Fear & Self-Loathing | A Detrans Story, with LaRell Herbert
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- Опубліковано 22 кві 2024
- LaRell Herbert (@TheLaRell) shares his biography of childhood trauma, "internalized" misandry, transition, and finding the truth.
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Self deception is a skill humanity has in abundance, for better and for worse
The mind devises the means for protecting the ego as a primary function
This is a thought provoking interview. I give LaRell's wife a lot of credit for sticking by him throughout this whole process.
i’m a very lucky women to have a human like larell to spend my life with he is a sensational partner ❤
how beautiful!!! thank you for sharing this love story! ❤❤❤❤
Thank you UA-cam for the warning label letting us know that the information in this video is true and important!
Weird to hear men say they "feel" like a woman...
What does that even mean? I don't "feel" like one and I'm a biological female.
They relate to women more?
I know! I don’t understand that feeling either. It seems to me like they like the trappings of the western culture version of feminity. Like nails, hair clothing and particular behaviors that are often grotesquely played out.
It’s a mixture of relating to women more and looking at your own manly body and feeling a disconnect with yourself/finding yourself ugly for looking so masculine. Some even see their genitals and hate them because its not the opposite. Thats some severe dysphoria
Autoandrophobia seems to be very much a part of and for some at the very root of opposite sex ideation/obsession for many trans identifying people who experience extreme dysmorphia and obessive compulisive thoughts around being the opposite sex. LaRell speaks so thoughtfully and candidly about his experience. I had followed him prior to his detransition and am so glad he is able to talk to you Benjamin and share with everyone in your audience.
Grateful to hear his st
I am a detrans woman and my mother is so similar to this guy's mom. My mom created a self-identity as a masculine, resentful woman and a radical feminist. I spent much of my childhood feeling like a boy that was hated by my mom for my boyish tendencies. She had strange ideas about sexuality and tried aggressively forcing attraction to men on me despite hating men, seemingly because that was an attempt to make me more of a girl. It was confusing to me and I've always been attracted to women. It's disheartening to know that the abuse I suffered in childhood made my transgenderism so much worse. I was left to beg for medical treatment and suffered a lot of physical pain alone. I wish medical professionals and adults would have investigated my health issues and tried to find out what was wrong.
If you’d ever like to speak to your experience, via this medium, I’m happy to host you. Reach out to me via email : benartboy@gmail.com
God bless! my mother was a man hater too. it’s so hard…
i wish you healing, joy, health, and peace. ❤❤❤
@@BenjaminABoyce I will email you, thank you so much. My name is Mazy Edwin.
@@directinprint Thank you for your kind words :)
I could see the pain and struggle in him, and this was such a gentle interview, it felt healing, for lack of a better word. Really incredible.
this guy wrote a book on Amazon! Congratulations man , you’re a true pioneer of our time. Also thank you as always BB!
Thank you! My feelings are that it was already a shame that I had to go through the experiences I did, and that after healing so much through all of this and finally actually finding myself, it would be more of a shame to keep my story to myself and deprive someone the potential blessing of having my story sway their desire to have any surgeries so that they don’t have to live with this kind of horrific grief. 😔
I wish his wife well, and that she receive much support. She's gone through a lot.
As a fellow ex-mo, my heart goes out to you. There’s so much to recuperate from mentally and emotionally upon leaving that environment.
I am curious about the religious undercurrent that seems to be present in so many of these stories.
He should go on Mormon stories next!
UA-cam... "conversion therapy" was in ZERO way, promoted, recommended or claimed as any kind of good thing and quite the opposite. To put this banner here is a direct move to harm this channel.
the Trevor Project needs their hard drive checking
*dinggggg* 🛎
@@rijntje73 ....
"Excuse me, @rijntje73 , this is NinjaKittyBonks with Benjamin A Boyce news and would like to ask you a few questions" -NinjaKittyBonks
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"OK, is it true you are subscriber to Benjamin A Boyce Channel on The UA-cam's?" -NinjaKittyBonks
"Why yes. Since we are on the subject, I would like to tell you that you are the most amazing, incredible and outstanding GODerator furrball of all the interwebz and rightfully run Mr. Benjamin's chat with an iron 🐾"-rijntje73
"That is very kind of you to say. I know your time is limited, so is there anything else you would like to add, for our viewers?" -NinjaKittyBonks
"Yes, there is.... I would like to say "Greetings fellow BenEvolents"-rijntje73
"Thank you for your time today and back to our studio for an update on the weather" 😸
@@NinjaKittyBonks "Thank you, NinjaKittyBonks. Now for the weather: unfortunately, it's still raining cats and dogs..."
@@rijntje73 😭NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I feel sorry for what this man experienced in childhood. As a mental health worker, i would say that it is certainly understandable the path he took considering his mother voiced what was in her mind in front of her very young child. His mother possibly was suffering from depression, saying that i am not making excuses for her as she could have voiced these thoughts away from people, especially her 4 year old son.
I hope this man isn't too hard on himself as he has no need to. Saying that i think both him and his wife will do really good things. God Bless both of them.
Thank you! Yes, my mother was the child of an alcoholic war vet and I’m positive she had fetal alcohol poisoning and then quite the childhood in the 60’s. I was spanked as a child. My dad was yelled and screamed at very frequently. She talked about everything around my sister and I.
@@TheLaRell what you say about your mother sounds very possible. The best word I have for her behaviour is 'demented'. Naturally she may have been quite an expressive person so talking out her dark thoughts would be like releasing some of the pressure. But the mistake she made was to say it in front of her children. I truly hope you find peace and I think you have more courage than you realise. Persevere on your path and ask God for help, He is waiting for you. Don't be afraid to cry if you feel tears coming. Btw I'm Irish and Irish men are known for crying more than the women. Even psychiatry books in Europe have remarked on it in the past. I seen my Dad cry many times, never seen my mother crying. It doesn't make the men feminised, but late Western culture would have one believe that it does, but they are wrong.
Blessings to you. ☘️💚☘️
@@outoforbit00Whiny men aren't a plus. And given that Irishmen bawl so much, I'd say that's attached to their alcoholism. Nothing more disgusting than a man on a "crying drunk".
What an interesting guy. His story seems weird and difficult to comprehend. But at the same time, he seems as an amazing human being. Wishing him and his wife the best!
I've never listened to a detransitioner I didn't find completely likable and endearing. Wishing you health and happiness 😊
i saw LaRell's 'waking up' video last month. Thank you for allowing him to tell his story Ben. These are the truths the public need to hear. Luckily he woke up before destroying his relationship, there are too many transwidows from this. its the people who love them most get hurt from this, like heroin. parents are so unaware of how we mould our child's personality, anxieties, they are sponges and will believe anything especially if from a person of trust. Good Luck on your next adventures and with the book laRell. Thank you speaking out.
The wiki banner is up...ridiculous.
yt Did this on a Premiere while back as well, but not until _after_ someone stumbled across it, while in progress, and reported so Mr. Benjamin's channel would be punished. I know this, because that video had been uploaded to yt for at least a couple days and the algo "hears" content as it is being uploaded. This one has been flagged BEFORE it is even shown. My suspicion is that we will begin seeing these more and more on "detrans" stories, but would not be surprised to see them on EVERY "de-trans" story.
PS> 🏆💜
@@NinjaKittyBonks 😡
Eye no rite?
@@Jules-Is-a-Guy Sorry?
Great detrans story, thanks to you both
A theme that I'm finding in these detransition stories is that the individual is on a journey of discovery that serves very well as a cautionary tale of what not to do...i.e. - things that can't be undone. But where they are presented as a path forward, many in this space still are too deeply in the transition (or detransition) to really know themselves, much less to have the deep knowledge necessary to be giving guidance to others. All credit for talking about the difficulties of gender confusion and offering a light of hope to those still enmeshed in their delusions without a path back toward realistic authenticity. But that will only take you so far.
Thank you gentlemen. Really important and enlightening conversation. ❤️
1:25:00 accepting responsibility is a rough road. However, accepting responsibility places you on a clear path towards redemption. 🐿
Thanks to both of you for this interview. I found it thought provoking. I've watched many, many detransitioner interviews and wanted to add these thoughts...
1. I am not in favor of these surgeries and hormones for those under 18. Even between the ages of 18-25, it's dicey as the frontal lobe is not yet fully formed and I suspect some will opt for hormones and surgeries but later experience regret. We have no way of knowing the percentage of people who experience regret since we're not keeping accurate statistics. With that said, if the healthcare industry denied these hormones and surgeries to those who wanted them, I am sure the people experiencing gender dysphoria would have an absolute fit (at best) and, perhaps threaten to unalive themselves (at worst). Is there a way the healthcare industry can save people from themselves? I worked in U.S. healthcare for 20 years (nothing to do with gender transition) and I remember getting screamed at by patients when they didn't get what they wanted. I understand LaRell took responsibility for his decision but there are many other detransitioners who took hormones and surgeries as a legal adult but have later stated that the healthcare industry should not have allowed hormones and surgeries. I personally don't think hormones and surgeries should be doled out like candy; I believe they should only be permitted as a last resort. However, if these surgeries and hormones are going to be permitted, I don't think we can save adults from themselves. I do think people wanting hormones and surgery should receive at least 2 years of unbiased therapy to help people get to the root of why they want to transition. However, I don't see this happening in the United States.
2. I think that a certain percentage of people, like LaRell, will come to the conclusion that transition is not for them by actually going through with the transition. Unfortunately, there is no parallel path where we could see what would have happened had LaRell not taken the surgeries and hormones. Perhaps, present day, he would still have a desire to be a woman. Perhaps not. It's impossible to tell because parallel paths are not possible. I do think there are many factors pushing people to transition today and a large percentage will grow out of the desire to transition by the age of 25. I really do believe in "watchful waiting". With that said, there will be some people who are hell bent on taking hormones and having surgeries no matter what and perhaps they have to go through the experience in order to come to a definitive conclusion about whether or not transition is for them. I readily admit this is a steep price to pay if one changes their mind post surgery.
3. So often, our early experiences play into the desire to transition. I continue to believe that the integration of one's male and female characteristics is probably best for most people. For me, it took about 10 years (from ages 12-22), but it was entirely worthwhile. However, I grew up in a different era and I totally understand that transition seemingly offers a way out on a physical, mental, and physiological level. I wish LaRell well with his future endeavors.
I don't like going into personal details even under a pseudonym ,but suffice to say I totally believe that children are capable at around the age of 4 or 5 of making major emotional decisions which can shape their whole lives (for good or for bad )especially where there is marked dysfunction in the household .One's innate character and degree of sensitivity also play in a lot into what those decisions are. As always, I really like listening to these accounts and I'm glad you had LaRell as a guest.
They can't.
Another beautiful and honest conversation. Thank you both so much!
Great documentation, Mr Boyce
Such an interesting person! Wish him all the best!
I feel for you and i have a deep respect for the fallen hero who fights twice as hard to save others. Its a dedication to duty all men understand, but many disregard and its something no one can take from you.
Thank you! As a man it feels amazing to have a purpose.
yes, you called it perfectly… the fallen hero trying to help others.
how apt.
god bless this man. ❤❤❤
@@TheLaRell i met a man in hospice care where i volunteered. he looked like a man, so when he told me he was a trans lady, i apologized.
he sighed and said “no point in playing dress up any more”
he said it with a soft smile of acceptance, but it has haunted me. i thought people shouldn’t have to be in a hospice before they figure out what is important.
he was loved by his wife and daughter, who supported him through his transition, and his wife remarried him as a trans woman (first legal same sex civil union in my province. rare people knew our first same sex marriage was not two actual lesbians. )
he said he totally LOVED his castration, which made me laugh despite myself. he was a fascinating person, having run a successful IT. business for decades, he was so well read, so erudite and funny.
but he died too young…. he was only in his early 60s or late 50s i think.
the community who loved the fact that he and his wife were a landmark civil union didn’t seem to be around much. his daughter seemed young to be losing her dad. it was clear they were close.
i will never forget him.
yesterday, a friend was visiting and showed us a video of a 27 year old woman who just got permission for legal suicide with assistance. she spoke in the video about chronic pain… no drugs could help, her life was total pain.
the video was sad. but… they left out the fact that she was a trans woman, having transitioned young, how much of her pain was treatment related?
the video left that (to me) extremely important detail out.
finally… when i was young, i really really wanted to be a guy.
but having sex with females was blah… it was only fun in fantasy. by 27, already with a child lol, i realized ok, i’m actually straight!
was a bit angry actually… aren’t people supposed to know these things sooner? like before marriage and a child!😂
i’m still a bit butch… can’t get enough of the heavy weights… always trained like a guy.
my arms are a little creepy for a lady but whatever.
but i feel grateful… i knew a few trans folk when i started going to gay bars in the 80s. that’s when i learned two things… transitioning is long, expensive, scary, and dangerous.
and two, some transgendered women super duper hate actual women 😂not all… but some for sure… it was rather scary. made lesbians or bis in the bar a bit tough because there were a few of those angry ones.
all my life, i wanted to be rid of my boobs… but so many friends, starting in high school up to middle age had the procedure done (reduction, augmentation, etc etc) and i watched them struggle with depression and personality issues for YEARS after. i thought there must be something utterly wounding about surgery that the body remembers and must heal from over time…. even for elective surgery.
i never trusted that i could get through the healing of surgery so i’ve avoided it… even though i was convinced it would make me happy. better to just give up and be what life wants me to be. (apparently life wants yet one more lady with saggy boobs haha!)
you are still young! i am praying for your health, well being, and continued love with you friends and family.
i can’t wait to read your book!!!
thank you for writing it… it must have been impossibly hard and i don’t know how you did it. but thank you! ❤❤❤
Imagine some catastrophe, perhaps a war that would upend everything, including pharmaceutical production - and we have thousands of people who depend on artificial hormones "to be authentic selves". What would happen to their identities if access to hormones disappear?
That would be a blessing. Otherwise,P-harmaghedon
That would be a blessing.
Great video and interview Benjamin!! I got a real sense of empathy and trueness from LaRell ❤
An interesting conversation.
As for the part about how men and women examine their fingernails, a lot of people I know, mainly women, have said the same thing as LaRell's mother. It's really just one of those off the cuff bits of trivial conversation. It's unfortunate, but sometimes kids read more into such comments than is actually there.
I would imagine coaching couples would be the last thing this person should be involved with. No disrespect, but move on with your own life. There's tons of healing you need...
This was an amazing interview. Thank you Larell and Benjamin.
Interesting convo.
Appreciate his honesty.
His poor wife has been pulled from pillar to post.
Thank you 🙏 💜
According to "Trevor", we're not supposed to hear from detransitioners.
It sounds like they had a cult like relationship with their church.
I think I’m a pretty consistent listener, but you seem to have several ex-Latter-day Saints on. Granted…we DO have in common the issues at hand, like being non-woke and/or gender-critical.
Just wanted to hop in and say that there are plenty of similarities in that regard among those who are still fully active in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
I DO empathize with some of the struggles he mentioned here. For me it’s stemmed out of perfectionism and imperfect rigid cultural expectations. I just wanted to say there’s life beyond that yet also with full fellowship in the Church. I’m a gay dude and there are plenty of voices out there telling us all why I’m brainwashed for being conservative and for being in the Church. But yes…I’ve had my faith tried and sometimes crumbled (just like your guest here) and I’ve had to rebuild my understanding of God and His servants here on the earth. If you ask me, that’s part of the teachings of the Church. Everyone’s just stumbling along. It’s easy to see how the Church (and organized religion in general) can give way to toxic perfectionism, but I still think there’s plenty of room to separate those.
Oh and PS I definitely empathize with his experience with hearing men being bashed all the time. I think that’s affected me somehow. And my own scrupulosity (which I’ve been able to recover from or manage within the Church) is also what gives me major red flags with social justice ideology.
I feel like we all learn the same lessons but just arrive to the conclusion in different ways, the de transgender people seem to have a fast track to actually waking up no pun intended
YT needs to put their Wikipedia BS where the 🌞 don’t shine.
Remember: March 12th of every year is "Detransition Awareness Day" ----->#destransawarenessday
Beautiful and haunting story, of detransition! 😊
I'm happy that he has a supportive partner and eventually found his true identity and is content with himself.
Can you at some point, do an interview with Alexander L?
listening to Larell, if makes me wonder if the world wouldn’t be a much much better place if more of us had the courage he seems to have, which includes the ability to seriously, thoughtfully stress test his own mind when he encounters a new idea or phenomenon.
like some of the trans folk i’ve known, he’s so subtle in his thinking. if he suffers from anything, it may be a surfeit of courage. were he more timid, he may have never needed to de trans.
i wish more of us were more willing to check in and check back with ourselves. he seems gifted… and it makes me wonder that for some, childhood trauma can result in strengths…. sometimes. not recommending childhood trauma!!! but i’ve just known people who suffered as children, and became bizarrely brave and intelligent adults.
Incredible sad how his mother negatively effected his development by her attitude toward men. Did he have zero interaction with his father? No mention of that.
Joseph Smith said “I teach correct principles and let people govern themselves”.
Also in the Doctrine and Covenants there is a scripture that says “it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant;”.
Any organization that teaches these things, at least by some criteria, wouldn't be a cult. In a way, LaRell is a cultist looking for a cult to tell him what to think.
What I thought too…as Latter-day Saints were “not commanded in all things.” Everyone in the Church is incredibly “diverse” in their interests, jobs and life choices. We have prophetic and personal revelation.
Seems I have heard from LaRell once prior, but will be listening closely to see if "conversion therapy" or anything within the ball park of it, is even mentioned.
.
The Kitty declares 1st to be 3rd comment
I do mention the term "conversion therapy" when I discuss the therapy modality that had a big role in my unraveling my gender identity issues, and I talk about how some people assume that it must be some form of "conversion therapy". But most certainly not. Internal Family Systems therapy by Dr. Richard Schwartz is anything but conversion therapy nor is it even directed at queer people at all. It just happened to present to me the right sequence of information that brought me such a level of self-awareness that all of a sudden one day I just came to the realization that this does not make any sense whatsoever to continue living as a woman when I was born male, and have so much in life to be grateful for exactly the way I was born. It is really fascinating the way the UA-cam algorithms pick up on those statements. But yes, I'm very curious to see what people think about this interview. This was my very first since detransitioning and I look forward to doing more and sharing more of my story and perspectives.
@@TheLaRell .. Yes. I brought up in chat that you had mentioned it, but by UA-cam's way of thinking... it was an outright promotion of the practice. As someone who as "detransed" I don't have to tell you what it is like to speak out how it was not for you. The words are painted as the "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" electrical shock treatment, because that is what gets the mob outraged. This same banner was placed upon a previous video of Benjamin's after guest spoke of the WPATH release a month or so ago. That banner was placed mid-way through the Premiere and I don't even think it was ever mentioned and nor promoted either. This is yt's way of punishing those who would speak out against the "protected ones".
@@TheLaRell But you share your perspective not to make gender medicine better for all but to get it banned. That's where we have the problem and why TRA's exist. There's always a small faction who are against us and want us in institutions, our assets forfeited, and our doctors jailed. Similar methodology against birth control and vaccines.
I was raised in the same house. Valid thoughts on mom. I am curious why you don’t focus on our workaholic, emotionally neglectful dad…speaking of polarity. Both of our parents, I would think, played a huge role in your development, as they both did in mine…
So brave. God bless. Highly recommend the work of John Eldridge and Wild at Heart, his work on recovering masculinity is deep.
For the Algorithm
Beth Bourne had Kaiser too.
💖
Today's Essential Salts episode on Jungian archetypes, dovetails pretty well with this episode. Doves have tails.
This is heart felt. Thank you LaRell. I've grasped onto spirituality and trail running.
This time the second comment is the best.
🥈[womp womp]
God why do so many dudes go for bottom surgery right off the bat. I made sure i passed before doing it.
❤🇬🇧
Calm is great. Comatose is boring.
Men and women are not who we are, they are WHAT we are. I don't "feel" like a man... I AM one. Every one of these conversations seem like people hyper fixated on pondering, ruminating, and pontificating on gender differences. How about stop doing that and just exist? I have no idea what it feels like to be a woman, nor could anyone else who isn't one in the first place. A lot of this sounds like a bizarre form of materialistic consumerism based on stereotypical trappings of a particular gender. FYI many religions are founded on the premise of ego dissolution and in explicitly NOT identifying as anything, because it's damaging to your psyche. That is one of the reasons religions exist.
What I'm not sure he gets is that women just don't ttalk like this.
Stepping away from woke felt like loosing my religion.