Exactly,@@alfredbonnabel7022. 👍 Holding your cool and not being disrespectful to the server/wait staff is super important. Most likely, it is NOT their fault, so no reason to be rude to THEM.
@@WaltDittrich I did give him a $20 tip beside what he received from our table for service. Money doesn't make my actions right, but it was the least I can do.
Over the years of being a regular at a few places in town (mostly pubs), I've trimmed down to three guidelines for how one should behave. 1) Be polite. 2) Tip well if deserved and sometimes even if not deserved (Leaving no tip at all makes you look bad. Leaving some change or maybe 5 or 10 percent of the meal's price, sends a message to the server if the service is bad. Don't fault the server because the food is subpar. When they ask you how the food is, be specific and courteous. 3) Never never hit on the waitstaff. They already know when you're interested and if they are interested in you, you will know.
I agree with being nice to the staff because they do have control of my food. I used to work in a restaurant kitchen. I won't be nice if the staff is obnoxious and rude to me while I'm being nice, but I'll wait until after I receive my last serving of food to escalate the matter.
Variation on #5: don’t butter your bread from the main source of butter. Take a portion of butter and put it on your bread plate and butter your bread with your individual portion.
Yes totally agree. Even here in Australia, we are generally easy going and forgive most slip ups with etiquette, but even here, taking a bite out of your buttered bread and putting it back on the plate is considered gross and inconsiderate of others. I’ve made my share of etiquette mistakes over the years, but being late or taking a bite out of buttered bread and putting it on the plate are 2 things I have never done, it’s just common sense really.
I worked as a busboy at a restaurant in Caesar’s Palace, One day I had five businessman wearing suits and ties, having a meeting.when I would approach the table to refill drinks The gentleman running The meeting would stop talking look at me smile and say thank you. On his way out, he approached me, tipped me and said thank you for your great service. that was 30 years ago and till this day when I dine out, I try to conduct myself and treat waitstaff with the same respect and dignity that I was shown by that Gentleman.
The Golden Rule should always be that "you catch more flies with honey". any time that you have any dispute or promblem, always State your problem with a calm respectful demeanor, it will speak volumes about you.
I'm the same way I worked at a bob Evans I was a busboy and the waiters had there tip and mone went to the business 😢I did not get mine so when they were to lazy to clean they nocked it down I left. & today when I go to a restaurant I tip the bus boy.
I hate staff who constantly try to ingratiate themselves for tipping by constantly interrupting important conversations! If I want a refill, I'll catch your eye and hold up a finger. You should be seen and not heard. Obviously many of you have never been in top 5 star type of restaurants. Or just plain very good ones, high class.
Another one to add. If one's meal arrives before everyone else's, do not start eating until your date or the rest of the guests on your table has been served
Good point, but if the restaurant staff is even mildly competent, they'll know enough to bring everyone's meals together or very nearly together if it's more than the waiter can do in one trip.
that’s actually a big one! a month ago i was invited to big banquet style brunch for my friends birthday. the entire table of ~20 people is served including myself except for my neighbor to my left who happened to be a very attractive woman and friend of the birthday girl. the rest of the table began eating but i waited for a few more minutes until the servers finally brought out her plate. She noticed and thanked me for waiting and we ended up very successfully chatting that dinner and for a long time after
I attended a lot of business functions where we would be seated for lunch/dinner at round tables of six or eight. Gentlemen - not only wait until everyone is served, but also wait for any ladies at the table to start their meal. My wife was often with me and she knew to ‘start the meal’ by taking a bite or two as soon as all were served. Sometimes ladies will be in a conversation and keep on talking while the gentlemen, if they know, just sit there waiting on the ladies.
@@BernhardSchwarz-xs8kp videos about riots is what we need to croupe the metracrhy that boomers created, and which has dumbed down people to the extreme. thanks among others by pubic EDUCATION (not teaching) ran by wahmen.
# 6 is excellent- combining realistic ability to comment on and rectify problems without rudeness. And above all noting that a gentleman is never flustered by trivial problems. Well put.
I am much older but was trained by both my father and a career as an executive how to perform at dinner. You did a great job. It is also very clear you have been practicing your manner of pacing your speech to show confidence, and control. Full marks.
I dated a gal that hen pecked and griped every time we dined out. She was a real two face toward the waiter/ess. She felt empowered to keep the staff on their toes ''just for fun''. She would become really very angry when I left a generous tip, although she never offered to treat for a thing. I put up with it and then I stopped calling her.
I’m in my late 70s so learned all these things as a young man, but this is excellent info for younger people who didn’t get much training from their elders.
I’m 77 was raised to behave in this manner (except the bread thing). It’s appalling how many younger guys are either unaware or completely ignore common sense etiquette.
Coincidentally, my 8 year old son and I are having dinner at a fine dining restaurant tomorrow night before attending the theatre (his first time seeing live theatre). These were some great reminders for gentle teaching moments which will be part of our dining experience. Thank you - you've gained a new subscriber.
I hope it went well. You reminded me of when I accompanied my 8 year-old son to a performance of Siegfried at the MET, and we had a restaurant dinner before. Because we watched a lot of opera on video in the late 80s my son learned to read from the subtitles and became an opera nut, a Wagner nut, really, from the age of three or four. Now pushing 40, he is a bigger fan than ever. Sometimes, all you have to do is push the boat out onto the water and it sails itself.
Please do not make the mistake of educating your son that Theater, acting, pretending to be "the King" and acting like one is essential for a good education. Stimulating his own interests and supporting him in thinking about the present is far more important than becoming an expert in what someone wrote yesterday.
I’ll add a few more: Don’t get too drunk if at all. Don’t complain about the food even if you didn’t enjoy it much. Always place a napkin on your lap even in lesser quality restaurants. It always looks like you know how to eat out and saves your trousers from anything that may drop. An no elbows on the table!!!!
Very good suggestions. Personally, I don’t like to put paper napkins on my lap unless I think there’s a high chance of spilling something. They fall off too easily
Chewing with your mouth open, making disgusting slurping noises. One thing that sets me off permanently is someone who blows noisily on their coffee/tea/soup and the proceeds to slurp it up, and then rattle their spoon around in the cup to mix it up.
@@Gent.Z Maybe it’s a U.S. thing but, cloth or paper, put your napkin in your lap. I’ve never experienced paper napkins falling off more so than cloth. If it falls off, ask the waiter for another.
Thank you for making this video. It's much needed these days. When I attended middle school back in the early '70s, all students took an etiquette class. I wish that were still taught in the public schools.
Times have changed. Marxism is in. And he declared social etiquette and table manners a fallacy of the bourgeoisie. Let' your kids scream, and eat with their hands - that is ok among real commerades. And don't be surprised if drinking out of the bottle is ok too. Just make sure that you lick the rim clean before you put the bottle back. Enjoy dinner in an Ester Block country and you will experience all of the "enjoying life and sharing a bottle".
Two additional points: 9 Choose a restaurant appropriate for the type of event / date. For example, if you intend to chat with your guest(s), don't take them to a restaurant that is likely to be noisy or has loud music. 10. If the restaurant has a smart dress code, make sure you conform to it, inform your date likewise well in advance, and give them an idea of what you will be wearing (e.g. a suit & tie) so that they have ample opportunity to dress appropriately in line with you.
Certainly. Dress appropriately for the occasion. If in doubt, it is better to be slightly overdressed. You can always remove a sport coat or tie and roll up your sleeves if the situation calls for a more relaxed appearance.
Living in the Upper east side of Manhattan one trick that works here is If you are going to a top tier restaurant they usually are booked up weeks in advance but if you ask to take the earliest appointment and leave by prime diner hour they will fit you in. That is usually 8pm. So make a 5pm reservation and be out by 8 works over the years for me.
@@Tryingtomakeitmakesense Of course you do not. All this belongs to basic manners. But when one reads the hair raising comments to this video, it looks very few persons still have manners, unfortunately.
This is so true and wearing a hat while dining lowers your perceived IQ, style sense, self awareness and learned manners. Even worse if you choose your baseball cap backwards.
I was in the Coast Guard and it was a requirement that you take off your cover (hat) when going onto the mess deck (dining area) because traditionally, that is where the ship's surgeon or corpsman (pronounced cor-man) would operate on wounded sailors. I still go by that, even in a fast food restaurant.
Can't grant you that's one, the Cap of choice ( not fedoras or beefeaters or prussian army spike war helmets necessarily ) provides a certain function. Tired eyes from Screens. . L.e.d. restaurant insanity, recognition blocking, a wee sense of Privacy dammit or personal space albeit a few milimetres of brim-- (p.s. Panama in tropics etc also very useful) here to help.
We booked a table for dinner in a beautiful restaurant overlooking the Ocean in Camel California. The head waiter greeted us and before we had said a word, he asked if we were from Europe. He said he could tell because how stylish we looked… my husband was wearing a suit and I was wearing a little black dress. ( the head waiter was impeccably dressed) We were led into the beautiful restaurant to a lovely table. Unfortunately, on the next table the two ‘gentlemen’ were wearing shorts and caps back to front and the ‘ladies’ wear in what I would call casual beach dresses. They were rude to the staff and very noisy….such a shame.perhaps they should have watched this video. Ps my husband always stands when I leave the table for the powder room and on my return.
Excellent video. Standing up when someone you expect joins you at your table is important. This holds true in many circumstances other than dining events.
It is interesting as an old guy to hear your thoughts. I hope many other people are listening, not because I think there are a lot of rude people out there but because I believe over the years we have let informality and frankness over take our sensitivity to other peoples feelings. I also appreciate your restraint. Sometimes it is tempting to be overly strict with one's self but you seem to have a good balance. I say this as a retired Naval Officer who was shown many an etiquette film back in the day. If you look many of those films are available on You Tube. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
As an aspiring young gentleman from America, I have never heard of the bread mistake. I love your content so much and have learned a great deal so I know I would love more videos based around etiquette! Thank you for all the work you put in to these videos!
As we see from the interesting and often excellent comments/replies, there are other things that could be added to the list. The point is that this video is a good refresher course, and makes one think about what one does.
I am quite the restaurant aficionado. I always pay for the for everyone's meal and encourage them to order what they would like. I will do this for my guests twice. If on the third invite they don't offer to pay. I don't invite them to dine with me again. This trick may sound pricy buy you find out who you want to hang out with. Anyone with a sense of decorum will simply not allow you to pay after you have payed for their meal before. It helps to find friends worth spending time with.
Often it's assumed that the one making the dinner suggestion is also going to pay (unless you specify that you want to go dutch), especially if a man is inviting a woman, even if it's not a date. I have a couple of friends who always pay, even if I offer or planned to. That's actually awkward to me, especially more than once or twice, since it feels to me like it puts me in debt to them or makes me feel like a freeloader. My friends who always insist on paying probably just feel good doing that. Sometimes best just to work it out with them and not assume too much in either direction, if you go out with the same people often.
Would so very much enjoy being your guest but only 3 times. Payed is BTW spelled in better circles, paid, hoping to see you soon over a tenderloin and a single malt. Cheerio.
As a woman, unless I'm specifically told that my dining partner will be paying for my meal, I offer to pay my share - but only once per meal. If they turn down my single offer, I don't ask again. I do always thank them. Depending on the relationship, I may or may not take a turn at being host.
I’m a 62 year old Gentleman yes Gentleman. You give me hope I grew up in some of the finest restaurants on the eastern seaboard. I was a real 3 star restaurant a week ago the fool next to me in jeans and a baseball cap kept using foul language..it occurred to me he would have been happier at Wendy’s I know we would have had he made that choice!
Breaking of bread is not just a saying, it's good manners. Teach your kids proper manners, otherwise they will have bad manners. Bad manners put a stain on one's reputation which people won't forget. Cheers
My mom took me and each of my brothers in turn out to dinner, where we practiced the points you raised in the video. She wanted us to be natural gentlemen. She told me that a gentleman always placed the needs of his companions before his own, while conveying his delight in their companionship.
I actually took an etiquette class in college! One thing I was taught not to do (& I started noticing ppl who did it) was to blow your nose and examine its contents on your handkerchief.
Yikes! Hope that never happens at my table. I did know someone who would take out her cellphone and take a photo of her mouth to see if there was anything caught between her teeth. Let's not go there.
That's very true. Another subtle etiquette tip that completely changed my life is to never use my date's hankerchief to wipe my ass and proudly show the contents off to everyone in the restaurant while touting what a good boy I am.
Hi, I am surprised that you had to wait until college before learning basic good manners, it is a bit late in life to start learning what most European children have learned by their second year of schooling. This is so obvious in Europe and hence you will see children eating with their parents in restaurants. I pointed out to a American colleague visiting us in Europe, that wearing a hat indoors was considered bad manners unless he was Jewish or Muslim. He said that it didn’t apply to him as he was American! I gave up. Cheers mate. Harera
I knew about all of the issues mentioned except the thing with the bread, but then again, I am in America and this is not a problem with us. Thanks, very good advice!
Wonderful. I consider myself a old time gent, but I really enjoy watching your delivery and you keeping the art of civilization alive for the next generation.
I was dining with my boss and a couple he had invited to join us. When the check came and he picked up the meal, the couple were surprised but grateful. To show their appreciation, they ordered a dessert to go AFTER they found out he was treating. Talk about "classless".
Oh dear. I had to read that twice. I thought they ordered dessert to go "on their own bill". With the classless note, I'm guessing they added that on to the existing bill? Yes, horrible.
Thank you for a very well- presented video. Good manners are not inherited, and sadly not taught as they once were. I'm seventy-seven now and still enjoy dining out with my wife of fifty-eight years. Etiquette is still practiced by both of us and comes as second nature. Being polite makes for an enjoyable evening whether it be the two of us or dining with friends. I have subscribed to your refreshing channel.
Wow! What a fabulous and appropriate video. This video should be required watching for everyone. I can’t tell you how many times I have been grossed out by someone with poor manners and etiquette. There is nothing more attractive than a polished man or woman who carries themselves in a graceful manner and thinks of others first. Well done! More of these types of videos please. Thank you!
55 yo American, I spent a lot of time with my grandparents and learned early many gentleman traits, allow your partner to follow the waiter before you, ask their opinion on menu items, yes the bread I learned as a kid, also to only take one cut of the butter and use that cut on the bread plate for the rest of the meal, tear each bread bite. Some others, show an interest in your server, ask how they are and mean it, eye contact, thank them. Napkins on lap, elbows off table, no caps or hats, open side down on your seat next to you or knee. Fork/knife across top of plate when finished…the list goes on, thank you so much for your videos, the next generation needs to know. Cheers
"allow your partner to follow the waiter before you" This is one my dad taught me too. You always follow behind her. Never make her follow behind you like a puppy dog.
@ScroatBagGarage: Here in Texas it is customary to leave your cowboy hat on when dining in fine establishments. However, on occasion I'm wearing a cowboy hat I can't but help myself to remove it.
Great list! The only one I'm not sure about is the knife and fork. I was always taught the knife and fork (fork left and knife right) at the 4 o'clock position when finished eating. Any server worth their salt would know that you are done.
@@daveb2280 ---I have not been in a fine dining establishment since my 20s, when I still had a full head of hair. Except for church or the pledge of Allegiance, I hide my shame beneath my baseball hat. (Those transplants cost about $2 per hair).
A big one for me is being indecisive over ordering and holding the waiter and everyone else up. It is fine to ask the waiter to clarify between two choices but then make a choice.
That goes for any occasion, not just for dining. When someone approaches you for a greeting, you should rise to greet them. Male or female, doesn't matter.
@@sarahschmidt4177 and something else that goes along with this, a man should never offer a lady his hand for a handshake. He should always wait for the lady to extend her hand to make the offer first.
#9. Do not complain to the other people at the table about the food, service, music, temperature, lighting, seating, table placement, etc. ESPECIALLY if someone else picked the resaurant or someone else is buying.
Excellent recommendations - nicely presented. One thing I would consider: don't ask your host for a dinner recommendation if you are not prepared to order and eat it. Asking for a recommendation and then not heeding the advice can sometimes be interpreted as dismissive. Great video. Thank you.
Having dined, many times, at a 5-star hotel on the banks of Lake Como, I noticed the manner in which the waiters would always place a plate in front of the guest, coming in from the left-hand side, silently, and rather like a plane landing. I described this technique to a friend who worked at a very much down-to-earth grille, serving fried food to the masses. He tried it on his customers, and one of them gave him a tip (which was not usual) and a written note of appreciation for the service (including an apology for being slightly drunk!) Appearances matter - and always have.
You are served from the left side and take away is from the right side. When finished eating you place the knife and fork across the plate so the waiter knows you are finished and will remove the plate. Never push the plate aside.
Lake Como is heaven. I was there when I was only 12. The little town had a 5 storey toy store. Toy soldiers, toy guns, and G.I. Joe's on the top floor. Oh Yes, Como's food and scenery were amazing too❤❤❤❤❤
@@acommentator4452 On one occasion, a member of the party ordered roast chicken. The bird was brought to the table, the meat removed (with a *spoon*, of course, not a knife) and then a snowy-white napkin draped over the carcase before it was carried off, lest the sight of it should offend the diners. Now, *that's* class.
Very good instructional video! I think many young men would benefit from watching this. Fortunately, my Dad taught me most of these rules, and I in turn showed my son. Being from the U.S., I wasn't aware of the bread/butter situation. Now I know. Thank you!
Most fancy restaurants in the U.S. put out warm rolls. It forces you to cut it in half and butter one side of the roll at a time. It also allows you to eat one half of a roll at a time instead of cutting large single slices into bite size morsels.
Cut a piece of meat, eat it. Cut another, eat that and so on. Don’t cut a big slab of meat into numerous pieces then eat them all. Cut, chew, converse, repeat. Take a taste of your drink, other dinner items. Take your time. Enjoy the company, the scenery,the ambiance,the conversation. Keep the bites small enough you don’t have to chew it like a horse chewing its cud.
My college fraternity had etiquette training. Three finer points are:1) the salt and pepper shakers are never separated. If someone asks you to pass one of them you give that person both. 2) when you’ve finished your meal you put the knife and fork at the 4 o’clock position on the plate signifying to the waiter you‘re done. 3) adults please cut you’re meat(steak, chicken, fish) as you eat it, you don’t totally cut the meat up and then eat up all the pieces like a child would.
I've noticed the cut-up thing in the USA, where people dissect the components on their plate, then use the fork like a shovel to eat. What's the story with that?!
Glad you mentioned fraternity training. I learned the same. Also you do not start eating until everyone is served and the head of household starts eating.
Also, wait until your friend’s mouth is empty before expecting them to respond. Nothing more uncomfortable (and unsafe) than having to hurriedly swallow in order to answer.
The cellphone rule is a deal beaker for me. You asked me out for dinner, not your phone. You aren't making your date feel welcome or special by doing that. I'll stay, I'll be gracious and I'll enjoy the food but I won't be going out with you again. And take your hat off, we're not eating hot dogs in the bleachers at a baseball game.
When my younger family members are invited to my home for a meal I have to insist that the young man remove his baseball cap at the table, and that they both leave their phones on the coffee table in the other room. This is taken badly, but my house, my rules. They simply do not see it as bad manners, so far have standards fallen. We have all seen cartoons -- and even photographs -- of a group out n a restaurant with every single member of the party staring at their phones. I find it appalling.
@@VLind-uk6mb It is appalling. I've had arguments with people over whether or not certain actions, wearing a hat to a table, fixated on your phone, holding your fork like a shovel, wearing jeans and t-shirts at a wedding or funeral etc. were bad manners. I'd show them articles on the internet that explained that these actions were crude. And their rebuttal? "Well, that was a different time. Things change, styles of dress, language and social norms like manners all change". "Fair enough" I said. "So what is considered to be bad manners at this time?" And they couldn't tell me! So apparently anything you wish to do in public is fine and it's your problem if it upsets you. I saw a video recently where a fourteen year old kid was filming himself walking past diners eating at tables on the sidewalk at a bistro. He'd randomly grab food off of their plates and eat it hoping for a reaction so he could post the drama on a social media site for clicks. One woman was outraged and told the kid and his partner never to touch her food again. He told her using colorful expletives to go away and get over it. And when her posted the footage the people seeing it commented that HER actions were unwarranted!. This is the world we live in today. The internet has ruined society.
I only bring my phone if I need it to arrange the reservation or to pay by phone,otherwise it's in my pocket .if I am a guest I just leave it in the car
Excellent video--AND advice! As an older man who was raised rather "old fashioned", it is nice and very refreshing to see young men keeping with some of the better aspects of "old ways". I also like the cultural references (America versus UK and EU). The part relating to service staff is KEY in my opinion! I have seen SO many incredibly rude and demanding people treating staff as though they were less than human--yet, at the same time, loudly DEMANDING respect for themselves! Ridiculous, not just rude. Well-done video and thank you!
Solid. Agree with all of these. I'm American, so the bread and butter thing doesn't bother me so much, but everything else is 100%. Stand up to greet an arriving guest. It makes all the difference!
The butter thing doesn't bother me either. But I think it is a great tip -keeps us from wolfing down whole gobs of bread and looks so much more elegant and civilized. Next to no phone (which I will actively campaign for) my favorite tip.But they were all brilliant (as they say in the UK),
I've heard it explained that the bread is to give your hands something to do while you wait for food. It isn't really to chow down on. So all that added "work" as explained is on purpose. It's meant to be complicated and intricate for no reason.
One excellent compliment I've learned which has always been well received: "That dress/outfit looks great on you." It's so wonderful because you're primarily complimenting the person. It's the person that is making it look fantastic. Cheers!
I learned that way to compliment a woman many years ago as a very young man, I think from an Ann Landers column. I've always followed that rule since, and it's cool to hear someone else confirm it!
Good point. Not only does it compliment the date, but it’s a great ice breaker if you don’t know the person well -my phrase would be “ that’s a pretty dress/outfit”
Great vid... Being a gentlemen is simple, its about treating others with respect, and making your guests and the people around you feel special. Please add this to your list of musts do's... -It's always good form for a gentlemen to assist a lady with pushing in her chair as she seats herself. -Also, if a lady excuses herself to use the washroom or leaves the table for whatever reason, its proper for a gentleman to stand up when she returns, and assist her with her chair. - Ladies or older persons always give their orders first. -And another thing, its always proper for you to wait to begin eating your main dish until every person at the table has been served. I have two sons in their 20's, and have done my best to teach them through example of how to behave in public social settings.
My mother taught us restaurant etiquette at a young age. We practiced during regular meals at home before we were allowed to enter a fine restaurant. I will never forget her showing me the difference in how to hold and use a spoon, when eating soup or a dessert like crème brûlée.
In my dating life many years ago I always paid close attention to how my date treated the wait staff. I had learned that it was an almost universally accurate predictor for how I was going to be treated when the first blush of the relationship had passed.
That's not always true. If I've got a male as a waiter and he's fucking everything up or being rude, then I'd likely be pretty up-front. Never would I raise my voice to my partner or be snappy, though. I'm not tolerating a poorly run service from men, but I'm never going to raise my voice to a young girl.
@@OngoGablogian185 That was not really where I was going with my comment, and I am with you on addressing poor behavior. I was more talking about scenarios where wait staff who are doing a decent job and treated like servants and/or chastised for things out of their control.
If i have to worry about the price of my meal, I’d honestly rather just pay for it myself. “It’s rude to order something expensive” Yeah? Isnt it MORE rude to say that you’ll pick up the tab, and then be shallow enough to want to put a price tag on my head?
I'd also add that fragrance should be kept to a minimum when dining out. If you're going somewhere very special, or a fine Japanese restaurant, for example, you should refrain from wearing fragrance at all. Your fellow diners don't want to have their senses of smell and taste overwhelmed by your fragrance when they're trying to savor their food and wine.
I love the comment about the bread. So true!, Men need to show up in something presentable. One of those fleece jackets is gross Table manners are a must.
Nice! Yes, the bread-butter etiquette has been known for years in the American continent. Another one I would add is always dab your mouth with a napkin before taking a sip of any beverage, and, not imperative, but try to use the same spot of the glass.
I'm American and I don't know a single American who has the good manners with bread, and or putting one's personal utensil in a shared plate, etc. You've been fortunate to dine with very well mannered people!
Everything you've said makes perfect common sense. The best part, the part I didn't know, was about the buttered bread. Thank you for bringing that up. As I've not been to Europe but plan to go very soon. I will remember that.
Hello! Young gentleman from Brazil here. You could make a video on your approach to what I perceive to be big no's for gentlemen, which are things such as drinking from straws, &c. All the best luck. Really fond of your videos. Keep it up!
These are very good tips! (I am a woman, but I appreciate you efforts. Especially since most men want to make a good impression, but have no idea how). They are also good tips for women, too. And some of them, especially rudeness to employees, and complimenting your date needs to be seen as a reminder to be mindful of just plain good manners. Kudos!
Restaurant Etiquette Mistakes a Gentleman Never Makes 1. Make a reservation 2. Be on time - 15 min buffer 3. Standing up to meet your guests when they arrive 4. Make a compliment 5. Buttering your whole piece of bread - tear off a bite size piece of bread, butter, then eat 6. Being rude to waiter or waitress - be kind - generous tip 7. Order a manageable meal - no onion soup - don't order most expensive if not paying 8. No phone - mostly
Allow your guests to sit first. Don't hide behind the menu. Don't order until all the women have ordered. Napkin goes on your lap and not until you start eating. Keep your eyes on whomever is speaking, looking at your plate just long enough to start your next bite. Don't be the first to finish eating.
*When making the reservation, always address any special needs of the attendees-mobility issues, Braille menus, etc. - making sure your guests will be comfortable and without issues. *Don't chew your food with your mouth open. *Know how to deal with bones or other inedible materials which may be used on the plate (i.e., toothpicks holding a lemon slice on fish). Don't just throw them on the table. *Keep your voice at a polite & respectful volume. The people at the next table don't want to hear about Grannie's new dentures. *Keep topics of conversation appropriate for mealtime and appropriate for the guests (age, relationship to you, location, etc.)
I totally agree with three things in this video: punctuality, standing up to greet people, and the cellphone thing. Another copule of things I might add: don't get smashed during the meal, and don't gaze down your female dining partner's cleavage, no matter how enticing.
Regarding cleavage, I was on a blind date with a very busty woman in a low-cut top. We got into a relationship and she told me how a lot of men would stare at her breasts when on dates and how I wasn't. I told her, "I was looking, but you never caught me." She liked that.
I think you pretty much nailed it. All very good points. It amazes me how some people just don’t have good etiquette -especially with mobile phones when dining out. Being polite to wait staff and tipping is very important. If you tip generously and treat staff with courtesy and respect the next time you go back to the restaurant the staff will give you the vip treatment. This will certainly impress your guests - it is a solid investment! It is also good to pick up the tab for your guests occassionally - while not expected it will definitely win you friends! Everyone loves a person with a generous spirit but nobody wants to be around a stingy person. Always be a good listener at the table and don’t talk over other people no matter how much alcohol you have consumed.
Yay, someone else that follows etiquette. Our parents taught us. And blatantly apparent that many others were not taught the finer things in life. I don't care if we are dining at a fast food place or a Michelin star establishment, rules are the same.
@@tr0wb3d3r5 Correct. My brother still does this as that is how we are raised. However, it does matter where we are enjoying a meal. If at a taco shack or hamburger place, no at a proper restaurant, yes.
Great video, thanks. I wasn't aware of the bread/butter but will remember it going forward. I have always stood when welcoming people, even if it is in a in house or bar setting. For me it is just showing respect. As a result, I always notice it when someone doesn't and it impacts my assessment of them. That's the way it goes with these things. One that would seem obvious but is not always followed in my experience is putting the napkin on your lap as soon as you start your meal and it doesn't touch the table again until the meal is over.
I especially enjoyed the comment regarding the bread. I am 77 years old and I was told this by my father approximately 60 years ago. Apparently in the 1930s, when one went out to dinner it was standard form in America to break apart the bread and then butter and eat it …..when my father made the faux pas of breaking the bread in half and buttering it , he was given rather stern looks by those that were attending the college dance. He taught me that lesson over 60 years ago and I’ve always tried to follow it.
To go one step further: Whilst dining at the US's very high class restaurant: "Outback", they give you a full loaf of bread to share. Instead of grabbing the loaf by the large side, sawing through a piece, then grabbing the piece- so as to have handled the entire loaf with your hand, but then grabbing the small section you cut to eat: Grab the side of bread that you're cutting off and are going to eat, and take the section you cut off with you. That way your paws aren't contaminating the rest of the loaf!
@@stargazer2504 Usually loaf style bread will come wrapped in a cloth tea towel. It is acceptable to stabilize the bread while cutting, with your hand, using the towel.
I met my wife at a restaurant and I was already seated. When she arrived, I stood up and greeted her with hug and a kiss. She was so happy and later on that evening she “thanked” me for it in many ways. She said it was sweet and made her feel appreciated.
Over 700k views in only 5 months! Good to see people are coming back to etiquette and manners - and class! The casualness of recent decades has gone too far. Another important tip: the gentlemen always gives the better seating location to the lady, like never let her be seated facing the wall or interior…
Really love to see more etiquette video. This is something we can't learn from textbook, and based purely on our observations and awareness. Looking forward to your upcoming videos.
As a 62-year-old gentleman, I appreciate your channel. A couple of tips 1) If on a date let your date follow the waiter and gently touch/nudge her lower back 2) pull her chair out so she can sit. This a lost piece of etiquette, I do this all the time, one time my date was impressed, she said you are the first man who has ever done that. LOL. Notice I said nudge not her butt and not her shoulders, lower back. You are welcome.
@@Gent.Z Good job on bringing back gentlemen behavior and style!! Keep up the content. My son asked me why I walk on the street side when I walk with a woman, I said to protect her if a car comes, his response: oh hell no, LOL. Thought you might get a kick out of that.
@@2815marionwood Actually that dates back to the 19th century and before, when few houses in the city had "indoor plumbing". People kept chamber pots in bedrooms with a little bit of water in them. When the call of nature came, you went to the bed room, pissed in the chamber pot, then threw it out the window. In cities this happened on a continuous basis all day long. The piss water always tended to hit the outer part of the sidewalk. So when a man and woman walked down the street it was considered gallant for the man to take the piss and let the women be more shielded from it. Another reason ladies walked with parasols and men wore hats.
Please be careful with this, and watch your date for evidence that she is uncomfortable with this level of courtly behavior on a first date. I am a bit older than the O.P., but I don't care for uninvited touching. I'm fine with having doors opened for me, but I don't need to be "nudged" to follow a waiter to my table, unless the dining room is extremely crowded. If touched, I'll probably unconsciously flinch a little ... I would expect a date to notice that and back off. This is especially important with younger people, especially those who feel consent is necessary for any and all romantic communication / touch. You don't need to explicitly ask, just watch body language. For example, I'd tell my 23 year old son to "help her if she seems to need guidance, but don't be pushy." Finally, this is most important for a first date. Once we know each other better, we will know each other's limits and how to get closer.
Other than #5 (bread/roll etiquette) all of these others are so obvious and basic that I'd put them in the league of "#9 - Remember to put on pants before going out to dinner." They are important tips. I'm just amazed that some folks have to be taught these things! Great video - I'm going to check out the rest of your channel. 🙂 BHC
As an older gentleman myself, I would like to add table manners to the conversation. Nothing measures a man like good table manners. I believe them to be an essential building block of good etiquette. Gripping utensils like a primate or stuffing oversized helpings into your mouth says volumes. Measured bites allow you to stay engaged in the conversation while savoring every bite of your meal. Remember, people watch and people see, they will recognize both sloth and gluttony.
There is a REAL PANDEMIC OF PEOPLE ON THEIR PHONES!!! Granted people that use their utensils as excavating tools are really unmannerly and it shows if they are on a date.
I suppose I am shocked that 'gentlemen' need to be reminded of these simple rules, less the smartphone one for my generation. My siblings and I were taught these things at a very young age by my parents. I remember when I was about 5 or 6 my father telling us not to sit down before mum had taken her seat. The practice continued into my time in the military, where I had the privilege of mixing with dignitaries from all over the world. Princes, princesses ambassadors, presidents etc and never have my manners nor my etiquete been questioned. It isn't difficult, but it is very very important. These points you mention will serve people well for their whole lives. There used to be a saying 'manners maketh a man' of course it applies to all genders, but it is true and sadly lacking so often today, not exclusively by younger folk either. Keep it up, clearly people need to be taught or reminded and you did a very good job
It all sounds good except for the bread/butter rule. Some of us take our dates to breakfast or dine at fancy places that serve breakfast. The only exception to the "break and butter a bite-sized piece" rule is toast at breakfast time. Modern etiquette says that the entire slice of toast may be buttered and eaten without breaking it apart.(Maggie Oldham, Modern Etiquette Coach.)
Yeah, you want to butter your toast while it is still hot/warm. This is unlike in Europe where the bread is so tasty and rich it doesn't even need butter.
Mind, the toast at breakfast is typically consumed in one go, as the main "dish" of the "course", whereas the bread on the side here is a snack, a palate cleanser, that could sit indeed for a substantial time between actual bites during which its sight may displease.
Yes, etiquette in America (and I am American) is unfortunately not taught or emphasized by parents. Etiquette in actions and appropriate dress in social occasions is showing respect for others. Thanks for your videos! I even learn something about eating bread.😊
Dining at a hotel restaurant in the UK, the food was way below the standard expected, so I politely made a complaint. The restaurant manager came over to understand what was wrong, and I went into detail so much that she sat down and wrote everything down. After me totally picking the meal apart, she offered me a job as the head chef, mistakenly believing I was a chef. Oh, the perils of watching too much Gordon Ramsey...
Not sure about the standard of hotel restaurant if the manager actually SAT down with you......... Also pretty poor if they couldn't see any faults themselves so yes, good funny story but never happened. Ex UK hotel, banqueting and restaurant waiter of twenty years experience and I might add that much to my wife's annoyance, I criticise service etc when dining out but it's usually basic service issues that I pick up on which should be taught from the start regardless of whether it's a cafe or a five star restaurant. Food problems are dealt with depending on how much you are paying....... American issues I often see are clearing individual plates before the whole table is finished leaving the slowest eater all alone with their food then compounding this by also removing all the napkins before serving desert. Pouring huge glasses of wine whereby a whole bottle is emptied into four glasses. Better to pour smaller amounts leaving the rest to chill on ice. Thinking it's alright to serve lukewarm white wine, then getting upset when being told to take it back and asking for a cold bottle. Out for a meal in a smart New York restaurant where all the staff wore black tie and suits, looking super efficient. One of them took so long trying unsuccessfully to open a bottle of sparkling wine that I asked him to let me show him the proper technique as I'd done it literally hundreds of times. Opened it for him and put it into the ice bucket but must have upset his ego as he walked away without a thankyou or actually pouring it! Probably unable to serve it properly either but certainly not a funny story.......
Oh honey I’m 63 years old and grew up around upper middle and seriously upper class people who didn’t understand these simple things. Treating everyone around you respectfully was a real tell.
Well, before anything can be known, it must be taught at least once. This video is simply one way to do such teaching. Of course, such a pragmatic understanding would prevent you from jumping to making a snarky, superficial comment for equally cheap "likes", so, it is quite understandable that you would take it this way.
The only thing frightening is the fact that some people are actually so fucking offended by whether someone, say, has a hat on while eating or not. Save your outrage for things that actually matter.
A butler spilled soup at the British Queen Mother at an official dinner, tiaras and everything and lots of prominent guest -- Her Majesty pretended not to notice the splash of hot soup, because she wouldn't add a bad vibe for her guests,, she just smkled and raised her glass and later she quietly and unnoticed moved her brooch and silk order ribbon to cover the stain. That's true royalty for you 🎉
Very good point, what does it gain after all to be snippy with people. Much better to quietly resolve mistakes when and if necessary. It is common decency isn't it to simply be pleasant and professional with people, no matter what their station in life. It is also worth remembering for younger folk mainly but not exclusively that the people one meets on the way up, are sure to be there on the way down also 😊.
@@itsmeGeorginashe was a regal lady and in my experience very kind. I almost ran into her, when scurrying about Lancaster House as a young army captain. Her majesty had taken a stroll from just next door and was ahead of her two guards officer attendants, when I came bolting outside, skidded across the pavement on my studs and stopped right in front of her, speechless. She simply smiled as the guards officers behind her smirked at me. Only minutes before I had knocked over Michael Portillo, in front of two Saudi princes. It was a weird day lol.......all true, 32 years ago.
Note to women: How the man treats a waitress/waiter is how he WILL treat you. This is your chance to see the REAL person. If he is rude to the waitress/waiter, LEAVE, call an Uber and never speak to him again. Likewise, if he drives you to the restaurant and drives recklessly, get out of the car at a stoplight, call an Uber and never speak to him again. DO NOT answer calls or texts, block him from your contacts. You dodged a bullet!
Excellent Comment! Astute and very true. I also love 45 ACP! Also, a man who was a dear friend of mine whose mother was a child psychologist said the most important question you can ask on a first date is: What is your relationship with your parent of the opposite sex. In other words, if you're a woman, how is your relationship with your dad? If you're a guy, how is the relationship with your mom? He said he dodged many a bullet with that question.. Unfortunately many of my sisters have a victim mentality and think that they can "change" a man.. I have news for you: YOU CAN'T.
@@nancyoffenhiser4916 No, you can't. It's like trying to teach a pig to sing. It just annoys the pig. And a man can't change a woman. I never imagined why you would want to. If you aren't compatible with someone, move along. You'll both be happier.
Sir, these are basic things people used to be taught at home and didn’t need a youtube channel explaining it. Very well presented. A few things I would add are: 1) Stand when a lady gets up to leave the table or arrives at the table and pull the chair out as a courtesy of respect 2). Also out of respect, never shake a lady’s hand unless she offers it. 3). Your utensils should be used appropriately. Salad fork is for salad, larger main course fork is for that, etc. Fork on the left, knife on the right, etc. The arrangement of the utensils are start from the outside and work your way in. And do not play with your utensils in any way. 4) Don’t wad your napkin up at the end of the meal and toss it in the plate. I fold my napkin slightly and slip it under the rim of the plate. 5). Don’t talk with your mouth full 6). Don’t talk as if you want the entire restaurant to hear your conversation. Talk in a low polite tone. 7). (This may be more of an American etiquette rule except for maybe the northeastern states) but don’t eat with the back of your fork. Turn your fork upright when it’s time to take a bite. Using the back of your fork looks common and as though you are in a hurry. 8). Do these things not just for public image, but from the heart. That way, they will come naturally and show that you sincerely care about those around you as well as how you present yourself. 9). If somebody is not practicing one or any of these things, do not point it out to them (unless they ask why you do what you do. And explain gracefully). Allow other people their mistakes as you’d hope they’d overlook yours.
As a UK resident, I cringe when when observing Americans at a dining table. The dish arrives, they cut it all up into bite sized pieces before dumping their knife and using the fork as a food scoop!
@@fabianmckenna8197 Well, I can’t speak for every American of course, as table manners almost have no meaning anymore among so many people. But where I come from, cutting your main dish up into pieces (meat, steak, chicken, ham, etc) and discarding the knife is bad manners unless you are doing on behalf of a small child or a handicap person that has trouble handling utensils. The only time you scoop with your fork is with side items suited for it like English Peas, Beans, Corn, etc. Everything else (main dish, salad, etc), you turn fork upright and use the prongs to impale the cut bite one at a time after each cut. AND you never use your fork to cut either.
@@Forestier1 Ahh. Chopsticks. Being a Westerner, I usually forgo chopsticks at Chinese and Japanese restaurants and use western utensils except for occasional fun for the experience (frankly most Chinese Americans and their children I know for go chopsticks too considering them obsolete. The only people in the West I see using chopsticks are fictional police detectives on TV poking them in a white box of...something at their desk while they talk with their mouth full about the case they are working on.). Most people, including my wife, don’t know how to hold them. I know how to handle them (basically if you understand it’s like holding two pencils, you can figure out the proper hold and movement pretty quick from there with your index finger doing all the work. A cursory look online a few years ago told me there is etiquette to using chopsticks in Eastern countries varying slightly from one country to the next. Poking or stabbing food trying to improvise as a fork is considered rude. Proper placement on meal completion is important too. All I recall is that you place them in the plate side by side if you are satisfied with the meal not back on the table and not crossing each other. And that’s all I personally know of chopsticks.
Thank you for posting. Yes, I have seen all of the negative traits in others at Restaurants. Wasn't aware of the bread bite, I usually cut off a bite size piece and eat it. Iv'e also seen guests being rude to waiters for absolutely no reason whatsoever. I grew up in a pub and know how rude the public can be and therfore i am naturally very respectfull to Restaurant staff.
The part about generous Tip is important. I have witnessed Australians not tipping and proudly joking they do not need to pay for the servers lack of higher education to get a better job. In reality in Canada, the mayority of those working in the service industry are also University students supporting themselves while paying for expensive tuitions and high cost of living. The irony is that many become doctors and will be treating those same rude customers asking for help.
I'm a senior citizen female and I was curious as to what you would advise. Your video was marvelous and should be required viewing for young men and woman, too. You were so elegantly groomed and dressed that you are a marvelous role model. Handsome, great haircut, excellent voice and gestures. Wonderful! I think you should write a book with lots of photos of you pouring wine, etc. , holding a woman's coat (not up around her ears😂), opening a door for her politely, etc. You have a great career ahead as a lifestyle advisor for both men and women of all ages! Thank you.
@@johnphillips9091 There used to be table rules ......nowadays .......all got "Americanised" (movies ), Ghetto-cultured . Lot's of new rich coming from a very very modest "background" started pushing misbehave thanks to the money . I'm not religious but the bible said " A hog with golden ring in the nose remains a hog" (hard to say it better !)
Very good video. If I could send you my two cents of contribution. 1 - Never undo the tie while dining. Steadfast in the ranks. 2 - If the most senior gentlemen has not un buttoned his suit, you also do not. 3 - If when the wine arrives and you taste it and it is not good, stand your ground and ask for the waiter/maitre/sommelier evaluation. Perhaps you are wrong, but the staff will help. If you the wine is past its prime, its likely you and the lady will hungover next morning. 4 - Do not pay too much attention to "rules". Relax and enjoy the company and the meal, you may slip here and there, but in the end it is the learning curve that will get you "There".
Variation to #5: If you unknowingly butter your whole Bread & bite into it DO NOT keep the bitten side facing your guests. Apologize for the Faux Pas & keep the bitten side facing you "For Your Eyes Only"
Being a host or server in a restaurant is hard work, be respectful to the staff! Remember when you're out on a Friday night they are working on a Friday night to give you a good experience - keep that in mind when you tip.
I’m a 72 yr old woman from the 🇺🇸, my mother made me read and practice “Amy Vanderbilts” etiquette book one chapter or rule every day! Until I got it, I’m so glad she did!! It made me happy to be of proper etiquette, and made me aware of many errors in my social demeanor. Many people have expressed to me my “classy” demeanor, thanks MOM, love and miss you!
One of my favorite moves is to pre-settle the bill for the entire amount (plus a handsome gratuity) before both the guests arrive, so that when it is over, you leave as a gracious host.
How a person treats the wait staff is definitely a true glimpse into the true character of a person.
I am guilty as charged. Half the table got their entrées and the other half 20 minutes later... I was so beyond annoyed.
Exactly,@@alfredbonnabel7022. 👍 Holding your cool and not being disrespectful to the server/wait staff is super important. Most likely, it is NOT their fault, so no reason to be rude to THEM.
@@WaltDittrich I did give him a $20 tip beside what he received from our table for service. Money doesn't make my actions right, but it was the least I can do.
Over the years of being a regular at a few places in town (mostly pubs), I've trimmed down to three guidelines for how one should behave. 1) Be polite. 2) Tip well if deserved and sometimes even if not deserved (Leaving no tip at all makes you look bad. Leaving some change or maybe 5 or 10 percent of the meal's price, sends a message to the server if the service is bad. Don't fault the server because the food is subpar. When they ask you how the food is, be specific and courteous. 3) Never never hit on the waitstaff. They already know when you're interested and if they are interested in you, you will know.
I agree with being nice to the staff because they do have control of my food. I used to work in a restaurant kitchen. I won't be nice if the staff is obnoxious and rude to me while I'm being nice, but I'll wait until after I receive my last serving of food to escalate the matter.
Variation on #5: don’t butter your bread from the main source of butter. Take a portion of butter and put it on your bread plate and butter your bread with your individual portion.
I was just about to mention this and saw your post..best regards
Yes, absolutely. Perhaps I should have made that more clear. However, many restaurants these days give each diner individual packs of butter
Yes totally agree. Even here in Australia, we are generally easy going and forgive most slip ups with etiquette, but even here, taking a bite out of your buttered bread and putting it back on the plate is considered gross and inconsiderate of others. I’ve made my share of etiquette mistakes over the years, but being late or taking a bite out of buttered bread and putting it on the plate are 2 things I have never done, it’s just common sense really.
The same goes with sauces. Don’t pull a George Castanza and double dip.
Right! And no licking the fingers.
I worked as a busboy at a restaurant in Caesar’s Palace, One day I had five businessman wearing suits and ties, having a meeting.when I would approach the table to refill drinks The gentleman running The meeting would stop talking look at me smile and say thank you. On his way out, he approached me, tipped me and said thank you for your great service. that was 30 years ago and till this day when I dine out, I try to conduct myself and treat waitstaff with the same respect and dignity that I was shown by that Gentleman.
And this gentleman knew one of the great ways to get superlative service is to be nice!
The Golden Rule should always be that "you catch more flies with honey". any time that you have any dispute or promblem, always State your problem with a calm respectful demeanor, it will speak volumes about you.
I'm the same way I worked at a bob Evans I was a busboy and the waiters had there tip and mone went to the business 😢I did not get mine so when they were to lazy to clean they nocked it down I left. & today when I go to a restaurant I tip the bus boy.
I hate staff who constantly try to ingratiate themselves for tipping by constantly interrupting important conversations!
If I want a refill, I'll catch your eye and hold up a finger.
You should be seen and not heard.
Obviously many of you have never been in top 5 star type of restaurants. Or just plain very good ones, high class.
Awesome share!! Many thanks for that!!!
Another one to add. If one's meal arrives before everyone else's, do not start eating until your date or the rest of the guests on your table has been served
Good point, but if the restaurant staff is even mildly competent, they'll know enough to bring everyone's meals together or very nearly together if it's more than the waiter can do in one trip.
Do not go back to that restaurant.
that’s actually a big one!
a month ago i was invited to big banquet style brunch for my friends birthday. the entire table of ~20 people is served including myself except for my neighbor to my left who happened to be a very attractive woman and
friend of the birthday girl. the rest of the table began eating but i waited for a few more minutes until the servers finally brought out her plate. She noticed and thanked me for waiting and we ended up very successfully chatting that dinner and for a long time after
Unless u r Larry David!
I attended a lot of business functions where we would be seated for lunch/dinner at round tables of six or eight. Gentlemen - not only wait until everyone is served, but also wait for any ladies at the table to start their meal. My wife was often with me and she knew to ‘start the meal’ by taking a bite or two as soon as all were served. Sometimes ladies will be in a conversation and keep on talking while the gentlemen, if they know, just sit there waiting on the ladies.
I am a 72 year old gentleman and truly appreciate this much needed instructional video.
More like this are needed. Thank you.
I never expected to ever read the sentence "I am a gentleman..." I think "Gentleman" is something to be called, not to call yourself to be.
The problem dear gentlemen is that those who need to watch the video are more interested in watching videos about riots
@@BernhardSchwarz-xs8kp videos about riots is what we need to croupe the metracrhy that boomers created, and which has dumbed down people to the extreme. thanks among others by pubic EDUCATION (not teaching) ran by wahmen.
Gentleman do not call themselves as such.
Have you waited all these 72 years to have manners ?
The soul of good manners is genuine consideration for others. This is a worthy project - 100% support.
Exactly.
Good manners have taken me a long way in life. I thank my parents. And....it's not that difficult.
# 6 is excellent- combining realistic ability to comment on and rectify problems without rudeness. And above all noting that a gentleman is never flustered by trivial problems. Well put.
Amen
I am much older but was trained by both my father and a career as an executive how to perform at dinner. You did a great job. It is also very clear you have been practicing your manner of pacing your speech to show confidence, and control. Full marks.
Loved No. 6. A piece of advise I got when I was still dating: If your date is nice to you, but not your server, they're not a nice person.
I dated a gal that hen pecked and griped every time we dined out. She was a real two face toward the waiter/ess. She felt empowered to keep the staff on their toes ''just for fun''. She would become really very angry when I left a generous tip, although she never offered to treat for a thing. I put up with it and then I stopped calling her.
What if your girlfriend or boyfriend is nice to the server and not to you… hhmmm.
That's red flag #1. Never ignore the red flags.
What if the server was a rude bleating nanny goat of a person? Would you not get annoyed?
right on!
I’m in my late 70s so learned all these things as a young man, but this is excellent info for younger people who didn’t get much training from their elders.
I’m 77 was raised to behave in this manner (except the bread thing). It’s appalling how many younger guys are either unaware or completely ignore common sense etiquette.
Nice to see other older cops have manners, too. From retired cop Pam in Ontario.
Lord knows there are enough who need it.
I taught all these rules to our two adult grandsons and can only hope they follow them. They do behave themselves when dining out w/us.
Or didn't listen.
Coincidentally, my 8 year old son and I are having dinner at a fine dining restaurant tomorrow night before attending the theatre (his first time seeing live theatre). These were some great reminders for gentle teaching moments which will be part of our dining experience. Thank you - you've gained a new subscriber.
I hope it went well. You reminded me of when I accompanied my 8 year-old son to a performance of Siegfried at the MET, and we had a restaurant dinner before. Because we watched a lot of opera on video in the late 80s my son learned to read from the subtitles and became an opera nut, a Wagner nut, really, from the age of three or four. Now pushing 40, he is a bigger fan than ever. Sometimes, all you have to do is push the boat out onto the water and it sails itself.
That's nice, teaching children how to act in a fine dining restaurant. Too many are lacking these skills these days.
What a wonderful experience for you both. I hope a good time was had by all. 👍
Please do not make the mistake of educating your son that Theater, acting, pretending to be "the King" and acting like one is essential for a good education.
Stimulating his own interests and supporting him in thinking about the present is far more important than becoming an expert in what someone wrote yesterday.
@@BernhardSchwarz-xs8kp I think both are important.
I'm a woman and I really enjoyed this. Thank you! Also, love the way you style your hair and facial hair, very nice look!
I thought that he looked a right dork
I’ll add a few more:
Don’t get too drunk if at all.
Don’t complain about the food even if you didn’t enjoy it much.
Always place a napkin on your lap even in lesser quality restaurants. It always looks like you know how to eat out and saves your trousers from anything that may drop.
An no elbows on the table!!!!
Very good suggestions. Personally, I don’t like to put paper napkins on my lap unless I think there’s a high chance of spilling something. They fall off too easily
Chewing with your mouth open, making disgusting slurping noises. One thing that sets me off permanently is someone who blows noisily on their coffee/tea/soup and the proceeds to slurp it up, and then rattle their spoon around in the cup to mix it up.
@@Gent.Z Maybe it’s a U.S. thing but, cloth or paper, put your napkin in your lap. I’ve never experienced paper napkins falling off more so than cloth. If it falls off, ask the waiter for another.
Always complain about the food if it's not up to standard, otherwise you get the same crap again and again
If she's getting drunk, you have to get drunk, knowing the original plan of screwing her brains out after dinner is in play.
Thank you for making this video. It's much needed these days.
When I attended middle school back in the early '70s, all students took an etiquette class. I wish that were still taught in the public schools.
Times have changed. Marxism is in. And he declared social etiquette and table manners a fallacy of the bourgeoisie. Let' your kids scream, and eat with their hands - that is ok among real commerades.
And don't be surprised if drinking out of the bottle is ok too. Just make sure that you lick the rim clean before you put the bottle back.
Enjoy dinner in an Ester Block country and you will experience all of the "enjoying life and sharing a bottle".
Did you learn about the phone?
@@TheBokey PARENTS are supposed to teach their children etiquette and manners
Of all self help topics, this is the most needed. Not only for the jet-set, but for ordinary people as well. Good presentation, nice style.
Two additional points: 9 Choose a restaurant appropriate for the type of event / date. For example, if you intend to chat with your guest(s), don't take them to a restaurant that is likely to be noisy or has loud music. 10. If the restaurant has a smart dress code, make sure you conform to it, inform your date likewise well in advance, and give them an idea of what you will be wearing (e.g. a suit & tie) so that they have ample opportunity to dress appropriately in line with you.
Certainly. Dress appropriately for the occasion. If in doubt, it is better to be slightly overdressed. You can always remove a sport coat or tie and roll up your sleeves if the situation calls for a more relaxed appearance.
Why not ask your date for her/his favorite place?
@@BernhardSchwarz-xs8kp Good point, Bernhard.
Don't take a toddler or young child to a fancy, expensive eatery UNLESS they already know how to sit, be quiet and eat properly !
@@BernhardSchwarz-xs8kp ask them to guess as to your choice, and wherever they say is where you go.
Living in the Upper east side of Manhattan one trick that works here is If you are going to a top tier restaurant they usually are booked up weeks in advance but if you ask to take the earliest appointment and leave by prime diner hour they will fit you in. That is usually 8pm. So make a 5pm reservation and be out by 8 works over the years for me.
3hrs at an American restaurant? That means the waiter/waitress will ask you on average 12.000 times if everything is OK!? That's challenging...
@@agn855 That is the difference between having a dining experience and getting something to eat.
The problem is that few restaurants have a place to leave a hat.
If I started eating at 8 PM, my reflux would be going all night! Also, three hours seems like a long time to eat a meal. Am I mistaken?
@@paulkotowski4006or coat racks/checks in the U.S. anymore. In Europe, they’re ubiquitous.
I’m older, traveled, cultured. I never make those mistakes. Yet you video is informative and I enjoyed watching it. I’ll subscribe. Keep it going.
@@Tryingtomakeitmakesense Of course you do not. All this belongs to basic manners. But when one reads the hair raising comments to this video, it looks very few persons still have manners, unfortunately.
Please. Please. Please, never wear your cap/hat while dining. In the U.S. there is a pandemic of this disrespect.
This is so true and wearing a hat while dining lowers your perceived IQ, style sense, self awareness and learned manners. Even worse if you choose your baseball cap backwards.
I was in the Coast Guard and it was a requirement that you take off your cover (hat) when going onto the mess deck (dining area) because traditionally, that is where the ship's surgeon or corpsman (pronounced cor-man) would operate on wounded sailors. I still go by that, even in a fast food restaurant.
Can't grant you that's one, the Cap of choice ( not fedoras or beefeaters or prussian army spike war helmets necessarily ) provides a certain function. Tired eyes from Screens. . L.e.d. restaurant insanity, recognition blocking, a wee sense of Privacy dammit or personal space albeit a few milimetres of brim-- (p.s. Panama in tropics etc also very useful) here to help.
This is one of my biggest pet peeves of all time - the jerk wearing his hat indoors...the bigger jerk is the hat wearer talking loudly on his phone.
We booked a table for dinner in a beautiful restaurant overlooking the Ocean in Camel California. The head waiter greeted us and before we had said a word, he asked if we were from Europe. He said he could tell because how stylish we looked… my husband was wearing a suit and I was wearing a little black dress. ( the head waiter was impeccably dressed) We were led into the beautiful restaurant to a lovely table. Unfortunately, on the next table the two ‘gentlemen’ were wearing shorts and caps back to front and the ‘ladies’ wear in what I would call casual beach dresses. They were rude to the staff and very noisy….such a shame.perhaps they should have watched this video. Ps my husband always stands when I leave the table for the powder room and on my return.
Excellent video. Standing up when someone you expect joins you at your table is important. This holds true in many circumstances other than dining events.
It is interesting as an old guy to hear your thoughts. I hope many other people are listening, not because I think there are a lot of rude people out there but because I believe over the years we have let informality and frankness over take our sensitivity to other peoples feelings. I also appreciate your restraint. Sometimes it is tempting to be overly strict with one's self but you seem to have a good balance. I say this as a retired Naval Officer who was shown many an etiquette film back in the day. If you look many of those films are available on You Tube. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Thanks David. I just found some of those videos here on UA-cam. They look interesting and might serve as inspiration for a new video.
As an aspiring young gentleman from America, I have never heard of the bread mistake. I love your content so much and have learned a great deal so I know I would love more videos based around etiquette! Thank you for all the work you put in to these videos!
Thank you, sir. I'll be happy to keep them coming
I’m in this same boat, being from America and never hearing about the bread and butter mistake. Great to learn and apply moving forward
To my fellow Americans, this bread issue is in fact very important. Please be sure to follow the important instructions put forth here.
As far as rule #2, to insinuate that certain “cultures” are prone to lateness is both racist and oppressive.
@@Gent.Z; As far as rule #2, to insinuate that certain “cultures” are prone to lateness is both racist and oppressive.
More, please. We could ALL use the reminders. Very, very helpful - and thank you for caring.
As we see from the interesting and often excellent comments/replies, there are other things that could be added to the list. The point is that this video is a good refresher course, and makes one think about what one does.
You are on to something here! Your presence and delivery are near flawless!
I am quite the restaurant aficionado. I always pay for the for everyone's meal and encourage them to order what they would like. I will do this for my guests twice. If on the third invite they don't offer to pay. I don't invite them to dine with me again. This trick may sound pricy buy you find out who you want to hang out with. Anyone with a sense of decorum will simply not allow you to pay after you have payed for their meal before. It helps to find friends worth spending time with.
Often it's assumed that the one making the dinner suggestion is also going to pay (unless you specify that you want to go dutch), especially if a man is inviting a woman, even if it's not a date. I have a couple of friends who always pay, even if I offer or planned to. That's actually awkward to me, especially more than once or twice, since it feels to me like it puts me in debt to them or makes me feel like a freeloader. My friends who always insist on paying probably just feel good doing that. Sometimes best just to work it out with them and not assume too much in either direction, if you go out with the same people often.
Would so very much enjoy being your guest but only 3 times. Payed is BTW spelled in better circles, paid, hoping to see you soon over a tenderloin and a single malt. Cheerio.
@@schnaps1428Yeah, that "payed" was a goof!
“Quite the Restaurant aficionado…” OK here we go lol. Lol.
As a woman, unless I'm specifically told that my dining partner will be paying for my meal, I offer to pay my share - but only once per meal. If they turn down my single offer, I don't ask again. I do always thank them.
Depending on the relationship, I may or may not take a turn at being host.
I’m a 62 year old Gentleman yes Gentleman. You give me hope I grew up in some of the finest restaurants on the eastern seaboard. I was a real 3 star restaurant a week ago the fool next to me in jeans and a baseball cap kept using foul language..it occurred to me he would have been happier at Wendy’s I know we would have had he made that choice!
Must have been an Alabama hat.
Breaking of bread is not just a saying, it's good manners. Teach your kids proper manners, otherwise they will have bad manners. Bad manners put a stain on one's reputation which people won't forget.
Cheers
Weird AI look generated presenter.
Who isn't happier at Wendy's? (Kidding good Sir).
Time have changed my friend. I was at a Ritz Carlton dining room recently and might as well been at McDonalds after a high school dance.
My mom took me and each of my brothers in turn out to dinner, where we practiced the points you raised in the video. She wanted us to be natural gentlemen. She told me that a gentleman always placed the needs of his companions before his own, while conveying his delight in their companionship.
Nice to see a young man promoting gentlemanly behavior these days!
I actually took an etiquette class in college! One thing I was taught not to do (& I started noticing ppl who did it) was to blow your nose and examine its contents on your handkerchief.
Yikes! Hope that never happens at my table. I did know someone who would take out her cellphone and take a photo of her mouth to see if there was anything caught
between her teeth. Let's not go there.
So I guess that means that I can't eat the booger either?
That's very true. Another subtle etiquette tip that completely changed my life is to never use my date's hankerchief to wipe my ass and proudly show the contents off to everyone in the restaurant while touting what a good boy I am.
Hi, I am surprised that you had to wait until college before learning basic good manners, it is a bit late in life to start learning what most European children have learned by their second year of schooling. This is so obvious in Europe and hence you will see children eating with their parents in restaurants. I pointed out to a American colleague visiting us in Europe, that wearing a hat indoors was considered bad manners unless he was Jewish or Muslim. He said that it didn’t apply to him as he was American! I gave up. Cheers mate. Harera
@@deeza3384 ...and burping too, with the exception of arab culture
I knew about all of the issues mentioned except the thing with the bread, but then again, I am in America and this is not a problem with us. Thanks, very good advice!
Wonderful. I consider myself a old time gent, but I really enjoy watching your delivery and you keeping the art of civilization alive for the next generation.
I was dining with my boss and a couple he had invited to join us. When the check came and he picked up the meal, the couple were surprised but grateful. To show their appreciation, they ordered a dessert to go AFTER they found out he was treating. Talk about "classless".
Oh dear. I had to read that twice. I thought they ordered dessert to go "on their own bill".
With the classless note, I'm guessing they added that on to the existing bill? Yes, horrible.
@@WaltDittrich Yea. When they found out my boss was treating, they added the to-go dessert onto his bill. He was too polite to protest.
I would have called them out on that
Oh, boy!
@@frankwalton7323no,then you would become as classless as they were
Thank you for a very well- presented video. Good manners are not inherited, and sadly not taught as they once were. I'm seventy-seven
now and still enjoy dining out with my wife of fifty-eight years. Etiquette is still practiced by both of us and comes as second nature. Being
polite makes for an enjoyable evening whether it be the two of us or dining with friends. I have subscribed to your refreshing channel.
Wow! What a fabulous and appropriate video. This video should be required watching for everyone. I can’t tell you how many times I have been grossed out by someone with poor manners and etiquette. There is nothing more attractive than a polished man or woman who carries themselves in a graceful manner and thinks of others first. Well done! More of these types of videos please. Thank you!
I would love to see more etiquette content. Keep up the good work inspiring a new generation of gentlemen!
Thank you, sir
We can hope.🇬🇧🇬🇧
always consider there is a difference between "form" and "formal",,,
I AM SO GLAD YOU TOUCHED ON THIS TOPIC. UFFF, IT'S HARD TO ENCOUNTER A GENTLE MAN WITH GOOD MANNERS.
55 yo American, I spent a lot of time with my grandparents and learned early many gentleman traits, allow your partner to follow the waiter before you, ask their opinion on menu items, yes the bread I learned as a kid, also to only take one cut of the butter and use that cut on the bread plate for the rest of the meal, tear each bread bite. Some others, show an interest in your server, ask how they are and mean it, eye contact, thank them. Napkins on lap, elbows off table, no caps or hats, open side down on your seat next to you or knee. Fork/knife across top of plate when finished…the list goes on, thank you so much for your videos, the next generation needs to know. Cheers
"allow your partner to follow the waiter before you"
This is one my dad taught me too. You always follow behind her. Never make her follow behind you like a puppy dog.
@ScroatBagGarage: Here in Texas it is customary to leave your cowboy hat on when dining in fine establishments. However, on occasion I'm wearing a cowboy hat I can't but help myself to remove it.
@@wrc1210 The view is much better from behind as well 🍑
Great list! The only one I'm not sure about is the knife and fork. I was always taught the knife and fork (fork left and knife right) at the 4 o'clock position when finished eating. Any server worth their salt would know that you are done.
@@daveb2280 ---I have not been in a fine dining establishment since my 20s, when I still had a full head of hair. Except for church or the pledge of Allegiance, I hide my shame beneath my baseball hat. (Those transplants cost about $2 per hair).
A big one for me is being indecisive over ordering and holding the waiter and everyone else up. It is fine to ask the waiter to clarify between two choices but then make a choice.
Simply ask the waitstaff for more time, they will return.
Heck yes. Sadly, most of us are lacking in etiquette and have been missing it for so long that we have no idea where to begin.
I especially like your advice to rise from one's seat when greeting those arriving to dine. A very elegant gesture!
Rarely if ever done in this day and age.
That goes for any occasion, not just for dining. When someone approaches you for a greeting, you should rise to greet them. Male or female, doesn't matter.
You are absolutely correct. @@BillSmith-rx9rm
@@sarahschmidt4177 and something else that goes along with this, a man should never offer a lady his hand for a handshake. He should always wait for the lady to extend her hand to make the offer first.
You are absolutely correct, again. I have so taught my sons. @@BillSmith-rx9rm
#9. Do not complain to the other people at the table about the food, service, music, temperature, lighting, seating, table placement, etc. ESPECIALLY if someone else picked the resaurant or someone else is buying.
100%
Excellent recommendations - nicely presented. One thing I would consider: don't ask your host for a dinner recommendation if you are not prepared to order and eat it. Asking for a recommendation and then not heeding the advice can sometimes be interpreted as dismissive. Great video. Thank you.
Having dined, many times, at a 5-star hotel on the banks of Lake Como, I noticed the manner in which the waiters would always place a plate in front of the guest, coming in from the left-hand side, silently, and rather like a plane landing. I described this technique to a friend who worked at a very much down-to-earth grille, serving fried food to the masses. He tried it on his customers, and one of them gave him a tip (which was not usual) and a written note of appreciation for the service (including an apology for being slightly drunk!)
Appearances matter - and always have.
You are served from the left side and take away is from the right side. When finished eating you place the knife and fork across the plate so the waiter knows you are finished and will remove the plate. Never push the plate aside.
@@james-pierre7634 Agreed.
@@james-pierre7634 and never, ever, stack the used plates at the table. neither should the waiter/ress do this. it is uncouth and off-putting.
Lake Como is heaven. I was there when I was only 12. The little town had a 5 storey toy store. Toy soldiers, toy guns, and G.I. Joe's on the top floor. Oh Yes, Como's food and scenery were amazing too❤❤❤❤❤
@@acommentator4452 On one occasion, a member of the party ordered roast chicken.
The bird was brought to the table, the meat removed (with a *spoon*, of course, not a knife) and then a snowy-white napkin draped over the carcase before it was carried off, lest the sight of it should offend the diners.
Now, *that's* class.
Very good instructional video! I think many young men would benefit from watching this. Fortunately, my Dad taught me most of these rules, and I in turn showed my son. Being from the U.S., I wasn't aware of the bread/butter situation. Now I know. Thank you!
Most fancy restaurants in the U.S. put out warm rolls. It forces you to cut it in half and butter one side of the roll at a time. It also allows you to eat one half of a roll at a time instead of cutting large single slices into bite size morsels.
Cut a piece of meat, eat it. Cut another, eat that and so on. Don’t cut a big slab of meat into numerous pieces then eat them all. Cut, chew, converse, repeat. Take a taste of your drink, other dinner items. Take your time. Enjoy the company, the scenery,the ambiance,the conversation. Keep the bites small enough you don’t have to chew it like a horse chewing its cud.
Horses don’t chew the cud!
I have been entertaining guests in restaurants for 60 years and you showed me some mistakes I had never known before. Thank you very much.
My college fraternity had etiquette training. Three finer points are:1) the salt and pepper shakers are never separated. If someone asks you to pass one of them you give that person both. 2) when you’ve finished your meal you put the knife and fork at the 4 o’clock position on the plate signifying to the waiter you‘re done. 3) adults please cut you’re meat(steak, chicken, fish) as you eat it, you don’t totally cut the meat up and then eat up all the pieces like a child would.
Very good points. It’s encouraging to hear that some fraternities teach this sort of thing
Bad spelling - your. When you finish the knife n fork are placed at 6 o'clock.
I've noticed the cut-up thing in the USA, where people dissect the components on their plate, then use the fork like a shovel to eat. What's the story with that?!
@@PeterH-be1xe Answer: Efficiency.
Glad you mentioned fraternity training. I learned the same. Also you do not start eating until everyone is served and the head of household starts eating.
Well said! You failed to mention the most common dining faux pas, though: Anyone speaking with a mouth is full of food.
Or cramming huge amounts of food into their mouths! A pet peeve of mine.
Or chewing with your mouth open.
And waiving or pointing with the cutlery.
Also, wait until your friend’s mouth is empty before expecting them to respond. Nothing more uncomfortable (and unsafe) than having to hurriedly swallow in order to answer.
I think that's granted
Yes, do more. And don't leave this topic behind there is a lot that you missed and these new generations really need it.
I leaned many rules of etiquette from watching Cary Grant movies. That guy was smooth and made dinner manners look easy and natural.
"Alex, that's the best that you get, any time!" (Bachelor & the Bobby Soxer)
I can't remember the movie, but after kissing a lady goodnight at her door he wiped his mouth with a handkerchief before leaving 😆
The cellphone rule is a deal beaker for me. You asked me out for dinner, not your phone. You aren't making your date feel welcome or special by doing that. I'll stay, I'll be gracious and I'll enjoy the food but I won't be going out with you again. And take your hat off, we're not eating hot dogs in the bleachers at a baseball game.
When my younger family members are invited to my home for a meal I have to insist that the young man remove his baseball cap at the table, and that they both leave their phones on the coffee table in the other room. This is taken badly, but my house, my rules. They simply do not see it as bad manners, so far have standards fallen. We have all seen cartoons -- and even photographs -- of a group out n a restaurant with every single member of the party staring at their phones. I find it appalling.
@@VLind-uk6mb It is appalling. I've had arguments with people over whether or not certain actions, wearing a hat to a table, fixated on your phone, holding your fork like a shovel, wearing jeans and t-shirts at a wedding or funeral etc. were bad manners. I'd show them articles on the internet that explained that these actions were crude. And their rebuttal? "Well, that was a different time. Things change, styles of dress, language and social norms like manners all change".
"Fair enough" I said. "So what is considered to be bad manners at this time?" And they couldn't tell me! So apparently anything you wish to do in public is fine and it's your problem if it upsets you. I saw a video recently where a fourteen year old kid was filming himself walking past diners eating at tables on the sidewalk at a bistro. He'd randomly grab food off of their plates and eat it hoping for a reaction so he could post the drama on a social media site for clicks. One woman was outraged and told the kid and his partner never to touch her food again. He told her using colorful expletives to go away and get over it. And when her posted the footage the people seeing it commented that HER actions were unwarranted!. This is the world we live in today. The internet has ruined society.
@@toshikotanaka3249 No argument here.
I only bring my phone if I need it to arrange the reservation or to pay by phone,otherwise it's in my pocket .if I am a guest I just leave it in the car
@@michaelmerck7576 I'm going to guess that you're over 35, because no one under that age, in my experience, has ever done that.
Excellent video--AND advice! As an older man who was raised rather "old fashioned", it is nice and very refreshing to see young men keeping with some of the better aspects of "old ways". I also like the cultural references (America versus UK and EU). The part relating to service staff is KEY in my opinion! I have seen SO many incredibly rude and demanding people treating staff as though they were less than human--yet, at the same time, loudly DEMANDING respect for themselves! Ridiculous, not just rude. Well-done video and thank you!
Solid. Agree with all of these. I'm American, so the bread and butter thing doesn't bother me so much, but everything else is 100%. Stand up to greet an arriving guest. It makes all the difference!
The bread and butter thing bothers me. It is, however, very common.
The butter thing doesn't bother me either. But I think it is a great tip -keeps us from wolfing down whole gobs of bread and looks so much more elegant and civilized. Next to no phone (which I will actively campaign for) my favorite tip.But they were all brilliant (as they say in the UK),
I've heard it explained that the bread is to give your hands something to do while you wait for food. It isn't really to chow down on. So all that added "work" as explained is on purpose. It's meant to be complicated and intricate for no reason.
One excellent compliment I've learned which has always been well received: "That dress/outfit looks great on you." It's so wonderful because you're primarily complimenting the person. It's the person that is making it look fantastic. Cheers!
I learned that way to compliment a woman many years ago as a very young man, I think from an Ann Landers column. I've always followed that rule since, and it's cool to hear someone else confirm it!
Yes, sweetness I like your dress.
Come over to my place and show me the rest. 😂😂
Good point. Not only does it compliment the date, but it’s a great ice breaker if you don’t know the person well -my phrase would be “ that’s a pretty dress/outfit”
Even just telling the other person how nice it is to be spending time with them.
Great vid... Being a gentlemen is simple, its about treating others with respect, and making your guests and the people around you feel special.
Please add this to your list of musts do's...
-It's always good form for a gentlemen to assist a lady with pushing in her chair as she seats herself.
-Also, if a lady excuses herself to use the washroom or leaves the table for whatever reason, its proper for a gentleman to stand up when she returns, and assist her with her chair.
- Ladies or older persons always give their orders first.
-And another thing, its always proper for you to wait to begin eating your main dish until every person at the table has been served.
I have two sons in their 20's, and have done my best to teach them through example of how to behave in public social settings.
My mother taught us restaurant etiquette at a young age. We practiced during regular meals at home before we were allowed to enter a fine restaurant. I will never forget her showing me the difference in how to hold and use a spoon, when eating soup or a dessert like crème brûlée.
In my dating life many years ago I always paid close attention to how my date treated the wait staff. I had learned that it was an almost universally accurate predictor for how I was going to be treated when the first blush of the relationship had passed.
That's not always true. If I've got a male as a waiter and he's fucking everything up or being rude, then I'd likely be pretty up-front. Never would I raise my voice to my partner or be snappy, though. I'm not tolerating a poorly run service from men, but I'm never going to raise my voice to a young girl.
@@OngoGablogian185 That was not really where I was going with my comment, and I am with you on addressing poor behavior. I was more talking about scenarios where wait staff who are doing a decent job and treated like servants and/or chastised for things out of their control.
@@Neomet010Yes, to witness the true personality of someone, watch how they treat their subordinates, not their equals. It's a good indicator.
If i have to worry about the price of my meal, I’d honestly rather just pay for it myself.
“It’s rude to order something expensive”
Yeah? Isnt it MORE rude to say that you’ll pick up the tab, and then be shallow enough to want to put a price tag on my head?
When I'm nice or friendly to a female wait person, I get accused of flirting with her. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
A rare occasion to hear concise and evenhanded approach in discussing etiquette and meaning behind the rules. Thank you.
I'd also add that fragrance should be kept to a minimum when dining out. If you're going somewhere very special, or a fine Japanese restaurant, for example, you should refrain from wearing fragrance at all. Your fellow diners don't want to have their senses of smell and taste overwhelmed by your fragrance when they're trying to savor their food and wine.
Yes yes yes. I HATE strong perfume, or for that matter, after shave. Puts me right off my food.
Tell that to any Russian or Ukrainian woman. They stink to high heaven.
@@spottedreptile2671 well god forbid anyone spoil your meal
sweaty armpits
@@nothingnewtome1 It is God. Show some respect.
I love the comment about the bread. So true!,
Men need to show up in something presentable. One of those fleece jackets is gross
Table manners are a must.
Nice! Yes, the bread-butter etiquette has been known for years in the American continent. Another one I would add is always dab your mouth with a napkin before taking a sip of any beverage, and, not imperative, but try to use the same spot of the glass.
I'm American and I don't know a single American who has the good manners with bread, and or putting one's personal utensil in a shared plate, etc. You've been fortunate to dine with very well mannered people!
American here, and I've never heard about the bread etiquette. But I've seen it in British movies, and now it makes sense.
Everything you've said makes perfect common sense. The best part, the part I didn't know, was about the buttered bread. Thank you for bringing that up. As I've not been to Europe but plan to go very soon. I will remember that.
Hello!
Young gentleman from Brazil here. You could make a video on your approach to what I perceive to be big no's for gentlemen, which are things such as drinking from straws, &c. All the best luck. Really fond of your videos. Keep it up!
Thank you for your comment and suggestion, sir
Pp0
These are very good tips! (I am a woman, but I appreciate you efforts. Especially since most men want to make a good impression, but have no idea how). They are also good tips for women, too. And some of them, especially rudeness to employees, and complimenting your date needs to be seen as a reminder to be mindful of just plain good manners. Kudos!
Restaurant Etiquette Mistakes a Gentleman Never Makes
1. Make a reservation
2. Be on time - 15 min buffer
3. Standing up to meet your guests when they arrive
4. Make a compliment
5. Buttering your whole piece of bread - tear off a bite size piece of bread, butter, then eat
6. Being rude to waiter or waitress - be kind - generous tip
7. Order a manageable meal - no onion soup - don't order most expensive if not paying
8. No phone - mostly
Thank you.
Allow your guests to sit first.
Don't hide behind the menu.
Don't order until all the women have ordered.
Napkin goes on your lap and not until you start eating.
Keep your eyes on whomever is speaking, looking at your plate just long enough to start your next bite.
Don't be the first to finish eating.
The bread-buttering thing is nonsense. The rest seem sound enough.
so nobody finish to eating. Than will be funny @@redswingline262
*When making the reservation, always address any special needs of the attendees-mobility issues, Braille menus, etc. - making sure your guests will be comfortable and without issues.
*Don't chew your food with your mouth open.
*Know how to deal with bones or other inedible materials which may be used on the plate (i.e., toothpicks holding a lemon slice on fish). Don't just throw them on the table.
*Keep your voice at a polite & respectful volume. The people at the next table don't want to hear about Grannie's new dentures.
*Keep topics of conversation appropriate for mealtime and appropriate for the guests (age, relationship to you, location, etc.)
I totally agree with three things in this video: punctuality, standing up to greet people, and the cellphone thing. Another copule of things I might add: don't get smashed during the meal, and don't gaze down your female dining partner's cleavage, no matter how enticing.
Regarding cleavage, I was on a blind date with a very busty woman in a low-cut top. We got into a relationship and she told me how a lot of men would stare at her breasts when on dates and how I wasn't. I told her, "I was looking, but you never caught me." She liked that.
I think you pretty much nailed it. All very good points. It amazes me how some people just don’t have good etiquette -especially with mobile phones when dining out. Being polite to wait staff and tipping is very important. If you tip generously and treat staff with courtesy and respect the next time you go back to the restaurant the staff will give you the vip treatment. This will certainly impress your guests - it is a solid investment! It is also good to pick up the tab for your guests occassionally - while not expected it will definitely win you friends! Everyone loves a person with a generous spirit but nobody wants to be around a stingy person. Always be a good listener at the table and don’t talk over other people no matter how much alcohol you have consumed.
Thank God he didn't say anything about blowing bubbles in my milk, I was kinda worried.
If you get a boba it is mandatory to continuously blow bubbles through it to keep it stirred up.
he didn`t mention farting..whew
Lol
I am not sure what your God has to do with this.
However, as long as you are under the age of 4, the guests will condone!
~LOLOLOLOLOL~ I love it !!!! Best laugh of the week. 🤣
I'm old school, aged 63. I respect a man getting up when a lady leaves the table and again when she returns
I was going to ask if that is something still done or seen. It was not discussed on the video but assume that is still a sign of respect.
I stand up when a lady or anyone else comes in but standing up when people go in and out is too much.
Yay, someone else that follows etiquette. Our parents taught us. And blatantly apparent that many others were not taught the finer things in life. I don't care if we are dining at a fast food place or a Michelin star establishment, rules are the same.
Like when she goes to the bathroom you stand up for a second? Trying to understand.
@@tr0wb3d3r5 Correct. My brother still does this as that is how we are raised. However, it does matter where we are enjoying a meal. If at a taco shack or hamburger place, no at a proper restaurant, yes.
Great video, thanks. I wasn't aware of the bread/butter but will remember it going forward. I have always stood when welcoming people, even if it is in a in house or bar setting. For me it is just showing respect. As a result, I always notice it when someone doesn't and it impacts my assessment of them. That's the way it goes with these things. One that would seem obvious but is not always followed in my experience is putting the napkin on your lap as soon as you start your meal and it doesn't touch the table again until the meal is over.
I especially enjoyed the comment regarding the bread. I am 77 years old and I was told this by my father approximately 60 years ago. Apparently in the 1930s, when one went out to dinner it was standard form in America to break apart the bread and then butter and eat it …..when my father made the faux pas of breaking the bread in half and buttering it , he was given rather stern looks by those that were attending the college dance. He taught me that lesson over 60 years ago and I’ve always tried to follow it.
To go one step further: Whilst dining at the US's very high class restaurant: "Outback", they give you a full loaf of bread to share. Instead of grabbing the loaf by the large side, sawing through a piece, then grabbing the piece- so as to have handled the entire loaf with your hand, but then grabbing the small section you cut to eat: Grab the side of bread that you're cutting off and are going to eat, and take the section you cut off with you. That way your paws aren't contaminating the rest of the loaf!
@@stargazer2504 Usually loaf style bread will come wrapped in a cloth tea towel. It is acceptable to stabilize the bread while cutting, with your hand, using the towel.
@@psidvicious Outback doesn't have tea towels bro... It comes bare on a wood cutting board.😆
@@stargazer2504 So use your napkin to grasp the loaf or better yet ask the waiter for an extra.
Tear the bread!
I met my wife at a restaurant and I was already seated. When she arrived, I stood up and greeted her with hug and a kiss. She was so happy and later on that evening she “thanked” me for it in many ways. She said it was sweet and made her feel appreciated.
Good point, if the other person is super late and doesn't communicate, it's very annoying but I guess the only thing to do is shrug it off.
Over 700k views in only 5 months! Good to see people are coming back to etiquette and manners - and class! The casualness of recent decades has gone too far. Another important tip: the gentlemen always gives the better seating location to the lady, like never let her be seated facing the wall or interior…
Really love to see more etiquette video. This is something we can't learn from textbook, and based purely on our observations and awareness.
Looking forward to your upcoming videos.
Thank you very much, more to come
As a 62-year-old gentleman, I appreciate your channel. A couple of tips 1) If on a date let your date follow the waiter and gently touch/nudge her lower back 2) pull her chair out so she can sit. This a lost piece of etiquette, I do this all the time, one time my date was impressed, she said you are the first man who has ever done that. LOL. Notice I said nudge not her butt and not her shoulders, lower back. You are welcome.
Both excellent suggestions. I will do a video more specifically on first date etiquette soon and will be sure to include these
@@Gent.Z Good job on bringing back gentlemen behavior and style!! Keep up the content. My son asked me why I walk on the street side when I walk with a woman, I said to protect her if a car comes, his response: oh hell no, LOL. Thought you might get a kick out of that.
@@2815marionwood Actually that dates back to the 19th century and before, when few houses in the city had "indoor plumbing". People kept chamber pots in bedrooms with a little bit of water in them. When the call of nature came, you went to the bed room, pissed in the chamber pot, then threw it out the window.
In cities this happened on a continuous basis all day long. The piss water always tended to hit the outer part of the sidewalk. So when a man and woman walked down the street it was considered gallant for the man to take the piss and let the women be more shielded from it. Another reason ladies walked with parasols and men wore hats.
@@RaptorFromWeegee Thank you Raptor! I got to get a hat!
Please be careful with this, and watch your date for evidence that she is uncomfortable with this level of courtly behavior on a first date.
I am a bit older than the O.P., but I don't care for uninvited touching. I'm fine with having doors opened for me, but I don't need to be "nudged" to follow a waiter to my table, unless the dining room is extremely crowded. If touched, I'll probably unconsciously flinch a little ... I would expect a date to notice that and back off.
This is especially important with younger people, especially those who feel consent is necessary for any and all romantic communication / touch. You don't need to explicitly ask, just watch body language. For example, I'd tell my 23 year old son to "help her if she seems to need guidance, but don't be pushy."
Finally, this is most important for a first date. Once we know each other better, we will know each other's limits and how to get closer.
Also, always take of your hat when entering someone’s home. Old fashioned I know, but a sign of respect
Other than #5 (bread/roll etiquette) all of these others are so obvious and basic that I'd put them in the league of "#9 - Remember to put on pants before going out to dinner."
They are important tips. I'm just amazed that some folks have to be taught these things!
Great video - I'm going to check out the rest of your channel. 🙂
BHC
Oh, you'd be surprised how many Americans do not follow these AT ALL, and I say that as an American. Love these tips!
As an older gentleman myself, I would like to add table manners to the conversation. Nothing measures a man like good table manners. I believe them to be an essential building block of good etiquette. Gripping utensils like a primate or stuffing oversized helpings into your mouth says volumes. Measured bites allow you to stay engaged in the conversation while savoring every bite of your meal. Remember, people watch and people see, they will recognize both sloth and gluttony.
Lovely rhyme at the end. Was it intentional?
There is a pandemic of primate utensil grabbing. The same for pencils, pens etc.
hahahaha
There is a REAL PANDEMIC OF PEOPLE ON THEIR PHONES!!! Granted people that use their utensils as excavating tools are really unmannerly and it shows if they are on a date.
Also, the fork goes in your LEFT hand and the knife in your right (assuming you are right-handed).
I suppose I am shocked that 'gentlemen' need to be reminded of these simple rules, less the smartphone one for my generation. My siblings and I were taught these things at a very young age by my parents. I remember when I was about 5 or 6 my father telling us not to sit down before mum had taken her seat. The practice continued into my time in the military, where I had the privilege of mixing with dignitaries from all over the world. Princes, princesses ambassadors, presidents etc and never have my manners nor my etiquete been questioned. It isn't difficult, but it is very very important. These points you mention will serve people well for their whole lives. There used to be a saying 'manners maketh a man' of course it applies to all genders, but it is true and sadly lacking so often today, not exclusively by younger folk either. Keep it up, clearly people need to be taught or reminded and you did a very good job
It all sounds good except for the bread/butter rule. Some of us take our dates to breakfast or dine at fancy places that serve breakfast. The only exception to the "break and butter a bite-sized piece" rule is toast at breakfast time. Modern etiquette says that the entire slice of toast may be buttered and eaten without breaking it apart.(Maggie Oldham, Modern Etiquette Coach.)
Yeah, you want to butter your toast while it is still hot/warm. This is unlike in Europe where the bread is so tasty and rich it doesn't even need butter.
Mind, the toast at breakfast is typically consumed in one go, as the main "dish" of the "course", whereas the bread on the side here is a snack, a palate cleanser, that could sit indeed for a substantial time between actual bites during which its sight may displease.
The bread rule is American, too, even if most people haven’t heard of it. It’s in Emily Post and all the other American etiquette books.
Very informative. The only one I need to add is the one regarding bread. It never really dawned on me, but now I know.
Yes, etiquette in America (and I am American) is unfortunately not taught or emphasized by parents. Etiquette in actions and appropriate dress in social occasions is showing respect for others. Thanks for your videos! I even learn something about eating bread.😊
I agree. Excellent advice on the bread. I will certainly follow it in the future.
Dining at a hotel restaurant in the UK, the food was way below the standard expected, so I politely made a complaint. The restaurant manager came over to understand what was wrong, and I went into detail so much that she sat down and wrote everything down. After me totally picking the meal apart, she offered me a job as the head chef, mistakenly believing I was a chef.
Oh, the perils of watching too much Gordon Ramsey...
That’s actually a funny story hahaha good one.
Did you call her a donkey and tell her to shut it down ?
Too funny but you were honestly able to critique and justify the concerns that were valid.
Not sure about the standard of hotel restaurant if the manager actually SAT down with you.........
Also pretty poor if they couldn't see any faults themselves so yes, good funny story but never happened.
Ex UK hotel, banqueting and restaurant waiter of twenty years experience and I might add that much to my wife's annoyance, I criticise service etc when dining out but it's usually basic service issues that I pick up on which should be taught from the start regardless of whether it's a cafe or a five star restaurant. Food problems are dealt with depending on how much you are paying.......
American issues I often see are clearing individual plates before the whole table is finished leaving the slowest eater all alone with their food then compounding this by also removing all the napkins before serving desert.
Pouring huge glasses of wine whereby a whole bottle is emptied into four glasses. Better to pour smaller amounts leaving the rest to chill on ice.
Thinking it's alright to serve lukewarm white wine, then getting upset when being told to take it back and asking for a cold bottle.
Out for a meal in a smart New York restaurant where all the staff wore black tie and suits, looking super efficient. One of them took so long trying unsuccessfully to open a bottle of sparkling wine that I asked him to let me show him the proper technique as I'd done it literally hundreds of times. Opened it for him and put it into the ice bucket but must have upset his ego as he walked away without a thankyou or actually pouring it!
Probably unable to serve it properly either but certainly not a funny story.......
Noc8076: Yeah sure.
I spent 40 years as a cook. Your comments on how to treat the staff are spot on. Thank you.
I think we need these kind of videos more than ever. 🙂
The fact that this video needed to be produced frightens me to no end......Man up Gen Z!
Oh honey I’m 63 years old and grew up around upper middle and seriously upper class people who didn’t understand these simple things. Treating everyone around you respectfully was a real tell.
I don't see myself ever eating at a high end restaurant.
@@RolandoMartinez-bp1oxwhy not ..by choice? You might be missing something in the experience.
Well, before anything can be known, it must be taught at least once. This video is simply one way to do such teaching.
Of course, such a pragmatic understanding would prevent you from jumping to making a snarky, superficial comment for equally cheap "likes", so, it is quite understandable that you would take it this way.
The only thing frightening is the fact that some people are actually so fucking offended by whether someone, say, has a hat on while eating or not. Save your outrage for things that actually matter.
I'm 70 years old and I make it a point nowadays never to make the staff look bad, even though they make a mistake.
A butler spilled soup at the British Queen Mother at an official dinner, tiaras and everything and lots of prominent guest -- Her Majesty pretended not to notice the splash of hot soup, because she wouldn't add a bad vibe for her guests,, she just smkled and raised her glass and later she quietly and unnoticed moved her brooch and silk order ribbon to cover the stain. That's true royalty for you 🎉
💕
Very good point, what does it gain after all to be snippy with people. Much better to quietly resolve mistakes when and if necessary. It is common decency isn't it to simply be pleasant and professional with people, no matter what their station in life. It is also worth remembering for younger folk mainly but not exclusively that the people one meets on the way up, are sure to be there on the way down also 😊.
@@itsmeGeorginashe was a regal lady and in my experience very kind. I almost ran into her, when scurrying about Lancaster House as a young army captain. Her majesty had taken a stroll from just next door and was ahead of her two guards officer attendants, when I came bolting outside, skidded across the pavement on my studs and stopped right in front of her, speechless. She simply smiled as the guards officers behind her smirked at me. Only minutes before I had knocked over Michael Portillo, in front of two Saudi princes. It was a weird day lol.......all true, 32 years ago.
Note to women: How the man treats a waitress/waiter is how he WILL treat you. This is your chance to see the REAL person.
If he is rude to the waitress/waiter, LEAVE, call an Uber and never speak to him again. Likewise, if he drives you to the restaurant and drives recklessly, get out of the car at a stoplight, call an Uber and never speak to him again. DO NOT answer calls or texts, block him from your contacts.
You dodged a bullet!
Excellent Comment! Astute and very true.
I also love 45 ACP!
Also, a man who was a dear friend of mine whose mother was a child psychologist said the most important question you can ask on a first date is: What is your relationship with your parent of the opposite sex. In other words, if you're a woman, how is your relationship with your dad? If you're a guy, how is the relationship with your mom?
He said he dodged many a bullet with that question..
Unfortunately many of my sisters have a victim mentality and think that they can "change" a man..
I have news for you:
YOU CAN'T.
@@nancyoffenhiser4916 No, you can't. It's like trying to teach a pig to sing. It just annoys the pig.
And a man can't change a woman. I never imagined why you would want to. If you aren't compatible with someone, move along. You'll both be happier.
@@nancyoffenhiser4916 that sounds a bit odd esp on a first date; sounds like a psychiatric assessment rather than a social meeting.
Online dating and Uber didn't exist when I was a young lady dating!
@@patriciayohn6136 Taxis and "personal ads" did. HOW you meet or get there has nothing whatever to do with my comment.
Sir, these are basic things people used to be taught at home and didn’t need a youtube channel explaining it. Very well presented.
A few things I would add are:
1) Stand when a lady gets up to leave the table or arrives at the table and pull the chair out as a courtesy of respect
2). Also out of respect, never shake a lady’s hand unless she offers it.
3). Your utensils should be used appropriately. Salad fork is for salad, larger main course fork is for that, etc. Fork on the left, knife on the right, etc. The arrangement of the utensils are start from the outside and work your way in. And do not play with your utensils in any way.
4) Don’t wad your napkin up at the end of the meal and toss it in the plate. I fold my napkin slightly and slip it under the rim of the plate.
5). Don’t talk with your mouth full
6). Don’t talk as if you want the entire restaurant to hear your conversation. Talk in a low polite tone.
7). (This may be more of an American etiquette rule except for maybe the northeastern states) but don’t eat with the back of your fork. Turn your fork upright when it’s time to take a bite. Using the back of your fork looks common and as though you are in a hurry.
8). Do these things not just for public image, but from the heart. That way, they will come naturally and show that you sincerely care about those around you as well as how you present yourself.
9). If somebody is not practicing one or any of these things, do not point it out to them (unless they ask why you do what you do. And explain gracefully). Allow other people their mistakes as you’d hope they’d overlook yours.
#9 👍
As a UK resident, I cringe when when observing Americans at a dining table. The dish arrives, they cut it all up into bite sized pieces before dumping their knife and using the fork as a food scoop!
@@fabianmckenna8197 Well, I can’t speak for every American of course, as table manners almost have no meaning anymore among so many people. But where I come from, cutting your main dish up into pieces (meat, steak, chicken, ham, etc) and discarding the knife is bad manners unless you are doing on behalf of a small child or a handicap person that has trouble handling utensils. The only time you scoop with your fork is with side items suited for it like English Peas, Beans, Corn, etc. Everything else (main dish, salad, etc), you turn fork upright and use the prongs to impale the cut bite one at a time after each cut. AND you never use your fork to cut either.
Chopsticks.
@@Forestier1 Ahh. Chopsticks. Being a Westerner, I usually forgo chopsticks at Chinese and Japanese restaurants and use western utensils except for occasional fun for the experience (frankly most Chinese Americans and their children I know for go chopsticks too considering them obsolete. The only people in the West I see using chopsticks are fictional police detectives on TV poking them in a white box of...something at their desk while they talk with their mouth full about the case they are working on.). Most people, including my wife, don’t know how to hold them. I know how to handle them (basically if you understand it’s like holding two pencils, you can figure out the proper hold and movement pretty quick from there with your index finger doing all the work. A cursory look online a few years ago told me there is etiquette to using chopsticks in Eastern countries varying slightly from one country to the next. Poking or stabbing food trying to improvise as a fork is considered rude. Proper placement on meal completion is important too. All I recall is that you place them in the plate side by side if you are satisfied with the meal not back on the table and not crossing each other. And that’s all I personally know of chopsticks.
Thank you for posting. Yes, I have seen all of the negative traits in others at Restaurants. Wasn't aware of the bread bite, I usually cut off a bite size piece and eat it. Iv'e also seen guests being rude to waiters for absolutely no reason whatsoever. I grew up in a pub and know how rude the public can be and therfore i am naturally very respectfull to Restaurant staff.
The part about generous Tip is important. I have witnessed Australians not tipping and proudly joking they do not need to pay for the servers lack of higher education to get a better job. In reality in Canada, the mayority of those working in the service industry are also University students supporting themselves while paying for expensive tuitions and high cost of living. The irony is that many become doctors and will be treating those same rude customers asking for help.
That snotiness I would confront INSTANTLY. Since I was a bartender in college, besides the general dickheadedness...
@@grumblesa10 I agree...but ity was too late, I was just another customer. I did confront them, that is when they said the magical words.
Well mate, we pay people decent wages in Australia. Tips are not as prevalent as they are in the USA.
Tips is a very North American thing. Don't try to tip in Japan, please
@@dmitripogosian5084 Is it considered an insult?
As a confirmed “sinner,” please more etiquette!😮
I'm a senior citizen female and I was curious as to what you would advise. Your video was marvelous and should be required viewing for young men and woman, too. You were so elegantly groomed and dressed that you are a marvelous role model. Handsome, great haircut, excellent voice and gestures. Wonderful! I think you should write a book with lots of photos of you pouring wine, etc. , holding a woman's coat (not up around her ears😂), opening a door for her politely, etc. You have a great career ahead as a lifestyle advisor for both men and women of all ages! Thank you.
While dining out with relatives in Germany I was informed that I should always keep my hands on the table. That surprised me.
Just in the US you're hiding hands .....
Where were you eating--the Mos Eisly Cantina, with Han Solo and Greebo?
In Europe there are different table eticett rules ….
@@johnphillips9091 There used to be table rules ......nowadays .......all got "Americanised" (movies ), Ghetto-cultured . Lot's of new rich coming from a very very modest "background" started pushing misbehave thanks to the money . I'm not religious but the bible said " A hog with golden ring in the nose remains a hog" (hard to say it better !)
@@johnphillips9091 and different etiquette spelling apparently.
Very good video.
If I could send you my two cents of contribution.
1 - Never undo the tie while dining. Steadfast in the ranks.
2 - If the most senior gentlemen has not un buttoned his suit, you also do not.
3 - If when the wine arrives and you taste it and it is not good, stand your ground and ask for the waiter/maitre/sommelier evaluation. Perhaps you are wrong, but the staff will help. If you the wine is past its prime, its likely you and the lady will hungover next morning.
4 - Do not pay too much attention to "rules". Relax and enjoy the company and the meal, you may slip here and there, but in the end it is the learning curve that will get you "There".
My goodness, the foolishness🤦🏻♂️ Listen to me, if I want to unbutton my jacket, I will do so whenever I very well wish to.
There’s some good advice here, Eduardo
Variation to #5: If you unknowingly butter your whole Bread & bite into it DO NOT keep the bitten side facing your guests. Apologize for the Faux Pas & keep the bitten side facing you "For Your Eyes Only"
Being a host or server in a restaurant is hard work, be respectful to the staff! Remember when you're out on a Friday night they are working on a Friday night to give you a good experience - keep that in mind when you tip.
I love the whole idea of gentlemanliness.
You can never go wrong.
It's an easy way to live. Let's face it. It ain't east being cheezie.
It’s a noble life indeed.
I’m a 72 yr old woman from the 🇺🇸, my mother made me read and practice “Amy Vanderbilts” etiquette book one chapter or rule every day! Until I got it, I’m so glad she did!! It made me happy to be of proper etiquette, and made me aware of many errors in my social demeanor. Many people have expressed to me my “classy” demeanor, thanks MOM, love and miss you!
One of my favorite moves is to pre-settle the bill for the entire amount (plus a handsome gratuity) before both the guests arrive, so that when it is over, you leave as a gracious host.