Why Is It so Hard to Tolerate Nice People?
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- Опубліковано 6 бер 2019
- We all tend to say that we want to get together with a nice person; but in reality, 'nice people' can be very challenging to be in a relationship with - especially if we're not convinced of our own loveability.
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blue shirt ngga seems secretly gay
unremarkable blonde chicks can't act for shit
Honestly, I relate to the nice guy so much. I'm always the one putting so much effort and trying to be real only to be shot down repeatedly or just be taken advantaged of and used. Because of this, now I don't give a shit and I put little to no extra effort at all to anyone. At least I don't get hurt anymore this way though so i'm fine with it. But that pasta could've been eaten the next day!!!! What is he doing throwing it away????
@@Adw09004 You were trying too hard. Is not doing so working for you?
Be careful there are fake nice peope who are just driven to take advantage of you.
“Kind people are kind because they know firsthand that life isn’t.”
“The helper seeks to help because he knows what it is to be helpless.”
Exactly this. The woman in this video is the one with the problem, not the man.
me llamo nate
: Good stuff. Love it.
@@lioneljohnson5350 That's what the video is about. She doesn't love herself.
Preach, yo.
they are kind because they know "life isn't"? I urge one to reexamine that 'philosophy' very closely.
Life or what I call as Life Force Energy is NEUTRAL. What we call as present life, your NOW is the amalgamation or accumulation of all past experiences that lead to the solidifying of beliefs which ultimately shape your present. Thus, if not reconfigured right here right now, every moment, will eventually become your future experience too.
Life is not "not kind" therefore, it is only deemed as such because of ignorance . Question everything.
Don't just parrot what you read or heard somewhere.
Why throw away the perfectly good spaghetti?!
machigirl that’s exactly what I was thinking
I bet he doesn't cut the peppers like a psycho
"Maaaaan...you better eat that goddamned spaghetti. The fuck is wrong with you?"-My EXACT WORDS, ALOUD, when he began to toss it.
Lavender Jack...Swooping On Down.
See, actually he wasn't so nice. Nice people never waste food!
part of the screenwrite. how could we possible understand that he is broke, otherwise.. he is too nice to show that
It’s weird. It’s like people think you don’t like yourself if you’re nice to them. They expect you to act bad to show you’re valuable. If you don’t do this, then you must have a problem. In my mind, if I like you, I’m going to treat you as nicely as I would myself. Therefore, the smile and the warmth I give to others, I have already given to myself. She expects to be treated badly, so she is only available for bad behavior.
Miss Lady very very true
Totally agree. I learned this a long time ago. I would always take it so personally when people weren’t nice back to me. As I have gotten older I realize it is a reflection of them. Either they don’t value themselves, or they have never been around nice people, and many times both are the case.
Now I get satisfaction when people rebuff my kindness and then get to know me and realize it is genuine. They are usually either very timid around me or nice in return. Either way, I am always nice to people when I first meet them, then after that I treat them with the same affection or distance they show me. People will generally show you how they want to be treated and if they are only comfortable around people who are nasty and mistrustful then I smile and keep moving.
So, what is good is a shitty behavior with others.
You guys don’t get it. It’s about being real. Unconfident people are fake nice. They are nice to be liked. Real niceness is coming from the heart and it’s authentic and you have to be happy with yourself for that to happy. If you really mean it will be shown. You can’t be real if you don’t respect yourself
If I pretend to like things I don't, I'm being nice. Did you like the movie? It was nice. Do you like the beach? It was nice. I'm showing good manners and I am keeping you from actually knowing me. 😴 sorry I bored myself.
You accept the love you think you deserve
hello .m that part
Absolutely
Exactly. Absolutely correct.
The perks of being a wallflower? God! I love that movie
i was just thinking about this quote!
Hold up homie doesn't have a fridge for that? Invite me over I'll eat it
lmao
tonynawn exactly what I thought!
Dont you understand?
He want to SMASH!
Noodles don't taste well too long after they're done
LITERALLY MY FIRST THOUGHT
Commenters seem to be missing the point entirely. If we don't like or think much of ourselves then it feels strange when someone else feels that we're that actually pretty great, because we think we're not. It has nothing to do with needy/fake nice guys... He's a genuine nice chap, and she's got a not great opinion of herself, which is why she's more comfortable with the guy who doesn't care about her that much or doesn't treat her like something she doesn't believe she is.
I don't see many people here are missing the point dude. No need to elevate yourself above the common rabble; I think we all understand the message the video's conveying, we're just expounding on it.
@@kmk1225 Weird how you group yourself with a bunch of other people like that, and then get mad over me 'elevating' myself over you all
@@0xstev3 Your assessment is totally right but the sad thing is, her mentality seems to be the mentality of 90% of women out there. They say they need a good man, meet a good man, get bored with him and long for the guy who treats them with indifference. Over time she realizes she doesn't truly like being treated like shit, so she goes back to step one. Rinse repeat.
@@tizodd6 I think it applies to us all, and in regular friendships too.
@@tizodd6 considering that lots of women often have troubled childhoods, this comes as no surprise. I had difficulty feeling love from my mother as I was an unwanted pregnancy and our personalities turned out so different that common ground was difficult to find. My father worked a lot and due to stress from him feeling it was the right thing to marry my mother when she was pregnant, he was often in denial and had outbursts of anger. Both parents felt trapped and neither would admit to it, but as a child you can feel all of the negativity directed at you, even if your parents' actions weren't intentional. Then fast forward to adulthood and you realize you have no idea how a healthy relationship is supposed to work because you've never seen one. Add to this confusion the misplaced frustration of men who try to be nice and then blow up when they can't understand women who would reject their "niceness." It just makes women who didn't feel adequate love as children feel even less wanted as adults.
In a sick world, being healthy is sick
exactly
I'd agree - though, there are healthy people around. It just takes time to find them. I enjoy being nice, but if someone doesn't reciprocate (tit-for-tat philosophy). Then, I'll just kindly move on, because I'd rather give my energy to nice people who deserve it. As higher order mammals, we humans have to decide what traits are valuable (it comes back to cultural conditioning and neuroscience)
Being kind is not always healthy because your feelings can be more hurt by people.
@@jimmy_butler exactly, I’m not saying don’t love people, I’m saying don’t smile in people’s faces unless it’s a hot chick. Don’t compliment people over and over. Don’t be sensitive because your feelings can get hurt easy. Just be OG😎
@@GentlemenJack109 maybe your a pussy? if your a kind person and appreciate Kindness in others, I say, be yourself , no matter what... that takes balls, hurt or not. being nice isn't weak, that's just a fucked up way or excuse for insecure people to think and behave.... which isn't OG at all.
The problem is there are so many people who act fake and pretend to be nice, so when you see someone genuinely being nice, you're instinctively suspicious of their intent.
Nowhere Man true...that seems prevalent
So you should trust no one or only trust shitty people? Sounds lonely.
@@benw2045 well you have to decide to trust people, even if they may not be truthful. All human connectivity is based on some form of trust, and without it we cannot connect to one another. So yes, you need to take the risk. We all do. Or else there can be no interaction at all.
Nowhere Man As time goes on, you can tell the difference like some people at work may be kind and professional to get along with others or maybe be promoted, but they are not your friend you know? Same with the students in your college major vs friendship
Also some of them (not the guy in this video) come off as intense and desesperate and u have this thought of whats the catch??
Trusting someone takes time, but them being too trusting can come off as two things 1) they are trying to con you 2) they dont have any self respect and thats not attractive at all...
It's so painful when you love someone who doesn't love themselves.
Then they break up with you! Great innit?
... relatible comment. Had a girlfriend who hated herself and was a massocist. She's one of the reasons I stopped dating
Ah man I know that pain. Some years have past and I've still not fully let it go.
@@onphoneonphoneagain1867 wow you stopped dating entirely because of one girl ? What a LOSER.
Major lesson to learn here: Don't throw cooked food into compost
that's it.
Naw, major lesson here is there’s a reason the wood chipper was invented. Lol.
I though i was the only one who got a bit mad about seen that guy throwing the food on the trash can
I have to say it. You are really pretty
@@Apricot90 I was about to say it.
May be it's also a matter of age to really appreciate "nice people". You just get to know so many mean, bad and fake people that there is a time where you do enjoy someone who's being JUST NICE ...and also look for that in a partner. It's the same with being a "nice girl" - so it's not only men who get turned down if they're "nice and boring". Each time I hear stories about girls/women or men who turn down nice people, I am even more grateful that I truly enjoy the company of nice people SO, SO MUCH!
You are going to trigger people now
@Cute Puppy aka. Good boy ... Truth.
And as much as that truth suck for the women who finally realize they truly do appreciate a nice man... The men have it worse... because the undamaged women don't appreciate them, and the damaged women have tons of baggage.
I hate nice guys cos its fake facade. Pattern from childhood.
Kindness is totaly different from niceness, and those kind ppl are the ones that need to be worshiped and celebrated when u find them.
Nice guy will say:
I like ur shirt
U did it very well
That was awesome
And have expectations from u to thank them and apriciate it, and if u dont fulfill expectations, then u are going down on their likability scale.
Kind ppl will say:
U are beautiful
U are champion
U are sharp or smart
U are ellquent
They will complement ur whole character, not the action. And plus there are no expectations.
Niceguy will critique ur character, and kind one will critique the action. Thats the slight difference i noticed why i apriciate some ppl so much and why some coldly polite ones repel me so hard.
However, they are all equally treated from me, cos its my decision.
People tend to love or like themselves more as they age, so basically, you've stated the same thing.
@Bash Yre why is a vague comment, presumably out of nowhere, more sincere than a specific comment following an action? How do you tell if somebody is a champion or eloquent without them acting in a way that demonstrates it?
Edit: to be clear, I see what you mean about the intention behind the comment, but I don't see the distinction you made between character and action, or how their general beauty (genetically determined) is better to comment on than the shirt they bought
Being nice can be a great thing but only if it comes from genuine feelings of love and care... Rather than out of timidity or insecurity..
Exactly. People are mixing up "nice" behaviour with a kind and unconditionally caring nature.
Mindprovement this world has no place for nice people. People take advantage of them and then they crush them like a piece of trash. The world is harsh and but thats the truth
@@exe.stoppedworking The world has no place for those nice people, who are nice to everyone, even those who don't deserve it!
@@osse1n That's right!
Furious Angel Nice=/=Pushover, that’s just a stereotype.
I read a book about “manifesting love” back when I was single. The entire book was about loving and accepting yourself first and foremost before a real loving relationship could happen. It really stuck with me. I met my husband around that time and he had been very enthusiastic about dating me. It was the biggest turn off at first, but I realized that the reason it was pushing me away was because I didn’t believe I deserved the kind things he was saying, the compliments, the attention. I gave him a chance after six months and I battled myself the entire time. So many times I wanted to run just because he was being nice and saying nice things about me. It is hard to accept affection and compliments when you don’t like yourself. We’ve been married 7 years now. I credit that book for showing me my faults, for making me see that I kept pushing away good people because of my self hatred. When you’re critical of yourself it’s hard to believe that others aren’t critical of you too. It’s hard to believe someone isn’t going to suddenly see what a horrible person you are so you keep them at arms length to protect yourself from being hurt. You are lovable, you are worth being treated well, flaws and all.
That's such an awesome story, glad you turned out happier in the end!
I worked really hard on trying to love myself for quite a while and eventually I did. But I learned the hard way that my first girlfriend did not love herself quite as much. Long story short it did not work out
Wish I had seen these videos sooner...
There is nothing wrong with nice people and they are not hard to tolerate
They are if you are insecure.
/comment section
If only that were the case in my life. My reputation is im nice to everyone but they always have a problem with me if it’s what I wear what I’m doing who I’m with where I’m going and I’m just like why does anybody care what I’m doing? I used to work at a very gossipy gas station. Ppl have made up rumors and ex’s have lied too so idk if ppl think I’m fake now because of that. No I didn’t leave my ex bf on the side of the road I sat with him while he secretly was robotripping until police arrived and took him to the hospital then I visited him over and over. No I didn’t beg for my job back my knee slipped out of place while carrying pizzas in heavy pans and I realized I couldn’t do my job properly without someone else having to pick up the slack so I left and never wanted workers comp. I did physical therapy for a while and still have to work out my knees Cuz third time was the charm I wouldn’t want that job back anyway. Yes I took the man back I’m currently with that said he would always love someone else drunk one night at the gas station to everybody, not because I’m weak but because I believe my love is stronger. No a shoulder shirt isn’t riskee y’all have never seen my cleavage THATS riskee. No my bf didn’t start a fight at my friends house she had two sons and her husband jump him because he was being stupid and talking too loud about personal shit we were going through. But now she won’t come to my baby shower because somehow it was my fault because I told him I was at her house, when really I’m not gonna lie about where I am there wasn’t a reason to. No Tia I’m not trying to steal your brother from you you aren’t gonna punch me in the face I’m way taller I’m sorry about that. Yes Sam I can carry your baby I’m not high if you have a problem tell me then and there don’t stew on it. Plus I raised my brother and sister when I was 11 while my parents worked alternating shifts. No Carolyn I’m not giving attitude I just disagree respectfully stop yelling...I have a therapist because of night terrors and if I bring all this up to her we’d be there for too long and she’s always trying to rush me out. Life is lonely and then you die, so stop and smell the roses and bask in the sunshine while it lasts. This too shall pass...
Men are attracted to nice women but women usually aren’t attracted to nice men.
@@sugarcakezz I can't tell if this is satire
You see nice people belong to nice people. 💟 shallow people belong to shallow people. 😈
Hey, thats in the Qur'an.
Edit: quran 24:26
Ohhh Sunita... You said it right girl
You can't be serious, its not that simple.
Amen
Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. Acts 2:38
As a person who’s chronically “too kind”...this hits too close to home. You really start to wonder what’s wrong with you, or if you’re doing something wrong. But you can’t change because naturally you’re kind and really, it hurts. It’s so painful.
Brooooo i know the feeling sameeee, thats why im on this videoo
Hey you just wondering how that's been working out for you for the last three years?
@@ellyketchum3290 hey um, I know I am not the guy you want a respond from but i guess i can add a little. So some time ago I realized that i am not really being respected by many people when i am too nice, so since then I've wondered how to change that.
I tried acting like i dont care and give half assed responses to people (I usually give people thoughtfull ones), and to be honest I think it kind of worked(?), But i just hate it when people start liking me more not because I add more, but because I act like a don't give a shit and want only a "casual talk". NO, fuck that- I want to talk for real and actually want people to get engaged in the conversation when I too am engaged. Instead I gotta play all unaffected to get the attention from people.
Well, since I am writing too much- I will just go with it and talk about my closest friend who actually respects me for who I am, and I can talk to him about any topic and he'll listen and respond, which I guess I gotta tresure.
SO anyways I think I should try now, to go back to the good old days and be myself and talk to as many people as I can, and see how things turn out.
yes- this comment was super chaotic, but I am happy that i wrote it :)
Same, I know and it's absurd.
Don't be dragged down into the pit; stay nice. As a "nice person" myself I realized one day I don't do nice things only for others sake. I do them because it makes me feel good!
It's harder to tolerate assholes. I have no trouble with nice people. I'm married to one of the nicesr people I've ever met. She has helped me become a better person, as well, simply by example. The world needs more genuinely nice people. Lots more.
Nice! I like your take on this. What you have described is an example of somebody being loving to you because they want you to see how lovable you are, therefore encouraging you to engage in self love. And when you love yourself you will love others because you know it's a good thing for people to engage in (self love)
So the act of one person loving another person is never selfish. Some other clown on here was trying to say that the act of being nice or loving is always selfish and satisfaction seeking. I honestly used to believe this myself decades ago but I am so glad I moved away from that pessimistic, depressing crap.
You attract people similar to you so if you are not too nice, you will often find yourself around people that are also not too nice
Not always. "Nice" people often attract quite horrible ones.
Then why do opposites attract? Disagree af.
@@SR77736 The "opposites attract" is seen too simplistically. What is deemed as being "opposite" is often a surface difference and they have more in common in terms of underlying values and personality traits.
I find all sorts of people
That's not true
*Some people are so nice and positive that they almost threaten people with their happiness. Their lifestyle comes off as arrogant and makes people insecure.*
Imagine such a paranoid and pathetic little fuck to be scared of someone... because they're nice?
@@kmk1225 , arrogant?
I'd say that such people could do with a wee bit more self-esteem.
Lavender Jack...Swooping On Down.
Or, maybe insecure and unhappy people, feel threatened by (and jealous of) happy, nice people?
Your Favorite Lifecoach Maybe your definition of 'nice people' are not really nice.
@@LavenderJack540 I didn't say arrogant.
Being nice is not a liability. It never was/or will be. Being annoying and phony is the problem.
@Cory Farmer Me too. I don't know how many times someone has pretended to be nice to me just to suddenly turn into a jerk for no reason one day.
On a slightly unrelated note, why do I see your comment on like every video I watch? Lol
Not true. As other commenters have said, even genuinely nice people end up getting treated this way.
Amen
i like your ironic comment.
If the other person rejects genuine kindness and praise, they’ve got issues they need to work through. They don’t need a partner. They need a therapist.
To almost all the comments:
Those are not SPAGHETTI, but Fettuccine!
Please, cazzo!
Hahahaha stima
Cucinati col culo aggiungerei...
Noted, thank you
Eroe nazionale
Stay safe buddy!!! And yes, it's fettuccine!
The guy who is supposed to portray the stereotype of a boring and bland "nice guy" doesn't come off as such; he seems courteous and mature. He has a nice voice, too.
Nice guys don't have to be boring.
I think that's the point, there's nothing wrong with his niceness. It was her flakiness and insecurity which sent things awry
So long as he's at least a little bit *not* nice in the bed, amirite :p
That is the point. He isnt boring or bland, she just isnt mentally prepared for having someone that thinks of her as interesting because she doesnt see herself as interesting so it comes off to her as disingenuous. That is why she rather seek approval from someone that doesnt make the time for her.
Hes pretty awkward
I think a lot of people mistake being nice for being submissive.
That's their löss.
What's wrong with being submissive though?
This!
a quote makes so much sense now
'WE ACCEPT THE LOVE WE THINK WE DESERVE'
I cried when he picked up the phone and his faced dropped. That hit me deep
*Do what you like, be who you are, and say what you feel. That'll attract the people who you want in your life*
Apparently that's not how it works but nice idea
PrestigeWorldWide179
Haha i like your comment.
One person says something naive and you tell them the truth nicely.
I really wish that was the case
W comment. There's no "problem" with nice people. Some people just don't like them. For reason I still don't know but hey...
Always wondered why people thought i had bad intentions, it's because the majority of people are rotten. And i always wondered why being nice was a bad thing
The majority of people are not rotten. The majority of people have varying degrees of goodness and decency. If you believe the majority of people are rotten, you need to switch off the news and unplug yourself from social media because it can make many people believe there is far more bad than good in the world when it's quite simply untrue. Or if you are finding there is pattern to how the majority of people are treating you, it might be time to take a long hard look in the mirror rather than blaming everybody else for being rotten.
@@VelcroKittie sounds like your afraid of reality that majority of the world is evil and people are satanic unloving unkind not nice
Wow. Thank you for giving me the other side of this extremely baffling equation- why people are mean to me for being genuinely kind to them. It's not because I need them; I don't. I love myself and enjoy my own company... and I like to share the good vibes whenever I can. Too bad there aren't very many people who enjoy this as well. By the way- GRAHAM!!!?? Where are you? I'm your woman...
"You're nice..." is the same as "I'm fine"
I think nice people make others feel insecure about themselves, be confident in yourself first then you have better luck with other people.
This is a good point.
You van be both nice and confident. These are not mutually exclusive.
Some are too nice, to the point of everything feeling artificial with them. I for one don't like this
@pip chip Where I live there's a number of them, Bahia, Brazil
@pip chip If you ever come to Brazil, do it the earliest and chose the place well, depending on where you go there will be lots of entitled people, but on a smaller city you can find lots of nice people
We are open to receiving what feels most familiar to us, and unfortunately, due to all the prior traumas, we are often open to some sort of mistreatment, thus disregarding all the nice people who are ready to be there for us. Having said that, my heart broke when he was throwing the food away. I guess I do love food too much.
I agree. I was picked on as a kid for most of my life, and my father left us when I was 5. I often feel I'm worth little, and deserve mistreatment. I feel like a burden to those who seem to stay, and I try every day to bring happiness to someone, whether it's doing their laundry, emotional support, their groceries. Maybe then they can stand to tolerate me a little longer. I like smiles, and the children's laughter; any sign someone is happy, for they deserve it more than I.
@@lenafromjemseg I'm sorry to hear that, it must have been very hard...I can certainly relate to having been bullied, I was picked up on in my childhood too. It's hard to change the behavioral patterns that seem to have become our second nature, deeply engraved into our mind. However, I know we deserve love just as everyone else does. Maybe it will take more time for us to realize that, but we'll get there. We'll befriend ourselves and let love flow into our lives. I'm hopeful for all us, troubled souls, out there! You seem to be a kind gentle person and I'm sending you a big hug
hi i believe if we have enough self awareness and honesty, we can start recognizing the behavior that we do that allow the mistreatment and change it. I have recognized some dependency traits and other so im working on switching my engrained habits for healthy ones that promote self love and self respect while also continuing to be assertive but kind hearted. Be better not bitter. Sadly many people put up walls and develop unhealthy behaviors so they dont get hurt again which leads to self sabotage and hurt in other people which keeps the cycle of abuse and mistreatment:(
Deeply insightful video. The problem with the world is people don't appreciate nice people, they try to take advantage of them.
So this is probably why I have no friends!.....it seems like the main people with the most friends are the ones that are angry or gossipy or manipulative.
People claim that being too nice is a turnoff, but it is not being "too nice" by actively and consciously making someone else feel unique and not having hidden motives to harm or get over on another human being.
Daugther of the Lord for real !!!
"We might feel the urge to punish those who are nice to us for not seeing our true characters" I feel this so much
I have no problem with nice people whatsoever. I'm not some sort of cynical and jaded jerk.
Kitten Communism yo mad people really ain’t getting the point of the vid
People can feel insecure around nice people, they might feel like they dont deserve the affection
ugh... the woman was annoying and less tolerable than the guy... even though this was meant to show why people act like her
Julie Kang: Yeah watching her irritated me.
People are irritating tbh. I could talk for hours with anyone nice but I really don't like it when people don't care, or act like they don't care, kinda like she does. Like she's trying to get away from this nice man, and how do you think it makes him feel? Probably doesn't feel to good to know people want to get away from you. Unlike most "nice guys" in real life, this man seems genuine.
I’ve been struggling with the stigma of being a nice guy. The stigma itself put me through so many mental obstacles but I’m glad it did. I starting to learn the balance between being selfless and selfish. Furthermore, I have been realizing that majority of people are emotionally fucked up in different aspects of life. No one is above me, no one is below me, everyone is equal. Seeing people as equals is hard at times but it helps you see their intentions clearly through your value system rather then a skewed one. This mindset has been helping see through the girls I have been meeting, no more do I let them control my emotions.
"I have been realizing that majority of people are emotionally fucked up in different aspects of life"
It doesn't sound to me like you have learnt a whole lot, because you appear to still be blaming others as a means to qualifying the rejection you experienced. Obviously I don't know you from Adam, but your post came across as very covertly narcissistic, and your post is all I have to go on. Everybody has areas in their lives they need to improve, mend, heal or fix, but claiming that the majority of people are emotionally fucked up is simply false. It's likely you are projecting how you're feeling internally on those who have rejected you in order to rationalise how they could possibly reject you. They must have been emotionally fucked up! You see what I mean? You then go on to completely contradict your position by saying everybody is equal?
Just smoke a spliff everyday man, I was in the same place as you but weed really made me more outspoken and maturely handle obstacles that come my way
(Throws away the perfectly good spaghetti)
*DRAMA!!!*
The video was very nice. Nothing against the actors in this video, but I still prefer the animated caricatures! Much more interesting and colourful. :)
We generally don't like nice people because they point out our good characteristics and probably ignore or are unable to see our bad side. Then we think that they they don't understand me or we're scared of what if they come to know the real me later?!
I guess this is what they're trying to say. Good video though👍
But in your view what implies that a nice girl want to know the real me later? I think it could mean that actually she's not really interested in "my real me" because she have idealize me. If that's the case it could mean that I doesnt matter so much, only the image that she construct about me.
@@ArbeitmachtfreiX Well I said 'generally' which means in most cases not all. And was talking about the type of nice person who is shown in the video. He seems to be a positive person who looks out for good in others. So he might not focus much on the shortcomings of the partner
Anand N totally agree with you
You have to put active effort to be understood. No one is a mind reader.
If they haven’t acknowledged it but you want to be closer to them then put it in the table ( I am insecure about x,y n z)
Hell, they are probably insecure about something, we all got baggage!
Anand N nah . U really gotta experience all this to understand .
Why didn't he just save her portion for leftovers? :/
Negative association, perhaps? I abhor wasting food, but I wouldn't want to be reminded of the cancellation. :-(
It's a dramatic act. Just to give an idea of how it felt.
Also, for many people feeling sad makes them wish to delete the memory from their history. This is an attempt at that.
The meaning : wasted acts of love. His acts of love were like thrown away.
Because nice people are different, so people naturally distrust them. It’s 2019, most people are entitled jerks, so when I meet someone nice it throws me off my guard completely.
Well yeah, when someone is Nice to me i Instantly think they Want something From me.
I totally agree
It depends on how you act around people.
Story of my life tbh. My default setting is nice & lively, so when I enter a room people look at me and wonder what my angle is
All of us were nice and comfortable with ourselves, until one day someone broke us and now we break everyone else.
😮 never thought about that
One of my exes broke up with me because "I'm too nice and we never fought" lmao
i think there should be a healthy amount of fighting in a relationship. when two people come together, there are bound to be disagreements. through fighting, you can see each others' point of view and understand each other better. that said, it is also very possible that your ex came from a chaotic household and not fighting felt unfamiliar and uncomfortable to them. it's also possible that instead of fighting, you are passive aggressive because that is what you learned in your childhood- to not disagree or that disagreeing leads to bad things happening. that is what i subconsciously learned in my childhood. my parents fought endlessly until they got separated and then divorced. so i had relationships where i never stood up for myself because i felt like if i did, the person would leave me.
yeah, I am pretty sure my last gf broke up with me for this exact reason
@@sydandtaytum I totally agree with you, but this wasn't the case... We never fought because we stayed together for maybe a month and I actually didn't care about trivial things like him, that's it. He just really wanted a reason to argue, he likes that kind of adrenaline, maybe because he's an aries Idk lol
Jokes aside, I know that the environment in his family was very chaotic, he also had a conflicting relationship with his mother, we talked about this stuff when he came to me, after a couple of months I think, to ask me to be friends with benefits lmao
Instead of giving him Sex (I was still a virgin lmao) I stayed with him all day talking about his family etc
Hope he's doing well
The book named "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover might give you some useful insight about being "too nice".
interesting... everyone calls me nice... I am just myself... sometimes I feel like people are used to being treated poorly so when they don't get that it is unfamiliar and uncomfortable... and they return to more dysfunctional and familiar interactions... rejection is protection for me...
Being nice can fit into a number of categories:. Trying to be cool, helpful, open, noticed, helpless, depressed, lost ...anything. be just as ppl show respect, you expect it back...but when your nice, you are sincere from the heart.
I just realized I am Graham.
me too
But also nice people need to detach from the position of being a saviour and connect with people that already love themselves and are ready to give love back
But also, manipulative people tend to put on the fake-niceness as a way to gain the trust of insecure people. After it's happened a few times, their victims know what to look out for.
I usually am a nice person because life doesn’t really treat you well sometimes and I have been through hard times.
I was being kind and concerned in my relationship. I tried to see her as the person she is without imagining stuff up but still she broke up with me. I thought it was something wrong with me. Was depressed bout it for weeks.
But now I understand it’s her problem not mine.
This is so true. Treat someone genuinely with honesty and they just seem to run. Then they will cry that they cannot find anyone. Pitiful their lives must be for living so disguine.
I used to listen to your videos during my morning/evening commute but now I can't. Please bring back narrator. 😢
That's not very nice.
Pfft. Its one video. Just wait till they release a new one with the narrator. No need to beg.
🌺
Hey, what's wrong with nice people :
There are often psychological dangers lurking below that friendly surface, a downside that can take its toll.
@I ll find home Oh yeah, I forgot, if someone's friendly towards you, it could very likely be because they secretly hate you or want to hurt, rape and kill you.
Y'know, basic social cues, amirite lads?
Mikołaj500 they might be not what they seem to be. Being friendly and nice can be used a tactic to manipulate others
@I ll find home "Nice people are not *necessarily to be seen as a threat*
Necessarily.
It seems to me like you're going in with the assumption that niceties generally belie a bad character. If that's really the case, I have to ask: What the fuck is wrong with you?
You may word what you are saying in a less crass manner, but the message you're trying to convey disgusts me to the core, so I respond appropriately.
Edit: It's not as if I don't get a few people can come across as having negative ulterior motives, but I find your viewpoint mildly disturbing tbh. Let people's actions speak for them, instead of chalking up their character to how they may appear when you first meet them.
@I ll find home Yes. Yes, I actually do. You clearing up your wording made me understand your intentions much better. I don't necessarily agree with what you say (for instance, I think calling out defensive, bitter people is completely acceptable, provided they act rude), but I see where you're coming from.
I understand that freindliness can be a red flag, but I personally don't scrutinize people from the get-go. I mean, if they begin to show weird behavior, THEN I might do so. But until then, I prefer to keep my doubts in check.
Overall, however, your points were much better presented this around, thanks.
It's ok when this happens up until your late 20s where you want to explore and have fun, but too often I'm seeing people in their 30s behaving in that childish matter. Nice people are nice because they've seen how bad it is and don't want to dwell into daily sadness. However you sow what you reap: you like shitty people around you, then don't complain about it.
*When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you. ₩*
Discover Your Awesomeness i agree...i feel that comes with gratefulness
when you understand what is lacking is either important and you have a plan to fix it, or unimportant and it doesn't matter. Eitherway, what others think is at best instructional.
It’s sign of maturity to love yourself and accept good people for you
I'm nice to everyone. I notice after I get to know people, who is insecure, mean, and bullying and, who is also, nice, like me. It's frustrating when people are mean when they don't have to be. So much easier to be happy then sad. And if you can't be happy, change your situation if you are able to! Life is too short to be mean to each other!
It is only hard to tolerate nice people if they are annoying. 🔥
Dude
I am not going to subscribe
School of Life needs to have communities world over, so us with broken wings and battered souls and find refuge...
I can't quite say enough, but there are some of us who just wish to end our lives and it's these little snippets of motivation that carries us to next day. Much love & gratitude to you and Alain De Botton :)
Saad nazim stay strong my friend...after difficulty comes ease...i hope you feel better Allah (swt) willing
Hello there. I am very sorry to hear that you
are not feeling well. It would be great if you wished to join the online community of TSOL. I am sending you the link. There, you can also see who is living in your town and you can participate in meet ups etc. They have also an online "Anxiety Support Group. " community.theschooloflife.com/ Best wishes.
Saad nazim I hear ya. I’m glad to see you made it through to write this. Just know when you’re feeling like that, give yourself credit for making it to the next minute, hour and even day. It’s so hard so yes videos like this give me hope for humanity.
@@phemmat Why in the hell would Allah not will Saad to feel better?
Dvdr Trgn why would that be what you take away from reading my comment? try reading it again...i feel it seems your perspective is askew
Great video. In college I was confronted by a gal, who said I was too nice and too happy. I was shocked and didn’t know how to make sense of her complaint. Decades later I was called into Human Resources at work, a fellow employee filed a complaint I was too happy all the time.
“Misery loves company.”
If i wouldn’t act kind towards people i would probably hate myself even more. I once decided that i should be more selfish because i got really sick of the side effects of being nice. I guess for the first time i was sitting on the bus while some people were standing, i felt terrible. I don’t know those people, even if they look like they are in a better condition, i could probably stand.
I can relate to you. I always feeling guilty when sitting on the seats on crowded public transportations.
When you don't want people to feel the broken way you've felt but the person thinks it's manipulation....?
Huh (sighs).
But it's alright. We shouldn't stop. Wishing you all never lose faith in kindness. 🤗
There is being nice and being spineless.
People seem to mix those up - either you come from a place of integrity or you are a weasel seeking for approval
@G Prakash Your virtues makes you weak.
@@exe.stoppedworking dude get off the internet for a while
@@wgo523 lmfaoo
I am extremely nice, because I was bullied in school, and I want everyone to feel great. Disrespect me though, and I’ll knock your teeth out. Not all nice people are spineless.
What is the definition of nice anyway?
Respectful, kind, polite, considerate, caring, selfless.
Janey Imaani - Emotional Awareness I think it depends on where you live/you social values.
Something that's not taught today
Middle English (in the sense ‘stupid’): from Old French, from Latin nescius ‘ignorant’, from nescire ‘not know’
According to the video, someone that compliments I guess.
Sometimes a persons niceness comes from being treated like crap most of their lives by the people around them, they’ve felt they’ve done something wrong or bad, or that they are even a bad person themselves. So they soften themselves and are "nice" in hopes of being the good person they are convinced they weren’t throughout life.
🤨
Always be mindful even to people who don't deserve it; not as a reflection of their character, but as a reflection of yours. The less you respond to negative people, the more peaceful your life will become. Hi guys! It's me again :) You might have seen me before but my desire to inspire more people is what keeps me pushing to reach out more. We own a cookie shop business in our college town. When we first started it, we just graduated college and were living in our car with very little direction, just a huge passion to be successful. I started it out of a local bagel shop in their off hours at night with my boyfriend, Bran. It was a crazy experience but it worked! We became a success! And how we have our first storefront location (a second one currently under construction but launching soon!) We started it to fund a year long backpacking trip around the world and to be successful while living the life of our dreams.
I don't understand your comment, I guess that's a cool life story, but why is it relevant to the video? Isn't it clearly advertising?
@@lucak_art Yes it is but he's saying kill em with kindness basically and that negativity only creates more negatively.
You know why women don’t like “nice guys”?
Because in their experience the supposed nice guy isn’t genuine about who he is and what he wants. The niceties are often a tactic to get into the her pants.
Being nice, or preferably Kind, is the bare minimum that people look for in relationships and is often at the bottom of the list of prioritized characteristics. You don’t have to be an immature asshat but you definitely gotta bring more to the table than “I’m a nice person”.
If you are too nice and don’t stand up for yourself by establishing boundaries and expectations you have of those in your circles including her then she will lose respect for you. Period.
"We'll be ready for a warm, kind relationship not so much when we find someone nice, but first and foremost, when we learn to like ourselves." Oh, how I wish this were true. In 2015 I struggled a lot with drugs and went cold turkey in summer. I have had to go through depression and learning to tolerate my flaws and perfectionism. I learned to like, maybe even love myself. I was happy for 2 years. Got together with a lovely girl but that ended in a horrifying way. Got majorly depressed and a psychosis soon after that breakup. Idk why but sometimes even being happy doesn't lead you to a lovely relationship. at least in my experience. sadly.
It's hit-or-miss. Just keep on batting. You're in the mindstate that will enable you to love and receive love. So, you're doing just fine in my opinion.
She'll realize what's when the wall is near or hits.. He messed up by wasting good food
Im nice and have always been nice to my friends . But im also sort of an introvert who is very shy , quiet , and unsocial . Thus even if im always nice to them , they sorta just ignore me always and shun me down and smtimes i feel like they just use me for that reason :( . To be honest being too nice is a bad thing , coz people just take advantage of you.
Aska Gamer awe, it’s okay to feel that way, and I am glad you are aware of this. Learn to have healthy boundaries so that you don’t feel used or abused. I had to learn the hard way❤️
That’s what I’ve learned too. I’ve been training myself to be more selfish.
No one in this world is truly "nice". I mean, what is the standard for measuring niceness? There is none. It's a very subjective thing. However, there is such a thing as being "kind". And I think kindness is what we should use to describe people instead of how nice they are.
I think you're around the wrong sorts of people if you reckon "nice" isn't real.
Lavender Jack...Swooping On Down.
@@LavenderJack540 LOL! Not at all. That's not what I meant. But thanks for your worry. :)
I wholeheartedly agree. A quick look at the etymology of the word "nice" reveals a more useful meaning for the word.
The thing is, "nice" is merely a descriptive term used to point out specific personal attributes. Most human beings are perfectly aware of the how and why of the term, whatever the term may be, though in this case, the term is "nice." There are other terms that are just as accurate (pretty much any synonym of this word is) when it comes to getting the general point across, but, for all intents and purposes, "nice" does the thing well enough.
I'm not going for judgemental, argumentative, or aggressive, by the way. I'm not one of those assholes.
Lavender Jack...Swooping On Down.
Oh yes. Absolitely
Seriously, POOR GRAHAM THOUGH! I want to give the guy a hug, I think people like that deserve better than to pine over someone who can't appreciate them.
AraZemiJo
🤗
I met this amazingly nice guy, he looked at me like i was the most beautiful girl he met. He'd take me to nice places and made plans and that bothered me because i despised myself and thought i wasn't worth having that kind of attention. I met another guy who didn't really care about pleasing me but yet i chose him. Fast forward to 1 year of our relationship, he cheated on me thrice and still i accepted him. Damn.. How do i start loving myself? It really is hard when you're convinced that you deserve the worst
What is wrong with her! I really want a nice guy like this one 😭🌷 how sweet
He just needs to be joking and laughing so it feels comfortable and less awkward
I've been in that guy's position too many times. Makes you want to quit.
Hold strong, brother. Find somebody that wants to love (not spoil) herself.
Heh...just happened to me for the first time. This relationship shit sucks real bad...
I am that nice person and definitely noticed while growing up that miserable ppl just didn't like me for me being me. I find it very sad actually..
This is hitting me so hard... I have totally been running from this SWEET guy for a reason I can’t explain. This video captured it to a tee. He genuinely just wants to make me feel special, and I cannot let myself accept it! I am so convicted right now. My gosh.
Aw I’m love Graham 😭 poor guy
I kinda miss the old actors. But these are great too. You guys are putting in some serious effort in these, appreciate it.
Now I know why people look at me with disgust when I am nice to them
my guess is bc seeing a nice person highlights all of ur flaws, and the fact that deep down u barely respect urself which is why u are mean to others and surround urself with people who are mean 2 u
"Be nice anyway". For, in the end, you see, it was never between you and them; it was between you and God. anyway." There are still old-fashioned people who like old-fashioned people. Our modern generation has seen so much crime & violence that it has become their comfort zone.
Don't date somebody who throws a nice plate of pasta away
I loved that you guys put videos with real people and common life situations. I get the message sooo much better because I immediately identify myself with the situations and characters!
Someone I know recently left our choir group because he couldn't stand me being nice and attentive. The thing is, we're 20 people and the other 18 members took his side and said I was doing everything wrong. He still thinks I hurt him in a horrible way and I don't deserve to be forgiven. What this video talks about is very, very real.
this shows we have systemic education problem about the meaning of being nice.
I think this is the most relatable thing I saw on this channel!
I was an overly nice person as a child and teen. Although I was helpful to my classmates, it got to the point where they started to ask me for more and more favors. They took advantage of my kindness and used my good nature against me. I started to resent the kids I was helpful to. Don't be so nice that people start to take advantage of your niceness and use your good nature against you. Don't be so nice that you start to resent the people you're nice to, or the act of being nice.
I agree that people reject nice people because of insecurity issues (in some cases not all). But also because there's a difference between being nice and disingenuous, he cooked a meal was obviously upset but said it was alright. If you're upset express it, say it. Just because you are nice doesn't mean you can't be assertive.
So many comments that being nice is a red flag.
Being nice to people is what my parents taught me.
If I meet someone new, I'm nice to them because I dont know them, they did me nothing wrong and I have no reason to be arogant or bad to them.
Sadly I have my fare share of hearing "you're too nice" or "you shouldnt be so nice to people".
I clearly dont fit in this society so I decided to avoid people as much as I can.
I get where you're coming from because I was brought up the same way and have had similar things said to me. But I also believe that being described as nice is a red flag.
If you're being nice to people because that is what you've been taught to do, then you may come across as being inauthentic and a bit fake. I know I have done and it's only when I've been more "real", that people actually respect me.
@@toomuchinformation I tried couple times before to act differently more in a way that people consider "normal"
It takes too much energy cause being nice comes natural to me and being "normal" means I need to contiously think and adjust the way I act and that makes me feel fake.
Maybe one thay I meet someone thats as nice as I am and we'll be nice together 😀
AYY I see you Jack from Jack and Dean! Let's go!!
How many times have I heard, observed this dynamic over the years. It has contributed to much wonder and puzzlement and rarely understood by people. Thank you for highlighting this so people can access this information and understand
I think it's a number of issues, we been we've been conditioned to think romantic love has to exciting. Secondly rejection tends to make people seek approval. Hence we want the nice guy but only if he's that illusive guy you've been hoping to put a tittle on your relationship.
“But what love supposed to do when you don’t love yourself”
- kendrick lamar
So saaaad! I had a boyfriend few years ago and he usually was saying I was too nice that it's a weakness and I was annoying to him... He was not good to me but anyway obviously we broke up... Later he realised I was the best girlfriend he had... Weird... And now there came a guy he is so nice funny and a bit weird (perfect)... I got scared cuz he seems nice... And I hurt him because I thought he is fake... But he was still nice and I felt so bad... Now I finally believe that he is nice... So hard... Life is weird... But if we give a sec chances sometimes it would be more clear about things... I am glad he didn't run away... But I guess that's how we get to know others...
The spaghetti was cooked, with affection, for someone who (through NO fault of her own) believed that she was an inadequate, unworthy and ungrateful person, who loathed herself - and who, therefore, thought that anyone who ACTUALLY liked her for the GOOD things that she was MUST be EVEN MORE unworthy than herself - and therefore NO GOOD , WHATSOEVER (because she KNOWS - and has been told a MILLION TIMES that she is worthless [by parents , friends etc., in early years] - and therefore she believes that NO person who was REALLY any good would EVER want to be with someone like her (all concocted bull, of course).
Thus, the spaghetti was tainted and HAD TO BE be dumped - I did the same, on one occasion, with a fantastic rib of beef that was wasted, on a whim, by a fabulous person , who ultimately hated herself and didn't turn up for the dinner that I had prepared for us , despite her having agreed to do so - And so, she was unprepared for the GOOD attention that I was prepared to give her - and therefore, she kept falling back on the BAD attention of unattentive, idiot men who didn't give a jot (and who therefore re-inforced - and had made her feel comfortable with - her feelings of unworthiness). This is all perfectly illustrated, succinctly, within the vid , as the girl CHASED the guy, who showed NO repect or interest AT ALL for her (but had reinforced her feelings of UNWORTHINESS, with which she felt comfortable) - It's incrdeible how this scenario is played out, again and again, to the detriment of millions of potentially great relationships.
This was so funny.
I never wasted food when my date didnt showed up. Just called a friend, or the neighbors and have movie night. Or used the fridge. That food survives days in the fridge.
The problem arises when those nice people eventually lose hope in humanity and start to act like the next door asshole. All because of the emotionally fked up people who don't know how to value them..
Isn't it a bit weird to use mute texts on black screens to explain things in a video ?
Create and build self-love for yourself before attempting to get it from others, because if you don’t, you won’t fully be able to appreciate or understand the love they are giving to you.