James, I have to thank you for this video. Recently I had a first date with a lady who was staying overnight at the airport of my hometown in Northern Europe. Instead of meeting her at an ordinary airport cafe, I made some research and took her out for dinner to a cozy restaurant at the sea, 20 minutes drive from the airport. I also brought with me an extra jacket that I offered her when we had a long walk along the shore after dinner. We had a deep conversation and connected. Planning was indeed crucial.
If she does something really weird, such as bring along a "friend" (as she possibly doesn't trust you), you have the right to immediately end the date. I actually underwent such a very awkward "date" as I didn't have the nerve to just walk out.
My dating etiquette mistake is at the very bottom. My go-to for a first date is an authentic Mexican restaurant that's highly rated. Those have almost always led to future dates for me (as for me, I ALWAYS plan the second date and bring up the idea for it right before the first date is over, that way I know if she wants to go on a future date right then and there). And best of all, these first dates cost me $40, at the most. So, it's sort of cheap, but I don't _look_ cheap. 🤣 I also always tell her to let me know once she's made it home safely. That way, even if she ultimately doesn't want to go out with me again, she at least appreciates that thoughtfulness. The second date is the one where I go on a fun adventure that hardly costs me anything. I especially love haunted houses in the fall, Christmas lights in the winter, and parks in the spring and summer. The third date is when I roll out the red carpet and do flowers and the fancy dinner. I also try to be unique on the flowers and get some that she would specifically like (based on her birth month or what she's said in a previous date that she likes). That's my dating style, anyway. P. S.: One dating etiquette mistake I made was being too vulnerable on the first date. Let's just say I didn't get a second one that time. But this was when I was still very new to dating.
It sounds like you have quite a system in place, Christian. An authentic restaurant with great food can be just as, if not more, of an exciting experience than somewhere with white tablecloths. Let me ask you, with regards to your second dates. Do you ever find that she agrees to a second date while on the first date, only to retract that or ghost you afterward? I ask only because some people have a hard time being honest to your face.
@Gent.Z For the most part, she's being honest when agreeing to a second date when asked towards the end of the first date. I've only had a handful of times where I got ghosted after asking and her agreeing. Granted, those times I got ghosted were (in hindsight) when the vibes weren't all there.
far out, this sounds like a great sequence of dates. I'm going to take note of these things and hopefully have more success when I try dating in the new year.
I forgot to make a reservation at the restaurant and had to scramble to make plans elsewhere. I ruined that potential relationship before the date even started.
For me personally, and being risk-averse, I have found that building a connection before a first date results in a more positive experience for both parties. But everyone is different, and your considered advice, James, pretty much covers all the important bases.
My first dates always use to be at an art musseum. I did this to observe how they behaved with abstract stuff, how they dressed, how they think, expressed and handle an environment out of the ordinary "date" and needed to talk about something different. Then always a quick walk for lunch at a place I already knew. It always allowed me to see who they were initially. Second dates always were at Roller Derby since I had a coworker playing and it was a complete change. Oddly enough...I met my wife in a complete different environment. 😂 but yes, you never know how things are going to be. But always be a gentleman.
The mistake that I made continually when I was dating was not dressing well. Until a couple years ago I was always extremely casual in my attire and really never thought about dressing up at all for a date unless I was planning to take her someplace fancy. I have no idea if that may have been at least part of the reason why some first dates did not lead to a second, but it couldn’t have helped. I honestly didn’t think twice about showing up for a coffee or lunch date wearing jeans and t-shirt. It would be much different now, but thankfully I managed to snag a terrific woman who apparently didn’t care about how I dressed and we’ve been married for about 6 years.
Dating etiquette mistake: I assumed that my date would fancy a nice glass of quality wine so I ordered a bottle of wine, before finding out that she didn't drink alcohol at all 😮😊
About ghosting: It depends on the culture. Where I come from, if he doesn't ask to see each other again or make an arrangement on the spot, it means he's not interested. And when he doesn't like to continue, he splits the bill! Japanese men are notorious.
@@Gent.Z Yes, but I spent my childhood in London. The Japanese prefer to avoid the awkwardness of rejecting and being rejected when the attitude says all. But I don't believe in splitting the bill.
An etiquette mistake I made on a date was I asked a girl on the first date what her favorite position was and I backpaddled and said I was talking about CEO or executive positions lol
Don’t walk ahead of her walk with her Keep your phone away , show interest Plan the night Listen and share Compliment her , chances are she took time to get ready for you Be on time
Cheap, fun date: putt putt golf! I met my wife of now 22 years when I was 28, but I was still new and inexperienced to dating. For our first "official" date I figured do the standard dinner and a movie. We got to the movie early so we went to the putt putt golf next door to burn time. That wound up being the best part of the date as it allowed to talk, have fun, and compete against each other. After movie and dinner we went to my place but she didnt want to go too far. So, the second date a few days later was a carpet picnic and movie back at my place, but the sexual tension had already been built up so much on the first date we were on each other in the first 30 minutes!
Too much information sharing is a problem, especially so if it is all about what went wrong on your last relationship, marriage, etc. Even if your date asks about prior relationships, keep your response neutral and concise. I would rather hear a man say that he does not share that kind of personal information on a first date than hear all the gory details of love gone bad.
@@Gent.Z thanks you for listening and asking. A woman, I meet on an artist meeting in Berlin. She was very friendly but she never showed up on the next date. She just say, that she forgot it and never showed up again. The other women, I meet on dating apps or we knowed each other from chat groups. So we was on the same events, to meet each other, but they just was going to other parties without leaving any informations. Just waiting an hour in front of a hotel in the cold, wasn´t really fun. The last groups, of dating women on apps, was horrible. The dating apps are full of prostitute and I don´t look for that. Since around 5 years, I never met a woman for a date again. But I have two fun facts. Meeting a man for a date is complete different. They was allways on time. And I have often a really good connection to much older woman (55 and above and I am 38). It is much easier to get in contact or work together. Now I moved to an other big german city, to start complete new.
All great points. Plan absolutely - you have to have the initiative, regarding paying that is excellent point, yes this is also part of point 1 - planing. Of course it is assumed man pays, especially on the first date, however it is an excellent test: what will she order, does she even make an offer or suggestion to participate if the bill was high? I always keep paying the bill a bit nonchalant, like it's nothing. But you know it tells you a lot how the other person would react about an Act of you paying. A smile and thank you at least (yes i dated i woman who was like that, she had very firm ideas about roles). Be careful not to overspend on the first date (plan your venue, place), it can be awkward if you don't feel comfortable, it can set a level which might be unsuitable in the long run.
I advise men to never make their first "date" a 1 on 1 eating date or really any 1 on 1 date. Go with a group of supportive friends or just supportive people or at a party. If it's 1 on 1, the woman will just interrogate you like a police officer trying to get you to confess. You'll be defending yourself, your life the whole night. That's terrible. Women like to be seen and see others - what their rivals are wearing, the size of their rivals butts. Take her to a hockey game where the sport and the crowd entertains her/you both so you don't have to be entertaining her by yourself. I like the first date being with a supportive female friend amongst others, so your date will get the word that she can't just abuse and reject you or she'll get "Noticed" as an American woman that doesn't know how to behave.
kinda off topic, but what do you think about a spontaneous, unplanned date with someone you are in a committed relationship with (bf/gf or higher) and knows you well. Maybe just randomly exploring the city and going to places that you see along the way. It could even consist of going down interesting alleys and backstreets (while being safe). Might be a little chaotic, but sounds fun to me. Would you like to go on a date like that/is this a good date idea?
As good rule I would suggest bringing lady a flower to first date If you are picking her up walk to her door & get her car door for her vs when some men text her I am here and wait in car
It can be a nice touch, depends on the date in my opinion. If you give her a flower and then decide you don't like her, it all seems rather incongruent and can feel awkward. It happened to me.
Ive been watching you for a while and i appreciate your valuable content, you truly appear a gentleman based on the way you express yourself, your tone of voice and so on, if possible, i want to have a private conversation with you, do consider it if you are reading, there are some tips i want to seek from you and maybe build a companionship with you, brother.
My date didn’t offer or ask to pick me up or ordering Uber. I declined the date because I felt he didn’t put any effort. He choosed a nice place and time was settled but didn’t catch up again during date day and Just texted see you soon 30 min before the date. I ditched him..
@@AugustasAG interesting, why is begging for a date red flag as a man, isn’t it showing interest ? He said he felt so sorry etc but for me it’s just empty words.. like he wants to prove now something I don’t know
Tell her again that you want to pay and if she still insists on splitting or paying then you do that. No point in arguing about it really in my opinion
No one is born a gentleman. We need to learn it from the right people. Thanks for helping with that.
If you fail to plan, plan to fail.
A teacher once told me this immediately before an exam.
Its an old Benjamin Franklin quote
@@Gent.ZDid you fail?
Quite interesting to watch again a really clean suit, young men like yourself are the people that will be the next generation
Thank you
Once went on a first date when she insisted on splitting the bill.
It's been 27 years since.
We're still together.
If she insists on splitting, that's okay. It's certainly better than getting into an argument over the bill.
James, I have to thank you for this video. Recently I had a first date with a lady who was staying overnight at the airport of my hometown in Northern Europe. Instead of meeting her at an ordinary airport cafe, I made some research and took her out for dinner to a cozy restaurant at the sea, 20 minutes drive from the airport. I also brought with me an extra jacket that I offered her when we had a long walk along the shore after dinner. We had a deep conversation and connected. Planning was indeed crucial.
Sounds like a fantastic date. Glad to hear it, Mario!
Museums and art galleries are always a good first choice. Most have at least one or two days out of the month that they are free as well.
Why am I feeding her? I dont even know her.
Dont leed with your wallet lads!
If she does something really weird, such as bring along a "friend" (as she possibly doesn't trust you), you have the right to immediately end the date. I actually underwent such a very awkward "date" as I didn't have the nerve to just walk out.
My dating etiquette mistake is at the very bottom.
My go-to for a first date is an authentic Mexican restaurant that's highly rated. Those have almost always led to future dates for me (as for me, I ALWAYS plan the second date and bring up the idea for it right before the first date is over, that way I know if she wants to go on a future date right then and there). And best of all, these first dates cost me $40, at the most. So, it's sort of cheap, but I don't _look_ cheap. 🤣 I also always tell her to let me know once she's made it home safely. That way, even if she ultimately doesn't want to go out with me again, she at least appreciates that thoughtfulness.
The second date is the one where I go on a fun adventure that hardly costs me anything. I especially love haunted houses in the fall, Christmas lights in the winter, and parks in the spring and summer.
The third date is when I roll out the red carpet and do flowers and the fancy dinner. I also try to be unique on the flowers and get some that she would specifically like (based on her birth month or what she's said in a previous date that she likes). That's my dating style, anyway.
P. S.: One dating etiquette mistake I made was being too vulnerable on the first date. Let's just say I didn't get a second one that time. But this was when I was still very new to dating.
It sounds like you have quite a system in place, Christian. An authentic restaurant with great food can be just as, if not more, of an exciting experience than somewhere with white tablecloths. Let me ask you, with regards to your second dates. Do you ever find that she agrees to a second date while on the first date, only to retract that or ghost you afterward? I ask only because some people have a hard time being honest to your face.
@Gent.Z For the most part, she's being honest when agreeing to a second date when asked towards the end of the first date. I've only had a handful of times where I got ghosted after asking and her agreeing. Granted, those times I got ghosted were (in hindsight) when the vibes weren't all there.
@@christianvennemann9008 Happens to all of us. Thanks for sharing that with me
@Gent.Z Of course!
far out, this sounds like a great sequence of dates. I'm going to take note of these things and hopefully have more success when I try dating in the new year.
I forgot to make a reservation at the restaurant and had to scramble to make plans elsewhere. I ruined that potential relationship before the date even started.
For me personally, and being risk-averse, I have found that building a connection before a first date results in a more positive experience for both parties. But everyone is different, and your considered advice, James, pretty much covers all the important bases.
I agree with you there, Phil. It's not always possible, though, and sometimes you have to take the chance of a first date while you get it.
I always… ‘try’… not to hit on their Mom. Thanks for the video. Quite well thought out.
Or daughter. I'm older and when the the daughter answered the door. MARONE... She said moms not ready yet. I said great, let's go baby.
Good Advice James, I appreciate the longer content, keep it up!
Glad to hear it. Thanks, Felix.
My first dates always use to be at an art musseum. I did this to observe how they behaved with abstract stuff, how they dressed, how they think, expressed and handle an environment out of the ordinary "date" and needed to talk about something different. Then always a quick walk for lunch at a place I already knew. It always allowed me to see who they were initially. Second dates always were at Roller Derby since I had a coworker playing and it was a complete change. Oddly enough...I met my wife in a complete different environment. 😂 but yes, you never know how things are going to be. But always be a gentleman.
Sounds interesting. I'm yet to do a museum date, but I'll give it a try before long.
@03:43
"....we had some Tack-Os"🌮😂
Right On, Brutha... lol!! 🇬🇧🇲🇽
The mistake that I made continually when I was dating was not dressing well. Until a couple years ago I was always extremely casual in my attire and really never thought about dressing up at all for a date unless I was planning to take her someplace fancy. I have no idea if that may have been at least part of the reason why some first dates did not lead to a second, but it couldn’t have helped. I honestly didn’t think twice about showing up for a coffee or lunch date wearing jeans and t-shirt. It would be much different now, but thankfully I managed to snag a terrific woman who apparently didn’t care about how I dressed and we’ve been married for about 6 years.
Dating etiquette mistake: I assumed that my date would fancy a nice glass of quality wine so I ordered a bottle of wine, before finding out that she didn't drink alcohol at all 😮😊
Stuff like that can happen! It's important to handle it with grace and not make it out to be a big deal.
also people can be very fussy about wine, and SHE will judge YOU for which wine you pick.
Best to leave it out.
Always informative as usual and been watching for a few months now. Cheers sir!
Thank you
Hi James, will you please teach us about fine dining and using cutlery properly?
the last point was great! Focus on the person you are with not too much on the waiter
Thanks Mike
About ghosting: It depends on the culture. Where I come from, if he doesn't ask to see each other again or make an arrangement on the spot, it means he's not interested. And when he doesn't like to continue, he splits the bill! Japanese men are notorious.
That's interesting. So are you from Japan?
@@Gent.Z Yes, but I spent my childhood in London. The Japanese prefer to avoid the awkwardness of rejecting and being rejected when the attitude says all. But I don't believe in splitting the bill.
An etiquette mistake I made on a date was I asked a girl on the first date what her favorite position was and I backpaddled and said I was talking about CEO or executive positions lol
Quite a witty save, in my opinion
Backpedaling was the mistake
Yup that was low . Said a lot about you that was not good.
step 1 be born with old money genetics
Don’t walk ahead of her walk with her
Keep your phone away , show interest
Plan the night
Listen and share
Compliment her , chances are she took time to get ready for you
Be on time
Cheap, fun date: putt putt golf! I met my wife of now 22 years when I was 28, but I was still new and inexperienced to dating. For our first "official" date I figured do the standard dinner and a movie. We got to the movie early so we went to the putt putt golf next door to burn time. That wound up being the best part of the date as it allowed to talk, have fun, and compete against each other. After movie and dinner we went to my place but she didnt want to go too far. So, the second date a few days later was a carpet picnic and movie back at my place, but the sexual tension had already been built up so much on the first date we were on each other in the first 30 minutes!
Too much information sharing is a problem, especially so if it is all about what went wrong on your last relationship, marriage, etc. Even if your date asks about prior relationships, keep your response neutral and concise. I would rather hear a man say that he does not share that kind of personal information on a first date than hear all the gory details of love gone bad.
First viewer! Cheers!
Keep it going good Sir, love your videos!
Thank you. Glad to have you here
WE GOING TO HOOTERS WITH THIS ONE 🗣️🗣️🗣️
Thank you very much for the advice.
I had no really dates. Many times I waited for the women on the date and they never showed up.
That's a shame. How were you meeting these women?
@@Gent.Z thanks you for listening and asking.
A woman, I meet on an artist meeting in Berlin. She was very friendly but she never showed up on the next date. She just say, that she forgot it and never showed up again.
The other women, I meet on dating apps or we knowed each other from chat groups.
So we was on the same events, to meet each other, but they just was going to other parties without leaving any informations.
Just waiting an hour in front of a hotel in the cold, wasn´t really fun.
The last groups, of dating women on apps, was horrible. The dating apps are full of prostitute and I don´t look for that.
Since around 5 years, I never met a woman for a date again.
But I have two fun facts. Meeting a man for a date is complete different. They was allways on time.
And I have often a really good connection to much older woman (55 and above and I am 38). It is much easier to get in contact or work together.
Now I moved to an other big german city, to start complete new.
Wouldn't it be more gentlemanly to call instead of texting? You could be that guy that stands out! You may say everyone texts. Don't be everyone.
Nobody calls anymore.
Today, calling someone you haven't met yet out of the blue could actually be considered rude. So you risk standing out for the wrong reason.
@@Gent.Z I meant this as the 2 to 3 day follow-up after the first date.
All great points. Plan absolutely - you have to have the initiative, regarding paying that is excellent point, yes this is also part of point 1 - planing. Of course it is assumed man pays, especially on the first date, however it is an excellent test: what will she order, does she even make an offer or suggestion to participate if the bill was high? I always keep paying the bill a bit nonchalant, like it's nothing. But you know it tells you a lot how the other person would react about an Act of you paying. A smile and thank you at least (yes i dated i woman who was like that, she had very firm ideas about roles). Be careful not to overspend on the first date (plan your venue, place), it can be awkward if you don't feel comfortable, it can set a level which might be unsuitable in the long run.
I crige at myself while watching this video these are all my mistake. 😭
I've made many of these mistakes myself. The important thing is that we learn from them and get better.
please, i need a husband, where can i find a man that actually is like you and has class or at least decency????!!!!!
Come to one of our Gent Z events! www.gent-z.com/events
I advise men to never make their first "date" a 1 on 1 eating date or really any 1 on 1 date. Go with a group of supportive friends or just supportive people or at a party. If it's 1 on 1, the woman will just interrogate you like a police officer trying to get you to confess. You'll be defending yourself, your life the whole night. That's terrible.
Women like to be seen and see others - what their rivals are wearing, the size of their rivals butts. Take her to a hockey game where the sport and the crowd entertains her/you both so you don't have to be entertaining her by yourself.
I like the first date being with a supportive female friend amongst others, so your date will get the word that she can't just abuse and reject you or she'll get "Noticed" as an American woman that doesn't know how to behave.
Can you please do a video on Steve McQueen?
James take me on a date bro
kinda off topic, but what do you think about a spontaneous, unplanned date with someone you are in a committed relationship with (bf/gf or higher) and knows you well.
Maybe just randomly exploring the city and going to places that you see along the way. It could even consist of going down interesting alleys and backstreets (while being safe).
Might be a little chaotic, but sounds fun to me. Would you like to go on a date like that/is this a good date idea?
As good rule I would suggest bringing lady a flower to first date
If you are picking her up walk to her door & get her car door for her vs when some men text her I am here and wait in car
Its a nice touch, but in my book it depends a lot, about the kind of woman.
It can be a nice touch, depends on the date in my opinion. If you give her a flower and then decide you don't like her, it all seems rather incongruent and can feel awkward. It happened to me.
Mexican Coca - Cola is delicious. I know exactly where to obtain it. Thanks for the idea.
On a first date I agree a lady should not even have to think about bill during date
Well said, Martin. Thanks for your comment.
Ive been watching you for a while and i appreciate your valuable content, you truly appear a gentleman based on the way you express yourself, your tone of voice and so on, if possible, i want to have a private conversation with you, do consider it if you are reading, there are some tips i want to seek from you and maybe build a companionship with you, brother.
Thanks very much. Join my community and give me a message there www.skool.com/gentz
My date didn’t offer or ask to pick me up or ordering Uber. I declined the date because I felt he didn’t put any effort. He choosed a nice place and time was settled but didn’t catch up again during date day and Just texted see you soon 30 min before the date. I ditched him..
Brutal
Well done!
@ he begged now for another chance.. don’t know if I should give him because for me it’s huge red flag like he didn’t care enough
@@Ria23854 as a man I'd say no. If he's BEGGING you then that's a red flag.
@@AugustasAG interesting, why is begging for a date red flag as a man, isn’t it showing interest ? He said he felt so sorry etc but for me it’s just empty words.. like he wants to prove now something I don’t know
If we are paying cash, is it OK to lay down the cash openly when paying? Is it better to hide the amount in the bill?
So, if you're out on a date, don't ask the hot cocktail waitress for her number . . .
Great video.❤🎉😊🙌👍🙂😎👌😎🤠👑👏💯💪
Hang on…a woman…going on a date…with a man??? In 2024?? On Earth??? Does that actually happen?
Who's the girl at 0:09?
That girl is Andie from the movie how to lose a Guy in 10 days.
The actress is Kate Hudson
Question: On the off chance she asks abt splitting the bill or anything like that, what do you say?
Tell her again that you want to pay and if she still insists on splitting or paying then you do that. No point in arguing about it really in my opinion
I'd say 'I've got this.' Or, better still, pay the check while she's in the restroom so there can be no discussion.
Your pronunciation of tacos probably ended that match.
Id say if it works she gives the text message.
I went on a date and we agreed to split the bill. He got out his expense account corporate card to pay. That was a deal killer.
He should always pay
Are you sure he wasn't the owner of this company/corporation?
@ yes. I’d have known if he owned Continental Airlines.
I love this channel. Been watching for a good while. Where are you from @gentz
@@sammajor2075 Sam knows it! Raised in England too.
@@Gent.Z you now live in chicago too if I am not mistaken.