right, and have hid behind masks to deal with ‘stuff’.
I’ve looked at autism, adhd, and pda, in an attempt to explain my behaviour, but have shied away from self diagnosing, due to the feeling that I’m just doing the “oh, you’ve got a cold, so have I but mine’s worse” thing.
I’ve watched a few vids on masking, and other related things, and found myself crying. Not through sadness, but a sort of relief at being able to stick a name on it, and explain things.
My late hubby used to constantly tell me to stop making excuses, when I explained a situation or problem. He never understood that I needed to ‘dismantle’ something by talking about it, to understand how a social situation/problem worked.
One question, where do I go from here.
I believe everyone needs to work out problems using the support of someone else. It’s not wrong. That’s why we are watching UA-cam videos and joining Facebook groups after all- everyone needs help and support, even if you’re just doing a do-it-yourself project or craft, human beings were not meant to solve all problems alone without help. So don’t feel bad about needing to talk out your issues to someone else!
Sooo many thoughts popped up while watching this! Drawing as one. I used to love drawing until my teen years. But when I had to draw at school I could only do so if nobody was watching. I HATED it if someone was trying to peak over my shoulder, and would often turn my paper upside down if the teacher was approaching. Once they asked me about it, and I said something like I can't let them see it before it's ready, because they might say something, and whether it's praise or critique ("suggestions" as they'd say), it would ruin it for me and I'd have to abandon the work.
Also someone once saw some of my drawings, and asked me to draw some of their dogs for actual money. It felt pretty cool, so I drew one, and suddenly I hated drawing. I had to tell them that I can't do it. It was suddenly a demand, so I could not enjoy it at all. After that I stopped drawing completely for a long time, and very rarely do it these days.
That's so sad. I wonder if you'll ever get back the ability to enjoy what you enjoy just for yourself and nobody else. And the thing is - you WANTED to do what you enjoyed and it could have been a nice little earner.. The minute it became more formal, though, it was over.
Wouldn't it be lovely if we could have an 'honesty box' for our lives? We do what we enjoy. We do it because we enjoy it. We put some of it outside and, hopefully, the next day there'll be a few quid in it's place. No strictures. No mind games. No dancing around with the algorithms of reciprocity. Nobody using the situation to manipulate us with their criticism or praise.
@@batintheattic7293 Oh it really would!
I feel this so much 😅 I was totally obsessed with drawing in my schooldays I did it all the time and even the teachers someday admitted that it helped me Focus in class so they eventually just let me do it. But the demand on it got bigger and bigger, everonye was expecting something from me and wanted presents or asked me to make Tattoos for them or stuff Like that. Combined with my perfectionism I someday just couldn't draw anymore, I was kinda Frozen when I tried because I couldn't fit my own expectations nor couldn't I stand the pressure beign put on me from others. But at the end of 2021 it suddenly got me again, I wasn't feeling good at that time and without a warning I Drew nonstop again xD it is still hard to not let other or myself pressure me to much and I still have long breakes between but I can Draw again Sometimes and thats fine too :)
Omg I have the same issue when it comes to art I hate when ppl see it or look at me whilst drawing I hate hearing what people think even if it’s positive it’s so overwhelming
I love drawing, but I also hate drawing while people are actively watching.
I think it's just the fact that I hate people watching me anyways.
(For example: playing piano or gaming)
I can't really force myself to do things I like while people are watching and just kinda struggle with creativity suddenly as well.
It's weird.
I took the PDA/Autism quiz after a few minutes. I got 33 for PDA, 28 for Autism, which are not the highest categories, but high enough to agree with my own suspected self-diagnosis. Also it's highly possible that many of my answers come from being nearly 60 years old and having years of experience functioning as an adult, which means learning strong masking skills.
Right??
I had a difficult time answering only “yes” or “no” - because there are behaviors related to PDA and autism I had difficulty with, which, I have come to greatly hone, as I’ve gotten older.
I'm 31 and have found happiness and success in a lot of areas. But when I think back, the entire time has been spent forming coping mechanisms and tools for what I'm now suspecting is PDA related to diagnosed ADHD or undiagnosed ASD. Idk, I'm lucky enough to really like myself, but all this resonates a lot.
I had a similar experience with the assessment. For so many, my knee-jerk answer was, “well, not any more!” Etc. The entire framing of all of these kinds of things is for meeting a diagnostic threshold, usually for treatment. And by the whole idea of pathology, these things need to interfere with functioning. I don’t have trouble _any more_ knowing what people are feeling (well, most of the time!) but that was hard-won. Same with “having others help you with tasks even if you didn’t ask” - most of my life that felt like hot needles, now I see it as a gift. I scored 40/50 on PDA (and 31/40 Autism) but if I had taken this at 13, it would have been WAY higher
I got 37 on both (tbh I was expecting PDA to be higher but hey it’s still pretty high)
35/30 here. I resonate with everything else you said.
With criticism, i have just regularly put into my vocabulary a message let me come back to you like in 3h, tomorrow, or next week. Like I sometimes very strongly argue for something, and literally 1 hour later i'm like, "nope you were right". Just recognising you sometimes aren't perfect helps along way, as it decreases pressure and expectation, and increases validity and honesty. PDA is very emotional. The best way to treat PDA is just to understand yourself and the other, and not let emotion dictate.
'Like I sometimes very strongly argue for something, and literally 1 hour later i'm like, "nope you were right".' Same here, but I also feel like I'm supposed to be the same person from one moment to the next. I said my opinion was [...] and I have to remember and restate it as appropriate. I was supposed to recognize at the time that the other person was correct, but I didn't and now I'm stuck, I'm not "allowed" to reverse myself. It's annoying. I think it's a masking thing...
@@aspidoscelis It helps to recognise, that it is completely outrageous to expect to know everything in the moment, while you don't have the time to think about the matter during a conversation. It takes hours to form an opinion on something, carefully assessing pros and cons, and come to a rightful conclusion. Who can expect that level of confidence in language, yet it is required to make an argument.
I often overstate my certainty because the english (and most western languages) don't recognise uncertainty in the event, and uncertainty in yourself. In an ideal world, you would go up to someone and say well, there is roughly a 70% chance (related to your own understanding) that there is a 55% chance (related to general uncertainty) that Ukraine will be invaded. However, everyone would tune out of such conversation. I know this because i've tried. I've also had this time where i was very quiet, or where when i would say something i was stuttering, trying to buy myself time, and would make me sound physically more honest (uncertainty in voice). This did not bode well because 'people got bored'.
I have autism and I am all for honesty, but simply put i don't want to end alone all the time, and also like maintaining relationships. Also, when productive, you could show your honest weakness, yet weakness is sometimes used against you. Turns out you need some compromise in honesty, and increase dishonesty to increase other people's understanding, because being honest all the time can only make you honest, homeless and isolated. First 20 years of my life. At some point I get the game.
Ideally, you can look at Liv Boeree's ted talk on how uncertainty should be implemented as a part of language. You don't know everything, and you never will. Should you expect from someone to know as much in 1 second as opposed to 1 hour of thought? Ofc not. Sometimes as I illustrated even knowing everything will not get you complete certainty. I see it as an act of true honesty whenever i will come back to someone and say "Hi, i was wrong" (Sometimes even this would be technically wrong, but who wants to hear percentages when someone is making an excuse, there is philosophy and emotion). It recognises my weaknesses, and that i'm not a superhuman. It can also make me learn more as i would always strive to improve myself, and make my word more honest, as if i would fail my judgement i would still be able to find a correct judgement later.
I maximize honesty, but yes, you sometimes need to take into account language, the others' emotion, time, and resources.
On a sidenote, this also explains my fascination in psychology. That sometimes logic is really bad. And that logic being bad is sometimes logical.
@@mauritsbol4806 "it is completely outrageous to expect to know everything in the moment" Yes, but that doesn't stop people from expecting it. :-) Or, acting like they expect it.
A desire to maintain relationships is presumably why I feel pressure to act like the same person over time. People think they know you and how you will act, and they expect you to hold up your end of the bargain by fitting the mold. It can be difficult to disappoint them.
@@aspidoscelis A desire to maintain relationships can also get you into abusive relationships that you can't recognize the subtlety of and then make those difficult to get out of or suffer even more anxiety and isolation because of it for fear of disappointing the people who should care about you.
@@di4352 Yes, I'm aware of that.
My eyes got so wide like saucers when you said the thing about drinking and eating and going to bed. I have low interoception, so I don't feel "eat drink pee" signals very strongly to begin with, but I also have a lifetime of chronic pain where the only way to feel less of it is to try to ignore as much as possible and get involved in a distraction task (reading, watching UA-cam, etc.). Plus the ADHD hyperfocus, and not either wanting to or having an extremely hard time stopping a task.
But the thing about just knowing I should be doing something (especially eating, drinking, taking my night meds on time so I can go to sleep) and going "but I don't want to and there's no one here to make me."
I'm reading about myself! First time in years that I have not felt insane and lazy and "moody" or "difficult". 🌹I have to learn more about this. Thank you and thank the lady 🌹 speaking. She's awesome, freaking awesome 🥰
Question Twelve - I absolutely concur. I am endeavoring to stop telling people about what I am doing or what I am interested in because if they show enthusiasm it's a serious turn off for that thing. It's making some/most of my being very difficult. The tenacity it takes to keep at something once it's been poleaxed is incredible. I LIKE telling people, at first, primarily because it demonstrates that I am not just lounging about watching telly. I feel like other people NEED a little taste of just how busy I always am. (Nobody ever tells me I need to slow down... Weird, that. I'm always telling other people to 'smell the roses', more. It's a cause of concern for me when I suspect other people are exhausting themselves but nobody seems to worry that I'm exhausting myself! Weird and, a bit, upsetting.) Secondly, I have this thing that nothing I do is actually real until somebody else appreciates it. That's a bad one. The two elements, in communion, are catastrophic.
"So, what have you been up to since last we met?"
"Stuff."
"Oh, that's fantastic. I'm proud of you. Keep doing the stuff and, soon, you'll be doing more stuff."
There. I've got the praise I need with very little of the specificity to sour my being. "Do more stuff." is possibly the most perilous part of that. Whatever it is - people are going to want more of it.
I relate to your comment a lot. Actually I heard something somewhere that if you tell people about a project or plan you are starting or wanting to do it makes your brain think it’s done it already and therefore is in the past and doesn’t need doing anymore. I used to always tell people my plans for the same reason you said so as not to appear lazy or boring and also if I was excited/fixated about it and indeed it would put me off actually doing it - it felt deflated. When I taught myself to stop telling people I found I could get on and do the thing.
I love the answer to 28... "I don't think I would want to live with me sometimes" THIS!! This is why I can't live with people. It doesn't matter how much I love or care for them... eventually it always gets to the point that I can't stand them and they can't stand me. With this upcoming move out of the city, the idea was floated about me approaching friends to maybe stay with them. My answer was an emphatic NO! I have few enough friends as is, I'd like them to remain friends. As is, YEARS later, I'm just kinda feeling like my last roommates are warming back up to me online.
A realisation I had yesterday about my demand avoidance is that I tend to especially avoid tasks where I feel like someone’s emotions are on the line. If someone who is very prone to getting angry if I don’t do as they ask, asks me to do something, I go straight into a freeze response and get very tired because I interpret their request as a threat, plus I’m now putting my energy into regulating my own emotions as well as their emotions. If someone who is more emotionally stable asks me to do something, it’s much easier to get past the demand avoidance. If I really badly want to do something because it means a lot to me… chances are I won’t do it because I feel as if I’m threatening myself somehow, like if I don’t do it then it will affect my self esteem and confidence. So I won’t do it. And then the threat gets even higher next time I want to do something, since my self esteem and confidence are a little closer to rock bottom every time 🥲
the not doing things you really want to do part ughhh same!!
I can’t clean my house if other people are home. It’s so weird 😂. I just can’t do it.
ME TOO!!!!!
Girl when you said often autistic people don’t like summer I was SHOOK! I live in a tropical climate and I hate it here so much I become even less functional in the summer because it’s like 100*f outside. I cant right now, when people call you a vampire but you’re just autistic 😂😭
you’re videos have helped me incredibly since starting my research about autism. they help me better understand myself in so many ways.
I'm so so glad!
*your (im so sorry if that sounded rude genuinely not my intention)
Me too! Finding it hard to believe, but just keep relating to everything. I'm an expert masker.
@@toluroberts grammar is one of my special interests. I get it! Lol
I totally hate an unprompted compliment! Like, when I am ready for praise I will bring my thing to you and say "look at the the thing I just did", I am now ready for comments. I know a lot of others, particularly other creatives, feel to shy to even bring what they're doing to other people's attention, so complimenting them without prompting will feel really good to them. To me it makes me feel monitored. Not only is my thing maybe not ready for outsiders yet, but also anyone acknowledging what I'm doing with my time good or bad does honestly feel like an adhd trauma response at this point.
A workmate complimented my nail polish the other day and I just totally froze. I had just moments earlier noticed that she had nice nails that day too... But no. I just sat there staring at my coffee cup, unable to say a thing.
Comments! I am always looking for comments, and rarely get them. Praise by itself seems to me to be a lot like small talk; if they have no thoughts on the work, does the praise mean anything? Plus it feels like some people use praise in a manipulative way, like praise is a substitute for being paid enough or giving me enough time or resources to do the job.
I'm so shaking right now. Part of me wants to cry another wants to scream. The rest just wants peace. I feel more overwhelmed now however I'm SSSOOO glad I found this. I will need time to process it. I'm 64 white male in the US and have struggled my entire life with this. The social issues video was so right on. OMG, I was shaking so bad. I also have a couple other issues, at 57 I finally accepted being gay and told my wife, she is still with me. That alone has been problematic. I also have a thyroid problem that exacerbates my appetite. Also only contributing to the PDA. I had 81 out of 90 on the quizzes both parts well into being there.
I posted this on an older post and thought maybe I should put in a more recent one. I have calmed down and had some pot. To think of it, it is probably what has helped me coped? I am somehow unsure about that, given I have struggled with PDA. So much of what you have said in the videos has reverberated with me. As well as give me anxiety. and why am I misspelling so many words lol. I hope to find ways to cope better, I like you should be writing. At 18, a college professor told me on my first assignment that I should seriously consider journalism. I was shocked, was wanting to study lasers and never did. I hope to start writing now without placing any expectations on myself, ha-ha good luck right. Thank you
So before watching, I went to do the test.
I got 47/50 for PDA and 37/40 for autistic traits.
I got a total of 84/90!
I was expecting maybe half, three quarters max.
I got called out with dang near every single question and I think I have another thing to add as evidence for seeking a diagnosis
I got 37/40 in autistic treats, and 36/50 PDA, what PDA means?
@@Ex-Mohammed_Anwar Pathological demand avoidance. As she said and showed on screen in the first few seconds of the video. 0:10
Don't forget this is NOT a diagnostic tool and will pick up plenty of symptoms of other possible diagnoses too.
Evidence ? As in for you or to show to a professionnal ?
@@aneisleeper5515 to argue why they should be evaluated I reckon
@@aneisleeper5515 in other videos she's mentioned having a binder of "evidence" or signs that she has put together to show a professional so they can have an idea of symptoms.
Things like videos that show stimming when you were a kid, stories from family, and other things that can help with a diagnosis.
Evidence may have been the wrong word but I basically just meant something to add to my binder/my things to show a professional to help them with a diagnosis.
One night in college, I freaked out in my mind and moved my bed underneath my bed to try to make a private space in my shared dorm room. I was friends with my roommate who was also just an unusual person, but she thought I had somehow gone out the window with my bed and was wondering where I was. It was funny, but I was struggling so much with living with roommates, every moment was exhausting, I almost can't believe I made it through college living with people. I wish I had understood when I was younger.
I did this too! I slept under my bed and made a little fort for myself so I could have a private place to go and "hide." I had really liked my roommate too. I just needed a space where I could not be seen to decompress and rest.
Would love to see you investigate if PDA is just combined ADHD and autism! Because it would honestly make so much sense
That would line everything up
Ugh yeah. Some of the questions were difficult to aswer. I feel like this relates a lot to perfectionism and overcompensation.
Pda is a nervous system disorder, where the body perceives “demands” and loss of autonomy as life threatening, causing a nervous system response where the body enters fight flight and freeze. Like when you see a tiger approaching, and your body becomes filled with adrenaline, it is the same but losses of autonomy trigger it. In this state the logical thinking part of the brain shuts down. This response is not a choice, and is literally uncontrollable, and seen from childhood in people with pda. It’s severe nervous system disregulation tied to an intolerance of demands.
I used to think I had adhd, because of my executive dysfunction looked a lot like adhd. But something I didn’t resonate with adhd as much, was my reasons for not being able to do things wasn’t because of “distraction”, but because of intentional avoidance. I was always aware of what I was avoiding and it felt extremely necessary to do so.
I took the test and I got 87/90 points for the test, very accurate, I sometimes get upset when im criticized and start to feel bad about myself, and I tend to have emotional reactions to things, and I have issues with authority and rules imposed on me, and I much prefer to do things my own way, instead of being forced to do things the NT way.
Socialization has been difficult for me, but i've improved over time.
Thanks for the video Happy Sunday everyone, peace and love.
It was funny to me that being non-competitive was scored as not being a point for PDA when most of the situations where I'm non-competitive it's because I'm SUPPOSED to be competitive. If you want me to care about winning, I will not. But if we're "competing" in something no one is taking seriously or if the results are anonymous so no one will know if I win, THEN I will be very competitive. Ah, the nuances of PDA
LOWALLY ME
Non competitive because I feel I am being demanded and expected to act competitive, and I resent that demand made on me, so I do the opposite and dont give a care who wins.
I got 39/50 for PDA and 25/40 for autism. I’m 24 years old and I had never even heard of PDA (something I’m now absolutely convinced that I have) before this year 🙃
me too i have 39 for PDA and 24 for autism
45/50 score in the PDA test is unsurprising to me. I couldn’t understand why I have so much difficulty in this area and didn’t even know it was a thing until I saw your previous video about it, the lightbulb moment was overwhelming but validating at the same time.
A score of 34/40 in the autism test is no surprise either, as a 52 yo female who used to work with people with learning disabilities including autism, I had no clue that my ‘weirdness’ could put me on the spectrum until I went down the very deep and dark rabbit hole when researching how to support my grandchild who’s currently going through the assessment process.
I was DX with type 2 Bipolar Disorder with BPD traits which didn’t sit right with me, I thought it was CPTSD after being in a long term abusive relationship (which could also still apply).
I also live with chronic pain and fatigue so adding another DX or two to the melting pot is no biggie really but my already skewed and confused emotions and mind are well and truly blown 🤯
Thank you so much for sharing your life and experience, you’ve helped so much more than you know!
Those are the exact scores I just got. I'm a 46yo man who got an autism diagnosis earlier this year at age 45. I was so relieved when I found out, a month or two ago, that PDA is a named thing that I share with other people; 20+ years of therapists have always let me believe it was just something unique to me. I was honestly almost in tears. I think your skewed and confused emotions are entirely justified in this situation.
Have you interacted with other PDA men before? Do you immediately repel each other, or find communication free and easy? @@thatotherted3555
I tended to find that being expected to do homework and being expected to do chores around the house made it harder to be motivated to do them and it's hard for me to be motived to fill out job applications because it feels like something I need to do, and I was diagnosed as autistic in early childhood, and I wonder if I could also be PDA.
I suggested PDA to my mum ages ago and she vehemently denied it
Despite the fact i show VERY CLEAR SYMPTOMS
The little "good" after your mum said stable properly was so adorable. I love the inclusion of home videos - they help me heal the internal embarrassment that I've felt about the home videos of me (where I'm either dancing around and singing and flapping in my own little world or bossing my little sister around - bless her - as I attempt to teach her the moves and lyrics to the routine that we'll perform for our parents). So, thank you for being so darn relatable to at least some of us other autistic PDA peeps!
Also, whether you continue the channel for years to come or end it tomorrow, your channel has been super helpful for me! I'm a woman with ADHD that has only recently (as in, five years ago) discovered that I also happen to be autistic (though, I'm not formally diagnosed, and I've (actually recently, as in last month) decided to heed my psychiatrist's recommendation that I not pursue one - this just makes the most sense for my own circumstances... but also, I just felt a lot of peace when I made the decision not to pursue a formal diagnosis). I really struggled to understand how to communicate my needs to those close to me and to those that needed to be made aware (like my supervisors, who luckily are amazing and accepting people), as in many instances, I felt that even the more updated description of autism (and even more so, ADHD, despite a formal diagnosis there) still felt quite incomplete to me... then I found your channel and learned that there are different profiles of autism, in particular the wonderfully termed PDA profile (which I don't actually share with my supervisors o.O), and everything clicked. I'm conflicted because I don't like the restriction and rigidity of labels, but also am so incredibly overjoyed to know how to more accurately identify myself :P Mostly, I'm overjoyed because knowing my profile has helped me better communicate my needs and boundaries with others... except for with my mum who when I broached the topic of my PDA profile responded with, "yeah, I know. When you were a kid, I learned to never point things out to you that I thought you'd like as you'd often then become averse to it, and it could be heartbreaking to watch you go through that internal struggle." (paraphrasing, because she gave a specific example of a pair of shoes that I wore until it was too painful to shove my feet in... and refuse to get rid of, despite now being 20 years older than when they were bought because I like to pretend that maybe they will fit again and I can wear them again... she deliberately did not point them out as she had learned the year before not to do so, and she was right not to). I.e., my mum was already aware of some of my boundaries :P
I really feel like im learning so much about myself from these videos. I've always hated doing things in front of other people, i only clean or do chores when people aren't around cause it's way easier to do it that way, but i never understood why. I always struggled with homework and rarely ever did it, and the story about your teacher calling you stupid is something my grade 5 teacher did. The test i got 44/50 i think this might really describe me.
Thank you for linking the test! Most creators don't do this which is annoying when you want to do the test yourself.
No problem!
Apparently Google won’t let creators put links in until they hit 1K
subscribers. Meg has no issues, but one ADHD vlogger I follow did for a while.
About the compulsive need to get it done straight away, the phrase 'it's now or never' particularly resounds with me. If I don't do it straight away, it's pretty much not getting done lol
Same with me
Your videos have forever changed my life! At 47, coming out of 16 years of TBI/cranial-brain infection & 30+ years of dysfunction, religious conditioning & psychosis(all good now) … your candid perspectives are giving trapped emotions the linguistic structure to allow them to be seen, named, understood &, hopefully, integrated.
Having the exact words to discuss this with therapists has taken the freeze out of my seeking help. I didn’t know how to explain my behaviors. Now I do!
It’s been such a long and exhausting journey … which is the same as a great adventure, depending on framing.
🙏🏼U.
The way you present your own story of discovery is allowing me to put my day-to-day struggle into the context of being my own anthropologist discovering my psychology’s hidden history and buried treasures & snares, booby-traps and such.
U 🤘🏼!!!!
39/50 for PDA and 29/40 for autism. Self-diagnoses always give me this feeling of being an imposter though, so I'm not sure if i'll ever be able to take myself seriously, even if I find it all very relatable. Life just feels very difficult and tiring with all external and internalized demands. Though I'm not sure if it's my entitlement and softness that causes it or if there's a legit condition. Guess it'll be better as years go on, even if it's not very fun.
I got diagnosed by my therapist (who I was seeing for something else, but took a two week break to talk about autism), and I still feel like an imposter
I was diagnosed with PDA Autism over the summer and it makes so much sense to me. Thank you for making this video! I’m always looking for more information on it.
I feel like I could never live with other people because at the same time I couldn't stand the pressure to do things like cleaning on their schedule, while simultaneously not being able to stand them not doing things on mine. I think I need to either find a super chill partner or just have a situation where half the place is theirs, half is mine, and we each take care of only our own half 😅
Absolutely perfect.
This this this
Ah...crap! I had to think about “do you find it easy to do things you like?” and my first reaction was no, but yes I do certain things I’m interested in in my ADHD impulsive hyperfocus rabbit hole way. So I had to think about what motivates me to do things I like. And what suddenly jumped out at me is this: I am most likely to do something I like when I am NOT supposed to doing it, but rather doing something else. At a time when it is okey-dokey to do it, then I can’t get myself to.
That’s kind of PDA, I’m thinking...
#22...you’ve gotta be kidding? Of course I do that. As far as I can tell I learned it from my mother, who did it...and was seriously PDA. Oh, and thank you for mentioning that you call your parents by their first names. It wasn’t just me then. As far as egalitarian, the previous question, and a word I’ve always used about myself...I just have to say: I don’t think or feel all people are equal...that’s just a fact.
28...oh god. That is what caused my mother to burn her bridges, and me as well. It is the most damaging part of PDA as far as I’m concerned, and what makes it even worse is that it conflicts with the egalitarian/not wanting to be in charge part. You get SO anxious and irritable, and you give people too much shit, and then you get SO angry at yourself and others, because you don’t want to be in charge but not you basically are. Keep an eye on that one, Meg. It was just an exasperating quirk when my mother or I were your age, but it can turn into a true relationship and self regulation-destroying monstrosity as you ger older. It became so gradually, like the proverbial frog in the pot of water.
Well, I’ve thought Holden Caufield and JD Salinger were autistic. Others have too, Googling that took me to an Asperger’s subReddit, my first dabble in the community. I had to write a book report on Catcher in high school...my basic theme was that Holden was wandering around, trying to figure out how to get the weight of the world off himself...and ultimately succeeded, albeit briefly, by having a nervous breakdown (or maybe a meltdown/shutdown; didn’t know about those then). Of course, he was almost immediately expected to pull himself together and get back to it. I related to that so much. In retrospect, it strikes me as a book report by a neurodivergent person.
Last message I swear! I did not score myself, but I didn’t differ much from how you answered. I’ll have to take it directly, but the burst of fear I felt at the start..”I understand that I am PDA so clearly, what if I get a non-PDA score?” - needless anxiety as is usual for me. Certain questions just screamed “this is the thing that makes me think I’m PDA,” and they are relatively specific things.
BTW, I did take the camouflaging quiz you linked to, and while I had a time with a lot of questions, I ended up with a score that was a little higher than average for high masking women, and well higher than men. This kind of fits with my gender dysphoria (not non binary, just old school self loathing), and the fact that I spend more time on autistic womens’ channels than men...for complicated reasons I think I’m prone to Simon Cohen’s “extreme male behavior” model, which my father sort of was. I probably aspired to be more like my mother, who I am starting to accept was a high masking autistic, and who taught me theories of human behavior that probably kept me from being like my father (clueless about people), but I’ve now realized also left me thinking I had better instincts about others than I now think I do. Thank you, this has been very helpful!
@@jimwilliams3816oh… number 28. How to stop doing that? I’ve stopped asking for or accepting help because people keep doing it “wrong” and I can’t just let it slide and be grateful. So often I end up redoing it myself, I think “whats the point of getting help?”. That old saying “if you want something done right, do it yourself” often ends up coming out of my mouth. Definitely a relationship killer. I really don’t feel like dealing with people these days anyway though so 🤷♀️
Im asd pda. Wanted to share that what comes before a task is actually a decision to do something. I make a decision to hand my fear and thoughts over to the care of a higher power, which then helps me see the situation differently by taking the demand off myself.
Watching this video just made me cry. You just helped me realize who I am and why I have so many problems with employment.
Just yesterday my husband told me that I should do sit-ups. Before he had said anything I thought about doing situps. But just because he told me to, I couldn't.
I always find it interesting to do these tests but also difficult because so many of the questions are crying out for a "sometimes" option or where I might agree with part of the question but not the other part. This was more so on the PDA quiz than the autism one but autism quizzes often have similar issues. A complicating factor especially with PDA is low self-esteem which often affects many people with autism and other psychological issues. A person with low self-esteem lacks confidence in their abilities and tends to be unassertive. Often they prefer to fade into the background and let others take control but this certainly isn't the same as someone who has a confident, laid-back approach and is content to let others take the lead. The person with low self-esteem may still have PDA aspects but lacks the confidence to assert them.
This video started my still ongoing jurney of getting an Autism diagnosis. Thank you!
You said at one point in the video, "I'm not real sure just how self aware a person can be...," and _that's_ exactly why I'm here! I watched the Ten Signs video just because I had never heard of "Pathological Demand Avoidance." Watching it got unexpectedly real, and it got me thinking, "Y'know, when it comes to stuff like this, you're always the last one to know," so then I watched this one... I'm 49 fkn years old this year and these videos have me rethinking everything I thought I knew about myself.
I scored 42/50 for the PDA portion, 80/90 Total. Another document for my Autism binder. :-)
I DO get irritated when people remind me to do a task. So if I'm concerned about forgetting it, I specifically give permission to/request of another person to check in.
#11. I don't AVOID normal tasks so much as I forget or get distracted from them. I have now created routines for hygiene in the morning and evening so I don't forget to brush my teeth or close the bathroom window, the steps in preparing breakfast, taking my meds at the right times, other tast sequences neurotypical persons normally don't need to figure out in order to remember.
#15. Saying "Move" is just kinda rude anyway when it's so easy to replace a command with a request or courteous alert. You and your husband should come up with positive, less triggering, communication words. Just an "I need by you for a second," followed by a word of thanks, occasionally taking the close moment to sneak in a little peck on the cheek or shoulder. In restaurant work we needed to get around one another with drinks or scorching hot items without time to fuss over extensive courtesies, so we said, "Behind you," sometimes with a gentle hand touch to the back; or simply statrf, "I need ____," when we needed to intrude directly into their space or reach something they were blocking (especially behind the bar), followed by a thanks. I think it's true for everyone, but especially for HSPs and PDAs to speak positively rather than confrontationally.
#23. My anxiety comes before giving instructions, not afterward. If I get to the point of giving instructions, I've determined I have the right to expect the result and in most cases. I do not micromanage as long as the outcome produces a result within the requested parameters have been met within a reasonable time frame. Whenever I've had labor subordinates I have been liked for my accommodating nature. On the other hand, I get pretty anal about minor things, like how to most efficiently load the dishwasher, to which, when compared to my three housemates, I apparently have a preternatural talent (I get 2-3 times more stuff in per load without having to rewash anything more often, which is beneficial in drought-prone California).
I don't know how to answer 43 because courtesy words seemed both hollow AND demanding when I was young. With experience I have learned to appreciate their value and to use them, even when I have to force it. Brutal honesty but with a smile made me better in retail than I wanted to admit, because nothing says "no pressure here" than an honest "meh" followed by redirection to something better for that person ,without engaging in upselling. I had a boyfriend who told me I could sell anything to anyone. At the time, I was offended. After a few retail jobs I saw how it could be a compliment, too.
#49. My mind says not to tell people about a project until I'm making progress on it, at least. My mouth always blurts it out without permission.
"No, you go to bed." That is sooooo relatable. There's so many things talked in this (and the previous) video that just lines up perfectly with the way I perceive things. A lot of PDA traits I sort of learned to cope with, a lot of it with the premise that it's "my ego" that is making me do certain things or feel a certain way, but I am having to rethink a lot of this since I've learned about PDA. I do wonder, however, how many philosophers of the past were ASD/PDA and is their philosophy actually reflecting their condition more than understanding the general human condition.
This was the most interesting video ive watched in a very long time. It took us 3 hours to get through it because we discussed every single question. You're a wonderful person and your husband must be wonderful person as well. A very excellent and educational video! Thank you very much for the education and entertainment! We love you!
Thank you so so much!! I'm so glad to hear you found it useful.
I also struggled with not drinking water/ not enjoying it. It was a big game change for me to get a big yeti and fill it with ice and use a straw. I hate lukewarm water, I enjoy it more when it’s cold
I had an issue with drinking water but, i ended up massively overcorrecting
I drink WAY too much
@@KyunaCookies I was gashlighted about drinking "too much" water, untill I started doing it myself. Now I know that because of EDS, I just need to drink more water to cope and I can listen my body better than my thoughts. Even 4,5 DL every two hours is not too much, if your body is constructed in a way that you need it.
I get anxious about my spelling, grammar, or basic math when other people are watching.
Definitely relate to this!!
I've got a sequencing disorder. The moment I think about how to write certain letters, I get trapped and need help figuring it out. I'm going to put a cheat sheet of a few letters on the back of my name tag.
Thanks for sharing your story and these resources! It's been super helpful for me; things make so much more sense now. People would always tell me to "just do it," "just try harder," "just power through," etc. because "that's just the way the world works." It always felt like I was broken, and it was so frustrating that no matter how hard I would try, I never managed to do things "right" while everyone else did things so naturally as if breathing. Been scoring super high on all of these assessments (41 out of 50 and 38 out of 50 for these ones), and it's so nice to know there are ways to explain things. Going through life for 30+ years without being able to explain what's going on or why is sooooo frustrating. Apparently, I was "normal enough" because nobody (not even my friends and family) thought I wasn't a neurotypical, yet people would still get frustrated with the abnormal ways I would interact with the world.
You are the first place I have ever heard of PDA (in the US that acronym stands for Public Display of Affection). And it sounds very similar to my Avoidant Personality Disorder diagnosis. But I'm intrigued to find this new information as it sounds very familiar. Thank you for posting!
What you were saying about reading questions backwards is such a concern for me. I usually read each question on things like this multiple times to be sure I've got it. And, on that same note, I happened to notice that question 9, at 7:38, actually says "do you DISlike imposed routine?". So actually you can give yourself an extra point or two! 😅
Your comment about sensory sensitivity to the weather during different seasons explains a lotm I used to think that my increased depression during the winter due minimal sunlight was seasonal affective disorder, and while that might still partially be it, the connection to sensory issues makes a lot of sense too.
I'm "retired" due to "disability" and suffering because I don't have a schedule so I am paralyzed and doing nothing, except "self stimming" by just watching videos and getting nothing done. Not diagnosed yet but I have 2 adult children who are on the spectrum and diagnosed with ADHD. I'm almost 60.
You might have both autism and adhd, nobody ever told me about the 30% co-morbidity of 1/3 autistics also having adhd, which is an executive fuctioning disorder and making doing anything you need or desire to do so much harder than it should
Do you have any potential special interests?
@@user-ly3li3ex8c very true. Thank you.
@@camellia8625 yes, it's research. But I get so sucked into my research interests I forget to eat, forget to drink and forget to go to the bathroom. I also like to garden, but during the winter I barely leave the house.
Thank you for engaging with me. ❤️
I got 48/50. I’ve had sooo many wrong diagnosis over my life. So many therapists. And this is the first thing I’ve found (and I found it, not any therapist) that ACTUALLY resonated 100% with me 😭💙🙏🏻
Ty for this channel. I’m deep diving through your videos rn and it’s already helping me to navigate my own experience more than any doctor ever has.
I've just figured out a couple weeks ago that i might be autistic, i got 35/40 for the autism test and 39/50 for the pda one. Your videos have been so helpful with the beginning of this journey!
I swear "chaotic good" is just autism lol. "Follow all the rules (that I don't personally think are Bad and Wrong and Dumb)" just feels like the default around here and I love it.
The "Is PDA just AuDHD?" question is a very interesting one to me. For every question where we gave the same response, I'd already identified my reasons for feeling/ behaving that way in the past as being related to either ADHD or Bipolar Disorder-or in the case of disliking praise, just a straight up trauma response. I'm pretty sure I don't fall into the PDA archetype, but I think a lot of my actions still line up with it from the outside. Like, when people say something that contradicts what I think I know, I'm always going to push back-I interrogate damn near everything before I accept it, that's just science or something. I don't think the other person is wrong, but it has to come across that way to someone who doesn't know why I ask what I ask or that I'm actually looking for reasons that it IS correct, not trying to find holes that prove it isn't. The places we had different answers also had a lot of reasons I chalked up to adhd/bp, such as forced routine. I benefit massively from having a schedule enforced by anyone other than myself, which I've noticed most strongly when I've been committed to inpatient for psych reasons. Having my entire day planned out by someone who doesn't struggle to prioritize and organize tasks is pure stress relief, and having someone there to poke me to actually do the thing I'm scheduled to do until I can get the routine set enough in my mind to be automatic is the only way anything is _ever_ going to be automatic for me. Brains are so neat!
I'm chaotic lawful. I do generally follow the rules, it's just not always obvious how I'll comply. Sometimes it's more the letter of the law, sometimes it's more the spirit and sometimes technically the law, I guess.
Thank you for this test- I've shared it with my neurospicy network.
Neurospicy network hehe
Watching your videos is very comforting I feel like you are describing alot of situations I have experienced in life.
I dont have a diagnosis and I dont have any friends that do either. I have been kind of a loner the last years since getting to know myself.
I have had alot of experience with anxiety and feeling disconnected. I am not sure this is because I might be autistic or if it is because of my anxiety.
I have always felt like I am different and process things differently than others.
As a kid I would get overwhelmed in new enviroments. When my family went to the mountains I got scared of the clouds, shadows and huge silhouettes of the mountains.
At 25 I had a period where I would get panick attacks.. it was weed induced. Since then I feel my nervous system is always on alert and I feel spaced out/experience dp/dr.
Anyway maybe it would be good to connect with other people who experience similar things. I long for connection but struggle to connect with people. Maybe I need to search for people more like me.
Anyway interesting results on the test 36/50 for pda and 34/40 for autism. I have thought about I might be on the spectrum but always thought to myself; its just anxiety. Maybe I need to look at it the other way. Is my autism causing me anxiety and can this lead to me learning new ways to navigate the world?
Thank you so much for making all these videos😊
5:23 This is so relatable. I would often describe it like I'm in one of those boxes on game shows where there's money blowing around and you're trying to catch as much as you can. Except instead of money it's things I need to remember to do. And I'm trying to pick them up with chop sticks. I can grab one or two at a time but if I try and grab any more I'll drop everything I had already grabbed.
Eye opening. Never ever knew about this but it makes me feel better because I am and have been struggling sooooo much. Thank you. Everything is all on me. And that has been ruining my life.
Scored a 39 on the PDA portion--already know I'm AuDHD. I don't know that I would have found this PDA test if it wasn't for your video, and I had FAR less anxiety about completing it when doing it in tandem with your video. I actually loathe the concept of body doubling--which I'm fairly certain is PDA--but answering the questions just ahead of you and hearing your rationale to help validate and spur additional thoughts worked brilliantly. Thank you so much for creating this content.
Did the test. 83 of 90 points. No questions left. Thank you so mich for your videos! I feel like i make sense now.
Oh, and because i feel like i have to inform myself about pda more now, because it will help me get better, i cannot watch this video or keep watching the other three i could start but never finish because i felt like i had to.
Sorry for that and thanks for your time. I am taking a break from mental heakth topics until i no longer feel like i have to. I wish you a happy day!
15:40 This whole section! It wasn’t on the test, but I relate SO MUCH. The only time I use someone’s actual name is when I’m just meeting them or when I need to get their attention and I’ve already said whatever name/names I normally use multiple times. I also really dislike it when people use my name *most of the time*, and it’s got so much worse when I learned how important it is as a sales tactic. It just gives me the ick. (Sometimes though, someone will say my name and it just hits different, but even if the same person says it the same way again, it’s gone. I think it just feels like they’re seeing ME instead of labeling me that rare time? I don’t know)
Omigod, thanks for this! I've had a general autism diagnosis from when I was a kid (with what was called NLD back then, though I understand that name isn't used anymore), but a lot of the things that were recommended for autistic kids also didn't help me so even those who wanted to support me found it challenging. In college I had a breakdown/burnout episode and got diagnosed with generalized anxiety. The therapist told me the two things were likely connected, but couldn't tell me any more about how. I've seen two other therapists since then, but neither of them was able to say anything more useful so I've hesitated to find a new one. But I feel like I could approach someone now because I'd be able to ask them about getting tested for PDA. I definitely noticed I have some of the symptoms, so this at least feels like a hypothesis worth testing which is more of answer than I've had in a long time. Subscribed.
I had no idea I could connect so much and feel so understood. Wow. I need to do more research. Thank you so much for this video.
I had similar results to your PDA score but previously did not think I had it. Something that happens a lot is my fiancé will suddenly be like “do you want to go outside?/take a walk?/Do ___?” And he’s already starting to do those things, like he’s opening the door to go outside. Every day I say “No.” and it stresses me out initially. A few minutes later I usually end up joining him outside. But I can’t just do it when he asks. It’s always “no” then stress, then “yes”. It’s also the same if people ask me to call or visit them. Would this be similar to PDA?
been exploring the fact that i might be autistic for a bit after knowing for years that i likely have adhd, and this video made a lot of things click for me! if you do in fact do more videos about pda, i’d love to hear your thoughts on routine and pda. it seems like in general a routine is comforting yet stifling/boring after a while, so i’d love to hear what has worked and not worked for you
PDA is such an unspoken about disorder!
My first language is Swedish, and in swedish "Merry Christmas" is "God jul" but I usually make a spoonerism out of it, instead saying "Jod gul", which, incidentally means "iodine yellow". :)
LOVE THAT!!!
10:16
I relate to this so much. I love drawing and writing, but they both make me so anxious whenever I fail, so I just end up reading or watching a show instead and ignoring my hobbies even if I want to do them.
I got 28 on the PDA test and 27 on the Autism one. I've never been diagnosed with Autism, but it's been a reoccurring thought throughout my life. I often struggled to get work done at school because I felt uncomfortable doing it around other people. I'd try my best to pass the time by in class or pretend to work, and then I'd do most of it at home instead. I use to try and cover my work up with my arms and I prefer sitting in corners where it's harder for others to look over my shoulder. At university some of the classrooms had everyone facing forward, but others were set up in a way that all the computers would face back out into the room (I always got less done in those classes.) I've really struggled with jobs. I tried a couple, but dreaded going in and ended up quitting both of them. What made me wonder about PDA is that in another video it was described as a claustrophobic feeling, which fit my experience.
This whole time I've had my own explanation for these struggles however, so I'm not sure whether to look further into Autism as a possible answer. At school I was bullied really badly for being shy. Towards the end I switched to part time. I also had some difficulties at college/university. I'd picked male dominated subjects and not everyone was kind. Some of the bullying happened around work, so I figured this is why I have a lot of anxiety around it.
Thank you for this video, I had no idea someone else has so specifically the same "unique challenges" I have : D
39/50 for the PDA & 30/40 for the ASD quiz. I’m not diagnosed with anything but damn, I resonated with most of the questions 🥲
Watching this at 3am when I have work tomorrow and I have probably slept 12 hours in the last three days and hearing you say "I'm just like, No, you go to sleep." was hilarious.
13:24 I am literally lying on the floor right now instead of studying for my maths exam. I've been doing this for two days straight, I feel like this video fits my situation hilariously well hahaha
I scored 48, and I didn't know this was even a thing until I found your other PDA video last night. I need to do more research, because a lot of what you talk about makes parts of my life that I've never understood make a lot more sense.
man, this came in awesome timing
I think the reason we don't necessarily like compliments is because we 1: often find it hard to believe them, because we're used to being criticized, (and, you know, change is uncomfortable, even sometimes it's good change) and 2: we now are placed with the burden of figuring out how to respond properly, or react with the correct emotions. (compliments are often surprising, I guess, and seem to come out of the blue... unless you're showing someone something you've made in hopes of praise and validation for the hard work and emotion you put into it, because you want someone to feel the same amazing things you did while making it)
It's easier and usually quicker to just "accept" the compliment and move on, dismissing it. Most out-of-the-blue compliments seem insencere anyways. Compliments, in my experience, are so much better when they're planned. Actual praise, I guess, and not just a passing remark.
Like, if I worked in an office, for example, if my boss just walked by and happened to say something like, "Thanks, I appreciate your work!" I would kind of mentally roll my eyes. But if they called me to their office and said, "I really appreciate the work you do here, and I just wanted to let you know that. Thank you for everything you do." I would totally feel all warm and fuzzy inside, (of course I'd still be very flustered and not know how to respond) and it would stick with me for the rest of my life.
I was on a field trip one day, and while I was in the bathroom, there were a couple other girls in there, talking to each other, and I was lost deep in my mind as I washed my hands. Suddenly I felt a tap on my shoulder, and one of the girls pointed to a tall girl from a higher grade with really pretty long, straight black hair that I'd seen in the school halls, and said "She's trying to talk to you."
I kind of panicked, but not really, because I didn't have much time to process everything, before the black-haired girl said "You're really pretty." with a very kind smile.
I'm sure my face was bright red at that moment as I stuttered an "oh, thank you." and quickly left the bathroom.
It was really embarrassing, but also felt so nice. I've treasured that compliment, because when someone you think is pretty tells you you're pretty, with real sincerity, you never forget that.
Same here, I was confused about that question because yes, I love compliments, but they scare me
For me doing the tests, I do get a list of the questions and answers
36/50 for pda, 34/40 for autism.
But I am mid 50s, and some of these are hard to work out as some are hidden by masking, or are opposite to ASD tendencies.
Ones that were 0 score:-
Do you feel like others are always wrong, even though you know logically that isn’t true? - an element of yes, but also a low self opinion so logic dictates no
Do you find it easy to do things you enjoy, such as hobbies or interests? - I do largely, one started. Inertia can make it difficult to start
Are you prone to panic attacks? - define panic attacks.
Do you make up new words, sometimes for things or people, or deliberately mispronounced words? - no, and something that would have been highlighted as a kid as being bad. So would mask it.
Are you prone to hyper/silly behaviour? - not hyper, but that is more a hyperactive ADHD thing (rather than inattentive). For silly, much the same as new words, etc, above.
Do you like making changes in certain environments, such as rearranging the furniture in your home? - not really. But tend to have islands of tidyness in an ocean of untidyness
Do you feel everyone should follow the rules all the time, even though you find it difficult to follow them yourself? - depends on the rule but generally not a fan of following rules, and low self opinion means I can't be more allowed to not follow them than anyone else
Have you ever been described as being manipulative? - don't think so - but would just do things to avoid asking.
Are you non-competetive so that you don't mind losing/coming last? - most non competitive, but as a coping mechanism. Others tell me I am competitive.
Have you ever been described as controlling? - don't think so. Although one of my most common phrases as a child when I am meant to do something was "I've got a better idea"
Do you daydream rich, imaginative worlds? - no. Too grounded in reality, and would feel too much like telling lies (even if to myself)
Have you used role-play/pretend-play to cope with tasks or social situations? - no, as again it would feel too much like telling lies
Are you unable to tell lies, even if you want delay or avoid things? - can't tell lies. Not sure if this is an ASD thing. Question 36 on the ASD test is in effect is scored the opposite way.
Do you use charm to help with social negotiations? - no charm and too blunt - possibly an ASD thing.
I got 44 for PDA and 39 for Autism.. time to consult a psychiatrist 🤣
I’ve been binging your videos and relate a lot too. I feel so seen! About such specific little things too.
Thank you for bringing awareness, maybe I can now get one step closer to the help I’ve always needed!
My mom's voice ecco in my mind: "You are so bad a receiving criticism."
Which yes, I probably was and is. But she didn't make it better by having extremely rigid rules and expectations, and never listening to my feelings.
Until just right now, I actually thought my demand avoiding way of being now, was a rebellion against that.
But maybe it is both that and PDA.
If someone reminds me to do something I get extraordinarily upset. Like, I know what I'm doing (even if I don't) 😅
I don't think much grinds my gears more than when I give explicit instructions and things go very wrong because the instructions weren't followed.
I've been on the fence about if I'm a PDA type, but I think that I actually am, and that exact thing has been preventing me from admitting it 💀 I think partly my major major people pleasing a tendencies have kind of hidden the PDA. When I was very young I had friends get upset with me about how controlling I seemed, so later in life I just stopped telling people that I wanted things a certain way, sacrificing my comfort entirely in the process. I also make very strict rules for myself and hold myself to an insanely standard, and get angry (without showing it and repress it) when people don't follow some of the rules I've made up. I'm so glad I've grown and know about this more, and have been making progress in having compassion for myself ❤️
The competitive thing too! I was called a poor sport, but all along it was just PDA. I think one of my most clear signs that I was PDA as a child was how my mom tried to get me to finish my whole dinner. She would say if I didn't finish then I wouldn't get dessert. Naturally my PDA ass was just like "Fine then, I don't even want the dessert" 💀
@@PhantomHouseplant2018reall
Came here after watching another of your PDA videos (mostly just to take the test because I've identified with it since I first came across it somewhere else). 71/90 --
41/50 for PDA and 30/40 for Autism. I just got the ADHD soft diagnosis ("your test results are indicative that you possibly have ADHD, would you like to go on meds?") but they really didn't want to give me the test because I graduated college and currently hold more than one part time job. I also thought I was going in for a test and not to be screened by another doctor to see if they thought I needed a test, so I wasn't prepared to defend myself at all.
Anyhow, it's so nice to see someone talking about PDA and how it feels and why it's happening.
I don’t have to do the test, I already know I’m going to get a high score 😂 but it’s interesting how ADHD trait overlap in some of the questions. I wonder if what you said is right, that PDA is just ADHD and Autism combined. But it could also be similar to RSD - both Aspies and ADHDers can have it, but not all of them
I think I have PDA too... most of that list and your commentary felt like seeing myself and my own struggles.
If you could make a follow-up video on how you get things done with PDA, that would be nice!
Me deep cleaning the entire house breaking a sweat instead of simply ordering a grocery from my phone
My procrastination for things I’m supposed to do because I will go crazy and use all my energy on any other task BUT that one. But hey, at least I be doing stuff
This was rlly helpful, ur very pretty btw. First!
Thank you so much!
When you really think about it… it’s wild that the PDA test was ever finished for us to take.
Real though, if I was in charge I’d prolly still be on the 5th question until next year 💀
They really needed to talk the car in for an oil change
I used to get so agitated when someone watched me draw or do anything, I grew up during the time when a large part of our grade was participation. I did everything terrible and had terrible anxiety.
I just took the PDA test and got back 43/50 for the PDA specific portion. And all but one for the autism part (but I already knew I was autistic). This definitely is eye opening why I dread anything that is expected/told of me to do. Even gently by family or my husband. Oof.
I sat there going "yes, yes, yes" to most things on this test. 😅 I've always been told I was lazy, bossy, manipulative, selfish, etc... maybe there's a reason for it that isn't actually being those things. I also find it impossible to say "I'm fine" when I'm not. If I do I feel horrible afterwards. I hate lying. My usual thing is being truthful like "I have a bit of a headache, but otherwise okay." Or "I'm kind of tired, but okay"... people at work have stopped asking me how I am. What's the point of asking if you really don't care?
43 of 50 points 😅
I'm not diagnosed with ASD (I didn't even think it was an option for me before UA-cam randomly recommended a female autism traits video back in March). I didn't do the autism part but I've gotten 33-35 (I can't remember how much exactly but roughly in that range... I saved the results but they're at home and I'm at work right now). I'm in my 40s and things make so much more sense, but I haven't told anyone my suspicion because I figure everyone will be like "No you're not."
I also use the "I'm tired, but okay"! And often I just go "oh, you know" and shrug lol. Though I feel a bit more comfortable being honest with people close to me and with people my age - I'm an elder genZ and I feel it's more normal for us to talk about how we're struggling, albeit often in a joking way.
I feel you on the not wanting to tell anyone part! I'm also not diagnosed and I've only really told my partner about my suspicion. Though I do feel it's good to have at least one person you can talk to this about, I hope you can find someone to trust with this topic
@@Link-dx1lx Thank you.
hahaha this is making me think back to a school camp where I started completely shutting down because they didn't have an itinerary available that allowed me to come to terms with future activities and prepare myself mentally for the transition. We were made to do stupid activities like a bean bag toss for two hours and I ended up just walking away because I just could not handle that they were telling me to do these tasks that I might otherwise have put up with if I knew they were coming and if they were treated more casually. SCHOOL CAMPS WERE THE WORST
So this is interesting how people find eating and hydrating to be a sort of obligation. I guess because of how I was raised- I was never "made" to drink water because I wouldn't drink water because water tasted gross- I've never found it to be any kind of a chore or obligation. I discovered hydration as an adult as a way to prevent the chronic dehydration headaches I'd had all my life. Hydration also supported my video game addiction through young adulthood. If you're a gamer, you hydrate, otherwise you're gonna have a bad day. And then I just kept doing it out of pure habit. And eating is just like... I like food? Low key think food may be a special interest now that I think about it. No one ever had to "make" me eat, so eating isn't a chore. NOT eating is more of a chore.
The line from Buffy always feels true to me ‘you do have a superiority complex and you have an inferiority complex about it!’ And feel it speaks best about my PDA.
Thank you. It's taken me too many extra decades to fully come to grips to the fact that I'm definitely autistic, even if not professionally diagnosed. PDA fits... too well, to an extreme. Still don't know where my life is going (I'm too old to say that) but this can only help.
I know I should watch this video, but I don't think that I can right now
Ok, nevermind. Did the test, got 41/50 for PDA and 31/40 for autism. I think I should get diagnosed 😅
Wow I did the test and it was soooo high 😂😅❤ thanks for this video it's really helped I didn't even know that this was a thing I've had this problem my whole life!!!