Codependent Trauma: Stop Saving Others Until You've Helped Yourself - Inner Work Library [97/500]

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  • Опубліковано 17 лис 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 67

  • @jordanthornton
    @jordanthornton  Рік тому +3

    *1-1 Mentorship Information: Price & Structure (Maximum Capacity = 20 Clients Per Year)*
    It's an absolute pleasure to film these UA-cam videos, and I feel fortunate to receive an abundance of meaningful messages every week, but I am unfortunately faced with the disappointing reality of turning away the vast majority of people who want to work together.
    I have significantly limited availability and can only support twenty people per year because I do not offer one-off calls or drop-in consulting sessions.
    Twenty individuals might not sound like maximum capacity, but the last few years of teaching have taught me the importance of maintaining tight energetic boundaries if I want to keep uploading these free videos in addition to serving my current clients to the best of my ability in 2024.
    To minimise confusion and enhance transparency, I've spent several hours writing this ridiculously long comment to help you decide if my Inner Work Mentorship is the right choice for your development & what you could reasonably expect from working closely together.
    Please take the time to read this service description before contacting me on Instagram… or feel free to stop reading right now if you’re not interested in my fees, session structure, client expectations, etc.
    ...
    *READ BEFORE SCROLLING FURTHER:*
    I'm interested in long-term change and structural transformation, which is why I've never offered one-off sessions.
    Complex issues cannot be resolved in a few hours, but we likewise need to define an upper limit for containment and collaboration.
    I've learned that deep and enduring self-integration requires at least four months of immersive effort. Why four months? It's enough weekly contact for us to work through multiple complex issues and developmental possibilities, but short enough to mitigate against unconscious co-dependency and motivational stagnation.
    I'm currently accepting a maximum of two new clients per month - message me after reading the following section to check my availability.
    ...
    *HOW I WORK & WHO I WORK WITH*
    Unlike other coaches and teachers who take an understandably more relaxed approach to healing and integration, my mentorships are characteristically intense.
    This is a highly-demanding, high-investment process which requires our consistent combined effort over a period of four months.
    If we were to start working together, I would reasonably expect you to be excited to show up for a minimum of 10+ hours of self-motivated transformative practice per week (daily reading, fitness routine, creative exercises, spiritual reflection, etc.) while also maintaining full-sobriety (no drink, no drugs, no cigarettes, no vapes).
    These strict standards of discipline and sobriety are plainly unsuitable for most people in most situations - even genuinely motivated individuals who resonate with my UA-cam videos may not be the right match for four months of structured mentorship.
    If you want to get deeper, I've noticed that there's a certain type of ‘temperament' & 'timing’ to get the most out of me.
    I'm interested in alert, creative and purpose-driven individuals who aspire to exceptional standards of self-maturation and would enjoy the feeling of going through week-on-week of progressively stacked transformative experiences for a third of a year: my ideal client is somebody who is willing to bring forward their internal complexity with a sense of courage and transparency with the intention of nothing less than full-spectrum transformation & rapid acceleration on their personal path.
    I am yet to discover another supportive figure who offers something comparable to this mentorship: a four-month, structured yet flexible 1-1 container which is simultaneously therapeutic, academic and action-oriented; with primary focus placed on tangible improvements in your felt sense of self-knowledge and self-integration; in addition to making consistent and meaningful progress towards your unique goals and mentorship aspirations.
    I prioritise contact, compassion and accountability, which means that your work never really 'ends' at the end of your session. You can reasonably expect to be fed dozens of customised reading suggestions and follow-on perspectives outside of the formal sessions via friendly and informal messenger contact, where I am active and available four days per week to cultivate an intimate personal connection while likewise enhancing your positive momentum via accountability check-ins and additional support as required.
    By way of conclusion for what feels like an extraordinarily long comment and service description, I feel compelled to once more emphasise that working directly with me is unrealistic for most people in most situations.
    I often support people who are accustomed to wrestling with the emotional challenges associated with working through complex wounds in previous therapeutic relationships before we begin our coaching work together. Even individuals without 'hard trauma' can expect moments of pressurised darkness and heaviness during periods of shadow contact as you begin to restructure your personal unconscious. We will be exploring your psyche and soma at scale and depth, and it will be your responsibility to keep me informed about the emotional texture of your internal reality, especially if you encounter negatively charged experiences, and I will of course do everything in my power to support you through the hard times as we integrate the darkness and move forwards together.
    UA-cam is a wonderful place for me to share free research resources and offer accessible inner work invitations; my private mentorships, however, are the place for collaborative partnership and emotional security as we identify, navigate and restructure oftentimes confronting and challenging conscious and unconscious physical, emotional and mental material.
    Ultimately, this is a highly-demanding but highly-rewarding process which requires the best of our shared intentions.
    ...
    *SESSION STRUCTURE & FEES:*
    The total fee for an Inner Work Mentorship (including 12 x 2 hr sessions) is £7,400 GBP or approximately $9,400 USD. This is my only coaching programme, and my mentorship pricing is liable to adjustment over time.

    Each private session lasts two hours, and is facilitated via Telegram video call at an ideal time for both of us. Your mentorship extends over a linear four-month period, with a total of twenty-four hours of structured session time, in addition to four days per week of unlimited messenger availability for accountability updates, voice note exchanges and informal calls upon occasion. I do not work on Mondays, Tuesdays or Wednesdays, but I am fully-available across all timezones for regular calls and messenger contact on Thursday - Sunday.
    If you’ve scrolled this far, and resonate with what I’m offering, I invite you to message me on Instagram. It would be my pleasure to start exploring your goals and intentions in real-time.
    IMPORTANT: I am an intentionally independent coach, and not a licensed therapist or associated with any professional bodies or coaching institutions, and therefore enjoy the freedom to collaborate with my clients across all areas of life in an intimate, direct and highly involved coaching style. I work with no more than twenty people per year, and am currently accepting a maximum of two new clients per month. I also manage my own inbox and do not use automated systems or employ people to pretend to be me on Instagram, which means that it usually takes four to six weeks for me to respond to new messages and begin the interview process. Although my approach takes time, I hope you ultimately appreciate my personal emphasis on authentic and confidential communication from the very beginning of our relationship. I once again encourage you to message me immediately if you want to start working together within the next two months - bump yourself to the top of my inbox, and I’ll send you some voice notes to get our conversation started.

  • @mel-tp5hi
    @mel-tp5hi 2 місяці тому +1

    Thank you so much for this video Jordan.
    Alas, one cannot pour from an empty cup.
    When training for the job, coast-guards are taught to shake off anyone clinging to their ankles, even if that person is in risk of dying, if there is a risk the drowning person will cause him to drown too.
    Unshackling oneself from some grasping dying desperate person, as the coastguard must do, by quite violently and agressively moving his leg to be free of the dying person's clasp, is a horrific image, but is the right thing to do, after all his own life is potentially at stake, he has no other choice but to kick his leg out in an attempt to shake the person off.
    I think one would need a very very thick skin to become a coastguard. I think of this when I feel twinges of 'survivor's guilt' at freeing myself of toxic people (or family members 😔) who "drag me down with them into "unconscious hell", only it's more my soul or sanity that is fighting for survival (rather than my body).
    The most I can sometimes do for them is wish them well, and genuinely send them love, peace and good will from a distance.

  • @shadowsisterhealing
    @shadowsisterhealing Рік тому +10

    Thanks for reminding of setting boundaries for overgiving. Your calm way of stating why this is very important really resonates with me. Indeed you have such a level of wisdom in you that it serves more people to help multiple people at once doing this kind of video than reply to every single private message you get from people. That is why I also write my messages here rather than contact you personally (even when i did u were kind to help with some encouraging words immediately which u didnt had to do but u did and i am very grateful of that as it was exactly a moment where I was afraid to set healthy boundaries) because feedback to your videos help even your channel and allow healthy confrontation of this topic. If I ever had money to hire you personally I would because you are like gift who keeps giving. But indeed gifted people need to protect that gift space too 🎁 Sharing like you do on youtube is really caring that is making a difference so thank you Jordan for giving so much great free advices 🙏

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  Рік тому +4

      Thank you for being respectful of boundaries while also looking deeper into your own patterns - I appreciate your thoughtful reflections on UA-cam and know that other people who read your comments will too 🌲

    • @shadowsisterhealing
      @shadowsisterhealing Рік тому +1

      @@jordanthornton Yes it can be painful to look into patterns you only see when someone gives you honest feedback. I am very much extrovert and you are clearly introvert. I am learning a lot from you.

  • @nicoleconnor_
    @nicoleconnor_ Рік тому +5

    I am an only child who was heavily parentified by both parents and maternal grandmother (a generational pattern on both sides of my family). My trauma response was to become hyper-independent, which is just the opposite side of the same coin. It took me a very long time, and healing from burnout, to learn that being nice isn’t nice, kind, or loving, especially when it supports and reinforces self-betrayal.
    Speaking my truth from a mature, measured and regulated state, is the greatest act of kindness I can offer, even if I feel it won’t be received well in the moment. I also prefer being given an honest response over one meyered in self-betrayal because it is a strong indicator of trustworthiness and will always earn my respect.
    As a macro example, us Canadians have been socially conditioned into believing we must be ‘polite’, to our collective detriment. Apologising our way into systemic co-dependency for ‘the greater good’. Only possible because the micro/macro systems will always reinforce each other until we claim full responsibility over Self, first. Appreciate the direct and honest approach in all you do!

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  Рік тому +2

      Canadian and British over-apologising is a real problem 😂 - more seriously, thank you for sharing some of your story here. I can certainly relate, Nicole 🌲

  • @NattyByNature-
    @NattyByNature- 10 місяців тому

    Everything has an energy. That’s why positive words make you feel better but negative words put you down. Even ppl expressing an emotion is energy. It can affect you if you take it on.

  • @NattyByNature-
    @NattyByNature- 10 місяців тому

    I’m not a therapist by profession but I’m the person most of my love ones call for emotional support. I use to push myself to be there for them constantly until I started lashing out from repressed resentment. Now I keep my phone on DND once I’m not working. I realized if I kept going I kept feeling extremely tired physically. I realize this is not the case of most ppl I know so I realize that I can’t operate like everyone. Couple ppl have dropped me or stop treating me like before but I just chop it up to the game. I feel better emotionally.

  • @i_vanta
    @i_vanta Рік тому +5

    Apart from the deeply nourishing wisdom and resources you share, I enjoy your sense of humour🤣 thank you for yet another incredible video.

  • @arunhussain2722
    @arunhussain2722 Рік тому +3

    Litrally been practicing this as much as i can, can see that the cycles needed to reset are getting shorter, and that sense of sturdiness is starting to grow 👌

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  Рік тому +1

      This is excellent news, it’s motivating to see the shift, right? 🌲

  • @Ericatrue1974
    @Ericatrue1974 10 місяців тому

    Thank you for the knowledge. I didnt even realize I was doing this. I definitely appreciate you for what you give!

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  10 місяців тому +1

      You are so welcome - hope you continue to enjoy the resources shared here. Wishing you the best for 2024.

  • @laylasayed708
    @laylasayed708 Рік тому

    You are not giving to be kind but to be safe IN BOLD!! Another thing that has been really useful is separating myself emotionally and reminding myself in every potential pleasing situation that it’s somebody’s else problems and feelings not mine, I don’t “need” to solve this. Emotional boundaries is something I used to lack.

  • @ArthursAtman
    @ArthursAtman 8 місяців тому

    So helpful. Bought Ministry Burnout. Read some on "compassion fatigue", but this looks great. Just finished "Healing Your Lost Inner Child" by Jackman, but really needed the boundaries part most. If anyone in this comments section has found a gem on boundaries, I'd be deeply appreciative. Cheers folks.

  • @LesleySASMR
    @LesleySASMR 10 місяців тому

    Wow. My dad and I need this book. We both have this rescuer mentality, but we always feel drained and used. Hoping we can both work through this together as a father-daughter exercise.

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  10 місяців тому

      Excellent, nice family healing moments ahead. Thanks for this.

  • @1paulmohill
    @1paulmohill Рік тому

    Powerful video, that resonated strongly with me. Even if I had the money I don't think I would be able to commit. I wouldnt want to waste your time. I'm not there yet in terms of personal discipline no mater how much I wish I was.im Stuck in this trauma loop. It's a sludge of anxiety and fire fighting. Everything feels overwhelming. I don't feel I do anything well and dont have time to really rest and do the work I need to do, I don't even know where to start. Im a mess. Even writing this is hard for many reasons. Thank you brother, I will buy the recommended book see if it helps😉
    Just

  • @nanu1398
    @nanu1398 8 місяців тому

    Been there and done that until I became chronically ill - what a surprise!! 😂 So ‚Not my circus, not my monkeys‘ has become my new mantra.
    At my workplace it’s relatively easy to watch the different expectations people have towards men and women and people rarely take a no for an answer from a woman. 🙄🙄🙄

  • @KanchanaSreddy
    @KanchanaSreddy Рік тому +3

    Waiting for this topic❤

  • @Heyu7her3
    @Heyu7her3 10 місяців тому

    Thank you so, so much for your book recommendation. I just bought a copy... hopefully, I'll dive right into reading it 😅😢

  • @Alisonleighb
    @Alisonleighb Рік тому

    So much to ponder 💭 the timing of your topics are always right on time… thanks Jordan.

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  Рік тому

      You're so welcome! This was a good one to film!

  • @ChrisTalley-ei9qg
    @ChrisTalley-ei9qg Рік тому

    Sage advice. This episode speaks to me. I somehow seek the hard to help.

  • @heatheropenshaw5459
    @heatheropenshaw5459 10 місяців тому

    I now believe I was a giver who became so burnt out that I turned into a taker. Definitely relate to the trauma/depressed taker and I’m curious to know more about the clinging vibe. Do you have any videos on takers and how to come back to balance with the giving side?

  • @monahanu
    @monahanu Рік тому +2

    Thank you for this video! 🌹🌲

  • @yinglan9606
    @yinglan9606 Рік тому

    So many gems of information throughout this video. The somatic cues to look out for are especially useful 🌲

  • @incanthatus8182
    @incanthatus8182 Рік тому

    We really like the advice of taking time off and only for yourself and your own needs!
    We feel like we really enjoy helping others and that it's doing a lot of good for ourselves as well, but the idea of having one or two or even three days fully devoted to our own life and healing feels really good.

  • @gitu_tg
    @gitu_tg Рік тому +1

    Thank you Jordan 🎉❤

  • @gailaltschwager7377
    @gailaltschwager7377 Рік тому +1

    Thank you, Jordan! This is a useful video

  • @tommivation
    @tommivation Рік тому

    You inspire me so much my friend! Genuine thank you for all your efforts Jordan :pray:

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  Рік тому +1

      Always my pleasure - wishing you well with your work too!

  • @erikayoung5408
    @erikayoung5408 9 місяців тому

    Thank you

  • @Aleksandria3
    @Aleksandria3 Рік тому

    Thank you 🙏 for sharing your a true inspiration Jordan
    I can cope with certain people due to there energies and boundaries should be needed
    This is very insightful

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  Рік тому +1

      boundaries and high self worth, you got this! 🌲

  • @gg.6633
    @gg.6633 10 місяців тому

    Thank you!!

  • @waltherburgwinkel6759
    @waltherburgwinkel6759 Рік тому +1

    First 53 seconds and i follow your advice.

  • @VendomeK-iw9uy
    @VendomeK-iw9uy 5 місяців тому

    The start of this video is a bit cringey to watch but the rest is worth a watch- thank you

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  5 місяців тому

      Appreciate you sticking around - gotta play the UA-cam game hahaha

  • @beckymagnolia1
    @beckymagnolia1 Рік тому

    Ugh! Jordan, way to just rub it in. Lol! This has been my topic du jour. I often think I've "got " it and then it comes back around. This is the biggest of the big issues for me.
    I joke, but thank you as always! 💗🙏💗

  • @strzaa
    @strzaa Рік тому +1

    Love it!

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  Рік тому +1

      Cheers brother - I hope this serves your boundary work 🌲

  • @jimenavargas7657
    @jimenavargas7657 4 місяці тому

    i love u man

  • @Make1984FictionAgain
    @Make1984FictionAgain Рік тому +2

  • @cjcmrm
    @cjcmrm Рік тому +1

    ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

  • @rshicks256
    @rshicks256 Рік тому

    +1