Hidden Trauma | You Have To See This!!
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- Опубліковано 22 тра 2023
- Do you see yourself as overly sensitive? Do have intense emotional reactions that seem extreme and disproportionate to the event that triggered it? In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) we often use the analogy of a burn or wound to help us understand how past trauma can increase sensitivity years later. When a wound is psychological the people around us often have no idea that they have touched on old wounds. So they can feel confused, fearful or angry when they witness the intense emotional reaction that appears to come out of nowhere.
If we have no idea how to heal those old wounds, it is understandable that we get to work hiding them or trying to numb the pain that they can trigger. And there are plenty of things that do just that. But none of them come without a cost. The price we pay is often in our relationships, mental and physical health, and ability to be at peace when all is still and silent.
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I'm a clinical psychologist. I am here to share insights from therapy and psychology research so that you can make use of it in your daily life to understand how your mind works and optimise your own mental health. I cover all things from confidence and motivation to mood and anxiety. I look forward to chatting with you in the comments.g
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Hi dr. My name is rajashree. I'm from India. i want an online therapy. how can I contact you ?
Dr Julie, do you do zoom sessions or through what's app? I am in Australia and watched your tiktoks during lockdowns, an app I no longer use. If this is something you do or have time and willing to consider, I would happily leave my email to explore this further. Glad I saw this video pop up 🙂
But what if my problem is people do what they think i want them to do when what i want them to do is being themselves and dont care what i say, but if i ask them to be themselves then its still them trying to do what i say😭😭😭 SOMEONE PLS HELP ME🙏
@Dr Julie Omg I'm SO glad you did this little video. That has to be the best, most easy to understand explanation of trauma I've ever heard. I got 👕 t--shirt in at least XXXXL, so I think I have enough experience to know you are 💯 spot on.
Last week May 28th (2023)in the wee hrs, unable to sleep, I heard another short that popped up in my feed. It was just as AMAZING as your video here. It was a song sung by a guy named Sam Cieri the lead vocalist and co-founder of Nicotine Dolls. It's title is "What Makes You Sad "? Sam's voice will truly amaze you. ESPECIALLY after hearing his normal speech. Its totally unexpected mind-boggling, haunting and SO very special. If you don't know them you should. They are here on UA-cam under the Band name at Nicotine Dolls. I've never been so affected by a 🎶 musician like this before. So much healing has occurred listening to his music. The last trauma (8 yrs ago) has been the hardest to overcome. I think I might have played that song on repeat a thousand times or more and that's just for past Monday. The rest of his music is authentic, down-to-earth, healing and relatable. His love songs are perfect too. It's amazing how the 🌌 Universe conspires to bring just what we need to fix our trauma, and I'm thankful to people like you and Sam are lifting your voices so others find the way to healing, and Don't feel so alone. (Ihope you check out all his music 🎶 but especially "What Makes you Sad" and Two "Weaks") which
Is this in the book?
It hurts the most when you show your wounds and yet people think its overreacting.
Or worse, they try to hurt you even more, which is surprisingly common, or shame/blame you for it.
Exactly "think forward, don't stay in the past".
Some ppl lack understanding or they think it's all black and white. Being healed and all positive or all stuck in a trauma
We can live actively, be optimistic and looking forward but also grief and hurt from things that are not to be taken lightly and deserve acknowledgement and healing step by step.
Sadly, most of the times those "people" are our loved ones, parents, siblings, friends, partners or kids. Their non-understanding hurts more
Just remember: You are healing for yourself (forget them) they don't know what u've been through
Wrong people! Stay away from abusive unsafe people! You can't heal if you are around the person, or people who continue to wound you. Go no contact! It's the best thing you will ever do for yourself! Wishing things were different or the relationship were different doesn't make it different or doable! Denial is lying to yourself! Safe life, happy life! Trust yourself, trust The LORD. 💌
It’s the worst when you share your trauma with those closest, and they disregard you.
I've been suffering from anxiety for 5 years, and my husband doesn't understand this at all...he minimizes it. The suffering is even greater when there is no understanding from the outside!!
@@RiaKasar 😭💜
I just did that. I didn't recognise that they were opening up to me and talking about their trauma and just nodded "ok" and continued reading my book.
...or they take what you share with them and throw it in your face with a twist of negativity. They use your trauma as a hot poker.
@@RiaKasarYes, as much as I love my man, he is completely insensitive. Like, our baby has been screaming for an hour and I blamed myself for being a terrible mother. I have to deal with the past of rejection by my mother and it's very hard for me to get frustrated and not to be able to calm my baby. His answer for my tears was only words like "don't be sad, calm down" which caused even worse emotions and then causing my complete psychical breakdown and panic attack. I still love him but I wish he could understand that my mind is full of past trauma that sometimes makes me die for several minutes, hours, days...
“Your just overreacting! Your just a dramatic person who can’t see life like others”
-Famous words of my elementary counselor.Thank you for “helping” me get past my dad’s absence and my moms verbal abuse.
Bruh I would like to see that counselor fired
If they are not, I will lose hope on humanity
Also I am sorry about that you are dealing with
I am in a similar situation as you
@@Sakurali312 me too but sadly she not😢
@@Ari_was_here_ dang
Well, I will see some Karma on her, maybe she does not know what she said hurts you or others, she might be suffering inside as well
(Wtf why I sound like I am defending her EVEN THO SHE IS KINDA CRAP HELP-)
@@Sakurali312 lol fr but my friends do also go through things so yeah feel bad for them🫡
My dad always said “don’t feel ashamed to tell us. We will not judge you. We don’t care what you’ve done, we want you to talk about it.” He always said that keeping trauma bottled up is not helpful. I was blessed with a healthy and happy childhood and I’m so great full for that, to this day I don’t have trouble communicating my feelings. Love you dad ❤️
Amazing parenting to learn from
That's great! I'm glad you were blessed with that. ❤
What a great dad
YOU ARE SO BLESSED. YOUR DAD HAS A HEART OF GOLD ❤
oh! Wish I has a dad like that!
Also we need people who recognises these as painful as bodily wounds.. typically inability of understanding surrounding is what makes this more painful because we need to hide and act strong even in times of a mental breakdown..
Exactly. People don't want to hear about it and likely don't care
I have a best friend who doesn’t even know the full of what happens to me and still she tries her best to accommodate me and help me feel safe. I am so thankful for her ❤
😊
❤😊
And sometimes there IS ability to understand surroundings and your wounds or maybe at least see the obvious tears in your eyes or hear the plea of help but such understanding of the fact that you're hurting will cause a 'conflict of interest ' to some 'people' and go against some other goals and agendas that are benefiting from the fact that you're hurting and ignored, in that case such agendas are prioritized over your rights to be able to take all the time to deeply and fully heal as much as possible.... ,😔
#ignored on purpose
#one of the many learned lessons from very long years of captivity
#trafficked
#tortured
#easily kidnapped in 'smarter' and legal ways
I love how she explains things… I’m so tired of hearing “Just snap out of it”…. “Just move on and let it go”… “You are so strong, you got this”. NO I DON’T GOT THIS. I NEED HELP.
Or those who say...
Just visualise yourself better, as if wishing makes it happens.
Professional Help requires lots of money, especially in developing countries like where I live.
No, you are strong. You got this. With help, youre still strong, you're the one fighting the battle and no amount of help will take that away.
yep I can absolutely relate. I never talked to anyone about some stuff until it got so bad I couldn't bear it anymore and then I talked to my mum and a priest for like an hour about it and I'm so much better now. I could not have imagined healing this much! I honestly wish I'd talked about it earlier and not try solving everything myself ...
Yes thank you I’ve heard that my whole life
Normally I don’t react to videos, but I just wanted to say thank you. Your videos help me better understand myself, and make me feel seen because you explain things without judgement. It makes me feel less alone, so thank you ❤
The phrase 'She's just overreacting' is one that's brought me a lot of pain over time, especially as it's something those close have said
Reminds of the saying: you’re not reacting to what’s in front of you, but what’s behind you.
Or what’s inside you…
Damn 😮 got us on the deep end
Phew! An “aha” moment by what you commented……& we all do what we need to do to survive…🤍
👏
@@micheleele7299 sadly, yes
Idk why but I was about to cry cuz this woman just explained my whole life in under a minute 💀💀💀
😭😭
Me too
Same for me.....😢
May God make it easy for all of you. I really hope you get to heal your pain. Big hug ❤❤❤❤❤
Same I just broke down.
i lost my mum in 2018 when i was 5 and this makes me cry its real its true and its just perfect a perfect explination to tell and show people how i actually feel inside! Thank you!
My mom passed away in 2022 and i am still crying sometimes. Even though i am an adult person, it is very hard for me to cope. I hope you stay healthy and grow up a lovely and a good person ❤
@@user-tv6tm4nd5z Thank you and the
same for yourself
My wife lost her mother in 2018 but still whenever she remembers she cries and I tell her the emptiness will always be there and also her mother's love and care.. she laughs and cries but good people do get reminded often❤😊 and her mother was an 😇👼🏻 angel , very loving person.. i hope I can be one day such a loving caring person and person ☺️😌
It took so long to get it in my head that I’m allowed to ask for help, and not worry that I’m “being a bother or annoying”, but I got there, I found someone who was willing to listen, stand by me, and teach me that Im not a bother for asking for help, or annoying if I need to talk. And finding that point lifted the whole world off my shoulders and Im now so much more happier physically and mentally. No more thoughts of hurting myself, a lot less talking myself down and hiding who I really am, and I now see that I have a bright and hopeful outlook on life and the future.
So for those who are hiding or feel like they can’t or shouldn’t talk about something that is mentally making you suffocate, don’t hide anymore. Find/speak to someone you trust and someone who is willing to stop and listen to you. It’s a whole new world when you finally let yourself free from a war. You got this, and you are worthy of life. Never hide who you really are, and never be afraid to speak up about your struggles. People who walk away after you open up are not true friends and don’t deserve the time with you.
The future is bright for everyone, don’t let a mental war take that from you.
This brought tears to my eyes because you speak about what so many of us experience. Therapy was one of the best investments in myself, and it's never too late to start healing.
I'm too mad to be able to open up to anyone.
But is there a point really ? To live is to suffer... What are you gonna then spend your life in therapy ?
But it’s good to talk about your feelings to someone and get advice from a person who has got a degree to help you work through your problems. If not therapy, then at least 1 or 2 trusted good friends that you are able to talk openly and honestly with. This will help you heal (instead of hiding your problems and pretending everything is okay when it is not.) It is okay to not be okay, as long as you seek help from those around you. Value yourself! Your life’s worth it and you matter more then you know🥰 MORE THEN ANYTHING OR ANYONE, JESUS HEALS. Jesus healed my anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. I would not be here today if I did not find Jesus. Thank you God for saving me✝️♥️ If you’re reading this, just know there is STILL H♥️PE FOR YOU AS LONG AS YOUR ALIVE. JESUS LIVES & HE CAN HEAL ALL YOUR TRAUMA & PAIN, NO MATTER WHAT TERRIBLE EXPERIENCE YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH. There is an answer and that is the Cross of Christ✝️💕 It is the only thing that will bring you TRUE j😇y, peace, hope, clarity, encouragement and freedom! It’s not to late to accept Jesus. ***Many of you have tried everything else but Jesus!***** God is speaking to you today :) You can finally get the peace you’ve been seeking for for years, BEFORE your pain and trauma begin. Leave your burdens at the cross✝️, where Jesus will carry the weight. You do not have to carry all those dark t hi Igor’s, trauma, and pain for the rest of your life. Many of you have been suffering a LONG TIME. God knows every detail about you and your life. Give your burdens and pain to God in prayer through faith 🙏🏼 and watch Him begin to change your life in front of your 👀 Miracles DO happen! My life is an example of God working miracles and changing mindsets. JESUS HEALS. God loves you and wants to help you. “He is not a man that He shall lie.” God is love and wants to heal your pain. He can heal your broken heart 💔 if you let Him…
@@mauricematla8379You have a sad outlook on life therapy helps u live in the world not just in therapy I hope that you are okay
My friends therapist ghosted her😂
This made me cry and also gave me hope. My first appt with a trauma therapist is Friday. Pray for me all. I want to heal. ❤ and may you all find love and healing too.
I never knew a trauma therapist existed!?!?? I am glad you made this comment because when I was younger I went through a lot that made me completely jaded against therapy. Because I am not mentally ill, just affected by trauma.
Good luck! Have a nice day!!❤
How’d it go?
@@mixedmediaartgirl300 I totally get that. Yeah look them up. Sometimes it’s a trauma informed therapist but mine specializes in it. She does EMDR and other techniques. It’s a neurological change that happens not a mental illness in a traditional sense. It’s like needing a psychologist that has expertise in how to change the brain itself as an organ. These techniques are suppose to help create and change the neural pathways.
@@averageperson434 Thank you. I hope you are having a great day today. And if not it gets better! ☺️
I have trauma that has left me scared of men. I refused to even associate with my peers if they were boys. All for fear that all males were the same as the man who abused me. I wasn't intending to be mean to the other kids by refusing to associate with them or be their friend. This video explains it perfectly, so thank you. So much rubbed against the wound my whole childhood. No one seemed to understand, not even my mum, as brilliant as she's always been.
I can feel you too. The trauma with men partly led to to being a lesbian. I'm just a broken person....
@@mariatrinitymya8618 i'm sorry for what you, maria, and you, mckenzie, have gone through .. nobody should be abused .. nobody ..
and yet, 17 or 25 or 35 is not yet your whole life; nor your best years .. recognize that life somehow has prepared you for everything you've gone through .. you're hurting because of all the manipulation, betrayal, and verbal abuse, maybe, but once you love yourself and recognize that truly you are a blessing to everyone who is worthy of you ❤; and blessed/ talented somehow by our Maker; your broken heart will heal. Love yourself. Love others as you love yourself. Can't give what we don't have .. Like me, you will wake up one day and realize -- 'my heart is not broken anymore, what the heeeeey 😂😂 💔❤.'
Thanks! Ive been dealing with alot since my dad got cancer and brain tumor and have been having problem opening up and I lost interest in studies... But now i know, there is hope ❤
'It's not a fault in your personality.' That hits home!
It really is though lol
I love how you explain abstract concepts so clearly and visualy. This really helps to understand and I sometimes use this pictures when trying to console people.
I mean for real
I should hav read ur comments 1st b4 i opened my gob 🙄 sorry! but i totally agree with you. Take care
@@cmtarr7 what did you say?
She explained the problem very well. Period.
Ngl when I first started watching this I brushed right passed by it and rolled my eyes. But as I kept listening, I really liked how the metaphor kept progressing. As a person who has grown up with and is still around a source of trauma, this continued to get more and more true the more I watched. Thanks
Just be careful who you share your inner wounds with. Some will take advantage of that pain for their own gain....
Ofc trust your gut you got this
❤❤❤
That’s the first thing I thought
Tell me about it. God, because of that I never tell anyone. Like, the people I told got a really sick and disgusting pleasure from it.
Yea, I get that, but not everyone is like that. The good ones are sadly hard to find as the world is changing like never before but they're still out there. Just be careful@@IWonder474
Extraordinary psychologist.. This is a gift beyond professional training
Wow! Thank you for explaining what we naturally do to hide from the awful truth in the most basic way. Learing to become truthful to your past trama is such a healthy step in your healing. 💕
The way you explain things, visually, makes it so much easier to understand. Thank you! Just being able to identify what is going on opens the door to healing.
And sometimes people even laugh at it. Thinking we're also gonna look from their perspective too. But though you show them your wound, they can only guess how much it hurts. But they can never know how deep it actually is.
They likely do, you're just assuming you somehow have bigger problems. It's much more likely that they have problems just as big but they face them and deal with them instead of choosing to victimise themselves like so many do now instead. It's hard to face them, and it's irresponsible and selfish not to. You owe it to yourself and anyone that cares about/depends on you, to be an adult and leave your past behind you.
@@CannabrannaLammerWhat if we knew they were never big, but the exact opposite. I can't seem to control this feeling of inferiority and worthlessness. And even though people have told me it's in my head, my mind dosen't listen. Especially when I least want it to. I just don't want to be afraid anymore. I want to be normal like everyone else, but it scares me to my core.
Thank you.
Hidden trauma is like magic: almost no one can see it, but it is constantly working...
People hate it when you let your wounds show and say you are overreacting or wanting attention but really they are just shoving their words deeper and deeper into your skin to break the bone holding it in place
This genuinely made me cry. I’ve been hiding my trauma for a year and a half, it hurts so bad but I can’t tell anyone and this really made me feel a bit more valid
I just talked to my Mum about stuff and she‘s helped me so much! I was a little afraid at the beginning but it was so nice.
I wish you the best
@@allesaufanfang-sarah I’m so happy that worked out for you! I hope you can get any help you need and that you recover from anything you need to heal from
I can one hundred percent relate!!
can you share here anonymously what caused you trauma
@@apekshatiwari9290 of course, TW for sa I think??? just if that triggers you don’t read this
The short version is that I was walking home from school one day and a man pulled me into an alley, he tried to take of my clothes and I managed to fight him off and run away, but it has definitely scarred me. I didn’t tell anyone bc I feel like it’s not that bad bc I wasn’t r@ped.
please make videos more on traumas. It is so helpful for people who can’t get access to proper therapy like me
Yes 👍
Agreed
I don't know if this will help, because I don't know whether it'll be available where you are but she's written a book called Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?
It may be a starting guide to help you find the mechanisms you need to manage you trauma and eventually heal... and it's far cheaper than therapy. You can refer to it at all times too.
One of the greatest misconceptions about trauma is that it is either a personality defect or a mental disorder. In actuality, trauma is very real and I believe that, at least to some degree, we all carry it. I appreciate you debunking misinformation.
Sometimes the person we need to share it most is ourselves
Heyyy....just wanted to say that...u literally make me cry from alot of ur videos.....it just feels like...u dont even know i exist but still know me better than my own father....know my fears, secrets, my personality.......im just soo grateful that u make these videos.....these videos give people in horrible state some rays of hope... really really thank you doc...
SAME!
Why so many dots
@@Poopydoopybear to express their feelings and emotions through the text.
Sending u love sister. We all
In the same boat. Proud of you. Its not easy battling an invisible enemy. Stay strong. ❤️. Hope it soon gets better for you.
This comment is so moving, Ketaki. You matter, don’t ever doubt that or your ability to continue to find your path to healing. Definitely sending you positive thoughts and good energy.✨Never give up on yourself!
So clearly explained, I hope more people will find courage to heal ❤
And safety. We need safety and the basics for survival and access to healing supports to heal. Our society isn't structured in a way where everyone can get everything they need to fully heal.... may our world change for the better now. ❤️🩹
This should be taught at school. Crystal clear and concise
Perfectly explained. Past childhood trauma and narcissistic parents can certainly be a contribution of this. It takes something to look at oneself, open up and be vulnerable. - to the right people who help you to bring out the best in you and support you on your journey. Its worth it ❤ growth, self belief and confidence...
My mother was a psychologist... she helped many people and people are so happy to see her. So my full support to all fellow psychologists. ❤
Beautifully explained! ❤
People have no idea how triggering a person's traumatic past can kill them everyday and how difficult it is to live with it their whole life.
Much love and respect from a medical doctor and a clinical psychologist from Europe ❤
“The deeper the regret and the wound, the more lives it will take to fade away.”
So logical true. I’m in the process of dealing with the deep grief. Thank you for your guiding 🙏 it gives me clues to go on healing in the right way , 🙏
I got sober this past year and all my trauma that I’ve been avoiding facing for the past 8 years has hit me like a truck. It’s been a hard year, but very insightful and lots of healing. I still have a lot of work to do, but I’m proud of myself for consciously choosing to heal and face my trauma. It’s not an easy decision by any means, but so necessary.
I believe in you! I'm dealing with confronting a lot of trauma, as well. It's well worth the effort.
Congratulations well Done!
I'm proud of you for getting brave enough to face it head on, and getting rid of the alcohol. I don't really drink. Part of me wishes I still liked it, but I'm glad I don't have that problem. I'm trying to deal w/ my stuff head on. No other choice.
I'm proud of you! Keep up the good work!
❤ x
I don't comment so much on UA-cam shorts but I want to say thanks to you Dr. Julie. I have had a very difficult year so far and your videos gave me strength to carry on and start to seek for help so i can finally heal. Thank you so so much ❤
English is not my first language
Thanks so much for commenting. Really appreciate it. Sending love ❤️
Yess....i want to ask you......who can healing a pschylogist when depressed??
This has brought tears to me. I have been through emotional and mental trauma that a lot of people dont know about. So i am fake smiling like some times so this has just told me to stop doing just that and open up to people thank you very much, i have benn scrolling through many comments and i feel awfully bad for all of them or their friends that have been through these things. If you are reading this then please if you have been through any trauma please please tell someone about it will atleast get somethings of off your shoulders
Who agrees we need to keep this woman safe at all costs?
God bless her heart (:
That is very true. However, not everyone you open up to will be as understanding. When you find those who are, hang on to them.
Hey…. I just finished reading your book “why has nobody told me this before? “
Loved it so much ❤❤
Thank you so glad you liked it ❤️
Pls wat the name of the book and how can i get it
Love how you explain the complex concepts in an accessible way.
Thank you Sister…. Too true…🙏
Yes, my father was in so much PAIN and he hid it with what we would call narcissistic tendencies…. Anger…
And I’ve seen others do the same thing … a very sad state of affairs. I always say there’s one thing worse than having to deal with them, it would be having to be them.😢
You are a very gifted doctor!
Sometimes open up a wound invites people to hurt yourself even more as they know about it😢
So its better to hide it from others because every body has salt in their hands and they're just waiting for an opportunity to hurt you 💔
Oh hell yes, just been dumped by a dear friend through 4 years, he simply had to "start over " and apparantly one cant go through something in his personal life and be friends with a girl and and yet, probably not dumping his guy friends or job or anyone else to start "fresh " Never dumped anyone in my entire life if they were good in my life, but people are apparater alot difficult than what I was raised to be..
If trauma is people related it can cause you to feel unsafe when you are safe. That's not always the case but maybe consider that
Thank you for making this video. People should know more about this. Thank for making so many people feel less alone.
Having someone to talk too who will understand and not judge or condemn you is very important. I remember some of the very terrible thing that has happened to me. And i was so affraid to tell my mum because i feared she would be disappointed in me. But at the same time i needed HELP. so i summoned the courage to tell her because i didn't know who else to turn to.
I was surprised at how she handled those situations. And very surprised when she told me "THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TELLING ME AND CONFIDINGIN ME".
then we talked at depth and she helped get the help that u needed.
I am forever grateful to her for being there for me at my most vulnerable time of need.
And i think everyone deserves to have someone who will listen unconditionally and help them heal.
You’ve just expressed my life. I’m a 57yr old woman living with CPTSD. This is exactly how I deal with my trauma (wrap it up, hide it, remain a recluse) yet like you said, when someone “hits” me, it opens up my ‘trigger’ gate but the person doing the hitting can’t see the wound so I then get called mental, nutcase, whack job, crazy etc. It’s a lonely path
You do understand that being mentally ill isn't a treat me softly get out of jail free card. It is YOUR responsibility more than anyone to manage and control your symptoms.
There's just too many people waving their diagnosis around like we should be saying boo hoo.
I get that completely,when that wound is hit it can take you anywhere,you become ungrounded,vulnerable,I have left many jobs due to certain situations that would trigger memory,I'm 54,you have to protect yourself some way,thats finding space for yourself,
@@raycoss9641what if the one opening the wounds is your partner?
@@JordanbacklandYour triggers have been hit by this comment. Let your wounds heal.
@@nomdeguerre247 Well it's sad your triggers have been hit and your wounds still need healing but why are you telling me for? Good luck kiddo. 👍
Agree , having same experience, it make sense now, staying busy is something that really keeps it covered .
Much remember GOD it Will be reduce depression....
I found this lady recently. There are a lot of them on here, & plenty I respect. No one does what she does in using visual mediums. It's delightful!! A beautiful teaching tool. ❤
I have never been so grateful to a UA-cam channel, let alone a UA-cam short but this channel really climbs up to one of my most favourite channels very fast
I definitely agree with her 💯, healing happens best when we are SAFE to open up and not hide any reaction you feel. This message should be share widely, including to those who pass and brush those wounds by calling you;, pessimistic, negative energy, crybaby, victim minded asking you to just already get over it, or not make it bigger than it is (they really don't know how big it is 😢).
My husband calls those “trauma mines” when he hits one of my wounds. i love the term Trauma Mines. I wish I didn’t have any, but giving them a name helps me recognize them instead of thinking my reaction is “normal” rather than overreacting. And it’s deeply accurate. For the person who hits one out of nowhere in a person they know and care about it has to feel like stepping on a hidden landline. Just “where the hell did THAT explosion even come from?!”
I have GAD, plus I have PTSD, and depression from past abuse from my parents and first husband. My Hubs is so kind, and when I overreact he waits patiently for me to calm down a little and asks how he can help.
You are so blessed to have a husband like that!
My husband is the latter. He can’t believe I haven’t “gotten over” the fact that a grown man abused of me when I was 5/6 years old. With my first congregation I was able to one day open up while in prayer about my trauma and HE was embarrassed. When we moved and started going to another church he explicitly told me not to tell anyone about my trauma.
It hurts, because he can’t handle it, and can’t handle anyone else knowing about it, yet here I am
Bleeding out. The day I serve him with divorce papers he will probably tell everyone it was out of the blue 🤨
@@atl1563 honey I am so sorry! First off that that happened to you at all. Children need protection and any adult who breaks their trust, especially in such an unforgivable way, deserve worse than anything a human can do to them. I’m so so sorry and it wasn’t your fault.
Secondly, you don’t deserve to be treated this way at all. My first husband was like that. Almost exactly. My pain was embarrassing and if it didn’t directly affect him it wasn’t his problem and I should keep it to myself instead of “trying to drag him down with me.” He was indeed stunned when I left him and told everyone I must be having an affair because why else would I leave?
I really hope you have a good therapist and some sort of good support group outside of him. If you need someone to talk to LMK and we can exchange emails or DMs or something. I’m a mommy and I can’t stand to see anyone in pain.
I’ll repeat, as a child and now *you didn’t and do not deserve this treatment and it is not your fault!!!*
@@PheydraSunstar thank you for your kind words!
Oh yes, they’re definitely 2 peas in a pod. I will be texting with my family and he freaks out about it. Then when we get in an argument or he calls me and I don’t answer his call on the first ring he will later bring it up and say I’m probably having an affair and that’s why I don’t answer or I’m probably texting some guy. But nope, I just want to keep my relationships with family and friends open. If one day this all ends, I don’t want to be so cut out of my family and friends life that it’ll look like I only seek them when I need help. It’s like he wants to be my whole world and can’t fathom why I would need to seek others friendship when I have him. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep I am going nonstop. There’s always a lot to do. The worst thing is the moment I try to just sit and take a breather he comes in and asks why I havnt done XYZ… I would love to exchange emails but I don’t want to expose my information online. It is consoling to know there are people in this world that still care about others including me❤️
You are AMAZING at putting complicated topics into easy to understand visual representations! ❤❤❤
I do, I have the wound of NOT BEING HEARD by my parents, and my mother's wound seems to be the inability to connect/hear me/see me as a real person. I can only ever be in the family if I play the part she wrote for me. It's so sad. She's a good person somewhere inside but she has caused me so much hurt and after three years of her refusing to engage in a conversation with me (and my dad and brother backing HER up and joining in with shaming me) I yelled at her that she was utterly toxic and determined to be the victim. Why oh why could she not just listen to me. It is so sad and it was so unnecessary.
Cut them out. After 18 you get to choose your family.
You did the right thing! I’m so proud of you! Keep on doing it as long as you need to. Keep standing up for yourself always with whoever treats you this way.
this is kinda the first time that I've accepted that my memory lapses are due to my trauma and faculty coping mechanisms
thank you 💞
This is awesome because people don't view mental health the same as physical... So putting it into this type of analogy is awesome.
You explained it perfectly. Not everyone will understand even after you show your wound but there will be people who will surely understand.. Great video
Your work here is so valued and appreciated. Thank you so much. ❤❤
You are not talking like just a psychologist. Your intelligence in explaining this goes beyond my expectation. Thank you for nailing this. I'll borrow your explanation in the future, thank your 💐
Hi. Doc a week ago I wanted to give up and just let go of my life and go back to my creator and I started watching ur videos and am healing now. Thank you.
If all the world followed Dr. Julie, I truly think that that alone would make the world a better, more understanding, place.
Thank you, Dr. Julie.
- Chicago
Thank you. It really resonated with me. As a person from Ukraine, I feel like having a cemetery of all the traumatas by this point. I tend to overwork to the point I have no time to emotionally deal with all of that. But at some point I will have to.. it made me think that probably I have to start, before it suffocates me.
Thank you 🙏 ❤
🤗❤️
🫂 🤗
My ex partner of 10 years has a wound that she treats with drugs and alcohol and staying busy. I tried helping her and suggested she get help. But she refuses to realize there is something wrong and neither does her friends who assist her to be in denial. 😢 Now I'm slandered every where, but I'm getting help at least for my wound. Hard road. Great explanation ❤❤❤
I love the way you beautifully simplify human psychology. This is humanity at its best. Thank you, a real thank you!
Your videos are so helpful because I’ve done terrible things in my past and covered them up which was traumatic to my self esteem. I hid them and then over the years I started to get severely depressed until I started talking about my situation and past failures/mistakes.
Even though I recognize, acknowledge, and take full responsibility of my own trauma, my own wounds, there is just not many people out there willingly to have your back thru these hard healing times. I recognize the trauma in others and try not to project my trauma onto them.. but rarely can I find someone else to do the same.. there is no one to listen to you, no one to hear you out. Not many people care to truly hear you out, and not many people truly care to understand.
Hurts healing by yourself or by other.....bad or good is your life ....others people just helps
Pakou Jesus Christ is the one who can heal your wounds and give you life 💗 He sees and cares
I know how you feel, from personal trauma. It’s a lifelong struggle. I pray for all of us victims🙏❤️. I pray you remember that God loves you & is always there for us✝️Please take care, God bless you.
My family and friends should understand this, because that's actually what I'm going through.
I have a bit of trauma from back in fourth grade when there was a lockdown and my PE teacher almost got us killed... she told us to go outside but i was smart and since the gym doors didnt lock i ran to the cafeteria with a couple of other people and locked the doors. I was pretty much the only calm one but that was because i felt that if i let myself cry and be scared then i wasnt going to live. The other girls were crying loudly and i had to give them go-go saueezes from the pantry while gunshots sounded in the background. I remember grabbing a knife and standing by the door because there werent many places to hide. Since then i cant look at a knife or go-go squeeze without shaking a bit. I also cant listen to the lockdown alarm or anything that sounds like it without having a mental breakdown.
Ive tried telling people about this but they brush it off and say "you were brave back in fourth grade but you need to let go" or "just calm down its not going to happen again" but they dont understand that because of this event my childhood literally ended at 9.
One time my dad "talked" to me about how I was not doing good in college (because I was so overwhelmed with the shift by COVID and I started college online not f2f). Throughout the talk or even after I would mentally disregard my emotions so that I won't cry in front of him or even let him see it. But as soon as I cannot control the tears and some would leak and he would see it he said- no says- "why are you crying? you have no right no cry" and the one time he said I was 'emotionally weak'.
Hence why I would never open up to my parents or even anyone.
What's also funny (?) is that whenever my parents shout out loud; or I would catch a blind movement by my sides or if someone is about to tower me I would jolt and/or cower like really shrink and cover myself thinking the pain would come. My parents wondered why I did that and the other I almost felt embarrassed (because the incident happened in school and it was a Christmas Party).
I actually never thought of this, this was a great example of my trauma, and the fact they just see it as a overreaction or me just being “bratty” meanwhile it actually triggers me mentally.
This is a beautiful analogy. I spent 2-3 years dealing with what I didn't realize until later were effects of trauma. It wasn't until I really acknowledged it openly instead of trying to hide it and using unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with it when I really saw myself truly starting to heal. Still working with the ups and downs but it's definitely been better since those 2-3 years.
I'm on this exact journey. Same time too.. keep going.. you are worth it and so am I. Hugs ❤
This is where Shadow Work comes in. My path is teaching me how to face it head-on. Thank you for your explanation of trauma.
Doctor … as a combat veteran whose wife was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer while deployed to Iraq in 2007. You have summed up my life since my wife passed in 2012. And my son holds it inside as I do…. I have done some counseling to try and celebrate her life instead of mourn it. But no one has captured the essence of the condition so simply and accurately as you. And after reading some of the feedback here … I am not alone. Thank you. 🙏🏻🎄🇺🇸
I mean I was more impressed of her to take that bandage off without pure agony than the way she gave therapy to everyone
Nothing draws an attack faster than revealing a vulnerability.
I'm glad your experiences allow you to believe that people want to be gentle with a wounded person and not victimize them instead...
But understand that preventing further damage is a key part of healing.
Right. Let your guard down at my level and then it’s a feeding frenzy.
she didn’t say to open up in front of everyone. One can heal with a trusted person or alone, it would be more beneficial than covering one’s wounds all the time
Real intelligence is making complex ideas reachable and understandable by all. This is what each and every of your videos feels like: you state what should have been obvious to me but wasn’t with such clarity that I wonder why I didn’t understand it before. Thank you for your good work and great advice.
Beautifully explained, what a useful, simple demonstration to illustrate the natural occurrence of trauma, it’s just like physical hurt but much deeper - emotional hurt. It’s ok there is always a way to treat anything, even if it stings, let’s stop hiding everything…if you don’t run from the pain, it won’t chase you…this is a way to just embrace you! Not reject the pain because it leads to self blame or even projected pain…don’t mask it, ask it what it needs, you no longer have to suffer & bleed…this is the root of all dis-ease. Please love yourself enough to face the fear…and that pain will clear, even disappear..
Bravo Julie🎉
You're probably right...buuuuut how often are we truly safe to open up like that? I cant even do that,and I have multiple friends. They're useless in this department-they dont have the emotional depth or understanding to cope with those parts of me
find a professional counselor
Same here. Most of the time my problem is too complex and all I get is "I'm sorry" or "damn that sucks." Compassion is dead in society and it took me so long to realize that I am the only one that can fix myself and give me what I need. Nobody will have the correct or right answer besides you, because only you will know how it actually helps or effects you.
Wounds do hurt a lot . Find people with similar experiences go out to places likes churches or wherever you pray , you'll be surprised to know you're not alone :) going to parks and finding intense hobbies like art or people who do poetry or who have this very scary kind of vibe to their art almost like your own hurt heart ... Something that feels impossibly close to you ... As if the pain and emotions that you're feeling are getting projected on the canvas ... Right there ... Thats how you go and approach and ask ... Can we be friends? And meeting such people in your life heal that wounds ( closing line ) :
for people who're suffering due to their past what helped me is
Mediation
Connecting to god and knowing them more with depth( I'm Hindu so there's plenty of it )
Night walks in the dead of the night or midnights or in late evenings or before sunrise
Journaling to let your emotions out
Yoga ( trust me)
@@HauntedCadaver it’s not always that the other person lacks compassion. It may also be that they haven’t truly experienced what you have and therefore it is a scary and very foreign thing for them to help you with. Psychological problems and trauma isn’t an easy area and general public aren’t fit to give advice on it. That’s why we have professionals who are trained to help with these things. Sure, sharing to a loved one can feel good but at the core of it, you need a person that can guide you through the pain.
Peeling off the layers of defence mechanisms that I've created over the years. And it's awfully painful. Thank you Dr. Julie for validating me! ❤️
This is the best video short on UA-cam that I’ve ever seen. Thanks Dr Julie!
You are so correct, Dr. Julie. I had to go through intense counseling for years to deal with past traumas. It helped, but once in a blue moon, someone pushes a button that makes it flare again, causing another wound.
You make me understand myself 😢
Thank you. Since i own my wounds i meet kind people that want to help. Only thing is... Due to neglect/not the support that would have helped, i don't know what i need or the wound needs to heal. Fresh air,not covering up anymore is a helpful first step. And yes, i recognize which people around me are safe, and can handle wounded people's reactions and which don't. I use this as informations. And react as self respecting as possible. Sometimes i fear that I'm the toxic person. Because i need so much kindness with my tenderness, i experience difficulties to see me as strong. Maybe that makes sense I'm so bruised. And had to carry so much. Sometimes i need a good breakdown 🤗. It reminds me that it's now safe to be fully me.
It Is so good to open yourself..! Well done 💗🌷🌼I think the wound need therapy to truly heal. Friends and people who love us is safe space to accept us without the need to hide our trauma. But to cure it extra help from a professional will be needed, a Psychologist/ psychotherapist/ psychiatrist. Until recovery with professional help i also hurt people who care about me🥺But there is a way to deal with it❤️💪🤗
I reread your comment and realized, that you may feel toxic when you set your boundaries, and try to respect yourself. That's different from that i said ☺️😅 Either way, professional help will be really helpful (maybe you already know that). I wish you the best🍀💗✨
I think you've done well by opening up your wound and you're already on the pathway to healing. Because you feel you're the toxic person, I think you can add another approach to your healing process and that is giving back. I know you need lots of help and love at this point but I also believe giving back even in the smallest way possible helps healing. It could be volunteering for something you're passionate about or helping your neighbor or friend with a seemingly small task just to put a smile on their faces.
@@iridagazoufarmaki8466 thank you for your kind words. I'm on my way to professional support.
@@tolulopeobasuyi290 thank you for you inspiration. Volunteering sounds good. I plan to help in the school of my son. They need parents that help. The thing to hold with loving hands is, school have been a location where abuse happened to me. Without any protection from the adults. what's holding me back is: My body reacts and i just can listen. And hopefully grow from it now as an adult. It adds to my things i process.
Thank you for making us really SEE the results of trauma. This is a wonderful way to describe and show it!
At a moment when I was a young adult, I shared some sadness I was experiencing only to be laughed at by a friend I had for ages. This happened a couple of times with other people I trusted- it took decades before I knew the full extent of the original pain. And more years to find excellent therapy. A lot of emotional pain doesn’t get validated and I felt like a fraud, that I was a weak person. So many years
excellent way to describe it, Ive found that really just listening to the person in crisis is so crucial, thank you.
Can't thank you enough! I can't afford therapy but you definitely help me so much !
With C-PTSD you don't even know you have that wound yourself. My first 63¾ years were stolen. Now a year later l deal with unbeatable loss
This is very true. However, you must be opening up to the right people who can understand and be supportive of you. Otherwise, you will begin to feel more isolated and stressed. The company you keep while trying to heal that wound is so very important.
This made me tear up.
Oh this makes soo much sense
You channel is amazing btw ❤
Lovely Blue Eyes. I agree. Great analogy and visuals.... You're right. Recognize, acknowledge, accept, and letting go of the pain and hurt is the healthiest place to be....
god thank you so much for your these lovely advices free of cost , really helping me getting through this phase
This is so on-point. You have touched my heart Dr Julie... ❤️😭