Is My Ex Pretending Not To Care?
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- Опубліковано 1 жов 2024
- Clay Andrews answers the question, "Is my ex pretending not to care about me?"
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Is my ex pretending to be over me or are they genuinely over me for good? I know that if you're trying to learn how to get your ex back, this can be very confusing.
And it's unfortunate, but a lot of people's exes will intentionally try to make it seem like they are not impacted by a breakup.
This of course, is not reality.
But for whatever reason, we have decided to collectively play a game, generally speaking, after a breakup, where we try to come across as the person who cares the least.
In fact, it's almost like a competition with your ex to see who cares less.
And it's really quite childish, actually, especially when it's not based on how you actually feel or what is really happening for you in your emotional world.
In this video I'll describe 5 signs your ex is just pretending to be over you, when they may very well still have really intense feelings for you.
**** IMPORTANT ****
This is an internet video, and it should be obvious, but this video and other videos on this channel should not be taken as a substitute for the evaluation of a psychologist, therapist, counselor, etc. This video and other videos on this channel are intended for informational uses only, and only reflect the personal opinions of the creator. The creator of this video is not responsible for your actions or choices or the consequences of your actions or choices.
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Clay Andrews hey Mr. Clay, i hope you can respond on my comment it was about my situation about my ex. If you can explain to me why he is like that maybe i will be enlighten.
instablaster
If they left you. You need to move on with your life, and leave them in the dark. When someone loves you and values you. They won’t leave you. Love yourself first, last, and forever.
Bah, you're right. A girl broke up with me after a 5 months relationship. The first 4 months where just incredible from both sides. She was completely over to clouds with me. But we had 2 confrontations, and somehow in the combination with her experience of having a horrible ex before me, she became anxious with me while nothing really happened. And 4 weeks straight she turned 180 into this girl who didn't want to listen to me, didn't want to reason, who didn't want to fix anything, projecting a lot, major blame gaming (also on many things that literally never mattered), having her opinion as truth, and she ultimately broke up with me. Like. If she really loved me (and the 1000 things she said being in love with me), then she wouldn't have really done all that what she did. It's not normal, and in no great relationship (standards) something that could happen.
Because before this 5 month relationship that destructively went down like this, I had a 11 year long relationship, and that person still loves me, and still adores me, and even in the end stages she respected me fully. And hardly a negative thing said. And this 5 month relationship, made many red flags. The weirdest thing of all is that she says she never judges, yet she is the most judgmental person I have met. And she mentions (from her perspective) she is water (hard to change) and Im more fire (fast in change), yet I was the one who stood for our relationship like a rock, and she just dropped it like that. Everything she says has been literally the opposite in actions. Never have I met a person who mentions all these things so pronounced and then the actual things happening being the opposite. Anyway. I don't want to make it longer than it is. It's just sad, because I really though (from the first 4 months experience) that this could be an incredible bond and relationship. And somehow ending it up like that is like the last thing I expected.
So now I'm no contact since 13 days or so. And I periodically change from the little idea that this could become something wonderful, and that this could never work, because I don't think that she could ever change when looking at the 4 weeks of straight negative way of dealing with the relationship, when we simply had difference in views where we both weren't the best in handling it. Yet I get the full blame, and while I am (like great relationships are) forgiving for all kinds of daily things or little moments, and give the other the benefit of the doubt and be willing to grow and merge together. But that can only happen when it's both ways and both goodwilling and with love and seeing the value in eachother. But alas. She didn't see it in mine. So whatever.
Y'all say this alpha shit, yet are watching videos about your ex. If you meant what you said, you wouldn't be watching these videos.
Its not aways so white and black. What if you hurt them a lot throughout the relationship, they have a right to leave
No.
Not necessarily. A lot of toxic individuals do or say things that cause a breakup, then when asked to make changes, instigate more drama. So, many times, they get broken up with because they failed to make positive changes. In that case, the responsibility is on them, not the one who left.
Clay you’re the most underrated love expert on UA-cam. My ex told me I was her most toxic relationship and we weren’t meant to be but we dated for a year and a 3 months we had amazing memories and our ups and downs but for her to say so much cold things. Her love letters I have at least 40+ and old cards and drawings she made of us. I got her some memorable things to. Your videos really help me through the whole break up. I feel like distance apart will fix things back together. We won’t see each other until next school year. I hope those feelings dont fade away completely.
Thank you. There's always hope to getting a relationship back. The distance or break may lower her negative feelings. Hope for the best.
I feel like my ex doesn't want to be with me but doesn't want anyone else to be with me
That's definitely a thing these days 💔 it means you're wonderful
This popped up in my suggested, but I'll say this: if they cared, they would have thought twice about hurting you they way they did. If they cared, they wouldn't have lied on your name. If they cared, they wouldn't have been inconsistent. If they cared, they wouldn't be spreading bullshit about you to everyone else. If they cared, they would have worked on their issues. The only thing they proved to care about is themselves. It's time for you to do the same. Walk away from the lying, the cheating, the disrespect, the lack of communicating, lack of accountability, lack of reciprocity, and walk towards a better you.
My whole life i get nothing but pain and betrayal why god is allows to put those kind of people to my life? My ex just dump me like I'm nothing 😢
My ex and I broke up 3 days ago due to a miscommunication, and ever since then he stopped looking at my stories and our mutual friend asked him what's going on, he told my friend to just let him be. I sent him a text that this is caused by a miscommunication that can be fixed, and ask if he is sure about his decision and he did not read my message. As tough as it is, I guess I should just let him go and move on.
No communication is a big factor in relationships
This is spot on. I needed to hear this. Thank you!
You are so welcome
10 years together. She left when our baby girl was 8 months. She’s still with the rebound. As soon as any partner does that…leave. Walk away.
Losing themselves in work is another unhealthy behavior that could appear healthy on the surface.
Every sign except the most important thing...he hasn’t reached out to me and it’s been 5 weeks no contact.
Mine is stubborn and would Never say She was wrong or Not over me. And Is also a anxious avoidant and just walked away. It's been over a year n a half and still will reach out to me. Happy Holidays, how are you, are you doing ok and also reached out during this virus scare.., then goes silent for weeks or couple moths. If I text first I get a...Thank You, Yes/No answers and then Sarcastic condescending remarks like "we argued, your a little controlling, we are not meant to be! Move on, go find your happiness, get out n start dating someone else, if I new someone I would hook you up, good luck!! 😔😐. Out of her way to say hurtful things and doesn't see them as being hurtful...
You make everything make so much sense!! I think I'm between stage 3 and 4 of getting him back but it's becoming really hard to keep a strong emotional connection in lockdown, we message every day but some days it feels difficult to maintain this with not much going on in either of our lives, will we still be able to progress to stage 4 and 5 when things are back to normal and we can see each other, or will it be too late by then, any advice for this situation??
Looking for your opinion clay. So With quarantine she and I hadn’t talked too much. After a few days without hearing anything, she called me over FaceTime last week. She vented about how isolating with her family has been. Then we talked for almost 2 hours and it seemed to go well. We went back and forth and had a good laugh. However, she mentioned how difficult quarantine would have been together, that she’s been trying to befriend a guy to hangout with after, and that she might travel once things are open again. She mentioned that she hasn’t been able to eat or sleep and that she’s been depressed. She also mentioned that she still feels guilty almost 2 months later. She then played guitar for me for another half hour and then we said goodbye. When she was saying goodbye she waved, blew kisses (which I found odd), and said to be well. This is a few days later and I haven’t heard anything from her except from her sending me a post on Instagram yesterday. It seems like she’s trying to make excuses why things won’t work. It felt like she still loves me and wants to be with me, but she making excuses. I know this sounds corny, but I could see in her eyes how sad she was and that she misses me and still has feelings for me. Any thoughts? Where do you think she’s at? What should I do?
Sex can be use as a destructive behavior. Stalking,harassing,ghosting and hacking can be destructive behavior.
Hello coach my ex send me a picture of me with my New gf ,and tell me she find her sweet...what does it mean ? I m already in no contact since 2months
Just to clarify, your ex complimented the picture of you and your new girlfriend? If so, maybe she sincerely does complement your new girlfriend.
What if my ex who broke up with me is still not sure after nearly 4 months to get back with my
What you are going through is normal, John. We talk about that in the 5 stages of getting back together inside the Ex Solution Program. :-)
Let me preface this, Ill try to be brief.
Two weeks ago I get a text, She wants to return my stuff, leave your car open Ill put it there. Came up with an excuse that wont happen. Same text, well you can come up Sunday afternoon or I can bring it to you. Hmmph? People at work went home sick. Texted her, I will let you know, people here went home sick. She said sure.
Last week, I texted her, no, have no idea what these people have, for all I know I could be a carrier. She texts, in short, I hope you dont get sick. Far cry from the breakup when she said I dont love you. Anyways, I pushed the envelope and kiddingly asked if she was ready to go gray. She texts, no more than you are going with the hippie look. I said yeah, balding guy with long hair, great. She texts yeah mullet.
I thought, well at least she talked and kidded around. Then I noticed her responses were a minute apart, pretty fast. However it suddenly stopped, well she was at work, so....
After it stopped back to ghosting. Havent heard from her since last Weds. I wonder if she really means this ghosting, or if she is pretending not to care? Any advice? Thoughts?
We can only speculate but wouldn't really know whether she's playing mind games unless you reach out and try to have a conversation with her.
@@ClayAndrews Not that I would just blurt out, "Please come back" but I dont want to sound like Im testing her either. Clay, do have a suggestion that isnt goofy but also not too serious to text about? I was thinking, "Hey, how was your Easter?"
WOOWWWWW YOUR GOOD!!!!!!👍👍😀😀😀😄💕💕💞💓
Thanks for the compliment. :-)
After 4 months apart and believing her to be in a relationship with her ex before me, my ex has started viewing my stories on social media and posting pictures of our pets and happy profile pics. I’m so confused. What’s going on?
She's tryna get your attention good thing post a pic of your pet
It could be an indirect way of telling you that she's open for interaction.
Mine has been doing the same thing, just not personal posts. She shares things that normally she wouldnt because they dont pertain to us or anything really, just general stuff. Anyways, I think she is trying to get your attention.
@@toms81162 Same here, I think she's letting me heal. Well cause basically I said I need to heal. Well anyway a week after our last communication on messenger ( LDR) she posted a photo of her and her younger boys at the cinema saying she was watching sonic movie. But she had never posted that stuff before, it felt like her photo was her looking at me and directed to me. And then weeks later liked a post I put up that was relating to a Aussie artist song ' dance monkey ' and that song always reminded her of me. But took her 9 days to like it.
Basically she went to her ex, got dumped now shes coming back to you?🙄
Not so much for someone that had a guy/girl before leaving you 😮😢
I've got a question for you but I'm confused about when I went to go get my stuff from my ex's house she hid some of her belongings inside of my stuff and I'm just not sure what that means but ever since I picked up my stuff she will not talk to me I've had other people reach out and ask if she wants her stuff back she never replies to getting her stuff back does it mean that she wants me to go up there in person and deliver her stuff on to her or does it mean that she just doesn't want her things I'm really confused I would love an answer if possible
Could u plz make a video about when it's the best time to re contact the dumper after a huge argument n getting blocked?
Are 2 months too less? His birthday is end of May..
You can reach out once you have worked on your ARS and reached the Effortless connection. Whether you are the dumper or the dumped, the concept stays the same. You can check this video as well. >>> ua-cam.com/video/uuBm8dMCO7s/v-deo.html
My ex is responding faster and seeming a little more open/interested, but I may still be annoying her and stuff -- she responds faster than she used to, but I'm still having trouble holding a good conversation because of the elephant in the room and me trying to avoid either boring her or making another mistake like talking about the breakup. She has a new significant other (not sure if they have labels rn or not), but I'm glad I can resist talking about the breakup and building her wall of reactance back up even further. Her guy sent me a message last night on Snapchat but deleted it. Idk if it was actually something to me or an accident, but he may be getting insecure about something because the same day that happened I didn't respond to her for almost 11 hours when she responded to me when I said I dozed off the night before.
Good to hear this Wyatt. Just be genuine and be creative with the topics you can talk about.
No, they actually DON’T care, move on please 🙏
Definitely subscribing! He said he was fine and he dealt with it.... I didn't know if I should believe him...he has been very cold and harsh even if I'm being very nice and then he started working out. Intensely and posting shirtless pics and vids of him working out... I'm in no contact now but after we argued he stopped watching my status and told me to stop texting him he was so harsh and angry so I'm leaving him alone. Working on my relationship with God and other people around me....maybe he'll come back maybe he won't who knows
He is the best when it comes to recovery relationship
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If they breakup. They don't care😂 haha
My wife fell in limerence with anther, was really cold and distant in the beginning towards our children and I. Since last Sept she's Doing every possible to show she is moving on with the other person. Almost 20 years together. She filed but hasn't left, is starting to interact more and only slightly distant. I'm not forcing her to stay but have let it be known I would like to work on this family. She tells everyone she is still leaving and I mean anyone. What is going on? Is she starting to change her mind?
How was your communication with your wife, Charles?
@@ClayAndrews it was horrible at one point and she wouldn't talk and was always upset about anything. Now she speaks and we have been getting along better. I don't bother her, I just engage when she talks to me. Should I stay the course of this way? I'm trying to hold it down for our family.
Limerence is such a bad thing :/ this limerence/ infatuation made my girlfriend leave me 😔 We're absolutely powerless against this limerence. Stay away till the limerence fades and she sees the truth for herself.
@@VinayKumar-xd6wv I understand, it's really rough and annoying. I'm sorry you went through that. There will be a bright side.
Could an 'out of character' choice to be to reach out to an old friend who has wronged her really bad? This guy literally threatened to murder her and me and our dog before. Like really crazy and destructive stuff and she told me that they're really close now. I don't trust the guy, he even held a knife to my throat before and threatened to shoot up our school and there was a whole investigation. She isn't an idiot, she KNOWS he did all this stuff.
Hi Jesse, I understand that you may not trust the guy that she is with. How would you like to processed given the decision that she made?
Clay Andrews She isn't 'with' him really, they're just talking as friends and I believe that. I told her that I hope he really is a better person than who we knew before and that she can make amends. I also told her that my boundary is that I don't want him to talk about me or know things about me because I don't trust him still with any of my business and I told her I appreciate her respecting that. I think it is fine for now, but we have been talking on and off very seriously about getting back together, and I don't know how it will be handled at that point but that's too far ahead to really plan for.
Ok why is he sticking around in my life when he knows in furious with him for cheating. He has had not been in rebound relationship
We wouldn't really know your ex's exact intent as he is the only person who holds the truth. But if you can communicate with him and really about the said matter, maybe you would likewise understand where he is coming from.
He is the best when it comes to recovery relationship
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ex parte,lol.
What should I do after I know that he still care about me?
Have your worked on your healing and the ARS? If you have reached the Effortless Connection phase, you might consider reaching out to him to test the waters.
Ex has forced me to block him ..so that he can forget about me..and get over this breakup pain.. what should I do.. everything is out of my control..i m loosing all hope..
Dont block him , let him hurt if he is a dumper
James Paternoster it was my fault ...I lied to him..but I asked for forgiveness about 1000 times .I love him really..and he said it's impossible..as he is unable to forget me..he forced me to do this..and he will try everything to forget me ..I requested him to be with me again and again..but he said it's over..and maybe he has feelings left for me..so he is trying all these stuffs to get over
not you it has been already three months..and I was in no contact for these seven days... yesterday he called me..but I didn't recieve it I was sleeping then. And today he texted and made me to do this..my fingers were trembling when I blocked him..I was crying like crazy..
not you how it's a good sign for me?...he said it's over..and it's impossible to get back..and he just wants to delete all his emotions for me..
not you I know he was not over me so he forced me to do this..but now he will do it..he wanted me to block him so he can resist to call me when he will be missing me..
This guy is awsome!
Thank you, Jorge. :-)
He is the best when it comes to recovery relationship
V i a W h a t s A p p him
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When I asked my ex girlfriend do you feel anything toward me and she respond “umm.i don’t. Sorry” after that she said maybe we remain friends but when I sent her a message she didn’t respond I still have her favorite books she lent me can I still get her back I’m in no contact about 10 days in.
Watch Spartacus fortune lol 😂 about no contact ur welcome
Is there a chance that my ex just wearing my t shirt and bracelet purely because she likes the design of it? I’m confused...
I wouldn't really put too much meaning over it. I'd rather take things as it is.
He is the best when it comes to recovery relationship
V i a W h a t s A p p him
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Hi Clay I really need some advice. I just watched this video and I understood it but my question to you is what do you do when your married to some one for 9 years and your now pregnant and he told you he has been cheating on you and no longer wants to be married or no longer loves you. And he says he has to do right by this new woman he's with and for you to no longer contact him. But than when you say OK and say you will get divorce papers he says he is not going to sign them but yet he doesn't want the marriage. And I've done the no contact for about 2 weeks now and this is hurting me so bad and I feel like dieing and I'm almost took my life because of it but it seems like to me he may be playing games or something I don't know what to do and I want him back so we can be a family do you have any advice
I'm sorry to hear about what happened. We may not know the exact reason why he wouldn't sign the divorce papers. But it sounds like divorce is something that you may not wan't to pursue as well as you wanted to make the marriage work. How was your communication with your husband during the relationship?
@@ClayAndrews the communication was good during the relationship and it just kinda fell off around March. But he's going around telling people he is happy where he is at with this woman and he does not want to make this work, he doesn't even want to go to counseling either, so I don't know if this is a rebound or if it could be something serious. But we've been together so long and I just don't understand how someone can just walk away like that and he's only been going not even a whole month yet. He left middle of March so people are telling me to move on but its hard because we do have a baby on the way but he shows he is not even interested about the baby either.
Not blocking but super short replies
Hi Marjorie, It seems like it may need some time for him to really open up. also try to check on how you approach the interaction. We talk about that in our Connect and commit course as well. :-)
What if your ex hasn't deleted social media memories of us and is still friends with my immediate family and is still liking they're posts?
I wasn't even on my existing social media. They never talked about us or anything. So when they said they don't care if I dump them and they'll just read a book, or read text messages to get over me,I was hurt and believed they didn't care.
He is the best when it comes to recovery relationship
V i a W h a t s A p p him
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Update?
While these make absolute sense, there are a few that, you would have no idea they were doing or feeling. After all, you’ve split up, therefore you are no longer in their daily circle of events. So…how WOULD you know? Truth is, outside of blatant contact or interaction, you don’t
My ex wife Dixie divorced me in September and moved back home in November but moved out again in February and bought a house but we see each other often and hug and kiss and she said she loved me and didn't want to lose me but she is not going to move back to my house and remarry me again. How can I get her to come back home and get remarried
You are on the right track to get back together. Just take your time let it happen organically.
Start with focusing on building a positive interactions with her. Emotional connection is essential in the process. :-)
Since we ended things he’s been tattooing the heck out of himself. He’s gotten 5 tattoos in a month and he hasn’t gotten a tattoo in years