Good point. I don't really like that word "toxic" to characterize people. I would say there are different levels of difficulty and unawareness among people.
Then this video is not really for that somebody and I guess it's your call how to deal with him (1:31). Any other input would be awesome! This is kind of like the last resort and if the steps didn't work, then it's either acceptance or separation. But yeah, I thought that was a good question so I can see this being asked a lot . Pinned! Thanks for watching, you guys! :D -Warren
I confronted my dad years ago with that I didn't want him in my life like the way he was. 'was', he changed for me. He became a better person. He's not perfect but he doesn't have to be.
My Dad and step father not did care about what my mother or me thought, wanted, or felt. So one day, my real Dad left for Japan, and we never saw him again. My step father was always cold, distant, and mean. My mother told me never to try to contact my real father. I abandoned my family therefore. Many families are very flawed. Lesson Learned: You cannot always depend on your family for support. Sad but true.
I literally almost lost my sanity dealing with those people Now the memories are haunting me while im trying to sleep- Literally I would never talk to those type of people EVER again
Damn, must've been intense. I've been insulted and disrespected a lot, sometimes in front of a lot of people. It was tough and a blow to my self-esteem. What I will tell you is that one day, it won't bother you and you will like yourself no matter what
I understand what you mean. The first step is seperation, which you already did. The the rest of this process is healing over time (as previously mentioned). Hope things get better for you
Most multiplayer games in general have such toxic communities, but at least there are good singleplayer games out there that gives you some good ol' peace and quiet for a change.
We are the average of the people we spend the most time with. I feel like we need to all get rid of the toxic people in our lives in order to better ourselves.
I hate that I even have contemplate leaving my wife of 16yrs. I’ve been unhappy and been trying to get her to love me for over 20+years. Time to clean my room. Start over and not be such a pu55y
Telling them might sometimes be a good strategy. Not all the time, even not most of the time probably, but even for these let's say 10% of them it may be worth it.
The reality is they wish they understood too and their toxic behavior is a cry for that understanding so that they can be their authentic self and not push people away but due to stunted emotional growth brought on by personal cognitive dissidence that they are simply being rejected for who they are versus how they are communicating themselves their toxicity manifest to a point we're either they recognize the flaws in their emotional communication and adapt or they do nothing because they think nothing they can do will fix it
I told a long term friend about there behavior, and it seemed to work for a few months... Then he built defenses, and offenses, based around my critiques. Basically, he noticed I was right, then started covering his tracks in those areas. Overall, I don't believe it was conducive - but it may work with some. Although, I felt much more confident in approaching harsh people after that altercation. Overall, highly recommended it.
Completely cutting ties with certain family members was one of the best things I've ever done. Not being doubted, criticised or manipulated in such horrible ways as I was gave me an opportunity to change my own ways completely. I have a way more positive way of thinking now and feel like I am actually in control of my own life (even though I'm basically just as clueless as before XD)
I really like #2. Setting boundaries from early on is crucial with this kind of people. By telling them that you are not okay with being treated the way they are treating you and exactly what kind of changes you wish to see in them, it empowers you not just in their eyes but yours too. If you believe you have power then you'll have power. If you believe you're a doormat, then forever a doormat you shall be! If this person is at all halfway decent, they'll snap out of their nonsense and try to be better. If not, if that fails, then separating yourself from this person is the best and final solution. Just gotta believe there's something/someone better out there.
agree, setting boundaries are important right at the start dealing with toxic people. How others continue to treat us badly depends on how we continue to allow them to. We need to show them we love & respect ourselves so they need to do so
To be Frankly I'm fine dealing to that toxic person, I could handle it pretty well but since it's a family member and he literally deteriorating the environment I can't just go and separate myself. More often than not we lecture and give him advise (I'm the oldest child dealing with toxic middle one), what makes me irritates more is that he usually bully my youngest last brother, I defended him most of the time but still when I'm only paying attention to myself, I usually hear cursing and yelling, and I realized I had no power when it comes to protecting my siblings. I think it kinda reflects the normalize toxic media to him now, he's on his phone day and night, hes school work is piling up and he doesn't want to do it no matter what we do, so we took his phone and the laptop we siblings use so. It's kinda nice to see him do things that productive, electronics really mess him up so bad, he starts doing recreational things with them, become more sociable then yesterday they gave him back his gadgets cause he finished his work and he relapsed I suppose, I wanted really bad to become a good brother but I don't know what to do. I'm not that really sociable and usually do things independently but since I'm the oldest son and I wanna make my parents proud I tried my best even though I just got cursed and be trashed everytime. I had no power over others
What If the toxic person is your best friend and roommate. It’s weird because they are your best friend, and you both like doing most of the same activities, but they just have an energy that spending too much time around them drives you insane
Micoola people are best friends with you for their own reasons and it may not be the same as your reasons. It's up to you to establish boundaries that you uphold and tell them firmly what you will not put up with. Some people don't have the same values as you . I was in an emotionally, mentally and almost physical abusive relationship that I had to decide for myself where to draw the line and separate if I had no choice which I did in the end. Yes, it was a very difficult decision but I am so glad I did though not without paying a price.
I was in the same position except thank god we never lived together; it ended pretty horribly and dramatically. If i were you i would really examine the nature of your friendship, what you both get out of it, whether its healthy for you - weigh the pros and cons. If you decide it's healthier to part ways, i'd do it gradually as the way i went was incredibly traumatic.
Well I feel like he is my best friend, because idk who else would be my best friend. I definitely think in his eyes that I’m his best friend, but he’s been getting under my skin more and more. He’s become very structured and rigid since getting a job for the government, whereas my persuits are creative and I need unpredictabilities in my life. Maybe we’re just growing a part since college, but I’m about to sign a new lease with him for the next year, but I have no other options in mind.
I think you just ask your close friends and family that. As in ask them what are the ways that you may have made them uncomfortable or presented yourself in a way that isn’t aligned with your beliefs. Once they tell you(and they will, so be ready to take the hits) then ask for patience as you embark on another round of changed behavior. Those who truly care about your development will give you the patience to grow and make your inevitable mistakes.
Just Kid you can’t self diagnose toxicity because your mind will justify it like you just did. If you seem to have problems with all the people in your life, work, family, friends then that is a good indication
So I was playing competitive overwatch and told this toxic thrower i really cared about my relashionship with him and wanted to make it better. Sorry to say this doesn´t work =/
If you watch Reality Shows on TV, you will see many toxic people: Kardashians, Orange County, etc. Reality Show people are often at each others' throats, and intentionally creating problems and chaos. Toxics are a complex and varied lot. Sometimes Toxics are just bored and edgy.
@@alextorres6146 gray stone method, inform yourself about it, because when they sence it they will push harder, so that's why I am saying inform yourself about it. Books that could help you: Emotional Vampires; Laws of human nature-by Robert Greene; in one chapter he described more than most of the books in whole tome Never split the difference-by Criss Vos; this one is actually book for traders but it can help with toxic people. My tip: I use it slighty, just to make them be heard to make them happy , and keep self away as soon as posible. Short tips: -Don't argue -dont try to change them, what we can see as advise they see it as criticism -DO NOT uncower them!!! -Learn, there are books on that topic and also a lot of video material on UA-cam, use it
I can confirm that resigning my job in order to get out of a toxic work environment and person is the best choice I ever made for myself. It took some time to recover mentally (as I just tried to make it work for way to long) but I'm all the better for it now. You deserve to feel good about going to work, never forget that.
You are so, so articulate, and what you teach with this channel goes so deeply beyond just covering charisma. These lessons in boundaries that you fold in -- while somehow managing to never use charged words like "boundaries" -- are incredibly valuable. I'm so glad this resource exists!
Shortcut: instead of saying "YOU gotta this or that" start with "I don't like it when this or that happens" Sometimes they don't realize the effect of what they do...this will make them think twice...I hope. Or just kick em in the nutsack
I love my mom but she spent my whole childhood cutting me out and neglecting me (I was raised by my father) then she started paying more attention to me. She was in really low part of her life, she had hit rock bottom. She finally talked to me but she didn't have any faith in me. She didn't think I would succeed at any thing. She was also verbaly abusive talking down to me a lot. I broke contact. It's still really painful and I hope that she is OK, but I can't have her I my life right now.
I hope you feel better, and I hope that she's okay. You did the right thing, you can't be around a negative person if you're struggling yourself. I hope that when you're both better, that you get to heal and rebuild your relationship because it's important.
Sometimes mothers have to make tough choices in order to support us and themselves. I realize that part of it was my fault, because I was only thinking only of myself, and not about my mother. My expectations of her were too high. I left my family permanently, anyway. I don't plan to ever go back, as they could never fill the emptiness I feel; so, staying apart is better for both of us.
This reminded me of a video, go watch it if you want, it's pretty cool (i just love the yter himself, awesome guy imo). the phantom dislike, from kliksphilip
Thank you for this video Charlie! What you spoke about towards the end of the video really resonated with me. I had a family member who I worked with and was very close with but every 6 months or so they would go off the rails make our life a disaster and it got to a point that they started jeoperadsing my position at work when I had not done anything and I had to completely remove myself from that situation. Something clicked in my head where I was like I cannot do this anymore and even though I lost multiple family members because of the hold my specific family member had on them it was the best thing for me to leave. I left a really good job and good colleagues and living situation and whilst it took me a long time of healing and getting back on my feet it was really the best thing for me. For anyone else out there that is struggling with the same thing there is only so much you can do to help someone and if you keep putting your life in danger or in hardship you are going to be absolutely miserable.
Thank you! I have become incredibly stressed and reactive by working with toxic people. It has crushed me and I've picked up their patterns. I have been struggling exactly because I haven't left. When I'm with my friends, I am a completely different person. You become the people you hang around, and since you spend most of your time at work, that is terrifying. Not worth it. New job, here I come!
The problem is that there are many people who ate unwilling to verbalize their wants and needs, of talking things out, and they resort to avoidance for every scenario, because it's the easy way out. Many people like to talk about "cutting toxic people out of their lives", and yet so many are unwilling to even consider the possibility that maybe they are the ones who are toxic, and there's no progress without exercising introspection. It's easy to blame others, and difficult to look at oneself and see how you may have played a part in it, and maybe they might be at fault, but it's hypocritical to not look at within before pointing fingers. "Take out the beam in your own eye before removing the speck in another's", and that message really shows with these videos. Thanks again.
rem is waifu : I think it all comes down unto your own mindset. Do these "People" have any significant meaning/Importance to your life? ( Like your Family, Boss, important clients, etc.). Then the only way to "Redeem" yourself is to *Act Accordingly*, because no matter how cliché you may think, Action do speak louder than words. Don't care too much about what people think, stay true, stay healthy.
There no quick solution. All you can do is open up and talk to more people around you and they realize the rumors are inconsistent with who you really are.
I’m working with toxic people who are constantly bringing me down. This one girl in particular, told me she hated me when she first met me. When I got promoted, it triggered this girl to say horrible things about me to my coworkers and close customers. Since she was there longer than me, and closer to most of my coworkers, it tainted my image there. Now she’s leaving, but I still feel like the toxicity is lingering. I’m going to move on. Thank you for your inspiration!
I’m sorry to read this. I’ve experienced something similar, but in school. Many times, some people are just so full of self-loathing that they can’t stand somebody else being their exact opposites and excelling them. I’m three years late so I hope you’re in a much better place now. More power to you.
I see it as practice time every time I meet a person like this. This is universe testing me! But it doesn't make it easy.. Especially not the toughest situations, which you mention lastly... But more so, the once you can't ever abandon, the "toxic" people that are close to you and have this negative aura simply because they're depressed. Now that's a real challenge, being there and supporting people that only can see the darkness... Because you have to feel what they're feeling in order to empathize with them, but you can't stay in that place for too long because it'll colours off. At least that's my experience, trying to support family members in this situation. But I feel i master I'm getting better at it, important to try and stay objective and ground yourself with reality afterwards. I also reason that I can't help this person if I'm not being my best self, and that's not a sad me! If you have any videos or sources you can recommend on this topic, please share. Thanks for great content, as always. /alex
Haha.. Well your comment warms me up, so kudos to you too! Read through what I'd written.. Think I got a bit emotional there at the end beacuse my sense of using good englis obviously went out the window:). Have a great day !
Hi Cameron, I've played around a whole lot with different ways of approaching these scenarios, but it was after reading one of Brené Browns books ( I believe it was Daring greatly ) that I adopted this method. Enabled me to connect more deeply, but obviously, it has its drawbacks. Know when I think about it, I doubt that a psychologist have this approach.. Please do to expand on your thoughts & viewpoint Cameron!
Honestly, it doesn't do much for me. But you made me think about the concept, so if that's all you've got I'm satisfied. Made me hungry for some new digging on this topic. Thanks Cameron, /Alex
Effective way to deal with jealous haters and toxic individuals: Avoid them and never give them the privilege to get to know you on a more personal level. We don't need their negativity, self-loathing and insecurities mixed with our good vibes and positive qualities.
I couldn’t agree more. What I’ve noticed about jealous haters and toxic individuals is when you’re their target, they do attempt to know you on a more personal level, especially to discover what hurts or ticks you off the most. If I’m in a position where I can’t yet cut them off (e.g. at work), I mislead them. Afterwards, it’s sort of fun to watch them try to offend you with stuff that actually don’t bother you at all.
All the Charisma in the world can't save an alcoholic from herself. I've tried so hard and it opened a void I had to get out of before I was consumed myself. Some people feel like getting help is a weakness, when you try to tell them it's a strength, they lash out in order to protect their addiction. Love the videos and they've helped me enhance the relationships in my life. Very Best Regards, RCR
Thank you, Charlie. I just had to separate from a verbally and emotionally abusive and manipulative friend of 2+ years. Unfortunately, when these steps are taken and you see no results, it's just time to separate from the person. I'm still worried about him, but I can't keep exposing myself to that negativity. Sadly, some people just don't have the humility to say sorry for the abuse or admit when they are wrong. Staying away from this friend is hard, but for the first time in a long time, I feel free from the anxiety and self-doubt. Thank you again for your advice.
love this!!! One thing that I am finding that is helping me deal with this is CONFIDENCE!!!! if you are confident it's easier to let stuff slide off your back
However, many toxics prey on confident people, who they find very annoying. Many toxics are very practical-minded, and intelligent people, who wonder what are your logical reasons for being so happy and confident. Never easy dealing with them. Easier when you can avoid them.
This is great advice. I had a toxic boss for two years. She would launch character assassinations, accusations, and be completely demeaning. I never lost control or yelled. I always remained professional. But looking back I wonder what would have happened if I applied boundaries the first time the behaviour showed up. I regret not enforcing boundaries with more conviction. Always bring fearful of losing a job was motivation to stay quiet. But, two years of misery was not a great tradeoff and losing a ton of confidence to boot. It's better we make a tough choice and push back rather than allow toxic people to vomit on you time and again.
I LOVED that you cited the Landmark Forum! So many highly-esteemed/famous people fail to share that the curriculum for living provided the lens/framework that contributed to their success! Thank you for being your possibility in the face of no agreement!
I pretty much did this with mum. I was going away for a while and my anxiety being as it is, I wanted to get things off my chest in case anything happened. So I wrote her a letter, it was about three pages, and it was a mix of "I love you and I regret that we're not closer", acknowledging my own contributions, and letting her know a couple of things she does that gets under my skin, with a promise to comunicate more when I get back. When I came back I got the biggest hug, and we've been super close ever since. She's made the odd comment that's caught me off guard but she recognises now CW eating disorder, food (like I picked up a punnet of prepared fruit, she commented on the waste of money, I said "I struggle, remember?" and she apologised. I have an eating disorder and those punnets of prepared fruit, waste of money and unnecessary plastic as they are, are for some reason one of the only things I don't struggle to eat, ever. She realised that and hasn't done it since. Likewise she's let me know stuff I do that worries or upsets her, and I've tried to do more to meet her halfway. We haven't been this close in about 20 years. So yeah, open communication and the right timing and phrasing can really work wonders, though it depends on whether the other person is willing to meet you part way too. If you lay out your needs and they don't respect it (I've learned this past year), it's time to cut them loose, coz you deserve people in your life who respect you.
Your videos are awesome! Thanks for sharing all This knowledge. This one really got me. I am fighting a big issue. Both sides of my family (mother's and father's family) are toxic people, is a long historic of violence or harassment, or both at the same time. My father physically abused my mom, my sister and I during all my childhood until they got divorced. My father continued to physically, mentally and emotionally abused me. He got married again and had my little brother. My little brother and his mother passed through the same kind of abuse I passed with my father. They got divorced but they share my brother's guard. Even a call of my father can destroy me. He so toxic that when he gets mad he wants to destroy all of me, all my self worth and my self love. He says no one really likes me, my friends don't give a shit about me, that ppl laugh of me on my back, that I will be nobody, that I am a monster, that I am annoying, no one can take me, that I am a shit person... and so go on, since I am a little kid (like 4 years old). My mom is also a toxic person (but a lot less violent and toxic than my father) and said things like that to me as well. And all start over little things. When you grow up in such environments, you think you are not enough, your self worth it's broke, you feel guilt for living, you feel guilty of thing you didn't even did, you accept to be treated like shit because you think that's normal, the other person has some good qualities aswell so you stay. Like I stayed with my father. My ex step mother asked me to send a video talking about the physical abused I saw my father doing against my little brother (when he was only 6, 7 years old). Like when he did fall, because he was trying to make me laugh, making his hands dirty by touching the floor, and my father hit him hard for 20 min saying he was a little shit. Has passed 7 months, and I could do it, I feel like I would be betraying my father, at the same time I know is the right thing to do, my brother needs me. I haven't speak to my father for almost 1 years, since the last trip we made, was the worst days of my life, he really messed up with my head, I haven't recovered yet. Spiritual ppl said I need to speak with him in order to have a healthy life. But I can't, I better without him. My father is really manipulative, and hide all he did against everyone and tell a different story. Put ppl against each other, telling lies. He did therapy once, even was medicated but didn't work out. He lied to his therapyst so I really dunno how to solve this. I wish I got strong enough to make the video without feeling guilty about it. My friends always compliment me for being happy and such a positive person. I hide when I am a mess. But some of my roommates, boyfriends and girlfriends have seen my Darkest moments. Crying with no stop, anxiety and depression crisis, rage moments. When I got unbalence I got toxic I can tell, because I need therapy to help me deal with all the scars, but I felt guilt for wasting money. The thing is whom has passed through traumatic things like those living with toxic people need to search for cure, holistic therapies can help a lot. We need to break the continuous toxic flow that has passed through generations. Sorry for writhing such a long text, I guess I need it to spit out. If you feel unworthy knows you are worthy the way you are, cure yours scars and fears, try to be better than before, be humble knowing you make mistakes like everyone else. Be open to always grow. Your health is the most important thing of your life. Thanks to whom read until this point. Peace and love to all.
i also had a toxic friend and i intuitively followed your steps. I gently talked to her about it and she gave me permission to remind her everytime she complains. She actually recognized it as a problem herself and wanted to change that behaviour too. But quiting a Habit is hard. And she didnt try hard enough. Changing a personality trait is something i wont ever ask from somebody again. It is very similar to a diet. By the way she never ever could stick to a diet neither in the 5 years i knew her. I knew that her complaining was a result of her own toxic father. And because she always tried to conform to him and get his recognition she probably took over his behaviour. A very common phrase of her was ''my father said'' and you cannot imagine how much that sentence started to trigger me the more often i heard it. I didnt want to Abandon her because i value friendship almost like family and would try my best to keep friends. After three years I still am tight friends with two of my old school mates even after i transfered. But after 5 years friendship with her i decided to abandon her. And it feels like i lifted some weight off my shoulders. I will keep this in mind for future relationships.
I've dealt with lots of toxic people in my life. Work, Home, Relationships. His advice is very good and does work. It's not easy, especially the more toxic they are. We all have our limits, there is no guilt in recognizing you aren't the one equip to help them. Always avoiding these people isn't a solution either. Sometimes you need them in one way or another. I just think about it this way... "If I was in a bad place, how would I want someone to help me out of it?"... personally, I like tough love. A lot of people forget the love part.
I have a toxic colleague who thinks I am her personal secretary. I can't do anything about it, my boss allows her to use me. But in 3 months it will be over. Forever. I will never have to see that face again and I can't wait. Been through hell since January.
@AAA BBB I've been in a similar situation. I was a PA to 3 (!) partners, which was challenging enough, and there was an associate worked closely with one of the partners. She "thought" that I was her personal secretary. Well didn't actually thought, but acted as if it was the case. And yes, also the partner has been allowing her to act like that, even I've been swamped by loads of work. So telling her "I'm not your personal secretary" never worked.
You should be teaching at primary school or high school since most of the kids dont understand this kind of thing. Its important for the youth to solve problem calmly, youre a hero.
In one video it was super distracting for me. in this one it looks blurred a little, but I did still find myself staring at it sometimes in this video.
Abyssinia Empire yeah for me it's family and one of my best friends. Honestly life hasn't been treating me well but this channel helps me with it all because I think a good social life can fix a lot of problems.
So if you were to say to them "you've called me a loser on this and this occassion.." And they interrupt denying it, what's the next step. I have a friend a really care about but she's verbally and somewhat physically abusive towards me but then lies about it.
Don't double down when you're arguing. Let them think that you're accepting their answer. Once you do all of that, remove contact from them for a while. Start a new hobby or pursue a dream. If you need more help, I recommend going on UA-cam and looking for "codependency recovery" videos. You deserve better than someone who berates you and denies it.
Richard McCabe yeah! And if its obviously they dont wanna fix the problem i cant do anything about it. Ill try to stand up for myself instead of letting them walk over me like theyve been for years. Ive just veen letting it go and forgivinf her cause i dont like to fight but now shes lieing about ne and pretending to be the victim. Thanks for the advice. I need to be the smarter person.
Charlie I like the charisma you show yourself in these videos... your body language and style makes everyone want to hang out with you. It shows that you really know what you’re talking about.
Coming to the last part of this video, can you do a separate video on how to deal with patience and understanding with our family, immediate ones like brother, sister or parents or even significant other, who is/ are suffering from mental health issues.?
Sad part is how the toxic person will never leave. You're the one who has to leave. They'll stay close to you like oxygen. It's like a snake that always wants to be close. The closer you get, the more it bites. The further away you get...the more you heal. Thank you for this. At least I learned before it was too late
Perfect video for me today, just gave my notice at my work that has a toxic person sabotaging my work Tried hard to make it work but gave up after I found out today they had lied about me again. I love where I work and have a great relationship with my boss and co workers but can’t cope anymore Glad to here I may not regret it and I’m feeling relief and a bit of sadness
Just a quick little story of hope, similar to the end of the video - I was in a highly toxic relationship with a woman that I deeply cared for. She suffered from depression, and by constantly trying to make her feel good (which was rewarding for me, as a person), I was enabling her to not help herself through it; we were co-dependent. Legit, my entire life was spent with her, trying to ensure she never felt upset. Obviously, this was not healthy for either of us, and when I realized this and began talking to her about it, I quickly realized that we were too entangled in each other's lives and that we would easily fall into the same trap over and over again if we stayed together. It took a major amount of courage and was the hardest decision I've ever made, but we split up despite having plans for marriage. From my relationship with her, I learned and grew. A few months ago, we began talking again, and it is downright amazing to see how much she, too, has grown. She still has her own problems (as do I), but we've both learned to take care of ourselves. Though we are still getting to know each other again, we have discussed the possibilities of a future together and things seem to be moving in a positive direction. It baffles me to think that the positive relationship that I have now would have never happened had we not stepped away and removed ourselves from that toxic relationship. I'm glad to have my best friend back, and want other people to hear this, so that they, too, may have the strength to do what is necessary. So remember: it is never wrong to leave something good (or bad!) in search of something better. You never know where things might end up!
My brother is literally almost 30 and is still at home. Unemployed, abuses alcohol and smokes a lot. Expects things to be handed to him and is a lazy ass who won't get a job but will steal money from us to pay people he owes debts to. My parents are literally senior citizens at this point but he still depends on them financially, and we aren't rich so he isn't exactly doing us any favors. I'm a minor so I've yet to get a job, but in the mean time I'm working hard and hopefully aiming for a scholarship in college. He is the definition of toxic but my parents won't let go of him. He's been like this for many years but my parents won't take action and he won't change. Please help.
I am like your brother but not nearly as bad, and the only things that will get me to move out are getting a decent job handed to me (unlikely), suddenly discovering a new direction in life, or getting kicked out. The reason he's not changing is because he has no reason to, so something has to change the situation, that's just how it is. You could talk to your parents about what will happen in the future, financially, if he doesn't move out. Calculate how long they will be able to support him. If they can't support him forever, this realistic analysis of the situation might help your parents understand that he needs to be kicked out because it will be better for everyone. If they do kick him out they should explain to him the financial calculations too. Personally I would not move out by my own free will, and I wished that my dad would kick me out because I knew it would be for my own good, kinda funny. But since I'm going back to uni maybe it's good that he didn't kick me out. Your brother doesn't sound like he would genuinely decide to go study something like I did though.
Got stuck in a college class with one for 8 months, worst 8 months of my life, constantly being horrible yet they thought we were best friends, finished college blocked them on everything and they still wont leave me alone😂
I'm waiting to graduate...the ugliest person I have ever met. She said I'm her best friend in school, but every time I'm happy, she is jealous and tries to bring me down. When she's spreading negativity and it makes me sad or angry, she is happy -_-
OMG. Some people are like that. Hope you can break free. Just don't answer their phone calls and texts. You might have to move and change your number and email.
Can you do a vid about The differences between when a woman admires you vs when a woman is flirting with you and how to gently but firmly turn them down if the ladder (especially if it’s in a professional setting)?
As a psychologist, I love these videos. Now, the most difficult part is that in some situations, even when done well and the other person is not pathological or something, it won't work. Is sad but, you might phrase it the best way possible with the perfect tone/volume of voice and it won't work. The other person can do many things: end the conversation right there, become agitated, among others. And that is a bad signal. People have to be ready for that, because I had clients that would come to the next session complaining that "it didn't work". Hence why I always warn the this is not a magic solution and that it might not go well.
ok i'm dealing with a toxic person! she's so suspicious about my life. she always text me asking me about my future plan and nothing else! even though i never ask her about all this. i just don't like her behavior. sometimes i even leave her on seen but then she text again "reply?" and i cringe so hard ugh why the fuck she's so interested in my life! we aren't even that close. if she was a friend i had no problem with her being suspicious but my point is that we aren't, we were never friend, just hi bye classmates. i should just block her?
Imo a good assertive comeback to use with someone who is yelling or cursing at you is to say "I don't care for that tone you're using." or "I don't appreciate being talked to like that."
You are very smart and wise about the nature of toxic people. They are toxic and cannot be cured. You can only avoid them when you can. When you must deal with them, be careful not to slip on their ice, or step on their land mines. Toxics often seem like super nice, and very charming people. However, toxics use their charm to set you up. Toxics delight in keeping others on a tightrope.
You just need to make them feel as if their words and actions don't bother you. If someone is being toxic I just respond with yep and uh huh and ok in a nonchalant matter. Eating or doing something else to divide your attention is a good because it makes them feel unimportant and ignored. Don't throw insults at them. They want you to. Just sit there and take it and maybe even say something nice. You might feel like a birch just sitting there taking insults, but it gets under these peoples skin in a way throwing insults never could.
I have been making positive improvements for a few years now and the more I do the more I notice that i have toxic family and friends. I feel emotionally more stable than ever but when I'm around them I have noticed how down they bring my vibe and I'm trying to just view it as, there must be something I need to learn from them but its getting very difficult to stay in any sort of relationship with both friends and family. I end up feeling like less than or not good enough and our views and values are just so different that it's hard to be around them.
Make a goddamn video on what personality traits make women attractive. I know a lot of people are gonna complain about it,the same as they did on the Wonder Women video but I WANT THAT VIDEO(although I'm a guy).Oh and you'll be the first person to make it so--views.
Verbal abuse is still abuse! I appreciate this video and all Charisma on Command's work. I don't like changing people or influencing them. I follow this chanel, because I'm very introverted and I just don't have the skills to deal with people and I've got so much knowledge from here for free that I don't have words to express my gratitude. About the topic: I think if you're that toxic as described in this video, no one can help you, but you! You have to realise you're toxic first then work on yourself. I like to look for my personal mistakes first, I like to self reflect. I want to make sure I'm not toxic for other people and I think I've been in some cases, I acknowledged it and worked on myself. If you value your own peace just have the strength to walk away from toxic relationships, it really doesn't matter if it's family, you don't need this kind of people around you!
Your reason #2 really helped....I have a long-time friend who has been in touch...but it's been difficult because she wants to cry and share drama that I don't want to hear about......hearing that someone else has felt guilty because they've been a long-time friend, was freeing....I realize I'm not alone in my thinking that. And I don't need to keep doing this to myself.
I'm friends with a guy. He has a crush on me (he told me but I just don't see him that way) and told me that im basiclly his best and only friend .we used to be very close and we probably still are in his mind but I just think he is kinda toxic .I don't want to spend time with him.telling him that tho would make things very bad for him .he thinks everyone leaves people hurt you so by leaving I will confirm that.he also struggles a lot with depression suicidal thoughts and anxiety .i mean a lot to him and i dont know how he would feel or what he would do if i left.he needs a friend and i feel bad for wanting to leave him .should i do it?
I don't believe relationships predicated on guilt or fear of leaving are good for anyone in the long term. Certainly do what you can in the interim to get him support - perhaps encourage him to talk to a counselor. But you being his "friend" despite not liking really liking him is eventually going to result in you moving away from him anyway. I think you should tell him clearly how you feel, focusing on what specifically he could do to grow. Tell him how the guilt is driving you away. Ultimately, people will not become his friend because he "needs" them. They will become his friend because he is a good friend. The best thing for him would be to learn what it actually takes to make people want to be close to him.
Charisma on Command I agree I think you are right. I guess its for the best to do this. I can't find the courage haha but its something that needs to be done. Thanks again
wtf is that comment. Your behaviour may have just killed an insecure individual wow. You, sir, are a toxic individual. The CoC response on the other hand makes sense and gives me the idea that they thought their response through and have a clue of what they are talking about ;)
Drr rr if one is suspecting/ detecting areas to develop interpersonal functioning- great! one's on a roll to recovery- if indeed its needed. see a non dual psychotherapist? Ask trusted & close friends/family/ co workers/ GP/mental health professional to give a perspective?
I will be honest, I am a natural complainer and pessimist which makes me somewhat toxic...In an attempt to change that I am trying to focus on and call out the specific positive things around me. At first everyone thought it was cynical sarcasm on my part but I am starting to notice a change! I also let everyone know that I realize that is a flaw of mine, and that I am trying to improve that aspect of who I am
the fact that I'm trying my best with my toxic friend, she compares us a lot, and criticizes me every chance she gets, yet I'm trying my best to not focus on this stuff and trying to make our friendship work, but it hurts that she sees me as the toxic one, why? I feel drained and so out of life when I'm with her, i tried my best to make our friendship better
If I may share. My uncle is a physically ,verbally and emotionally abusive person I’ve tried all these things with him . Most of the time he’s just intoxicated and says,”IDGAF “ while continually degrading me in my own room. His parents/my guardians were his enabler , there had been times I’d tell him to stop and leave me alone but he would get physical . I faced this for the last 4 years with no help from anyone, recently I had my last straw and I’m living in a new environment . The reason I share this is, sometimes being charismatic just doesn’t work and can make things worse , if you face these problems at home and are under 18 do not be afraid to seek help.
A lot of toxic people don't recognize the fact that how they act is a problem or an issue. Even if they do most don't really want to change it. You're already better then most as you recognize it as a problem. You cannot change your personality so don't be somebody who you arn't, people will just think you're fake. Just try to improve yourself. Improving yourself is the only way you will like yourself. The more you like yourself, the less toxic you will be.
Seraphina My elder sister is such a person. I can tell you a lot about it.. But I'll keep it brief. Change the mentality that, "world owes me". Know that everyone has some type of tragedy in life. Always ask people to share theirs while keeping mum on yours. Find out the things which frustrate you and instead of taking it out on people closest to you, work on it. There are many many things like meditation which can help. I personally observe silence for days (where I keep my conversation minimal).
I quit my job last october after only 14 months because there were extremely toxic people (including my 2 bosses) and it threw me off my feet financially but I did it! it took me 7 months to get it together again but I'm absolutely convinced that i could have been faster if i had quit earlier, but I was so burnt out and the thought of going into the next toxic work environment scared me. Now I have a great job, with nice collegues and a fair and friendly boss. He is right, no one regrets quitting their toxic job.
Aymen NM not only you even iam an a toxic person too My ex girlfriend have so many negative thoughts on at me She have finger point her new husband about me She have said to me already iam not deserved to became as a good boyfriend of her too
I know I have bad, lifelong, ingrained patterns that I got from my family in childhood, esp. when I’m feeling insecure or hurt, vulnerable. And it’s hard, because this bad behavior is somewhat unaware autopilot in those states - the best help, the best friends, have had this magic ability to subtly redirect me, a gentle shift in the topic of the conversation or a way to say they care if I’m on a rant to nip it in the bud before it gets out of control. I find I NEED this correction to be aware, and when done gently it works wonders for a relationship. I’m more aware than I was and I’m aware there is still a lot of “awareness” to go. I’m bad at it too, I mess it up a lot, but kind understanding while also setting boundaries also goes so much further than anger.
If somebody can be reasoned with, then are they really that toxic?
Thats a really good question.
Yes, they can.
Politicians...
Good point. I don't really like that word "toxic" to characterize people. I would say there are different levels of difficulty and unawareness among people.
Then this video is not really for that somebody and I guess it's your call how to deal with him (1:31). Any other input would be awesome! This is kind of like the last resort and if the steps didn't work, then it's either acceptance or separation.
But yeah, I thought that was a good question so I can see this being asked a lot . Pinned! Thanks for watching, you guys! :D
-Warren
You would be shocked by how much you could be drugged by a negative person.
lol
In every sense of the phrase...
@David Gibson Bill Cosby just put on act. He wore mask for most his life, he was Control freak aswell
Quotations
You have no idea. 11 years man..
I must be the most gullible person alive.
I just don't talk to toxic people and avoid them like the plague.
Donald Nicol same
But how you know they are toxic if you didn't talk to them
Superlemon when you get that red flag or flags run. I will not be less open to new people. Just accept their character take necessary actions.
If you have to live or work with them, you cannot avoid them.
@@ganymeade5151 Yes you can
The best way to deal with toxic people is by not dealing with them anymore.
what if your parents are toxic?
@@teacherfromthejungles6671 the same, unfortunately.
@@HoNiGLaNo that's why I moved to another country. If you're far from them, they start to "love you so much".
@@teacherfromthejungles6671 You cant do that kind of opinion and preventable of the comment
@@AzphrinxOfficial I don't quite understand you, mate
I confronted my dad years ago with that I didn't want him in my life like the way he was.
'was', he changed for me. He became a better person.
He's not perfect but he doesn't have to be.
That's great to hear it:)!!
Stan, that’s beautiful man. Thanks for sharing that. And I’m so happy that it worked out for you between you and your dad.
That's awesome! Tried with my Dad too. Tried.
My Dad and step father not did care about what my mother or me thought, wanted, or felt. So one day, my real Dad left for Japan, and we never saw him again. My step father was always cold, distant, and mean. My mother told me never to try to contact my real father. I abandoned my family therefore. Many families are very flawed. Lesson Learned: You cannot always depend on your family for support. Sad but true.
@@messyhessy6318 Nope
I literally almost lost my sanity dealing with those people
Now the memories are haunting me while im trying to sleep-
Literally I would never talk to those type of people EVER again
Time heals. Keep walking. We made it this far, we won't back down now.
Damn, must've been intense. I've been insulted and disrespected a lot, sometimes in front of a lot of people. It was tough and a blow to my self-esteem. What I will tell you is that one day, it won't bother you and you will like yourself no matter what
I understand what you mean. The first step is seperation, which you already did. The the rest of this process is healing over time (as previously mentioned). Hope things get better for you
I recommend you see a therapist
“Enduring abuse comes out in other ways.” That is true. I’m SO GLAD somebody said it!
Uninstall League of legends
The Renzer lol
:)
This is actually good advice. Chances are if you are constantly playing Lol, you are the one who is or has turned toxic over time.
Most multiplayer games in general have such toxic communities, but at least there are good singleplayer games out there that gives you some good ol' peace and quiet for a change.
Dralox Mario is a good game
We are the average of the people we spend the most time with. I feel like we need to all get rid of the toxic people in our lives in order to better ourselves.
True
So true. Being kind to toxic people only makes you look weak in their eyes.
B.s.
I hate that I even have contemplate leaving my wife of 16yrs. I’ve been unhappy and been trying to get her to love me for over 20+years. Time to clean my room. Start over and not be such a pu55y
@@MrTheSetter 7 months later, what went down?
I just wish these people could understand why they push everyone away
Telling them might sometimes be a good strategy. Not all the time, even not most of the time probably, but even for these let's say 10% of them it may be worth it.
Some are autistic, antisocial, and many just don't care. I think in this oversensitive age, we sometimes expect too much of others.
The reality is they wish they understood too and their toxic behavior is a cry for that understanding so that they can be their authentic self and not push people away but due to stunted emotional growth brought on by personal cognitive dissidence that they are simply being rejected for who they are versus how they are communicating themselves their toxicity manifest to a point we're either they recognize the flaws in their emotional communication and adapt or they do nothing because they think nothing they can do will fix it
I told a long term friend about there behavior, and it seemed to work for a few months... Then he built defenses, and offenses, based around my critiques.
Basically, he noticed I was right, then started covering his tracks in those areas.
Overall, I don't believe it was conducive - but it may work with some.
Although, I felt much more confident in approaching harsh people after that altercation. Overall, highly recommended it.
Completely cutting ties with certain family members was one of the best things I've ever done. Not being doubted, criticised or manipulated in such horrible ways as I was gave me an opportunity to change my own ways completely. I have a way more positive way of thinking now and feel like I am actually in control of my own life (even though I'm basically just as clueless as before XD)
I really like #2.
Setting boundaries from early on is crucial with this kind of people. By telling them that you are not okay with being treated the way they are treating you and exactly what kind of changes you wish to see in them, it empowers you not just in their eyes but yours too. If you believe you have power then you'll have power. If you believe you're a doormat, then forever a doormat you shall be!
If this person is at all halfway decent, they'll snap out of their nonsense and try to be better. If not, if that fails, then separating yourself from this person is the best and final solution. Just gotta believe there's something/someone better out there.
agree, setting boundaries are important right at the start dealing with toxic people. How others continue to treat us badly depends on how we continue to allow them to. We need to show them we love & respect ourselves so they need to do so
To be Frankly I'm fine dealing to that toxic person, I could handle it pretty well but since it's a family member and he literally deteriorating the environment I can't just go and separate myself. More often than not we lecture and give him advise (I'm the oldest child dealing with toxic middle one), what makes me irritates more is that he usually bully my youngest last brother, I defended him most of the time but still when I'm only paying attention to myself, I usually hear cursing and yelling, and I realized I had no power when it comes to protecting my siblings. I think it kinda reflects the normalize toxic media to him now, he's on his phone day and night, hes school work is piling up and he doesn't want to do it no matter what we do, so we took his phone and the laptop we siblings use so. It's kinda nice to see him do things that productive, electronics really mess him up so bad, he starts doing recreational things with them, become more sociable then yesterday they gave him back his gadgets cause he finished his work and he relapsed I suppose, I wanted really bad to become a good brother but I don't know what to do. I'm not that really sociable and usually do things independently but since I'm the oldest son and I wanna make my parents proud I tried my best even though I just got cursed and be trashed everytime. I had no power over others
❤ thank you
My whole family is toxic asf
Sergio Gabriel same
Hence why im going to get the fuck out
its probs just you
I feel your pain bro.
My mother is a very toxic person,make me feel like a pile a shit all the time..
Maybe you too sensitive
What If the toxic person is your best friend and roommate. It’s weird because they are your best friend, and you both like doing most of the same activities, but they just have an energy that spending too much time around them drives you insane
Micoola people are best friends with you for their own reasons and it may not be the same as your reasons. It's up to you to establish boundaries that you uphold and tell them firmly what you will not put up with. Some people don't have the same values as you . I was in an emotionally, mentally and almost physical abusive relationship that I had to decide for myself where to draw the line and separate if I had no choice which I did in the end. Yes, it was a very difficult decision but I am so glad I did though not without paying a price.
I was in the same position except thank god we never lived together; it ended pretty horribly and dramatically. If i were you i would really examine the nature of your friendship, what you both get out of it, whether its healthy for you - weigh the pros and cons. If you decide it's healthier to part ways, i'd do it gradually as the way i went was incredibly traumatic.
They’re not your best friend. Trust me. Best friend is a term reserved for a relationship that goes both ways.
Well I feel like he is my best friend, because idk who else would be my best friend. I definitely think in his eyes that I’m his best friend, but he’s been getting under my skin more and more. He’s become very structured and rigid since getting a job for the government, whereas my persuits are creative and I need unpredictabilities in my life. Maybe we’re just growing a part since college, but I’m about to sign a new lease with him for the next year, but I have no other options in mind.
If you struggle with the idea now imagine how much worse it will be in years time after you've invested that much more time into the relationship.
Checking the comment sections on UA-cam sometimes is like checking under the toliet seat of a public restroom.
Abyssinia Empire right lol
Great analogy 👍
you might find a good piece of gum :D
Abyssinia Empire HAHAHAHAHAHA this is amazing. I agree.
Lol so true you are underrated
Could you make a video on how to realize if you're toxic?
If you are negative, complaining, whining, gossiping, criticizing most of the time
Pepe Álvarez, bruh. Yes.
I think you just ask your close friends and family that. As in ask them what are the ways that you may have made them uncomfortable or presented yourself in a way that isn’t aligned with your beliefs. Once they tell you(and they will, so be ready to take the hits) then ask for patience as you embark on another round of changed behavior. Those who truly care about your development will give you the patience to grow and make your inevitable mistakes.
I think I am toxic. I do whine and complain a lot, but not unjustified.
Just Kid you can’t self diagnose toxicity because your mind will justify it like you just did. If you seem to have problems with all the people in your life, work, family, friends then that is a good indication
I was hanging out with this toxic person and I opened this video and apparently she got the message.
Did it work?
deerclaudia Totally.
Genius
Most Toxics never get it.
Wow
So I was playing competitive overwatch and told this toxic thrower i really cared about my relashionship with him and wanted to make it better. Sorry to say this doesn´t work =/
Hahaha thanks for that mental image. That was pretty amazing
Lol . This would work only if that person happens to be your partner
@@rashuharshu sorry but it don't work
Here's a quick and easy way to deal with toxic people: drop them.
No fuss and no drama and you move on with your life.
Shaun On Site what if they just keep on coming back what would I have to do in that situation
Yeah, drop them, make them cant breath in your shoes. No deal with that vampire. They have no emphaty and so rude!
If you watch Reality Shows on TV, you will see many toxic people: Kardashians, Orange County, etc. Reality Show people are often at each others' throats, and intentionally creating problems and chaos. Toxics are a complex and varied lot. Sometimes Toxics are just bored and edgy.
@@alextorres6146 gray stone method, inform yourself about it, because when they sence it they will push harder, so that's why I am saying inform yourself about it.
Books that could help you:
Emotional Vampires;
Laws of human nature-by Robert Greene; in one chapter he described more than most of the books in whole tome
Never split the difference-by Criss Vos; this one is actually book for traders but it can help with toxic people. My tip: I use it slighty, just to make them be heard to make them happy , and keep self away as soon as posible.
Short tips:
-Don't argue
-dont try to change them, what we can see as advise they see it as criticism
-DO NOT uncower them!!!
-Learn, there are books on that topic and also a lot of video material on UA-cam, use it
When i hear a toxic guy rants about all complains. I just put my earphones on and concentrate on my work.
I can confirm that resigning my job in order to get out of a toxic work environment and person is the best choice I ever made for myself. It took some time to recover mentally (as I just tried to make it work for way to long) but I'm all the better for it now.
You deserve to feel good about going to work, never forget that.
You are so, so articulate, and what you teach with this channel goes so deeply beyond just covering charisma. These lessons in boundaries that you fold in -- while somehow managing to never use charged words like "boundaries" -- are incredibly valuable. I'm so glad this resource exists!
Shortcut: instead of saying "YOU gotta this or that" start with "I don't like it when this or that happens"
Sometimes they don't realize the effect of what they do...this will make them think twice...I hope. Or just kick em in the nutsack
I love my mom but she spent my whole childhood cutting me out and neglecting me (I was raised by my father) then she started paying more attention to me. She was in really low part of her life, she had hit rock bottom. She finally talked to me but she didn't have any faith in me. She didn't think I would succeed at any thing. She was also verbaly abusive talking down to me a lot. I broke contact. It's still really painful and I hope that she is OK, but I can't have her I my life right now.
I hope you feel better, and I hope that she's okay. You did the right thing, you can't be around a negative person if you're struggling yourself. I hope that when you're both better, that you get to heal and rebuild your relationship because it's important.
Sometimes mothers have to make tough choices in order to support us and themselves. I realize that part of it was my fault, because I was only thinking only of myself, and not about my mother. My expectations of her were too high. I left my family permanently, anyway. I don't plan to ever go back, as they could never fill the emptiness I feel; so, staying apart is better for both of us.
I feel like the guy who disliked it just wanted to be first at something for once.
This reminded me of a video, go watch it if you want, it's pretty cool (i just love the yter himself, awesome guy imo). the phantom dislike, from kliksphilip
Luke MacInnes Keane ooof
Thank you for this video Charlie! What you spoke about towards the end of the video really resonated with me. I had a family member who I worked with and was very close with but every 6 months or so they would go off the rails make our life a disaster and it got to a point that they started jeoperadsing my position at work when I had not done anything and I had to completely remove myself from that situation. Something clicked in my head where I was like I cannot do this anymore and even though I lost multiple family members because of the hold my specific family member had on them it was the best thing for me to leave. I left a really good job and good colleagues and living situation and whilst it took me a long time of healing and getting back on my feet it was really the best thing for me. For anyone else out there that is struggling with the same thing there is only so much you can do to help someone and if you keep putting your life in danger or in hardship you are going to be absolutely miserable.
Thank you! I have become incredibly stressed and reactive by working with toxic people. It has crushed me and I've picked up their patterns. I have been struggling exactly because I haven't left. When I'm with my friends, I am a completely different person. You become the people you hang around, and since you spend most of your time at work, that is terrifying. Not worth it. New job, here I come!
There’s always someone in the work place!!
The problem is that there are many people who ate unwilling to verbalize their wants and needs, of talking things out, and they resort to avoidance for every scenario, because it's the easy way out.
Many people like to talk about "cutting toxic people out of their lives", and yet so many are unwilling to even consider the possibility that maybe they are the ones who are toxic, and there's no progress without exercising introspection.
It's easy to blame others, and difficult to look at oneself and see how you may have played a part in it, and maybe they might be at fault, but it's hypocritical to not look at within before pointing fingers.
"Take out the beam in your own eye before removing the speck in another's", and that message really shows with these videos. Thanks again.
Hey can you make a video about how to redeem your reputation when people have a false idea about you
rem is waifu : I think it all comes down unto your own mindset. Do these "People" have any significant meaning/Importance to your life? ( Like your Family, Boss, important clients, etc.). Then the only way to "Redeem" yourself is to *Act Accordingly*, because no matter how cliché you may think, Action do speak louder than words.
Don't care too much about what people think, stay true, stay healthy.
There no quick solution. All you can do is open up and talk to more people around you and they realize the rumors are inconsistent with who you really are.
I am not what you think I am
You are what you think I am
As I am a reflection of you.
@@kathleenstress , profound
Pls pls
I’m working with toxic people who are constantly bringing me down. This one girl in particular, told me she hated me when she first met me. When I got promoted, it triggered this girl to say horrible things about me to my coworkers and close customers. Since she was there longer than me, and closer to most of my coworkers, it tainted my image there. Now she’s leaving, but I still feel like the toxicity is lingering. I’m going to move on. Thank you for your inspiration!
I’m sorry to read this. I’ve experienced something similar, but in school. Many times, some people are just so full of self-loathing that they can’t stand somebody else being their exact opposites and excelling them. I’m three years late so I hope you’re in a much better place now. More power to you.
I see it as practice time every time I meet a person like this. This is universe testing me! But it doesn't make it easy.. Especially not the toughest situations, which you mention lastly... But more so, the once you can't ever abandon, the "toxic" people that are close to you and have this negative aura simply because they're depressed. Now that's a real challenge, being there and supporting people that only can see the darkness... Because you have to feel what they're feeling in order to empathize with them, but you can't stay in that place for too long because it'll colours off. At least that's my experience, trying to support family members in this situation. But I feel i master I'm getting better at it, important to try and stay objective and ground yourself with reality afterwards. I also reason that I can't help this person if I'm not being my best self, and that's not a sad me! If you have any videos or sources you can recommend on this topic, please share. Thanks for great content, as always.
/alex
Haha.. Well your comment warms me up, so kudos to you too! Read through what I'd written.. Think I got a bit emotional there at the end beacuse my sense of using good englis obviously went out the window:). Have a great day !
Alexander Nilsson Hi there. Some great sentiments you have here but no, one does not "have to feel what they're feeling ".
Hi Cameron, I've played around a whole lot with different ways of approaching these scenarios, but it was after reading one of Brené Browns books ( I believe it was Daring greatly ) that I adopted this method. Enabled me to connect more deeply, but obviously, it has its drawbacks. Know when I think about it, I doubt that a psychologist have this approach.. Please do to expand on your thoughts & viewpoint Cameron!
Alexander Nilsson yeo. Thanks for your reply. Can I just say functional boundaries both protect & contain oneself?
Honestly, it doesn't do much for me. But you made me think about the concept, so if that's all you've got I'm satisfied. Made me hungry for some new digging on this topic. Thanks Cameron,
/Alex
Effective way to deal with jealous haters and toxic individuals: Avoid them and never give them the privilege to get to know you on a more personal level. We don't need their negativity, self-loathing and insecurities mixed with our good vibes and positive qualities.
I couldn’t agree more. What I’ve noticed about jealous haters and toxic individuals is when you’re their target, they do attempt to know you on a more personal level, especially to discover what hurts or ticks you off the most. If I’m in a position where I can’t yet cut them off (e.g. at work), I mislead them. Afterwards, it’s sort of fun to watch them try to offend you with stuff that actually don’t bother you at all.
All the Charisma in the world can't save an alcoholic from herself. I've tried so hard and it opened a void I had to get out of before I was consumed myself. Some people feel like getting help is a weakness, when you try to tell them it's a strength, they lash out in order to protect their addiction. Love the videos and they've helped me enhance the relationships in my life. Very Best Regards, RCR
I love this guy, he has such good advice. Thank you! This one really REALLY helped! ^^
~ Glad you found it helpful!
Thank you, Charlie. I just had to separate from a verbally and emotionally abusive and manipulative friend of 2+ years. Unfortunately, when these steps are taken and you see no results, it's just time to separate from the person. I'm still worried about him, but I can't keep exposing myself to that negativity. Sadly, some people just don't have the humility to say sorry for the abuse or admit when they are wrong. Staying away from this friend is hard, but for the first time in a long time, I feel free from the anxiety and self-doubt. Thank you again for your advice.
love this!!! One thing that I am finding that is helping me deal with this is CONFIDENCE!!!! if you are confident it's easier to let stuff slide off your back
However, many toxics prey on confident people, who they find very annoying. Many toxics are very practical-minded, and intelligent people, who wonder what are your logical reasons for being so happy and confident. Never easy dealing with them. Easier when you can avoid them.
This is great advice. I had a toxic boss for two years. She would launch character assassinations, accusations, and be completely demeaning. I never lost control or yelled. I always remained professional. But looking back I wonder what would have happened if I applied boundaries the first time the behaviour showed up. I regret not enforcing boundaries with more conviction. Always bring fearful of losing a job was motivation to stay quiet. But, two years of misery was not a great tradeoff and losing a ton of confidence to boot. It's better we make a tough choice and push back rather than allow toxic people to vomit on you time and again.
If you think everyone is toxic
The chances are you are the toxic one
Not always.
Clay Allison 99% of the time
The above OP is what toxic people tell themselves to deflect criticism.
Not currently
No matter who is the toxic one, separation will grant the non-toxic person inner peace
I LOVED that you cited the Landmark Forum! So many highly-esteemed/famous people fail to share that the curriculum for living provided the lens/framework that contributed to their success! Thank you for being your possibility in the face of no agreement!
can't believe Charlie is wearing a non-black shirt :') so grateful to be here for this milestone
I pretty much did this with mum. I was going away for a while and my anxiety being as it is, I wanted to get things off my chest in case anything happened. So I wrote her a letter, it was about three pages, and it was a mix of "I love you and I regret that we're not closer", acknowledging my own contributions, and letting her know a couple of things she does that gets under my skin, with a promise to comunicate more when I get back. When I came back I got the biggest hug, and we've been super close ever since. She's made the odd comment that's caught me off guard but she recognises now CW eating disorder, food
(like I picked up a punnet of prepared fruit, she commented on the waste of money, I said "I struggle, remember?" and she apologised. I have an eating disorder and those punnets of prepared fruit, waste of money and unnecessary plastic as they are, are for some reason one of the only things I don't struggle to eat, ever. She realised that and hasn't done it since. Likewise she's let me know stuff I do that worries or upsets her, and I've tried to do more to meet her halfway. We haven't been this close in about 20 years. So yeah, open communication and the right timing and phrasing can really work wonders, though it depends on whether the other person is willing to meet you part way too. If you lay out your needs and they don't respect it (I've learned this past year), it's time to cut them loose, coz you deserve people in your life who respect you.
"shut them down"
great video, keep killing it !
~ Thanks!
Your videos are awesome! Thanks for sharing all This knowledge. This one really got me. I am fighting a big issue. Both sides of my family (mother's and father's family) are toxic people, is a long historic of violence or harassment, or both at the same time. My father physically abused my mom, my sister and I during all my childhood until they got divorced. My father continued to physically, mentally and emotionally abused me. He got married again and had my little brother. My little brother and his mother passed through the same kind of abuse I passed with my father. They got divorced but they share my brother's guard. Even a call of my father can destroy me. He so toxic that when he gets mad he wants to destroy all of me, all my self worth and my self love. He says no one really likes me, my friends don't give a shit about me, that ppl laugh of me on my back, that I will be nobody, that I am a monster, that I am annoying, no one can take me, that I am a shit person... and so go on, since I am a little kid (like 4 years old). My mom is also a toxic person (but a lot less violent and toxic than my father) and said things like that to me as well. And all start over little things.
When you grow up in such environments, you think you are not enough, your self worth it's broke, you feel guilt for living, you feel guilty of thing you didn't even did, you accept to be treated like shit because you think that's normal, the other person has some good qualities aswell so you stay. Like I stayed with my father. My ex step mother asked me to send a video talking about the physical abused I saw my father doing against my little brother (when he was only 6, 7 years old). Like when he did fall, because he was trying to make me laugh, making his hands dirty by touching the floor, and my father hit him hard for 20 min saying he was a little shit. Has passed 7 months, and I could do it, I feel like I would be betraying my father, at the same time I know is the right thing to do, my brother needs me. I haven't speak to my father for almost 1 years, since the last trip we made, was the worst days of my life, he really messed up with my head, I haven't recovered yet. Spiritual ppl said I need to speak with him in order to have a healthy life. But I can't, I better without him. My father is really manipulative, and hide all he did against everyone and tell a different story. Put ppl against each other, telling lies. He did therapy once, even was medicated but didn't work out. He lied to his therapyst so I really dunno how to solve this. I wish I got strong enough to make the video without feeling guilty about it.
My friends always compliment me for being happy and such a positive person. I hide when I am a mess. But some of my roommates, boyfriends and girlfriends have seen my Darkest moments. Crying with no stop, anxiety and depression crisis, rage moments. When I got unbalence I got toxic I can tell, because I need therapy to help me deal with all the scars, but I felt guilt for wasting money. The thing is whom has passed through traumatic things like those living with toxic people need to search for cure, holistic therapies can help a lot. We need to break the continuous toxic flow that has passed through generations. Sorry for writhing such a long text, I guess I need it to spit out.
If you feel unworthy knows you are worthy the way you are, cure yours scars and fears, try to be better than before, be humble knowing you make mistakes like everyone else. Be open to always grow. Your health is the most important thing of your life.
Thanks to whom read until this point. Peace and love to all.
Man I needed this right now lol
iamvgregory same
i also had a toxic friend and i intuitively followed your steps. I gently talked to her about it and she gave me permission to remind her everytime she complains. She actually recognized it as a problem herself and wanted to change that behaviour too. But quiting a Habit is hard. And she didnt try hard enough. Changing a personality trait is something i wont ever ask from somebody again. It is very similar to a diet. By the way she never ever could stick to a diet neither in the 5 years i knew her.
I knew that her complaining was a result of her own toxic father. And because she always tried to conform to him and get his recognition she probably took over his behaviour. A very common phrase of her was ''my father said'' and you cannot imagine how much that sentence started to trigger me the more often i heard it. I didnt want to Abandon her because i value friendship almost like family and would try my best to keep friends. After three years I still am tight friends with two of my old school mates even after i transfered. But after 5 years friendship with her i decided to abandon her. And it feels like i lifted some weight off my shoulders. I will keep this in mind for future relationships.
Solid advice, Some times a change of scenery will brighten the eyes !
I've dealt with lots of toxic people in my life. Work, Home, Relationships. His advice is very good and does work. It's not easy, especially the more toxic they are. We all have our limits, there is no guilt in recognizing you aren't the one equip to help them. Always avoiding these people isn't a solution either. Sometimes you need them in one way or another. I just think about it this way... "If I was in a bad place, how would I want someone to help me out of it?"... personally, I like tough love. A lot of people forget the love part.
I have a toxic colleague who thinks I am her personal secretary. I can't do anything about it, my boss allows her to use me. But in 3 months it will be over. Forever. I will never have to see that face again and I can't wait. Been through hell since January.
emanuelaemanuela 'when the going gets tough, the tough get going'
why not tell her "i'm not ur personal secretary" ?
@AAA BBB I've been in a similar situation. I was a PA to 3 (!) partners, which was challenging enough, and there was an associate worked closely with one of the partners. She "thought" that I was her personal secretary. Well didn't actually thought, but acted as if it was the case. And yes, also the partner has been allowing her to act like that, even I've been swamped by loads of work. So telling her "I'm not your personal secretary" never worked.
So sad that your kindness was abused. One day she might meet someone who out-toxes her. Karma.
You should be teaching at primary school or high school since most of the kids dont understand this kind of thing. Its important for the youth to solve problem calmly, youre a hero.
Has the light switch on the left always been there?
Oh no
The big question that nobody is asking! Lol I actually like that observation. I love it when people point out little things like that in a video.
In one video it was super distracting for me. in this one it looks blurred a little, but I did still find myself staring at it sometimes in this video.
I never noticed that!
'Stop your bitching, and fight your way through it' has been my go to for toxic people. I've been going about it all wrong, for years.
This is perfect right now, I need to talk to some ppl.
Me too :/
Abyssinia Empire sup w your situation?
Krxtina Em To put it bluntly online trolls and a somewhat dysfunctional family. How's life treating you?
Abyssinia Empire yeah for me it's family and one of my best friends. Honestly life hasn't been treating me well but this channel helps me with it all because I think a good social life can fix a lot of problems.
LET'S TALK!
Thanks for your perspective. It's difficult to deal with someone who is your boss without disrespecting them or risking their wrath.
So if you were to say to them "you've called me a loser on this and this occassion.." And they interrupt denying it, what's the next step. I have a friend a really care about but she's verbally and somewhat physically abusive towards me but then lies about it.
Don't double down when you're arguing. Let them think that you're accepting their answer. Once you do all of that, remove contact from them for a while.
Start a new hobby or pursue a dream. If you need more help, I recommend going on UA-cam and looking for "codependency recovery" videos. You deserve better than someone who berates you and denies it.
Next time they call you a loser, call them out straight away instead of waiting a while later so they don't get the chance to deny it.
PersianLeonidus thats what im trying to do. Thank you for the advice and reassurance. :)
Ace D. :) thanks thats what my friends are telling me and its time to finally start listening and getting out of this toxic relationship
Richard McCabe yeah! And if its obviously they dont wanna fix the problem i cant do anything about it. Ill try to stand up for myself instead of letting them walk over me like theyve been for years. Ive just veen letting it go and forgivinf her cause i dont like to fight but now shes lieing about ne and pretending to be the victim. Thanks for the advice. I need to be the smarter person.
Charlie I like the charisma you show yourself in these videos... your body language and style makes everyone want to hang out with you. It shows that you really know what you’re talking about.
Coming to the last part of this video, can you do a separate video on how to deal with patience and understanding with our family, immediate ones like brother, sister or parents or even significant other, who is/ are suffering from mental health issues.?
SquickSquick are you sure Charisma on Command is equipped to deal with the complexity of such a situation?
Cameron G i guess so...
Thank you. When family won't change or listen. It's so tough
Gotta LOVE Charlie!!!
That advice was excellent! I think it's best to shut the toxic people out. They're really not worth talking to. They just not.
the best way to deal with a toxic person is to stay away from them.
Sad part is how the toxic person will never leave. You're the one who has to leave. They'll stay close to you like oxygen. It's like a snake that always wants to be close. The closer you get, the more it bites. The further away you get...the more you heal. Thank you for this. At least I learned before it was too late
this might work with people that are close to you.
but i it prabobly don't work eith other people.
Perfect video for me today, just gave my notice at my work that has a toxic person sabotaging my work
Tried hard to make it work but gave up after I found out today they had lied about me again.
I love where I work and have a great relationship with my boss and co workers but can’t cope anymore
Glad to here I may not regret it and I’m feeling relief and a bit of sadness
Hey Charlie, your videos are amazing and eye opening. Thanks for another great content.
I think you're going a great job. :)
~ Appreciate it!
Just a quick little story of hope, similar to the end of the video - I was in a highly toxic relationship with a woman that I deeply cared for. She suffered from depression, and by constantly trying to make her feel good (which was rewarding for me, as a person), I was enabling her to not help herself through it; we were co-dependent. Legit, my entire life was spent with her, trying to ensure she never felt upset. Obviously, this was not healthy for either of us, and when I realized this and began talking to her about it, I quickly realized that we were too entangled in each other's lives and that we would easily fall into the same trap over and over again if we stayed together. It took a major amount of courage and was the hardest decision I've ever made, but we split up despite having plans for marriage.
From my relationship with her, I learned and grew.
A few months ago, we began talking again, and it is downright amazing to see how much she, too, has grown. She still has her own problems (as do I), but we've both learned to take care of ourselves. Though we are still getting to know each other again, we have discussed the possibilities of a future together and things seem to be moving in a positive direction. It baffles me to think that the positive relationship that I have now would have never happened had we not stepped away and removed ourselves from that toxic relationship. I'm glad to have my best friend back, and want other people to hear this, so that they, too, may have the strength to do what is necessary. So remember: it is never wrong to leave something good (or bad!) in search of something better. You never know where things might end up!
My brother is literally almost 30 and is still at home. Unemployed, abuses alcohol and smokes a lot. Expects things to be handed to him and is a lazy ass who won't get a job but will steal money from us to pay people he owes debts to. My parents are literally senior citizens at this point but he still depends on them financially, and we aren't rich so he isn't exactly doing us any favors. I'm a minor so I've yet to get a job, but in the mean time I'm working hard and hopefully aiming for a scholarship in college. He is the definition of toxic but my parents won't let go of him. He's been like this for many years but my parents won't take action and he won't change. Please help.
I am like your brother but not nearly as bad, and the only things that will get me to move out are getting a decent job handed to me (unlikely), suddenly discovering a new direction in life, or getting kicked out. The reason he's not changing is because he has no reason to, so something has to change the situation, that's just how it is. You could talk to your parents about what will happen in the future, financially, if he doesn't move out. Calculate how long they will be able to support him. If they can't support him forever, this realistic analysis of the situation might help your parents understand that he needs to be kicked out because it will be better for everyone. If they do kick him out they should explain to him the financial calculations too.
Personally I would not move out by my own free will, and I wished that my dad would kick me out because I knew it would be for my own good, kinda funny. But since I'm going back to uni maybe it's good that he didn't kick me out. Your brother doesn't sound like he would genuinely decide to go study something like I did though.
Recently got made redundant from a job with toxic colleagues and started a new job with amazing colleagues, it's changed my life!
Got stuck in a college class with one for 8 months, worst 8 months of my life, constantly being horrible yet they thought we were best friends, finished college blocked them on everything and they still wont leave me alone😂
I'm waiting to graduate...the ugliest person I have ever met. She said I'm her best friend in school, but every time I'm happy, she is jealous and tries to bring me down. When she's spreading negativity and it makes me sad or angry, she is happy -_-
OMG. Some people are like that. Hope you can break free. Just don't answer their phone calls and texts. You might have to move and change your number and email.
@@deerclaudia She sounds like a true sadist.
Thank you for talking on family, that almost never gets talked about
Can you do a vid about The differences between when a woman admires you vs when a woman is flirting with you and how to gently but firmly turn them down if the ladder (especially if it’s in a professional setting)?
Lol
As a psychologist, I love these videos. Now, the most difficult part is that in some situations, even when done well and the other person is not pathological or something, it won't work. Is sad but, you might phrase it the best way possible with the perfect tone/volume of voice and it won't work. The other person can do many things: end the conversation right there, become agitated, among others. And that is a bad signal. People have to be ready for that, because I had clients that would come to the next session complaining that "it didn't work". Hence why I always warn the this is not a magic solution and that it might not go well.
ok i'm dealing with a toxic person! she's so suspicious about my life. she always text me asking me about my future plan and nothing else! even though i never ask her about all this. i just don't like her behavior. sometimes i even leave her on seen but then she text again "reply?" and i cringe so hard ugh why the fuck she's so interested in my life! we aren't even that close. if she was a friend i had no problem with her being suspicious but my point is that we aren't, we were never friend, just hi bye classmates. i should just block her?
Yes, you should, that isn't respecting privacy if she forces you to tell her personal things.
Imo a good assertive comeback to use with someone who is yelling or cursing at you is to say "I don't care for that tone you're using." or "I don't appreciate being talked to like that."
Yeah try this in x box live chat.
It don’t matter how good your social skills are you are not gonna shut them down
You are very smart and wise about the nature of toxic people. They are toxic and cannot be cured. You can only avoid them when you can. When you must deal with them, be careful not to slip on their ice, or step on their land mines. Toxics often seem like super nice, and very charming people. However, toxics use their charm to set you up. Toxics delight in keeping others on a tightrope.
You just need to make them feel as if their words and actions don't bother you. If someone is being toxic I just respond with yep and uh huh and ok in a nonchalant matter. Eating or doing something else to divide your attention is a good because it makes them feel unimportant and ignored. Don't throw insults at them. They want you to. Just sit there and take it and maybe even say something nice. You might feel like a birch just sitting there taking insults, but it gets under these peoples skin in a way throwing insults never could.
I watched one of your first videos the other day and WOW. The change in your body language is subtle but makes so much difference
And if someone is the type to never listen? That person in a conversation don't listen or if he does only listens what he wants to listen?
Panda Rocks you’re talking about an actually toxic person
I have been making positive improvements for a few years now and the more I do the more I notice that i have toxic family and friends. I feel emotionally more stable than ever but when I'm around them I have noticed how down they bring my vibe and I'm trying to just view it as, there must be something I need to learn from them but its getting very difficult to stay in any sort of relationship with both friends and family. I end up feeling like less than or not good enough and our views and values are just so different that it's hard to be around them.
Make a goddamn video on what personality traits make women attractive.
I know a lot of people are gonna complain about it,the same as they did on the Wonder
Women video but I WANT THAT VIDEO(although I'm a guy).Oh and you'll be the first person to make it so--views.
Petar Pavlovic why do you wanna see that if you are a guy?
Mrs Lo It would just be very interesting and maybe thought-provocing.
Mrs Lo It will make more chicks attractive, ultimately making it easy to find an attractive girl lmao
Good.topic. I'd be curious to see it too.
Verbal abuse is still abuse! I appreciate this video and all Charisma on Command's work.
I don't like changing people or influencing them. I follow this chanel, because I'm very introverted and I just don't have the skills to deal with people and I've got so much knowledge from here for free that I don't have words to express my gratitude.
About the topic: I think if you're that toxic as described in this video, no one can help you, but you! You have to realise you're toxic first then work on yourself. I like to look for my personal mistakes first, I like to self reflect. I want to make sure I'm not toxic for other people and I think I've been in some cases, I acknowledged it and worked on myself. If you value your own peace just have the strength to walk away from toxic relationships, it really doesn't matter if it's family, you don't need this kind of people around you!
It's a toxic person. You handle it by not handling it nat
Your reason #2 really helped....I have a long-time friend who has been in touch...but it's been difficult because she wants to cry and share drama that I don't want to hear about......hearing that someone else has felt guilty because they've been a long-time friend, was freeing....I realize I'm not alone in my thinking that. And I don't need to keep doing this to myself.
I'm friends with a guy. He has a crush on me (he told me but I just don't see him that way) and told me that im basiclly his best and only friend .we used to be very close and we probably still are in his mind but I just think he is kinda toxic .I don't want to spend time with him.telling him that tho would make things very bad for him .he thinks everyone leaves people hurt you so by leaving I will confirm that.he also struggles a lot with depression suicidal thoughts and anxiety .i mean a lot to him and i dont know how he would feel or what he would do if i left.he needs a friend and i feel bad for wanting to leave him .should i do it?
I don't believe relationships predicated on guilt or fear of leaving are good for anyone in the long term. Certainly do what you can in the interim to get him support - perhaps encourage him to talk to a counselor. But you being his "friend" despite not liking really liking him is eventually going to result in you moving away from him anyway.
I think you should tell him clearly how you feel, focusing on what specifically he could do to grow. Tell him how the guilt is driving you away. Ultimately, people will not become his friend because he "needs" them. They will become his friend because he is a good friend. The best thing for him would be to learn what it actually takes to make people want to be close to him.
Duck suffering builds character. Abandon this pathetic person.
Charisma on Command I agree I think you are right. I guess its for the best to do this. I can't find the courage haha but its something that needs to be done. Thanks again
Charisma on Command hella good response tbh
wtf is that comment. Your behaviour may have just killed an insecure individual wow. You, sir, are a toxic individual.
The CoC response on the other hand makes sense and gives me the idea that they thought their response through and have a clue of what they are talking about ;)
There are some people who's toxic behaviour gets worse as they get older/elderly. This is even harder to deal with, especially with family.
What if I'm the toxic one? How do I stop being like this, I wish I was better
Drr rr if one is suspecting/ detecting areas to develop interpersonal functioning- great! one's on a roll to recovery- if indeed its needed. see a non dual psychotherapist? Ask trusted & close friends/family/ co workers/ GP/mental health professional to give a perspective?
I will be honest, I am a natural complainer and pessimist which makes me somewhat toxic...In an attempt to change that I am trying to focus on and call out the specific positive things around me. At first everyone thought it was cynical sarcasm on my part but I am starting to notice a change!
I also let everyone know that I realize that is a flaw of mine, and that I am trying to improve that aspect of who I am
the fact that I'm trying my best with my toxic friend, she compares us a lot, and criticizes me every chance she gets, yet I'm trying my best to not focus on this stuff and trying to make our friendship work, but it hurts that she sees me as the toxic one, why? I feel drained and so out of life when I'm with her, i tried my best to make our friendship better
Can you put a logo or something over that light switch? It's distracting me! Lol
Thanks for ruining my life 🤣
If I may share. My uncle is a physically ,verbally and emotionally abusive person I’ve tried all these things with him . Most of the time he’s just intoxicated and says,”IDGAF “ while continually degrading me in my own room. His parents/my guardians were his enabler , there had been times I’d tell him to stop and leave me alone but he would get physical . I faced this for the last 4 years with no help from anyone, recently I had my last straw and I’m living in a new environment . The reason I share this is, sometimes being charismatic just doesn’t work and can make things worse , if you face these problems at home and are under 18 do not be afraid to seek help.
Could you guys do a video on Todd Howard from Bethseda Softworks?
Matthew Brennan Like the Zuck video pt. 2
His charisma just works
A hug from you probably feels so good. You seem so warm and your energy is probably magnetic af.
What should I do if I'm the toxic person? Everyone,s always talking bout the victims. What about me? I'm not doing that stuff on purpose.
A lot of toxic people don't recognize the fact that how they act is a problem or an issue. Even if they do most don't really want to change it. You're already better then most as you recognize it as a problem. You cannot change your personality so don't be somebody who you arn't, people will just think you're fake. Just try to improve yourself. Improving yourself is the only way you will like yourself. The more you like yourself, the less toxic you will be.
Seraphina
My elder sister is such a person.
I can tell you a lot about it.. But I'll keep it brief.
Change the mentality that, "world owes me".
Know that everyone has some type of tragedy in life. Always ask people to share theirs while keeping mum on yours.
Find out the things which frustrate you and instead of taking it out on people closest to you, work on it.
There are many many things like meditation which can help. I personally observe silence for days (where I keep my conversation minimal).
Always be friendly and don't discriminate based of class: us and them is dangerous for a charismatic person
This makes all the sense in the world. I have a business partner who is beyond toxic. Walking is the best option.
bonus tip: don't display loser behavior (just kidding!)
Having watched this channel for over a year, it is amazing to see your development in these face-to-face videos.
~ Thanks Micaela! Appreciate you sticking with us since the beginning. :-)
First comment ! Love the channel gentlemen !
I quit my job last october after only 14 months because there were extremely toxic people (including my 2 bosses) and it threw me off my feet financially but I did it!
it took me 7 months to get it together again but I'm absolutely convinced that i could have been faster if i had quit earlier, but I was so burnt out and the thought of going into the next toxic work environment scared me. Now I have a great job, with nice collegues and a fair and friendly boss.
He is right, no one regrets quitting their toxic job.
What if I feel I am the one who toxic
Then that is who you are. Know this: One day someone will out tox you.
Thank you so much for this Charlie, i need to get out from this toxic working place.
I'm the only toxic person in my life 😂
Aymen NM not only you even iam an a toxic person too
My ex girlfriend have so many negative thoughts on at me
She have finger point her new husband about me
She have said to me already iam not deserved to became as a good boyfriend of her too
I know I have bad, lifelong, ingrained patterns that I got from my family in childhood, esp. when I’m feeling insecure or hurt, vulnerable. And it’s hard, because this bad behavior is somewhat unaware autopilot in those states - the best help, the best friends, have had this magic ability to subtly redirect me, a gentle shift in the topic of the conversation or a way to say they care if I’m on a rant to nip it in the bud before it gets out of control. I find I NEED this correction to be aware, and when done gently it works wonders for a relationship. I’m more aware than I was and I’m aware there is still a lot of “awareness” to go. I’m bad at it too, I mess it up a lot, but kind understanding while also setting boundaries also goes so much further than anger.
With a gun. Duh
💯💯😂
daniel aldersson
Laughed
With a bazooka duh?
With an orbital air strike duh