Toxic Relationship Healing: Stop Romanticising Your Trauma Bonds - Inner Work Library [87/500]

Поділитися
Вставка
  • Опубліковано 29 вер 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 76

  • @jordanthornton
    @jordanthornton  Рік тому +3

    *1-1 Mentorship Information: Price & Structure (Maximum Capacity = 20 Clients Per Year)*
    It's an absolute pleasure to film these UA-cam videos, and I feel fortunate to receive an abundance of meaningful messages every week, but I am unfortunately faced with the disappointing reality of turning away the vast majority of people who want to work together.
    I have significantly limited availability and can only support twenty people per year because I do not offer one-off calls or drop-in consulting sessions.
    Twenty individuals might not sound like maximum capacity, but the last few years of teaching have taught me the importance of maintaining tight energetic boundaries if I want to keep uploading these free videos in addition to serving my current clients to the best of my ability in 2024.
    To minimise confusion and enhance transparency, I've spent several hours writing this ridiculously long comment to help you decide if my Inner Work Mentorship is the right choice for your development & what you could reasonably expect from working closely together.
    Please take the time to read this service description before contacting me on Instagram… or feel free to stop reading right now if you’re not interested in my fees, session structure, client expectations, etc.
    ...
    *READ BEFORE SCROLLING FURTHER:*
    I'm interested in long-term change and structural transformation, which is why I've never offered one-off sessions.
    Complex issues cannot be resolved in a few hours, but we likewise need to define an upper limit for containment and collaboration.
    I've learned that deep and enduring self-integration requires at least four months of immersive effort. Why four months? It's enough weekly contact for us to work through multiple complex issues and developmental possibilities, but short enough to mitigate against unconscious co-dependency and motivational stagnation.
    I'm currently accepting a maximum of two new clients per month - message me after reading the following section to check my availability.
    ...
    *HOW I WORK & WHO I WORK WITH*
    Unlike other coaches and teachers who take an understandably more relaxed approach to healing and integration, my mentorships are characteristically intense.
    This is a highly-demanding, high-investment process which requires our consistent combined effort over a period of four months.
    If we were to start working together, I would reasonably expect you to be excited to show up for a minimum of 10+ hours of self-motivated transformative practice per week (daily reading, fitness routine, creative exercises, spiritual reflection, etc.) while also maintaining full-sobriety (no drink, no drugs, no cigarettes, no vapes).
    These strict standards of discipline and sobriety are plainly unsuitable for most people in most situations - even genuinely motivated individuals who resonate with my UA-cam videos may not be the right match for four months of structured mentorship.
    If you want to get deeper, I've noticed that there's a certain type of ‘temperament' & 'timing’ to get the most out of me.
    I'm interested in alert, creative and purpose-driven individuals who aspire to exceptional standards of self-maturation and would enjoy the feeling of going through week-on-week of progressively stacked transformative experiences for a third of a year: my ideal client is somebody who is willing to bring forward their internal complexity with a sense of courage and transparency with the intention of nothing less than full-spectrum transformation & rapid acceleration on their personal path.
    I am yet to discover another supportive figure who offers something comparable to this mentorship: a four-month, structured yet flexible 1-1 container which is simultaneously therapeutic, academic and action-oriented; with primary focus placed on tangible improvements in your felt sense of self-knowledge and self-integration; in addition to making consistent and meaningful progress towards your unique goals and mentorship aspirations.
    I prioritise contact, compassion and accountability, which means that your work never really 'ends' at the end of your session. You can reasonably expect to be fed dozens of customised reading suggestions and follow-on perspectives outside of the formal sessions via friendly and informal messenger contact, where I am active and available four days per week to cultivate an intimate personal connection while likewise enhancing your positive momentum via accountability check-ins and additional support as required.
    By way of conclusion for what feels like an extraordinarily long comment and service description, I feel compelled to once more emphasise that working directly with me is unrealistic for most people in most situations.
    I often support people who are accustomed to wrestling with the emotional challenges associated with working through complex wounds in previous therapeutic relationships before we begin our coaching work together. Even individuals without 'hard trauma' can expect moments of pressurised darkness and heaviness during periods of shadow contact as you begin to restructure your personal unconscious. We will be exploring your psyche and soma at scale and depth, and it will be your responsibility to keep me informed about the emotional texture of your internal reality, especially if you encounter negatively charged experiences, and I will of course do everything in my power to support you through the hard times as we integrate the darkness and move forwards together.
    UA-cam is a wonderful place for me to share free research resources and offer accessible inner work invitations; my private mentorships, however, are the place for collaborative partnership and emotional security as we identify, navigate and restructure oftentimes confronting and challenging conscious and unconscious physical, emotional and mental material.
    Ultimately, this is a highly-demanding but highly-rewarding process which requires the best of our shared intentions.
    ...
    *SESSION STRUCTURE & FEES:*
    The total fee for an Inner Work Mentorship (including 12 x 2 hr sessions) is £7,400 GBP or approximately $9,400 USD. This is my only coaching programme, and my mentorship pricing is liable to adjustment over time.

    Each private session lasts two hours, and is facilitated via Telegram video call at an ideal time for both of us. Your mentorship extends over a linear four-month period, with a total of twenty-four hours of structured session time, in addition to four days per week of unlimited messenger availability for accountability updates, voice note exchanges and informal calls upon occasion. I do not work on Mondays, Tuesdays or Wednesdays, but I am fully-available across all timezones for regular calls and messenger contact on Thursday - Sunday.
    If you’ve scrolled this far, and resonate with what I’m offering, I invite you to message me on Instagram. It would be my pleasure to start exploring your goals and intentions in real-time.
    IMPORTANT: I am an intentionally independent coach, and not a licensed therapist or associated with any professional bodies or coaching institutions, and therefore enjoy the freedom to collaborate with my clients across all areas of life in an intimate, direct and highly involved coaching style. I work with no more than twenty people per year, and am currently accepting a maximum of two new clients per month. I also manage my own inbox and do not use automated systems or employ people to pretend to be me on Instagram, which means that it usually takes four to six weeks for me to respond to new messages and begin the interview process. Although my approach takes time, I hope you ultimately appreciate my personal emphasis on authentic and confidential communication from the very beginning of our relationship. I once again encourage you to message me immediately if you want to start working together within the next two months - bump yourself to the top of my inbox, and I’ll send you some voice notes to get our conversation started.

  • @theo8261
    @theo8261 Рік тому +14

    I do think trauma bond is also a type of love and connection which is necessary to growth and path to spiritual ascending. Some people just need this to look within.

    • @wildeevolution
      @wildeevolution Рік тому

      Could you please explain this?

    • @jengabubs
      @jengabubs 11 місяців тому +6

      I get that. If you’re aware and learning your triggers and trauma, a toxic relationship can teach you things. But it is still dangerous and it’s not the only way to learn these lessons. We can get stuck in a toxic relationship because we use it to learn and grow. You have to know when to get out.

    • @Xica448
      @Xica448 9 місяців тому +3

      Al relationships are for growth. It's up to us if we want to actually heal and grow, however or if we want to stay trapped in behaviors stemming from trauma.
      A terrible experience can have the effect of giving someone a good, strong push into a healing phase. That's the best one can expect from experiencing a trauma-bond, because ultimately, and no matter how much love there is, it will be extremely painful

  • @nicoleconnor_
    @nicoleconnor_ Рік тому +7

    Recognizing toxicity as a state of resonance not just a state of being, is a concept that helped me witness and observe what I was by-passing, enabling, excusing, avoiding etc, because I was aware of the underlying wounding, both in my Self and others. It’s a radical level of self honesty, responsibility and accountability that is incredibly humbling and illuminating. The neutrality you speak of at the end, is by far the most powerful jurisdiction I’ve learned to seek out in all realms - soul to civil. I see most things as an inside-out job, so I appreciate and resonate with your perspective on the additional disempowering labels that tend to follow a ’toxic’ diagnosis. It brings much needed balance to the larger conversation.

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  Рік тому +3

      Nothing worse than the 'google self-diagnosis' based on psychological terms being thrown around. I likewise get concerned about how it takes people into murky territory compared to the inside-out perspective you mention, Nicole.

    • @nicoleconnor_
      @nicoleconnor_ Рік тому +2

      @@jordanthornton Imagine how healthy a world without the word diagnosis would be

  • @zinasherif7791
    @zinasherif7791 Рік тому +5

    Gosh , thanks for validating my perspectives on codependency and toxic relationships!
    I intuitively disliked the terms empath and narcissist , and considered them as the opposite side of the same coin 🪙
    Our world tend to idealize the selfless empath and demonizing the needy and selfish narcissist.
    They both need to do inner work neutralizing their polarity.
    I must admit you cracked me up with some of your expressions and body language illustrating the dynamics 😂
    You got talents in acting too 👍🏼
    Sending you good thoughts ❤

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  Рік тому +3

      Trying to keep it animated even on sensitive and heavy topics - appreciate your appreciation!

  • @everydayrenewed
    @everydayrenewed 8 місяців тому +3

    I like that you don’t like coddling or dumbing things down to the nth degree. Much appreciated.

  • @sadiekimmer3950
    @sadiekimmer3950 8 місяців тому +2

    I recently found you. 🙏 I have been down tons of rabbit holes in my life .. I’m 50 and I must say I appreciate your delivery and your clarity. All of your content is brilliant, concise and easy to metabolize.

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  8 місяців тому

      Welcome, Sadie. It's a pleasure to be talking about these complex topics, will keep doing my best to support your growth and clarifications this year.

  • @Dreams.2.big.4.ur.system
    @Dreams.2.big.4.ur.system Рік тому +3

    Brilliant! Every video is gold. This is the content that has potential to truly change peoples lives. If there was ever a man to inspire radical responsibility, radical honesty and to stop wasting time ⬆⬆⬆
    Thank you sir 🙌

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  Рік тому

      I appreciate your words here, and I hope this one helped.

  • @christianorduna4772
    @christianorduna4772 Рік тому +2

    "your choice, you're an adult" 😂 love it

  • @gitu_tg
    @gitu_tg Рік тому +4

    Thank you Jordan 🌲

  • @lightbulb888
    @lightbulb888 Місяць тому

    very interesting idea of the selective abandonment. Never heard of it before. It deeply resonates and adds an important layer of understanding. I also have been demonising and although there is some truth on that it really doesn't get me anywhere fast. I guess I'm ready to see my part in it too and take responsibility. Ready now because it doesn't trigger me as much as it used to. ❤

  • @Carrie_LeStrange
    @Carrie_LeStrange Рік тому +1

    Amazing video. I've a friendship thats definitely a possible trauma bond but I think it might actually be healthy. We both have similar trauma we're aware of and are really mindful of it so build each other up a lot without it being forced or shallow and appearance based (both come from families who affected our views on our body image). So I'm wondering if that's the same thing?

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  11 місяців тому +1

      Apologies for the delay - screenshotted your question here and will do my best. In the meantime, I hope you've found some clarity with your friends and find the right communication lanes and boundaries for the two of you. Wishing you well in the new month.

  • @SpicyGramCracker
    @SpicyGramCracker Рік тому +1

    Gonna swear. Tha f.....???? I have to process this. My mom went to hug me when i was 10 and i started laughing. She immediately pushed me away. I was shocked and went to hug her and she waved me away saying "nope, go away you dont love me ". I dont think she meant harm but i still feel it. im not even sure why i started laughing. But my motto is " thank you for coming, please step aside, there is someone right behind you."

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  Рік тому

      I'm sorry to hear this and wish you the best in your next steps - hope these two books help.

  • @madhuryabalan4118
    @madhuryabalan4118 Рік тому +1

    Jordan, could you do a video on the collective conscious and collective unconscious? Would be very helpful to have a debrock of shared awareness and not doubt(with strains of paranoia) around this.

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  Рік тому

      I have before - you’ll have to take a look for it 👌🏻

  • @J.RFermin
    @J.RFermin Рік тому +1

    This pushes all the right buttons, sometimes I'm that praised "gifted" boy and sometimes I'm that ignored "needy" girl, thank you for sharing! This beautiful insights! Greetings from South America

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  Рік тому +2

      Sometimes we catch ourselves in various shadow patterns - I appreciate your awareness here, and am happy to have started the conversation.

  • @amberandrews4839
    @amberandrews4839 Рік тому +1

    Thanks

  • @ArthursAtman
    @ArthursAtman 7 місяців тому

    Extremely helpful content on the trauma bond. Thanks Jordan. Purchased the books you recommended

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  7 місяців тому

      Cheers, thanks for taking this seriously. Keep at it.

  • @Jacqueoldfield
    @Jacqueoldfield Рік тому +1

    Thank you Jordan, I appreciate your videos🌸

  • @carlorizzo827
    @carlorizzo827 Рік тому +1

    Great Jordan. Terrifying topic. I've been avoiding romantic bonding for so long, most of this went over my head. Yeah, working "on myself", i'm cognizant of the paradigm of idealization vs degradation. Yet, add "the other" and it all falls to pieces. To be continued.....

  • @courtneyclinch376
    @courtneyclinch376 8 місяців тому

    I just stumbled across you a few weeks ago
    I love listening to your videos as I really resonate with you
    Thank you for sharing your growth to help others

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  8 місяців тому

      Thank you for being here, Courtney. Welcome and enjoy stacking up your bookshelves!

  • @gailaltschwager7377
    @gailaltschwager7377 Рік тому +1

    Another good video, Jordan. Thank you!

  • @windrock
    @windrock 10 місяців тому

    Insightful.

  • @AA-vh4dj
    @AA-vh4dj Рік тому

    "Just be aware that your trying to take off a mask.your trying to unravel, unpeel. rip off an old game, you've been playing.
    Don't be too quick to take another one of the shelf that you find on a UA-cam video and put it right back on."
    Wow, you nailed it there.
    This is so true... it is really tempting to act on impulses after watching triggering videos based on idealization and demonization.
    This is everything.
    Thankyou so much jordan. 🙏

  • @karakim9213
    @karakim9213 8 місяців тому

    Love this perspective.. definitively in the accountability stage

  • @lowkeyaspoon2723
    @lowkeyaspoon2723 Рік тому

    Thank you Jordan! Great timing as I’m dealing with major issues on this *today*.
    Nearing the end of my misfortunes in compulsively giving people who couldn’t care less about me. I’m sure I’ll have slips ups, but I finally respect myself too much to go back.
    Thanks again for todays video + all your other content/book recs that helped me immensely to get here!

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  Рік тому

      Here to help! Thank you for doing your patient and consistent work - wishing you the best 🌲

  • @KreatywnyKajetan
    @KreatywnyKajetan Рік тому

    Love this channel. Spot-on, again. Thank you, Jordan. Consciousness bless ya.

  • @sabiduriavariaenespanol
    @sabiduriavariaenespanol Рік тому

    Thank you

  • @jengabubs
    @jengabubs 11 місяців тому

    Is the gender important in these dynamics? I have a girl friend who was sort of sexualized and called a heart breaker or “Casanova” from her father. So she believes that is a big part of her value.

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  11 місяців тому +1

      There are many factors to consider, but some of the principles are crossover. Depends on many factors which makes it hard for me to respond in a comment hahaha

  • @panditakasper4631
    @panditakasper4631 Рік тому

    Thankyou Jordan, I resognate so much with your words. Great explanation 👍most greatful🙏😌

  • @callum7081
    @callum7081 Рік тому

    This channel and the book reccomendations I’ve read from you have already changed my life profoundly in the last 2 months. Much love my bro ❤🙏

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  Рік тому +1

      It’s the least I could do - happy to be sharing and inspiring your own self educational process. Keep going, my friend - and thank you for the tip!

  • @vv33708
    @vv33708 Рік тому

    Indeed. Thank you! I had to stop 2 minutes in and just say thank you for the way you are approaching this topic! It has been nearly impossible to explore this topic without it being delivered in a way that divides and labels both individuals and it is far too triggering for my highly sensitive brain. What you are doing is such a wonderful service and always so comprehensive and on target. Your videos often bring me to tears.

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  Рік тому

      This means a lot for me to know, thank you for taking the time to do this work and reach out to let me know 🌲

  • @Mara-nr3kw
    @Mara-nr3kw Рік тому

    your timing for speaking about this subject is more than perfect. I broke up a few weeks ago and still feel so bad about how everything went down in the end... Thank you so much 🙏 It will take some time to heal.

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  Рік тому

      Wishing you the best in your healing process, happy to have helped Mara

  • @TeaInTheEarlyMornings
    @TeaInTheEarlyMornings Рік тому

    "selectively accepted and selectively abandoned depending on certain character traits" - you said it, right there. TU

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  Рік тому

      Thanks for quoting - that’s a key idea, goes deep 👀

  • @missmagillicutty6721
    @missmagillicutty6721 Рік тому

    Deeply resonates with me.
    Thank you Jordan!!
    ✨🙏😇✌️💖🕯️✨

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  Рік тому +1

      Wishing you the absolute best with your relationship!

  • @theo8261
    @theo8261 Рік тому

    Thank you Jordan. I bought invisible partner. ❤

  • @dianevierra781
    @dianevierra781 Рік тому

    I may have to listen to this one a couple times. There were things here that I think could be applied to platonic relationships, too. But the books are on my list, so thanks Jordan.

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  Рік тому +2

      I agree, close friendships especially. It's all trauma work and communication skills - you'll love the books, golden.

  • @madhuryabalan4118
    @madhuryabalan4118 Рік тому

    Did anyone else miss seeing a linked video at the end?

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  Рік тому

      There is a placeholder link to another video on relationships, hope that helps too!

  • @rshicks256
    @rshicks256 Рік тому

    +1

  • @juanitawatson3049
    @juanitawatson3049 Рік тому

    So good!!

    • @jordanthornton
      @jordanthornton  Рік тому +1

      Happy to have helped - check out the two books also!

    • @juanitawatson3049
      @juanitawatson3049 Рік тому

      @@jordanthornton Absolutely. I’m still working on a stack from from a list you gave at the beginning of the year. So grateful.

  • @everydayrenewed
    @everydayrenewed 8 місяців тому

    13:05 hurt tho you didn’t have to make eye contact with the camera when you feigned your gasp like that 😂🤌