It's about being nice to the RIGHT people. Some people appreciate niceness while others see weakness to manipulate, especially family. Love family but never be too 'nice'.
@@Theworldisburning1 ive been nice to people who aint my family and they treated me better fuck family that just a word they use when they see it benefits them from me getting mad
The problem is being a people pleaser, altogether. I don't remember the name of the UA-cam channel at the moment; but, there was a quote that a content creator said that is more aligned with The Truth. It goes something like this: "People need to remember; there's a difference in being KIND and a difference in being NICE." Meaning that kindness is akin to doing something pleasant for someone because they feel it's correct thing to do in a certain situation and because they FEEL like it. Whereas being "nice" is associated with some type of outward validation seeking and a lot of people are "nice" even when they truly don't want to be.
When you are being too nice, it's also put you a prime target for predators, narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths. They smell that blood. In my case, I was raised with a dad with NPD, to survive with him, I took the role that I had no value, since why would he be treating me that way. As I grew older, I realize that he was the one with the issue and I had value all along as any body else. Knowledge is power 💖
I know… There’s this guy at work who is supposedly in the middle of a divorce (because of course he is) and his wife is a pill popping disaster (because he doesn’t do anything wrong and of course she is)… These are all red flags. He keeps asking to take me out and he wants to pay for it and I’m like… No dude… You’re already married and you’re giving me this sob story about how your wife is a terrible person. Both of those things make me not want to be anywhere around him, but I was still feeling like I have to be nice to him and not hurt his feelings. Screw that. He shouldn’t be trying to hook up with somebody by being a slimeball. There’s another guy at work that has shown me. He’s very racist and I was trying to figure out how do I just stop texting him. Perfect timing for this video!
Swinging to the opposite extreme isn’t healthy either. In my case, I was a total doormat in my late teens and early 20s. I was too afraid to state my needs and I’d let people disrespect me. But then for a while I swung the pendulum the other direction to compensate. I became pushy, aggressive, and intense, and that energy turned people off just as much as me being a quiet, passive nice guy. I’m now beginning to find that balance where I can assert my needs and my boundaries without giving off that hostile energy.
What you're describing is the exact path to balance for many. 💜 You were a total doormat (I relate:) and the next step out of that behaviour was course correcting all the way to the other side. Then you find the middle path that works for you and allows you to socially attract the right people & doesn't repel them.
@@ACloudWithoutAir narcissism is very common and normal its just some hide it better and some express it in a way that's less obvious, most people have other good traits that balance it out and obfuscate it like empathy or generosity ( to look good ). even bad traits can conflict with it like if your prideful as well you can still jump in front of a bear to protect people and die to look good. most i would consider true narcissism usually have other traits with it like sociopathy / manipulators etc. not all narcissist have all the symptoms of the disorder i have 4 of 9 for example.
@@subspace666 narcissism is actually not compatible with true empathy and generosity. Person with narcissistic personality disorder usually is kind to others not because of empathy but because he wants something back. Not to mention that this is a toxic personality and most can't balance it out. You are confusing some traits you can found in people with this disorder with true narcissism.
@@HCforLife1 well lack of empathy is one of the 9 symptoms so obviously if you have this one you cant be very emphatic. i never met someone with true empathy, everyone wants something back in my experience. granted i do not meet that many people but enough to know that trait is very rare. probably a good thing since it must be debilitating and a liability and i would consider it a disorder as well. seems most people here label people narcissist whenever they experienced a few of the traits of the disorder but that would mean almost everyone is narcissist to them.
I’ve been too nice since I was a child. Going through abuse and neglect my whole life, I fought thru the pain by being nice. I thought that by being nice and being overly positive, that would make people want to stick around and not abandon me. It was up until recently that I realized that people come and go no matter how you are. Being too nice is overly draining and left me exhausted at the end of the day. I’ve already left my mark on this world by being the creative I am. I have nothing to prove to anyone except to myself. I’m already enough to me, and that’s all that matters❤
Beautifully said. That’s literally all that matters. This is your world and however you think people are going to show up, then they will. You are the star in your movie called “Life”.
Being a people pleaser is a symptom of person that has suffered child abuse or neglect. It is a subtle form of manipulation to be noticed or get something you want.
I get what you're saying about the paradox of narcissism and extreme selflessness. I realized recently that putting others before myself has been a form of control for me. I'm attempting to control how people perceive me. For example, if someone was rude, I would do anything I could to try and make them like me. But I can't control other people. I can only control my own actions. I'm done wasting energy on people who don't actually want me around. I'll use my energy on myself, and instead of dancing around for a rude person's approval, I'll take a nice epsom salt bath with some candles.
I'm a guy but this really spoke to me. Ive been a doormatt my entire life. the good child who obeys and does what hes told and i thought if i did that, things would turn out great and everyone would like me and my parents would be proud of me. my family was already full of conflict and i as the oldest child didnt want to add to it, i would put all of them before me even if they wronged me, and i did the same with so called "friends" who just ended up using me, bullying me, beating me and then ditching me. i still carry this as my identity, that im that kinda guy whos just weak and cant stand up to himself, a pssy, basically. a victim. and i ended up with neither real friends or a family that was proud of me, they all look down on me for being this pathetic. they dont say it directly but they say it in different ways, when they peak to me, or speak about me and in the way they treat me. i finally decided to fix myself but its hard if you dont even know who you are anymore after basically being a fake person for years.
This spoke to me as well. I used to be the friend who would do anything and everything just to make sure my friend was okay. As a fat kid, no one cared and wouldn't blink an eye to my kindness. Now, as of 2 years ago, I've changed my mindset. Now, I stand for myself and stand by what I believe. If I don't like someone with how they treat me, I treat them the same way back. It's about being yourself; your friends, family, and new people will notice that.
İ am so sorry that happened to you. You needed love to grow as a child and being a “good” child was the best way you could have it at the time. Dont shame your kid self for seeking love, you didnt know any better. But now you’re grown man yourself, and you can give that love to your inner child. Talk to the little you, do the things he dreamed of doing when he grows up. First step to resolving people pleasing is recognizing it. Be proud of yourself for taking the first step already. Pay attention to your needs, emotions, as you speak to people in power, who can trigger and take advantage of you. Slowly try to say what you think, and say no when you feel like what they ask of you is too much. Practice this in small situations like when ordering food or going out with friends, gradually train your mind. You can do it I believe in you. Im trying to do this myself but with my family being so close its hard to remember why i even started this journey. Thankfully i am moving away in two weeks and i am excited to see what kind of person i can become on my own. Good luck 🍀
It’s a delicate balance; Doing what’s best for you and doing what’s best for those around you. Just remember if you forget to prioritize yourself; they won’t have you to rely on. If you forget to prioritize them; you won’t have them to rely on.
I used to be a people pleaser throughout my teen-early 20s; no real boundaries or a lack of confrontation when they were crossed and I used to be an absolute miserable shell of who I am. Truly once you stop self sacrifice & learn how to create & enforce boundaries you will start to notice many people who once called you the nicest person ever will turn & call you a self centered ass or you'll hear "you've changed..." (which I genuinely love hearing because it let's me know I'm making progress). I know this comment is lengthy but thank you Mae for posting this type of content on here, it really does help people.
True been nice will get you hurt, been nice will give you depression and you will likely live less because cruel people usually have a better answer successful life cause they use good people’s souls that’s how the world is I learn that the hard way family,friends coworkers.
yup. I learn that on my own as well. My fiancee left me for a narcissistic guy. I always was empath - I was always able to stood up for myself and be assertive but also been kind to others and tried to avoid non-necessarely confrontation. Now I am learning to be self-centered. Fuck people. You are alone on this world anyway.
i was a people pleaser my whole life even when i was a kid and not until right now have i realized that and i have been unconsciously trying to break that habit. i will consciously break that starting now. this is my path to reach my happiness 🥺
Definitely agree with you on this. I get shit on for setting boundaries and get called a bitch for not letting people trample on me. I lost my long term relationship but honestly I’ve never been happier or healthier than ever.! Lol gained 20 pounds and began focusing on myself. Stopped people pleasing and began me pleasing. Best thing ever. Thanks for preaching Mae! 🎀🎀🎀🖤🖤🖤
Being respected is far more important than being liked. I spent years playing Mr Nice hoping that everybody would love and like me and as a result, I should and expected to enjoy a problem-free, smooth life, long story short, in Grant Cardone's words, IT WAS A MEGA DISASTER.
It feels wonderful to now be at a place where I am comfortable speaking up for myself. It's taken me a long time to get here, but I am okay with men calling me intimidating, or saying I'm too harsh. Ladies don't ever let men, or anyone, make you feel guilty for speaking up. If they are making you uncomfortable you have every right to tell them! Don't let people be parasites in your life
Facts! If it’s too harsh for the guy, then he’s too soft and no one wants a soft man! A man should be able to take corrective criticism as should a woman as well. This only can happen if both parties have put in the work to heal emotional traumas and have a mutual understanding and love for one another.
Truth. Betraying yourself at the expense of others emotions is not the “spiritual” compassionate thing to do. Manage your own life so you are well. Thats all you can do for anyone else.
This struck a chord with me. I am a kind person, but because of my own anxiety and being afraid of the slightest conflict of any type, I'm often disingenuous in my kindness, and I never realized that. I really feel like I can live with less anxiety if I take some of your advice. Thank you!
I have a friend that is wayyy too nice to others. Like if she accidentally brushes against you she´ll apologize 3 times. At first I saw nothing of it but now its actually annoying. She ¨hangs out¨ with these 3 other girls that treat her like shit and sometimes even subtly insult her in her face and she laughs it off like it's nothing. Me and my other friend have warned her multiple times abt those girls yet she doesn't want to listen. it sucks when I see her being a footmat for other people. I feel like she really needs to see this video and know that not everyone that you greet with a smile will smile back with good intentions.
This is so true actually... Being real , being nice and being jerk is totally different..I feel so scared that stood up on those situation is so scary to me... Yeah, the stories of women, that stood up and not stood up both get hurt, so why not standing up for myself... Atleast i will not regret on the day i go to bed... Not only on public places, even at private spaces if i stayed quiet and avoid conflict by saying yes you are right , then i will not have any dramas in my life.. But now, i lose my authentic self... So, whatever you said in the video is so relatable.. If you can't have your back, then who will ?? is so good one.. Thanks Mae ♥ This will be the video one could come back when they feel doubt about standing up for themself and be real to them not think about what others think...
I felt so seen by you. I've been stuck in the same cycle for so long. Chasing people who don't care about me and people pleasing, seeking validation and happiness from others and putting them first then being resentful when they don't do the same for me, it's so tiring and disrespectful, it's sucking my soul out of me, I've even forgotten myself and abandoned myself too many times, i need to do self introspection, self love and self discovery but mostly stop giving an f about what others think of me or if they get offended when i don't do things they want me to do. It's tiring and so hard tbh when my own family are the toxic one but yeah here i am listening to your advice and standing up for myself. I'm glad I scrolled your channel and found this video. Thank you for this wonderful video and life advice.
@@ClickMyProfile_Unknown0human no reason to like them . Now by all means protect ur life and ur family but I won’t go to my enemies level . Study some stoics I would recommend Marcus auralys
@@Misspelled_Crescent Her arguement got some truth tho:> Don't put effort for someone that don't deserve it, be genuine yes, but not fake. If how you is gon offend them, thaz how it gon be:P
i've always been known as the nice friend and dropped everything to be there for my friends and they always treated me like a doormat bc i let them. so although i was treating them how i wanted to be treated, they were only taking advantage so i think she's giving good advice
I used to be too nice to the point where I let my fake friends and ex take advantage of me. Honestly looking back at this video makes me realize how much stronger I’ve become after realizing, I’m not for everybody and that me myself should be a #1 priority
You don’t owe everyone your kindness. Be selective with who you choose to be kind to because not everyone deserves it and not everyone gets to have access to your kindness and generosity. And totally agree there’s a difference between nice and kindness.
A close friend recommended this video.. I needed to hear that message .. I was guilty of putting other's happiness over my own and I felt like I was losing myself , thanks for this video.. I appreciate it Edit: your words have given me a change in perspective and the fact you acknowledged it's not going to be easy motivated me.. thanks again.. I never knew I needed this until today
The thing is, you need to respect everyone, you included. When you put others above you, you are a people pleaser and this will only hurt you. When you put yourself above others, you're narcissistic and will hurt other arround you, basically hurting yourself in the long term and becoming someone even yourself hate to be around. Balance is key, don't be too smart you forget to be kind and don't be too kind you forget to be smart. Remember, being a pacifisct and being harmless are different things, being helpful and being a tool are different things.
It's called codependence! Abandoning the self is classic codependence and is the other side of narcassism. Codependence is actually about control - people pleasing is often about controlling others. Childhood trauma based - we learn in childhood to survive. Gabor Mate speaks alot about attachment vs authenticity. Attachment is about survival when we're kids and unhealthy families aggressively push away authenticity. Codependence is rewarded and conditioned in many cultures into women much more aggressively. Being the martyr vs being genuinely nice is very different. Being authentic is about discernment + valuing ourselves creates very different behaviour and boundaries become clearer + based from truth. LOVE YOUR CONTENT ❤❤❤
I like your explanation in the intro! This video was recommended to me on my home page, and after hearing you describe the difference between simply *being* nice and *acting* or *masking* yourself *as* nice, I agree. I don't think this video really applies to me, but I think there's definitely folks out there who need to hear it. As with so many things in life, I feel it's about balance. Be kind, be gentle, be nurturing. But don't be a doormat. Don't give or break pieces of yourself off in pursuit of validation of any kind. Be a "so-called bitch", like you so eloquently put it, when the situation calls for it and you have something to stand up for.
Honestly when I was a people pleaser I got more of what I wanted 😂. But at the same time I lost a lot of my soul in the process. Now I have my soul in greater quantity!
You gotta keep it balanced, if you notice your being too Nice now you've created an imbalance, because now you've set yourself up where you can't say no to requests.
sorry if this sounds weird omg 😭 idk what it is about you but the way you hold yourself and the way you speak is very captivating. i struggle to focus on most things from my adhd but you had my full attention for the whole video.
Recently, I came across a a begger, a really thin man in his seventies laying on the floor with a small plastic cup in front of him. I was naive, spent all the money I had left on a loaf of bread for him hoping he’ll be satiated, then of course he throws the bread away on the muddy wet ground demanding for money instead. I don’t know why but I had given my remaining change to him. After that, my perception had warped regarding the world, everything felt so superficial and surreal. When I come across someone begging for money on the streets i still donate hoping for better circumstances for them. But every time it has left me feeling stupid and gullible. I know the world isn’t as bad as it seems.
Yeah a rule that I tell myself is to give food or clothes, NEVER give money. Its sad but its so rare to see people who genuinely need the money. One time I gave a beggar some money and later I saw the guy buying drugs despite he literally was crying about how long he had gone without food.
some perspective: you made an assumption by giving that person something you thought they wanted. not what that person actually wanted/needed/asked for.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience :) I wanted to make friends in my new environment, so I thought being nice would help me. I enjoyed helping people, and I thought these new people would also reciprocate, but they never did. Now they still ask me favors, I still help them when I can, and they still make fun of me. Even if there are people who don't disrespect me, they only call me to ask for favors. I thought I was the problem, and I still don't know how to change.
Thank you, i found out the things that i need to be actually myself, i was remaining on the past because of memories and didn't understand why i was remaining behind. Thank you for passing to me your human skills ❤
Yes my mom tells me that a lot (in a advizing way hahah) and it is true, she tells me everyone is as insecure as you and you are the same as everyone your age and it's true we are the same we have the same needs.
I helped saved someone's life. But when I asked for help, that person ghosted me for one month. It was a hard decision that left me scarred and traumatized in life. I believed in my judgment but there could have been better options. It depresses me every now and then but people keep telling me it is nothing to worry about. I am just being too hard on myself. But to me it matters. My friend who I depended on for help, she was a friend for more than 10 years. I gave her the best advice and did everything to uplift her. I never asked for money or physical help or to add responsibility to her life. All I asked was just an advice. And what did she say? It is 'your problem.' Because of that situation I got so depressed. I realized NOW I can only be my bestfriend and I can only depend on myself to make me happy and do what is best. And now I only ask God for advice in times I feel so confused. Because fuck people are not going to be therr when you need them. Sometimes your friends and people you thought who love you will screw YOU up even more. And don't give a fuck. There are only a small percentage of people out there who are "good and best people." And I realize now I don't care what people think of me as long as I am a respectful person to others. One thing is for certain, PEOPLE CHANGE! So I am doing myself a favor and loving myself like I never did before. I am trying to be nice to myself and I used to be ahy and timid and now I am so assertive that people dislike that. Theu want me to be submissive and nice, but nope nope nope.
Similiar situation happened with me. I had a friend who had serious mental illness but she wouldn’t get help. She put it all on me to help her stay sane but when it was my turn she would also go ghost or silent.
@@LoveAkosua Ive also had a similar situation, although for me it turned into a toxic relationship that ended up with being cheated on. It happened a few years ago, but it completely ruined my trust in people. I dont think i can get into a relationship at all anymore. There comes a certain point where when you give and give and give, and receive nothing back or less than what you had, You just stop caring for anyone around you, even if its friends youve had for years.
thank you so much for sharing these life lessons! I have started uni last year and have been going through many emotional rides, because I would people please any body and later feel so disappointed and feel being taken advantage of when, after many months of trying very hard to be likeable to others I would then be overlooked and even looked down upon. I realized that I had been putting up an act because I was anxiously attached to getting their validation. And as you said in the video, I too believe that although my intentions were good, they would seem to be ingenious and fake to others. Therefore people around me would not trust me or start to respect me less because of me being to readily available. I am still anxious about how I will confront relationships in the future but I will give it a try, being myself with a "take it or leave it" attitude. Thank you again so much for sharing, it has made me feel less alone about this and has helped me further understand my problem. 🙏🏻
The higher you ascend, the less people can be around. It is a solo journey for a reason, you can't access the divine when people are chattering. Silence, silence, silence. Reserve your energy and spend it wisely
Hi, my sister started watching this and I became intrested. I'm autistic, & with that I'm childlike. In short, I've had negative experiences with people where I would feel like I'm the victimizer and not the victim. I needed to see this video of yours because I'm still working on through therapy of how I can't control the actions of other people, but I can control my own actions, and focus on self love. Yes it is harsh, but it's from a loving place, and I thank you .... 💕💞
It's nice to see someone as self reflective as I try to be! I'm unstudied in stoicism but I really like it. Life has made me have to look at others and myself and be less judgmental. Not everyone's mind wanders all the way to that point. Great videos thank you!
I had a guy toss something near me while I was doing deadlifts (because he chose to do squats right next to me while all other spaces were free), so I told him do not do that he then gets in my face yelling (meanwhile I was not in his face at all) but GIRL I never back down because I too do not play around! I also get called a bitch and etc but OH WELL because I do not care what others think! I will speak my mind and stand up for others! I agree this is much easier said than done, but it builds character and obviously confidence! Then your aura becomes stronger and stronger (which is attractive to many!)
Do it ladies. As a (hopefully) decent guy, I really appreciate when a woman is just honest and open. That way, I won't waste my time with them. We can still be friends, but at least I KNOW that we are friends and don't misinterpret things or do anything that offends them. But also, don't get upset if I respectfully disagree with you. This is some really good advice, for men and women. We're not that different when it all comes down to it.
Thank you for making this video. I felt it directly applicable to me. I'm the friend that always gave emotionally, sitting down and giving advice to people who would ghost when I needed someone to lean on. You've given me a lot to think about.
Oh my lord, you are one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. I genuinely mean that. Anyways, I learned the "Don't be too nice" lesson years ago. It doesn't come from wanting validation. It comes from having a lot of empathy which I think isn't actually a good thing for individuals. It bothers me to see people suffer and I have to make a strong effort to not get consumed by the tsunami of people collectively experience. Sure the more empathy the SPECIES has the better the world is, but for the actual individual it is not a good thing imo. I agree with your points about how you can't like everyone, and you shouldn't put other people ahead of yourself. I think a lot of people lack self esteem and don't love themselves. That really sucks. That state is a vulnerable one and it makes it easier to be exploited. People in general are cruel (I know some might disagree), so even if you care, you should still be wary of people and protect yourself by valuing yourself. Anyways I'll stop there.
Right in the first 14 seconds, that unexpectedly reminded me of Robin Williams. He wanted to make people laugh because he knew what it was like to feel awful.
I don't know if you are aware (I hope you know): you are so Magnificent, Majestic, your aura is otherworldly, thank you so much for existing Mae! So many valuable insights your brought, yes the more you are being yourself, the less sick you become and it attracts all your dreams in your life xo.
The part about living in New York City and having men being scary and trying to walk all over you or saying something uncomfortable... and standing up for yourself, I can totally relate! Also, I used to be a people pleaser as well and I grew out of it! I completely agree with this whole video.
I live by the values of Honesty, Integrity and Morality. Be firm but fair and don't overdo it on being nice. I learned this the hard way and personally I have lived by Gratitude and Appreciation that permits self love. Always set strong boundaries and don't take any crap from anyone. It is impossible to please everyone. Just please yourself and be happy, that is all that really matters in this life.
I was not nice because I wanted to please others, I thought being nice and helping others is how we should live this life. After many years I realized that there are few people who think like me and return my kindness. From that point on if I do a favor that is not returned, I know they are not my type and I never do a second favor for them.
I just told this guy that I’m kind of talking to this exact same thing. I told him he was too nice and that’s why people think they can take advantage of him. I’m just one of those people that has no desire to take advantage of other people and so you can be as nice as you want to me and it won’t backfire.
I have been insulted and hurt a lot of times since childhood and all i wanted was a person to be nice to me. So i kind of became that person to others..but i am tired of it. Even when u are super nice to people, they are just super rude to u!! everybdy wants to meet a kind person, they just dont want to be one!! Imagine u have to take advice to stop being nice when its the nice people who are making this earth bearable to live. People just beat every ounce of goodness in you until they make u just like them..and then u realise u are just a sheep in the flock, like evryone else..
i am so glad that i found this channel, i already love it, you are so gorgeous and your videos definitely help me a lot to boost my confidence, like this is exactly what i needed to hear
I really need this video, I feel very identified with your previous situation. I was feeling so lost and distressed because I felt like beeing "nice" had become all my identity and that was making me so unhappy. I wasn´t sure what to do to get better, I really like to be kind but I don´t know how to stand for myself assertively and you talking about your expirience helps me a lot, thank you :')
Love your perspective. It took me a long time to realize this. I was constantly hurting myself to make others happy and It never led to respect or kindness in return. I am definitely in a recovery stage of this, but I feel like sticking up for myself has made a huge difference. Thank you for this video!
Great reminder about the difference between kindness and people-pleasing. Staying true to yourself and being genuine creates healthier, more authentic relationships. 🌟
This approach is the very reason i have no one in my life outside of the house. Because i will call something as it is as opposed to how others want to see something through limited tunnel vision. I have no problem being a lone wolf. The same effort or lack of effort is what i shall always reciprocate back. Once you become disciplined with your emotions, you simply become impossible for others to manipulate. You're doing something truly right when any individual becomes pissed off with you for no reason other than your existence
That was an amazing video!! Thank you sm! Could you maybe do a video on how to stop being afraid of conflict? Or how to deal with your thoughts after you've spoken up? I found that when I stand up for myself or for others, afterwards my people-pleasing-thoughts start raaccinng and it's really annoying..
Great message, no one really cares about what you do. That's your job, and being nice/people pleasing is a trap. Being direct and truthful is such good advice. Just found your channel. Keep up the dope content.🤙
im a 30 year old guy, i was nice most of my life and i can confirm it gets you nowhere, people just use me, but its ok i already changed that, im still kind but i wont hesitate to show my mean side if i have to, its ok to let authentic emotions out and to my surprise very often people actually love and connect to that, authenticity is gold
the world needs more people that are too nice. theres too many evil selfish mean people in the world. you can never be too nice. the nicest people are the best people. and should be protected at all costs. and admired.
I agree completely, we need more goodness in this world, there's nothing more important to life than pure love and kindness. However I think "too nice" is probably just the wrong wording. If you're a Christian it would be called "don't cast your pearls before swine". It's not about selfishly withholding kindness to others, but sometimes there really is a time and place to walk away or limit the giving, for the sake of both you and the kind gesture not being completely trampled upon. Sometimes people want to use your kindness or truth against you for selfish or evil reasons, or to discredit it, so sometimes it is better to redirect the kindness elsewhere, as we have only so much we can give, even niceness, at any given time. My rule is I give people the benefit of the doubt; respect does not have to be earned but it CAN be lost. I give freely but I also don't give what I absolutely need for myself or if it could be emotionally draining, unsafe, or keep me from having anything else left to give.
Just discovered your channel and have been binge watching. I struggle a lot with relationships (of any sort) but especially romantic ones. I would love to see your intake on how to deal with heartbreak, mistakes, breakups. I know your detachment video helps but the way you explain things are very clear and I think it would be really helpful ❤
It's about being nice to the RIGHT people. Some people appreciate niceness while others see weakness to manipulate, especially family. Love family but never be too 'nice'.
facts
I’ve done that, got called selfish when I decided to not do something they wanted me to do
There is no right people. I will be nice to my immediate family and I will no longer go out of my way to help anyone anymore.
Yeesss it all about the right person I given to people know told no one it just make you feel good
@@Theworldisburning1 ive been nice to people who aint my family and they treated me better fuck family that just a word they use when they see it benefits them from me getting mad
The problem is not with being nice, it's abt being nice and naive..
I was nice and gullible once…
The problem is being a people pleaser, altogether. I don't remember the name of the UA-cam channel at the moment; but, there was a quote that a content creator said that is more aligned with The Truth.
It goes something like this: "People need to remember; there's a difference in being KIND and a difference in being NICE."
Meaning that kindness is akin to doing something pleasant for someone because they feel it's correct thing to do in a certain situation and because they FEEL like it. Whereas being "nice" is associated with some type of outward validation seeking and a lot of people are "nice" even when they truly don't want to be.
False. It's about giving to the wrong people who ain't sh**.
bingo, always been this issue, alot of people don't want you to be nice they just want to get one over you
@@DaughterOfGod247This!!
When you are being too nice, it's also put you a prime target for predators, narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths. They smell that blood. In my case, I was raised with a dad with NPD, to survive with him, I took the role that I had no value, since why would he be treating me that way. As I grew older, I realize that he was the one with the issue and I had value all along as any body else. Knowledge is power 💖
What they target is vulnerability and being too nice is just telling people you lack confidence
😂😂😂😂😂
@@isabella6075What's so funny to you?
@@isabella6075What's so funny to you?
I know… There’s this guy at work who is supposedly in the middle of a divorce (because of course he is) and his wife is a pill popping disaster (because he doesn’t do anything wrong and of course she is)… These are all red flags.
He keeps asking to take me out and he wants to pay for it and I’m like… No dude… You’re already married and you’re giving me this sob story about how your wife is a terrible person. Both of those things make me not want to be anywhere around him, but I was still feeling like I have to be nice to him and not hurt his feelings.
Screw that. He shouldn’t be trying to hook up with somebody by being a slimeball.
There’s another guy at work that has shown me. He’s very racist and I was trying to figure out how do I just stop texting him.
Perfect timing for this video!
Swinging to the opposite extreme isn’t healthy either. In my case, I was a total doormat in my late teens and early 20s. I was too afraid to state my needs and I’d let people disrespect me.
But then for a while I swung the pendulum the other direction to compensate. I became pushy, aggressive, and intense, and that energy turned people off just as much as me being a quiet, passive nice guy.
I’m now beginning to find that balance where I can assert my needs and my boundaries without giving off that hostile energy.
I heard this was normal, you will swing the other way. Then eventually you will find a balance.
There’s a book called ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy’ by Robert Glover that someone in another comment section recommended as being life-changing for him.
@@sonyvalenciayup! This is me right now. I hope the balance comes soon.
What you're describing is the exact path to balance for many. 💜
You were a total doormat (I relate:) and the next step out of that behaviour was course correcting all the way to the other side.
Then you find the middle path that works for you and allows you to socially attract the right people & doesn't repel them.
You worried about how people are reacting stop caring about validation live for yourself
“It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own"
So true
narcissism disguised in the velvet veil of "self love"
@@ACloudWithoutAir narcissism is very common and normal its just some hide it better and some express it in a way that's less obvious, most people have other good traits that balance it out and obfuscate it like empathy or generosity ( to look good ). even bad traits can conflict with it like if your prideful as well you can still jump in front of a bear to protect people and die to look good. most i would consider true narcissism usually have other traits with it like sociopathy / manipulators etc. not all narcissist have all the symptoms of the disorder i have 4 of 9 for example.
@@subspace666 narcissism is actually not compatible with true empathy and generosity. Person with narcissistic personality disorder usually is kind to others not because of empathy but because he wants something back. Not to mention that this is a toxic personality and most can't balance it out. You are confusing some traits you can found in people with this disorder with true narcissism.
@@HCforLife1 well lack of empathy is one of the 9 symptoms so obviously if you have this one you cant be very emphatic. i never met someone with true empathy, everyone wants something back in my experience. granted i do not meet that many people but enough to know that trait is very rare. probably a good thing since it must be debilitating and a liability and i would consider it a disorder as well. seems most people here label people narcissist whenever they experienced a few of the traits of the disorder but that would mean almost everyone is narcissist to them.
I’ve been too nice since I was a child. Going through abuse and neglect my whole life, I fought thru the pain by being nice. I thought that by being nice and being overly positive, that would make people want to stick around and not abandon me. It was up until recently that I realized that people come and go no matter how you are.
Being too nice is overly draining and left me exhausted at the end of the day. I’ve already left my mark on this world by being the creative I am. I have nothing to prove to anyone except to myself. I’m already enough to me, and that’s all that matters❤
Beautifully said. That’s literally all that matters. This is your world and however you think people are going to show up, then they will. You are the star in your movie called “Life”.
I hope you never lose this realization, as in fall back to old patterns
♥️♥️♥️
its ok to be nice only to ppl who deserve it, but there are only a few
"Being dishonest with yourself is so disrespectful to you" Love that phrase 💖💖💖
Being a people pleaser is a symptom of person that has suffered child abuse or neglect. It is a subtle form of manipulation to be noticed or get something you want.
Outcome independancy is one of the pillars of being happy and getting what you want
Facts!
Are you going to become happy? How long are you happy? How much? When will it run out?
Be a bully, take control of your life, dont care if others are upset, thats not your problem. Make yourself the priority and you will win in life.
People who genuinely care about you will respect your boundaries. It’s okay to lose a few soul drainers in life.
I get what you're saying about the paradox of narcissism and extreme selflessness. I realized recently that putting others before myself has been a form of control for me. I'm attempting to control how people perceive me. For example, if someone was rude, I would do anything I could to try and make them like me. But I can't control other people. I can only control my own actions. I'm done wasting energy on people who don't actually want me around. I'll use my energy on myself, and instead of dancing around for a rude person's approval, I'll take a nice epsom salt bath with some candles.
I'm a guy but this really spoke to me. Ive been a doormatt my entire life. the good child who obeys and does what hes told and i thought if i did that, things would turn out great and everyone would like me and my parents would be proud of me. my family was already full of conflict and i as the oldest child didnt want to add to it, i would put all of them before me even if they wronged me, and i did the same with so called "friends" who just ended up using me, bullying me, beating me and then ditching me. i still carry this as my identity, that im that kinda guy whos just weak and cant stand up to himself, a pssy, basically. a victim. and i ended up with neither real friends or a family that was proud of me, they all look down on me for being this pathetic. they dont say it directly but they say it in different ways, when they peak to me, or speak about me and in the way they treat me. i finally decided to fix myself but its hard if you dont even know who you are anymore after basically being a fake person for years.
This spoke to me as well. I used to be the friend who would do anything and everything just to make sure my friend was okay. As a fat kid, no one cared and wouldn't blink an eye to my kindness. Now, as of 2 years ago, I've changed my mindset. Now, I stand for myself and stand by what I believe. If I don't like someone with how they treat me, I treat them the same way back. It's about being yourself; your friends, family, and new people will notice that.
İ am so sorry that happened to you. You needed love to grow as a child and being a “good” child was the best way you could have it at the time. Dont shame your kid self for seeking love, you didnt know any better. But now you’re grown man yourself, and you can give that love to your inner child. Talk to the little you, do the things he dreamed of doing when he grows up. First step to resolving people pleasing is recognizing it. Be proud of yourself for taking the first step already. Pay attention to your needs, emotions, as you speak to people in power, who can trigger and take advantage of you. Slowly try to say what you think, and say no when you feel like what they ask of you is too much. Practice this in small situations like when ordering food or going out with friends, gradually train your mind. You can do it I believe in you. Im trying to do this myself but with my family being so close its hard to remember why i even started this journey. Thankfully i am moving away in two weeks and i am excited to see what kind of person i can become on my own. Good luck 🍀
lets goooo I'm proud of you!!! keep going and take care of yourself
It’s a delicate balance;
Doing what’s best for you and doing what’s best for those around you.
Just remember if you forget to prioritize yourself; they won’t have you to rely on.
If you forget to prioritize them; you won’t have them to rely on.
I used to be a people pleaser throughout my teen-early 20s; no real boundaries or a lack of confrontation when they were crossed and I used to be an absolute miserable shell of who I am.
Truly once you stop self sacrifice & learn how to create & enforce boundaries you will start to notice many people who once called you the nicest person ever will turn & call you a self centered ass or you'll hear "you've changed..." (which I genuinely love hearing because it let's me know I'm making progress).
I know this comment is lengthy but thank you Mae for posting this type of content on here, it really does help people.
True been nice will get you hurt, been nice will give you depression and you will likely live less because cruel people usually have a better answer successful life cause they use good people’s souls that’s how the world is I learn that the hard way family,friends coworkers.
yup. I learn that on my own as well. My fiancee left me for a narcissistic guy. I always was empath - I was always able to stood up for myself and be assertive but also been kind to others and tried to avoid non-necessarely confrontation. Now I am learning to be self-centered. Fuck people. You are alone on this world anyway.
You said it exactly having a lot of friends proved to be a waste of time and it's better to invest in yourself trust you,,,
You shouldn't be nice or pleasant, you should be righteous and moral, an individual of principle 🙏
i was a people pleaser my whole life even when i was a kid and not until right now have i realized that and i have been unconsciously trying to break that habit. i will consciously break that starting now. this is my path to reach my happiness 🥺
one thing we can know for sure is that once we stand up for ourselves, we know that we got our own backs. great vid as always Mae! 💜
Kindness over being nice, nice is a persona to get people to like you, kindness is manners, curtsey etc but u have boundaries and u make them clear.
Definitely agree with you on this. I get shit on for setting boundaries and get called a bitch for not letting people trample on me. I lost my long term relationship but honestly I’ve never been happier or healthier than ever.! Lol gained 20 pounds and began focusing on myself. Stopped people pleasing and began me pleasing. Best thing ever. Thanks for preaching Mae! 🎀🎀🎀🖤🖤🖤
"began me pleasing" sounds like something I should live for from now. Thanks sis!
Being respected is far more important than being liked. I spent years playing Mr Nice hoping that everybody would love and like me and as a result, I should and expected to enjoy a problem-free, smooth life, long story short, in Grant Cardone's words, IT WAS A MEGA DISASTER.
it’s about being to nice people who don’t deserve it
It feels wonderful to now be at a place where I am comfortable speaking up for myself. It's taken me a long time to get here, but I am okay with men calling me intimidating, or saying I'm too harsh.
Ladies don't ever let men, or anyone, make you feel guilty for speaking up. If they are making you uncomfortable you have every right to tell them! Don't let people be parasites in your life
Facts! If it’s too harsh for the guy, then he’s too soft and no one wants a soft man! A man should be able to take corrective criticism as should a woman as well. This only can happen if both parties have put in the work to heal emotional traumas and have a mutual understanding and love for one another.
Truth. Betraying yourself at the expense of others emotions is not the “spiritual” compassionate thing to do. Manage your own life so you are well. Thats all you can do for anyone else.
This struck a chord with me. I am a kind person, but because of my own anxiety and being afraid of the slightest conflict of any type, I'm often disingenuous in my kindness, and I never realized that.
I really feel like I can live with less anxiety if I take some of your advice.
Thank you!
I really like how you just go! No beating around the bush, sponsoring etc, just boom!
I have a friend that is wayyy too nice to others. Like if she accidentally brushes against you she´ll apologize 3 times. At first I saw nothing of it but now its actually annoying. She ¨hangs out¨ with these 3 other girls that treat her like shit and sometimes even subtly insult her in her face and she laughs it off like it's nothing. Me and my other friend have warned her multiple times abt those girls yet she doesn't want to listen. it sucks when I see her being a footmat for other people. I feel like she really needs to see this video and know that not everyone that you greet with a smile will smile back with good intentions.
“I dont know about how good I look to these people and I dont care anymore”
Adopting that mindset for the past year has saved me and freed me
Your videos have upped my power in self confidence and being the beautiful black cat that I am! Thank you 🙏🏼🐈⬛
purr love to see it😻
This is so true actually... Being real , being nice and being jerk is totally different..I feel so scared that stood up on those situation is so scary to me... Yeah, the stories of women, that stood up and not stood up both get hurt, so why not standing up for myself... Atleast i will not regret on the day i go to bed... Not only on public places, even at private spaces if i stayed quiet and avoid conflict by saying yes you are right , then i will not have any dramas in my life.. But now, i lose my authentic self... So, whatever you said in the video is so relatable.. If you can't have your back, then who will ?? is so good one.. Thanks Mae ♥ This will be the video one could come back when they feel doubt about standing up for themself and be real to them not think about what others think...
I felt so seen by you. I've been stuck in the same cycle for so long. Chasing people who don't care about me and people pleasing, seeking validation and happiness from others and putting them first then being resentful when they don't do the same for me, it's so tiring and disrespectful, it's sucking my soul out of me, I've even forgotten myself and abandoned myself too many times, i need to do self introspection, self love and self discovery but mostly stop giving an f about what others think of me or if they get offended when i don't do things they want me to do. It's tiring and so hard tbh when my own family are the toxic one but yeah here i am listening to your advice and standing up for myself. I'm glad I scrolled your channel and found this video. Thank you for this wonderful video and life advice.
i don't care about anyone anymore my kindness is not reciprocrated. screw yall
Treat people the way that you want to be treated
there's no other way to put this so yeah, i don't even wanna hear her argument.
Actually I treat people the same they do to me. I have no heart from people easily
@@ClickMyProfile_Unknown0human no reason to like them . Now by all means protect ur life and ur family but I won’t go to my enemies level . Study some stoics I would recommend Marcus auralys
@@Misspelled_Crescent Her arguement got some truth tho:> Don't put effort for someone that don't deserve it, be genuine yes, but not fake. If how you is gon offend them, thaz how it gon be:P
i've always been known as the nice friend and dropped everything to be there for my friends and they always treated me like a doormat bc i let them. so although i was treating them how i wanted to be treated, they were only taking advantage so i think she's giving good advice
As a hardcore people pleaser, i resonate with this
I used to be too nice to the point where I let my fake friends and ex take advantage of me. Honestly looking back at this video makes me realize how much stronger I’ve become after realizing, I’m not for everybody and that me myself should be a #1 priority
You don’t owe everyone your kindness. Be selective with who you choose to be kind to because not everyone deserves it and not everyone gets to have access to your kindness and generosity. And totally agree there’s a difference between nice and kindness.
A close friend recommended this video.. I needed to hear that message .. I was guilty of putting other's happiness over my own and I felt like I was losing myself , thanks for this video.. I appreciate it
Edit: your words have given me a change in perspective and the fact you acknowledged it's not going to be easy motivated me.. thanks again.. I never knew I needed this until today
The thing is, you need to respect everyone, you included. When you put others above you, you are a people pleaser and this will only hurt you. When you put yourself above others, you're narcissistic and will hurt other arround you, basically hurting yourself in the long term and becoming someone even yourself hate to be around. Balance is key, don't be too smart you forget to be kind and don't be too kind you forget to be smart. Remember, being a pacifisct and being harmless are different things, being helpful and being a tool are different things.
It's called codependence! Abandoning the self is classic codependence and is the other side of narcassism. Codependence is actually about control - people pleasing is often about controlling others. Childhood trauma based - we learn in childhood to survive. Gabor Mate speaks alot about attachment vs authenticity. Attachment is about survival when we're kids and unhealthy families aggressively push away authenticity. Codependence is rewarded and conditioned in many cultures into women much more aggressively. Being the martyr vs being genuinely nice is very different. Being authentic is about discernment + valuing ourselves creates very different behaviour and boundaries become clearer + based from truth. LOVE YOUR CONTENT ❤❤❤
I like your explanation in the intro! This video was recommended to me on my home page, and after hearing you describe the difference between simply *being* nice and *acting* or *masking* yourself *as* nice, I agree. I don't think this video really applies to me, but I think there's definitely folks out there who need to hear it.
As with so many things in life, I feel it's about balance. Be kind, be gentle, be nurturing. But don't be a doormat. Don't give or break pieces of yourself off in pursuit of validation of any kind. Be a "so-called bitch", like you so eloquently put it, when the situation calls for it and you have something to stand up for.
Honestly when I was a people pleaser I got more of what I wanted 😂. But at the same time I lost a lot of my soul in the process. Now I have my soul in greater quantity!
You gotta keep it balanced, if you notice your being too Nice now you've created an imbalance, because now you've set yourself up where you can't say no to requests.
Yes well said.
Just found this page and I'm so grateful fr ❤because you literally understanding and relatable
sorry if this sounds weird omg 😭 idk what it is about you but the way you hold yourself and the way you speak is very captivating. i struggle to focus on most things from my adhd but you had my full attention for the whole video.
Recently, I came across a a begger, a really thin man in his seventies laying on the floor with a small plastic cup in front of him. I was naive, spent all the money I had left on a loaf of bread for him hoping he’ll be satiated, then of course he throws the bread away on the muddy wet ground demanding for money instead. I don’t know why but I had given my remaining change to him.
After that, my perception had warped regarding the world, everything felt so superficial and surreal. When I come across someone begging for money on the streets i still donate hoping for better circumstances for them. But every time it has left me feeling stupid and gullible.
I know the world isn’t as bad as it seems.
Yeah a rule that I tell myself is to give food or clothes, NEVER give money. Its sad but its so rare to see people who genuinely need the money. One time I gave a beggar some money and later I saw the guy buying drugs despite he literally was crying about how long he had gone without food.
LMAO
some perspective: you made an assumption by giving that person something you thought they wanted. not what that person actually wanted/needed/asked for.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience :)
I wanted to make friends in my new environment, so I thought being nice would help me. I enjoyed helping people, and I thought these new people would also reciprocate, but they never did. Now they still ask me favors, I still help them when I can, and they still make fun of me. Even if there are people who don't disrespect me, they only call me to ask for favors.
I thought I was the problem, and I still don't know how to change.
Thank you, i found out the things that i need to be actually myself, i was remaining on the past because of memories and didn't understand why i was remaining behind.
Thank you for passing to me your human skills ❤
I just randomly found your channel and Im loving it!
yay welcome! ☺️💜
Same!
This was hard for me when she said "No one really cares about you." Harsh but it's the truth. I took your advice to heart. 💙💙💙
Yes my mom tells me that a lot (in a advizing way hahah) and it is true, she tells me everyone is as insecure as you and you are the same as everyone your age and it's true we are the same we have the same needs.
I recently have found you. You are the first UA-camr who ever touched my soul. Thank you for being yourself and showing us how to do so
I helped saved someone's life. But when I asked for help, that person ghosted me for one month. It was a hard decision that left me scarred and traumatized in life. I believed in my judgment but there could have been better options. It depresses me every now and then but people keep telling me it is nothing to worry about. I am just being too hard on myself. But to me it matters. My friend who I depended on for help, she was a friend for more than 10 years. I gave her the best advice and did everything to uplift her. I never asked for money or physical help or to add responsibility to her life. All I asked was just an advice. And what did she say? It is 'your problem.' Because of that situation I got so depressed. I realized NOW I can only be my bestfriend and I can only depend on myself to make me happy and do what is best. And now I only ask God for advice in times I feel so confused. Because fuck people are not going to be therr when you need them. Sometimes your friends and people you thought who love you will screw YOU up even more. And don't give a fuck. There are only a small percentage of people out there who are "good and best people." And I realize now I don't care what people think of me as long as I am a respectful person to others. One thing is for certain, PEOPLE CHANGE! So I am doing myself a favor and loving myself like I never did before. I am trying to be nice to myself and I used to be ahy and timid and now I am so assertive that people dislike that. Theu want me to be submissive and nice, but nope nope nope.
Similiar situation happened with me. I had a friend who had serious mental illness but she wouldn’t get help. She put it all on me to help her stay sane but when it was my turn she would also go ghost or silent.
@@LoveAkosua Ive also had a similar situation, although for me it turned into a toxic relationship that ended up with being cheated on. It happened a few years ago, but it completely ruined my trust in people. I dont think i can get into a relationship at all anymore. There comes a certain point where when you give and give and give, and receive nothing back or less than what you had, You just stop caring for anyone around you, even if its friends youve had for years.
Being disrespectful and rude is not a license to not be nice. Always be nice.
thank you so much for sharing these life lessons! I have started uni last year and have been going through many emotional rides, because I would people please any body and later feel so disappointed and feel being taken advantage of when, after many months of trying very hard to be likeable to others I would then be overlooked and even looked down upon. I realized that I had been putting up an act because I was anxiously attached to getting their validation. And as you said in the video, I too believe that although my intentions were good, they would seem to be ingenious and fake to others. Therefore people around me would not trust me or start to respect me less because of me being to readily available.
I am still anxious about how I will confront relationships in the future but I will give it a try, being myself with a "take it or leave it" attitude.
Thank you again so much for sharing, it has made me feel less alone about this and has helped me further understand my problem. 🙏🏻
Incredibly helpful! I’ve been working on this for a few years, but I needed the reminder. Thank you! ❤️
The higher you ascend, the less people can be around. It is a solo journey for a reason, you can't access the divine when people are chattering. Silence, silence, silence. Reserve your energy and spend it wisely
Been learning this a lot lately. Authenticity over everything. Remember who you are and where you came from
Hi, my sister started watching this and I became intrested. I'm autistic, & with that I'm childlike. In short, I've had negative experiences with people where I would feel like I'm the victimizer and not the victim. I needed to see this video of yours because I'm still working on through therapy of how I can't control the actions of other people, but I can control my own actions, and focus on self love. Yes it is harsh, but it's from a loving place, and I thank you .... 💕💞
Awesome advice. Welcome to and thank you for sharing the Gen X mindset.
It's nice to see someone as self reflective as I try to be! I'm unstudied in stoicism but I really like it. Life has made me have to look at others and myself and be less judgmental. Not everyone's mind wanders all the way to that point. Great videos thank you!
I had a guy toss something near me while I was doing deadlifts (because he chose to do squats right next to me while all other spaces were free), so I told him do not do that he then gets in my face yelling (meanwhile I was not in his face at all) but GIRL I never back down because I too do not play around! I also get called a bitch and etc but OH WELL because I do not care what others think! I will speak my mind and stand up for others! I agree this is much easier said than done, but it builds character and obviously confidence! Then your aura becomes stronger and stronger (which is attractive to many!)
Do it ladies. As a (hopefully) decent guy, I really appreciate when a woman is just honest and open. That way, I won't waste my time with them. We can still be friends, but at least I KNOW that we are friends and don't misinterpret things or do anything that offends them. But also, don't get upset if I respectfully disagree with you. This is some really good advice, for men and women. We're not that different when it all comes down to it.
Thank you for making this video. I felt it directly applicable to me. I'm the friend that always gave emotionally, sitting down and giving advice to people who would ghost when I needed someone to lean on. You've given me a lot to think about.
You take my breath away every-time! You make me feel so seen❤
Oh my lord, you are one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. I genuinely mean that. Anyways, I learned the "Don't be too nice" lesson years ago. It doesn't come from wanting validation. It comes from having a lot of empathy which I think isn't actually a good thing for individuals. It bothers me to see people suffer and I have to make a strong effort to not get consumed by the tsunami of people collectively experience. Sure the more empathy the SPECIES has the better the world is, but for the actual individual it is not a good thing imo.
I agree with your points about how you can't like everyone, and you shouldn't put other people ahead of yourself. I think a lot of people lack self esteem and don't love themselves. That really sucks. That state is a vulnerable one and it makes it easier to be exploited. People in general are cruel (I know some might disagree), so even if you care, you should still be wary of people and protect yourself by valuing yourself. Anyways I'll stop there.
Right in the first 14 seconds, that unexpectedly reminded me of Robin Williams. He wanted to make people laugh because he knew what it was like to feel awful.
always make sure you are first ! and then you can look after others.
I don't know if you are aware (I hope you know): you are so Magnificent, Majestic, your aura is otherworldly, thank you so much for existing Mae! So many valuable insights your brought, yes the more you are being yourself, the less sick you become and it attracts all your dreams in your life xo.
The part about living in New York City and having men being scary and trying to walk all over you or saying something uncomfortable... and standing up for yourself, I can totally relate!
Also, I used to be a people pleaser as well and I grew out of it!
I completely agree with this whole video.
I live by the values of Honesty, Integrity and Morality. Be firm but fair and don't overdo it on being nice. I learned this the hard way and personally I have lived by Gratitude and Appreciation that permits self love. Always set strong boundaries and don't take any crap from anyone. It is impossible to please everyone. Just please yourself and be happy, that is all that really matters in this life.
One can be 'nice' while also learning how to stand their ground.
I was not nice because I wanted to please others, I thought being nice and helping others is how we should live this life. After many years I realized that there are few people who think like me and return my kindness. From that point on if I do a favor that is not returned, I know they are not my type and I never do a second favor for them.
I just told this guy that I’m kind of talking to this exact same thing. I told him he was too nice and that’s why people think they can take advantage of him. I’m just one of those people that has no desire to take advantage of other people and so you can be as nice as you want to me and it won’t backfire.
I have been insulted and hurt a lot of times since childhood and all i wanted was a person to be nice to me. So i kind of became that person to others..but i am tired of it. Even when u are super nice to people, they are just super rude to u!! everybdy wants to meet a kind person, they just dont want to be one!! Imagine u have to take advice to stop being nice when its the nice people who are making this earth bearable to live. People just beat every ounce of goodness in you until they make u just like them..and then u realise u are just a sheep in the flock, like evryone else..
i am so glad that i found this channel, i already love it, you are so gorgeous and your videos definitely help me a lot to boost my confidence, like this is exactly what i needed to hear
I really need this video, I feel very identified with your previous situation. I was feeling so lost and distressed because I felt like beeing "nice" had become all my identity and that was making me so unhappy. I wasn´t sure what to do to get better, I really like to be kind but I don´t know how to stand for myself assertively and you talking about your expirience helps me a lot, thank you :')
Thank you so much, I needed this ❤
You’re the best honestly❤, thanks
I admire your energy and words, continued power and grace your way.
you‘re so underrated. love your content
The underlying message being "Humans are animals and will behave as such"
Thanks queen!
Love your perspective.
It took me a long time to realize this. I was constantly hurting myself to make others happy and It never led to respect or kindness in return. I am definitely in a recovery stage of this, but I feel like sticking up for myself has made a huge difference.
Thank you for this video!
Great reminder about the difference between kindness and people-pleasing. Staying true to yourself and being genuine creates healthier, more authentic relationships. 🌟
Glad I found your channel. You have such a kind and calming spirit in your videos. ❤
Great video @maealicesuzuki! I really connected with what you were saying and I will pass this on to others. Thank you!
This approach is the very reason i have no one in my life outside of the house. Because i will call something as it is as opposed to how others want to see something through limited tunnel vision. I have no problem being a lone wolf. The same effort or lack of effort is what i shall always reciprocate back. Once you become disciplined with your emotions, you simply become impossible for others to manipulate. You're doing something truly right when any individual becomes pissed off with you for no reason other than your existence
That was an amazing video!! Thank you sm! Could you maybe do a video on how to stop being afraid of conflict? Or how to deal with your thoughts after you've spoken up? I found that when I stand up for myself or for others, afterwards my people-pleasing-thoughts start raaccinng and it's really annoying..
Thanks, this words are helping to feel supported on the way to stay aligned with myself!
I needed this one right now. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences; they've helped me on my journey!
Wow ! You truly are a beautiful human being !
Great message, no one really cares about what you do. That's your job, and being nice/people pleasing is a trap. Being direct and truthful is such good advice. Just found your channel. Keep up the dope content.🤙
This video was very helpful! Thank you for making the video!
im a 30 year old guy, i was nice most of my life and i can confirm it gets you nowhere, people just use me, but its ok i already changed that, im still kind but i wont hesitate to show my mean side if i have to, its ok to let authentic emotions out and to my surprise very often people actually love and connect to that, authenticity is gold
the world needs more people that are too nice. theres too many evil selfish mean people in the world. you can never be too nice. the nicest people are the best people. and should be protected at all costs. and admired.
I agree completely, we need more goodness in this world, there's nothing more important to life than pure love and kindness. However I think "too nice" is probably just the wrong wording. If you're a Christian it would be called "don't cast your pearls before swine". It's not about selfishly withholding kindness to others, but sometimes there really is a time and place to walk away or limit the giving, for the sake of both you and the kind gesture not being completely trampled upon. Sometimes people want to use your kindness or truth against you for selfish or evil reasons, or to discredit it, so sometimes it is better to redirect the kindness elsewhere, as we have only so much we can give, even niceness, at any given time. My rule is I give people the benefit of the doubt; respect does not have to be earned but it CAN be lost. I give freely but I also don't give what I absolutely need for myself or if it could be emotionally draining, unsafe, or keep me from having anything else left to give.
Just discovered your channel and have been binge watching. I struggle a lot with relationships (of any sort) but especially romantic ones. I would love to see your intake on how to deal with heartbreak, mistakes, breakups. I know your detachment video helps but the way you explain things are very clear and I think it would be really helpful ❤
Even though I'm a man, that hit me so powerfully in a deep place when you said a woman said "help me" with her body language or with her eyes.
It's like hearing myself talk it's phenomenal