3 Reasons NOT to Divorce a Cheating Spouse
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- Опубліковано 26 сер 2024
- There is so much content out there telling you to NEVER stay with a cheating spouse. And yet 50-80% of people do. It turns out there are valid reasons not to divorce a cheating spouse. In this video I share 3 reasons you should stay with someone who cheated, and how to decide if staying after cheating or getting a divorce is right for you.
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Your divorce can either be the nail in your coffin, or it can be the catalyst you use to finally confront and heal your emotional wounds so they don't kneecap your relationships.
You can become the best version of yourself and take control of your future. And now you can get access to the same step by step, proven system that has already helped hundreds of men do just that, inside the Better Beyond Divorce App.
GET ACCESS TO THE BETTER BEYOND DIVORCE APP NOW:
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Additional Resources
Free Masterclass: HOW TO TAKE BACK CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AFTER DIVORCE
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Guide: Emotional Stages of Divorce for Men & How to Heal within Each Stage
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Dating After Divorce Checklist: Are you ready to date after your divorce?
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Helpful Books for Divorced Men (affiliate links)
► The Full Body Presence - Gives gentle, accessible exercises for somatic processing of emotional pain and trauma amzn.to/3umFPkj
► The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time amzn.to/3F326IS
► Breaking The Habit Of Being Yourself - Concrete tools and exercises for rewiring the brain and reimagining your sense of self and purpose amzn.to/3BaDyg9
► Legendary - Inspiration and a powerful perspective for stepping into your potential amzn.to/3H6ofsF
► The Myth Of Normal: Trauma, Illness & Healing in a Toxic Culture - Brilliant, in every way. This is an amazing resource for understanding yourself and your ex wife and finding the clarity or compassion you need to forgive. amzn.to/3UxdsuC
► Lost Connections: Why You're Depressed and How to Find Help - Intense and well researched. I would recommend this book when you are past the early stages of divorce and have a stable support system in place. amzn.to/3VNMOi7
I’m Rachael Sloan, Master NLP Practitioner, certified life coach, and the creator of Better Beyond Divorce. I've helped hundreds of men move past the shock, betrayal, grief and anger they experience both during and after a divorce, to a place of clarity, calm and confidence. I hope to help you do the same.
DISCLAIMER: I am a Master NLP Practitioner and personal growth mentor. The material in this video represents my understanding and experience and nothing more. This content is not meant to replace professional medical advice, treatment or diagnosis. Always consult your medical provider before making any changes to your treatment.
After the initial anger, grief and shock of discovering you have a cheating spouse, the question of what to do after you get cheated on comes to mind. Should you stay with someone who cheated? Should you divorce your cheating spouse? You’ll quickly discover there is far too much cheating spouse advice out there, most of it telling you to NEVER stay with a spouse who cheated.
And yet studies on cheating and divorce show that anywhere from 47-81% of people do stay in their marriage after being cheated on. This fact made me wonder… are there any good reasons not to divorce a cheating spouse? Is there a good reason to stay after cheating?
If you’re considering what to do after you get cheated on, I’d like you to consider these three reasons. I’m not saying you shouldn’t divorce your cheating spouse, I’m just saying you should consider the argument from all sides before you choose.
The first reason to stay with someone who cheated on you is because some marriages do come back stronger and richer after cheating. If both partners, the spouse who cheated and the spouse who was cheated on, if both of them commit to staying and doing the work to rebuild their marriage, it can be done. There are excellent examples of this that you can find with a quick google search.
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Should you stay or leave after they cheated? If you don't know what to do but know that something has to get better, I can help. Book a free strategy session with me today: calendly.com/rachaelsloan/strategy
Once someone has cheated ALL TRUST has been broken kick that cheating spouse to the curb
Sounds like this woman got caught cheating
Too much work. Just stay single and love everyone . 😎
Nah I believe in justice. Idgaf how much I still love or desire the cheater, justice must take its course. And by justice I mean losing me for eternity (no contact whatsoever)
FACT. You will loose respect for them, and possible turn into someone else and it will make you physically sick eventually
Are you willing to take a gamble your future happiness? On the same person who betrayed your trust in the first place ? Really ?
In most cases they will just wait until you drop your guard and do it again, its called “cheaters hi”
I can hear how powerfully you feel about this, Paul. You certainly don't have to, but if you're willing could you share some of your experience? Or perhaps tell us how you're doing now? Do you have some support as you move forward yourself?
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Paul learned the hard way not to give a cheater a second chance. It should have been "one strike" and no more. But of course, women like you will say otherwise and give cheating wives a second chance even though they gave better sex to their affair partner, thus meaning they find the more attractive.
ITS NOT WORTH IT.
But its up to you.
PLEASE PLEASE do your research first. IT will save you lots of tears later on in life.
Find someone special to help you re build your self confidence, you have build a wall in front of you and only you can break it down, you asking the person who betrayed you for help make no sense.
Don’t ask for friends of family for advice as they all want things to be just back to NORMAL, do your research and make your decisions with a clear mind and not your heart or you will regret it later.
Speak to people that has been cheated on and ask them if it was worth it to reconcile.
You will always be the lesser in that relationship.
You will turn into someone else after a few years and more importantly take it out on family and kids especially if they supporter your partner.
You will get the blame for this.
Do you want to know the truth? dump them and people will tell you more. FACT, this is when people start talking.
Thank you for watching and for sharing your perspective and advice. I'm sure many viewers will find it helpful.
It sounds like you've been through some of this personally? How are you doing?
Ms.Sloane, Are you out of your mind? Never forgive a cheater. Never give a cheater a second chance. Once the spouse cheats, it will likely happen again.
Once the bonds of love and trust are broken, there is no way or desire to repair the damage.
A cheating spouse is a cancer that must be excised and forgotten.
If that approach has been effective for you, then I am certainly not here to say you should act differently. I've found for a lot of people 'excising and forgetting' isn't so easy and leaves them feeling hurt, bitter or dissatisfied (or they simply don't want to do it) and hopefully this video helps them.
Everyone deserves a second chance. It doesn’t mean you should stay with them but eventually you can’t let it bring you down because it has a hold on you for as long you bear grunges. Although it’s better to forgive and move on
Woman should never be given a second chance. Men should be given several chances, IF any chances are given
How to make your marriage to be better...go and sleep with someone else then think that you were married for a long time,get back together and you will be happy ever after.Such a great advice! 🤮
hahaha it's pretty clear you watched about 30 seconds of this video. There's no formula for happily ever after that doesn't involve some work. Keep looking for happiness outside of yourself and keep blaming others for your unhappiness and you do have a recipe - one that will continue to create dissatisfaction in your life no matter what happens in your relationships.
Hahaha I know right ridiculous, imagine teaching your kids "hey it's ok to be cheated on repeatedly and your spousepleasing others with their body. Just stay like BOZO THE CLOWN.
Mine was better for 8 years. Then big shocker, he was caught cheating again!!! Leave!!!!!!!
Kick em out
Hahaha never reconcile cheaters belongs to the AP
After the second time, kick them out...they will not change! I had a serial cheater.
It won't work 💔💔
I was not expecting this video to go the way that it did. This is extremely helpful and really builds the decision to come from an emotionally healthy space and clear mind.
3:55
Looks like you are one of them. .
most of the a adviser's i dont know if they experienced what theyre teaching. Experience is a good teacher/
This is brutal-I caught my wife and she will not admit it. I’ve asked for a divorce she doesn’t want it
Ooft, I'm so sorry. If divorce is what you want, you don't need her permission. If she's willing to work on things, that's wonderful, but it sounds like that isn't the case?
You have your life and you do have a right to be happy. While I do advocate for trying to open up communication and make things work, you always have a choice. This is your life, your future. She doesn't get to decide what is possible for you.
Cheating is the one and only reason Jesus Christ gave for divorcing a spouse- so even Jesus knows how terrible of a crime against the marriage this is
Would you say the same about a serial cheater that you have given a chance after 4 years
😒😪
I would probably ask you about you - how are you feeling, and what is it that you want for yourself? What is it that keeps you in this relationship when it sounds like perhaps it isn't meeting some of your needs?
Makes no sense with misleading title and content. Already reported.
I'm sorry that was your experience. I've watched through it again to see what you mean, as it is an older video... but I'm afraid I don't see it. What feels misleading to you?
Racheal--did you cheat?
No, I didn't. I made this video awhile back at the request of a viewer who was struggling with these questions. Since then I've worked with a lot of men dealing with infidelity, and I've seen two main things happen - either she is willing to meet him in the middle and work on the marriage in therapy or counseling, to get to the root of what led to the cheating in the first place so they can work to fix those issues as a couple, or she is steadfastly unwilling to look at the issues and wants to ignore it. In those cases most of the men I see end up hitting a point where they choose to leave because they want a healthier relationship and she isn't willing or able to join them in one.
All three of these reasons are bad advice. Reason 1 is ignoring evolutionary biology. Women are subconsciously attracted to strength and disgusted by weakness. A man taking his woman back after she cheats will be perceived by her lizard brain as weakness. (I’m not talking about “forgiveness,” Christians). Reason 2 is off-base for a few reasons. Firstly, the subsequent marriages are OPTIONAL, NOT INEVITABLE. Second, it seems like you’re saying “stick with this one, because you’re not going to do better.” While that may be true, it’s not accounting for the option TO BE SINGLE. Reason 3, love and the commitment of marriage are not exclusive (nevermind how things SHOULD be). Marriage is a covenant of restrictions. It is conditional. Love is unconditional. Beyond that, people can love each other and not be right for each other. You lost me on this video. If she cheats, a man is legally, ethically and morally justified to leave. For “morally,” check the Beatitudes in Matthew if you don’t believe me. I say all of this as a man who is disgusted by divorce.
Ut what happens if it is not family and friends that tell you to leave but the indiscrete mouth of the affaire partner that tells people that you know and that he is with your wife cause they move in the same professional field even talking with the guy he got a passer from his wife and he believed in multiple love, he doesn't plan to leave hwr and he has the resources to entertained the cheating spouse. Well I tried not to counsel to divorce the person I care the most tried to fight it and dtay for 6 months but just his environment was a living hell that he just crack. They divorce he remarried and now has more peace and quiet.
1. Kids
2. It's cheaper to keep her!
3. You already have a fortune invested in her - teeth, body enhancements, etc.
Cut your losses. She cheated for a reason and it likely has less to do with you and more to do with her relationship with her father.
But one main reason to try to save are the kids and economical solidity, splitting properties and pension funds make you weaker and unable to hit the targets. Now you have another family and new kids that make a contest environment for your kids from last marriage and multiple complications neverthelesd I gotta admit 9 years had passed and he make it over the rainbow.
Well i want to know why wen i said dont ever cheat on me just be honest n go dont lie or cheat n dont come apologies if your actions are not going to match your words . . So woman knows were married n sneaks in my house wen im out . Neighbours talk about both of them . She apologise are like his actions dont match there words . Its ok saying were not together move on ? Tried get me sgn house over to them no way . If he wants mutton instead of fillet steak fair enough .
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You need to put in the title first time cheaters. If they cheat twice
No excuses
I think there's never any excuses... there's just the reasons they did it. Understanding their reasons (not the reasons they give, but the real, often subconscious reasons for cheating) doesn't justify or excuse the cheating.
It just gives us a more balanced understanding of the whole person we love, so we can make informed decisions about what to do next, whether that is working together as a couple to heal or choosing to move on and out of the relationship.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Sure, "causality" rather than "fault." I think it's crucial to understand what went wrong and why. I'm dedicating a great deal of my time now to learning how to prevent it from ever happening again, and hopefully passing on my knowledge to my sons so that they can recognize red-flags (both overt and covert).
Three months she lied. She texted messages with the asshole then went and met him twice in his big rig. I hate her guts now. But we have a family. And i will not destroy them. So i am just going to live in a cabin.
I feel your pain, brother. I suggest red-pill channels such as EntrepreneursInCars and Paul_Elam. They'll show you exactly what went wrong, what could've been avoided, and how to ensure it never happens again (without taking drastic measures that you've no-doubt entertained). Rich Cooper's book "The Unplugged Alpha" is a good place to start. It gets better.