So true. For the sake of my young children i tolerated toxic in laws. Now that those children are adults, i am viewed as the adult who wont cooperate because i have boundaries.
Its great to see a video dedicated to the topic of boundaries. My boundaries could do with an improvement . We all could do with that to a different degree. Thank you Julia!
Hi Julia Kristina, M.A. Psych ! Senior Shifter Chris here! What an excellent first video on your boundaries series! My take away is on food and drink needs. I felt heard and validated when I learned that if I am hungry or thirsty, that is okay for me to eat. I usually have my 3 basic meals and maybe some snacking in-between and family members criticize me when I say I am hungry and ready for my next meal. Crazy, huh?? Here are my notes: • There is this mistaken idea that boundaries will make us unkind, difficult or mean. • Having clear, kind and healthy boundaires helps to protect and perseve our own mental health and relationships. • " Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously" - Prentis Hemphill • Most people aren't trying to intentionally violate your boundaries, but coming from their own perspectives. Physical Boundaries: • Personal space • How comfortable you are with touch and different kinds of touch. • Food and drink needs • Rest needs
• You are allowed to say how you do and do not want to be touch • You are allowed to say when you need space • You are allowed to day when you are hungry and when you are thirsty and when you need a rest • You are allowed to meet those wants, needs and preferences for yourself when you need to.
So many good points, Julia! I'm getting better at telling my wife when I need to sleep or get physical exercise, but often those requests make her angry 😂 As if I'm not available for her or for our relationship at that time. Well yeah, those are me-time!
Sad and pathetic how our culture makes us believe rest is something we need to earn. In nature, we don't earn rest, we do it when we need it. 🤦🏽♂️ I am building my confidence in saying things like "I am not interested in going out today. I like to use today to do something at home." It feels good to listen to our own wants and needs.
My uncle was like that about wanting to go to bed and being nice about telling his company. My grandfather on my mom’s side was like that too. But grandpa wasn’t nice about it. 🤣
Knowing boundaries is about awareness. It is not about being aggressive. On the contrary, it helps in being assertive. Being a good Christian, for example, should never be hindered by awareness of needs. The worst example of aggressive reactions to crossed boundaries is the saying: "You cross the line, your butt is mine." That's retribution and it is dirty recourse! It is intolerable, cruel, evil, wrong and anti-social. Boundaries are not universal nor predictable, so they must be communicated with kindness.
I'm 65, had worked 8n a very isolated job for over 15 years. Now retired and readjusting to the Real World. So much to learn but I'm getting there. Don't need another broken heart. Ones enough.
I think we ought also to have boundaries protecting our temperature and clothing needs. I am very thin and get cold easily, and I am often ridiculed for stating my need for a sweater when others are comfortable in an air conditioned room. I feel uncomfortable being ridiculed as though something is wrong with me or that I am lying. I don't know how to deal with this.
My father set me up in childhood to believe that other people had more rights to my body than I did. I was molested and raped over and over (and always felt it was my own fault) until I decided I wasn't going to be alone with people who were likely to force themselves upon me. I still haven't resolved the confusion over how much right a husband has to demand sex from his wife. I was led to believe that if I ever said no to my husband, I would be defrauding him and violating my marriage vows. Because of this being unresolved, I have never felt safe to remarry after he divorced me, believing he deserved to be loved better than I could do, 33 years ago. He is happily re-sexed now with his subsequent partner, and I live a celibate life feeling the lonely absence of a safe and loving partner.
I have been verbally, physically, emotionally abused by my mum fr childhood into adolescence into adulthood. But I don't know how to set boundaries. Can you please give me some examples?. As I've moved two doors down from her. And she has infantalized me all my life and still does as I'm 48 years old
Hi Julia I would like to talk to you how can I talk to you in person I was have anything going on with my life and elation ship can I call you on phone or what can I do? Please let me know. Thank you.
Those are just my lashes. If you're referring to me blinking often, I discovered I blink a lot while I'm thinking - so the more I blink, the more thoughtful I'm being - which is great for you - it means you get better content! Hope you can figure out a way to still get a lot from my teaching - despite my long lashes.
Listen as if it is a podcast. You don't have to look at the screen for you to learn. Stick in AirPods or turn up the volume where you can listen without seeing the screen
Boundaries can keep away people that you don't want to keep because they don't respect you enough. That's why you shouldn't be afraid to set them.
I’m not good at this but it’s also tricky people think boundaries are demands and they aren’t 😅
It's really hard when you've allowed something in the past but later found you don't like it and now try to enforce that new boundary.
So true. For the sake of my young children i tolerated toxic in laws. Now that those children are adults, i am viewed as the adult who wont cooperate because i have boundaries.
I really enjoy all of your videos!
The black and white is so elegant and your messages are always helpful & clear.
Thanks ❤
I’m comfortable with touch as long as it’s not inappropriate touch.
I didn’t know food and rest were boundaries at all! Loved this video
Its great to see a video dedicated to the topic of boundaries. My boundaries could do with an improvement . We all could do with that to a different degree. Thank you Julia!
The need for rest. I didn't think i deserved to rest until i was near collapse.
Here's to Feeling Safe & Trusting Yourself ✨️ Much Gratitude
I do need physical space Julia.
Hi Julia Kristina, M.A. Psych ! Senior Shifter Chris here!
What an excellent first video on your boundaries series!
My take away is on food and drink needs. I felt heard and validated when I learned that if I am hungry or thirsty, that is okay for me to eat. I usually have my 3 basic meals and maybe some snacking in-between and family members criticize me when I say I am hungry and ready for my next meal. Crazy, huh??
Here are my notes:
• There is this mistaken idea that boundaries will make us unkind, difficult or mean.
• Having clear, kind and healthy boundaires helps to protect and perseve our own mental health and relationships.
• " Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously" - Prentis Hemphill
• Most people aren't trying to intentionally violate your boundaries, but coming from their own perspectives.
Physical Boundaries:
• Personal space
• How comfortable you are with touch and different kinds of touch.
• Food and drink needs
• Rest needs
• You are allowed to say how you do and do not want to be touch
• You are allowed to say when you need space
• You are allowed to day when you are hungry and when you are thirsty and when you need a rest
• You are allowed to meet those wants, needs and preferences for yourself when you need to.
the bedtime one with guests over and the exercise one!
We all need to take time for ourselves.
So many good points, Julia! I'm getting better at telling my wife when I need to sleep or get physical exercise, but often those requests make her angry 😂 As if I'm not available for her or for our relationship at that time. Well yeah, those are me-time!
But those me-time boundaries give you the refreshing you need to be available for relationship time.
Sad and pathetic how our culture makes us believe rest is something we need to earn. In nature, we don't earn rest, we do it when we need it. 🤦🏽♂️ I am building my confidence in saying things like "I am not interested in going out today. I like to use today to do something at home." It feels good to listen to our own wants and needs.
This is so helpful. Simple and clear..
Boundaries only push the wrong types of people away.
My uncle was like that about wanting to go to bed and being nice about telling his company. My grandfather on my mom’s side was like that too. But grandpa wasn’t nice about it. 🤣
A great subject to start the new year! Thanks
Thank you for this series my dear
Great topic and I appreciate how you empower each of us by saying you are allowed.
Really enjoyed this, I look forward to part 2. Thank you.
I'm struggling with boundaries and I need a little support 🙏.
Thank you so very much for that I knew about boundaries but I just didn’t think I could set them up correctly for myself.
Good to see you again. Good info..
Thank you JK I need to get to know and trust myself. I make boundaries but I don’t respect myself to keep them. My sister and I love your podcasts.
A great video I set boundaries around my exercise time I asked people not to call me until after 10:30 in the morning😊
Good for you!
I wouldn’t like it if someone stopped by unannounced Julia.
Hello Julia it's me Silas I'm back again I've always appreciated your videos and thank you for taking the time to do them they help Silas
The bedtime one with guests is impressive.although i keep thinking its rude as its so assertive
It's interesting, no one has ever seemed put off by it.
Knowing boundaries is about awareness. It is not about being aggressive. On the contrary, it helps in being assertive. Being a good Christian, for example, should never be hindered by awareness of needs. The worst example of aggressive reactions to crossed boundaries is the saying: "You cross the line, your butt is mine." That's retribution and it is dirty recourse! It is intolerable, cruel, evil, wrong and anti-social. Boundaries are not universal nor predictable, so they must be communicated with kindness.
excelente!!!
Thanks! Really glad you're here.
I'm 65, had worked 8n a very isolated job for over 15 years. Now retired and readjusting to the Real World. So much to learn but I'm getting there. Don't need another broken heart. Ones enough.
Think I am doing pretty well on this one. Want to make sure I catch the other 5 though.
You need to learn to say “I’m not available at that time,”
I think we ought also to have boundaries protecting our temperature and clothing needs. I am very thin and get cold easily, and I am often ridiculed for stating my need for a sweater when others are comfortable in an air conditioned room. I feel uncomfortable being ridiculed as though something is wrong with me or that I am lying. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hello everyone ty i need to know Julia about boundaries
My father set me up in childhood to believe that other people had more rights to my body than I did. I was molested and raped over and over (and always felt it was my own fault) until I decided I wasn't going to be alone with people who were likely to force themselves upon me. I still haven't resolved the confusion over how much right a husband has to demand sex from his wife. I was led to believe that if I ever said no to my husband, I would be defrauding him and violating my marriage vows. Because of this being unresolved, I have never felt safe to remarry after he divorced me, believing he deserved to be loved better than I could do, 33 years ago. He is happily re-sexed now with his subsequent partner, and I live a celibate life feeling the lonely absence of a safe and loving partner.
Or we are raised to believe that boundaries are bad.
yes. That is often true.
Hello Julia Kristina”
So sad how i had my sleep deprived because of a toxic relationship for many years
I have been verbally, physically, emotionally abused by my mum fr childhood into adolescence into adulthood. But I don't know how to set boundaries. Can you please give me some examples?. As I've moved two doors down from her. And she has infantalized me all my life and still does as I'm 48 years old
Yikes! A 48 year old infant? Your mum has serious separation anxiety!
I'm number 1. Everyone else is second.
🎉🎉🎉
Hellow 🙋♂️
Hey! great to have you here
Hellow
Hi Julia I would like to talk to you how can I talk to you in person I was have anything going on with my life and elation ship can I call you on phone or what can I do? Please let me know. Thank you.
why the massive. lashes....cleary. they are bugging. you!!!!!
Those are just my lashes. If you're referring to me blinking often, I discovered I blink a lot while I'm thinking - so the more I blink, the more thoughtful I'm being - which is great for you - it means you get better content! Hope you can figure out a way to still get a lot from my teaching - despite my long lashes.
Think this channel is probably not for you and a bit over your head if that's your take away from this video ❤
Listen as if it is a podcast. You don't have to look at the screen for you to learn. Stick in AirPods or turn up the volume where you can listen without seeing the screen
You have just crossed a boundary my dear. And clearly you could do with a few spelling lessons. 😊
Hello